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[00:01:02] Speaker B: Welcome back to Relationship status. It's your girl Nikkruve and your boy.
[00:01:06] Speaker C: Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to, like share, follow, and five star rate. And if you want to join the conversation, email us. Relstat
[email protected] Send us your. Dear Neeks, send us your we don't like yous. Whatever you want to do, go ahead and send us your comments. Or you also remember, don't forget that you can listen to the podcast on relationshipstatuspodcast.com.
[00:01:32] Speaker B: Nik, you messed me up. I was going to say cereal butler.
[00:01:38] Speaker C: Very rarely do we say this.
[00:01:40] Speaker B: Yeah, he's never not been on.
[00:01:42] Speaker C: No, wait.
[00:01:43] Speaker B: No, he's never not been on our show.
[00:01:47] Speaker C: Okay. Just the one solo show. I did. I did a show. Just me.
[00:01:50] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, just you.
[00:01:51] Speaker C: It was the one that was just me.
[00:01:52] Speaker B: And it has been one where I just had to do it.
[00:01:54] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:01:54] Speaker C: And that was one.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: But it's never been just the two of us.
[00:01:57] Speaker C: Yeah. No. Is this going to go well?
[00:01:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:00] Speaker C: Okay.
We got that sister brother relationship. Some days we like each other, some days we don't.
[00:02:08] Speaker B: Yeah. Sometimes it'd be like, you know, I'm just going to look at that text message and let him figure that.
[00:02:14] Speaker C: But we do have two people in the house.
[00:02:16] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:02:18] Speaker C: Our guy's back. It's our brother, Fatine. What's going on, my man?
[00:02:22] Speaker D: Good to be Back.
[00:02:23] Speaker B: Good brother Fatine.
[00:02:24] Speaker C: Good brother Fatim.
[00:02:25] Speaker B: Good.
[00:02:29] Speaker C: Let the crowd go. There you go.
[00:02:31] Speaker D: Throw it up.
[00:02:32] Speaker C: Throw it up.
[00:02:32] Speaker D: I'm in the house, baby. Let's do this. I'm back and I'm ready to rumble.
[00:02:39] Speaker C: Listen, and literally, this is a good friend of mine drove it all the way from the A. Like, said, I might be late, but I want to come do this show. Don't have to be here till tomorrow, but I'm going to be late. I'm going to do this show. And when we was about to start recording, she said, I'm a minute out. I was like, all right, let's wait for.
[00:02:58] Speaker B: I was late, too.
[00:03:00] Speaker C: And it's my girl all the way from Atlanta.
[00:03:03] Speaker D: Ashley.
[00:03:03] Speaker C: What's happening?
[00:03:04] Speaker B: What's up?
[00:03:05] Speaker C: That's all the people outside. They cheering for you. That's the people outside.
[00:03:11] Speaker B: That's what I'm talking about.
[00:03:12] Speaker C: No, I don't think y'all understand. Where was you at last?
[00:03:16] Speaker E: Paris.
[00:03:18] Speaker B: Oh, Paris.
[00:03:19] Speaker C: How many people could say they was in Paris last week?
[00:03:22] Speaker D: Not me.
[00:03:23] Speaker C: No, hold on, I got you one. Said, I want to be on the show. I say, okay, cool. She's like, yeah, I got an airport in Florence. I was like, yeah. She's like, okay, I'll fly in Florence.
[00:03:32] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
[00:03:33] Speaker C: Well, the Times didn't work out, so she had to drive. I was like, so this is a Jetsetter? Traveler of the world.
[00:03:44] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:03:44] Speaker C: Known her for you got a blog. How long I've known you, Ashley?
[00:03:47] Speaker E: No, I haven't. In about 1314, matter of fact, I think we're hitting 15 because I met you before I crossed.
[00:03:56] Speaker C: Yeah, you branded me.
Yes. Which?
[00:04:01] Speaker D: All in coed.
[00:04:02] Speaker C: No.
[00:04:05] Speaker D: You a Zeta blue and.
[00:04:10] Speaker C: Gave her first brand.
[00:04:12] Speaker D: I got to say, the Zeta is the only brand.
[00:04:14] Speaker E: The only.
[00:04:15] Speaker D: I'm probably the oldest in this room. So one of the things is the Zetas coming out of New York and with the Deltas and the AKs and all these step shows, the Zetas didn't get a lot of respect.
[00:04:26] Speaker C: No.
[00:04:29] Speaker D: But they came in one step show and rocked it. They rocked it. And from there on, they were on the map. And I'm not saying that say on the map because I applaud what the Zetas do and do for the community. But they had to make their way. And y'all made your way. And I applaud.
[00:04:49] Speaker E: I mean, my legacy is AKA, especially at Allen. My grandmother was An AKA that pledged at Allen. I walked onto Alan's campus.
I remember him. I hated him. My first semester, he actually.
[00:05:05] Speaker B: Do tell.
[00:05:06] Speaker E: I'll never forget. I was writing a paper and I thought I was a great writer.
[00:05:11] Speaker C: Oh, man.
[00:05:12] Speaker E: And he gutted my paper and was like, this is a paper.
I was an English professor at the.
[00:05:18] Speaker C: Time that I met.
[00:05:18] Speaker E: I'm looking like, oh, really?
But he ended up being one of my favorite people on Allen's campus. And I appreciate him because he's seen the growth, definitive growth, but also blue and white. For me, I wanted to be someone that. I wanted to be a part of something that I just didn't want to be a number.
[00:05:42] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:05:43] Speaker E: And for me, I watched the Zetas on our campus, and it was only, what, three at the time, it was only three. And then my line came. We were eight then. We grew at one point. We're the majority on our campus.
But it started out with having brothers like Yusuf or Yoshi. I call him Yoshi.
[00:06:04] Speaker C: Yeah. Nah. You good?
[00:06:05] Speaker E: Yeah. I appreciate those moments. But, yeah, I hated him for about a year.
[00:06:12] Speaker C: See, but that's all right.
Look at where we at today.
[00:06:17] Speaker E: I'm definitely proud of you.
[00:06:18] Speaker C: One of my good friends, I think when I was doing my basketball and mentoring program, she opened up her house. We had a tournament in Atlanta.
[00:06:26] Speaker E: I forgot about that.
[00:06:27] Speaker C: She let me, and, like, twelve boys, 1217 year olds, stay in her house and wreak havoc.
But definitely appreciative of you being, both of you being on the show today. Definitely for such an amazing episode we got. And Nik, you want to start with the. Dear Neek, is that where we're going to start? You got that pulled up or you want me to.
[00:06:49] Speaker B: Yeah, I have it pulled up.
[00:06:51] Speaker C: It's a.
Now hold on to your hats, because this one was something that I kind of it. When it came through the email, I was. Yeah, cuz, like, I don't want to say CIs because I hate using the word cis, but you got to think about this thing. So go ahead, Nick.
[00:07:11] Speaker B: All right. Dear Neek, Cl and youself, I'm curious if I'm in the wrong. Last week, my husband asked me if I would like to go to his work Christmas party. End of the month. He refused to tell me. Oh, at the end of the month that he refused to tell me it was on our anniversary. So I said, we can depending on the day. He didn't tell me what day. So whenever I went shopping.
Oh, they had a lot of errors.
[00:07:42] Speaker C: Yeah, people can't write, Ashley, apparently.
[00:07:48] Speaker E: Thank God for growth. And two masters later.
[00:07:50] Speaker C: Yes, I would like to say I had something to do with that, but.
[00:07:55] Speaker B: My speech impediment is not going to work well today.
[00:07:57] Speaker C: Okay, go ahead.
[00:07:58] Speaker B: So I went shopping and got a cute top to wear just in case we do go, but I can also wear it for our anniversary. Fast forward to Sunday. He asked me if I still wanted to go. I asked him again, what day is it? And he says, November 26, our anniversary. I told him I would rather spend our anniversary just you and I at a fancy restaurant. Then he says I can spend our anniversary alone while he goes to the Christmas party. So fine, I call a friend. Well, I call her Jay to Vend. And she says she'll take me out for my anniversary. And she went and booked a hotel and a massage. Manny and Petty. Jay then went and asked her parents to watch my kids. Jay was originally supposed to watch my kids while hubby and I spent time together for her friends with my husband's mom. That's a lot.
[00:08:54] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:55] Speaker B: Okay, I'm just going to cut that.
[00:08:57] Speaker C: Yeah, she's friends with my husband's mom.
[00:08:58] Speaker B: Okay, go ahead. Yeah. He came home one day and questioned me about it. And I said I didn't want to celebrate our anniversary with a bunch of people at a Christmas party as ten years is a big deal. And you told me to celebrate the anniversary alone while you went to a Christmas party. Not sure what you're pissed about. He then said, spending anniversary alone doesn't mean go for a girl's weekend. It means you can stay home and celebrate it with the kids. He hasn't said one word to me since then. I try and make conversation, but he just walks away aggrudges.
He called him immature for acting this way as he's supposed to set an example for our children. Am I wrong for wanting to do something for our ten year anniversary instead of staying home doing nothing while he goes to his work Christmas party? This friend that's doing this for me has been my friend a lot longer. 21 years than I know my husband. Eleven years. So she's more like a sister than a friend.
[00:10:05] Speaker C: Ashley was over here talking about time.
[00:10:07] Speaker B: Out, stay in school.
[00:10:08] Speaker E: Well, because as you were reading, I was like, what type of friendship is this? Somebody that's just going to spend all this. I mean, did something happen between them, the girls?
[00:10:22] Speaker C: That's the first thing I thought.
[00:10:25] Speaker E: My eyebrows go down.
[00:10:26] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: I was like, you never know.
[00:10:28] Speaker C: A massage, Manny Petty and we doing this ten year anniversary together.
[00:10:33] Speaker E: I actually just had a situation like that. Somebody told me to do something and I did it.
[00:10:39] Speaker D: Good point. I'm glad that you said that.
[00:10:41] Speaker E: You told me to do it.
[00:10:42] Speaker D: I'm going to tell you and I'm.
[00:10:43] Speaker F: Going to be real.
[00:10:44] Speaker D: This is why. And this is why some men get mad at me. Because I put it on the table about how we feel. His manhood was challenged and his manhood was challenged. His ego was challenged. Because I'm the husband. And it's not about just do as I say. But it's like, you know what? I'm going to put my foot down. And you just came back and said, and you said earlier she had options now. And now she dealt him the cards that she was dealing and he didn't like it. Now he got his ass on his shoulder.
[00:11:13] Speaker E: Remember, his little feelings was hurt. Definitely.
[00:11:15] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:11:17] Speaker D: Oh, it was challenged.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: But I would have been pissed off, too, to be honest.
[00:11:21] Speaker D: Oh, that's what I.
[00:11:21] Speaker B: And I'm not taking up for him.
I'm trying to look at the bigger picture.
[00:11:26] Speaker D: That's why I said I would have.
[00:11:27] Speaker B: Went out with my friend that day and he may have came home to me not being there and I came in late.
[00:11:34] Speaker F: Yes.
[00:11:35] Speaker B: But to not come home at all, I kind of feel like. And even not even just marriage, we don't.
[00:11:46] Speaker E: Let me push back there at the hotel, though.
[00:11:49] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm going to push back a little bit there because she told him ahead of time.
Hey, she booked this for us, for me. She did this. My friend, who I know of 21 years, is valuing the fact that I've been married for 1025, 50, 75.
[00:12:09] Speaker E: Our major milestones.
[00:12:10] Speaker C: Major milestones in a marriage. Most people don't make it to three. Ask me how, because I know, because.
[00:12:18] Speaker D: That'S why his manhood was challenged, because.
[00:12:21] Speaker E: He could have changed that narrative, though, because she told him up front. But she said it if it wasn't. She said, didn't she mention the anniversary as long as it was not.
All of this was established towards the beginning. Right. She said that as long as it was not on our anniversary date. Did she not?
[00:12:38] Speaker C: Yeah, she was like. She was like.
[00:12:39] Speaker E: Right.
[00:12:40] Speaker B: But did she tell him that? Because she just said she was okay with it as long as it wasn't on their anniversary date.
[00:12:45] Speaker E: But she made to the anniversary. Yeah, she told us.
[00:12:49] Speaker B: I don't know if she told him.
[00:12:51] Speaker E: Because we don't know anything, but he still was cool.
[00:12:53] Speaker D: But remember, he still was cool with it because he said, well, you could celebrate by yourself with the kids.
[00:13:03] Speaker E: It was okay.
[00:13:04] Speaker D: No, the point I'm saying is when she threw it back to him, that's when he got trumped on that. That's when he got Trump and that's when his ego was put on blast. And you know why? Because my friend, as you just mentioned, my friend put more value into something that, as you just mentioned, that ten year, that important point there. So now he looks bad.
[00:13:29] Speaker F: And our 10th anniversary is a milestone.
[00:13:32] Speaker E: As you mentioned, he don't like her. I'm not going to go that far.
[00:13:37] Speaker B: But he don't like her.
[00:13:39] Speaker E: We agree.
[00:13:40] Speaker F: Yeah, you all may agree. I don't know.
That's speculation. And you could be right. I got that.
[00:13:48] Speaker B: It could be five years. It could be four years. You know, this means something to me. I'm just in a relationship. We're going on two years, and he knows that means something. He can care, but he's going to do something because he knows it means something.
[00:14:05] Speaker F: The reason why I disagree with you, but you could be right. This is why I'm saying, and I said this, and you heard me on other podcasts say this, that what we tend to do. And this is why I asked this about some. And I've used women as this example. You get up, you get dolled up, and you go to work. Right? And then when you come home, you come home in.
[00:14:26] Speaker E: My eyebrows are tattooed on it.
[00:14:28] Speaker F: Okay.
What I'm saying is a lot of people tend to put outside their job, their bosses, over their significant others, their wives, their husbands. They tend to do this. And that's a pattern. That's why I can't say, you ladies are not wrong. That's why I said he overlooked her to the point like she second fiddle to his coworkers, his job. And we tend to do this. And if that meant something to him, then he should have came back and said, baby, listen, I know this means something to you. How can we make this work so we both can achieve what we would like to achieve? And I think that even though she would have been upset at initial, I think it would have gave her a better option instead of being talked at to, instead of being talked with. And that's the problem.
[00:15:19] Speaker E: In a perfect world, that would be great, but realistically, that didn't happen. And he told her to go celebrate it by herself or with the kids. And I think at that moment, that was the moment where she said, okay, I can show you better than I.
[00:15:33] Speaker B: Can tell you what else goes on in their marriage.
[00:15:36] Speaker E: A lie.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:38] Speaker F: That happens in a lot of marriages.
[00:15:41] Speaker B: But a lot of people don't need to be married either. A lot of people are celebrating ten years that broke up in two years.
[00:15:47] Speaker F: I'd agree with that.
[00:15:49] Speaker E: Or you could be like my mom. She got married, and they was separated a year later, and they died. Married.
[00:15:56] Speaker B: He died. My mom and dad, 20 years later, 17 years. And we're only together for six months.
[00:16:04] Speaker E: Right.
[00:16:05] Speaker F: I can put something on the table, and your ladies may agree with it, but you probably won't agree with it, and it's cool. And I keep saying my late wife, because she's not living now, and I don't put anything on her that anybody cannot step up and back up. But we've had certain milestones because she had sickle cell. I remember I bought play tickets and we were supposed to go see Tyler Perry. Tyler Perry was not the big movie guy. He was the play guy at the particular time. Exactly. So we were supposed to go there. She didn't go into a severe crisis because I would never do that. You understand when you go into severe cris. I cut everything. But she wasn't feeling well, and she got caught at a concert once where she wasn't feeling well. We had to get a wheelchair. And she said, listen, I'm not doing that again. And I agree with her. So when I came home, she was like, look, I don't feel like going. I said, yeah, but I got the ticket. She was like, no, you know, we done had this conversation, so we didn't talk about it. She said, why don't you take somebody else? Who I'm going to take. Take somebody else. And we started going down the list. This happened twice. So she talked me into it. I wind up taking a neighbor, and then there was a concert, and she said the same thing. And she said, we came up to agreement. Who called the person? And the female said it was a friend of mutual friend. She said, does Hanifa know about.
Because I had on speaker. She said, girl, I told Fatim to call you. A lot of women can't do that.
[00:17:30] Speaker E: A lot of women. Y'all can't do that. A lot of women can't. But if you're someone that's securing your relationship, and then it's okay. And I honestly didn't see anything wrong with that because I eat water with a fork before I allow. Well, I've recently gotten to this space because yesterday I was steady, but I'm at a space. Today I woke up. No, it was Friday. So yesterday morning I woke up in a space where I eat water with a fork before I allow someone to disrupt my piece in that way. I'm saying that to say she's secure in who she was. She is and was.
And also, you gave her that. You helped to give her that security. So I don't see anything wrong with that. Yeah, I don't either.
[00:18:20] Speaker C: I think it's a situation where I don't know if there's a right or wrong to the answer, because some people who. I don't like the word compromise, I like understanding.
[00:18:32] Speaker E: Understanding is actually a better word.
[00:18:34] Speaker C: Because I think when you compromise, you're saying somebody who's losiNg.
[00:18:38] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:18:39] Speaker F: So you all could play with that if you all want to. No, you can't play with the word if you all want.
[00:18:47] Speaker E: I don't believe in the word compromise. I think understanding is great. It's just like, to me it's the equivalent of saying like, okay, you give someone 50 50 of you or whatever. I don't even believe in that. I believe. I don't give somebody 100 because I don't want half of you. I don't want half. I want all of you. So for me, at the end of the day, it's the same thing with compromise. Neither one of us should lose in a situation, but we can come to an understanding.
[00:19:11] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:19:11] Speaker E: That is actually a great.
[00:19:13] Speaker F: See, you could play on semantics. No, wait a minute.
[00:19:18] Speaker C: Wait.
[00:19:21] Speaker F: You say an understanding, me and Meek are coming. Wait, hold on.
[00:19:26] Speaker C: Let me explain.
[00:19:27] Speaker F: I'm going to let you explain, but me and Meek have an understanding that she wants to go to the Jamaican restaurant and I want to go to the Italian restaurant and we come to an understanding and we wind up going to blah, blah, blah. One of us is still going to lose.
[00:19:47] Speaker C: Let me explain.
[00:19:48] Speaker E: Let me explain because that both can, it can work.
[00:19:51] Speaker C: I think the compromise, what you're saying is the compromise. We're going someplace else.
[00:19:55] Speaker F: No, the compromise is. You mentioned the word compromise is someone lose.
[00:19:59] Speaker C: No, because in a compromise somebody does.
[00:20:01] Speaker F: But understanding is the same thing.
[00:20:03] Speaker C: No, if I take the time to understand. Hey, babe, why do you want to.
[00:20:10] Speaker F: Go to have Italian or, I mean, we can.
[00:20:14] Speaker E: What is standing where we go to Italian today?
Because this is what I'm about to do. Because I'm going to get what I want and I want you to get what you want. So what we're going to do is we're going to go to this Jamaican restaurant and we're going to get this to go. Go. We're going to go to this Italian restaurant, we're going to get this to go and we'll sit and eat it in the car, but. Eat it, whatever.
[00:20:30] Speaker F: But a compromise means, but remember, compromise means what if you compromise?
Compromise doesn't always mean that you will lose a ride. See, that's what I'm saying.
[00:20:40] Speaker D: You got to be denotation and connotation of a word.
[00:20:45] Speaker C: You know better. No, what I'm saying is if you're talking about the denotation of the word, the denotation is the dictionary definition of compromise is where I have an issue with that because in a compromise, we're each giving of something.
[00:21:03] Speaker D: Right?
[00:21:04] Speaker C: All right? And I think in the sense of a restaurant, I think that's a place in which compromise can be put. Okay, where I say understanding rather than compromise on something bigger, like this.
Okay, now we got this. Tanique's point about communication we didn't have. Why is this, baby, why is this Christmas party so important to you?
[00:21:30] Speaker E: That part.
[00:21:32] Speaker C: Why is this so important that you're willing to have me be home with the kids and you go to this party without me?
Explain that to me. Because now, if there's a conversation and I now understand.
I get it, babe. Okay, we can do that.
[00:21:55] Speaker D: But Neek hit it right off the back. That. That understanding, as you're saying, which I do agree with. But like Neek said, there seems to be a breakdown in communication within the relationship. There's the lack of communication. How much of it is, we don't know. But I have to agree with what.
[00:22:12] Speaker B: You said and a lack of respect as well.
[00:22:15] Speaker C: And I think the reason why I like understanding rather than compromise, and it's not so much the semantics of it.
It's more so the. Hey, I don't have to understand your point to compromise to get what I want. I'm going to compromise with you on that. I don't have to come to an understanding of why you this and why you that. I can just say, but you don't.
[00:22:43] Speaker D: Have to always have an understanding to get.
[00:22:47] Speaker C: I think that's the only way you continue to move, to move your relationship anything forward.
[00:22:56] Speaker D: That's what I said in the beginning, and I agree with the understanding of it because I said that. And I said that there, and I said that you got to have that communication where you could have done this a little bit better. But I'm thinking about the real Jesus Christ.
[00:23:16] Speaker E: I think it's pretty much saying, we'll never know.
[00:23:19] Speaker B: We will never know.
[00:23:20] Speaker C: Moving on.
[00:23:26] Speaker B: I do believe both parties are wrong. She asked, do we feel like she's wrong? I do believe she's wrong.
But then I also feel like he's wrong, because I don't feel like there's no communication, no real communication in a relationship. It sounds like they're not really in a relationship. It sounds like they're just going with.
[00:23:43] Speaker C: The flow, a marriage.
[00:23:45] Speaker B: Just going with the flow of the marriage, because, okay, it's ten years. Yay.
[00:23:49] Speaker C: See, I don't know about you, Fatima, but ten years.
And this is where I kind of hold marriage to a particular standard in my life.
My mom and dad not married. My grandmother not married.
I don't have a married couple.
[00:24:10] Speaker B: Oh, wow.
[00:24:11] Speaker C: In my family, except for my cousin, who's my age.
All right. We didn't come up under that, seeing that, knowing that.
So when people get married around me, it's a celebration.
I almost, odly enough, broke up my cousin wedding because I brought strippers from to his bachelor party when he didn't want one and his wife didn't. They agreed to not have one, and I threw one anyway because I was like, bro, you don't understand. Where we come from, this is a celebration. This is a party. And he's been married, I think, six years now, and I'm steady rooting for him. He listens to our show, so shouts out to you, Khalil. But he's the only one in our family that's been married for a length of time. EB was married for a little while. I wouldn't say a little because he was married for a while. I don't know if he hit ten years, though. But to say ten years, a Christmas party means nothing to me at ten years of marriage.
Absolutely.
[00:25:19] Speaker B: Guess what?
[00:25:20] Speaker C: It's going to be another one next year. You know that there's going to be another Christmas party next year. We can go next year.
[00:25:26] Speaker B: Coming from marriage. You know, my mom been married three times.
Yeah.
[00:25:38] Speaker E: Talking under the table over there.
[00:25:43] Speaker D: Yours talk.
[00:25:45] Speaker B: Okay.
It was 19.
[00:26:00] Speaker C: All I did was.
[00:26:07] Speaker B: Growing up in marriage, and not just my mom. Like, all my aunts were married. Like, I came up in marriage for something like this.
It wouldn't have been a big deal. It would have been like, okay, well, it's a Christmas party. Yes, once a year. But you don't know what's going to happen there. We can celebrate this all year, anytime. And I'll say one thing my aunt told me was, that was, like, really big.
There is nothing worth losing somebody you love over.
[00:26:41] Speaker C: Got you.
[00:26:43] Speaker B: And whereas we look at it as, oh, this is such a big deal, you spend every day with that person, and this is her telling me about something that I was upset about. In a relationship, if you're that upset, maybe you don't need to be with them about something they did. Like, tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is a different day. Start over. Have a different conversation. Tomorrow is a new day. If you all can't come to an agreement, then you all don't need to be together.
[00:27:16] Speaker D: And I agree with that. And I don't want to bleed this into other conversations, but I am going to say this and if it bleeds into another conversation, you all have to hold me because there's another topic down the road or whatever, then fine, but let me just say this, and I say this from every piece of my heart. I'm tired of hearing that if you're in a relationship and you've been in a relationship with somebody that you love but you're not married, that people tend to put married couple over that relationship. I keep saying, which I know, but I'm just going to say this, to add this here.
[00:27:52] Speaker C: We got ten minutes. We could go into it.
[00:28:02] Speaker B: We got other questions that's going into that. One of those questions it is.
[00:28:07] Speaker D: Okay, I'm just going to touch on this. I'll just leave it here. I just get tired of people putting elevating marriage over somebody in a relationship where the people that have been in a relationship, let's just say they both been in a relationship, in a marriage for seven years, but that person in a relation, they respect one another. They treat each other as they have that paper, right? They respect, they trust, they love. Where the marriage couple, they married, got the rings, had the celebration, but they don't respect each other. You understand what I'm saying? What's more important? See, that's why I keep saying when we want to say, oh, that's my husband. Yeah, but this is not your boyfriend, this is not your girlfriend. But if you're in a relationship and you respect someone and you treat them like your wife and your husband, that to me is more than a marriage, than a damn piece of paper.
[00:29:00] Speaker B: Okay. And we're going to put a pin on that.
[00:29:02] Speaker D: Got it.
[00:29:02] Speaker C: Okay.
That does lead to that question. That does lead into the question.
[00:29:07] Speaker D: I know.
[00:29:07] Speaker B: All right, so we're going to do final thoughts.
[00:29:10] Speaker C: Yeah, we could. Do you know what, brother Fatima, next week you coming back? Brother, next week you coming back?
We're going to have Cl in the house. You're going to be back and we're going to attack that.
[00:29:23] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:29:24] Speaker C: We're going to attack that. And Ashley, I don't know if you can make it, but that'd be great if you could. Well, we're going to attack that. We're going to attack Ashley, you like.
[00:29:31] Speaker D: Me, I like you.
[00:29:36] Speaker C: We definitely got to get into that. We definitely got to get into that because I think, and that was a question we asked on our social media, which was marriage just a piece of paper?
Is marriage just a piece of paper? And I'm talking about, I think it's like 20 something comments of varying opinions. And your opinion is there are not your opinion, but just the question itself, as simple as it is, is so difficult for a lot of people because some people put a lot more emphasis on the fact that you're married, but there are people that are girlfriends or boyfriends that go harder for their mate than the people that they married to.
[00:30:18] Speaker E: That's right.
[00:30:19] Speaker C: And that's tough because even fathoms is.
[00:30:23] Speaker B: Just a relationship with paperwork. That's why I called it paperwork.
That is all a marriage is, a relationship with paperwork. You own this person now. You own this person now. Here's what I cringe, paperwork.
[00:30:37] Speaker C: Here's why I cringe a little bit on it. I got to push back just a little bit.
[00:30:41] Speaker D: I thought we putting a pin on.
[00:30:51] Speaker C: We got somebody coming in four minutes, so yeah, we do gotta put a pin in it. We do gotta put a pin in it. FInal thoughts, we'll save ours. Ashley, final thoughts. What is your advice for this young lady?
[00:31:02] Speaker E: Baby girl, go with your friend and.
[00:31:07] Speaker C: Get the massage, the Manny.
[00:31:08] Speaker E: Get the massage, the Manny, the petty.
[00:31:11] Speaker C: And be petty.
[00:31:12] Speaker E: And be petty. Thank you for these lyrics and enjoy your anniversary. But hopefully you and your husband can talk, communicate, whatever it is. I mean, you've made it ten years now. Whether it's been a great ten years, I don't know. Maybe this is the year where you find out you guys don't belong together. I don't know.
[00:31:35] Speaker C: And that's a possibility.
[00:31:36] Speaker E: I mean, maybe this is your moment where you have that come to Jesus, that you have to face that harsh reality that especially ten years, you may be at that place where it could be the end too.
[00:31:50] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:31:54] Speaker E: Still go enjoy that Manny petty and whatever that is. But also, too, if your husband means anything to you, come home that night, brother Fatim.
[00:32:06] Speaker D: So I was listening to Ashley just now and it made me think because on one hand I want to agree with you and say, kind of go with that. What I would say to her straight up, sis, I'm not telling you to bend, but we're talking about communication.
I would give this whole situation one more shot before that day comes to have this conversation with him. If he remember she said he's walking around with his not communicating with her so he's mad. So I would make one more effort. I'm not kissing his backside, but I'm going to say, listen, we both feeling this way, let's sit down and let's see if we can work this thing out in an understanding. Now, if he don't want to talk to her or he's not going to give go. You know why? Because at the end of the day, he's not violating you, but he's disregarding how you feel.
To me, that's a level of disrespect.
[00:33:07] Speaker E: What his attitude is usually like, too, because he could have a tude.
[00:33:12] Speaker C: He could be a little sassy with his.
[00:33:14] Speaker E: And that's when you start getting into the whole narcissist. It's a whole other thing, right?
So many different things.
[00:33:20] Speaker D: But when you give that other opportunity. Listen, I tried to make this work. Now, we already saw you had your ass on your shoulders. Cool, I got it. Sometimes we do get mad like that. But before this day. Come on, can we sit down and have this conversation? Because this means something to me and this means something to you. Can we? But if you still got your ass on the shoulders, I'm going and I'm going to enjoy myself and I'm going to come back and then let the chips fall where they may fall. Because now, what do you have? Ten year marriage? Will you make it to the 11th year?
[00:33:52] Speaker C: Will you even remotely make it there.
[00:33:56] Speaker E: After Usher?
[00:33:57] Speaker D: You understand what we don't know.
[00:33:58] Speaker C: Yeah, we don't know. Are you making it?
[00:34:00] Speaker D: But a lot of people stay in these marriages even though they're not happy because of different circumstances.
[00:34:06] Speaker C: But I'll just leave it there.
What's your final advice to our young lady here?
[00:34:12] Speaker B: I'm not going to be so harsh. Okay?
Go to counseling. Go to couples marriage counseling or whatever. Go to counseling and find out the problem. Because there's a problem. There's a problem bigger than a Christmas party and a ten year. There's definitely a problem because the communication is not even there. Get help.
[00:34:33] Speaker D: That's nice. She'll be at that counseling by herself. You know that. Because he already got his ass on.
[00:34:39] Speaker E: The shoulder about usher. By myself.
[00:34:46] Speaker B: If she's putting in the effort to work it out and he's not, then maybe it's time to serve him with papers on the 26th.
[00:34:55] Speaker E: I would do it on the 27th. That's that. The anniversary date.
[00:34:57] Speaker B: No.
[00:34:59] Speaker D: You all know that ain't going to happen, so stop it. But I do understand what you're saying.
You know she ain't going to serve no damn papers. But I do agree with Neek. I do agree with what you're saying, but it's final thought, so it's not about agreeing to disagree.
[00:35:14] Speaker E: Hey, what is it that you have to be at? What is it ten years before you have to share?
It'll be the 25th?
[00:35:20] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:35:21] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Then it'll be the 25th.
What do you have to share?
[00:35:27] Speaker E: What is it, ten years? Because wouldn't you have to pay alimony?
[00:35:31] Speaker D: I never heard no ten years.
[00:35:32] Speaker E: You try that in New York if you want to. It depends on the state.
[00:35:35] Speaker D: That's what I'm saying.
[00:35:38] Speaker C: Because you got to agree before that. You have to agree to it or you in court fighting.
When you get to ten years, it's automatic.
[00:35:47] Speaker D: Because some states, like you just said, a common law marriage kicks in.
[00:35:56] Speaker C: South Carolina, it used to be. Have you looked up old South Carolina laws?
[00:36:01] Speaker B: Yeah. You could beat your wife on a Sunday.
[00:36:03] Speaker C: It's still a law in Charleston on the courthouse steps.
[00:36:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:36:08] Speaker C: Beat your wife ass.
[00:36:09] Speaker B: Beat her.
[00:36:11] Speaker C: That's. That's a law. And legal Sunday.
[00:36:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:36:14] Speaker C: Even if you got a law that.
[00:36:16] Speaker D: Stand your ground in South Carolina and you love to get you a concealed carry.
[00:36:29] Speaker B: In the state of South Carolina, also, if a man promised you with marriage, he promises you marriage into kind of seducing you into sex, he can.
[00:36:41] Speaker C: Go to jail for up to a year.
[00:36:44] Speaker D: I just read that two weeks ago.
[00:36:47] Speaker C: Yeah. South Carolina is backwards as hell. My final thoughts is me personally. Here's my advice. Be the governor of Pettington, the town of Pedington. I'm telling you, go ahead and let him go to his Christmas party and show up to said Christmas party with your friend, a new friend who is your date for the night.
[00:37:14] Speaker B: All right.
[00:37:16] Speaker E: You're the president now you're trying to be the mayor.
I just said be the mayor. He took it to a whole.
[00:37:29] Speaker D: Now the guy don't have a job because you're going to show his bankside. Exactly.
[00:37:37] Speaker B: I'm all for being petty.
[00:37:38] Speaker C: Now you mad? Now why are you mad? Why are you mad?
[00:37:44] Speaker B: Yeah, don't come home. Hey, listen, don't come home. You ain't got to worry about coming home. You come home, we're going to end up on Snap.
[00:37:52] Speaker C: But no fatal attraction.
[00:37:53] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:37:57] Speaker C: Find a way to find the middle ground.
Make sure you guys are having under. Make sure you guys are understanding each other.
[00:38:04] Speaker D: Wait, so you're saying find the middle ground, right?
[00:38:07] Speaker C: That's not a compromise. Yes, it is, because you didn't listen. You didn't listen to my next statement. You didn't listen to my next statement, though, man. Listen, Ashley, brother Fatim, man, we really appreciate you guys.
I said we got to come to an understanding of each other. ThAt's what I said. See, but she was already going to.
[00:38:37] Speaker E: See.
[00:38:37] Speaker C: That's how you could tell a New Yorker.
[00:38:42] Speaker B: The point is.
[00:38:47] Speaker E: You'Re from New York as well.
[00:38:48] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:38:48] Speaker E: I'm the only, like.
[00:38:52] Speaker C: Next time you have Cl Ashley, tell the people how they can find you on social media.
[00:38:58] Speaker E: I am a quad nine Instagram, and my name. Don't follow me on Facebook.
[00:39:03] Speaker C: Don't follow me.
[00:39:04] Speaker E: Don't go to Facebook.
[00:39:05] Speaker D: Why not?
[00:39:06] Speaker B: Because you got to keep some things private.
[00:39:10] Speaker E: Yeah, some things are private, but I'm like that. Anyway, I show you what I want you to see.
[00:39:14] Speaker C: Okay, brother. Fatin, how could they find you on Facebook?
[00:39:19] Speaker D: B-R-O. No. Dot Fatin. F-A-T-I-Y-N. On Instagram. At Fatine. Again, spelled like my name. Fatiyn and Nik.
[00:39:31] Speaker C: I feel like I know the answer to this. But how could they find you?
[00:39:35] Speaker B: Can't find me nowhere. I am Carmen San Diego.
[00:39:39] Speaker E: Okay, where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
[00:39:45] Speaker C: You can find me on Snapchat and Instagram at the 9th wonder, on Facebook, Yoshi English, and on Twitter at iamCoachi. Underscore. Until the next time, y'all, we're out.
[00:39:55] Speaker G: Thank you for listening to another episode of Relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on Relationshipstatuspodcast.com, iTunes, Google Podcast, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, nobody grinds like us. And anywhere you listen to your favorite podcast. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear Neek, email us at re lstat
[email protected] or call us at 843-10-8637 Follow us on Facebook at Relationship Status Podcast on Instagram and Twitter at Relstat podcast. And don't forget to comment, share, five star rate, subscribe, and review.
