260th Date: I’m Not Having a Baby with Chris Brown, Drake, or Bezos!

[00:00:00] Speaker A: I'm fine. I'm educated. I can cook face giving body tea. I'm maternal. His daughter live with us. My kids live with us. I'm raising your daughter. Our children, the other four boys of his, he had four boys that weren't with us. They're with us every weekend. Like, my stepsons and daughter love me today. They still reach out. One was just at my restaurant the other day. How do you say it's blowing? You like, hey, y', all, welcome to Relationship Status. This is your girl V Live and. [00:00:40] Speaker B: Your boy Yousef in the building. And we are back once again. Remember, you can catch us on all podcast platforms. Just search Relationship Status. And don't forget the YouTube channel relationship status Podcast. And you already know Patreon is here. Go ahead and join the Patreon, Patreon, patreon.com relationship status. It's on the bottom. You see the bloopers and the foolishness that we get into little articles. And mostly it's a lot of her doing crazy stuff and saying crazy stuff. [00:01:11] Speaker A: Catching me when I'm not in front of the camera. Hey, I'm not thinking I'm in front of the camera, but I'm actually in front of the camera. [00:01:17] Speaker B: And when it's going, and, baby, who. [00:01:19] Speaker A: Knows what the sister might say? It gets rough. [00:01:22] Speaker B: It gets. It gets rough. So you had an eventful week. [00:01:28] Speaker A: I did, yeah. [00:01:29] Speaker B: You was doing interviews and all of that. You've been rocking it, trips. You had to go home. [00:01:38] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, I had to go home. Had to go back to Chicago. That's always nice to go back to Chicago. Sell it, you know, a couple birthday celebrations. [00:01:44] Speaker B: Yeah, you were celebrating. [00:01:46] Speaker A: Yes. When I go to the shy, baby, when I'm in a shy, I was like, all right. Because you have to understand, like, these are friendships from when I was like, 20s, you know? [00:01:57] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:01:58] Speaker A: Early 30s. So those are different types of friendships. [00:02:03] Speaker B: And that's what. I guess that's a question. That's a good question. Is that your friendships, as you get older, your newer friends, they. It's. They met you at a different time in your life. [00:02:15] Speaker A: It's very. It's different. Right? [00:02:17] Speaker B: And those. And those two friends can't interact because they almost wouldn't. They almost wouldn't understand each other because they wouldn't understand. [00:02:27] Speaker A: You know what? Here's the crazy part about me. I ran into a girl. I swear to God, I have not seen this girl in at least 20 plus years. And the first thing she said, bitch, you exactly the same. I am exactly the same. And the funny part is I thought that maybe I was a little more outspoken now than I was back then, but apparently I just been a goddamn firecracker all my life. [00:02:56] Speaker B: You just been that. You just been that way? Yeah. See, like me now, like, when people hear stories, like they run into my family or my friends and they happen to be at something together, and they start hearing stories from 23rd, early 30ish. Me, they're going, I didn't even know you had that type of side. [00:03:14] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. You've calmed down quite a bit. [00:03:17] Speaker B: Very much so. Like, from. I was on a run from probably high school all the way through my early 30s. [00:03:24] Speaker A: Well, that's meant for you. [00:03:25] Speaker B: It was a wild, wild ride. [00:03:28] Speaker A: That generally happens with men. Right. So what I've noticed, well, with. With within my friend group, me and you motherfuckers been outside since day one. Yeah. And so now, late 40s, early 50s, you started to settle down. [00:03:45] Speaker B: We like being inside. [00:03:47] Speaker A: Yeah, You. [00:03:47] Speaker B: Because I had the value outside. [00:03:49] Speaker A: 68 years. Yes. It's fine. [00:03:52] Speaker B: I remember my first, like, party. I grew up in Brooklyn, and they would have these bashment basement parties, right? And I went to my first one. I think I might have been 15, went to the first bashment, and I had to fight. Like, I was trying to talk to this girl. She lived down the block. And they had just. These three sisters had just moved on the block, okay. And the block was full of just nothing but boys. So everybody was trying to holler at these three girls. There's three of them. So everybody's trying to holler at these three girls. My boy Kevin had helped them move in, so he had the up on the oldest sister. And there was two sisters that were the same age. Yeah. Oh, it was real quick. And then Bentley lived across the street from them. And I lived right. I lived down the block. So I was talking to the other, to one of them. And my sister came down the block because I fought for my freedom. I want people to know I fought for my freedom. So my sister came down the block and she says, grandma says it's time to come back. It comes aside. And so I'm talking to the girl and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:04:58] Speaker A: No, she didn't just roll up to your grandma, say, come inside. [00:05:00] Speaker B: Yeah. No, no, go back, go back. Tell her I'm coming. Tell her I'm coming. 20 minutes later, grandma said, come inside. Tell her I'm coming. Tell her I'm coming. The girl says, you sure you good? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm good. I'm good, I'm good. [00:05:16] Speaker A: I can't wait to grab my girl the next. [00:05:19] Speaker B: My sister comes back over here. She says, grandma said, don't let her have to come down here and get you. I said, joe, I'm good. And then her name was Clavel. Clavel was like, well, you know, you can go ahead. Go ahead inside, and here's my number and just call me. I'm gonna go right inside right now and we can talk. No, no, no, I'm good. My boy Wayne just started laughing. Because when everybody knew my grandmother, my boy Wayne started dying laughing. [00:05:47] Speaker A: Cause I know it's about to go down. [00:05:49] Speaker B: My grandma came and whooped my behind. 15, 14 years old, in the top 14 and a half, about to turn 15, and she's like beating me with this belt going down the damn street, back to the. Back to the house. Needless to say, I didn't talk to Cavell after that. Another dude hopped on it. But right after that, I said, you know, I had to talk with her. I was like, grandma, I'm like, about to be 15. Everybody else that's even younger than me still be outside. It's summertime. I ain't got to come in. She's like, okay, I trust you. Just as long as you're in by. [00:06:15] Speaker A: What you're not gonna do. [00:06:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:17] Speaker A: If you're not disrespecting. [00:06:18] Speaker B: And that's what you said. [00:06:18] Speaker A: And make your own rules without consulting with me. [00:06:21] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:06:22] Speaker A: So since you want to be grown. [00:06:23] Speaker B: Yes. Since you won't be grown, we're gonna show you. Exactly. So, like, I think it might have been a couple of weeks later. I'm like, yo, all my friends are going to a party room. Where can I go? She said, okay, cool. Your curfew is 11 o'. Clock. Don't make me have to come get you. Cool. [00:06:39] Speaker A: I know by now you know. [00:06:41] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm not doing it. So I go to the party. I'm in 10, 30, I'm in. My homeboys is like, yo, you going already? I said, yeah. Hey, listen, y' all know. Yeah, I know. Constance. Now, we ain't let me get to this house. Nah. So the next summer comes up, and I'm 15. So now she trusts me, said, okay, you got till midnight. As long as it's in the vicinity. [00:07:01] Speaker A: Right? Cool. Within the block. [00:07:02] Speaker B: Yeah, within the blocks. We good. So then about the third party, I go to. Yeah, take your brother with you. He wants to go. I said, grandma, he 13 how you. [00:07:14] Speaker A: Get to say the. How he get how he gets to deal with you. And I trust you. [00:07:18] Speaker B: Exactly. I'm like, but I had to fight. [00:07:21] Speaker A: For my teen at midnight. [00:07:23] Speaker B: No, I had to bring him in at 11 and then go back for the hour. So for me, a lot of times I was like, well, it was in the vicinity. It's summertime. It's in the vicinity of the block. Like, we, we weren't really. We weren't really going. [00:07:37] Speaker A: I know, maybe around a block. [00:07:38] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. We wasn't, we wasn't going down the street. [00:07:41] Speaker A: I was like, I was at that age. [00:07:42] Speaker B: I can't remember all now 16. Oh, we was outside, outside at that point, about 15. Started drinking Heinekens and. And then we started 16. Now we, now we walking blocks. We talking about we going from flat bush to bed style to a party and hopping on the train. And so since about then I've been partying. [00:08:03] Speaker A: So you've been outside basically since you're 14, so it's time to sit your ass down. [00:08:07] Speaker B: So now when I'm like, when I meet somebody or I'm talking to somebody and I'm like. And they like, they like the club or whatever I talked about on another episode. [00:08:12] Speaker A: And that's what I was gonna say. [00:08:13] Speaker B: Yeah. And they like to do that. That's. That's your thing. Like, I'm cool with you doing that. I'm gonna be at the house. Like, I go to a cigar lounge I. I might go to. And I. I don't really smoke cigars like that, but I go because I like a little vibe. Yeah, I like music, little vibe of it. I'll go to a lounge or a nice restaurant that has a bar and I'll hang out at the bar, like whatever it is. Cuz I like to drink a little bit. So. But as far as like parties, like going to the. And then I got spoiled because I had a homeboy of mine, Blaze Rip to Blaze. But he was one of the biggest DJs in South Carolina. So he would throw a lot of events. I never had to wait. [00:08:55] Speaker A: That's something. I'm definitely not for it. That line would deter me every time. [00:08:59] Speaker B: And I never had, I never had to pay a skip line. I would just come up, yo, right to the front. Yo, what up? And we on stage. I don't got to be with the crowd. I don't got to do nothing. I could bring my own liquor in because they not checking me. Like, yeah, so I'm like, so it's. [00:09:15] Speaker A: Definitely Time for you to sit down. [00:09:17] Speaker B: I've been. Time. I've been sitting. [00:09:18] Speaker A: But see, that's. That's the difference, right? I was a mom at 18, okay? So I've been sitting my ass down since 18. And so now that they're adults and you. [00:09:30] Speaker B: And you get to be outside, and. [00:09:31] Speaker A: I get to be outside. They're adults. They're living on their own. I'm very proud of them. Amazing kids. And now I'm like, oh, what is there to do? Yeah, but moving here. Most of my friends here don't have children. So they've been outside. [00:09:48] Speaker B: Like, yeah, they've been outside for a minute. [00:09:51] Speaker A: Like. Yeah. The good thing is that I'm not a big fan of outside. [00:09:59] Speaker B: Okay, well, then, yeah. [00:10:00] Speaker A: So. [00:10:01] Speaker B: But when you go, you go out. But when I go at VLive underscore, baby, I'm telling you, if. [00:10:06] Speaker A: When I go, I go. [00:10:08] Speaker B: It's a show. It is. [00:10:10] Speaker A: We're gonna have a good time. We are definitely gonna have a good time. Chicago, that's where I'm from. Been there literally born and raised my entire life. I moved to Atlanta until 45. [00:10:20] Speaker B: And it's a deep root. [00:10:22] Speaker A: Those relationships are very different. [00:10:24] Speaker B: And. And so that. That makes it. And it could. So. So the majority of your friendships from here. [00:10:30] Speaker A: One girlfriend here like, that I With tough. [00:10:37] Speaker B: Oh. And. And she's. [00:10:39] Speaker A: And she matches my vibe. Last night, something me like, I kind of want to go somewhere. I'm like, what you doing now? Mind you, I was in the bed watching tv. She said, girl, I'm in the bed watching tv. I said, me, too. We so boring. And we both laughed and. And that was it. [00:10:55] Speaker B: But it's good when. When you got somebody, when you meet. [00:10:57] Speaker A: People that match your. [00:10:58] Speaker B: That match your vibe. Like, it's just. [00:11:01] Speaker A: I had some. Some. A couple other friendships along the way here in Atlanta with women, but most of my friends here in Atlanta are men. But I don't get out. I don't need to be outside the line. Like, people say it's their birthday, and they celebrate all month. I can't do all this shit. [00:11:19] Speaker B: Blessings to another year. But it's not a big deal. I'm good at the house. Even if I go out, let's say I go out, my friends want to get out. [00:11:28] Speaker A: I'm good with dinner. [00:11:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:30] Speaker A: Cocktails. [00:11:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:32] Speaker A: Hey, look, in most places in Atlanta, you got music and dinner all in one. [00:11:36] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:11:37] Speaker A: I'm good. I ain't got to go no place at all. [00:11:39] Speaker B: I ain't got to. Hey, Listen, I, I, I totally agree. When it comes to birthdays, like just out period New Year's, like, all that stuff, like, I might. [00:11:47] Speaker A: And everybody's asking me because it's my big one. I'm about to be 50. [00:11:51] Speaker B: Congratulations. You amazing. [00:11:54] Speaker A: For 55. I will be the big five. Zero. A bitch is half a century, man. When I tell you half a century, I feel like I'm about to cry just thinking about it. [00:12:09] Speaker B: But look at. [00:12:10] Speaker A: I feel good. [00:12:11] Speaker B: That's. You feel good. [00:12:12] Speaker A: I feel very blessed. Y' all will definitely. If you go to vlive. Underscore, baby. [00:12:18] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:18] Speaker A: For that half a century. [00:12:19] Speaker B: Oh, it's gonna be. It's gonna be. Oh. Oh. You going to Vegas? [00:12:22] Speaker A: I'm going to Vegas Lit. Chicago. My Chicago people. Chicago Bears are playing in Vegas. Oh, a lot of people are going to be going there. So I figured, you know, I thought about Greece or Johannesburg, but the people that I would want to be around with wouldn't be able to be there. [00:12:41] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. [00:12:42] Speaker A: So it's, you know, sometimes it's not the location, it's the people that. [00:12:45] Speaker B: It's the people that you're with. [00:12:46] Speaker A: So I'm gonna go ahead and do Vegas, which is an easy trip, right? [00:12:49] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:12:50] Speaker A: But my people can come. You know what I'm saying? That's more important to me than anything. [00:12:55] Speaker B: Yeah, that's, that's, that's the dope part, is that make sure that the people that you want to celebrate with are there to celebrate with you. [00:13:01] Speaker A: They're trying to get a bunch of black folks to go, baby, good luck. [00:13:05] Speaker B: All right. Of course, you know what we got. You know what time for it is. It's the question of the week. Question of the week. [00:13:10] Speaker A: Oh, I'm listening. [00:13:12] Speaker B: Question of the week is what is something your parents told you as a kid you found out wasn't true? Mine. This was my favorite one. [00:13:21] Speaker A: I'm listening. [00:13:23] Speaker B: We got a couple comments. My favorite one is if you tell me the truth, you won't get in trouble. That's the biggest lie ever told us. [00:13:34] Speaker A: You won't get in as much. What have you told that lie? [00:13:39] Speaker B: Yes, I lie every time. [00:13:40] Speaker A: No, but I'm saying, as an adult, have you said that same thing to your. [00:13:44] Speaker B: No, but I see, I mean it, though. My grand, My grandmother, they didn't mean it. Like, the first time I learned my lesson, I didn't do it again. [00:13:52] Speaker A: Like, had you got caught lying, you don't know what those consequences were going to be. [00:13:57] Speaker B: That might be true. [00:13:58] Speaker A: Because if I'm not if I'm asking you 99.8% of the time, I already know. [00:14:05] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:14:06] Speaker A: But that's another thing too. That's, that's all relationship. [00:14:08] Speaker B: That's relationships. Because if the, if let your woman ask you too many questions, she already know the answer that she is expecting out of you. She already know whatever it is. [00:14:24] Speaker A: She. If she doesn't know, she's already decided on what she believes, so it don't matter. So what's the other thing? [00:14:30] Speaker B: Okay, so I had another one. My grandmother told me this one time. Told me early, and then it kind of. I learned quickly that it was a lie. The ice cream truck only plays music when it's out of ice cream. [00:14:45] Speaker A: Now that was mean. They weren't buying no ice cream. [00:14:52] Speaker B: First time I heard the Mr. Softy and first time I heard ice cream going. [00:14:56] Speaker A: Ice cream truck singing, all the kids running, you like, damn. I don't know why they going ice cream. Grandma was, she was a gangster for that one. [00:15:05] Speaker B: I think when I was about, about nine. About nine. No, at nine, I was still living in Trinidad, so it might have been before I was living in. Probably about 8 is when she told me that. And I didn't realize till I came back from Trinidad when I was 11 that I came back when I was 12. Yeah. I was like, man, that's. It's ice cream. I said, grandma, she said, don't question me, boy. That's all she was. That's all she said. Don't question me, boy. We got a couple from some people in the comments. Yvonne Davis said that Santa Claus was real. I said, that's top 10. Carolyn Tyler said, my pappy would say, coffee make you black if you drink it. [00:15:45] Speaker A: Oh, that's a good one. [00:15:47] Speaker B: I told her that's my first time hearing that one. [00:15:49] Speaker A: Never heard that one. [00:15:50] Speaker B: This one is top five. This hurts me like, it hurts you more. [00:15:56] Speaker A: This is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you. [00:15:58] Speaker B: No, there's no way this is gonna hurt you. [00:16:00] Speaker A: Well, because it, it hurts us as adults or them as adults. Emotionally, it may hurt us physically. [00:16:07] Speaker B: Oh, no. [00:16:08] Speaker A: So it's hard to compare two different. [00:16:10] Speaker B: Type of hurts, two different types of. [00:16:13] Speaker A: But it do, because I swear to God, you really be trying not to whoop somebody's ass. I be, I, I. [00:16:20] Speaker B: A lot of these I've said, oh, this one. Fix your face before I give you something to cry about. [00:16:27] Speaker A: Yeah, already crying. Might as well get. [00:16:30] Speaker B: Might as well put the tooth under your pillow so the two fairy get it Fairy Yeah, it's. It. So. Yeah, that's. Thank y' all for. [00:16:39] Speaker A: Those are some good ones. [00:16:40] Speaker B: Yeah, those are some good ones. [00:16:41] Speaker A: Thank y. Santa Claus was a big one for me. I believed in Santa Claus until. [00:16:44] Speaker B: Was you an adult when you almost was you, like, 17N. [00:16:51] Speaker A: It wasn't that bad. Come on. I. I found out in December of my eighth grade year because my parents was like, we have to sit down and talk to you. And I'm like, what's wrong? I had my. I was like, oh, y' all want my list? So I had my list together, front and back. It was okay because I was heavy into my. Like, I was a. I played with dolls, like, heavy Barbies. Cabbage Patch. I woke up every day, got my. Got myself dressed, got my Cabbage Patch dress, and put them in different positions. You know, they would rotate. High chair, car seat, play pen, sitting up by themselves. Like, I would rotate them around so I was heavy into my toys. So eighth grade was when my dad was like, we got to talk to you, Vanetta. I'll never forget this day. And I was like, oh, you need my list? I ran and got my list, came back down to the table. He was sitting there. He was like, angel. Because my dad calls me angel. Angel. Santa Claus isn't real. [00:17:54] Speaker B: Geez. Don't, don't, don't. [00:17:58] Speaker A: Why are you lying on Santa? I gave him that list. You give this to Santa. Don't lie on Santa ran upstairs crying. And after Christmas, they came in, like, look, for real. [00:18:12] Speaker B: This is. This is the room. [00:18:13] Speaker A: I'm like, but I saw him. [00:18:15] Speaker B: But that's a good one. Because my. My early on, because we were Muslim for a good portion of my. My youth. And then when we. When we left the faith, you know, everybody was getting stuff from Santa. This and the third. So, you know, my mother was like, listen, I can't afford for y' all to believe there's some white man is bringing y' all these gifts. I have to work my ass off. [00:18:42] Speaker A: To get these gifts. [00:18:43] Speaker B: To get these gifts. So I need you to appreciate me in this moment. And I'm giving it to you because you earn it. Because you did do well. You did do some stuff good. And I do. I do believe that you do deserve this. But I can't have you believing that somebody else did, because I need you to appreciate what I am doing. [00:18:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Because I just thought Santa was gonna pull up, period. I don't care for what I did all year. Okay. How many times that teacher called you? How many times I forward your Signature. [00:19:08] Speaker B: Yeah, it, it's pulling up on December 25th. Yeah. I had a ex of mine and she used to like, I don't tell you how to raise your children. I don't tell you what you can and can't do with your kids. What I do with my kids is different than what you do with your kids. And we were dating for a little while and she would allow her kids to cuss and all kind of stuff like in the house around adults. Just how old were they you talking? 12, 13. And it wasn't like blatant, but it was, it was like, yo, like, I'm pretty certain my 12 year old does say some stuff from time to time. [00:19:55] Speaker A: When I ain't there, when he outside with his friends. [00:19:57] Speaker B: But I never heard him because he knows I will karate chop him in his throat. So I, I, I know that he knows that. So it became a big like, turn off for me because I was like, how do you, how can you, like, you just okay with that? And I don't have to be okay with that because these ain't my kids. So that ended that. So I mean, turn offs, people, whether it's a red flag, non negotiable ick. The ick is everybody. It's, that's, that's the new term, the ick. [00:20:34] Speaker A: Okay, so what is the turn off? [00:20:36] Speaker B: What is, what is it? [00:20:37] Speaker A: What is it? [00:20:38] Speaker B: Yeah, what is the turn off? [00:20:41] Speaker A: It could be a variety of things, right? And I think it's whatever that. It's anything that basically discusses you, period. It could be something. The way somebody chew. It could be the way they hold. Excuse me. The way they hold their mouth. It could be that they fart in public. [00:21:02] Speaker B: Like, not that. Okay. [00:21:04] Speaker A: It could, it could be a lot of. Right. But when you think about, you have to think about what the person means to you first. [00:21:13] Speaker B: And that's, that's, Is there a time frame where the turn offs? Like you kind of bypass them? [00:21:20] Speaker A: Yeah. Like you, I think you got to be all in good, you know what I'm saying? Before you, you know, because somebody always gonna do something to turn you off. You know what I mean? [00:21:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:29] Speaker A: But it does get at a point in some relationships that each person in a relationship are okay with farting in front of the other person. I'm sure they not excited about a farting right there in the bed, but. And I'm sure it's a turn off, but it's not a turn off. That's a deal breaker. [00:21:46] Speaker B: Okay? [00:21:47] Speaker A: Now had they probably farted in front. [00:21:49] Speaker B: Of them early on. [00:21:51] Speaker A: Early on. [00:21:52] Speaker B: And was laughing like. [00:21:52] Speaker A: This is an ignorant motherfucker. [00:21:54] Speaker B: They call it hot boxing. Right. [00:21:56] Speaker A: Like this. Just fart. Wow. [00:21:58] Speaker B: Just walking fart. [00:22:00] Speaker A: Now. As. As humanly as I know that it is. [00:22:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:04] Speaker A: If we're sitting up and we're. Let's just say we've been dating for a month and you think it's okay to fart in front of me? Yeah, I know I fart. Yes, I know you fart. Yes, I know. We need to fart to survive. That means you got a healthy gut. [00:22:19] Speaker B: But you can excuse yourself from. [00:22:20] Speaker A: From my space up. Like n. I don't even like you like that yet. I got to be in love before you start farting in front of me. [00:22:29] Speaker B: Because I gotta be okay with the smell. [00:22:32] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:22:33] Speaker B: Like whatever is. [00:22:34] Speaker A: And it's gonna blow me. And we can be together for 20 years. Every time you. My daddy can fart, that blows me. Like, damn. It's a turnoff. [00:22:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:45] Speaker A: So it's your timing. [00:22:47] Speaker B: But I think the timing is. Is a one factor. But it's one factor. And then it's just. Where does it fit on your level of importance. [00:22:56] Speaker A: Yes. [00:22:57] Speaker B: That a person does. Is. Is it a deal breaker or a turn off? Is it a deal breaker? [00:23:02] Speaker A: I think those are two different things. However, a turn off could be a deal breaker. [00:23:07] Speaker B: Yeah. And that's what I'm saying. So, like, what is the. What's an example for those who don't. For those who might not know what is a diff. Because I would say a turn off would be like a. It's not a. Because a red flag is not a turn off. [00:23:18] Speaker A: No. [00:23:19] Speaker B: So it's like all these different things. [00:23:21] Speaker A: Is he was abusive to his first wife. Red flag run. Cause you getting your ass whooped at some point. [00:23:29] Speaker B: At some point in time, that's a red flag. [00:23:31] Speaker A: Or even. Even if he or she comes from an abusive household, if they come from a. You know, I think it's like 86% of people that are abused become abusers. [00:23:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:42] Speaker A: That are in those environments. And we know this as educators. Right. [00:23:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:45] Speaker A: Unfortunately, it's a repeated behavior. Even though they hated it, they probably vowed never to do it. [00:23:51] Speaker B: It's probably. It's probably what they. It's a learned behavior. [00:23:55] Speaker A: It's a learned behavior at that point. [00:23:56] Speaker B: I don't even think they really realize that they're doing. [00:24:00] Speaker A: It's recycled. [00:24:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:01] Speaker A: You know, so those are red flags. A person who, like, I was just having this conversation with a young lady. I feel like now this is just my opinion. Okay. It's my opinion. [00:24:15] Speaker B: Unpopular opinion. Or is it these. This is V's opinion. [00:24:19] Speaker A: These opinion. [00:24:20] Speaker B: Okay. [00:24:21] Speaker A: I think that when people are not raised by their mother, that is a red flag if they are not or have not actively been in therapy. Not to say everybody. I don't. You can't say 100% of everything. I. I'll never say that. [00:24:45] Speaker B: Yeah. Nothing's absolute. [00:24:46] Speaker A: From my experience, from being an educator for 25 years, from being an adult educator for a few years, there is. And having people in my own family not raised by their mothers, there is a sense of abandonment. Even if they come in, if they are in a healthy position. Right. If they're in a healthy environment. Let's just say you have a child whose father is doing amazing, but unfortunately, mother was a drug addict, so the father has had the child his entire life. That child should definitely, as a child, as an adult, seek some type of therapy because there's going to be. When, when he gets into this place of dating women, there's going to be a level of disrespect because the one woman that should have been there abandoned him. Abandoned him, wasn't. And even if it's for the best. Right. [00:25:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:52] Speaker A: I had to have this conversation with my nephew. My nephew's been with us since we were six months. Best thing that ever happened to him, right. Being raised by us. Not that his mother was on drugs or anything like that. She was young and she wasn't stable. She was between Chicago, Tennessee, Atlanta. So my mother, you know, my parents, two parent home. Me, even though my brother was young, he was away at college. We're at home, nice house, you know, we can do his room and all of these things. Right. And my mother was like, you two everywhere. We'll take them until, you know, till. [00:26:24] Speaker B: You get settled in. [00:26:25] Speaker A: Until you get settled in. And unfortunately, being young and you know, your kid is taken care of, you don't rush to get settled in. You know what I mean? You keep living because now you have the luxury of being a mom. Right. When you feel like it, without the responsibility. [00:26:41] Speaker B: Yeah. Because you could just leave them there. [00:26:44] Speaker A: You come and visit, you know, and you go. So he's been with us since he was six months. Excellent young man. Now, of course, finished college, has done very well for himself. Not married yet, 33. But I told him a couple years ago, because of the relationships with these, you know, with different women, I'm like, you got an issue with women? Even though he was raised with me and my mom. Just as my kids. And he was like, no, Nene, I said, you find it hard to trust women. I feel like you sabotaged your relationship because you feel like they're going to let go of it. [00:27:19] Speaker B: They're going to leave. You want to leave them before you. [00:27:21] Speaker A: Leave, so you're going to leave them. And I think that sense of abandonment comes from his mother not being present. But that's just me. [00:27:29] Speaker B: No, I mean. [00:27:30] Speaker A: But I find out with a lot of people, it's. [00:27:33] Speaker B: I think. Because I think the reason why. And this is. I do not have a degree in psychology or. [00:27:41] Speaker A: And I actually have a degree in psychology. I have a. Well, undergrad, undergrad history in psychology. [00:27:47] Speaker B: Okay, okay, now break it down. All right. I feel like the reason why it's that way or the way it's viewed, the way you view it that way, is because there's a particular level of attachment that comes from carrying your child for nine, ten months or eight months or whatever. [00:28:05] Speaker A: And everybody's not maternal. [00:28:07] Speaker B: Yeah, everybody's not maternal. So as a child, the disconnect. A father could not be there and it not affect them as much as the mother not being there. Because I cannot fathom how I have been with you all this time as I was growing inside of your belly. And the one person that's supposed to be. That should be here for me is not. And that's not taken away from the importance of what fathers are and what their role is. [00:28:33] Speaker A: But it's just a different role. [00:28:34] Speaker B: It's a different relationship that, like, I don't know. I'm not sure if. And me and my mother didn't have the best relationship, you know, But I don't know if. If she wasn't around, if I would have turned out better or worse. Better or worse, whatever. But I. I know I would assume that it would be worse because I already have a. You know, I lack a lot of compassion and feelings, and I don't. [00:29:04] Speaker A: And it could be from men. [00:29:06] Speaker B: I don't do a lot of that. But I just think that her being there balanced me so that I'm not so far in one direction. So I do have some compassion. I do have some nurturing in me. You know, I do have some. Yes. Because people know me. I. I sometimes. I just. What's funny is in my relationships, I sometimes lack the compassion that I should. That I should have when my students or my basketball players. It's nurturing. I will. I will ride to the death for those. For those kids. And I'm not saying I won't ride for you, but it's just gonna look different. [00:29:59] Speaker A: But so there, There. There's something in there. There's definitely something in there. I'm. I. I have compassion. I am lovey dovey with every body. [00:30:09] Speaker B: I don't think. I don't think everybody. I can't. I can't do it with everybody because. [00:30:14] Speaker A: Like my students, not like everybody I talk to. [00:30:17] Speaker B: Yeah, I know what you mean. [00:30:18] Speaker A: From my students to my family, to my level of compassion. Huge. To a default. Like we're. To a fault where my dad used to always say, vanetta, you can't save the world. I'm like, but I could try. Yeah, but you know you're gonna be disappointed. [00:30:37] Speaker B: Funny story. My. So compassionate with the kids. I get my first. It's a. I had a head coaching job. It was a real. It was a small school. I get to the next level. It's a significantly larger school. State championship contender year to year. And it's my first year at the job, and I'm. I'm hard. No, I'm gonna help these children. And this kid, I ain't gonna say his name, but he. They was like. He was like 6, 7. He could really play basketball. He's a good basketball player. He's supposed to be in the 11th grade, but he was in the ninth grade. So I spent the summer setting some stuff up. So we had a college that would take him, and they said, this is the plan. If you can get him to play the season, he'll play the season. And then you could. He could withdraw, go take his ged, and then we'll set him up to go to a junior college. And then after he's in a junior college, we'll take him right after. Right after that. Junior college sat him down. His sister actually was helping to raise him, sat the two of them down. Hey, this is the plan. School gets in now. My principal said, he's never playing ever. So I talked him down. I talked him down. We got a chance to help this kid go to college. We got. He goes, he says, okay, okay, coach. [00:31:57] Speaker A: I'm gonna listen to you. [00:31:58] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm let you get. I'm gonna give this rope. I'm gonna give you this rope so. [00:32:02] Speaker A: You can hang yourself. [00:32:03] Speaker B: But if he gets one referral, he's done. I said, okay, no problem. The first day, this boy get a referral, first day of school, doctor, he calls me in, hey, coach, there's a referral. I said, doc, please. Like, I just started working with him. [00:32:23] Speaker A: Everybody's happy. Like, come on, give him a minute. [00:32:26] Speaker B: Yeah, give him a minute. Give him. Let's. Let me get a week. He said, okay, about over the next two or three weeks, the boy in school suspension just doing a damn thing. Just doing too much. And so he's gonna suspend him. So he calls me in his office again, said, coach, English. Yeah, we're gonna. Man, Doc, man, I'm telling you, I'm reaching him. I'm there, I'm there. He said, coach, let me say something. He said, I hired an English teacher and a coach. I did not hire a social worker. If you want to be a social worker, I need to go find me a coach. So decide whether this is the hill you want to die on. And that put things into perspective for me. I was like, yeah, okay, well, he can do what you need to do. [00:33:13] Speaker A: You know what? I'm gonna let you go ahead and take him. [00:33:15] Speaker B: I'll let you go ahead and do what you do. [00:33:16] Speaker A: Good luck, brother. [00:33:17] Speaker B: Yeah, I tried. Yeah, I tried. And. And I think that that goes for every aspect of our life. We. I don't know, we started off on deal breakers or whatever, but, like, we all. We all off. [00:33:28] Speaker A: We'll come back. We'll come back. [00:33:29] Speaker B: Yeah, but I think that that's every relationship. And we even talked about it, like when we was texting last night, like, what we was going to talk about. Like, sometimes you just got to leave people alone and let them be wherever they gonna be and, like, do that over there. Like, sometimes it's. It's. [00:33:44] Speaker A: We hang on, show you who they are, believe them. [00:33:47] Speaker B: We hang on to stuff. Sometimes for far, far too long. [00:33:52] Speaker A: Yes, I agree. [00:33:53] Speaker B: For far. [00:33:54] Speaker A: That's a whole nother conversation. Deal breakers. [00:33:57] Speaker B: Deal breakers and red flags. [00:33:59] Speaker A: So I just had a red flag. I gave an example of a red flag. Yeah, a deal breaker may be you showing up three hours late for a date. I mean, I'm sorry, are you still. [00:34:09] Speaker B: Sitting there at three hours late? [00:34:11] Speaker A: Damn. Are you. [00:34:12] Speaker B: Three hours. Are you still. [00:34:13] Speaker A: I'm not. However, I've seen it in my restaurant and eat my biscuits. So if you're ever in la, you gotta come eat my biscuits. You've seen somebody on Valentine's Day. He literally sat there for like three hours. He ordered food. [00:34:24] Speaker B: He. [00:34:24] Speaker A: He came in, he had about two chains, 16 bracelets, sat down. [00:34:29] Speaker B: He was the side dude. [00:34:31] Speaker A: Not on Valentine's Day. It was on Valentine's Day. She showed up. [00:34:34] Speaker B: No, don't say she showed up three hours late. [00:34:36] Speaker A: I don't know what. Dude, he Was there. [00:34:39] Speaker B: If he. If he. If he was the main dude, if. [00:34:41] Speaker A: He had any time on Valentine's Day, I. I think that if he was. [00:34:47] Speaker B: Significant, if he was the main dude, she would have showed up on time. [00:34:51] Speaker A: I don't know, because she said, ass. They stayed in that rush almost six hours. I'm not lying, because she already spent. [00:34:56] Speaker B: She already spent time with the main dude. [00:34:59] Speaker A: I don't know what. [00:35:00] Speaker B: He was down and he stayed. [00:35:02] Speaker A: I'll give you. I'll say he stayed for at least two and a half hours. I'm not joking. [00:35:05] Speaker B: Yeah, I wouldn't. [00:35:06] Speaker A: We didn't think he was gonna come. Someone offered to pay for his food. He sat there, he ate, he had some appetizers, he had a drink, he had some rose. And he just sat there looking at it. Everybody in that boot looking. And she finally came, and he was so excited, he got up. You know, that may be like a turn off, you showing up late for dates. You know what I mean? [00:35:28] Speaker B: That's definitely just. [00:35:31] Speaker A: I just say I turn off. Showing up late for a day, that may be a turn off. [00:35:34] Speaker B: That'll be a turn off. [00:35:35] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? Shoelaces too tight to me, that's goddamn turn off. Just. Just. [00:35:41] Speaker B: No, no, no, I'm. I. No, I. I got, you know, certain things. [00:35:44] Speaker A: You know, if a girl got baby hair down here for you, that may be a turn off. [00:35:47] Speaker B: No, you. We are how old. You should not have baby hair after a certain age. [00:35:52] Speaker A: I actually got real baby hair in here. [00:35:54] Speaker B: No, I mean, I'm talking about the ones that they got the gel and they got the brush and the hairline back here. And the baby hairs is up here. [00:36:02] Speaker A: Right. [00:36:03] Speaker B: So somehow the baby heads is up here. Deal breaker, red flag. Turn off. [00:36:11] Speaker A: Oh, we were. Okay, so turn off. That's what we're talking about. We all over the place today. Oh, my goodness. [00:36:18] Speaker B: Hey, this is what happens when you ain't recorded in a minute. [00:36:20] Speaker A: Yes. So turn off the shoelaces. Too light, too tight. The baby here, the shoe. [00:36:27] Speaker B: What else is. What's a turn off for me? [00:36:30] Speaker A: Farting. [00:36:33] Speaker B: A woman does not have to be. I like. A turn off for me is if a woman is not embracing her femininity. [00:36:42] Speaker A: You ain't gonna like me. [00:36:44] Speaker B: No, no, no, no. There's a difference between being a tomboy and you still being feminine. And you can still be feminine as a tomboy. And there's a person who's a tomboy that's not feminine. That's. [00:36:57] Speaker A: There's that called A butch. What the. [00:37:01] Speaker B: No, because I mean, they, they know they like. They like men and they date men and. But they just not. They just don't have that. [00:37:12] Speaker A: Because I'm not very feminine. It's hard to tell, but I promise you I'm not. I am not very feminine. Now. Yeah, I wear girl clothes, you know what I'm saying? But I am not very feminine at all. [00:37:24] Speaker B: No, it'll be female clothes, but like, it's like, that's what I'm saying. You never, you never wear like, you never. You never put yourself out to be like, to look. Yes, that's it. That's the word. [00:37:38] Speaker A: I don't feel sexy. [00:37:39] Speaker B: You don't have to feel it to be it. Some people exude it without. Without necessarily feeling that way. [00:37:45] Speaker A: Yes, but if you don't feel that way. Well, some people don't even want to try and make their self feel sexy. [00:37:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Some people don't even want to do stuff for themselves to do that. [00:37:53] Speaker A: No. So that's your turn off? [00:37:55] Speaker B: Yeah, that. That's. That's one. I have a couple. [00:37:57] Speaker A: No income. [00:37:59] Speaker B: Well, that's more. [00:38:00] Speaker A: That's a turn off. [00:38:00] Speaker B: That's a woman turn off more than any. [00:38:02] Speaker A: No car. That's a turn off. Maybe if I lived in New York and you didn't have a car, like. [00:38:07] Speaker B: Well, I mean, that's a different. That's a different circumstance. [00:38:11] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. [00:38:12] Speaker B: So like you can't, you can't be down south and not have a car. [00:38:17] Speaker A: No mustache. [00:38:20] Speaker B: If a man like bald face like. [00:38:23] Speaker A: A coochie face or something, like nothing. [00:38:28] Speaker B: What's even worse, what if you can't grow? [00:38:29] Speaker A: Let me tell you something. [00:38:32] Speaker B: Like, they just don't grow. [00:38:33] Speaker A: I'm gonna tell you this. If he ain't got no mustache, but then just got this but no mustache. And another thing that's a turn off that goddamn jockstrap beard. That's this skinny. Another. I gotta listen these motherfuckers. [00:38:47] Speaker B: Yeah, go ahead, Go ahead. What's that? [00:38:48] Speaker A: Another one is when you dye your shit the Beijing. [00:38:51] Speaker B: Oh, the jean, yo. I know, I know a dude that his jean be jinging. I'm talking about, he know how to do his own joint. So this man has to do it every single day, every time. And now it used to be all black. [00:39:10] Speaker A: Now you're doing a salt and pepper baby turn off. You are not up my pillows or my new white shirt coming to me about this, trying to get me a little of that shit on. [00:39:25] Speaker B: Cause I always Question. Like, who's going for this? Like what women are. [00:39:29] Speaker A: A lot of people are going for. That's why these out here doing the same. It's a lot of men going for that baby hair right here, them thick ass eyelashes. That's why they doing it. [00:39:37] Speaker B: No, no, no, they're not. [00:39:37] Speaker A: They're going for it. [00:39:38] Speaker B: So they're going for what they're for. For the body. Like they're not going to that stuff. [00:39:43] Speaker A: These girls are doing this because men are going. And men are doing it because women are going. I'm just not the woman that's going. I ain't going with the Beijing. I don't like it. It ain't my thing. I ain't going. If you ain't got no mustache right here. But you gotta go to ain't going. If you got that thin ass wrestling, chimp strap ass beard turn out for me as short. I'm short enough for both of us. No. And it's always some short trying to holler like, okay, she perfect. I'm not. I'm not perfect. Okay. That's not my thing. Bad feet, bad feet. I don't know. Because maybe if he was an NBA player or something like that and yeah, bad feet. [00:40:26] Speaker B: You have to understand. [00:40:27] Speaker A: I have to understand it. I would get that. [00:40:29] Speaker B: NBA, NFL, like a professional athlete, I would get that. [00:40:32] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? Let's think what else? Oh God, it's so many turn offs. These list high shoes, Beijings, no goddamn mustache. But a goatee. Like DNS, jock strap shorts. [00:40:49] Speaker B: What about the. Like it's ball, but then they got a little. The hair patch across the back. [00:40:57] Speaker A: On. [00:40:57] Speaker B: Purpose and it's like fade. Yeah, it's like faded. [00:41:00] Speaker A: I haven't seen that. But it would. You know what? But for me it would depends on if the dress matches that. Because that's like an eccentric dude. [00:41:07] Speaker B: Okay? So if he's. So if he's like an Accenture dude. [00:41:10] Speaker A: Doing some shit, but his, his, his flow go together. [00:41:13] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:41:14] Speaker A: I could probably. [00:41:15] Speaker B: Okay. [00:41:16] Speaker A: I could with it. [00:41:17] Speaker B: Okay. [00:41:17] Speaker A: I like, I like a man that, that can dress and I like men that are manly. I like men that are bossy. Like men that carry themselves where you can tell he's in some type of control. [00:41:35] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah. [00:41:35] Speaker A: You know what I mean? Like that turned me off. I'm getting excited just thinking about a few. Jesus. [00:41:44] Speaker B: Yeah, inbox her at V Live. [00:41:46] Speaker A: Do not inbox me. Tell you right now. And the main gonna be inbox is the 1, 2 Beijing. No, no goddamn Mustache, but a beard, chin strapping. [00:41:58] Speaker B: But he got, he got the vibe, though. [00:42:00] Speaker A: Nah, I ain't gonna find out about your vibe if you got any of that going on. I ain't gonna find out about your vibe. I can tell you that right now. [00:42:07] Speaker B: No, no, not at all. [00:42:08] Speaker A: I. You come to eat my biscuits, though, I can talk with you, we can laugh and vibe that way. But no, I'm. I'm hard, I'm funny. Yeah, I am. I'm like, I'm. I've been single, I'm divorced, right. And then after my divorce, I ended up in a 15 year relationship. And I don't like being single, but I like what I like and I'm okay with being alone. I don't want to be in a relationship just to say I'm in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship that is fulfilling, that serves me. You know what I mean? No, I get that in what I need. And it may be different from what you need or what the next woman needs, you know, but I am, I'm. I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to like, release, settle down and. [00:43:00] Speaker B: Be and be done. [00:43:01] Speaker A: Share a home. Yep. I'm. [00:43:03] Speaker B: I'm domestic. You want to be domesticated, it's all right. [00:43:06] Speaker A: And I am a very domesticated woman. And people always say, like, I don't look like it, but I am ready. I am. I'm so like. Let me tell you what my ex husband told me. Again, we going off topic. My ex husband told me this, okay? He said, you, this cooking every day, breakfast, lunch, dinner. Now, I came to the marriage with two kids, he came to the marriage with five. We were a pretty bunch. And I got married at 25, two kids. He told me. And so I would have his kids, my kids, like we're having them all summer. Like we're family. We had a big. We had six bedrooms, five and a half baths, this big ass house, full car key to garage. Why would we not fill this up with love and kids and family, you know what I'm saying? I wasn't working, so why shouldn't I cook every day? [00:44:03] Speaker B: Yeah, it's a valid point. [00:44:04] Speaker A: This taught me all this fairy tale. These kids, you cooking every day. I'm gaining weight. This ain't me. I was so lost. Like, I'm fine. I'm educated, I can cook, face giving body tea. I'm maternal. His daughter live with us, My kids live with us. I'm raising your daughter, our children, the other four boys of his, he had Four boys that weren't with us. They're with us every weekend. Like my stepsons and daughter love me today. They still reach out. One was just at my restaurant the other day. How do you say it's blowing you like that right there? Just I. I was so. I remember that day so vividly because he had been slip sleeping in the basement at this point. It had been for a few weeks. And I was like, what the is going on? [00:45:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:45:04] Speaker A: So I finally went down and like, what is wrong? Like, what. What the is wrong? And that's what he told me. You, these kids, you cooking every day. I'm gaining weight and this fairy, but. [00:45:17] Speaker B: That ain't on me. I. But that means that he's used to that might. [00:45:21] Speaker A: He used to. [00:45:22] Speaker B: He used to. Yeah. [00:45:24] Speaker A: Like he ain't used to this. So. But even that's the thing. [00:45:27] Speaker B: Like, even if I'm not used to. [00:45:29] Speaker A: It, I have to get used to it. [00:45:32] Speaker B: I have to find a value in it. There's value there clearly. [00:45:36] Speaker A: Now I guarantee you today. [00:45:39] Speaker B: Oh, he. [00:45:40] Speaker A: He wish he understood. Well before today he wish he understood. Right when I packed that up and he came home and one there. Nope. I left everything. Only thing I took was my kids bedroom sets. I started completely over with everything. Yeah, I bet you he understood that then. Oh yeah. I got a ton of deal breakers and. [00:46:07] Speaker B: But, but I think the older you get, the longer the list gets because it's through you learn. It's through your experiences that you learn whatever you don't like, you learn exactly what you don't like. Like girls with braids, like that's just been a thing since I've been 15, 16 years old. I couldn't. Couldn't do it. [00:46:26] Speaker A: So that's a turn off. [00:46:28] Speaker B: Oh yeah. [00:46:29] Speaker A: Girls with braids. What else is the turn off? Kids who curse. If you can't, women will let their kids curse. [00:46:35] Speaker B: Yeah. If you can't, if you can't. If you have no style. [00:46:39] Speaker A: No style. [00:46:40] Speaker B: Whether it's an original like you said, whether it's eccentric or not. Like if you don't got no style, like you don't got just blah. Yeah, just blah. That's a turn off. [00:46:53] Speaker A: How about them baby hairs? [00:46:55] Speaker B: Baby hairs. The long lashes are a turn off. Like if you go. If you wear glasses and you can't wear glasses because you got them damn lashes on, that's the damn problem for me. That's a problem. Like the glasses can't even fit on your face. You got them just your pocketbook because you can't use the glasses because you can't blink. You can't even blink. And there's that. But I think it's. And for me, it's sometimes. It's sometimes fluid. You don't have to know how to cook. So I wouldn't say not being able to cook, but cooking is one. Cooking is one of my passions. So if you're cooking. Yeah, I cook, my ass. I cook a lot. [00:47:39] Speaker A: Bring some. [00:47:40] Speaker B: Oh, no, I got you. I can show you a little something real quick. [00:47:44] Speaker A: You know what, people? This, this what I don't understand. And no offense to you, Yousef. [00:47:49] Speaker B: Okay, Your boy. [00:47:51] Speaker A: Your boy Yousef. [00:47:53] Speaker B: In the building. [00:47:54] Speaker A: In the building. [00:47:55] Speaker B: See, look at that. [00:47:56] Speaker A: Love to show a picture what that tastes like. That picture. What does it taste like? That's a video. What does it taste like? You know how many people it looks like? It's good, but it may not taste. [00:48:08] Speaker B: Like, hey, don't worry. Oh, so I see where you're going, though. I see. [00:48:12] Speaker A: I'm just being honest. I tell you, I can cook. I ain't gonna pull out on my videos. It looks good. The plating is amazing. But do it taste like anything? [00:48:20] Speaker B: Don't worry. Next time I put it in, put it in the thing. You can come warm it up. [00:48:27] Speaker A: But yeah, please and thank you, because I don't give a what them pictures look like, what that tastes like. [00:48:30] Speaker B: But every time I come down here, we go into. I go to eat my biscuits and I enjoy the food. It's great food there. Like, I don't need to bring nothing. It's great food there. [00:48:38] Speaker A: Okay, well, we gonna switch it up and bring some. [00:48:41] Speaker B: Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. [00:48:43] Speaker A: All right, so yeah, you guys let us know. [00:48:47] Speaker B: Yeah, let us. What is your deal breaker? What is your red flags? And definitely your turn, your turn offs. What are your turn off? So that'll be first question of the week for this week. Coming up will be what are your turn offs? Go ahead and post them on the page. Follow us R E L S T A T podcast on all social media platforms as well as email us R E L S tatpodcast gmail.com. right now we're going to go ahead and get into the advice letter of the week. And that is this one is nice. Short and sweet. [00:49:23] Speaker A: Okay, I'm listening. [00:49:25] Speaker B: Since. Dear Yusuf and Vanetta, I've been dating a woman for about two months, and while she is lovely, I don't want to continue this relationship any longer. She has said she doesn't want to commit yet because she feels she doesn't know me well enough. But at the same time, she acts as if we're already in a relationship. For example, she comments about other women, gets upset if I don't text her for a day, asks me for compliments, but then gets annoyed if they're not good enough and isn't clear about whether she wants kids. While I understand she might see the potential in this going somewhere, I don't feel the same anymore. It feels like too much too soon. And I'm realizing that I don't want to be in a relationship while important things where important things like having children are uncertain. Honestly, it's making me feel anxious. And I'd rather step away now and open my. Open myself up to dating others who might actually want the same future I do. How do I end this in a respectful and clear way without being hurtful, Giving that she hasn't technically committed to me, but also acts like my girlfriend signed, don't want to hurt no one. [00:50:38] Speaker A: Oh, that's so sweet that he doesn't want to hurt her. So you're gonna have to hurt her. It's gonna hurt. Sorry. It doesn't matter if you talk to her. If you say it in a text message, if you send it with flowers, it's going to hurt because it's something that she's interested in. Right. [00:50:53] Speaker B: But is she truly interested in it? [00:50:56] Speaker A: It sounds like she is if she's doing all that. And I think this is where women go wrong. Oftentimes women do too much too fast. You know what I'm saying? I have had to tell several friends, that ain't your nigga. Stop asking him. In all honesty, this is me, and I'm just gonna say this. If I ain't fucking you, who you fucking is your business. I don't ask those questions valid. You know what I'm saying? [00:51:21] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:51:22] Speaker A: Now, if you are having that type of relationship within two months, I don't think you should be. Honestly. [00:51:27] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:51:27] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? But I don't know how often they're seeing each other because you could say two months and y' all only seen each other's wife. You could say two months and y' all seen each other 34 days. I don't know. You know what I mean? [00:51:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:51:39] Speaker A: But a. If I'm not you, I'm not worried about who you fucking. It ain't my business if we have not decided. And even if we get to that point where we decide to. Where we sleep together, It's a conversation that needs to be had. Where are we in this? What are we? You know what I mean. Yeah, but asking questions about other women and all of that, it's not your business. He's a single man. What he does, who he does with, is his business. [00:52:04] Speaker B: But on the flip side of it, he's asking questions, too. He's asking if she wants kids. She doesn't. He. [00:52:08] Speaker A: Well, just because I'm asking that, that's going to tell us where we're going. That'll mean you my woman now. Because I'm asking. [00:52:13] Speaker B: True. Okay. That's true. That's true. [00:52:17] Speaker A: Hey, you want some kids? No. [00:52:18] Speaker B: Okay. [00:52:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:52:19] Speaker B: Do you? Do you want kids? That is a good question, though, because some people be wanting kids and. [00:52:24] Speaker A: And I ain't having them all, so I'll tell you right now, I have to cut them yns off. Baby, ain't shit else passing through this. Good luck. No. Come with him or don't want none. [00:52:38] Speaker B: Have you. Have them ready. [00:52:39] Speaker A: Have them ready. [00:52:40] Speaker B: Have them ready. [00:52:41] Speaker A: I'll be a great stepmom. Great. I love kids. I'm great with kids. Ask all my friends. But do I want any myself? Hell, no. [00:52:51] Speaker B: Starting over. Diapers and all that. Yeah. Ain't nothing. [00:52:53] Speaker A: No, and I'll do it for you. If I met a man tomorrow and he said he had this new baby, a year old, shit happens. I get it. Just because y' all got that baby does not mean it was anything. [00:53:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:53:07] Speaker A: And I liked him like that. I would start over again for that person. [00:53:15] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:53:16] Speaker A: You know what I mean? It ain't coming out of me, though. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not doing it. I ain't have no motherfucking baby with Chris Brown, Drake Bezos, the. The owner, Amazon. No. I have no kids with nobody. I don't give. How much. Half a percent or nothing. Now, back to the letter. [00:53:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:53:37] Speaker A: I think the best way to do. [00:53:39] Speaker B: This, rip it off like a band. [00:53:40] Speaker A: Is just tell her, look, I'm good on you. [00:53:43] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:53:44] Speaker A: Like, I think you're an amazing woman for somebody else, just not for me. And everybody ain't for each other. [00:53:49] Speaker B: And I think it ain't personal. And that's what. And that's what I think. I don't know if he's gonna end up hurting her because it's so early. It's two months in. [00:53:56] Speaker A: He'll hurt him. [00:53:57] Speaker B: I don't know if it's. [00:53:58] Speaker A: If she worried about why he. Why a date went by, he and she Ain't text. Her feelings gonna be hurt. [00:54:03] Speaker B: Yeah, but I mean, sometimes even if. [00:54:05] Speaker A: A I don't text, tell me. But sometimes I'm texting me no more. [00:54:09] Speaker B: But sometimes our days just go like that. [00:54:11] Speaker A: Like, I don't think I understand that. But she. [00:54:13] Speaker B: She don't. Yeah, she don't. Yeah. [00:54:14] Speaker A: So that's part of maturity. Life happens. Life is. It's a lot of days go by I don't text a back. It ain't personal. I'm just doing what I'm doing. [00:54:22] Speaker B: Yeah, I know that. I know. I know that. [00:54:24] Speaker A: Oh. Oh, you so. [00:54:28] Speaker B: Hey V, we recording this week. I'll be forgetting we had a couple comments. So just be honest about. I'm sorry. Lakeisha Marie said, just be honest about what you're feeling based off of your conclusions of the relationship. Be direct and be direct and respectful. [00:54:55] Speaker A: And please understand you don't owe nobody no explanation. [00:54:59] Speaker B: You don't owe nobody no explanation. [00:55:00] Speaker A: I just don't want to do this done. That's it. Yeah, you don't have to explain to nobody. [00:55:04] Speaker B: There's no time invested. [00:55:06] Speaker A: You don't owe her no explanation. Hey, you ain't for me, baby girl. [00:55:09] Speaker B: Yeah, that's it. Migs Rodriguez said, tell her everything that's typed in this letter. Hannah friend to the show said so wait, after two months she's supposed to know all the answers to these questions and his panties in a bunch he doesn't feel the same because she doesn't know all this in two months. [00:55:33] Speaker A: Boy, you know I'm with it. How the do I know if I want kids with you in two months? [00:55:37] Speaker B: I hope she dumps you. [00:55:38] Speaker A: I may not want you in two months. [00:55:42] Speaker B: I hope she dumps you. Quandra Kirkland said, how old are you all? Also if you feel that way. They communicated as you have here moving too fast. But do you want kids? Hannah responded to her he doesn't know what he wants. Two months ago he wanted her and she doesn't fall in line with his timing etc. And now he don't know. [00:56:04] Speaker A: Women are so quick to dog a brother out. He probably saw her and say okay, I like this woman. She my style. She look good. Dug deeper. Nope, don't like this woman. He has the right to change his goddamn mind. [00:56:17] Speaker B: He does have a right. [00:56:18] Speaker A: But why they think some everybody does. Everybody has a women going too hard on him. However, I mean you can know whether or not you want to have kids, but then it's the issue of do. [00:56:28] Speaker B: I want to have them with you and I. But I think that. Two different questions. No, I think it's the same question. Because if. If there's a person that wants to have kids with you and you ask. [00:56:38] Speaker A: You don't know. You want to have a child with somebody in two months. [00:56:40] Speaker B: I'm not saying you do, but you. [00:56:42] Speaker A: Know, if you want to have kids or not. [00:56:44] Speaker B: That's true. I mean, I get that, but what question did he ask her? [00:56:48] Speaker A: Do you want to have kids? That's what he said. [00:56:51] Speaker B: He sound like a guy that said, do you want to have kids with me? [00:56:54] Speaker A: I think he just asked if you. [00:56:55] Speaker B: Want to have kids. Okay. [00:56:56] Speaker A: And she's like, well, I don't know. [00:56:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:56:58] Speaker A: So I don't know is I don't know in general or I don't know if I want to have them with you? [00:57:03] Speaker B: Yes. I don't even want to start. [00:57:04] Speaker A: I hope he would not ask that conversation. Would you like to have kids with me? Boy, get the out of here. [00:57:08] Speaker B: At two months, Rosalind re said she isn't truly ready for a relationship. If she were, she'd already know what she wants. Advise her. Y' all can move forward as associates, but you'd rather apply pressure to a woman who doesn't need to be convinced. [00:57:23] Speaker A: Okay, now you going to hurt a feeling. Don't say all that. [00:57:25] Speaker B: No, B. [00:57:26] Speaker A: Just don't tell her. I'd rather. You know what? You're not the one for me. I'd rather apply pressure to. To woman. [00:57:32] Speaker B: Somebody who's going to some party, who's going to match. [00:57:34] Speaker A: You ain't got to tell nobody there. Just tell them you don't want they ass. I want you done. [00:57:42] Speaker B: Done deal. [00:57:44] Speaker A: Why in the do we make everything so goddamn complicated? [00:57:46] Speaker B: Because we are. Because people are people. People believe they live. They want to live in complication. [00:57:53] Speaker A: People want to live in chaos. Hey, I ain't with you. You ain't. Hey, I'm good on you. And if she get to asking why just don't respond, she'll stop. [00:58:01] Speaker B: Yeah, she. She'll stop. She. She won't. She. She'll stop. [00:58:04] Speaker A: She'll stop. Now, if she's a lunatic, then that's something different. [00:58:07] Speaker B: That's something different. [00:58:07] Speaker A: But we'll find out later. If she becomes a lunatic, please let her. We'll advise you moving forward as of right now. Just tell her, you know what, baby? I think you're a beautiful person for someone else. Done. [00:58:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:58:19] Speaker A: If you don't want to say it over the phone or in. In person, do it through a goddamn text. It's Two months in. [00:58:26] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, it's. It is early enough for you to cut. You know, to cut bait, rip the band aid off. I think if you were years in, it'd be a little bit more difficult, a little bit more tougher conversation. You probably owe a little bit more of an explanation. [00:58:37] Speaker A: I don't think nobody. Oh, nobody should. If I don't want you no more, I don't want you no more. [00:58:41] Speaker B: Yeah, but I think that you do need to have a conversation, because that's one thing. Here's one thing. I don't like people. I want to say this. I want to say don't like people. But a red. A red flag or a. For me is if somebody told me something like. Like they don't. When they stop talking to you, like, they just ghost the person if they stop talking to them. [00:58:58] Speaker A: Tell me why. Tell me. [00:58:59] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, like, because even if it's not for, like, if I'm not gonna do something, if I'm not gonna be with you anymore, I'm gonna. At least I'm gonna tell you why. Because that's fair. Yeah. Yeah. [00:59:09] Speaker A: I'm not for the person. [00:59:10] Speaker B: I'm not for you. But he. These are the reasons why, whether you agree with them or not, and this might be something. It might be something that they weren't aware of, that they do or that they are or whatever. [00:59:21] Speaker A: Something they weren't aware of about you personally. [00:59:24] Speaker B: Exactly. And so what ends up happening is they can now, they can make adjustments to their own life at this point and make changes going forward, take that with them to the next relationship. [00:59:33] Speaker A: Okay. [00:59:33] Speaker B: Yeah. So. But so to me, what that means is you can't have difficult conversations. That's what that tells me. When you can't give. And it's not about giving another person closure. It's just about, you know, hey, I guess. [00:59:44] Speaker A: I mean, I would want somebody to tell me for sure. I would definitely tell me why they wouldn't want me. [00:59:49] Speaker B: I don't have to agree with it. It might hurt my feelings. [00:59:51] Speaker A: But. But at least, you know. [00:59:52] Speaker B: But how you. What? I can't be mad at how you tell me how you feel. Like, how you feel is how you feel, and I just got to take that, and I can't get upset. You know what I'm saying? It's. It. You did your job. You told me how you felt about whatever it was, the reason why you decided to go. Now it's up to me to take it, internalize it, look in the mirror, whatever it is. I want to do agree with you. Disagree with you. But at the end of the day, at least you gave me. At least I know why this happened, and I'm not taking the same behavior. [01:00:19] Speaker A: Yes. Instead of sitting up. Because I got to be like, torture just disappear on you. You like, what the. [01:00:25] Speaker B: Yeah. What? [01:00:26] Speaker A: They got to be tortured. [01:00:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:00:27] Speaker A: Okay. [01:00:27] Speaker B: That person. That person is a terrorist. [01:00:29] Speaker A: All right? [01:00:30] Speaker B: They're a terrorist. So thank y' all for tapping in. V. How could they find you? [01:00:36] Speaker A: You can find me on V. On Instagram. I'm sorry? You can find me on Instagram @vlive. Underscore, baby. And don't be inboxing me, okay? [01:00:46] Speaker B: Yeah, don't. [01:00:47] Speaker A: Now, if it's about the podcast and it's like, valid information, yeah, Then fine, you can do that. But even so, I think you should. [01:00:54] Speaker B: Go to R E L S T A t podcast. Yeah. Anytime on Instagram. Yeah. If you want. [01:01:00] Speaker A: If you go to V Live, you around won't hear from me. Too many messages, I'm being told. Perfectly honest. But you can follow me on Instagram. [01:01:06] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you message me there, you ain't. It's always a party. Always a party. And you can follow me on instagram @the9th wonder.s d a N I n T H W O N D E R as well as on the Relationship Status podcast. [01:01:17] Speaker A: Follow me there, too. [01:01:18] Speaker B: Yeah, make sure we follow us at there. And also don't forget, tap into the Patreon patreon.com backslash relationship status. Until the next time y', all, we are out. Peace. [01:01:32] Speaker A: Okay, we gotta stay on topic. We all over the place today. That was. You gonna have to do a lot. Thank you for listening to another episode of Relationship Status. Remember, you can catch us on Relationship Status, podcast.com, iTunes, Google Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear Neek, email us at relstatpodcastmail.com or call us at 843-310-8637. Follow us on Facebook at Relationship Status Podcast on Instagram and Twitter @RelStat podcast. And don't forget to comment, share 5 star rate, subscribe and review.