221st Date: Monday Night

[00:00:21] Speaker A: Welcome to relationship status. It is your host, CL Butler, and. [00:00:26] Speaker B: Your boy Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can catch us on all podcast platforms and as well as relationshipstatuspodcast.com. [00:00:35] Speaker A: Yes. If you're not hating, hit like subscribe five star rate. Yes, do that. [00:00:43] Speaker B: Send us a love offering. [00:00:47] Speaker A: I'm not asking for money now. Youssef is going to do personal consultations if you send the money. [00:00:57] Speaker B: And we got back with us again, Veronda. What's happening? [00:01:03] Speaker A: He said Veronda v or. [00:01:13] Speaker B: No, I pronounce her name correctly every time. [00:01:15] Speaker C: And not that time, but I said Ferranda. [00:01:18] Speaker A: No, it was wild. It was wild. [00:01:20] Speaker C: It was like you forgot and then all of a sudden I remember. [00:01:23] Speaker B: I did not forget. [00:01:24] Speaker C: It's fine. I understand. But I'm happy to be back. [00:01:28] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:01:30] Speaker B: A couple of weeks ago, too. [00:01:32] Speaker A: Do you really? Are you a Cowboys fan? They haven't lost one game, I thought. [00:01:37] Speaker C: But my question is, does he really want to go there? [00:01:41] Speaker A: Oh, they beat his team early. [00:01:43] Speaker C: Does he really want to go there? [00:01:45] Speaker A: I will go there. [00:01:46] Speaker B: I am a fan who is see, Dallas Cowboys fans are delusional. And I think every now and then we have to bring the delusion back to reality. [00:01:56] Speaker A: Really? [00:01:57] Speaker B: Because they cool right now. They're going to be good Super Bowl. [00:02:00] Speaker C: Woo. [00:02:00] Speaker B: Until they lose. [00:02:01] Speaker A: They're going to win Super Bowl. [00:02:02] Speaker B: No, they're not. [00:02:04] Speaker C: So here's the thing, and I feel like I'm always having to number one, he is a New York Giants fan. [00:02:10] Speaker B: Okay. [00:02:10] Speaker A: And which doesn't give much hope. [00:02:14] Speaker C: Okay. [00:02:15] Speaker B: More Super Bowls than y'all got playoff wins. [00:02:18] Speaker C: Okay. Everybody always goes to the past. Okay? So here's what I was about to say to that point. First thing to that point is don't lump me in the category with all. [00:02:31] Speaker B: The other wait, Cowboys. What I can't say, Ferranda, is you are a real Cowboys fan who lives in reality. [00:02:39] Speaker C: I do. [00:02:40] Speaker B: Yes. So we just go back we've been going back and forth since about 2000. [00:02:45] Speaker C: You are the one that usually starts the argument oh, yeah. The first day we met. So it's not even that. And I tell people all the time, my affinity, my fandom towards the Cowboys, it's personal. More so than it is even about the team in and of itself. My dad passed when I was 13 years old. He was a strong Cowboys fan. He didn't have any boys. [00:03:12] Speaker A: You are evil, Yusuf. [00:03:14] Speaker C: Jesus Christ. [00:03:16] Speaker A: What do you mean? [00:03:17] Speaker C: I took up the mantle and said. [00:03:20] Speaker B: I would why am I evil? [00:03:22] Speaker C: Support and continue his legacy of because he was one of those Cowboy fans that are yes. [00:03:30] Speaker A: And you picking at her and she's carrying her father's legacy. [00:03:32] Speaker B: I don't pick at her. [00:03:33] Speaker A: We go back and forth about her father's. Just give it to her. Like Ron, you know what, he's a great guy. [00:03:41] Speaker B: No, we don't go back and forth about just about her being a Cowboys fan. [00:03:46] Speaker A: That's why she's a Cowboys fan? Because of her father. [00:03:49] Speaker C: Yes. [00:03:49] Speaker A: So you are personally, inadvertently, personally attacking you didn't take the sensitivity class. You didn't watch the videos. [00:03:55] Speaker C: No, listen, CLA, I don't support all of your movements all the time, but. [00:04:01] Speaker A: This one, it could be. [00:04:06] Speaker B: It'S only because you're behind her that she's like. [00:04:08] Speaker A: Yes, I'm with you. [00:04:09] Speaker C: But that's the thing. I have to explain that to people all the time because of that very rationale of, well, I just can't stand Cowboys fans. [00:04:17] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:04:18] Speaker B: I know all the things I find Cowboys fans amusing, that I can't stand them. First of all, I just find them. [00:04:26] Speaker A: First of all, Cowboy fans aren't a monolith. [00:04:29] Speaker C: Thank you. Thank you. That's like saying all black people live in the ghetto. [00:04:35] Speaker A: See? Yeah. [00:04:40] Speaker C: We are diverse. [00:04:41] Speaker A: Yes, CL, not the personal. [00:04:43] Speaker B: But I didn't see that word coming. [00:04:49] Speaker A: For me. [00:04:50] Speaker B: Yeah, I didn't see that coming. [00:04:51] Speaker A: Oh, you know, I'm well versed. You shouldn't that's what I know what I'm saying. [00:04:58] Speaker C: Stick and move. [00:04:59] Speaker A: Yes, well, maybe just move. Just move. Not me. It's not my scene. [00:05:11] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. How do we escalate? Escalate? [00:05:14] Speaker A: Yes. Everybody who is doing their thing, whoever's doing it, salute. [00:05:21] Speaker C: Give me a break. [00:05:22] Speaker A: Salute. I'm just saying salute. [00:05:28] Speaker C: What are you doing on this iPad? It's aggravating me. [00:05:31] Speaker A: Shouts out to my cousin Mervyn. I'm doing research. [00:05:34] Speaker C: Research on what? [00:05:36] Speaker A: Just am I'm looking up topics? [00:05:41] Speaker B: See, I'll be researching tools. [00:05:42] Speaker C: That's what you be you can you be present in this moment? [00:05:47] Speaker A: I'm quite present, but I'm getting my presentation ready. I have certain words I want to use. There's certain things I want to add. I'm just trying to become a better direction. [00:05:56] Speaker C: The conversation is going to go in. I do you have no idea. [00:05:59] Speaker A: I'm an empath. I do. [00:06:01] Speaker C: That is not what that means. [00:06:03] Speaker A: Oh, it's not? No. I've got ESPN. I got all of that. I'd be knowing stuff like, I'm grounded, my feet are grounded. Mercury retrograde. [00:06:17] Speaker C: Just stop while you're here, please. [00:06:18] Speaker A: And thank you for on your energy is off. Yeah, your energy is off. Okay. [00:06:30] Speaker C: What is wrong with you? [00:06:31] Speaker A: Where's the sage? [00:06:33] Speaker C: Don't bring that in. [00:06:36] Speaker A: Okay. [00:06:37] Speaker C: My energy will forever be off. Bring that in here. [00:06:40] Speaker B: All right, so I don't even know how we transition. [00:06:45] Speaker C: Listen, CL will have you with the mic drop. I'm just leave you with the mic drops. [00:06:52] Speaker A: Be an empath, you know? [00:06:54] Speaker C: Stop saying that. CL. That's not the right word. [00:06:56] Speaker A: Well, for what you're going for, I am heterosexual. So if I know empath, that baseline. You know, you're that Jesus is king. I don't know. [00:07:10] Speaker B: I'm trying to figure out how that. [00:07:11] Speaker C: Please just ask a question related to the topic. I don't know. You figure out how to transition. [00:07:17] Speaker B: Okay. [00:07:18] Speaker C: Away from CL. [00:07:21] Speaker A: Okay. It's kind of like when you say dialine, dialine, dialine. Yeah, it's like that. People out there get references. Okay, I digress. [00:07:34] Speaker C: Yes, you did okay. [00:07:36] Speaker B: All right, so how do we I can't even get into all right, we've been doing this for a while, so CL? [00:07:47] Speaker A: Yes. [00:07:48] Speaker B: Why is effective resolution of conflicts within. [00:07:52] Speaker A: Your relationship within relationship healthy? Yeah. Because you could sleep better. [00:08:02] Speaker B: Like, say. [00:08:03] Speaker A: You'Ve been out the battle in the world all day. You don't want to come home with house problems. Now I can't rest like I want to rest. I can't even enjoy the things I want to enjoy. [00:08:12] Speaker B: Because you're coming into a fight when. [00:08:16] Speaker A: The energy is off. You don't want that. [00:08:18] Speaker B: But you don't believe in the energy. [00:08:20] Speaker A: I personally don't, but I have to speak the people's language. This is not going nowhere. [00:08:26] Speaker B: But what about those people that just. [00:08:28] Speaker A: Push your sign they live in what's your sign? Your fire sign? What? I don't know what elder people be saying. That's all you just got. You throw them on. This is making if your lady or your guy, wherever you choose, whoever you think or whatever you are, if they. [00:08:46] Speaker C: Just you make it worse. Trying to be inclusive. [00:08:49] Speaker A: I'm trying to be inclusive. [00:08:50] Speaker C: You make it worse when you are. [00:08:51] Speaker A: Attempting this is why I don't but then they say I'm not inclusive. [00:08:55] Speaker C: I just think that you just could just say relationship. [00:08:57] Speaker A: Okay. When you're in some relationship, you have to conveniently divert the conversation so you have to ask about what's your sign? [00:09:07] Speaker C: Throw it off. [00:09:09] Speaker A: Yeah, because she might be in there. She's like, yeah, and then I'm not. [00:09:16] Speaker B: If you ask him what's the sign? [00:09:18] Speaker C: First off, you conveniently try to throw the conversation off with me. So why are you avoiding this? Why we can't talk about what first? [00:09:25] Speaker A: I'm not avoiding it. I need to actually find out where we are in alignment before you before I because today might not the moon. [00:09:35] Speaker B: The moon ain't yeah, yeah. [00:09:37] Speaker A: So I don't need to engage in certain activities. [00:09:40] Speaker C: Mercury, you said that you need for relationships to you need to have effective conflict. [00:09:46] Speaker A: I need peace at the house. Yeah, I can't do that. [00:09:49] Speaker C: Let us go back. What about you, Veronica? The peace at the house is definitely a thing, and I think, like, just overall peace within. Like, I don't want to have to be thinking about that while I'm supposed to be doing other stuff. [00:10:06] Speaker A: See, that's different between women and men. [00:10:08] Speaker C: You all compartmentalize that stuff. [00:10:10] Speaker A: She beefing about when I leave here, I don't even think about that at all. I'll be living my life. [00:10:15] Speaker B: It's at the house. [00:10:17] Speaker A: I'm at the door like, oh, my God, here we go. [00:10:20] Speaker C: Well, then that's probably why we make you all's lives a living. He double hockey stick. [00:10:23] Speaker A: Yeah, but now I have to ever wearing now I have to pretend I'm mad. I've been having a good day all day long. I'm not even mad face on. I'm mad because we beefing about something. [00:10:37] Speaker B: I don't even know why we're beefing. [00:10:39] Speaker A: I thought I knew we didn't. [00:10:40] Speaker C: I mean, I don't necessarily have to put a facade back on, but I will think about it. I will think about, especially if it's if I'm in the wrong, how it is that I might have hurt your feelings or how that might affect you now that you know your feelings are hurt and how we're going to come back from it. [00:11:02] Speaker B: Do a lot of women hear feelings? [00:11:04] Speaker C: Hear feelings? You all are not about to trap me in this conversation. [00:11:09] Speaker A: I'm not going to say anything. [00:11:11] Speaker C: And we already kind of had this conversation a couple of weeks ago whenever the podcast aired that I was guest starring on the first one. [00:11:21] Speaker A: Great episode. [00:11:22] Speaker C: It was amazing. Go listen to it. But do women hear feelings? Is that what you asked me? [00:11:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:29] Speaker C: From people or men? [00:11:32] Speaker B: From men. [00:11:34] Speaker C: Why wouldn't we hear feelings? [00:11:36] Speaker B: I'm just asking the question. [00:11:38] Speaker C: So random. [00:11:41] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:11:46] Speaker C: I don't understand the question. And don't repeat the question. [00:11:50] Speaker B: I'm not going to repeat the question. [00:11:51] Speaker C: Okay. [00:11:53] Speaker A: Be careful, you might be triggered, sir. [00:11:58] Speaker C: No, you're not. Thin ice. But I'm just saying whenever somebody says they don't understand something, one of my pet peeves is then when you say it again, as if that's understand. [00:12:06] Speaker B: There is an explanation. [00:12:07] Speaker A: Let's talk to my father. Keep repeating the same thing. [00:12:13] Speaker C: I don't understand it anymore after the fifth time you said it than I did the first time you said it. [00:12:18] Speaker B: Like if a guy tells you how he feels, there's something that he does, a feeling that they think. Do women as the majority, I know you can only speak for you. [00:12:29] Speaker C: I started to say, Please don't have me. [00:12:30] Speaker B: No, you can't. [00:12:31] Speaker C: Women, you can only speak for you. But you I'm one woman. I'm not the majority. [00:12:35] Speaker B: But you are a woman. [00:12:36] Speaker C: Yes, I do identify as woman. [00:12:39] Speaker B: And you know women? [00:12:41] Speaker C: I do. [00:12:41] Speaker B: And you're friends with women. [00:12:43] Speaker C: Yes. [00:12:44] Speaker B: And do you believe that the people that you have come in contact with as women hear their men when they have a feeling? [00:12:54] Speaker C: Do I believe they hear their men when they have a feeling? I believe that oftentimes women hear, feel, and see the feeling even before the man has said or communicated the feeling. [00:13:10] Speaker A: So why do you even argue if you know all this before? [00:13:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:13:15] Speaker A: If you know all of this before, why do you still argue? Why do you still say something? I don't be out here, not you personally, but if women have some of these same feelings, why do you still find need to say something, just deal with that inside your own world and let me just live? [00:13:29] Speaker C: Well, first off, are you all asking me the same thing? [00:13:32] Speaker A: Because I didn't ask a question at all. I don't understand his question, so I didn't say anything. You don't understand my question? You said, do men, do women hear feelings? Do they acknowledge it? When you say it? [00:13:45] Speaker B: Are you acknowledging it? Are you taking it? [00:13:47] Speaker A: But that's a little different than here because I'm thinking here I actually hear. [00:13:51] Speaker B: Your feelings or listening. [00:13:53] Speaker A: This is funny because I was confused. That's why I didn't say nothing. I was like, okay, he going to get her. But no, it never happened. I was like, okay, he got her. I don't know how that was. I don't know. I was just confused. It doesn't mean nothing was wrong. I was just confused. [00:14:09] Speaker C: Are you confused still? [00:14:11] Speaker A: Yes, definitely. Are you asking do women recognize men when they express their feelings? Yes. Because that's a lot more words than do women hear feelings? I thought you literally were talking about hearing feelings. And I was like literal person. [00:14:28] Speaker B: But I specifically said if a man expresses his feelings to you yeah. [00:14:32] Speaker C: His explanation. If you weren't on your iPad, you. [00:14:35] Speaker A: Might have heard him. Yeah. [00:14:35] Speaker B: So what I'm saying is if it's a direct explanation of me expressing because for some men, it takes a lot out of them. For some, it does take a lot for them to express their feelings to a woman. So for fear, for the very same fear of being like, okay, we'll just get over it, or okay, yeah, and nothing changes. So I'm just saying do women just hear and don't acknowledge or do they acknowledge it and doesn't change the behavior? Or is it just like what is it about a man expressing himself to a woman that makes it I would say in some experiences for men. For some men. [00:15:12] Speaker A: So is it like bluetooth when you cut yours on, do you recognize do you say, okay, recognize device or no, let's pair. And then we're like in sync. Because I'm feeling what he's saying now. I don't think women do because women kind of act like men just talking, like he don't really feel that. Like, I have feelings, too. You do? Yeah, I kind of have feelings, and. [00:15:42] Speaker C: I can identify with that to a certain extent because a lot of people do it to me. [00:15:49] Speaker A: Wow, okay, tell us this good person here. [00:15:51] Speaker C: Yeah, because of the way people perceive me or perceive how I operate and move through the world. There are times that if I were to express a feeling or an emotion or whatever, it is dismissed or it's not even considered or recognized. Because oftentimes in relationships and I'm not even talking just personal or romantic relationships, I am the strong friend and I'm always supporting and helping others solve their problems. So mine, a lot of times, don't even get discussed or asked about in the midst of it partially is my fault. I won't put it all on the people that I am in relationship with because I don't allow myself to get vulnerable in certain instances when maybe I should ask for help. Like instead of waiting for somebody to say something or see it for themselves, just say something. So yeah, I can identify how can. [00:17:02] Speaker A: You change that about you? [00:17:04] Speaker C: I just said it like no, speak up. [00:17:06] Speaker A: No, you said what everybody says I need to be vulnerability. [00:17:11] Speaker C: That is ultimately what it is is it trusting folks enough with my feelings, my emotions and with me. And I don't do that easily and I definitely don't do it often. [00:17:27] Speaker A: You should listen to the song about baby Face cause of loneliness because he said I'm not all right and that's sometimes what it takes to people. Oh, yeah, hey, listen, man, that's cool what you said. I'm not all right with this. I have a problem and maybe I'm the problem, maybe I need time to figure out the problem, but there's a problem and people don't do that. And you just need to say I'm. [00:17:53] Speaker C: Not all but and like to Yusuf's question of asking me, I think as men in society, y'all are socialized to believe that y'all aren't supposed to feel anything or emote or any of those things. [00:18:09] Speaker A: We're not recognizing, we don't recognize. [00:18:10] Speaker B: But I think the issue like me crying. [00:18:13] Speaker C: No, I don't think that y'all recognize. [00:18:15] Speaker B: No, no, we recognize it, but when we go to express it, y'all might. [00:18:20] Speaker C: Recognize it now with your big age. [00:18:22] Speaker A: Man to man or woman to woman? [00:18:24] Speaker B: A woman. [00:18:26] Speaker A: Man to man. Relationships or friendships or to romantic relationships or is it both? [00:18:35] Speaker C: What are you asking? Which part? [00:18:36] Speaker A: Because if youssef tries to be wrong with me, I'm like laugh. No, first I'm going to try to avoid it and then if it comes what you doing. But first I'm going to just try to ignore it like that. You like basketball. [00:18:51] Speaker C: Is that different in a romantic relationship? [00:18:53] Speaker A: I think it is different. [00:18:54] Speaker C: Okay. [00:18:54] Speaker A: Because you can avoid it with friends sometimes and then romantically. I don't know. Men seem to be penalized for vulnerability because women have a scale on when you can. [00:19:11] Speaker C: I don't have a scale on when you can, but I want no crybaby. [00:19:14] Speaker A: That would be the scale. [00:19:17] Speaker C: You said when you can. I might have a scale on how often and what you out here crying. [00:19:21] Speaker A: About, but that's still a scale. It should be unlimited naming the scale. If a woman can have unlimited no, women cannot. [00:19:30] Speaker C: Yeah, you all allow that. [00:19:31] Speaker A: But no, hey, definitely not in control. [00:19:36] Speaker C: In my female friendships, relationships. I don't have crybabies there either. [00:19:42] Speaker A: You have people you take a little more off of just because you're a relationship. [00:19:46] Speaker C: Oh, just because I ain't got to deal with you on a day to day basis. [00:19:48] Speaker A: Yeah, but you still take it. [00:19:50] Speaker C: Yeah, but my friends would probably argue that I don't. Okay. And it depends. I'm not saying you cannot cry. I'm not saying that you cannot be vulnerable, but there's going to come a point for even myself that I'm going to say, okay, well, how many times are we going to cry about this? Same thing before you pick yourself up and we do something different. [00:20:11] Speaker A: So I have a question. Is vulnerability and crying related? Because vulnerability you don't necessarily have to cry. [00:20:17] Speaker C: No, you don't. [00:20:17] Speaker A: But you might have a person who. [00:20:20] Speaker C: I ain't talking about the same thing over and over again. [00:20:23] Speaker A: It might not be the same thing. It's the same thing, but it's a different subject. They're constantly okay, like, one week, it could be financial, one week it be a relationship, the next week could be the job. Not even complaining. But they're always in dire needs of some kind of support. Can I tell you what happened to me? [00:20:43] Speaker C: I ain't built for that. [00:20:44] Speaker A: I'm not saying you are, but you are a woman, so you are built for everything. [00:20:50] Speaker C: No, I'm a woman and I can recognize what I'm built for and what I'm not. [00:20:53] Speaker A: If I can't say that you can say that. [00:20:57] Speaker B: I know I can't. [00:20:58] Speaker A: Yeah, but I just think there are friends who kind of lean to you a little more. Like, you said you had a strong friend, so by the time four people in your friend group have a problem. [00:21:09] Speaker B: You'Re like, and here come this dude. [00:21:12] Speaker A: Yeah. And they all might not even be complainers and whiners, but you're the source. [00:21:16] Speaker C: It just happened all at the same time. [00:21:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:17] Speaker B: And I come this dude. Guess what happened. [00:21:21] Speaker A: Do you tell him I don't want to hear it? [00:21:23] Speaker C: No. [00:21:24] Speaker A: Then you're not being vulnerable. [00:21:27] Speaker C: If I tell them I don't want to hear it. Yeah, but I don't not want to hear it. [00:21:31] Speaker A: So you do want to hear it. Yeah, but you don't want people to complain all the time. [00:21:35] Speaker C: All the time. I didn't say you could not complain. [00:21:38] Speaker A: Repeating it does not change what I said. [00:21:41] Speaker C: But no, I wasn't repeating what you said. I was underlining underscoring a specific part of what you did. [00:21:46] Speaker B: Not underlining and underscoring. [00:21:48] Speaker A: So that's what my dad does. [00:21:50] Speaker C: What? [00:21:51] Speaker A: Underline? [00:21:51] Speaker B: Underscore. [00:21:52] Speaker A: He's not just repeating the same thing. [00:21:53] Speaker C: No, but I'm saying I didn't ask, or you didn't ask. Oh, what are you saying? Or I'm confused like I did with Yusuf and he was about to repeat. [00:22:01] Speaker B: That same I was not about to. [00:22:03] Speaker C: Repeat it like I was going to understand it after he said it again for the second time. Okay, but I was taking out a part of what it is that you said so that I could highlighted. [00:22:11] Speaker A: So you dissected what I said. [00:22:13] Speaker B: Okay, cool. [00:22:14] Speaker C: No. [00:22:14] Speaker B: Okay. [00:22:15] Speaker A: So you're not being vulnerable because you can say, hey, I don't want to hear that. I don't need that today. My cup runeth over. I'm good on all that. I'm emotionally drained. As a strong friend, you should always be able to say that. [00:22:33] Speaker C: And I think there should be boundaries and language that is had for my friends. I don't say that necessarily, but if I don't answer the phone, then they know what it is. [00:22:45] Speaker A: No, they don't. They just think you didn't answer the phone. [00:22:49] Speaker C: You want me to FaceTime Ariel? [00:22:51] Speaker A: No, I don't. [00:22:52] Speaker C: Okay. [00:22:52] Speaker A: She's just going to agree with you because you all impaired. No, I had to get them. I called my I know she going to hold it down. [00:23:02] Speaker C: I'm just saying she will tell you that more than likely, if I don't answer the phone, it's because I don't feel like talking. I don't have to say that. [00:23:09] Speaker A: Okay, but that doesn't mean you don't feel like talking to me. You just could not feel like talking in general because I might just hit a scratch off. We need to get up because I'm not going home with this money. We're going to do something for us. [00:23:29] Speaker C: I think, that I can recognize, and I think what you all are asking is do we give space? No, you don't get space for feelings, emotions, vulnerability and all of that. [00:23:38] Speaker B: I think in the majority of the relationships I've been in, what I've been met with, when I try to address when I've tried to address my feelings, it's always I wouldn't say always, but a good portion of the time it's refuted with or brought back their feelings in sort of a retort rather than taken into account, like, look, emotional manipulation. [00:24:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:06] Speaker B: So it's brought back to them. So it's no longer about me, but more so what I've done to them. [00:24:14] Speaker C: This often happens when it's their fault. [00:24:18] Speaker A: Read him. [00:24:19] Speaker B: No, listen. [00:24:20] Speaker C: No, I ain't reading him. I'm saying, like, emotional women are very good at emotional manipulation because it is okay for us to be the emotional creatures, and we've learned how to do that. Think about girls versus boys when you're raising them, your daughter, she comes to you and she's crying for whatever it is that she wants. You're picking her up, you're consoling her, and then you're giving her what she wants. Your boy comes to you. Stop that crying and use your words. What do you want? We train our children to do the very things that they do as an adult, but it's exacerbated by the time you an adult. And so now it's seen as a problem. But that's what you cultivated. [00:24:59] Speaker B: I didn't cultivate it. Somebody else cultivated it. [00:25:01] Speaker C: No, I wasn't speaking. [00:25:05] Speaker A: But that's a little specific. [00:25:07] Speaker B: But I do tell my boys, we're not crying. [00:25:10] Speaker A: Yeah, I was a little triggered. I didn't want to say that. Are you doing air quotes? Somebody in this room says that at least once a week. Stop crying. I don't know. I don't know what's going on, man. Okay. I've heard this before. [00:25:40] Speaker C: And I'm quite sure for your daughters, that's not how you did them. As they were in their younger ages. [00:25:46] Speaker B: I would say, oh, you gave them. [00:25:49] Speaker C: More room before you did. Okay, I probably gave them understand what you're saying. [00:25:53] Speaker B: I probably gave them more room before. [00:25:56] Speaker C: And probably were a little gentler in your approach. [00:25:59] Speaker B: No. Was definitely not gentler. Ask my daughter. She definitely not gentler. [00:26:07] Speaker A: He really was. [00:26:08] Speaker B: I really was not. [00:26:10] Speaker A: When you say ask somebody, no, I was not. [00:26:14] Speaker C: And my thing is, when you're more gentle, that doesn't mean that you're still not as whatever it is that you are. It's a different form of it. [00:26:24] Speaker A: So women don't do them? [00:26:26] Speaker C: Yeah, we all do it. [00:26:27] Speaker A: Women don't do it as often. [00:26:29] Speaker C: Hold on, wait. Let me make sure I understand what you're saying before it gets give that. [00:26:35] Speaker A: Space to do that. [00:26:38] Speaker C: We don't give the space. [00:26:39] Speaker A: Yeah. There's a smaller window for women to men than men to women definitively, because a woman, she wants her feelings heard the first time she says it. [00:26:51] Speaker C: And even when you know it's interesting, because I think that it switches mothers to sons often give them a wide birth. Mothers to significant or women to significant others don't. I don't know what the and now that you all ask me that question, I wonder what the psychology is behind it, because I do think patriarchy. Yeah, I mean, we can blame everything on that for real women keep it alive. [00:27:21] Speaker A: Okay. [00:27:23] Speaker C: And I think that a lot of times women are harder on their daughters notoriously than they are on their sons. [00:27:33] Speaker A: Wow. You can share more. It's a vulnerable space. Just say space. [00:27:39] Speaker C: What am I sharing? [00:27:40] Speaker A: I don't know. Just fifth chair friend. [00:27:42] Speaker C: It was fifth chair friend. [00:27:44] Speaker A: I said feel free. [00:27:45] Speaker C: Oh, feel free to share. [00:27:46] Speaker A: Yeah. I don't know what feel FAM flip. [00:27:49] Speaker C: You too close to that mic. [00:27:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:51] Speaker C: I couldn't understand what you were saying. [00:27:53] Speaker B: No, I was just curious about that because I just think that a lot of times when you're trying to get whatever is on your mind or whatever's on your heart or whatever off and explain to the person you care about that this is something they did or something that happened, made you feel a particular way. You don't feel heard or you don't feel listened to because it's almost an instantaneous flip back to, well, this is how something you did made me feel. And it's almost like a wait a minute, can we just deal with me for a second? [00:28:35] Speaker A: Well, thank you for sharing yourself. [00:28:44] Speaker C: Turn his mic off. [00:28:45] Speaker A: Thank you for sharing. I appreciate that. Now, sir, I would like to say gosh, I'm sorry that happened to you, because nobody told me. It just wasn't right. [00:28:55] Speaker C: Okay, are you admitting that you're the person that has done that? [00:28:59] Speaker A: No, I have not done that. I don't do that. But I know sometimes when dealing with women, if we use our vulnerability as a defense mechanism, it's not taken as seriously. And sometimes I think instead of just talking about it, we pick the wrong moments to talk about it. And then that's why it's not taken seriously. Yeah, because let's say it's just a clear palette, and you sit down and say, I need to talk to you about something. Not no great build up like a woman. Text you at 09:00 a.m. We got we get home. Oh my God, just take me now. [00:29:38] Speaker B: When are you going to be free? [00:29:39] Speaker A: Yeah, or text you at twelve. [00:29:41] Speaker C: We got to talk. [00:29:42] Speaker A: I need you to be on time for why such a build up? I don't need to build up. Just surprise me. Okay. So if a man just brought that issue to a table, and I think men have to be careful how they table their emotions and feelings for women to take it seriously. But during the course of an argument, a woman can use it, and we kind of rationalize it. But when you use it against a woman when you're upset or she's upset, it falls on deaf ears. [00:30:12] Speaker C: Now listen, you all have your own form of emotional manipulation as well. [00:30:17] Speaker A: Sure. [00:30:18] Speaker C: You say share or sure. [00:30:19] Speaker A: Share. [00:30:20] Speaker B: Oh, you said share. [00:30:22] Speaker A: Please share. [00:30:23] Speaker C: Back up and we'll be able to understand what you're saying. [00:30:28] Speaker A: I think it's just you all on the same side of the room, whatever. [00:30:36] Speaker C: Because you'll present whatever your points are in an argument or in a discussion. And it's a woe is me. Well, I didn't know I was the most terrible human being out here. I thought I was at least trying to do X, Y and Z. And you not recognizing when I did this over here and that over here. And now you pinpointing this. You all will bring in all the things that you have done or start cutting yourself down in the face of instead of just being in the moment, recognizing what the issue is and not connecting it to anything else. Kind of what you all want. [00:31:16] Speaker B: But I think that in my experience, that I might have done that a couple of times, but on the other side, I think that if we're having the conversation about your feelings, then no, it's not right for me to incorporate anything, whatever, as far as what you're feeling or going through at the time. And so if we've gotten through that point, we've made it through that forest and we're out in the sunshine, that. [00:31:48] Speaker A: Means you're still in the forest. Because that's what we think. Because we think it's over. It's really not over, it's behind us. That's what I was thinking. [00:31:58] Speaker B: And so I go and so now I'm coming with my issue and it's, hey, I had an issue with this, this and this. What do you remember in 84? [00:32:10] Speaker C: You ain't never got a memory. Give you no year where you did. [00:32:14] Speaker B: And it's almost like you said, it's an invalidation. It's like, okay, well, to not discuss this, I'm going to bring up the litany of things that you've done. And I've encountered that more times than the latter with dealing with women. [00:32:36] Speaker C: It's interesting because I've been really trying to do a lot with both understanding and doing. Better with communication because ultimately, I think we as human beings, we just fall short when it comes to effective communication, whether that be to say what you mean and mean what you say or coming with whatever you need to come with in order for the person to be able to receive it. There's misfires at all points in turn, which ultimately lead to whatever these buildups are that CEO has coined it. And if we just addressed it in the moment instead of it having to be a presentation that you have created in your head and then said, all right, so I'm going to talk to her or I'm going to talk to him today. And these are going to be my talking points. And I'm going to make sure I bring up that they might say this. So I might need to bring it back and make sure I say this. And here's my evidence and all the things it is that we do in order to prepare for these conversations when it happens, say something. [00:33:45] Speaker A: Well, I think this is where men come in with duplicating, what their woman does with them. And you're trying to present it the way she presented to you, and she's laughing at you like you're an idiot. This is the same presentation you gave to me two weeks ago. I use the same PowerPoint. [00:34:07] Speaker C: It's all about the audience, though. [00:34:10] Speaker A: Okay. [00:34:12] Speaker C: The reason why she probably had the five point or the five deck slide because she's building five slide deck is because that's the way that you are going to be able to take that information and understand it. [00:34:23] Speaker A: Yeah, but we think we can present it the same way and they just like, this is stupid. [00:34:29] Speaker C: It ain't going to happen that way. [00:34:30] Speaker A: First slide, this is dumb. [00:34:31] Speaker B: What is it? [00:34:32] Speaker C: Yeah, that's not how I'm taking that. Because now it feels like you're attacking me. [00:34:36] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:34:37] Speaker C: Also feels like you've just been creating a list of things and just been sitting on it and not saying anything. So now I'm over. [00:34:45] Speaker A: Same case you was building. [00:34:48] Speaker B: So what's the difference? [00:34:51] Speaker C: What? I just need your own style. [00:34:53] Speaker B: You need your own style. [00:34:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:54] Speaker C: And what I said was instead of building things, having a build up, say something in the moment that it's happening. [00:35:01] Speaker A: Women usually don't do that. [00:35:02] Speaker C: No, we don't know neither party. [00:35:05] Speaker A: Oh, I does that. I do. I have a woman who can attest to that. We ain't letting that slack new right now. No, we need to come out of the store. Come here, we need to talk. [00:35:16] Speaker C: Oh, you ain't about to treat me like a kid. [00:35:18] Speaker A: We going to talk and we're going to get this thing straight before we go back here because we're not doing that. Because I refuse to walk around upset and think about what you may be thinking. Hey, this is what I have a problem with. Sometimes I don't know why I have a problem, but I do have a problem with this. It doesn't mean you did something wrong, but for some reason, this statement made me feel this way, and all I'm asking you to do is recognize my feel. You don't have to change anything, but recognize this right here did something to me that I don't like. So could you just be a little more careful? Yeah, be a little careful with me. Maybe not say that. And I don't know why it triggered me. Maybe some of my childhood I haven't figured out a trauma. But you about to have a problem. [00:36:05] Speaker C: And I can appreciate that. [00:36:07] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:36:08] Speaker C: And would receive that. Like I said, you sitting me down and you going through. So I'm be like, well, how long have you been feeling this way and why you been set up beforehand? Because usually a lot of things have occurred to kind of get you to. [00:36:23] Speaker A: This absolutely tipping point. That's why you need to talk immediately. [00:36:26] Speaker C: Right where you are now, giving me the five slide dick. [00:36:31] Speaker A: Yeah. Because that's unfair to me. [00:36:34] Speaker C: Yeah. I want to say that I'm guilty of not addressing it in the moment and even just letting stuff slide. [00:36:43] Speaker A: You look more like a ten slide deck, maybe 15. [00:36:48] Speaker C: No, I'm not a slide deck at all. You won't know. I'll just be out here operating. [00:36:56] Speaker A: You think you don't know? He know. [00:36:59] Speaker C: You're right. Yeah, you're right. [00:37:00] Speaker A: Because I could tell my lady pitches the phone. I'd be like, well, what happened? [00:37:06] Speaker C: Because I can do a strong silent treatment, so, you'll know. [00:37:09] Speaker A: Okay. [00:37:10] Speaker C: But I'm not about to present you with no slide dead. [00:37:12] Speaker A: Okay. I don't think that's fair to do that either. Party. [00:37:15] Speaker C: Oh, no. I don't think the silent treatment thing is fair. [00:37:17] Speaker A: Oh, you're not going to have no silent treatment with me. [00:37:19] Speaker C: Okay. [00:37:20] Speaker A: And if you want a break, you about to get a whole lot of time, tell you that. I tell you what I can do. I can take my ball and go home. I know how to do that. I'll get out of here. You ain't going to treat me any kind of way. I will leave. I will quit. I don't have no problem quitting. Like, I'm out. Especially my little feelings get hurt. Like, okay, you think I'd be little because they little. You treat them like they little. And I'm not going to be treated this way. And I will leave. I will go where I'm appreciated. [00:37:48] Speaker B: I'm out of here. [00:37:49] Speaker A: Yeah. I go to my granny house. I don't have to listen to you. My family don't even like you. Nobody likes you. Wow. Yeah. Don't make me get ugly. Let me leave. Cool off. Leave me alone. [00:38:06] Speaker C: It'll just escalate. [00:38:07] Speaker A: Yeah. If you want to poke the bear, like, okay, it's going up. Okay. More fire. [00:38:13] Speaker B: More fire. [00:38:18] Speaker C: But I am working on trying to say what I feel in the moment, even if I'm not ready to talk about it, really, to just at least name it like you've made me feel whatever way it is that you've made me feel, I still need to process. So give me a second. Okay, but I do want us to talk about this, but you don't get. [00:38:38] Speaker A: To treat me differently while you're processing it. [00:38:41] Speaker C: And you don't get to not give me the space to process it. [00:38:45] Speaker A: That's right. But you just did what you said you didn't want to do because I presented something to you. [00:38:51] Speaker C: Presented something, presented it right back. We're negotiating terms. [00:38:55] Speaker A: Yes, but I do think you don't have the right to act differently. [00:39:01] Speaker C: And when you say act differently, what? So if I usually cook and clean, I still need to cook and clean? [00:39:06] Speaker A: I was thinking a little more domestic. It's Monday night, you know, we do Monday night. Hey, I'm sorry that happened yesterday, but it's Monday. It's Monday. [00:39:16] Speaker C: But I mean, maybe that's the space that's needed to process through. [00:39:21] Speaker A: Well, after we get finished, you could clear out. You could do whatever you need to do. [00:39:25] Speaker C: You know what? [00:39:25] Speaker A: But men don't get an opportunity to take away things from women. Like women from men. No, I would never stop being a gentleman, no matter how mad I am. [00:39:37] Speaker C: You. [00:39:37] Speaker A: That's what I said. [00:39:39] Speaker B: I'm out, son. I have been told I'm an ahole. Not me when I'm in a space. [00:39:46] Speaker C: You all could be a petty as well. [00:39:48] Speaker A: No, if we're doing a thing and I'm supposed to take I'm not going to not take out the trash because. [00:39:53] Speaker C: I'm don't say we say you. [00:39:57] Speaker A: I thought I said who I said we for. [00:39:58] Speaker C: No, you didn't say you was talking about men in general. You was like, if we have the thing to do and you use the. [00:40:04] Speaker B: Example of taking no, I'm still going to do it. It's just certain things. [00:40:08] Speaker A: Oh, I'm not. I'm going to do everything I'm supposed to do because I know what that does to you. [00:40:12] Speaker B: Certain interactions. [00:40:13] Speaker A: Certain interactions. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to still do everything I'm supposed to do unless we breaking up. Because if this ain't no breakup, I'm going to do what I'm supposed to do. [00:40:26] Speaker C: Can you say every interaction winner? [00:40:28] Speaker B: No, it's just like everything when I'm in a headspace where I feel like there is no resolution or anything and it's just chill. [00:40:40] Speaker A: I just want to ask you a question to follow up to that. [00:40:45] Speaker B: I get quiet. Whatever I'm supposed to do or do this or do that, I'm just real quiet and I don't the energy shifts. I don't engage in extra conversation. I don't engage in extra just, hey, how's your let's go do this. I'll have the conversation if you text me or whatever. If you call me, I have conversation with you. But it's just the enthusiasm behind all of that. [00:41:13] Speaker A: You know what that's called, right? What starts with the g ends with a Y. [00:41:21] Speaker B: He can't say it. [00:41:21] Speaker A: That's why he that's what that is. Whatever. What's your follow up question? Yeah, that's what it is. That's what you're doing. [00:41:33] Speaker B: Okay, whatever. [00:41:35] Speaker A: My follow up question was going to be, why do you think taking something away from this is going to make it better? [00:41:46] Speaker B: I'm not saying I'm taking nothing away. [00:41:48] Speaker A: You are. [00:41:48] Speaker B: I'm still doing what I'm supposed to. [00:41:50] Speaker A: You're not. But if you're being short with me, then you're taking away from our moment to have a genuine conversation. If you're short arming me or short answering me, that takes away now you're stealing my time. I'd rather you say you don't. Just I don't want to talk, and I'm cool with that. But don't sit here and pretend with me, because it's not so much you're pretending with me. You learn how to pretend, and then you keep pretending and you keep repeating it, but then it becomes a cycle. [00:42:19] Speaker B: Here's my thing. If I've said I don't want to talk no. [00:42:21] Speaker A: Then you should hang up the phone. [00:42:23] Speaker B: Okay, so then just don't say nothing. [00:42:24] Speaker A: Listen, if I'm done talking, I'm done talking. As simple as that. I do not want to talk to you now. That doesn't mean I don't love you, care about you, cherish you, but right now I will call you back when I need to talk. No phone calls will be answered before I decide it's time to talk. [00:42:43] Speaker C: Okay, so what's the difference between that and what I said and whatever? Duties are supposed to happen on Monday night? So even though you ain't answering the. [00:42:55] Speaker A: Phone calls, if I'm supposed to go take your car to get fixed or pay something, I'm still going to pay. [00:43:04] Speaker C: It. [00:43:07] Speaker A: If I resent it. You would never know. I'm going to do exactly what I said I'm going to do. Because men, your masculinity is defined by your word, by your actions. And when women see you being a little sassy, it knocks you down in points. Now, they keeping a scale. Don't never think they're not keeping score. Oh, that boy had a 69 right now, 42. Yeah, when you being sassy with your lady, she keeping track. So you're really not going to put the toes big boy. Okay? That's what we doing now. And that tit for tat only causes more drama. [00:43:52] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, it does. I don't know. I hear you when you're saying the domestic duties in all of their shapes. [00:44:02] Speaker A: And form, if that's what it is for both parties, should because he might have to still deliver. You know what I'm saying? He don't want to do it. He's like, I'm not in a good space, but that man going to step up. Rossi cage and deliver. [00:44:15] Speaker C: But I think that's the thing. It's different for women because our emotions are so tied to the domestic duties. [00:44:24] Speaker A: Well, fake it at night. No. [00:44:29] Speaker C: Depending on the level of upsettedness I just made up a word? Yes. No worries. It ain't no faking it. I really don't want you to do nothing. [00:44:40] Speaker A: Well, you got to give me Tuesday then, because I negotiate for another day. 24 hours. Furlough. Got to move time over something because you write me a promissory notice. I got you. Okay, you got me. [00:44:54] Speaker B: I got you. Tomorrow. [00:44:55] Speaker A: I got the paper right here. [00:44:57] Speaker C: I can get down with that. [00:44:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:44:58] Speaker C: Don't cut out. Once a resolution has occurred, then there's some making up. [00:45:05] Speaker A: Okay. Because if you make that gesture and guys feel free to take this, if you hit her with, like, I understand what's going on, and you put her. [00:45:13] Speaker C: A promissory note, you might skate your way to a resolution. [00:45:19] Speaker A: It was crazy. [00:45:20] Speaker B: What are you doing? [00:45:22] Speaker A: So you got to break ice somehow. You got to get in the game. [00:45:25] Speaker C: But, I mean, that's the thing. But you're recognizing honoring my feelings and then giving me the space to have those feelings without crowding or making me feel like I'm beholden to this particular thing or that something will be taken away to your point, your feelings, your emotions, your love, your whatever will be taken away, because I don't don't punish me. X, Y, and Z. [00:45:45] Speaker B: But do you think people want to get to the resolution quickly just to have things better. [00:45:51] Speaker C: Or Monday night? [00:45:54] Speaker B: To get to Monday night, whatever night I mean, or whatever it is, is their Monday night. It could be the domestic duties. It could be just great conversation. Do you think that people try to expedite the process to get to that point? [00:46:09] Speaker C: I mean, I think there's levels to it, right? A conflict doesn't necessarily have to be resolved in a night for me to get to a place where I'm in a better place to coexist with you. The conversation might have to be ongoing, but we're at a place of understanding, and now I still want to be around you, and I still want to engage with you, and I still want to do whatever it is that we originally had going on. [00:46:36] Speaker A: If we supposed to watch that show, we're going to watch that show. You not going to sit here. [00:46:43] Speaker C: Enjoy this great cinema. But, yeah, I think there's levels to it, and I think allowing people to just be human in whatever way that that makes sense for them. No disrespect. Not saying people need to be disrespectful and things of that sort, but in whatever way makes the most sense for them. Giving them that room, respecting that room and then being there and being open enough to say because I think one of the things we want to in the name of vulnerability or even just giving an example in past relationships, what was threatened was your love for me. Like, whenever I'm upset or whenever I say no or I don't want to engage in a certain way, it's, oh, okay, bet, you know there's somebody else out here that can do exactly what it is that you're doing. [00:47:33] Speaker A: You mean your inside your head voice come out? No, you don't say that out loud. [00:47:45] Speaker C: It's like, okay, so I have to do or be this certain thing for you or your love and your loyalty is taken away from me now. I don't feel safe, okay? And so as a woman, the moment that I start not feeling safe with you, then the want, the desire to have whatever the conversation is to resolve things, it lessens more and more and more and more and more until it's like, I just don't say nothing at all. [00:48:14] Speaker A: Male or female choices. Which one does that more? You think just your opinion. [00:48:20] Speaker C: What the safety? [00:48:21] Speaker A: Who takes away and makes it unsafe? Let me ponder. [00:48:30] Speaker C: You don't know the answer either, or you have a theory, the CL theory. [00:48:34] Speaker A: I know the answer. [00:48:36] Speaker C: It starts with A-W-I think that we do it more with petty stuff. You all do it more with the big stuff. When you all do it, you all come with the guns blazing. [00:48:50] Speaker A: Okay, you slipped out of that one. But that was good because I wasn't. [00:48:56] Speaker C: So we'll like, oh, I ain't cooking tonight to piss you off. Or I know that you have to have this certain thing tomorrow, and it's in the dirty clothes show. I don't watch your clothes, or I don't iron, whatever this thing is. But you all will come out with your inner thoughts like you just said, I don't have to take this. I don't have to be here for this. [00:49:20] Speaker A: Listen, gentlemen, don't do that. Just tell your homeboy, don't do that. Just go lie to your friends like everybody else. Not say that to your lady because you do not want on the other side of that. That's a tough one. [00:49:38] Speaker C: I think that's where it is for the most part. [00:49:40] Speaker B: I guess we kind of talked about it. [00:49:46] Speaker A: We never got to what we supposed to get to, but we got to where we needed to go. Let the Lord lead us. Yeah, the Lord has led us here. [00:49:58] Speaker B: We're about 50 minutes right now. [00:50:01] Speaker A: Okay. We didn't even get to where were. [00:50:05] Speaker C: We supposed to get to? [00:50:06] Speaker B: Conflict resolution. [00:50:08] Speaker C: We talked about that. [00:50:09] Speaker A: We talked about variations of it. Variations we just follow into talking points. [00:50:15] Speaker B: About navigating conflict. [00:50:17] Speaker C: Supposed to be sir had the talking points laid out. I didn't have my phone open. [00:50:21] Speaker B: Yeah, listen, I've been doing better with my pre production. [00:50:24] Speaker A: Yes, but maybe we'd use that for. [00:50:26] Speaker C: Another episode or another part of it, because first off, you had, like, all the parts of conflict resolution, all parts needed. [00:50:33] Speaker B: It was about navigating conflict. [00:50:37] Speaker C: I appreciate it, because I don't think that that's recognized either, that there's levels to it. There's parts to it. It's not, oh, I get upset with you, and then, bam, let's have a conversation. La la. [00:50:49] Speaker A: Sometimes with men, it is sometimes because we don't really know. [00:50:54] Speaker C: You don't know what? [00:50:57] Speaker A: I don't even know. Something wrong sometimes. And she's like, I'm mad with you. When was you mad? I was mad with you Tuesday. With me? [00:51:04] Speaker C: You sure? I didn't even know. What did you do? [00:51:10] Speaker A: Okay. Do you want me to read this? No, don't read it. We get a good place. I don't know. [00:51:17] Speaker C: But I think to your point, there are sometimes where people when you're in relationship, there are some instances where you need to resolve that within yourself. It's not even something to bring to your partner. [00:51:27] Speaker A: Okay, I agree. [00:51:28] Speaker C: And recognizing the difference though. [00:51:32] Speaker B: But don't you think that if it's something your partner did, but you still needed to find resolve within you, isn't still something that you should have a conversation because even though you found the resolve within yourself, you should at least have a conversation about what it was? [00:51:48] Speaker A: Maybe. Yeah. [00:51:51] Speaker B: Because something they did triggered whatever the. [00:51:54] Speaker A: Feeling was, but it could not been intentional. [00:51:56] Speaker B: Even if it wasn't intentional. [00:51:57] Speaker C: And maybe I'm just trying to stamp down my crazy. I'm trying to keep my crazy away from you a little bit. I'm protecting you because it could be. [00:52:04] Speaker B: Like I get it, I get it. But what I'm saying is it's like if I do something that triggers you and you're trying to find resolution within you, and you have done so after you found a resolution and you go, hey, something happened the other day, I kind of dealt with it on my own. But when you did this, I felt this. And it's not your fault. Just kind of letting you know and you have a conversation about it. Like just a conversation about it so that he's aware. [00:52:32] Speaker A: Is this your homeboy? Your lady? [00:52:34] Speaker B: No, my homeboy. [00:52:38] Speaker A: You do that with your homeboy. Don't do that with your lady. Just let her ride. [00:52:40] Speaker C: I think that it depends on the situation and it depends on what's going on. Sometimes you're just in a good space, and I don't want to go back. [00:52:48] Speaker B: To that until the next time he does it. No, because you feel like so you're saying if you find a resolution yes. [00:52:57] Speaker C: If you didn't do anything wrong, but something that you did triggered something in me that's about me. [00:53:02] Speaker A: It is about you. You have to take a little responsibility. [00:53:05] Speaker B: Right. [00:53:06] Speaker C: And so it's not about you. And so even if you do it again, you didn't do anything wrong. So you should have the right to do whatever that was again. [00:53:14] Speaker A: You never know what's triggering people because somebody just simply eating your food could trigger yes. You just don't respect me as a man. [00:53:23] Speaker C: Why are you over there smashing? [00:53:28] Speaker A: I had plans for that. I want to sit down and watch my show and eat this banana pudding. I went and got some milk. [00:53:37] Speaker C: This sounds personal. [00:53:40] Speaker A: Yeah. I was locked in. I was like, Bam. But no, it's gone. It's gone. You have the audacity to ask not no, that's the worst part. You left it on the counter. So you throwing this in my face. You want me to throw with the trash of my food I ate and I bought you one. When I bought mine, I just waited. So you know what this bigger than? [00:54:11] Speaker B: Bigger than Nino brother. [00:54:12] Speaker A: Yeah, it's me. [00:54:16] Speaker C: It's just me because it ain't it's not that deep. I can just go buy me another one. [00:54:20] Speaker A: But I really like, I'm going to take a shower because I'm not respected around you. I don't have to take this for you. [00:54:29] Speaker C: But that's the thing. Like the stories we tell ourselves, absolutely. You can build that moment up so big and make it so small and insignificant, seemingly, and make it to be something. And I think in those instances, yes, you probably do need to have a conversation with your significant other, because you probably need at that point, some reassurance of like, this happened. No father your own. But let me tell you what I was telling myself as a result of that happening. [00:54:54] Speaker B: And then I think sometimes we live. [00:54:57] Speaker C: In two different two different worlds. [00:54:59] Speaker A: Two different worlds. I do personally know. I do. I don't even know what this is. [00:55:12] Speaker B: The account of this dinner conversation. [00:55:14] Speaker A: Yeah. I didn't was I at that conversation? I didn't know. Was I there? Yeah, but let me tell you about this banana pudding two weeks ago. How about that? You just don't know sometimes with people, you just literally don't know. You're like, we're just human, and you're. [00:55:30] Speaker C: Just sitting in people's presence and they're feeling so many things. No idea. That's what's happening behind the scenes. [00:55:41] Speaker A: Now, we're going to date ourselves here. This is just for me and you, Selves. You may or may not remember this, okay? Vanessa and Dabness. [00:55:51] Speaker B: Vanessa and Dabness. [00:55:52] Speaker A: Yeah. On The Cosby Show. [00:55:54] Speaker B: And what was it? [00:55:54] Speaker A: The ice cream. [00:55:55] Speaker B: The ice cream. [00:55:58] Speaker C: Okay, good. [00:55:58] Speaker A: I'm glad you and that just shows the like, no, you didn't want any. You don't want me. You've had enough. You had enough of me. And Dennis was like, I just said, no, thank you. That's all I said. I didn't even know, so I had. [00:56:18] Speaker B: To come all the way here. [00:56:20] Speaker A: I followed the emotional didn't I didn't know that's so real. And I didn't get it till I was an adult. I thought it was funny, right? [00:56:32] Speaker B: As an adult, you rewatch those episodes. [00:56:34] Speaker A: You're going, I've not been on both sides of that. Causing it and doing it. [00:56:41] Speaker C: Are you crazy? What's an example of a man doing? I can think of an example of I'm a woman. I can think of an example of a woman doing that. What's an example of a story that something happens in a story that you build in your head. [00:56:51] Speaker A: In your head for y'all help me hear Yusuf. Let's see. Because I've got thousand women because only men I don't know. Well, men probably get maybe she says someone's attractive who is not like your bill, like TV. And I had that happen before. And I said let me tell you something. Let me let you understand something. You need to talk to your girlfriend. I'm not your girlfriend. I'm not your girlfriend. I'm not your home girl. [00:57:34] Speaker C: I want to be a fly on the wall. [00:57:36] Speaker A: Let me tell you. You're disrespectful and don't tell me that no more. I want nothing about no man. He got a nice shirt. What? Kill him. I will go to Hollywood if I would man. Kill him. Don't do that to me. And you build up in your mind so this what you watch your show for every week? Every week I'm in here looking at you, looking at your man. I watch you cheat on me. Yeah, that was a good one. [00:58:10] Speaker C: Do you have one? This is entertaining episode ever. [00:58:13] Speaker B: I can't top that. [00:58:15] Speaker A: You don't want that. Like who? [00:58:17] Speaker B: I can't top that. [00:58:17] Speaker A: Who are you talking to? Never tell somebody look good. I'm not your friend. [00:58:24] Speaker C: I think one that I've experienced from the man perspective is if they have said that they would do something. Whether it be oh, yeah, hammer something. [00:58:38] Speaker A: I come in the house and you move it ted up, son. I go take the screws out the back of that thing sort of fall apart. Are you playing with I will sabotage that. I hope it fall on your head. You put them books on that shelf. [00:59:00] Speaker C: So you're not just taking it apart. [00:59:02] Speaker A: Oh, no. I'm going to make sure you fail. I just can't get it right. I know you can't because I got all the screws in my bag. It just keep falling down. That's a good one. I don't play no games like that. If I tell you I'm going to do something, you better not touch it. I got my dad to fix it. I'm in. You and your daddy and your father. I'm telling you. [00:59:36] Speaker B: Hey, man, listen. [00:59:39] Speaker A: Yeah. That is the true right. Yeah. [00:59:44] Speaker C: I would I can appreciate you, CL, because it seems like you harp on the small things way more than the big. [00:59:52] Speaker A: Because we don't want to get to the big things. Like what are we doing here? You want to be a lesbian? You want me to be gay? You're trying to be the man and I'm the man. We can't no, we don't do that. We will not do that. Not in this house. We serve Christ in this house. This is the Lord's house. What are you doing? Don't do that. I would be mad about that. [01:00:23] Speaker C: I can tell. [01:00:24] Speaker A: Yeah, I would be unsettled. [01:00:26] Speaker C: You all were not clear on that. [01:00:27] Speaker A: During this ten minute rant. I'd be looking at her different boy. [01:00:34] Speaker C: You don't see me as a man. [01:00:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:00:35] Speaker C: Who you think I am? [01:00:36] Speaker B: But CL said that on previous episode. Said it on a previous episode. He's like, because of, I guess, how handy is and all of that stuff. That is his space. That's like the equivalent of cheating. [01:00:54] Speaker A: Yeah. It'd be like, I was mad with you last Thursday. Listen, I didn't do the right thing. I took all the screws out. It's not right what I did. It's not right what I did, but it's wrong what you did. You made me react. Next thing I know, you don't need me for nothing. [01:01:15] Speaker C: So it's all based out of need. If we feel like it is a thing that we're needed for in the. [01:01:20] Speaker A: Relationship, we are needed to be needed, too. Right? [01:01:26] Speaker C: Because I'm going to tell you, if I do have a certain domain or a certain thing that I do for you, and you go and do the thing. Oh, I'm breaking all of it. I'm about to ruin your whole experience. [01:01:36] Speaker A: Yeah, that's like I ate at my mama's. What? I was waiting on you. No, macaroni gonna dry a little water. That ain't it. You better eat again. All right. [01:01:56] Speaker C: Especially don't let no other female do it, whether it's your mama or whomever else. [01:02:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:02:02] Speaker C: Because it's going to be a problem. [01:02:03] Speaker A: You better be careful. Somebody bring you some quiche to work you. Come on. Taking it out. [01:02:12] Speaker C: Well, that cooking, ain't. That ain't I can care less if. [01:02:15] Speaker A: Cooking is her thing, then that one ain't. Oh, you eating quiche now. [01:02:22] Speaker C: Now, if I suggested that you eat something oh, wow. And you told me no, but another. [01:02:30] Speaker A: Female like Sheila at your job suggested. [01:02:33] Speaker C: That you do it and you did it. [01:02:36] Speaker A: Yeah. Wow. That would be problematic. [01:02:39] Speaker C: We're about to have some issues. [01:02:41] Speaker A: Wow. That's how we avoid issues. [01:02:44] Speaker C: Yeah, we're going to have some issues. [01:02:45] Speaker B: Oh, man. So I already know the answer to this question, but you're going to ask. [01:02:55] Speaker C: Again, even though you know the answer. [01:02:57] Speaker B: How could the people find you. [01:03:01] Speaker C: If you can find me on social media? [01:03:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:03:05] Speaker C: If you can find her, do it. [01:03:07] Speaker B: Do it. [01:03:07] Speaker C: I ain't going to guarantee you nothing is. I'm not going to guarantee anything is going to happen as a result. [01:03:11] Speaker A: She dares you. [01:03:13] Speaker C: Because you probably just going to sit in whatever the inbox is called that friend requested in. But shoot your shot. Not the literal, not the romantic shot. [01:03:25] Speaker B: Okay, see? [01:03:26] Speaker A: Yes. [01:03:27] Speaker B: How can they find you, man, if you're going to give it away? [01:03:32] Speaker C: Well, letting people find you I want. [01:03:35] Speaker A: Them to find the show, okay? I'm just a part of the show. [01:03:38] Speaker C: Part of and they're intrigued. [01:03:40] Speaker A: Yeah, but not on a personal level. I don't want no contact. Go through the show relationship status, relstate. [01:03:53] Speaker B: Podcast, podcast, social media platform. [01:03:55] Speaker A: That's why I be you say that. [01:03:57] Speaker C: Way more clear than you say it every time you spell the R-E-L-I think you're saying reel. [01:04:03] Speaker A: Oh, R-E-L. You just did it. Even better. [01:04:10] Speaker B: Okay. Relstat podcast. [01:04:15] Speaker A: Yes. [01:04:16] Speaker C: I'm just saying I'm trying to help you, to help your followers and listeners to find you. [01:04:19] Speaker A: Okay? Because you want to be found. You found that all the places well. [01:04:23] Speaker C: You'Re in the building. [01:04:25] Speaker A: He got three different names. [01:04:27] Speaker B: He can tell you better than anybody else. [01:04:28] Speaker A: Okay. [01:04:29] Speaker C: Thank you for listening to another episode of Relationship Status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com. Itunes, Google Podcasts. iHeartRadio spotify Pandora, amazon Music, nobody grinds like us. And anywhere you listen to your favorite podcast if you would like to join the conversation or leave us a Dear Neek, email us at Re lstat [email protected] or call us at 843-310-8637. Follow us on Facebook at relationshipstaddespodcast on Instagram and Twitter at re lstat podcast asked and don't forget to comment. Share five star rate. Subscribe and review.