Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: A lot of spaces.
We do end up looking at people and going, yo, this person is this. Which makes them a good person. And I know they can get to be where I need them to be, but all we end up doing is wasting time on a situation where we don't need to waste time.
[00:00:19] Speaker B: Exactly. You can't put. You can't put that. You can't put potential in people.
[00:00:23] Speaker A: You can't.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: They gotta come. Potential.
[00:00:27] Speaker A: They got potential.
Welcome back to Relationship Status. Your boy Yousef in the building. And I am here with a familiar face, I must say.
Let me say this.
I have not kept up on Facebook as I should with what her name is this week, but I believe it's something that it has been before.
So I am going to leave it. What are you this week?
[00:01:00] Speaker B: I'm Georgia Miller.
[00:01:01] Speaker A: Georgia Miller.
[00:01:02] Speaker B: I am Georgia Miller.
[00:01:03] Speaker A: There we go. Georgia Miller is back. Thank you. Once again, Georgia Miller is the bomb diggity when she shows up.
When she's here, she shows up. Bomb diggity. Now, I had to go get Georgia for a couple of reasons. One, V's out. So shouts out to the show sponsor. You know, every episode is sponsored by Eat My Biscuits, I love of East Point Atlanta, Georgia. Go there. I'm telling you, you will. It's a. It's a non miss.
Biscuits is popping. Wings is popping.
Yeah, yeah. Listen, if you go East Point, East Point, Georgia, East Point Atlanta, make sure that you go check out V. Tell V you there to support the show. And she got free bellinis. Oh, I think that's what she said. It's bellinis is what she's giving for free.
[00:01:45] Speaker B: I move her in.
[00:01:46] Speaker A: Yeah. No, she, the food and the drinks be popping like, you know, the catfish. She got like a catfish smothered biscuit.
I don't even know what she call it. That should be bomb as hell. But anyway, shouts out to UV Thanks.
Definitely. If you're in the A, check out Eat My Biscuits.
Once again, East Point Atlanta. Make sure you catch your soul on dirty basement radio live every Monday and Tuesday at 12 noon. Make sure you join the Patreon. Ain't nothing but good stuff in the Patreon. Patreon.com relationship status. We got the book club going on in there right now. We're waiting for it and matter of fact, I'm going to do it on this episode. We're going to do a rundown of the first half of the book, Prospects of Fame. We're going to do it towards the end of the episode. Written by I'm going to have to edit this because I've been reading it.
Michael Grant Michaels, written by Grant. Prospects of Fame, written by Grant Michaels. We're rocking it out. I'm up to chapter 8 of 15, and let me tell you something, this book got it all. It's the first book in the series, so we're going to cover this book and then in a couple of weeks, we're going to cover book number two.
But Grant Michaels, if you haven't caught it, go ahead and check it out. I'm going to do a rundown of what we had so far towards the end of the episode and then the. The questions will be posted on our Patreon page. If you're part of the book club, go ahead and, and tap in.
Also remember, you catch on all podcast platforms R e L S T podcast on all social media platforms. And if you want to join the conversation, R e L S t a t podcastmail.com I know that's a lot to say in a short period of time before Georgia even got anything to say, but welcome back, sweetheart. We are happy to have you back. It's always a pleasure.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: Thank you for having me. Always happy to be back. Always, always a good time.
[00:03:41] Speaker A: It's, it's nothing but good times. All right, as you can see, we're in a new space.
[00:03:45] Speaker B: Cutie, patootie.
[00:03:46] Speaker A: Yeah. Hey, hey. It's a little bit bigger, but as we work, you going to see the work. You going to see. Hey, man, listen, Crux Media, we doing.
[00:03:53] Speaker B: Vision always comes from the vision.
[00:03:54] Speaker A: The vision. The vision is there, but we got to make the work match the vision. So it don't mean nothing if the work doesn't match the vision. One of the major reasons I got George on and she's usually here for comic relief and her, I would say, non traditional takes on relationships, but she had a take on the state of affairs when it comes to the government. What we have going on right now as it comes to the welfare system and for those who did not catch her, who do not follow her, and had she did a rundown of, of welfare history in the United States. And can you, if you don't mind running that down a little bit.
[00:04:38] Speaker B: So welfare was not intended for who you thought it was.
It was not intended for black families. It was intended for single white women, white women with children, and white women who have been abandoned by their husbands.
So even when black women would apply, they were denied. They were flat out denied. And if they were approved, they had to go through all this red tape.
And they will get some smaller checks. They would have these inspections. And of course, back then, black families, you know, they didn't have nice houses, they didn't have money.
[00:05:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:14] Speaker B: And so they would fail these inspections and their benefits got cut off.
Right. And so benefits get cut off. Now they have to go work. And who they work for? The white families, of course. Of course. So they didn't want you in the benefits anyway, because how can you help white families if you're getting paid too much already?
[00:05:32] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think.
And I thought that that was important because we have a lot of black families, women and men. Because I'm not gonna say it's just women.
[00:05:42] Speaker B: Right.
[00:05:43] Speaker A: Women and men who claim to take advantage of the system, not understand that the system was set up for us to fail in the first place.
[00:05:52] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:05:53] Speaker A: And I'm not a conspiracy theorist at all, you know that we usually don't cover things like this on the episode, on the show. But with November 1, by the time this episode airs, November 1 would have come and gone and snap. Benefits are going away for the majority of our community.
And I do feel like. And I told somebody the other day, I was having a discussion with someone and. And I said, I'm kind of torn on the two on either side of this debate. And my reason being is on one side, I know people who need it.
[00:06:30] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:06:32] Speaker A: Who, no matter how much they bust their ass, they just can't get over that hump. And they need that extra benefit. They need those helps. They need those. That aid from the government. There was a time, I think, when my daughter was young, her mom needed the aid.
And people don't know this. A lot of people don't know this.
There's a lot of dudes on social media.
There's a lot of dudes on child support.
Because the mom applied for assistance and because the mom applied for assistance and put the dad's information down, the.
The DSS ruled them in. Not the moment, not the mom. It had nothing to do with the mother. The mother, nine times out of 10, didn't even know that that was going to get ruled in for child support.
[00:07:20] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:07:21] Speaker A: He just was like, oh, you need me to fill out this paperwork? I'll fill out the paperwork. And next thing you know, he's in court. He has to pay child support because South Carolina is a state in which they will not bastardize a child. And so if you are going, the only way that you can get benefits without putting the father down is if you say as a Woman, I don't know who the father is.
[00:07:39] Speaker B: Exactly.
And what woman is gonna say that.
[00:07:42] Speaker A: Is gonna say that to a stranger?
[00:07:45] Speaker B: And I hate to say it, but you know, what kind of stranger? You know what I mean?
You do, right? So it's like, why would I tell you that I don't know who my dad, my child's father is?
[00:07:53] Speaker A: I don't know who my child's father is because then that kind of feeds into all kinds of stereotypes that there are about black women. As it is.
[00:07:59] Speaker B: Exactly as it is. We're already welfare queens.
[00:08:03] Speaker A: So. And in my case, I did not notice going in, she, she, she said, hey, look, they told me to get the benefits. I need to go ahead and fill out this, this information. And at the time I'm in college, I know she needs to help. She's in college, she needs the financial help. You know what I'm saying? And I was like, oh, sure, no problem. Next thing you know, I'm in court and I'm mad at her. But I didn't understand the system at that time. So when you look at it at every turn, and I say this for those that voted, for the people that are in office now, and I'm not just talking about 47, because he's. Is he 47 or 48, whatever number he is. I'm not even talking about him per se, but just everybody. Because people believe, some people believe that you only vote on the nat on the national level when there's so many things that go on prior to that that affect you more than just voting there. Because these people are the people that actually go to Congress. They go to the state Senate and they fight for whatever it is that you believe in.
And instead of, instead of going to the local. Because we have local elections coming up.
[00:09:12] Speaker B: Yes, please go to your local elections. Go crash them. Go to your local elections and do.
[00:09:17] Speaker A: What you need to do.
[00:09:18] Speaker B: Do what you need to do. Because the right vote here gets you the right vote at the White House later on. Later on. It's a trickle down effect.
[00:09:25] Speaker A: And, and I, I don't think we do a good job of understanding that particular fact. And I'm not going to stand on the soapbox because I by no means am a person who can throw a rock in a glass house because I literally did not vote until not 45. But who came after old dude? The old guy?
[00:09:52] Speaker B: Which old guy?
[00:09:54] Speaker A: Before the president. Before, not Obama, it was Obama. Then it was Clinton. Not Clinton, it was Clinton, Bush.
No, we got to come forward before, before, before the guy that stepped down.
I feel so stupid.
[00:10:09] Speaker B: I can't. I don't know where we at.
[00:10:12] Speaker A: You don't know where we at? Okay. The president before the current one.
[00:10:15] Speaker B: Joe Biden.
[00:10:16] Speaker A: Joe Biden. That was the first time I voted ever in my life.
[00:10:19] Speaker B: Gotcha.
[00:10:19] Speaker A: And the only reason I did that was initially was because I was ignorant to anything prior to.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:10:28] Speaker A: And I was like, ah, this don't affect me. There's nothing whatever. Just that. And third. And then I experienced the Trump administration the first time, and I was like, okay, hold on.
Let me not do this again. Listen, Let me not go. Let me not do this again.
[00:10:46] Speaker B: You'd hate to be that single vote that got him.
That got him in the chair and.
[00:10:53] Speaker A: You in the house.
[00:10:54] Speaker B: Like, wait, like this?
[00:10:55] Speaker A: God damn it.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: Everybody calling like you were asleep.
[00:11:00] Speaker A: But. But here's the thing. If you didn't vote, you're not gonna go out there and say, I didn't vote.
[00:11:05] Speaker B: You gonna hold it?
[00:11:05] Speaker A: You gonna hold that? I voted. I don't know how he got in, but as I was listening to different shows, like, there's a podcast called the University.
And as I listened to them, and I think that Kamala was set up for failure because had Joe Biden bowed out earlier, she would have had more steam going into and more support going into her campaign. She literally was like, oh, shit, I'm running.
[00:11:36] Speaker B: They're like, you gonna pass me the mic? Oh, now I gotta shoot now the ball in my hand and now down, too.
[00:11:46] Speaker A: And it's in a couple weeks. Like, game over.
[00:11:48] Speaker B: Don't do it to me all already.
[00:11:51] Speaker A: When the black woman is at a disadvantage because they didn't want a black President Obama. And then now they definitely don't want a woman. They proved that with Hillary Clinton.
[00:11:59] Speaker B: Yes, yes, they didn't want a woman.
[00:12:02] Speaker A: And then the ignorant.
And I use the word.
I lose the word that I wanted to use, the ignorant was like, well, you know, Trump got me the money. Trump does not need him if you don't. How that working out for you now?
[00:12:16] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:12:17] Speaker A: How's that working out for you now?
[00:12:19] Speaker C: Inflation.
[00:12:22] Speaker A: Do you know what? It's like going to the grocery store?
[00:12:25] Speaker B: I was about to brawl away eggs, man.
[00:12:27] Speaker A: Let me tell you something. As a single parent, a nigga almost got married. Like, I was like, you want to get married? Do you want to get married?
[00:12:36] Speaker B: We can bust some eggs, baby.
[00:12:38] Speaker A: We. We can break. We can bust some eggs.
I want to move in. Like, people are literally moving in together.
[00:12:46] Speaker B: So they can pay bills for Resources, Yes.
[00:12:49] Speaker A: Like just to pay Bill. Don't move to Florence. Let me say that.
[00:12:52] Speaker B: Don't do it. Oh, please don't.
[00:12:54] Speaker A: So I still live in Hartsville.
[00:12:55] Speaker B: Listen, I'm. I'm rolling through Hartsville and Darlington. Like, man, y' all on to something. My eyes are open, baby. I'm looking.
[00:13:08] Speaker A: But I'm just saying, just stuff's about to go away and then to get it back, the. The list of rules and things that you have to go through just to get your SNAP benefits back. They said you have to do like 15 hours per week of. Is it 15 hours per week of volunteer service? And they have to approve what volunteer service you do, right?
[00:13:32] Speaker B: I got some volunteering. I do play.
I'm. You know what? I couldn't.
[00:13:37] Speaker A: Somebody I know said a friend, somebody they know gets $3,000 in SNAP benefits. They got eight kids, they get $3,000 a month in SNAP benefits.
They paid him 1500 for the SNAP benefits. This person that they pay for the SNAP benefits drives a bins. They were like, I just pay her car note. That's just. Basically what I'm doing is I'm paying her car note.
[00:14:02] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:14:02] Speaker A: And, and, and.
And I'm like, no more car.
[00:14:09] Speaker B: Your car gone cargo.
[00:14:13] Speaker A: I work part time at a hotel now.
I never knew how many people live in a hotel. I had no earthly. I answered the phone yesterday and as the Phoenix, your child such and such at this elementary school has been absent. I'm like this. The front desk.
[00:14:35] Speaker B: Hello, front desk. Did you know who you call, baby?
[00:14:38] Speaker A: Did you know where you. So it's a lot of people out there that are financially struggling who need this situ. Who need this.
But they. Some of them, to a certain degree, were the same people that voted these people, particularly in office or did not vote these people in office and did not vote at all, which caused us to be in a situation. So I just want to say for you, Georgia, it is always a pleasure following you and watching your.
The different content that you post because it's extremely informative and definitely if you miss the news, like, I did not know that particular history, but it definitely was eye opening to me and I literally sent it to my sister because she kind of is mulling the line between winning and losing. And I definitely sent it to her and I was just like, it's funny how a lot of people, a lot of us depend on a system that wasn't set up for us.
[00:15:34] Speaker B: It was never for us.
[00:15:35] Speaker A: It was to be to. To. To. To benefit.
[00:15:39] Speaker B: Benefit. This I can say this imagine. Can anybody even imagine a nation that was built on racism, especially racism to people of color. Right.
Doing anything to benefit them.
And so that's why the stigma baffles us, because they already don't like us. So why would anything they put in place before us, See, but that's, I.
[00:16:01] Speaker A: Don'T even say lack of education. I just think that is the arrogance of the ignorance that we have.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: And it's like they don't, you know, and now you can see they clearly don't like theirselves.
As long as you're in a certain class, that part.
Right.
[00:16:18] Speaker A: But, but you voted.
[00:16:19] Speaker B: You voted. And sometimes I really be saying, like, may have you, may you have the piece that you voted for, you know.
[00:16:26] Speaker A: And, and, and those people don't have the peace.
[00:16:29] Speaker B: And they don't have the peace because the people that voted for him are poor.
Poor.
[00:16:35] Speaker A: But they, they, they. What they didn't understand was this was a businessman that they were voting for.
[00:16:40] Speaker B: They were voting for a dirty one at that.
[00:16:43] Speaker A: And he's running the country as a business rather than a country.
[00:16:48] Speaker B: Country. And he bankrupt his last.
[00:16:49] Speaker A: I don't want to get cancelled. So I'm, I don't want to get.
[00:16:52] Speaker B: Canceled, but somebody bank went bankrupt multiple times.
[00:16:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:55] Speaker B: You know, and so he's going to bankrupt this country. The debt is going through the roof. Through the roof.
Yep, through the roof.
[00:17:02] Speaker A: And, and cancel my credit. The only people Premier Premier bank card called me yesterday.
[00:17:12] Speaker B: Cancel my credit.
[00:17:13] Speaker A: I told him, yeah, nah. Cause I ain't got it.
[00:17:16] Speaker B: I don't think I'm doing that.
[00:17:17] Speaker A: I bought eggs yesterday.
[00:17:18] Speaker B: Let me tell you.
[00:17:18] Speaker A: I ain't got it.
[00:17:19] Speaker B: I bought some beef today and I'm scared to eat it.
I was like, this might have hand foot and mouth.
Where are we at?
[00:17:35] Speaker A: But I think for the most part. Oh man, shut up.
[00:17:38] Speaker B: Cause you really.
[00:17:41] Speaker A: Because, well, you know, I, I'm really on a.
And I'm not political at all. I don't find myself to be in that space.
My daughter is extremely into that.
And so I, I called her because she goes to Howard University and she's kind of in the midst of a lot of, a lot of the things that's going on in D.C.
and so we talk, we talk a good bit. And she's, she's just livid over the things that were happening. I think this was the first election, this was this. I don't think this was the first election she was able to vote in.
And she was extremely distraught at the outcome.
[00:18:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I know.
[00:18:20] Speaker A: She Was because she is so, like, locked in politically. And so I just, you know, I don't know. I just think that brighter days are ahead. I think that. Please.
Local elections are coming up in the next week. I think it's next week.
[00:18:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:37] Speaker A: Please go ahead and do your due diligence, pay attention to who the people are, the candidates are, and. And make the right decision. Because at the end of the day, those people are the people who influence, like the president can't pass anything without Congress going, yeah, okay, cool. You know what I'm saying? The Senate going, okay, cool.
So let's. Let's put the people in the right places that they need to be. All right, so we're gonna have some reacts that went a little bit longer than I thought. We only got about 13, 20 minutes left. So we're gonna get into some reaction. We're gonna listen to, we're gonna do some videos, and then you're gonna get our honest reaction. So here's the first one.
[00:19:12] Speaker C: The right woman won't just give you peace, she will multiply you. Everyone says, find a woman who's quiet, who gives you peace. But let's be real. Peace is just the baseline. It won't make you great, a woman sitting quietly in the corner while you fight the world on your own, clueless about what you go through. That's not what men need. The right woman is more than just peace. She is multiplication. She makes you sharper. She challenges your excuses. She expands your vision. She's not just nodding along on your ideas. That's the difference between a woman that keeps you comfortable and a woman that makes you dangerous. The wrong woman drain you with drama, insecurity, distraction. The average woman, she keeps you stable, quite quiet, comfortable, predictable. But the right woman, she multiplies everything. She multiplies your focus, your ambition, your discipline, your results.
Being with her doesn't just feel good, she makes you better.
Men don't just rise by themselves. Behind every man that dominates, there is a woman that demanded more of him, who believed bigger when he doubted. So stop looking for someone that just won't disturb you. That is too small. Find the one that will multiply you.
[00:20:34] Speaker A: Don't start.
Cuz you looked at me like you was about to start.
Don't.
[00:20:40] Speaker B: I was about to start. My bad.
[00:20:41] Speaker A: Y' all go ahead. What you about to say?
[00:20:42] Speaker B: I was about to. I was about to start.
[00:20:43] Speaker A: What you about to say, girl?
[00:20:46] Speaker B: You said a whole bunch of nothing cuts.
[00:20:52] Speaker A: Why you say she said a whole bunch of nothing?
[00:20:54] Speaker B: Michael Jackson, Socks on. But Like, I mean, okay, she really. She really said that, like, peace is sitting there, like, doing nothing.
Like, who equates peace to sitting there doing nothing?
[00:21:06] Speaker A: Some men. Some men do equate peace to doing nothing. Like, if I come home. If I come home and I've had to fight the world and. Right, like, I just need you to shut the hell up. And I get like, don't, don't, don't. As soon as I walk through the door, start with this.
And sometimes it's warranted, but at least let me take a shower first, right? Let me wash the day off.
Let me do that first.
But what. But you go ahead. You go. Because you look like one of them people that, like, you, like, one of them people. Like, come on now.
[00:21:46] Speaker B: I'm saying, like. And that's just part of being a woman, okay? That ain't really, like, this piece. Because anybody can walk in the house and don't give you no BS when you walk in.
[00:21:54] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:21:55] Speaker B: You know what I mean? But I feel like, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't bother anybody like that. I feel like just being a woman. If you've got the soft, divine feminine temperament like we like to put out here now, right?
You're not even gonna bother. Hey. Hey, baby. How's your day? Tell me about your day.
Shower, do your thing, whatever you about to do. That's just natural, right? That's just natural.
[00:22:13] Speaker A: Not for everybody.
[00:22:14] Speaker B: Not for everybody. But I feel like it's natural for those who get to that. You know what I mean, though? Like, a woman who's really, like, grounded in her space. You know what I mean? But, like, just the. The thought of peace, of her just saying, like, she's sitting there doing nothing, just not along with her ideas. I don't think that would. That's what having a peaceful woman means. A peaceful woman just really is what she said. She's not bringing you the drama and the bs. She knows how to speak to you in a way, even if she wants you to do something that she's probably asked you to do a few times. Hey, baby, can you take the trash out for me instead of. I keep asking you to take the trash out.
[00:22:45] Speaker A: See, but what I. I'm going tell you what I learned today.
[00:22:47] Speaker B: You know what I mean?
[00:22:48] Speaker A: I learned. I learned this today more than any other day.
The right woman doesn't have to ask.
[00:22:56] Speaker B: She don't.
Because you. You gonna feel obligated. You're gonna feel obligated, for one.
[00:23:02] Speaker A: And.
[00:23:04] Speaker B: But in a sense, you do forget because you're Human.
She's gonna know how to give that to you, though, because it will be days.
But sometimes you get so inside yourself because you're human and you don't forget. And that's where peace comes in.
Okay, he forgot.
And she ain't gonna. You know what I mean? He forgot. But she knows you a solid dude already, so why she gonna bring it to you in a crazy way?
[00:23:31] Speaker A: Because she doesn't know how to control her emotions.
[00:23:35] Speaker B: But if she's really at peace, she does shit. If she's truly at peace. Yes, she would.
[00:23:41] Speaker A: Not if she's truly not truly at peace. Because one of the things she said in the video was a person that's riddled by insecurities. And this and the third, I did not cause your insecurities. Now, I may have added to them.
[00:23:52] Speaker B: You could add to them, but I.
[00:23:54] Speaker A: Did not cause them.
[00:23:55] Speaker B: But you didn't cause them.
[00:23:56] Speaker A: Insecurities is things that you come with. And I feel like sometimes our actions can cause them, even though we're not deliberately going, yo, this, that, and the third.
[00:24:06] Speaker B: Right.
[00:24:06] Speaker A: But at the same time, there is a thing, and I do believe this.
I do believe that we should add to each other's success.
[00:24:14] Speaker B: You should.
[00:24:16] Speaker A: I should support.
Yes. No, I'm not supporting your mixtape for five years.
[00:24:20] Speaker B: Yeah, we're not doing that.
[00:24:21] Speaker A: No, we're not doing that.
[00:24:22] Speaker B: Realistic goals.
[00:24:22] Speaker A: Yeah, realistic goals.
[00:24:23] Speaker D: Realistic.
[00:24:24] Speaker A: But if you want to be.
I don't know if you want to be. Let's say you want to be. Shit, I don't know.
I just finished watching why they only got three seasons of the game on Netflix? I don't know, but I was watching the game and Derwin was supporting.
What's the girl name?
[00:24:47] Speaker B: I forgot her name. Was it Melanie?
[00:24:48] Speaker A: No, Melanie.
[00:24:49] Speaker B: It was Melanie.
[00:24:49] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dern was supporting Melanie. Melanie was supporting Derwin. It was a back and forth, back and forth. And Melanie was in med school, right? And he was trying to make sure that she made it through med school, and she was trying to make sure he made it in the NFL, right? But like, I think in season one, there's a scene where they're in the kitchen and she's got a playbook and he's got the medical book, and she's quizzing him on the plays. And then when she's done quizzing him on the plays, he's quizzing her on her medical test.
That's feeding each other.
[00:25:20] Speaker B: That's feeding. That's pouring.
[00:25:21] Speaker A: Yeah, that's that. And the third. Bro, I'm Doing this, doing that.
But I think ev.
But that's.
That's for the person. That's. That's. That's for your person.
[00:25:35] Speaker B: That's for your person. But it's still. Yet, like, that doesn't mean that that's still at peace. You know what I mean?
[00:25:42] Speaker A: And the both of them were at peace.
[00:25:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Pushing him forward. You can still be peace. There still is peace.
[00:25:46] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:25:47] Speaker B: There's a way to motivate each other without the extra stuff. You know what I mean?
[00:25:50] Speaker A: Some women don't believe that.
[00:25:52] Speaker B: Yeah, you can put.
[00:25:52] Speaker A: Some women believe that. You got to kind of.
[00:25:56] Speaker B: You can plant seeds.
You know what I mean? You plant seeds.
[00:26:00] Speaker A: But. But plant seed. Planting. Planting, as you know now involves a whole lot of patience.
[00:26:08] Speaker B: It does, but the person. You have to go. Have seen a track history of, like, self motivation. We can't be out here trying to potential people.
You know, we can't be trying. We don't.
[00:26:20] Speaker A: Women like a project. So y' all potential people.
[00:26:23] Speaker B: We cannot potential people. We just can't do that.
[00:26:27] Speaker A: But I'm saying, like, in. In. In a sense of. In a lot of spaces, we do end up looking at people and going, yo, this person is this. Which makes them a good person. And I know they can get to be where I need them to be.
All we end up doing is wasting time on a situation where we don't need to waste time.
[00:26:50] Speaker B: Exactly. You can't put. You can't put that. You can't put potential in people.
[00:26:55] Speaker A: Oh, you can't.
[00:26:55] Speaker B: They gotta come potential.
[00:26:58] Speaker A: They got potential.
[00:26:59] Speaker B: They gotta come potential already.
[00:27:02] Speaker A: All right, let's go to the next one.
[00:27:04] Speaker D: One of you is exhausted from always initiating the hard conversations. The other is exhausted from being told they're not doing enough. That's not dysfunction. That's what we call an effort mismatch. It shows up like this. One partner listens to the podcasts and bookmarks the reels and pushes for couples therapy, and the other says, we're good. Why are we always talking about the problems? It's easy to paint this as a motivation problem, but that's actually not what it is. Dr. Alexandra Solomon has called this a dynamic that happens between the change partner and the acceptance partner. The change partner pushes for growth and insight and forward movement. The acceptance partner holds down the fort of now. Everything's good as it is, easy, breezy. They feel pretty good about life and how things are going. Nothing's really wrong. But if we're not careful, it polarizes. The change partner starts to Feel alone in the effort, and the acceptance partner starts to feel criticized just for being themselves. One is gasping for movement, the other for space. So here's the key. The work for the change partner and the and this is work, by the way, for my fellow change partners. You will know this. Deeply appreciate what's already here without mistaking it for stagnation and the work for the acceptance partner. Take initiative. Ask your change partner questions. Don't wait to be dragged into the hard stuff. I want to be clear. This isn't a problem to solve. It's just a dynamic to name, a mismatch that becomes a gift. If you stop judging each other's way of loving and start learning from it. Share this video with your partner so you can start moving this dynamic instead of being pulled.
[00:28:31] Speaker A: I disagree.
[00:28:32] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:28:33] Speaker A: Ooh.
[00:28:34] Speaker B: Ooh, that got spicy.
[00:28:36] Speaker A: I disagree.
I think that, yes, there's a thing of a mismatch in effort, but if there's a mismatch in effort, then we need to effort the hell on.
[00:28:47] Speaker B: True, True.
[00:28:52] Speaker A: If, in fact that's what you feel, if in fact what you feel is that there's a mismatching effort, my effort is not matching your effort, and it's consistently not matching your effort, then we just need to move the hell on.
[00:29:02] Speaker B: That's absolutely right.
[00:29:05] Speaker A: Because at the end of the day, you don't want your time wasted. Like, I don't want my time wasted. It was the change partner and the acceptance partner. If I'm the and I'm mostly known as the acceptance partner, everything's cool.
I'm good.
We might have an argument every now and then. I'm good. Ain't no problems.
But if you're always advocating for change and you're always advocating saying that there's something wrong, or you're always advocating saying something this, or you're missing this or you're missing that, or you're this and that, then don't you think that there's something that needs to change?
[00:29:42] Speaker B: That's true.
[00:29:43] Speaker A: That you have control over?
Because it is your control, not nobody else's control. It's your control.
[00:29:50] Speaker B: That's true.
I think some people are just scared of change. And we can, like, dwell into, like, childhood trauma and speaking up and all that stuff. Some people just are like that.
And I feel in certain situations, people do what they want to do for people. You know what I mean? You can be this person and not do anything at all. Give this person to the world, you know what I mean?
And then you have those people who really just fear change and feel like wherever I'm at is fine and really feel bullied because you're trying to make them do something that they might not even be comfortable doing because they don't process it the same way.
You know, even they're not processing. Processing it the same way.
[00:30:34] Speaker A: And I sometimes feel.
Me. Me personally, I sometimes feel like we're just.
Everything isn't for everybody.
[00:30:45] Speaker B: Right.
[00:30:47] Speaker A: And although what you might see is one thing somebody else sees as something else.
[00:30:54] Speaker B: Something else. There's always two sides to relationship. There are two different relationships. In a relationship. You know what?
[00:31:00] Speaker A: I view what you view as what it is. And there is no truth, because each one of us is living in our own truth.
[00:31:08] Speaker B: Our own truth. You have your own experience of this relationship.
[00:31:11] Speaker A: Exactly. I don't know. I just.
I disagreed with that.
That got sent to us.
And I just feel like, yeah, we. You. You. If you're the change partner, you can fight for change, but is it change? Are you trying to make the person's life better? Like, what is it that you're trying to accomplish?
[00:31:32] Speaker B: And then in. In what amount of time? You know, like, how. How long have. Because it sounds like she was speaking of maybe terms of longevity, you know?
[00:31:41] Speaker A: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
[00:31:42] Speaker B: So it just depends.
[00:31:45] Speaker A: But I'm.
[00:31:49] Speaker B: What are you changing? Are you changing? Is it a bad habit? Is it something that you just don't like?
[00:32:01] Speaker A: I don't think people fully get that part right.
[00:32:07] Speaker B: Like, it's just something that you don't like. Is it something that nags you? Is this a serious character flaw?
Like, is this something that is grounds for you to saying, I'm staying or leaving?
[00:32:17] Speaker A: I think I've said this repeatedly on this show.
I have issues, and I know I have issues, and some people call it selfish.
I don't know if it's selfish, but I do know there's a way in which I decide that I want to live my life.
And I think the right person.
And this might be selfish. Because this might be selfish. The right person either fits into that or they don't. But you have a decision to make whether you do or you don't.
[00:32:54] Speaker B: That's true.
[00:32:56] Speaker A: And there's no reason to sit here and try to fit a square peg into a round hole. Right. If it's just not gonna fit. If it's just not gonna fit.
[00:33:04] Speaker B: That's true.
[00:33:05] Speaker A: It just makes absolutely no sense.
[00:33:07] Speaker B: That's true.
[00:33:08] Speaker A: To try to fit that into it.
[00:33:10] Speaker B: Well, I'll say this on both ends.
Either person, if it's the right person, they'll bend a little bit if it makes sense for them.
[00:33:20] Speaker A: You know, you, but you shouldn't go all the way back.
[00:33:23] Speaker B: Yeah, you shouldn't go all the way back.
[00:33:25] Speaker A: A complete.
[00:33:25] Speaker B: No, no, no, no. It shouldn't be a complete, but it'll be like, okay, maybe this is something that might be out of what I'm normally used to doing or used to being. You know what I mean though. And maybe they'll try here and there just for you know what I mean?
[00:33:39] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:33:40] Speaker B: So it could, it could be those type of dynamics as well. I can see both sides, I guess.
[00:33:44] Speaker A: Yeah, I, I, I, I guess I.
[00:33:46] Speaker B: Can see both sides. I guess.
[00:33:47] Speaker A: It is what it is.
But we need to do this again. We're gonna get into some more reacts. We running short on time. So my girl, Georgia Miller, thanks for coming through. We are really appreciate you every single time tell the people how they can find you.
[00:34:01] Speaker B: You can find me on Facebook at Georgia Miller. Do not follow me on Twitter. I watch nasty stuff, so look at it. Oh.
[00:34:12] Speaker A: And on that note, thank you watching the show, man. Until the next we're out of Facebook.
