257th Date: I Know Exactly What I Want.......And I Ain’t Settling!

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Always know the truth, even if it hurts. Or live a blissful ignorance. [00:00:04] Speaker B: Tell me the truth. Don't. Don't do that shit. Tell me the truth. [00:00:10] Speaker A: Everybody says they want the truth until you tell them the truth. [00:00:13] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:00:14] Speaker A: Literally, you just said that earlier here. Yes, exactly. [00:00:17] Speaker B: But I'm the bitch who wants the truth. I want the truth. I do. Because I can figure anything out if I know what I'm dealing with. Do not play with me. [00:00:31] Speaker A: Okay? [00:00:31] Speaker B: I may hurt, I may cry, but I can figure it out. [00:00:35] Speaker A: According to you. You're gonna cry. [00:00:37] Speaker B: Bull. I'm definitely gonna cry. Okay, for sure. I'm about to cry now. [00:00:49] Speaker A: Welcome to relationship status. It's your boy Yousef in the building. And we are back once again. We are on location right now. We're in Atlanta at Eat My Biscuits, and we got a huge, huge, huge announcement. [00:01:05] Speaker B: That's not my cue, is it? [00:01:07] Speaker A: No, not yet. Not yet. Not yet. See, she trying to be fast. No, I'm just saying she trying to be fast. All right, we just added a new co host to the show. Please, everybody, give a warm welcome. And I know you're going to be in the DMs. Oh, geez. See, Cl. Don't kill me. Forgot to turn my phone on silent. We have a new co host of the show, Vanetta. Welcome to the show. Hey, you should go hear applause. There should be applause playing right about now. All right, first question we ask anybody who comes on the show is, what's your relationship status? Ooh. Hey, hey. You could say. You could say. I don't. [00:01:44] Speaker B: It's complicated. [00:01:45] Speaker A: It's complicated. Okay. I mean, that's usually the answers we get. [00:01:50] Speaker B: No, I'm single. [00:01:51] Speaker A: Okay. Single. Okay, good, because people be putting double singles or triple singles and just single. Just single. [00:01:57] Speaker B: Unmarried. Well, divorced. Single. [00:02:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, that's cool. She's going to bring a fresh perspective to the show. She, as well as our divorce, as well as navigating, she's also navigating these single streets. So a lot of experience to give, but we're gonna take a second to get to know her. Real quick, we're gonna do some get to know your questions, and then we're going to get into the top five. [00:02:21] Speaker B: All right, all right, let's go, let's go, let's go. [00:02:23] Speaker A: All right, so first thing is, what's a non negotiable for you in a relationship? [00:02:28] Speaker B: Abuse, any form of abuse, is a non negotiable. I ain't doing it. I ain't going. [00:02:33] Speaker A: That's the Only non negotiable. You got. [00:02:34] Speaker B: You said, what's my number one? [00:02:36] Speaker A: Number one. [00:02:36] Speaker B: No, I said, what's. [00:02:38] Speaker A: What's a non negotiable? [00:02:39] Speaker B: Oh, so abuse. [00:02:40] Speaker A: Abuse. But shouldn't that be everybody's non negotiable? [00:02:44] Speaker B: It should be, but it's not. Hey, we're. I'm sorry. We recording, and y' all got that music and shit going. [00:02:52] Speaker A: Oh, that's definitely going in the clips. Damn. [00:02:56] Speaker B: I didn't say that's why I should have made y' all a fucking drink. Shit the hell. Okay. Sorry. [00:03:07] Speaker A: Nah, you good. [00:03:08] Speaker B: Non negotiable. So we would think that abuse. Right. It's standard for everybody. But look, about the number. Think about the number of people that. [00:03:16] Speaker A: Are in an abusive relationship and stay. [00:03:18] Speaker B: And stay for years. So abuse is number one. [00:03:22] Speaker A: Okay. [00:03:23] Speaker B: No form of abuse. [00:03:24] Speaker A: Okay. [00:03:24] Speaker B: Mental, physical, emotional. [00:03:26] Speaker A: All right. [00:03:27] Speaker B: Sexual. No form of abuse. [00:03:29] Speaker A: Okay. [00:03:30] Speaker B: Next would be unemployment. [00:03:32] Speaker A: Okay. [00:03:32] Speaker B: Cannot be unemployed for no length of time. Happens. [00:03:38] Speaker A: Yes. [00:03:38] Speaker B: Okay, Right. But if I'm just meeting someone, he's like, I'm in between jobs. Okay, well, we're in between dates. So cannot be unemployed. And you gotta. You gotta have something about you physically like, that I'm attracted to. [00:03:52] Speaker A: Okay. [00:03:53] Speaker B: I have to be physically attracted to you in some way. [00:03:56] Speaker A: Okay, so to the point of what you said, can't have a job. We had. Me and Fernda had a debate on the show based off of the. Off of the. The movie acrimony. [00:04:09] Speaker B: Okay. [00:04:10] Speaker A: And so the debate was. My point to her was she never gave him a time limit on this invention or this product that he was trying to invent. How long he had to get something done before he had to get another job now for Rhonda felt like he should just as a man, just went and done something else in between chasing this dream. And I said, it should be if she never says, hey, look, if you ain't got this done in a year, then you need. We need to go ahead and do something. She said, it shouldn't be. It shouldn't have to be well expressed. [00:04:49] Speaker B: I think that's the problem. Oftentimes we don't think certain things need to be said. [00:04:55] Speaker A: Good. [00:04:55] Speaker B: And we assume that because in our minds, okay, if it's not going in a year, this is what I'm gonna choose to do. [00:05:03] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:04] Speaker B: We rarely look at the person that we're in the relationship with. We always want people to respond the way we respond. And so when we don't get people to respond the way we respond, we take it personally. [00:05:16] Speaker A: Okay. [00:05:17] Speaker B: So in the movie Acrimony. I know it took him a while to get his shit up and going, right? [00:05:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:21] Speaker B: But you know, as a person that's an entrepreneur, I kind of understand that spirit. Yeah, right. But it is very taxing on your partner. You're not bringing anything to the table. [00:05:32] Speaker A: And like, you know, it's stressful. What about if he chasing the, you know, he's hanging out with Do Dirty, trying to get his rap career started, mixtapes out the trunk? [00:05:42] Speaker B: It depends on if it. Your music ain't. You ain't going nowhere with this. Let that shit go. [00:05:49] Speaker A: Let it go. [00:05:50] Speaker B: Okay. Let that go. Or you maybe come to an agreement. You know, look, if this new single doesn't do X, Y and Z, then let's agree that you're going to start, you're going to look for a job where you're going to be part time employee while you're still doing chasing your drink. [00:06:07] Speaker A: Okay. But employment. Gotta have employment. [00:06:10] Speaker B: You need to be employed. [00:06:10] Speaker A: Okay. What's your commute? This is a. This is. [00:06:12] Speaker B: Oh, and you gotta have good sex, bad, non negotiable. It never happened if the dick wasn't smacking, period. I'm. I'm just. I could meet a man and he's just like everything I need him to be. [00:06:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:31] Speaker B: But if the sex is. We end up, you know, getting to that level where we become physically intimate and it's no good, the relationship is over, we're done. [00:06:42] Speaker A: I don't think many people fully understand that fact. [00:06:46] Speaker B: The importance of physical compatibility. Sexually. [00:06:50] Speaker A: Yes. Because everybody. Because what you like might not be necessarily what I like, but if you're closed off to what I like or if I'm closed off to what you like, it's never gonna. [00:07:00] Speaker B: Yeah, like, never gonna work. And I'm not saying that, you know, because I had this conversation with a girlfriend before and she was like, well, like you would date somebody for months and you know, and never know, and then y' all liking each other and then y', all, you know, do it and you find out. I'm like, bitch, and if it's bad, we done. I had a good time for three, four, five months, whatever time we dated. [00:07:23] Speaker A: Prior to, Prior to the act. Yeah. And I think that I know at my tender age, sex has to be important. Cause every, I think every relationship I get into is somehow leading towards being with that person for an extended period. [00:07:38] Speaker B: If. And if it ain't good, let's just be honest, y' all out here cheating people out here cheating, and it's good. [00:07:44] Speaker A: People out here cheating when it's good. [00:07:46] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're going to cheat. So I don't want to be in any. I don't want to be in any type of relationship where I feel like I have to be outside of my. [00:07:55] Speaker A: Relationship for any reason. [00:07:57] Speaker B: For any reason. [00:07:59] Speaker A: Okay. Now, women sometimes have a one with this next question. Now, what's your communication style when you're upset? [00:08:08] Speaker B: I'm silent. [00:08:10] Speaker A: Oh, shoot. We wouldn't work because I'm silent. I get upset. [00:08:14] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm. I'm quiet just because my mouth could. Could. [00:08:23] Speaker A: It's reckless. [00:08:23] Speaker B: It's reckless. Right. And you guys will figure that out along the way. [00:08:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:29] Speaker B: So I might say some shit. So I try it. It really. And then it depends on what. What's happened. Right. And where we are. It's a lot of factors with that. What am I upset about? Where are we? Those are the two main things. [00:08:49] Speaker A: Okay. I could understand that because I think, like, I can't deal with somebody who has a kind of. In my marriage. One of the reasons why we're divorced now is because she was verbally abusive. So it was like a lot of yelling and cussing and whatever. So for me, it's a trigger as soon as somebody start raising their voice and cussing. So I know if anybody has that form of communication style, it's just not gonna work. [00:09:12] Speaker B: People don't understand. Trauma's real. Yeah, trauma is real. But then it's your. It's your responsibility to tell. [00:09:18] Speaker A: To communicate that to them. [00:09:19] Speaker B: To communicate that. [00:09:20] Speaker A: Okay, well, I have a. I have a question for you. [00:09:23] Speaker B: Okay. [00:09:23] Speaker A: If I communicate this to you, no matter. I guess no matter what. I. I wouldn't say no matter what I do. But you're cognizant now of this is. [00:09:32] Speaker B: I need to be mindful of that. But you have to give. Everybody got to give each other grace. [00:09:35] Speaker A: Grace. I understand that, but if you. [00:09:37] Speaker B: So if you tell me that right. Next argument. Here I come, motherfucker. I'm so you like, hey, I already had this conversation with you. Remind me. [00:09:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:48] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? I'm open to that now after so many times I got to keep reminding you. [00:09:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:53] Speaker B: At this point, you just ignore. [00:09:58] Speaker A: At this point, it just ain't working. [00:09:59] Speaker B: Right. At this point, you just ignoring me. [00:10:02] Speaker A: Okay. So what do you think your friends would say you're like, when you're in love? [00:10:08] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness. I. I am in love with being in love. I am very. My man, my man, my man. [00:10:16] Speaker A: Oh, you my man, my man, my. [00:10:18] Speaker B: Man, my man, my man. It's my nick. That is me. I am. And I'm like that with anybody friends. If I'm with you, I'm with you. They know I ain't with nobody else. I might go outside, talk, flirt, hahaha. But I ain't going, period. At gunpoint. I'm not. [00:10:37] Speaker A: Okay. [00:10:38] Speaker B: And I never want to be in a relationship that I feel like I need to go. [00:10:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:43] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? [00:10:44] Speaker A: I just don't think. I don't understand how people can be in a relationship where they feel like they need to go, where they feel like. [00:10:50] Speaker B: It's, it's. It's. I don't know. It ain't it. I'm not a cheater. It's not my thing. And when I'm with somebody, I'm with them. [00:11:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:03] Speaker B: So they would be like, oh, this? Yeah, my man, my man, my man. [00:11:09] Speaker A: So you're clingy? [00:11:10] Speaker B: I wouldn't say clingy. No. I like motherfucker that got shit to do. Because I got shit to do. Be busy, nigga, be busy. But like, if I can choose between going out with my man and going out with my girls, I'm gonna choose my man every time. [00:11:21] Speaker A: Okay, all right, well, that's priorities. [00:11:24] Speaker B: If it's staying at home with my man or going out with my girls, I'm probably gonna choose my man to stay home. I like home. I like being in the house. So I'm probably gonna choose that. [00:11:33] Speaker A: Okay, all right, that's fair. That's fair. What's the best relationship advice you ever received? [00:11:39] Speaker B: The best relationship advice? Shout out to Chris Brown. These hoes ain't loyal. My mother told me, in every relationship, the woman sets the tone. A person can only do what you allow them to do to do. So you set the tone of the expectations that you want in these relationships. [00:12:15] Speaker A: Okay. That's actually good advice because men have no choice but to listen. All right, Y. What does being seen in a relationship mean to you? And I got a follow up to that question. [00:12:26] Speaker B: But what is being seen in a. [00:12:28] Speaker A: Relationship mean to you? [00:12:30] Speaker B: Being listened to, isn't it? [00:12:32] Speaker A: Being heard? [00:12:32] Speaker B: Being. Being heard. Listen, I want you to listen. I want you to hear me and I want you to understand. And when you don't understand, I want you to ask for clarity, because I need you to understand where the fuck I'm coming from. [00:12:44] Speaker A: But do I have to agree with you to understand? [00:12:46] Speaker B: No, you don't have to Agree to me to understand. It's a whole lot of shit. I understand, but I don't agree with, you know, I understand that people get high. I don't agree with it. Okay, but I understand that through various traumas and trials and tribulations, you decided to self cope. [00:13:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:02] Speaker B: Because you did not feel a way out. I understand that. I empathize with it, but I don't agree with it. [00:13:09] Speaker A: Okay, that's super valid. All right. I think that's a really good answer. So every week we got a question of the week. [00:13:17] Speaker B: All right, what's this question? [00:13:19] Speaker A: Question of the week is, can a relationship survive without consistent verbal reassurance? [00:13:27] Speaker B: It depends on what you call surviving. [00:13:30] Speaker A: Can it maintain? Can it sustain itself? [00:13:32] Speaker B: So here's the thing. [00:13:33] Speaker A: Can it be successful? [00:13:34] Speaker B: Okay, so now you get it depends on what success is. Right. So here's the thing. Right. [00:13:37] Speaker A: Okay. [00:13:39] Speaker B: We say think about your children or just regular everyday people. A person is successful. When, when do we decide that someone is successful? When do we decide a mar. When do we decide a marriage? [00:13:54] Speaker A: I think it's. [00:13:55] Speaker B: Is it time? It's saying, oh, they've been married for 50 years. That's a successful marriage. Marriage. What if he been miserable for 49 of those 50s? Is that success? Okay, so now. [00:14:06] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:14:07] Speaker B: So you, it's the problem is everybody thinks black and white. [00:14:11] Speaker A: Well, I'm one of those people. It's not, I think it's either or I think it's, it's your this or, or, or it's that. I don't think somebody told me once, I like to live in a gray area. And I'm like, I, I, I really don't agree with that because I believe whenever you make a decision, it's either you do this and this is the result now, or you do this and this is the result. [00:14:32] Speaker B: However, what is a successful relationship? What constitutes a sexual. Damn. Sexual. Successful. I do apologize. [00:14:42] Speaker A: Okay, now you good. [00:14:43] Speaker B: What, what does that mean to you? A successful relationship? [00:14:46] Speaker A: But I think successful relationship is. It is, it is subjective to the person who's defining the success within the relationship. [00:14:54] Speaker B: So then how do we say it's black and white? You can't say it's black and white because it changes because relationship. [00:15:01] Speaker A: I think it's black and white. [00:15:02] Speaker B: Between those two people. [00:15:03] Speaker A: Between those two people. [00:15:04] Speaker B: Yes, yes. Because you, you give. You should verbalize. Yeah, right. Your expectations. [00:15:10] Speaker A: But people, people don't talk, people don't, people don't communication. What are you talking about? [00:15:14] Speaker B: But can, can one survive outfit. It'll survive. A whole lot of marriages and relationships are survived that are silent. [00:15:22] Speaker A: Okay. Because I'm a more action than. I'm a more action person than a person. Like, I'm gonna show you that I love you through my acts, not necessarily through the words that I speak. [00:15:35] Speaker B: See? And I. I'm gonna. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna speak it. I'm gonna show it. [00:15:39] Speaker A: Well, I grew and. And, you know, people are showing this already, but about me. But I didn't grow up with parents who were like, oh, I love you. I never heard my dad say it ever. My mom, I think she just started saying, I'm 46, 47. And she just started saying it. Maybe she's about four years in on I Love yous. [00:16:01] Speaker B: Four years in. [00:16:01] Speaker A: Four years in. My grandmother. My grandmother passed when I was 38. 38 years. Never heard her say a word. That doesn't mean that she didn't love me. That doesn't mean people didn't love me. [00:16:14] Speaker B: No. [00:16:14] Speaker A: My sister never. I've never said it to her. She's never said it to me. My brother that's in jail, I've never said it to him. We get off the phone when he called me, I go 100 click. [00:16:27] Speaker B: And I come from a family. That's all we do. Like, all of us. My mom, my dad, my brother, my niece, my children, my nephew, my cousins, my aunt. When we came up the phones, I love you. I love you, too. I was raised that way. It rolls off my tongue very naturally. Even as a teacher for 25 years, my students come here, give me a hug. I love you. They be mad, and I don't like you right now, but I always love you. But that's how I grew up saying, I love you. So for me, that's important to hear. [00:17:02] Speaker A: Okay, See, but then. And then that brings me to a point here, because I think it's through the communication and talking with each other and getting to know each other, we learn those things. And I think you should also. And as much as I dislike doing it when I did it, because we did it on the show. Do the. The love languages quiz. Because I think that if you understand a person's love language, because when you have to love someone, you can't love them the way that you want to be loved. You have to love them the way that they want to be loved. [00:17:30] Speaker B: Or y' all do both. [00:17:32] Speaker A: I don't think that you could. Cause what I might like to. [00:17:34] Speaker B: I'm gonna love how I love, right? [00:17:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:36] Speaker B: And then I'm gonna love it when you need me to love you. Yeah. [00:17:39] Speaker A: Cause if. Cause. Cause if you need to hear the words of affirmation, then I need to know that that's what you need to do. [00:17:44] Speaker B: So you're gonna do some things that you naturally do. Like through action. [00:17:46] Speaker A: Yeah, through action, you're gonna show your love. [00:17:48] Speaker B: Let's just say me and you got together and I come from a background of I love you. That's what we do. So when I'm on this phone with you and I'm like, all right, babe, I'll talk to you later. All right. Love you, nigga. Don't say it back. [00:17:59] Speaker A: I'm gonna say I and you'll hang up that phone. [00:18:03] Speaker B: I'm call you back. I know motherfucking well. You heard me. I love you. I'm listening, nigga. [00:18:09] Speaker A: I mean, at that point. Now you trying to bully me. [00:18:11] Speaker B: I don't give a fuck. You better say it now. [00:18:13] Speaker A: You trying to. How you gonna bully me into what? I love you. [00:18:15] Speaker B: You gonna say it. If you know it, you gonna say it. No, I wanna hear it. [00:18:20] Speaker A: See, that's what I'm saying. [00:18:21] Speaker B: I wanna hear it. [00:18:22] Speaker A: But that. But that's the point I was trying to make. You have to love people in the way they wanna be, that they need. [00:18:26] Speaker B: To be loved, but also in the way that you love. Because the way that you love, it's going to be done more fluently because that's what you're used to. That's how you do it. And then you got the bonus to add the other side. Add some of the way that. That your partner loves. I know my partner likes to hear, I love you. I love you, baby. I'm tired of this bitch. [00:18:54] Speaker A: But you know, I'm going to say, appreciate it. [00:18:58] Speaker B: Well, that's why we the won't be together. There that go. [00:19:02] Speaker A: What is it that somebody would be surprised to know about you? [00:19:11] Speaker B: That I'm very sensitive. [00:19:14] Speaker A: There's no way. There is no way. [00:19:17] Speaker B: Are you very. [00:19:19] Speaker A: There's no way. [00:19:20] Speaker B: Biggest crybaby. [00:19:23] Speaker A: Do you cry all the time? Definitely wouldn't work. Because I'm asking what you crying for? Okay. Okay. Are you, like, a strong woman and it's like frustration tears or is it more? [00:19:37] Speaker B: It depends. Sometimes it's tears of joy. Sometimes it's tears of frustration. Sometimes it's tears of tiredness. Sometimes it's tears of, like, feeling of, like, just love and overwhelmed. It's. It varies, but I'm a. I'm a crybaby. I Am very sensitive. What? Why you laughing? Come on. [00:20:02] Speaker A: I just don't. I just don't see that, like, it would shock me. [00:20:07] Speaker B: Well, you see, some people would be surprised about. People are probably surprised that I'm very. [00:20:10] Speaker A: Sensitive because I won't like. I think. Yeah. I think day before yesterday, I came in and you was just. And this. [00:20:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I get my mouth from my grandma. [00:20:22] Speaker A: Grandma was like that. It's like that was. Was like that. [00:20:26] Speaker B: Okay. She died a couple years ago. [00:20:28] Speaker A: Oh, sorry to hear that. [00:20:29] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:20:29] Speaker A: Real close. [00:20:30] Speaker B: Yes. [00:20:31] Speaker A: Okay. And you get all. You. Are you more like from your grandma or more from your. [00:20:37] Speaker B: Oh, you know what? I'm a lot like. You know what? I don't know. My grandma was a motherfucker. Oof. My grandma was thumbnails. My mother is definitely, definitely had. My grandmother was super ghetto, super duper hood ghetto. Okay. And my grandfather was very conservative. I guess I'm in between. And my mom is. My dad is more conservative than my mom, but my mother's nowhere near as ghetto as her mother. Jesus. I don't know. Nobody's really like me, I don't think, in the family. [00:21:26] Speaker A: So you think you kind of just like a mix of kind of everybody. [00:21:29] Speaker B: I would probably be the black sheep of the family. [00:21:31] Speaker A: What makes you that? [00:21:34] Speaker B: I'm like. I'm the loner. I'm the more risque one. [00:21:42] Speaker A: Okay, okay, okay. I can see that. [00:21:43] Speaker B: More direct. Not as I'm super nice, but not as nice. I'm more. [00:21:50] Speaker A: Don't take. Don't take the kindness for weakness type deal. [00:21:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:53] Speaker A: Okay. Because you seem kind, like you come in. It's very inviting when you come in. [00:21:56] Speaker B: And I am. But I will. I'm gonna say the things that a lot of people don't always want to say. And I think that my authenticity could be scary or intimidating. [00:22:08] Speaker A: Okay, that's a. That's a valid one. Yeah, I think that's valid. Okay. No, that's good. That's good. That's good. On to the next one. Okay, now we're gonna go to our either or relationship status questions. It's an either or game. Getting to know our new host, Veneta. All right. Oh, my goodness. [00:22:24] Speaker B: Either or. [00:22:25] Speaker A: Either or. All right, now you got to answer it. Each one, you can't say none. Okay. [00:22:32] Speaker B: Okay. [00:22:33] Speaker A: All right. Loyal but broke. Or rich but a cheater. [00:22:37] Speaker B: Rich cheater. [00:22:40] Speaker A: Date someone who's obsessed with you or dates someone you're obsessed with. [00:22:45] Speaker B: Obsessed with. [00:22:48] Speaker A: Oh. [00:22:53] Speaker B: Obsessed with me. [00:22:55] Speaker A: Somebody has to be obsessed with you. [00:22:56] Speaker B: Be obsessed with me. [00:22:57] Speaker A: Okay. Forgive a one time cheat or never speak to them again. [00:23:01] Speaker B: Forgive a one time cheat. [00:23:03] Speaker A: Always know the truth, even if it hurts. Or live a blissful ignorance. [00:23:07] Speaker B: Tell me the truth. Don't do that shit. Tell me the truth. [00:23:13] Speaker A: Everybody says they want the truth until you tell them the truth. [00:23:16] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:23:17] Speaker A: Literally you just said that earlier here. Yes, exactly. [00:23:20] Speaker B: But I'm the bitch who wants the truth. I want the truth. I do. Because I can figure anything out if I know what the fuck I'm dealing with. Do not play with me. [00:23:34] Speaker A: Okay? [00:23:34] Speaker B: I may hurt, I may cry, but I can figure it out according to you. [00:23:39] Speaker A: You're gonna cry. [00:23:40] Speaker B: Bull. I'm definitely gonna cry. Okay, for sure. I'm about to cry now. I'm gonna cry for sure. But tell me what the fuck it is. Even when it hurts. [00:23:51] Speaker A: Okay. All right, next one. Be loved more than you love or love more than your love? [00:23:57] Speaker B: Be love more than I'm. Love more than I love. Okay, Love me more, please. [00:24:01] Speaker A: Love you. Love you more. Yeah. Say I love you. We learned that. All right. Date someone. I know the answer to this, but I'll ask it anyway. Date someone with great sex and no ambition. Or no sex, but they fund your dreams. [00:24:18] Speaker B: That's hard. Sex is very important, but so is money. Shit. Fund my dreams, okay? So here's. Here is my. [00:24:27] Speaker A: It's called either or. [00:24:29] Speaker B: Okay, no, no, that's not an either or. [00:24:31] Speaker A: Because there's no caveat. It's either or. You have to choose one. [00:24:36] Speaker B: If I'm only dating them. [00:24:38] Speaker A: That's what it says. [00:24:39] Speaker B: Well, if I'm only dating and this is not my man, but we're just dating. [00:24:46] Speaker A: My man. My man. [00:24:47] Speaker B: Give me the money and bad dick. [00:24:50] Speaker A: Okay, all right, all right. See, I knew that's where he's gonna go. [00:24:54] Speaker B: Yeah, if it's only dating. Give me the money in bad dick. [00:24:56] Speaker A: Okay. If it was a relationship, it would be different. Okay, gotcha. [00:25:01] Speaker B: Because we said we couldn't sustain. [00:25:02] Speaker A: We couldn't sustain partner who overshares on social media. Or a partner who acts single in private. [00:25:12] Speaker B: Single in private. [00:25:13] Speaker A: That mean, like, I know people watch my show, so I'm trying to not give an example of somebody I know. [00:25:21] Speaker B: Just give an example. They don't know who the it is. We don't know. [00:25:26] Speaker A: So a person might have a relation, is in a relationship, but they go out and they literally act as though. They literally act as though they don't have someone. [00:25:37] Speaker B: So what was the. Okay, got it. [00:25:39] Speaker A: So they over share on social media like your partner Your partner always talking, always posting. [00:25:47] Speaker B: Who outside. Act like he ain't in a relationship. [00:25:49] Speaker A: Bingo. He don't. On Facebook. He don't over. You don't overshare. He don't do too much. [00:25:56] Speaker B: But outside, he. Outside. [00:25:57] Speaker A: Outside. He outside. [00:26:00] Speaker B: Probably overshare. On social media, Overshare. [00:26:02] Speaker A: Okay. Public arguments or silent treatment for days. [00:26:08] Speaker B: I don't do either of those. I can't go silent for days. [00:26:12] Speaker A: I'm just saying which one is you got to go? Either or. Which would you rather. [00:26:16] Speaker B: Public argument. [00:26:18] Speaker A: Public argument. Okay. Emotionally unavailable, but fine as hell. Or emotionally available but gives ick vibes. [00:26:28] Speaker B: Finding a. And emotionally unavailable. [00:26:34] Speaker A: It's. It's. It's giving. A little bit. [00:26:37] Speaker B: A little bit shallow. [00:26:39] Speaker A: It's giving. Giving just a little bit shallow. All right. Caught cheating or catch them cheating. [00:26:44] Speaker B: Catch them cheating. [00:26:46] Speaker A: Okay. Stay for the kids or leave and live your truth. [00:26:50] Speaker B: Live your truth. Life is too short. [00:26:53] Speaker A: Life is too short to stay with anybody for. [00:26:54] Speaker B: Kids tell people all the time. If you live 200 years and you think about. Time is infinite. That's no time. [00:27:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:01] Speaker B: Life is short. Them kids gonna grow up and they got to make their own decisions in their own relationships. [00:27:05] Speaker A: Yeah. And I. CL Says kids shouldn't be born with a job. [00:27:11] Speaker B: Nope. [00:27:11] Speaker A: And that, you know, because people go, I'm staying for the kids. I'm staying for the kids. I don't want to leave this relationship for the kids. For the kids. For the kids. [00:27:18] Speaker B: So many people do that, and they think they're doing a good thing. But then you show your kids dysfunctional because neither of you are happy. [00:27:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:26] Speaker B: So now you haven't even set the tone on what the relationship is supposed to be. [00:27:29] Speaker A: Nah. [00:27:30] Speaker B: It's sad but true. [00:27:31] Speaker A: Be with someone clingy or be with someone who ignores you for hours and days. [00:27:39] Speaker B: Oh, I had a clingy. I ain't like that. [00:27:42] Speaker A: You ain't like it. [00:27:44] Speaker B: I don't want nobody under me all the time. [00:27:47] Speaker A: Like. And I'm with you on that. Like, be busy. Like, have. [00:27:50] Speaker B: Have some to do. Like, please have something to do. [00:27:54] Speaker A: Please have something to do. [00:27:56] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I don't know. But, like, for hours and days. Oh, oh, okay. I would go with clingy. [00:28:08] Speaker A: Clingy. Okay. Because. Because you want somebody. You said earlier you want somebody to be obsessed with you. [00:28:13] Speaker B: Yeah. That's why. [00:28:14] Speaker A: Okay. Their X is always around. Or you can never talk about your past. [00:28:24] Speaker B: They act always around. [00:28:26] Speaker A: Okay. So you. You don't. You don't really. You don't ever feel threatened? [00:28:33] Speaker B: Not unless you give me a reason to. [00:28:35] Speaker A: Okay. That's valid. They lie to protect your feelings or brutally honest, no matter what. [00:28:42] Speaker B: Brutally honest. [00:28:43] Speaker A: You said that earlier. They never post you or they post you too much. [00:28:52] Speaker B: Which one would I prefer? Post me too much. [00:28:54] Speaker A: Post you too much. Yeah. [00:28:56] Speaker B: Be obsessed with me. [00:28:57] Speaker A: Yeah, that's. That's tough, cuz. I don't like to post nothing on. I don't like post nothing now. [00:29:01] Speaker B: My last relationship, 14 years, you don't even have social media, so. [00:29:04] Speaker A: Yeah. Was that tough for you? It was good, yeah. [00:29:08] Speaker B: If he ain't got it, he ain't got it. [00:29:10] Speaker A: But what if a person has. [00:29:12] Speaker B: Not on social media. [00:29:13] Speaker A: Okay. [00:29:15] Speaker B: Preference. [00:29:17] Speaker A: Have all the money but be in a toxic relationship. Be broke, but in love. [00:29:24] Speaker B: Broken. Genuine love. [00:29:25] Speaker A: Broken, genuine love. Okay. They don't argue with you at all or they argue with you about everything. That's an easy one. [00:29:34] Speaker B: Don't argue with me about. Leave me the Alone. [00:29:36] Speaker A: I don't want to argue. [00:29:38] Speaker B: I ain't anxious to argue. [00:29:40] Speaker A: Your partner is best friends with their ex or your partner hates all of your friends. [00:29:47] Speaker B: I would rather you be best friends with your ex than hate all my friends. [00:29:50] Speaker A: Okay. [00:29:51] Speaker B: Makes it a little more complicated. [00:29:52] Speaker A: I got a question on that. Like, you. If you have. If you've met a man and, like, he's friends with a lot of his exes, do you see that as a. Do you see that as a red flag? [00:30:04] Speaker B: I'm friends with all mine. [00:30:05] Speaker A: And you've been able to deal with guys who have been okay with it? [00:30:09] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I ain't friends with them. Like, nigga, where you at? Let's kick it and do it. Yeah, but I'm good with all of them. Like, if they were to call me and say, hey, Vy, let's go get something to eat. Okay. I'm cool with all of them. [00:30:20] Speaker A: Okay. That's cool. I did that. Date someone who's last one. Date someone who's too jealous or someone who's never. Who never gets jealous at all. [00:30:30] Speaker B: Somebody who'd never get jealous. [00:30:32] Speaker A: I would assume that to be with you, you kind of can't be a jealous individual. [00:30:38] Speaker B: You cannot be a jealous man to be with me. [00:30:40] Speaker A: That just. That just seems to be. [00:30:42] Speaker B: You can't. [00:30:43] Speaker A: That just seems to be the way I talk. Yeah. [00:30:45] Speaker B: And the way I move. You cannot be a jealous man. [00:30:49] Speaker A: That's what I thought. [00:30:50] Speaker B: You got to know your shit together. [00:30:51] Speaker A: You got to have it. You got to have it done. [00:30:53] Speaker B: You just got to know. [00:30:54] Speaker A: Yeah. So how do you reassure him in that Because I would have to feel like even if a guy is sure of himself, Right. Confident, everything else, things have to bother people here and there. [00:31:10] Speaker B: So you have to be mindful how you move. You have to understand, you know single Veneta, right? You've met single Veneta. When you see me on Instagram, that's single. [00:31:21] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:31:22] Speaker B: Depending on the man that I'm with, the expectations are different. So my ex, we're still very good friends. Not my ex husband. The man after my ex husband. I was just in his, like long 14 year relationship with. He knows me, right? Like, he doesn't mind me being silly. If I'm twerking at the bar, laughing at people, he don't care, talking shit. But then I end up meeting somebody else. He's a different man. So the things that I did with my previous relationship, if I were to be with this man, some of those things I just can't do. [00:32:03] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:03] Speaker B: And then you just have to ask yourself if the person you're with is worth that change. [00:32:08] Speaker A: Is it change or do you think, is it change? [00:32:10] Speaker B: I ain't in our relationship with his ass. So no. [00:32:14] Speaker A: So it was. [00:32:15] Speaker B: But if we, if we decided to be together, I would absolutely change some things for him. [00:32:21] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. But that's, that's valid. I think that people should be open to change. [00:32:27] Speaker B: Yeah. If you want, if you want, if. [00:32:29] Speaker A: You want, if you want to be in the relationship. [00:32:31] Speaker B: In the relationship. And you have to understand everybody expectations of what they want and need is different. So oftentimes you think my past girl didn't mind. Okay, I ain't your past. I'm your new girl and your new girl mind. You know what I'm saying? [00:32:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:44] Speaker B: You may say your ex didn't mind if you didn't say I love you. Well, your new woman wants you to tell her. [00:32:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:51] Speaker B: You have to decide how important that relationship is. [00:32:56] Speaker A: Well, I think people don't put the value on enough value on the relationship until the relationship's gone. [00:33:04] Speaker B: Never miss your water until your wells run dry. And it's so, so sad because I promise you, I have told every man I've been in a relationship with my ex. You'll probably hear a lot about him on this show. I remember telling him, I will not always feel this way about you if you keep doing certain things. I'm not always going to feel this way. I'm not always going to be so forgiving, and I'm not always going to, you know, keep taking you back. Stop taking me for granted. [00:33:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:49] Speaker B: Get used to you. They think they. That. And they do this. And then you be like, hey, I told you. [00:33:56] Speaker A: Did not tell you. [00:33:57] Speaker B: And they are like, what you mean, you leaving? What you mean, you done? What you mean, you gone? Yeah, I told you I was not in. I promise you, you don't even know it's there. You don't even know when you're done. A person can do something 700 times, but come seven on one, it's like, okay, I'm done. [00:34:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:19] Speaker B: And then they fault you for not leaving them the other 700 times they did it. So if you forgave me 700 times, why you ain't forgiving me this one? [00:34:29] Speaker A: Okay. [00:34:31] Speaker B: You know, it becomes like, so what? I kicked your ass for three years. This is one more year. Ass kicking. You've been getting your ass kicked. Keep getting the kick. I don't want my ass kicked no more. [00:34:43] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? [00:34:44] Speaker B: I'm just saying, like. And people, like, they take people for granted from all types of relationships, friendships. [00:34:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:56] Speaker B: Parent, child, child, parent. [00:34:59] Speaker A: Work relationships. [00:35:00] Speaker B: Work relationships, you know. Oh, Vanetta got it. As a teacher, I was. I must say, I am a great teacher. I am truly an amazing teacher. The way I build relationships with my students, with their families. But because I was so good at what I did, kids who didn't even have IEPs, they would be in my classroom. Well, because you're so good at it. So now you're just taking me for granted, just using me. I don't need 30 of these motherfuckers because I can do it. [00:35:30] Speaker A: Well, listen, they had me. I. Every time I taught, I taught English, too. And standardized Test is the EOC in South Carolina, and I always had an 80 to 90% pass rate. And in the state, like, I'm always. I was always high up. And it came a point in my career where they kept giving me English, too. And it's like, well, you're just doing so well. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna give you the worst of the worst. Yes. [00:36:04] Speaker B: To get them moved up. Like, damn. It's a punishment for doing their will. [00:36:08] Speaker A: And I felt like, bingo. So I went to my principal, and I was like, hey, I said, can I. Can y' all take me out of English, too? I don't want you to take me. I'm teaching English, but take me out of English. Give me English 4. Give me. Give me English 3. [00:36:24] Speaker B: Give me. [00:36:24] Speaker A: I don't want English one because I hate freshmen, but give me something else. Other Than give me intro to Lit. Whatever it is you want to give me, I will do. I just don't want English 2. Give me a year off, Coach, we can't do that. The district ain't gonna let us do that. I talked to each assistant principal. All of them I'm cool with. And all of them said the same thing. They said, you need to go to a new school where they don't know how good you are as a teacher. [00:36:52] Speaker B: Otherwise, they're gonna, we're gonna use you up, baby. [00:36:55] Speaker A: So I retired from coaching basketball. At the school I'm at, it was for some other reasons too. And then another school picked me up to teach. The school I'm at now picked me up to teach podcasting. [00:37:04] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:37:05] Speaker A: I created the podcasting class, pitched it to them. They loved it. So I teach podcasting there now. Somehow these people found out. One of the assistant principal walk up to me and go, hey, coach, Yo. They told me you are the man. [00:37:24] Speaker B: You are the goat on an English. [00:37:25] Speaker A: Show on the eoc. I was like, how did y' all find out? You know, everybody talks. And somebody from over at your old school, I know them. And they was like, you got one of the best guys on your campus. He's like, man, you sure you don't want to teach an English too? But when I got there, I negotiated. I don't care what y' all do. I'm not teaching English. I'm just not. I refuse to teach English. [00:37:55] Speaker B: I refuse. [00:37:56] Speaker A: So I'm teachers podcast. And so. So I get it. Just because I'm good at something, don't. [00:38:02] Speaker B: Take advantage of it. [00:38:02] Speaker A: Don't take advantage of the fact that I'm good at something. And I had a recent relationship where me, I'm difficult to deal with in a relationship. [00:38:14] Speaker B: I could believe that. [00:38:15] Speaker A: And I know. [00:38:17] Speaker B: I'm just saying. [00:38:18] Speaker A: And I know that because I'm always busy, I'm always on the move. I'm always trying to do something. And so what sometimes gets lost is quality time with the person that I'm with. That's why I say sometimes I'm better at long distance relationships than relationships within close proximity. [00:38:37] Speaker B: I ain't expecting to see you. You ain't expecting to go to no movies. You six hours away. We good. [00:38:40] Speaker A: Hey, we good. And she was doing a great job of, like, I would say, meeting what I say meet you where you are of meeting me where I am. And she always just say, you're taking advantage of the fact that I'm meeting you where you are, because you're not making any more effort to do just. [00:38:56] Speaker B: I'm telling you, you're doing the bare minimum. I'm telling you, I'm filling in the rest for you. [00:39:00] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm telling you it's okay to only see me one day out the month. And you're telling me on that one day out the month that you got something else to do. And so I kind of had to be. I kind of got to be cognizant of that now and change my behaviors. So some things can change for me. Yes, but. And, but I can see your point on that. I think some people, because you are who you are and how you love and you're good at it. You're good at how you love. They. Sometimes you. They fall into this, oh, well, she'll be okay, or oh, he'll be okay. And they'll get it. And then over time, this is time. Like you said, 700 now it's time for me to. [00:39:43] Speaker B: 701. I'm done. [00:39:45] Speaker A: 701 is it. [00:39:47] Speaker B: 701 is it. [00:39:48] Speaker A: It's time for me to do something else. [00:39:52] Speaker B: Cause we're responsible for ourselves. You know what I'm saying? I'm responsible for my heart, you're responsible for yours. So to constantly, you know that taking advantage of or taking things for granted. You know, my mother told me this too. My mother's such a wise woman. She said, you know, when it's time to stop, when someone is no longer grateful. [00:40:18] Speaker A: I get that. [00:40:20] Speaker B: When they stop being grateful. Even think about spirituality and prayer. Right? God's blesses more. When you are showing gratitude for where you are and what you have. [00:40:33] Speaker A: If you're always complaining, you're just gonna. [00:40:36] Speaker B: Get more complaints versus being grateful for who's in your life, you know, and then bringing more into your life. So. But we, we. I don't know if it's just human nature that. Get used to it. I don't know. But I'm not that person. I just. I don't take people for granted. I don't assume that someone's always going to be there. You know what I'm saying? I've experienced loss. Everyone has to some degree experienced loss. And you learn early on that we are only here for a very short time. So I value people's time. That's huge for me, my staff, my friends, everybody that workouts up. And you could be any place in the world. You ch a million restaurants in Atlanta you can work at, but you're working here. So your time means something. To me, it's valuable. With me, I tell them all the time, I wish I could pay you $100 an hour. Cuz how much money I'm making if I can give you $100 an hour. I said, and that's nothing. People always say I don't get paid what I deserve. [00:41:44] Speaker A: No one does in any job. [00:41:46] Speaker B: No job pays you. You know why? Because you don't get the time back. The time I spend in any job, I will never get it back. And if I die tomorrow or you die tomorrow, that school ain't gonna close. [00:42:03] Speaker A: I said that somebody ain't gonna close. They gonna get a substitute for me. [00:42:07] Speaker B: They gonna get a sub until they get a goddamn replacement. You don't get a picture on the wall for a minute and they go, so value those people in your life, in those relationships. I don't take people for granted. I don't take anybody's time for granted because I know it's so little. Time is infinite. [00:42:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:42:29] Speaker B: From beginning to end, it's just ongoing. So 200 years ain't. [00:42:34] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:42:34] Speaker B: And if I'm lucky, I'm gonna get 80, lucky 90. You know what I'm saying? And that's luck. Yeah, that's huge, Grace. And then you think about the quality of life. So I don't, I don't play with people. I, I understand the importance of them. [00:42:49] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:42:49] Speaker B: All people. And I think add value to people who don't. [00:42:52] Speaker A: People that add value and those that don't. Because everybody don't add value to your life. So everybody talks about intimacy. Intimacy. When you hear the word intimacy, instantly people go to the bedroom easily is sex. [00:43:09] Speaker B: I don't. [00:43:09] Speaker A: It's physical. The majority of the people probably. [00:43:13] Speaker B: Cause they don't know no fucking better. That's why we having this goddamn podcast to teach. Listen, listen, Linda. Okay. Your first mind should not be on sex when you think of intimacy. [00:43:25] Speaker A: But that's where people go initially when you think intimacy, people think about, even if it's not sex, they talk, holding or anything physical to show it. But there's. [00:43:39] Speaker B: We're having intimacy right now. We are, we're being intimate. [00:43:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:44] Speaker B: We're having this conversation. It can. Intimacy can just be looking at somebody, you know what I'm saying? Just sitting there looking in a face like, damn, I love them. Right? [00:43:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:58] Speaker B: It could be going bowling. I think intimacy, for me, intimacy is time and how you spend it. [00:44:04] Speaker A: It's the time I have with you. [00:44:05] Speaker B: It's the time I have with you. Yeah, that's, that's and whether it's or fleeing, it's intimacy. [00:44:17] Speaker A: So stupid. [00:44:19] Speaker B: It's a time you share with someone. [00:44:21] Speaker A: All right, well, we're gonna talk about a couple of ones here, okay? First one is emotional intimacy. Right. How do you know when you've reached some emotional intimacy with a partner? [00:44:37] Speaker B: The way people respond. Like, how they. How can I put this for me? I know someone's emotionally invested by things that they'll do. Right. If you are. They're yelling, you're emotionally invested. Right. If they reach over and touch your hand, you know, it's. Intimacy is not always positive either. [00:45:15] Speaker A: Okay. [00:45:16] Speaker B: But, like, you know, arguing, you know, because some ain't even worth the argument. Boy, get out my face. Bad. [00:45:25] Speaker A: Like, I'm not even arguing with you. Like, I don't even have that. [00:45:28] Speaker B: Yes. [00:45:29] Speaker A: I don't have the emotional wherewithal arguing. [00:45:31] Speaker B: You know, like, I like a man. What did Lauryn Hill say? What the. What was that song she say? Sweetest thing I've ever known. [00:45:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:39] Speaker B: And then she says, I'll tell you to leave. Just for you to ask me. Just, you know, some shit like that. [00:45:47] Speaker A: I'm not the one. You tell me to leave. I'm. [00:45:51] Speaker B: Bye. [00:45:53] Speaker A: Bye. Don't tell me. Don't, don't. [00:45:57] Speaker B: Just get out. [00:45:58] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm out. [00:45:59] Speaker B: Okay, Now I want you to say, wait. [00:46:00] Speaker A: Yeah. No, don't do whatever you want. Tell me this is what you want. I'm not a person. I don't make inferences. I suck at inferences. I'm an English teacher. But when it comes to women, you. [00:46:12] Speaker B: Can'T make an inference. [00:46:12] Speaker A: No. When it comes to women, because I don't. If I ask you directly, what do you want? And your answer to me, I want you to do whatever you want to do. That is not. That means you will flunk the test because you did not answer the question. You did not. If I ask you a direct question. [00:46:35] Speaker B: What I want don't fucking matter if you don't want it. So. But I'm asking you. I want you to do. [00:46:40] Speaker A: No, but if. I'm asking you what you. If I say, V, what do you want? We're talking about. I don't know. I want to go to pizza or hot dog. Yeah. Pizza or get. I'm not. I'm not eating a hot dog in public. But I love a hot dog. I mean, women can eat them in public. Men can't. Oh. [00:46:59] Speaker B: Oh, I get it now. Sorry. So you don't eat a banana either? [00:47:03] Speaker A: No, I will cut it with a. [00:47:05] Speaker B: Knife so I Eat and eat a pickle. No. [00:47:08] Speaker A: What do you. No. [00:47:09] Speaker B: Polish? [00:47:11] Speaker A: Hell no. [00:47:12] Speaker B: Corn dog. No. [00:47:16] Speaker A: I'm not. [00:47:17] Speaker B: You are wild, sucker. [00:47:18] Speaker A: Pause. You are wild for the. No, but if we're talking about Italian or whatever, okay. And you ask me what I. What I want to do, and I say, well, you know, I really don't have a preference. And, you know, you want Italian. [00:47:39] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Say it. You. [00:47:40] Speaker A: You know you want Italian. Women will not. We just go wherever you want to go. And then when we go where I want to go now it's an argument. Oh, I really didn't want this. [00:47:50] Speaker B: So why the didn't you say it? [00:47:52] Speaker A: I don't know. That's what women do. I don't know why y' all do this. [00:47:54] Speaker B: I don't know why y' all do it either, because I don't know. [00:47:58] Speaker A: Okay, so let's talk about that. Okay, that's. That's two too easy. Let's say we're having a disagreement about a particular. I'm trying to come up with something that might be. [00:48:07] Speaker B: I got one. [00:48:08] Speaker A: Okay. [00:48:08] Speaker B: You all have been arguing, and now it's a turning point in a relationship. [00:48:13] Speaker A: Okay. [00:48:14] Speaker B: The question more so is, do you want to work this out, or do you want to say fuck it? Okay, so you say, what do you want to do? [00:48:23] Speaker A: Yes, because I'm curious and I really want to know where you are and. [00:48:29] Speaker B: What you want to do standing on what you want to do. [00:48:33] Speaker A: Don't. [00:48:33] Speaker B: But it's just up if. God, I'm just thinking. What do I say? Well, I want us to work it out. What do you want to do? Like, well, I'm done. [00:48:40] Speaker A: No, but if. If you say you want us to work it out, now we have a conversation on how to work it out. Okay. [00:48:47] Speaker B: What if you don't want to work it out? [00:48:48] Speaker A: But if I say that we have a conversation about. Okay, because then at that point, if I don't want to work it out and you want. [00:48:55] Speaker B: Would you even ask if you didn't want to work it out, would you even ask, what do you want to do? [00:48:58] Speaker A: Yes, I would. [00:49:00] Speaker B: Why? If you don't even want to be bothered with my. Anyway, I don't know if it's what you asked it for. [00:49:04] Speaker A: Okay. The caveat there would be, how long have we been together? Because I think that plays a part. [00:49:09] Speaker B: It don't matter if you don't want the. [00:49:11] Speaker A: No more depends on how good the sex is. I'm sorry. [00:49:17] Speaker B: I'm sorry. [00:49:17] Speaker A: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm Sorry. [00:49:19] Speaker B: Well, I'll think about it, you know, over an hour of fucking. Thank you. But I'll let you know. Get back. [00:49:26] Speaker A: I'll get back to you. Please have your people call my people. But I do think that you got to hear the person out and the reasons in which, why they feel like this relationship is worth letting go and moving on. So if. If you don't. If you know. And then sometimes you may not know what you want to do. [00:49:42] Speaker B: That's true. [00:49:43] Speaker A: And I'm okay with you not knowing. And I might not know what I want to do, but hearing what you want to do might help. It may help me make a decision. You know, it's not going to make. [00:49:53] Speaker B: My mind up for me, but it could help. [00:49:55] Speaker A: God, my thought process, because I could very well be on the fence. Yeah. I could live without you, or I can't live without you. You know what I'm saying? And I might be in this. In this space where I'm like, if she wants to go, fine, but I do want her to stay. You know what I'm saying? So. And I think that. [00:50:18] Speaker B: So are you okay with you being with you? Lacking emotion? I'm gonna say you lack emotion. You seem very emotionless. [00:50:25] Speaker A: Wait, hold on. How did you pick up? I never said that to you. [00:50:28] Speaker B: You have to. Am I right? [00:50:30] Speaker A: You are 100, right? [00:50:32] Speaker B: Yeah. You can tell your responses. You're an emotionless man, and that's scary. [00:50:37] Speaker A: Why is that scary? [00:50:38] Speaker B: Because emotionless people miss out on a lot. [00:50:41] Speaker A: No, I don't think. I don't think I've missed on anything. [00:50:44] Speaker B: Maybe he ain't had. [00:50:47] Speaker A: Oh, don't, don't, don't. Because I got some exes watching. Okay. [00:50:50] Speaker B: Maybe he didn't have some. I don't know. I don't want no smoke. [00:50:53] Speaker A: No, no. But I'm just saying, like, I've been told that I lack emotion. [00:50:58] Speaker B: I've been told that's scary. Yeah. Cause we're all. Because as. As a woman. Damn. What is this nigga thinking? What is he. How do I make him feel? Is he happy? [00:51:09] Speaker A: No. If I'm happy, you know, I'm happy. You know, make me say, oh, you know, like, if I'm happy, I'm happy. You know what I'm saying? Like, okay, you know, I'm just saying, you know, I'm happy when it's. When I. By the way I treat you, I smile like I love to cook. [00:51:26] Speaker B: Okay? [00:51:27] Speaker A: So if I'm cooking for you, that. [00:51:29] Speaker B: Means you in a good space. [00:51:30] Speaker A: We're in A good space. [00:51:30] Speaker B: The minute he's saying, stop at Burger. [00:51:32] Speaker A: King, you got one foot out there, you got one foot in the grave, and one other one on a banana peel. [00:51:39] Speaker B: Banana peel. It's over with flipping, falling, can't get up. [00:51:42] Speaker A: Yeah. Because I just. I do have emotions. I just, you know, but, you know. [00:51:51] Speaker B: We struggle with that when it comes to men. But I've always been told relationships struggle because of that. [00:51:57] Speaker A: My thing is, like, with my, like. Okay. I was told at a funeral. My first funeral I ever went to, I was 12, was my great aunt's funeral. My mother, great aunt had raised my mom. My mom standing there, mom didn't cry none. We get outside, I said, mommy, you're not going to cry. Oh. She was like, why? I was like, cuz the lady, she might just die. Yeah. Like. And we at the funeral, like, you just. [00:52:27] Speaker B: Everybody else crying. [00:52:29] Speaker A: She was like, did she live a full life? [00:52:33] Speaker B: How long was she when she died? [00:52:35] Speaker A: She was 80. She died, and she died of cancer after battling it for like 20 years. Something like 20 years. So she's like, she's not suffering anymore. She's this. My grandmother, when she passed. It's a funny story. My grandmother's in hospice. I go to see my grandmother. Grandmother died. She was 92. And so. So I go to see her. My dad calls me on the phone and says, you got to come home. You need to see your grandmother. She's going to transition soon, so. All right, cool. Now this lady here, my A1, everything. I'm not sitting here doing none of this if it ain't for her. And I go to see her, I'm sad. I ain't crying, but I'm sad. And I go see her big smile on my face. [00:53:27] Speaker B: Oh, I'm sorry. [00:53:28] Speaker A: Oh, no. Good. [00:53:29] Speaker B: Sorry, sorry. [00:53:31] Speaker A: You good? Yeah, I'll wait. Oh, you good now, you good. [00:54:02] Speaker B: So you went to see her? [00:54:03] Speaker A: I went to see her. [00:54:04] Speaker B: Walk in, you're feeling sad, you're not crying. [00:54:05] Speaker A: I'm not crying. Walk in, she has a huge smile on her face, says, yusuf. I said, hey, what's up, grandma? And the nurse brings her tray in of food. It's got some food on it, it's got an apple. And she says, I done told this, stop bringing me a apple. How the hell I'm gonna eat apple? And the keep bringing me this goddamn apple. Now mind you, this is a woman I know went to church for all of my life, four to five days a week. I never really heard her curse a day in her life. A day of My life, right? And we're sitting there, we're talking, and she's laughing and she says, yusuf, you know what? I'm tired. She says, every day I wake up and cuss, God. I said, why? [00:55:00] Speaker B: Why am I still. [00:55:01] Speaker A: She said, why am I still. Why you still waking me up? Nigga, hurry up, hurry up. And I tired. And so when she passed, that memory is always with me because she. [00:55:16] Speaker B: She was ready. [00:55:16] Speaker A: She was ready to go. It wasn't anything abrupt. Now, I had some friends I've lost in car accidents, and those hit me hard and those hurt and a different hurt, but it's not. But I never really get emotion, like, too emotional about it, because it's more or less what I'm getting emotional about is like, those two friends that passed, I didn't go hang out. I wasn't with them because I was doing. I was work. I was doing work. So I wasn't with them, like, for their last day or last night or whatever. My friend went on a trip to Jamaica and I was supposed to go, but I had basketball stuff to do. So I passed it on the trip. And then I got the phone call. Yo, your girl there? Yo, your girl there with you? Yeah. What? No, I said, nah, she ain't here. I'll call you back. And then he tells me, and I'm like, damn. And then my other friend, I had came back from a basketball trip and I was super tired, and I was like, I'll catch you tomorrow. And everybody, in both instances, all of my whole circle, everybody else in the circle went out with them. So for me, the hurt doesn't come from. [00:56:31] Speaker B: It comes from missing those opportunities. [00:56:32] Speaker A: It comes from missing the opportunities. And you would assume that through all of these things, I would think differently about work, life, balance, but I make more time for people, for people that's in my life. And so I think that that's kind of a realization that I've come to lately at a friend post on social media. She's going through a divorce. And she. She posted, yeah, we're getting a divorce, cuz the both of us put you first. And I was like, well, that's profound. [00:57:07] Speaker B: The both of us put you first. [00:57:09] Speaker A: Yeah, you put you first. And I put you first. You never prioritized he. He never prioritized her. [00:57:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:57:20] Speaker A: And then I thought about that and I'm like, yeah, man, I might need to. I might need to alter some things in what I'm doing. Because you think about it, I was like. I said, keisha on one. [00:57:31] Speaker B: Yeah, we Both put you first. [00:57:33] Speaker A: And that's. And that's a difficult. [00:57:35] Speaker B: But we. That. And that's why I tell the time. We are ourselves. We have a responsibility to ourselves to be happy. I'm responsible for me. People add to that happiness. Yeah, people can take away from that. But the true happiness. Responsibility is on self. But that's hard. Oh, my God. [00:57:56] Speaker A: That's super difficult. [00:57:58] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Ooh. I'm sorry. I'm just thinking. I'm. [00:58:04] Speaker A: What are you thinking? [00:58:07] Speaker B: I wish I wasn't as emotional. [00:58:09] Speaker A: Why not? [00:58:12] Speaker B: I think it feels like people that have less emotion seem happier. [00:58:17] Speaker A: No, we are not. See, I feel like I have to be with someone who has emotion because it kind of balances me out. Like I can't. My oldest daughter's mom. You had two people with no emotion in a relationship. [00:58:36] Speaker B: Damn, that seems quiet. [00:58:38] Speaker A: It was. We was together for like a year and a half. [00:58:44] Speaker B: Yeah, that seems really quiet. [00:58:45] Speaker A: 0.0Emotions. [00:58:46] Speaker B: I don't mind having emotions. I think I just have too many. [00:58:50] Speaker A: Why would I don't. [00:58:51] Speaker B: I'm too emotional. I'm a fucking train wreck. [00:58:55] Speaker A: So emotional. [00:58:56] Speaker B: I hate it. And I'm working on it. I'm working on being less emotional. [00:59:01] Speaker A: But how do you do? If that's who you are? Why not embrace who you are and just be. [00:59:05] Speaker B: I embrace it, but I also have to check it. Because you have to think the more emotional you are, the easier you are to receive. Respond in a up manner. [00:59:13] Speaker A: Okay. I thought it would be more or less a way for you to protect yourself from. Because the more emotion that you have, the. The more emotion that you have. Wouldn't it make it easier for people to get in to your heart or. [00:59:27] Speaker B: Exactly. And people should not have that access. [00:59:31] Speaker A: I think people. I think people should. I think even I don't have emotion. I let people get to me. It may take a little while, but I'll let you in. I'm afraid of getting hurt because I think I've only been hurt maybe twice in my life. [00:59:48] Speaker B: That shit hurt, don't it? [00:59:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Like when my love hurt. When you. When you really do that, when you really in love with somebody and. And they. And they like. And they be out. [00:59:59] Speaker B: Oh my fucking God. [01:00:02] Speaker A: And they be out. [01:00:03] Speaker B: That people don't understand. Heartbreak is similar to loss and death. [01:00:11] Speaker A: True. [01:00:12] Speaker B: So fucking. It's stages of grief. [01:00:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:00:15] Speaker B: Seriously. [01:00:16] Speaker A: We talked about it on the show. Like, you know what? We never really explored it fully, but I think that there's. You have to grieve your relationship. [01:00:24] Speaker B: You do. [01:00:25] Speaker A: When you Break up. [01:00:26] Speaker B: You do. And it is so painful. And nothing fixes it. [01:00:31] Speaker A: You kind of just have to go through it. Do you watch Friends? Okay. Chandler got on the show with terror. Don't show Chandler. He. This lady, the woman he was dating, she cheated on him. And Joey and him were roommates and they went. He said he has to go through the different stages of a breakup. He's in phase one right now. That is sit on the couch, sweatpants get. And a T shirt. Depressed and depressed. And just be. [01:01:00] Speaker B: Acceptance. [01:01:01] Speaker A: Then you got to go to acceptance. No, you got to go to anger. Then acceptance. [01:01:05] Speaker B: Acceptance. Acceptance is. Yeah. And you got to start healing. [01:01:08] Speaker A: It's like seven stages. And he went through all seven stages. And the last stage was go to the strip club. [01:01:14] Speaker B: That's your liberation. I'm free. I'm. [01:01:16] Speaker A: I'm breaking out your back. And I think far too many people don't take the time to grieve their relationship before they get into another one. [01:01:25] Speaker B: But why do you have to. Why do people always say that? Why do people always say you need time before the next relationship? Why? [01:01:33] Speaker A: Because you need to grieve that situation. So you don't bring all of that over here. Because I don't want that over here. I don't want what? [01:01:40] Speaker B: You're not necessarily gonna bring it to you. Let me tell you something. If I. Trauma is real. [01:01:46] Speaker A: Yes. [01:01:46] Speaker B: Right. [01:01:46] Speaker A: And I don't want yours. [01:01:48] Speaker B: But the drama ain't gonna disappear. It's not gonna disappear. People still have trauma from being 12. [01:01:55] Speaker A: That's kitty stuff. I'm talking about your relationship. I'm talking about your relationship trauma. Like you don't. Just because that dude went to. Okay, that dude cheated with the bartender at the restaurant. [01:02:07] Speaker B: And guess what? If I sit by myself for two motherfucking years after this nigga cheated with the bartender at the restaurant and I get with you in four or five years, I'm still going to have that in my mind about that nigga who cheated four or five years ago. [01:02:20] Speaker A: But you. But you ain't gonna bring it to me. [01:02:23] Speaker B: That's not true. I'm only gonna bring it to you. [01:02:25] Speaker A: If you get triggered. [01:02:27] Speaker B: If. Yep. If you do something. [01:02:29] Speaker A: But I mean, all I did was go to the restaurant where the same. Where the same bartender was it. [01:02:35] Speaker B: That ain't got to do with it. [01:02:36] Speaker A: No, I'm saying that's. That's. But that's some people's triggers. Oh, he went to. I don't think he went to that same restaurant with a. [01:02:41] Speaker B: At like you recover you never forget it. That trauma is always in you. It's always in you. So, oh, I need six years to heal. I think it's bullshit. [01:02:57] Speaker A: I think time to heal is bullshit. I do think that you do need some time to grieve the relationship, whether it's a month, two weeks, whatever. Your timeline looks like shit. [01:03:06] Speaker B: I don't know. Help me through my grief with some dinner dates, some cocktails, some good eating. [01:03:16] Speaker A: So. So you can move. Okay. So you can move from relationship to dating every time. [01:03:21] Speaker B: I. I've never. This is the longest that I've ever really kind of been free. I've never really dated. [01:03:33] Speaker A: So you just. Relationship. Relationship, yeah. [01:03:37] Speaker B: Literally from when I was my first love, first everything. When we broke up, I had met someone else, like, right in the midst of us breaking up, and I ended up with him. But it was in the mix of ending that first relationship. [01:03:59] Speaker A: So you just went from one right to the next. [01:04:01] Speaker B: My entire life has been like that, but it's been long relationships. So I've never had really a gap in time where I really dated. I've never had a whole season. And I don't want one, frankly. It ain't my thing. [01:04:20] Speaker A: Well, some people believe that's what they gotta do. Every woman has to do. [01:04:24] Speaker B: I've never felt that desire. I've never met a man and looked at him and like, oh, I would fuck the shit out of him. Never have I ever. And I've seen the fine motherfuckers for real. But I. I don't know. I'm not wired in that way. I am literally. I love, love, love being in love. I love love. That's my happiest place. [01:04:47] Speaker A: That's dope. [01:04:47] Speaker B: I don't like being single. I don't like being outside, and I do not date. [01:04:53] Speaker A: So how do you get to the relationship if you don't date? [01:04:55] Speaker B: Because I'm only dating somebody that I can actually feel, like a genuine connection. Connection from the moment you can meet a nigga and be like, oh, I like him right now, granted, you can go out with him and he could do some goofy shit and blow it. Be like, okay, nigga, I don't like that nigga no more. Or he can show up with some. [01:05:21] Speaker A: Shoes on and you like, whoa, look at my. [01:05:23] Speaker B: Gonna be able to do it. No, that's fine. You know, you can be like, yeah, there that goes, right? But I just never really dated. Like, on Monday, you are with Tom. On Wednesday, you go out with Jim. [01:05:36] Speaker A: Oh, you talking about dating a multiplicity of people. At a time. [01:05:39] Speaker B: Yeah. I've never really dated. I've always wanted to, but I've never done it. And when I thought I was gonna do it, it's like the. The first I met, I'm like, damn. He really. That. [01:05:52] Speaker A: Yeah. There we go. Here we go. [01:05:54] Speaker B: After my marriage, that was my thought process, Right. I'm a date 14 years later. [01:06:03] Speaker A: But you. Because you ended up in a relationship with the first. [01:06:05] Speaker B: So I. Right. I met him and I met this other. I was on match.com I was like, it. I'm going to match. Com because I really wasn't going anywhere to meet anybody. Got on match.com, ended up meeting this guy, went out with my girlfriend, met this other guy. So I met these two guys. I would. If I had like a free day, we get off work, and I would have to see them both in the same day because they both lived on the south side of Chicago. So I would see one, I would stop by, see him. But the second one I like more so I can see him. Second. [01:06:41] Speaker A: Okay. You spent more time. [01:06:42] Speaker B: More time with me. So that first. Oh, okay, just stop. I see. You gotta go. And. And that second one, I ended up like, 14 years later. [01:06:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:06:51] Speaker B: So I still never really dated. I saw that one guy on Match. [01:06:56] Speaker A: And so. But now after the 14 years, it's a gap. [01:06:59] Speaker B: Even. Even now it's just like, I don't really date. [01:07:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Or it's just like. Is it like nobody's piquing your interest? Nobody's. [01:07:11] Speaker B: Too many motherfuckers interested. But I ain't on them. Like, they. Ugh. [01:07:15] Speaker A: How do you know if you don't talk to them? [01:07:19] Speaker B: I look at you. [01:07:23] Speaker A: Okay, so what is it? [01:07:24] Speaker B: I ain't seen nothing that moves the needle. Exactly. I saw something, but then I went out with him, I was like, no, this. This ain't me. [01:07:34] Speaker A: Gave you the ick vibes. [01:07:35] Speaker B: It was just like, yeah. Nope. [01:07:40] Speaker A: So how do you function in this singleness, knowing that you're a relationship woman? [01:07:48] Speaker B: Prayer, like, hopefully I know what I want. Right. I know exactly what I want, and I'm not doing else until we show up. [01:08:05] Speaker A: Valid. [01:08:07] Speaker B: That's it. [01:08:08] Speaker A: That's a valid point. But some people. Some people would just. To be with somebody just doing. [01:08:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:08:13] Speaker A: Would settle or. Or they would start dating. You ain't old. You making it seem like my age. [01:08:21] Speaker B: I ain't on my. Ain't young. [01:08:22] Speaker A: I know you ain't. Okay. Okay. [01:08:28] Speaker B: But at this age. [01:08:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:08:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Because you should be like, you have to start having heart attacks. And strokes and health issues, like, start to come in. [01:08:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:08:36] Speaker B: So it is time at this age. I ain't in my 20s or 30s. You know what I'm saying? [01:08:41] Speaker A: Yeah, I get what you're saying. [01:08:42] Speaker B: So it's time to start my allergies kicking my ass. [01:08:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:08:46] Speaker B: So it is time to start thinking. [01:08:48] Speaker A: Like, because you turned off that air, probably. Please, we want to take some time now to welcome V to the show, our new personality. Please make sure you go follow her on social media at Instagram. [01:09:05] Speaker B: Is vlivebaby. [01:09:08] Speaker A: Vlivebaby. Yes. Yes. Really dope. Good follow. We really are funny as hell. Funny. Funny as. Not as funny as her Snapchat, but definitely. [01:09:20] Speaker B: Oh, my God. You see my Snapchat. [01:09:22] Speaker A: I follow you on Snap. I thought we were friends. [01:09:25] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't. I post more on Snapchat, a lot of stuff on Instagram. [01:09:28] Speaker A: I thought we were friends. She doesn't follow. As you can see. She don't follow me on Snap. [01:09:31] Speaker B: So I'll follow anybody on. [01:09:34] Speaker A: She don't follow nobody. [01:09:37] Speaker B: Because I honestly give no. What's happening anybody's life. I swear to God. I literally get on Instagram and I post my. I may scroll to look at memes, but I really don't give a. What's going on in anybody's life. I don't. [01:09:53] Speaker A: Yeah, no, it's cool. [01:09:54] Speaker B: But my own. Don't take it personal, but, you know. [01:09:56] Speaker A: Because on the ig, it'll be like, it's a couple of stories that. That Snapchat. Oh, my God, I happened to click on it and I was like, okay, yes, okay, okay, okay. Same for me. That's why I don't give my Snapchat out. Because my Snapchat is. My Snapchat is crazy. That's why I don't give mine. Like, you gotta know me. [01:10:22] Speaker B: And I thought only people I knew could see me on Snapchat. [01:10:25] Speaker A: Like, no, because you know how you got. Like when you post, you can post to post to your story and then you got. Then it's like small groups. So, like, you can. [01:10:36] Speaker B: I don't say public or something. [01:10:38] Speaker A: No, they got public now, but I. [01:10:40] Speaker B: Thought public was only the people. Like, I only got like 20 people on Snapchat. So I thought public was like, no, no. [01:10:45] Speaker A: So it's like, so, like, you got friends only. You got public. You got Snap Map. [01:10:49] Speaker B: Mine don't say friends only. [01:10:51] Speaker A: Then that's what. Then that means you. You got. That means you have a pro, a public profile. [01:10:55] Speaker B: So any. [01:10:56] Speaker A: If you don't have that option. Yeah. Because look. [01:10:58] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [01:11:01] Speaker A: Let me post this. See? Following. [01:11:13] Speaker B: And I post more in real time on Snapchat. [01:11:15] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [01:11:15] Speaker B: I mean, Instagram. You might see some shit. [01:11:17] Speaker A: Five days old, you and this damn fake cigarette is. I had enough of this fake cigarette. [01:11:22] Speaker B: I'll bring you a pack. [01:11:24] Speaker A: Please don't. [01:11:26] Speaker B: Lose square. Yeah, but I did not know that. [01:11:30] Speaker A: Once again, welcome to the show. It is a pleasure and honor for you to have. For us to have you as a part of the Relationship Status family. We got to get you a shirt. All of that. And. [01:11:39] Speaker B: And I'm dropping jewels. [01:11:41] Speaker A: Yes. All the time. [01:11:42] Speaker B: And I think. I think the. The. The good thing about me is that I like to give women different perspectives. [01:11:50] Speaker A: That's a good thing. [01:11:50] Speaker B: Yeah. I didn't grow up in a household where my mom talked about me and ain't shit. I didn't. My mother pretty much said women ain't shit. [01:11:58] Speaker A: Damn. [01:11:59] Speaker B: Women are motherfuckers. [01:12:00] Speaker A: Holding women accountable. [01:12:01] Speaker B: See? Yes, I'm holding. Sounds like y' all ain't gonna like me. I'm telling y' all right now. I'm scared to get on here and really speak the truth. Cause I need y' all still to come to my restaurant. Right. But I think it is, unfortunately, I hate to say this. I am kind of a fan of that guy. What was his name? Who did. [01:12:21] Speaker A: Who did? [01:12:22] Speaker B: Kevin Samuels. [01:12:23] Speaker A: Kevin Samuels. [01:12:24] Speaker B: Yeah. So I In. In the time of his highlight, I knew really nothing about him, and I'm just learning about him. And so I've been looking at clips of his. That man is diabolical. And the shit he be saying. [01:12:41] Speaker A: Women need to listen. [01:12:42] Speaker B: They need to listen. I'm with you when you're right, brother. I'm sorry. He wild. I would love to do some like that. Like. And, brothers, I'm gonna tell you what it is. [01:12:53] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Hey, listen, we got a whole bunch of stuff coming with V on the show. We got the Patreon coming. We got Facebook lives coming. We got all kind of stuff coming. So make sure y' all stay tapped in. Make sure that you come back each and every week. Until next time, it's Relationship Status. It's your boy Yousef in the building, and I'm here with Banetta. We'll see y' all next time. Peace. [01:13:15] Speaker B: Now I gotta blow my nose. Like, I feel like something hanging out my nose. Thank you for listening to another episode of Relationship Status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com, iTunes, Google Podcast, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a Dear Nick, email [email protected] or call us at 843-310-8637. Follow us on Facebook at Relationship Status, Podcast on Instagram and Twitter @RelStat podcast. And don't forget to comment, share 5 star rate, subscribe and review.