October 02, 2023


220th Date: Western Union, Sugar Mamas, & Patriarchy

Hosted by

Yusuf In The Building C.L. Butler Nique Crews
220th Date: Western Union, Sugar Mamas, & Patriarchy
Relationship Status Podcast
220th Date: Western Union, Sugar Mamas, & Patriarchy

Oct 02 2023 | 01:06:04


Show Notes

Hosts: Nique Crews, C.L. Butler, & Yusuf 


On Today's episode, Yusuf and C.L. are joined by Fraronda and they discuss various topics, ranging from life's goals and the societal pressure to achieve them to the freedom that comes with age and self-discovery. Sp at Fraronda reflects on the fear of failure and the relentless pursuit of goals ingrained in her generation. Meanwhile, C.L. offers his unique perspective on living authentically and relishing in moments of failure as opportunities for growth.

The conversation takes a turn as they discuss everything from basketball and Game of Thrones to the art of being comfortable in one's own skin. CL's unapologetic nature and belief in personal growth through mistakes challenge the conventional wisdom of goal-oriented living.

As the crew explores the fear that often accompanies growth and change, they touch on the thought of deprogramming from societal expectations and the importance of self-discovery. The team encourages listeners of all ages to question societal norms, embrace their individuality, and find value in life's most unexpected moments.

Tune in for an enlightening conversation that will leave you pondering your own path, the goals you've set, and the freedom that comes from living unapologetically.

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Episode Transcript

[00:00:00] Speaker A: You? [00:00:01] Speaker B: Do you have a podcast that you're passionate about? Are you looking for a professional studio to help bring your vision to life? Then look no further than Crux Media Group studios. Located at Nine Three West Evans Street in Florence, South Carolina, crux Media Group Studios is a full service podcast studio that offers recording, editing, consultation, live streaming, video recording, and more. We have state of the art equipment and a team of experienced professionals who can help you create a podcast that is professional, polished, and engaging. Whether you're a first time podcaster or a seasoned pro, crux Media Group Studios can help you take your podcast to the next level. Contact us today at 843-407-1673 to learn more about our services and to schedule a consultation. [00:01:02] Speaker C: And welcome back to relationship status. It's your boy Yusuf in the building, and I'm here with my boy, CL Butler, and you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to, like, share, follow, and five star eight. And if you want to join the conversation, email us RStat. [email protected] or no, we don't have a hotline anymore. I was about to say or hit us on the hotline, but the hotline. [00:01:25] Speaker D: We didn't pay the phone bill. [00:01:26] Speaker C: No, we didn't pay the bill. [00:01:27] Speaker D: Oh, wow. [00:01:30] Speaker C: And we have a special guest. Again, recurring. Might as well call the family. [00:01:41] Speaker D: Okay, he started off with one song and then finished with another one. [00:01:46] Speaker A: Okay. [00:01:48] Speaker D: All right. [00:01:51] Speaker C: What's going on there, young lady? [00:01:53] Speaker A: Nothing much. Just a little sleepy. [00:01:55] Speaker D: Little sleepy. [00:01:56] Speaker A: But we're going to make it work. We'll make sure, if they have to repeat things. Charge it to my head, not my heart. [00:02:02] Speaker D: Okay. Wow. You sound like a man to get caught cheating you. [00:02:07] Speaker A: Charge it to my heart in my head because yeah, I'm good. How about y'all? [00:02:13] Speaker D: I am excellent. [00:02:15] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm doing well. Oh, I am doing well. [00:02:20] Speaker A: Caveat. [00:02:21] Speaker C: Little caveat. I'm supposed to go to New York tomorrow evening. No, the hope is to still do so. [00:02:27] Speaker A: Okay. Wait, no work? [00:02:31] Speaker C: Well, we out for fall break. [00:02:32] Speaker A: Well, look at you, fancy smash. [00:02:36] Speaker C: I said, are we off a fall break? You know what? A friend of mine told me? What you do no work. [00:02:40] Speaker D: No way. [00:02:40] Speaker A: Well, that's true. I agree with that friend. Okay, say it again for the people in the back. Doubling down. [00:02:46] Speaker C: I go to work every day and work extremely hard. [00:02:48] Speaker A: Listen, I told CL just a little while ago, he's the modern version of Tommy, because I don't know what he does. [00:02:54] Speaker D: No, if you call him, it's always action. Listen, if you call it's always action. Always action, it's always action. Stuff is going on. What is that? [00:03:03] Speaker C: Well, I'm on the roof. [00:03:04] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:03:07] Speaker A: What are you doing on the roof? [00:03:09] Speaker C: You might call him another one. I'm in a paint booth. We make it work, and then it's some random white person in the back. [00:03:18] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:03:19] Speaker C: Hey, Seattle. [00:03:21] Speaker A: Always handling business. [00:03:23] Speaker D: Yes, you're forever. [00:03:25] Speaker A: The busy person that knows what you're. [00:03:27] Speaker C: Doing listen, and you can't say, this man ain't never got time for you because he will work. And all this noise is going on. [00:03:34] Speaker A: In the background and he'll take the call. [00:03:35] Speaker C: But I'm going to tell you the crazy part. Don't let him call you. And some music in your background. [00:03:40] Speaker A: He hanging up. [00:03:41] Speaker C: He going to lose it. Yusef. Can you turn it down? [00:03:44] Speaker D: Well, I think my noise is more sporadic and controllable. His is just constant. A 1992 rap song that he probably shouldn't be listening to anymore. It's Wednesday. What are you listening to shook Once for? [00:04:04] Speaker C: Like I was saying, so I got the time. I was supposed to go to New York. So Discount Tire give you the free inflation. They give you the free tire check they inflate. [00:04:13] Speaker A: Wait, you about to drive? [00:04:14] Speaker D: Yeah, I always drive. That's wild in 2023. [00:04:17] Speaker A: Right? [00:04:18] Speaker D: That's wild. [00:04:21] Speaker C: No, I drive because it gives me my daughters, being that they go to school in DC. On my way up, I stop, spend time with them, and then I move on and then come back. Now, coming back, I ain't stopping to see nobody. I need to get home. [00:04:33] Speaker D: Right. [00:04:34] Speaker C: So I stopped to have them hit my they was like, sir, three of your tires are about to just go at any moment. [00:04:42] Speaker A: So you don't take your car to get service regularly. [00:04:45] Speaker D: That's what it's screaming. That's what it's screaming. [00:04:48] Speaker A: What is happening? [00:04:49] Speaker C: So there's a kid, it's about to go and you need to get some new tires. [00:04:52] Speaker A: You've been adulting entirely too long for this to be a story that you're telling right now. [00:04:56] Speaker D: I would agree. [00:04:57] Speaker A: And have it had too many cars. [00:04:59] Speaker C: Yeah. Here's the issue. When it's something that isn't budgeted for, you kind of start to change because you go, all right, so if I don't change these tires, I can't go to New York, but if I change the tires, I can't go to New York. [00:05:17] Speaker A: Yes, I can't, no matter what. [00:05:19] Speaker C: So to get from point A to point B, I might as well change these tires. Now my mom wants me to come up so bad. So when I told her I wouldn't be able to make it, next thing you know, she was no, my mama. [00:05:32] Speaker D: I thought your cash app was no, not my mama. [00:05:35] Speaker C: No, not my mama. My mama said, go ahead. Go ahead to Western Union and pick you up your money. [00:05:41] Speaker A: She's a scammer to download cash app. [00:05:45] Speaker D: She's a scammer. She's a scammer. [00:05:51] Speaker C: That ain't even the worst part. [00:05:52] Speaker D: She has WhatsApp too when you have those, you are scamming people. [00:06:01] Speaker C: Back in Trinidad, I was about to say she is. [00:06:02] Speaker A: She talking to people back home. [00:06:03] Speaker C: It's free to talk to people back home. [00:06:05] Speaker D: I understand that. But WhatsApp and Western Union because WhatsApp. [00:06:10] Speaker A: Will hit you up with the random foreign world? [00:06:17] Speaker C: So when I go to said western first off, it's always embarrassing going to Western Union. [00:06:21] Speaker A: I'm sure. [00:06:22] Speaker D: Where is a Western Union? [00:06:23] Speaker C: Oh, in food line. [00:06:28] Speaker A: Okay. [00:06:29] Speaker D: I've seen the signs. [00:06:30] Speaker C: It got to the Western Union. [00:06:31] Speaker D: I've seen the signs in there. I've seen the signs in there before. [00:06:34] Speaker A: CL making connect. [00:06:36] Speaker D: Yes. Now recall. Yes. [00:06:39] Speaker A: Got it. [00:06:39] Speaker D: Yes. Okay, so he's not lying. They are in there. They're in there. Why? [00:06:46] Speaker C: Oh, why? My mama has surgery. [00:06:49] Speaker D: Had. [00:06:49] Speaker C: Replacement knee. [00:06:51] Speaker A: Had. [00:06:52] Speaker D: Yes. [00:06:53] Speaker A: I got another time out on the play. I'm sorry. So she had replacement knee surgery. Did she go to the Western Union and send you? I don't know, but tell her that she could have, from the comfort of her bed, use Zelle, Venmo, cash app. Any number of things keep her from going. [00:07:11] Speaker C: Mother says she does not trust the Internet. [00:07:13] Speaker A: Well, tell her it's too late. [00:07:15] Speaker C: Yes. I'm just telling you. [00:07:17] Speaker A: All right. [00:07:18] Speaker C: Now, this is a woman that calls me every time to buy her plane ticket off the Internet. [00:07:21] Speaker A: But I'm just saying there's a lot. [00:07:23] Speaker D: Of things that happen. Good point. [00:07:30] Speaker C: Anyway, so she goes ahead, and I go to this Western Union in all of my shame, and the lady goes, Just sign for here. So I sign it, and she said what? [00:07:39] Speaker D: No. [00:07:39] Speaker C: She said, how much is it? That because they ask you, how much did she say? [00:07:45] Speaker A: Getting scared. [00:07:46] Speaker C: Well, she know I got to drive from here to New York. [00:07:50] Speaker D: What? [00:07:50] Speaker A: She seemed like $20, so I thought. [00:07:52] Speaker C: It was like I said, it's about 200, 250. Why the hell did this lady, this white lady snicker? [00:08:02] Speaker A: Because you had Westview for $200. [00:08:05] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:08:06] Speaker C: No, she knew how much she saw how much was on the thing. [00:08:10] Speaker A: 75. [00:08:11] Speaker C: My mama sent me $50. [00:08:13] Speaker D: To do what? [00:08:15] Speaker A: First off, by the time you hit. [00:08:18] Speaker D: Don'T, it cost $50 to send $50 there's. [00:08:21] Speaker A: That point. Also, gas going up north I know, is hitting four or $5. [00:08:26] Speaker C: I got to fill up three times. Once here, once in DC. And then when I get to New York, I'm going to fill up about maybe three times before I leave, just. [00:08:33] Speaker A: Because I don't even know. [00:08:35] Speaker C: No, she ain't trying to get me there. [00:08:37] Speaker A: That's what I was about to say. [00:08:38] Speaker C: Now we even get to the funniest part of the story, because now I call my dad, and I'm telling my dad, because my dad really wanted me to come handle some business stuff left. I said, hey, dad, I was going to come, but this happened, and Mommy sent me $50. This man no, he was I said, what dad was doing. He said, drinking some wine. So now I know this is about to go left. Totally left. [00:08:59] Speaker A: Okay? [00:08:59] Speaker C: Because he's tipsy. Why this man laughs so hard that's laughable offense that the wine falls out his glass onto his wife, and all you heard was a bunch of Spanish. Like, a bunch of just Spanish. And I'm like. [00:09:21] Speaker D: I ain't heard back. [00:09:22] Speaker C: From my daddy yet. Now for one of two reasons. A, his wife mad, and two, my daddy don't like sending no money. [00:09:28] Speaker A: He was like, this is a perfect excuse to get off this phone right now. I don't spill this wife. My wife is mad. I'm not calling. Yeah. [00:09:34] Speaker C: So I'll be here enjoying oh, you. [00:09:38] Speaker A: Want to send your mom her $50 back? [00:09:40] Speaker D: No. [00:09:40] Speaker C: What? And insult her? [00:09:43] Speaker D: Yes. [00:09:44] Speaker A: What do you mean insult her? [00:09:46] Speaker C: How's she going to get it? [00:09:47] Speaker D: Yeah, how's she going to get it back? She can't get the mail it. [00:09:49] Speaker C: She can't walk to the West Indian. [00:09:51] Speaker A: Well, I'm just saying she's not getting the exchange for her transaction. She sent you money so you could come to New York. [00:09:57] Speaker C: And I'm pretty certain if I tell her I'm going to send it back, she's going to tell me to hold it and put it on her ticket so she can come down. [00:10:04] Speaker A: Know, you might just want to go ahead and purchase that ticket and put it on your own ticket and just not make all them stops you're talking about. Or just stay here. [00:10:15] Speaker C: That seems to be what it is. [00:10:18] Speaker D: But we still don't know if you're staying here or not. [00:10:20] Speaker C: No. [00:10:21] Speaker A: Are we up in the air about. [00:10:22] Speaker C: No, I'm going to be here. [00:10:24] Speaker A: I mean, you can go out there and do something strange for a little bit of change, and then you think. [00:10:29] Speaker D: He is trying to be a baddie. He's been trying. He's been working out. And, you know, the summer's body is building. The winter. [00:10:39] Speaker A: We're in fall. We're feeling fall like it's fallish outside summer body load. [00:10:45] Speaker D: So you can go and just get to the money, man. [00:10:47] Speaker A: Yeah. Get you a sugar mama? [00:10:50] Speaker C: Not right now. [00:10:51] Speaker A: Okay. [00:10:53] Speaker C: Just too much troubles come with that. [00:10:55] Speaker A: Not if you get a sugar mama. [00:10:56] Speaker D: I wouldn't judge you. [00:10:57] Speaker C: Yeah, you would. [00:10:59] Speaker A: I would definitely judge you, but I also definitively would the movement. [00:11:03] Speaker D: Is there something wrong with that? [00:11:05] Speaker A: What? [00:11:05] Speaker D: Judging, having a no, it's nothing wrong with judging, because I am the judge. I will judge you. [00:11:12] Speaker A: You have to ask me that. [00:11:13] Speaker D: No, I judge regularly and often. [00:11:17] Speaker A: Okay. [00:11:18] Speaker D: Yes. [00:11:18] Speaker A: All right. [00:11:19] Speaker D: Is there something wrong with having a sugar mama? With things wanting to be so balanced nowadays for women? Wanting things to be balanced? Because I don't think men want things. [00:11:29] Speaker A: To be listen here's. One thing that I'm learning to do in this podcasting world is to not try to speak for all women, because shoe we were in the gamut. [00:11:42] Speaker D: Okay. [00:11:45] Speaker A: For me, there's something I couldn't do. [00:11:48] Speaker D: It okay. [00:11:48] Speaker A: Now, why I just can't see taking care of somebody other than some children that I've birthed. [00:11:54] Speaker D: But men are asked to do this all the time. No, not even asked. Told. They're not telling me, but I witnessed things on the Internet and TV. [00:12:06] Speaker A: Still a choice. [00:12:07] Speaker D: Well, even in common relationships, there is an expectation for men to take care of what the woman deems important to her. [00:12:16] Speaker A: Well, and I guess that's maybe where I differ as well, because I don't have that expectation. I have the expectation that we can take care of each other. [00:12:23] Speaker D: Why would you have the expectation? [00:12:25] Speaker A: What? That we can take care of each other? [00:12:28] Speaker D: What does that mean? Are we talking to categories? [00:12:31] Speaker A: Yeah. Yes, we are talking now. [00:12:33] Speaker D: We're talking financially. [00:12:35] Speaker A: You want to just talk just financially? [00:12:37] Speaker D: Yeah. Because I do think you have to take care of each other, even financially sometimes. But spiritually. Emotionally. [00:12:42] Speaker A: All the leaves. [00:12:45] Speaker D: Yes. Okay. Study words. It's a thing. Yeah, I got you. Okay. I got that. Okay. That's clever. That's very clever. [00:12:58] Speaker A: I think it's called an adverb. Look it up. I'm not sure. [00:13:00] Speaker D: Adverb. [00:13:01] Speaker A: It's called adverbs. [00:13:02] Speaker D: Okay. [00:13:02] Speaker A: The Lys. [00:13:05] Speaker D: Okay. [00:13:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:06] Speaker D: Just show off. You've been to school? [00:13:10] Speaker A: I'm a teacher by trade. The question is, do I think that there's something wrong with women taking care of men financially? I just ain't built that way. Okay, now, if a woman has it and that's what you choose to do with your money, who am I to tell you what to do with your money? Okay, but I can't imagine solely being in a relationship based off of taking care of a man financially. [00:13:52] Speaker D: I mean, he will provide things, too, okay? [00:13:59] Speaker A: All the leaves. [00:14:00] Speaker D: Yeah. All the emotional support. Maybe he could be the stay at home dad. He could be. [00:14:05] Speaker A: Well, now you're not talking sugar, baby. [00:14:08] Speaker D: No, we're talking sugar. Okay. We're talking sugar mom. [00:14:09] Speaker A: Yeah. Because if you got families and all this other kind of stuff no families? [00:14:14] Speaker D: No, he's like just younger. [00:14:15] Speaker A: Just younger. [00:14:16] Speaker D: Or maybe at the same age, because the old players get it, too. There are some older gentlemen who play that game, too, with women and women. [00:14:26] Speaker A: Taking care of somebody the same age as them. Taking care of them. What have you been doing all your life? [00:14:31] Speaker D: Getting women to take care of me. It's an ongoing cycle. [00:14:38] Speaker A: I got to find one to the next. [00:14:40] Speaker D: Yes. But I do know a gentleman who has about eight kids and pretty much eight kids. Yeah. He's got kids that are 40, and I want to say he's only about 50. [00:14:56] Speaker A: Oh, my he started young. [00:14:59] Speaker D: Yes. I think 15 or 16. He had his first child with a girl who's a senior in high school. But he's always kind of had women take care of him or drive their cars. They may Obama car, but always that's. [00:15:12] Speaker A: Just always so interesting to me. Just because I can't wrap my brain around it. [00:15:18] Speaker D: I can't wrap my brain around it as a man taking care of a woman. We don't have a choice. [00:15:23] Speaker A: No. First off, there is always a choice. [00:15:27] Speaker D: Okay. You tell me where the choice comes. [00:15:28] Speaker A: In at number one, you said you. [00:15:31] Speaker D: Can'T wrap your head around taking care of man you can't even think about it? [00:15:35] Speaker A: No, because I don't think that that's a situation that I'm going to choose to be in. Now, if we're in a really and that goes off the script of sugar baby mama type situation, but if we're in a relationship and something goes down or we're married or whatever, and I have to support you for some point of time. Point of time. [00:15:56] Speaker D: So it comes with a time? [00:15:58] Speaker A: Yes. If 100% supporting you financially, 1000%. It comes with a time frame. [00:16:03] Speaker D: Really? [00:16:04] Speaker A: Yeah. Who are you ferranda? [00:16:08] Speaker D: Okay. All right. [00:16:10] Speaker A: Because I don't expect anybody to do that for me. I want to work. [00:16:17] Speaker D: Yes, well, okay. I won't take that away from you. Maybe you do. [00:16:25] Speaker A: About to tell me I don't want to work. [00:16:28] Speaker D: Let's just say the man is very wealthy. [00:16:30] Speaker A: Okay. I still want to work. I want to do something. [00:16:34] Speaker D: You still might do something, but it's called pilates tennis, hanging out with your friends, new, maybe doing some stuff for. [00:16:41] Speaker A: The house he going to start a business for? [00:16:43] Speaker D: No, I'm just saying maybe he just has that amount of money that companionship is what's most valuable to him. [00:16:51] Speaker A: And so he doesn't want me to work. [00:16:53] Speaker D: Yeah, it can be him not wanting you to work because you said you have to work. But if he didn't want you to work and was willing to take care of you all and you being there for him is worth not you working. Why? [00:17:07] Speaker A: It's also not worth me not contributing anything. [00:17:12] Speaker D: You are contributing. What makes you hold a second now? [00:17:15] Speaker A: Okay, financially then. [00:17:20] Speaker D: What? If you cover me to other areas 100%? You don't have to cover them financially. You're blessed enough to have financial resources. [00:17:29] Speaker A: We would just have to have extensive conversation. [00:17:31] Speaker D: How would that conversation go? Let's give somebody some insight to how this conversation should go. [00:17:36] Speaker A: Well, let me tell you what I would be worried about. And so this is what would have to be covered in the conversation. [00:17:41] Speaker D: The paperwork or the conversation? [00:17:43] Speaker A: The conversation before the paperwork. Okay, but there will be paperwork. There will be paperwork. I'm quite sure. Like you tell me to come sit on my laurels and you making all this money, you won't have some paperwork. Okay, so the conversation before the paperwork, the things that I'm trying to get clear on is whose name is on these things? [00:18:05] Speaker D: What, houses, cars? [00:18:07] Speaker A: Yes. Anything that money pays for. Let's ask both of you all to live and survive. [00:18:12] Speaker D: This is through and through. Two people commit to each other 100%. [00:18:15] Speaker A: Okay, so my name is on the house, on the car, on the things. [00:18:19] Speaker D: Businesses or whatever, bank. [00:18:21] Speaker A: What does money spending money look like? What does that process look like? [00:18:27] Speaker D: What do you think you need? These are just tips to let people know how they should negotiate this. So you would want equal representation on all paperwork, properties. [00:18:37] Speaker A: And then I would want a very clear understanding of, am I getting an allowance? What's wrong with an is what I want to spend? [00:18:47] Speaker D: Why are you talking about it like it's bad? [00:18:49] Speaker A: No, I'm trying to figure out which direction are we going. [00:18:51] Speaker D: So what would you think just roughly? [00:18:53] Speaker A: Because this is actually your money. [00:18:55] Speaker D: It's our money. Because we are a couple. [00:18:58] Speaker A: It's our money. Once we have these conversations and figure out how we are distributing things. But coming in is your money, and you are the one that has ultimate say so over it. [00:19:10] Speaker D: No, it's not. It's ours. It's a partnership. [00:19:14] Speaker A: If you go to court, whose money is it? [00:19:19] Speaker D: But your name is on everything. [00:19:21] Speaker A: But I'm talking about the distribution of money. [00:19:23] Speaker D: I'm talking about the money coming in. The money is coming in. [00:19:28] Speaker A: So you just dropped the money? My account. [00:19:30] Speaker D: Your name is on the account. [00:19:32] Speaker A: So we have a joint account. [00:19:34] Speaker D: You said your name would have to be on everything. [00:19:36] Speaker A: Yes, but I'm saying for you could. [00:19:38] Speaker D: Go to that bank and take money. [00:19:40] Speaker A: Out on your own, any amount of money that I you shouldn't do that. [00:19:43] Speaker D: But I guess that that's what you need to for this conversation. Yes. It's equal all the way through. [00:19:48] Speaker A: Okay. These are just the questions that I'm asking. I'm not saying so you would need. [00:19:52] Speaker D: Your own personal account as well. [00:19:53] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:19:55] Speaker D: Okay. Because I'm just trying to ask you what this is. [00:19:59] Speaker A: Yeah, because in my head, the way that it would work is that there would be a joint account and then separate accounts, joint for all the ODS and ends, household related things, and then you have your separate account for any other things that individually or personally affect you or that you're spending on. [00:20:25] Speaker D: Um. [00:20:29] Speaker A: Okay, so we've already established we got to have a conversation about the. [00:20:35] Speaker D: Everything is in your name, the ownership of things. [00:20:37] Speaker A: Then we got to have a conversation about the distribution of money throughout the relationship for the day to day living. [00:20:45] Speaker D: Okay. The housing stuff is taken care of. You would want your own personal money. [00:20:49] Speaker A: Yes. [00:20:50] Speaker D: How much money do you think? Not ferranda, but a woman and maybe. [00:20:53] Speaker A: In this position would need I have no idea. I have no idea because I don't know what I'm spending on. I don't know what would be within my purview and okay, just what do. [00:21:10] Speaker D: You think it would just I mean. [00:21:14] Speaker A: Probably between it would definitely 3000 a. [00:21:17] Speaker D: Month just for you. Is that fair? [00:21:24] Speaker A: I guess it's just for me. [00:21:26] Speaker D: It's your money. [00:21:28] Speaker A: This is my spending money. Spend on whatever it is, not having to pay for anything, that's a responsibility. [00:21:34] Speaker D: Nothing that you want that you have to pay for. [00:21:36] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah. Between yeah. [00:21:39] Speaker D: 3000 plus, though, could be more. [00:21:42] Speaker A: It could be more. [00:21:43] Speaker D: Okay. [00:21:44] Speaker A: Because at this point, my tastes have also gone up. So bye bye. Not necessarily bye bye to Sheen. Bye bye. To Amazon Prime. All these things. Probably. [00:21:55] Speaker D: So no. [00:21:56] Speaker A: Why did you it's going to be a combination. Well, okay, you're right. I won't say bye bye, but also. [00:22:01] Speaker D: Because rich people have Amazon Prime. [00:22:03] Speaker A: You're right. But other things would well, maybe you. [00:22:08] Speaker D: Can just save your 3000 a month to get increase, but you're not paying a car payment. You're not paying Alice payment. [00:22:15] Speaker A: 3000 is cool. Okay. [00:22:17] Speaker D: Now see how difficult this is for a woman to just answer and negotiate? [00:22:21] Speaker A: I'm answering and negotiating. [00:22:23] Speaker D: Okay. [00:22:24] Speaker A: Now, I would like for the table to stay open for us to revisit the conversation if and when that is something that's necessary. [00:22:31] Speaker D: So if he gets more money? [00:22:32] Speaker A: No, not if he gets more money, but if some different needs come up and we might see that $3,000 isn't working. I don't know. [00:22:41] Speaker D: It's just your personal good. [00:22:43] Speaker A: I'm just saying. I just want to reserve the right to be able to come back to the table. [00:22:49] Speaker D: Okay, well, to all the sugar mamas and sugar daddies out there, this negotiation is quite hard. [00:22:56] Speaker A: It is. Which is why I don't think that I can find myself in that situation. [00:23:03] Speaker D: So you would still have to work. [00:23:05] Speaker A: I would still have to, yes. [00:23:06] Speaker D: What's the purpose of you working in. [00:23:08] Speaker A: Some way, shape, or form? Well, first off, my purpose on this earth is steeped heavily in what I do for a living. Me personally. [00:23:16] Speaker D: Nobody says, you couldn't do that. [00:23:18] Speaker A: You just wouldn't have a job. [00:23:19] Speaker D: You could say, I'm going to do. [00:23:20] Speaker A: It, and it's not a job. [00:23:21] Speaker D: Well, you can say there's volunteers in that company somewhere. You can say, I'm going to give 20 hours. I got 20 hours a week to. [00:23:29] Speaker A: Kind of no, not in the way that I would want to. [00:23:32] Speaker D: So you need 40 hours a week now. [00:23:34] Speaker A: Yeah, or more. If I had the amount of money that I needed in order to really affect the type of change it is that I would like to change, I would like to affect I would have a consulting business. I would have my own school, probably multiple. [00:23:53] Speaker D: You would have multiple schools? Like a charter type situation? [00:23:56] Speaker A: Yes. [00:23:57] Speaker D: Okay. [00:23:58] Speaker A: And would also probably have my own teacher prep. [00:24:03] Speaker D: Okay. [00:24:04] Speaker A: Type organization. [00:24:05] Speaker D: So you would still want to have three different companies outside of they would. [00:24:10] Speaker A: Probably be under one umbrella. [00:24:12] Speaker D: But what's stopping you from doing that. [00:24:14] Speaker A: Right now in this moment? [00:24:15] Speaker D: No. If you're in that situation and you decide nothing, that this is my 40 hours a week, and I've been blessed enough. I've been blessed. I don't think you work anywhere. [00:24:26] Speaker A: How many hours a week do you work? [00:24:28] Speaker D: Less than 40. I try most times. I understand what working is for, and I understand why I work. [00:24:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:35] Speaker D: I work for money. I don't work in my purpose. [00:24:38] Speaker A: Okay. [00:24:39] Speaker D: So my purpose does make money, but I don't work in my purpose. Got you. [00:24:43] Speaker A: It's a little different. [00:24:44] Speaker D: It's a little different, but you have found your passion, your purpose, and it. [00:24:48] Speaker A: Happens to also be deeped in my work. [00:24:50] Speaker D: And you couldn't do that and do 30, 40 hours a month even if you weren't getting paid, because I don't think it's your purpose if you wouldn't do it for free. [00:25:00] Speaker A: Oh, I would do it for free under those circumstances. I'm just thinking about the day to day operations of things and I know that I wouldn't necessarily be at the forefront of the day to day operations, but just managing and making sure that everything is running the way that it's supposed to. You couldn't do that within 40 hours a week? [00:25:20] Speaker D: Is that what you mean by work? [00:25:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:22] Speaker D: Okay. Is there a difference between working and having a job because you are working, but you don't have a job? [00:25:28] Speaker A: All of those are my jobs. [00:25:30] Speaker D: I'm saying in this situation, ferranda removed from where she is to this situation. [00:25:35] Speaker A: You would still have three of those entities are my job. [00:25:38] Speaker D: Well, I understand that, but we're talking if you would work, you would still have to work to feel like you're fulfilling your purpose, even if you were blessed enough financially to not work. [00:25:53] Speaker A: Yes. [00:25:53] Speaker D: So you would still work? [00:25:54] Speaker A: Yes. [00:25:56] Speaker D: Why? Is a question. [00:25:58] Speaker A: You said it. [00:25:59] Speaker D: No, I didn't. [00:26:00] Speaker A: Fulfilling my purpose. [00:26:02] Speaker D: But purpose is what you think. That ain't always your purpose. Like who did you confirm this with? [00:26:08] Speaker A: The good Lord Jesus. [00:26:09] Speaker D: No, he didn't. [00:26:13] Speaker A: How are you going to tell me? [00:26:14] Speaker D: Okay, I don't want to get religious, but I only think God wants you to be saved. [00:26:22] Speaker A: We're not going there. That would cause us to have to go down that road. [00:26:26] Speaker D: Yeah, but that's what I think God only wants. [00:26:28] Speaker A: He wants our I don't believe that. So we'll just leave. [00:26:31] Speaker D: So you think he wants more? [00:26:33] Speaker A: Yes, I 1000% think that he wants more. You have to have servants or you have to be of service while on this earth in order to even get people to be saved. How do you get people to be saved if you just become saved? [00:26:51] Speaker D: No, I just said that's what he wants from all of us. It doesn't mean you won't do anything else. Yeah, basically, but that's what he's most concerned about because I think if that was the purpose, then we all would just be servants of the Lord. [00:27:02] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. I mean, that's why the whole argument of, oh, I'm a good person doesn't work. [00:27:07] Speaker D: It doesn't mean you supposed to be a good person. [00:27:09] Speaker A: Exactly. That's what I'm saying. So being a good person and not being saved is they have nothing to. [00:27:14] Speaker D: Do with each other. [00:27:15] Speaker A: But I was supporting what you were saying around working and not being saved. You have to be doing something. [00:27:23] Speaker D: Yes, but I just think God wants one thing from you. All these other things we tend to put on the Lord, I think are just what you want. [00:27:31] Speaker A: I think baseline, the Lord wants that one thing from you, and then there are responsibilities that come along with that baseline. [00:27:40] Speaker D: Yeah, but I'm talking about all things that involve with being saved. Okay, now, that has nothing to do with your purpose. To me, that's our purpose. But then what you choose to do with your life is what you choose to do. [00:27:55] Speaker A: No, because I feel like whenever we're talking purpose so this is a big world. [00:28:00] Speaker D: It is. [00:28:01] Speaker A: And there are, what, billions of people, 800 billion somewhere? Yeah, billions of people that are on this Earth. There is no way, me by myself, that I'm going to reach a billion people oh, I don't know, 800. [00:28:17] Speaker D: I think a part of you saying you're saved is bringing somebody in, but I'm just not I don't think that's your purpose. [00:28:24] Speaker A: Okay, let me finish what I'm saying. So billions of people, me by myself, I'm not going to be able to bring a billion people to Christ. And so I think our purpose is meant to kind of categorize it, in a sense. And we all have different gifts and talents, and we all have different people that we'll connect with based off of those gifts, talents, experiences, past, whatever. And so all wrapped up within your purpose is you being able to serve and be responsible for whatever, that group of people that you're responsible for within that particular realm. That's where my purpose is. [00:29:06] Speaker D: Okay, so you're saying that is your purpose? Yes. Okay, well, okay, then I don't disagree with that. Okay, I don't disagree with that. [00:29:12] Speaker A: All right. [00:29:12] Speaker D: What I was just saying, our purpose is not always what he wants, and. [00:29:18] Speaker A: What he wants is not always what he wants. [00:29:20] Speaker D: Yeah. What he wants from us, I think, is the baseline. And then anything you do off that is extra. Maybe not because we're not sugar daddy to the. [00:29:36] Speaker A: Lord. [00:29:36] Speaker D: Yeah, sugar lord. Gamut. [00:29:42] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah, still in my words, but all. [00:29:44] Speaker D: Right, yes, but what about you? [00:29:47] Speaker A: Could you be a sugar daddy? [00:29:49] Speaker D: Absolutely. [00:29:50] Speaker A: You could. No, you could be a sugar baby. Not a sugar daddy. The sugar daddy is taking care of. [00:29:56] Speaker D: Sugar babies are what you younger people. Oh, God. Could I have a sugar mama? [00:30:03] Speaker A: Okay, so then you would be a sugar baby. [00:30:05] Speaker D: Would the woman be a sugar baby to a sugar daddy? [00:30:08] Speaker A: Yes. [00:30:08] Speaker D: Okay. I guess I'm not too sure about this terminology, but I'm heterosexual. [00:30:13] Speaker A: I mean, it's the baby and the mama. The baby and the daddy. [00:30:17] Speaker D: Okay, this doesn't mean I don't like women or whatever we talk about. Okay. I like a woman. That's it. Okay. Just one woman. No other women. You got to reiterate it. No other women. So if I had yes, I could. You could, but I can operate, I think, in a capacity. And maybe I'm different in this way because I don't think my job fulfills me, my fulfillment. Comes from life. It doesn't come from a job. So that's why I can do various things. And it's just a thing. [00:30:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:48] Speaker D: So I could be taken care of and still walk in my purpose and do things I need to do. But I could very well also just being a companion, let's say if you were let's just use Oprah for I could easily be with no problem and not lose my anonymity. But I don't know women, because you all have been women. [00:31:15] Speaker A: It's a bit harder. [00:31:16] Speaker D: It is definitely harder. [00:31:21] Speaker A: When we start allowing men to take care of us, that becomes our idea. [00:31:26] Speaker D: It does change. [00:31:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:28] Speaker D: Because I think I could be who I am. But why is that with women? [00:31:34] Speaker A: I don't know. That's how then you lead in conversation, even if you're doing 5 million other things, if you are being taken care of. Like, I don't know, my childhood crush was Diddy. If Diddy miraculously walked in here and was like, yeah, girl, let's do this, that would become who Ferranda is and discard all the other accomplishments that I even had before he came into the picture. It's crazy. I think that's just the way that society is built, though. [00:32:08] Speaker D: Why is that why is society built that way? Why is that different for a woman than a man? That's one of the words I was looking for. So you'll be under the patriarchy. [00:32:18] Speaker A: We're in a patriarchal society, and under this patriarchal society, men are put on a certain pedestal and seen in a certain light that we will never be seen. And so there are, like, certain qualities. Even if you give up some of your sacrifice, some of yourself, there are some qualities that you'll still be a trip that will still be attributed to you because you're a man. [00:32:44] Speaker D: Okay, so you think women lose themselves within the confines of relationship? Can don't they kind of want to lose themselves? [00:32:52] Speaker A: I think that both people have to lose themselves. [00:32:55] Speaker D: How? [00:32:56] Speaker A: Submission. [00:32:58] Speaker D: I think you can be submissive without. [00:32:59] Speaker A: Losing yourself, parts of yourself. Now, I'm not saying my whole identity becomes you, but the single version of Ferranda, there's parts of that that are going to be sacrificed if I were to get in a relationship. [00:33:14] Speaker D: What do you have to sacrifice to be in a relationship? You can't be who you are. [00:33:18] Speaker A: You can be who you are at the core. I won't not be a nice person. I won't not giving, whatever. [00:33:26] Speaker D: But women seem to get wrapped up in their relationship. Is that because they're trying to control things and make it work well? [00:33:32] Speaker A: And I think it's nature, like, it's the nurturing part of ourselves that want to make sure that you're taken care of as the man in the relationship, where we can push ourselves down and sacrifice ourselves in the name of, I want to make sure that my man is good. [00:33:49] Speaker D: So you all been taught this. [00:33:51] Speaker A: Oh, a thousand generations. [00:33:52] Speaker D: This is generational curse. [00:33:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:54] Speaker D: So you are out to break that. Is there secretly a part of you that wants to be like that? [00:34:01] Speaker A: Well, first off, I feel like there is some part of it that has to hold and stand true. It's just like most things in the world, we take it to the extremes. [00:34:12] Speaker D: Okay, so my my man. Man. My man. My man. But women like that. They get a different feeling than a man saying, my woman. [00:34:22] Speaker A: I don't know what you all feel like. [00:34:24] Speaker D: I wouldn't never say that. But I see what women say and I'm like, okay, I get it, because they want to be all about him and her. But that is a form of suppression that they're practicing. [00:34:37] Speaker A: Yeah, but I mean, it's kind of similar to if and when you all get married and you all are like, my wife. You all love to throw around. This is my wife. [00:34:47] Speaker D: My wife. Does sound better than my girlfriend, right? [00:34:49] Speaker A: My wife, my wife. My wife. But for you all, I think it's more of a possessive thing. This is mine. [00:34:55] Speaker D: My man, my man, my man ain't possessive. [00:34:57] Speaker A: It's possessive, but it's also pride. I guess it's pride with you all, too. Whenever you say my wife oh, yeah. There's a sense of pride. And I want you to know who this is and who she is to me. And I think it's the same thing for my man. My man. My man. [00:35:10] Speaker D: So men appreciate wives more than girlfriends? [00:35:13] Speaker A: Oh, yes. [00:35:14] Speaker D: Do they? [00:35:15] Speaker A: Yes. [00:35:15] Speaker D: So why do you all do that? [00:35:17] Speaker A: Why do we do what? Become girlfriends. [00:35:19] Speaker D: No. Why do you all so you all need to be better girlfriends. That's what this comes down to. [00:35:26] Speaker A: Not just in order to become a wife. [00:35:28] Speaker D: I don't know about you just need to be a better girlfriend. We need to work on being a better girlfriend to get to the wife. [00:35:33] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think that's why I was saying you were asking me earlier if I feel like the submission thing, if I'm trying to tear that away, like, get rid of it. And I said, no, I'm not. Because I think part of being a better wife or a better girlfriend in this particular instance is understanding your place. We all have a place in this situation. [00:35:56] Speaker D: Men too. [00:35:57] Speaker A: Men too. Yeah. 1000%. Okay. And one of the reasons why I think that it's more natural for us to be okay with you all taking care of us in all the leads financially and all the other things, then the flip is because that is your place, quote, unquote. [00:36:19] Speaker D: Okay? [00:36:20] Speaker A: And our place is to support our place is to undergird. Our place is to make sure that you have what you need in order for you to be able to go out and operate in whatever leadership capacity that you can. [00:36:32] Speaker D: But doesn't that make a stronger man? [00:36:34] Speaker A: It does. That's why you said, which in turn. [00:36:36] Speaker D: Makes a stronger family, which in turn. [00:36:37] Speaker A: Makes a stronger woman, which in turn makes stronger children, which in turn makes stronger everything. [00:36:43] Speaker D: So women have dropped the ball? Is that what you're saying? [00:36:46] Speaker A: Both parties have dropped the ball? CL oh, okay. [00:36:49] Speaker D: I'm just asking. I didn't know because I was going to say no, women did not drop the ball. That was a trick. [00:36:55] Speaker A: I think that both parties have dropped the ball because women have convinced themselves that they don't need oh, you're saying. [00:37:03] Speaker D: Women are doing this? [00:37:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:05] Speaker D: Okay, cut the volume up. [00:37:06] Speaker A: Go ahead. Anyway, it's funny because I was just on Instagram and I follow I can't remember his last name. I think it's Anthony O'Neill. He's a financial, you know, always talking about finances and he had somebody on his show, it was a woman, black woman. And that's what she was saying. She was like the biggest myth that we've told ourselves as women is that we don't need a man independ the whole thing our anthem. [00:37:40] Speaker D: Which was created by men. [00:37:42] Speaker A: Yeah, but whatever, we're taking it over, it's ours. Okay, but that's a lie. And she started quoting statistics. Women are at the greatest at the height of being depressed, overworked, spread too thin, all the things it is that we complain about day in and day out in the name of independence and proving I don't need a man. [00:38:07] Speaker D: That's why the man wanted to take care of you, so you don't have to deal with those things. But you said, no, I still got. [00:38:11] Speaker A: To go to work, but I still have a purpose. [00:38:14] Speaker D: Now, you can have a purpose without going to work. [00:38:17] Speaker A: And maybe we're saying the same thing, but I'm calling it work and you're calling it something else. [00:38:23] Speaker D: Yeah, you can just. [00:38:26] Speaker A: Call it fulfilling my purpose instead of work. [00:38:29] Speaker D: Yes. You don't have a schedule. You don't have to be there 08:00 and leave at five. [00:38:33] Speaker A: If you want to go for eight to one, depend on it to meet my financial needs. Okay, but I still have to do it because if not, then I'm not fulfilling some portion of why it is that I'm on Earth. [00:38:47] Speaker D: So what you're telling me is men and women need each other. [00:38:50] Speaker A: We all need each other. [00:38:51] Speaker D: Okay, let's just rewind that. Not many women yes, however you identify, you need a partner. [00:38:58] Speaker A: You need a partner. You need a partner. And hear me when I say it doesn't have to always be romantic because I do think that there are people that are on this earth that are meant to be single or not be in relationship with folks. [00:39:14] Speaker D: Really? [00:39:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:39:15] Speaker D: I don't believe that, but okay. [00:39:18] Speaker A: And I'm talking from a romantic standpoint. Now, we have to be in relationship with people, like friendships. [00:39:25] Speaker D: But if you have a wife or girlfriend, you can't be friends with other women and they cannot be attractive if they are terrible she will laugh on. [00:39:33] Speaker A: In a whole different direction. [00:39:34] Speaker D: But they're not going to let you. No. If you on the phone laughing with her and you were just mad with her, it's not going to work because you don't have the right to laugh. That's something funny that has nothing to do with her. [00:39:46] Speaker A: First off, you ain't got a right to laugh at nothing that nobody has said. [00:39:50] Speaker D: Well, I'm not saying laughing at her said about her, but if you're there and you were having a little conflict and then he gets a friend from his female quote, unquote, and I'm saying. [00:40:00] Speaker A: It could be female or male, don't be over there laughing. Okay. We all upset. [00:40:06] Speaker D: Fair. Okay. [00:40:08] Speaker A: Yeah. This household has come to a halt. [00:40:10] Speaker D: Okay. So it's just not about women. [00:40:12] Speaker A: No, it's not. [00:40:13] Speaker D: It don't want your regular friends either. [00:40:15] Speaker A: You can talk to them, but you don't laugh. [00:40:17] Speaker D: I don't think men feel that way. [00:40:19] Speaker A: I don't care what you feel, okay. That has nothing to do with me. [00:40:22] Speaker D: Okay. That's fair. [00:40:24] Speaker A: Especially if it's your fault. [00:40:25] Speaker D: Okay. It's probably it's a man's fault because. [00:40:27] Speaker A: You I wouldn't necessarily say that, but I'm saying most times do you really believe that? [00:40:31] Speaker D: Or you may have sarcastic no, I do. [00:40:33] Speaker A: Okay. [00:40:33] Speaker D: I do. Just like if our relationships don't work, I think. [00:40:38] Speaker A: I would like to know more. [00:40:43] Speaker D: A man shouldn't be in such a place or an emotional place that he can't be rational. And if something's not working, it's okay to say it's not working. But these dramatic breakups and these falling apart and all this stuff, that's the man's fault. Because whether she breaks up with you, Brooke, you can debt it. But I think when you go back and forth, start a negotiation based off emotion and you come up with these terms that are not even realistic, neither one of you all going to stick to, it just creates more turmoil. [00:41:14] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:17] Speaker D: If somebody breaks up with you, break up with them, say, okay and let. [00:41:21] Speaker A: That be what it is. [00:41:22] Speaker D: No, I'm not saying you can't go back and fix it, but first of all, begging a woman to do something, you're going to lose every time. And once a woman, unlike a man, once a woman loses respect for you, it's a rap, son. [00:41:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:37] Speaker D: Because she's all emotional when you break up with her, but when she breaking up with you, it's over. I don't care. [00:41:43] Speaker A: She's going through all of those emotions. [00:41:45] Speaker D: I don't care who if you call her mother, I don't care if you have kids together, she say, it's over, it's over. So you don't want to negotiate and do stuff from that standpoint. So it is a man does have to maintain a certain amount of control. [00:41:59] Speaker A: And that's ultimately what I was saying earlier. Around everybody has their role or their place. If we're talking man, woman relationships, traditional relationships, everybody has their place. And the man is usually not to get overly spiritual, but he's the head, okay. [00:42:17] Speaker D: We don't have to go on spirituality. There should be ahead of everything. [00:42:21] Speaker A: There should be ahead of everything. And so if he's not rational, if he's not thinking, if he's leading by emotion all the time, not saying that you can't be emotional, because I want to call that out as well. You can have your moments, can you? Yes. [00:42:36] Speaker D: Okay. [00:42:36] Speaker A: You can be as women as men. [00:42:41] Speaker D: Okay. I disagree with that. [00:42:43] Speaker A: This was debate from the last podcast. [00:42:46] Speaker D: I don't necessarily agree with that, but okay. [00:42:50] Speaker A: Anyway, I'll just say that I do believe that you can and that you should, as a man, take your moment, be emotional. Because then that leads to you being able to get back to that rational space instead of stamping it down and it come up and come out in some other form or some other way. [00:43:07] Speaker D: Okay, I do agree somewhat. I do agree. [00:43:14] Speaker A: Okay. [00:43:15] Speaker D: Yes. But it is a man's responsibility if you're the head or you're in charge of something. If it fails, if it succeeds, it's you all. If it fails, it's you. And you have to take responsibility for that because sometimes you have to stop a woman, just like a woman has to stop a man or man to a child or a child to a child. Somebody has to say, hey, I no longer choose to participate in this. [00:43:43] Speaker A: So are you saying, like, there was something that should have happened in the relationship before it got to the level of dramatics, where he did step in and say, hey, this needs to stop. [00:43:53] Speaker D: It could just be his behavior that has caused this, and she's putting up with it for it to get better. But he has displayed a behavior that he probably said, I'm not going to do that anymore, and continues to do it. [00:44:05] Speaker A: So it's never a woman's fault. [00:44:11] Speaker D: I don't think it's fault within. You shouldn't be able to recognize, like, if your woman is cheating unless she's just like a super detective or something. You should come on. [00:44:21] Speaker A: I mean, we're usually better at it. [00:44:22] Speaker D: But I would say no, but women seem to think they are. I think it's a little easy for women to cheat on men because men play less attention yes. Where you are watching everything. Why did you put your shoes over there today? You keep in, like, what you doing. You usually kiss me on my cheek. Yeah. And what's changed? So I don't think men pay as much attention. It has to be just kind of blatant or statistically, women get caught cheating more than men percentage. [00:45:02] Speaker A: I can see that, actually, though. [00:45:03] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:45:04] Speaker A: Because we would change in the relationship if we're cheating. [00:45:08] Speaker D: Yes. Anytime you have two male organs, it's going to be thrown off. It's going to be thrown off. You can't have a balance. You can't do that because it can't do it. [00:45:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:23] Speaker D: You can't be the same, okay? Somebody wouldn't know, like, Whoa, what's going on here? You know, when people thought it's energy, that's the only energy I can recognize. Hey, I'm not alone in this house. [00:45:36] Speaker A: And I think it's because of what I was talking about earlier around what we actually bring to a relationship in that nurturing capacity. Like, something falls off in how it is that we're nurturing and giving to you in the relationship because of it. I can see why you can see why? No, I can see why, statistically, women get caught more. [00:46:00] Speaker D: You think so? [00:46:01] Speaker A: Yeah, I can see why I'm going off of your statistic. I have not researched it for myself. [00:46:06] Speaker D: These are just CL facts. [00:46:08] Speaker A: You know what? Never mind. [00:46:10] Speaker D: But they are real facts. [00:46:12] Speaker A: Are they, though? [00:46:12] Speaker D: You just said they were mean. They are. We do look up words in Webster's dictionary. Webster's person. [00:46:22] Speaker A: What does that have to do with anything? [00:46:23] Speaker D: Why can't it be CL? Why can't moving forward in this life we live, it could be CL facts? Because that's, you know, like Newton's theory. [00:46:32] Speaker A: Giving you that level of anything. [00:46:36] Speaker D: No, that's hate. [00:46:38] Speaker C: No, first off, it sound a little haterish. [00:46:40] Speaker D: No. [00:46:43] Speaker A: Those were dead men by the time they got those attributes. [00:46:46] Speaker D: I'm not going to be here forever. [00:46:48] Speaker A: Okay, well, obviously, once you just 100 years. Okay. [00:46:54] Speaker C: And I'll go forward with your movement. [00:46:56] Speaker D: Thank you. And people will keep carrying on my. [00:46:58] Speaker C: Legacy, and they will carry on your legacy. [00:47:01] Speaker D: But you said I don't have the ability or you don't think it's necessary well, for you to live 100 to my theories. [00:47:08] Speaker A: That you don't have the ability to have theories. No, we all have abilities to have theories. [00:47:13] Speaker D: You just don't like the fact that I have theories. [00:47:16] Speaker A: We just know that your theories are. [00:47:17] Speaker D: Unfounded ferranda's theories that don't even sound swag. [00:47:22] Speaker A: What you're not going to do what you're not going to do, is we it could be Doc Green's theories. [00:47:31] Speaker D: Who is that? [00:47:31] Speaker C: She is Dr. Green. She is a doctor. [00:47:35] Speaker D: Dr. Green. [00:47:39] Speaker C: It doesn't have that swag. [00:47:40] Speaker D: It. Don't got it. Don't got it. [00:47:42] Speaker A: It doesn't matter. First off, I'm not out here trying to coin theories. I'm just saying it could happen because. [00:47:48] Speaker D: Newton didn't know he was just doing the work. [00:47:50] Speaker A: But that's what I'm out here doing. He was doing the work. [00:47:53] Speaker D: Yeah, that's what I'm out here doing the work. [00:47:55] Speaker A: Doing the work. I'm so glad that you said that. [00:47:57] Speaker D: I've been doing the work. [00:47:58] Speaker A: There is some work that is required. [00:48:00] Speaker C: So you say he's not doing the work? [00:48:02] Speaker A: I mean, I haven't been a part of any of your research studies. [00:48:05] Speaker D: Well, first of all, I don't let people know I'm researching when I'm studying, so I could be studying and researching you at the same time, and you. [00:48:12] Speaker A: Ain'T even I think that's illegal. Well, it might even be called stalking. [00:48:17] Speaker D: We all have interactions with people and we learn things. So in our learning, we create theories. [00:48:26] Speaker A: That are personal to us. Not that I'm trying to put out onto the world unless I'm about to formalize the way that I'm doing this research. [00:48:36] Speaker D: If you want to look at from an educational standpoint, you could do that. But this is real. [00:48:40] Speaker A: I mean, I don't understand how else you would look at it. If you're trying to have a theory that is coined after you. [00:48:48] Speaker D: Happen, some of us have it, some of us don't. No. [00:48:52] Speaker A: It's called BSing. [00:48:53] Speaker D: You think so? [00:48:54] Speaker A: Yes, it's called the gift of Gab. I don't believe it's called wooing. It's called charm. It's called a lot of things but no theory. People believe that it's a theory because you are able to I won't even ask that because I know the answer is no. Because you are able to convince them through all of your woo and charm. [00:49:17] Speaker D: I'm just talking through real life experiences, talk a good game situations. And God is through the fluff, people. No, God's blessed me with some insight. [00:49:27] Speaker A: He has touched through the BS people. [00:49:30] Speaker D: Okay, that's hate now. That's really it. If you listen to me, you will. [00:49:39] Speaker A: Have success mushing your oh, my God, you will. [00:49:43] Speaker D: You don't think so? You don't think of people listening to you? They'll have success. [00:49:46] Speaker A: You teach people in certain situations maybe. [00:49:49] Speaker D: Okay, certain okay, I'll add the certain. [00:49:51] Speaker A: Situations if that's what you want to do. [00:49:54] Speaker D: Certain situations guarantee a success. [00:49:56] Speaker A: Just off of having a conversation with me. [00:49:58] Speaker D: You said you don't. [00:50:00] Speaker A: No, I do. [00:50:01] Speaker D: It's practical obligation. [00:50:02] Speaker A: A solely off of listening to you, I'm going to be successful. [00:50:06] Speaker D: It depends on what we're talking about. [00:50:09] Speaker A: Okay. Basketball. [00:50:11] Speaker D: Basketball. The first thing you have to understand with basketball is you got to know who you are. [00:50:15] Speaker A: Are you about to give me the lowdown of what to do? [00:50:18] Speaker D: No, even in basketball, it's in life because my life has been based upon being raised basketball and Game of Thrones I'm just telling you. [00:50:33] Speaker A: Went in a completely different direction. [00:50:35] Speaker D: I'm just telling you these things have all played integral parts of my life. I'm just telling you. [00:50:41] Speaker A: You all said we was wrapping up because I'm not even about to touch Game of Thrones. [00:50:46] Speaker D: Yeah, it's a lot of predator. You never watched. [00:50:49] Speaker A: I have and I'm a fan. [00:50:51] Speaker D: See, you have learned what have I learned from Game of Thrones? [00:50:56] Speaker A: I mean, there are some lessons, but I mean, I think there are lessons in all things. [00:51:03] Speaker D: What can you do with dragon glass? Exactly. [00:51:07] Speaker A: What can you do? [00:51:08] Speaker D: You didn't learn? [00:51:09] Speaker A: What can you do? [00:51:10] Speaker D: You can kill White walkers. [00:51:11] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, you're right. [00:51:15] Speaker D: In diamond glass you have to create your own diamond glass. It's going to kill your own personal. [00:51:19] Speaker A: Wife because that was what the sword stuff were. [00:51:24] Speaker C: Let's begin. French. [00:51:25] Speaker D: Well, diamond glass buried in a stone. Sometimes you got to dig to get what you want. [00:51:30] Speaker A: Oh, Lord. [00:51:31] Speaker D: You know what I'm saying? [00:51:32] Speaker A: You know, CL, I really hope that I have the privilege of knowing you when you are 80 years old. Not even see, now I don't want him to be seen. Now I want him to be 80 years old, sitting on his porch, filter, gone, being the country bumpkin that he is. [00:51:52] Speaker D: I am. I'm just regular, normal folks. That's all I'm going to be. [00:51:56] Speaker A: And people coming to your porch with your glass, lemonade, because it's only going to be lemonade. Yeah, he don't drink. You drink lemonade tea. Which one do you prefer? Sweet tea, hot tea? [00:52:08] Speaker D: I like lemonade. Probably more than tea. Sometimes I like an occasional warm tea. [00:52:12] Speaker A: Okay. [00:52:16] Speaker D: Occasional. Occasional. Okay, I do. But I like occasionally a warm tea. [00:52:24] Speaker A: Not hot. [00:52:24] Speaker D: No, warm. Because I don't like really hot food either. Like steaming hot food. I can't eat it. [00:52:30] Speaker A: You are a fascinating creature. [00:52:31] Speaker D: I try to be, but you know what? You know why I'm fascinating. Because I just understand who I am. [00:52:38] Speaker A: I can appreciate that because there's not enough of that in the world. [00:52:40] Speaker D: Yeah, I don't have to come out of closet. I understand. [00:52:47] Speaker A: Well, we definitely appreciate you. [00:52:50] Speaker D: I did quiet the closet. I could just be myself. I'm okay with being, like, unapologetically, laughed at, like, oh, I understand. Okay, it's me. I didn't quite understand. Yeah, but I'm here. [00:53:05] Speaker A: But I can't wait because I don't even know how old you are at this moment. And I'm not asking you to share. I know that's sensitive for folks after a certain age, not me. So you were going to share. [00:53:20] Speaker D: I can tell my age. [00:53:21] Speaker A: Okay. [00:53:22] Speaker D: I'm 49. [00:53:23] Speaker A: 49. All right. So at the big age of 80. [00:53:27] Speaker D: That'S invite on the corner. [00:53:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Invite me to your porch. [00:53:31] Speaker D: Okay. You'll be around. [00:53:32] Speaker A: Oh, I know. I'll probably still be broadcasting because I ain't 49. [00:53:36] Speaker D: Yeah. Am I? Next week. [00:53:41] Speaker A: I'm just saying you're a little closer to 100 than I am. [00:53:46] Speaker C: And on the 200th year anniversary. [00:53:51] Speaker D: My theories will still be around, and people will be studying these things like, hieroglyphics. They were like, who is this guy? [00:53:58] Speaker A: And he'll just be sitting on his porch kicking it. [00:54:01] Speaker D: I'm right here, y'all. Yes. [00:54:04] Speaker A: Think you'll be living in the same city that you're currently living in? [00:54:08] Speaker D: I live in race path. I love race path. [00:54:10] Speaker A: Race Path? Never heard of it. [00:54:12] Speaker D: It's an exclusive community, you know, right outside of Myrtle Beach, you know what I'm saying? [00:54:19] Speaker A: Exclusive. [00:54:20] Speaker D: Exclusive. [00:54:20] Speaker A: I mean, it must be because I travel to Myrtle Beach quite often. [00:54:24] Speaker D: We have gates. Y'all have gangs gates. Gates. [00:54:27] Speaker A: Oh, I want to say, wait, you. [00:54:30] Speaker D: Can'T just drive up in any kind of exclusive. Yeah, you can't just drive up in any kind of way. [00:54:34] Speaker A: Oh, you'll miss the road type situation. [00:54:38] Speaker D: It's actually four roads, but you could, if you're not familiar, well hidden treasure. [00:54:45] Speaker A: Keep it hidden. [00:54:46] Speaker D: Yeah, it's a thing you have to experience it. [00:54:51] Speaker A: This is the most random conversation that I think that I've random today in quite some time, and I appreciated it because I don't think that we live in the moment enough to your point. [00:55:01] Speaker D: And I've learned some things from you. [00:55:02] Speaker A: What did you learn? [00:55:04] Speaker D: I don't want to say, because then I would be admitting that I didn't know certain things that I thought I had, like, a grasp on, but I did not have a grasp. I was like, oh, that's why that made sense. [00:55:16] Speaker A: Okay. And that's what I give me one. No, I'll tell you one. You tell me one. [00:55:20] Speaker D: No, because you're tricking me right now. [00:55:23] Speaker A: No. You want me go first? [00:55:25] Speaker C: No. [00:55:26] Speaker A: How's that tricking you? This is an exchange. No, because listen, here's the thing, and I don't mind sharing my age either. At the age of 36, one of the things that I 36. [00:55:39] Speaker D: Jesus Christ. How are you going to make it? [00:55:42] Speaker A: Because I'm not 50. [00:55:44] Speaker D: Okay? That makes two of us. [00:55:46] Speaker A: Yeah, well, you're a little closer than. [00:55:48] Speaker D: Me, but that's intentional. [00:55:50] Speaker A: What? You being closer to 50? Yes. Yeah. It's called aging. [00:55:55] Speaker D: Yes. [00:55:55] Speaker A: It's the intentionality behind it. But here is one of the things that I am committing to the closer that I do get to 40, okay, is having conversations that mean something, okay. Whether they be random or on purpose or whatever. I want to learn. I want to gain perspective. I think in our 20s, we're selfish. Okay? I mean, we're selfish just naturally, I think, overall. But in our 20s, there's a different level of selfishness, I think, that we have to have in order to get to the places that we are in. And at 30 or in your 30s, you're kind of discovering and starting to live in all the things that you have discovered through your selfishness in your twenty s. And the closer I get to 40, I'm realizing, like, that's going to be the freedom age. 40. Not just 40, but that decade of you think unapologetic, just to your point of I'm me. [00:56:56] Speaker D: You can live like that in your 30s. [00:56:59] Speaker A: You can. But I feel like there's a level of fear that exists that keeps us. [00:57:05] Speaker D: From okay, explain this fear, because I'm. [00:57:08] Speaker A: Truly operating in that way. [00:57:09] Speaker D: Fear is one of fears are you know what fears are? What false expectations appear. [00:57:18] Speaker A: Of course. [00:57:18] Speaker D: What is the fear? [00:57:20] Speaker A: The fear in your 30s around not just living unapologetically. [00:57:24] Speaker D: I'm not sure about living unapologetically, because I apologize, but I think I get that I have no problem being wrong. I rebel in being wrong. [00:57:36] Speaker A: You are walking oxymoron. [00:57:38] Speaker D: I rebel in failure because I know I tried. Now I know another way I can do it. [00:57:42] Speaker A: I can see that. Yes, but I don't know if I see you just being like, no, but. [00:57:47] Speaker D: You have to help me understand why I'm wrong. But I have no problem apologizing, have no ego, but tell me about these fears. [00:57:55] Speaker A: I just wish you all could see my face just now when he said that. I don't okay. Yeah. I think that it's the fear of failure to your point, like, not getting to whatever the ultimate goal is, whether it's career wise, whether it's family, whether it's uncovering childhood traumas. [00:58:19] Speaker D: Why you got so many goals? [00:58:23] Speaker A: Why do I have goals? [00:58:25] Speaker D: Why do you have so many? [00:58:26] Speaker A: G-O-A-L-S. Yeah, that's how you spell that. [00:58:30] Speaker D: Goals. Yes. I was thinking gold was spelled different than, like, soccer goal. [00:58:34] Speaker A: It's the same way. Well, how was gold spelled in your dictionary? [00:58:41] Speaker D: I was just making sure before making. [00:58:43] Speaker C: Sure you was correct. [00:58:44] Speaker D: Because, you know, like, they're there. Yeah, because people be own cancel culture. Yeah. Told me just not to write there. Technically it is because I looked it up before I sent it. But it's okay. [00:58:56] Speaker A: It's very easy to figure out. It is the difference between them, but that's neither here nor there. [00:59:02] Speaker D: Okay, but why do you have so many goals? [00:59:07] Speaker A: I've never been asked that question before. [00:59:10] Speaker D: Stuff is overrated. [00:59:12] Speaker A: Stuff is overrated. [00:59:13] Speaker D: Yeah. If I get to this point, I'm going to do this. [00:59:17] Speaker A: Well, maybe that's the fear, the fear of not having a goal or something that you've set your sights on and be working towards something, because that's what you've been taught that you're supposed to do. So in this age, in this golden age of 30, you're figuring out what are the things I throw away that I've been taught and kind of immersed in my entire life, and how do I just become who I am? [00:59:40] Speaker D: So we need to talk about deprogramming. [00:59:43] Speaker A: Absolutely. Defunding not the police. [00:59:46] Speaker D: No, defunding your goals. [00:59:50] Speaker A: Don't defund my goals. My goals matter because black lives matter. [00:59:56] Speaker D: I don't know. [00:59:57] Speaker A: You don't know black lives matter? [00:59:59] Speaker D: I do know they matter. I do know they matter. But what if you just did something you weren't supposed to do to me? You might not matter right now. [01:00:09] Speaker A: All lives matter. [01:00:10] Speaker D: Then I've been I don't know. I don't want to live in that neighborhood, either. I don't know. I don't know. Like, it is tomato tomorrow. [01:00:33] Speaker A: You're not trying to pick us out? [01:00:34] Speaker D: Yeah, I'm kind of a little Democrat. [01:00:37] Speaker C: I don't want to live in that neighborhood. [01:00:39] Speaker A: Then you're a socialist at time. [01:00:41] Speaker D: Yeah, I didn't want to live over the capitalist. I wasn't trying to go over there with you all. I can't help it. There's more white people here. I'm good. This is what I like. Let's get out here before I get myself in trouble here, okay? [01:00:54] Speaker A: Please do. [01:00:55] Speaker C: How are you going to get yourself in trouble? [01:00:56] Speaker D: See, because people will be judging. [01:00:59] Speaker A: Yes. And cancel culture is real these days. [01:01:02] Speaker D: It tries to be, but they try to judge you, and then they want me to defend it. And I just like my young boy told me, my young bull. What is it? Young bull. Young Bull told me, stand on business. I said, man, I just said, I'll pay for your haircut if you let me in front of you. It's not no stand on no business. It's a transactional. I just need to go because I need to get out of here faster now. You got to stand on business, though, okay? I just said I was like, I'm just going to be able to be a haircut. I just need to go. One person in front of you. [01:01:43] Speaker A: What does stand on business mean? [01:01:45] Speaker D: I wasn't sure. He may have had a little buz. [01:01:50] Speaker A: Okay. [01:01:50] Speaker D: But he kept saying he was like, would you stand in on business? I was like, yeah, I guess. [01:01:58] Speaker C: Basically, you do what you say you're going to do. [01:02:00] Speaker D: Yeah, but I'm standing on business. I just wanted to pay for his haircut and go in front of him. I'll buy you chips and your drink. You're getting a free cut. You're just waiting 25 more minutes, that's all. But he was like, you standing on bit. I was like, I'm standing on business. [01:02:16] Speaker A: Is that going to get me in front of you? Yes. [01:02:18] Speaker D: I just wanted a yes or no. I didn't want to stand on business. Okay. This is a barbershop, so I guess this is a business. [01:02:25] Speaker A: Don't get yourself in trouble and you standing on it. [01:02:27] Speaker D: Yeah. He made it very transactional and uncomfortable. And my barber was looking at me. [01:02:31] Speaker C: Did your barber laugh at you? [01:02:32] Speaker D: No. When he turned me around, like, you could kind of turn away from everybody, he was like, what was y'all talking about? I don't know. He's a young boy. He's 22. I don't know. I know when he was little, like, this is a good kid, but I was standing on business. [01:02:48] Speaker C: As long as that's what you were. [01:02:49] Speaker D: Doing, you're going to stand on business, right? [01:02:53] Speaker A: Sure, yes. [01:02:55] Speaker D: Title of the episode, isn't that a fragment sentence or sentence? Fragment. He just kept saying it like, stand you're going to stand on business. Okay, so it's a complete question. If you say it repeatedly, doesn't that make it a run on sentence? Like, you stand on business? Yes, I'm going to stand on the. [01:03:14] Speaker C: But if you responded, it's not a. [01:03:16] Speaker A: Run on it's called repetition. At that point, he's just repeating his question over. [01:03:20] Speaker D: I just want people know I'm standing on business. [01:03:22] Speaker A: You weren't giving him the response that he was after, so he was continuing. [01:03:26] Speaker C: To but what response was he after? If you said, yes, I am going to stand on business? [01:03:33] Speaker A: I have no idea. [01:03:34] Speaker D: He don't like it when I talk, like, proper, like a white person. Okay, so why are you talking like that? I was like the king's English. [01:03:42] Speaker A: I was like, now we ain't out here talking to King's English. That ain't happening. [01:03:49] Speaker D: Yeah. Standing on it. [01:03:52] Speaker C: As long as we standing on it, we stand. [01:03:54] Speaker D: Got to stand on business. [01:03:55] Speaker C: Let's take some business on out of here. [01:03:56] Speaker D: Yes. [01:03:59] Speaker C: Tell the people how they could find you if you want them to, I guess. [01:04:02] Speaker A: You know what you all can honestly do? Go and listen to the podcast that I was on with my homies. [01:04:09] Speaker D: Okay. [01:04:09] Speaker A: A year or so back called the Perfect People podcast. And then you will find me. Oh, there's the treasure. Treasure hunt. [01:04:15] Speaker C: Treasure hunt. Treasure hunt. [01:04:18] Speaker A: Any one of them. All of them are good. [01:04:20] Speaker D: Okay. [01:04:20] Speaker C: Yeah. How about you? [01:04:22] Speaker D: I'm good. [01:04:23] Speaker A: Okay. [01:04:23] Speaker D: You know where to find us at. We say it every week. Yep. We like y'all to listen. [01:04:28] Speaker C: And you know what's funny? [01:04:29] Speaker D: What's up? [01:04:30] Speaker C: I need somebody to email us their address so we could send them this t shirt I keep trying to give away. [01:04:38] Speaker D: Okay, just the address. [01:04:40] Speaker C: Yeah, just email address. I made it to the end of the episode. [01:04:44] Speaker D: Okay. [01:04:45] Speaker C: They made it to end the episode. You listen to this right now. Email us your address. We'll send you out a free relationship. [01:04:49] Speaker D: Status t and stand on business. And stand on business. [01:04:55] Speaker C: Remember, you can find us on well, t will tell you where to find us. [01:04:58] Speaker A: We're out. Thank you for listening to another episode of Relationship Status. Remember, you can catch us on Relationshipstattispodcast.com, itunes, Google, Podcasts, iHeartRadio Spotify, Pandora, Amazon, Music, nobody Grinds like US, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcast. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear Neek, email us at re lstat [email protected] or call us at 843-310-8637. Follow us on Facebook at relationship status podcast on Instagram and Twitter at re lstat podcast. And don't forget to comment, share five star rate. Subscribe and review.

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