281st Date: WHY DO MARRIED MEN CHASE OTHER WOMEN?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: He ain't even in the bed. [00:00:00] Speaker B: I'm gonna tell you where he at. He on the couch, he on the [00:00:04] Speaker A: recliner with an eye view doc and [00:00:06] Speaker B: he's scrolling and he come across your page and he go, hmm, hmm. So he tap on it, start swiping. See this photo? See this photo? See this photo? And he look up and look at his wife and she got on that 7 year old mumu with the holes in it. And he done said, looked down back at his phone, look at her, look at the phone, look at her. And he texts you trying to, trying to kind of make sure she ain't looking. [00:00:35] Speaker A: Y' all first of all, don't do that. Used to being a different type of man. Let me tell you how it really go down. This how it really go down. I'm gonna be one of them dudes for y'. All. He watching. By the time he went through about three pictures, he done slid down his hand like, [00:00:53] Speaker B: Welcome back to relationship status where we are changing relationships one conversation at a time. Shabboy Yousef in the building. And remember, you can catch us on all podcast platforms. Remember to like share, follow and five star rate. You can also find us on YouTube. Go ahead and hit the subscribe button. Don't forget to. Don't forget to follow us. Subscribe on YouTube. Once we hit 100, we have a gift for every single subscriber that is under a hundred. All right, that helped us get to 100 and continue to hit the subscribe button. Don't forget that you can follow us on all social media platforms. E l S T a t podcast. And if you want to join the conversation, email us. R e l s t podcastmail.com and of course, the best place, the best place to be is the Patreon. Patreon.com/forward/relationship status. Remember, just for the month of August. We're only doing it for the month of August. If you sign up for, for the $5.17 a day membership, you will get a free relationship status candle and free relationship status T shirt upon you. Why is you. You talking through my intro? Okay, back to the business. All right, so how y' all are going to get a candle? Like, I don't understand. Anyway, as you can see, I'm here with Chanel and Angel again. Once again they have come through to help help your boy with the show. Let's get right to it, Angel. Let's just get right to. No pleasantries. No, no. How you doing? Know how you doing. [00:02:29] Speaker C: We just gonna jump right in. [00:02:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Like, I heard, like, you and Chanel was talking. We were supposed to come in and talk about something totally different. But as usual, you know, sometimes you just gotta go with the flow of things. And as y' all were talking, it helped me to formulate a question. You married her, so why are you chasing women like us? [00:02:49] Speaker A: Right. [00:02:50] Speaker C: I don't understand that. [00:02:51] Speaker B: You don't understand it? [00:02:53] Speaker C: No. Isn't that weird? [00:02:55] Speaker B: Yeah. So today we're talking about married men who are out in these streets, and it seems to be that the women according. Well, I'll let you explain it. My dear angel. [00:03:08] Speaker C: It's always gotta be on me. Because if. [00:03:10] Speaker B: No, it's not always on you. It's always on me. [00:03:12] Speaker C: But today, this is so what I was saying, because sometimes my inbox be on. Whoa. But there is lots of married men that will inbox me. It's like, oh, you're so beautiful. You're so this. And you, I love. You're so feminine. Like, you. You always are put together. And I'm like, but you have a wife. Like, and then you, you know me, like, I'mma go click on a page and go look at your wife, and she looks totally different. Like, nothing like I look, like. Not really a shape, just kind of like plain Jane. Like, no. [00:03:51] Speaker B: So isn't that a shot at the wife a little bit? [00:03:54] Speaker A: It's not necessarily. [00:03:55] Speaker C: Not necessarily. But I'm asking, like, because you're telling me, like, you love everything about, like, my look. Like, you always. I like the fact that you change your hair all the time, and, you know, your nails are always on point, and you're always like, you're so feminine. And then when I look at, you know, if I see, like, their wife, they look totally different. Like, they don't look like they get their eyebrows done. Like, they nails never look like none of the p. Like they had. Like, it's nothing. It's nothing special about, like, it's just like, plain Jane. And so I don't understand. If you like a woman that is feminine, like, gets her hair done, gets her neck, like, why don't you marry that type of woman? I don't understand that. [00:04:42] Speaker B: Okay. All right, so first, let's dig a little. Let's dig into this a little. Let's dig into y' all two first. Okay, so you two, upon the conversation, have said that you've been approached by [00:04:53] Speaker C: married men multiple times every day, yesterday. [00:04:56] Speaker B: So I'm asking you a couple of questions. We gonna get to the either or segment later. [00:05:00] Speaker A: Oh, God. [00:05:01] Speaker C: God. I Thought we was going to skip right into it. [00:05:06] Speaker B: No, no, the either or segment is what the people come for. They come for the conversation. No, they come for the great conversation, but they stay for the either or question. We going, we going have, we going to pop the either. We're going to be moving either or segment around. [00:05:19] Speaker C: Oh, okay. [00:05:20] Speaker B: All right. [00:05:20] Speaker A: So either or. [00:05:22] Speaker B: No, no, no. This is straight questions. These are, these are conversation questions. So what was the first, you know, what would you think is the first sign that the man was married? [00:05:29] Speaker A: You didn't the first sign that he was married? [00:05:32] Speaker B: The sign that he was married. [00:05:33] Speaker A: What do you mean? Like if he inboxed me. [00:05:35] Speaker B: Yeah, when he inboxed you, what's the first sign that he's married? Does he tell you that he's married? Is he upfront about the fact that he's married? Do you dig? Do you then click on. Once he approaches you, do you click on his profile and find out he's married? So it's not really a sign. It's just your research. [00:05:47] Speaker A: Yeah, sometimes. It depends because being honest, married men are a little more pushy. They're a little more. [00:05:57] Speaker B: So that's a characteristic of a man. [00:05:59] Speaker A: They really are more persistent when they're married because they have an agenda. So they're a little more pushier when it's like, I know what I want, I'm coming after whatever it is that I'm trying to get. And you down with it or not? Cause they moving along. Cause they got some at home anyway. They're not really, you know. [00:06:15] Speaker B: Okay, so what's the agenda? You said they have the agenda. Do you know what the agenda is? [00:06:19] Speaker A: They want some ass. [00:06:20] Speaker C: Yeah, they. That's it. [00:06:22] Speaker B: Is that, is that, is that it? [00:06:24] Speaker A: Men don't usually care about conversation. Married men, they can get that at home. [00:06:30] Speaker C: Yeah, they can get that at home. [00:06:31] Speaker A: I'm pretty sure she talks to him all the time. [00:06:33] Speaker C: Yeah. And they probably don't want to hear anybody talk. [00:06:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:35] Speaker C: Cuz the wife probably nags. [00:06:37] Speaker A: It's a different kind of language. [00:06:38] Speaker C: It's a different type. You inbox me, you like H. You look like she might be like a good. I'm like, do I look like a fun girl? [00:06:45] Speaker A: Okay, so I'mma word it a little different. I feel like this whenever a guy like what she was saying. When a guy approaches someone and I'm not saying like, you know, you have an appeal and then you go and you look at his wife and she's playing Jane. You look at it like a style. If she's your style. Then why are you coming after me? [00:07:04] Speaker C: Right? [00:07:05] Speaker A: That's like for instance, you have a style, the way you dress. So when you see a guy with a plain jane woman, that's your outfit. That's the way you dress. That's the way, that's what you like, that's your desire, right? Cause you coming after something that's not your normal fit. [00:07:20] Speaker B: But why, okay, if this is your [00:07:23] Speaker A: normal fit, then why wouldn't you marry me? [00:07:25] Speaker B: Well, let me give you a little bit pushback here. Like, isn't it that you, you, you, you marry who you fell in love with and maybe that has changed? Not necessarily. [00:07:33] Speaker A: You get a divorce. [00:07:34] Speaker C: Absolutely. [00:07:35] Speaker B: Wait, hold on. I am not disagreeing with you. [00:07:37] Speaker C: Sorry. [00:07:38] Speaker B: I'm not disagreeing with you. [00:07:39] Speaker C: And don't cut me off, okay? [00:07:42] Speaker B: Because I'm making sure I get it out correctly. [00:07:43] Speaker C: Okay, we're listening. [00:07:45] Speaker A: So try. [00:07:46] Speaker B: What I'm saying is what if that's what he married and when he married it? Because there are some women do change, do let themselves go do. And men too, they do let themselves go and do not do it to upkeep. They don't get, you know, if they worked out a lot, they may not keep that up. If they were eating right, they won't keep that up. Things change sometimes. Women, I would say, once they get, especially after having children. My ex fiance went through a little bit of this. She went after she had my oldest, after she had our oldest, she went through a little bit of postpartum where she didn't feel, she didn't feel within herself as sexy, as good looking. And she was mentally in a place where she really, I wouldn't say she didn't care because I think she did, but she wasn't as conscious of how she looked and how she portrayed herself and how outward she was. She really didn't go out a lot and when she did, it was like, let me just get comfortable and I'll go where I go. So do you think it's a situation? And we'll get to that a little bit later. But do, do these guys ever compare you and ask you this? Angel, do they, do they ever compare you to their wife? [00:09:18] Speaker C: No, they don't compare me to their wives. But I do ask them, like if why are you in my, in like, like you're married. So first of all, why are you even in my inbox if you have a wife? Like, that's just like, why are you here? [00:09:32] Speaker B: Do you ask them that or do you just. [00:09:34] Speaker C: No, I ask Because I want to know. Okay, why are you. Why are you even inboxing me? Like, you got a whole entire wife. So why are you inboxing me? It's like, you know, I saw you go, I think you're gorgeous. Like, I saw you around town, but I didn't want to say anything to you because, you know, it was out in public. But I just, like, I dig your style, like, your vibe, like, your whole. And I'm like, and all of that is cool, but you need to dig your wife's style. So I'm like, why don't you dig her style? And I've asked. I asked. I'm like, well, she don't look like you or she don't. Okay, then that's not my. Then you needed to be with somebody. Like, that's what you like. And some of them will say, well, I'm too invested in getting a divorce. Is she gonna take everything I got or everything I got? And I'm like, but if she found out you inboxing me, it's still gonna be the same thing. [00:10:33] Speaker B: So what does that matter? [00:10:35] Speaker C: So why would that even matter? I'm like, why don't you just go ahead if you're not happy where you are, go ahead, say, hey, this isn't working. Y' all settle whatever you gotta settle. And then you keep it pushing. And then you don't have to be jumping in. Somebody that you can be with, somebody that. That's appealing to you. [00:11:01] Speaker B: But doesn't appealing change? The appeal or the desires of a man sometimes change over time? [00:11:10] Speaker C: Well, they have to know that. Cause if you are in my inbox, how you know that I'm not gonna change, like in a few years? So it's like, that's a risk that you put. Gotta take. Because you came at me. I didn't come to you, you came at me. [00:11:25] Speaker A: It's a two part to that. Yeah. I do believe that people change, and sometimes your desire change based on the situation. Because when you no longer like the person that you with, you can be so invested that you feel like, okay, well, like that saying goes, cheaper to keep her. I stay in this situation because I am invested. But I no longer like this person anymore. So I am looking for something else to play with, to do whatever with. Then the opposite side of that. Some things are being said to get what I want. So I'm going to tell you that my situation is so bad, I'm going to tell you that this is what I feel about you or what I see in you or whatever, hoping that what I say to you is going to appeal to you and let you. Let me have my way. And I'm not going to say men are the only ones that do this. Women do it too. So I think it goes on. [00:12:10] Speaker B: I was waiting for that because just to let you know, women do it. [00:12:13] Speaker A: Yeah, women do it too. I'm be honest. Women do it better. [00:12:16] Speaker C: Absolutely. We do everything better. [00:12:18] Speaker A: But I do feel like situations like you were speaking about, you know, in your marriage or not sure whether you said it was your marriage. Right? [00:12:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:27] Speaker A: Going through postpartum and stuff, I feel like. [00:12:29] Speaker B: No, my fiance. [00:12:30] Speaker C: Okay. [00:12:31] Speaker A: I feel like in a relationship, it's a two part situation. I went through postpartum when I had my twins. If I had the type of partner that helped me through that transition to make me feel beautiful or you know what I'm saying. I'm going through a mental situation along with still caring for my kids who depend on my. Depend on not just me to care for them, but resources from my body. You know what I'm saying? That weighs a lot on a mother. And I'm still having to perform as not a wife. At the time, I wasn't a wife, but performing wifely duties, you know, it takes a lot. But if I had to have a partner to make me feel beautiful, to make me feel appreciated, I think I could have got through that transition a lot better. So the person that you no longer desire maybe would have been more desirable if you were doing your part. A lot of times, and I'm not gonna say just men, but a lot of times people check out of the partnership and seek their desires elsewhere because they're too lazy to put in work at home. [00:13:28] Speaker C: I agree. [00:13:29] Speaker B: Okay. [00:13:29] Speaker C: I agree. [00:13:30] Speaker B: All right, so let's take a second and explore. I happened to. As y' all were talking, I took down a couple of notes as a. As I'm trying to put my mind in the frame of that married man. [00:13:43] Speaker C: Right. [00:13:44] Speaker B: Because when I was married, and I say this to the death, my ex wife disagrees with me because of how quickly I started to date while we were separated. So she disagrees with this next statement I'm about to make. I never cheated on my wife, on my ex wife, never cheated on my ex wife. She feels like I moved on and started dating too soon. Cause I started dating during my separation. So she counts that as cheating. And I guess what I would say to that is, I guess legally it was, but we were legally separated, so she saw me dating someone else who ended up becoming my ex. Fiance. Ended up becoming my fiance after a couple. After. Shoot, a couple years, two kids. But she saw it as that. But I never, like, when we were together for those three years in all right, didn't step out, not once. So I'm gonna put my mind in that mind frame. So it's gonna be difficult for me to do so because I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I believe that when you're married to that person, I think relationships are different. Cause there's always an out. So you always kind of one foot in, one foot out until you're locked into that one person. And y' all are gonna. And y' all are starting to have those marriage conversations, and y' all starting to talk about building a life together. But I'm gonna try to put my mind. My mind in that. And I'm gonna. And I. When I did that, I came up with a couple of reasons as to why these guys do that. Cause. Cause why does he want what he didn't marry? All right, so the first one was security versus excitement. He chose his wife because she provides stability. But the other woman, angel, might seem exciting. You know, your social media ain't light. You know what I'm saying? Like, you got the photos. You going out. You know what I'm saying? Like, what I mean by light is it's not modest. [00:15:41] Speaker A: Was that a dis or. [00:15:43] Speaker B: No, no, no. [00:15:43] Speaker A: It's not a shot. [00:15:46] Speaker B: It's not a shot. [00:15:47] Speaker A: Was that a compliment or a diss? [00:15:49] Speaker C: I wasn't sure. [00:15:50] Speaker B: It's not a shot. You don't give off. What you don't give off in your social media is you're gonna be. Even if we're married or if you're somebody I'm gonna pursue, we're gonna be at home that you're gonna dress like. You're not gonna. You know, you're not gonna put it on when you go out, you know what I'm saying? Yours is always. You know, you got the photos, the. What some people would say is thirst traps. So you would represent the. You represent the excitement. So I could see how a married man would. Would be on his phone, you know, scrolling. He in the bed and his wife. [00:16:32] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on. [00:16:35] Speaker B: Oh, no, no, no. Follow me, follow me, follow me. [00:16:38] Speaker C: I'm here. I can't do this. [00:16:39] Speaker B: He in the bed. He got his feet kicked up. His wife in there cleaning the kitchen or something. He just scrolling. Matter of fact, he ain't even in the Bed. I'm gonna tell you where he at. He on the couch, he on the [00:16:50] Speaker A: recliner with an eye view though, and [00:16:53] Speaker B: he's scrolling and he come across your page and he go, hmm, hmm. So you tap on it, start swiping. See this photo? See this photo? See this photo? And he look up and look at his wife and she got on that 7 year old mumu with the holes in it. And he done said, look down back at his phone. Look at her, look at the phone, look at her. And he texts you. Trying to. Trying to kind of make sure she ain't looking. [00:17:21] Speaker A: Y', all, first of all, don't do that. Used to being a different type of man. Let me tell you how it really go down. [00:17:27] Speaker B: This guy really go down. [00:17:28] Speaker A: I'm gonna be one of them dudes for y'. All. He watching her, by the time he went through about three pictures, he done slid down his hand, like. Move. I'm talking about, listen, he slept too. Keep his eye on that kitchen. [00:17:44] Speaker B: He got a text when she done [00:17:47] Speaker A: watch some business, she go take that shower. That way he going to text her. Cuz we know how y' all really move. He got to make sure she all the way gone before he. So stop playing with these people and tell the truth. [00:17:57] Speaker B: No, but I think that that's a part of it. A part of it is the security at home. And he's looking at, he's looking at, okay, my wife provides me a home. She would provide me the excitement. All I'm missing from my home because I think from the majority of married men, my belief and married men. If you're out there and you disagree, please email us. R E l s t podcastmail.com but what I would like to say is in that sense, I think more or less it's to fill a hole that's missing from their life. Like they don't want to give up the meals or the laundry or the, you know, having the security of someone being at home. You know, the kids and then the gamble and then the uncertainty of what will happen if he does decide to say, well, I'm not happy and I'm going to leave this marriage. And he leaves the security of the marriage for. For the excitement of you, and then turns around and goes, well, this ain't nothing but a regular old cracker, you know what I'm saying? And he starts to miss his old life, you know what I'm saying? Because the excitement. No, I understand that, but I'm just saying, in a sense, we talk about the Representation. The representation. Not you per se, but you right now are the symbol of the excitement. [00:19:21] Speaker C: Right. And. And that's the thing that I don't. If. When you look at me and you say like, oh, she's a sa. You need to have a conversation with your wife, as hard as it may be. Listen to what I'm saying. [00:19:37] Speaker B: No. Cause I'm gonna talk to that. I'll talk to that. [00:19:39] Speaker C: You need to have a conversation with your wife. So even if you feel like, hey, babe, you wanna go get your hair done? When is the last time you got your nails done? Or when is the. Like, let me treat you to this, or let me treat. If that's what. So at home you can have also the stability in the excitement. [00:19:59] Speaker B: No, I get what. I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying, and I don't disagree. That conversation should happen. But let me tell you from the mindset of a person who did not have that conversation because I didn't have that conversation with my ex fiance. [00:20:11] Speaker C: Okay. [00:20:12] Speaker B: Because she seemed already fragile as it was, and I didn't want to break now. I didn't step out. I didn't go and do nothing else. But I did want to tell her at times, hey, look, let's go get your head on. Let's, let's. Let's do something. Let's. You know, I wanted to tell her those things at times, but she was already fragile and I didn't want to have. I didn't know if I could have that conversation with her that would make her be okay with me because I don't know if she would see it as constructive. [00:20:44] Speaker A: Yeah. Or. [00:20:45] Speaker B: Or negative or what's wrong with you? [00:20:49] Speaker A: Not. [00:20:49] Speaker B: Not necessarily changing. Not, not necessarily. Because it ain't about changing you. Because that you were at one point. This is what you were. So I'm not changing. [00:20:56] Speaker C: How do we know that? [00:20:57] Speaker B: No, what I'm saying is it's difficult to have that conversation when you think your wife is in a particular mind. Because I knew something was wrong and I couldn't have that conversation with her. And the reason I couldn't, because I was afraid of where it would go from her end or how she would take it. Because she was never shouts out to Lynn. She was never a argumentative person, never a negative person. She was always, you know, even though she was down. Like, we never had real, like, knock them down, drag them out arguments while we friends now, because we never had, like, real arguments. So she wasn't confrontational or nothing. And I Wasn't confrontational with her, but I was really caring and very delicate with her during that season. Not as delicate as I could have been because in certain aspects I wasn't. But when it came to this particular topic that we're talking about in this and just. We're talking about just the appearance of and, hey, wouldn't you want to do this? Or wouldn't you like to do this or wouldn't you like to do that? I didn't know how it would go. Now today I'm being through a couple of more situations and understanding now I can have those conversations with people, right? With a woman, not have those conversations with a woman about, hey, hey, honey, you slipping a little bit. Let's go to the gym. You know what I mean? But I can't. But I'm also cognizant of I can't ask her to do stuff I'm not doing. So let's go together. You know what I'm saying? So I might have let myself go, and this might be a moment that I need to look in the mirror. Am I still getting my hair cut every day? Am I still. Because I guarantee you, these married men are not doing that. They're not looking at themselves in the mirror like, well, maybe. Maybe she would have. Maybe she would get dressed for me if I got dressed for her. What if, you know, I'm saying, am I working out? You know, am I eating right? [00:22:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Or invite her to let's go take a walk together or am I doing. Have a spa day. Do it as a couple things. [00:22:55] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, hey, let's. Let's go. Let's go to this. Let's go to a salon, barbershop. I get my haircut, you get your hair done right? You know, something like that. Or let's go get. I ain't doing no pedicures, but, you know, let's go get pedicure. My feet are gorgeous. You just seen the toes out. Let's not act like you ain't seen them out. All right? So, I mean, they paid number two. Number two. The second one I wrote down was the fact. The second one I wrote down as to why I think men do. Why married men do. This is the fantasy effect. What I mean by that is the woman outside his marriage does not come with all of these things. Bills, kids, household responsibilities, arguments, history, emotional baggage, or daily expectations. [00:23:41] Speaker A: Your kind of long, ain't it? [00:23:42] Speaker B: No, I'm just saying these are all. These are all of the things that when you're. When you're married and you have kids. These are all of the things that you go home to. [00:23:51] Speaker C: Right? [00:23:51] Speaker A: And I feel like that's the reason why people cheat is because you cheat for the fantasy [00:23:57] Speaker C: after that, it's kind of like an outlet, like, you find them, like. But I. Yeah. [00:24:02] Speaker B: Cause now he gets. But he's getting the highlight reel, right? [00:24:05] Speaker C: I'm not trying to. [00:24:06] Speaker B: He's getting everything he wants without the responsibilities that when he walks in the house, too. [00:24:11] Speaker C: I'm not an outlet. Don't talk to me about what your wife did or she not doing this or she. That you. Y' all need to go to a therapist. I'm not. Don't talk to me about that. Cause I don't care. I mean, I'm just going to keep it a book with you. I don't care. Don't get in my inbox, say, oh, well, she used to do this. Go talk to a therapist. [00:24:32] Speaker B: Okay? [00:24:33] Speaker C: Now, if I. If you want me to. To counsel you, I charge $59.99 an hour. [00:24:38] Speaker A: I charge more for that. [00:24:39] Speaker C: I'm charged $59.99 an hour. Oh, I keep, baby. No, I keep, baby. I got so many screenshots. I got three for the. Just to keep them in here. I email them to all. To all of my emails, just in case something happened to my phone. Maybe send an email. Because I didn't come after your husband. He was in. [00:24:58] Speaker B: I just. I just would like to say, from [00:25:00] Speaker C: Don Julio to Starbucks, he was in my inbox. I didn't come for you. But that's just my thing. I'm like, why is it always the opposite, even? [00:25:10] Speaker B: Well, it's not. I don't think. I don't think it's an opposite. I don't think it's an opposite. [00:25:13] Speaker C: I'm gonna tell you why I don't [00:25:14] Speaker B: think it's always an opposite. What I'm saying is this is why I'm going through these why's. It's like, I think that it's different things that other. Another woman would represent because their woman, maybe when they met and when they started when he was courting her and when they got married and even, you know, right up until they had kids or until it was five, six years down the line or even three years down the line, they were keeping themselves up. They were getting the hair done all the time. But then just. It was just, hey, why? You know, And I know, you know, I got a friend of mine who's. She's married, and her husband doesn't validate her or say to her she looks good or this. And third, about, you know, when she does. When she was putting it on and doing her best. And so now she's like, you know, she's told me before. She was like, he had the nerve to tell me why I ain't get dressed up. I was like, you don't notice? [00:26:10] Speaker C: You ain't say nothing. When I was. [00:26:11] Speaker B: You ain't say nothing. She was like, what's the point? She was like, and she's really waiting to get divorced. She's waiting on him to get divorced. But that brings me to my next thing on the list, which was validation. I think they're looking for proof. Like some of these guys is looking for proof that I still got it. And it's about the. It's about the. Yeah, I can still. [00:26:28] Speaker C: I can still be streets. [00:26:29] Speaker B: I'm saying something. [00:26:30] Speaker A: No, I do feel like, yeah, no, they've been. [00:26:32] Speaker B: They've been married. If you've been married about 10 years, you used to. Used to be that dude. [00:26:36] Speaker C: You just want to see if you still got. [00:26:38] Speaker B: Let me see if I can still. See if I can still pull her. [00:26:41] Speaker A: Let me see if I can still be more openly. But women do it too, but they're a little more subtle about it, you [00:26:46] Speaker B: know, a little bit. [00:26:48] Speaker C: And. And when I. [00:26:49] Speaker A: Especially when you're not getting that attention at home the way you used to, you still want to know that I'm attracted to somebody. [00:26:54] Speaker B: Yes, the validation of it. Because sometimes come. Sometimes I think we can get so lost in the marriage that we forget to send those little compliments to say those little. What's the. What it is? Words of affirmation. Yeah, we forget to, you know, go basically go down a list of love languages. Forget to, you know, to acts of service. We forget. I mean, we forget to go to do all of that stuff. I just think we forget. I think that in a couple can become so. A match can become so mundane and so. So matter of fact and so routine that we forget to do those little things. And as a. And as the man in the marriage, I think we have to lead the way on that. And so if I'm not bringing her roses or telling her she looks good or doing these things, it's easy for her to go, well, why am I doing this anyway? And then in turn, she's not gonna validate you because she feels like you're not validating her. So now he feels like, well, shoot, she ain't feeding my ego. Let me see if I can find Somebody who's gonna feed my ego. [00:27:58] Speaker C: And speaking like in my own marriage, my ex husband, kind of like towards the end, he used to tell me that I was too high maintenance for him because again, you know, I was so young, so I was kind of like, not really. You know, as the times change, I'm like, oh, I like this. Like, oh, I like that hairstyle. Let me try this. I'm like, oh, I like this and let me try this. So as I'm trying stuff and doing stuff, he was like, oh, I had become too high maintenance for him. He's like, oh, you always gotta change your hair or you always, you won't come out the house without like makeup on or you. Or you always have to look a certain way or your nails always got to be done. And I always said to him, I'm like, I'm a representation of you. Like. But I was like, I feel like nobody is ever going to say, hey, I saw your wife and she looked busted. [00:28:54] Speaker B: But I think you're the, but you're the antithesis to the, the woman we're talking about. Cuz you're the person that keeps themselves up. [00:29:01] Speaker C: Right? But then also, what I was getting ready to say, he remarried somebody that is a Pl. Jane. Like we're totally opposite. Well, maybe that's like she so. [00:29:11] Speaker B: Well, I don't see and don't. I have. I have an issue with you saying plain Jane. [00:29:15] Speaker C: No, because I think. [00:29:16] Speaker B: No, let me say this, Let me say the reason, the reason I have an issue with that. [00:29:19] Speaker A: Okay. [00:29:19] Speaker B: The reason I have issue with saying plain Jane is I just think some women, that's their style. That's just. Yeah, that's their, that's their different way. It's just. Yeah, it's just. It's the way that. It's the way that they see themselves. And shoot, I've seen women that are. That have that type of style. I'll call it a plain Jane style. I don't know what word to use per se, without making it, because I think saying plain Jane makes it a little derogatory towards those women in a sense of, you know, what if this is just like I grew up with a lot of girls to women, the girls that have turned into women today that are. That were tomboys and they're still tomboyish. But you see them put it on like they, you know, when they get dressed, they may seem what you call plain Jane, but it looks good, you know what I'm saying? Because it's their style. [00:30:09] Speaker C: I wouldn't Call. Explain that. [00:30:10] Speaker B: No, it's their style that they've always had. So is it. See, but I'm saying, like I think that some women, and this is not, this is not for to say that what you're saying, what your thought process is wrong. I'm just talking about, you know, we had an episode a while ago about communication and what we, what we say is not necessarily what someone heard. So I can see where women would attack you. Yeah, some women because. [00:30:39] Speaker A: Because only because I saw the person she's talking about. It is a very plain Jane. But I get what you're saying too, [00:30:46] Speaker B: because that might be her style. [00:30:48] Speaker A: Because, for instance, some people I would use myself. I don't wear makeup all the time. It's very rare that I do. I do for special occasions. If it's something you know, you know, I wear it. I wear lashes rarely or whatever. But some people don't ever. That's just not their thing. But they're still not plain Jane. They just prefer not. But there are some people who. And not saying you. But there's some people who feel like they're not put together unless they have on makeup, unless they have on a lace, unless they have. [00:31:14] Speaker C: And I don't want wear it all the time. It's just some days. And I feel like being a little. [00:31:18] Speaker A: I mean, I get both sides. [00:31:21] Speaker B: I just don't like. I won't say don't like because it's not me. I'm not a woman. But I'm just saying I could see how using the terminology plain Jane is negative. And what I would say is, I would say rather than plain Jane, I would say use the word conservative. That's the word I probably look for. [00:31:37] Speaker A: Yeah, but conservative can still be. [00:31:39] Speaker C: But conservative, like when you're conservative, you still put together. So it's kind of like it's nothing. [00:31:48] Speaker B: Yeah, I know. [00:31:48] Speaker A: I got it up here. [00:31:49] Speaker C: Okay. So when I. So when I say. So when I say plain Jane, how you saying, like sometimes you do wear makeup and sometimes you don't. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. But it's like when you see somebody and like they look the certain. Like if you go into like a gala, like you going to look, you going to put you. [00:32:13] Speaker B: No, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. [00:32:15] Speaker C: I'm saying, but then when you're at this place, when I see you at, like when I see you at the grocery store and then when I see you at the gala, like you look [00:32:21] Speaker A: the same, ain't Nothing changed. [00:32:23] Speaker C: There's nothing changed. Like, the same, right? Like, it's nothing extra that you put on. It's just like, you just. You didn't do, like, anything to enhance. I'm like, there's a time and place for everything, right? And, like, you could have, like, at least got your hair done or you could at least, like, put on a little bit of foundation, a little earring or something. So that's what I'm saying. Even if that is, like, your style, even going to church on a Sunday morning, like, I don't. I've always been taught, like, when you go to church, like, my grandma used to call it your Sunday go to meeting. My grandma used to say that. So you. You look. You supposed to look your best. [00:32:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:00] Speaker C: When you no go places. [00:33:03] Speaker B: I'm not. I'm not saying. I'm not disagreeing with you, but if we're talking about the topic at hand and we're going, okay, these men are. Whatever. I don't know if we can. Because what it seems like in that is the comparison of, you know, I'm not like, nothing like what your wife is aesthetically. You know what I'm saying? I'm more aesthetically pleasing than your wife. That's almost like a shot at the wife rather than a shot at him. You know what I'm saying? And the plain Jane and all of that and saying, you got to get yourself together before you go out. And I think that the one thing that I try to. One thing I think I try to take into consideration when dealing with women and in as far as them keeping themselves up and getting. Going out, and when they go out, even if you go to the grocery store. Prime example. A little while ago, I was dating someone, and they got upset with me because it is a very well known fact, I hate bonnets. [00:34:19] Speaker C: You hate what? [00:34:20] Speaker B: Bonnets. [00:34:21] Speaker C: Oh, I hate them. [00:34:22] Speaker B: I hate them outside. I hate them inside. If you're gonna see me, you can go. You can go. You can go, you can go. That show will not air. I will not record. You can guarantee I will not record. [00:34:35] Speaker A: Be on a good topic and pull out on blinds. He gonna be like, dang, no, no, no. [00:34:40] Speaker B: I will cut the show off. The world will never see you in a bonnet on my show. [00:34:46] Speaker C: I discriminate against. [00:34:47] Speaker B: I discriminate against bonnets. I feel like if you're gonna. If you. If it's a night that you're going to see me, that's that one night, you know, I don't need to see your Bonnet. And I would make jokes about it, and she got upset, and I was [00:35:01] Speaker C: like, did she used to wear it out in public? [00:35:04] Speaker B: No, she didn't. [00:35:05] Speaker C: Oh, no. She just slept with it on. [00:35:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:07] Speaker B: And she got no hair. It. Don't listen to me. That don't matter. [00:35:13] Speaker C: So did you provide? [00:35:14] Speaker B: Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. Did I provide what? [00:35:18] Speaker C: Something if you don't like. [00:35:20] Speaker B: No, no, I never would. Let me say this. It was. I cracked. Like, she's heard my stance on it before, and I happened to crack a joke about it. [00:35:33] Speaker C: Okay. [00:35:33] Speaker A: Okay. [00:35:33] Speaker C: All right. [00:35:34] Speaker B: So it wasn't like I was saying it. Seriously. [00:35:37] Speaker A: Okay. [00:35:38] Speaker B: It was a joke that I had said. [00:35:40] Speaker A: Okay. [00:35:40] Speaker B: And it upset her because it was. [00:35:42] Speaker C: What did you say? [00:35:44] Speaker B: I said, why is you over here in that bonnet? Or something like that. And I laughed, you know. [00:35:49] Speaker A: So it wasn't like you was trying to make her take it off. [00:35:50] Speaker B: No. [00:35:51] Speaker A: Don't like them. So you was talking trash. [00:35:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:35:53] Speaker C: Okay. [00:35:53] Speaker B: It was more. It was more playful than anything else. [00:35:55] Speaker C: I wasn't. [00:35:56] Speaker A: That wasn't bad. [00:35:56] Speaker B: And. And she got upset about it. So. No, I don't think you should go outside in your mind. No, I don't think you should go outside. [00:36:03] Speaker C: Absolutely not. [00:36:04] Speaker B: If you lounging around the house, I don't think you should go outside lounging around the house. Like, even. Like, even myself, if I gotta run to the store, I'm gonna try to put on. If I have on a whack T shirt, I'm gonna try to put on a better T shirt. [00:36:14] Speaker C: Right. [00:36:14] Speaker B: If I got on some shorts, I'm gonna try to put on longer shorts. Now, I might have my flip flops on. [00:36:19] Speaker C: Okay. [00:36:20] Speaker B: But even in that. I try not to do that. I even try not to do that. But if I'm running around the corner to the store, I'm gonna put a hat on my head. You know, if I ain't got no haircut, hat definitely gonna be on my head, and I'm gonna look. Look presentable. [00:36:34] Speaker C: I was just gonna say, you look presentable to run to what you're doing. [00:36:38] Speaker B: But what I'm saying is some of these women that we're talking about, I think we gotta move on a little bit. But some of these women that we're talking about, they don't have a person in that. That man. And this goes to the next one, the sexual novelty of it. You know, a man, he can love his wife and still be attracted to other women. The issue with these married Men that are having an issue with their wife is. Is what they do with that attraction. Because now they're starting to come at y' all and wanting to be with y' all and. But it's. It's like you said, for the majority of it, it's the sexual aspect of it. It's not. It's not anything substantial. [00:37:15] Speaker C: Yeah. Cause you just want one thing for me. That's it. That's it. That's it. You don't want to talk to me. You don't want to know how my day was. You don't wanna. You don't want to know. You make ass, but you don't care. [00:37:27] Speaker A: The fantasy of what you have in your head, what appeals to you when you have your wet dreams or whatever, the image you have in your head doesn't look nothing like the person you've dated, Right. [00:37:36] Speaker C: Or does the person you're with and [00:37:37] Speaker A: ask that most times your fantasy does not look like who you end up [00:37:42] Speaker C: with, which is crazy to me. [00:37:44] Speaker A: We all have a fantasy. [00:37:45] Speaker C: You have an ideal, perfect person, right? [00:37:48] Speaker A: And it doesn't look like who you're with. [00:37:50] Speaker B: But I think a lot of times that what you gotta do. And I struggled with this a little bit in one of my relationships in my past, dealt with someone who they were, what they were, aesthetically. They just. Who were they? Who were. They were what they were. And I don't have a problem with that. As long as you're confident and you're being feminine and you're. And. And you're. And you're dressing and you're. And not being raunchy or, you know, if you're overweight, having your belly out. Nothing like that. I'm not saying nothing like that. [00:38:26] Speaker C: No crop top. [00:38:27] Speaker B: I'm not saying nothing like that. I'm just saying very being. Being very confident, very womanly, very putting on heels and very. You know, there's a different way a woman with confidence walks, and it makes it attractive. And so I was with her, and I would try to do things, but she was so insecure about herself. Just her. She didn't like what she saw when she looked in the mirror. There was nothing I could do for her to reassure her. No matter how hard I tried, I could never reassure her. So it never really changed her mindset about who she was. Confident in every other aspect of her life, except for that one. And it never didn't cheat or step out or nonsense like that, but it didn't. It made it very difficult for me to navigate that space and, yo, let's go do this and let's that and, oh, why don't you dress like this a lot more and stuff like that. It just didn't. It didn't. It never turned a corner because she had some stuff going on in her mind. And sometimes, as much as we would like to think we can help. And I could see another man going through this and going, a younger, more immature guy. He ain't gotta be younger in age, but a more immature guy going, okay. Oh, so this is. This. Well, shoot. Let me see what's going on on the. On Facebook. And ig, let me see. Let me. Let me get on one of these dating sites and let me, you know, let me see if I could find somebody who is, you know, I don't want to leave her. [00:40:14] Speaker C: A dating site is wild while you marry. But I've seen somebody on a dating [00:40:17] Speaker B: site, and there's a bunch of married people on dates. Wait, hold on now. [00:40:22] Speaker C: I'm just saying, that is wild. [00:40:24] Speaker B: There's D sites for married people. [00:40:26] Speaker C: That is wild on Facebook. [00:40:28] Speaker B: There's groups for married people to hook up. [00:40:30] Speaker C: That's crazy. [00:40:31] Speaker B: I'm just saying that these things. [00:40:32] Speaker A: It is. [00:40:33] Speaker C: And I saw it. And that. That's crazy to me because. Why? Why they looking for singles? Why? [00:40:42] Speaker B: All right, so Chanel and Angel, we're gonna have you guys compare your experience. I'm ask you a couple of questions. Y' all tell me if it was a yes or no. All right, so no, this is your experience dealing with mar. [00:40:52] Speaker A: I thought you meant comparing. I don't know. [00:40:54] Speaker C: That just went over my head. She. [00:40:56] Speaker B: No, we're talking about married men approaching you and being. [00:40:59] Speaker A: You mean compared our experience? Like comparing my experience with her experience. That went over my head. [00:41:03] Speaker B: But I got. [00:41:05] Speaker A: I don't know what happened. [00:41:06] Speaker B: So in both of your case. In both. In all. In the cases that you have dealt with, do you believe that all the. All of the men. Cuz y' all said it before. I just don't know if you felt like that in all of your conversations with these people that these men were looking for sex. Just sex. [00:41:20] Speaker A: Oh, the married men. [00:41:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:22] Speaker A: Yep. All the married men, they're just looking for sex. [00:41:24] Speaker C: That's it. [00:41:25] Speaker B: Okay, how about attention? [00:41:28] Speaker C: They want somebody to stroke their ego [00:41:30] Speaker A: to lead to sex. [00:41:31] Speaker C: Yeah. Huh. [00:41:33] Speaker B: Okay. [00:41:33] Speaker C: And they just want their ego. [00:41:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:36] Speaker B: Okay, so that's valid attention. Okay. Emotional connection. [00:41:40] Speaker C: I don't want no daggone emotional connection. [00:41:43] Speaker A: I maybe say one out of out of one. Maybe one probably needs some emotional. [00:41:49] Speaker B: You Wanted something. One of the guys that tried to approach you wanted some commotion. Wanted an emotional connection. [00:41:53] Speaker A: Half. [00:41:53] Speaker C: Okay. Maybe half. A Maybe one. May I say one and a possible. Maybe one in a possible. [00:42:02] Speaker A: Okay. [00:42:02] Speaker B: Okay. What about validation? [00:42:05] Speaker A: Yes. They. [00:42:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. An escape. [00:42:09] Speaker A: Yep. [00:42:10] Speaker C: Most definitely an escape. [00:42:12] Speaker B: Okay. A fantasy. [00:42:14] Speaker A: Yep. [00:42:15] Speaker C: Yep. [00:42:17] Speaker B: Another wife. [00:42:18] Speaker C: Nope, nope, nope. They knew that was not so Absolutely married. [00:42:23] Speaker A: And you act right. But I've had somebody ask to marry me, and they were married. Like how that was supposed to work. [00:42:30] Speaker C: Y' all going to Africa or Ghana? Where we going? [00:42:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:42:33] Speaker C: So I've. I have been invited on a trip. Couple of trips with married men. And one of them was like, yeah, my wife's gonna be here, but she gonna be in a different room, and you gonna be in a. Who doing that? [00:42:55] Speaker A: I know of somebody situation like that. [00:42:57] Speaker C: I said, say what now? [00:42:59] Speaker A: I ain't never. I ain't never. [00:43:01] Speaker C: I've actually had a guy say, listen, I want you so bad. And that's it. I want. I'm getting ready to go have a conversation with my wife and tell her if she just give me this pass one time, I promise. I said, don't do that. Don't do that. I said, do not do that on my account, because I'm telling you no. So you gonna get slapped and you gonna get a divorce for no reason? Because I ain't gonna do it. Yeah. I was like. Because my answer is no. Yeah, so it's not gonna. And he was like, she love him. [00:43:31] Speaker A: She wasn't gonna believe you that she was gone, right? [00:43:32] Speaker C: He was like, no. Like, I really think y' all would get along. Nigga, no. [00:43:38] Speaker B: All right, so. [00:43:39] Speaker C: No. [00:43:39] Speaker B: Did either of you. Did you ever. Did you ever believe that the man wanted to be with you, or did he want to be with you? Be with what you represented? [00:43:49] Speaker C: What I represented. [00:43:51] Speaker A: Okay. I was naive one time when I was like, how old Mario is he? 23. So I was like, 21. I was naive to believe that one time in my life. [00:44:02] Speaker C: Oh, you're 21. Like, he was a kid, so, I [00:44:04] Speaker A: mean, he was older. [00:44:06] Speaker C: Yeah, you was a kid. [00:44:07] Speaker A: I should call his name. He probably watch. [00:44:11] Speaker C: But even at my age of 46, just last week, like, literally just last week. And I'm like, no, thank you. [00:44:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:44:19] Speaker C: And I'm like, but you. I love that tattoo on your. Like, right here. Like, I love it. Like, my wife don't have no tattoos. I think tattoos on women are sexy. [00:44:29] Speaker A: Oh. [00:44:29] Speaker C: Now, that's another thing that I think tattoos on women are sexy because I have like, you can see it. Like, I got a leg tattoo, and then I got a tattoo right here. And I got one right here. And they like, I love tattoos on women. Like, it's so sexy. Like, it look like I just wanna touch it. Like, I just want. Like, you know, you can pay to get your wife a tattoo. Like, you could do that. [00:44:49] Speaker A: That's another fantasy thing. [00:44:52] Speaker C: Listen, men love when something like, when I say love women with tattoos, it's like, they. [00:44:59] Speaker A: You ain't had to check. [00:45:00] Speaker B: No, they love it. No, I keep up with the time of episode. [00:45:03] Speaker C: Yeah, they absolutely love it. And they like, oh, your eyes are so this. Oh. Oh, your lips are so this. And then I'm like, what? [00:45:14] Speaker B: So best excuses you've ever heard from married men. Just tell me, child. [00:45:22] Speaker C: They. We got that kind of time. [00:45:23] Speaker B: My wife doesn't understand me. Have you heard that one? [00:45:27] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. I got a bunch of them do the same. Okay. The number one is it's always a sexual reason. Like, you know, she don't do certain stuff sexually. [00:45:39] Speaker C: Or [00:45:42] Speaker A: she's boring. Yep. Or I try to communicate my needs to her. She don't take care of me. [00:45:49] Speaker C: Yep. [00:45:50] Speaker A: Oh, my God. It goes on and on and on. [00:45:52] Speaker C: All of that. [00:45:53] Speaker A: Or I'm one of those people that post a lot of cooking stuff. Oh, my wife can't cook. Like, you can cook that. Like, I ain't gonna get too graphic. But, yeah, I write a book on the stuff. They'll tell you to try to feed [00:46:05] Speaker C: your ego all the time. [00:46:07] Speaker A: So they can be like, yeah, how [00:46:08] Speaker B: about we're basically separated. [00:46:11] Speaker A: Yeah. We sleep in separate rooms. [00:46:12] Speaker C: You sleep in separate rooms? [00:46:13] Speaker B: I have that one. [00:46:15] Speaker C: We sleep in separate room. [00:46:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:16] Speaker B: We're only together because of the kids. [00:46:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:18] Speaker C: Yep. [00:46:19] Speaker A: As soon as these kids graduate, I'm done. [00:46:21] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm done. Like, just waiting on the kids. [00:46:24] Speaker A: Some kids done had kids. [00:46:27] Speaker C: Stop playing. Like, go away. Stop playing. [00:46:30] Speaker B: You're different. [00:46:31] Speaker C: Yep. [00:46:33] Speaker B: If I wasn't married. [00:46:34] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:46:35] Speaker A: Like, I could talk to. Oh, my God. [00:46:38] Speaker C: Yeah. Ooh. If I wasn't married. Like, literally, just. If I wasn't married, I promise you, you'll be my woman. Like, for real. [00:46:45] Speaker A: Like, that's why I got her. Cause she got pregnant, and I was trying to be an upstanding man, so I married her. Three kids later. Yeah, you. [00:46:52] Speaker C: And we in the church, and I can't leave. Like, we in the church, and I can't leave her. So how would that look? So but if you in the church, then why is you and my animal. [00:46:58] Speaker A: I ain't want to have kids by nobody else. So I. [00:47:04] Speaker C: I know. Like, oh, you say you were 46. Yeah. Oh, I. You can't have no kids. Like, so I want, like, it. [00:47:10] Speaker A: That be the first one. That's how you know that's all they wanted, some tail. You. You can still have. [00:47:14] Speaker C: You can still have kids. [00:47:15] Speaker A: I didn't know that. What? And I lied. Yes. [00:47:19] Speaker C: Or. And they always ask, you got kids? I'm like, yeah, I have kids. How old are your kids? I'm like, 21. I'm like, don't expect. [00:47:27] Speaker A: When they found out you got all boys in my. Dang. [00:47:29] Speaker C: My baby birthday is tomorrow. Happy birthday, Kaden. He's gonna be 23. It's his Jordan year. Yeah. But I'm like, my kids are adults. [00:47:36] Speaker A: You got all boys. [00:47:37] Speaker C: They'd be like, yeah, they'd be like. Cause my boys. Let me tell you something. They said they're like 21. I'm like 23. And I'm like, my sons be real quick. They be like, ma, I hate niggas. Like, I hate. Like, sometimes I let my sons respond back to my snaps, and my dad be like, leave my mom alone. Like, they literally. Sometimes I give them the phone. I'm like, respond back. Yeah, yeah. [00:47:58] Speaker A: You want us to read off you so some messages? [00:48:00] Speaker C: Because I got time. [00:48:02] Speaker B: No, let's do that at the end of the show. No, no, I do want y' all to do that. I know. I really want y' all to do that. We're gonna. We're gonna do that. All right, but we're gonna get. Before we get into that. We're definitely gonna do that. All right, so. But first, you know, let me tell [00:48:17] Speaker A: you all my responses. I'll be bored sometimes. [00:48:19] Speaker B: I know y' all came for. I know y' all came for the. For the. For. Some of y' all are here for this particular. For this particular segment. It is my favorite segment on the show. It is the Eevee either or segment. And here we go. Of course, you know that our either or segments are now catered towards, and the topics are always talking about what we are talking about on the episode, so. [00:48:43] Speaker A: Oh, Jesus. [00:48:44] Speaker C: I hate these because I can't remember. [00:48:46] Speaker B: Remember the rules. You got to pick your poison. Pick one first and then explain. I don't want no explanation before. I don't want. No, no, no straddling the fence. Pick your answer first and then. [00:48:57] Speaker C: Okay, I'm gonna do good today. Watch. [00:48:59] Speaker B: I only got. We got six. [00:49:01] Speaker C: Dang. [00:49:01] Speaker B: Okay. Would you rather. Would you rather have A husband who is faithful but secretly fantasizes about your complete opposite, or a husband who cheats with your complete opposite but swears he loves you. [00:49:17] Speaker A: You can fantasize all you want. [00:49:18] Speaker C: You can fantasize all you want. Like you. I don't care. That's how I know it's your fantasy. [00:49:24] Speaker B: True. [00:49:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:25] Speaker C: I don't know. Yeah. [00:49:26] Speaker B: All right. Would you rather find out your husband has a type that looks nothing like you or find out he specifically chose you because you're the woman his mother would approve of? [00:49:40] Speaker A: You know what? I don't care if I'm his of type because I have been madly in love with someone who wasn't necessarily my type. [00:49:48] Speaker C: Mm. [00:49:50] Speaker A: But I don't want you to love me because your mama like me. Because what if I don't like your mama? [00:49:55] Speaker C: And what if you. [00:49:57] Speaker A: Yeah. I want you to like. Yeah. Not your mom. Married. [00:50:00] Speaker C: I'm married to your mama. That's crazy. Word. [00:50:03] Speaker B: Would you rather. Well, the reason I asked that question is because a lot of men. A lot of men who have good relationships with their mothers want she over there reading her inboxes. [00:50:13] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause I'm trying to figure out what can I tell you that won't be telling on me? [00:50:19] Speaker B: They want the approval of their mom. [00:50:22] Speaker C: Yeah, they do. [00:50:22] Speaker B: They do. So sometimes they'll. Some men will forego a part of their happiness or forego a part of what they're looking for in a woman just to have somebody that their mom is. She's killing me. All right, number three. Would you rather your husband tell another woman. My wife would never do that. Or tell her, My wife does everything you do, but you're hotter. Your mama, your wife. My wife. Listen. Would you rather your husband tell another woman. My wife would never do that. Or rather he tell her, my wife does everything you do, but you're hotter tell another woman. [00:51:02] Speaker C: My wife. My wife would never do that. Because how you know what she do? [00:51:07] Speaker A: Yeah. Just. [00:51:08] Speaker C: Yeah. How you know? Now you can lie. And you could be lying. Cause all of them been lying. I mean. Cause we gotta do the either or. I'm like, you can say that. My wife wouldn't do that. And maybe I wouldn't do it with you. Yeah. Cause maybe you did something stupid and I. Yeah. No. [00:51:25] Speaker B: All right. Would you rather catch your husband liking every thirst trap of his type or catch him actually DMing1 saying you are exactly my type? [00:51:37] Speaker C: Liking. [00:51:37] Speaker A: I ain't heard that. You say. I'm gonna stay off the phone. [00:51:41] Speaker B: Would you rather catch your husband liking every Thirst trap of his type or catch him actually DMing1 saying, yeah, you [00:51:50] Speaker C: can like all the pictures you want. [00:51:52] Speaker B: Okay. [00:51:53] Speaker C: Some of them cowboys on there, I'll be like. They'd be right. Never mind. [00:51:57] Speaker B: Would you rather be married to a man who wants a good woman at home and a bad woman on the side, or a man who claims you're his dream woman but keeps approaching women who look nothing like you? [00:52:08] Speaker A: I'd rather be a good woman than a bad woman on the side. [00:52:14] Speaker C: Me, too. [00:52:16] Speaker B: You'd rather be a good woman? [00:52:17] Speaker C: Yeah. Cause why are you approaching anybody? Like, I don't care if she looks at me. [00:52:23] Speaker B: If you. The dream. [00:52:24] Speaker C: Yeah. That's dumb. That doesn't make any sense. [00:52:27] Speaker A: Sometimes fantasies are better than drinks, right? [00:52:29] Speaker B: Okay, here is one. Would you rather your husband cheat with your opposite or cheat with your best friend who looks just like you? [00:52:40] Speaker A: Going for my opposite. [00:52:41] Speaker C: Going my opposite. Yeah. Cause I'm a dog, you all day. My opposite. Yeah. [00:52:48] Speaker B: All right. [00:52:48] Speaker C: My opposite. [00:52:49] Speaker B: If I had y' all brought up something that ain't on this, you know, if you're in the podcast world, you [00:52:54] Speaker A: know, I changed my mind. [00:52:55] Speaker B: You know, we have an outline. [00:52:58] Speaker A: Go. [00:52:58] Speaker B: Let's get to the DMs. What's in the DMs? It goes down in the DM. [00:53:04] Speaker A: You already got my phone out. [00:53:07] Speaker B: The both of y' all said y' all would do it. [00:53:09] Speaker C: I know, but she's telling me to go first. I said she already got her phone out. She can go first. [00:53:14] Speaker B: Okay. [00:53:14] Speaker A: Where your phone at? Right here. We got the same case. [00:53:17] Speaker C: Y' all listen. I know. We realized we got the same phone. [00:53:20] Speaker B: All right, so let's go. [00:53:20] Speaker A: Listen, it's your turn. [00:53:22] Speaker C: You got. She got her phone out first. Let me see. [00:53:25] Speaker B: Just. Y' all did this. [00:53:26] Speaker C: Go ahead. [00:53:26] Speaker A: Say as much as I got this morning. I'm gonna tell you something I can't stand. This is what I'm married, man. Be saying. Wanted to say hi and check on you. Queen. [00:53:36] Speaker C: I can't. If you text me. Good morning, Queen or Grand Rising? [00:53:40] Speaker A: Queen. [00:53:40] Speaker C: I'm blocking you. Yeah, don't do that now. It gets under my skin. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. [00:53:45] Speaker A: It's your turn. [00:53:46] Speaker C: Okay, let me see. Listen. [00:53:50] Speaker A: Oh, Jesus. I don't know why I did it myself. [00:53:53] Speaker B: Angel, you up? We're gonna do three a piece. [00:53:55] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:53:57] Speaker B: Three. Two apiece. Let's go. Two apiece. [00:53:59] Speaker C: Okay. [00:54:03] Speaker B: Only on the show. [00:54:05] Speaker A: Okay, go ahead. [00:54:08] Speaker C: Oh, okay. Here we go. First one. Good morning. I'm like, good morning. And I'm like, this was off of a story. Okay. I put up. Good morning. Good morning. God damn, you look so effing fine. Is all of that natural? Yes, it is. I love it. You lucky as f I'm not married. You would definitely be my thing. Oh, really? What makes you say that? My wife ain't doing. My wife don't look nothing like that. And I'm just gonna leave it there. I'm like, okay, let's just leave it there. [00:54:55] Speaker B: Chanel, you up? That's a. [00:54:58] Speaker A: First of all, I gotta give a disclaimer. Cause y' all petty. I'm petty. Okay. I'm real petty. I should say his name. But he gonna know who it is because he be watching podcast, too. [00:55:11] Speaker B: He be watching this podcast. [00:55:13] Speaker A: He said, hi. Say hi. How are you? I said, I'm doing fine. He said, yes, you are. I said, why is that always your response when I said, I'm fine? He said, cause you are. I said, well, I'm feeling ugly today. He said, okay, that's cool. I said, I edit my response. Do you not see it? He said, oh, I see it now. I said, what do you want? He said, you. I said, I'm not available today. He said, well, when will you be available? I said, when you're divorced. [00:55:41] Speaker B: Your last one. I mean, yeah, angel. Your last one. [00:55:44] Speaker A: Yeah. You said just two? [00:55:45] Speaker B: I said two. [00:55:46] Speaker C: Okay. So again, I put up a story, and he left, like, the dot, dot, dot. And I just kind of laughed. That's it. At the dot. And then he was like, why you laughing? I said, what does that mean? Lol. I would tell you at the church. I said, cause now as I'm being petty, okay, I'll be right here waiting. [00:56:08] Speaker A: Oh, Lord. [00:56:09] Speaker C: Then he said, good morning. I'm sorry. I was just being manished. I was mesmerized by your thickness. Oh, really? I was like, Cause again, I'm being pettish petty. And I'm like, well, you know what they say. Thick thighs save lives. He put an emoji like he was drowning. I said, oh, you need to be saved, huh? And I was like, well, you just left church. You wasn't saved at church. You didn't get saved at church today. Then he said. Then he said, yes, I need to be saved by you. Quickly and expeditiously. Then I said, what's in it for me? Then I put the laugh out loud, and I'm just kidding. [00:57:02] Speaker B: You got another one, Chanel. [00:57:04] Speaker A: I plead the fifth because. Nope. [00:57:08] Speaker C: Listen, it. [00:57:09] Speaker A: Look, that's it for today. [00:57:12] Speaker B: All right, so let's get back into the conversation. We got. We got a couple of minutes left here. [00:57:17] Speaker A: Oh, Jesus. I would not set us up like that, my friend. I'm sorry. [00:57:20] Speaker C: I was like, come on, now I'm reading it again. Like, I listen, I picked the least two. That was. It was. No, because I'll be responding. [00:57:27] Speaker A: Because it'd be funny because I'm single. And if you want to ruin your life by texting me because I ain't going nowhere, that's on you. That's on you. Because I be entertained. [00:57:35] Speaker B: Because I was gonna ask that question. Why do y' all continue the conversation? [00:57:38] Speaker A: Cause I be bored together watching Criminal Minds. So if you want to text me, [00:57:43] Speaker C: right, I ain't doing nothing. [00:57:45] Speaker A: I ain't going. [00:57:45] Speaker C: And also, sometimes I do it because I need it to go on so I can keep receipts. [00:57:51] Speaker B: Okay. [00:57:52] Speaker C: Cause if you just say one thing, I'm like, that ain't no. I need to. You know how. Like, you building a case. Yeah, like, I need. I'm building a case. [00:57:58] Speaker B: Why would you need to build a case for somebody else? [00:58:00] Speaker A: We're different in that for some reason, you're not dealing with going. Because a lot of times I'll be bored. [00:58:04] Speaker C: No, I'll be bored, too. But sometimes I need to build a case just in case you start acting crazy from the beginning. [00:58:09] Speaker A: Like, I'm not doing nothing. Like, [00:58:12] Speaker C: they already know that. Go ahead on. [00:58:13] Speaker A: I ain't. I ain't accepting no gifts. I ain't going out with you. I ain't doing nothing. [00:58:16] Speaker C: I always say I will never, ever, never be a married woman's side chick. I would. I just can't do that. I can't do it. I can't do it. [00:58:30] Speaker B: So at what point does I'm unhappy stop being an explanation and stop becoming an excuse? [00:58:37] Speaker A: When does unhappy. Say that again. [00:58:39] Speaker B: When does I'm unhappy stop being a reason or an explanation and starts becoming an excuse? [00:58:46] Speaker C: Because if you're not. If you are truly unhappy, you only get one life. If you are truly unhappy, you need to do something to fix your happy. What is it? What is it that's going to make you happy? If the situation that you're in and it's not making you happy, either leave it or fix it. [00:59:04] Speaker B: Okay? [00:59:05] Speaker C: That's it. [00:59:05] Speaker A: I believe it becomes an excuse the moment you realize you're unhappy. After you. Once. Once you realize it and you allow it to continue, it's now an excuse. [00:59:14] Speaker B: Okay, I got you. All right, so this is something I came up with. Would you stay. [00:59:21] Speaker A: For you two. Would you stay? [00:59:22] Speaker B: This is gonna be a couple of questions. I'm gonna give you a couple scenarios, and you're gonna say, would you stay? [00:59:27] Speaker A: All right, you gotta answer these two. [00:59:28] Speaker B: No, I don't. [00:59:29] Speaker C: This is. [00:59:29] Speaker B: This is about married. We're talking about married men. I'm not. I'm not gonna date a married man. [00:59:33] Speaker A: I mean. [00:59:35] Speaker B: No, the topic is married men. [00:59:37] Speaker A: Oh, my God. [00:59:38] Speaker B: Okay, so would you date a married man who says he's leaving his wife? [00:59:43] Speaker A: I have. Before I have. I wouldn't. [00:59:47] Speaker B: Did he leave his wife? [00:59:49] Speaker A: No, obviously not. Obviously. [00:59:52] Speaker B: I mean, he might have, but it didn't work out. [00:59:55] Speaker C: No. [00:59:55] Speaker A: Well, no, because I was really young when it happened. I was really young, and I became toxic. And, you know, I ain't gonna be nobody's secret. I was. [01:00:06] Speaker C: Yeah, I think I was good and [01:00:07] Speaker A: rooting with that man's house. Pull up in his yard and was like, listen, you keep me no secret. [01:00:13] Speaker C: Oh, wow. And she like, why is she here? [01:00:15] Speaker A: Sort of like, why she here? Why is she here? [01:00:21] Speaker C: Why is she here? [01:00:21] Speaker A: You better tell her. You better tell her. I'm not exaggerating. I pull up in that man yard like, you played with the wrong one. [01:00:31] Speaker B: Would you believe him without seeing the divorce papers? [01:00:34] Speaker C: No. [01:00:35] Speaker A: No. [01:00:35] Speaker B: Okay. Would you sleep with him if his wife didn't know? [01:00:40] Speaker A: I mean, like I said, I've been there, so I have, but I wouldn't do it anymore. [01:00:43] Speaker C: Wait, he's real. [01:00:45] Speaker B: He's married. This is all married. [01:00:47] Speaker C: This is a married man. You're asking me, would I sleep with him if his wife didn't know? [01:00:51] Speaker B: Yes. [01:00:52] Speaker C: That's the question, and not about his wife. I know. So, no. [01:00:55] Speaker B: Okay. Would you date him after he actually gets divorced? [01:00:58] Speaker C: Yes. [01:01:00] Speaker B: Okay. Yes. Would you trust a man who cheated on his wife with you? [01:01:05] Speaker A: Nope. [01:01:05] Speaker C: Nope. [01:01:07] Speaker B: Then why you gonna be with him? [01:01:08] Speaker A: No, no, no. [01:01:10] Speaker C: That's not what. Divorce was final. [01:01:13] Speaker B: No, no, this is a different. This is a question. Would you trust a man who cheated on his wife with you? [01:01:17] Speaker C: No. [01:01:17] Speaker A: Because I know he's capable. [01:01:19] Speaker C: No. [01:01:20] Speaker B: Okay. If he leaves his wife for you, would you worry he'll eventually do the same thing to you? [01:01:26] Speaker C: Yes. [01:01:27] Speaker B: Okay. If he cheated on her to get you, why are you so confident? If this is. In fact. If. Do you think. Well, y' all think he would, so. I ain't gonna ask that question. I was prepared for y' all to say, no, he wouldn't. Here's the thing. I need people to understand about marriage, that I have been divorced since 2011. So I was able to. [01:01:55] Speaker C: It's been a while. [01:01:55] Speaker B: Fifteen years of being in and out of other relationships. [01:02:00] Speaker C: When did you get. [01:02:01] Speaker A: 2015. [01:02:03] Speaker B: Yeah. I think you can't. You can't build your marriage around a fantasy. [01:02:12] Speaker A: Right. [01:02:12] Speaker B: And then blame your wife. [01:02:15] Speaker C: Right. [01:02:15] Speaker B: If the fantasy doesn't come true. [01:02:18] Speaker A: Absolutely. [01:02:20] Speaker B: Because then it becomes an excuse. As we said a little while ago, some men, and I believe some men, aren't married to the wrong woman. It's just their approach and the way that they deal with their woman and helping them to be their fantasy. I think every woman, if you married her, there was something that had you marry her. And I would like to think love was a part of it. You were attracted to her because if you had kids, you had to be attracted to her to sleep with her. To get to the point. No, but I mean. No, what I mean by that. Listen, let me say this. You had. Cause you went from sleeping with her kids and got married because you had kids. So you had. Had to be something there for you to do at least that. Cause there's a lot. I don't see a dude marrying somebody he ain't attracted to at all. [01:03:10] Speaker C: I can think of three at the top of my head, but I'm not gonna say their names. [01:03:13] Speaker B: Well, shoot, I don't know any. [01:03:15] Speaker C: I know, like, three right now off the top of my head, but that's the ones. [01:03:19] Speaker B: That's the ones trying to talk to you. [01:03:20] Speaker C: No, no, no, no, no. I know them from. They met up with somebody and they end up getting her pregnant. And the girl. Dad was like, you gotta marry her. That's it. Like, I know three guys right now at the top of my head that I can name right now, but I'm not going to. And it just. That's where they are now. [01:03:43] Speaker B: Okay. All right, so I'm gonna give each one of you 30 seconds. Chanel, 30 seconds, your final thought. [01:03:49] Speaker A: Why I always gotta start with me. [01:03:50] Speaker B: Okay, Angel, 30 seconds, your final thought on this topic. Speak to the camera. Speak to the married man. [01:03:57] Speaker C: Married men. I will never be a side chick. I cannot do it. I just can't do it. Like, I feel like I'm too cute and I'm too confident, and I want it to be hidden. So, no, don't even think about it. Don't ask. I cannot be a side chick. Now, if you get ready to get a divorce and you show me them papers, baby, let's plan a trip. Other than that, I can't. I can't do it. And please stop doing that. To your wife. If she's not what you want, you need to have a conversation with her again. I'm not your therapist. Don't tell me about it. I went up on my rates. I charged 99.99 an hour. If you want to talk about it other than that, go to a therapist. I can't help you. [01:04:46] Speaker B: All right, Chanel, [01:04:49] Speaker A: I really don't have a final thought. I'm gonna just say this. When it comes to. I don't want to. I hate just putting on one person, male or female. When it comes to relationships, you need to know where your place is as far as, rather, you really want to be in that situation before you decide to pursue someone else because you damage other people by your fantasies, your desires or whatever. You hurt other worlds by, you know, pursuing other people. I, I, I just think it's toxic to one jump in somebody inbox and say, hey, you know, I think you're beautiful. This and the other when you can find that same beauty at home if you apply yourself. [01:05:30] Speaker B: Thank you. I appreciate. See, look at you giving out, giving out, giving good advice. All right. [01:05:35] Speaker C: Dang. My advice wasn't good. [01:05:36] Speaker B: No, thank you. It was, that was, that was directly to the both of you. [01:05:39] Speaker C: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm trying to send people to therapy to try to heal lives. [01:05:44] Speaker B: All right, it's time. Time for my final thought. The question isn't simply, why do married men cheat? The better question is, why did you choose one woman to build your life with while spending your time chasing women who represent everything you claim you wanted? Because sometimes the problem isn't that the wife isn't enough. Sometimes the problem is that the man never figured out what enough actually meant. And that's where the conversation gets real. Men figure out what you really want before getting married. Real easy, not difficult. All right, angel, tell the people how they can find you. [01:06:17] Speaker C: You can find me on Facebook at Chrissy Solomon. Chrissy is C R I s S y. And you can find me on Instagram at a Chrissy22chanel. [01:06:28] Speaker A: You can find me on Instagram with Nelly Poo. Unor speaks King Me Pot on Instagram, Spotify, and YouTube. And again, it's King Me Pod. [01:06:38] Speaker B: All right. And you can find the show at relationship at R e L S T A t podcast on all social media platforms. Don't forget to join the Patreon. $5 a month, $0.17 a day. You could join the community. And once again, you join. Free T shirt, free candle headed your way. Upon you joining. Upon you joining the community. Like I said, Relationship Status podcast. I'm sorry, patreon.com backslash relationship status. Also, don't forget to follow us on YouTube Ariel S Tat Podcast. And don't forget when we get to 100, from 1 to 100, everybody that subscribed, you're getting a free gift from everyone here at the Relationship Status Podcast. Don't forget we talked about it on the last episode. We have the singles game night coming out. It's coming to a city near you. I will give you the dates of the first. We're going to start in Florence. I will give you the dates of the first one. Yes, you do have to register, but yes, we will be auctioning off some free tickets so please look out. We'll be talking about it in some episodes to come. So it's your boy Yousef in the building. Thank you for listening to another episode of Relational Status. We are out. [01:07:54] Speaker A: Out. [01:07:54] Speaker B: Peace.