252nd Date: Can You Admit You NEED Therapy?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Talking. And you go 12 to 12 hours, and I don't hear nothing. [00:00:04] Speaker B: I wouldn't say. You wouldn't hear nothing. But it. It would go. [00:00:07] Speaker A: But you just said that I go today. [00:00:08] Speaker B: Yeah, but I'll give you that. I'll give you that. But why you can't text me then. [00:00:15] Speaker C: But what if they be gonna text back? [00:00:17] Speaker A: That's the thing. [00:00:18] Speaker C: Cause if you can text back. [00:00:19] Speaker B: No, I was. I was told. [00:00:20] Speaker A: Cause it's like, don't text me six hours later. That's the day. [00:00:23] Speaker B: Also, but also now. Also now I do got. I do got some rules on texting. [00:00:29] Speaker C: And you got too many dangles. You need therapy. You got trauma. [00:00:33] Speaker A: You are not healing. [00:00:35] Speaker C: You sell the stuff that you're hiding from the person. You're giving them ptsd. [00:00:42] Speaker A: You gonna make them start twitching. It's gonna get all that therapy. [00:00:45] Speaker C: They did. [00:00:48] Speaker B: Not. Well, welcome back to relationship status. As you can see, we are back in full force. How was. How was the trip? [00:00:59] Speaker C: Did you intro? [00:01:00] Speaker A: I know. [00:01:01] Speaker B: No, I don't. [00:01:02] Speaker C: Do you say welcome to relationship sass? Like, what happened? I'm so confused about what's going on today. [00:01:07] Speaker B: Well, go ahead, you start. [00:01:08] Speaker C: No, this is your part, literally. [00:01:11] Speaker B: Welcome back to relationship status. It's your boy Yousef in the building, you know, and I'm here with. [00:01:17] Speaker C: I'm Faronda and Corey. [00:01:19] Speaker A: Corey. [00:01:20] Speaker B: Hey. Now we know everybody in the intro, and you catch us on all podcast platforms that you can for free. 99 and YouTube, and yeah, wherever you want to find your show at, that's where you are. I feel like I'm going to be attacked today. [00:01:37] Speaker A: Maybe. Yes. [00:01:39] Speaker B: Maybe Strong po. [00:01:40] Speaker C: She said yes. The resounding one twice. [00:01:42] Speaker B: See, now, here's the thing. [00:01:45] Speaker A: Girl power. [00:01:45] Speaker B: Girl power. Yeah. I need CL back. Where's cl? [00:01:50] Speaker C: That's a whole other category. All by himself. I don't know who you'll be on your side or on his own side. [00:01:55] Speaker B: CL is usually on his own side, but he has a way of being on everybody's side and nobody's side at the same time. But Corey's back for a second episode because she was here Monday and she did a wonderful job. [00:02:10] Speaker C: Love it. I can't wait to see it. [00:02:12] Speaker B: Yes, yes, yes. [00:02:13] Speaker A: Thank you, thank you. [00:02:14] Speaker B: Yeah, it was a really good episode, so we're gonna jump right to it. Oh, and we're gonna get into this letter. [00:02:23] Speaker A: Oh, man. [00:02:25] Speaker C: Okay. Letter for today. Hey, y' all. Love the show. And I've got a story. Story time, guys. So about a year ago, I started dating this guy. I met at a friend's party party. Super charming, funny, and had had that been through some things, but glowed up kind of energy. [00:02:44] Speaker A: Okay. [00:02:45] Speaker C: Early on, he told me he used to be wild in his younger days, but that he turned over a new leaf. I respected the honesty and appreciated that he didn't try to pretend he was perfect. Fast forward a few months and things got real emotionally and physically. A little crack started to show. He go ghost for a day or two. Always had an excuse. I found out he was still texting his ex just to check in, he said. Then I heard from a mutual acquaintance that he had cheated on multiple girlfriends in the past, one of whom was actually pregnant at the time. When I confronted him, he swore up and down that he wasn't that person anymore. He told me that he had been in therapy, he had grown, and that I was the first person who made him want to do better. But I couldn't help feeling like I was just another version of his past. I eventually broke things off because I realized I was doing more emotional labor than loving. Constantly trying to convince myself that he had changed, even when his actions said otherwise. My question is, how do you know when someone's really changed versus just being better at hiding the same old behavior. [00:03:50] Speaker B: Corey, you rolled your eyes a little bit over there. [00:03:53] Speaker C: My, my, my. [00:03:54] Speaker A: I can't remember. I can't remember if it's you or hostile who points out my facial expression. [00:03:59] Speaker B: It is hostile. [00:04:00] Speaker A: It is hostile. And I. And I'm like, crap. Just try to fix it. [00:04:05] Speaker B: Too late. [00:04:06] Speaker A: Too late. Oh, man, that's a lot. [00:04:12] Speaker B: It. It. [00:04:13] Speaker A: It's like, girl, you gotta. You spelled it out for yourself. [00:04:16] Speaker B: Yeah, well, she said she broke it off, but I think that the question that. [00:04:19] Speaker A: Is she trying to just. The question get some clarity more so. [00:04:23] Speaker B: Is, you know, how do you know when somebody's changed? Like, I think people sometimes we try to look at it. Well, that's their past. All right? So I'm gonna try to look past their past. So. And if they say they've changed, you don't know what they changed from. [00:04:37] Speaker A: I was just about to say, she don't know. You don't know when they change because she don't know that. [00:04:41] Speaker B: So you kind of try to look past these red flags of stuff, but then if things are popping up along the way. [00:04:49] Speaker C: Yeah, the problem is she jumped into this relationship. She went from 0 to 100 in 5.5 seconds. [00:04:56] Speaker A: I'm just trying to figure out the physical part. [00:05:01] Speaker B: She fell in? [00:05:01] Speaker C: Yeah, she got in there. [00:05:02] Speaker B: They got it got horizontal and vertical and everything else. [00:05:05] Speaker A: Oh, oh, you mean bumping pelvis. [00:05:08] Speaker B: Yeah. They was out there doing the thing. [00:05:09] Speaker C: Fast forward a few months, and things got real emotionally and physically. [00:05:13] Speaker A: Okay. [00:05:13] Speaker C: And if he gave you this warning up front that, hey, you know, I'm not who I used to be, then for me, that signals all right? So I might need to ease into this to see whether or not this is actually real or. [00:05:28] Speaker A: Cause my question is, why did he even tell her? [00:05:30] Speaker B: That's what I was about to say. Like, why would he even. [00:05:32] Speaker A: Cause she don't know him from a hole in the wall. So what was the need for that? [00:05:37] Speaker C: And it's giving. So here's the thing. [00:05:39] Speaker A: Especially when we're adults, unless they just have mutual friends. [00:05:42] Speaker C: So, like, when you're. When we're adults and we. Because all of us have a past. Right. Like, nobody, especially at our ages, is coming to an. Coming into a relationship unscathed, not having done any perfect. [00:05:52] Speaker A: Right. [00:05:53] Speaker C: But that's why you have to ease into things and take the time and opportunity to get to know people beyond just them. Because whenever you're in that little bubble those first few months and everything's all cutesy and glittery and, you know, you're just in this glow. [00:06:07] Speaker A: You, honeymoon phase. [00:06:08] Speaker C: Yeah. And you come out of this, and then it's like, oh, snap, who am I with again? Have you checked the references? When you get a job, they calling around, they checking up on you. [00:06:20] Speaker B: But people check references by going on somebody's social media. [00:06:23] Speaker A: Nah, I ask friends. [00:06:24] Speaker C: Yeah, like you need to be asking friends if you have mutual acquaintances. If y' all grew up around the same, like. [00:06:32] Speaker A: No, like a homegirl. Well, I'm thinking it's a homegirl, obviously. Cause a dude is not gonna tell you. Yeah, he used to cheat all the time. [00:06:39] Speaker B: No, a dude would if he was trying to get the draws from you. [00:06:42] Speaker A: But she didn't say she ain't. I'm sure it was a woman. [00:06:46] Speaker C: Yes. [00:06:47] Speaker A: And she said, yeah, girl. He used to cheat on all his exes. Because a man's not gonna go into detail about who he used to cheat on. What was her. She was pregnant at the time. Men don't gossip in that sense. Like, oh, no, we don't. Yeah. Just letting you know. Like, he used to. He used to sleep around on his girlfriends. That's the furthest y' all go. She's got the word. [00:07:05] Speaker C: Oh. [00:07:06] Speaker A: He used to cheat on his girlfriends, and one of them was pregnant at the time. That's t. That's Women talk. That's women. [00:07:13] Speaker B: Well, no, dudes do stuff like that now because I remember I had just started dating this girl one time. Just started dating. [00:07:21] Speaker A: You was giggling and got something. [00:07:22] Speaker B: No, no, no. I just started dating her and me and this dude went. We was on this. We went to school. She went to a different school and he somehow heard that me and her were kicking. It came to me, said, yo, you mess with such and such. I was like, yeah. He was like, yo, like last year the homies ran the train on. [00:07:44] Speaker C: I was like, what did you do with that information? [00:07:48] Speaker B: Nothing. Because I didn't know if it was true or not. I didn't ask her. She didn't. She didn't present herself to me as such a person. So it didn't. [00:07:55] Speaker A: That could have been her fantasy. [00:07:57] Speaker B: It could have. [00:07:59] Speaker A: It's a lot of girls with fantasies like that out there. I'm just. [00:08:03] Speaker B: I mean, I get it. But to me, to me it's. That's not what she showed me. [00:08:08] Speaker A: So. [00:08:08] Speaker B: And then I didn't know the motive because me and him were cool, but we weren't like we hanging out and we chilling like I'm not looking out for you. They said no, this didn't come across as a lookout for you. It's like a tell on her type of thing. That's the vibe I got from it. So yeah, you know, so dudes do do like dudes do do stuff. [00:08:28] Speaker A: No, no. That I believe. [00:08:29] Speaker B: Yeah. So it was like, don't say they don't gossip. Cuz I know some dudes that need to wear skirts because they do gossip. [00:08:35] Speaker A: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. First of all, I'm talking about. But yeah, yeah. [00:08:39] Speaker C: Because how you just literally said that. [00:08:41] Speaker A: Because that, that's who gossip. We were talking about talking about something. [00:08:46] Speaker B: Because you said women, women gossip differently. That's when. That's a woman's way of gossiping. [00:08:50] Speaker A: No, no, it's different. And I'm talking. She wasn't gossiping. She was giving her a fair warning. That's what I mean. [00:08:57] Speaker B: But isn't that. God isn't. [00:08:59] Speaker A: No, no, no, no. Okay, so that's putting me on, right? That's putting me like your homeboy. That was. If he was gossiping. It's more in the sense of. Yeah, she let. She let the homies run a train on her and then she did this and she be doing that and then, you know, I don't even know why you talking to her because she act like that that's starting to gossip. But if he just Straight up. Said, yeah, like last year, she let. She let people run a train. I'm just letting you know. That's giving you a heads up. I wouldn't say that's gossiping per se. Gossiping is when they got more details and they got to keep going because it make them feel good. That's gossiping. [00:09:32] Speaker C: And also checking the motives because, you know, to your point of depending on why it is that he was giving you that information that determines whether it's gossip or. Like she said, I'm giving you a heads up. [00:09:43] Speaker A: Right. [00:09:43] Speaker C: I mean, some. If I'm looking out for you, but that's what. Because if I came to you and I say yousef. [00:09:49] Speaker B: See, but I would trust that more because. [00:09:50] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:09:52] Speaker B: But me. But I'm just saying. [00:09:53] Speaker A: Yeah, but it's not gossip. [00:09:54] Speaker B: Yeah, but me and, like, me and Veronica could. She could come and say that. [00:09:59] Speaker C: I don't know about that. [00:10:00] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know about that. And that's cool. No gossiping. I'm saying, like, we don't run in with him. We didn't run in the same circles. [00:10:08] Speaker A: Gossiping is just talking about somebody for no purpose. Like, you just want to sit up there and talk about that person. Like, yeah, she. Oh, she. She did this, she did that, and then she was letting them do this. And then. I know from two years ago, she let the other homies do this. That's gossiping. But if he did not if it was true. Right. No, that's a great answer. How long you dealt with her after that? [00:10:31] Speaker B: Married her. [00:10:32] Speaker A: Oh, okay. [00:10:33] Speaker B: And then got divorced. [00:10:34] Speaker A: Oh. Did you ever feel anything after that divorce? [00:10:41] Speaker B: The. The power of being. I mean, we. The. The marriage quickly. We were married for three years. [00:10:46] Speaker A: Oh, okay. [00:10:47] Speaker B: And we didn't. [00:10:48] Speaker A: Oh, but she never gave that energy. [00:10:50] Speaker B: No, never. [00:10:50] Speaker A: Oh, so he was probably just never. [00:10:53] Speaker B: Not one day. [00:10:54] Speaker A: See, his motive was he wanted something. She probably ain't give him none. That's why he was mad. So he's. He's gonna throw her under the bus, under the train. [00:11:02] Speaker B: She never really. I know some people who. And I guess this kind of ties into the topic. Like, I know people who would. All you got to do is say any little thing about the person and their past, and they're like, oh, man, that's a riff. Like, I'm out. [00:11:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:21] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? And they taking your word. You're taking the word of a person who's not the person that you're with And. And running with It. And making a decision off of that, rather than maybe taking it to the person and saying, hey, look, you know, let's. Let's talk about your past, maybe if it does concern you. But I don't think I. For me, it's always been, I don't want to hear about your past. I don't. [00:11:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't want to know nothing. [00:11:47] Speaker B: I don't. Don't. Because I think the guy volunteered too much information in the letter. Like, yeah, you know, I used to be wild, but now I'm tame. You know, I've changed. [00:11:56] Speaker C: I don't say, I don't want to know about your past. I do think that there's levels like. [00:12:00] Speaker A: Yeah, I like exploring somebody's path. I'm not coming out because I'm learning who you are. [00:12:05] Speaker C: Exactly. And you can't not share your past if you're sharing who it is that you are. As a. [00:12:10] Speaker B: It depends on parts. Like, I don't want it. Like, I don't want to know your number. [00:12:14] Speaker C: I mean. [00:12:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:17] Speaker B: I don't want to know those experiences. Like, okay. Because think about it. [00:12:20] Speaker C: I also think that it depends on the stage of the relationship. Because. Because there are some things, especially if you were a hoe. I'm not saying I want to know your number, but if we get serious and we're starting to think about marriage and all this other kind of stuff, I want to know that you was out there, because I don't want to be surprised by that. Because if you was out there, that means that if. [00:12:40] Speaker A: If we walking outside. We walking outside and somebody gonna be. [00:12:43] Speaker C: Like, oh, what up, Felicia? [00:12:45] Speaker A: And I was like, come on, man. [00:12:48] Speaker B: My thing is. What. But what would that have to do with. With your. [00:12:51] Speaker A: It's about just. It's a. Yeah. It's about. It's. It's. Yeah. Definite awareness. [00:12:55] Speaker C: And it's about being courteous about you. That. And I'm the one that's with you. Like. [00:13:02] Speaker A: Like, I don't want to be outside and somebody laughing at me behind my back. And it's just like, what is this? Yeah, that's making me uncomfortable. [00:13:09] Speaker C: There should be very little, especially the closer you get in. Especially we're talking about marriage. There should be very little that I found out about you from somebody else. [00:13:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:17] Speaker B: I guess I'm. I guess I'm different. And I can't say all men are different. I can just say I'm different. I only. I only like, if you know, stuff with your kids, maybe you and your kid's father, maybe past Relationships. Not necessarily some. Others, like past serious relationships. Things that you've been through, things. Because you may have walls up. You may have, you know, there's some trauma that you may have there that I gotta kind of work through. [00:13:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:41] Speaker B: Like on, on the nature of, you know, if you had a whole pass, if you, you, you did. [00:13:47] Speaker C: All of that is part of trauma. [00:13:49] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:49] Speaker C: How you, how you interact in a relationship is. All of that has something to do with it. What you expect from me in this relationship has something to do with how it is that you treated past relationships or situationships or whatever it is that you, you know, you might deem them as. [00:14:05] Speaker B: So how far. So how far does this resume have to go back for you to be like, okay, I'm. [00:14:09] Speaker A: No, it's not. I don't need your resume. As time goes on, I start learning about you. But I don't want to not know anything. [00:14:19] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:14:19] Speaker A: Like, like say I'm going out with this, with this guy and then a group of females is staring at me. And then it's just like, why are they all staring at me? Oh, they crazy. I don't know. But on the low. Oh, he messed with her. He messed with her. Oh gosh, she a ho. He don't know. This girl don't even know that we all laughing at her. And that's very inconsiderate and uncomfortable for your partner. Like, you didn't even. [00:14:44] Speaker B: But I think if in that moment he should tell you, like, he shouldn't lie about that. Like, in the moment, why are they over there giggling and key in. [00:14:51] Speaker A: No, but that's where. [00:14:51] Speaker B: That's the moment I would go. [00:14:52] Speaker A: But that's where those conversations happy happen before that, it's like, that's pillow talk. So how. What you used to do back in the day, Like, I've asked, I've asked prior partners like, but you was doing back in the day, like, yo, I was wild. Like, oh, you was outside like that. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I ain't doing all of that no more. Like, you know, it's, it's, it's a nice thing to be honest about because I don't want to ever be out on a date. And then I got to worry about her because now I'm a beat her ass. And then we get to the house. I'm, I'm, I'm not going to beat your ass because I don't hit men. But my brothers is going to beat you. Like, just so I'm like, you know. [00:15:31] Speaker C: It'S just, it's upsetting. Yeah, you don't have to get to. I don't need the nitty gritty details on your. Like, I don't need you to tell me, like, to your point around the number. I don't necessarily need to know the number. If you tell me you a hoe, like, okay, that, that just kind of explains itself. But there are broad strokes, things that I absolutely want to know and need to know about your past in order for me to be able to feel comfortable and to feel like I know you. And like I said, I don't want nobody coming to me telling me something about that nature. And so, yeah, so you, you to be the one that. To get ahead of that. Like, let's, let's not hear. [00:16:10] Speaker B: I mean, how do you. How does. Because I wouldn't know. [00:16:12] Speaker A: It's pillow talk. I wouldn't know. [00:16:14] Speaker C: It's based off of the questions that are asked. I'm not saying that you just spilling the beans. You know, I get that when y'. [00:16:20] Speaker A: All learn about each other, what's your favorite color? What's all of this? What's all of that? How old were you when you lost your virginity? That question comes up sometimes with a. [00:16:27] Speaker B: Lot of couples, that question does. [00:16:28] Speaker A: And it's just like, oh, not recently. And it's. And it's. Even as adults, it's like, oh. So I'm just trying to figure out what's the right questions. Cause people start asking those sex questions come up like, oh, what you like? [00:16:42] Speaker B: Okay, that's. [00:16:43] Speaker A: That's what kind of stuff you like. And when you start finding out when you, when y' all about to get physical? The hell no. [00:16:50] Speaker B: I said, how soon is too soon? [00:16:51] Speaker A: Cause it ain't no too soon. [00:16:52] Speaker B: If somebody acts too soon, it's a turn off. [00:16:55] Speaker A: Cause let's be honest, everybody's adults, okay? Nobody's waiting until they go out on 20 dates anymore. Nobody's waiting, oh, we were going to wait, you know, till prom, but no, we're adults. Some people have sex on the first date. Some people have sex on the third date if they don't know how the chemistry is going to happen between them. It's like, oh, my gosh, I like this person so much. I didn't expect to feel this way. It happens if people slip up. They go against the grain, they go against their rules, but it happens. So as soon as, when it starts getting physical or when you start seeing, like, men know when they gonna sleep with somebody instantly, Women know within the hour, like, ooh, no, like, we know, so that's when it's right to ask those questions. When you just start feeling that feeling each other out like you start touchy feeling on each other, being intimate like in the kissing way. It's never too soon when we, when we get in physical in any kind of way, it is never too soon to ask them questions. It's an, it's a grown up question. Sex is natural. People need to stop. [00:18:05] Speaker C: Somebody take a little bit of a different take on that. I do think there, there is a such thing as too soon. [00:18:11] Speaker A: And, and I mean I don't want to. If we ain't going on a date, don't be asking me why. We just talk. [00:18:15] Speaker B: That's what I mean. [00:18:16] Speaker C: And that's what I'm saying like because, and I guess because of where it is that I am now, I know that I'm. I'm dating with intention. I'm dating with purpose. I'm too old to be out here just willy nilly, like listen that part, have fun. I can, I don't have to have fun with you. I have friends and so it's fine. But so with that being the, the case, like because I'm dating with intention, because I'm dating with purpose, I don't want you out the gate wanting that to be what you're leading with. [00:18:49] Speaker A: Right? [00:18:50] Speaker C: Because there are other parts of me that you need to know a whole lot more and a whole lot better before that part of me even starts to make sense to you. And so I do think that there is a too soon. But I do think that that is dependent on the people and the nature of their relationship and what it is that they're going for in their relationship. As for me in my house, don't come at me at day two or three talking about that part. [00:19:18] Speaker A: What's your favorite position? [00:19:19] Speaker C: Yeah, like what we doing? [00:19:20] Speaker A: How we doing? [00:19:23] Speaker C: First off, you are. I unfriended somebody on this little dating app for coming in my DMs cussing, like what are we doing? He said he was like OMFG or some something. You're so fine. And I'm like sir, you don't know me enough to be first off, you swearing and putting Jesus name in the swear. You don't know me like that. So like come on, let's, let's get it together. But so yeah, no, I. Please. There's so much more to talk about. Not saying that that's not a very important component when we get there. But that's not going to be a very early on conversation. Like, I wouldn't even necessarily say, like, you know, you telling me your status or your. Your number. What he shared was too much to your point that you made earlier. First meeting you, and I'm saying, oh, my gosh. I was out there, I was wilding, and I done changed so much. No, that's not. What's your name? [00:20:14] Speaker B: I think that's more. I think that's more so validation for him, though. I think that. [00:20:17] Speaker A: Yeah, that's definitely for him. [00:20:19] Speaker B: He's trying to lead with that to kind of. [00:20:20] Speaker A: He sounds like a narcissist, if I'm being honest. [00:20:23] Speaker B: That does. That does. He has glow up energy. As she said, it seems like he's trying to push off this Persona to her. [00:20:32] Speaker C: He's trying to impress. Yeah, I'm trying to impress you. [00:20:35] Speaker B: Okay, I got a question. [00:20:37] Speaker A: Oh, gosh. [00:20:39] Speaker C: Why you gotta lean like that? I don't know if I win. [00:20:42] Speaker A: She said, it's so aggressive. I don't. I don't like it. [00:20:44] Speaker C: I don't know. [00:20:47] Speaker B: Because I had a conversation today. A friend of mine, she went to a bar and she said, well, let me tell you, having me at the. [00:20:54] Speaker C: Bar, this sounds like a joke. [00:20:55] Speaker B: It's not a joke. [00:20:56] Speaker A: A woman walks into a bar with a poodle under her right hand. [00:21:00] Speaker B: It's funny. [00:21:01] Speaker A: You said poodle and a purse. That's crazy. [00:21:08] Speaker B: The guy was younger than her and he started talking to her. And as he was talking to her, he kept trying to touch her hand. [00:21:16] Speaker A: Ew. [00:21:16] Speaker B: He kept pulling her hand back and he kept trying to touch her hand. [00:21:19] Speaker C: What does this mean? [00:21:20] Speaker B: He bought her a drink. And the more to conversation. She did all kind of little subtle things to swayed him. [00:21:28] Speaker A: She shouldn't have touched the drink. [00:21:29] Speaker B: She put her earbuds in her ear at one point. [00:21:31] Speaker C: Oh, he can't say he ain't. [00:21:32] Speaker B: He tapped her and she. No, he tapped her. [00:21:36] Speaker C: Oh, he crazy. So go to another bar friend. [00:21:38] Speaker B: So eventually she said she just paid her bill. He said, oh, no, I got it. She was like, no, heck no, I'll pay it myself. She said, you could pay for your drink. And she. She actually said, you know, what's going on with dating now? She said, what happened to pickup lines? So what's the. What do you. What was like. [00:21:56] Speaker A: I hated pickup lines. Please don't use a pickup line on me. [00:21:58] Speaker C: How old is this? [00:22:00] Speaker B: No, she didn't know how your oldie. [00:22:02] Speaker C: Was because she just knew he was younger. [00:22:05] Speaker B: 40. And she was like. She just knew he was younger because she seemed like he was taken aback when she said because she tried to use her age as okay, little man. Like go ahead. [00:22:15] Speaker C: She little manned him. [00:22:16] Speaker B: Yeah, like okay, like go ahead, this is my age. And she said he was taken aback, but he still kept trying. And she was like, why is this, what is going on with Danny? [00:22:26] Speaker C: First off, I would, I probably, I would have punched him like, sir, keep your hands to yourself. [00:22:30] Speaker A: Yeah, please stop touching me. I've said that to some. Please don't touch me. [00:22:33] Speaker C: Yeah, no, that's not okay. My vibes is inviting you to invade my space. Now you're in my personal space. [00:22:42] Speaker A: No, some men really don't care. [00:22:43] Speaker C: Yeah, like this is my space. [00:22:45] Speaker A: They really, they just don't care. Like I' ma keep probing until she break. And a lot of women be breaking them young. But it's some younger girls that be like, oh okay, like what's up? [00:22:56] Speaker C: Oh no. I would be like, okay, let's go. [00:22:59] Speaker B: What would be the probably the weirdest way or something somebody tried that was just like, oh my God, get away from me. To pick you up or to get your number. [00:23:11] Speaker A: I've had. [00:23:12] Speaker B: Oh my God. [00:23:13] Speaker A: I'm trying to see moving here. When I moved here. [00:23:16] Speaker C: Where are you from? [00:23:17] Speaker A: I'm from New York. [00:23:18] Speaker C: Okay. I heard an accent, I knew it was up north, but okay. [00:23:21] Speaker A: So when I moved here the first year I was in Walmart and I saw this guy, he's clearly younger than me, clear, it's obvious he's 10 plus younger. And he was like, hey, how you doing? You think I could get your number? And I was like, no sweetie, I'm sorry. He was like, well why not? And I'm like, cause I'm not. He's like, okay. So then a couple of weeks later I saw him. No, it was a couple of days later I was in the same Walmart, so saw him again. [00:23:52] Speaker C: Hey, does he work there? [00:23:54] Speaker A: No, no. Then he said, hey, can I get your number? And I said, you don't remember me? And he was like, no, what do you mean? I say you just saw me a couple of days ago. But no, I told you then and I'm telling you now. No, you can't. My number. So then like two, three months fast forward, my niece has come to visit and we're in Walmart. And I was like, oh my God, he's in Walmart again. And this time he's walking around like acting like he doing something, but he's following me and my nieces and, and I was like, this, this man, he tried to Talk to me twice in this Walmart. And they was like, what? And I was like, yes. And so they're at. Now they're my nieces. As soon as they see somebody trying to talk to me and I'm not interested. Mom. Mom. Like, yeah, let's let you think she got more than one kid. Mom, can you help me with something? And then he was like, hey, how you doing? And my niece was like, no, she doesn't want to talk to you. Like she just. No, she doesn't want to talk to you. And he was like, oh, that's your mom. She was like, yes, she doesn't want to talk to you. Thank you. Dragged me away. [00:24:57] Speaker C: It's the fact that he forgets you every time. [00:24:59] Speaker A: I'm not lying. Are y' all ready for this? I can't make this. I can't make my life up. I'm in the loft with my sister in law and niece and I'm sitting down and I just feel weird. I look over, he's sitting right next to me, to me, and he's like, hey, how you doing? I said, are you kidding me? He was like, do you think I could get your number? I said, yo, you really don't remember me? My sister in law, she already heard the story multiple times. My sister in law, that's like one of my best friends. She said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you can't. She was like, do you not remember her? And so he act like he was getting a drink. He was like, no, I never seen you before. And I. But he look off like something. Look. He look a little Dirk. A dersh Darker. I just call that for people. That's off. Like, we better make up a whole word. Cause you know New Yorkers, we go, oh, he's 7:30. He's 7:30. Derkadersh. 7:30. Something is off about him. And then now I still see him. I saw him in the mall with my niece and my niece was like, I swear, if he comes near you, I see him in Walmart. I see him in almost every store. And he always act like he don't know me. I said, he got one more time. [00:26:21] Speaker B: Do you think at this point it's an act? [00:26:22] Speaker A: I don't know. That's why I say he might be. He might be a little 7:30. [00:26:28] Speaker C: I don't even have nothing to top that. That's crazy. [00:26:31] Speaker A: And he's tried every time. [00:26:34] Speaker B: It's just continuous. [00:26:35] Speaker A: I'm like, I know I change my hair often, but I don't change it that much to where are you? [00:26:41] Speaker C: I mean, your face ain't changing. [00:26:43] Speaker A: That's what I'm saying. It's so. [00:26:46] Speaker B: And then the question might be, like, how many people does he do this? [00:26:49] Speaker C: Right. Because first of all, you always in these stores. Are you buying anything? Are you here? [00:26:53] Speaker A: He never walks out with anything. [00:26:55] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:26:57] Speaker A: He ain't buy a drink. He act like he was. And then he left after he realized my sister and niece. My niece being Elle's daughter back there, she was staring at him like she has a mean, dead stare. And it's just like, go away. Yeah. Nah. And it's so. And she was with me quite a few times when we saw him. She said, oh, my God. [00:27:26] Speaker B: Oh, my God, it's him again. [00:27:27] Speaker A: It's him again. Like, we start running each other if we see him in public. Like, look, look, look, look. [00:27:32] Speaker C: There we go. There we go. Opposite direction, please. [00:27:35] Speaker A: And he's tried every time. [00:27:38] Speaker C: That's the weird part. Like, how do you forget every time? [00:27:41] Speaker B: That's why I think it's an act. I don't think it's. I don't think. [00:27:44] Speaker A: But if you see him, it can't be. It looked like. [00:27:46] Speaker B: It looked like it. [00:27:47] Speaker A: The mall is open, but ain't nobody shopping. [00:27:50] Speaker B: Okay. All right. Well, then. Then it could be. It could be seven. Yeah. [00:27:53] Speaker A: That's why I'm like. Because he'd be like, do I? And you could look in his eyes, like, he really might not remember. Remember. But that also might go to show. [00:28:02] Speaker C: How many times he does it. [00:28:04] Speaker A: Right. [00:28:05] Speaker B: That's the thing. That might be the thing. [00:28:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:07] Speaker C: He does it so much that. [00:28:09] Speaker A: To women. [00:28:09] Speaker C: Yeah. That the. The women start running together. He can't keep up. [00:28:13] Speaker A: Oh, Lord. [00:28:14] Speaker C: You can't keep track of who he's. Who he's trying to holler at, who he hasn't. [00:28:17] Speaker A: So, yeah. That's been my weirdest situation for somebody to try to, like, talk to me. [00:28:21] Speaker C: I don't think. No, I. First off, that I probably would stop going to all the places I wouldn't go to nobody's store if I have a weird one. Oh, you probably should ask me this question beforehand because, you know, my memory bad. On purpose. Like, I put. I filed stuff away so that, like. Yeah. So I don't have to recall this stuff come back to me. Maybe I'll come up with something that by the end of the show. [00:28:52] Speaker B: All right, so you're talking about. We pretty much. [00:28:55] Speaker C: Wait, we didn't. First off, we did not answer this question. [00:28:58] Speaker A: Well, there Is no. [00:28:59] Speaker B: Okay, what's the question? [00:29:00] Speaker C: Her question was asked actually. How do you. Because it goes into, I think, with the next part of what you are wanting to talk about. How do you know when someone's really changed versus just being better at hiding the same old behavior. Yeah, that's what, that's, that's what her. [00:29:16] Speaker B: Question was something similar to like how. What's the difference between a red flag and growing pains? Because some things, some things happen because sometimes you just make a bad decision because you were young, didn't know any better and stuff like that. So that might be a part of it. And then other things are. This is just a red flag. So how do you distinguish between the two? I mean, that's, that's. [00:29:42] Speaker A: I think she did. She would need more experience with that person to understand whether he's changed his actual behavior or if he's just hiding how he. I honestly think he's hiding. Yeah. Because she said he goes for two days and then he's doing this to the ex. That's, that's probably regular behavior, but she just don't know him like that to understand that that's him. The only way, you know, if somebody change, if you actually have like a long term relationship and y' all go through the trenches and they're like, I'm changed. And then y' all break up, y' all separate for a while and then he comes back like, I'm changed, I'm done. Or she comes back, I'm changed. I'm not this person anymore. Can you please give me another chance? [00:30:29] Speaker B: Like my grandma said, my tender age. I'm not going through that. [00:30:32] Speaker C: Not her tender age. Hey, grandma, I'm not going. [00:30:35] Speaker A: Right? [00:30:36] Speaker B: I'm not going through that in my 10 days. [00:30:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:38] Speaker B: Like, I just don't have time. I don't have time. [00:30:40] Speaker A: Time will tell, honestly. [00:30:43] Speaker C: And I think like that, that that is the case. And in her case where he said that she met him when he said he'd already changed, I think I'll be asking some probing questions around. Okay, so how long ago are we talking? [00:30:55] Speaker A: Right. [00:30:56] Speaker C: And what exactly is it that you did in order to change and how are you applying whatever those. So you say you went to therapy. Listen, therapy is going to only work as well as. [00:31:07] Speaker B: As much as you work. [00:31:08] Speaker C: Yeah, work it. As honest as you are with your therapist. And then as you know, how much fidelity are you actually applying whatever it is that you are learning in therapy? Because I don't know, therapy has become a trend. I do think that most Folks need to be in therapy. But I mean including myself, like I'm not excluded. Excluding me. But you know, speaking from experience, therapy can only work as well as you allow it to work. [00:31:34] Speaker A: Yep. [00:31:35] Speaker C: And so I think to Corey's point, like that time does absolutely factor in. And then I want to know what actions are you putting behind this change? [00:31:44] Speaker A: Yep. [00:31:46] Speaker C: Because after a certain. [00:31:48] Speaker B: Isn't therapy in action though? Isn't being in therapy like. [00:31:51] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. What if you're saying that you change, that's good. [00:31:54] Speaker A: You could talk to your therapist. But after therapy, what else are you doing? [00:31:58] Speaker C: Like what, what, what, what strategy skills things are you putting into practice? Like if you have the same behavior or you're doing the same things but you're saying you're in therapy, then therapy doesn't amount to anything. That doesn't matter. [00:32:10] Speaker A: Right. [00:32:12] Speaker C: And so. [00:32:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:14] Speaker C: I wouldn't discount it. And also like while I do believe that people can change, I really do believe that people can change after a certain age. The number of people that do after age. I think you just are who you are. Yeah. [00:32:32] Speaker A: Starts to shrink considerably. [00:32:34] Speaker C: So when you were saying earlier, like what the mistakes that I made when I was younger or you know, the bad decisions that I made whenever I was younger. Okay, cool. Like we all out here doing dumb stuff were younger, but you 30, 40 years old. I'll say 40 and on up years old and you still out here doing the same stuff and making the same decisions. That part I won't say it's impossible. But my faith in it is going to dwindle. [00:32:59] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. [00:33:01] Speaker B: Your faith in the change. [00:33:02] Speaker C: My faith in the changes is going to start shrinking. So. [00:33:06] Speaker A: Cuz you, you are who you are after a certain age. [00:33:10] Speaker C: Yeah. And when you start practicing the same behaviors over and over and over and over and it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Like there's a reason why that saying exists. And so if you're gonna break patterns, you're gonna have to do that quick, fast and in a hurry because after a while that stuff becomes ingrained, it becomes natural. [00:33:27] Speaker A: Yep. [00:33:28] Speaker C: And so it's harder. [00:33:29] Speaker A: It's a bad habit. [00:33:30] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:33:30] Speaker B: Then the person that you're dealing with needs patience to wait on you to change. [00:33:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:36] Speaker C: It sounds like a lot. I mean it depends on what we waiting on. Because you know, we talked about acrimony. [00:33:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:42] Speaker C: A couple a few episodes ago. [00:33:44] Speaker B: Still stand by what I say and. [00:33:45] Speaker C: I still say it's still my same question. [00:33:49] Speaker B: She never put it she never put a time on it. The second that you don't put a time on anything. [00:33:55] Speaker C: But I mean, I reserve the right everything. I reserve the right to put a time on it at any point in time. [00:34:00] Speaker B: But she never did that. So she can't be mad at the outcome. [00:34:03] Speaker C: She can be mad. [00:34:04] Speaker B: She cannot be mad at the outcome. [00:34:06] Speaker C: Absolutely she can. But anyway, that's a whole other conversation. [00:34:09] Speaker B: No, it's not. [00:34:10] Speaker C: Okay. It's not a whole other conversation. [00:34:13] Speaker B: We have some people chime in. My aunt. Oh, hey, Aunt Patricia, Eb's mom. I think that if you're doing that much emotional work, something is absolutely off kilt. And you were right to shut it down. [00:34:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:29] Speaker B: The emotional labor should be his job, making sure he does not fall back into the old him. [00:34:36] Speaker C: Cause I ain't responsible for that at all. [00:34:39] Speaker B: Not at all. [00:34:40] Speaker A: I am not with emotional labor, especially if we ain't in it for the long haul. [00:34:46] Speaker B: And it's only been a couple of. [00:34:48] Speaker A: Months, and I've been through emotional labor already from your past. I like you, but I love me more. [00:34:53] Speaker C: I ain't even had nothing to do with, like, I ain't even caused this. Like, what you're emotionally laboring through, like. [00:34:58] Speaker A: That ain't even deal with it. [00:34:59] Speaker B: My saying always is, I don't want to pay the bill that somebody else ran up. I don't want to pay the bill. I'm not. [00:35:07] Speaker C: I mean, I think we will. [00:35:09] Speaker B: No, I'm not. [00:35:10] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:35:11] Speaker B: Yes, I'm not. [00:35:12] Speaker C: You will pay. Now, the levels. There's levels to the bills that you going to pay, but you. Everybody's going to pay a bill. You. [00:35:18] Speaker A: Cuz nobody's 100% here. [00:35:20] Speaker C: Thank you. Thank you. [00:35:22] Speaker A: Bring a tiny little piece. [00:35:24] Speaker C: Never will be. [00:35:25] Speaker A: And you could try your hardest not to, but we're human. [00:35:29] Speaker B: Yeah, I get that we're human, but we're at an age where if you're not. If you have not done the. [00:35:35] Speaker C: You think you get 100% healed? [00:35:38] Speaker B: What you mean? I think when you come into. If you're not 100% healed, why are you. Why are you bringing 100? [00:35:44] Speaker A: Nobody's 100. [00:35:45] Speaker B: If you're not healed, why are you bringing. [00:35:46] Speaker A: No, no, no. Not talking about, like, you still broken, but there's always a p. Like, there's always gonna be a part of you. Like, if you're dealing with somebody, right, and you believe that you're healed and they do something that might trigger something from you from, like 10 years ago, it's like, yo, I didn't even notice. I didn't even realize this still bothered me until she just did it. That's what I'm talking about. You don't know you can repair yourself. Nobody's ever 100% because nobody's perfect. 100% is perfection. There is not one person out here that is walking around with 100%. [00:36:24] Speaker C: No, not at all. And then. And to have that expectation is very much so unrealistic. [00:36:29] Speaker B: I mean, I just don't his. I guess it's my patience. [00:36:33] Speaker C: You need to work on it. It's not like you need to go to therapy. And also, if that sounds like your. [00:36:38] Speaker B: Imperfection, how is that my imperfection? [00:36:41] Speaker C: I mean, you're not coming in 100. [00:36:45] Speaker B: How are you sending me to therapy? It's the first thing. [00:36:47] Speaker C: I mean, we all need to go to therapy or you need to go to therapy too. [00:36:51] Speaker A: I go to therapy. [00:36:52] Speaker C: See, I'm about to sign up. As soon as this job situation had me in one spot, I'm going therapy. [00:36:58] Speaker A: Yep. [00:36:59] Speaker C: Live in a living color. [00:37:01] Speaker B: I went until I had nothing to say. [00:37:03] Speaker A: Oh, see, See? Who is your therapist? You need to go to therapist. You always have something to say. [00:37:08] Speaker C: Cause they weren't asking you the right questions. [00:37:11] Speaker A: Like, I went. I was. I've been seeing my therapist since December. This is fresh. And then I was getting to a point to where, okay, all right. I don't think I'm going to do it racially. [00:37:20] Speaker C: Yeah, I might need to get your information. [00:37:24] Speaker A: And I was like, okay, I don't think. I don't think I have anything else to talk to her about. And then just talking to family and friends, I got triggered. And us. And it wasn't. Nobody did anything to make me mad, but it was just regular conversation. And then it was like, oh, no, I'm not. I'm not healed. I'm not healed from this. [00:37:43] Speaker C: I might not be as far as. [00:37:44] Speaker A: Long as I thought I was. And it's from. It goes back to, like, in my 20s, and it's just like, yeah, I ain't done. I'm not done. [00:37:55] Speaker C: That's the thing. Like, I think. And I think we talked about this before, too. Relationships, especially marriage, is a very unique and specific type of relationship that's going to hold up a mirror to things that you didn't even know existed. [00:38:09] Speaker B: I mean, I know that. [00:38:11] Speaker C: So to. So to ask for someone to come into a relationship 100% heal. [00:38:15] Speaker A: How sweat naive. Your naivety scares me. [00:38:18] Speaker C: How it's a possibility. And you've been married before, so. [00:38:22] Speaker B: But I Wasn't supposed to be. I mean the both of us will tell you that like if, if she was sitting here today she would tell you we shouldn't have been married. [00:38:29] Speaker C: I mean. [00:38:30] Speaker A: Okay, no that's, that's something to say. But guess what? [00:38:32] Speaker B: We weren't supposed to be. [00:38:34] Speaker A: You were. [00:38:34] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:38:35] Speaker B: No, like off here. I'll tell you the entire. Like there was no reason for us to. [00:38:39] Speaker C: But no, no. Either way it goes. [00:38:41] Speaker B: There's still probably now I learned a lot from. [00:38:43] Speaker C: That's why I say there are parts of and things that you probably learned from that relationship that would have learned as a single person. [00:38:48] Speaker B: It made me. It's going to make me a better husband the next time get married again. I want to get married again people. You sure? [00:38:56] Speaker A: Cuz that's why you supposed to be married. [00:38:57] Speaker C: Looking for perfection. [00:38:58] Speaker A: See, but that's why you were supposed to be married. To teach you some things. Cuz if you, if you weren't married, can you say you'd be that person right now? [00:39:08] Speaker B: No, because going through, honestly going through my marriage. First year, first year wasn't good. Second year, probably the best year of my life. Second year married to her. Best year, best relationship I ever had in my life. Year three, the worst year ever in my entire life. And I think that's just when we realized that we shouldn't have been man. I think she was 27, I was like 32. I wasn't as mature. I think that when you're married there's a level of maturity you have to have to be able to deal with the, the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows, the things that kind of are gonna come up, you know, finding out different parts. Because even if you've. I knew her for about two years before we got married and a lot of stuff we did was out of order. Kids before we got married. Kids is kind of what influenced us to get married. Her religion influenced us to get married and we got married and stuff just didn't mix. But throughout this whole process I learned how to deal with the, the things that you. I know that marriage reveals things that the person didn't even know was there like there was times where like she cussed me slam out. And she'd be like. And, and we would talk and she'd be like I wasn't even like this before you made me like this. You know what I'm saying? Like I, I never felt this type, this type of way towards anybody but you. And then there was things that she did that I got upset with her about. So it was just a never ending cycle of two people who just. And then at one point she said something about my oldest daughter. It was that plus my youngest daughter said something and it was like, okay, because now it's affecting the kids. And once that starts to happen and I know that the kids learn about how to deal with. And I've said this many times on the show. Young girls figure out how they should be treated from a man, from where they grew up in. And young men learn how to treat a woman from what they grow up in. And I just feel like whether we're parenting apart together, it needs, they need to not see this, the, the crystal side of things. I see the good side of everything because there's going to be disagreements and you got to learn how to deal with disagreements. But I do think that I had not, if I, if I had not been married, I would not be the husband I'm going to be. [00:41:50] Speaker C: So to that point, like, do you think that, do you think that couples therapy should be something that is done from the beginning when the problem arises or not at all? [00:42:04] Speaker B: No. I'm a person now. My belief is you need to have couples therapy leading in. [00:42:10] Speaker A: Yep. Before marriage. [00:42:11] Speaker B: Before marriage for sure. I think you have to have couples therapy going in and then I think that you need to set up regular check ins or checkups with a therapist. Like even if you don't want to do a weekly or a monthly, I think that you and your, your, your wife or husband need to agree to, hey, every three months we're going to go and see therapists that led us into this marriage. Just sort of a mental check in. We'll see them together and we'll see them individually just to kind of mentally check in. And then, because I think that's what'll make it easier if when something arises, you can, you already have a relationship with a therapist that you can call and be like, hey, look, we having some rough go. We need to come in, can we talk? When things were going bad for me and my marriage, I brought up the idea of therapy. I wanted to go to a therapist. She was like, well, if we're going to have anybody, if we're going to have anybody do therapy, she wanted it to be somebody from her congregation. And so it was her uncle. It was her uncle, Uncle James. And I told the story a couple, couple weeks ago and Uncle James, like she. Little Uncle James, Uncle James, amazing man. And he was talking, he would talk about stuff and as soon as he'd walk out the door. She'd go right back and she act. And she was like, well, he don't run this house. [00:43:26] Speaker A: Yeah. She didn't take it serious because that was a relative. [00:43:29] Speaker B: And now we're friends now. Me and her are friends now. [00:43:31] Speaker A: That's great. [00:43:31] Speaker B: We joke about a lot of this. My son hates it. Son Kaden. Y' all always playing like y' all ain't ruin my life. He said, I want y' all to stop the jokes. [00:43:43] Speaker A: Kaden needs therapy. He got ptsd. [00:43:48] Speaker C: Po. [00:43:48] Speaker B: Fang and Katie just walked out. He just walked out the room. But we have very playful and. And we joke a lot. And we've had a chance to, like, clear the air on a lot of stuff. [00:43:58] Speaker A: That's great. [00:43:59] Speaker B: And, you know, we've really said that she said that there's some things she wish she would have done, but she does believe, and I believe that she doesn't think that we should have been married at that time because we were not ready for marriage. And we said had we met each other today, that might be different story because we're both told totally different people, but where we don't want to be with each other because been there, done that, we're cool. But she says that our marriage did affect how she moved forward. And I think her. Man, I wouldn't be the person I am. I wouldn't. I definitely wouldn't be the parent I am. And I know I won't be the husband I'm going to be if it wasn't for that situation. It wasn't for me being married before. [00:44:45] Speaker A: So you're still looking for 100? [00:44:47] Speaker B: No, listen, listen, please. Just because. Just because I am looking for. For it. [00:44:52] Speaker C: Why are you looking for that? [00:44:54] Speaker A: Why are you looking for perfection? [00:44:55] Speaker B: Well, because I. And I think that that's my. [00:44:57] Speaker C: Oh, wait, let's. Let's first ask you what is 100%? Can you define that? [00:45:01] Speaker B: 100% healed? If that's 100% healed or 100% of. [00:45:05] Speaker A: Whatever we were talking about. Heal. [00:45:08] Speaker B: You talked about healed? [00:45:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:09] Speaker B: 100% healed to me is where your past does not affect me. [00:45:16] Speaker C: Yousef sign up for being a monk or something because you're going to be single forever. [00:45:22] Speaker B: Okay, I don't think that's true. [00:45:26] Speaker A: When you say your past, do you think. Are you talking in the tone of when women come. Oh, are you sneaking around or are you cheating on me? Because I think all men ain't stuff. You know what I'm saying? Is it like. Are you talking about something like that? Or if it's like something so tiny that you might do to where a past relationship, like, she just. She doesn't like it. It's like, oh, I don't like that you do that. Like, my ex used to do that. And not in the sense of a comparison, but it's just something that I don't like. [00:46:01] Speaker B: Okay. Now, if something I'm doing is triggering you, I think that's a little bit different. I think that's your past. [00:46:06] Speaker C: No, but I think something causes you to be triggered. [00:46:08] Speaker A: But it's a past. [00:46:10] Speaker B: But if it's something. But then that's what I'm saying. So if it's something that I do because of something, because it's the person I am, then we don't need to be together. Because if this is going to consistently trigger you of something from your past that I just do. That's just a part of who I am. [00:46:24] Speaker A: So what do you mean from. Like, I need you to define more. [00:46:27] Speaker B: So, like, okay, I once got into it with someone I was dealing with, and something that I do triggers her, and then something that she does triggers me. Trigger me. So, like, when she gets upset, she curses me. You cussing me? Done, son. I ain't saying a word. I shut all the way down. You keep on going. If you raise your voice, you start cussing at me, I'm out. Because I say, when I left my marriage, wasn't nobody talking to me like that ever again. Ever. It was never gonna happen again. I shut down and I'll be out. [00:47:05] Speaker A: You know, a lot of people cuss, right? [00:47:08] Speaker B: It's different. It's different. It's different. Cursing while you're talking to me or cursing at me. [00:47:14] Speaker A: Okay. [00:47:15] Speaker B: That's what I mean. You could cuss, be frustrated and cuss while you're talking to me. [00:47:18] Speaker A: Right. [00:47:18] Speaker B: I'm good. That's fine. Because I know people curse. I curse more than the average person, but. [00:47:24] Speaker C: Did you say more than the average person? [00:47:26] Speaker A: My gosh. [00:47:27] Speaker B: If you watch me coach, you know that. But I. Even though I curse while talking, I don't curse at the kids. [00:47:34] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:35] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? [00:47:35] Speaker A: You won't tolerate disrespect. [00:47:37] Speaker B: I just won't tolerate the disrespect of it. And so. [00:47:40] Speaker C: So that sounds more like you. You know what your deal breakers are. [00:47:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:44] Speaker B: Yeah. So. But. But if. If. But if there's something. So I forget what it was I did that she. When you do that, it triggers it. It. It. That's why I respond like this, because you when you do this, I was like. [00:47:55] Speaker C: And that. So that leads to one of your deal breakers. And all of us have different deal breakers. But to say that your past. You want to be with someone whose past is not going to affect you. [00:48:06] Speaker B: Okay, so to Corey's point, like, if I don't. If I don't text you, if I don't. I'm not a phone, like, talk on the phone person. Of course we got to talk on the phone. We get to know each other, so that's cool. But after that, because this day and. [00:48:21] Speaker A: Age, everybody better start adapting. [00:48:23] Speaker B: After we. After. [00:48:24] Speaker A: To being phone people. [00:48:25] Speaker B: No, after we. No, I'm more of a spend time. [00:48:28] Speaker A: All right. Quality time that you don't have. [00:48:31] Speaker C: Okay. [00:48:32] Speaker B: Hey, now, carry on. What we not gonna do? [00:48:35] Speaker C: I'm just saying, you also brought up in one of the podcasts that you ain't got no time. [00:48:40] Speaker A: We did talk about that. Yeah. [00:48:42] Speaker C: Compromise here. [00:48:43] Speaker B: The compromise here is I have to find a way to spend time with you. That's the case. [00:48:47] Speaker A: Okay. [00:48:48] Speaker C: But continue. [00:48:49] Speaker B: But anyway, so, like, if I don't. Like, if I don't contact you for the day, it may not be because. Or I don't contact you first. It may not be because I'm doing anything. [00:49:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:03] Speaker B: It could be because my day was just busy. [00:49:06] Speaker A: You know, that's hard to trust somebody. Right. [00:49:10] Speaker C: First of all, it don't take no long time to send nobody no ticks. That's number one. [00:49:13] Speaker A: And I, I. And you can't blame a person's past for something like that. Because you might be. You might be an honest person. [00:49:20] Speaker B: I'm legitimately. [00:49:21] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no. [00:49:23] Speaker C: You ain't that bitch. [00:49:23] Speaker A: I understand that. [00:49:24] Speaker B: And that's what I get. [00:49:26] Speaker A: Beyonce. But you're not. [00:49:27] Speaker C: You're not. [00:49:28] Speaker A: You ain't Beyonce. You ain't got a birthday one time. I'm saying, Beyonce stay on tour. She got three kids she got to worry about. She always somewhere. When I say Beyonce, I mean on the level of the celebrityism to where. [00:49:42] Speaker C: Even if you don't have everybody have their phones in their hands, their phones are like, if you. [00:49:49] Speaker A: If me and you are talking and you go 12 to 12 hours and I don't hear nothing. [00:49:55] Speaker B: I wouldn't say. You wouldn't hear nothing, but it would go. [00:49:57] Speaker A: But you just said I go today. [00:49:59] Speaker B: Yeah, but. Right, okay. So I'll give you that. I'll give you that. But why you can't text me then? [00:50:05] Speaker A: But what if they did? [00:50:06] Speaker C: You gonna text back. [00:50:07] Speaker A: That's the thing. Cause if you can text back. [00:50:09] Speaker B: No, I was. I was told. [00:50:10] Speaker A: Cause it's like, don't text me six hours later. That's the day. [00:50:13] Speaker B: Also, but also now. Also now I do got. I do got some rules on texting. [00:50:19] Speaker C: And you got too many dang On Satan. You need therapy. You got trauma. [00:50:23] Speaker A: You are not heal yourself. [00:50:26] Speaker C: The stuff that you're hing from the person you. [00:50:30] Speaker A: You're giving them ptsd, you going to make them start twitching. It's going to get. All that therapy they did is gone. [00:50:37] Speaker B: Any text outside of six lines. I'm not reading. I read the first six lines. [00:50:41] Speaker C: I told Yousef that he needs to be with someone who ain't. Who for real doesn't have anything going on that can't. That can center their lives. [00:50:49] Speaker B: No, they. No, I do not. No. I need somebody. [00:50:51] Speaker C: I think. [00:50:52] Speaker A: Yeah, he needs somebody who's busy girl. [00:50:54] Speaker B: I need somebody who got a license. [00:50:55] Speaker A: No. Cuz if he. Somebody that don't have a life. They're waiting. [00:50:59] Speaker C: If he got with somebody that was super busy, they would never have time for each other. [00:51:04] Speaker A: Oh, this is true. [00:51:05] Speaker C: But if you got. [00:51:06] Speaker B: You gotta line it up. [00:51:07] Speaker A: Nah, you was just telling me the other episode how you don't even know how to line it up. [00:51:12] Speaker C: On time management is. [00:51:14] Speaker A: I tried, I tried, I tried. [00:51:19] Speaker C: That's why I said that you need to be with someone who can kind of curtail their life around your life. Oh, yeah. [00:51:24] Speaker A: She doesn't want that, though. You don't want it. But that's all you have to offer right now. But that's all you gotta offer right now. No, no, no, no. I'm not talking about. I don't mean in the sense of like, you don't bring that to the table, but I'm talking about the quality time. You already talk about how busy you are. She means in the sense of you need somebody who can get on the bus with you, go to the hotel. [00:51:50] Speaker C: With you and the team. Done. Thank you. [00:51:52] Speaker A: With you and the team who can. [00:51:53] Speaker C: Just be with you. [00:51:55] Speaker B: No, I don't want nobody helping me doing this. [00:51:58] Speaker A: We didn't say. [00:51:59] Speaker B: You just said helping me out. [00:52:00] Speaker A: We said helping you out in the sense you taking everything too literal right now. [00:52:06] Speaker C: In America, you simply sign up for therapy tomorrow. What you mean because why would you want somebody to help you? Yeah. [00:52:14] Speaker A: What is that? [00:52:15] Speaker C: What is that? That triggered. [00:52:18] Speaker A: That was. No, that was the trigger. All right, now I want nobody to help me. [00:52:21] Speaker B: Okay. No. No. And this is where. And I think this is where. I'm not 100 here. [00:52:29] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:52:29] Speaker B: I will say. I'll give you that. Because the second you let a woman help you. [00:52:33] Speaker C: Lies. You let the wrong people. [00:52:36] Speaker A: Choose your next words wisely. Okay? [00:52:38] Speaker C: You letting the wrong ones help you. [00:52:40] Speaker B: Let a woman help you and something happens or you do something. You don't remember when I did this? [00:52:45] Speaker A: No. That's the women you were dealing with. See, that's why. That's why you have to. So you can stop dealing with women that throw stuff in your face. A woman ain't gonna do that if. [00:52:54] Speaker C: We'Re equal, if we're a partnership. [00:52:56] Speaker A: It doesn't throw it up in his face. [00:52:59] Speaker C: Like, oh, yeah. [00:53:01] Speaker A: Cause I had a person that. Do you understand the sacrifices I made for you? I said, why are you. [00:53:07] Speaker C: And I'm like, why? [00:53:08] Speaker A: You only think you're the only one who made sacrifices. Exactly. I just don't throw them in your face because I'm not gonna do that to you. But still, since you want to, now you can take you and your sacrifices and go out my door. [00:53:18] Speaker B: Yeah, see, I See, that's what I don't. I don't want anybody that's going to be like. And take whatever it is I do and just go. [00:53:24] Speaker C: So you think the person independently working in a relationship, like, no, no, no, no, no. [00:53:28] Speaker A: I'm not saying no. He's talking about. He don't want it to backfire and they throw it in his face. The woman that she's describing. The woman she's describing would be your perfect partner. It's like, I want to be there. I don't think she would throw it in your face. [00:53:45] Speaker C: Cause she ain't got nothing else going on. [00:53:47] Speaker A: So she's life. [00:53:48] Speaker B: Nope. But that's not. [00:53:49] Speaker A: And it's not. And it's not as in, like, she doesn't have a life. It's women out here. It would be more in the traditional sense of, I'm my part. This is my partner's dream. I don't really have a dream kind of thing. [00:54:05] Speaker C: My dream is your dream. [00:54:06] Speaker A: I invest into my partner's dream. I want to be a partner with him at all. [00:54:13] Speaker B: And I think I could say this. I like balance. I do. [00:54:18] Speaker A: You said lack or like, I lack balance. Okay. [00:54:22] Speaker C: Capitals. [00:54:23] Speaker B: Capitals. Jesus Christ. But what somebody did tell me one time, I put me in my place. They said, you make time for the stuff you want to make time for. [00:54:34] Speaker C: This is true. Cause you binge watch the show now. [00:54:37] Speaker A: Did you hear the cough in the background? [00:54:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:54:40] Speaker A: Like what our producer got to say back. [00:54:44] Speaker C: How many shows have you binge watched in the last month? [00:54:47] Speaker B: The other day I. I binged Cheaters. [00:54:51] Speaker C: How many episodes is it? [00:54:52] Speaker B: Cheaters is like. It's on Netflix. Really good show. Really good show. Watch it. It's a London based England show. [00:54:57] Speaker C: How many episodes is it? [00:54:59] Speaker B: 12. [00:55:00] Speaker C: How. How long are the episodes? [00:55:04] Speaker B: About an hour. It's a. It's a. [00:55:06] Speaker C: That man said he ain't got time. [00:55:07] Speaker B: No, but hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. [00:55:09] Speaker A: You binge like you sat the 12 hours and watched them all? [00:55:11] Speaker B: Like I know because I do a lot of. I do a lot of travel, so I do a lot of driving and so I gotta. So you driving and you watching TV on my dashboard. [00:55:23] Speaker A: Do you not understand how dangerous this is? [00:55:26] Speaker C: You know what? [00:55:27] Speaker A: I see the room. Hold on, hold on. Ready? Ready. [00:55:29] Speaker C: I might do that with us with the phone, not iPad. [00:55:31] Speaker A: Hold on. You ready? [00:55:32] Speaker B: I can see the road. [00:55:33] Speaker A: Hi, this is Corey and we are live from Florence, South Carolina. This is therapy with Yoshi. Yoshi, I have a couple of questions for you. First off, you need to stop driving with the D. With your. With your TV and your dashboard, okay? With your iPad and your dashboard. That can be potentially dangerous. [00:55:56] Speaker B: Okay? [00:55:57] Speaker A: And then next to me we have his dear friend who is concerned for him just as much as I am. Real concerned. [00:56:04] Speaker C: There is a concern here. [00:56:05] Speaker A: If you have any other questions, please call 555 Yoshi. Okay. Because this is dangerous. Yoshi. [00:56:14] Speaker B: I'm just. I find ways to multitask. [00:56:17] Speaker A: Does Yoshi need therapy? Press send a number one if he does, a number two if he doesn't. A three if it's without a doubt. [00:56:29] Speaker C: Oh, holding down three. [00:56:31] Speaker A: Send it to him right now. [00:56:34] Speaker C: Please be holding down three. What? [00:56:38] Speaker A: Now? We're not judging you. We're very concerned. [00:56:41] Speaker C: Did you say of course? [00:56:43] Speaker A: No, I said we're not judging. [00:56:45] Speaker B: Of course you are. But. [00:56:47] Speaker C: No, but the thing is not judging you, but I think we're more realistic. [00:56:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:56:52] Speaker C: About what a relationship is. And. And maybe. [00:56:56] Speaker B: So you think I'm delusional? [00:56:57] Speaker A: You're. No, no, no. Not delusional, but you're a little clouds. I need you to land, Yoshi. [00:57:01] Speaker C: That's the very definition of delusional. Corn. [00:57:07] Speaker A: I was trying to be nice about it. [00:57:11] Speaker C: You're not delusional. [00:57:12] Speaker B: What you're saying is it's impossible for me to end up in a relationship is what you're saying. [00:57:15] Speaker C: I didn't say. [00:57:15] Speaker A: No, no, no, no. Not impossible. [00:57:17] Speaker C: I did not say impossible. [00:57:18] Speaker A: You need to. You need to change. Change your expectations. [00:57:21] Speaker C: Yeah, I think that I Think some shifts and some changes are going to definitely need to happen. [00:57:25] Speaker A: But that's what. That's what therapy is for. [00:57:26] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:57:27] Speaker A: Therapy helps you understand. It is definitely. [00:57:30] Speaker C: It is possible. [00:57:31] Speaker B: Y' all talking to me like. [00:57:32] Speaker A: But you ex. [00:57:33] Speaker C: I mean, I'm trying to encourage you. [00:57:34] Speaker A: Like you want your woman to have something and be doing something. Yeah, but you're the busiest man on earth. [00:57:39] Speaker B: No, she. I'm not. Well, that's an exaggeration. I'm just. [00:57:42] Speaker C: I'm completely. Tonight an idea will pop in your head. You will wake up tomorrow morning and start trying to execute on whatever that idea was that popped in your head. [00:57:51] Speaker A: When your birthday. [00:57:52] Speaker C: On top of all the 30000 things. [00:57:54] Speaker A: When's your birthday? I need to know your sign. [00:57:56] Speaker B: December 30th. [00:57:58] Speaker A: Oh my God. Capricorn. [00:58:00] Speaker B: What does that have to do. [00:58:02] Speaker A: No, no. Capricorns are just. Are well known hustlers. Y' all don't know how to not be busy. [00:58:10] Speaker B: I can't now. That's the thing. I can't. Like, like I can't. [00:58:13] Speaker A: Y' all don't know how to. [00:58:13] Speaker B: Unless I have company or something like that. [00:58:16] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. I don't know how to sit still. [00:58:17] Speaker B: Sit at the house. [00:58:18] Speaker A: That's what. [00:58:19] Speaker B: At the house. I'mma go. [00:58:20] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:58:20] Speaker B: I'mma lose it doing something. Like I have the tv, I'll be editing a podcast and I have something binging something on television or during basketball season. I'm doing a game plan, watching film. I'm always doing like 10 different things. Yeah, I know, but I just. You know, but I think that if someone was to come into my life. [00:58:42] Speaker C: That's a lie. [00:58:43] Speaker B: That would understand. [00:58:46] Speaker C: Look at there. They already gotta compromise. [00:58:48] Speaker B: Wait, they don't have to compromise. Understand that would understand and adjust slightly. I would make. I would meet them the rest of the way. [00:58:59] Speaker C: Why you came in one adjustment. [00:59:01] Speaker B: I'm saying I'm gonna meet them. [00:59:03] Speaker C: Why you can't adjust first? [00:59:04] Speaker B: Why can't I adjust first? [00:59:06] Speaker C: Yes, you said they gotta adjust slightly. [00:59:07] Speaker A: And then you meet them. [00:59:09] Speaker B: The rest of the. [00:59:09] Speaker A: What suggest adjusting. [00:59:11] Speaker C: You need to get. Somebody ain't got nothing going on. [00:59:13] Speaker A: They gotta adjust nothing. No, I need to know. What. What's adjusting? [00:59:16] Speaker B: No, I think that. Okay. In my busy. I did date someone one time who lived in Charlotte. I found my way to Charlotte. [00:59:23] Speaker A: Yeah. You don't need no long distance relationship. [00:59:28] Speaker C: Of course, that's not. That's a recipe for disaster. What you don't need. [00:59:34] Speaker A: I wish I could zoom in on my face right now. [00:59:35] Speaker C: Because that ain't it. [00:59:38] Speaker A: Try again, Cleophis. [00:59:40] Speaker C: Try again. Try again. My guy. [00:59:43] Speaker B: Wait, let me. [00:59:44] Speaker C: So how long did that last? [00:59:45] Speaker B: I found myself. And she broke it off. It wasn't even me. [00:59:48] Speaker C: It mean why? [00:59:49] Speaker B: Why she broke it off? She said that because for me, things have to be planned. Okay. To some. Because I have to know. [00:59:57] Speaker A: Why did she break it off? Stop telling us the backstory. I just need an answer. [01:00:02] Speaker B: I have two. [01:00:03] Speaker C: Got to have some context. [01:00:04] Speaker B: I have two sons that are raised by myself. Yeah, she was more of an up and go person. I'm going here. I'm going. [01:00:09] Speaker A: Oh, she wasn't a. She wasn't a parent, A planner? [01:00:12] Speaker B: No, she was a parent, but she had more of a village around her to help her with her kids. [01:00:16] Speaker A: Oh, that's what we were talking about the other. Okay. [01:00:18] Speaker B: So she came up and just, hey, mama, I got a village. [01:00:22] Speaker A: But I still can't just. I'm going, right? [01:00:24] Speaker C: This got to be. [01:00:25] Speaker B: I'm going to Greece for a week. You know what I'm saying? [01:00:28] Speaker C: Greece? [01:00:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:00:29] Speaker C: Now she going all the way out the country. [01:00:31] Speaker A: Oh, she got money. Get it all for her. [01:00:35] Speaker B: So for me, I can't just go, okay, here, take. [01:00:39] Speaker A: Right? And I'm a full time single dad. [01:00:42] Speaker B: She kind of would do this often and want to just go take trips and want to do stuff. And I. And I would tell her, I said, it's not a money thing. It's a where am I going to take my kids thing. They mama, live in Atlanta. I can't just up and go. They go to school here. [01:00:57] Speaker A: Right. [01:00:58] Speaker B: So it's not like there's anybody here who I can say, hey, stay tonight at this house for a week and make sure they go to school and stuff like that. So I don't have any family here. So that's how. So that was difficult. And eventually over time, she wanted to be on the go and do stuff. And I kind of can't, at the drop of a hat do that. It has to be more planned for me. So it just. We just didn't line up. We saw each other a good bit. Sometimes I would drive up there, sometimes she would drive down here. So it worked. And a long distance relationship on to the contrary did work. Because during the week it wasn't. No, it wasn't any expected spending of time. [01:01:34] Speaker A: Right. [01:01:34] Speaker B: FaceTime here and there. We was good. [01:01:37] Speaker C: But you still supporting my claim that you need to be with somebody. Ain't got nothing going on. [01:01:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:01:41] Speaker C: Because she had going. She had. She had a Lot going on and it didn't work. [01:01:44] Speaker B: I need. I do need to date somebody who has children. [01:01:47] Speaker C: No pressure. [01:01:48] Speaker B: I do need a day to my. Or somebody who. Who likes kids and understands a single parent. Even if they don't have. They need to understand what being a single parent is. [01:01:58] Speaker A: Yeah. People without no kids don't understand that they don't got kids. So they never gonna understand it. They gonna claim. I mean they. They can. They can sympathize. That's it. Maybe not understand but that's the furthest. [01:02:14] Speaker B: To go and then eventually they be out. But y' all jumped on me today. [01:02:21] Speaker A: I mean we. This was kind of inevitable. You knew this was gonna happen. [01:02:25] Speaker B: That was easy. [01:02:26] Speaker C: That was easy out here. You opened the door, we walked in. [01:02:29] Speaker A: So you still looking for 100? [01:02:33] Speaker C: I think you're not 100. [01:02:34] Speaker A: Yes or no? [01:02:36] Speaker C: What you. [01:02:36] Speaker A: I want yes or no? I don't want to know. You think nothing. [01:02:41] Speaker C: No additional content. [01:02:42] Speaker B: Tune in next weekend will. You'll find out. I've been to the gym too. [01:02:53] Speaker C: Updates. [01:02:54] Speaker B: Updates. [01:02:54] Speaker C: Have you been taking pictures? [01:02:56] Speaker B: No, I'm not doing. I told you I'm not doing that. I told you. [01:02:59] Speaker C: You told the people that you were going to take pictures. So we keep up the videos. [01:03:03] Speaker B: I would post the videos. [01:03:04] Speaker C: Okay. Did you do that? [01:03:05] Speaker B: No, I did not. I didn't have time to put the camera up. [01:03:07] Speaker C: Did you do the raw diet? Diet? [01:03:09] Speaker B: I did do the raw diet, but how long? [01:03:11] Speaker C: I did it for four days with fidelity? [01:03:14] Speaker B: Yes. I didn't have nothing else but I had. I was a rabbit for four days. [01:03:18] Speaker C: Okay. Did you see some effects? [01:03:19] Speaker B: Yeah, I got a lot more energy because I started. I did do the. I am doing the. I'm not gonna plug this but I did do the rise mushroom coffee thing and it has helped with my. I'd have. I felt the difference with my energy and focus and stuff that's. It's been. Usually at about 2:30 I'm ready for a nap but I've been. It's been that I think I'm down about three pounds right now. [01:03:45] Speaker C: Okay. [01:03:45] Speaker B: So I'm continuing on. [01:03:47] Speaker C: Well look at there used to making progress. Go you sin. [01:03:51] Speaker B: But we had a question of the day. It was your partner's best friend confesses they've always liked you. What are you doing with that info? [01:04:04] Speaker A: Telling my partner nothing. Get away from me. He can't come over here no more. [01:04:10] Speaker C: And that's why I'm gonna tell my partner because I'm have to give you a reason why your partner can't come up. I mean, why your friend can't come over here no more. [01:04:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm snitching. I'm like, oh, I'm flattered. Not. Why would you even say that? Are you trying to ruin relationships? Because, you know, you just ruined your friendship, so. [01:04:27] Speaker C: And if you don't believe me, that's gonna be a whole different situation. [01:04:31] Speaker B: If your partner doesn't believe you. [01:04:33] Speaker C: Yep. [01:04:34] Speaker B: We got a couple of answers here. First, I tell him I'm not interested. Then I have to talk to my partner, and he can decide what he wants to do about his friend. [01:04:46] Speaker A: Yeah, that's wild. [01:04:47] Speaker B: Monique says, telling my partner. Yvonne said I would, but then in their pl. I put. I would put them in their place. Then I would let my friend. Then I would let him know. Best friends shouldn't be looking at their friend's man like that. Anyway, Pat said, depends on how she look. [01:05:12] Speaker A: At least. At least Pat's honest. [01:05:15] Speaker C: Yeah. And I think I'm getting him in the same room, matter of fact. So it won't be no discrepancies in the story or nothing. Like, we gonna all what you told me the other day. Yeah, like, hey, what'd you say? [01:05:26] Speaker B: Why you lying? Derek said, you check that foolishness off jump street and include your partner in every part of it. That's to your point. JJ said, I don't play. I don't play for that team. And you could have kept that to your damn self. Then tell my wife. My wife best friend is a man. [01:05:46] Speaker C: I was like, wait, what? [01:05:48] Speaker A: I was like, what's going on? [01:05:53] Speaker B: Pat came back and said something else. But you really believe your girl gonna believe you when she loves her friend. That's a good point. [01:06:01] Speaker C: That's why we getting everybody together. [01:06:03] Speaker B: If you tell. What if she say? I didn't say that. [01:06:06] Speaker A: I wish my best friend if your best friend. Cause at a certain point, my man is my best friend. [01:06:13] Speaker B: I don't know if that's. I don't know. I don't know. [01:06:16] Speaker A: Yes. After a certain point in our relationship, that is my best friend. [01:06:20] Speaker B: Because we talked about. We talked about that when we was at up on the roof. [01:06:23] Speaker C: We did. [01:06:24] Speaker B: We talked about it. Can you. Your husband be your or wife be your best friend? [01:06:29] Speaker A: That's how it's supposed to be. [01:06:31] Speaker B: That's how it's supposed to be. [01:06:31] Speaker A: Not talking about everything under the sun because there are some things that curl code. This is what me and my best friend talk about. But there's so many couples that have that relationship to where when the wife hears something, she be like, babe, let me put you on real quick. I gotta. That's her best friend. [01:06:50] Speaker C: I want my partner to be one of my best friends. [01:06:52] Speaker A: I won't say that for sure. [01:06:53] Speaker C: He will hold the only best friend title, but he will be the highest on that list. [01:06:59] Speaker A: Yep. [01:07:00] Speaker C: And definitely be one of my best friends. Because when I think about best friend, it's when something good happens to me, who's the first person I want to call. When something bad happens to me, who is the first person I want to call? [01:07:11] Speaker A: Yep. [01:07:11] Speaker C: And if it ain't you, that's a problem. What we doing that part. [01:07:16] Speaker B: But that's your husband. So I would assume that that would be the first person. [01:07:20] Speaker A: Not if you ain't my friends. [01:07:21] Speaker C: You'd be surprised because that's friendship level. Like me wanting to call you and share things that. That goes beyond romantic, you know, like the day to day cares of life or whatever the case is. Me wanting to show. Share intimate parts of myself. And when I'm saying intimate parts of myself, I'm talking about my life. Yeah, that, that goes beyond, you know, just the day to day. I love you and you know, whatever. So. Yeah, if I don't want to share that with you, then, baby, what we doing? [01:07:51] Speaker B: Okay, Valid, valid, valid. [01:07:53] Speaker A: Wait. [01:07:54] Speaker C: What would you have done in this situation if the, the best friend tried to talk to you? [01:08:01] Speaker B: I would have. I'd have had to get like, what's it called? Mission Impossible. [01:08:09] Speaker C: What you do the absolute freaking. [01:08:11] Speaker A: What does that mean? [01:08:12] Speaker B: I would, I would put my phone like, I'd have my phone and I press like record. [01:08:16] Speaker A: Oh. Just so you can have the proof. So you don't think your woman would believe you. [01:08:22] Speaker B: She probably think I'm playing. Cause I'm really like in a relationship. I really play for. [01:08:27] Speaker C: Not about nothing like that. [01:08:28] Speaker A: I would never think he playing. [01:08:29] Speaker B: And I would. And I would say it and it would. I would probably say it like, yo. [01:08:35] Speaker A: Homegirl tried to talk to me. [01:08:36] Speaker B: Be like, yes, I was messing with your girl. Try to holler at me. [01:08:40] Speaker C: I would hope that you wouldn't joke about nothing like that. [01:08:42] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I'm just real playful. [01:08:44] Speaker A: So that's how. That's kind of like it sounds like defense mechanism. [01:08:50] Speaker B: Why are you trying to send me to therapy? [01:08:53] Speaker C: Like, it's not like she's sending you. She sounds like. It's not like you're in it. [01:08:56] Speaker A: We're here. [01:08:57] Speaker B: How is it a defense mechanism? If I say I laugh, I would laugh. [01:09:01] Speaker A: No, that's how a lot of people handle uncomfortable situations. [01:09:05] Speaker B: I wouldn't laugh in front of her. [01:09:06] Speaker A: No, no, no. But it's like the way you. The way you. Yeah. Like, yo, she tried to. Yeah, she tried to talk to me. That's a. That's a defense. [01:09:13] Speaker B: Probably what I would say would be like, funny. Your girl tried to make me cookie monsters. [01:09:19] Speaker A: Let's start healing. [01:09:21] Speaker C: Your girl trying to make you cookie monster. [01:09:23] Speaker B: Ye. [01:09:24] Speaker C: Like that you please. Cuz I would probably chop in your throat for saying some foolishness like that. Like, what are you talking about? [01:09:31] Speaker A: We need to start healing now. Okay. [01:09:34] Speaker C: What? [01:09:36] Speaker B: She tried. She tried to give me a fruit of balloons. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, I just. [01:09:40] Speaker A: I hope you wouldn't say nothing like that. [01:09:42] Speaker B: And then she be like, if you lying, then I take my phone out. Click. This her. [01:09:46] Speaker A: She would be upset with both of y' all. What one. Why you think this is funny to. To do this like that. [01:09:53] Speaker B: It would be all things that me being serious and telling her. Nah, I can't do that. And I'mma tell your girl. Cuz I would tell her. I'm going to tell a friend. [01:10:00] Speaker A: No, no, no. We know that. I'm talking about talking to your woman. [01:10:03] Speaker B: No, my woman is going to be. It's cuz I. Cuz it's just. [01:10:06] Speaker A: She's going to be mad. Cuz it's like, yo, do you think that's funny to where you even presented it like that? [01:10:12] Speaker C: She's like potentially lose her best friend and you out here joking. [01:10:16] Speaker B: She's already lost her best friend. We got to find the joy in it. You got to find something smart about therapy. [01:10:23] Speaker A: What is wrong with you? [01:10:25] Speaker C: How. And what part of that is joy? It's. [01:10:30] Speaker B: I'm gonna tell you what's sad. [01:10:31] Speaker A: No, it's a bad. It's just a bad day. Okay. It's gonna be a bad day. It is no joy. Give her time. Do you understand? When a woman loses a best friend, it is like losing a lover. It's like losing a partner. [01:10:45] Speaker B: I get it. I mean, if I'd be hurt too. If I had a. [01:10:48] Speaker A: She's gonna mourn that relationship. I mean, if serious. [01:10:51] Speaker B: If it was to happen to me on the opposite side. I'm on the opposite side. [01:10:55] Speaker A: Mm. [01:10:56] Speaker C: And she was joking with it when she told you. [01:11:00] Speaker B: I mean, I wouldn't. [01:11:01] Speaker A: Nah, you're a man. [01:11:02] Speaker B: I wouldn't be. [01:11:03] Speaker A: Oh, no. Another man tries to push up on your woman. [01:11:06] Speaker B: I'm gonna lose a best friend in more ways than one. [01:11:09] Speaker A: Mm. Exactly. Wow. [01:11:12] Speaker C: So you gonna drop the girl, too? [01:11:13] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The male best friend is gonna go missing. [01:11:21] Speaker B: Yeah. Because that's. To me, I think. I think for. I can't speak for women because I'm not one, but I know for men, that's like. [01:11:29] Speaker A: It's the same thing. [01:11:30] Speaker B: It's just. [01:11:32] Speaker A: It's the same thing. The feeling you getting right now about just thinking about that. [01:11:37] Speaker B: Your wife. [01:11:38] Speaker A: That. That fake. [01:11:40] Speaker B: My wife? [01:11:41] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:11:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:11:42] Speaker A: My husband. Oh, you don't. You don't want to live past today, though, do you? [01:11:48] Speaker B: Yeah, like, that's just. And then. And then the. Just the. The fact that you just threw the relationship away. [01:11:53] Speaker A: That's why we're saying to you, if that ever happens, don't play. [01:11:58] Speaker B: I mean, you might have some. There might be something. [01:11:59] Speaker A: Praise the Lord. [01:12:01] Speaker C: He's just doing this to push buttons. [01:12:04] Speaker B: What are you talking. Why would you say that? [01:12:06] Speaker C: You said we closing out. [01:12:08] Speaker B: When did I say that? [01:12:09] Speaker C: You said, what did you learn today? [01:12:10] Speaker B: When did. When did I say that? [01:12:11] Speaker A: That. [01:12:12] Speaker C: What did you learn today? [01:12:13] Speaker B: I learned that my co hosts are trying to get me committed. [01:12:18] Speaker A: No, no, not committed. [01:12:19] Speaker C: Committed to therapy? [01:12:20] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. [01:12:22] Speaker B: Committed to trying to. [01:12:23] Speaker A: Can you say you need therapy? [01:12:25] Speaker B: They're trying to commit me to $80 a week. [01:12:28] Speaker A: Can you say you need. [01:12:29] Speaker B: Until I meet my deductible. [01:12:30] Speaker C: I mean, listen, it's worth it. [01:12:33] Speaker B: Can I say what? [01:12:33] Speaker A: Can you say need therapy? Do you think you need therapy? [01:12:39] Speaker B: No. Podcast aside, honestly, I think I do. [01:12:41] Speaker A: Yeah. Everybody does. That's a good thing. [01:12:43] Speaker B: I think I do. [01:12:44] Speaker A: That's a good thing. Every black person in America, every single one of them. [01:12:48] Speaker B: Because I have. I. I think I. I play when things ain't funny. [01:12:54] Speaker A: That's what clear. I mean, and I rest my case. Exhibit A, what you just displayed with for us. [01:12:59] Speaker B: And I don't. Like. I don't. I don't show emotions. [01:13:04] Speaker C: And you want your person to come 100%. [01:13:05] Speaker A: That's why I said it's a defense mechanism. That's how you protect yourself. [01:13:08] Speaker B: My personal. No, I'm very like. I show my emotion to my person. [01:13:12] Speaker C: No, I say you want your person to come 100. [01:13:14] Speaker B: Outwardly, I'm not coming. Yes. It's too much work sometimes. [01:13:18] Speaker C: That's a relationship. [01:13:21] Speaker A: A relationship is work because the person you get with this year, in three years, they're not going to be the same person. The next year, they're not going to be the same. I mean, you will consistently evolve. [01:13:31] Speaker B: Yeah, but the relationship grows. Grows. [01:13:33] Speaker C: Maybe. Hopefully. You don't necessarily Grow at the same pace as your partner. [01:13:37] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [01:13:38] Speaker B: I'm not saying you go the same pace, but the relationship itself grows. [01:13:41] Speaker C: But the relationship individually, though. [01:13:43] Speaker B: Individually, as a person, you might not. Well, I need to water you or something. If you ain't growing. [01:13:48] Speaker A: Yes, you better water. [01:13:49] Speaker C: I'm about to say, how's the relationship going to grow? [01:13:51] Speaker A: You have to water each other. [01:13:54] Speaker B: Some women don't want. [01:13:54] Speaker A: Think about it. It's like if you. If you constantly withdraw from the bank, who putting the money in. [01:13:59] Speaker B: Like a girl with acrimony. Man. [01:14:00] Speaker A: She want to do that. [01:14:01] Speaker B: Man. [01:14:02] Speaker C: Boy police. She watered him for all them dang on years. Anyway, what did I learn today? [01:14:09] Speaker B: What did you learn today? [01:14:10] Speaker C: I learned that Yousef needs therapy. [01:14:15] Speaker A: I was about to say the same thing. [01:14:17] Speaker C: And he needs to go quickly. Do not ask. Go. Do not collect $200. [01:14:24] Speaker A: And that's okay. [01:14:25] Speaker C: Seek help. [01:14:26] Speaker A: I need you to understand. It's okay. Okay. It's okay. [01:14:29] Speaker B: Corey, what did you learn today? [01:14:31] Speaker C: And that Yousef needs a hug or something. Like he wasn't hugged enough as a child. [01:14:35] Speaker B: Oddly enough, I was not. No. Fun fact. Here's a fun fact about me. Fun fact. Grandmother, father, mother, grandmother on the other side. Never once. Never once did I hit him. Say I love you. Never. Not once. [01:14:59] Speaker A: What's your. What's your love? Language. [01:15:02] Speaker C: Quality time. [01:15:03] Speaker A: No, it can't possibly be. Not with that. [01:15:06] Speaker B: No, it's quality time. When I did the love. Cause we did the love languages test on the show. My first one was physical touch and my second one was quality time. [01:15:17] Speaker C: All the things that you were missing in your childhood, Mr. I don't want the past to affect me. [01:15:22] Speaker B: Me. [01:15:23] Speaker C: Okay, Big. [01:15:24] Speaker B: What you mean? [01:15:25] Speaker C: Cory, what did you learn? [01:15:27] Speaker A: I learned that I could be a therapist. [01:15:29] Speaker C: You can, girl. Like, go ahead, take them classes. [01:15:32] Speaker A: I need to and start making that money. I've strongly been feeling that way. Yoshi just really confirmed on top and let. Yeah, he confirmed it for me. I'm not saying that there's nothing wrong with you. There is, but nothing wrong with the. [01:15:49] Speaker B: What we asked you to do. What we're not gonna do. [01:15:52] Speaker A: I'm kidding. [01:15:53] Speaker B: We're not gonna do. [01:15:53] Speaker A: I'm kidding. We're not gonna do this. Kidding. [01:15:57] Speaker C: It's fun, though. [01:15:57] Speaker A: It's all love. It's all love. [01:15:59] Speaker B: All love. Just kidding. [01:16:01] Speaker A: Did anybody press 1 or 3? Like, did you see anything come in? No. [01:16:05] Speaker C: Okay, I pressed three. [01:16:08] Speaker A: I was just saying you look like. [01:16:10] Speaker B: You was dancing on the three button holding it down. Yeah. [01:16:13] Speaker C: Anyway, for everybody. [01:16:14] Speaker B: Hey, until the next time. I'm Yoshi. [01:16:19] Speaker C: I'm Miranda. [01:16:20] Speaker A: I'm Corey. [01:16:21] Speaker B: See y' all next time. [01:16:24] Speaker C: Thank you for listening to another episode of Relationship Status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com iTunes, Google Podcast, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcast. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a Dear Nick, email [email protected] follow us on Facebook at Relationship Status Podcast on Instagram and Twitter elstatpodcast. And don't forget to comment. Share five star rate subscribe and review.