247th Date: It Don't Take No 50 Hours

[00:00:00] Speaker A: My, my, my. I have so much. So y'all don't want me to be able to digest my food. I feel like. I feel like I have such an unpopular opinion about that. Okay, about. [00:00:12] Speaker B: I mean. [00:00:13] Speaker A: Okay, so I'm sorry. Don't take no 50 hours. Now that's true. You know what I'm saying? Like don't take 50 hours. [00:00:22] Speaker B: So, so what is a good span of time? [00:00:25] Speaker A: Not 50 hours. I mean. Okay, let me think, let me think. Because you don' Be. It depends. [00:00:33] Speaker B: It can't be five minutes. [00:00:36] Speaker A: I mean, first of all, by the time you walk, go from place to place, position to position, that should take you more than 5. 5 minutes. Not place to place, position to position. But I mean, I don't like them songs. All night long. No, don't all night long me, baby. [00:00:54] Speaker B: No, that's not even 50 hours. So you talking about. Of course it was an exaggeration, but you talking about. [00:01:00] Speaker A: Yeah, but I'm saying like three hours. [00:01:03] Speaker B: Three hours maybe. [00:01:04] Speaker A: No, heck no. Three hours. [00:01:06] Speaker B: Yeah, why not? [00:01:08] Speaker A: Heck no. My, my legs. Y'all don't want me to digest my food today. Did you say three? Maybe I'm different. No. [00:01:22] Speaker B: But we're back again. [00:01:25] Speaker A: And we're back. [00:01:26] Speaker B: And where we from? Where we at right now? [00:01:28] Speaker A: Greenville. Oh, wait, we're from City of Greenville. [00:01:30] Speaker B: Yeah, we're recording right now. [00:01:31] Speaker A: Oh, you know, you always do this. [00:01:33] Speaker B: Do what? [00:01:34] Speaker A: Like not say that we recording and make us have bloopers all over the place. Cuz I'm not paying no attention. [00:01:40] Speaker B: The majority of it is going to be edited out. So. [00:01:42] Speaker A: Yeah, whatever. [00:01:43] Speaker B: Or not. [00:01:44] Speaker A: See, there you go. Look at you. This on my nerves. [00:01:51] Speaker B: Do we have a guest or is she. [00:01:54] Speaker A: Is she our resident? I have bullied myself in bully, so she claims she's the only one that has relationship experts. I'm just saying a little bit. So I guess we'll. We'll let her take the relationship stance. Yeah, sure. I mean, I say I vote her in. [00:02:14] Speaker B: I mean we. [00:02:15] Speaker A: I'm getting voted in. This is an induction? [00:02:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, now, now the final approval. [00:02:19] Speaker A: Oh, the final approval is to me. It's to me. [00:02:24] Speaker B: But we still have to go. There is another third person that's. [00:02:26] Speaker A: He ain't been on this thing yet. Oh, there's a third person. He's about Cl. Until CL shows his face, he don't get a vote. He'll get a vote. You don't get a vote. Well, Cl, if I must make my case, I would like to say we hadn't even introduced Ourselves yet. You make your case. My name is. My name is. My name is. Look, showing your podcast resume, because you got one. Yeah, but I ain't looking too much for the good for the home team, friend. I think we should have left that out. No, look, I had to use mine. Mine ain't the best either. Well, I have. I have appeared on the Perfect People podcast. Not appeared. You were. Yeah, you're right. Let me. Don't let me not, I mean, downgrade my. I was one of the hosts of the Perfect People podcast. All the work we did, girl. And also a host of the loyalty podcast and also the future host of another podcast. [00:03:34] Speaker B: Ain't thought about it yet. [00:03:36] Speaker A: Put it out there. [00:03:36] Speaker B: You ain't got a name on it yet. [00:03:37] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. I mean, I got some things working, but I gotta make sure I got a company that'll help me. That's where I'm falling at. Wink, wink. [00:03:46] Speaker B: I mean, we always here to help. It ain't nothing that we ain't helping. [00:03:49] Speaker A: I know. I'm just saying we gonna see. We'll see how much y'all helping a little bit. Talk about that after. Yeah, okay. Off air combos. [00:03:57] Speaker B: All right, so we are coming from. We're recording live. Well, not live, but on location in Greenville. The beautiful city of Greenville, South Carolina. [00:04:08] Speaker A: Shout out to Greenville. [00:04:09] Speaker B: Shout out to Greenville. And shouts out to. Up on the roof. [00:04:12] Speaker A: Yes. [00:04:14] Speaker B: Today. Yeah, they came through with the charcuterie board. I think I said that right. [00:04:18] Speaker A: You did. [00:04:19] Speaker B: What it had on it. [00:04:20] Speaker A: Okay, so. Yes. Oh, I don't know the meats, but they had candied almonds that look and taste like frosted Flakes. Y also they have pickled okra. Many pickles that you could fit all in your mouth at one time. Also fresh strawberries, cranberries, blueberry raspberries, an assortment of cheeses and. [00:04:44] Speaker B: Assortment of cheeses. [00:04:45] Speaker A: And also crackers. And the strawberries are good. They're very yummy. Is it Fred? Yeah. We have raw honey. We have this jam. Jam. And we have some whole grain mustard. [00:04:57] Speaker B: It's jam. Jam. [00:04:58] Speaker A: I haven't tried it. I don't. I'm not sure what we're supposed to eat with. With the jam. [00:05:04] Speaker B: Wasn't the jam going to crackers? Which one? It looks like. [00:05:07] Speaker A: Well, Jeronda ate two crackers with nothing. No, the crackers were good. I ain't gonna. You know, I am a cracker eater and so the crackers were pretty good. I hadn't eaten all other things. The meats were good, too. I. I know One is pepperoni and the other is salami. But there's another mystery meat over here that we're not sure about. And one is spicy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because I had to drink a lot of water after that, but it was good. [00:05:30] Speaker B: Okay. [00:05:31] Speaker A: Nice little variety of things. [00:05:33] Speaker B: And we'll get. We'll give our reviews on the food on the next. When y'all tune in on Wednesday, y'all get the reviews of the food. Shouts out up on the roof. [00:05:40] Speaker A: Once again, up on the roof. [00:05:41] Speaker B: For hosting us tonight, thought this afternoon. [00:05:43] Speaker A: It's a great going into the evening. [00:05:45] Speaker B: And you know, every week I. I do something on social media that we got to get responses on. [00:05:50] Speaker A: I'm scared. [00:05:51] Speaker B: And I'm asking every week. [00:05:53] Speaker A: Yes. I'm scared every single week. [00:05:54] Speaker B: And I'm ask you guys the question first. [00:05:56] Speaker A: Okay. [00:05:59] Speaker B: The question is, what piece of advice would you have for an ex? [00:06:04] Speaker A: For an ex. [00:06:05] Speaker B: Yeah. Toxic answers only. [00:06:07] Speaker A: Oh, toxic answers only. O. I don't know about the answer. [00:06:15] Speaker B: We want to go through what the people say at first. [00:06:18] Speaker A: Let's. Yeah, let's see what the people say. Cuz I got to think about that. [00:06:21] Speaker B: All right. [00:06:21] Speaker A: First my brain, my response. Well, see, mine didn't automatically go toxic cuz I was like, okay, let me see what I would tell her. [00:06:28] Speaker B: Go real. Go true. Go true. Not toxic. Go true. Cuz we said toxic only on social media. [00:06:33] Speaker A: But I mean, that just goes. Lord Jesus. People gonna be like, oh, she lame. She can't even think Toxic. [00:06:38] Speaker B: No, go true. [00:06:41] Speaker A: I mean, it depends on what it is, but I think it would if it was relationship advice. The advice would depend on why it is that we broke up. So, like giving pointers in how it is that they could better themselves for their next partner. [00:06:55] Speaker B: Okay. [00:06:56] Speaker A: And so it would come from. [00:06:58] Speaker B: What would be your advice to one of them? Your exes? [00:07:00] Speaker A: To one of my exes, interestingly enough. Okay, so the advice to one of my exes would be to kind of focus on self a little bit more, figure out what direction, what purpose they are serving here on this earth so that they are better equipped to lead a family and, you know, be more comfortable in that. In that position of head of household. [00:07:28] Speaker B: Okay, well, you've been married for 12 years. No, 10 years together for 12. Do you have an ex you could give everybody? [00:07:35] Speaker A: First of all, I'm scared to hear whatever I thought. To me, I would say, I mean, this is a controversial type of comment though, so I'm a little nervous. [00:07:46] Speaker B: Okay, okay. Okay. Well, then let's go to you sure. Do you want to say it or do you want to hold? [00:07:51] Speaker A: I mean, I don't know. Well, I mean, it's it matter if y'all want that feed on your podcast. Okay, well, you cry too much. That ain't controversial. I mean, because they be like, oh man, should they have their feelings all that crazy much. All men should be able to like you just balance all things. You cry too much. Like you need to be able to manage your emotions because that was just ridiculous list. It's kind of like love bombing. Uhuh. It's kind of like love bombing. Somebody telling you I love you a thousand times. Yeah, it's like. Like I need you. I hope that as you have grown on this good earth that you have managed your emotions by now. Go get some help. Yes. That. That's. That was one. I mean, I don't mind, you know, the tears and being in your feelings and being in your emotions. That's good. But just because I said this one. I mean, and maybe we. And that's how I know we didn't match because I. I'm a little. So you made him cry? Yeah. Oh, now that's a whole other situation. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying for him, like you just crying all the time but versus somebody making you cry. Yeah. Well, then I made him cry a lot. Oh, that ain't it. And it was. It was the extra. But that was my advantage or emotions. Please figure that thing out. Yes. [00:09:07] Speaker B: All right. I don't. I don't have one. [00:09:10] Speaker A: Do you. You know, you always setting something up. No. You have to answer before you read them things. I think he lying. Cause he is. [00:09:19] Speaker B: Keep your job. [00:09:20] Speaker A: Oh, all right. [00:09:21] Speaker B: That's mine. [00:09:23] Speaker A: Prepare yourself for family. If you cry too much and keep your job, I'll probably just mess up because I almost snatched my necklace off. If I had some pearls on because I wasn't. You would have clutched. Right? [00:09:35] Speaker B: I know. I know the pur and his opinion person know it's them. [00:09:38] Speaker A: Oh, I'm sure they want to know. [00:09:40] Speaker B: And they listen and watch the show. [00:09:41] Speaker A: So that's Keep your n. We don't know who you are, FYI. [00:09:45] Speaker B: So there's that the person came from person we got is a comment underneath the actual post on Facebook is from makeup. Now she have to kind of had to take it from X rated to pg. She said get your first nut off before you trying to have sex. [00:10:04] Speaker A: My, my, my. I have so much. So y'all don't want me to be able to digest my food I feel like. I feel like I have such an unpopular opinion about that. [00:10:12] Speaker B: Okay. [00:10:13] Speaker A: About. [00:10:16] Speaker B: I mean. [00:10:16] Speaker A: Okay, so I'm sorry. Don't take no 50 hours. Now that's true. You know what I'm saying? Like don't take 50 hours. [00:10:26] Speaker B: So, so what is a good span of time? [00:10:28] Speaker A: Not 50 hours. I mean. Okay, let me think, let me think. Because you don't. Your relationship. It depends. [00:10:36] Speaker B: It can't be five minutes. [00:10:40] Speaker A: I mean, first of all, by the time you walk, go from place to place, position to position, that should take you more than 5. 5 minutes. Not place to place, position to position. But I mean, I don't like them songs. All night long. No. All night long Me Baby. [00:10:58] Speaker B: No, that's not even 50 hours. So you're talking about. Of course it was an exaggeration. [00:11:04] Speaker A: Yeah, but I'm saying like three hours. [00:11:07] Speaker B: Three hours maybe. [00:11:07] Speaker A: No. Heck no. Three hours. Yeah. [00:11:10] Speaker B: Why not? [00:11:11] Speaker A: Heck no. Once again, y'all don't want me to digest my food today. Did you say three? Maybe I'm different. No, but three hours is a very. Okay, so first of all, we are. We. Why do we have to be in too? We do a marathon. Are you including foreplay and legal. Even with all of that? I mean, 30 minutes. I mean, maybe a little bit longer, but not, not too much. I mean, cuz now I'm sweating. Then if your sweat drip on me, that's. You can cancel it off. And, and then we, I mean, I just, I mean, I, I. It's just a different opinion that I have about that. [00:11:47] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. All right. That's cool. Shouts out to make it for that one. [00:11:50] Speaker A: Yeah, but I want her to take all the hours that she, you know, deserves. Yeah. [00:11:55] Speaker B: All right, then the relationship status chat in the relationship status advice group. Make sure to join cousin of the show. E.B. tapped in. He says always start a fight if you like rough sex to shut you up. [00:12:09] Speaker A: Okay. Okay, E.B. i like that one. Not always start a fight though. I mean, I always. I mean, I have used it a few times. Cause why you didn't wash them dishes? You know her. You know I don't like water. This is the setup for the setup and it's kind of toxic. [00:12:34] Speaker B: Next one's from Kitty. Don't. Don't use sex as a way to get me back when it's not hitting on. On Nathan. Oh, she putting all caps. [00:12:43] Speaker A: God. I saw somebody using it to get them back and they A day. That's funny. I mean, people can do the opposite. But if, if it's going to be to get me back. I'm sure getting something in return. [00:12:53] Speaker B: We also posted. Also posted it on Snapchat. Stay single. Humanity deserves that protection. [00:13:02] Speaker A: Wow. Well, that's first off. Whoever they're talking to. I'm sorry. I know you are ashamed. [00:13:11] Speaker B: Next time, date someone as emotionally unavailable as you are. You'll finally understand the pain. [00:13:18] Speaker A: No, they probably won't though. [00:13:21] Speaker B: N. They probably. [00:13:21] Speaker A: If they. If they are also emotionally unavailable, then they understand too unemotionally, Right? That just be. [00:13:27] Speaker B: I was told this by an ex. [00:13:30] Speaker A: Oh. [00:13:30] Speaker B: Oh, you stop giving advice you don't follow. [00:13:34] Speaker A: Well, what did you follow their advice? That's the question. You got podcast on. Podcast? The question is, did you follow their advice? [00:13:43] Speaker B: My friend, do as I say, not as I do. [00:13:45] Speaker A: Oh, that's your mantra? [00:13:46] Speaker B: Nah, you know, I'm learning to be better. [00:13:49] Speaker A: That didn't. I don't know if I was right. You said no real fast. [00:13:54] Speaker B: Find someone that matches your energy best. Bitter, broke, and basic. [00:13:58] Speaker A: Dang. Bitter, broke and. And basic. That was not good. [00:14:05] Speaker B: The trifecta. [00:14:06] Speaker A: Bitter, broken, basic. I'm gonna need you to choose one. You can't. If they add another be on the end and we really on something. Jesus. [00:14:17] Speaker B: Be a better liar. At least try to make it believable. Got a couple more. Tell your partner up front, I come with red flags and delusion. [00:14:27] Speaker A: Oh, please tell me up front now. You ain't even got to tell about the red flags. You say you come with delusion and that's enough for me. Yeah, and go on my other way. [00:14:36] Speaker B: Get a job. Professional victim isn't a real occupation. [00:14:40] Speaker A: Professional victim? Yeah, that's funny. I ain't never heard of professional victim before. [00:14:46] Speaker B: Please, for the love of God, upgrade your playlist. Heartbreak can't save your trash. Music taste. Stop mistaking control for love. You're not deep. You're just toxic. [00:14:57] Speaker A: Oh, my. [00:14:58] Speaker B: The only thing you're good at is wasting people's time. Make a career out of it. If gaslighting was a sport, you'd have Olympic gold medals. [00:15:09] Speaker A: Oh, sheesh. They came up with some good ride. These people hurt out here. Not me. That's so sad. My goodness. Y'all going. That just went really last one. [00:15:22] Speaker B: Next time, don't confuse bare minimum with spoiling somebody. [00:15:26] Speaker A: Oh. Oh, wow. [00:15:27] Speaker B: Yeah, they. They are. [00:15:29] Speaker A: They. Man. They spoil it with the bare minimum. That's. That's basic. [00:15:33] Speaker B: Hey, man, that's what they doing out here. And they came. [00:15:37] Speaker A: I better stay where I'm at. [00:15:38] Speaker B: A mix of men and women. [00:15:39] Speaker A: So, yeah, Stay married. Stay where I'm at. [00:15:42] Speaker B: Make sure to follow the show so that you can go ahead and, you know, give us your responses to our questions. Because it's always something. [00:15:50] Speaker A: I'm telling you right now. It is. It's rough out here in these streets. [00:15:54] Speaker B: Okay, so which video did we say was going with today? [00:15:56] Speaker A: And just do the second or the. [00:15:59] Speaker B: The one about best friend. [00:16:01] Speaker A: Yeah. Was it best friend? [00:16:03] Speaker B: Yeah, the one about best friend. Okay. [00:16:04] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was. Yeah. [00:16:06] Speaker C: My woman got to be my best friend. Like, my best friend in the world. If it ain't that, I don't want it, now you can keep it. You understand? Like, it gotta be like, we gotta be locked in so deep, man, to where, like, regardless of what happened to me, whether it's good or bad, like, you got to be the first person I want to call. Like, damn. And I wonder what baby gonna think about this. You understand what I'm saying? Like, we got to be able to send reels and. And memes back and forth and, you know, because I know, like, baby gonna be the only one to really get it, really understand it. You understand? Cause we so locked in. We got inside jokes. We got this, we got that. We got to be able to. People walk, watch and joke on everybody that's walking by, you know, I mean, because I sense of Huber is on the same level, like, you know, my woman got to be my right arm. Like, she's an extension of me. Like, when I look at her, I gotta see me, and when other people look at her, they gotta see me. That's how locked in we are. That's how on the same page we are. Like, I couldn't even imagine living in this world without them. That's the type of friendship that it gotta be in a relationship or I. [00:17:11] Speaker B: Don'T want it, I don't want it. [00:17:15] Speaker A: That's the type of relationship it gotta be. [00:17:17] Speaker B: I'll agree. [00:17:18] Speaker A: You know, those were touching those almonds, first off. What is that? Seeds. Cannot use it. Don't we go in and see euphylactic or whatever it's called now, you don't made me forget what it's called. [00:17:35] Speaker B: But the jam is jamming. [00:17:37] Speaker A: Ephylactic. Oh, the jam. Good. [00:17:41] Speaker B: Jam is jamming. [00:17:42] Speaker A: That's good. [00:17:45] Speaker B: When you hear that, what's the first thing that hits you. [00:17:50] Speaker A: First? First. Now what you got? [00:17:54] Speaker B: What's the first thing that hit you? [00:17:56] Speaker A: I like it. Yeah. I would love to be in a relationship with somebody that I felt like that with from both sides. I agree. [00:18:06] Speaker B: See, I don't know. Like, I think for me, I don't know if my woman could be my best friend. I think we could be great friends. But my best friend. My best friend, I can't. I don't feel like you can tell your lady everything. [00:18:20] Speaker A: You don't tell your best friend everything. That's a problem. [00:18:25] Speaker B: Me, I mean, I'm just saying, like, how's that a problem? You tell your best friend you don't have. [00:18:29] Speaker A: You should, you should sit. [00:18:30] Speaker B: Except for stuff about marriage. About stuff. But if you're married, I don't think you should have people in your marriage like that. [00:18:36] Speaker A: Your marriage like what? [00:18:37] Speaker B: Like telling them everything that happens in your marriage. Like, I don't think you should tell people outside your marriage everything that happens in your marriage. [00:18:42] Speaker A: Oh, maybe not everything. That everything is a big word to me. [00:18:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:45] Speaker A: I'm just saying nobody does everything of anything. Yeah. Oh, how to be? [00:18:51] Speaker B: You don't think so? [00:18:52] Speaker A: Everything, Everything. Nobody tells anybody everything. No. Sometimes first off, some stuff you need to say for the good Lord Jesus. I mean, you only tell yourself everything. I mean, think about some of that stuff you trying to lock away. Yeah. Like, you don't tell everybody everything. Like, I know, I'm. Here's another one that I'm not okay with and I don't agree with about the outside marriage relationship advice. I do not agree with that. [00:19:14] Speaker B: Okay. [00:19:14] Speaker A: Because I do feel like that I get a good advice from my. My best friend. [00:19:20] Speaker B: So you don't agree with. So you don't agree with that, the stuff that happens in your marriage. [00:19:25] Speaker A: No, it. Not, not necessarily that. And I'm not saying I tell her every single thing, but when it comes. Because some things aren't about relationship, it's about a person. So sometimes. And I can see myself as being. I mean, all of us see ourselves as being. Oh, I do nothing wrong sometimes. And I have to get a balance, a check. And I had to see, well, is it me or am I tripping sometimes? And she don't do a good job of taking up for me. She be honest. Be like, yeah, friend, you tripping, you know, So I, I feel as though that I could get that kind of advice now. Do I tell her everything? No. I mean, nobody tells anybody everything. But the, the back to the best. The want the apartment to be the best friend thing. I now, I can say now, right now, not before, but now I am experiencing that. And that is a part of what we're building now. [00:20:23] Speaker B: The shift from honesty from not to. [00:20:27] Speaker A: Honesty and honest and and life hardships. Like, you realize that I'm there with you no matter what. When you going through yourself, second downfall, you know, from having this surgery again. Who's there? Who's the one doing all of the things? Who's the one making sure we're, you know, everything is in order. You realize that, dang, you know, this girl really is down. And then vice versa. I'm going through a little, you know, a little tough little thing right now. Not, you know, school is. It's tough. It's really hard for me. And so I'm realizing, dang, you know, yeah, you might get on my nerves sometimes, but you, you know, you really down. Like, we really, really cool. Like, we really like that. And I do consider him my best friend. Yeah, I really do. And I think, like, that's the thing. Like, no one is going through life with you in the same way that your partner is that your husband or your wife is. And I mean, even if you do have a best friend that's outside of the marriage, there's still levels to that that they'll never get, that they'll never understand that your. Your husband or your wife, they're the only ones that will, because they're the ones that's in it with you. Like, I don't. I don't have. I don't share kids with my best friend. I. I don't share. [00:21:34] Speaker B: But your best friend has. Your best friend might have kids, but. [00:21:36] Speaker A: They'Re not our kids. Like, the way that we're raising our kids. While there will be similarities between how it is that Arielle is raising her children and I'm raising mine, the household is just going to naturally be different because we're different people. And so, like, there. There does have a to be a best friend element. Does that have to be your only best friend? No. Like, because I do think that you are absolutely supposed to be supposed to have friends outside of marriage, because your. Your partner is not supposed to hold all of that. Right. So when I'm really tripping, some people. [00:22:04] Speaker B: Don'T believe in friends. [00:22:06] Speaker A: Now, that's a whole other conversation. I definitely don't believe in it. Yeah, I don't believe in it because that's too much pressure on anybody. Like, you know, there are times when I'm tripping where my husband should be able to say, okay, you need to go call Arielle, because you, you don't lie. So, you know, you go over there and I'ma stay here, and then we, you know, we'll come back together because no, like, one person can't hold everything. But you are a specific best friend to me in. In our relationship and how we're doing life together. Yeah. And I want to be excited to call you. Like, Arielle might get bummed down a second when good news happens. Like, I don't. I'm okay with that. That's how that's supposed to be. Like, as long as you call me second, don't put me third. Well, I can be third, but you need to call your mom. Fine. I'll be 30, but that's it. I ain't going no longer. [00:22:56] Speaker B: Do y'all think that y'all could truly have that type of friendship within the relationship without it suffering from complacency and comfort? [00:23:06] Speaker A: Why would it suffer? Yeah, I do. [00:23:07] Speaker B: I'm just. Because some people in some marriages, they've been together so long, and let's say we're best friends or whatever. Right. The relationship is comfortable, and there's a complacency sometimes that comes with being in a relationship for a lengthy period of time, as you make. Sometimes people come to that point where it's become mundane. It's. It's the ritual of this, this, this, this, and this. We're gonna have a date night every Friday night. The spontaneity may be. May have been gone. You know what I'm saying? The kids have kind of taken over. There's a level of complacency and comfort that sometimes comes with that. So sometimes we need that outlet of our friends. One or two. We need the person to be spontaneous at times with things, to keep it going within the relationship. So do you think that having the person as that best friend. And when. When I hear best friend, it's like cxiel always says, you can't have more than one best friend. I just. [00:24:02] Speaker A: No, No, I don't. I don't. [00:24:04] Speaker B: For me, I. I. I kind of. I have a circle of friends. [00:24:07] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:24:08] Speaker B: But I have, like, one. Well, that's. [00:24:10] Speaker A: For me. I mean, it's currently my situation. Well, to a certain extent, I have levels. [00:24:17] Speaker B: I think women have it more than men. [00:24:19] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:24:20] Speaker B: Women have. Okay. For this. I know. I call this person for this issue. [00:24:25] Speaker A: That's just category. I know. [00:24:26] Speaker B: I call this person. It's a work issue. I know. I call. This is. This is my work best. And I just think that women have that more than men. Men don't really have. It's like a circle of friends, and then that'll. It'll just be the group, and that group will Be. And my group is of, like, people that I call best friends is really small, you know, people that I trust with the information no matter what. Because I know that whatever they give me back. Like you would. [00:24:49] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:49] Speaker B: With front is whatever they're going to give me back is going to be honest. [00:24:53] Speaker A: Right. [00:24:54] Speaker B: I might not. Like, I can't tell you how many times I'm on the phone with CEO and I really just want to get off. I literally want to tell him, shut up. [00:25:01] Speaker A: I don't want to get easy. [00:25:03] Speaker B: I don't, like, just let me off the phone, you know, and it's because. [00:25:09] Speaker A: He'S giving you something that you don't. You're not ready to receive. Or he's willing to. To say the hard things. [00:25:15] Speaker B: Why he's willing to say the hard stuff. [00:25:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:17] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? My friend Doc willing to say the hard stuff. [00:25:21] Speaker A: Say, dot, do. [00:25:23] Speaker B: Oh, Doc, my friend. My other one, Malcolm, he will literally call me and be like, you effing up, Hands up. Like I've posted something and maybe emotional at times in the moment and it might be cryptic and literally you will call me. Take that now. [00:25:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, I would say, like, it's interesting because I guess. I guess my friends maybe mess up in different ways. It's not. And a lot of times whenever I. So I will say I have a circle of friends, too, that I would consider, you know, in the. The bestie category or whatever you want to call it. But there's only one person in that friend group that's kind of aware of everything that's going on in my life, even if I don't necessarily call them to ask them for advice. And that's Ariel. Now, other. The. The other folks that's in the friend group, they are, you know, they. They know. They know of things that are happening. They are very intimately aware. And I might lean on them for something different because maybe they have a different strength or have had a different experience or, you know, whatever the case is. And so I do think that you lean on different friends for different things because everybody has their level of expertise. But I don't know if I necessarily can't go with the fact that you can only have one best friend because, yeah, I just, I think, like, there's. I think Arielle said, I think there's levels to it, but ride or die. Like, you know, I know that I can call these individuals and they will have my back and they will call me in and call me out. Yeah, that's a. That's A very small circle of people and the folks that I'm willing to trust with my life and my information and the things that are going on that I know that they'll either hold it or pray for me through it or just, you know, like I said, give me whatever advice is necessary in order for me to. To be able to move through it. So yeah. [00:27:23] Speaker B: You think understanding the, like the, for you guys, the, the. Your. Your mate or whoever you're with, being your best friend, has it always been like that or is it something that. So that. So the person you. Has always been your best friend? [00:27:36] Speaker A: No, no, the person that I'm with. [00:27:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Cuz that's what, that's what we're talking about. Talking about your partner beat. [00:27:41] Speaker A: No, he hasn't always been my best friend. Friend. Absolutely not. [00:27:43] Speaker B: That's what I'm saying. So that, that's why I'm asking. Has always been. [00:27:46] Speaker A: No, it has. It's always desire. Yeah. And then trying to work towards it. [00:27:51] Speaker B: So what happens if one person is in that place and the other person is not? Like one person feels that deep connection of this is my best friend, but the other person does not feel that. You know, how does that get navigated then? [00:28:04] Speaker A: Well, I mean, it was like that for us at one point because I have. I feel like I have always being Von's best friend. Oh, the whole entire relationship. But for me that wasn't, you know, that wasn't the case because like Verona stated, with you being my best friend, it comes with a lot of trust. And if I can't trust that you will hold these certain things, then I can't consider you my best friend. Were we married? Yes. Did we do life together? Yes. I did not consider him my best friend. But now it's a whole totally different thing. So. [00:28:38] Speaker B: So you're trusting him at change. [00:28:40] Speaker A: Yes. And also you showing me that I can trust you had to change. [00:28:44] Speaker B: So he wasn't showing that before? [00:28:45] Speaker A: No. I mean it was a lot of, you know, inconsistencies and, and changing up of things and I just didn't feel like I needed consistency, you know, financial consistency. And I can. Who I'm. I mean, now I will say it, but before I can't say, dude, you do this one more time, you know, now I can say that, but I had to get. Am I tripping? Am I tripping? Should I feel this way? I had to call out and see, you know, because I don't want to be. No, I don't want to be a nagger. I don't want to be aggravating you, but if you wrong, baby, you wrong, and I'm gonna let you know. And if I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong so I can pipe down and kill. [00:29:26] Speaker B: Somebody asked me if I. If. If they were nagging me before and my thing was. No, you're not nagging me. If you're saying something I think a nag. Just if I'm doing it. If I'm doing whatever you're telling me. [00:29:40] Speaker A: I should be doing and I feel. [00:29:42] Speaker B: Like nagging and you're continuing to say something and now you're nagging. [00:29:47] Speaker A: I feel like nagging is saying. Asking you to do stuff that it should be done. That's what I see, Nagging. Like, if I'm having to ask you. You the same thing over and over, something that's obvious, something that should be done, something that we've talked about and I'm coming to you again and again and again and again and again. [00:30:03] Speaker B: But then who's that on? Is that on you or on him? [00:30:05] Speaker A: Oh, that's not on me. [00:30:07] Speaker B: If. If you're nagging, the nag is not on. [00:30:09] Speaker A: That's on you. Because the reason why I'm a nagging you is because you're not doing what needs to be done. If you do what needs. [00:30:15] Speaker B: No, no. [00:30:17] Speaker A: Boy, you almost. I'm not going to leave nobody because they want. Push the trash can, take the trash bag out, leave. [00:30:26] Speaker B: Yeah, you. I don't know what I say about that. [00:30:28] Speaker A: First off, marriage in a relationship is two different. Two different things. I ain't going nowhere because of that. I want you just to do it. Yeah. Like you. And. But that's the thing. Like, you're. [00:30:36] Speaker B: But if it's a constant. Not saying. Not saying pushing the trash can. I say the pushing of the trash can. It's the. [00:30:43] Speaker A: But that's every. [00:30:43] Speaker B: Every relationship is going to have number of things. If it's a number of things, why not just. It would say not the marriage. But if it's a relationship, I'm about. [00:30:54] Speaker A: To say none of it is totally different things. [00:30:59] Speaker B: But if you're a person that has to consistently feel away with anything or whatever, you're considering nagging about certain things and expressing your unhappiness. Why are we staying? [00:31:16] Speaker A: Because that's going to be in every relationship. Yeah. Last episode I meant to say you were getting on me about whether or not you should stay indefinitely. When somebody is born after they dream. And I contributed. [00:31:32] Speaker B: Well, first off, it was two weeks. That was two episodes ago. [00:31:34] Speaker A: Whatever it was. Whatever it was. Okay, so to catch you up, we were talking about alam. Well, we were talking about dreams, okay? And a person going after their dreams and how long a person is supposed to support them in going after their dreams if they ain't contributing nothing else. And so we started talking about alimony. The movie alimony. You ever seen it? Oh yeah. And I made the point that you don't indefinitely support nobody. I don't care if you're married or otherwise and they're not contributing in some way. Like if you see I'm in distress, I don't care nothing. I mean, I won't say I don't care nothing about your dream, but it has to be right, it has to be balanced, right? So you know, while you can still can go after your dream, you need to go get a job or something. Something. Cuz you can tinker and go work at Walmart. Like two things to be true at the same time. And this one over here talking about you supposed to be supporting them indefinitely because you marry them. Well, I mean, you got to contribute. I'm not saying you necessarily have to have a job, but you need. [00:32:29] Speaker B: I don't know what that is. [00:32:30] Speaker A: You know what I mean? But you need to be contributing something. Like he wasn't even cleaning the house, he wasn't even going to the grocery store. He wasn't even bring. They got paper towel. [00:32:38] Speaker B: Here's my thing, my point on that, and this is without going back into that, my point to that was if we're supporting something, right, Communication is key. Correct. Everybody says communication is key. [00:32:50] Speaker A: It is, it is. [00:32:51] Speaker B: The, it is the, the, the, the one major thing they always say every marriage, every relationship should be built on. It's communication. [00:32:59] Speaker A: Well, effective communication. [00:33:01] Speaker B: Effective communication. So then we should have said, okay, you're gonna, I'm allow you to tinker with this thing for a year. If after tinkering with this thing for. [00:33:09] Speaker A: A year, because that was my thing. [00:33:13] Speaker B: After you tinkered with this thing for a year, we ain't got nowhere. You can still do it. But I need you to find a job, right? That's effective. She never said that. It was never, it was never put out there. Yeah, it was. And so what I'm saying, if you don't put a date on it, shouts out to CEO if you don't put a date on it. How can you, how can you like forwardly go, all right, how's he supposed to know? How's he supposed to know? [00:33:43] Speaker A: Or her call on me? Thank you so very much. Because this is going to go back to this best friend thing. Right? [00:33:50] Speaker B: Okay. [00:33:51] Speaker A: Because the one thing that I can say that as my best friend, and that's like everybody that's in my little. My little circle, which includes Arielle because of the connection it is that we had, which is what this guy was talking about. But he was talking about it from a romantic sense. But I want to talk about it from a friendship sense, but I think it carries on over into the relationship even more so I can tell when something is bothering Ariel, Will. And I don't necessarily even have to, you know, she don't have to say anything directly. She doesn't have to sit me down and say, like, let's have some effective communication about it, you know, if something is. Is nagging her or something to take her off, number one, I know her triggers. I know the things that will tick her off. So even if it's not me and I'm sitting in a setting in a situation and something that's happening, I'm like, oh, that. That's. [00:34:40] Speaker B: That ain't. [00:34:40] Speaker A: That ain't gonna end well, or she gonna shut down or she's gonna do whatever. And so in me being able to recognize that I can then bring Arielle to the table and say, okay, so, baby, I'm. Honey, honey, I'm. I'm. I'm recognizing that this is. This ain't working for you. Like, something is. Something's off. So what's going on? So I don't think that it always has to be on the person that is being aggravated by the situation or, you know, that you're doing something that traditionally is off in a relationship if you don't have a job, you know this. So if I am willing. Remember, they've been using her from the beginning. I was about to say, like, what is happening? I'm trying to figure out why they got together to start with. [00:35:25] Speaker B: But as I'm saying, it's been since the beginning. [00:35:28] Speaker A: Yeah. And. But I'm saying if we're. She ran into that trailer. [00:35:32] Speaker B: Exactly. So. So who was that on? Is that on him or her? [00:35:35] Speaker A: I think it's on both, but she should have come in my thing. Here's my thing. Communication is key. Effective communication is key. Now, I did have to. That's why I changed the beginning, because I communicate a lot, but it is not healthy. It was not. Because I thought that telling you every single piece of my mind and how I felt at the moment was good communication, but it was not. So I do feel like she should have. [00:36:00] Speaker B: How are you giving it? Because you can give. [00:36:01] Speaker A: Oh, I wasn't giving it good. That's why she said it was. Yeah, it was effective. So I wasn't giving it good. It was very nasty. It was not nice. And I had to learn that you just can't say everything like that. And you have to also learn how the other person. Exactly. So then after I got into therapy and realizing that is not the way to communicate and learn how. Learn the steps to effectively communicate, I then was able to turn around and speak his language. So that's what she should have. Hey, this is. I mean, she did say it, but she didn't say it in a way that he could understand. There's a difference. There's a difference. You can say something all day, but if you don't say it to where the other person can understand, like Von. He doesn't like to talk. So our saving grace is a text thread, a special text thread. Hey, this is a no judgment zone. We're not gonna judge here. You say what you feel, I say what I feel. If you don't want me to respond, tell me that. If you want me to respond, say that also. [00:36:57] Speaker B: Here's what that means with me. [00:36:59] Speaker A: Okay. [00:36:59] Speaker B: Any text outside of five lines, I'm probably not reading. [00:37:02] Speaker A: Well, that's on you. [00:37:03] Speaker B: All of it. I'm probably not reading. [00:37:04] Speaker A: First off, you going to have to compromise somewhere. Exactly. And do you want to be in a relationship? Yeah. I don't think we said two things this far that I don't know. Yes, you want to be the one that's functional. [00:37:16] Speaker B: Yes, ma'am. I would rather. I don't really talk because I. I think for me, communicating, I do a poor job. I'm gonna see what happens to me if we get in the debate about whatever it is a person that I. That I care about, in love with or whatever can always sway my mind. And I don't know why that is. I don't think I'll come into the argument with this point, this point, this point, this point. And I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. And then turn around and they'll be like, what they do. [00:37:50] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Or. [00:37:53] Speaker B: Or I. When I try to be so staunch on my point, I come off condescending. I come off as an. Because. Because I'm like, I'm not going to let you. You're not going to run your Jedi mind trick. All right, so today, this is where I stand and I'm 10 toes down. [00:38:12] Speaker A: All my. [00:38:15] Speaker B: I am the Jedi. [00:38:19] Speaker A: Well, do you win on that one? [00:38:21] Speaker B: On that one? On those. Yes, I do. But the other person feels like I'm not listening. [00:38:26] Speaker A: You know, that's that person. You got to do both ways. [00:38:29] Speaker B: No, but no, because I do come up when I'm like that. I do come off as an act. I do. I know I do. I can't fight it because I'm trying not to let what you say get to me in a way that makes me change my mind. That's. Oh, completely. And I'm defensive. I'm 100% defensive. Ciela tell you. Be easy to tell you. Everybody. I'm completely defensive as soon as. And nobody knows where it comes from, but it comes from something way, like from a kid. But at the end of the day, like if somebody says something to me, I'm automatically on defense. It's automatically I have to defend myself. And by all means necessary. I don't care what I got to do. I will defend myself. And sometimes defending myself means shutting up and just letting you talk for however long you want to talk and just listen. And I said this like this. You listening to me? I probably heard half of it, but I get the gist. You know, I. I understand you're not an effective listener. I am an effective listener. [00:39:27] Speaker A: No, you're not. Something. [00:39:30] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I'm listening. No, I listen to everything. [00:39:34] Speaker A: You listen to what you want to listen to. [00:39:35] Speaker B: No, no, no. I said listen to about half of it. I'm going tell you why. I'm going tell you why. Because when you, you ever been in something with somebody and. Or disagreement or whatever and they have made their point. Yeah, in the first five minutes. I have agreed that I understood your point. The first five minutes. The other two hours is the repent the repetition of the point that you made in the first. [00:40:02] Speaker A: So if first off, if somebody going over two hours of me, you don't piss them off. [00:40:05] Speaker B: Yes, usually because in the first five minutes. I got you. I understand. [00:40:10] Speaker A: I still don't think I'm going for no two hours. I can run a run along sentence now, but by yourself, with them not responding, with him not responding? No, it'll be a back and forth thing because I want to make. Because my hair is my thing. If we're talking about it this deep now, I don't want to come back here. I don't want this to have to be an issue that we experience again. So maybe if you listen and we come to a Compromise and come to an agreement. Then we won't have to come back here again. Because here is my thing. I want to just learn it and move on and let's tackle the next thing that we have coming. You know, I don't want to be harping on this same thing over and over again. Like why can't you just get it? Even if it's me, let me know what I need to do. Let me know it's to me. I won't be that. Tell me. Because I'm not perfect. I mean, I'm great, but I'm not perfect. I'm out here killing it. [00:41:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:02] Speaker A: Like, I mean, I know I'm one of a kind, but I'm not. You know, there's something. Yeah. So that, I mean, I ain't going. I'm not gonna be going. I will sit down and have a conversation with you that last time, but not a solo soliloquy model. My voice will go out doing with. [00:41:19] Speaker B: It and then maybe break. So whatever. I'm just saying for me, my defense mechanism. And then if you raise your voice. [00:41:25] Speaker A: So have you received Lang. [00:41:26] Speaker B: But I'm going tell you when I stop listening. [00:41:28] Speaker A: You don't sound like. [00:41:28] Speaker B: It's exactly when I. [00:41:29] Speaker A: When I stop listening is when they raise their voice or curse. [00:41:34] Speaker B: If you curse the second I not. No, I do my best. I curse regular. But when I do my best when I'm talking with. To not curse. Because that's my trigger. Because when I was Maddie, my my ex wife, she was extremely verbally abusive. So my trigger now is if the second you curse, I am out. I don't. You standing there and you saying words. I don't know what you're saying. I'm not. And I wouldn't even be on my phone. I look dead in your face. [00:42:03] Speaker A: Have you checked out? [00:42:04] Speaker B: Checked out. Go ahead and send me my bill. Know what I'm saying? Go ahead, put on the card. You know, I left the room straight, but I'm checked out. [00:42:17] Speaker A: I left the room straight, the room clean. [00:42:20] Speaker B: I ain't steal the remote, but I'm checked out. Cuz I've been. Even if you're in an argument. Cuz I know how that stuff made me feel. And it made me. For me that made me feel so down. It was difficult for me to recover after that. So I know when that happens. And then I had a person that I was with in a relationship with her and she was like your trigger. My trigger triggers you and your trigger triggers me. So we're just we end up in this. This loop of just triggering each other. Each other, and. Because whatever I did triggered her, and then her cursing at me triggered me. So now we just. [00:43:03] Speaker A: So we weren't going to figure out this. We weren't going to take a step further and figure out the triggers? [00:43:08] Speaker B: No, the trick. No, we've figured it out. But I think there's a. There's a. What happens is, I think even though you have to have some desire to change, people have to have desire to change. [00:43:19] Speaker A: That's true now. And. [00:43:21] Speaker B: And no matter what it is, when the chips are down, they have to go back to whatever the person is they wanted to be. Because I think when things get tough and rough, people revert back to who they don't want to be or what they feel comfortable doing. You know, so if a person. If a person, when they usually have gotten in arguments before they curse or if they yell, then they're in a place that's their comfort zone. When they're having an argument, that's what they revert back to. You know what I'm saying? So me, that's what I revert back to. So you start a c. But. [00:43:51] Speaker A: And I think the. The thing is, though, like, I. I think that we are so in relationship. We in Aria entered us. Arielle and I were talking about this earlier. Humans are fallible. So you can expect to be disappointed. You can expect for your feelings to be hurt. You can expect for, you know, things not to go 100. They might. They're probably gonna break a promise at some point in time. You know, all of these things are going to happen. And I think that, though, whenever we're talking about building a relationship and building a trust bank, because I think, like, that's what it is. A trust is a bank that you're building up enough that when you make that withdrawal, that there's still enough in there to keep us in the black. And I think that whenever you end up with people that you are not compatible with or that do the things that trigger you and you do the. If that's your default, then that's probably not the person that I'm supposed to be with. Especially if they're not willing to change, especially if they're not willing to grow from that, especially if they're not willing. [00:44:55] Speaker B: What if it's a lack? Not a lack, not a lack of willingness. But some of us, like, I feel. [00:45:01] Speaker A: Like this, if it's not a lack of willingness and it's just who you are, then that means that we're not supposed to be together. [00:45:07] Speaker B: That's what I'm saying. At my tender age, I feel as though. [00:45:10] Speaker A: Did you say tender? [00:45:13] Speaker B: I feel as though I'm in a place where I wouldn't say I'm incapable of change. [00:45:19] Speaker A: Well, that's a, that's a sad existence. [00:45:20] Speaker B: I wouldn't. How's it sad? [00:45:22] Speaker A: You say you're not capable. [00:45:23] Speaker B: No, I'm not. I didn't say. I said I'm not going to say I'm incapable of it. [00:45:27] Speaker A: You're not willing. Cuz that's the opposite of incapable. [00:45:29] Speaker B: Just don't think that I can't. [00:45:33] Speaker A: Then that's incapable. Well, I mean, that's very definitely what I mean. [00:45:36] Speaker B: You don't, I don't think I can. [00:45:38] Speaker A: You don't want to. Anybody can change. [00:45:41] Speaker B: See, I just think that the things that, the things that I feel like I can't change that are the things that I feel like I could change some stuff. [00:45:50] Speaker A: I, you know, give me an example of something you say you can't change. Can't. Cannot. Okay. [00:45:59] Speaker B: I am, I lack, I lack an ability to create balance in my life. [00:46:03] Speaker A: Y. That's a tough one. That's a tough one. You. That, no, that really is a tough one. Yeah, I'm struggling with the same thing. [00:46:12] Speaker B: I lack in that. Like I can't. [00:46:14] Speaker A: But I don't think that you would have to change that. I think that whoever it is that comes into your life is either going to complement that or create the space for you to be able to operate in that. [00:46:25] Speaker B: I think I'm more of an extremist in that sense. And I'm gonna tell you why. Like, I've, I've dealt with people in my past and, and, and recent who they tried to compliment that, okay, you can't give me whatever, give me a day, give me this, or I'll take that. What can you give me? And even in that I'll go in the moment that I'm asked. Yeah, I can. And then literally when it comes time for it to happen, what happened? I got to do this. I got to do something else. [00:47:00] Speaker A: I got to do this. [00:47:01] Speaker B: Oh yeah, you and it's plan. [00:47:04] Speaker A: There's no compromise. You don't have balance. That's not balance at all. We are not going through the same thing. [00:47:09] Speaker B: I say, yeah, exactly. [00:47:11] Speaker A: That was different. [00:47:12] Speaker B: I, I, I lack the ability to create. B. But it's more so because, and I know where I get it from. That's what makes it so difficult to change. It's what I've seen it's, it's the things we go through, the things that we grew up with make us who we are. [00:47:26] Speaker A: Right. Well. [00:47:30] Speaker B: I never my mom to this day, for as long as I can remember, my mother rides that journey to work at 5:00 in the morning. [00:47:38] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:38] Speaker B: 6:00 in the morning. She don't get at home till 8 o'clock at night. [00:47:42] Speaker A: Right. [00:47:42] Speaker B: A lot of times as a kid I didn't see her when I woke up and I didn't see her when I went to sleep. [00:47:48] Speaker A: Right. [00:47:48] Speaker B: My grandmother safety. So probably I would say till she was 80, worked her behind office. She was 80, died at 90, 97. You know, I'm saying my dad now, same thing, you know. And then I went through a period of my life where I didn't have anything. And so for me work became a necessity like finding money or things like that became a necessity. So to me things that are work to me take precedence over. Only thing that doesn't take precedent over is my kids. And even in that sense it's a struggle because I'll take my kids with. [00:48:24] Speaker A: Me to the work. [00:48:25] Speaker B: To the work. You know what I'm saying? So to me, whoever it is just has to. Whoever it is, that person is going to end up with me just has to kind of understand that part of it. Well, because, because it's going to be something that. Because you're going to get frustrated with me. [00:48:39] Speaker A: But my thing. Here's my thing. Here is my thing. I understand everything that you're saying and this is something that I tell Vaughn because he goes back to this a lot and one thing I don't, I'm trying my best not to go to is back and say what this thing has caused me to do and this thing has caught because we're not there. Right. You know, we're here and we're trying to maneuver and work. Yes. So we can't go to what used to be or how other people did it because that's not what what we need right now. So I understand how it work cuz you know, I may not. I really don't have nobody else to fall on. So yes, when we work we have to make the money, we have to pay our bills, we have to do all of the things and also we have other people around us that we have to give attention to. Not just for them but for ourselves also. You swaddled up in work and you talking about being single not swaddled up, you had to bar. Swaddle is real tight really tight and comfortable. Usually fall asleep. So I'm going need to wake up real smooth. Right. You. I mean, I just. Yeah, you. I don't know about that. Yeah, I mean, but that's the thing. And I think when we say that we are incapable of change, you are capable. Yes, I said it. But I think that he is capable of change. He is capable. You got number one. I think it's not. And I ain't gonna get super deep or super spiritual. Oh, but no, no, I'm really nice. It's gonna be like a scratch the surface and I'm moving on. But number one, people can't change people. And so the only entities that I think that can influence change is you and the good Lord Jesus. That's it. And so, like, I think that people can influence change. So, you know, you will maybe probably end up with somebody eventually who makes you want to change in those areas. And then you will figure out how to make those shifts. Because there's no way that you're gonna be able to stay in a sustainable relationship and not be able to give the time, effort, and energy to it in order to make it work. Like, that's just. And even if it doesn't realistic. One day. Okay, then I'm gonna go to two. Yeah, then what you gonna do? I'm going to two days. I'm going to three. Three days. I mean, I'm gonna start out with one day, you know, to try to meet you halfway, but you'll be stuck at the one day. It don't seem like you go no further than the one day. You don't even show up for the one day. Yeah, you make excuses. That's why you can't make it for the one day. [00:51:07] Speaker B: Well, sometimes. [00:51:08] Speaker A: No, that's probably why you can't see them as your best friend, because you spend time with your best friend. That takes time. Work. He spends time. Yeah, that's. Oh, yeah. Work is your best friend. Can it give you the things that a relationship can give? We might have solved it, but we put it together. [00:51:26] Speaker B: Doubling back. So is expecting your partner to be everything? Best friend, lover, therapist, cheerleader? Is that realistic? [00:51:35] Speaker A: No, no, no. I mean, nobody can be everything except for God. Let's see. So, no, I don't think that you can expect your partner to be everything for you and to you. I think that's actually very unhealthy because what happens if something happens to that person and then, you know, something happens to you? But I. I think that they should hold a very large piece of the puzzle. When it comes to what they are able to be for you and to you in your life, I don't think that you should be going to a whole bunch of outside entities to fill a void that they are supposed to feel like. There are some things that my husband is going to be the only person that can do that, that knows what's going on, that can give me the type of encouragement it, you know, I'm still going to expect my cheerleading squad for my best friends, but when my husband cheers me on, that's gonna bring a whole different type of feel. That's gonna bring a whole different type of, you know, atmosphere to the situation. He gonna. He gonna receive something a whole lot different than they gonna receive something in my. And because he in there every day, right. He in there every day. He know exactly what you're going through, exactly the struggles. Exactly. No piece for piece for piece for peace. And he's probably had to sacrifice, too, in order for me to achieve whatever it is that I'm achieving. Yep. So, yeah, that. That's for me. I. I don't expect the. For them to be everything. Cuz like I said, there are going to be times where there are things where I just. I need my girls. Like, you know, you cool, you. You're a nice little piece of arm candy, but you can still be there for a second. In that instance, you be arm candy. They'll take another role. Like, you know, so I think there's. There has to be balance in all things. They can't sway one side too much over the other. Okay. [00:53:19] Speaker B: Okay. So what did we learn today? [00:53:25] Speaker A: What I learned is you need to work on changing. You need to work on. [00:53:32] Speaker B: Is this attack. [00:53:33] Speaker A: No. We want you to be in this relationship that you're saying that you can't use that stuff that you're, you know, not saying that they didn't do their. Their work, but not saying you can't use what your mom, what your grandma, what your dad is going through currently, like, you can't use that. And so the reason why you're in relationship is the question why you're doing what you're doing. Is she. Is it healthy? [00:53:55] Speaker B: Yeah, I think so. She happy? [00:53:57] Speaker A: Well, anyway, we're not going to type of happy. You want to meet? I love. [00:54:03] Speaker B: I love Esther. [00:54:04] Speaker A: Oh, that's. We trying to work on my. [00:54:09] Speaker B: My daddy don't like American women. [00:54:12] Speaker A: Oh, okay. All right. See that. That's a whole other situation. [00:54:14] Speaker B: My mother's from Trinidad. Marisol was from the Dominican Republic of. [00:54:21] Speaker A: People well, then maybe you should adventure out of the country be following. No, maybe it's out of the country because they seem to be able to jail a little bit better with your lifestyle. [00:54:32] Speaker B: What you learn for I learned that. [00:54:35] Speaker A: It has to be balance and all. Well, I don't think I learned that, but, you know, it's the thing that's sticking out to my mind confirming what I already know. Confirm what you already know around Balance is key to. To everything, especially in relationship. [00:54:49] Speaker B: I learned I really don't have any toxic advice for my ex. For any of my exes. [00:54:53] Speaker A: I don't have any. You just right. You just share. You told your ex to keep a job. Yes, you did. Did you forget you said that? [00:55:02] Speaker B: No. One of my exes lost their job. And it was the turning point, the beginning of the end of our relationship. Now she's in the new relationship. Now she's in a new relationship and she has a job. And since she's had a job, her relationship is going strong. [00:55:22] Speaker A: So keep the job, keep the job. [00:55:24] Speaker B: And keep your relationship. And that's all for relationship status today. Y'all have a great route.