246th Date: I Stand On Business

[00:00:00] Speaker A: I just would like to go on record and saying that even if I married myself, it would be hard. I've listened to that three times, and that's the same thought that has popped in my head. [00:00:12] Speaker B: I couldn't, I know I couldn't marry. [00:00:14] Speaker A: I couldn't marry me. That's a lot. [00:00:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I, I, I'm, I know. [00:00:18] Speaker A: I'm still okay. There are times where I'm looking at Ferrand and saying, girl, please go sit down. Chill out. It's okay. You're doing a lot. [00:00:29] Speaker B: So do you think that from, from what he said, do you think that you need a partner to fulfill your highest potential? [00:00:38] Speaker A: Yes. [00:00:40] Speaker B: I should answer that in the essay. [00:00:41] Speaker A: Form because that was a. Yeah, you should have. [00:00:44] Speaker B: Yes or no. [00:00:44] Speaker A: Yeah, it was, it was a closed ended question. [00:00:48] Speaker B: Question. Yeah. Okay. Why. Why would you say that? [00:00:52] Speaker A: You should have said why. Why did, why do you be an English teacher, please? [00:00:56] Speaker B: O Jesus. Yeah, we should do a little bit of a different intro, maybe. [00:01:10] Speaker A: Oh, do like, I'mma follow your lead, Henny. [00:01:12] Speaker B: No, instead of us, like, introducing ourselves. Name. Cuz everybody kind of does that. [00:01:20] Speaker A: Y. [00:01:21] Speaker B: Right or wrong. Like, a lot of people go like, hey, welcome to the Sunset Show. I'm such and such. I'm such and such. You can catch us on all. Huh. [00:01:31] Speaker A: So this intro. No, I mean, I think it's a good intro. [00:01:35] Speaker B: You think this one's a good intro? [00:01:36] Speaker A: All right, well, hey, you say they already know who we are. [00:01:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Hey, we're back. [00:01:39] Speaker A: Just taking a lot for granted here. Hopefully you'll put our names up or something. [00:01:43] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I mean, you know, if you watch the Lab podcast, you see our names do show up at the bottom. Like right here you can see our name. [00:01:51] Speaker A: Now you're trying to be funny, and. [00:01:53] Speaker B: Right there you'll see her name. Yes. And we're back again for another episode. And that's when you got podcasting 101, turn your phone on silent. [00:02:02] Speaker A: First off, why do you, why do you never have your phone on silent whenever the podcast starts? [00:02:09] Speaker B: They didn't hear that the last show that was off air work. [00:02:12] Speaker A: And you just put, you said that. [00:02:15] Speaker B: Last time it was off air work that you should not have brought. And that was the past. See, the problem with women is y. [00:02:22] Speaker A: First off, you. You brought off air work on air this time. [00:02:25] Speaker B: How did it. [00:02:26] Speaker A: Because it went off. [00:02:28] Speaker B: True. [00:02:29] Speaker A: Exactly. So that wouldn't even been a conversation past, present, or in the future if, if your phone was on silent. [00:02:35] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. I'm just hoping this thing doesn't Go limp on me. The y'all. [00:02:42] Speaker A: Forgive them. [00:02:43] Speaker B: Trying to get my life together because. [00:02:45] Speaker A: He'S over here on the struggle bus of life. [00:02:47] Speaker B: I am not. I am not. [00:02:48] Speaker A: It's just he has messed with his mic for the last 10 minutes, and it still looked the same way the first time. [00:02:57] Speaker B: I'm trying to get it. I'm trying to get it. So it's. It's straight. [00:03:01] Speaker A: It's. Well, you might need to have a mic or a table on that side then. I don't know how that would work, because I'm not. [00:03:09] Speaker B: Maybe next set. Next. We'll do a different set next time. Next time. Whenever we record. Okay, well, the next episode, you guys see, after this episode, we'll have a different set. [00:03:19] Speaker A: All right? [00:03:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:03:20] Speaker A: Okay. [00:03:20] Speaker B: Yeah. Cuz no matter what, they're not going to miss a week. [00:03:23] Speaker A: Oh, even you know, y'all, he is being shady boots over. [00:03:28] Speaker B: I'm not. [00:03:30] Speaker A: Y'all better not miss no episodes because you won't know our names. [00:03:32] Speaker B: I'm not. [00:03:33] Speaker A: You better not miss no episodes because then you. You won't see the new setup. Y'all just bet I miss no episodes. [00:03:39] Speaker B: Go ahead. What's your name? [00:03:40] Speaker A: I mean, go ahead. [00:03:41] Speaker B: We. [00:03:41] Speaker A: How about. How about we introduce each other the way that the other person introduces themselves? [00:03:48] Speaker B: All right. All. All right, Good. All right, well, co host. [00:03:52] Speaker A: I usually go. I usually go first. [00:03:54] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. [00:03:55] Speaker A: I mean, you usually go first. [00:03:56] Speaker B: No, you usually go first, so you. [00:03:57] Speaker A: Got to go first. [00:03:58] Speaker B: Okay. So over here, my co host. [00:04:02] Speaker A: That is not how. He's doing a terrible job. [00:04:05] Speaker B: No, I'm saying I got. I got to introduce you as. [00:04:08] Speaker A: Go ahead. Hurry up. [00:04:10] Speaker B: Hi, I am Fonda. Wait, wait. [00:04:16] Speaker A: Way more justice. [00:04:17] Speaker B: Welcome to. Welcome to relationship status. Welcome back to relationship status. [00:04:20] Speaker A: I am Fonda, and my name is Yousef. In the building. Emphasis on building at all times. I should have let him do it this time because he actually has his voice back so he could put the oomph behind it that he wasn't able to ask. [00:04:42] Speaker B: Yes, my voice is back. We back in. My voice is back in the building. [00:04:47] Speaker A: You sub and his voice is back in the building. Yeah, he was struggling, and he was making me upset. [00:04:53] Speaker B: It was gone. It was gone last episode. I listen. [00:04:56] Speaker A: It sounded very painful. [00:04:59] Speaker B: It was painful. And you know, the worst part is people want to talk to you. Like, my phone, it rings a lot, but it don't really ring until I don't have a voice. [00:05:10] Speaker A: You don't have a voice. [00:05:11] Speaker B: And then it's like it's painful to talk, but I'm trying to talk, and I'm so. I'm exerting a lot of energy because I'm yelling. [00:05:20] Speaker A: Oh, so you have to. [00:05:21] Speaker B: I have to literally, like, yell. [00:05:23] Speaker A: And so they don't hear that and be like, well, you know, I'm just gonna. [00:05:26] Speaker B: I'm just gonna call you back. [00:05:28] Speaker A: They don't say that. No, they say they got to get their point across. They call for a reason. [00:05:32] Speaker B: You could text me. Well, texting me is kind of iffy. I'm gonna tell you. Oh, you don't talk. [00:05:40] Speaker A: I don't talk. [00:05:41] Speaker B: No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying you don't talk about text being iffy. [00:05:44] Speaker A: No, no. [00:05:45] Speaker B: I text back trying to get this day here together. [00:05:49] Speaker A: And I. I did. I did my part. I told you what time I was gonna be here. That's all. We already had the rest of it planned. [00:05:56] Speaker B: Okay, you're. True, true. But there was no confirmation. I said, okay, then this time, and there was no response. [00:06:02] Speaker A: Am I a reliable person? [00:06:04] Speaker B: I would like to say that you show up when you say you're gonna show up. [00:06:06] Speaker A: So I do what I say that I'm going to do. [00:06:08] Speaker B: I would like to say that you do. [00:06:09] Speaker A: No, like, you've known me for a long time. You can definitively say. [00:06:14] Speaker B: I can definitively say. If you say you're going to be here, you're going to show. [00:06:17] Speaker A: Okay, I told you what time. That's what the time was. Now you try to get slick and change up the time. [00:06:21] Speaker B: I did not try to get slick and change the time. But I was just saying that because there was a window. [00:06:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:27] Speaker B: That we was trying to fit. And I was like, well, and then you said what you said. And I was like, all right, cool. [00:06:31] Speaker A: Yeah, here we are. [00:06:32] Speaker B: And here we are on time. [00:06:33] Speaker A: And I got here on time, even though he messed with all of the equipment for another 30 minutes after I got here. [00:06:39] Speaker B: See? Not see. Now you once again bringing up the past. Just saying, now, this is the past. We back in the past again. [00:06:46] Speaker A: I mean, it's not that far in the past. Not as far enough for it to have expired. [00:06:51] Speaker B: No, you're right. [00:06:52] Speaker A: But, you know, but. But I'm here. [00:06:54] Speaker B: You are. You are here. And the listeners are here. Yes, here in spirit. [00:06:59] Speaker A: Oh, what up, Cl? [00:07:00] Speaker B: What up? [00:07:01] Speaker A: Shout out to DCl. We gotta hear him. Get him back. [00:07:05] Speaker B: Yeah, man. [00:07:05] Speaker A: So y'all can laugh at that business, because that's a whole act all by itself. [00:07:10] Speaker B: Cl's a show by himself. [00:07:11] Speaker A: He is he could be a one man band. I would actually pay for it. [00:07:15] Speaker B: You would pay for it? [00:07:16] Speaker A: I would pay for it. [00:07:17] Speaker B: Okay, so soon. We got Patreon coming up. I mean, CL the one man band. Put that on Patreon. [00:07:23] Speaker A: CL the one man band. [00:07:25] Speaker B: Put that on Patreon. [00:07:26] Speaker A: I'm telling you, I might pay 299. [00:07:31] Speaker B: Either. That's a good point. For a podcast. Patreon. $3. Yeah. $3 a month. [00:07:39] Speaker A: Yeah. No, 2.99. [00:07:40] Speaker B: 2.99. [00:07:41] Speaker A: I want my $0.01 and you want your $0.01. [00:07:43] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. All right. We'll do. We'll do 2.99. [00:07:45] Speaker A: Okay. [00:07:46] Speaker B: On social media. [00:07:48] Speaker A: Oh, Lordy. [00:07:49] Speaker B: On social media. We put out a. A question. It's. We're gonna. Every. Every week I'm trying to put together these different things to kind of bring some spices. [00:07:58] Speaker A: Y'all were doing the most last week, so I don't even know what's gonna happen. [00:08:01] Speaker B: What you mean text from next? [00:08:02] Speaker A: Yes. [00:08:02] Speaker B: Oh, listen. And I skipped a couple. [00:08:05] Speaker A: I'm glad I skipped a couple. They should have skipped it, too. [00:08:09] Speaker B: We got some at the. We got another thing at the end of the show today that's going to be really good. [00:08:13] Speaker A: I'm about to be as surprised as y'all. [00:08:16] Speaker B: Well, first off is a. Would you rather. Oh, would you rather date someone who's perfectly loyal but terrible at communication or date someone who communicates flawlessly but struggles with loyalty? [00:08:30] Speaker A: Oh, baby. We can go to therapy for communication. Give me the loyalty. We can figure out communication, honey. Text a pigeon something. We'll figure that out. [00:08:42] Speaker B: That's what I said too, because I'm horrible at communication. [00:08:45] Speaker A: Yeah. So there's. There's remedies. [00:08:48] Speaker B: Yeah, I. I don't know. [00:08:50] Speaker A: You don't know if there are remedies? [00:08:52] Speaker B: No, I don't. I don't. There's more of a. I don't think there's more of a remedy to communication more than a meeting in the middle. [00:08:59] Speaker A: Yeah. For effective community. And I think communication is different for every effective communication. It looks different for everybody. [00:09:04] Speaker B: True. I agree with you there. Yeah, I agree with you on that one. So we had. We had, like, we had three comments. We had two on Facebook. We had one on Facebook. And then we had. In our Facebook group, message group. We had two. So one was from Casey. I'm a Capricorn. [00:09:27] Speaker A: Okay. Capricorn. [00:09:28] Speaker B: She said none. Don't confuse loyalty with consistency. Flawless communication is nice, but what are the actions saying? Healed is what I want. So my response to that was true. But you didn't answer. [00:09:42] Speaker A: I was about to say, you gotta choose one. [00:09:43] Speaker B: You gotta choose one. [00:09:44] Speaker A: Where's the. Would you rather we ain't asking for the explanation? [00:09:48] Speaker B: Yeah. Yes. So she said, communicates flawlessly but struggles with loyalty. So there's one for that. Next person, Hannah said, communicates flawlessly but struggles with loyalty. Clarify you mean flawlessly communicate lies and deceit. Lol. Perfectly loyal, but terrible at communication. So the perfectly means that they are trying to communicate, but it comes out wrong, or the terrible means they're not even trying? The question is not clear. [00:10:16] Speaker A: First off, these dissertations that y'all are writing, I'm gonna have to see these to process. Okay, I get it. [00:10:24] Speaker B: I get what they're saying. They're saying. Which word are we keying on? [00:10:28] Speaker A: The perfectly loyal or the. Communicates flawlessly. [00:10:31] Speaker B: Yeah. Is it perfect or flawlessly or. Or is it loyal or communication? I think we're more focused on do you want a person that's loyal or communicates well? [00:10:39] Speaker A: Well. And I think, like, this is something that is also up for discussion when we're talking about loyalty is. I think loyalty for women means something different than it means for men. [00:10:48] Speaker B: O. I need you to suss plain. [00:10:52] Speaker A: Because for women, I feel like it means, you know, I. I'm. I'm faithful to you. I'm devoted to you. You are. You're my. It. You're. You're. You're the thing. Okay. And for men, it means I come home. [00:11:09] Speaker B: What? [00:11:10] Speaker A: It means I come home. I might. I might do other things on the road, on the route to getting home, but I come home. And this is my. This is my priority. This is, you know, where it is that I am committed, quote, unquote. But I might. [00:11:28] Speaker B: What's the quote unquote like? [00:11:30] Speaker A: Because we really do committed. If you're. If you're out here doing random things. [00:11:35] Speaker B: Okay. What do you consider if I'm loyal? It's not just coming home to you at night. It's being loyal to you. You can trust in me to do right by you in all aspects. So why is it that. Because women are more shadier than guys when it comes to loyalty. Y'all. Y'all are more loyal to your friends than you are to the guys. Yeah. [00:12:01] Speaker A: First off, you must not have experienced a really. I have, you know, multiple times sold out woman. [00:12:08] Speaker B: I have. [00:12:09] Speaker A: Because women will go to the ends of the earth and scorch it on the. When they are. They're in, in, in. Now. If they're not, then of course, they Might be loyal to any and everything but you. But if they're in there. [00:12:24] Speaker B: So. So because. So, because. Excuse me. So because a man does not scorch the earth, I don't show his loyalty. [00:12:34] Speaker A: I won't say that men don't because. [00:12:37] Speaker B: It'S not outwardly shown. Then that means that they're not loyal because. [00:12:42] Speaker A: No, I just told you what loyalty for men sometimes means. [00:12:46] Speaker B: We come home. No, but you're. But this is to say that they've been doing other things that. That are not. [00:12:52] Speaker A: But you're my number one. [00:12:53] Speaker B: But are not deemed loyal because I. [00:12:56] Speaker A: Mean, that's where that mentality of you're my number one comes from. Like, I am going to be loyal to you in the sense of no one else is coming before you. I'm not going to. You know, there's. You're at the top. You don't have to have anybody compete with you. [00:13:16] Speaker B: You're over my job, you're over my friends. You're over. [00:13:18] Speaker A: No, I'm talking in. [00:13:21] Speaker B: If you're talking about. [00:13:22] Speaker A: In purposes of a person, that's cheating fidelity. [00:13:25] Speaker B: We're not talking about infidelity in this question. We're talking about just plain. [00:13:29] Speaker A: I think that loyalty means something different for men than it. Because I think that a cheating man will still call himself loyal. [00:13:36] Speaker B: No. [00:13:37] Speaker A: Yes. [00:13:37] Speaker B: I don't know one that. That would. [00:13:39] Speaker A: Yeah, you do. [00:13:41] Speaker B: No, I don't. I personally don't know. I do not know one man that will call themselves loyal if they were cheating. [00:13:47] Speaker A: What's the next. Would you rather. Because we only got one. [00:13:50] Speaker B: I mean we only had that one. We got more people made comments. [00:13:53] Speaker A: Okay, well what was the next comment? [00:13:56] Speaker B: Cousin to cousin to the show. Evie said, I'll take the loyalty. Communication can be worked on. [00:14:01] Speaker A: I'm with you, girl. [00:14:03] Speaker B: Evie's a boy. [00:14:04] Speaker A: Boy, man, man. Sir. [00:14:08] Speaker B: Tiffany said, for me, loyalty is non negotiable. It provides a. It provides a foundation of trust and emotional safety that allows love and grow to grow and purpose to flourish. Someone who communicates well but lacks loyalty may use words to manipulate or mask their actions. But a loyal partner, even with communication challenges, will always act in love and integrity, ensuring I never have to question where I stand. [00:14:36] Speaker A: You need to write a book. Who wrote that? [00:14:40] Speaker B: Tiffany. She's in the Relationship Status Chat. Make sure that you join Relationship Status Chat. If you want to get invited, make sure you email us. R E L S T A T podcast. Gmail.com. email should have just popped up on the screen. [00:14:53] Speaker A: Oh, Tiffany, that was beautiful. [00:14:55] Speaker B: But it doesn't explain more. So. [00:14:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:58] Speaker B: What you were saying. [00:14:59] Speaker A: It does. [00:15:00] Speaker B: Okay, then. So that means you were wrong. [00:15:01] Speaker A: No, it doesn't. [00:15:02] Speaker B: Yes, it. All righty, then. [00:15:05] Speaker A: Two things can be true at the same time, Youssef. [00:15:08] Speaker B: I don't believe so. I don't believe so. For Rhonda. [00:15:12] Speaker A: Me, let me call you a Trinidadian name. You Seth, Y'all here calling him you stuff is you set? See it like his grandmother. Something wrong with you saying two things can be true at the same time point blank in the period. [00:15:31] Speaker B: All right, all right. Well, let's get into speaking of growth and all of that. Let's get into our topic. [00:15:40] Speaker A: Why are you laughing? [00:15:42] Speaker B: Because. [00:15:43] Speaker A: What did I do? Nothing calls you your name. Oh, Lord. Y'all, he's struggling with this technology again. [00:15:52] Speaker B: A wife helps a man fulfill his potential, which means a man can be more with a wife than without a wife. And by the way, if you are going to be married, it is going to be hard sometimes because, number one, you did not marry yourself. In fact, you probably married the opposite of yourself. And opposites attract until they attack. Yes. [00:16:29] Speaker A: I just would like to go on record in saying that even if I married myself, it would be hard. I've listened to that three times, and that's the same thought that has popped in my head. [00:16:42] Speaker B: I know I couldn't marry myself. [00:16:43] Speaker A: I couldn't marry me. That's a lot. [00:16:45] Speaker B: Yeah, I, I, I'm, I know I'm. [00:16:48] Speaker A: I know myself. Okay. There are times where I'm looking at Ferrandi and saying, girl, please go sit down. Chill out. It's okay. You're doing a lot. [00:16:58] Speaker B: So do you think that from, from what he said, do you think that you need a partner to fulfill your highest potential? Yes, I should answer that in essay. [00:17:11] Speaker A: Form because that was a. Yeah, you should have. [00:17:13] Speaker B: Yes or no. [00:17:14] Speaker A: Yeah, it was. It was a closed ended question. [00:17:18] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. Why. Why would you say that? [00:17:21] Speaker A: Yeah, you should have said why. [00:17:23] Speaker B: Why did. [00:17:24] Speaker A: Why do you be an English teacher? [00:17:25] Speaker B: Please. Oh, my Lord Jesus. [00:17:27] Speaker A: Okay, and say what now? Why? [00:17:30] Speaker B: Yeah, why? [00:17:32] Speaker A: Wait, what? Why would. [00:17:34] Speaker B: Why would you say that? Why do you think? Because I don't think you need a person to fulfill your full potential. [00:17:39] Speaker A: I think I forgot the question. Okay, here we go. I think that you need. And now I'm sounding like I'm really writing essay. I think that you do need a person to support you in fulfilling your highest potential, because you can't do it by yourself. They're going to be. There's going to be people that help you no matter what. And so your help me is a specific and unique position that somebody holds that nobody else can and will hold that will help you to make that unique contribution. I've actually just been reading a book. It's called Our Purpose is Calling by Pastor Darius Daniels. And he talks about your unique contribution. And everybody has a unique contribute contribution, their highest thing that they have to fulfill here on earth. And you know, and he talks about, like, the process that people kind of go through in order to do it. And everybody does it at different points in time in their life, but we all naturally are gravitating towards whatever that thing is. But yeah, like, how much easier is it to have. Have a help me. How much easier is it to have somebody? [00:18:44] Speaker B: I think outside, I think someone alongside you helps to make your life better. I don't know if they help you reach your own personal highest form of potential. Yeah, I think that, yes, they can give you a boost or a push. But what about those people? Or be some form of motivation. But what about those people that are intrinsically motivated who get up with that grind on their mind like, yo, I'm gonna do this, this, that, and the third, I'm gonna be the best person that I can be. Yeah, I'm not necessarily saying. The only reason I don't agree with it is I don't think I need a wife to fulfill my. My, My. My highest potential. We should say potential now. If you want to say better quality of life, then maybe in certain aspects, because sometimes. Okay, can miss me with some of it. [00:19:26] Speaker A: But first of all, you're getting a wife. You're gonna get all of it. Okay. [00:19:29] Speaker B: I'm just saying, I. All I'm saying is in some of that, the apprehension I think for some to get married is all. Is. Is not necessarily the advancement or the happiness that's going to come from all of their life. It's the other stuff that may come along with it with that person. [00:19:47] Speaker A: But. And I. And so here's the thing. I there. Whenever you do marry someone or whenever you're in a relationship with someone, they reveal parts of you to yourself that you didn't necessarily know were there all the time. You know, as we talked about it on the last podcast, we're, you know, both older and so we know ourselves and have been with ourselves all of our lives. And so we've had a lot of time to get to know who we are, what we like, what we don't like, what's going to work, what's not Going to work. But I think the uniqueness of people is that they offer a perspective or a vantage point that we don't always have in our own lives. Like, we have blind spots. And I think that those blind spots have to be revealed. They have to be, you know, shown in order for us to, number one, confront them and then, number two, you know, be able to overcome them if there's something to overcome or tap into them if they are a. A treasure that we didn't even realize that we. We needed to have or that we had. So I think, like, that's why I say that a person or a wife or even a husband. I mean, I know he's specifically talking about a wife, but I think that either one. The. One of their purposes is to support you in fulfilling whatever your highest potential is. [00:21:09] Speaker B: But that not. And that brings us back to the last episode where we talked about support and a person supporting a person, and how long do you support said person and all of that? And I think that. So do you think marriage changes how long you do help this person reach their highest form of potential? [00:21:29] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, first off, how. How often have. Have women heard the saying, you know, don't be doing wifey things for a boyfriend? Right. Because it. The wife title does change things. It changes timelines, it changes commitment. It changes, you know, how much I'm willing to put forth what I'm willing to give. And so, yeah, a thousand percent. I think that it. What I'm willing to support you in as a girlfriend is not the same of what I'm willing to support you in as a wife, is it? [00:22:02] Speaker B: Because you could always be out. Yeah, but at this age, shouldn't it be, yo, I'm a girlfriend? Like, we're on the track to get married. I'm with you as a girlfriend because we're on track to get married. So shouldn't that give some form of leeway in the sense of, okay, I know he's not there yet, or, I know she's not there yet. How long is that? [00:22:25] Speaker A: What do you mean? [00:22:25] Speaker B: Like, in that. In. In that stretch. Okay. Like, I was engaged at one point, and it was engaged for, like, five years, you know, like. [00:22:33] Speaker A: And it's a long engagement. Yeah, because you knew anyway. Go ahead. [00:22:38] Speaker B: No, I was fine. She knew. Like, she knew. She didn't want to. [00:22:42] Speaker A: Okay, somebody knew. [00:22:43] Speaker B: And it didn't manifest itself until. Because I straight up said I was like, you know. You know, you ain't want to get rushes. Yeah, I didn't. [00:22:50] Speaker A: I didn't how did that make you feel? [00:22:53] Speaker B: I was good. [00:22:54] Speaker A: I was, I mean, was this after it was over? Yes. [00:22:57] Speaker B: I mean, we cool. So, like, to me, I, I, the breakup hurt, but in retrospect, you go, well, why did the breakup really hurt when you knew. When you knew to a certain degree she didn't want to be there? And it was just the time that was put. Because sometimes we go, hey, I have all this time spent, so I'm gonna stay. Because the time is spent. And the longer you stay with this time, the long, the worse off it becomes walking away or the more difficult it becomes to walk away. And I think that in that sense. [00:23:33] Speaker A: Because you're going through a divorce. [00:23:34] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:23:36] Speaker A: I mean, you might have to go through the courts in order to do it, but you are. Yeah. You're going through a divorce. [00:23:41] Speaker B: And it's difficult when you've seen something and you're like, yo, you know, I could see my life going somewhere with this person. I know what, I know where I wanted to go. And it just, it doesn't get there. So. [00:23:54] Speaker A: Yeah, but I think, like, that's why we have to be careful to not give girlfriend, boyfriend, or give wife husband privileges to girlfriend and boyfriend situations. Because if it does not materialize into becoming girlfriend boyfriend, I mean, a wife husband, then you've risked so much that you can't get back. Yeah. Of yourself, of your heart, of, you know, all of these things. Which is why. Why are we being engaged for, for five. Why we being engaged for two years at this point? Like, we know. [00:24:31] Speaker B: Okay, well, how long. How. Okay, let's take it, let's take engagement off the table. How long is it in. And we get the cheese. We got off topic. But how long is it. How long is it a. How long should a relationship be before you walk away? How long is it really? How long is too long for a relationship? [00:24:50] Speaker A: Girlfriend, boyfriend. [00:24:51] Speaker B: Girlfriend, boyfriend. [00:24:51] Speaker A: Without being married or without being married at. [00:24:54] Speaker B: Now this is, this is on this. [00:24:56] Speaker A: Big age than I am. [00:24:57] Speaker B: This is on. And this is on the. That both people were on the same page the entire time. Cuz sometimes, you know, he been in a relationship for two years, she been in it for six. [00:25:09] Speaker A: I just figured out I like you for real. We can go ahead and start this right now. [00:25:14] Speaker B: Or vice versa. Or vice versa. You know, he been in the relationship eight years and she'd been in it for two. [00:25:21] Speaker A: For one, first off, no, usually that is the man that just decided yesterday. And I'm in my head what you mean? I thought we Been here. So, yeah, I think at the big age that I am right now, six months to a year. [00:25:38] Speaker B: A relationship. Six months to a year before an engagement. Yeah, the engagement. A year or less. [00:25:43] Speaker A: Yes. What are we doing? [00:25:46] Speaker B: No, I'm just. I. All I did. [00:25:48] Speaker A: What about you was asking. I want to know your timeline. [00:25:51] Speaker B: I don't have one. [00:25:52] Speaker A: You got a timeline? [00:25:53] Speaker B: No, my timeline is when the time is right. Like when I feel. [00:25:56] Speaker A: How. How long do you think that it takes a man to know or. Or at least be 85. Sure. [00:26:05] Speaker B: Because I've been. No, because I've been on. I've been in two ends of the spectrum. Yeah. One first time I got engaged, I didn't know I wanted to marry her until there was. She ended up in a car accident. And that was three years off and on. Three, maybe four years off. Just being off and on, off and on, off and on. Off and on. Drama here, drama there, drama here, drama there. The next person is about a year in. So I don't know, a year. Maybe a year and a half in. So I've been on the longer side of it, and then I've been in relationships that lasted a long time, and. [00:26:52] Speaker A: But I'm saying now that you are. [00:26:53] Speaker B: Didn't get to that. I don't know. I, I still go with. [00:26:57] Speaker A: You are. [00:26:57] Speaker B: I'm still leaning on the. When I feel it. I think when I, When I. When I'm like, yo, there's always a moment. I think for men. No, I, I, I don't know. For every man. [00:27:11] Speaker A: Y'all might convince yourselves. No, I think it's. [00:27:13] Speaker B: I think it's different. I think it's different. Like, I think that the. The. That time is that moment. That aha moment. That's something that goes. I could spend the rest of my life with her. [00:27:24] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:25] Speaker B: I think that when. When. And I've had those moments in different timelines, and at my age now, I can only lean on my experience. I was wrong the first two times, my guy. So of course. Of course, for me now, I've been wrong the first two times. [00:27:40] Speaker A: So for me now, helping me right this third. Third time's charm. [00:27:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:27:45] Speaker A: You gonna get it right this time, sir. [00:27:46] Speaker B: Yeah. What I would hope is that I. I either get that feeling early or I'm able to recognize the feeling, if that makes sense. Because it's my. It's my feelings. Have. Have. What's the word I'm looking for? Have deceived me before. My superpowers have deceived me before. [00:28:11] Speaker A: So here not your superpower. Cause there ain't no superpower if it deceived you. [00:28:14] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:28:15] Speaker A: So let's not call it that. [00:28:17] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I mean, you know, my feelings have deceived me before, and I've been wrong. Well, if I. If I turn and. But that's where I am now is I'm being extremely logical. [00:28:30] Speaker A: I mean. No, no, no. I say be extreme in nothing. [00:28:33] Speaker B: No, I'm just saying now I'm being. Well, it got to be a balance. I am being logical, trying to take my feelings out of stuff and being for real about my feelings, which make it difficult to be like, okay, that's it. You know what I'm saying? That's the moment. That's when I feel it. That's. You know, I've had. I had a conversation with my friend, right? He's. He's about to get married. [00:28:53] Speaker A: Congratulations. [00:28:54] Speaker B: Congratulations. I'll be at the wedding. [00:28:56] Speaker A: You're gonna be in it? [00:28:57] Speaker B: Nope, not in the wedding. [00:28:58] Speaker A: Oh, you're gonna buy. But it's to go to the wedding. [00:29:00] Speaker B: I am. [00:29:01] Speaker A: Okay. I am gonna rent it or buy it. [00:29:03] Speaker B: I'm gonna buy. No, I'm not in the wedding, so I'm not renting. [00:29:07] Speaker A: So why you can't buy tux if you was in it? [00:29:10] Speaker B: No, I have a tux that I own. [00:29:11] Speaker A: Okay. Not for his wedding, but. All right, go ahead. [00:29:14] Speaker B: I have a tux that I own. And then when I was engaged, I had bought my suit for the wedding. Okay, that's still hanging in. [00:29:20] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Y'all had plans. All right. [00:29:22] Speaker B: Yeah, it was plans. It was plans. And even though she bought her dress and all. [00:29:27] Speaker A: But you said he was talking to your friend, huh? [00:29:29] Speaker B: Yeah, I was talking to my friend. And. And he. He said he just looked over. They've been together. They. They have a kid, been together for a while. He said he just turned over one day and was like, I'm gonna go buy a ring today. He went. Bought a ring, set up some stuff, and went ahead and got engaged for him. His aha moment, it came to him. Laying in the bed, rolled over, seen her, and was like, yo, you know, this is. This is it. Like, what more so. What more could I want in a person? [00:30:02] Speaker A: So I got two. I have two comments here. The first thing that I. I am coming to realize and understand about relationships is. [00:30:11] Speaker B: Nice nails. [00:30:12] Speaker A: Thank you. I got them done the other day. [00:30:15] Speaker B: Yeah, see, you didn't got no space in it, so I know they just got done, but. [00:30:19] Speaker A: Go ahead, Yousef. Sit over there and be quiet. Okay, before you get on timeout, anywho, what was I saying? Oh, the first thing is that most relationships or not even just, it's like multiple choice. You've taken a multiple choice test before. [00:30:39] Speaker B: And got it wrong too. [00:30:41] Speaker A: Specifically taking like the SAT or some other standardized test, there are always good choices and then there's the best choice. So whenever you see something that says the best choice on a multiple choice test, there me that means that there are other choices that could be plausible, it could work, but it's not the absolute best choice for the answer to the question. That's what relationships are. And I think a lot of times we're, we're out here searching for the one that's gonna beat us upside our head and be like, oh, the heavens have opened. This is the one. I don't have to question anything because I know that this is it when most times that's not even how it, how it works because there's a billion something odd people on this planet. There's not one good person for you. I think there's one best person for you. And so that's why I say like, that balance between logical and emotion has to. It has to be a nice blend there because, you know, you can make it work with a lot of people, but who is going to be the best person for whatever it is that you have going on in your life? And I think like, that goes back to that original question then around, you know, the, the fulfillment or the reaching your highest potential. And I think like, that sometimes is the missing piece. That's the, the part of the puzzle that kind of starts to fit when we're talking about best. Right. Because I can get along with you. We can have a lot of things in common, we can enjoy hanging out. But if. If I can't serve you and you can't serve me in a very specific way that is based off of, for me, you know, my spiritual growth as well as my potential here on earth, then that's where it starts to kind of waver a little bit. And I can get between the, oh, you're good for me. You're fine. But are you the best for me? I don't know. [00:32:33] Speaker B: Okay, and your second one. [00:32:35] Speaker A: Oh, I don't know. I forgot. [00:32:36] Speaker B: You forgot. [00:32:36] Speaker A: I should have written it down. [00:32:37] Speaker B: Yeah. Paper and pen. [00:32:40] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. I don't have any. I mean, I could have typed it down on my phone. Maybe it'll come back. [00:32:45] Speaker B: Yeah. And when it does, we'll make sure to address it. But he also, there was A part where it says opposites attract until they attack. Do you think. What. What is your thoughts on. Do you. Do you agree with that opposites attract? Because I don't. [00:33:00] Speaker A: You don't think opposites attract? [00:33:01] Speaker B: I do not. I do. I do not think that what a positive and a negative make what a negative. Exactly. [00:33:13] Speaker A: I think I had to think about that. [00:33:14] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:33:15] Speaker A: I don't do math. [00:33:16] Speaker B: Wait, hold on. A negative and a positive make a negative, right? [00:33:19] Speaker A: Negative, yes. A negative positive. [00:33:21] Speaker B: Right. And a positive and a positive make a what? [00:33:23] Speaker A: Positive. [00:33:24] Speaker B: Bingo. [00:33:25] Speaker A: But this ain't a math equation. These are. [00:33:26] Speaker B: Men lie, women lie, numbers don't. I'm just saying. That's why I don't really. [00:33:32] Speaker A: I think your dad jokes. [00:33:35] Speaker B: That wasn't a joke. I mean, but that was. That was. That was a very. That was a very logical. [00:33:40] Speaker A: It was very. [00:33:41] Speaker B: That was very logical, very intelligent and very logical. [00:33:44] Speaker A: Wrong thing. [00:33:45] Speaker B: How is it the wrong thing? [00:33:47] Speaker A: Because I don't think. [00:33:48] Speaker B: I don't think. [00:33:49] Speaker A: I have never been with a person that's exactly like me. I'm not saying exactly like you or like me. Everybody that I've talked to been with the polar opposite. [00:34:00] Speaker B: Are they the polar opposite of you? Can you be with somebody that's the polar opposite of you? [00:34:04] Speaker A: They are the opposite of me in. In the ways that I will allow somebody to be the opposite of me. [00:34:10] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:34:12] Speaker A: But they're the opposite of me in. [00:34:14] Speaker B: In. But in certain spaces, not in. Okay, let me ask you a question. I'm pretty. You. You. You're. You're very active in your church. [00:34:24] Speaker A: Okay. [00:34:25] Speaker B: Yes, you are. [00:34:28] Speaker A: Okay. [00:34:28] Speaker B: You're active in your show. I'm gonna say very. [00:34:30] Speaker A: I am very active in my spirituality. [00:34:33] Speaker B: Okay, well. Spiritual walk with God. [00:34:35] Speaker A: Yes. [00:34:35] Speaker B: And it did. [00:34:37] Speaker A: I believe in the higher Jesus. [00:34:39] Speaker B: Could you be with someone who's not? [00:34:41] Speaker A: No, Exactly. That's. [00:34:43] Speaker B: Carry on. [00:34:44] Speaker A: First of all, I didn't say that they didn't have anything that we didn't. [00:34:47] Speaker B: Have in common, but that's a part of being in the things that count. You're opposite in the things that count. I think when you're talking about opposite. [00:34:56] Speaker A: The same thing as the man on this here doggone thing. [00:34:59] Speaker B: Okay, I am not. [00:35:00] Speaker A: Yes, you are. [00:35:01] Speaker B: Opposites do not attract. [00:35:02] Speaker A: Opposite do attract. Because there's. [00:35:05] Speaker B: There's. [00:35:06] Speaker A: There's something in you most times that attract. That I'm attracted to that I don't have. And. And opposite. [00:35:14] Speaker B: Okay. [00:35:14] Speaker A: There's something in me that, you know, the other person is attracted to because they don't have that thing Like, I. You can't. You can't just be with somebody. And I won't say, because there's no one who's exactly like somebody. So, I mean, his point is kind of valid just by the natural way of order of things, because everybody is. Is different. [00:35:35] Speaker B: And that's why I say. I don't really agree because in the. I'm talking about in the things that matter to you, that really matter to you. Like you said, things in common. You gotta have things in common that are not opposite or that are not opposite of what you. [00:35:52] Speaker A: But there are people out here. [00:35:54] Speaker B: I understand. I understand. [00:35:55] Speaker A: Even the good Lord Jesus that I. [00:35:58] Speaker B: Still couldn't get down with because the attraction is not there. Or you might not like other parts of them. All right. [00:36:06] Speaker A: Or I might not like how. How, okay, spiritually handle things. I don't know. [00:36:10] Speaker B: Top three things that you have to have in common with a person for it to work. [00:36:14] Speaker A: That have to have in common. [00:36:15] Speaker B: Yeah. Top three things. [00:36:18] Speaker A: Okay. Spiritual walk with the good Lord Jesus. Children want them, love them, Gotta have them. Like, just love children, just in general, because if you don't love children, then you're okay. And then the third thing would be educated. And when I say educated, I don't. I don't mean, you know, you gotta go and have gotten all of the degrees, but that you. You like to learn, you like to grow, you like to read. I mean, yeah, like you. You like to grow and expand your perspective. You're not. Have a. You don't have a fixed mindset around how things are. You're open to change. [00:37:01] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. So in those. [00:37:03] Speaker A: What about you? Before you ask me another question. [00:37:06] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh, it's. I thought this was the Youssef part of the show. [00:37:10] Speaker A: Yeah, I didn't know that because I didn't see that segment. [00:37:12] Speaker B: Okay. All right, so my top three things is. Needs to have some form of spirituality. [00:37:19] Speaker A: I need you get more specific. [00:37:21] Speaker B: Well, I've. I've dated in many different realms of religion, different types of religion, so I understand that we all have our own different relationship. And whatever you feel comfortable doing, if you got to go to church every Sunday, that's you. If you go to the Jehovah Whitten hall, that's you. You go to the mosque, that's you. I don't care where you go, as long as you're going, or I don't care who you pray to. Allah, Yahweh. I don't care what you do, as long as you're doing it with Somebody, somewhere, somehow I have. Because I have my aunt. Even though I don't actively go to church. Like, I tell people, I. I got invited to a church here in Florence last week and gotten. We all have to stand in the area after school and we all talking. It's like, coach, you go to church? I was like, yeah, I just gotta know. I said, I'll go. I just need to know what time the sermon. What time the sermon is. [00:38:18] Speaker A: Are you gonna leave during the sermon? [00:38:19] Speaker B: And it was like, why? I was like, I just want to come for the message. I don't want the message. And to pay my tides and I'm out. I don't. I don't. I don't want to do the praise and worship. I don't want to do the. The altar call. I just want to come put my money in the envelope, listen to the message, and go home. Like, if there's a podcast, and I'm sure it exists somewhere. A podcast that was just sermons. [00:38:39] Speaker A: Oh, yes, I would. All preachers have podcasts. [00:38:42] Speaker B: Not all. Not the one I'm trying to sign now. He need one. [00:38:45] Speaker A: I mean, well, I'm saying, like, that's a. That's a wave now. Like, that's something that folks are going towards, especially since now church is recorded. [00:38:53] Speaker B: For the most part, and that's what I'm saying. So, like, if I could do just that. Like, so I do that at home. [00:38:58] Speaker A: I'll send you somebody. He's dope. [00:39:00] Speaker B: Yeah, send me one. My aunt sends me scriptures every morning, and when she sends it in the morning, I'd stop what I'm doing, whatever I'm doing. If I'm on a car on the ride, I pull over to the side, I read it. I'm being. I'm being dead serious. I'm being desert whenever it comes through. Because sometimes she. Before I leave the house, a lot of times it's after I have to work. And so sometimes when I'm at work, I have to run out to diff. Run some errands while I'm at work, and so I have to stop and read it. And I meditate five seconds, say a prayer, and then I'm going to take five minutes. But that's. I don't care what they do. I just want them to have. [00:39:35] Speaker A: Okay, that. Y'all. We still on number one. [00:39:37] Speaker B: That's one. [00:39:37] Speaker A: Okay. What's two? [00:39:38] Speaker B: Two is they gotta love kids for the obvious reason. And whether they want kids or not is up for discussion. [00:39:49] Speaker A: Why you want more kids, Yousef? Nora said Be fruitful and multiply. So. [00:39:55] Speaker B: No, we can, we can, I can have more children. [00:39:58] Speaker A: Why do you keep laughing when you say that? [00:40:01] Speaker B: But we're going to have an agreement in place that I'm going to write out. I'm not changing another diaper. [00:40:08] Speaker A: Well, then y'all ain't having no kids. [00:40:10] Speaker B: Well, there we go. [00:40:13] Speaker A: That's the only thing I will. And feed the baby and rock it to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night to console it. [00:40:22] Speaker B: None of these things are true. [00:40:24] Speaker A: They're true. [00:40:26] Speaker B: And then. Because at first, for a while there, I was out on it completely. I would not give another one. Forget that. But now I'm realizing that some. [00:40:38] Speaker A: Oh, my. [00:40:40] Speaker B: This is what happens when it's connected to the thing that sometimes I, I, I might. The person I end up with or end up marrying may want a child. [00:40:54] Speaker A: Oh. [00:40:54] Speaker B: And that's. I'm not doing it without being married. Okay, that's, that's not happening. [00:40:58] Speaker A: All right. [00:40:59] Speaker B: We will be married before we even, before we even talk about having this child. [00:41:05] Speaker A: And I will tell whoever he's going to marry, the kid ain't gonna look like you. Sorry, carry on. He has, he has very strong genes. [00:41:15] Speaker B: Just be gorgeous. And then I think the third thing, and it. A hustler's. Hustler's mindset. I think that I'm the type of person who I see idea. I like idea. I go after the idea. And I'm always, and I'm, I'm always trying to find will to grow, to build to other streams of income. I'm always trying to find these things out because I don't want to be working a 9 to 5 for the rest of my life. I want to find something that's going to make residual income, something that's gonna, that I'm gonna enjoy doing for I enjoy my job now wholeheartedly. I, Where I work at now is the best place on earth. When you're talking about a job to have to go to, every day, people be at my job, be like, I don't like, what are you complaining about? [00:42:10] Speaker A: Everybody does not have the job that you have at your job. [00:42:13] Speaker B: Hey, hey, hey. No, hey. [00:42:15] Speaker A: I'm just saying, like, you asking these folks what they have to complain about. [00:42:18] Speaker B: They don't got any complaint about me. [00:42:19] Speaker A: You don't have anything to complain about. [00:42:22] Speaker B: And I shall not. Or things you complain about usually get taken away. Okay, so, but no, they need to have some hustle, some grind, some ingenuity. Some want for advancement. Don't Be. Don't be like complacent with where they are trying to make moves forward. So those are my three things. Some type of. Some type of spiritual walk. We got it. As you said, which yours has to love. Has to love kids. Because I have and you know, and my kids kind of love instantly. So if you come into my life, my kids are my kids. [00:42:54] Speaker A: You got a lot of extended kids. [00:42:56] Speaker B: Yeah, and then I got. Then there's the extended kids. Then, you know, the extended kids, a whole nother list of. Of of people. And then of course, Hustler's mindset. So that would be my top three. [00:43:09] Speaker A: Okay. [00:43:09] Speaker B: And so my question in that was. See, I don't forget my questions. You see what I'm saying? My question in that was in those top three. Nobody can be opposite in those top three. Could they? [00:43:21] Speaker A: In those top three. But they might not be opposite in, in the top three as far as like they have those attributes, but they could be opposite of me and how it is that they go about pursuing those things or wanting those things. You know, I. Cause I think about. I'm a very introverted person most times. Most days, if you ask me a. Would you rather is gonna be to be in the house watching tv, chilling, eating something by myself or, you know, if it's with people, it's a very small intimate group of people. Um, but most people that I attract are the complete opposite of that. Um, and. [00:44:09] Speaker B: But how does it. But it, but it does it does it. But you're not married to as we know. So it hasn't worked to date. [00:44:18] Speaker A: Well, I, I won't say that it hasn't worked. That just wasn't my best. I. I honestly think that the person that I end up marrying is going to be an extroverted person. Um, I don't. I just get a very strong sense because I mean, I didn't dislike that quality about them because it pushed me, you know, to that point that we made earlier around a person being with someone that's going to support them in meeting their highest potential. That person. And you said it like being able to push you and support you and help you to see things that you might not be able to see. That quality usually does push me in a way that if we both introverts, we going to just be sitting there looking at each other. [00:44:58] Speaker B: But I don't know if. I don't know. An introvert doesn't necessarily have to like being in the house. They may not just be. [00:45:04] Speaker A: They just don't get energy from people that's true. [00:45:06] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. They just don't have to be in the house. They could be out the house. They could like going out, or they might be an extrovert, extroverted person. Could like being in. But not really. [00:45:19] Speaker A: I'm saying I'm trying to think of an extroverted person. [00:45:21] Speaker B: I would like to. I would like to think I'm an extroverted person. [00:45:23] Speaker A: Yes. [00:45:24] Speaker B: But, like, I'm not going to the. [00:45:26] Speaker A: Club at first off. That ain't the only place to go. [00:45:30] Speaker B: Excuse me. I might. I might go to have. I might go to a bar. Might. And even these. You ain't never home because I'm always on the road. [00:45:38] Speaker A: Okay. [00:45:38] Speaker B: And then if I'm. I'm out there in three places. Work, work on the road, this studio or home. So it's. And. And on the road is usually related with work. So at the end of the day, like, everything, like, that's the thing. [00:45:57] Speaker A: I would not be able to. My life could not be set up that way. I would break down, break down. Like, literally, like, you would probably find me in a corner somewhere, rocking back and forth after a while because it's too much. Like, because even with my job now, it's. It's a lot of moving and. And sometimes, you know, being this place and that place, and there comes a point where I give it maybe about two, three weeks that I can go straight and it's, you know, go, go, go, go, go. But on that sixth day of that third week, there is something that turns off in my brain. And it's like, either you go sit down or I'mma sit you down, because my body does not. I can't. I have to go refuel. And me refueling is taking time to myself and being in, you know, my. My comfort zone, my safety place, which is either my house or my mom's house, and just letting myself recharge because I've given too much at this point. [00:46:59] Speaker B: Well, I think because, like, I know me, today was the first day I was in the bed till nine in forever. I can't even remember last. I was just in the bed. Yeah, no, like, didn't get up, move around, shake around, do something, went edited something, or went. Created a graphic, you know, went watch film just in the bed, watching Gangs of London then. And then eventually Tom came, and then I got up, I ate some and got back into bed. And I felt. Until I got. Took a shower, got dressed, and left the house. I felt so unaccomplished. I felt like I did nothing. I Felt like I wasted a day. I really feel like I wasted the day away. [00:47:49] Speaker A: You know, it's funny because I was actually watching a podcast. I can't even remember this guy's name. And I really wish I could because I would give him his credit. But that's what he was talking about, how somebody was telling him that he is too much of a hustler. Like, there's two to you and. And all of your thousands of endeavors. Like, there's never a time that he is not grinding and going after something. And he said that, you know, folks were telling him that he was doing too much, that, you know, he need to sit down, he need to chill out. And he said that he tried for like a month or two months, and he felt like he was going crazy because ideas don't stop just because you sit and steal. Exactly. And, you know, and so it's like, I'm wasting time. I'm wasting time. I'm wasting time. And so he came to the realization, like, I'm wired this way. So anybody that I connect with is going to have to be able to accept this wiring and not see that something is wrong with me or I need to, you know, die down or. [00:48:47] Speaker B: And I think that. [00:48:48] Speaker A: Kill pieces of myself. [00:48:49] Speaker B: I think that that's where I've struggled with people. No, I think these days you gotta be specific with women. This is where I've struggled with women is I think that whether you believe it's right or wrong, it's just how I'm wired. [00:49:11] Speaker A: Right. [00:49:12] Speaker B: It's just kind of. [00:49:13] Speaker A: And I think sometimes. Cause, you know, and tell me what your. Your thought is in this, because whenever I see people like that or, you know, even see people like you often question, where does a woman fit? And I know there's the whole, like, if you want something, then you'll make time for it and all of that stuff. But how do you curtail or carve out or make a significant amount, a significant enough room for a person to be, you know, an intricate part of your life? Especially if they have their own things going on, too. [00:49:48] Speaker B: I'm gonna say it as I'm gonna answer this so honestly. People, hold on to your hats. [00:49:52] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. [00:49:53] Speaker B: Hold on, hold on. [00:49:56] Speaker A: Cause people just don't have on no head. [00:49:58] Speaker B: No, no. People that were just perked up, they want to hear what my answer is. [00:50:01] Speaker A: Hold on to your head. [00:50:02] Speaker B: Yes. Hold on to my hat. [00:50:06] Speaker A: I don't. I don't know how many for you to figure that part out. [00:50:12] Speaker B: I don't know I honestly don't know. Because you know how people say you change for the right person or you this. That I don't think I can change. I don't believe I can change. I believe. [00:50:31] Speaker A: Not that part of yourself. [00:50:32] Speaker B: No, not that part of me. I don't, honestly. Because I'm gonna end up miserable. I'm gonna end up resenting whoever I've. Whoever I've tried to change that part of myself for, or they are gonna end up resenting me because I have not fulfilled my promise to make time or whatever. Like, I almost. And I almost have this thing where it's like, if I have the time, I have the time. If I don't, I don't. And I understand that about me. Like, I understand that. And so it's been difficult for people to be with me because I'm always on the go. I'm always doing something. I don't have time to just. I don't have time to lay there and just talk. You know what I'm saying? I. Damn it. I don't have time to talk on the phone, because I don't. Because, like, any downtime I do have is taking up with something with my kids or talking to my kids on the phone. Got two in college and one about to graduate. To go to college. Yeah. [00:51:41] Speaker A: So, I mean, she's out here being great. [00:51:43] Speaker B: Great. One about to graduate. She want to be a teacher. [00:51:45] Speaker A: I told her, ma'am, don't discourage her. [00:51:49] Speaker B: This is not what we decided. When you went to school. When she. No, when she went to school, what she said was she was gonna be. [00:51:55] Speaker A: She don't have the right. [00:51:55] Speaker B: She wanted to be a forensic scientist. [00:51:58] Speaker A: And she has the right to change her mind. [00:52:00] Speaker B: And in true English fashion, they showed her what that curriculum was. She was like, okay, think I'm gonna. [00:52:06] Speaker A: Go be a teacher. [00:52:08] Speaker B: True English fashion. Other one's in theater. She's majoring in theater. And this one that's about to graduate, she wants to major in business. She wants to open up her own coffee shop. [00:52:19] Speaker A: Oh, look at the proud papa. [00:52:21] Speaker B: Yes, yes, yes. I told her she does what she's supposed to do. Daddy will invest. [00:52:26] Speaker A: Okay. No, let me know. Let me invest too. I'm trying to get this residual income, you know, I gotta do nothing but exist, and money is hitting my account. [00:52:35] Speaker B: She wants to open, like, a coffee. Like a coffee shop slash bookstore. [00:52:40] Speaker A: Oh, okay. I'm here for it. [00:52:42] Speaker B: I like to come in and read. And it's. It's something like a mix between where they would pretty much when they put a Starbucks inside of a Barnes and Noble. But she wants it to be more intimate. Yeah. With waitresses and stuff like that. [00:52:56] Speaker A: I like this. [00:52:57] Speaker B: So it's a dope idea. I think I shouldn't have put it out there in the world, but don't want nobody else take it. [00:53:02] Speaker A: Well, first off, she doesn't know where she's gonna do it yet. [00:53:04] Speaker B: Yeah, no, she don't. She don't. But. So my phone rings all day, whether it's. Whether I'm talking to high school coaches, college coaches, teachers. [00:53:17] Speaker A: So what I'm hearing you say and all of this that you're saying, like, it's. [00:53:22] Speaker B: I'm just saying, like, so, man, when I'm done, talk, like, if I've been talking all day, it's like, even when you were a teacher, even when I would like an in class teacher talking all day, I don't want to come home and talk. [00:53:34] Speaker A: But it's. [00:53:34] Speaker B: I really don't want to have nothing to say when I go home. [00:53:36] Speaker A: But it sounds like, hey, how you doing? It sounds like you're. Hush, sir. I thought you were tired of talking. It don't sound like it right now. [00:53:46] Speaker B: Except for when I'm on my podcast, because this is fun. This is. This is relief. This is my therapy. [00:53:52] Speaker A: Okay, go ahead. But it sounds like your. Your dreams and your aspirations and your drive might railroad your partner if the partner is not the right partner for you. And it. And it honestly sounds like it doesn't need to be somebody who has. Trying to figure out how to say. [00:54:11] Speaker B: This and their own stuff going on. [00:54:13] Speaker A: No, not. Because first I hope they have their own stuff going on because then that'll be a whole other different set of issues, but where they can kind of tie themselves more neatly to what it is. That. And be a true helpmate in all the things that you have going on. Like, they might have their things, but it's. You are the, like, headliner of the show. [00:54:39] Speaker B: If. [00:54:39] Speaker A: Does that make sense? Because I don't want to be. Want that to be. They want that to sound. [00:54:44] Speaker B: Yeah, no, no, I get what you're saying, but I'm. I'm not trying to be the headliner of this show, but you. [00:54:50] Speaker A: Because, because you, You're. It's going to take so much energy. The relationship is. Is going to require so much energy to either fuel you, refuel you, or be taken out from you. [00:55:03] Speaker B: Well, that's why I don't really ask. I don't act. I. I try my. I try my hardest not to Ask my partner for anything. [00:55:11] Speaker A: What. How does that work? [00:55:12] Speaker B: No, I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I try not to ask for help with anything. Like, if you decide to help, then you just decide to help. Like, I'm not gonna go. [00:55:20] Speaker A: In order for you. [00:55:21] Speaker B: I'm not gonna go. [00:55:22] Speaker A: Part of your life. [00:55:22] Speaker B: I'm not gonna go, hey, baby, can you. Can you do this? That. And the third. I'm. If I do. If I do, it is a dire need. Hey, I got to be here. My son got to be over here. Do you mind dropping them off? Like, stuff like that. Like, that is even painful for me. [00:55:38] Speaker A: But that's what I'm saying. I think that the person. I think that the person is actually going to be equipped because they are going to be. They're going to gravitate and be attracted to what it is that you have going on and see a place for them in it. So it won't even necessarily have to be a. Will you help me? It'll be more so of a seamless, natural. This is my contribution to. This is my. You know, my position in what it is that you're doing. I think about Kev on stage and Melissa. [00:56:12] Speaker B: I mean, they've intertwined their lives. [00:56:14] Speaker A: Yeah, very neatly. But she had to give up a whole lot whenever he decided to go main or, you know, entertainment and all that kind of stuff. But she's done a great job of finding her niche within what he has going on and creating her own stuff now, like, being her own brand. But. So, yeah, I can. I can see you being a Kev on stage and having a Melissa. [00:56:40] Speaker B: Well, yeah. [00:56:49] Speaker A: You. First off, what were you gonna say? The way you cut yourself off like that, it's like you lost hope or something. I don't know what happened. I got hope, friend. Like, it's gonna happen. [00:57:08] Speaker B: I was going somewhere, y'all. [00:57:10] Speaker A: You. Some. Some love. Let them know that there's hope still out here in these. These crazy streets. All right, well, now you ready to close it? You ready to go to the last segment, y'all? [00:57:21] Speaker B: Yep. Last segment. [00:57:24] Speaker A: That happened quickly. Escalation. Okay, what's the last segment today? [00:57:32] Speaker B: All right, last segment today. Let's say today. Hello. It is called the X Files. [00:57:38] Speaker A: Oh, gosh. [00:57:40] Speaker B: Come on, now. All right, so basically, the X Files is anonymous stories that we've got people to. [00:57:53] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, this one. We gotta give advice. [00:57:55] Speaker B: Yeah. It's not advice. It's not an advice letter. We're just gonna. Basically, we're just Gonna talk about. We're gonna make some comments about it. All right. [00:58:03] Speaker A: I'm scared. [00:58:06] Speaker B: Why are you so scared? [00:58:07] Speaker A: Because these are never like. It's always just a messed up situation. [00:58:10] Speaker B: Go ahead and I mind you, I have. I'm trying the. I'm opening up the chat now. I haven't read any of them. I just know that they're in there. [00:58:18] Speaker A: You supposed to vet that. This is where there's no telling what we gonna get. [00:58:23] Speaker B: I can hear Ciel saying that now. [00:58:27] Speaker A: Ciel, get your boy. [00:58:28] Speaker B: Okay. All right. Here we go. This is called. This person entitled it the Memory Eraser. We were together for two years. Whenever my partner brought up something painful, like a time I missed their birthday dinner, they insisted it never happened at the time. They missed another person. I'm sorry. [00:58:47] Speaker A: Oh, they was gaslighting out here. [00:58:49] Speaker B: Yeah. It never happened. You're making things up. I would say rolling. They would say, rolling their eyes as it. As I pressed harder. He was irritated and said, why? Why are you so obsessed with the past? I told you it didn't happen. Over time, I began doubting my own recollections. [00:59:08] Speaker A: Oh, new run for the heels. Do not turn back. [00:59:16] Speaker B: So the question I got. [00:59:19] Speaker A: Sheesh. Knowledge made you question your situation? When somebody started making me question myself on something that's that big. [00:59:25] Speaker B: Yeah. After being. [00:59:27] Speaker A: My memory is terrible. So if I remember something, then that means it happened. So you ain't about to have me out here thinking I'm going need to go to the loony band because you don't want to own up to your stuff. Okay. [00:59:38] Speaker B: This dude. [00:59:38] Speaker A: What's the question? [00:59:39] Speaker B: It's like the Jedi mind trick. [00:59:40] Speaker A: I'm like, he is. He has. He has powers. He has abilities. He's connected to a source, not the right one. [00:59:47] Speaker B: So what strategies could some. Could she have used to take to document, like, an event when dealing with a person like this? What. What type of strategies do you think that she can use to document events? Like put a calendar on the refrigerator. [01:00:04] Speaker A: First off, in this day and age where receipts are queen and king, I have receipts, honey, for all things very. Look, I'm gonna take it to the workplace. Very little should be done. That's not in writing. Okay. Because I. I there. But the thing is, like, if you got to go through all of that, why are we together? Because what. You know, you went at that dang on birthday dinner. What happened? Who was there? What color was the cake? What flavor was it? What did we eat? Who was sitting on my right? Like, you. You know, you Know good and well you weren't at that party. [01:00:43] Speaker B: All right, next one is the roller coaster romance. We're running out of time. We'll do one. One or two more. In the first month, my boyfriend, my girlfriend was writing me overwhelming love notes every hour. Surprise gifts, declarations of forever. The. Then she moved across the country to be closer to me. Six months in being here, she vanished. No calls, no text. Vanished for days. When I reached out to her, she accused me of being too needy and jealous. A week later, the love bombing returned. Long messages about being soulmates, Tears over missed family. The cycle repeated for a year before I left. [01:01:23] Speaker A: Well, first off, at first I was about to ask you, well, is she still alive? Did you check on them? She's still breathing, but apparently she's still breathing. I don't know, man. [01:01:35] Speaker B: It's love bombing. Like people say. A lot of you talk about love bombing, but have you gone through it? [01:01:43] Speaker A: It's a lot. It's exhausting. Like, when I say it's it, it is the. Let me go on record in saying, guys and girls, if you're the one that's doing it, that is the biggest turn off ever in life. Like, it's and. And love bombing for me isn't necessarily I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. It's. I want to be with you. I know that you're the one. I know that this is going to be forever. And we just been talking for two days. Like, what did I do to make you know that? You haven't seen me be angry yet. Like, there is no way. So, yeah, no love. I can go on a whole rant about that. We won't do that because we don't have enough time. But just know. Dial it back, people. Dial it back. [01:02:28] Speaker B: We'll do the rest of them on the next episode because we are out of time. So what did you learn today? [01:02:33] Speaker A: Oh, so much. I. I learned your top three non negotiables. [01:02:40] Speaker B: Non negotiable. [01:02:41] Speaker A: It's just those are your. You. I'm not word smithing with you today. But yeah, so I. I learned that. Let's see, what else did I learn? I learned that. Yeah, I didn't. I. Everything else, I pretty much already knew that you need a person to help you get to your highest potential. [01:03:04] Speaker B: Okay. I learned that me and Feronda are different in many ways. [01:03:12] Speaker A: Oh. [01:03:14] Speaker B: So. No, but for real, I think I learned. I think I might have come over to the side that you. You may need a person for your potential to reach your full potential. I'm still kind of iffy, so. But, like, for all everything else, I already knew I stand on business. [01:03:35] Speaker A: I mean, but that was the whole premise of the show. So that means that you. You learned something big today. [01:03:39] Speaker B: Yeah, I stand on business. [01:03:40] Speaker A: Oh, okay. [01:03:41] Speaker B: All right, y'all. Make sure you join the group. Relationship status advice group on Facebook. You can go ahead and find it. Just type in status advice group. Make sure you follow the page. Relationship status on all social media platforms. Make sure to follow me on social media. You can't follow Ferranda because she's not going to pay you no attention. [01:03:57] Speaker A: Well, that's not exactly true. [01:03:59] Speaker B: She. She's. [01:04:00] Speaker A: I'm on a little bit of a high. [01:04:01] Speaker B: She's on a. [01:04:01] Speaker A: She's on a hiatus, so you can follow me. [01:04:04] Speaker B: You can. You can follow. Yes. Her social media should be popping up there somewhere. And of course, follow the show at. R e L S T a t podcast on all social media platforms. Yep. R e L S T S T. [01:04:17] Speaker A: A t R e L. Yep. [01:04:18] Speaker B: R E L Oh. S T A t podcast and email us. R e L S T A t podcast. [01:04:25] Speaker A: They got it. [01:04:26] Speaker B: Dot com. Huh? [01:04:27] Speaker A: Huh? [01:04:27] Speaker B: No, see, that was email us. The first one was follow us on social media platforms. [01:04:31] Speaker A: Y'all things too long, my lord. [01:04:35] Speaker B: On that note, goodbye until next time. Peace.