November 15, 2023


144th Lunch Date: F That Community

Hosted by

Yusuf In The Building C.L. Butler Nique Crews
144th Lunch Date: F That Community
Relationship Status Podcast
144th Lunch Date: F That Community

Nov 15 2023 | 00:45:23


Show Notes

Hosts: C.L. Butler, & Yusuf 

In this episode, with C.L. still out, Nique and Yusuf are joined again by Ashley H. & Brother Fatiyn. The crew gets into the complexities of relationships, exploring the nuances of vulnerability, personal growth, and cultural influences. The conversation unfolds organically, with everyone sharing personal experiences.

The discussion kicks off with an exploration of vulnerability and openness in relationships, touching on the challenges faced when seeking genuine connections. Ashley adds a surprising twist by sharing a personal journey of exploring different aspects of vulnerability and breaking down societal norms.

The team candidly discusses cultural differences in relationship dynamics, drawing on experiences from Africa and beyond. The conversation takes an unexpected turn when the topic of polygamy is introduced, with Nique, Ashley, Bro. Fatiyn and Yoshi provide contrasting views on the subject. Nique's openness to polygamous relationships sparks a lively debate, emphasizing the importance of communication and personal choice in building unconventional yet functional family structures.


Contact us via email: [email protected] or call us on our hotline at 843-310-8637


To support the show

Subscribe, Share, Like, Review  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️  rate


Follow us on all social media platforms:



Nique Crews: 

Cl Butler: 


Visit our sponsor: make sure to use our promo code RSP for a 15% discount on your entire order. 


Check out  CRUX Media Group @cruxmediagroupspods on IG to check out some other awesome podcasts.

View Full Transcript

Episode Transcript

[00:00:16] Speaker A: Welcome to relationship status. It's your girl. Neat. [00:00:18] Speaker B: Cruz, Cyril Butler and your boy Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can catch us on all podcasts platforms. Remember to, like, share, follow a five star rate. If you want to join the conversation, email us relstat [email protected] and also, don't forget that you could catch us on Well, Nick, it is Hump day. [00:00:42] Speaker A: Where's the thing? [00:00:45] Speaker B: This is not the board. The other board has hump day drop on it. Not this board. [00:00:50] Speaker C: I'm sorry. [00:00:51] Speaker B: Go ahead. [00:00:52] Speaker C: Okay, so somebody, y'all are the home team. Somebody got to do Hump Day. [00:00:58] Speaker A: But you interrupt me. I can't do it now. I can't do it now. You jumped in the middle of it. [00:01:10] Speaker B: Not waiting on their introduction was Brother Fatim and Ashley. Welcome back to the show. We appreciate you guys joining. [00:01:20] Speaker C: What are you talking about? Welcome back. [00:01:21] Speaker D: We slept here. [00:01:22] Speaker B: We appreciate you. I don't know if you understand. Between you flying back and forth to New York and Ashley flying wherever she flying this know, the fact that we got him back in town, it's a yeah. [00:01:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:35] Speaker B: And still no Cl. Just for the second episode. I think what I think he's doing is I think he's in the final stages of the megachurch. [00:01:43] Speaker A: Really? I thought it was a mixtape. [00:01:45] Speaker B: No. [00:01:47] Speaker A: Or the book. [00:01:48] Speaker B: No, I think today he's working on. I think this week he's working on the megachurch. Now, remember, it's all virtual. [00:01:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:56] Speaker B: And you just send your money. [00:02:00] Speaker A: For a link. [00:02:01] Speaker B: Yeah, for the link. You send the money for the link. [00:02:03] Speaker A: We sound like DJ envy. [00:02:05] Speaker B: Yes, you send the money for the link. [00:02:08] Speaker C: That's my friend. [00:02:10] Speaker D: Listen, I don't even know who he is. I'm like, send the link. [00:02:15] Speaker B: You send the money and you'll get a link. And there are no sermons in this church. You just have faith that when you send your money might get a little. [00:02:25] Speaker D: Bit. [00:02:27] Speaker C: Even with Reverend Ike. You got a. [00:02:32] Speaker D: Spring water, you get air, you get matter nothing. [00:02:37] Speaker B: But the megachurch has been in the work for about three years and is glad to see that it'll be launching soon. [00:02:44] Speaker C: We need to have a conversation one day about pimps in the real. [00:02:52] Speaker B: Please do not confuse pimps in the pulpit with CL Butler. He is in a dedicated, loving relationship, so he is not a pimp in the pool pit. So we must step up there. [00:03:11] Speaker D: Pimps in the pool pit. [00:03:13] Speaker C: There's a book out there called that. [00:03:14] Speaker D: We can make it a song, too. You ready to go? [00:03:17] Speaker A: Look, he got studio. [00:03:23] Speaker B: Got a mixtape coming up. [00:03:24] Speaker A: A mixtape. [00:03:25] Speaker B: He working on the mixtape. [00:03:26] Speaker D: He got a lot going on. [00:03:27] Speaker B: Listen, man, you don't understand, man. [00:03:29] Speaker A: He's a man of many. [00:03:31] Speaker B: We call him Tommy. [00:03:35] Speaker A: Because how long has it been since what? 2019? [00:03:38] Speaker B: 2019. [00:03:39] Speaker A: I haven't asked him what he does for a living. [00:03:41] Speaker B: Now, mind you. Listen, when you call Cl, I don't care. When you call him, it's always something going on. Always in the middle of the day, be like, hey, Cl, what are you doing? Well, I'm in the paint booth. Cl, what are you doing? I'm painting a truck. What are you doing? I'm building a bathroom. Cl, what are you doing? [00:04:02] Speaker A: I called him one time. He was like. It was like. I was like, oh, are you busy? No, I'm just on top of a roof. It's not that serious. [00:04:12] Speaker D: But I got to ask. [00:04:14] Speaker B: Our studio, great looking studio. Every single piece of everything in here, he did. He built nice. He built the sound panels, he painted the walls. He did the create sign. Every single room in this studio, he did himself everything. Because I'm not handy, do not give me a drill or anything. So Cl would be. And, you know, he say, y'all don't help do nothing. So as soon as you go to. [00:04:39] Speaker C: Help, get out my way. [00:04:40] Speaker A: First of all, I don't get asked two. When I do even just try to move a chair. Oh, my God, Nick, you don't do that with a room full of. [00:04:49] Speaker C: He. [00:04:50] Speaker B: He's a man of many traits, has a lot of businesses, and he's good. [00:04:56] Speaker C: At what he does. [00:04:58] Speaker B: He's amazing at what he does. Some dear, y'all are a great team. [00:05:01] Speaker C: I have to say that. I got to give you your compliments, really. I must say that when I sat in with the three of y'all, honestly, y'all really do a terrific, tremendous job. And I'm not just giving y'all a plug, just to give y'all a plug. I'm serious. Y'all really do a good job. [00:05:15] Speaker A: They're my Martin Short and Steve Martin. [00:05:18] Speaker B: And what I will say is, this is not the direction I saw for the Cl keeps me, like, I'd be like, hey, we're going to do. He'd be like, no. And I'd be like, okay. I'm like a little kid. He'd, like, be punishing me. He'd be like, no, we're not doing that. Make it make sense. Youssef explain it. And I'd be like, well, you can't really explain. Sometimes. You can't explain the idea. [00:05:42] Speaker D: What's his name? Cl is telling us he's here with this light. Right? [00:05:47] Speaker A: Summoning him. [00:05:48] Speaker B: No, you don't understand. If Cl was sitting here right now, he'd be upset that one of the light bulbs is out and nobody changed it. [00:05:56] Speaker A: And one of them are flickering. [00:05:56] Speaker B: And one of them is flickering. [00:05:58] Speaker D: Right. I just wanted to see whether you guys were aware. [00:06:08] Speaker B: Ouija board. [00:06:09] Speaker C: Come. [00:06:17] Speaker B: Can we fix this, please? [00:06:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:19] Speaker B: And he looked at me. Yusuf, how long has it been blinking? [00:06:21] Speaker A: And you just sitting there and let it happen. [00:06:23] Speaker B: And you just sit there and let it happen. [00:06:24] Speaker D: Just talking like it wasn't doing that. [00:06:26] Speaker C: Look, we almost. In December, Christmas. It goes to the Christmas decorations. [00:06:31] Speaker A: Have you ever seen the show? What is it only murders in our building? [00:06:35] Speaker B: Yes. Oh, my God. It's one of my favorite show. [00:06:37] Speaker A: Three of us. [00:06:39] Speaker B: That's us. For real. But let's get into this question. We got a short period of time, man. We got a couple of minutes here. All right. We posted a question last week. It says you're meeting your best friend's new significant other for the first time. While being introduced, you awkwardly hug because you had sex before. [00:07:00] Speaker D: Heaven's the bestie. [00:07:03] Speaker B: Who should tell your best friend first. [00:07:05] Speaker A: I'm a teller. [00:07:07] Speaker D: The best. [00:07:08] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm a teller. I'm a puller to the side right then and there and let her. [00:07:11] Speaker D: Right then. I have to agree with her. It has to come from me. If it was me. Yeah, it has to. [00:07:20] Speaker A: I wouldn't feel right. [00:07:21] Speaker D: Yeah. Especially depending on the length and time of friendship. All of that. That's your best friend. I would rather hear it from her than to hear it from anyone else. Yeah. [00:07:34] Speaker C: I mean, I've been in a situation like that. So I did what I had to do. So I had to tell my best friend. I had to tell him two things. I slept with your cousin. Number one. [00:07:49] Speaker B: I wasn't expecting that, but. [00:07:52] Speaker C: The main thing is I slept with this other young lady I met through him. So I just think that if it's awkward, you want to tell that person, you understand what I'm saying, but you got to kind of give. Do you tell it first or do you give the person the opportunity that's in that relationship? [00:08:13] Speaker B: That's what I was going to say. [00:08:15] Speaker D: Honestly, though, as we're talking. As you were talking, I thought about it and I'm like, okay, best friend and what is it? Spouse. [00:08:23] Speaker B: Yeah. Significant other. [00:08:24] Speaker D: Significant significant other. And when I think about it, I feel like there's. Individually, it's a lose lose. Situation if it's done individually. Listen, we're just going to have to sit down and have a Kumbaya moment, and we're going to all sit down and talk about it at this point, because the significant other kind of, in this situation kind of trumps friendship. But then I feel like either way it go, they're going to be mad at. [00:08:52] Speaker C: But if the significant other, again, you're right, Ashley. If the significant other goes, like, if my significant other told me, pulled me to the side and told me, I would feel more appreciative even if I might be upset, and you got to realize, how much can I really be upset on something that happened before me? You understand what I'm saying? But if my significant other doesn't tell me, and then my best friend has to tell me, my significant other is hiding something, and now you create a lack of trust and that could tear down the relationship. [00:09:27] Speaker D: I agree with you on that. [00:09:29] Speaker A: The only reason why I'll say I disagree with that is because if I'm walking in and we're meeting like she's introducing us for the first time, he doesn't know about me and I don't really know that much about him. Before us seeing each other, I would pull her to the side right then and there and tell her, because if we're just going to go on with whatever event that we're at, nothing happened, and he ends up pulling her to the side and say, hey, I didn't had your friend before, or on the ride home, he ends up telling her, that could look bad on me because just knowing the type of person I am, my friends know me. My friends know. I don't mind telling you I slept with this individual. So if it doesn't come out of my mouth to them, is going to look like why you didn't say anything? [00:10:21] Speaker D: I mean, if this person is my best friend, they probably already know. [00:10:28] Speaker B: That's what I was going to say. That's what I was gonna say. That's, that's what I was gonna say. Your best friend knows everything that's important to you. [00:10:48] Speaker D: Hold on. She definitely not. They. She definitely knows my whole moment. [00:10:53] Speaker B: But no, I'm just saying, like, she. [00:10:55] Speaker A: Might not know their name, though. [00:10:56] Speaker B: They don't know all of them. They don't know all of them. Hell. Shit. [00:11:01] Speaker A: I forget because my friend wouldn't be mad because if I've told her about that, if the conversation would probably end up like, you remember I told you I had slept with that guy that one night? [00:11:17] Speaker B: But I think guys are a little bit different. [00:11:19] Speaker D: Guys are different. [00:11:20] Speaker B: Guys are a little bit different. If it's somebody important in our life, then we kind of speak a little bit more. If it's this just happened, it's like, yo, what you did last night, now I spash this chick, and then if you happen to see her, I don't know, being me. I don't know if it's my place. I think it's more on the inner thing of their relationship, but then it might fall on my friendship. So it's like a lose lose situation. [00:11:55] Speaker C: I don't think it's a lose lose situation because again, I said it from one side. I've been on the other side where I was introducing my wife to a young lady that I slept with before her. [00:12:09] Speaker A: I have no judgment. I'm not going to say I'm a ho online. We'll have a talk after. [00:12:18] Speaker C: Yeah, but. [00:12:21] Speaker D: I'm an open book. [00:12:22] Speaker C: Let me just say this. When the young lady was coming over, I wanted to tell my wife, look, I've been so and so, but I had a cousin that talked me out of it. No. So my wife was trying to feel a little funny. Why are you trying to daw me up when this girl comes by? Right? So anyway, let's go fast forward. OnE day, my wife is in the hospital, and I'm talking about Phyllis Hyman, the late Phyllis Hyman, the singer, and the young lady whose name is Sophie. Sophie looked like her. [00:13:01] Speaker B: So I brought her up, and you. [00:13:02] Speaker C: Know what my wife said? I got to ask you a question. And she said, did you ever sleep with Sophie? That was my opening. And I told her yes, right now. Then I had to go into the story. I wanted to tell you before I wanted to tell you, but this is what happened. But I had to go to work. When I got to work, I put my wife and Sophie on the phone together. Conference call. No if, ands and buts about this. And Sophie spoke to my wife and she told her what she had to tell her. Very respectful. She was like, I have a special place in fatine. Fatine wanted to tell you, but this is what transpired. And her story matched mine. Her and my wife became not best friends, but became good friends. Unfortunately, both are both deceased now. My wife was this year, but Sophie, some years back. And when Sophie got sick, my wife was one of the first people that she called. [00:13:58] Speaker D: How long ago was this for teen? This was in 19. What? [00:14:04] Speaker C: I'll tell you how old I was. My first daughter was not born, so I was 29. 29. We both were 29. [00:14:18] Speaker D: Your daughter? [00:14:19] Speaker C: Born 92. [00:14:20] Speaker D: Okay. So now we're going to talk about the difference in time, too. [00:14:25] Speaker C: I'll do that today. What are you talking about? [00:14:28] Speaker D: Because you're now mature, like meaning older. But do you honestly think a lot of women today would handle it that way? [00:14:36] Speaker C: I don't know what I think. [00:14:38] Speaker B: Women today are too busy looking for red flags to even be in a relationship, to remotely even get to that part. [00:14:46] Speaker D: All of that is great. I'm just thinking about how women carry themselves today. Where we live in social media, we live in this. It's totally different how a woman would. [00:14:55] Speaker B: React, and a part of it is, and I'm going to let you finish, and I didn't mean to cut you off. I'm sorry. Women always say, there's one thing women say all the time, and it's become. [00:15:07] Speaker D: It's really something we say it is. [00:15:10] Speaker B: And it's become more prevalent in the social media area era. I don't want to look stupid. [00:15:16] Speaker C: So what I was just going to. [00:15:17] Speaker D: Say to you. [00:15:20] Speaker A: Don'T make me look. [00:15:21] Speaker D: Stupid and don't disrupt my. [00:15:23] Speaker A: You're not going to disrupt my. Don't let me look stupid. [00:15:26] Speaker C: So I'm glad that you said, because this is something I thought earlier today, and this is another conversation, but I think Ashley want to bring it. I'm talking with my, and I'm dead serious about this. Before I became host of my show in New York, my other team brought this up that we may have to reevaluate what relationships are, what marriages are. Because if you look at the trend as you talk about, well, that was then and this is now. You're right. This is 2023. The mindset of women and men is totally different than the mindsets in whatever. We're not living in the past, but we want to put past values on where we at today. We need to reevaluate because you know why? Because if you look at the marriage, marriage is on the decline. Divorce is always on the rise. So we need to look at it more. Women are saying, what? [00:16:26] Speaker A: We're not that stupid. No more. [00:16:27] Speaker C: It's not about to being stupid. It's just about. [00:16:29] Speaker A: Because that would have been a little mean. But I mean, I'm not going to lie. [00:16:34] Speaker D: There's some, especially since I've been older or whatever, and especially evaluate, like, looking back, my grandparents. [00:16:44] Speaker C: You see the light now? [00:16:47] Speaker D: Lord, is that you? I promise I'll be good. I guess I could see where you're coming from with this because honestly, my grandparents were married for 30, 40 years. Well, almost 40 years. And you couldn't tell me anything about their marriage. I thought that they were just. Everything was perfect until I found out. When I went off to school, my grandfather had a. He was a preacher. He had a son out there, and he looks just like my grandfather. Or the fact that my grandmother used to have to go to our neighbor's house to go get my grandfather. He was a pastor. I mean, a lot of people. My last name is honestly, it's not a lot of Harry. It's H-E-R-R-I-O-T-T running out there. And I say that because I don't honestly cAre. Everybody say that again. [00:17:37] Speaker C: You rhyme that. Go ahead. [00:17:38] Speaker D: I don't care because at the end of the day, people knew, but they were good at hiding it from me being younger. And I found out as I got older. And so I would say, and I would look at my grandmother and you let this happen. [00:17:53] Speaker A: But see, that's why I said stupid. Maybe I came off harsh, but at the end of the day, your grandmother was probably in a situation where it. [00:18:03] Speaker D: Was more so about image. It was more so about image honestly, or the perception of people in the image and keeping the name clean. Him being a pastor, ame pastor at that, her being an educator, people knowing us in the community. It was more so about that. And so I wouldn't necessarily say stupid. [00:18:24] Speaker C: It's just more pigeonhole, more backed into the corner. Your options wasn't there. Basically you're leaning on the man. So I know what you meant. [00:18:31] Speaker D: We're getting into that. Not necessarily coming into, but we're in that era of strong, independent women and some not needing a man because to each is their own. With that, some days I feel like I don't. Some days. Let me ask you this before you go into it. [00:18:50] Speaker A: Yeah, I wanted to say this before I forget my thought, and I think I forgot it. [00:18:55] Speaker C: If you want me to go, I'll go. [00:18:57] Speaker A: No, well, I was saying in regards to why we stay in. Well, not why pigeonhole. [00:19:04] Speaker D: Why they stay in pigeonhole relationship. [00:19:07] Speaker A: And why we don't. Now is a lot of times, and we had this conversation earlier when I told you I've removed embarrassment and shame and a lot of people have. So going back to your point where it was all about image and not disappointing family or looking a certain way or feeling ashamed that your marriage came to this point, now, it's like, I don't want to say the F bomb. Forget them. [00:19:34] Speaker D: Forget them. [00:19:36] Speaker A: Yeah, I can do this by myself. I don't need you here. I can do this by myself. I could be a name all by myself. I don't need you to create a name for myself. [00:19:45] Speaker C: Right. So let me just add this to it. So this is interesting. So my energy is younger than my age, so I attract a lot of younger womeN. There's no ifs, ands, and buts about it. I attract a lot of younger women. [00:20:00] Speaker A: Like younger women. [00:20:01] Speaker C: I like younger women, too, but not babies. [00:20:04] Speaker D: You want the truth? [00:20:06] Speaker A: Yeah, give it. [00:20:08] Speaker D: You give him definitely that. 90s, okay. But I'm one of those. I like older. I like older. [00:20:19] Speaker C: So that's where I was going. [00:20:20] Speaker B: This is where I was going on here. [00:20:25] Speaker D: No, not like that. You're not my type. I'm saying, though, I get what you're saying because I'm 39 and, I mean, I kind of date 51 and up. [00:20:42] Speaker C: Wow. So that's what I want to say, is that she dates by her tax bracket. [00:20:48] Speaker A: Hello. [00:20:51] Speaker C: I hear what she's saying and agree with you. And that's the point I was going to make, that I meet these younger women that have issues with guys, and then when I treat them, I'm not in a relationship with them, because the straightforward companionship or whatever, it's like they gravitate towards it because that's what they are taught that they are supposed to look for, but they don't get it. They say, I don't have a large abundance of men to pick from because these men are blah, blah, blah. So when you give it to these women, I even had this young lady that came by that would come by time to time. She's younger than my oldest daughter. And then the music that she's into was, I was like, whoa, wait a minute. How do you know this music? And she said, I listen to everything. So I'm saying now, a lot of women, young, wherever that age is, they're yearning for something that a lot of these younger guys or guys on their age can't give them. [00:21:54] Speaker B: Yes. Now, is that true? And I'm a piggyback, since you don't. [00:21:58] Speaker C: Want that said you up in the. [00:21:59] Speaker D: Elevator, what age record are we talking about, though? [00:22:09] Speaker B: Here's my point on this. Dating younger women. I think the youngest I've dated 23. [00:22:21] Speaker D: How old were you? [00:22:22] Speaker B: Can I give away? Can't give out said information, but was 23. And although she was a fun time, she's in a different space. [00:22:36] Speaker A: A different phase. [00:22:36] Speaker B: A different phase of her life. A different space. That's why I don't think and it was a couple in that age, 23, 24, 25. But they gravitated towards me because of what you said, fatine. It's like in their age group, they're not getting what it is they want because the people in their age group really want to have a good time across the board, and they probably think they want to settle down when in all actuality, they really don't not settle down in the mature sense. In the mature sense. Mature sense. Settling down for me is, no, I'm not going to the club every 10 seconds. We might go to a bar, have a drink. I'm more of a, let's go out to restaurants. [00:23:18] Speaker A: Let's have a club at the house. [00:23:20] Speaker B: Yeah, we could have club at the house. You want to have a poll? We'll put a poll up at the cribble. I can give you some ones at the house. You know what I'm saying? I know that coming back a little bit more conscious stories about that. But then the issue is then there's the women that are your age, our age 40s, who they're so busy looking for red flags, like I said earlier, because they've been screwed over so much. [00:23:49] Speaker D: I can agree with that. [00:23:51] Speaker B: Everything you do is a friggin red flag. [00:23:54] Speaker A: And so it's like you need therapy. No, I'm just saying it. That's the first thing they say. [00:23:59] Speaker D: No, not even I can agree with him. [00:24:05] Speaker B: Because they're so busy. Rather than seeing the glasses half full, they're looking for whatever it is to get me out. [00:24:14] Speaker A: Yeah, they're saying sabotage before I'm going to get you. [00:24:18] Speaker D: Before you get me. [00:24:19] Speaker B: But you don't even know if there's a get you. [00:24:22] Speaker D: That's true. [00:24:23] Speaker A: The first thing they do is, oh, no, you need therapy. [00:24:25] Speaker B: You don't even know if there's a get you. [00:24:26] Speaker D: Something's wrong. [00:24:27] Speaker A: You got childhood trauma. [00:24:29] Speaker B: Whatever it is, that's my favorite line. [00:24:31] Speaker D: It could be hurt, too. [00:24:33] Speaker C: What is it? [00:24:34] Speaker B: Somebody told me. Somebody told me one time, I think it was, I'm not an on the phone person. If you want to have a whole bunch of don't call me. I'm an in person person. You want to hang out, you want to chill, we could talk in person. I'm not going to be on the phone. I'm not about to talk for hours. I'm not going to text you forever. I might text you good morning every now and then, but it's not going to be on a consistent basis. So if you're looking for me to do it consistently? [00:25:00] Speaker D: No, it depends on if you start off that way. If you start off that way, then the expectation is set, but it'll be. [00:25:08] Speaker A: Different because if you're the type of person that likes to be in person, it will go over that because I. [00:25:16] Speaker D: Like the in person better anyway. [00:25:18] Speaker A: Yeah. If you're not answering my calls, it's because you're calling me like, hey, I'm on my way. [00:25:21] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:25:21] Speaker A: And that's what I think it balances out. [00:25:23] Speaker B: So to me it's just 35 ish and up. Get caught up in, I don't want to be hurt again. So they don't open up themselves. They don't allow themselves, we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable. [00:25:44] Speaker D: It definitely wasn't a relationship, it was a situation and it wasn't even. I explored the other side. I'm just going to be 100. I explored the other side with a woman. [00:25:56] Speaker A: Oh, interesting. [00:25:57] Speaker D: I explored that other side and it was one of those things about being vulnerable. [00:26:02] Speaker C: I got to take this thought out my mind. [00:26:04] Speaker A: Yes, please go ahead. [00:26:06] Speaker D: And I'm telling you now, women come with the BS just as much as men put that out there. But it was a big deal for me to open up and be vulnerable outside of any other thoughts of, am I going to hell? I'm laying on breast, something like that. But it is one of those things that I totally agree with is that when we hit that age range, because I think at 35, I was like, okay, now I'm ready to settle down. Then when I started thinking I hit 36, I was like, am I going to settle down? And then it was also like, am I going to have more kids? I kind of went through, I'm not going to say a midlife, a mid 30 crisis, let's say that where I had all these different thoughts, where I was like, okay, what happens now? Whatever. And then I just turned 39. And when I really sat back and thought about it and of course I had this situationship going on and I think I've learned so much about me because I always used to say, if someone ever told you I was gay or whatever else, that's a lie, or whatever else. But I think when it came down to her, I was attracted to her and how she thought, how we connected. I'm not attracted to women I don't have an attraction to. I'm not going to go and look at another woman and be like, oh, look at her butt or whatever else. I had an attraction to her and she was older, like her, like the energy, the conversations where we connected. [00:27:33] Speaker A: Emotional attraction. [00:27:35] Speaker D: If you really, really want to talk to me, talk about credit score, talk about health, talk about building, talk about all these different things. [00:27:43] Speaker C: So that's what I want to say. And I said this to neat. Now I can explain it a little bit better now because I said to something to neat tonight. And I said it to her in the past. I said I like unique. Yeah, right. And I like you too. Now I can explain it more, meaning I like your energy. And I said it a little bit more to you. Your energy. Your energy. And this is Yoshi. This is where. And you women could talk about this a little bit more. And Yoshi, you could jump in. Of course, you as a man is that you two have different energy. I can deal with her energy and I could deal with your energy. A lot of men can't deal. They don't bring that balance to the table. You say you want that know? And I give these examples like Stefan in family matters. When Urkel became Stefan, he became that cool. He had that swab. And when I talk to a lot of young ladies, they say you're different. It's not that I'm different, it's just that I move different and that's what happens. A lot of people is more rigid. They can't adapt to her, but they could adapt to you and vice versa. You understand what I'm saying? I can't adapt to you and adapt to her because they fit this criteria. But when you go, I hate to use to say go through life because you don't have to be that old. It's a mindset. It depends on who brings you up. Because like I said, I've been around the late musician Mtume and how Mtume moved with his younger children. His granddaughter, at 17, was very mature for her age and how they thought about life and how they brought up and what they are around. So that's what I Throw to you women, what are you all meeting out there in the sense of when it comes to men? [00:29:34] Speaker D: Are you all meeting men that bring. [00:29:36] Speaker C: Things to the table? [00:29:37] Speaker B: Nick has found someone. [00:29:39] Speaker D: Not all men are foolishness. All men are foolishness. But it's a lot at the moment. [00:29:44] Speaker A: A large amount of men are foolishness. Like to go into a crowd of men, you might get one good one out of 20. But let me finish this. In regards to you saying that this 17 year old was like mature and all of that. I think women are from birth, we are taught to be a certain way to help everybody else around us, to help men to understand that men might not be that smart, to understand that we have to do this, we have to do that, we have to take care of ourselves. We're kind of taught to. How can I be perceived as you was? I'm sorry. [00:30:23] Speaker D: No, actually, I love how I was bought up, so you don't have to apologize. But I wasn't taught that. I wasn't taught that men aren't intelligent like any of that. [00:30:35] Speaker C: Were you both brought up in a two parent household? You both were brought up in a two parent household? No, because that could make. Okay, because, see, my daughters would tell you if I wasn't in the house, their perception on certain things with men, they would have to draw it from outside, in places, but they didn't. They drew it from home because I was there. They saw me. As you talked about, the woman was taught this, about helping this and the man, that was the opposite. My wife was very intelligent, but I had to help with her health. I had to deal with my daughters when she was in the hospital. So there was that balance that we as parents, mother, mother and father gave to our daughters there. So they wasn't brought up in that. And then the late, not late. She's living. Shaharazad Ali wrote a book out there to women and men, how we. [00:31:32] Speaker B: So make sure that you pack that, make sure your team is sharp lawyers and all that. I don't just mean be put the business. I was like, oh, well, somebody's Bluetooth. [00:31:43] Speaker D: It's not mine. [00:31:44] Speaker B: No, I think it's from out there. No, I think it's somebody recording in the other room. [00:31:49] Speaker D: We still record it. [00:31:50] Speaker B: No, we are recording. [00:31:53] Speaker C: And I want to hear what you all got to say is the conditioning. [00:31:56] Speaker A: Conditioning of. I mean, not saying anything was wrong the way you were. I didn't want you to take that. [00:32:01] Speaker D: Oh, I didn't care. If I was offended, you would have heard it. I don't care. But. [00:32:05] Speaker A: No, but even I'm not done. [00:32:09] Speaker B: I'm done. Listen, technology has not been my friend today. I do not know what the hell is going on, but continue. My apologies. [00:32:23] Speaker A: But just as women just in the world, the world even teaches us that we have to be smarter than men. We have to understand that men may not understand how we come off or what we're thinking, or this, that, and the other. And it just comes off. Like when you say a 17 year old was kind of beyond her years. She was still a 17 year old. She was still only going to be able to understand life where she was and where and what she's actually able to experience, not what you have taught her. Her father taught her, her mother taught her, she's still only going to be able to understand from a 17 year. [00:33:04] Speaker D: Old mindset that part of it I agree with. But going kind of going back, I don't think that what you're saying is how the world thinks. Someone who's been to 47 different countries, that's not how women are taught. That's not what they're taught. I think this is, and this is where you go to what's being taught here. Civilization. So that's not everywhere. [00:33:34] Speaker A: That's correct. [00:33:35] Speaker D: That's just here. Because if you go to any African culture, and it could be different tribes or different whatever, they're not taught that. No, not at all, or even in Europe or whatever. So when you talk about that perspective, keep it. [00:34:00] Speaker C: Not into, and I'm not here to offend anybody, but I love my sisters. But if I said, if I did date outside of my race and I dated a white woman, I wouldn't want her to be American because of the conditioning of how we're conditioned, we condition. [00:34:16] Speaker D: So different, to be honest. Prime example, my home country, guinea basal women do everything, even down to pulling water out. The water well. For me, I'm not going to a water well and pulling water out, that's what a man is for. But women do it. They do it, even down to young kids. Like, I watched this seven year old have a stick with two big bucks water, buckle water. [00:34:44] Speaker C: I seen that when I went to. [00:34:46] Speaker D: And she was sprinting down the street or whatever, and I looked at my daughter, I said, shit. [00:34:50] Speaker C: Whoop you. [00:34:51] Speaker D: My daughter is a seven time national champion Dragonfield. It just kind of depends. [00:34:57] Speaker C: But the conception of that is. That's not the exact word I want to use. But when I went to Duffer, the duffer, I saw the same thing. So when I came back and I told my daughter, my youngest daughter, I said, when I was over in Africa, I said, the kids would want her. And my daughter cut me off. Oh, Daddy, they'd just be so happy to live in my room, right? She cut me off. I said, no, she wouldn't be so happy to live in your room. She'd be so happy to live in your closet. [00:35:29] Speaker D: My daughter had. Because I started, it's perception. [00:35:32] Speaker C: That's the word I was looking for. [00:35:33] Speaker D: Yeah, I started my daughter traveling very early. Countries that I go to, she goes with me majority of the time, and her first country was South Africa. I kind of eased her into west, so South was just like here. She loved it, had a great time. [00:35:46] Speaker C: You ain't got to take all the shots and stuff. [00:35:48] Speaker D: Well, no, you don't. That's the thing, because if people actually read it, says recommend it, it's not required. And then I took her over to Senegal and Guinea Basal. Guinea Basal is the third poorest country in the world. So once we hit the car, I took her to go get food, and kids were begging for her leftovers. And then just certain places where water is only on ever so often. Some people wash and you wash. Do. [00:36:15] Speaker C: Guinea women deal with the husband having more than one wife? [00:36:18] Speaker D: It depends. I have friends that actually have more than one wife, and then I have some. It depends if they practice the Muslim side or if they're Christian. Some don't. [00:36:35] Speaker C: What is the mindset of those women? [00:36:37] Speaker D: Talk about that mindset they've grown up in, but honestly, though. So a lot of people that I know have done their African ancestry DNA test. So I have men who live here in America that went over there with the intentions of picking up a second wife, not even discussing it with their wives, not even being okay or they are okay with it or whatever it may be. So I have someone that I met, he's 60. He went over with the intent. Him and his wife have been together for 30 years, and he went over with the intentions of picking up another wife or whatever. At first, his wife was like, nah, I'm not dealing with it. And he basically told her, hey, this is what I'm going to do. [00:37:17] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:37:18] Speaker D: And now me, on the other hand, I'm not going to get in between whatever you all discuss. You could tell she wasn't okay with it, but he was like, well, if she wants to make me happy, she'll go along with it or whatever. Needless to say, he found someone over there. It kind of didn't work out, but she basically had a choice. She deal with it or go or whatever for me, but I'm okay with walking away. But with her, she was just like, she was okay with it. Her and the wife, they had a group chat together. Even though the wife was over in West Africa and she's over in Cali with him, they had a group chat. The wife even went over there with them, and whatever they had going on, it worked for them. [00:38:06] Speaker A: Communication. [00:38:07] Speaker C: But let's make this a little more spicy. Let's make this a little bit more spicy. So I brought that up since you go mean when I say my immediate family is not from Africa, I know their ancestry there, and I've got chance to go over there. I've come out of the Islamic situation, so I can go into that conversation. But let's talk about Americanized here that there are a lot of men, you all want to say cheat, but they deal with more than one. They got a wife, they got a mistress. They got this. I hear from dude, I went to a party. I was told that a lot of men from the islands do that. And again, I've spoken with some men from the island, and some of them have done it. Some don't do it. Some, just like in America, there's some who are in monogamous relationships, but there's a lot of men that would tell their wives that they got something on the side, but they know their wives are not going to agree with it, and it's not cool. Now, I do respect you women that you should be given an option, but there are so many women out there say they won't do it, but they are in a polygamous relationship without knowing it today. And the reason why they won't tell you is because, A, you can't handle it, B, they can't handle losing you. You understand what I'm saying? But there is a lot of men that are in those type of relationships, and we see women do that, too. [00:39:32] Speaker A: At the end of the day, somebody can't handle it. That's not what they want. [00:39:37] Speaker B: That's not what they want. [00:39:43] Speaker D: Give me the option to decide whether I even want to deal with it, because if you're doing it, then that's giving me the green light to do whatever I want to do on the other side. [00:39:52] Speaker B: No, it don't. [00:39:52] Speaker D: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. [00:39:53] Speaker C: They don't think like that in a male chauvinist society. They don't think like that. [00:39:57] Speaker D: They don't. But that's the thing. [00:40:00] Speaker B: Not as I. [00:40:03] Speaker D: You'll be doing by yourself. You're right, and that's cool. But give me the option of whether. [00:40:10] Speaker C: I agree with that. [00:40:12] Speaker B: Women. Beyond that, tell me the truth. Tell me. I want to know. If you approach me like this, I. [00:40:17] Speaker D: Want to know ahead of time. [00:40:18] Speaker C: No. [00:40:18] Speaker D: What your intentions are. [00:40:19] Speaker B: You really don't. [00:40:20] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:40:21] Speaker C: And a lot of y'all women, not y'all are not putting y'all in this category. [00:40:24] Speaker D: Y'all just look, some women. [00:40:31] Speaker C: But when you hear, I don't want to hear no dealing with a woman. [00:40:35] Speaker A: 1 second. Why? [00:40:39] Speaker B: I don't want to hear no. [00:40:45] Speaker A: Is. [00:40:45] Speaker D: No good without a bucket underwater sea mammal. [00:40:48] Speaker B: I am not lying. [00:40:50] Speaker A: To you how you told me your intentions. I said no. [00:40:56] Speaker B: Exactly. I don't want to hear no. [00:41:01] Speaker A: I'm going to lie to you and manipulate. [00:41:03] Speaker B: I'm not lying or manipulating. [00:41:05] Speaker D: People end up on snap right there. [00:41:07] Speaker B: If you ask me no questions, I tell you no lies. [00:41:09] Speaker C: So when we say that when a man is dealing with another woman, it's always to the sex thing. So, ladies, explain both. I start with unique. Explain why you wouldn't do it. [00:41:22] Speaker D: Do what? Wouldn't do what? [00:41:24] Speaker C: If your man came to you and say, listen, I want to have another significant other that is going to not. [00:41:31] Speaker A: I'm with it, though. Yeah, I'm with it. [00:41:34] Speaker B: Nick's with it. [00:41:35] Speaker D: Okay, I want to hit a question. [00:41:40] Speaker B: Hold on. Now. [00:41:43] Speaker C: It's not about sex. It's about building a relationship. A polygamous relationship is about building. The person that I know was in a polygamous relationship. His wife is a professor and the other one is a professional entertainer. They both bring things to the table. They didn't need him. You understand what I'm saying? But they put this together and they work together. And that's what I'm asking you. Why wouldn't you deal with a polygamous relationship? [00:42:10] Speaker D: That's a personal choice for them and for me. I just don't want to. [00:42:13] Speaker C: Why? [00:42:14] Speaker D: I'm selfish. [00:42:15] Speaker B: She don't want to share. [00:42:15] Speaker D: I don't want to share. I don't want to hear. First, you ain't sticking your Peter weed in her. Then next coming to me. You're not doing this. It's just certain things I'm just not willing to deal with. And if he lies to you. [00:42:29] Speaker C: But if he lies to you for ten years and you don't know it, and he's sticking his pee in somebody. [00:42:34] Speaker D: Else, then he's going to eat something and probably pass out. [00:42:38] Speaker A: I like her. [00:42:40] Speaker C: On that note, don't blink hard at me. I didn't do that to you. [00:42:49] Speaker D: My lashes be sitting low one day. I thought I was going blind one day. [00:42:55] Speaker A: But before we go, real quick, the reason why you go ahead and play the music. But the reason why I like is because I'm about building community. I'm about building a family. [00:43:06] Speaker D: Now, people say, f them kids. F that community. [00:43:11] Speaker A: Because I feel like if everybody is on one accord, all bills can get paid. Everybody can go and do what they need to do, be where they need to be, get to where they need to get to nation. Yeah. It's not just on one person. So that's why I'm okay in regards to it. [00:43:29] Speaker D: My kids are grown, so I ain't got to worry about what nobody getting to. And my eleven year old is my roommate. So I guess we're good then. [00:43:37] Speaker B: All right. Once again, you all have been a complete and utter pleasure. [00:43:41] Speaker A: Yes, we have enjoyed you all. We'll probably be in trouble next week. [00:43:45] Speaker B: No, I'm going to get a phone call Wednesday afternoon. [00:43:49] Speaker A: Oh, you're going to get a phone call? [00:43:51] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm going to get a phone. What was going on on the show. But Cl, we love you. We miss you. Fatim. Tell people how they can find you again. [00:44:00] Speaker C: On Facebook, you can reach me at B-R-O bro. Fatine, Fatiyn. And on Instagram, you can reach me at Fatine F-A-T-I-Y-N again. [00:44:12] Speaker B: Ash, how could they find you? [00:44:14] Speaker D: Instagram. I am a quad nine. [00:44:16] Speaker B: I am a quad nine. Nick, I know they can't find you, but you can find me on Twitter, aka x at I am coachy, underscore Facebook, Yoshi English, and on Instagram and Snapchat at the 9th Wonder. Until next time, y'all, we're out another. [00:44:36] Speaker E: Episode of Relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on, iTunes, Google Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, nobody grinds like us and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcast. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear neek, email us at podcast at or call us at 843-10-8637 Follow us on Facebook at Relationship Status Podcast on Instagram and Twitter at Re lSTat podcast and don't forget to comment, share, five star rate, subscribe, and review.

Other Episodes