258th Date: Flying Out To Sit On Wood

[00:00:00] Speaker A: That was not a date. [00:00:02] Speaker B: What was not a date? [00:00:04] Speaker C: Who? [00:00:05] Speaker B: Well, don't use the name. [00:00:07] Speaker A: I'm just saying. [00:00:08] Speaker C: I would never say a name. [00:00:09] Speaker A: No, I'm gonna say Chicago, New York. That was not dating. [00:00:13] Speaker C: Big fine. [00:00:14] Speaker A: He is Big fine. [00:00:15] Speaker C: Big Fine. Big Fine. They was all over. Right? Right. [00:00:19] Speaker B: Big Fine. Like, what are we doing? [00:00:22] Speaker C: They was dating. So you going out to eat? You going on trips? You. You sitting on that wood? Not that wood. Like, courtside wood. [00:00:29] Speaker A: Oh, okay. I was like. I didn't sit on this wood. [00:00:31] Speaker C: Not wood. No, courtside wood. [00:00:33] Speaker B: You was sitting courtside. Oh, y' all were dating. [00:00:36] Speaker A: I bought the ticket. [00:00:37] Speaker B: Oh, wait. Okay. [00:00:38] Speaker C: Well, it don't matter who. [00:00:45] Speaker B: Welcome back to relationship status. It's your boy Yousef in the building, and you already know how we do. I'm here with my girl, and we have somebody else joining us now. Welcome to the family. Want to say Shay? Welcome to the show. [00:00:59] Speaker A: Hey, y'. [00:00:59] Speaker B: All. How you doing today? [00:01:09] Speaker A: I just said hi. I do that to her. [00:01:12] Speaker B: You do that to her? [00:01:13] Speaker A: I do. [00:01:14] Speaker B: Oh, she does that to you? [00:01:15] Speaker C: She does. [00:01:16] Speaker B: Okay. Well, hello. Well, Shane, first time on the show? We gotta ask you. [00:01:24] Speaker C: Yes. [00:01:25] Speaker B: What's your relationship status? [00:01:27] Speaker A: I'm single as a dollar bill. Too single. [00:01:30] Speaker B: What you mean? What is too single? [00:01:32] Speaker A: Like, been single so long, I forgot how it is to be with somebody. I'm single, single, free. Like. [00:01:42] Speaker B: The single fly. He wanna. And he might. He's shooting shots. Hey, the fly was shooting a shot just now. [00:01:47] Speaker A: And this my first time here. What's yours? [00:01:50] Speaker B: Huh? [00:01:51] Speaker A: Huh? You can hear. [00:01:52] Speaker C: She said this my first time here. So what's your relationship status? [00:01:54] Speaker A: What's your status? [00:01:55] Speaker B: You got to go back and listen to the episodes. [00:01:57] Speaker A: Okay? [00:01:58] Speaker C: I'm going to mind my business. [00:01:59] Speaker B: I carry myself accordingly. [00:02:01] Speaker A: You're a player. [00:02:02] Speaker B: No, no, no, no, no, no, ma'. Am. I do not put myself out in these streets like that. Huh. [00:02:07] Speaker C: So you is dangerous, man. [00:02:08] Speaker B: Yeah, the streets are. The streets are seriously dangerous. [00:02:11] Speaker C: God. [00:02:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:14] Speaker A: How would they somebody if they dangerous? [00:02:17] Speaker B: No, no, Everyone. [00:02:18] Speaker C: It's just. I think just being out there. [00:02:19] Speaker B: I think it's difficult navigating the dating streets nowadays, especially with. I think. I think it was a lot easier years ago, before the. Before social media, before COVID It just was real. It was just. It was just really easier to find, to meet genuine connections, to make genuine connections with people. [00:02:39] Speaker C: I will say this. The good thing about social media is that it gives you access to people. [00:02:44] Speaker B: You know, that you normally wouldn't have when you have. But this. I like social media. From a business standpoint. And I liked the initial purpose of social media, which was to stay in contact with people that you. That you might have lost contact with. [00:02:59] Speaker A: Because I'm on a platform that I go live and they be in my inbox. But I'm thinking everybody gonna kill me. [00:03:07] Speaker B: Well, not. Well, didn't give him a chance prior. [00:03:09] Speaker C: To social media, unfortunately. But there's been tons of murders that have. Not like way before. Like a stranger is a stranger. Somebody can be married to somebody for 20 years and he come home and kill the whole family. [00:03:23] Speaker A: True. [00:03:24] Speaker B: And himself. [00:03:25] Speaker C: You know, you, you're a spiritual woman. You believe in God. So then you move accordingly in a sense of God. Got me. That even includes in dating. So if someone strikes your interest, I don't think you should turn it down because. Well, I've never seen him in real life because there's some out here, real creeps. [00:03:43] Speaker A: Yeah, true. [00:03:44] Speaker C: Turn it down. Just. Unless you're just not interested. [00:03:47] Speaker B: Or. [00:03:48] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:03:48] Speaker B: Like, or, or do what women do, you know, stalk this. Stalk the social media. Look through the social media. Look, pictures. [00:03:58] Speaker A: Well, I don't do that. [00:04:01] Speaker B: Like, somebody try to out at you, man. Like. And, and okay. Sometimes people tell you stuff about yourself you ain't even know about looking. [00:04:08] Speaker A: See, I be thinking everybody a fraud on social media. [00:04:11] Speaker B: Oh, no. Social media is not a real place. But I think that some people try to live. You can see there's family. Exactly. [00:04:17] Speaker C: There's employment. There's some things you see. [00:04:19] Speaker B: There is some things you see. Like I don't post, like on my social media. You don't see me personally posting myself. [00:04:24] Speaker A: Okay. [00:04:25] Speaker B: I don't post myself. [00:04:26] Speaker C: I don't mean he don't exist. [00:04:27] Speaker B: That don't mean I don't exist. And my social media, you know, I really just, you know, you think, how. [00:04:31] Speaker C: Many times do you post your children? But you have children. So it gives you snippets. It's up to you to discern. Blank. [00:04:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:38] Speaker C: You know, of what's connected, what isn't connected, what's working. [00:04:42] Speaker B: 100. [00:04:44] Speaker A: I think I'll. I, I think I watched too much Dateline. [00:04:48] Speaker C: Dayline. [00:04:49] Speaker B: That might be it. [00:04:50] Speaker A: For real. [00:04:51] Speaker B: That might be it. [00:04:52] Speaker C: And all I watch is horror movies. Literally 100% of TV that I watch is horror, period, point blank. But here I are today. [00:05:00] Speaker B: Here we are today in love and peace. So just a little pull back the curtain a little bit before the show. We always meet and we talk about, you know, what we're going to talk about. I usually send out what the outline is going to be. But I like to surprise people on this show. So I found a list of things and we're going to see if you guys can answer these questions. It's 12 questions. It's 12 quick. It's 12 quick questions. I want to see who you answer first. We're gonna have a winner. All right? So whoever answers first, the correct answer, you get a point. All right, now you get a point. And then the winner. No, the winner. The winner's gonna get a prize. Okay? We good? [00:05:44] Speaker A: Is it a good prize? [00:05:46] Speaker C: Do I need to a bad? [00:05:48] Speaker B: It's a prize. [00:05:49] Speaker A: It might be my baby daddy. I be like, good or not. That's a bad. I don't want it. You going to win all 12? [00:05:58] Speaker C: I'm not even answering. [00:05:59] Speaker A: Why not? [00:06:00] Speaker B: Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Question number one. What time was Usher in his drop top cruising the streets? [00:06:08] Speaker A: Seven o' clock on. [00:06:10] Speaker B: Oh, she got. That's one. Point. My boyfriend say, how can you unbreak Toni Braxton's heart? [00:06:16] Speaker A: Say you love me again. [00:06:19] Speaker B: Soon. All right, number three. I quit. I quit. Number three. If Shy ever falls in love again, what will he be sure of? [00:06:31] Speaker C: I'll be sure. She's my friend. [00:06:34] Speaker B: Point. [00:06:34] Speaker A: This lady is a friend. [00:06:36] Speaker B: Point. It's two to one. Two to one. Two to one. All right, number four. How much was Erykah Badu born underwater with? [00:06:44] Speaker C: $3 and six zines. [00:06:56] Speaker B: All right, number five. Why can't R.L. and Deborah Cox be friends? [00:07:00] Speaker A: Because they can't be lovers. [00:07:02] Speaker B: That is another point. 1, 2, 3, 4. 4 to 1. 4 to 1. Number six. [00:07:06] Speaker C: Why are you calling out numbers like that? 4 to 1. [00:07:08] Speaker B: I'm sorry. Okay, I'll stop. Well, that's helping me. That's me accountable to know who win for the one. Okay. What should you do to prove to Destiny's Child that you ain't running game? [00:07:20] Speaker A: Say my name. If you ain't running game. Say my name, say my name. [00:07:24] Speaker C: All these songs, that's what I'm on. [00:07:27] Speaker B: She losing. [00:07:28] Speaker A: If she was winning, they wouldn't be. [00:07:31] Speaker B: All right, number seven. Number seven, what should you do if you don't want Fantasia? [00:07:37] Speaker C: Free yourself. Go ahead and free myself. [00:07:41] Speaker A: That's not it. [00:07:42] Speaker C: If you don't want me, then don't talk to me. Point. [00:07:44] Speaker B: That's correct. If you don't want me, then don't talk to me. [00:07:47] Speaker A: So you can just keep on guessing and guessing again? [00:07:49] Speaker B: Yes, it's the first person that guesses. [00:07:51] Speaker C: You don't Want me now she don't understand the rules. [00:07:53] Speaker A: Nah. [00:07:53] Speaker C: Okay, we on fire. Let's go. I got 17. [00:07:55] Speaker A: I got confused because she kept on saying, you know what? [00:07:58] Speaker B: Okay, it's five to two. The score. Score is five to two. [00:08:01] Speaker A: Okay. [00:08:02] Speaker B: All right, number eight. What was T Pain trying to buy a girl? [00:08:05] Speaker C: Buy your drink. [00:08:07] Speaker B: Five to three. [00:08:08] Speaker A: We'll get that one right. [00:08:08] Speaker B: Oh, she's on the push. [00:08:09] Speaker A: She will get that one right. [00:08:11] Speaker B: All right. Where was Mary J. Blige going? [00:08:15] Speaker C: Down period. [00:08:17] Speaker A: Now we in the vagina. [00:08:19] Speaker C: Now she don't hear the question. [00:08:20] Speaker A: She was screaming loud. Okay, forget it. She won. [00:08:23] Speaker B: No, she didn't win. It's tied up. It's 5 to 5. It's 5 to 5. [00:08:27] Speaker A: It's tied to 4. [00:08:28] Speaker B: No, it ain't 5 to 5. It's 5to 5. It was 5 to 2 at 7, and then she got 8, 9, and 10. [00:08:34] Speaker A: Okay, go ahead. [00:08:35] Speaker B: All right, it's tied up. It's tied up. It's tied up. Number 11. How long did Tevin Campbell want to. [00:08:41] Speaker A: Talk for a minute? That was Ty. [00:08:45] Speaker B: Oh, that was a tie. So that means it's the tiebreaker. Tiebreaker. Question number 12. Without his girl, what was Cisco's? [00:08:58] Speaker A: And I don't even know the song. [00:09:01] Speaker B: Me either. So I guess it ends in a tie. I didn't know the answer to that one myself. I was hoping y' all could tell me because I didn't know that one. [00:09:06] Speaker C: Without you in me. [00:09:09] Speaker A: No, you're not gonna get the point. [00:09:11] Speaker C: No, I'm just trying to figure it. [00:09:12] Speaker A: Out without my girl. All right, so my life is not complete. [00:09:18] Speaker B: My life is incomplete. You're right. Too late. Well, we figured it out together. That's good. Okay. What the vibe says, no problem. It's tied. It's t. We gotta. We gotta play something else next. Next episode. [00:09:35] Speaker C: She trying to get that baby daddy, y'. [00:09:36] Speaker B: All. [00:09:38] Speaker A: Alexa, play F My Baby Daddy by Sexy Red, please. [00:09:43] Speaker B: F My baby Daddy. Is that a song? Reason number co written by me. Reason number four. I don't listen to Sexy Red. All right, so let's. Let's get it. [00:10:02] Speaker C: Okay, we're ready. Sorry. [00:10:03] Speaker B: No, y' all got it. I'm keep doing it. I'm keep doing it. All right, question of the week. Question of the week. Every week, we post a question in our relationship status advice group as well as on social media. On all social media platforms. And the question of the week this week was, what is one thing that is not illegal, but it should be? [00:10:25] Speaker C: That is not illegal, but should Be. [00:10:28] Speaker B: Yes, but should be illegal. [00:10:30] Speaker A: Should be illegal. [00:10:31] Speaker B: Yeah. What is one thing that's not illegal? That should be illegal? [00:10:34] Speaker A: Wigs. [00:10:36] Speaker C: That is not illegal and should be illegal. Lashes. [00:10:41] Speaker A: Hey, hold up. I got on some. [00:10:43] Speaker C: Them big ones. No, like anything that requires a pl. Wigs, baby hair. Wigs, baby hair over three. [00:10:52] Speaker B: Baby hair over. [00:10:53] Speaker A: Over 12. [00:10:53] Speaker C: I give you 12. [00:10:55] Speaker A: I agree. [00:10:56] Speaker C: Wig, baby hair. [00:10:57] Speaker B: Wigs, baby hair and big lashes. [00:10:59] Speaker C: And big lashes. [00:11:00] Speaker B: Okay. [00:11:00] Speaker C: Oh, bonnets. [00:11:01] Speaker B: Bonnets in public. [00:11:02] Speaker A: In public. Oh, better than that. [00:11:04] Speaker C: Pants below your waist in public. [00:11:08] Speaker B: I'm with you on that one. No, you keep going. We. We good. [00:11:10] Speaker C: We on the road. [00:11:11] Speaker B: Mine was people who misuse your. You and your should be arrested. [00:11:15] Speaker C: And oh, you got your. [00:11:17] Speaker B: And your very. [00:11:18] Speaker C: We were very who miss you. [00:11:21] Speaker B: Y o u r and y o. [00:11:23] Speaker C: U r and yours got it. [00:11:26] Speaker B: Yeah, I can't. [00:11:27] Speaker C: It's the English teacher in them. [00:11:28] Speaker B: And people who don't put the carts back in the. Don't put the carts in the cart bay at the grocery store. [00:11:34] Speaker C: At the grocery store. That. That is a pet peeve. [00:11:36] Speaker A: I don't like it. But if it's in Chicago and it's 1220 below it stands, it can run right into your car. It can run and put a dent in somebody car. [00:11:46] Speaker B: Yeah. Need to go ahead and walk that. [00:11:48] Speaker A: Walk that I usually do. I'm leaving it. [00:11:52] Speaker B: All right. Also, another one I said was anybody who asked me, can I have a bite? After I offered you some and you said you weren't hungry. Oh, I offered to buy you some food and you said you wasn't hungry. Can I have a bite? [00:12:07] Speaker A: Oh, it would never work then my kids. [00:12:10] Speaker B: No, you can have a bite of all your food. I will pay for your food. [00:12:13] Speaker A: You don't like sharing? [00:12:14] Speaker B: No, I love to share. I will share. But you. But you. You said you. When I asked you, you said, I'm not hungry. [00:12:20] Speaker C: I ain't hungry. But sometimes they get a and you get to smelling it and you look at. [00:12:25] Speaker A: Get a little piece. [00:12:25] Speaker C: Let me just taste it. [00:12:27] Speaker A: What he said. [00:12:29] Speaker B: No, I. I have to. I have to do it. I caught y'. All see, I ain't gonna follow y' all up. I promise you. I ain't following y'. All. Up next, my next one was taking 12 minutes to order. Chick Fil A. Like you ain't been here before. [00:12:41] Speaker C: And the menu ain't changed. [00:12:42] Speaker B: And it has not changed. [00:12:45] Speaker A: Can I get a. [00:12:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:51] Speaker B: Should be on the menu. Shouts out to Paul Lane, he said, holding up traffic so that you can't so that you can turn left into a fast food spot in five. At 5pm Traffic. [00:13:03] Speaker C: Somebody ain't cooking when they get home. [00:13:05] Speaker B: Shouts out to Casey, I'm a Capricorn. She said, talking on the phone in the store, yelling like you at home. [00:13:10] Speaker C: I swear to God on speakerphone in a store. Drives me crazy. I'll give you grace on Spacetime, on facetime. [00:13:19] Speaker B: Facetime. Spacetime. Yeah. You need to stop with them. They're sitting in front of you. Relax. Replay it from last night. But yeah, every time y' all see the question go up, go ahead and get your comments in, man. We love, we love when you to interact with the listeners and we will shout you out on the show. For sure, for sure. [00:13:41] Speaker C: Absolutely. [00:13:43] Speaker B: Now, as I was thinking, you know, what are we gonna talk about today? I was like, everybody puts an emphasis on what am I or what are we doing? And it's especially. It usually comes from the female gender. What are we doing? What is my title? What am I to you? So the question is, do we need a title? But we're going to wait until the end before I want. Before I get your answer. So to you, what exactly is. What does a title mean to uv? [00:14:22] Speaker C: I think titles separate us. In my opinion, titles make people feel that they're better than other people. [00:14:38] Speaker B: Okay. [00:14:39] Speaker C: It puts them in categories. And I think the world looks at titles as a form of division. You know, when you think about haves and have nots, I believe that married women think they are better than single women because of that title of marriage. They think, well, somebody chose me, somebody picked me. You know what I mean? [00:15:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:07] Speaker C: Whereas I feel like everybody could have been married to somebody some point had they chosen to be. [00:15:13] Speaker B: Right. [00:15:15] Speaker C: I feel like everybody can be in a relationship if they, if they choose to be. [00:15:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:19] Speaker C: It's just a matter of what is right for you in your life. But those titles make people think from relationships to professional titles. You know, you ever something ever happened in a person's title, take them to next level behavior with you, you know, and it could be title of security guard versus title of police officer versus title of nurse, or instead of registered nurse, lpn, licensed practice or cna. You know, those titles make people believe that they better than somebody. So for me, I try and put the title out of, out of the, the name of any person. I understand it becomes a level of respect. Like if you're married, of course I will address you as Ms. I'll have that respect. If you're a doctor or have a PhD, I will respect that. But I don't think you're better than. I don't think this married woman is better than the single woman. I don't think this PhD person is better than this GED person. [00:16:18] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:16:19] Speaker C: We're human, right? Y' all bleed the same. We just made different decisions. So for me, I try and kind of stay away from titles. I know people like them, and I think people. People lean into them, and I think they lean into them too much. [00:16:32] Speaker B: Okay. What about you, Shay? [00:16:34] Speaker A: Well, when I'm thinking on the question, as far as titles go, I went straight to relationships. [00:16:39] Speaker B: No, you're fine. It's however you digest it, right? [00:16:42] Speaker A: Straight to relationships. To me, a title for me, of course, it makes me feel like I have a significant person. However, a title without the actions behind it, we can keep that. So I'm not that big on titles because I had somebody who was calling me they woman and was calling somebody else they woman. So I'm thinking I'm his woman. And then to find out he had another woman. So without the actions behind it, when it comes to, like, dating and relationships, I. I try not to get caught up into the word, that's my man or that's my woman. Unless you know the action. The actions match it, and then you don't want to be. So that hardened me, right? So then I go start call myself dating somebody, and, like, you might know him or not. [00:17:40] Speaker C: Was not dating me. [00:17:41] Speaker A: No, not her, but. So I didn't want no title. But then it was like, what we doing in my head. [00:17:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:50] Speaker A: So people was like, oh, they dating. They together, But I'm calling us friends. But feelings. I have feelings like this my man, but it still allow him to have freedom, to still do whatever. Because we ain't got no title. We never said we was together. We ain't never said this. So that was my protection, too. I didn't want a title, but then I still wanted a title. [00:18:17] Speaker C: I feel like we're never satisfied, Right. If you're tall, you want to be short. If you're short, you want to be tall. If you're fat, you want to be skinny. If you're skinny, you want to be fat. [00:18:24] Speaker B: Here's. Here's. Here's my. My thing is this. Whatever we start out as, it's just me, right? If you tell me, I just want to be friends in my mind, that's all we're going to be. Now, if we. If there's no definition, if there's no, hey, you know, I want friends. And maybe there's something when we have this conversation, when we initially meet or we're having. I'm not looking for a relationship because that puts me in the mindset of, okay, now I have to act accordingly with this woman because she doesn't want a relationship. So I have to. I have to temper myself, my feelings, my everything. Now, if it changes for you, it's difficult for me to then change gears because I'm like, okay, I was looking at it like this, and now you got to flip. Now I got to flip. And now I got to figure out what do I have? Because in that time frame, I haven't been looking at you as a person. That's going to be long term. I've been looking at you for the short term. We just having a good time. We just having fun. We might go out every now and then. We might date. We might Netflix now first. Now, also, I think that title. No, no. Also. Also, if we just friends, you don't get girlfriend. You don't get girlfriend benefits. You don't get to stay tonight. [00:19:40] Speaker C: You don't stay tonight over there. [00:19:42] Speaker B: No, I'm not. No, we're not doing. [00:19:44] Speaker C: Basically, you. You create boundaries. [00:19:46] Speaker B: Yes. [00:19:46] Speaker C: Because if you want to be a friend, I'm gonna show you a friend. [00:19:48] Speaker B: I'm. We gonna be friends and see my thing. You don't. You don't get a good morning text every day, anything. And that's. But that's the mistake, right? We never said that's the time that's toxic. [00:19:58] Speaker C: So then that's. That's our responsibility. Ability as individuals to say, hey, you have to first decide in your mind. Like you said. Maybe you didn't make that decision because you had already been traumatized from previous relationships. You know what I mean? [00:20:09] Speaker B: And that's the next thing. Don't bring your baggage over here. I don't want that. [00:20:12] Speaker C: It's hard not to. You. You. You move based off of your experiences. [00:20:16] Speaker B: Yes. [00:20:17] Speaker C: Even your childhood experience affect your adulthood decisions. [00:20:20] Speaker B: I have repeatedly said this everywhere. I could possibly say it. I'm not paying the bill. Somebody else ran up. [00:20:26] Speaker A: Yeah, so. [00:20:27] Speaker B: Because I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna make you pay the bill. Somebody else ran up and see, I. [00:20:31] Speaker A: I wouldn't give that next person all that baggage. I know you ain't missed, but I didn't. [00:20:38] Speaker B: But you're not open. You're not. You're not fully open because of what somebody else did to you, and that's unfair to me. [00:20:44] Speaker C: Well, then, like I said, it becomes your responsibility to say what you want. [00:20:48] Speaker B: Yeah, and that's what I said. [00:20:50] Speaker A: And see, for me, it was. I was fully open. However, it was my guard to protect my heart. [00:20:57] Speaker B: That's why you didn't give it. That's why you didn't tell them what you wanted. Yeah, well, then that's your fault. [00:21:01] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I, I get that. [00:21:03] Speaker C: Well, now, moving on. [00:21:04] Speaker A: Guess what? [00:21:05] Speaker C: You know better. [00:21:06] Speaker A: And, And I opened up a little more space. [00:21:09] Speaker B: A woman who takes accountability. That's all. Right. Now, I don't meet many of them. [00:21:14] Speaker A: We keep hearing that. [00:21:16] Speaker B: You said what. [00:21:16] Speaker C: No, we hear that a lot about. [00:21:17] Speaker B: Women who don't take accountability. Yeah, everything. Now, I hate absolute statements, but a lot of women blame the men that they've come across for the issues that they have or the walls that they have up or the experiences that they've had. It's been bad. You can't tell me that every man in your life, you've had nothing but bad. Bad. [00:21:35] Speaker C: Well, a lot of. A lot of people that it may be. [00:21:37] Speaker B: It may be some bad things that have happened, but you can't tell me that man was all bad. Not all of them. Some might be all bad, but they. I'm not saying all. I'm just saying all. Every man in your life. Everyone. Then that becomes a you thing. Something happens, that becomes a you problem. That's not a me problem. Right. [00:21:58] Speaker A: It don't always start off bad. [00:22:01] Speaker C: That's what I. [00:22:02] Speaker A: They not gonna present. Oh, I'm a cheater. [00:22:05] Speaker B: You meeting the representative at first, I get that. [00:22:07] Speaker A: I, I'm not, I'm not that person. [00:22:09] Speaker C: I'm not the person that you meet. The representative. [00:22:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:11] Speaker C: I swear to God, who I am from day one is going to be exactly they. 360. [00:22:15] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:22:16] Speaker B: But that's you being real and genuine. That's, that's, that's you what you stand on here. [00:22:22] Speaker C: It's not. [00:22:24] Speaker B: That's because people been like, y' all said, there's a lot of people who are dealing in the hurt and, and, and navigating themselves and their world in the hurt. And that's why I say, you know, a red flag for me when I'm meeting a woman is a woman who tells me that all of their boyfriends or everybody they've ever dealt with been bad ever since. I've never had a good relationship. Well, I'm not the one. [00:22:42] Speaker C: You might be the problem. [00:22:43] Speaker B: Yeah, you are the problem. What do you mean might be? You are the problem. [00:22:46] Speaker C: I think that all. [00:22:47] Speaker B: If everything Is everybody somebody else's point also? [00:22:50] Speaker A: If you keep going for the same type of dude, if you only date street dudes and think you finna get something else, then that's something. You know, Then you could have had all bad dudes. They were all street dudes. [00:23:02] Speaker C: Well, I can't agree with that in a sense of people grow, people mature. [00:23:08] Speaker B: True. [00:23:09] Speaker C: Everybody as an individual. You could have had 10 great guys that were doctors and that 11. [00:23:15] Speaker B: One. [00:23:15] Speaker C: There's a nut. So look at people as individuals. [00:23:20] Speaker B: No, I think that it's individuals, but without. But I think my point more so is to if. If you as like even me, right? If I was to. If somebody was to meet me out club, social media, wherever, and I'm telling them, yo, every single experience I've had has been bad without taking. Without taking accountability for any of this. So what did you do out of nothing. She was just beating my ass. [00:23:48] Speaker C: Relationships, that's gonna be. That's gonna be failing who you are in. In your role in these relationships. [00:23:55] Speaker B: True, but do you think that to your earlier point, Shay, something you said earlier was the title and the actions got to match up? Do you think sometimes titles lead to misunderstandings or the titles and the understandings need to be. The titles and the understandings need to meet? [00:24:11] Speaker C: I think titles lead to. What's the word I'm looking for? I don't want to say taking people for granted, but what do you like when you got the right to something? [00:24:26] Speaker B: Oh, I know what you mean. [00:24:29] Speaker C: Believe. [00:24:30] Speaker A: Ownership. [00:24:31] Speaker B: No, no, not ownership. It's. [00:24:33] Speaker C: God, this going to bug me. The whole podcast. [00:24:36] Speaker B: It's going to bug me for the next 10 minutes. [00:24:39] Speaker C: Titles make people believe. [00:24:42] Speaker B: And if you didn't say that, you didn't. [00:24:43] Speaker C: Different expectations. Like, I can't read. Oh, my God. [00:24:47] Speaker A: What is the word I believe? While y' all try to get your thoughts together. Once you get a title, there's a certain role that comes with that title. If you become the manager at McDonald's, you got to be in a manager role. And they change. Exactly. [00:25:02] Speaker C: They move up when you get your ass off fries and you move up to flipping that goddamn burger. That part you can't do the same shit you did on fries. [00:25:10] Speaker A: And so once you say this, my man, it's manly things that I'm expecting from my man. [00:25:16] Speaker C: And it's a responsibility for myself now that you are my man. [00:25:20] Speaker A: Right. You not finna be Vanetta. [00:25:22] Speaker C: Single and Vanetta in a relationship is two different. [00:25:24] Speaker A: It's two different. [00:25:25] Speaker C: Well, no, we just. [00:25:26] Speaker B: No, you can't don't say that now. [00:25:27] Speaker C: It ain't. It's not. [00:25:28] Speaker A: You. Not. You've seen me. I've seen you. No, you still got that same personality, but it's entitled. [00:25:38] Speaker C: Entitlement. [00:25:39] Speaker B: That's the word. [00:25:44] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:25:44] Speaker B: Just to prove. Just to prove to y'. [00:25:46] Speaker C: All. [00:25:46] Speaker B: You see, I pulled up the Google, but I didn't. I didn't actually get the word, and it hit me. So I got that on my own. I just want to let people know I got it on my own. [00:25:52] Speaker C: Titles make people feel entitled. [00:25:55] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:56] Speaker C: Like they just walk. [00:25:58] Speaker B: Is entitled. Entitled. [00:26:00] Speaker A: Yes, it is. [00:26:01] Speaker C: Entitled title. They. And. And that blows me. And I've had titles, plenty of them. [00:26:07] Speaker B: It's almost. It's the entitlement to do what you want, say what you want, be who you want to be. I just think giving people the different titles entitles them to do whatever behavior they feel is right underneath that title. [00:26:18] Speaker C: And not only that, sometimes society will take those titles and demean people. [00:26:30] Speaker B: 100%. [00:26:31] Speaker C: And try and make a person fall from their throne because of titles. [00:26:39] Speaker A: Right. [00:26:40] Speaker C: That. Without really understanding or knowing who it is or what the situation may be. [00:26:49] Speaker B: Mm. [00:26:50] Speaker C: Let's. Let's go ahead, Shay. [00:26:52] Speaker A: No, I like to meet people initially and not even know. I don't care about your title, your title, what you do. I just like to meet you. And then I find out, oh, a girl owned a restaurant. Then, oh, you do this. You do this. I try to treat. I'm gonna treat the janitor just as well as I treat the principal. Yeah. I don't care about your title. That's one thing. I'm an entrepreneur, business owner myself. I don't let my employees call me boss. [00:27:19] Speaker C: I hate being called. [00:27:20] Speaker A: I don't let that word come out of their mouth. [00:27:23] Speaker C: I hate being called boss. I hate when people call me boss. [00:27:25] Speaker A: I don't like that. Boss. [00:27:26] Speaker C: Lady, we work together to make this happen. We are colleagues. [00:27:30] Speaker A: I can't do this without. I am not your boss, and you can't do this without me. [00:27:34] Speaker B: Well, I disagree. [00:27:37] Speaker A: Go ahead. [00:27:38] Speaker B: Okay, Boss, I disagree. Because you. I think the title of boss does need to be defined or supervisor. It does need to be defined to do. There is a level of respect that I do need to. That I do need to give you. [00:27:52] Speaker A: They know that as. [00:27:53] Speaker B: No, no. The only way you need that, because you can. You can fire me. [00:27:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:58] Speaker B: You can. You can find. [00:27:59] Speaker C: You should respect everybody. [00:28:01] Speaker B: You pay my check. Like. But I'm not gonna. But I'm not gonna talk to you the same way I might talk to. And not saying it's a lack of. Not saying it's a lack of respect. It's just. It's just a particular level of like, okay, as, As a, as. As an educator. As an educator, I'm going talk to. I'm going talk to my. [00:28:18] Speaker C: Yeah, right. [00:28:18] Speaker B: I'mma talk to you differently than I talk to the principal. [00:28:20] Speaker C: But when the principal come in, it's an observe or something. It's going to be different. So, yeah, we're going to change automatically. [00:28:27] Speaker A: You know that you ain't got a. [00:28:30] Speaker B: But I think it's different. I think it's different in, In. In the. When it's. Because I get what y' all are saying. I agree to an extent. When it's an ownership kind of thing in a business is different than in, like, let's say, like, teaching or something like that. It's a little bit different because it's. There are some. Because the administrators who act like your friends, nine times out of 10, they don't get the respect. [00:28:54] Speaker C: I just, I think. I don't think that's about the title. Like, first of all, everybody. I feel like it's supposed to be respectful, respected, period. Everybody important until you show me otherwise. And just because you are my principal, you're not going to say anything to me. I don't give a. What check you cash, because guess what you want. You know how many more schools in Chicago, public school system or South Carolina, North Carolina, other schools. I don't give a. If you are the maintenance man, the school nurse. [00:29:19] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:29:20] Speaker C: The lunch lady, or the principal. You're not going to disrespect me now. The way I handle myself in front of all of these different people may change. [00:29:28] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. [00:29:28] Speaker C: Who I am in front of the lunch lady. When I used to go to. What's up, what's up? How you doing, Mr. Harden? See my principal. I'm all right. How are you? [00:29:36] Speaker B: But that's, but that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about how we, how we view them, not necessarily how they can talk to us. I. I do believe that. Like, you're not. [00:29:46] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. My employees already know, you know, I'm the ball. They ain't gonna talk to me crazy because they already know I don't have to come in there. I'm not doing this. And I get down and dirty with them. But at the end of the day, it's a level of respect because they know who signed the check and not. [00:30:03] Speaker C: Only that, it's also who you respect. [00:30:05] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:30:05] Speaker C: I respect my employees. [00:30:07] Speaker A: I do. And so it ain't no need for me to come in. [00:30:10] Speaker B: Don't look at me like that. You just look at me like that. [00:30:13] Speaker C: Y' all here on camera. [00:30:14] Speaker B: Yeah. Look at me like, how about. [00:30:17] Speaker C: But even think about. Cuz I. I know for certain we are. We have both been guilty of this. Even when we introduce people, we tend to leave with their titles. When we say, oh, I met this girl. She's a. And we lead with that. Like, maybe we didn't met some chick that's on a different level. Level. Because she's this. [00:30:44] Speaker B: But there are some people who want that. Like, there's some people who really. They thrive. Like, they. They lead with their title. [00:30:51] Speaker C: Say for me, like, although I don't care about titles, we will even say we meet a guy. Oh, I met this. This nigga's a doctor. Like, we lead with that too. We don't lead with, oh, he was kind. He did this. He. We lead with those titles. Like, we start thinking we got some. This doctor got 16 bodies in the basement. I'm just saying. But we do that. I've heard us do it. And. And I'm not saying it's wrong, but. But out of a natural thing that. Because society believes that these titles put people on people on another level, we think we something if we didn't met a. That's a doctor. Yeah, we think he better than a man that worked at the post office. And my daddy retired from the post office and he a damn good person. You know what I'm saying? But we even lead with those titles, even though we say they don't matter. [00:31:36] Speaker A: Yeah. So I'mma start checking myself. [00:31:39] Speaker C: If I. If I meet a. That's a doctor. If I meet a. [00:31:41] Speaker A: That. [00:31:42] Speaker C: That pick up the trash. In East Point, I met a man, and usually that's. [00:31:46] Speaker A: I be like, I met this dude. He fine. I leave with that. I usually find out what they do later. I promise you. [00:31:53] Speaker C: Well, by the time it gets to me, the first thing is he this. Like, that's how not just you but most women like now you've experienced them by this point, you've talked to him. You may have hanged out with him. You found other attributes that you him. But the one that's going to stick. [00:32:10] Speaker B: Out is what he does, what his. [00:32:11] Speaker C: Title is, what his title is. And. And guess what that goes to. Married, single or divorced. That title's going to come out first too. [00:32:19] Speaker A: And I want to know that I Usually. [00:32:21] Speaker B: And I think why do you want to know if. Well, I understand why you want to know if somebody's married. [00:32:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:26] Speaker B: But married or single, I think is. Is the only two things we need to know. I don't, I don't know if. I don't need to know if you're divorced. We can. Upon meeting as we get to know. As we get to know each other because I don't think everybody should know everything about you up front. [00:32:40] Speaker A: I don't think. [00:32:41] Speaker B: You gotta learn. You gotta learn. You gotta. We gotta learn each other. [00:32:43] Speaker C: Probably read it. [00:32:45] Speaker B: You said what? [00:32:46] Speaker A: I'm sorry, that came out her head. [00:32:49] Speaker C: No, that came out of Megan thee stallion. [00:32:51] Speaker B: No. What did you say? [00:32:52] Speaker C: She said I'm an open book and you're a man. Probably read it. [00:32:55] Speaker B: Okay. But yeah, yeah, that's. She did say that I am an open book. Yeah. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that, you know, don't be open. But I just think initially I'm not hiding anything from you. But initially. [00:33:08] Speaker A: I used to over share. [00:33:10] Speaker C: I think I'm definitely guilty of. [00:33:12] Speaker B: I definitely share. Cl tell me all the time. Look, I just asked you one question. [00:33:17] Speaker A: Yeah, I was hear that I. [00:33:20] Speaker B: In certain, in certain fields. In certain fields, like not, not in like if something, if somebody asks. If somebody asks me a question, I'm. I'm somewhat defensive or so I'm told really. So when somebody asks me a question or somebody asks me a question, sometimes I have to prove especially if I feel like I'm backed in the corner, I'll over explain what I'm trying to say. And sometimes I'll divulge information that the person didn't even ask for. I'll just be saying and trying to defend myself Validity. Yes. To what I say something I did or something that I'm saying or a point I'm trying to get across. I'll overshare. Cl literally will stop me said I didn't ask you that. [00:33:58] Speaker A: And I think women like when we meet a guy like I think I was guilty of not wanting to be like everybody else. So I'm nice. [00:34:06] Speaker C: How are you separating? [00:34:08] Speaker A: Yes. From everybody else. Okay. Yeah. You nice looking. Yeah. You probably have a nice body. Yeah. You got. But I also do this and I also this because I ain't like them. I don't do this. And so I think I overshare. [00:34:21] Speaker B: Trying to be to what? To let them know that you're different to. [00:34:25] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm different. Like you might have met all of them. You ain't met me. [00:34:30] Speaker B: So you say that or you'll act that way. [00:34:32] Speaker A: I act that way by over sharing. [00:34:35] Speaker B: Okay, okay. [00:34:36] Speaker C: She overshares to show that she's not like the rest. Yeah, I overshare because I just talk too much. [00:34:42] Speaker B: That could be. That could be it. [00:34:43] Speaker C: It's simple. [00:34:44] Speaker B: That could be it. So do you think that having a title brings clarity and sets expectations? [00:34:50] Speaker C: No, because there's some confused out here. [00:34:53] Speaker A: With all types of things in our. [00:34:56] Speaker C: For real dead ass. I'm so very serious because ain't nobody more single than the married people. [00:35:02] Speaker A: That's what I hear. [00:35:04] Speaker B: Now I do know some people that if you look at their social media you would, you would swear. No, not only. Let's say I am going to see this social media. There's people that I have met that I would go in like real life people that I have met and then somewhere down the line they say, yeah, I'm married. I'm like, how? Like when, when did you not Lorenz. [00:35:29] Speaker A: Tate, he had a wife. Was I the only one under a rock? [00:35:32] Speaker B: Like I don't know nothing about it. [00:35:33] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I'm just saying. [00:35:35] Speaker B: No, I understand. [00:35:35] Speaker C: Understand being everyday people that I interact with. [00:35:38] Speaker B: Yeah, I understand being private and is. [00:35:40] Speaker C: Another thing acting private, that's one thing. But I'm saying outside and never got a ring on with different women and. [00:35:46] Speaker B: Then all of a sudden always, always, always outside and never with nobody. [00:35:51] Speaker C: You know, you trying not to have that like he be like, hey, how are you? Such a pleasure to meet you. [00:35:57] Speaker A: I, I dated this dude like that the first question I did ask him because he was nice looking, he was tall, he was in the NBA. And I'm like, that's what I'm, you know, they be attracted to me. I don't know why, but nevertheless I was like, are you married? That was the first question I asked. He said no. Come to find we outside, we hanging, we spending nights. I'm at the house and I'm not. He was married. He was married. [00:36:24] Speaker B: Diabolical title. [00:36:25] Speaker C: It's unfortunate. That's where. That's why actions have to be led and followed by titles. [00:36:33] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:36:34] Speaker C: The title don't come first that action. [00:36:36] Speaker B: Comes and I, and I agree. I think that, I think that titles do set the expectation and whatever, but you have to live under those expectations and those boundaries of the title that you're under. And that's why I said like, if you tell me like all we're going to be is friends, I'm going to put you in the boundaries of just being friends. If you're going to tell me, hey, I do want a relationship, but I want to take it slow, then we're going to take it slow. Whatever it is that we. That comes up in this conversation, because it might not be something that's direct. Like, you might not be direct, but your actions are gonna. And through our conversations of getting to know each other is going to be in a. In a place where we're gonna learn. I'm gonna learn what you want through just. Just organic conversation. If you. If we're having good conversation. And for me, if we're not having good. If I can't talk to you, I. [00:37:24] Speaker A: Got a question for you. Being a male, so with the titles, like, how soon should you let a person know, I just want to be friends. I want to take it slow. Or how soon should you. [00:37:37] Speaker B: I think that you should. I think that I'm just. [00:37:41] Speaker A: I dated and since King had a dream. [00:37:43] Speaker B: No, you. [00:37:44] Speaker C: You had a few good dates. You. [00:37:46] Speaker A: That was not a date. [00:37:49] Speaker B: What was another date? [00:37:50] Speaker C: Dating who? [00:37:52] Speaker B: Well, don't use the name. [00:37:54] Speaker A: I'm just saying. [00:37:55] Speaker C: Never say a name. [00:37:55] Speaker A: No, I feel it's like Chicago, New York. That was not dating. [00:38:00] Speaker C: Big Fine. [00:38:01] Speaker A: He is Big Fine. [00:38:02] Speaker C: Big Fine. Big Fine. [00:38:04] Speaker A: Big Fine. [00:38:05] Speaker C: They was all on. Right, Right. [00:38:06] Speaker B: Big Fine. Like, what are we. What are we doing? [00:38:09] Speaker C: They was dating. So you going out to eat? You going on trips? You sitting on that wood? Not that wood. Like, courtside wood. [00:38:16] Speaker A: Oh, okay. I was like. I didn't sit on this wood. [00:38:18] Speaker C: Not wood. No, courtside wood. [00:38:20] Speaker B: He was sitting courtside. Oh, y' all were dating. [00:38:23] Speaker A: I bought the ticket. It don't matter. [00:38:24] Speaker B: Oh, wait. Okay. [00:38:25] Speaker C: Well, it don't matter who. [00:38:27] Speaker B: I mean, if you bought. Well, then that's dating. Cuz you thought that. Yeah, you. You thought. You thought that much of him? You thought that much of him to buy courtside seats? [00:38:36] Speaker A: No. [00:38:37] Speaker C: So what? [00:38:38] Speaker B: Yeah, you did, didn't you were dating. [00:38:39] Speaker C: That's not dating. What's dating? [00:38:41] Speaker B: Say? We say y' all were talking. [00:38:42] Speaker A: No, no, no. Let me say this. This was. We never had gone to eat or anything. We met here in Atlanta. [00:38:49] Speaker B: Okay? [00:38:50] Speaker A: I said, you want to be different? Let our first trip be in New York. [00:38:54] Speaker C: Wait, it was a date. [00:38:55] Speaker B: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. [00:38:56] Speaker A: Let. Our first date. [00:38:57] Speaker B: So who. Who. [00:38:59] Speaker C: She paid for everything. [00:38:59] Speaker A: I did. [00:39:00] Speaker B: Oh, they weren't dating. [00:39:01] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:39:02] Speaker B: She was dating him. He wasn't dating her. [00:39:04] Speaker A: See, I wasn't dating. See, I ain't got it. [00:39:07] Speaker B: No, dating isn't people together. [00:39:09] Speaker A: No, No, I wasn't dating him. That's what I would do. Cause I'm different. [00:39:13] Speaker C: Well, bitch, why you ain't called me? I like. I like being on the Wood. I go to the Wood games here in Atlanta, and we can do that, too. [00:39:20] Speaker A: I just wanted to do this. What I wanted to do. [00:39:24] Speaker C: So is that a day? [00:39:25] Speaker B: Was it. Was it a turning burn or was it a day? They do need to have some parameters here. Did y' all go and stay, or was it a turning burn? [00:39:33] Speaker A: No, we stayed. [00:39:34] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, y'. All. Yeah. [00:39:35] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. [00:39:36] Speaker B: That's more than a date. So y' all getting married? [00:39:39] Speaker C: What. What is dating? [00:39:44] Speaker B: No, because you. You paid date you. Okay, okay. I'm gonna tell you what you. I'm gonna. I'll tell you what you did. You gave him. I'm gonna tell you what you did. You gave him girlfriend. You gave him girlfriend treatment. Who A man who did not deserve girlfriend treatment, I guess. No, that's. That's what. [00:40:02] Speaker C: Girl, that wasn't the only date. [00:40:05] Speaker B: Listen, first off. Let me say that was the first date. [00:40:08] Speaker C: It. Yes. There were more dates. [00:40:11] Speaker B: I need to upgrade. First off. Hey, women. I need to. You need to upgrade your game. If you ain't doing that. [00:40:15] Speaker C: Don't look at me. [00:40:17] Speaker A: Floor. We was like Mary J. BL Was right there. Martha Stewart. [00:40:21] Speaker B: Y' all was at the Knicks game. [00:40:22] Speaker A: Yeah. New York on the floor. Yeah, but that's. I'm not Big mama, too. [00:40:29] Speaker C: Big mama. [00:40:31] Speaker A: Big mama. [00:40:31] Speaker B: What is he doing? [00:40:33] Speaker C: Not V. Ain't about. [00:40:35] Speaker B: I'm just saying, like, you go with me. [00:40:37] Speaker C: We going to be looking the binoculars in the. Unless you mind. I don't give a if I got. [00:40:43] Speaker B: It a doing it. [00:40:44] Speaker C: I don't like sports that much unless. [00:40:47] Speaker B: Dog. [00:40:50] Speaker C: Y' all tell me what And I. [00:40:52] Speaker B: And I'm a Knicks fan. Grew up loving the Knicks. Ain't never been in the. [00:40:56] Speaker C: Maybe next time we'll get him there. [00:40:58] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't want to go. I don't want to. I don't want to go. [00:41:01] Speaker C: We'll get him there. I put $50 on it. [00:41:05] Speaker B: I like standing outside. [00:41:06] Speaker A: I got 1450. [00:41:08] Speaker C: There you go. [00:41:09] Speaker B: Can't. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Don't titles kind of create pressure on the flip side of it? [00:41:15] Speaker A: I believe so. Yeah. Another perspective. Yeah. [00:41:18] Speaker C: You know, no, because a lot of men don't Aren't honest and saying. [00:41:22] Speaker B: Well, because. Because now. Because women don't really want honesty like y'. All. Y'. All. You say you want honesty, but you don't. [00:41:30] Speaker C: Just because we put the Gun to your head after you be honest. Don't mean we can't accept. [00:41:35] Speaker A: See, my thing is. Let me know what I'm dealing with up front. [00:41:40] Speaker B: No, no, no, no. Okay, okay, okay. What's the. What's the objective? What's the. Okay. When I meet you, what's the objective? If I meet you and I'm attracted to you, my objective is to get to know you, to possibly be with you. No matter where my mindset is. I don't know where I am, where we're going, whatever. If I walk up to you. If anybody walks up to you randomly and say, hey, I want to, instantly, that's. But that's. But that's the truth. [00:42:06] Speaker C: Not going to do that. [00:42:07] Speaker B: But that's the truth. Right? Is that not the tr. [00:42:09] Speaker A: You think everybody. That's. [00:42:10] Speaker B: I'm not saying. [00:42:11] Speaker A: I'm just asking. But if you're. [00:42:14] Speaker B: If, If. If. If you. If you are approaching someone, that means that. And nobody can tell me any different if it is a. Like, we're just meeting for the first time. I saw you in a club. I thought you were cute and sexy. That's why I approached you. [00:42:32] Speaker C: I don't know anything about you. [00:42:35] Speaker B: I don't see your personality. I don't see your job. Job. I see you look good. I see that ass in that dress, and I'm trying to figure out how I can get it to do something from the ceiling fan. That what I'm trying to figure out. [00:42:47] Speaker C: Hey, listen, it's a physical. [00:42:50] Speaker A: It's a physical. [00:42:51] Speaker B: Women are too. Women are too. Women are too. [00:42:56] Speaker C: Now that's one thing. [00:42:58] Speaker B: No, I mean, if a guy. You. So you. I'm not saying that. [00:43:01] Speaker C: You want to get my number based off what I. Look at him and. [00:43:03] Speaker B: See what I'm talking. I'm not even saying it. I'm just saying, like, as a generic. Just a physical. It has to be a physical attraction. [00:43:12] Speaker A: Physical. But don't mean for me I was. Ever sleep with you, even though I think. No, I'm saying. No, I'm saying the minute you open your mouth, it's gonna determine if I sleep with you. [00:43:22] Speaker C: You can move your motherfucking hand a certain way. [00:43:24] Speaker A: Yeah. And I'm gonna be like, no, I know. And I'm telling you, 99.9% women know. If we gonna sleep with you. When we first meet y', all. We know it. [00:43:34] Speaker B: See, I've been getting conflicting. I've been getting conflicting things on that because I've heard that, and then I've heard on the other End. I've heard women tell me, grow on me. [00:43:42] Speaker A: I'm not gonna lie. You don't grow on me if I. [00:43:44] Speaker C: Don'T have an instant. [00:43:45] Speaker B: Like you gotta have an instant attraction to somebody. [00:43:47] Speaker C: The first thing is physical. [00:43:49] Speaker A: Yes. [00:43:49] Speaker C: You gotta see something you love. Right? [00:43:51] Speaker A: Minus Wanda, you. [00:43:54] Speaker C: You know what? [00:43:55] Speaker A: I was fixing my anklet. But everything gotta be physical. No. [00:44:00] Speaker C: Remember Ray Charles, physically, how big is that wrist? I got my hand around the first loop. Now I'm going to sit all the way. [00:44:10] Speaker A: Cuz somebody said, Stevie actually got somebody seeing. Cause they said, I ain't never seen Stevie Wonder without a bad chick. How he get all the bad chicks? [00:44:20] Speaker C: Cause somebody next to him saying, she the one. [00:44:22] Speaker A: That's the one. But you got to have some faith. [00:44:25] Speaker C: The first thing I think is always a physical attraction, right? It's what you physically like. And it, it could be anything. Sometimes you can, you can watch a person. Because sexy don't mean beautiful. It's a lot of sexy women that are not beautiful. Like you have some men that are handsome, that are attractive, that are charismatic, that are fine. Like it's different categories of swag, I guess I should say. And the same thing for women. She may have a face like a mule, but a body like a goddess, you know? [00:45:01] Speaker B: And I can't, that's. I can't do that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like I need to be able to be hat like somebody like that. I can't like go into my arm, go out the first physical. [00:45:13] Speaker C: But you might look at her, your boy down there, be like, yeah, yeah. [00:45:17] Speaker B: But I'm not gonna. But I'm not like 25 year old me. Yeah, 40 something me is not, I'm not doing that. [00:45:23] Speaker C: So all I'm saying is the first. [00:45:25] Speaker A: Attraction is gonna be physical. [00:45:26] Speaker B: It is initially. [00:45:27] Speaker A: From there, I think it was the word developed. [00:45:31] Speaker C: You develop what level of interest it is. [00:45:34] Speaker B: No, I get it. But that's what I mean by true. [00:45:36] Speaker C: Sometimes you might say, I just want to. The next time you might say, well, you know what, I just want to take her to dinner. Like, I talked to her a couple times. She interested? [00:45:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:45:44] Speaker C: It builds from there and I think that's on both parts. It definitely starts with whatever your physical initial. [00:45:51] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. [00:45:52] Speaker C: Whatever those attributes are, that gets the wheels turning first. [00:45:55] Speaker A: Because my. Never mind. My daughter's father is not attractive. [00:46:03] Speaker B: He was attractive to you at some point. [00:46:04] Speaker A: No, he was, he was fun. [00:46:07] Speaker B: So 11. You know what, you know what they say? Once I see the grin, I'm in. [00:46:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. [00:46:12] Speaker B: He was in. [00:46:13] Speaker A: He was my dancing partner. [00:46:15] Speaker C: Stop laughing at people because ain't nobody got in. [00:46:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:19] Speaker C: And I be cracking the up. [00:46:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:21] Speaker B: Hey. Once I see the grin, I'm in. [00:46:23] Speaker A: Okay? [00:46:24] Speaker B: So, speaking of words and titles and everything matching up, we have a advice letter. All right, so we got this letter in. It says, dear Relationship Status. My girlfriend and I have been together three years. We have a pet, talk about our future, and have had a solid relationship. Though fights would come up around our social differences. She's outgoing, I'm more reserved, and some so. And I have some social anxiety. Last month, she visited a friend for a weekend and came back saying she had doubts about our future. She says she felt free and thinks I hold her back even if I don't mean to. Since then, she's barely been home, staying at her parents or with her friends, packing more each time she stops by. But when I ask if she's leaving, she says no. Just taking space to make make. Taking space to make us stronger. Now she's asked to block each other for a week while she's at the. [00:47:17] Speaker C: Beach to think, why is she that man? [00:47:20] Speaker B: I want to believe she's working through it, but it feels like she's slowly moving out. I'm crushed, confused, and I feel like I'm the only one still trying. What do I do with someone who says they're still in this but acts like they're already gone? Signed, feeling left behind. [00:47:37] Speaker C: I'm so excited and ignorant when I made that statement. [00:47:43] Speaker A: Yeah. Can we break this letter up? [00:47:45] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah. [00:47:46] Speaker A: Okay. So first of all, I get it. Like, he's more like a homebody. And she's gone, and she's. [00:47:51] Speaker B: She's out, she's outside. Outside. [00:47:53] Speaker A: She goes on a trip, and then now she wants space. Either she slept with some woman or. [00:48:00] Speaker B: Some man she went out with. Dexterity. Yeah, she went out and met whoever. [00:48:06] Speaker C: Got a hold of her. Your relationship is over whether she wants to say it or not. It's hard to tell someone you are no longer there. When you know that person loves you. The best thing you do is pay attention to the feelings. [00:48:17] Speaker A: And, I mean, he's watching her clothes, he watching her take stuff out the house. At this point, I'm thinking she gone. [00:48:24] Speaker C: And it's been going on. It did not just start. By the time a woman start packing, she'd been doing this for a minute. [00:48:31] Speaker B: I'm tell you what. [00:48:32] Speaker A: I think she has so much fun. [00:48:33] Speaker B: She's like, she had. She had big fun with the wretched she had big fun with the wretched. You don't know the ratchet. You don't. You don't. He caught the reference. You got to catch a Cosby Show. Come on, man. [00:48:46] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:48:48] Speaker C: It's somebody else. I'm sorry to report. [00:48:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:51] Speaker C: And even if it's. Let's just go to flip side. Even if it's not somebody else, if someone wants to block you, block. [00:48:59] Speaker A: Why they she for a week. [00:49:00] Speaker C: Why they go, let her go. [00:49:02] Speaker A: Go. [00:49:03] Speaker C: Let them go. All you're doing is hurting yourself more as you stay and you're trying to hang on to what used to be. [00:49:11] Speaker B: And you're not paying attention and it's already done. [00:49:15] Speaker C: Hang on to the memories. Love on the memories, but let go. And the best thing you could do right now is say, oh, yeah, matter of fact, let's not block for a week. Let's block for a month. [00:49:26] Speaker B: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. First time she went, she took a little bit of clothes. [00:49:33] Speaker A: She still. [00:49:34] Speaker B: The second time, she's taking more clothes. No, no, no, no, no. There's no second time. Your clothes will be at your parents house waiting on you. Your stuff will be at the house. Do you need help? [00:49:45] Speaker A: We done? [00:49:46] Speaker B: I got you. [00:49:47] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:49:47] Speaker B: I got you. You ain't got to worry about it. I will rent the suv, pack all your and you can. And we can be at mama house. You ain't got to worry about blocking me. Block me for the rest of your life. [00:49:56] Speaker C: Well, let's say I'm out, okay? [00:49:58] Speaker B: Because I'm out. [00:49:59] Speaker C: Those. Those are great suggestions, right? But we have to empathize. [00:50:04] Speaker B: I don't have empathy. [00:50:06] Speaker C: You really don't. [00:50:07] Speaker B: I. I ain't got it. [00:50:09] Speaker C: And I am a horrible empath. [00:50:10] Speaker B: See, I ain't got. How you gonna. I feel like you empathy shame me and you ain't got nothing. The empathy shade like I don't do the empathy. [00:50:20] Speaker C: Poor person whose heart is broken. [00:50:23] Speaker A: You thinking about as soon as he said she somebody else. You so empathetic like. [00:50:29] Speaker B: Like she didn't read the letter before. [00:50:31] Speaker C: It's the reality now. It's the real. So. [00:50:33] Speaker A: But now you want to be compassion. [00:50:35] Speaker B: Okay, okay. Compassion. You got compassion. [00:50:36] Speaker C: Impulsive too. [00:50:37] Speaker B: Okay. All right. They see that. I give you that. I'll give you that. I give you that. [00:50:42] Speaker C: So the first thing I thought was, oh, she is somebody. I just shouldn't say it out loud. I do apologize. [00:50:46] Speaker B: And no, we're not cutting now. [00:50:48] Speaker C: We're what? [00:50:49] Speaker B: We're not cutting that. Go ahead. [00:50:53] Speaker C: I'm gonna Read the letter again. But now I'm as. As a person who has been in love, who has experienced heartbreak. It is very difficult. [00:51:02] Speaker A: It is. [00:51:03] Speaker C: And it is saddening, and it is very disheartening. So we should maybe approach this one more time in a more empathetic way of not what we would do, but in advising of maybe how he should take the next steps. Okay, so let's try this again. [00:51:25] Speaker B: Okay, so how should I. Okay, I'll approach him like this. [00:51:30] Speaker C: In my opinion. [00:51:36] Speaker A: Man, look, dude, you know how many hoes out here? You over there crying? Over what? [00:51:42] Speaker B: Like, man, like, no, we were magic last night. Okay? [00:51:45] Speaker A: Like, I'm just playing. [00:51:46] Speaker B: I get it. I went through. I went through. I didn't go through this, but I went through a breakup where you're heartbroken. My ex left me, and it was heartbroken. We were together for eight years, and one day she just came and said. And she was like. And in all actuality, you can go back and listen to episode. I'll put it in the description. Me and her actually did an episode on our breakup, but she came to me and was like, yo, I just got this new job. I'm gonna move. And she was gonna move to a different city. This is over and through conversation. She told me that she. We were dating for the first couple of months, and she got pregnant early in our relationship, and she said she wanted to break up with me. She was on her way to break up with me the day she found out she was pregnant. And then when she found out she was pregnant. When she found out she was pregnant, she decided to stay. And that was within our first year of being together. And so, no, she was. She was dishonest for eight years. [00:52:41] Speaker A: Wait a minute. [00:52:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, she probably should have said it then we wouldn't have had another child. But. And I love my kids. [00:52:49] Speaker C: We are disclosing a lot. [00:52:51] Speaker B: No, but I'm. I'm. No, for me, I'm. This is me. Honestly, like, people have heard it. Like, they heard the episodes. They heard the episode. So. And me and her were really candid on that episode about her feelings and everything else. So what I missed was the cues that she wanted to go. And I think he's missing the cues that she wants to be picking up on him. [00:53:11] Speaker C: He just don't want to see. [00:53:12] Speaker B: But he's. But exactly. Because after she left. Yeah, because after she left and I went back and, like, looked at everything and replayed everything in my. Well, first off, I had to get out the bottle because it Hurt me that much that I turned to. Yeah, oh, God. I was coping really, really badly because it just really, really hurt. And so when I came out of that and I started looking at everything that had happened over our eight years of being together, I realized she did not want to be with me. I just did not see the signs. And she's not a person that's going to be like, hey, I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go. Because financially, what she was, what she was used to in her life, her parents took care of her up until her ex husband took care of her up until I took care of her. So until she could take care of herself, she wasn't able to just go. So now she ended up with this good job. Because when we initially met, she had a great job. And then she got. Well, after we started dating, she lost her job. And then it became on me to kind of do a lot. Me and Hustle and this, that and the third, taking care of this family. And then we got one kid, and then she has a kid. She already had a kid, so I got to take care of him. And then I adopted the kids. I had to take care of them. There's three of us, and then she hasn't. Then we have another kid. So it's just a matter of. To me, it was just I didn't see everything that I needed to see, and I think that that's where he is. You get to a point where, like, you just want to see the good in the situation that you have. So you can't see the feel for the trees, and that's how you end up writing the letters. Now. I ain't never wrote no letter. The forest for the trees. What? A field for the trees. The same thing. [00:54:49] Speaker C: I think fields are usually open. [00:54:52] Speaker B: Yeah. You can't see the field for the. [00:54:54] Speaker C: Trees because the trees are blocking. [00:54:56] Speaker B: I think we're off topic. [00:54:59] Speaker A: Y' all got me out here looking at the tree now. [00:55:01] Speaker C: I'm like, can you be empathetic to this listener? I mean, yeah, yeah. [00:55:05] Speaker A: I didn't want to come off as. But reality is, you really hurting yourself. You watching this lady take pieces of clothes. I was in a situation. I watched my baby daddy take a piece here. There. I'm like, where he going? He left with a bag. He didn't come back with the bag. Now I'm looking like, what's missing out the closet also. [00:55:25] Speaker C: You've been through this. [00:55:26] Speaker A: I've been through that. Watching that's torture because you don't want to say you don't want to be here no more, but he did. I wouldn't say he didn't want to fully be there. He wanted to be over here a little, and he want to be over there a little. So he taking clothes, putting them over, some at her house, some at this house. But it's torture watching them clothes go out the door. [00:55:46] Speaker B: And I think another thing too, that I'm getting from his letter, I. I think that she knows how much he loves her and she can't. I don't think that she can break his heart. Like, I don't think that she wants to be the person. I think she wants to do this. So that he ends up breaking up with. No. So that he ends up breaking up with her. [00:56:04] Speaker C: A lot of people do that. It's very difficult to hurt someone who loves you. [00:56:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:56:07] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? [00:56:09] Speaker A: Painful. [00:56:10] Speaker C: Somebody who love you to leave someone that loves you. I. I had to recently kind of go through it, and I'm still. It's still lagging, you know, but for your own sanity, the faster you let go, the faster you move forward. [00:56:24] Speaker B: Yep. [00:56:24] Speaker C: And you are. Is it stifling yourself? [00:56:28] Speaker B: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You are definitely stifling yourself. Yeah. [00:56:32] Speaker C: By being stuck in what you all used to be. And at this point, it has become disrespect. This woman is disrespecting you. The fact that she can come in you all's home, take out clothes, tell you I'm going somewhere and don't contact me for a week is disrespect. [00:56:50] Speaker A: And as the kids say, you playing in my face. [00:56:53] Speaker C: You playing. [00:56:53] Speaker B: That is what the kids say. [00:56:54] Speaker C: She is playing in your face. [00:56:55] Speaker B: That is what the kids say. [00:56:56] Speaker C: Allow this disrespect. Whoever she out there with going to be in the house with y'. All. [00:57:01] Speaker B: And. [00:57:02] Speaker A: And unfortunately, this is how people get hurt. [00:57:05] Speaker C: Yep. [00:57:06] Speaker A: Y. I rather you just gonna take your bag. Let me take this. [00:57:09] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Let me take this L and just. [00:57:11] Speaker C: Take that L, Baby, wait. Sometimes you gotta lose to win again. [00:57:18] Speaker B: But you didn't get the Cosby show reference. Okay. I don't listen to her like that one song. Yeah. If you don't know me, then don't talk to me. [00:57:30] Speaker C: No. [00:57:30] Speaker B: If you don't want me, then don't. [00:57:31] Speaker C: Talk to me, man. [00:57:41] Speaker B: Let's get into the comments. We had some people chime in on all kinds of different platforms. I'll try to get to everybody shouts out to Andy, my assistant coach. He Said focus on yourself. King my boy Doc shouts out to Doc Cairo Sense in Charleston, South Carolina. Make sure you hit him. Cracking backing all right, Daniel. He said, I want to believe that's your gut saying don't believe it. She has already left you. And playing and playing the process on playback. These episodes already aired. Respectfully. Tyrus Young checked in. Said block question mark bro. Move on. Relationships are about compromising. It's okay to be reserved. And it's okay to do things she likes as well. Another question. Did she talk about her trip or more about the doubts? She felt more free because she was out with someone new yet reluctant because it's not familiar. The grass is not always greener, but it's. But it's the fodder that makes it grow. That's food for thought. Your lawn is is fallow because you're not feeding it. Also, you're not fighting for her would be another argument. Pick your poison. Either feed your lawn or the gardener is going to keep going to keep keeping it up. If you catch. If you catch my drift. I think he's saying I think for. [00:58:58] Speaker C: That feed into her. Maybe do more, do more. Fight for. [00:59:01] Speaker B: Be more. Fight for. [00:59:02] Speaker C: People be fighting me dead. [00:59:03] Speaker B: True that you right, Khalil. Cousin Khalil, right. From right here in Atlanta. [00:59:09] Speaker C: Amen. [00:59:10] Speaker B: She's got someone else. She doesn't know how to break it off. I bet this friend, quote unquote she visited was a guy. Let her. Let her fly, bro. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to let her go. Save your sanity. Mo Black. I said join a local gym. Join toastmasters. Get a hobby that involves the outdoors. Get your name off the lease, get your money out those joint accounts. Get on with your life. She left you months ago and she's praying. She's praying P R E Y on your feelings for her. [00:59:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:59:42] Speaker B: Don't be hurt by what she said. Use it to improve the current version of you and become better the better version of you. Won't even look her way. Huh? Okay. My auntie chimed in. I don't know why my aunt. [00:59:57] Speaker A: Hey, Auntie. [00:59:58] Speaker B: My auntie said, hey, I'm 76 and my mom used to say actions speak louder than words. I've seen it and wholeheartedly believe it. If her actions were consistent, then it's time for if her actions are consistent, then it's time for you to believe her actions as the truth. Let her move on and you do the same. Jeff, right from down here in Atlanta as the great use of English told me a long time ago, when someone shows you themselves, believe them. Actions always speak louder. Don't let your doubt hold you back from your next. She already one foot out the door. Take the lessons learned here and be ready when love comes your way. Again, Des, I love you, but I'm not reading that. It's too long. Karen, it's a wrap. She already emotionally checked out before she physically checked out. She definitely found someone else when she visited her friend. Yeah. Shouts out Stacy Huff, the hustler. Said she needs a good peace sign and keep it moving. Last one. Gillespie. David. Brother. Do what she says and do you after you block her. And how does she expect you to unblock each other? Let. Let, like, cut ties and dip. You said what? No, they don't have kids. They just got a dog. I thought they said no. That was me. Yeah, that was me. They just got a dog. We got two more. [01:01:22] Speaker C: Let her take that damn dog too. [01:01:24] Speaker A: That's less responsible. Even more reason. [01:01:27] Speaker B: Once again, if you're on Facebook, join the advice group. Facebook status. I'm sorry, Relationship status. Facebook group. We have a message board in there where they the conversations really start to get wild. But this is really mild. Jordan said she's already removed her spirit out of the relationship. Next is her socks. She's. She's gone dog. [01:01:50] Speaker A: Empty. [01:01:51] Speaker B: Evie, cuz from all the way from. From the PA he said it's a rap, bro. Get some therapy and move on because somebody already clapping them cheeks. Yolanda said definitely just kill it. Slow agonizing pain. I hate when people drag stuff out. It makes it worse. Be honest. Other people were. Pack up. Pack up the stuff. Nia Long and Paula Job. Oh, I'm sorry. That's a whole nother question of the day. All right. We was getting. They was getting into whole nother. Like I said, join the group. But final words, final advice. Start with Shay. Final advice. [01:02:27] Speaker A: As far as titles, we're talking about titles. [01:02:30] Speaker B: Do you agree? We're going back. Original question. Do you agree? Is a title. Important. [01:02:37] Speaker A: Titles, it separates you. But titles without action? No, I'd rather see the action than the title. [01:02:46] Speaker B: Okay, V, I got a different question for you. Can a healthy relationship exist without a title? [01:02:52] Speaker C: Absolutely. [01:02:55] Speaker B: I should have put something else on there. So it was more to your answer. Absolutely. Okay, cool. [01:02:59] Speaker C: That's the easy one. [01:03:00] Speaker B: All right. [01:03:01] Speaker C: So what, you agree with her about titles? [01:03:03] Speaker B: About titles. [01:03:03] Speaker C: I need the action to be there first. [01:03:06] Speaker B: Okay. So, Shay, what did you learn from today's episode? What'd you learn today? [01:03:11] Speaker A: If a Man ever slowly taking his clothes out my house. I'm killing them. [01:03:16] Speaker C: Oh, my God. And she said it here first. Live on reality. Relationship status. Jesus Christ. And we do not. Let's put our disclaimer out. We do not condone the actions. [01:03:35] Speaker B: Okay. [01:03:37] Speaker C: Of murderers. [01:03:38] Speaker B: We do not. [01:03:38] Speaker C: That's more of a snap episode. [01:03:41] Speaker A: No, I mean, besides murder. [01:03:44] Speaker C: Let's maybe a little softer. [01:03:46] Speaker A: What I learned today, you gonna have to do what's best for you at the end of the day. Relationships, you're gonna go through trials, tribulations, people, marriages. You're gonna have to learn how to stick them out. Title, husband, woman, manager, co worker, whatever it is, it's a role that you're gonna have to play. So don't take no title and don't sign up for a title if you know you can't fit that role. [01:04:16] Speaker B: Okay, V, what'd you learn today? What's your biggest takeaway? [01:04:18] Speaker C: I talk too damn much. [01:04:21] Speaker B: I'm gonna do better next time, all right? And what I learned today is Shay be sitting on wood and flying people out. All right, until the next time, y'. [01:04:29] Speaker A: All. [01:04:29] Speaker B: It's racial status. And we are out. [01:04:34] Speaker C: Been on one. [01:04:35] Speaker A: I'm a trick, I'm a trick. [01:04:37] Speaker C: I be tricking. Thank you for listening to another episode of Relationship Status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com, iTunes, Google Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a DM, email us at rel statpodcastmail.com or call us at 843-310-8637. Follow us on Facebook at Relationship Status. Podcast on Instagram and Twitter Elstat Podcast. And don't Forget to comment. Share 5 star rate, subscribe and review.