282nd Date: 5 Things Men REALLY Need From Women… But Is It Really That Simple?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship status where we are changing relationships one conversation at a time. Shabboy Yousef in the building. And remember, you can find us on all social media platforms at R.L. s Tat podcast. If you want to watch the. If you want to watch the episode, you can watch it on all. I'm sorry. If you want to catch the episode, it's on all podcast platforms as well as on YouTube as. Make sure that you tap into the patreon. You want to make sure you tap into the Patreon. Patreon.com forward/relationship status for the first for the next 30 days, just for the month of August. If you sign up paying $5 a month, 17 cents a day, free T shirt and candle are on the way. Also look out for the hopefully by the time this episode airs, we'll have a date for the singles game night in Florence, South Carolina. Because that is on the way. We started making some phone calls and stuff already. So please, ma', am, please, sir, all you singles, not married people. Singles only. Singles only game night. Excuse me. [00:01:09] Speaker B: Not she married. You single. But she not. [00:01:12] Speaker A: Okay. And as you can see, we have angel and Chanel back again. [00:01:17] Speaker B: Hey, hey, hey. [00:01:19] Speaker A: I hope you guys are enjoying them on the show as much as I am. As much as I am. Yes, I do. Y' all show up last minute. No. [00:01:30] Speaker B: Thank you so much. [00:01:31] Speaker A: That is always good to have good people who that you can rely on. [00:01:34] Speaker C: We enjoy you too at the last [00:01:36] Speaker A: minute to come and give you good conversation. So I do enjoy you guys. So today we're going to get into some reacts. We have a couple of videos that people have sent us online through our Instagram and TikTok. So remember R e L S T a t podcast on all social media platforms. Platforms. If a video sticks out to you, go ahead and send it to us and we'll play it, talk about it. So first video we got right here. Here it is. [00:02:06] Speaker D: If you love someone based on conditions, when they do not meet those conditions, you are going to try to find a way out. If God loved us based on conditions. [00:02:17] Speaker A: Talk about it. [00:02:19] Speaker D: Talk that if Jesus would have died on the cross based on conditions. Do you want what I'm. [00:02:25] Speaker C: Do you understand what I'm saying? [00:02:26] Speaker D: The Bible is your handbook. It teaches you how to love one another unconditionally, not just based on how you feel. You have to make a decision to love someone. You may have moments to where you fall out of love, but you got to make that decision every day. Yes, it may be some moments where that person drops the ball. But if I chose to marry you and I chose to commit to you, I have a moral responsibility to show up even in the moments where you are not good. We talking about it may be some situational stuff. What if she go through menopause and then he just say, I don't love [00:02:52] Speaker C: her no more and I'm going to [00:02:53] Speaker D: deal with my ex and stuff like that. We'll be beating him down for doing that based on conditions. So before people choose to get married, make sure that you are not a conditional lover, because it is doomed to fail. That's the wrong foundation to create to begin with. [00:03:05] Speaker A: All right, clap it up, clap it up, clap it up, clap it up. Unconditional. So what? Where'd you start? Where do you wanna start at Chanel? [00:03:21] Speaker C: Where do I wanna start? Unconditional. What is unconditional? [00:03:25] Speaker A: Well, I mean, like, she's talking about people loving with conditions. But there's some points in there I kinda disagree in a sense where I do think that, yeah, love should have conditions. [00:03:42] Speaker C: I feel like love should have. I wouldn't say standards, but I think boundaries might be a better word for it. I see unconditional love, gentlemen. If a woman says, I see it as being that I'm not gonna stop loving you, like she said, based off situations, conditional love is like, I'm gonna, you know, your weight, your health, your finances, your mental health. You know, stuff like that. I see that as being conditional. We are not going to always be the same. The position you're in when I meet you is not going to be the position you're in in 20 years. Be it physical, be it whatever. So when I think of unconditional love, love me through whatever changes I go through, Right? You know that that's what I look at, is it being unconditional. Not saying that you have to accept every part of what I may bring, but love me through it all, even if you have to love me to the point of, you know, letting me be free to fix what's going on with me, but still love me. [00:04:50] Speaker B: I think that's hard for some people because when they fall in love with you, they fall in love with the person that you are now. [00:04:57] Speaker C: The right now. [00:04:58] Speaker B: The right now. So later on, like, when you change, they were like, this. Is this change you're going through? I didn't sign up for this, right? So it is hard to love somebody unconditionally because like I said, it's in that moment. I married you because you weighed 150 pounds. And you were this height and your skin was clear. And now, now, 15 years later, now you might be £189. You have this going on. And now it's like, do I want to? Do I can. I love this person, right? Because to me, they don't look like the person that I marry, right? [00:05:38] Speaker C: And not just physical changes. Some people don't even know that they're conditional lovers until the situation changes, right? You know what I'm saying? Like, I thought it was unconditional until it became a choice. You know what I'm saying? Like, do I really like what I see? Do I really like the way I'm living? Do I like what you bring to the table, right? [00:05:57] Speaker B: And even in growing, you're not supposed to be the person that you were 15 years ago. Because if you are, that's like, you've been at a stagnant. Like, you have no growth. So, like, what are you doing? [00:06:12] Speaker C: And that's another point right there with your life. [00:06:14] Speaker B: Like, if you haven't grown to act, getting to know, like, who you are, like. And it's okay for people to change, but I think it's hard for people to accept that their partner is changing. It has nothing to do with you. You just developing like a new you. Like, I used to like this. Now I don't like it anymore. [00:06:36] Speaker C: That's one thing that I have seen with other people. And I can't even say that I'm not like that. If I'm an ambitious person and I married somebody who I felt like was just as ambitious, and you get stagnant and you no longer want to grow, you just complacent with the life that you're living. And I want to continue to elevate and you don't. You know what I'm saying? That becomes a condition that, you know, I don't want to live this life like this with you. Because you don't want to elevate. You don't want to continue to grow with me. You kind of just want to stay stagnant. You want to stay right here. [00:07:05] Speaker B: You're. [00:07:06] Speaker C: You're comfortable, and I don't want to get comfortable, right? [00:07:09] Speaker B: And that's when things start going left, right? That's when things start going left. [00:07:15] Speaker A: Well, it says, you know, I think words matter, definitions matter. All right, so unconditional means. Unconditional love means caring and accepting another person completely, no matter what they do, without expecting anything back. It is a deep, selfless bond described in families or spiritual context. By applying it to everyday Human relationships requires balancing deep compassion with personal safety and clear boundaries. So I see that as no matter what they do. The no matter what they do is what bothers me. [00:07:53] Speaker C: And see, when you read the definition, that kind of changes things for me [00:07:55] Speaker B: because, well, those are, like, conditions. That's what I'm saying. When loving somebody unconditionally, like, it doesn't matter what they do. [00:08:04] Speaker C: So I'm saying it's the conditions, because that unconditional love will keep you in an abusive relationship. Unconditional love will have you in some tough situations because I'm supposed to love you no matter what. [00:08:15] Speaker B: Letting somebody walk all over you because, like, I love you unconditionally. Like, I think that's a little bit. [00:08:20] Speaker C: Yeah, that's a little bit. So when you look at it sounds good until you read a definition, you're like, wait a minute now. [00:08:25] Speaker B: Like, you didn't cheated on me five times, but I got to love you no matter what, unconditionally. Like, that's crazy. [00:08:31] Speaker A: Well, there was a part in the end of it that kind of might cover that. But this is conditional love. Affection, approval, or care that depends on meeting specific requirements, behaviors, or achievements. [00:08:45] Speaker C: And see, that's why I said it has boundaries. They gotta have some balance. [00:08:48] Speaker A: Because I don't agree with conditional love. That's unconditional love. And when you read further, it says it's a deep, selfless bond often described in family, spiritual. But it requires balance and deep compassion with personal safety and clear boundaries. So I think unconditional love does fit what you guys. What we're talking about here. It's just so difficult to do. [00:09:14] Speaker B: It is. [00:09:15] Speaker A: To love somebody unconditional means that you have to trust them to a particular level. Because some of the stuff y' all talk about is superficial, right? But I remember one of the relationships I was in. I'm an extremely hard worker. I'm a workaholic, okay? I'm. I'm gonna hustle. I'm a grind. I'm. I'm gonna do everything I possibly can to not drown, so to speak. And so. And that's. It's an issue that I have from my past, but neither here nor there. But I was dating someone who. She was working, and she had a good job, she was making good money, and we were living together, and everything was all good. And then she lost her job. And when she lost her job and she lost her job due to her own. Due to her own doing, she lost her job. And so then the weight of everything kind of fell on Me. So now I had to up what I was doing, which means I was homeless. And that put a strain on it. But then what really put a strain on it for me was the fact that at that time she didn't seem to want to go back to work [00:10:31] Speaker B: or to want to work because she had gotten comfortable. [00:10:34] Speaker A: Well, I mean, you know, but we had a particular lifestyle that we had to upkeep and my one salary because we were two family, we were a two salary household. When it goes from two salaries to one, but it's still two people in there. [00:10:47] Speaker B: Yep. [00:10:49] Speaker A: Ain't nothing changed. Ain't nothing changed but the fact that now we're on a one. The fa. We're on a one income household now. And it bothered me that she didn't. That she really didn't want to go back to work. It bothered me that she didn't really look for a job. It bought like, it really tested my unconditional love state because it was so much against anything that I believed in as far as that's concerned. Like it was that big for me. So in that time in which she wasn't working, it really tested me as a person and it tested my love for her in that sense. So I can get it. But I tried to do my best and we ended up staying together. But it's just difficult to do in the moment because it's coming at you so, so hard. I think we talked about it on the last episode with a young lady who felt like, you know, she, you know, her husband was seeking other people outside of her. It is difficult that when you see, you know, your significant other or your partner gaining weight or letting themselves go or, you know, losing their job or, you know, not taking that much the care that they took in themselves prior to or changing behaviors and you're trying to navigate and we're not talking about something, we're not talking about the demographic of people who are verbally and physically and sexually abusive. We're not talking about those people. We're not talking about changes in that sense because that's where the boundary is that is set in the definition. Clear boundaries are there. Even though it's unconditional love. I think those are the boundaries. But at the end of the day, it's difficult to love somebody unconditionally when in our minds it's like, because you said it like, well, no, I won't go there. But there was a. [00:12:58] Speaker B: What you mean? [00:12:59] Speaker A: I'm talking about. What you mean. I'm talking about like in the sense of A man, like, I've seen women go, man, gotta make this amount of money, he's gotta be this tall. He's gotta be that. He's gotta be this to even get to the date. So that's not unconditional love. That's conditional love. You know what I'm saying? Because it says this person has to meet these requirements for me to even think of falling for them. And I. I'm watching Married at First Sight right now. And on Married at First Sight, they got this lady. She's. She's not taller than the guy she's with. And. But the guy isn't somebody physically that she's into, but he meets all of her other requirements. He makes the high six figures. He. You know what I'm saying? He travels. They're both successful. He's very successful in his field. She's very successful in her field. [00:13:49] Speaker E: And [00:13:52] Speaker A: he checked off all the conditional boxes except for the physical. And so she can't get past the physical. So as much as she had all these conditions, she can't take the conditions to get to the unconditional because she's so caught up in the fact that it's this physical out outlook. Now, there was a reason why the experts married you guys together or put you together, because y' all fit everything else, but the both of them got high egos and everything else. So I can see it play itself out either way, but either side. But I really think that unconditional love is just way difficult to do, especially in this. Especially when you get to your 40s and you've been hurt before, you've been lied to before, and you got trust issues and you got a wall up and you got all these things, and people are fighting to get through. People are fighting to get through trying to break down your wall, and they just can't, because, you know, you're guarded, so they can't. You can't even open yourself up for unconditional love because. [00:14:59] Speaker C: Right. [00:15:00] Speaker A: You can't. Because you like. Wait, hold on now. I don't seen this before. I don't. This. [00:15:03] Speaker B: Yeah, I ain't gonna lie. That's me right now. Like, the wall is like the Great Wall of China. Like, it's like. I'm not even. No, but give me some time. Give me a minute. [00:15:15] Speaker A: Give me some time. [00:15:16] Speaker B: Give me some time. Watch. Y' all gonna be proud of me one day. Watch. [00:15:20] Speaker A: One day. [00:15:21] Speaker E: One day. [00:15:22] Speaker B: Not today, but one day. [00:15:23] Speaker A: Let's get into this next one. [00:15:29] Speaker F: Just. Cause you express it different. If a man. [00:15:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:32] Speaker F: A woman feel like they hurt different than men just cause you express it different. If a man tell you, hey, babe, [00:15:38] Speaker G: I don't like that. [00:15:38] Speaker F: Don't do that. That means he's hurt about that. He don't like that. I express that. That to you, so you don't do it. But I'm hurting a woman. Be like that one that bad because I didn't show those emotions. You can't say, cause you're crying snot and I'm being quiet. That I'm not s hurt. You don't know that. You hurt me the same way I hurt you. Because I didn't show those emotions. Woman feel like they. [00:16:01] Speaker A: Y' all got that? Oh, yeah. [00:16:03] Speaker F: I'm hearing it. [00:16:03] Speaker B: All right, let's. [00:16:06] Speaker A: We can replay it. Replay. Get your headphones. [00:16:09] Speaker C: My headphones are pretty loud over here. [00:16:11] Speaker B: Yeah. Mine will turn down low. Be fighting for my life. Stop now. Okay. [00:16:24] Speaker C: I don't think they like me. [00:16:26] Speaker B: I don't think. I don't think. I don't. Okay. Fighting for my life. Yep. [00:16:34] Speaker F: They hurt different than men just cause you express it different. If a man tell you, hey, babe, I don't like that. Don't do that. That means he's hurt about that. He don't like that. I expressed that. That to you, so you don't do it. But I'm hurting a woman. Be like, that wasn't that bad. Cause I didn't show those emotions. You can't say, cause you're crying snot, and I'm being quiet. Then I'm not s hurt. You don't know that. You hurt me the same way I hurt you because I didn't show those emotions. Women feel like they hurt different than me. [00:17:02] Speaker A: Talk to them. [00:17:03] Speaker F: Just because you express it different. If a man. [00:17:06] Speaker A: Talk to him, bank. Talk to him Bank. Don't hit the. Ah. Nah. Cause that. That is a. That is a huge. I can see that situation. That is a huge thing. [00:17:21] Speaker B: I could see that. Because women, we. We are. We are emotional creatures. Like, our hormones be all over the place. So we may. We are going to express how we feel more than, like, some men like, y' all just take it and you'll sit there for a while. Like, you just kind of take it. But us for a while, like, the moment you do something, I'm popping off. [00:17:48] Speaker A: Mm. [00:17:49] Speaker B: Cause I'm letting you know in the moment, I'm expressing to you I didn't like what you did. [00:17:57] Speaker A: Yeah, well, I think. But that's a. But that doesn't. I think the video more Speaks to a man's feelings get discounted. Because we don't react the way we do. Excuse me. The way women do. Because we don't react. Like there's. There's not the. [00:18:15] Speaker B: Why don't you, though? [00:18:16] Speaker A: Because it's not the vision. Why don't we. Why don't we react the way you do? [00:18:19] Speaker B: No, why don't. Not the way that we do. But why don't. If you are hurting that moment, say something? [00:18:26] Speaker A: No, it's. It's not that we. Because we'll say that. [00:18:29] Speaker D: We'll. [00:18:29] Speaker A: We'll. We'll say that. Hey, yo, you know, that really hurt my feelings. But because of the lack of. I guess the veracity of how we say it or the lack of emotion dealt with how we say it, it's discounted. [00:18:41] Speaker C: I think it's discounted not because of the way we perceive it. I think it's because men have been conditioned to hold in, right? And because, especially black men, you're not supposed to cry. You're not supposed to show signs of emotion. If you show your emotion, you know, you're a weak man or whatever. So. Because you have been conditioned to hold in. So when we, as your women, need for you to express that to us, and you want to hold it in, we think it ain't bothering him. So when we. I ain't gonna deny it. Especially black women. Y' all gonna be mad at me all day. I never care. We dramatic. So, yeah, you gonna get the tears. You gonna get the wallet on the floor, the snot. You're gonna get all of that. Cause you done broke my heart. And I want you to see it on the outside that you broke me. You don't have to react the way we. But why you gotta wait 10 years to express something, right? It's not. I'm not blaming us or you. But because of the conditions that has been placed of men holding things in, we as women have accepted the fact that he ain't gonna tell us no way, right? [00:19:46] Speaker B: And I had a similar conversation with a male counterpart, something similar to that. And I said, when you're little and because I teach little kids and I've had boys and, you know, I've known people that had girls. When a girl falls down, everybody's running to her. [00:20:07] Speaker C: Yep. [00:20:08] Speaker B: And she crying, so everybody gotta pick her up. Cause it's like, now it's dramatic. Like she can fall all over the floor. You know, you ain't that hurt, girl. But because I fell, my daddy coming back come home. It's My baby. But when a boy falls and he cries, and I remember that. And I had two boys, my ex husband, uh, don't cry. I said, why can't he cry? He hurt, he bleeding, he can cry. [00:20:28] Speaker E: It's okay. [00:20:28] Speaker A: He can't cry. [00:20:30] Speaker B: See, and that's why that, like you said, like, it's had since day one when little girls fall or something, like. And everybody caters to our. Yeah, we cuddle. They're catered to our emotions or whatever. But boys, like you said, uh, don't you cry. [00:20:48] Speaker C: Right? [00:20:48] Speaker B: Don't do it. And I've never done that to my. And even though teaching little. I'm like, if you cry, it's okay to cry. You have feelings, you're hurting, you can't. It's okay. [00:20:59] Speaker C: I mean, I have done a little of both because I have taught my boys that, yeah, it's okay to cry. It is okay to show emotion, but show it in the right way and show it in the right places and to the right people, you know, don't let everybody see you cry. [00:21:17] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? I mean, me as a woman, I don't let everybody to see me. [00:21:20] Speaker C: Yeah. And I have told them, you know, you can drop your head for a minute, but pick it back up. You know what I'm saying? Certain things that I felt like my boys needed. I don't have a daughter that I felt like, you know, as a woman, if I cried, I know my daddy gonna wipe my tears. My brothers are, my mama is, you know, everybody's gonna cry for how long I want. [00:21:40] Speaker B: Right. [00:21:40] Speaker C: Cause you made sure my boys knew it was a time limit, you know. But I didn't shield them in a way of saying, no, you couldn't cry. But it was a way that they could cry, right? Cause I wanted them to be a little tougher. I did. [00:21:55] Speaker B: And I get. And so did. [00:21:56] Speaker C: And I wanted to be prepared for how the world was gonna treat me. [00:21:59] Speaker B: Yeah. And I did set that for them. But if you, like one or two years old and he fall like he's still a baby, like, he don't know. Like, it's okay for him to cry. Like. But I know at like 10 and 12, if you cry, I'm like, listen, now you go, even if I had a daughter, I'd be like, don't stop. Yeah, you cut all that out. You don't have to do all that. [00:22:24] Speaker C: I was dramatic. I cried. [00:22:27] Speaker B: Listen, I'm dramatic. [00:22:29] Speaker C: I was very dramatic. Like, I was one of those kids that I cried. If nobody Paid attention. I would stop and look like, what's wrong with her? Oh, okay. They looking now. And then I go back to, how was that? Because I got two older brothers, and I have a lot of boy cousins, maybe. [00:22:44] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:22:44] Speaker C: So I knew somebody out of, like, [00:22:45] Speaker B: the four of us. My mom would say, like, I was her toughest and meanest child. Like, well, I was tough. [00:22:50] Speaker C: I just. She was dramatic. [00:22:52] Speaker B: Like, all of my siblings, my sister and shout out to Olivia, like, two weeks ago, put a shared a Facebook post. She was like, out of your mama, kids, which one is the meanest and which one gonna start an argument first? And they all tagged me. [00:23:07] Speaker F: I'm like. [00:23:09] Speaker B: Cause they. Yeah, I. Mm, mm. I ain't crying for what I remember five years ago, my oldest cousins, I was crying over a boy. I remember he was like, I'mma give you 24 hours to cry, and you get it all out. He said, everything you got to get out, you get it out right now. After that, don't ever let me see you cry over no, man. You get it out 24 hours after that. I don't want to hear nothing else about it. [00:23:35] Speaker C: Oh, wow. [00:23:36] Speaker B: And I stuck it up. And then I think from then, like, I didn't even cry when I got a divorce, because I remember that in my head. And I was like, I didn't even cry. Like, you get. You got your 24 hours to get it out and keep it pushing. [00:23:50] Speaker A: Eric Thomas got a saying, don't cry to quit, cry to keep going. [00:23:54] Speaker B: Yep, I sucked it up. Kevin pushing. [00:23:58] Speaker A: I didn't. I didn't grow up with that kind of message. I take it on now a little bit, but I didn't grow up with that message. I grew up with, you can't cry. What are you crying for? I mean, everything. Everything. My. The worst parent saying ever in life. Because there's a lot of them. You just beat the devil out of me and you gonna say, stop crying before I give you something to cry about. Well, what was that just now? [00:24:28] Speaker C: Ooh wee. [00:24:30] Speaker D: My mama. [00:24:30] Speaker B: You watching this, aren't you? [00:24:32] Speaker A: What was. [00:24:33] Speaker C: My mama ain't watching this, my love. [00:24:36] Speaker B: My mama was not watching that. But I'm been the shortest clip. Cheryl. [00:24:39] Speaker A: What. [00:24:40] Speaker E: What. [00:24:40] Speaker A: What happened just now? Like, what was I supposed to do? [00:24:43] Speaker B: And then you want me to be quiet while I'm listen? [00:24:45] Speaker C: You just. Y', all. I want to share this funny story with y'. All. Cuz, y'. All. Y' all gotta understand that I ain't got good sense and I would do anything. Don't look at me like I would do anything. I would do anything to give me a good. Yeah, I would do anything to give me a good laugh, right? So when I disciplined my kids, I had to laugh through it to keep from flipping out. And I ain't gonna say which child. Cause I got four sons. But when he see this, he gonna know who I'm talking about. But I had one that would scream and holler his whole world, like when I beat him. So this is gonna sound like child abuse, but I promise it ain't. I wanted to aim. Cause he light skinned. He light skinned. So I had to aim at his butt. So I make sure I'm disciplined him correctly. So I used to put a chair over him. Cause he squirmed, he ran, he did all this other stuff. I ain't got time for all that. I used to put a chair over and make him lay on his back. And I'm like, when I hit you, go ahead and scream and calm down and say, I will not do whatever the infarction was again. And I would hit him, he'd be [00:25:49] Speaker F: like, ah, [00:25:51] Speaker C: I will not cut class again. And I used to do this. I was like, if you scream, we gonna start over. I knew the boy was gonna scream. He only get five leaks. We just turned into 10. And I seen it laughing my rope off. Like it had to turn into a game for me. [00:26:08] Speaker B: Not a game. [00:26:10] Speaker C: So I would hit him. It wasn't that hard, but he was just so dramatic. Of course, he had to be my twin. This boy looks just like me. Oh, dang. I just told who it was, right? But yeah, it was so dramatic. And I used to say that him all the time. Like, you screaming like that, I'm getting some scream for. [00:26:28] Speaker A: That's the worst thing ever. [00:26:29] Speaker B: I know. Where does that even come from? [00:26:32] Speaker A: But I think the for. For young. For young men, we're told that we can't cry. I know my grandma used to say, she was like, if you would cry, count the amount of time, count the time that's passed. [00:26:49] Speaker C: Like all that. [00:26:50] Speaker A: Yeah, all that time you could have been coming up with a solution, right? All of that time, you could have been spent figuring whatever it is you have to figure out. And I think when they say men don't cry, we're not talking about someone, you know, death or when I talking about loss, you know, we're talking about, you know, stuff's getting hard or stuff's getting difficult and you got to. And you're frustrated and. And you don't know where you're going to get your next meal from and everything else. You can sit down and cry about it or you can figure it out, because there is something that you can do to change your circumstance. You just have to figure it out. And I think if more people, more men spent time figuring it out and less time taking pity on themselves and. And to a certain degree. Wallowing in their own self pity, they could find out the solutions that they look for a whole lot quicker. [00:27:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Now that bothers me. You wallowing your own self pity like. Stop. [00:27:55] Speaker A: All right, so go ahead, grab your headphones for the next one. Yours is loud. So you all right? [00:28:14] Speaker E: 100 men. Consistent consistency. [00:28:17] Speaker G: Consistency. [00:28:17] Speaker E: 100 men. And there's only five things here. [00:28:21] Speaker B: Five? [00:28:22] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:28:23] Speaker E: Not a hundred. Across the board. They just want to be peaceful. They just want to be respected. They just want your loyalty. [00:28:30] Speaker G: Yeah. [00:28:31] Speaker E: They want attraction and they want sex all the time. [00:28:36] Speaker F: Yeah. [00:28:36] Speaker G: Now I want you to think about something in that list. It goes back to something that the women asked for to accept them. You. You. You said that statement accept their baggage, right? [00:28:47] Speaker F: Mm. [00:28:49] Speaker G: Notice how we didn't say that. You gotta be all of this. We accept you for who you are if you're willing to just give these. These few things. Because if you give me peace, you have peace. If you give me loyalty, you have loyalty. All of the things that they want in there is. Is. Is covered in the five things. [00:29:09] Speaker E: That's the end of the list. [00:29:10] Speaker G: Consistent. [00:29:11] Speaker E: A hundred men. [00:29:12] Speaker F: Yes. [00:29:14] Speaker A: One hundred percent. Peace. [00:29:19] Speaker B: Peace. Listen, I got loyalty. [00:29:24] Speaker A: Hold on now. Because you're not giving me peace. [00:29:26] Speaker B: See this. [00:29:27] Speaker A: This is where we starting off wrong. [00:29:28] Speaker C: That way you don't get another stuff on the list. [00:29:30] Speaker A: Because peace, loyalty, attraction. [00:29:36] Speaker C: They ain't said attraction on there. [00:29:38] Speaker A: You want me to play it again? [00:29:40] Speaker C: You want me to play it again? Word for it? Cause I won't pee. [00:29:43] Speaker A: You want me to play it again? [00:29:43] Speaker F: I'm actually. [00:29:45] Speaker C: Please. [00:29:45] Speaker B: You want me to play it again? [00:29:46] Speaker C: I feel like arguing with you. [00:29:47] Speaker B: I want you to go ahead. Cuz I. I got time for this one today. Go ahead. [00:29:51] Speaker A: Consistent sex. And what was the other one? It was peace. Loyalty. [00:29:56] Speaker C: So you stopped Listen. [00:29:57] Speaker B: After consistent sex. [00:29:58] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no. It was. It was something else. Hold on. [00:30:02] Speaker E: And there's only five things here. [00:30:05] Speaker G: Five, five, y. [00:30:07] Speaker E: Not 100 across the board. They just want to be peaceful. They just want to be respected. They just want your loyalty. [00:30:14] Speaker F: Respect. [00:30:15] Speaker B: Got time to. [00:30:16] Speaker C: Go ahead. [00:30:16] Speaker A: Oh, you. I'm sorry. Run it back. Run it back. Got you. [00:30:19] Speaker C: Because I. I ain't here. [00:30:20] Speaker A: Okay. [00:30:21] Speaker G: Consist. [00:30:22] Speaker E: Consistent sex. Consistent 100 men. And there's only five things here. [00:30:27] Speaker G: Five. [00:30:28] Speaker B: Five. [00:30:28] Speaker G: Yep. [00:30:29] Speaker E: Not 100 across the board. They just want to be peaceful. They just want to be respected. They just want your loyalty. No, they want attraction and they want sex all the time. [00:30:42] Speaker F: Yeah. [00:30:43] Speaker G: Now, I want you to think about it. [00:30:44] Speaker A: Bingo. How hard is that? And we will accept you as you are. We ain't said you gotta have big boobs, you gotta have a big butt, you gotta dress. [00:30:56] Speaker C: That's also attraction. [00:30:57] Speaker A: No, but do you know what that mean by attraction? Attraction of you to us. These are things we want. The attraction of you to us. [00:31:08] Speaker B: But to some men, that is attraction. Your physical is attraction. [00:31:12] Speaker A: What? No. Like, you attracted to us. Like, you showing that you're attracted to us. [00:31:16] Speaker C: Being attracted. [00:31:17] Speaker B: Okay. [00:31:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Y' all being attracted. [00:31:19] Speaker C: Some women like buttons. Tell us what. [00:31:22] Speaker A: I'm just saying, like. [00:31:24] Speaker C: That's what I mean. [00:31:24] Speaker A: I'm saying, like. Like, it's not that men, we are simple, and that's how simple we are. Those five. And that's it. The problem comes with. Women are so selfish that they don't want to give. They don't want to give something in the five, because if y' all have. If y' all are having a bad day, there goes my peace. If I retaliate, there goes my respect. Because you're going to talk. Some of y' all talk to me. Talk reckless to your man. [00:31:56] Speaker B: I've never done that. [00:32:00] Speaker C: We don't know where you find these women at because they ain't in the room. We don't know where you find these women at. [00:32:05] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. No, I didn't say. I didn't say present company was included. I was saying. [00:32:12] Speaker C: So I can't give you. I can't give you an answer on that because I don't know those type of women. [00:32:16] Speaker A: Yes, you do. You. So you don't know. You don't know no woman that when she get reckless with her man, she may not tell you. You might have a friend that don't [00:32:22] Speaker B: tell you what I'm saying. Well, how will we know that? [00:32:24] Speaker A: I said. I just said you may have a friend that won't tell you. Tell me you don't know that women talk to men reckless. Like, you've seen. You've seen. I know you've seen. You've had to come across something, whether it's a club, a bar, a grocery store or something. [00:32:36] Speaker B: You. [00:32:37] Speaker A: You've witnessed a woman talk reckless to a dude. [00:32:39] Speaker C: It sounds like to me that what she described is a man that wants a woman who's going to give those five things, which is a submissive woman. But are you giving her something that is a submissive woman who, who's going to be loyal to her man? [00:32:53] Speaker A: What's the definition of being submissive? Because, I mean, that's what I think. I think that's another thing. There's a negative connotation. Women take submissiveness as being negative. [00:33:00] Speaker C: It depends on how you look at it. It's a word. Oh my God. [00:33:03] Speaker B: Take the words to Miss Right for me to be. [00:33:07] Speaker C: You got to meet me there too. What you want is what you gotta [00:33:12] Speaker B: give at the end. And please, like I said, I got time for this one. [00:33:17] Speaker C: You can't expect me to give you peace and you giving me chaos. [00:33:19] Speaker B: That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm like my ex did. I'm like, you swear, Oh, I want his peace. How can you in the world ask me for peace? Sir, you are the creator of chaos. You never bring me peace. So how do you. I always say, if you are a man, you are the leader in this relationship. So how are you asking for something that you are not giving yourself? [00:33:44] Speaker C: Right? [00:33:44] Speaker B: I'm following your lead because now we twins. You talk to me crazy. Guess what? I'm talking to you crazy too. You don't respect me. I'm not respecting you either. You cannot ask me for something that you are not willing to give yourself. That's crazy. [00:34:01] Speaker A: But here's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about that. What I'm talking about is when you coming into this, when we are starting out and you're coming into this, these are the five things that a man needs, all of them. [00:34:14] Speaker C: And you're asking us what will be the problem with doing so and what [00:34:16] Speaker A: and women find an issue with if not one or two or three, Very few women will give you all five. [00:34:25] Speaker C: I, I like. [00:34:26] Speaker A: Again, I'm saying, like I said, very few women will give you all five. [00:34:29] Speaker C: I don't know any women. Hear me out. I don't know any women starting out. Can you let me finish? Because this is why you'll get no peace. I don't know any women that's starting out who's not willing to do that until there's a point that makes him more stumbling. [00:34:44] Speaker B: Something come Absolutely. [00:34:46] Speaker C: In the beginning, nobody was gonna walk in and say episodes where, okay, it's this honeymoon stage. Everything going blissful, everything is going good. And you're happy with that and then there's a shift and now we look clingy. Now we look like we giving you too much attention. Now we look like, okay, we about to hump you to death, even though it ain't all that anyway, but are [00:35:06] Speaker B: now we're nagging, it's a problem, right? Or now we're nagging or now we're doing something because in the meantime. [00:35:12] Speaker C: So now when you're not getting the same energy from your woman, you wann why now you ain't got no peace, you ain't got no loyalty because you done cheated and you still don't want us to be loyal. It's a lot of things that change that, yo, Unconditional turn into conditions. [00:35:25] Speaker G: It's. [00:35:26] Speaker A: It's not. [00:35:26] Speaker F: I. [00:35:27] Speaker A: Here's my thing. I'm not saying I don't feel like what the ask is, is so difficult. [00:35:36] Speaker C: I don't think it's difficult [00:35:39] Speaker A: that it can't be, that it can't be sustained. [00:35:42] Speaker C: And all I'm saying is in the beginning it is very much sustainable because you would not. It's achievable. We can actually do that in the [00:35:49] Speaker B: beginning, all of it. [00:35:51] Speaker C: But all we're saying is the way you start is the way you should finish. If you want it to stay that way, that's it. [00:35:58] Speaker B: That, that's. [00:35:59] Speaker C: If you want peace, consistently give me peace. [00:36:02] Speaker A: But that's not. But his. [00:36:03] Speaker C: If you want, if you want peace in your life, lead with peace. If you want loyalty, lead with loyalty. If you want. [00:36:12] Speaker A: So what, so what do you want? [00:36:15] Speaker C: Lead with consistent good sex. [00:36:17] Speaker A: So, so basically what you're saying is [00:36:18] Speaker C: key word good sex. [00:36:20] Speaker A: So what you're saying is key word good sex. [00:36:23] Speaker C: Nobody want no dry hump. And it don't be us that be dry. [00:36:26] Speaker A: What you're saying is that there's a condition to you basically giving or giving that to him is determinant upon what he does. [00:36:39] Speaker C: No, what I'm saying is. What I'm saying. [00:36:42] Speaker A: That is what you said. [00:36:43] Speaker C: This is what I'm saying is when you create a hostile environment, you don't get hostility. [00:36:48] Speaker A: But you're, but you're saying, you're saying. And tell me if I'm wrong. It's up to him how you act. [00:37:01] Speaker B: Yes, because he is the leader of this relationship. [00:37:06] Speaker C: Then no, this is what you're asking of me. If we're in a relationship, then no, because we, we said that before. That everything is not always about just start a relationship and ending it. You want to work because they really want the Relationship. [00:37:20] Speaker A: If. If you're gonna say that, you're not gonna. You're not gonna give peace because he. He creates. [00:37:25] Speaker B: I didn't say I'm not gonna get peace. [00:37:27] Speaker C: You're not listening. [00:37:28] Speaker A: I am listening. I said that's what you said. You said if you want peace, then be peace. Right? That's what I said. [00:37:36] Speaker C: Okay. So if you want something that you feel like you're not receiving, I didn't say I'm not at peace because, I mean, I don't mind a little, you know, a little chaos every night that just me. But, you know, keeps morale up. But I'm joking. I'm just saying all. All jokes aside, I'm saying this. If men are saying they're simple, basically my argument is this. Men are not as simple as they think they are. [00:37:59] Speaker A: No, we are. [00:38:00] Speaker C: Y' all aren't. Because y' all are saying that y' all have a list of five, but the things that you're asking for, you're not doing consistently. [00:38:09] Speaker A: So then you're saying exactly what I said. You said that. That you. Providing those five things are determinant upon what he provides to you. So it's con. It's a. It's a. What's it called? It's a quid pro quo, if that's [00:38:26] Speaker C: how you want to say it. Yeah. Cool. [00:38:27] Speaker A: So it's not determining upon just you being who you are and what you're doing. It's determining because this is just who you are. I'm gonna bring a peace. I'm gonna this. I'm gonna that. I'm going to this. I'm going to that. Like, that's not what you're saying. You're saying, well, for him to get that, then he's got to do this. [00:38:43] Speaker C: No, I'm saying that it's a cause and effect. This is how it happens. I mean, we're human. What you. What you get out of a situation is what you put into it. You can't. [00:38:54] Speaker A: So that's what I'm saying. [00:38:55] Speaker C: Go back to this. [00:38:56] Speaker A: So then it's. [00:38:56] Speaker C: Let's go back to this. We were just talking about. We were just talking. [00:38:59] Speaker A: So I'm. See, here's the thing. I'm trying to get peace. I'm trying to get. You know, my guys, I'm trying to [00:39:05] Speaker B: get peaceful because I want to say something. When y' all finish. Let me. [00:39:08] Speaker A: Yeah, here's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to get these men out here who ain't got no peace and stuff. At the house. Some type of. Some type of advice here from women, okay? Y. Ourselves. And I need them to have understanding of what it is. So the understanding is we won't get peace if y' all don't have peace. [00:39:25] Speaker C: I'm. This. I can help you out real quick. It ain't gonna take long. [00:39:30] Speaker B: And I want to get this out before you go ahead. [00:39:34] Speaker C: You want to go first? You want me to go first? [00:39:35] Speaker B: I'm. Let me get this out. The peace and the respect thing, I never. Any of that. I don't have an issue. Never had an issue with it. My relationship's going fine. We were respecting each other. The consistent say, it was going great for two. Two years. Everything's peaceful, fine. A situation happened on his end, but now I'm getting frustrated about it. And I'm telling you I don't like this situation. But now you're telling me I'm not giving you peace. Oh, well, why am I not? Why? Because you did something to cause the chaos, but you're still steadily telling me, oh, you're not giving me peace. You're not giving. Why would I. And you are bringing. You brought chaos in my life with this female. But you're gonna constantly tell me that I'm not giving you peace. It was something that you did to cause the disrespect. [00:40:51] Speaker A: So y' all are saying the same thing. I said, it's a quid pro quo. If you do this, then I give you this. If you don't, then I don't. [00:41:00] Speaker B: I think it's just the way that you wording it, because that's not what [00:41:04] Speaker A: I'm wording it, how it's defined. [00:41:06] Speaker B: Because I'm saying the understanding is different. [00:41:10] Speaker A: It's not a different understanding. It's the same understanding. [00:41:13] Speaker B: Listen, within the first two weeks of me and him getting to getting together, just the first one or two weeks, I'm already respecting you to a level to. We hadn't even said, like, we're in a relationship yet, but I'm still respecting you like we are. You didn't. There's nothing that you did in two weeks for me to. For you to gain that or lose that. It's nothing that you did. But I'm saying this was a choice that I made. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do this for him. Me consciously doing it myself. And it wasn't like, oh, he's gotta do this in order for me to do that. That's not how I went into that relationship at all. I went into it, saying, I'm going to respect him because I like him. I'm going to give him. Because I. But it was nothing that he did in order for me to want to do that. I did it because I wanted to. He ain't did nothing. He didn't do anything to me. He didn't do anything. [00:42:18] Speaker A: It's not men processing. It's. I'm just taking. [00:42:22] Speaker C: I'm not saying men per se. [00:42:23] Speaker A: I'm taking what you. I'm taking what you're saying. [00:42:25] Speaker C: I'm gonna say this, and I believe [00:42:26] Speaker A: that a complete understanding, which is what it is. [00:42:31] Speaker C: This is all I'm saying. [00:42:32] Speaker A: For a woman, for us to get the five, we have to give the five. That's all it is. [00:42:37] Speaker C: Okay. [00:42:38] Speaker A: Simply put. [00:42:39] Speaker B: Okay. We just don't do that. [00:42:40] Speaker C: Simply. [00:42:41] Speaker F: No. [00:42:41] Speaker C: Can I say this? And we get into there. Simply put, I feel like men are supposed to leave the relationship. [00:42:46] Speaker B: All right? [00:42:47] Speaker C: They like this. And that's. That's it. [00:42:48] Speaker A: I am not. I'm not debating. I am not debating that. [00:42:51] Speaker C: Why don't you leave the fact that it's not a. [00:42:55] Speaker B: Because I think. [00:42:56] Speaker C: Because you're making it sound like a tit for tat type thing, and it's not. [00:42:59] Speaker A: Because with women it is. [00:43:02] Speaker C: Move on. [00:43:05] Speaker A: Because with women, it is. [00:43:07] Speaker C: It's not. [00:43:07] Speaker A: Okay. [00:43:08] Speaker C: I just feel like y' all set the tone for what the relationship is. [00:43:13] Speaker A: No, we do not. [00:43:14] Speaker C: Yes, y' all do. [00:43:15] Speaker A: No, we don't. [00:43:15] Speaker C: Yes, y' all do. [00:43:16] Speaker B: You're supposed to. You're the man. And if you don't, why aren't you setting the tone? Why aren't you leading. [00:43:22] Speaker F: No. [00:43:23] Speaker A: Leading a relationship and all of that and setting the tone. That's two different things. [00:43:27] Speaker B: It should not be. [00:43:28] Speaker A: It is. [00:43:29] Speaker B: It should not be different. [00:43:31] Speaker A: And I'm going to tell you, and I'm. What's the saying? Is there any saying that says, happy husband, happy life that don't mean it's right? [00:43:38] Speaker G: Hold on. [00:43:39] Speaker A: I asked the question. I just. Yes or no? [00:43:41] Speaker G: That's why y'. [00:43:42] Speaker E: All. [00:43:43] Speaker A: Yes or no. [00:43:44] Speaker C: Happy life. Happy wife. Happy wife, happy life. Exactly. [00:43:50] Speaker A: The emotional regulation of the relationship is run by the woman. [00:43:54] Speaker C: So you're going to say that every saying out there is true. Just because it's being said doesn't make it true. [00:43:58] Speaker F: True. [00:43:58] Speaker C: I don't believe that. Just like this. [00:44:00] Speaker A: Just like a woman. [00:44:01] Speaker C: Because your wife is happy. [00:44:02] Speaker A: Just like the saying ain't being a woman of your word. Like there's sayings out there that just are. All right? And some of them have credibility. Happy wife, happy life has credibility. [00:44:12] Speaker C: I believe a man's happiness matters, too. [00:44:14] Speaker A: We're not saying it, does it? But it's not. But it's not as paramount as a woman in a relationship. That's. [00:44:21] Speaker C: That's. [00:44:21] Speaker G: That's a fact. [00:44:22] Speaker A: It's not as paramount because we can deal with some stuff emotionally that if. Like, if. Let's say the rosary reverse and you didn't take out the track, it was. Let's say you got to take out the trash. A man ain't gonna care. He just gonna go do it. If you didn't take out the trash. He ain't gonna try. [00:44:37] Speaker B: He ain't. [00:44:37] Speaker A: Hey, you were supposed to take out the trash. The man gonna see the trash and just go take it out. [00:44:41] Speaker C: But on y' all list of five, you don't get no head. Then you over here. [00:44:44] Speaker E: Power. [00:44:45] Speaker C: Okay, yeah, but that's how we feel about that. [00:44:47] Speaker A: But that's. [00:44:47] Speaker C: That's how we feel. But that's not. [00:44:49] Speaker A: But that's not even in the. But you. You brought something that had nothing to do with nothing. [00:44:54] Speaker C: Yes. [00:44:54] Speaker A: Like that didn't have to do with nothing. [00:44:56] Speaker B: Consistent sex. [00:44:59] Speaker A: No, I'm not saying that's not even. I'm not talking about that. [00:45:02] Speaker C: We were talking about take care of your emotions. [00:45:04] Speaker A: Y' all were talking about the emotional. The over emotional tone of the relationship is led by the woman. If the woman is unhappy, there is no happiness for the man. So the man has to make the woman happy so in turn, he can be. And that is what y' all call leading the relationship. I have to make you happy so that in turn, you can make me happy. Because if I'm not making you happy, guess what? You're not gonna make me happy. [00:45:31] Speaker B: I just don't. [00:45:32] Speaker A: But when it starts with me. [00:45:33] Speaker G: Correct. [00:45:34] Speaker A: According to y', all, it's not. Y' all just going, you know what? I'm gonna make my man happy. [00:45:38] Speaker B: Just because your happiness depends on yourself making somebody happy and leading a relationship. [00:45:45] Speaker A: Because then that's the same thing. [00:45:51] Speaker B: The same thing. [00:45:51] Speaker A: Yes, it is. You're saying. You're saying happiness is up to you, right? [00:45:54] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:45:55] Speaker G: If that's. [00:45:55] Speaker A: If that's your logic. Your happiness is your is. Is up to you, right? Yeah, I totally believe that. My happiness is up to me to have. [00:46:02] Speaker F: Right? [00:46:04] Speaker A: So then why can't you give me peace just to give me the damn peace? [00:46:09] Speaker B: But you're saying. [00:46:12] Speaker A: Hold on, hold on, hold on. Because now you're saying I. The leadership of the relationship. You're saying That I have to set the tone for the relationship. So I'm responsible for making you happy. So in turn, you can give me peace. [00:46:23] Speaker B: No, you're not. You're still bringing up the word happy. [00:46:26] Speaker C: Peaceful. [00:46:26] Speaker B: And nobody said. [00:46:29] Speaker A: Because you brought up the word happy. [00:46:30] Speaker B: You brought up the word first. [00:46:32] Speaker A: The whole, the whole point is you're saying that for, for somebody to be happy within the relationship is up to them. [00:46:38] Speaker B: Correct? Yes. [00:46:40] Speaker C: You want to start talking about happiness? [00:46:41] Speaker B: You weren't happy. I said, no, listen, give me one second. I, When I said, you are the leader in this relationship, it's things that. When my ex husband was like, we're going to do this. No, I wasn't happy about it. But I knew in the back of my mind that he was right. It was a bad thing. He didn't care about my. It had nothing to do with me being happy. He was the leader. [00:47:04] Speaker A: We're talking about two different things. [00:47:06] Speaker B: You're talking about in the word happy. [00:47:08] Speaker A: I brought. It's. Happy is an emotion. I was, I was speaking to the word of the emotions. Because that's what we're talking about. We're talking about. Because y' all said, if, if you do this, then I'll do this. That's the only point I'm speaking to. If you do this, then I'll do this. So for me to get to. For me to gain peace and, or happiness. You don't even use the word happiness. For me to gain peace, I have to give you peace. Because that's what you said. And that's all I've been saying the whole time is it's a quid pro quo. It's not, hey, I'm gonna do it just because it's a yo. Because I did this, then I'll get that. [00:47:44] Speaker B: But I just told you at the beginning of our relationship, I did it just because. [00:47:47] Speaker A: So basically it's transactional. [00:47:50] Speaker B: No, but I just told you a few minutes ago at the beginning of my relationship, I did it just because. [00:47:55] Speaker A: But if. [00:47:55] Speaker C: But that's because he said it's plenty of times. It's not a matter of you do it, I do it, it is maintained long as it stays the same. We are both. [00:48:05] Speaker A: I'm giving it. [00:48:05] Speaker C: We are giving it off of your. When you started a relationship, you said in the beginning, why can't we do these five things? And it's that simple. I said, it starts that way in the beginning, but then something shifts. It will be that way and it will be maintained that way. [00:48:19] Speaker A: As long as what? [00:48:20] Speaker C: As Long as we are both giving the same thing. [00:48:22] Speaker A: As long as I give me peace. [00:48:23] Speaker E: No, no, no. [00:48:24] Speaker C: I give you peace. It's not transactional. We're both doing the same thing because we both want. [00:48:29] Speaker A: Y' all have made it. We both want to, so y' all have made it. [00:48:32] Speaker C: What you want to hear? [00:48:33] Speaker A: I'm not hearing what I want to hear. [00:48:35] Speaker G: I'm. [00:48:35] Speaker A: If you're saying I think it's because [00:48:36] Speaker C: it's a male gene, it's testosterone. [00:48:40] Speaker A: I'm going over what you just said. Like, I'm go. All I can do is go off of what you say. I can't go off of nothing else. So I'm going off of. I'm using. [00:48:47] Speaker C: So you don't hear me saying that. [00:48:49] Speaker A: It starts out that way. And as long as you continue. [00:48:52] Speaker G: Give me this. [00:48:54] Speaker A: As long as you. [00:48:55] Speaker C: And when they met each other, they both decided that we were gonna give each other peace at the same time. 12am on a Saturday night, they decided we was gonna give each other peace. So they continued to give each other peace for the next 12 months. [00:49:07] Speaker F: Look how he looking. [00:49:09] Speaker C: Until Billy decided he ain't wanna be peaceful no more. So then she changed because Billy changed. That's what I want you to understand, that they both decided to do the same thing. [00:49:20] Speaker A: So she changed. So she. Because he says the leads. Okay, okay. If she didn't like his change or his shift, then she needs to go. [00:49:32] Speaker C: And she could. That's a choice. [00:49:34] Speaker A: That's what she should do. [00:49:34] Speaker C: That's a choice. But then, like we were talking when we was talking about unconditional love, sometimes people stay in things a little longer than they should because they feel like they love things. But I can't tell you why Sarah did that. But I know Chanel, So Chanel should leave. Yeah. And if I felt like it wasn't worth me standing, I probably would. [00:49:55] Speaker A: What would make it worth you staying? He don't give. We don't know if he don't give you. If you're a peaceful person and somebody doesn't give you no peace and. And somebody gives you chaos, we all need it, right? [00:50:04] Speaker B: About therapy. Nobody. [00:50:07] Speaker A: If somebody gives you chaos, if you. If you're a peaceful person that gives peace and somebody gives you chaos. [00:50:12] Speaker C: If. [00:50:13] Speaker A: If you're peaceful, you stay peaceful and you get out. [00:50:15] Speaker B: Right. [00:50:15] Speaker A: You don't. You don't retaliate with chaos. [00:50:18] Speaker C: Right? [00:50:18] Speaker B: I mean, it depends on who you are. It depends on who you ask. I mean, just saying it depends anyway. [00:50:25] Speaker C: All right, I need some anxiety medicine. [00:50:29] Speaker A: Moving on to the next one. Let's do one more. [00:50:36] Speaker F: The woman that would make a nigga do all these things that a woman need. We gotta break that part down too, now. [00:50:42] Speaker G: Oh, yes. [00:50:43] Speaker F: It gonna take a little bit more than peace, right? [00:50:45] Speaker G: She gotta be a pink unicorn, too, because she want a pink unicorn. You gotta be one out of a million women. And a lot of these women don't be. They come with the basic model shit. The basic model mentality, the basic. You know what I'm saying? That woman is going to multiply. [00:50:58] Speaker F: That man. [00:50:58] Speaker G: The moment that that man gets with that woman, his bottom line, numbers of his lifestyle, his bank account, his credit score, everything is gonna go up because that woman is gonna. [00:51:07] Speaker F: A trillion. [00:51:09] Speaker A: See, that's a ranch. [00:51:11] Speaker F: So listen, if I meet a woman and nothing change. [00:51:13] Speaker A: I'm not gonna change. [00:51:14] Speaker F: Exactly. But if you meet a woman, instantly your life change. Whoo. That would make you start thinking about changing. [00:51:22] Speaker C: Good point. [00:51:22] Speaker F: So, nigga, we gotta understand that women. [00:51:24] Speaker A: Yep. [00:51:25] Speaker F: Women out there today, if you don't. If it ain't what you bring to the table, it's how you elevate the table. [00:51:30] Speaker G: Come on. [00:51:31] Speaker F: Without no money, no nothing, baby. Even with ideas. Even if you gotta think, bro, if a nigga don't even trust you enough to be like, hey, baby, what you think of this? [00:51:40] Speaker A: You really ain't the one, right. [00:51:41] Speaker B: You having those type of conversations. [00:51:45] Speaker G: Yeah. That woman is rare, though. [00:51:47] Speaker F: What's the qualities of the woman? [00:51:57] Speaker B: I just want to say I have lots of male friends that call me a purple unicorn. And I can shouts out to Dion. Yeah, he called. He had me saving his phone as a purple unicorn. [00:52:10] Speaker A: Okay, what's that? [00:52:15] Speaker C: I don't know what the purple uniform was. [00:52:17] Speaker A: Unicorn. [00:52:18] Speaker B: Oh, I thought you said, like, they don't exist. [00:52:20] Speaker C: Yeah, I thought you was able to. [00:52:21] Speaker B: Unicorns are my. Unicorns are my spirit. Like, I have unicorns on my desk. Like, I have. Like I. Yeah. Like, he will say he was like, you're a purple unicorn, and it's going to be hard for you to find somebody, find a person. He literally told me that. And I'm like, okay. He's not the only one that tells me that tells me that. But because I talk to him constantly, he will say that all the time. He will literally. [00:52:54] Speaker A: I think one of the major things I think my. The relationships that work the best for me are the ones in which I could go to her and tell her, like, my ideas and things that I want to do, and she. And she helps me, even if it's Just, okay, don't do it this way, do it that way. I think you should do this. I think you should do that. I was, my ex, [00:53:20] Speaker G: one of my [00:53:20] Speaker A: exes, when I started my clothing brand, she was integral in the process of me getting it done. I started to do. I started off with just doing T shirts. She actually bought me my first, like, screen, my first screening machine. She helped me with my, you know, when it was time to do my website or when I was coming up with the design, the logo. When I was coming up with the tagline, when I, you know, I said, hey, what you think of this? And she would go, oh, that's dope. Or. And then even when I was starting to do too much, she'd be like, hey, babe, I think you putting out too much stuff. Like, you putting out too much. You need to scale it back a little bit. And then even when I wanted to, when I wanted to stop because the sales had went stagnant, she was like, you know, she kind of spoke into me like, nah, don't do it. Just. Just scale it back. Just go back to just doing T shirts and hoodies. Just go back to just, you know, doing your. Your jogging sets, your jogging suits and stuff. She said, just go back to doing that. Just go back to being simple. And I ended up just not doing it at all. But she really helped grow the brand and with not real money or anything, just with her. And that's why I said the saying is good. If you don't have. If you can't go to your woman and say, hey, babe, what you think about this? Then you have the wrong woman, then you got the wrong woman. If you're trying to make a move and trying to do something and you go, hey, what do you. And you can't go to your woman and ask her, what do you think about this? Then, yeah, you definitely got the wrong woman. [00:55:14] Speaker B: I totally agree with that. Totally agree with it. [00:55:17] Speaker A: I think that. And then I had a relationship before that. When I started my mentoring program, she was integral. And that particular ex was integral in everything I did with the mentoring program. Hell, I wouldn't be a certified teacher if it wasn't for my ex wife. I had. Funny story. Nika shouts out to you, Funny story. I wanted to be a teacher. I didn't know what I wanted to be. And so we're together, and I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do, but I knew I wanted to work with kids and I wanted to have my mentoring program in the school and so she was like, okay, well, before you start the mentoring program, let's get you in the school, right? And so I went and I had to get into the alternate route, program pace. [00:56:05] Speaker B: And. [00:56:07] Speaker A: And she was like. And I was still working full time, and she was working full time. And I failed the test twice. First time I failed it, missed it by like two points. Second time I failed the test, I passed it. I missed it by. It must be about 20 points. The second time I failed it. Cause we had to pay for it both times. She came in the room and she was like, I was in the room. I really wasn't down about it. I was just like, all right, let me sign up for it again, right? She came in the room and she was like, yoshi, you're about to quit your job. The part time, full time, you're about to quit the job. And all I want you to do until the next test is stay home and study. Don't worry about the bills. Don't worry about none of that stuff. I just want you to study. And then when you pass the test, study. And this it. I just want you to spend the next couple of weeks studying. I'll take care of everything. I'll take care of the bills. You ain't got to worry about nothing. Just worry about passing this test. And I ended up, like, smashing the test the next. The third time, man, ended up getting my first job working about three hours from home. But. But it wasn't. But it only. I only got here because of her saying, this is what you're gonna do. So she definitely. She definitely. I have been. I would say outside of that, I have. You know, there's some other issues. Of course we're divorced for a reason, but even people who are my exes, their exes for a reason. But I've been lucky enough in the women that I've dealt with have always been in a. Have always been a. It's. It's not just what he said. It's not what they bring to the table or whatever. It's about elevating the table. And they've always. And the women that I have dealt with, the majority of them from my marriage on, have been women that have elevated me and the things I wanted to do and been extremely supportive. So I don't know what it's like to not have a supportive. [00:58:17] Speaker B: Gotcha, mate. [00:58:19] Speaker A: You know, somebody who's. Some of them. One of them was overly supportive. But I. I don't. I've never experienced lack of support. I've experienced Lack of other things. But I haven't ever experienced a lack of support in any in these relationships because they were always looking to push me and elevate me. And you're the head of the household, and you're the leader. You're the leader of this, and so I need you to do well. And even when I wasn't motivated to do stuff, the three that I'm specifically talking about definitely pushed and shoved and pulled me, even in points where I didn't even one of them. [00:58:56] Speaker B: She. [00:58:58] Speaker A: She was like, you're not making enough money at the level of teacher you are. I need you to get your masters, man. I don't want to get no damn master. I don't want to go back to school. I ain't trying to go to nobody's school. And she was like, nah. She was like, nah, you about to get your masters. Brought the. Sat me down to fill out. To fill out the damn thing. Helped me with my work when needed to be. She didn't do my work for me. I asked her a lot of times, hey, can you just do this assignment? I'm not doing nothing for you. But definitely, hey, did you read that book? Did you read the passage? Did you get. Did you get that assignment in. [00:59:36] Speaker G: Oh, my. [00:59:36] Speaker A: Did you do this? Did you do that? I ended up getting, I think, A's and B's throughout while getting my masters. I graduated summa cum laude and once again, wouldn't be in that spot if it wasn't for her. And at the time, I called it nagging because I was like, oh, my God, can you stop? I really don't want to do this work. I don't want to read. I don't want to do this journal. I don't want to take these notes like. And she'd be like, nope, nope, nope. Let's do it. Let's go ahead. Let's do it. I'll sit here and do it with you. I sit here, help you out, you know, and that was. And then even, you know, when me and CL and Be Easy decided to start crux, she was right there pushing and going, hey, look, this is. Hey, what are y' all gonna do with this? What's the idea here? And, you know. And shouts out to B and C. But, you know, she was the one that helped me push, push me to kind of go out and do. So I think that if you're lucky enough, because a lot of men don't realize how lucky they are, in a sense, to have a woman who's not Only supporting them, but helping to elevate them. That they take them. They take those particular women for granted. [01:00:45] Speaker B: Absolutely heavy on that. [01:00:47] Speaker A: And I don't know, because those women don't come easily. I've been lucky in that sense of that. Now, like I said, we had other issues, which is why we're not together today. But those three in particular helped push me in some either direction, where I wouldn't be doing any of the things I'm doing today if I didn't cross those three along the way of being here. So that. That I had liked that, because I don't think a. I don't think women understand that. I don't think a lot of women understand that. That. The saying that. That. And I said it just now. And he said it, and. And I repeated it. If your man can't come to you and say, hey, babe, what you think about this? What you think about this idea? Hey, I'm about to do this. What you think you got the wrong. You're not the one for him. For him. And it may not. And we're not meant for everybody. I don't think. I don't think. I don't think every woman is made for every man. And then on the woman's side of it, like, don't worry about being this. Well, this is what I bring to the table, and this is what I bring to the table. Now, how are you elevating the table? Like, what are you doing to help elevate the table? What are you doing to help elevate the head of the house? You know what I'm saying? Because, yeah, you want to be happy, you want to live a certain lifestyle, whatever, but you can only go by the lead of the man that's in the house. So that was my take. I know I took up. I took up about the last 10 minutes talking. But, y', all, thank you again for being on. Really appreciate you guys being here. [01:02:32] Speaker B: Anytime. [01:02:32] Speaker A: All right, Chanel, tell the people how [01:02:33] Speaker C: they can find you on Instagram. You can find me at Nelly Pooh Underscore speaks on Instagram, Facebook, Spotify and YouTube with King Me Pod Angel. [01:02:47] Speaker B: And you can find me on Facebook at Chrissy Solomon. Chrissy is C, R I S S Y and on Instagram at a Chrissy22. [01:02:58] Speaker A: And you can find us on all social media platforms at Ariel Stat Podcast. Don't forget to subscribe on our YouTube rel stat podcast. If you want to join the conversation, hit us up ariel statpodcast gmail.com if you want to join the Patreon, please go ahead and do so. Once again, the month of August, we got a special going on. If you join the Patreon, $5 a month. That is 17 cents a day. Today we will send you a free relationship status T shirt and a free relationship status candle. And we actually have two candles available that you will get to choose from. The names of them are. Hold on, I got it right here. And I'm gonna describe them for you. The name of the two candles are. [01:03:41] Speaker C: You need us to try them out? [01:03:43] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get you. I'll get you one. I'll get y'. [01:03:44] Speaker E: All. [01:03:45] Speaker A: I'll get y' all some samples. [01:03:46] Speaker C: Yay. [01:03:46] Speaker B: Thank you so much. [01:03:47] Speaker A: I'll get y' all some samples. The first one is we need to talk. That's the name of the candle. The scent is lemongrass and lime, which is lemongrass, citronella and patch. Patch o. Patch O U L I. I don't know how to say that. Fresh lemongrass, bright lime bring a clean, citrusy energy. Citronella and patch oil add a deeper, earthy finish. The mood is for fresh, bold, clean, and slightly confrontational. We need to talk smells better than the conversation is about to go. Then the next one is. It's complicated. The scent is amber noir. It is cypress, cedarwood and tangerine. Because apparently single and taken aren't weren't complicated enough. A smooth, sophisticated blend of warm, amber, inspired notes. [01:04:36] Speaker B: Give me this complicated. [01:04:38] Speaker A: Crisp, crisp cypress, rich cedar wood and bright tangerine creates a scent that is mysterious, confident and just. Complicated enough. The mood is smooth, sexy, mysterious and unpredictable. It's complicated because your relationship status needs to be. It needs its own explanation. [01:04:58] Speaker C: Right. [01:04:58] Speaker A: Give me the complicated, the link to those. And you could also buy those candles if you would like to. We'll take. We're now taking pre orders. The first set of pre orders, we have a 4 ounce candle which will cost you $10. The 8 ounce candle is 15. Greatly priced. Greatly priced. Greatly priced. We're also gonna be taking pre orders for the relationship status T shirt. Those are $25. Definitely. Once again, reasonably priced. Once you start to get into the 2x size, that's when it goes up to $30. But those links will be in the description of this episode. And don't forget to look out for the singles date night in Florence. We're still locking down the date. As soon as the date is locked down, come out and this. And it's kind of set up real cool. We'll have some individual games that you can play. And then for the first hour and a half, and then the second, the sec, I'll say like the next hour we're gonna do group games. So we're gonna play a big group game like Black Card Revoked and some other games that they have out there. Split the split the whole place up into teams. And then at the end, we're just gonna have some relationship talk talk, just some questions from the audience, just facilitating some conversation. So it's going to be a dope time. Remember, you're gonna have to get your tickets early. We're gonna be and if you're and guess what, if you're a member of the Patreon community, guess what, you get free tickets. You get free VIP tickets. So anyway, it's your boy Yousef in the building. It's relationship status and we're out. Peace. [01:06:35] Speaker C: Peace.