229th Date: Taking Accountability

[00:00:12] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship status. It's your girl, neat Cruz. [00:00:15] Speaker B: And your boy, hoy, Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms as well as relationshipstatuspodcast.com. If you want to join the conversation, email us. Relstat [email protected] follow us on all social media platforms. Relstat podcast Nick, you caught me right. [00:00:33] Speaker A: As I was about to burp. [00:00:37] Speaker B: My bad, my bad. Well, when people hear this, it's going to be 2024. [00:00:43] Speaker A: Yeah. It'll be the new year. [00:00:44] Speaker B: The new year. What's your plans? For those who don't know, we're recording on New Year's Eve. [00:00:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:00:49] Speaker B: So what is your plans for tonight? What you got planned? How you bring it in the new year? [00:00:55] Speaker A: I plan on being at a bar, being surrounded by people, not turned, just enjoying, just the scenery, people around laughing. Not by myself. [00:01:07] Speaker B: Okay. I can feel that. Boyfriend? [00:01:12] Speaker A: No, he's home. [00:01:15] Speaker B: No, I'm saying you're not going to do together. [00:01:19] Speaker A: No, he couldn't come home this weekend. [00:01:22] Speaker B: Okay. [00:01:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:23] Speaker B: I didn't know he lived out of town. [00:01:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:25] Speaker B: Okay, well, happy new year. You're going to FaceTime. You're going to do the cute shit. Facetime. Happy new year. You don't kiss the phone. [00:01:33] Speaker A: No. He's going to say, that's so corny. No, I'm not doing that. [00:01:38] Speaker B: Kiss me through the phone. [00:01:40] Speaker A: I'll be trying to be trying to. [00:01:42] Speaker B: Get him to do it. Yeah. [00:01:42] Speaker A: He'd be like, that's so corny. No, I'm not doing that. If he's drunk, I can really get him to do a lot. He'd be like, okay, but when he's aware, he's alert. [00:01:52] Speaker B: No, we got to get him on the show, man. Need to bring him on in. [00:01:56] Speaker A: I tried. [00:01:57] Speaker B: You got to bring him on in. Come on, sir, we would love to have you. Come on. We have yet to have. Well, you and Cl, matter of fact, the both of you. [00:02:12] Speaker A: We have to have. [00:02:16] Speaker B: That would be an episode. If we could get her on with Cl, that would be so much fun. [00:02:23] Speaker A: That will be. That would be his best behavior. [00:02:29] Speaker B: Like, no, I don't know. [00:02:31] Speaker A: No. What you about to say? [00:02:33] Speaker B: The one thing I could say is the same person that sits here. He is the same exact person in. [00:02:39] Speaker A: His relationship all the way around. [00:02:40] Speaker B: He's the same exact person in his relationship, his interactions with his lady. It is the same exact person. Which makes me how long we've been doing this. This is about to be year five. [00:02:53] Speaker A: Year four. [00:02:54] Speaker B: Year four. 2019. It's about to be 2024. Yeah, we started in 2019. [00:03:00] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [00:03:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Five years. Coming up, February 14, we'll make five years of this podcast. And in five years, Cl had the same lady, has spoken of her dearly, has never mentioned anything else, never said. [00:03:15] Speaker A: Anything ill about her, never said anything. [00:03:17] Speaker B: Ill about her or his relationship with her. And I think that that's extremely respect. It gives me a lot of hope. [00:03:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:22] Speaker B: Gives me a lot of hope that one of these days somebody will take a chance at some point. Somebody take a chance. You learn a lot. [00:03:35] Speaker A: You had a birthday yesterday. [00:03:36] Speaker B: I did. And talk about ups and downs. [00:03:42] Speaker A: New beginnings. New beginnings. [00:03:44] Speaker B: Listen, nigga, today, excuse my language, today. [00:03:46] Speaker A: Is a new, is a new day. [00:03:49] Speaker B: It's one of those things where, well, first off, shouts out to one of my friends and my kids, they surprised me with, had some gifts and stuff. I didn't expect it. [00:04:06] Speaker A: That's good. [00:04:07] Speaker B: And then they took me to lunch, which was cool. So that was cool. But I was supposed to go out with some of my homeboys and they dropped the ball on me. I was supposed to go out with them. No, this is like, we're supposed to have like midday drinks in Colombia. [00:04:24] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [00:04:27] Speaker B: Once again, I talked about a little bit about off air, but the daytime thing was supposed to be, hey, we're going to meet up for some drinks after you go to lunch with your kids and blah, blah. So I get to the place, and it's only one of my boys there. So I'm texting everybody else, yo, yo, we on the way, we on the way, we on the way. And we on the way turned into never come. I ain't going to be able to make it. I ain't going to be able to make it. So I'm like, man, let me just. So we have a drink. I leave, I go to the fireworks stand, work the fireworks stand for a little bit. Then I said, I never get myself anything. Took myself shopping because I was supposed to go do something, and everything in my mind told me not to do it, and I did it, and I was so fucking disappointed. Excuse my language. I got to beat that out. But I was so disappointed. Now I'm not celebrating my birthday until next weekend because I'll be so busy. So I knew this time of year, my birthday is always like a celebration the weekend after. And then Meer and Edison weren't here, so they come back. You're able to celebrate with every I'll be able to celebrate with all the kids. The cake is for them. [00:05:50] Speaker A: Because I'll be ready to get rid of my kids. [00:05:51] Speaker B: Because my daughter was like, daddy was the cake. Was the cake. Was the cake. I was like, your brothers ain't here no cake. We're going to wait till they come back, and then we'll blow out all the candles. But she's like, 16. What are you worried about a cake for anyway? So this morning, I woke up, sat on the edge of the bed, and I looked in the mirror, and I was just like, I always go against my. I won't say go against, but whatever my first mind is to do, sometimes second guess it, and then I make the wrong decision. And I was like, that was 2024. [00:06:34] Speaker A: About to be about making better decisions. [00:06:36] Speaker B: Just better decisions or going with my. Going with my gut. I think that's what's going to be. My thing is going to be going with my gut. I'm not saying I'm influenced by people, but sometimes I'm like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this one thing, and then other people will give me reasons as to why. And it's not anything detrimental or anything that's crazy. I'm going to do something illegal or some nonsense like that. But it's like, I could go home. No, don't go home. Go. [00:07:08] Speaker A: Come out with us. [00:07:08] Speaker B: Yeah, come out. Let's do this. [00:07:10] Speaker A: Do that. Nope. [00:07:11] Speaker B: And then I go, and it's like, I could have been at home. Like, it's literally could have been at home. And then last night, prime example. So this morning, I'm on my way, and I look on Snapchat. My boy Ross shouts out to DJ phenom. He's at dizzy crab, djing and probably having a ball. Having a ball. And so I hit him. I said, bro, I should have came with you. I should have came with you last night. And he was like, what'd you do? [00:07:42] Speaker A: And I was like, it's a long story. [00:07:44] Speaker B: All I said was, bullshit, and that was it. And I was just like, man, I think we saw, like, people pleasing. [00:07:54] Speaker A: A part of it is people pleasing. [00:07:56] Speaker B: Because one person that taught me into doing something, it wasn't even doing something with them. It was about they thought they were. [00:08:03] Speaker A: Helping me push you. [00:08:05] Speaker B: Push me to do something out of the box. And that wasn't it. Not that pushed me out of my comfort zone, so to speak. I'm too old to be pushed out of comfort zones. [00:08:19] Speaker A: Stop telling people what you're doing. [00:08:21] Speaker B: That's the next thing. I got to stop telling people what the hell I'm about to do. [00:08:24] Speaker A: Yeah. Because they were like, oh, I don't like that. Yeah, I don't like that for you. Let me suggest something exactly. And it doesn't go the way that they thought it was going to go. Like, oh, I'm sorry that happened. Oh, wow. Well, maybe next time. [00:08:38] Speaker B: Yeah. And then last thing and then we're going to move on. So I have absolutely no fashion sense. Joggers and suits. When it comes to professional suits, suits to go out in and then joggers and hoodies. [00:08:58] Speaker A: But, like, getting dressed up to go. [00:08:59] Speaker B: Out jeans and getting dressed up to go at. I ain't got it. So yesterday I said, I'm gonna buy myself some stuff. So my niece Aria and her friend Jada are working the fireworks stand. They're sophomores, juniors in college, I think. And so I said, I'm gonna go buy myself an outfit. So I came back to the stand. I said, did you get it? I said, yeah. I said, I don't think I did a good job picking out my clothes. They was like, well, ok, Yoshi, let us look and let us see. So I take out the sneakers, the jeans. Well, I took out the sneakers and my hat. The hat to match the sneakers. They was like, oh, that's good. Those are dope. And then apparently there's a trend of ripped jeans now. [00:09:42] Speaker A: Yeah, that's the big thing. [00:09:43] Speaker B: That's the thing. Well, I bought a pair. [00:09:47] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [00:09:47] Speaker B: I actually bought two pairs. They was on sale. [00:09:49] Speaker A: Oh, hello. Buy one, get one half off. [00:09:51] Speaker B: Yeah, it was like, I got two for like 70. And they were both like, priced at like 90 something dollars. And I got one. And when they rang it up, I was like, between the sneakers, the hat and that, that shouldn't be the price. He was like, oh, yeah, the hat and the jeans are on sale for half price. Yeah, let me go grab another one. So I grabbed another one. So then they was like, so then what jeans do you have to go with this? So I pulled out the jeans. That's fire. I was like, I did good. [00:10:27] Speaker A: This is a tire that y'all wear. [00:10:29] Speaker B: Out there, so I can go outside in this. Jada was like, I thought you was going to pull out something out of there. And we was going to tell you, Uncle Yoshi, you take that back to the store. But nah. So that was good. I bought myself something for my birthday, so that made me feel good. [00:10:45] Speaker A: That's always good. [00:10:46] Speaker B: Yeah. And then my kids are coming and I have all my kids next weekend and we're going to do something there, but that's dope. [00:10:53] Speaker A: Make sure you go out for yourself, though. [00:10:54] Speaker B: Yeah, I am. [00:10:55] Speaker A: Redo your weekend. [00:10:56] Speaker B: Oh, no, this is a definite redo. And there's a phone call I'm making when I leave the studio and I'm cussing her out. You know who you are. You know who you are. [00:11:09] Speaker A: She had good intention. [00:11:10] Speaker B: No, great intent. [00:11:11] Speaker A: Great. [00:11:13] Speaker B: No, she had great intention. Love her to death. [00:11:15] Speaker A: Tell her about your night and be like. She might even say, you know what, I apologize, but don't curse. [00:11:26] Speaker B: But we're getting into 2024, and my question is, first off, let's start here. Neat, because we all go with resolutions into the new year, and I don't like resolutions. I don't like resolution. I think the older you get, you just be like, no resolution. Let me just. Whatever lifestyle change I'm going to make, or whatever it is, and you keep it to yourself. [00:11:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:47] Speaker B: So I don't want to talk about that, per se. We'll get to some couple of stuff later. But for this sense to start off, what did you accomplish this year, 2023? Was it any growth? Was it anything that you accomplished you're extremely proud of? [00:12:01] Speaker A: Hell, yeah. Accountability. [00:12:03] Speaker B: Okay. [00:12:04] Speaker A: Yeah, I hold myself accountable. Accountable, accountable more now than I ever did. It helped me take a step back and really look at myself, how I treat people, how I allow people to treat me, how I allowed people to dictate how I felt, how I was scared to disappoint people and disappointed myself making bad decisions, trying to please everyone else. So, yeah, this year heavily was about accountability. [00:12:37] Speaker B: And you were able to accomplish that per se. [00:12:40] Speaker A: Major. [00:12:43] Speaker B: I'm more was going, I'm going to say for those of us, we're a very transparent podcast here. Me and Nick don't always get along. [00:12:52] Speaker A: No, we don't. [00:12:54] Speaker B: Off air. We a lot of times don't get along sometimes. But there's been some growth in you this year that I've seen that I think, and I've grown to this year that allowed our friendship to kind of go back to where it was when we first started the show and a lot more respect for one another in this sense. [00:13:13] Speaker A: It fixed our chemistry. [00:13:14] Speaker B: Yeah, it fixed the chemistry on the show big time. And I think it's through what you said, that accountability piece for yourself, because I went through that sense as well. What am I doing here? And it wasn't just me and this relationship we have. It was more. So everything around me was that same thing. Like, am I being accountable for my decision? My own actions and decisions and things like that, whether it's financial or it's lack of relationships or romantic ones or even, like, my job, I made a drastic job change. And I think this is the one thing I'm extremely proud of this year. I've been in coaching since 2005. I was a student assistant. It was my senior year in college, and I was a student assistant basketball coach, and then I was a grad assistant, and then I was a girls b team coach to a JV coach. So you're talking about since then to today, all coaching kids came up in coaching. [00:14:30] Speaker A: That's almost 20 years of coaching. [00:14:32] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. And we're not even talking about before I came to school, just coaching little league basketball when I was young, stuff like that. The classroom piece of my job was the one thing I really didn't enjoy. And then basketball, high school basketball, because I still do a summer basketball with Cl. [00:14:53] Speaker A: Travel. [00:14:54] Speaker B: Yeah, travel ball. But the school high school basketball is so intense and intensive, and there's so much work that goes into getting those kids to college. So many things you got to do on the court and off the court that it was kind of taking my time away from some things that were important. So have a great season. Last year, we go to the lower state. We weren't supposed to go, we beat Wilson there. [00:15:23] Speaker A: We go by 15. [00:15:24] Speaker B: We beat him by 15. But anyway, that's beyond the point. But at the end of the season, my daughter calls me. She's in college. She's a freshman. Well, she's a sophomore now, but she was a freshman last year. And she goes, dad, you spoil me. And I said, what are you talking about? And she says, I can't date no boy shorter than six foot. I said, what is you talking about? I've always been around basketball players, vacations, basketball. We go to Orlando. We go here on tournaments. And when I come for Christmas, you got a basketball tournament with the high school. So I've always been around basketball players. I can't date nobody who's shorter than six foot. This boy is cute, but he's your height. Daddy, she's not even that tall. She's your height. So that was one thing. [00:16:13] Speaker A: And then, like, your children are dictating their lives now around it. [00:16:18] Speaker B: And so I look at my sons and my older one, Amir. We almost lost a game. We won it in, like, double overtime. At the end of the game, he's, like, shaking and in tears. We're wrong. We almost lost. We almost lost. We almost lost. And I was like, so after that, then I'm looking at and go, this thing is really affecting your life. My life. [00:16:41] Speaker A: Like, it's really in there. [00:16:43] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. And then as much as I love teaching, I don't think I want to teach English anymore. This is not what I want to do. It's not my passion. What's my passion now? So I pitched this idea to my school. It didn't work out to teach. Podcasting for the district didn't pan out. So I talked to Cl and talked to my friend Hannah, and they both said the same exact thing. They was like, if you're unhappy, leave. Create your own position. [00:17:10] Speaker A: Create a position and give it to the district. Another district? [00:17:13] Speaker B: No, and just go to a different district. Just go pitch it to somebody else. So I met with the ad over at Wilson, and he bit, and then the principal loved it, and then the superintendent, and I was like, well, you notice then I was like, man, I don't want them to put me in this box of still teaching English classes and teaching this. I just want to teach this. And they was like, oh, that's all you'll teach? [00:17:38] Speaker A: Yeah. It's like a part of journalism. [00:17:41] Speaker B: Yeah, it is. It's broadcast journalism. So now I literally go to work and I teach something I love to do, like this, podcasting to kids. And then they create their own podcast, and then they write stories for the website. All the stuff that I do already, all I'm doing is teaching kids what I've taught yourself, taught myself how to do. And it's something I'm passionate about. And instead of my kids, because everybody knows I take care of my two youngest, not by myself, because mom is involved, they just don't live with her full time. So I am going home. I'm home at 04:00 now, unless I have to come to the studio. But being at the studio is better for them than being in a gym until 09:00 at night, because now we got the room in the back. They can watch tv. They could set a video game system back there. So now they could do any. Amir has his own podcast. No, they don't have to. Amir has his own podcast. He can go in one of the other rooms. He knows how to record himself. He knows how to do. He know how to do his notes and everything. He'd be like, daddy, I'm about to go record. Okay, I set him up. See? [00:18:56] Speaker A: That's good. [00:18:56] Speaker B: Goes in there. He clicks on this thing. I'm about to put one of the programs on his school computer so he doesn't have to use my computer when he wants to record. [00:19:04] Speaker A: But can he? Because he can. [00:19:06] Speaker B: No. The program that I'm going to download for him, it's district approved, so it'll go to his computer. [00:19:13] Speaker A: Okay. [00:19:14] Speaker B: They don't need anything for it to happen. It's one of those kid friendly programs, although he's used to the advanced program that we use because he can do it on this, which is not as hard as it sounds, but it's a lot more intricate. [00:19:30] Speaker A: I was about to say. Don't say that. Yeah. [00:19:33] Speaker B: You was him messing up. One day, Nick wants to be an engineer, which we're going to try to get it. [00:19:39] Speaker A: You can create your own lane. [00:19:42] Speaker B: Exactly. But that's the thing, and that's what Cl and Hannah gave me was just create it. And I learned that you can create whatever it is you want to do. It may not be for the people where you are. [00:19:57] Speaker A: Go out there and find. Go out there and find your audience. [00:20:00] Speaker B: Yeah. And that's the thing I'm drastically proud of. I spend more time in podcasting now. I spend more time with my kids, drastic amounts of time with my kids now. I said, it'll be a shame if I work out all these other people kids. I get all these other people kids to college and my kids don't go. [00:20:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:19] Speaker B: And my kids don't make their basketball team. [00:20:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:23] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? They can't play high school basketball. What am I really doing? [00:20:28] Speaker A: You're investing in everybody else. [00:20:30] Speaker B: Everybody else. [00:20:31] Speaker A: Your family. [00:20:32] Speaker B: Exactly. And after a failed marriage, and one of the things she said was basketball and a failed relationship, one of the things engagement. The engagement. One of the things she said was the time I spent with basketball. And basically, it's not that their issue wasn't basketball, it's the time spent away from the house and the lack of prioritization of the family unit. In the family unit. [00:20:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:57] Speaker B: And pretty much because, and this is an apology I've given to both of them to their face. And I said my apology for not being there. Although I was there every night, I wasn't there mentally. Mentally, like they were left to at a pivotal time, because with my ex wife, my son and my daughter were one and two. So they're pretty much running around the house, and I'm never home until eight, nine o'clock. And then when you're doing that, all you're doing is coming in, shower, eat, and go to sleep. And then you get up before the butt crack of dawn and you're gone again. And then same thing with Lyn, I think Edison was a preemie and was just born when I was at Denmark Ola High School. And then Amir was, like, about to be two. [00:21:58] Speaker A: And so that was a lot. [00:21:59] Speaker B: It was a lot on her. And I'm not seeing it because the advice that my mentor gave me years ago through my marriage, which was when I was married, which was. I said, man, because we was arguing. So I went to him, I said, coach, you spend more time in the gym than I do when you're married. How do you do it? I'm going to somebody who's in this profession. [00:22:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:24] Speaker B: He goes, well, if the B can't get with the program effort, that ain't it. I don't think that's the answer. I don't think that's the answer. [00:22:33] Speaker A: No, that wasn't the answer at all. [00:22:34] Speaker B: He was like, I'm on my third wife now, and if she can't get with the program, she out, too. [00:22:39] Speaker A: Yeah. I hate that whole mentality on both ends. [00:22:43] Speaker B: On both ends. See, the funny thing is, but if you can shift through the nonsense of the statement, there is a level of truth there that's. Yeah, it's a truth there applicable to all relationships. [00:22:53] Speaker A: Yeah. If you can't be supportive of me, you can go on. [00:22:57] Speaker B: That's one. But I think the deeper thing here is you have to be with people who understand your lifestyle, who want to add to your life, make it better, maybe help you find better ways to adjust. [00:23:10] Speaker A: But you also have to listen, and. [00:23:12] Speaker B: You also have to listen. And I think that that's the balance. Where he was missing was the balance. But there was a lesson in there in finding the person that is going to support you enough, but also add to, hey, babe. Yeah. I understand you got practice all week till nine. How about on Sunday when you don't have practice, you don't come in and do film, and we just do family stuff. How about that? And find the way to the balance. The balance. Because that's the thing that I lacked, was balance. So now with this new situation that I'm in, it's balanced. Like, I have so much balance right now. That balance is coming out my ears. [00:23:52] Speaker A: And it makes you feel better. It makes you feel so much better when you have that balance. [00:23:57] Speaker B: When I could go home at 04:00 and if I choose to, the kids are, homework's done, fed, bathed by seven, and they're in their bed by eight. Everything turns off at nine, and I get at least an hour of just me, your time, nine to ten. [00:24:17] Speaker A: Listen, I preach it to people all the time. Life is simple, very simple. You just have to make it simple for yourself. [00:24:25] Speaker B: You just got to find a way to make it simple for you. [00:24:27] Speaker A: Yeah. You got to stop. Because a lot of times we make our lives more complicating than it has to be. And a part of it is a shame, too. A lot of it is a shame because it's like either we're deep into work because we're going to be ashamed that we're not working enough, or we're going to be ashamed that we're not at home enough. [00:24:47] Speaker B: And that's where I think that people. I think that's why people are needed in your life. [00:24:53] Speaker A: Because a village. [00:24:54] Speaker B: Yeah. You can't see a lot of times how what you're doing is affecting the things around you. At my circle, I said it last week on last week's episode when we were talking about discussing the drinking issue I had, and I said how Cl and Hannah and Malcolm and Doc, they kind of helped me get out that hole. That was the first time any of them had hurt. Like, doc called me. He was like, brian even know that? I didn't even know he was going through that. And he was like, I didn't even know I helped you through that. And so I was. I said, I don't really speak on a lot of stuff. I talk with y'all about stuff, but y'all don't understand how just y'all being and holding me accountable for things because my circle holds me accountable and they let me know when I'm not doing stuff right. Especially Cl. [00:25:44] Speaker A: He don't mind. [00:25:46] Speaker B: Yusuf, what are you doing? [00:25:47] Speaker A: And that's exactly what he says. What are you doing? [00:25:49] Speaker B: What are you doing? Was that smart? [00:25:55] Speaker A: That was not right. That was not right. [00:26:01] Speaker B: I just think that, like you said, those people around you help keep you level and help you find a balance and grounded. So if you ain't got a good set of friends, listen, are you struggling? [00:26:14] Speaker A: And that's a big thing. I had to learn how to use my friends and not in a negative way. [00:26:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:19] Speaker A: But I actually had to learn how to ask for help and actually take it. And that was major to me because I'm kind of used to asking for help and then it being thrown in my face. [00:26:38] Speaker B: Listen, if I'm talking to somebody, if we dating or whatever, I don't ask you for nothing. Even when we get into a relationship, I am less likely to ask you for anything. [00:26:53] Speaker A: Even if I'm hurting? [00:26:55] Speaker B: Yes, because I don't ever want you to say, look what I did for you. [00:27:00] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:27:01] Speaker B: You used me. What? [00:27:04] Speaker A: Yeah. This year was really an eye opener. This is the first time saying this out loud. One of my friends got married and she didn't invite me. And when I say, like, one of my friends was like, my best friend, like, childhood best friend, godmother to my children. [00:27:23] Speaker B: Wow. [00:27:24] Speaker A: And so to find out the day before, that hurt me, and I was like, that was a part of me holding myself accountable. Like, what have I done? Have I been a good friend to the point where I overlooked this or that I became so distant. To the point where she didn't feel comfortable inviting me or even think to invite you? Yeah. [00:27:47] Speaker B: Because I realize that when people's weddings come up and stuff like that, when they're doing guest lists and all of that stuff and invitations, they're going off of the now. [00:27:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, who's in front of them? [00:27:59] Speaker B: It's like, godparents. Whoever's probably your best friend at that time is probably your child's God. [00:28:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. [00:28:07] Speaker B: At the time in your time in life, and especially when you had a kid young. Had kids young, it's like, oh, yeah, you don't even think of, well, these are the people that could possibly take my child. If something happens to me, I need to really rethink that. Listen, so I just think it's the now of it when people are thinking about weddings, and that's a good point you made. I think sometimes people don't look at how they treat their friends in a sense of it's not negative, it's just the amount of time spent with that particular person and checking in on them. I don't have to talk to you. [00:28:42] Speaker A: Every day, but just checking. [00:28:44] Speaker B: Just checking in. Like, if it's somebody's birthday or whatever, I'll call or I shoot them a personal text. Now, some people, if we're not tight like that, and they come up on Facebook. Yeah. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. If we're not tight like that, happy birthday, bro. Happy birthday, homegirl, my hun, or whatever. But I don't have to talk to you every day, but it should be some form of check in from me. [00:29:10] Speaker A: To, hey, how are you doing? Or you to. That's how I found out about a wedding. I was checking in on her. [00:29:15] Speaker B: See? [00:29:16] Speaker A: Yeah, but I mean, I had talked to her prior and it was in, like, from my understanding, it was in production and all that, like, being planned and all of that. So I don't know why. [00:29:26] Speaker B: But again, did you talk to her about it? [00:29:28] Speaker A: Not yet. [00:29:29] Speaker B: Okay. Because it's still a little. [00:29:31] Speaker A: Yeah, I still feel some type of way about it, but when I am ready to approach it, I don't want to approach it on a negative level. Like, you did this to me. How dare you? And I feel like if I do, it's going to come off like that. So I'm trying to get to a space where I'm like, hey, we need a solve. Where are we in our friendship? And I think a lot of times people don't look at, yeah, people don't look at themselves when it comes to friendships. Again, that's a big part of what I had to look at in myself, in holding myself accountable for my actions. Like, I wasn't able to show up for some of my friends birthdays, but. And also some of my friends didn't show up for my birthday at all. Like, I got a happy birthday call or text and that was it. [00:30:29] Speaker B: Okay. [00:30:29] Speaker A: And it was like, oh, I got something to do. I'm like, okay, well, I'll be at. [00:30:33] Speaker B: A bar if you want to come through. [00:30:36] Speaker A: Yeah. And not to take away from anybody else's life, but then when I got a call, like, hey, we're going to do this for so and so birthday. Did they call you for mine? Did they call you and ask you, what were we doing for not then, you know, I'm at home. I'm at. [00:30:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:30:55] Speaker A: Like, I've really been in the house. Not to myself, but really trying to put myself in a different position. A different position to where my mind is not all over the place. I'm not at a bar getting toasted and not saying that's an every weekend thing, but where I know my limits. Hanging around certain people, being okay with saying, I don't want to hang around this person. And you all know I am good for it if I don't want to be around this person. Yeah, I don't want to be around this person. End of story. And just speaking up for myself. [00:31:47] Speaker B: Well, you ain't never had a problem talking up, I tell you that. [00:31:52] Speaker A: Not with you all. [00:31:53] Speaker B: I get what you're saying, but even. [00:31:54] Speaker A: With you all, I had to learn how to speak up for myself in a certain way where it didn't come off disrespectful. [00:31:59] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. I think that too is adding to what you talked about. Your growth this year. You have evolved over the years that I've known you. [00:32:12] Speaker A: Yeah, I tried. Especially this year. This year was a trying year. [00:32:17] Speaker B: No, even in your. I can't make it. You're like, hey, it's early, I can't make it this week. I'll be back on this day. It's a lot more intentional. That's what I was saying. When you've grown and I've seen it, do you. So kudos and shouts out to you for that. So we're going into a new one. And although we don't like resolutions, let's not talk personally. What do you want to see? Because you're in a relationship. So there are some, I was looking at this article and I'm not going to go with each one of them, but they gave twelve, basically relationship, what's it called? Twelve relationship resolutions. Let me, let me pull it up. And so I wanna, I want to ask you twelve New Year's resolutions for couples to make together. You tell me if this is a good one or not. As we go through each twelve, we will do good things together and not just around the holidays. [00:33:34] Speaker A: Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. So your good times are not just spent when the holidays are around? [00:33:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Because as a couple, especially long term couples that are in relationships, they sometimes get stagnant. And the only time they do stuff is like Valentine's Day, a birthday, a birthday, anniversary. Yeah. Anniversaries. Like, those are the only times and they don't really carve out the time. Next one, we will eat mindfully. When you're coupled, it's easy to cozy up on the couch and shovel down chinese food while watching Netflix. Not only does this habit pack on the pounds, but it skips the fun and intimacy that can come with preparing and sharing. [00:34:26] Speaker A: That. [00:34:27] Speaker B: Are you going through that? [00:34:28] Speaker A: No, I've been weight. I've been trying to get off this weight. Yeah, I have gotten big. [00:34:39] Speaker B: Because it's easy to curl, especially when it's cold. [00:34:42] Speaker A: Especially when somebody doesn't judge you for your weight. [00:34:44] Speaker B: Well, isn't that a part of what we said earlier? A person like accepting you, you for where, you know, especially if you're okay with you? [00:34:55] Speaker A: Yeah, if I'm okay with me. But once I say, like, I really need to lose this weight, then it's like, okay, got to have a watch. All right. You need to be walking. You need to be doing this. Why you ain't doing this. [00:35:09] Speaker B: Tell me what you want. Because if I'm okay with you, if I'm okay with you and who you are and you're okay with you, then we're good. [00:35:16] Speaker A: Yeah, we're good. If you're happy. I'm happy. [00:35:18] Speaker B: Exactly. If you're not okay with you, don't complain to me about your weight and then turn around and eat ten cheeseburgers or axe for thirds. Let's not do that. Or shovel these carbs up and down. [00:35:32] Speaker A: Yeah, like, you eating ten chicken wings. You see here talking about you, you. [00:35:37] Speaker B: Go on angry chicken every day. [00:35:38] Speaker A: Listen, food is busting. [00:35:42] Speaker B: Angry chicken do hit. [00:35:43] Speaker A: Yeah, the fish. [00:35:45] Speaker B: Be easy. Shouts out to be, he brought something. It was wings and fish. I don't even know what it was. And he said, bro, you want one? He said, you want pieces? [00:36:00] Speaker A: This had to be a few weeks back. [00:36:01] Speaker B: Yeah, this was like, no, this was last week. He was like, you want some food? I was like, yeah, I'll take a piece of fish. He gave me one piece. He's like, bro, you show your. No, I'm good. I sat down and I was like, doing something on the computer. I broke off people right there in the back room. I broke off a. Ate it. Damn. I should have asked him for more of this fish. [00:36:21] Speaker A: He told when I was on his show a couple of weeks ago, he was talking about it and he was like, it's good. The seasoning they put on it is good. [00:36:29] Speaker B: What is that? [00:36:32] Speaker A: It looks spicy. [00:36:33] Speaker B: Yeah. Because they ask you how much spice you want. [00:36:36] Speaker A: Yeah. And people are like, oh, it's ranch. It has nothing to do with. [00:36:38] Speaker B: Not ranch, but hate to say ninjas. [00:36:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:43] Speaker B: Ninjas think everything is ranch. [00:36:44] Speaker A: And that same day, that Sunday, I left recording with them and went straight there. [00:36:50] Speaker B: Angry chicken. [00:36:51] Speaker A: Yes. And oh, my God, when I say good, I'm leaving here today and going. [00:36:56] Speaker B: To get me some angry chicken. [00:36:57] Speaker A: It put me to sleep. I might, too. It put me to sleep. [00:37:03] Speaker B: All right, let's get through these next one. We will work up a sweat together. So, pretty much to your point, working out. Working out. I think if your mate does want to lose some weight, I think it is where something that you can do together. [00:37:17] Speaker A: Yeah. You can make it. [00:37:19] Speaker B: Going to the gym together can be. [00:37:21] Speaker A: Not even just that. Me and my boyfriend, we share our steps, our workout fitness, and we compete. [00:37:30] Speaker B: That's also a thing because that holds you accountable. Because when somebody else I got, my watch is linked to be easy, man, if I work out, because I haven't worked out in about a month or so, because just life got me. But be easy still works out. And it always makes me feel bad when his badges come up on my watch. I'd be like, man, fbezy man, I. [00:37:52] Speaker A: Took my watch off you see, I ain't got mine on because the work that my boyfriend does on base, he is consistently walking. So just at work in his 8 hours, he makes his 10,000 steps. Okay, so it's towards the end of the day tonight, everybody's about to go to bed by the time I reach 10,000. So he'd be like, get your steps up, ma'am. You need to be up, ma'am. I'm like, I work at a desk. I don't sit here and put jets together. Yeah, I work at a desk like. [00:38:28] Speaker B: Hey, you better walk around the house. [00:38:31] Speaker A: Look. But it challenges me to like, okay, I need to take trash out right now. I need to do this right now. Yeah. [00:38:38] Speaker B: So once again, this article is from your tango.com. Megan Brassford. Twelve New Year's resolutions for couples to do together. Number four, we will make sex a priority. That does get lost. It does in life. Yeah, it does in a lot of long term relationships. A lot of them maybe not yours. [00:38:56] Speaker A: I'm about to say, I'll be honest, I've known that man for, well, majority of my life. But how long we've been actually talking has been like about going on six years. But we only been together for two. [00:39:12] Speaker B: Yeah, it's never been a problem, but for some people it just. [00:39:15] Speaker A: Yeah, it kind of gets in life, though. [00:39:18] Speaker B: I don't think it's intentional. It's just we don't worked all day because especially when couples live together. [00:39:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:39:25] Speaker B: When we live together, it's like, all right, life and I'm tired, go to sleep. So you sometimes don't end up the. [00:39:34] Speaker A: Attention, I can say sometimes downs. Like, I send you a picture and you're like, you look at it. [00:39:42] Speaker B: Hold up. [00:39:43] Speaker A: I took time to take a picture. [00:39:46] Speaker B: But that's a part of it. Keeping the spice in the relationship enough to send me some pictures. Do that. [00:39:52] Speaker A: Yeah. You know what? I need to stop because you don't appreciate this. And sometimes people like, it's not you. It really isn't you. It really isn't you. So I can see how that can happen. [00:40:07] Speaker B: Okay. Number five, we will stop fighting over little things. You look like you'd be saying stuff over little things. [00:40:15] Speaker A: Because I am not your p. Exactly. [00:40:18] Speaker B: Petty patty. Number six, we will strive for emotional honesty. That's good. Even the bluntness among us has avoided explaining feelings to a lover at one time or another. Not you. No, me for sure. Really? Yeah. I sometimes struggle with making my mate feel bad for something I'm feeling. So I'd rather so I'd rather not. So I'd just rather not. I just be like. [00:40:51] Speaker A: And it's probably the man. [00:40:53] Speaker B: Yeah, that could be because I'll be. [00:40:55] Speaker A: Like, ready, set, go. First of all, first of all. [00:41:00] Speaker B: This is a big one. And I know that people do this. Number seven, we will stop multitasking with technology. Get off your phone while we together it. [00:41:15] Speaker A: Okay. I could do that. Yeah. Because when we're together, we do so because we're far apart. Our phones are not even a factor. [00:41:27] Speaker B: But some people, I've seen people at dinner, eating dinner, and they're in the. Nobody's talking. It's like in the phone, but you. [00:41:36] Speaker A: Have to come up with ways to dismiss a phone. I would say, I did date a guy that every time we would go out to eat or even be together, strolling the phone. Strolling the phone. Unless we're in a car ride. Like a long car ride, but that's different. But together in this particular relationship. [00:41:59] Speaker B: And. [00:42:00] Speaker A: It sounds corny, he goes and he looks at the current events and stuff like that. And we sit and we talk about that. That's what we find things to talk about. [00:42:09] Speaker B: But that's good. [00:42:10] Speaker A: We don't have anything to talk about. We won't even sit on the phone. But, yeah, that's another thing. [00:42:14] Speaker B: Don't just hold me on the phone. Get off. We ain't listening to sign. Yeah, get off. Number eight, we will treat each other as well as we treat our friends. [00:42:26] Speaker A: I agree. [00:42:27] Speaker B: That's a respect factor. [00:42:28] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. [00:42:29] Speaker B: As much as I respect my friends. This is a big one for women. Number nine is a big one for women. We will listen. I listen and you apply. [00:42:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:42:44] Speaker B: Okay. [00:42:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I do. [00:42:46] Speaker B: You're an exception, not the rule. Most women don't listen. They talk more than they listen. [00:42:53] Speaker A: No, well, he's one of the people that taught me to listen to the end. [00:42:57] Speaker B: Okay, well, that's good. [00:42:58] Speaker A: Everything to the end. Don't cut me off, because I may be answering your question that you have. [00:43:03] Speaker B: Listen for understanding, not to respond. [00:43:05] Speaker A: Yeah. So he always tells me, listen to the end. So I definitely listen about my hair. He is going to flip. Yeah, but I listened because he was like, yeah, go lighter. [00:43:18] Speaker B: Yeah, okay, but it's too light. [00:43:20] Speaker A: Shut up. [00:43:21] Speaker B: Okay. All right. Number ten, we will criticize one another less than we offer praise. So basically we're going to praise more than we criticize. [00:43:33] Speaker A: It depends what you mean. Sometimes you need criticism. I might follow up, but you got. [00:43:40] Speaker B: To hit them with that teacher thing. [00:43:42] Speaker A: That positive reinforcement, that positive negative. [00:43:44] Speaker B: Positive. Like, you start with a positive, end with a positive. But the meat of the sandwich is the negative, so that they can hear the criticism. [00:43:52] Speaker A: That's what you're like. Heck, you've been doing really good. Really good. However can we start doing that in all places? Yeah, let's try that. But you've been doing really good. Look at the english grade. [00:44:07] Speaker B: Next one. The number eleven. We will break a bad habit together. [00:44:11] Speaker A: Okay. I like that. [00:44:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:44:14] Speaker A: I'm going to introduce that today. [00:44:15] Speaker B: Yes. Whatever you all think it says, if you and your partner share a habit that's less than great for you, help one another break it instead of encouraging the behavior. So that's a good one, I think. And one of the biggest one that a lot of people do not get. And it's number twelve on the list, but I think it's a huge one. We will play together. One of the worst things about being an adult is the total lack of juice boxes, nap time and recess. Thankfully, the dullness of the workday world doesn't have to extend to your personal life. Infuse your partnership with a sense of play. Have pillow fights, talk in funny voices. Draw mustaches on models in the magazines. Do something creative together. Take a guitar class. Throw pottery, learn to roll sushi, whatever. Stepping outside of your routine can bring you and your partner closer, and it'll ensure that things never get boring between you. [00:45:09] Speaker A: Okay? Yeah. We listen to music together. [00:45:13] Speaker B: That's the thing. [00:45:14] Speaker A: Well, I wouldn't say we cook together because it's me cooking, but he did help him. He loves being a damn judge. [00:45:23] Speaker B: Yeah. We got to be the judge. We got to be the judge. [00:45:26] Speaker A: Yeah. He's like, we're in Top Chef. [00:45:31] Speaker B: So it's 2024, y'all. We hope you had a great 2023. [00:45:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:36] Speaker B: And here's to a wonderful 2024. And we're going to go find some angry chicken for 2024. [00:45:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:45] Speaker B: Hey, Nick, man. Happy New year. [00:45:47] Speaker A: Happy New year. [00:45:48] Speaker B: Okay. Happy New year to you, too, C, wherever you are. [00:45:51] Speaker A: We didn't say anything about Cl like that. No, we talked about him. [00:45:55] Speaker B: Yeah, we did. But Cl is in Utah. Excuse my passports. Well, that's not a passport stand. [00:46:05] Speaker A: He's in Portland. [00:46:09] Speaker B: Portland is in Oregon. He's in Salt Lake. [00:46:12] Speaker A: Salt Lake. Salt Lake. He's up there with the mudslide. Oh, my God. [00:46:20] Speaker B: He'll be back shortly, but, yeah. So, Cl, happy new year to you, too, sir. Love doing the show with you all. And another year into another year to another year. 2024. I still want to get back with the lady that you had on for when we was going into 2021. [00:46:39] Speaker A: She doesn't even talk to me no more. [00:46:42] Speaker B: She did not call Covid. I tell you that. She did not call Covid. [00:46:46] Speaker A: But you know what? I want to listen to it. I have to go back and listen. [00:46:50] Speaker B: I know I'm going to go back and listen again, because it was to. [00:46:52] Speaker A: Listen to what all she said. Because I'm not going to say she didn't because things could have happened that year that were good still, or the type of year is going to have, just not according to how she called it. [00:47:08] Speaker B: But remember, you could catch us on all podcast platforms, search for us relstat podcast on all your social media outlets, and until the next time, y'all, we're out. [00:47:23] Speaker A: Thank you for listening to another episode of relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com, iTunes, Google podcasts, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon music, nobody grinds like us. And anywhere you listen to your favorite podcast. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear Meek, email us at re lstat [email protected] or call us at 843-310-8637 follow us on Facebook at relationship status podcast on Instagram and Twitter at rel Stap podcast. And don't forget to comment, share five star rate, subscribe, and review.