226th Date: I Can Tell Who's Grandmother is Under 40

[00:00:15] Speaker A: Welcome to relationship status. I am one of your hosts today. [00:00:18] Speaker B: Cl Butler and your boy. Use it in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to like share, follow, and five star rate. And if you want to join the conversation, email us Relstat [email protected] I know how you do, so I just want. [00:00:33] Speaker C: To make sure you did a whole lot better. [00:00:36] Speaker B: Okay? All right. [00:00:37] Speaker D: Enunciating your words, your letters, you can. [00:00:40] Speaker B: Also listen to the show on Relationshipstatuspodcast.com. [00:00:44] Speaker A: See? Talk to me. [00:00:46] Speaker B: Welcome back. [00:00:47] Speaker A: We have some guests. Some people are talking out of turn. I don't know why. [00:00:54] Speaker B: Recurring. [00:00:55] Speaker A: You could wait. [00:00:56] Speaker D: My, you started early in the podcast. Really, Mr. Butler? [00:01:02] Speaker A: Okay. [00:01:03] Speaker B: Did she call you Mr. Butler? [00:01:04] Speaker A: Yeah, and she made a Johnny Gill reference. Who knew that was going to happen today? Johnny Gill reference. That's always interesting. That voice you hear is a familiar one. [00:01:15] Speaker B: Yeah. Dr. Green. [00:01:17] Speaker D: Why are y'all so extra? Okay, hold on. [00:01:21] Speaker A: It's not extra because if I was a doctor, you couldn't call me by my name. [00:01:25] Speaker D: Well, first off, you extra. [00:01:26] Speaker A: Yeah, well, okay. I don't know what that means. If I went to school and got. [00:01:34] Speaker B: This for the amount of time I. [00:01:35] Speaker A: Think doctor comes along with it. [00:01:38] Speaker D: I mean, it does, but I'm just saying, y'all put this extra emphasis on it all the time. [00:01:42] Speaker A: I don't. I have, like, names like Sir Lawrence Lord. I have other titles like I don't go around. See, that's deeper and darker. I can't tell you about that. But I have been. I have been. [00:01:59] Speaker C: Oh, yes. [00:02:00] Speaker E: Well, anyway. [00:02:02] Speaker D: Hey, everybody. This is Rhonda House Butler. [00:02:07] Speaker A: First of my name, did you just say? [00:02:10] Speaker D: Oh, so now you, Game of Thrones. We're going in all different directions, I'm telling you. [00:02:17] Speaker B: But you were second. [00:02:18] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm first of my name, though. [00:02:20] Speaker B: You're first of your name? [00:02:21] Speaker A: Yes. [00:02:22] Speaker D: How you first of your name, man? [00:02:23] Speaker A: Because I'm the second. [00:02:26] Speaker B: I'm the first. [00:02:26] Speaker A: Second. I can't be the first. [00:02:29] Speaker D: 2Nd. There can only be one. [00:02:30] Speaker A: My dad's senior. I'm 1st. Second. And the only reason because is I have other family members with the same name, so I couldn't be junior. [00:02:39] Speaker D: What is this, George Foreman? [00:02:42] Speaker A: Listen, my dad's a legend. I don't know. I don't see why they liked him. So they named his nephews and named after him. [00:02:52] Speaker D: Interesting. [00:02:53] Speaker B: Okay. Nowhere to go with that, right? [00:02:57] Speaker A: Oh, I know you all not talking. [00:02:59] Speaker D: Let the butlers have their thing. [00:03:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Jaequan. Laquan. Shaquan. [00:03:05] Speaker D: What you're not going to do is come if you want to be technical, okay? So if you're going to say it and say it with emphasis, get it right. [00:03:16] Speaker A: What is your name? What is the origin of that name? [00:03:18] Speaker D: I'm named after my dad. His name was Frank. [00:03:21] Speaker A: I know you're not talking about the buttholes. I know you're not talking about the. [00:03:26] Speaker D: Mean. You don't hear me over here saying. [00:03:28] Speaker A: You don't think your name should be Frank. Rhonda, not fu. [00:03:33] Speaker D: First off, we're stretching it already with. [00:03:36] Speaker A: Fronda, okay, so you want to be. [00:03:37] Speaker D: Out here for Conda. [00:03:39] Speaker A: Listen, I don't know how you all get down. [00:03:41] Speaker D: We don't get down. Like, obviously, we let you all have your tradition. [00:03:47] Speaker A: Yes. [00:03:49] Speaker B: And we have guests. [00:03:51] Speaker A: I'm sorry. [00:03:55] Speaker B: All right, so we have with us from the sports zone. [00:04:00] Speaker A: The sports zone. [00:04:01] Speaker B: The big sports zone. Kayla, Ari, Ali. Ali. I'm sorry. [00:04:09] Speaker D: All right, help him out. [00:04:10] Speaker B: So sorry. [00:04:11] Speaker D: There you go. [00:04:11] Speaker A: Can your daughter name Kayla? [00:04:13] Speaker B: Yes, my daughter. [00:04:14] Speaker A: How can you remember Kayla? [00:04:17] Speaker B: I remember Kayla. [00:04:18] Speaker D: Yeah, he remembered the last name. [00:04:22] Speaker A: What's called Ali? [00:04:23] Speaker B: No, I said. [00:04:29] Speaker A: Why did you just say Kayla? [00:04:31] Speaker B: Well, because she goes by the sports zone with Kayla. [00:04:33] Speaker C: Ari, Ali, Ali. [00:04:36] Speaker D: I didn't do anything. [00:04:37] Speaker B: But you started looking over there already. I saw it from the side of my face. [00:04:43] Speaker D: Look straight ahead at the. Whatever this is. Oh, thank you. Yes, I did. They're cute, right? [00:04:48] Speaker A: They're like Turtle shell. What is that called? That's what it's called, right? That's not what it's called. Why are you laughing? That's what it's called. [00:04:59] Speaker D: Well, you are in rare form. What did you have today? [00:05:02] Speaker A: That's not Turtle shell or drink. What is that called? [00:05:04] Speaker D: Turtle Shell. [00:05:05] Speaker A: I know it is. [00:05:06] Speaker D: You better know your fashion. I know you're the one that was laughing and is laughing so hard. [00:05:12] Speaker A: Because I'll be right. He'd be surprised when I know a lot of things because I know a lot of things about a lot of. [00:05:17] Speaker B: Things because you don't never know when he's serious. [00:05:20] Speaker A: I'm serious. [00:05:21] Speaker B: You'll never know. What's he. [00:05:22] Speaker D: You don't know when he's serious because he never is serious. [00:05:25] Speaker B: No. [00:05:27] Speaker D: You need to really have a comedy show. [00:05:29] Speaker B: For real. [00:05:30] Speaker A: No, I just enjoy life, but I'm very serious. [00:05:33] Speaker D: You're very serious? [00:05:35] Speaker A: Yeah, I just don't take stuff very seriously. But I'm very serious. [00:05:38] Speaker D: That's the most oxymoronic thing I've ever heard in my life. [00:05:40] Speaker A: Thank you. You're welcome. [00:05:43] Speaker D: You know what Oxymoron is? I do. Okay. [00:05:45] Speaker A: I just want to make sure, like an idiot savant. You know what that is? [00:05:50] Speaker D: That's what you are. Idiot Samoan. You really that perfect? [00:05:54] Speaker A: My pops is? I think so. [00:05:57] Speaker D: Well, you got something else from him besides his name? [00:06:00] Speaker A: I do. [00:06:01] Speaker B: Okay. And we also have in the room, not to show if she would say anything much, she shall remain nameless. But she's in. Her mic is hot. Just in case she needs. [00:06:15] Speaker A: Just in case you need to jump. [00:06:17] Speaker D: In and say, please break it up, because I'm in the middle of. Come on, now, Kayla, you got to help me out. Keep them straight. [00:06:24] Speaker A: Yes. [00:06:25] Speaker C: Okay. [00:06:25] Speaker D: Between the two of. [00:06:27] Speaker A: So, Kayla, you would like to tell us a little about yourself? [00:06:32] Speaker C: Well, of course. I'm a graduate of Wilson High School. High school. [00:06:36] Speaker A: Okay. [00:06:36] Speaker B: Where's the loser? [00:06:37] Speaker D: Wilson? Now, first off, he talking about a loser. I wish that we were on video. So, y'all see this big old hat that's sitting on top of his head? [00:06:46] Speaker B: Listen, they pay the bills. [00:06:48] Speaker D: It doesn't matter. You don't have to rough him outside of the bills. [00:06:50] Speaker A: You don't. [00:06:52] Speaker B: The hat match. I got to wear this later. [00:06:54] Speaker A: Starting to buy in. He is. He's starting to buy in. [00:06:57] Speaker C: People buy in all the time. There is nothing wrong with. [00:07:00] Speaker B: No, let me tell you something. See, the only problem I have is if I wear anything remotely close to Red, I can't leave my classroom. Here you come with that red fox stuff again, I'll be like, all right, let me just stay in my room. [00:07:14] Speaker C: Once you enter the Tiger Den, you are a tiger. Why are you bringing other spirits in there? [00:07:21] Speaker B: I think there's another reason for that. [00:07:25] Speaker D: What's the reason? [00:07:26] Speaker B: Oh, because we put them out the playoffs last Year. So it's a little. [00:07:28] Speaker D: Oh, boy. [00:07:29] Speaker A: A little bit of that. [00:07:30] Speaker D: First off, it runs deeper towards me. [00:07:34] Speaker B: It's still a little residual. [00:07:35] Speaker D: I'm about to say. Miss Wilson, I feel like we talked about this before. [00:07:40] Speaker C: I would have been more concerned if you all didn't win, because the player team as many times as you have and you can't get one, wins matter. [00:07:49] Speaker D: When they count, right, Mike? [00:07:53] Speaker C: We end up winning the region. So did those other twins not count? [00:07:57] Speaker B: Oh, I got another. No, I got something else for you on that. Won the region a bunch of times no. [00:08:05] Speaker A: A bunch of times no. [00:08:06] Speaker B: In the seven years, I think they've only been in our region five years, they've won the region three times. [00:08:12] Speaker D: Who is they? [00:08:13] Speaker B: Of the. [00:08:13] Speaker D: Wilson put it three times on our name. [00:08:15] Speaker B: We won it one time. And that we beat them out that one time. Right. [00:08:20] Speaker C: That one time. [00:08:23] Speaker D: You're no longer a red fox. [00:08:24] Speaker A: But. [00:08:24] Speaker B: No, just proven point. But for six years, we had the player of the year in the region. Okay, but you all won the region. [00:08:30] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:08:30] Speaker C: Because it's a team sport, right. [00:08:35] Speaker A: I got more. I was trying to ride with you. [00:08:39] Speaker B: No, these other ones I will do off air. [00:08:41] Speaker A: Oh, wow. [00:08:45] Speaker C: I mean, if we were talking about singles tennis, I was right. [00:08:51] Speaker B: I don't want to pull some other cards out that really don't need to be said on air. I will say it off air. The other stuff I will say off air. [00:08:59] Speaker D: Kayla, over here got you to. [00:09:04] Speaker B: There are some things that I can't say that I will not record. [00:09:08] Speaker D: Whenever Kayla does her thing, y'all need to. They go, your controversy right there. [00:09:14] Speaker B: I wouldn't bring it up on. Yeah, I wouldn't do it on anything recorded. [00:09:18] Speaker D: Well, no, I'm not talking about whatever you're talking about. I'm just saying in general, that was a nice little debate back and forth. I was entertained. [00:09:23] Speaker A: So who won? [00:09:24] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:09:24] Speaker D: Kayla won. [00:09:25] Speaker E: Kayla won. [00:09:26] Speaker A: Tell me I got stuff I can't say. [00:09:28] Speaker B: I do got stuff I can't say on air. [00:09:30] Speaker A: Are you. [00:09:31] Speaker B: You gotta bring it up. [00:09:32] Speaker D: No, you should just left that in your head. Those that know we got off. What is he talking about? [00:09:40] Speaker B: Those that know, that's all. [00:09:44] Speaker D: I guess no one at this table. [00:09:45] Speaker A: Knows I was trying to ride with you, but. Okay. [00:09:47] Speaker B: NO, I get it. [00:09:48] Speaker A: Okay. All right. [00:09:49] Speaker B: The end of the day, we won handily when we were supposed to. [00:09:53] Speaker C: Okay, there you go. But what happened to that game after that? [00:09:56] Speaker B: We lost in the lowest state. How many state championships did y'all lose? A lot. [00:10:00] Speaker C: Well, we got there. [00:10:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. But the first loser. [00:10:05] Speaker C: Okay, you have that one. But we got there. [00:10:08] Speaker B: Okay. [00:10:10] Speaker C: How many teams didn't get there? A lot, but we were one of the two that got there. [00:10:14] Speaker B: But before that, then what? [00:10:18] Speaker D: This is entertaining. [00:10:20] Speaker A: You said me and you got to go strategize. [00:10:25] Speaker D: He's trying to hold things back. [00:10:32] Speaker A: You got to put it on the table. Double reverse. You got to do everything. [00:10:36] Speaker C: We can't be on the top every year. That's not in sports. They don't do it professionally, so you can't expect it in high school either. So of course we're going to lose some. [00:10:45] Speaker D: No, but you always expect. [00:10:48] Speaker B: You're always expected to be on the top, though. [00:10:50] Speaker D: At least you always expect it. Well, of course. That's Pride. What are we going to go around here. Oh, we're going to lose this season. You got to have pride in your team. [00:11:02] Speaker B: They had pride in the football team down to the last game. [00:11:09] Speaker D: Yes. I mean, at the end of the day, first off, I equate Wilson fans to Cowboys fans. [00:11:15] Speaker C: No, we're not going there today because we're actually realistic. [00:11:18] Speaker D: We're realistic. We're not going there today. We're realistic. Cowboys fans are not today. We're not going there today. Okay, but anywho, as I was saying, you're talking about, first off, you're saying we have pride in them or we. [00:11:34] Speaker B: Have your pride, but I applaud the pride. [00:11:38] Speaker D: First off, they come from the whole team. Like, whether they win or lose, they're still ours. [00:11:43] Speaker B: I get it. [00:11:44] Speaker C: So we're supposed to just dog them. [00:11:47] Speaker B: Or be real about it? [00:11:48] Speaker C: We are real about it. [00:11:50] Speaker D: We can recognize that they lost without. [00:11:52] Speaker C: During homecoming week, everyone was saying how Wilson, y'all got all this pride, but y'all football team going to lose. And we say, yeah, we know we're probably going to lose. It's not going to be pretty, but they are boys. We're going to support them. So we were supposed to have a horrible homecoming because our team sucked? [00:12:10] Speaker B: Homecoming. [00:12:11] Speaker D: I talked to you because I actually was on the podcast a homecoming weekend, Ariel and myself, and you asked the question of what is it like? How is it that y'all can have all this pride and you're losing? And I told you it was deeper than that. It's about the history of Wilson and where it is that we've come from more so than it is about a football team or a basketball team or any given sport or anything that's happening. This is history. We are standing on the shoulders of Giants, of people long before us. So that history is always run deep. [00:12:41] Speaker C: And I equate that to Green. I equate that to being at an HBCU. Yeah, like you go to HBCU. I'm so sorry. I don't care how good your football team is, that game is secondary. It's the atmosphere around it that makes you have pride in it. [00:12:58] Speaker D: HBCU. [00:12:59] Speaker B: I'm not disagreeing with that statement. [00:13:03] Speaker C: That's why I say we're not Dallas Cowboys fans. [00:13:06] Speaker D: We're prideful. Why do you even have to bring that? I equate Dallas Cowboys fans. Okay, so let's peel back the layers. So he's bringing up Dallas Cowboys because I am a Cowboys fan. [00:13:18] Speaker C: Okay. [00:13:19] Speaker D: And we've already also established in a previous podcast that I'm unlike episode, but okay, what'd I say? [00:13:27] Speaker B: Podcast boy? [00:13:29] Speaker D: Same difference. To me, that's a motto in a previous episode that I'm unlike most Cowboys fans, I'm not delusional. I understand. And most times when you come for me, what happened? Do I say anything? No, I agree with you. [00:13:46] Speaker B: I mean, you get all the memes. [00:13:47] Speaker D: And first, listen, Dr. Green. [00:13:53] Speaker A: Let'S discuss your relationships. Wilson and Cowboys. [00:13:59] Speaker D: Let's dig deep. Why? First off, we've talked about this already. [00:14:02] Speaker A: This is a point of contention for you, so let's dig. Who's these giants, y'all standing on the people before us? [00:14:10] Speaker D: Wilson was the only school that black people could go to in Florence for a long. [00:14:15] Speaker A: I knew. I know. [00:14:17] Speaker D: He knows that, too. [00:14:18] Speaker B: She said it last time. [00:14:20] Speaker D: You knew that even before I said that. [00:14:22] Speaker A: Okay. [00:14:22] Speaker D: There is no way that you can live in this area for the amount of time that you live in this area and not is. [00:14:31] Speaker B: You're more than welcome to. [00:14:32] Speaker A: Yes. [00:14:33] Speaker E: I said I wasn't going to say anything. [00:14:35] Speaker D: I know you weren't. [00:14:36] Speaker B: She can hold back. [00:14:38] Speaker E: I can't. And only because I am not from Florence. I did not graduate from Wilson High School. I am not a product of Wilson. However, the admiration that I have for them, it takes you getting involved, it takes you understanding our heritage. And I'm saying African American heritage. I am from Lake City and I know that we had our own high school in Lake City, but we folded when they wanted to merge. My know, my ancestors said, OK, good, we'll merge. We'll make it one high school where blacks and whites can come and matriculate, whereas the people at Wilson said, no, we will not conform. We like y'all just fine, but we are not going to. Because when you merge, then you are giving up some aspects of your identity. You are then foregoing some of the things that you believe in. And they withstood everything that came at them and they said, nope, we will keep our school on our side of town. And with that, just hearing that, talking to the Harry Carsons and listening to the Jeff Scott's, those former coaches of Wilson High School who actually graduated from South Carolina State University as well, them standing firm on this is what we believe, this is what we will do. And there are so many times that we as African Americans, we conform. We give in because we are one of the most forgiving races where we will agree to go along with whatever the norm is or this looks positive. This looked like forward progress for our people, for our children. But at some point, they're not showing us everything. They'll show us the right hand, but the left hand is doing something completely different. So I commend those people from Wilson High School who said, all right, it's okay. We understand what y'all are trying to do. You can come to our school, but we're not changing our name. We're not changing our heritage. You are welcome. We are forgiven. We'll let you come and grace our hallways, but we will not merge. So with that, I bought in. I bought in. [00:17:06] Speaker D: You did, too. [00:17:07] Speaker E: How it works. I see how it works. I'm all in. [00:17:11] Speaker A: I understand why I show up to work. Yes. And that is why women should change their last names when they marry me. [00:17:19] Speaker D: Oh, my God. [00:17:23] Speaker A: I brought it back. Full circle. [00:17:25] Speaker B: Bring it right back. [00:17:26] Speaker A: See, that's why you change your name. [00:17:28] Speaker D: Why I'm trying to connect everything Mama Ali said. She just said that means that no one should change their name. Everybody should keep their name. [00:17:38] Speaker A: No. [00:17:39] Speaker D: What was the connection? [00:17:40] Speaker A: The man is Wilson. That's what it means. [00:17:50] Speaker E: For which I serve. I serve the kids of Wilson, Williams, Wilson, the North Florence area. And if they have nothing else, they have pride. My grandson, who all of his mom, his grandparents graduated from Wilson. And he told me, I mean, he's six years old, and he said, grandma, I'm a baby tiger. So it's embedded in them. It's like my dad teaching me to be prideful about my last name, about my last name. [00:18:21] Speaker A: The last name, because y'all are one now. [00:18:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:27] Speaker E: I don't mind wearing my husband's last name. [00:18:29] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:18:31] Speaker E: I wear mine, too, but I wear my husband. I don't agree with that, because he is my husband. [00:18:36] Speaker A: There you go. [00:18:39] Speaker B: Why? [00:18:40] Speaker D: I wouldn't even necessarily say hyphenated. My mom's made her middle name her last name. [00:18:45] Speaker B: I've seen that happen. That's cool. [00:18:47] Speaker D: You're good with that. [00:18:48] Speaker B: I'm good with that. Hyphenated. [00:18:50] Speaker A: I'm not. I'm against that. [00:18:52] Speaker B: Hyphenated. We ain't doing hyphenated. [00:18:53] Speaker D: I have a hyphenated name. [00:18:54] Speaker A: Do you? Yes. [00:18:56] Speaker E: She has a hyphenated name because she did not. [00:18:59] Speaker C: It was my decision. [00:19:00] Speaker D: Yes. [00:19:01] Speaker B: What? [00:19:01] Speaker C: It was my decision. [00:19:02] Speaker A: At what age? [00:19:05] Speaker E: 7Th grade, about 13. [00:19:07] Speaker A: Oh, no. I wasn't allowed to have wrong decisions. Listen to your mom and your dad. [00:19:11] Speaker E: My husband and I controlled every aspect of her life except for her hair. [00:19:15] Speaker A: Okay. [00:19:16] Speaker E: And she had some say in some things. And her name was Hyphen. [00:19:21] Speaker A: Okay. [00:19:21] Speaker C: Yeah, it's Hyphen. [00:19:22] Speaker A: So what made you just thought that would be cool, or you, like, I look. [00:19:26] Speaker C: No, not at all. [00:19:27] Speaker A: Because you wanted to represent. [00:19:29] Speaker E: Write down my name. [00:19:29] Speaker C: It could be really long. So it was just, I want to represent both. Without both of my families, there's no Kayla Ali. So why can't I showcase both of those at the same time? And then how I grew up. I really grew up with my grandparents. Until my granddad, I was Miss McClam, okay? That's who I was. I'm the baby of 19 grandkids. 19. So I'm the baby baby. So to everyone, I was Miss McClam. And then it's like, then when my grandfather passed, I was like, I can't give that up. [00:20:06] Speaker A: Meaning behind. Not like she's not holding their name, just. [00:20:12] Speaker D: No, mine is very similar. And I've said this before, but my dad only had girls. So with me, with my sister, we change our name. Then his lineage, it doesn't die because we are distance. But his last name will no longer be except for, like, with his siblings and nephews and things of that sort, but from his direct line. [00:20:38] Speaker C: And I can attest to that, too, because my dad has pretty much girls, but I have my dad's middle name, Ali. So that's a name that I'm going to pass down to my kids, and then hopefully, my kids pass that down to their. [00:20:53] Speaker D: Mean. So that's really what it is for. [00:20:55] Speaker C: Like, even with the. [00:20:56] Speaker D: Y'all talk about the Cowboys, y'all talking about names. All of it is connected at the end of the day, to my dad. [00:21:04] Speaker A: To your dad. I thought it's connected to relationships, okay? [00:21:07] Speaker D: To my relationship. [00:21:09] Speaker A: See, that's what I told you earlier. [00:21:12] Speaker D: Because I'm a Cowboys fan. Because that's what he was. He passed away when I was 13 years old. And like I said, he didn't have boys. My oldest sister, we won't even say what fan she is because that might be a little even worse than the cowboys I'm picking up and I'm carrying on the torch. [00:21:35] Speaker A: Okay, I understand. [00:21:37] Speaker D: And I don't say that I won't take on my husband's last name or that I even have a problem with taking on my husband's last name, because I will have just as much pride about the family that we will build together with him as the head as, you know, of being the single woman that I am as a green right now. But I'm not going to completely let that go because all of that's part of my identity and who I am. As Kayla was talking about. [00:21:59] Speaker B: So you're going to make your middle name Green. [00:22:01] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:22:02] Speaker A: See? [00:22:02] Speaker B: Cool. [00:22:03] Speaker A: This is why we the number one podcast. We've never even had that conversation before. [00:22:07] Speaker C: No. [00:22:08] Speaker B: Get it up out of. [00:22:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:11] Speaker D: Yes, we've had this conversation. [00:22:13] Speaker A: That was Taylor Rooksie. See how I just got a story right about a little bit. Boom. [00:22:19] Speaker D: Because first off, you gave our time about the whole cowboys thing and you were like, oh, Yusuf, you're a terrible reports person. Because she's a Cowboys fan? Because of her dad. [00:22:30] Speaker A: One way he led you. [00:22:35] Speaker D: Listen, you better let him rest in peace. [00:22:43] Speaker A: Okay, now we actually have a show. [00:22:45] Speaker B: This is a good intro. [00:22:48] Speaker D: Long intro remix. [00:22:51] Speaker A: Okay, well, we do have some questions we need to answer. [00:22:54] Speaker B: First one is from our social media. Once again, if you want to join the group relationship status advice group. And also, we got to take advice lightly. Yeah, take advice lightly. Take it really lightly. [00:23:12] Speaker A: Wouldn't follow that. [00:23:14] Speaker B: All right, so the question was, a man has an issue with his baby mother calling herself a single mom. He feels it makes it seem like he's not involved. Does he have a point Cl U first? [00:23:28] Speaker A: No. I would like to start with Miss I was born in the 19 hundreds. I have a very different view of what's happening here. So we need a more. [00:23:42] Speaker D: Caleb, what year were you born? [00:23:43] Speaker C: 2000. [00:23:44] Speaker D: Oh, you right there. Yeah. Dang. [00:23:47] Speaker A: 2000. [00:23:47] Speaker B: The year we thought it was going to end. [00:23:49] Speaker D: Right. I would like to know as mom, what were you thinking when we were thinking that the world was ending and you were out here pregnant, about to bring a baby into the world as everybody else preparing for the apocalypse? [00:24:02] Speaker B: Yeah, man, listen, at 12:00 hit, everybody was like, everybody? [00:24:05] Speaker A: Yeah. You all ran to church, too. [00:24:11] Speaker B: We don't go out, we go party. [00:24:14] Speaker D: Are the lights going to come on? Is everything going to shut down? Beautiful. That was a crazy time. [00:24:21] Speaker A: Wow. [00:24:21] Speaker E: I remember that. [00:24:22] Speaker A: You're not a January baby, are you? [00:24:24] Speaker C: No, I'm an April baby. [00:24:25] Speaker B: Okay. [00:24:25] Speaker A: That'd be crazy. The last baby going to be born. Okay. [00:24:38] Speaker B: What do you got? [00:24:42] Speaker C: Single just means relationship status. [00:24:44] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:24:44] Speaker C: It doesn't mean the involvement of the other parent. [00:24:48] Speaker D: Come on, Kayla. [00:24:49] Speaker C: I don't think he should have a problem with her saying that she's single. [00:24:53] Speaker A: Okay, that is a good answer. Because he didn't even think of that. [00:24:57] Speaker B: No, I did. [00:24:58] Speaker A: He was offended. [00:24:59] Speaker D: You were offended? [00:25:01] Speaker B: I think that single. When somebody says single parent or single mom, single dad, it has a negative connotation to the parent that is not there. It's just negative outlook. If somebody says, hey, I'm a single, this. It just comes off societally. [00:25:18] Speaker A: Not to me. Now, I just don't think you know what you're talking about because I get on him that I'm a single father. You're not. [00:25:23] Speaker B: Okay, he does, but I'm saying it in a sense of the relationship that I have. But I think that there's been more people to use it as single as in the singleness of what they are doing as a parent and not having another person. So when someone says it and the noncustodial parent hears it, it's almost as if to say to them, it's almost as if to say that I don't do nothing. [00:25:53] Speaker A: Would that be like dads feel that way? Because I don't know if moms feel that. Moms laugh when dad said they're single. [00:25:59] Speaker D: Dad, but I mean, technically everybody is a single parent in this situation if. [00:26:04] Speaker B: You all aren't together, if you're not together. But I think that the word really took. I think the phrase really took off when people were discussing the fact that fathers weren't there. And I think that it's more so fathers feel offended than mothers feel offended. [00:26:23] Speaker A: I blame fantasia. [00:26:28] Speaker B: That's where it started at with Fantasia. [00:26:31] Speaker A: When they had their own theme music. I'm just giving you my point of view. I say, oh, this is going to be a problem. [00:26:42] Speaker D: Well, to that point, I don't even like the term baby mama and baby daddy, baby father and all that stuff, because first off, that takes on for me a negative connotation. And I am your child's mother. I am your child's father, but I'm not your baby mama. [00:27:02] Speaker C: No. [00:27:05] Speaker D: Because I don't know. That rubs me more the wrong way than somebody saying that they are a single mom or a single dad or whatever it is that they are. That in a day you are. And I think it all depends on the context in which you're saying whatever it is that you're saying. Now you getting on social media and I'm a single mama because I'd be doing. That's a whole lot different than usually. [00:27:27] Speaker B: Where you see it, though. That's usually where you see it. Inherent is in those instances and get. [00:27:32] Speaker D: Offended in those instances. I don't say get offended by the blanket statement of single mom or single dad because if I'm meeting somebody for the first time and I'm talking about my kid or whatever the case is. Yeah. What would you like to say? I'm a single person that's a mother. I don't know. I feel like most things it depends on what kind of context you're talking about. [00:27:58] Speaker A: You don't believe men use that to garner a certain amount of sympathy from women? [00:28:02] Speaker D: What? Single father? [00:28:03] Speaker A: Yes, I'm a single father. I have three daughters. It kind of pulls at your heartstrings a little. [00:28:07] Speaker D: No. [00:28:08] Speaker A: Yes, it does. [00:28:09] Speaker D: Especially if you aren't. [00:28:11] Speaker B: If you aren't the custodial parent. [00:28:12] Speaker A: Oh, they lying so that don't garner sympathy. [00:28:19] Speaker D: Parent or not, you are a single parent. [00:28:22] Speaker A: Yeah, but I'm trying to get leverage. [00:28:24] Speaker D: Oh, well, I mean, if your intentions are impure when you're using the term, then that's something altogether different. [00:28:29] Speaker A: Okay, I'll let him know. That's not right. [00:28:34] Speaker D: You couldn't let him know that before. [00:28:36] Speaker B: I tried to tell him. [00:28:37] Speaker A: But the way you verbalize, I have a clear understanding. Like, that's not right. And I'm all about black men. Held black men accountable. That's not right. Don't do that. Please. [00:28:47] Speaker D: Give us all a break. [00:28:48] Speaker A: I'm just telling you what I do. [00:28:49] Speaker B: What's your view Cf on? [00:28:52] Speaker A: I agree with the ladies, actually. I just think it's a bad term to even use. And I don't know about everybody's relationship, but I don't think either parent should ever discredit the other one unless you're talking to them. Or maybe you're a media family, but just for the world. No, because I grew up in a house. I don't know if my mom and daddy had problems or not. I don't know. Nothing was a child. [00:29:18] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:29:19] Speaker A: And I think it helps the kid, because kids are facing too many adult problems without the understanding. AnD when you start creating that back and forth, I'm like, oh, my God. I've heard your daddy ain't nothing. [00:29:39] Speaker D: Yeah, my daddy bought me this. [00:29:43] Speaker A: So that man should buy everybody if he can afford it. I think it just hurts the children. [00:29:52] Speaker D: Yeah. I think parenting and I don't have any children, I'll put that disclaimer out here, but me either. [00:29:58] Speaker A: That's why we know the most. [00:30:02] Speaker D: You 1000% right? You know the most about what? You ain't got nothing going on in it. [00:30:06] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:30:06] Speaker D: I'll be watching them. From what I observe about parenthood, parenthood is hard. Being a parent, whether you are single or together, Parenthood is hard. And I imagine that it is ten times harder when you do have to do any aspect of it by yourself at any given time. And I think that's where the whole singleness can come into play, because there are parts that you have to do alone. I don't care how involved the parent is. If you're not custodial. Yeah. If you're not the custodial parent, there are things that you have to do by yourself. Decisions that have to be made. If a kid gets sick in the next day, you're the one that has to take care of that kid. So, I mean, there are aspects of it that is single. Whether you are as involved as you possibly can be or not, unless you're in that house day in and day out, that person is a single parent. [00:31:05] Speaker B: In some instances, I can say, because I'm technically on bump. I am on both sides of the spectrum. [00:31:10] Speaker A: So why? [00:31:14] Speaker D: I both joked on my. What? I would have died on this podcast episode. [00:31:26] Speaker A: I'm just asking. [00:31:27] Speaker D: I would have been mad. [00:31:28] Speaker A: No. [00:31:29] Speaker B: Okay. [00:31:30] Speaker A: I didn't know. I was trying to. [00:31:32] Speaker D: Where did I even go? [00:31:33] Speaker A: Because he said I'd be triggered. I'd be triggered by a lot of stuff. Like, I don't know. You triggered me. Go ahead. I'm sorry. Anyway. [00:31:43] Speaker B: Okay. But. [00:31:51] Speaker A: I'm just saying. I don't know. [00:31:56] Speaker D: I am so glad your brain is not. You are a miss he writing up show titles. Okay, make your point, please. [00:32:08] Speaker B: What I was going to say was, and I think that a lot of times I used to be offended by the statement, because in my mind, I was doing. Paying my child support. I was showing up when I had it, when I was supposed to show up, showing up when I didn't have to show up and doing my part. Now being on the opposite end of it for the last five years, it's like, no, you're not doing enough. [00:32:36] Speaker A: Would you rather just pay child support? [00:32:37] Speaker B: Yes, I would. [00:32:40] Speaker A: I'll be a good payer. [00:32:43] Speaker B: What it did do was it gave me perspective, and it actually made me do a lot more. I want to say a lot more, but I've been doing more over the past five years for the kids that don't live with me, because I've realized how much they're actually doing day to day. It's the day to day stuff. It really ain't the child support money, because no matter what they saying, it ain't enough. I don't care what it is. They said it just ain't going to be enough. That's why when celebrities. When people be going off about 250,000, man, look, no matter what it is, the custodial parent is not going to be happy with what's being sent. It's just the way it is because, man, I got to spend this extra gas when I could just go straight to work. Now I got to go to the school to work, back to the school to aftercare, back to work, to the house, to soccer. Yeah, you pay for soccer, but you ain't paying for the back and forth to soccer or the showing up or it's just a lot of stuff that you not there for. That I understand, since I've been on the other side of it. So whereas I used to be offended, now I'm no longer offended. And it's actually put me in a place to do a lot more than I was doing before, prior to my situation as it is now. And I think that more noncustodial parents do need to take that into account, is it's not about when you show up, it's when you're not there. And those are the times in which it really like you breaking up, fights all the time, the arguing. You don't have a moment's peace. I think somebody said to me the other day was like, well, you don't have anywhere for your kids. I said, no, I don't. I can't just pawn them off on somebody every 10 seconds. They got to go. They got to go. [00:34:34] Speaker A: That wasn't me. [00:34:35] Speaker B: No, it was not. [00:34:35] Speaker A: You see, I sound a little insensitive. No, I am. [00:34:39] Speaker B: No. If somebody wants to do something, I can't readily do it. And I think that's also a part of being a custodial parent that the non custodial parents don't understand. They can up and go on vacation when they're ready. [00:34:56] Speaker A: That sounds. And it don't shot and it don't stop it. [00:35:00] Speaker B: No, because then it's at me, too, because I've been on the other side of it. I'm speaking from both sides. [00:35:07] Speaker A: Since you came out of the closet, you become a better parent all the way around. [00:35:10] Speaker C: And also, being a parent doesn't stop when the child turns 18. [00:35:14] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:35:15] Speaker C: I'm 23, and I pretty sure now that I'm back in my house, my mom doesn't get peace. [00:35:22] Speaker B: Listen, I understand. I got two daughters in college now. I know it don't stop at 18. [00:35:25] Speaker A: So you don't even try to give her peace? [00:35:27] Speaker C: Well, I do try, because I'm a social person. But I love my alone time more than anything else. So if I'm in my room and I'm by myself, I'm chilling, I'm okay with that. I'll come out from time to time, we talk a little bit, but more than likely, I let it be by myself. [00:35:44] Speaker A: Okay. With that statement made. Let me ask your mom something. Now, your daughter looks like she's telling the truth. She got a very honest face, but she lying a little bit. [00:35:55] Speaker E: No. [00:35:56] Speaker A: Okay. [00:35:57] Speaker E: She likes her a long time. [00:35:58] Speaker A: Just making sure. [00:35:59] Speaker E: She likes to invade my space as. [00:36:00] Speaker A: Well, so she won't be on you. [00:36:02] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:36:02] Speaker A: Okay. [00:36:03] Speaker D: Nice little balance. [00:36:04] Speaker C: Not as much as my brother, but yeah. If my mom in the bathroom and I got something to tell her, I don't care. We're going to have this discussion right now. [00:36:14] Speaker A: That's no peace. [00:36:15] Speaker C: We got to talk about it right now and then also me and my mom. Well, I think just any people in my family, General, I have a really close relationship with them. So it was like when I graduated college and I moved nine and a half hours away from home two weeks after I graduated college and I was away for 15 months. So I'm just happy to have everyone in my space readily instead of me having to take a flight or constantly on the phone calling them. You know what? I'm just to try to feel at home. So now That I am at home, I do like my lone town still, but it's like, oh, you're right here. [00:36:56] Speaker A: That's good. When you like your family. I mean, I love my family. [00:36:59] Speaker D: I'm about to say Cl, you love. [00:37:00] Speaker A: Oh, no, I understand all the increments, but I'm one of the few nephews, sons, grandchildren who understand everybody. So I get along with all of them, but some they don't. Why are you talking to my uncle like that? That's crazy. That's my guy. [00:37:19] Speaker D: That's me. [00:37:22] Speaker A: That's my man right there. [00:37:24] Speaker D: He did what? [00:37:26] Speaker A: Jesus Christ. [00:37:28] Speaker D: Oh, my gosh. [00:37:29] Speaker B: We had some comments. One, Landa Young, she said she is single. She's single and a mom. It sounds like he has insecurities about his role. If she is the custodial parent, whether he is helping out or not, she's doing the majority of the parenting. If they have joint custody, maybe not. Either way, that term is correct. She is dealing with issues that arise alone, even if he is a phone call or check away. I have been both single mom and now married with kids. The parenting load is much different when there's a second parent available to assist daily. [00:38:05] Speaker D: Okay, you had a reaction. Cl, what was your reaction about? [00:38:09] Speaker A: All she had to do is forgive him. He did something. [00:38:17] Speaker D: Forgive who? [00:38:19] Speaker A: Her baby father. [00:38:20] Speaker D: And then they would have been back together probably. Well, it's not like she don't want to be back when she married somebody else. [00:38:26] Speaker A: Forgive and forget go together. [00:38:28] Speaker E: I think she said it was about his insecurities. [00:38:31] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. [00:38:32] Speaker E: A male's insecurity. How's she know that then? That's right. That's not what. I don't think she knows. Because we're not. Maybe. I mean, you're a doctor. I don't know. [00:38:41] Speaker A: Yeah, she's a doctor. She plays one daily. [00:38:46] Speaker E: Psychology or medicine? [00:38:48] Speaker D: No, it is in education. [00:38:51] Speaker E: Okay. [00:38:51] Speaker D: So don't listen to them. [00:38:53] Speaker A: Yes. [00:38:54] Speaker D: Okay. [00:38:54] Speaker E: I don't know which, but. [00:39:00] Speaker A: I think. [00:39:00] Speaker E: We should be quick to say someone is insecure because I can be very confident in something, but that doesn't mean that I'm always on your level, because I don't know what your expectations are or what your requirements are. But that don't mean that I'm insufficient. That don't mean that I'm inadequate. That just means that I'm not whatever you need or want me to be in that particular time or space. So I'm not going to rush to say he's insecure about it. He's just in his feelings. He thinks that I still help. So you shouldn't say that you're single. But now, in her defense, if you're not married to her, she is single. [00:39:42] Speaker A: Talk to these women. [00:39:43] Speaker E: And I know I've been a single mom. I was a single mom since I was 17. Three years into being 17, I was not alone. I was just single. I was not married. I had a support system, an amazing support system, because who gets to still go to college and be a college kid at 17 with a child and still enjoy all the amenities that comes with being in college without having to worry about going to work or. Well, I have to do this and I go to college. No, I just wasn't with my son's father. [00:40:19] Speaker B: Okay. [00:40:20] Speaker E: And let me give you this. You can be married and still have single responsibilities in your marriage. [00:40:26] Speaker A: Really? [00:40:27] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:40:27] Speaker E: I love my husband to death. And my husband is an awesome husband. He's an awesome father. But my daughter is right there. She will tell you there are certain things. Most of the things, 96% of the time, they're coming to Mama and not Daddy. And sometimes I get mad at my husband because he can sit and chill and we have adult children, but he can sit and chill when Mama. It's like the nature of the beast with being a mom or that parent who has the connection with the child. You could be the husband in a marriage and the kids come to you. It depends on your connection with your children. That really determines who's going to have the most responsibility. I'm just saying, because my brother was a single father, all of us have been married. All of my siblings and I, we've all been married. And still it's going to be one or the other in the relationship that carries the burden. And I look at it as who is connected with that child. One could be more connected with the son, one could be more connected with the daughters. It depends. [00:41:34] Speaker A: You don't think just going back to Me growing up as a child scared. I think he's sending them kids to you. That's all my dad. [00:41:46] Speaker C: No, it's not that. He would love for me and my brother to come to him more, but it's just my dad's the chill parent. My dad's the dad is like, it's okay. There's no need to freak out. You will be all right. We're going to make it work. Now you go to Mama. Mama might be a little snippy in the beginning, but you know it's going to get done. You know, whatever it is is going to get done. It's just not that dad can't get it done. Dad like to take his time and get it done. And then when we come to Mama, we don't got time no more. It's time to move. We got to make quick decisions. So we go to Mama more. So it's not necessarily like I said, my dad would probably be ecstatic if every little problem I had, I go to him, but I'm going to call Mama. [00:42:37] Speaker A: So what, you're telling me my father sucked? [00:42:39] Speaker B: No, he wasn't as good because he. [00:42:42] Speaker A: Just go talk to your mom. [00:42:43] Speaker E: And that was my dad. My dad would be like, what did your mom say exactly? [00:42:47] Speaker A: He was like, because I'm not getting in trouble for you. [00:42:51] Speaker D: That was what I was about to say. It's probably more so the mom wants to have that response because you don't want you to mess up. And then she didn't have to go back and fix it anyway. [00:43:02] Speaker A: When she get going to get about ten minutes. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ just beat me. Don't talk to me. [00:43:14] Speaker B: This next one, I really want to get you guys response to IBN. He says, ibn, Ibn, Ibn, Ibn Abdullah. [00:43:26] Speaker A: This is America. [00:43:28] Speaker D: Wow. Because you already know this one over here. [00:43:37] Speaker B: She is a single mom but not a single parent. Fathers are not supposed to be at home. He is supposed to be out conquering the world, bringing in the revenue. My dad left when I was. [00:43:48] Speaker A: I told you. [00:43:51] Speaker B: Wait, let me finish. My dad left when I was seven, but played a major role in my life. My mom could always threaten me with my father, and that meant something to us kids. I often have to explain to my mom, who thinks she raised us alone. She was a single mom, not a single parent. [00:44:08] Speaker D: Wait. Okay, can you read the first daddy. [00:44:13] Speaker A: Pose to be there? [00:44:15] Speaker D: The first couple of lines. One more again. [00:44:18] Speaker B: She is a single mom, not a single parent. Fathers are not supposed to be at home. He is supposed to be out conquering the world, bringing in the revenue. [00:44:29] Speaker A: Ladies, go. [00:44:33] Speaker E: Does he think we are lions? [00:44:40] Speaker C: I'm very confused. [00:44:42] Speaker E: I'll pass on that one. [00:44:44] Speaker A: Okay. [00:44:46] Speaker E: Some things don't. Doesn't merit a response. [00:44:49] Speaker C: As someone who has had both parents in my household, both of them have made a significant impact on my life. So I can't imagine me not having a real relationship with my dad, but he just sending money, because in my mind, that's not a real relationship. It's like, I'm a bill you got to pay. And it's like, what do you know about me? You don't know anything about me. I tell people all the time. One of the things I love about my dad is if I'd be like, dad, I'm hungry. I don't know what I want to eat. And he'll be like, you want me to surprise you? And I say, yes. My dad can go to any restaurant, and he know my order. I don't have to tell him. He know every order down to what condiments I want. What condiments I don't want what I want to drink from each restaurant, and I do not. [00:45:32] Speaker E: And my mama don't know none of. [00:45:33] Speaker C: That, but my daddy do. I didn't know my blood type, but my daddy knew my blood type, so. [00:45:40] Speaker D: He just knows that stuff. [00:45:42] Speaker C: So I can't imagine not having that in my life. So it's like, I'm not a bill to him. I'm his child. I think that person is trying to mask the hurt of not having their father in their life. So they're saying that that's how it should be when really deep down inside they want a daddy. [00:46:03] Speaker A: She read him for filth. [00:46:04] Speaker D: Yeah. I want to know more because it's kind of like a contradiction of sort. Because she said that she's a single mom, she's not a single parent. He said that, okay, that might make it a little bit worse, but. All right. So he said that, and then also followed it up with, but the dad is not supposed to be in the home. Where is the dad? Supposed to be? I mean, you conquer the world. Go ahead, we can all do that. But you guys still come home. Were you sleepinG? Were you getting your rest? Were you eating? I don't know. I have questions. We might need to invite him on the show. Yeah. [00:46:45] Speaker C: With them being a man, it's like, do you think you gonna do that? [00:46:48] Speaker D: Yeah. You're just gonna have kids and dip. [00:46:50] Speaker C: And be sending them. I'm just sending them money. So I'm a great dad, but you don't know what school they go to. [00:46:55] Speaker D: Or they teach a name. I was a bit confused by that one. [00:47:01] Speaker B: All right, all right, next one. WC Freeman. I would like to have a little more context to the statement before taking any position. Without any context, it's impossible to validate the dad's concerns or to support the MaMA statement. Yes, her relationship status may be single and she is a parent. However, everyone understands the term single parent carries its own connotation that goes far beyond saying, I am a parent who's not currently in a relationship. It is also problematic to jump to the conclusion that the dad's sentiments come from a place of insecurity. That particular line of thinking further highlights the expanded connotation associated with the term single mother. I thought that was very well put together. [00:47:42] Speaker C: Yeah, it was very well. A whole lot better than that's a coherent thought. [00:47:47] Speaker D: The previous one that I'm very confused about, still trying to wrap my brain around. [00:47:55] Speaker A: Know who I thought that was right? [00:47:56] Speaker B: You thought it was my cousin. No, he did put a comment. Let me find his. [00:48:02] Speaker A: Oh, Lord. [00:48:05] Speaker B: My cousin shouts out to him on ex grits and ignorance podcast. He says he has no point. He feels that way because he's not involved. Everybody knows you are single until you're not. He can call himself a single dad if it makes him feel better. [00:48:21] Speaker D: Yeah. Okay, so I guess also my question then, since the whole debate is around involvement and all this other kind of stuff, to the first person's point where she didn't marry, or if a person does not marry their child's father or child's mother, what then is the term? Are you a single mother, single father still? Then if you marry somebody else other than the child's. [00:48:52] Speaker B: Well, that brings us to one of these comments down here. JD Graham says he has one of two options. One, marry her, or two, find something else to occupy. He should not be concerned with the woman who is not his wife. What a woman who's not his wife. [00:49:08] Speaker A: Calls herself, but it also depends on how you identify. It could be a series of things. I'm just trying to keep us current to the standard of the world today. You could just identify however you want to identify. You'd be whatever you want to be. I'm just telling you, Cl, I'm telling. [00:49:29] Speaker D: You, we're not going to go deeper. [00:49:31] Speaker A: Into what we don't have to. [00:49:33] Speaker B: But the ways of the world, see. [00:49:36] Speaker A: I'm not doing me, I'm just commentating. I just see it like, okay, that's what we're doing. [00:49:40] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:49:41] Speaker A: All right. [00:49:43] Speaker D: I don't know. I guess at the end of the day, everybody pull your weight, do what it is that you're going to do within whatever the confines are that you got going on, and let whatever somebody else is calling themselves or whatever somebody else is doing not worry you. Because if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, it wouldn't matter. [00:49:59] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:50:00] Speaker D: And people will see that if you are an active parent in your child's life. [00:50:05] Speaker A: You tell my women when you said. [00:50:06] Speaker D: People, anybody, if you are an active parent in your child's life, then other people will see when you show up. You don't have to scream that from the rooftops. You don't have to have somebody else to scream that from the rooftops because you'll be there. You'll be around the people whose parents that a father or mother isn't active. I can see. You can tell when they're not active and you can tell when they are. [00:50:36] Speaker A: In adults or children or both. [00:50:40] Speaker C: Carry over. [00:50:41] Speaker A: It does. I know a lot of men need hugs. [00:50:45] Speaker D: Yeah, I know a lot of people that need hugs. I was a teacher for eight years. And you can tell. You can very much tell. Oh, 1000%. [00:50:59] Speaker E: It's obvious. [00:51:01] Speaker C: You can tell when the grandmama not even 40, you like that part? [00:51:06] Speaker D: That's kids having kids. [00:51:09] Speaker C: You can tell because it's their interaction with other adults. I will firmly believe, like, I respect adults until you give me a reason not to respect you. And even then, it's still hard for me to not be like, yes, ma'am. Yes, sir. That's just how I was raised, because I was raised by my grandparents and then, like, my aunts and uncles. So it was like, respect is something that was normal to me because I saw it in my household. But when you have these kids now who, like I say, grandma's 40, their grandma still trying to be young, so their grandma treating them like they on the same level. So because you treat me like I'm not a kid, like I'm an adult when I go to school, I'm going to the teachers like, I'm an adult. You can't tell me what to do. You can't control me. But really, it's just like, it's a respect thing. If you show me respect, I'll show you respect. But kids nowadays, they don't want to show you respect first. They feel like, you got to show them respect first. And it's like, how does that work? It don't work like that. [00:52:08] Speaker B: Yeah, but that's how a lot of these students be acting. Like, show me respect first, and then I'll respect you. [00:52:14] Speaker E: I've heard it so much. Even with the parents, they'll say, you need to respect my child. And our child will say in the hallway, I don't have to listen to you. You need to respect me. [00:52:26] Speaker B: You ain't my mama. [00:52:27] Speaker C: Right? [00:52:28] Speaker E: You can be doing what you're supposed to be doing, like saying, hey, walk on the right side of the hall. Or, hey, pull your pants up. And you can't disrespect me like that. [00:52:37] Speaker A: You all have cameras in your house? [00:52:38] Speaker D: Yeah. Yes. [00:52:40] Speaker A: I couldn't work at your school. [00:52:43] Speaker E: And when you meet with the parent, let's say the parent come in for it, they'll tell you, you can't disrespect my child like that. [00:52:48] Speaker B: Wow. [00:52:49] Speaker E: Yeah. Education is tricky these days. [00:52:54] Speaker B: Very much so. Very much so. Final takes. What you got there? Let's start with you. No, we'll start with our guest first. Mama Ali. Final take. [00:53:06] Speaker C: Love it. [00:53:09] Speaker E: Parenting sometimes, because that's what it's about, right? My final take is that parenting is tricky. It's hard when you make the decision to have a child be prepared for the exception, anything unexpected. You may be the only parent for your child. You may also marry that child's mother or father, but still be the provider, the main provider, whether it's financial, whether it's emotional, because all that makes a complete child. So, yes, I may not be married and I am a single mom, but that does not also, I agree with that comment that that person made, but it doesn't mean that you're a single parent. What was it specifically? [00:54:07] Speaker B: The single mom doesn't mean you're a single parent. You can be a single mom. [00:54:11] Speaker E: You may be a single mom or single dad, but it doesn't mean that you're a single parent. I wholeheartedly agree with that. So we just have to support each other. When we decide that we're going to bring these kids to life, we have to be in agreeance with our roles. And if you can see, we know people we don't want to admit, but you know, somebody is shortcomings before you. [00:54:35] Speaker D: Decided to have a child with them. [00:54:37] Speaker C: Yes. [00:54:43] Speaker E: We don't want to admit it because either we have a question, heads over heels in love or whatever, but when somebody show you who they are, believe them. That's who they are. [00:54:53] Speaker D: That's my girl Maya. [00:54:54] Speaker E: She said it. And then we like to get mad at them, Angela, when they don't become who or they're not who we want or need them to shouldn't. That's just disappointment for yourself. [00:55:04] Speaker A: That sounds like a word for the ladies. Men don't be having that much, that many expectations. They'd be like, she looked good. [00:55:15] Speaker D: That means that you all might need to raise your expectations. Then you all wouldn't be dealing with the baby mama drug. [00:55:19] Speaker A: That's the problem. [00:55:20] Speaker C: Now men are raising their expectations on both sides. Everyone needs to raise their kids, especially when talking to people around my age, it's like, girl, the red flags are slapping you in the face. [00:55:32] Speaker A: Really? [00:55:33] Speaker C: But they want to be delusional. My generation, we're not that. [00:55:40] Speaker A: It's different. It's different. [00:55:47] Speaker D: It is scary out here. [00:55:50] Speaker B: I just stand on business. [00:55:51] Speaker A: Yeah, they don't stand on business. I don't think the man and the. [00:55:55] Speaker D: Woman supposed to be able to do the same, starting on that standing on. [00:55:58] Speaker A: We're not supposed to be standing on. [00:55:59] Speaker C: Same standing on business. Well, final words? [00:56:04] Speaker D: Yeah. My final take is worry less about what the world is thinking and worry more about how your child is feeling, thinking and experiencing the world and experiencing you. Because if you're doing what you're supposed to be doing for your kid, then at the end of the day, I feel like that's all that should matter, because you wouldn't be a single anything if it wasn't for that child. And I think we lose sight of the most important things. Trying to prove a point or trying to show the world that we're this thing or we're that thing. Are you showing up? Is your kid safe? Does your kid know who you are? Do you have a relationship with them? If you can say yes to all of those questions, then all the other noise, it just is what it is. [00:56:41] Speaker B: It's just noise. [00:56:42] Speaker A: Okay. [00:56:42] Speaker C: My final take is my grandma had this one scene. She said it all the time, and she said, if you take care of your kids, the Lord will bless you. So don't matter what nobody else say. If you are actually there for your child and you take care of your child, it shouldn't matter. And like how piggyback off what Dr. Green said, if you take care of your kids and you understand your kids and you love your kids, they'll know that. So the outside noise should just quiet down. [00:57:15] Speaker B: Your turn. [00:57:17] Speaker D: Please say something that's not foolish. [00:57:19] Speaker A: I'm not. Children aren't a monolith. Yeah, like that. Don't try to steal that. Go back to work with that. [00:57:28] Speaker D: No one is a monolith. [00:57:30] Speaker A: Don't get into me and try to say that. You quote me at me. If you say. You say that children are not okay. Can't raise them all the same. All right, goodbye. [00:57:48] Speaker D: Mute his mic. [00:57:50] Speaker A: I'm just telling you, my sister really didn't need beatings. I needed beans. I did. [00:57:55] Speaker D: What does this have to do with the single mother, single father thing? [00:57:58] Speaker A: Because you need both parents. [00:58:00] Speaker D: Boom. Okay, so that's what you should have lived with. [00:58:02] Speaker A: Yeah. You need both. Like, some kids need beatings. So many children need they behind cut. They got a spirit. They do. And then some. You can just go Ahead and just talk to them and they'll be fine. And you do that. Me, I need a little pinch. [00:58:20] Speaker D: Okay, I'm back into that point. There are things that a mother offers that a father cannot offer. There are things that a father offers that a mother cannot offer. We're built differently. And there's a reason why you're born to both a mother and a father. There are two halves to make a hole. [00:58:38] Speaker A: You better stop. Don't saw like that. [00:58:40] Speaker D: There's a reason why you're born to a mother and a father. Two halves make a hole. [00:58:45] Speaker A: Mute my mic. [00:58:47] Speaker D: I'm not going to say nothing. [00:58:49] Speaker A: Mute me. I'm not getting in that with you. [00:58:51] Speaker D: No, do not ask him because I already know what he's talking about. [00:58:55] Speaker A: She's saying it's just two genders. I'm not saying Dr. Green said that. [00:59:04] Speaker D: On that note, please, goodbye. [00:59:06] Speaker A: She said goodbye. I'm just saying. [00:59:09] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Kayla. Ali, tell the people how they can find you on social media. [00:59:13] Speaker C: Yes, you can find me and my sports podcast on Instagram. At Kayla Underscore Sports zone. [00:59:20] Speaker B: Okay. Ferranda is not going to be on social media for a while. [00:59:24] Speaker D: Well, thank you for telling my. Wow. [00:59:26] Speaker B: Okay, so how can they find you on social media? [00:59:28] Speaker D: I mean, you can't, but can I. [00:59:31] Speaker E: Tell my own business? [00:59:31] Speaker B: Okay, well, you're right. Go ahead. [00:59:33] Speaker C: Too late. [00:59:33] Speaker D: You already said it. [00:59:34] Speaker B: Okay. [00:59:36] Speaker D: Where can we find you? [00:59:37] Speaker B: I run that down in the end. See? How could it don't even let me be. [00:59:46] Speaker A: No, I got to work these thoughts out. I get the typing, get controversial. [00:59:54] Speaker D: Please end the podcast. [00:59:58] Speaker A: I want to do the right thing. [00:59:59] Speaker B: Nick, we missed you this week. Till next time, y'all, we're out. [01:00:06] Speaker D: Thank you for listening to another episode of Relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on Relationshipstatuspodcast.com, iTunes, Google Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, nobody grinds like us. And anywhere you listen to your favorite podcast. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear Meek, email us at re lstat [email protected] or call us at 843-310-8637 Follow us on Facebook at Relationship Status Podcast on Instagram and Twitter at Re lSTat podcast. And don't forget to comment, share five. [01:00:45] Speaker E: Star rate, subscribe, and review. [01:00:49] Speaker D: You Sam.