255th Date: Therapy, Tears, and Netflix Binge

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Give him head and the thing. And then he spazzed out. Like, she. He was like, nah, you ain't got to do that. I didn't buy nothing. [00:00:09] Speaker B: She's busy. [00:00:10] Speaker A: No, no, I'm saying he said, you don't have to do that because I bought you something. And then she spazzed out. And when she spazzed out and, like, ran out, I was like, I am confused. Like, what happened to. Cause this. I didn't realize how much I had missed. [00:00:26] Speaker B: So what happened in all of those episodes? Like, there was a lot of drama. [00:00:31] Speaker A: So I, like, went. I had to go back and watch. Start from the beginning. [00:00:42] Speaker B: While he's looking for this. Did y' all see the real. Where a couple or two people at this Coldplay concert got exposed for having an affair accidentally, you know, I guess they were doing like, the panning around to all the different places in the arena, and they all standing up there all lovey dovey, hands around each other, and then get caught on camera. And then they are surprised that they got caught on. [00:01:07] Speaker A: They got caught on the big screen. [00:01:09] Speaker B: Big screen. Big screen. Look, big screen. [00:01:14] Speaker A: Oh, man. [00:01:15] Speaker B: It was a video. Of course, because it was camera and. Yeah. And they're apparently name people. Astronomer CEO Andy Byron, having an alleged affair with his HR chief, Kristen Cabot. And the camera just happened to pan over to them. And then this post has the nerve to say both are married, just not to each other. So that's how they got exposed for cheating. [00:01:43] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. That's not good. [00:01:46] Speaker B: Now, how did your people get exposed for cheating? [00:01:49] Speaker A: Well, we'll get into that. All right, welcome back to relationship Status. It's your boy Yousef in the building. [00:01:55] Speaker B: I just told my whole story, and you said, we're gonna get into that now. You want to do intros? [00:02:00] Speaker A: No. Okay, I'll take that out. [00:02:04] Speaker B: You know what? I'm so over this, man. I'm so tired of him. [00:02:08] Speaker A: All right, question of the week. [00:02:09] Speaker B: Given that we need to have an order of show because you doing a lot. [00:02:12] Speaker A: Question of the week. [00:02:13] Speaker B: Go. [00:02:14] Speaker A: How did you find out you got cheated on? [00:02:18] Speaker B: Hopefully not at the Coldplay concert. [00:02:20] Speaker A: Hopefully not at the Coldplay concert. He had a second girlfriend, and they both tagged me in a tick tock challenge. [00:02:31] Speaker B: I guess they both know you really well. [00:02:34] Speaker A: He accidentally sent me a good night baby text meant for someone else. I was sitting right next to him. [00:02:44] Speaker B: He should have played that off. [00:02:45] Speaker A: Wait, what? [00:02:46] Speaker B: He could be like, yeah, baby, I was just trying something new. I just wanted, you know, text you and say good night. Baby or something. I don't know. Me. Y' all be out here lying. [00:02:53] Speaker A: Okay, true. [00:02:54] Speaker B: Figure it out. [00:02:55] Speaker A: True, true, true. Her do not disturb turned off and my phone lit up. Thanks for last night. With a kissing emoji. I was just trying to check the weather. [00:03:08] Speaker B: Wait, her do not disturb turned off. [00:03:10] Speaker A: And his phone lit up with thanks for last night? [00:03:14] Speaker B: Huh? [00:03:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I think she was sending it to somebody else. [00:03:18] Speaker B: Oh, I'm confused. Okay. [00:03:21] Speaker A: He butt down me while whispering sweet nothings to somebody else. I found out when I saw us both in her Instagram story posted 5 seconds apart from different angles. [00:03:37] Speaker B: Y' all have got to do better. How about let's not cheat? [00:03:42] Speaker A: His little brother drew a family picture and there were two mommies. Oh. [00:03:57] Speaker B: Not the kids exposing you. [00:04:00] Speaker A: Oh, God. Oh, Jesus. He told me his grandma died twice. Same grandma a year apart. She accidentally airdropped me a photo while I was at her place of another man in her bed. I got invited to their wedding as a mutual friend. Oh. [00:04:24] Speaker B: Oh, my Lord. Oh, gosh. [00:04:29] Speaker A: His location said Home Depot. The background of his. The background of himself. He said Holiday. [00:04:37] Speaker B: His what? [00:04:38] Speaker A: Said his location. You know how you can put the location on the. On the. On the post? [00:04:43] Speaker B: Huh? [00:04:44] Speaker A: So he put his location on the post Home Depot, but in the background was Holiday. [00:04:51] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. That's crazy. [00:04:55] Speaker A: She text I miss you already. Right after I dropped her off. Sis, I'm looking at you. I'm still in the driveway. [00:05:01] Speaker B: It could have still been him. [00:05:02] Speaker A: That. True, true, true, true, true, true, true. But once again, welcome back to Relationship Status. Keep. Keep them coming. Make sure to follow us and tap in on our page. Relationship Status podcast at Rel Stat Podcast on Instagram and Tik Tok man F. How was your week? [00:05:19] Speaker B: Don't Howard. Was your week me, Mr. I don't do the intro. [00:05:24] Speaker A: How was your week? [00:05:26] Speaker B: My week? My week has been pretty good. It's been kind of slow. Trying to get back into the groove of things. It's my first week back at work for real. [00:05:36] Speaker A: You recently went to New York, right? [00:05:37] Speaker B: I did recently go to New York. [00:05:39] Speaker A: How'd you enjoy it? [00:05:40] Speaker B: We really enjoyed New York. It was a. It was a good time. [00:05:43] Speaker A: But you was in the city using Manhattan. [00:05:45] Speaker B: I was in Manhattan, yeah. [00:05:46] Speaker A: You didn't get the real. [00:05:47] Speaker B: No, I didn't get the real down and dirty New York experience. It seems as though that we came. We went just in time and came back in time because they were having a lot of flash floods. [00:05:57] Speaker A: For real. [00:05:58] Speaker B: Central park is. Was flooded. Flooded. [00:06:01] Speaker A: My dad didn't tell me that. Well, my daddy don't go into the city like that either. [00:06:04] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know if it was like all over New York or just that, you know that. Just that part. But yeah, it was apparently pretty bad. Like, Ariel sent me a video and the subway. Yeah, I was like, yeah, see, I ought to die. Like, just take me out my. [00:06:25] Speaker A: The subway system. First off is you only see on this. The stuff you see on the subway, you can only see on the subway. [00:06:36] Speaker B: But that was the thing. So whenever we did the subway, I was expecting this whole experience. Experience. And it really. [00:06:42] Speaker A: Y' all didn't see nothing crazy? [00:06:43] Speaker B: No. I don't know if it was the time because now we did go with an 11 year old. So we wasn't like running the streets of New York super late at night and definitely went on the subway super late at night. But no, we didn't see anything. [00:06:56] Speaker A: Oh, man. [00:06:57] Speaker B: Crazy on the subway. Not even in the, like on the platform or nothing. [00:07:02] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, you, you were, you were really, really, like, deprived of your experience. Of your New York experience. [00:07:11] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with some natives. [00:07:15] Speaker A: Yeah, let me know. I'm down. [00:07:16] Speaker B: Like, like, I know you'll go. [00:07:19] Speaker A: I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you right? I'm supposed to go. I'm supposed to go Monday. I'm supposed to go Monday. As people who have listened to the show know good and well, I have. I had an estranged. No, I had an estranged relationship with my ex wife and we currently kind of reconciled some stuff. And so now me and my kids are spending. My kids from my marriage spending a lot more. A lot more time together. And so we are supposed to be going to New York on Monday. And this would be the first time they're meeting my dad. [00:07:55] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:07:56] Speaker A: And my aunts and my sister and my brother. [00:07:59] Speaker B: Well, I hope that, that y' all go on Monday. [00:08:01] Speaker A: Yeah, me too. I'm trying to. Trying to make sure everything works out, but like, I told my mom I'm not coming. And she was like, why? And I said, well, you know, school about to come up. I gotta buy school clothes. I was like, I'll make the trip another time. Next thing you know. Well, my mom says, well, your aunt say, we'll pay for. We'll pay for your hotel. I said, ma, that's not. I mean, I'm not, you know, I don't want all that, you know, it's whatever. Because I gotta rent a. I gotta rent a truck. I gotta. That Then you can't go up there and not have money to eat. And then you. And then. [00:08:39] Speaker B: Oh, so y' all gonna drive? [00:08:40] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm not flying. I need freedom. Like my family. Like, it gets to a point where the reason why I like to drive is I don't like to wait on when I'm supposed to leave. [00:08:52] Speaker B: Wait, so you be driving in New York? That is the most. [00:08:54] Speaker A: I do that all the time. [00:08:56] Speaker B: Heart wrenching. [00:08:58] Speaker A: No, because situation I cannot take. When I'm ready to go, I need to go. Because my family gets to a point where it's like, all right, y', all, see you later. Like, we could be chilling and I'll be like, all right, y', all, I'm leaving in the morning. Like, I just need to get up and go. Because I get to. I get to a point with my family where I just got to get back to South Carolina. Like, I got just enough buffer. And then my mom is coming down on the Tuesday. Not this Tuesday, but next Tuesday, because my surgery is Wednesday. So she's coming down to be here for my surgery. And so I'mma deal for that long and then her be here for my surgery. Yeah, yeah. Cause I. [00:09:42] Speaker B: Well, how long you plan on staying in New York? [00:09:45] Speaker A: If I go, we're gonna stay like Monday to Friday. I'm gonna drive up Monday, leave, leave, leave Friday night, get here by Saturday morning. I like driving at night more so than in the daytime. But it's supposed to be. My daddy wants to have a cookout. Not my daddy. Let me. Let me not lie. My sister and my brother want to have a cookout for. Because the kids will be there and they're excited. The whole family's excited about, you know, seeing the kids. So it's supposed to be a good time. [00:10:13] Speaker B: Well, I hope it works out. New York is a whole vibe. I will. I will say that. [00:10:18] Speaker A: Yeah, it was. [00:10:18] Speaker B: It was a good time. Now, I do think that. And I've said this several times in several different spaces, that we kind of focused a lot on the experiences and, like, the touristy things of New York. So we went to Canal Street. We did Central Park. We went to the ice cream Museum. That was something that, of course, the 11 year old wanted to do. And what else did we do? We went to Times Square. We were. Our hotel was like five minutes from Times Square, so we went to Times Square. [00:10:49] Speaker A: You went at night when it was like, lit up? [00:10:51] Speaker B: Yep. Went at night and should go, like Christmas time. [00:10:56] Speaker A: Like cold, Like Rockefeller center where they got the tree up and you could. And you can ice skate around the tree. Oh, man, that's m. It's cold. [00:11:07] Speaker B: My. No name. [00:11:09] Speaker A: Have you been. So you don't know how cold it is. [00:11:13] Speaker B: Is there snow involved? [00:11:15] Speaker A: Have. Have you. [00:11:16] Speaker B: Is there snow involved? [00:11:18] Speaker A: There's a possibility of. There's a possibility of snow here. [00:11:22] Speaker B: Not. [00:11:24] Speaker A: I said there's a possibility of snow. [00:11:25] Speaker B: Snow in South Carolina and snow in New York is not comparable. [00:11:29] Speaker A: Isn't snow snow? [00:11:31] Speaker B: No, it's. [00:11:32] Speaker A: The amount of snow might be different. [00:11:34] Speaker B: Exactly. So snow is not snow, but the am. [00:11:36] Speaker A: Snow is different. That's. [00:11:38] Speaker B: I will not be going to New York in this. In the winter time. [00:11:41] Speaker A: I'm telling you. It's an experience. [00:11:43] Speaker B: It might be, but it's an experience that I won't be experiencing. [00:11:47] Speaker A: Did y' all get to Statue of Liberty? [00:11:50] Speaker B: We did the little tour boat around it. We didn't get off. Is who. No one really had a desire to go to the Statue of Liberty. [00:11:56] Speaker A: Yeah. And go up. And you get to walk up the. And then go in the Crown Empire State Building. [00:12:02] Speaker B: No, we didn't do the Empire. We did a little tour thing. [00:12:05] Speaker A: The bus. [00:12:06] Speaker B: No. The boat where it kind of took you. They pointed out all the different. [00:12:12] Speaker A: Yeah, right. Not right, because Ellis island, all of that. Okay. [00:12:16] Speaker B: Yeah. No. [00:12:17] Speaker A: Did y' all walk the bridge? The Brooklyn Bridge? [00:12:21] Speaker B: No. See, that was the thing. We didn't really get past Manhattan. New York is freaking huge, number one. And I. That's why I was telling them that we could focus on a burrow every time we went and probably not ever leave particular one. [00:12:37] Speaker A: I'm. I've never walked the bridge. I've asked you if you did it. [00:12:45] Speaker B: Okay, well, when you. When we invite you on the next trip to. [00:12:48] Speaker A: I'll meet y' all on the other side. [00:12:50] Speaker B: Why? You don't want to walk the bridge? [00:12:52] Speaker A: No, I'm not. I've never. All my life. [00:12:56] Speaker B: How. How long is it actually? [00:12:58] Speaker A: A couple miles. Probably about four or five miles. [00:13:00] Speaker B: O. Four miles, maybe now I will say. [00:13:03] Speaker A: No, no, no, it ain't that long. It's about two miles. [00:13:05] Speaker B: New York. If I lived in New York, I would be in the best shape of my life. The best shape of my life when I say the amount of walking. And it really isn't bad. [00:13:15] Speaker A: And you don't. And you don't think about it. [00:13:17] Speaker B: You don't think about it. You do not. But the amount of walking that was involved. [00:13:21] Speaker A: If you put on your thing and like, tracked your steps. [00:13:23] Speaker B: Yeah, we were clocking like 12,13,000 steps a day. [00:13:27] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, it's. [00:13:28] Speaker B: It was bananas, crazy, wild. Like, my watch was asking me, hey, are you exercising? Like, it looks like you're on an outdoor walk. [00:13:36] Speaker A: Did y' all get down to the Village? [00:13:37] Speaker B: No, no, like that. That's what I'm saying. We did not cover how many days we out there. We were there. We went on Tuesday, and we came back on. No, we went on. Yeah, we went on Tuesday, came back on Friday, I think. [00:13:52] Speaker A: Oh, okay. Okay, okay. [00:13:53] Speaker B: Yeah. So it. It really was not be. And because everything does take so much time because you have to actually get there, and it. A hop, skip, and a jump. You got to take a train and you got to walk, and then you. Canal street was a whole situation all by itself. [00:14:07] Speaker A: Oh, so did y' all go China? Y went Chinatown. [00:14:09] Speaker B: Yeah, we did Chinatown. [00:14:10] Speaker A: Did y go. You go to a restaurant down there? [00:14:12] Speaker B: No, cuz. Who understands what's happening? [00:14:15] Speaker A: What do you mean? [00:14:16] Speaker B: That. That was also one of the things that I said. Next time, we really have to do our research on the, like, eateries and figuring out where to go for food, man. [00:14:23] Speaker A: Little Italy is right there. [00:14:25] Speaker B: We went to Little Italy. We actually ate at Little Italy at one of the restaurants, at least. [00:14:28] Speaker A: Little Italy. Okay, that's. [00:14:30] Speaker B: And. [00:14:30] Speaker A: And that ain't Olive Garden. [00:14:33] Speaker B: I mean, it. It. No, the restaurant we chose wasn't that far above Olive Garden. [00:14:39] Speaker A: They don't. It tastes totally different. [00:14:41] Speaker B: No, it doesn't. It really. [00:14:43] Speaker A: Totally different. [00:14:44] Speaker B: Now, there might be a restaurant down there that we need to research that will authentic. [00:14:48] Speaker A: Like. That's not. [00:14:49] Speaker B: Yeah, no, that. [00:14:51] Speaker A: That you're able to get some Caribbean food while you was there. Oh, man. Listen, that's why you got to go. That's why you got to go with somebody. [00:14:59] Speaker B: And that's what. For the food experience. I will say yes. We probably. We. We gotta stay for our game. [00:15:04] Speaker A: They gotta. They got a spot. And I recommend this to everybody. It's in Newark, New Jersey. It's probably from where y' all were. It's. The PATH train will take you right there. [00:15:14] Speaker B: How you get to the PATH train? [00:15:16] Speaker A: It's in. It's in. Right there on 34th street in Penn Station. Run you right over there is one stop, and you go and you get off in this place called Ferry Street Barbecue. It's a Brazilian barbecue. Best barbecue I ever had in my life. They take that thing and they got it. It's a huge fire pit inside the restaurant. And then they got the meat on this, like, this flip thing, and they just be Turning it and they take it off and then they get the plate be like that big for like $10. And then. And one in the middle is like the rice. And then on both sides be like chicken, steak, whatever you want, fish, whatever it is you order. Every time I go home, I, I got. There's a few spots I gotta hit that I'm gonna hit. I gotta hit the Trinity spot on Flatbush Ave. I gotta hit this place called Jerk Chicken on. It's on Church Ave. I gotta hit Ferry Street Barbecue and of course I gotta hit the bodega and I gotta hit the Aki Way. [00:16:15] Speaker B: Yeah, I think, I think we're just gonna go on a food tour the next time. [00:16:18] Speaker A: Yeah, go go. During restaurant. Restaurant week. [00:16:22] Speaker B: When is restaurant week? [00:16:24] Speaker A: March. I'll get you the dates. Because my dad always, he knows I'm a foodie. So last time I went, I went to the 21 Club. Food was amazing. Went to Brooklyn Winery. Food was real good. And so basically it's like these expensive ass restaurants where you could go and it's like dirt. It's dirt. Really cheap. It's really, it's a really good experience when you get a chance. [00:16:45] Speaker B: Yeah, we. [00:16:46] Speaker A: Well, here's what we gonna do. Relationship status podcast. [00:16:50] Speaker B: Oh, we going on a food tour. [00:16:51] Speaker A: We going to restaurant week. Next restaurant week, we go into restaurant week and we gonna do the food. [00:16:57] Speaker B: Tour in the nyc. [00:16:59] Speaker A: In the nyc. Take catch a flight. Not feeling. [00:17:02] Speaker B: Yeah, because I'm, I'm, I'm definitely not riding in no car. [00:17:05] Speaker A: No, no, we catch a flight for that. [00:17:06] Speaker B: For all them hours. [00:17:08] Speaker A: Now. Now my brother Domingo gonna be our, our driver. But call my brother Domingo. He gonna be our Uber driver. [00:17:17] Speaker B: Listen, I'm down for that. [00:17:20] Speaker A: So watch the movie forever. [00:17:23] Speaker B: It's a show. [00:17:25] Speaker A: I'm sorry. Watched the show on Netflix. The Netflix hit drama, hit drama forever. [00:17:35] Speaker B: 10 out of 10. Absolutely. [00:17:37] Speaker A: 9 out. I give it a 9 out of 10. [00:17:38] Speaker B: 10 out of 10. [00:17:39] Speaker A: Now first off, and why you not. [00:17:41] Speaker B: Giving it a 10 out of 10? I don't give why it's so critical. [00:17:44] Speaker A: I don't give anything. A 10 out of 10. [00:17:46] Speaker B: You a 10 out of 10. [00:17:47] Speaker A: I damn sure am. I. I initially, the first time I watched it, I was watching the first episode and think I was doing, you know, I'm always doing two things at once. So I was doing something and the movie, the show was playing and all of a sudden she went to give him head and the thing and then he spazzed out like she, he was like, nah, you ain't got to do that. No, no. He said, don't have to do that because I bought you something. And then she spazzed out. And when she spazzed out and. And, like, ran out, I was like, I am confused. Like, what happened to. Cause this? I didn't realize how much I had missed, so I had to. [00:18:42] Speaker B: What happened in all of those episodes? Like, there was a lot of drama. [00:18:47] Speaker A: So I, like, went. I had to go back and watch. Start from the beginning. But by the time I did that, I was like, four episodes in, and I was like, well, something happened at the beginning. So let me go back to the beginning. And it just happens. About the tape. [00:18:58] Speaker B: The movie theater was four episodes in. [00:19:00] Speaker A: No, the movie theater was episode one. But I let it run because I was confused. And I was like, well, maybe it'll catch me. [00:19:05] Speaker B: Still never caught up. [00:19:06] Speaker A: Yeah, maybe it'll catch me up later. [00:19:09] Speaker B: And then I was able to catch up later. [00:19:10] Speaker A: I kept hearing about this video. The video. The video. The video. And I was like, hold on. [00:19:15] Speaker B: But you should have seen that after she ran out of the movie theater. Because he didn't know anything about the video. [00:19:22] Speaker A: Yeah, he. At the time, he didn't know anything about the video. But they had mentioned they had talked about the video prior to. Now, this first date. This is. This is a very elaborate first date. [00:19:37] Speaker B: They got money first. [00:19:39] Speaker A: No. And first off, that's the first thing. Second thing, head on the first date in the movie theater. [00:19:47] Speaker B: I mean, I was over here thinking. [00:19:49] Speaker A: Ma', am, I don't know you. I. I thought it was like, date because. Because of how I saw it, I thought it was like, date 10. [00:19:54] Speaker B: No, it wasn't even that for me. I was like. So did she not learn her lesson? That was like, no, you know, no cap or, you know, whatever, and no shade even towards her. But that was really what I was thinking in my head of. So you just got out of a situation and not out of it completely for real in the midst of some foolishness. Yes. And you just starting to come out and join the social world again. And this is how you about to approach a first date in a movie theater where anybody could be recording you. Not even him. Anybody. [00:20:34] Speaker A: Anybody. [00:20:37] Speaker B: And so, yeah, that was. I was kind of thrown off by that. And especially once you get to know Keisha a little bit more. She's smart. Like, she has a great head on her shoulder. [00:20:47] Speaker A: She is really smart. I thought she. I thought her character was. I think she was just caught up in how she shows appreciation to a man And I think that. Let's come back to that. Let's stick on. So first, let's just. First love. Okay, who, who was your first love? [00:21:15] Speaker B: I won't say his name, but if he ever watches this episode, he knows who he is. It was a high school sweetheart. And interestingly enough, I actually turned him onto this show. I told him to watch this show and he did. And you know, a lot of great conversation came out of it. And you know, we were kind of able to reminisce and go back a bit to our own first love journey and the ups and downs and highs and lows of, of what that was and what it is that we meant to each other and even whether or not that was something that we were capable of handling. Because that was the thing that I, as I was watching the show, I was like, dang, these are such huge feelings for such young people. And you know, and I, it kind of teleported me right back to that time where I was experiencing all of these big things and I wasn't able to handle all the big things that I was experiencing. [00:22:21] Speaker A: Well, one of the things that I looked at was I was like, gez, I'm glad I gave my own, because I gave my, I gave my daughters, cuz they're the only ones really old enough to date right now. I, I tell them no dating in high school. We can, you can have friends, you can hang out, you can. [00:22:43] Speaker B: Being in the way that dating works in this day and age, that is dating. [00:22:46] Speaker A: Well, no, you can hang out with. I mean, I'm saying like you can, but we're not doing feelings, we're not doing all of that. [00:22:52] Speaker B: How you gonna keep them? You think you have a whole lot more control than you actually have. My guy. [00:22:59] Speaker A: What do you mean? [00:23:00] Speaker B: Go ahead. [00:23:01] Speaker A: And I just tell them to be open and honest with me, which they, they are. [00:23:05] Speaker B: I'm not negating that they might not be open and honest with you, but also to tell them that they can't have feelings like that is like that's a set up in a recipe. [00:23:13] Speaker A: I'm, what I'm saying is disaster. But I, I watch kids almost all the time. [00:23:18] Speaker B: Me too. [00:23:19] Speaker A: And when they break up, they fall into this hole that it's difficult to come out of because then like you just, they, you're not, you don't have. The kids at that age don't have the mental capacity to deal with the pitfalls. [00:23:38] Speaker B: But how do you gain the mental capacity? [00:23:40] Speaker A: It's through the, through going through, through experience. But I Don't think you need to experience it at that time. I think when you're older, maybe college, you're a little bit more mature. [00:23:49] Speaker B: That makes even more devastating. [00:23:51] Speaker A: No it don't. [00:23:52] Speaker B: Yes it does. Cuz now, now you really don't have. Because it's through experience that you learn what you like, what you don't like. The, the way that you are going to handle things, the way you're not going to handle things. What you are expecting, your standards, all of those different things that happens at that age. I, I or it, you know, if it does, I mean there's nothing wrong with it happening at the age. I wouldn't, I think that, I think that it is unfair to say to young people you are not, you're not mentally able or mature enough to handle this. So this is not for you. They're capable of love. [00:24:30] Speaker A: They're capable of love. I just don't think they're capable of handling the what comes with love. Adult. Some adults ain't capable of what comes with it. [00:24:40] Speaker B: And a lot of times the adults that or I won't say a lot of times sometimes the adults that aren't capable of it is because they've been so dang on sheltered. [00:24:48] Speaker A: Well, I, I'm not, I don't shelter you. We going on a date? [00:24:53] Speaker B: That man said we. You going to Yousef? [00:24:56] Speaker A: Oh yeah. I like movies. I love movies. [00:25:02] Speaker B: We know you like movies and shows. [00:25:04] Speaker A: Yes, I like shows. We coming? We got company. [00:25:11] Speaker B: I mean I don't think there's anything wrong with setting parameters. [00:25:14] Speaker A: Yeah, so, so we, so we go hang out in the living room. [00:25:17] Speaker B: No, you can't. [00:25:18] Speaker A: And watch forever. [00:25:19] Speaker B: Give them a little bit of privacy. I don't think they need to be watching forever. [00:25:22] Speaker A: But. No, no, no, of course it's an exaggeration but I think Mufasa or something. It's difficult, I think because my first love. What was her name? I gotta, I gotta really give it some thought. Like the first female I actually loved. [00:25:48] Speaker B: Dang. It's been that many you said? [00:25:50] Speaker A: No, no, the first one I've had, the first one I actually love. Everybody else was kind of like eh, you cool. But like the first one that I actually, her name was Shamika. First, first person I ever loved, like in a romantic sense. I think I was 18 or 19. And she was the only person that challenged me. She was only, she was the first person to want to make me better. She was the first person to love me unconditionally. Like I. And the funny thing about Shamika was. Shamika went to all girls school and they pass my house every day and she would have to walk past my house to go catch the bus. So I would go out on the balcony, wait for her to come by, go down the stairs, walk her to her bus, watch her get on the bus and go. And the whole time trying to holler, trying. She turned me down all the time. And I don't know. I don't know when it was that she actually said yes, but from the moment she said yes, like, I was like, okay, and great experience. Now I. I did something to mess it up. But that was the first girl like that that I truly remember. [00:27:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:10] Speaker A: Fall in love with. So what did, what, what did your first love teach you? What do you think you learned from your. Your first love experience? [00:27:17] Speaker B: I would also say that my first love experience was, was 10 out of 10. Like, I, if I do it all over again, I would do it with this person all over again. Because he was what I needed at that time, and I was what he needed at that time. Because I did kind of grow up in a sheltered and kind of strict way where my mom was the. You can't really. I didn't really start dating or able to even talk on the phone for real until I was like 16 and so. [00:27:50] Speaker A: 16. [00:27:50] Speaker B: Yeah. And, you know, they. We have cell phones and all that kind of stuff back in the day. And so for a period of time, we were kind of like sneaking to talk on the phone and all this other stuff. But he was, like, really patient with me and really took care of and had a lot of respect for my mom because we went to the same school as well as the same church. So we, you know, we're in the same spaces a lot. But he really respected my mom and he respected me and my future and what it is that I wanted to do. And so he was always making room for that. Like, he was pushing me. Even if he wasn't going to class, he was making sure I was going to class. You know, walking me to every one of my classes, was late to his class half the time because he trying to walk me to mine. And I think that I was a safe space for him in what was a very tumultuous time and kind of, you know, challenging time for him in his personal life. And so I think that we gave each other what it is that we needed. But the thing that I learned about myself in that is that I can very easily get wrapped up in love and that be the only thing that matters and so I had to figure out, and have had to figure out, like in adult years, how to do it in a healthy way, what love looks like in a healthy way, both from my standpoint and my expectations of the person, but also what it is that I'm willing to give of myself. So I'm not ending up giving of myself unhealthily. But if, you know, if there's going to be a first love experience, then I, I, I think that my experience was a pretty good one. [00:29:34] Speaker A: See, well, my, the first time I experienced someone loving me because I couldn't give a crap about her. But she, Natalie. Oh, my mother. My mother loved Natalie. Cuz Natalie was from Trinidad. And Natalie was number two in our class. And Natalie was, she said she was going to be a brain surgeon. Neurosurgeon. You know what Natalie is today? [00:30:04] Speaker B: A neurosurgeon. [00:30:04] Speaker A: A neurosurgeon. Talk about, talk about what I should have done. Shouts out to you, Natalie. But. So she, she was the first time I experienced someone loving me. Right. Shamika was the first one to love me unconditionally. And I felt the same way about her. But Natalie, we was going into our senior year was when we started dating. And then she changed my whole schedule because they told me after my junior year all I had to pass was English, gym and first aid and I could graduate. I was like, sweet, I'm not taking it. I don't care what else is on my schedule. I'm good. But Natalie was a brainiac, so she wanted us to take all the classes together. [00:30:52] Speaker B: Oh. [00:30:54] Speaker A: So she gave. So she put, she went to the guy, take all the classes with me. Okay, fine. So we go to Ms. Guthrie. My, my God is counselor. And she says, hey, I want him to have my same schedule. So Ms. Guthrie looks at her schedule and looks at me and said, this is what you want to do? I said, Ms. Guthrie. Yeah, you know, just do it. So my schedule was zero period. My address at zero period, it's before school starts. It was zero period. It was physics. Then we went to homeroom. First period was the second part of physics. Second period, I had Jim. Nope. Second period, we had A.P. cal. [00:31:36] Speaker B: So you went from third period? I had 0 to 100. [00:31:40] Speaker A: Third period, I had gym. Fourth period, I had English 4. Fifth period, she was taking ceramics. So I had ceramics. Sixth period was lunch. Seventh period was A.P. history. Eighth period was A.P. what was the last one? A.P. something. I don't know. [00:32:02] Speaker B: Did you pass? [00:32:04] Speaker A: I'm getting there. So first quarter, we good? I Got A's, she got A's. Everything is all good. We break up because we just break up. I don't even remember what we broke up over. I never saw a zero period again because I didn't come to school till first block because if you didn't have zero period, you didn't have to show up. So I didn't come. So I cut first part of physics, and I was like, well, since I cut the first part of physics, I went to homeroom, and then first period, I was cutting and went to the gym. Second period, cut, went to the gym. Third period, I had gym. Fourth period, I went to English because I had to pass that. Fifth period was at lunch. Sixth period was at lunch. And seventh period, my homeboy came, picked me up. Man, my life. [00:32:49] Speaker B: Your GPA was probably 0.5. [00:32:52] Speaker A: I got a. I got an A in English. I got an A in gym. I got an A in first aid. Everything else was Fs, but. And then Shamika was the next person. But, like, with Shamika, I had grown a little bit more, so I kind of fully understood my feelings and stuff like that, and. [00:33:10] Speaker B: Fully understood your feelings. 15 or 19. [00:33:13] Speaker A: Well, I mean, at that point. And that what my actions would do. Because when I was with Natalie, I didn't care what my actions did. I didn't really care because I had a bad experience. I had a crush on somebody when I was about 14, and they called me ugly. And then after that, I just was out on being hurt ever again. But what I learned from Shamika is I'm probably. To be completely honest, I'm probably not sitting here as a teacher as anything. If it wasn't for. When I tell you she held me accountable for a lot of crap. I'm probably locked up. If it wasn't for her, because she was the one person. No, you're not going with them. You need to spend time with me. Like, she was first. The first one to be like, spend time with me instead of be with your homeboys. And at the time, you'd be like, man, I don't want to do this. Then you go to do something, and she'd be like, well, okay, then you just gonna. Then I' ma just be mad. It's like, all right, well, I. Then I don't want you mad, so let me just hang out with you. So I learned the value of spending time, quality time. [00:34:20] Speaker B: And that's why I think that first loves are so important, because they do teach you so much about yourself, your capacity to love, and also Your capacity to be loved. [00:34:34] Speaker A: So do you think that, do you think that your first love experience shapes, oh, a thousand. The rest of your relationship, like how you acted the rest of your relationship? [00:34:41] Speaker B: And I will say that for a long time after we broke up, he was the standard. Like, I was comparing how it is because in, in whatever way that you can take care of a person as a, you know, as a young person that's in a relationship. Like, he took care of me, of, you know, if we think about that and whatever. However we want to think about it. And I, I felt safe anytime I was with him, anytime, you know, whatever the case is, like, that he was, he was a safe place for me. And so I was often searching for that in relationships after him because he, he set such a standard now, not to say that it was perfect, because it was not. No relationship is. And ultimately it was pro. He would, he would say that I'm the one that messed it up. But I think it was a combination of the two. But yeah, I, he, he probably would have married me and been with me after high school, but that wasn't something that I was ready for. And I tell him all the time, like, if we would have gotten married in my 20s or especially my early 20s, we would have been divorced because I hadn't experienced enough life. And he was kind of similar to you experiencing life at a very early age. So he knew himself in a way that I hadn't yet figured out. And so, like, that probably would have eventually caused us to split. Yeah. Go in different directions no matter what. But, you know, as far as it goes, it was definitely. I give him an A plus for. [00:36:31] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't know if, I don't know if I give Shamika A plus, but she get a, you know, every. [00:36:37] Speaker B: This man does not like to give people. She get a top tier. [00:36:42] Speaker A: But yeah, me too. I, I think that for a long time, as, as, as like you, when it came to the people that I dated after her, it was like, oh, that's not her. She's not her. She's not. She's not her. And but the funniest part about it was I didn't realize that that's what I was doing. [00:37:09] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:37:12] Speaker A: She was almost the first. She was almost the person, I would say, like what they say, chasing the dragon when somebody got that first high. [00:37:21] Speaker B: Yep. [00:37:21] Speaker A: I chased the dragon for so long. [00:37:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:25] Speaker A: Because you're looking for that first love puts you on a high that you cannot. It's crazy that you cannot. [00:37:31] Speaker B: You're L. Without abandonment. [00:37:33] Speaker A: Like, because you don't even know what it's like to be hurt. So there's no walls up. There's no Nothing. You are 100% in. [00:37:40] Speaker B: In there. [00:37:40] Speaker A: You don't. And. And you're giving of yourself in such a way. And you're receiving somebody in. In. In their whole self in such a way. Not even seeing any. You're not seeing red flags. You're not seeing green flags. You just. You just. [00:37:55] Speaker B: You don't have all these guards and these things around you. Like, you really are. [00:37:59] Speaker A: That being hurt brings you. [00:38:00] Speaker B: Yeah. That you're really just able to jump in, do any and everything within your power for the person, allow them to do any and everything for you. Which is why I think it is such a vulnerable thing for young people to experience. And even talking about Justin and Keisha, the thing that I think that I really identified with in their relationship was, like, that. That closeness in that I just want to be around you. I want to make everything about you. Like, if I'm not with you, I'm counting down the seconds to the next time. Time I am with you. To the point that's almost a little bit unhealthy. [00:38:38] Speaker A: No. Their relationship was 100 unhealthy. [00:38:40] Speaker B: It became unhealthy. [00:38:42] Speaker A: Their relationship was unhealthy. Healthy. But because. [00:38:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:46] Speaker A: In their. The thing I enjoyed about watching their relationship develop was kind of depicted kids at that age falling in love. Oh, I'm. I'mma block you. Oh, well, then fine, if it didn't. I don't care about you. [00:39:10] Speaker B: But. [00:39:10] Speaker A: No, but then I care about you. But then I don't care about you. [00:39:13] Speaker B: And I think, like. [00:39:14] Speaker A: But then I don't want to talk to you. [00:39:15] Speaker B: That was the thing that. For me, that. Because I wish in a lot of ways that I could get back to that place. Because Keisha recognized, especially that first time where she really, really hurt him before they for real got together, because they was getting on my nerves. I was like, so are we gonna get together or not? [00:39:32] Speaker A: But Keisha was doing some. [00:39:33] Speaker B: That's what I'm saying. She was doing. [00:39:34] Speaker A: Like, when her Recognizing. Like, when her ex came up to them at the park. [00:39:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:38] Speaker A: And he was like, yo, can you talk to me over here? [00:39:40] Speaker B: All of the. [00:39:41] Speaker A: You wait, hold on now. [00:39:42] Speaker B: But. But the thing is, she took accountability. [00:39:46] Speaker A: Not in a moment. [00:39:47] Speaker B: I'm not saying in the moment. He didn't even give her room to take account. But that's the thing. [00:39:51] Speaker A: But that's two things. [00:39:52] Speaker B: Hold on. Two things. [00:39:53] Speaker A: If I see this. If I see this man kiss you and you don't. And you don't even pull away. You don't yank away. You don't smack him. You don't. First off, why is. First off, why is you walking over there with him? We need to be walking with him, not just you. [00:40:10] Speaker B: We first thought she had to keep up the facade, but anyway, what I. What I was about to say is for her, Mama, what I was about. [00:40:18] Speaker A: To say, that was the next thing. [00:40:21] Speaker B: Really, really, really appreciated the emotional maturity of Justin. To see a black boy coming into his manhood and be able to process his feelings in such a way. Not saying that he wasn't hurt, not saying he didn't get, you know, whatever situational depression and all this other kind of stuff, but he allowed himself to sit in that. And even, like, whenever he was his. His cousin. Sl. Fake cousin, whatever she was, threw herself at him, like, to have the restraint to be like, yeah, nah, I'm. My heart is someplace else. So I. I mean, we could. But it really. You know, it really wouldn't be about you. It would just be about me trying to get some band aid on these feelings. [00:41:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:08] Speaker B: And so I. I just really liked that the. The writer and the directors put him in such a light because I think oftentimes black boys, black men are depicted as angry and non emotional. And I'm not emotional anyway. You are emotional. You just. Your emotion is just different. But anyway, you know, all of these. These stereotypical ways that we see black. Black men. But he was a vulnerable young man who got hurt and sat in that hurt and felt the hurt. And even with Keisha, as I was about to say, she. Of course, she didn't take accountability in the beginning. She. But she also wasn't really giving room because she. He texted her and was like, yeah, I'm about to block you, and then blocked her. And that was. That was a rap. But the fact that she kept leaving voicemails, I was like, she kept reaching. [00:42:03] Speaker A: Out and you messed up, not me. [00:42:06] Speaker B: I'm not saying. But I'm just saying, like, because if it were me, even if I did mess up, Imma try one time, once I figured out you got me blocked. [00:42:16] Speaker A: I'm like, yeah, she was riding the bike to go. Taking a bus. [00:42:20] Speaker B: It went all the way, way to what's. What's it. What's the face the white people place? Martha's Vineyard. Martha's Vineyard went all the way to Martha's Vineyard. All of these things define him. [00:42:32] Speaker A: Now. What did. What did his dad say. His dad said something? [00:42:35] Speaker B: That was favorite character. [00:42:36] Speaker A: That was so profile. [00:42:38] Speaker B: My favorite character dad. That daddy is. That he is. I. I love him. [00:42:45] Speaker A: Yeah, he. [00:42:45] Speaker B: To have a black father like that is. Yeah, that would. That's. That he was dope, but. What are you talking about? What did he say? In what part? [00:42:53] Speaker A: They was. It was at. They was at Martha's Vineyard and they were sitting at the park when the. [00:42:58] Speaker B: Mama lied or didn't tell him that it was there. [00:43:01] Speaker A: And then. And then he said he's Jesus Lord. What did he say to him? And men. Men. Men run away from women who are a lot because they ask for so much of us. You're gonna miss the beauty right in front of you. [00:43:15] Speaker B: You kind of. Love. [00:43:19] Speaker A: Hurts, you know, it hurts because you. You found a part of yourself that's worth protecting. You found a boundary. [00:43:27] Speaker B: That's good. [00:43:28] Speaker A: Hold on to it, but don't hide. You still got her locked in your phone? [00:43:35] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:35] Speaker A: I mean, it's just easier that way, you know, Easier. Not la la la. You don't want easy in life. Trust me. You gotta be a man. Man gotta go through the fire to find out who he is. On the other side of the heat. She's here, here. What she has to say. I thought that was so profound when he said, a man has to go through the fire to find out who he is. [00:44:11] Speaker B: And he also found a boundary. [00:44:13] Speaker A: He did. [00:44:13] Speaker B: Yeah. Like that. I think, like that is. And I think, like, that's the part where whenever folks are. Whenever folks are like, yeah, I don't want my child to love in high school, or I don't want them to experience. Have the first love. [00:44:27] Speaker A: Don't find no shots over here or. [00:44:29] Speaker B: Or don't want them to be young and experience love. And it's like, I hear that, but that's coming from protective standpoint. It's not coming from. It's not coming from a standpoint of you allowing your. Your kid to be hurt. Because we only understand who it is that we are through trials. [00:44:50] Speaker A: I get that. But I think that as when you're a parent, your first instinct, no matter. [00:44:58] Speaker B: What it is a th percent is to protect it is. [00:45:02] Speaker A: And it's not so much like I. When I say, I tell my daughters, you know, when Amir gets old, he. When he gets to that age because Kaden's already there and Kaden don't listen to me. But when Amir gets to that age and. And have conversations with him, me and Kayla, great conversations. Braylon. Braylon liked one of the boys on my basketball team, you know, so. And as much as I cringe and don't want to hear it, my, My daughter Niara has a beaut. Has a beautiful girlfriend. I don't be wanting to hear what they tell me half the time. But I understand that if I'm open then they'll. Then they won't keep things from me. And to me telling them not really to grow feelings and stuff like that or to control what you can control when your feelings are concerned within a relationship when you're in high school was more so to concentrate on your schoolwork. And I, and I know the majority of the time these, these relationships that you're. Very rarely do we have a, A Keisha and Justin situation or your situation. Cuz even my situation wasn't in high school. [00:46:22] Speaker B: But I mean even, even the relationships that aren't the long lasting aren't the. Even the. [00:46:28] Speaker A: I remember why I gave that movie a 9 out of 10. I'm gonna tell you after you finish. [00:46:31] Speaker B: Not even the healthiest. Whatever the case is, I think they're still all necessary because I mean whether. And I'm not even just. We're talking romance relationships right now because that's just the topic of what forever was based on. But, but all relationships that you are getting because most relation friendships don't survive past high school. [00:46:53] Speaker A: True. [00:46:54] Speaker B: In, you know, in that. In that sense as well. But we're not saying hey, don't go make friends. [00:46:58] Speaker A: Well, no. Well. But we do say be careful of the friends you choose. [00:47:02] Speaker B: Well yeah, we're saying be careful of the friends that you choose. But we're not saying don't have friends. And if our kids didn't have friends, we'd be looking at them like they're weird. [00:47:08] Speaker A: Like what's. What's wrong with you? [00:47:10] Speaker B: Why you ain't got no friends? Why is it just you now? We trying to, you know, interrogate and investigate what's wrong with them. And, and I know and I understand that relationships feel a whole lot more serious because they can have more serious consequences. But I mean I would, I would even hedge a bet to say that friendships can have just as detrimental as a relationship can. [00:47:33] Speaker A: I can, I can see that because you see many instances of friends doing. [00:47:38] Speaker B: Things that influence is strong. [00:47:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:43] Speaker B: I mean so strong like your life can change in the. You just. You said it like you know your, your girlfriend at the time influencing you to hey, come hang out with me rather than go hang out with the. The wrong crowd. Change potentially the course of your Life. And so I. I don't know, like, I don't have any children. I don't know what it's like to put my heart out there and say, hey, you know, go in fourth and potentially be hurt. Probably guaranteed to be hurt. [00:48:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:17] Speaker B: And also, I would like to believe that I would want to be more like the dad was in saying, I don't want this for you. But I also understand that it's a necessary thing for you to grow up and become who it is that you need to become. [00:48:34] Speaker A: Well, we saw the healthy side of the relationship with them, but we also saw the unhealthy side. [00:48:40] Speaker B: It was probably more unhealthy than healthy, which is the. And it flipped. Which. We can talk about that. Go ahead. [00:48:47] Speaker A: Which. Wait, hold on. The reason why this movie is a nine out of ten. [00:48:50] Speaker B: Okay. [00:48:51] Speaker A: This boy ain't never been off the bench. [00:48:56] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:48:57] Speaker A: Of this team. [00:48:58] Speaker B: You end up switching. Take the basketball stance. [00:49:03] Speaker A: He ain't never sniffed the court. [00:49:05] Speaker B: It's a movie. [00:49:06] Speaker A: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. [00:49:10] Speaker B: Dramatization. [00:49:12] Speaker A: And said boy is playing against the next LeBron James. His team is cross them up. [00:49:19] Speaker B: Is that the right term? [00:49:21] Speaker A: Yes, that is the right term. [00:49:23] Speaker B: Is that what he did? [00:49:25] Speaker A: No. [00:49:26] Speaker B: Yes, he did. [00:49:28] Speaker A: But this boy looks over to the girl that he's trying to. [00:49:35] Speaker B: She put that fire in him. [00:49:36] Speaker A: And then looked at the boy and said, you know what? I'mma check myself into the game. Walks into the game. The coach leaves him on the floor. [00:49:46] Speaker B: He's a white coach. [00:49:47] Speaker A: He left him on the floor. White, black, Chinese. I don't care who you are. If you check yourself in my game, you will be out on the next Depot. [00:49:54] Speaker B: He's a white coach at a. Yeah. At one of them Ivy League schools. [00:49:59] Speaker A: Prep schools. [00:50:00] Speaker B: Schools. [00:50:01] Speaker A: And then you commenced hitting the game winning basket. And I'm like. And I'm like, this is so unrealistic. Can we not normalize? Unrealistic. [00:50:13] Speaker B: It's a dramatization. [00:50:15] Speaker A: Yes. [00:50:16] Speaker B: So that's why I also think that it. Is it. What I think they were trying to get across, though, is how a woman. [00:50:22] Speaker A: Put a battery in your back. [00:50:23] Speaker B: That. How. How that could potentially, potentially happen. Which I don't think that is unrealistic that he. I mean, of course the un. It's unrealistic the basketball scene at all. [00:50:33] Speaker A: No, no, I get. I get a woman's motivation, and I get the fact that. [00:50:37] Speaker B: And not even. [00:50:38] Speaker A: And she was like, go, take what you want. [00:50:40] Speaker B: Not even that. But that's not where he came, he was mad. That was anger and aggression because she keeps showing up at this game and I keep having to look at you and then. [00:50:50] Speaker A: But not only that, she showed up at the game on the enemy sideline. [00:50:54] Speaker B: All of the above. That's what I'm saying. [00:50:56] Speaker A: Like with the dude who you on tape with his Peter Wacker in your mouth. [00:51:03] Speaker B: So I think all of that contributed to her really. I mean, him really just being like, you know what? And that was actually the first time that I actually saw Justin. And I'm gonna use this term, and it's. And it's because I just don't have another way of describing it, but that's the first time I actually saw him man up. [00:51:23] Speaker A: Okay, I give you that. [00:51:24] Speaker B: Really take control of a situation and go forth and get what he wants. Because similar to Keisha, while Keisha gets a bad rap for, you know, not being able to stand up to her mom and tell her what happened. He is very similar. [00:51:41] Speaker A: I would never. No, he didn't stand up to his parents. Okay, no, there's a difference. Now, he didn't stand up to his parents when it came to his life. No. What choices, what he wanted to do. [00:51:51] Speaker B: With his career, his life, what he wants. That's a life choice. [00:51:55] Speaker A: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, he stood up to them when he should have. [00:52:00] Speaker B: When was that the end? [00:52:01] Speaker A: No, he stood up to them when they talked about her in this video. He stood up to them then. [00:52:07] Speaker B: But once again, who was putting the battery in his back? [00:52:09] Speaker A: She didn't put the battery in his back for that. He, He, He. [00:52:11] Speaker B: She is the one that put the battery in his bag. [00:52:13] Speaker A: Cuz it's not for her. Not for that. He did it. He. Remember. Remember? [00:52:16] Speaker B: He did it without her. [00:52:18] Speaker A: Exactly, exactly. [00:52:19] Speaker B: So that's who put the battery in his bag. [00:52:21] Speaker A: But she didn't tell him to go do that. [00:52:23] Speaker B: She's still the motivation behind it. Everything. And I think, like, that's where the unhealthiness came because everything became about her pleasing her, doing what was best for her and not focusing on him, which is where. Why we got to the end of the show. And I think she became less attracted to him because it did become all about her. Like to the point she tried. He tried trying to trap the girl. [00:52:46] Speaker A: He tried. No, he didn't try to trap her. He tried to go to school with her. [00:52:49] Speaker B: He tried to have unprotected sex with her. [00:52:53] Speaker A: But. But I don't think he did it to trap her. [00:52:55] Speaker B: I think he might not have consciously did It. [00:52:57] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't think he did it to. To be like. He didn't say. He didn't say. Yo. He didn't come out to have unprotected. [00:53:02] Speaker B: Sex with somebody that you're doing? [00:53:04] Speaker A: No, but he. No, he did not go, you know what? I'm gonna get her pregnant. So she stayed with me. That was not his case. [00:53:10] Speaker B: He was just trying to trap her, whether consciously or no, he did not try to trap. [00:53:15] Speaker A: No, he trapped. Trying to trap somebody. You have to do it consciously. You cannot do it unconsciously. [00:53:20] Speaker B: You a thousand percent can do it unconsciously. [00:53:22] Speaker A: Trying to trap somebody. [00:53:24] Speaker B: Yes, because he was trying to create a tie between the two of them. No, he might not. Yousef. I don't care what it is that you say. He tried to trap her. [00:53:33] Speaker A: He did not try to trap. [00:53:34] Speaker B: He tried to. Y' all weigh in. [00:53:36] Speaker A: He was being. He was being enough. [00:53:37] Speaker B: He not try to trap her. That was a very stupid move. Do you not know the consequences of having unprotected sex? Yes or no? [00:53:45] Speaker A: I do know the consequences if there's a person who knows the consequences. [00:53:52] Speaker B: Did he know the consequences of having unprotected sex? [00:53:55] Speaker A: Yes. [00:53:55] Speaker B: Okay. [00:53:56] Speaker A: Okay. Oh, well, let me ask you this. For a high school boy, right, that was on par behavior. For a high school horny boy, it's. [00:54:10] Speaker B: Still not negating that you're trying to. [00:54:12] Speaker A: No, I don't think he was trying to trap her. I think just in that moment, he was trying to have sex with her. [00:54:17] Speaker B: He was trying to trouble. No, he wasn't, because it came on the heels of her starting to kind of pull away. [00:54:24] Speaker A: See, but. No, but I think that. See, now this is. See, now this is where women just imply. Y' all just make implications about. [00:54:33] Speaker B: I mean, warned her about what. What he was going to potentially do, and then he did it, which was to try to trap her, which is how Keisha got there in the first place. [00:54:40] Speaker A: Wait, wait, wait. What is that? Warned? Who warned Keisha that what? That he was going to try to try? Yes. [00:54:46] Speaker B: He was like, be careful. [00:54:47] Speaker A: Well, first off, the dad was assigned. [00:54:49] Speaker B: But he was right in that. [00:54:51] Speaker A: No, he was not right in that. He was. [00:54:52] Speaker B: He did it in the very next. [00:54:54] Speaker A: Scene, but he was not trying to trap her. I think he was trying to have sex with him. Okay. [00:55:00] Speaker B: Go get a condom. [00:55:01] Speaker A: Yep. In that moment, the man was in the pool. He didn't want to go to the. No. Well, first off, sex in the pool is not good. [00:55:08] Speaker B: First off, we ain't even going into all of that. That Part does not even matter. [00:55:12] Speaker A: I'm just saying it's hard. [00:55:13] Speaker B: The point of the matter is, if we've never done that before, before, no matter how excited or whatever it is that you've gotten, then why are you asking me to do that now out of all the times that we probably have? [00:55:26] Speaker A: Because that's what he felt in the moment. [00:55:28] Speaker B: No, there's probably been a lot of moments. [00:55:33] Speaker A: I'm not saying it wasn't reckless. I'm not saying it wasn't reckless. I'm not saying that he shouldn't have done it. I'm just saying that he was not. [00:55:40] Speaker B: Trying to trap her, whether unconsciously or conscious. He was trying to travel. [00:55:45] Speaker A: He. [00:55:45] Speaker B: He felt the dynamics of the relationship changing, and he was trying to do something that would keep them tied. But either way it goes, it became unhealthy. And like I said, and I think it flipped. I think that she was the dependent one in the beginning of the relationship, and he became the dependent one in the. Towards the end of the relationship. [00:56:08] Speaker A: Yeah. So. And then he ended up losing. I wouldn't say dependent, because I don't think it was the dependent one. I think he just lost himself and. [00:56:17] Speaker B: Became independent and he just. [00:56:19] Speaker A: He lost his identity. Yeah, his identity became her. [00:56:22] Speaker B: If that's not dependency, then what is the definition of. [00:56:25] Speaker A: I don't think. Well, I think he was saying. I think he was dependent on her, but I think that's one thing. And then the other thing was he lost his identity completely. Like, his identity was her to the point where, like, when she was like, nah, don't go to school. What are you talking about? Go to school with me. Like, you got a whole nother plan. Like, I thought we would go over. You go over here. You go over here. But I don't know if that's. [00:56:48] Speaker B: That is. That is the definite if my. If I get so wrapped up in you and who it is that you are finding me, that's codependency. That is the no definition. [00:56:57] Speaker A: I'm saying that two things can be true. He was dependent as well as he didn't have his own identity. [00:57:06] Speaker B: You're saying the same thing. Dependency and not having your own identity is the same thing. That is the literal definition of dependency. If I'm dependent on you, then you are who I am, and I am who you are. I'm dependent on you. [00:57:20] Speaker A: Okay, so have you ever looked up and was codependent, realized that you didn't recognize yourself? [00:57:27] Speaker B: Oh, a thousand percent. Which is why I am saying that it's Codependency. And it's very easy to. If you're not conscious and you're not intentional, it's very easy to do. [00:57:37] Speaker A: Well, tell us about it. [00:57:39] Speaker B: Well, that wasn't a high school sweetheart. That was, you know, that later on. But I think, like, that that relationship was also another teacher of. If you aren't doing the work of. Of getting to know who you are and what you stand for and what you don't stand for, what your standards are, what your boundaries are going to be, then it will be very easy to be swayed and influenced in ways that, you know, you. You ordinarily would not want to be or don't even believe in. And I think, like, that's what happened to me in that relationship is because I was, you know, coming from. I don't even know if I was necessarily coming from a broken place. I was just coming from a place where I just did not know and got wrapped up into something that I did not need to be wrapped up in. And it took quite some time to detangle this entanglement. [00:58:38] Speaker A: I've never. I've never experienced that. Probably because I'm. I'm usually the. [00:58:45] Speaker B: I think it usually is way, way easier for women for it to happen for girls. Young girls. Women. Young women. Because of our nature. And. And I'm saying this in a very generalized way, you know, but because of our nature to kind of. To submit to a man or be under a man's leadership, whatever you want to call it, I think it's a whole lot easier for that to happen for us than it is for y'. All. Not saying that it can't happen because Justin. Very well. [00:59:19] Speaker A: I mean. Yeah, yo. No, Justin was demonstrated. I was like. I was like, man up. [00:59:22] Speaker B: S. But. And that's the thing. I think that it's harder for it to happen for men because of things like that. Man up, like those societal things that kind of is a little bit toxic. [00:59:35] Speaker A: How is that toxic? [00:59:36] Speaker B: Like a little bit toxic, sir. But, yeah, I think that it's. It's harder because y' all have a. Have a harder and clearer line where y' all won't allow a woman to become. [00:59:51] Speaker A: I'm looking at this. It says the signs that you're losing your sense of self. One, abandoning personal goals. Which he did. [00:59:59] Speaker B: Yep. Which I did. [01:00:02] Speaker A: Withdrawing from friends. [01:00:03] Speaker B: I did. [01:00:04] Speaker A: Adopting your partner's interests while neglecting your own. [01:00:08] Speaker B: I did. [01:00:10] Speaker A: The guilt and fear associated with reclaiming space and selfhood and learning how to coexist. We. Without erasing me Yep. [01:00:20] Speaker B: And it's a whole lot of gaslighting that happens in those. [01:00:23] Speaker A: Oh, oh. Like, flame on. [01:00:26] Speaker B: So much gaslighting that happens in those situations. [01:00:28] Speaker A: But I think the people that gaslight, they know what they're doing. [01:00:31] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [01:00:32] Speaker A: But I don't think that Keisha didn't know. She didn't. Like. She didn't go into it maliciously going, yo, I'm have a man. He just kind of organically got to that point because of the love that she was showing him. And to a certain degree, he was kind of lame. He just had some money. He just was kind of like, don't do Justin. Justin was kind of a lame. [01:00:57] Speaker B: No, he was not. He was a nice young man. [01:01:00] Speaker A: He was a nice. That. [01:01:01] Speaker B: I'm not every being a lame wants him once, probably wants his every once adjusting. Probably wants adjusting for their child, for their daughter. True. [01:01:10] Speaker A: But he. Every. Every daughter doesn't want to just. [01:01:14] Speaker B: Well, And. And I. And I will say that Keisha probably was the best person for Justin because she didn't allow him to become so wrapped up in her that he neglected all the different things, like, all of those things that you said. So there wasn't really any gaslighting on Keisha's part because she held a standard for him that he had to catch up to. [01:01:40] Speaker A: I can say this. Justin is a way better man than me. [01:01:45] Speaker B: He's a way better man than most. Definitely most people his age. [01:01:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause you'd have went to prom. [01:01:51] Speaker B: You'd have been out. Would be no coming back. We already know y'. All. Yousef has appeared. He don't be playing that cheating. [01:01:59] Speaker A: What he said them bricks is way too high. You need to cut it here. Cut it, cut it. Cut it out. Like, I'd have been so. [01:02:12] Speaker B: You always out. [01:02:13] Speaker A: What does that sound so gone over you. [01:02:18] Speaker B: That's. That's not the context in which. [01:02:20] Speaker A: That's the context. But them words. Oh, like, there's no. First off, we don't been through too much, right? [01:02:32] Speaker B: I mean, it's still early. What you mean, too much? [01:02:34] Speaker A: What have y' all been through that was not early? Like, we. We. Like. [01:02:38] Speaker B: I literally just started to talk. [01:02:39] Speaker A: I. No, not when she went to prom. They was date. They was deep dating because he had asked her. He had asked her and said, yo, he was. He was like, can you not? Like, can you. Can you just not? [01:02:54] Speaker B: And she said that she wasn't. [01:02:56] Speaker A: And she said she wasn't. And the mama went and did this, and you know what she should have did? Told the mama one, she didn't want to tell the mama. See, if I was Justin, you would. [01:03:09] Speaker B: Have told the mama. [01:03:09] Speaker A: No. Oh well, yeah, if I was Justin and she would have came to me, been like, my mama done bought me this dress. This down the third. I had to pull out the amx. Hey, go ahead and get your mama back her bread. Take it back. Get back a bread. [01:03:26] Speaker B: First of all, that was my whole thing was why couldn't the dress be returned? [01:03:31] Speaker A: It's a show. It's a show. It's a drama. That's why it couldn't be taken back. [01:03:37] Speaker B: No, I'm just saying. But. [01:03:38] Speaker A: And then you got taking pitch and. [01:03:40] Speaker B: You taking pictures and are they crying. [01:03:43] Speaker A: And crying and hugging and I know I. And you know I don't see your IG and pictures posted and you tagged in them. Nah. Cause that's when. [01:03:54] Speaker B: That's when my boy blocked her. [01:03:56] Speaker A: Yeah. It was time to go. Well, I wouldn't have blocked. I think, I think blocking is extremely immature. But that's just me. [01:04:04] Speaker B: I mean everybody has their process. [01:04:06] Speaker A: Yeah. And that process is wrong. [01:04:10] Speaker B: Your process is. Are wrong. [01:04:12] Speaker A: My processes are always. My processes are right. [01:04:15] Speaker B: You, you need to. [01:04:17] Speaker A: My processor be processing therapy at processes. [01:04:21] Speaker B: To interrogate your processes. Cuz foolishness is what it is half the time. [01:04:28] Speaker A: But hey y', all, thank you for tapping in once again. It is great conversation, first loves and all that. Shouts out to Fonda. Didn't want to give his name, but shouts out to him. [01:04:40] Speaker B: He knows who he is. [01:04:41] Speaker A: Shouts out to Natalie. Shouts out to Sham. Wherever you are. I don't know where you guys are. [01:04:46] Speaker B: How do you even know they want you shouting them out? [01:04:49] Speaker A: It's my show. They don't have a choice. [01:04:52] Speaker B: Oh wow. And see, and their names are just so general that you know nobody but everybody. [01:04:57] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I maybe shouldn't have said the last name. [01:05:01] Speaker B: You did say there are whole names just out here out and folks, now they about to be in here. [01:05:07] Speaker A: But I got a question for you. We'll ask you the same question we asked ourselves today. What did your first love teach you? Good or bad? What did your first love teach you? Go ahead and type. We're going to put it in the groups. We're going to put it. Go ahead and email us your answers. R E L S T A T podcast gmail.com. r E L S Tat podcast gmail.com. also Patreon is coming soon where we'll be giving away T shirts and all of that for your membership. So please look out for that. Until the next time I'm Yusuf in the building. See y' all later. Peace. [01:05:41] Speaker B: Thank you for listening to another episode of Relationship Status. Remember, you can catch us on relationship status, podcast.com, iTunes, Google podcast, iheartradio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a Dear Nick, email USD or call us at 843-310-8637. Follow us on Facebook at Relationship Status Podcast on Instagram and Twitter elstatpodcast. And don't forget to comment. Share five star rate subscribe and review.