261st Date: Do Women Even Care If Men Are Happy?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: You know why? Because we don't expect men to be happy. How many women even ask their man if they're happy? [00:00:08] Speaker B: I. I would say I've been. I've been lucky in that a good bit of the women that I've dealt with, I would say have been in tune with my happiness or unhappiness. [00:00:20] Speaker A: I think we take have been especially black women. [00:00:23] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:00:23] Speaker A: Black men, 100%. Now I am attentive when it comes to my man. I am, I'm. I'm. That's. Hey, it's vlive here with relationship status. [00:00:40] Speaker B: I'm with my boy Yusuf in the building. Remember, you can catch us on all podcasts platforms, your search relationship status. If you want to join the show, be a part of the conversation, hit us up. R E L S t a t podcastmail.com and don't forget, don't forget, don't forget Patreon. Patreon.com backslash relationship status. On and popping. You want to see the backstage stuff, the stuff that you can't see any place else. V Wild. [00:01:04] Speaker A: Get on that Patreon. [00:01:05] Speaker B: V wilding out. [00:01:06] Speaker A: You said V wilding out. [00:01:08] Speaker B: Always get on that Patreon. Get on that Patreon. [00:01:11] Speaker A: I am only wilding out like a minute amount. This much. Could be this much. [00:01:17] Speaker B: It's this much. Is this much. This much. But anyway, OB how was your week? [00:01:22] Speaker A: I had a pretty good week, you know, no complaints, nice and steady, easy going, chilling, chilling. [00:01:28] Speaker B: Me too. Me too. It was a chill week. Ain't too much happened. [00:01:32] Speaker A: Yeah. Nothing exciting. [00:01:33] Speaker B: Yeah, it wasn't. [00:01:34] Speaker A: I didn't win the fucking lottery. [00:01:35] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:01:36] Speaker A: No big hot date. No one came in. Captain save a whole nothing. [00:01:41] Speaker B: You don't want them anyway. [00:01:44] Speaker A: Shit. Save me, save me. [00:01:48] Speaker B: Save me, save me. [00:01:50] Speaker A: I don't wanna be saved. [00:01:52] Speaker B: Hey, y', all, we gonna get into some social media stuff today. [00:01:55] Speaker A: Okay. [00:01:56] Speaker B: Had some videos. V is always sending, sending videos. It ain't just you. It's me too. So here's the first. [00:02:34] Speaker A: All right. We gotta listen to all of it. [00:02:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:36] Speaker A: That's the main thing, right? The space that you give your partner. [00:02:41] Speaker B: To be a human just to. Like I met you, like you were attractive. Just like I found 10 other people at the bar. 10 other women at the bar. [00:02:53] Speaker A: Just cause you fine don't mean ain't nobody else fine, fine. Didn't stop what you do. [00:02:58] Speaker B: And you expect me not to look at anybody else. [00:03:01] Speaker A: So don't talk about the woman perspective. Talk about the men's perspective. Like, how do you. When it comes to a woman, how do you allow her. Her space. Her, her space to be who she is? [00:03:14] Speaker B: Because I, I think that I met you being who you are and what you are. And I said this two episodes ago and I want you to continue to do that. I, I think that when we as men, because it's a lot of men do it like they'd be like, she can't. Yeah, you can't, you can't look at it. [00:03:33] Speaker A: You might not be liking. [00:03:33] Speaker B: No, yeah, you might not be. You might. Yo, I seen, you know, I just, I put myself in the place of. I'm secure in who I am and what I do within my relationship. I'm super secure. If you feel as though you need to that like if you think a dude is cute, he cute. Like you can even mention to me, hey, that's a good looking man or that's a good looking outfit he got on or you know what I'm saying? Like, I ain't going to engage in the conversation because I don't know if he good looking or not. But hey, I'll take your word for it, right? [00:04:06] Speaker A: If I say that's a good looking man, you say, she surely is. [00:04:09] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, we got a problem. So I don't know for sure. So I, I'm taking your word for it. And I don't feel no type of way because you're with me, you're not with them. And I think that a lot of the people that go through that stuff, like she said, dehumanizing. Like what changed about like, at what point did I stop being a human. [00:04:25] Speaker A: And stop being attracted to people? [00:04:27] Speaker B: I can be attracted. [00:04:28] Speaker A: You're still going to see people that look good. There is safe flirting. People don't understand that. You can look at a person's page and like their picture. [00:04:43] Speaker B: Yes. [00:04:43] Speaker A: You can laugh at their joke. You can find someone else attractive. You're. Especially when you're in relationships that last over years, you're gonna see other people that you're actually going to like. [00:04:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:58] Speaker A: And you, I'm sorry, you going to see him, you're going to be in his face with him. It could be at somebody's house, they going to be talking. You like, damn, I like this motherfucker. It does not mean you act on it because you have a responsibility to your relationship. But you are not going to never feel any way about another person. You're going to feel something else about someone else. But it does not mean you have to act on it. [00:05:29] Speaker B: And that's. And, and that's the thing. Like if. If. If I'm secure and you're secure and we are two secure people, we can have these conversations. You can make them comments around me. If. If you hanging out with your girl. Yeah, I'm. I'm okay with you going. [00:05:43] Speaker A: See that. I might even hit you. [00:05:44] Speaker B: Be like, hey, hey, she got ass. She got ass. [00:05:47] Speaker A: When I tell you, face giving body teeth. Face giving body tea. And I'm already looking at you looking at her. Because if I saw her and thought she was fine. I know you saw her and thought she was fine. [00:05:59] Speaker B: And I should not be afraid or I shouldn't feel to look. I shouldn't be afraid to look or without getting. I mean, we could be. We could be playful with it. Oh, yeah. It could be a joke or whatever. But at the end of the day, and then like the. The sharing of the location, I need to. [00:06:14] Speaker A: Oh, no. Like, no. I need my space. [00:06:18] Speaker B: All of it. [00:06:18] Speaker A: I need my privacy. You have. I'm not going through your phone. [00:06:22] Speaker B: I don't care what's in your phone. [00:06:24] Speaker A: It's not my business. It's not my business. [00:06:27] Speaker B: It's your phone, your bill. [00:06:29] Speaker A: I don't give a fuck if it's my bill. I'm not going through your phone. [00:06:32] Speaker B: I just don't. [00:06:34] Speaker A: Everyone deserves the right to have privacy. [00:06:37] Speaker B: Yeah. And I. [00:06:37] Speaker A: Period point blank, and I'm even. And I have insecurities. I do. I have insecurities. However, I respect you as a human being. You deserve your privacy. I'm gonna give you your privacy. I don't wanna see your phone. It ain't my business. [00:06:54] Speaker B: It just. And that's the biggest thing. [00:06:56] Speaker A: That's it. [00:06:57] Speaker B: That's the biggest thing. I mean, and we're together, and all I can do is trust. All I can do is trust that you're respecting our relationship. [00:07:04] Speaker A: And when it gets to the point that I need to see your phone or I have a desire to see. [00:07:11] Speaker B: Your phone, then I don't need to be here. [00:07:12] Speaker A: Then it's time for the relationship to be over. Not trying to do no like that. No, no and no. Not at this age. [00:07:21] Speaker B: Yeah. Not at this. [00:07:22] Speaker A: No. Respect each other's privacy. [00:07:23] Speaker B: That's my grandma. Not at this tender age, I ain't. [00:07:26] Speaker A: Okay. [00:07:27] Speaker B: I just ain't got time. [00:07:27] Speaker A: What's the next one? [00:07:28] Speaker B: Next one says, couples listen. [00:07:51] Speaker A: Love it. Because it's called reverse psychology. Get me out the hot seat. Let's put your ass in the hot seat. Because basically what you're saying is valid and true. [00:08:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:05] Speaker A: And I don't want to be accountable. [00:08:06] Speaker B: And I don't want to be accountable. [00:08:08] Speaker A: I do not want to be accountable. So we ain't going to make, we finna switch this. Well, what about that, that time? We ain't talking about that time. We talking about this moment. [00:08:15] Speaker B: We right now, we dealing with this right here. But it's difficult. I will say this, all right? And I'm not saying I, I, I do it. I'm not saying I haven't done it. It's hard, but it's difficult to sit there and have somebody like, they, they, they're throwing them at you and you like, you know, last week she did this, that, and the third, that really pissed me off. But I ain't say nothing, cuz. Say nothing. But now let me go ahead and I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you one thing. I, oh, my God, I hate. [00:08:44] Speaker A: Oh, turn off. [00:08:48] Speaker B: That's a call back to last episode when you want to run down the list of stuff you did for me because we in an argument, we're in a disagreement. [00:08:58] Speaker A: Well, sometimes you do have to, you, you got to remind a motherfucker. Yes, you do. You can sometimes. [00:09:04] Speaker B: But you can say that you, you can remind me when without listing, you could say, you know what? You know, I have been there for you, I have had you. [00:09:12] Speaker A: I think it, so it's two things. It depends. It depends. The tone, what we're speaking of. It's so many. [00:09:20] Speaker B: But, but what? Are we keeping score? Because if that's the case, if I'm. [00:09:25] Speaker A: Losing, if I'm winning, we definitely keep a score. If I'm winning, we for sure keep him up. [00:09:29] Speaker B: Because at this point, now I'm going to go, well, now I don't want you to do for me no more like don't, don't, don't support me. Don't have my back. If, if, when we, if, when we had a disagreement, if, when we get in a disagreement, if that's what it's going to be, then don't do it. [00:09:46] Speaker A: But you might be a person who don't take those things for granted. Sometimes you have to remind them. [00:09:52] Speaker B: I've been told. [00:09:53] Speaker A: I've been told when they take things for granted. [00:09:58] Speaker B: Okay. [00:09:59] Speaker A: I mean, so when you start taking for granted and thinking I'm supposed to do what the I do, I'm gonna remind you everything I do for you, I'm doing for you. [00:10:11] Speaker B: Yeah, but you can say that without listing, I don't feel like. You don't have to run you don't have to run down every time. [00:10:18] Speaker A: But sometimes you do. I'm sorry. Sometimes you have to run. [00:10:21] Speaker B: All right, with that. But I could say this, that I sometimes am. Like, if you talk about something in the back of your mind, it's so hard not to say. But last week you did this, that, and the third. And I ain't say nothing. [00:10:33] Speaker A: I think. I think everything is subjective or objective. [00:10:38] Speaker B: Subjective. [00:10:39] Speaker A: It really just depends on the tone, what we're talking about and what the incident is. It's so many factors in it. You know what I mean? [00:10:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:47] Speaker A: How petty you want to be or. [00:10:49] Speaker B: How petty you want to be. [00:10:50] Speaker A: Sometimes you want to be petty. And I think what he's referencing is more of something a little petty that's more direct that we can deal with right now. [00:10:58] Speaker B: Okay. [00:10:58] Speaker A: I get something that's. [00:11:00] Speaker B: I get that. That. That makes sense. [00:11:02] Speaker A: So, I mean, all of these things, it's about perspective and what the conversation about and all of that. [00:11:09] Speaker B: Okay, now I want to give a shout out to the relationship battle twins. Here goes. One, Sam. [00:12:06] Speaker A: You know why? Because we don't expect men to be happy. How many women even ask their man if they're happy? [00:12:13] Speaker B: I. I would say I've been. I've been lucky in that a good bit of the women that I've dealt with, I would say have been in tune with my happiness or unhappiness. [00:12:25] Speaker A: I think we take. Have been especially black women. [00:12:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:29] Speaker A: Black men, 100. Now, I am attentive when it comes to my man. I am. I'm. I'm. That's just part of being a homemaker, is who I am. That's just what I do. But I do know a lot of women that are not. And I know that society doesn't care enough about black men to ask or care if we're. If they're okay. Damn, I'm too much of a tomboy. I just said we. If we. Okay. God damn, Damon. I am a girl. Golly. My bad, y'. All. [00:13:02] Speaker B: Shit. [00:13:03] Speaker A: But as long as he is doing what we feel he needs to do, the assumption is he's good. [00:13:11] Speaker B: He's good. [00:13:12] Speaker A: So rarely do. Do women even ask a man if. If they're happy because they. Honestly, a lot of them don't give a. [00:13:21] Speaker B: Because it's about. [00:13:22] Speaker A: What does it say? Happy wife, happy life. [00:13:24] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:13:25] Speaker A: Damn. So the husband can't even be happy. He only got saying men don't even deserve happiness. Well, which is why a lot of men stay in unhappy situations. Happiness is not expected for Black men, a hundred thousand billion percent agree. Men do not marry for emotion. Men marry Mary. Who is there at the time that they decide they want to be married? Women. We look for fairy tales. And now. You know what? I'm gonna take that back. Some women look for serious fairy tales and some women just look for security. [00:15:33] Speaker B: Yep. [00:15:34] Speaker A: They don't. They don't give a damn. Sex good or not, man, Good or not. These women are marrying men that have full relationships with other men. Seriously. [00:15:45] Speaker B: And, and, and defending it. [00:15:47] Speaker A: And defending it because he is a provider. [00:15:50] Speaker B: Yeah. He pays all the bills. [00:15:51] Speaker A: He pay all the bills. If I hear that one more time. [00:15:54] Speaker B: I know somebody who, I know somebody who says this all the time. She said that her, her husband says all the time. Her husband takes care of all the bills, takes care of her. He. She said, I know he out there, but you come home every night and I don't have to take care. I don't have to do nothing. [00:16:14] Speaker A: A lot of women stand on those. [00:16:15] Speaker B: Principles and I'm just like, for the rest of your life, this is what you want. Like, I don't get, I don't get this infatuation with finances dictating your life. [00:16:35] Speaker A: Like I want, for real, like for me, happiness. I want to lay next to a. That want to lay next to me. [00:16:41] Speaker B: Me. [00:16:41] Speaker A: I don't want to lay next to the. That want to lay next to Janice, Karina, Samantha. I want a man with discipline who wants to be with me, wants to lay with me. If that can pay all the bills too, thank God. [00:17:00] Speaker B: That's. That's a plus. [00:17:01] Speaker A: But I want you to want to be. [00:17:03] Speaker B: I want you to want to be with me. [00:17:04] Speaker A: But that's why so many more men stay in unhappy relationships. Because a, they have the freedom to fall in love with another woman. That's. Freedom to fall in love with another woman. It is. [00:17:19] Speaker B: And take care of a whole nother life, whole nother whole family coming home. [00:17:24] Speaker A: Every night, paying all the bills, but going on movie dates, dinners, parties, bars, experiencing with another woman. [00:17:37] Speaker B: It's. [00:17:38] Speaker A: Come on. I want those experiences. [00:17:41] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:42] Speaker A: You know what I mean? I don't know. I don't. I agree 150 with him. [00:17:47] Speaker B: I think they said, what is it? Men marry when they're ready. Women marry when they can, period. [00:17:54] Speaker A: That's it. First that's proposed. Because guess what? They just want to be a wife. [00:17:58] Speaker B: They just want. [00:17:59] Speaker A: I don't give a who this is. I just want to be a wife. And let's, let's let news flash. Women, anybody can be a wife. [00:18:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:08] Speaker A: Anybody. It's enough men out here contrary to believe that it ain't enough women for the men. Enough men for the women. I promise you it is. [00:18:18] Speaker B: It's enough. It's enough. [00:18:19] Speaker A: Any woman can be a wife. [00:18:23] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree with you. I 100 agree. [00:18:25] Speaker A: Because let me tell you something baby, if you look at me, if you think I can't find a hood and you know you could, I'm just being honest. Look at the. Not Lathan. You think she can't get a husband? [00:18:35] Speaker B: Yeah, she could. [00:18:36] Speaker A: Look at Tracy Ellis. You think she can't get a husband? [00:18:40] Speaker B: Definitely could. [00:18:42] Speaker A: That's what I'm saying. So please. Some of the most beautiful women on the planet are single. And it is by choice. [00:18:49] Speaker B: It's by choice. Yeah. Because it's different. It's different when you, when you're single by choice than when you single because you just can't. Because you got stuff going on that you just can't get your life together. [00:19:01] Speaker A: And, and not only that, like I just want to. Tracey Ellis said this. I would love to be in a relationship, but one that serves me. [00:19:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:12] Speaker A: I don't need to be married to be married. [00:19:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:16] Speaker A: And I learned at a very young age. First of all, I grew up in a household that was happy, genuinely happy. Both parents, me and my brother, they called us to ghetto Cosby dog house in the suburb. Not a picket fence but a ride iron fence. That's a whole nother podcast. I'll get into that. But because I grew up happy. Happy. When I got married, I married for security. I had two children. I had finished college, I was teaching, but I had two kids and I had two baby daddies. You know what I'm saying? And I was like, oh my God, who the is gonna want me? It didn't matter that I was educated and it didn't matter that I was beautiful. It didn't matter that I had, I had super low numbers when it came to having sex. Cuz I'm funny about that. I looked at two kids, two baby daddies, nobody wanted me. So when I met this man that had all his ducks in a row, he had the money, he was decent looking, you know what I'm saying? No ugly, he's all right. But he had money. It was security. I can. I was living with my mom with my two kids and I have, I had had my own apartment but then my parents separated so my dad took my apartment and I moved back home with my, with my mom. I wanted to get out My mother house. You know what I'm saying? [00:20:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:38] Speaker A: This man came along and he afforded that for me. And not only that, he afforded way more than just a house. You know, it's six bedrooms, five and a half baths. I was in the Jetta. He told me to leave it at your mama house. I was in an S500 beans. I had an email. 430 beans. My ring looked like this. And I learned driving to that house. I remember specific days with my. Called me. What's the worst? I don't know. I got a heated garage. I don't know. My cars don't know. What's the weather outside. If I go in the garage, it's warm. I remember one day, the first day driving home, praying, praying. When I opened this garage, he was not home. As big and beautiful. I mean, remember your MTV Cribs? [00:21:32] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:21:34] Speaker A: People would come to our house and be like, damn, y' all should be. Y' all should be on your MTV Cribs. I mean, that was nice. Like, super nice. And I'm 26, 25, living like this. My girl was like, you ain't got nothing to work for. Like, you got it all. But I remember being miserable. Miserable driving up to that house like, please don't be home. Please don't be home. Open the garage. Scared to open my eye. Oh, yes, I ain't home. Thank you, Jesus. Oh, my God. You know, or he being home. Oh, he's home. I never want to live that life. And as big and beautiful as that house was, it could not replace. I remember my birthday he bought me. I woke up that morning, I went downstairs and on the counter in the kitchen because it was, like, big and open. Louis Vuitton bag, Prada bags, Gucci bags. Like, all the shopping bags with shit in it. Not one time did that motherfucker tell me, happy birthday. Not one time did he say, what do you want to do today? Do you know what I did? That nigga got up, got dressed, went outside, went to them streets. I went back. I mean, I got up, got the kids dressed, sent them to school, put all of that shit in my car and took all of that shit back to the store. Everything. When he came home, on the table, that same table that he left, all that was because some of them were different receipts or whatever. [00:23:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:17] Speaker A: Back on that table. Do you know how that made me feel? [00:23:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:23] Speaker A: That Gucci did not get in that bed and hug me. That Louis Vuitton did not love on me. So I learned then that money Ain't nothing. Me personally. And I couldn't see it. I don't give a. He being all the bills. Look how I'm living. And I left there and I went. And it was so hard for me having kids who were used to the. [00:23:48] Speaker B: The, the, the, the lavish. [00:23:50] Speaker A: The lavish. They were used to like, woo. You know, and to. I end up getting a job teaching. Saved me some little money. And I got me a two bedroom townhome and it took me forever to get it because I got. I had to have stairs. [00:24:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:05] Speaker A: Like I can't take them from this to just one level. Like one apartment. And my daughter had her own room. And my son stayed in a room with me because he was little. That was for one year. And then the following year and it was a huge. I remember crying so hard like I have failed my children because where we were coming from and now where we were. And my daughter, you know, she's eighth grade. Like, oh, like the fuck are we doing here? What is this? [00:24:41] Speaker B: What is this? [00:24:42] Speaker A: What is this? You know, and having to disappoint them. But looking at the overall picture and what my daughter was not going to see was a man who didn't know how to be a man. A man who didn't know how he's supposed to interact with his woman. [00:24:58] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:24:59] Speaker A: He. She was not gonna see a man who wasn't conscious of his home and his family and wasn't present because then she would think that that was okay. That a man isn't supposed to be present. And I didn't want her to see that. [00:25:13] Speaker B: And that can't be. [00:25:14] Speaker A: So I got the up out of there. The next year they both had everybody at their own rooms. [00:25:17] Speaker B: Up. [00:25:18] Speaker A: You got the hustle on more of the story. It's bigger things. Money. [00:25:22] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, and, and I. And that's why it's always baffling to me when I hear women speak like that. Emphasis on that. Like there's. There's a young lady I met, she just started her podcasting journey and, and I think I mentioned her a couple episodes ago and she was on the show. Shouts out to Jay with the ink Peas in the pod podcast. And she was a guest on his show and they were talking about. She was like, yeah, the list of things that a dude gotta have for her to get married. And she's like 25. And. And I was like, I think I sucked. Yeah, yeah, we talked about it. [00:26:00] Speaker A: It was crazy. [00:26:00] Speaker B: I was like. [00:26:04] Speaker A: 25. [00:26:04] Speaker B: This list ain't even this list only you're 25 like you don't like money is at the top of your list because of what social media is telling you. [00:26:14] Speaker A: Women are miserable, but they will never admit it. Yes, they will. It is a defense mechanism. He pay all the bills. I'm good. Yeah, well, why are you calling me? Why is you woman and woman me the bill say don't want me to want me be the first the woman and woman you girl body leave the alone. [00:26:33] Speaker B: It's just it to me. I don't get it and I just gave up on trying to get it. [00:26:38] Speaker A: And I don't get it either. It ain't for me. Yeah, I want to be genuinely happy and I stand on it. [00:26:43] Speaker B: Yeah. 100. But I hope you guys enjoyed it. V It's another one down in the. [00:26:51] Speaker A: Books Another one bites the dust Another one bites the dust. [00:27:00] Speaker B: And another one Another one bites the dust. Thanks for. Thanks for tuning in to our foolishness for the last hour. We appreciate y' all more than you know. Make sure that you Tap into patreon patreon.com backslash Relationship Status v. How can they find you? You find in the track. [00:27:21] Speaker A: You can find. You can find me in the club. You can follow me on Instagram at vlive Underscore, baby. You can also follow us or me and us at R e L S T a t on Instagram. Okay? So if you have a message for me, please send it to R e L S T a t Podcast. Real stat podcast on ig. Message me there. If you message me at vlive underscore, baby, you ain't gonna hear. [00:27:57] Speaker B: You're just going into the abyss. [00:27:58] Speaker A: You're going into a business. [00:27:59] Speaker B: And you can follow me at the 9th Wonder on Instagram. And once again, you can catch us both on Relationship Status Podcast. That's R e l S T a t podcast on all social media platforms and YouTube. Yeah. And, oh, can't forget. Hey, man, we need the subscribers. Go subscribe. Y' all playing. Y' all are viewing, but y' all not subscribing. Go ahead and subscribe. [00:28:19] Speaker A: Subscribe. [00:28:20] Speaker B: Yeah. So until the next time, y', all, we are out. Peace. [00:28:24] Speaker A: Thank you for listening to another episode of Relationship Status. Remember, you can catch us on relationship status, podcast.com, iTunes, Google podcast, iheartradio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear neek, email us at relstatpodcastmail.com or call us at 843-310-8637 follow us on Facebook at Relationship Status, Podcast on Instagram and Twitter elstatpodcast and don't Forget to comment Share 5 star rate, subscribe and review.