280th Date: WOULD YOU DATE A CHEATER?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: But that's different for me because in my mind, like, once we're done, like if we're done, we're in a relationship. No, if we're. If we're in a relationship and we're done and we're friends, like, I can understand. Too close. Too close. Too close to proximity. Closer to the breakup. Closer to the question. I'm answering your question. Closer to the breakup. Yes. But we've been broken up for eight years now. Eight, nine years now. [00:00:25] Speaker B: You ain't never reminisced? [00:00:26] Speaker A: No. [00:00:26] Speaker B: Eight years. [00:00:27] Speaker A: No, I said closer to the breakup. Yes. When it was months out or a year out? Yes, I did. Because you talking about we were together for eight years, it wasn't good enough then. I'm not going to divulge that because she. She watches the show. I'm gonna say she watches the show. And a lot of. [00:00:43] Speaker B: A lot. [00:00:44] Speaker A: A lot of people. A lot of people in our circle, a lot of people in our circle that know the both of us. Welcome back to relationship status where we are changing relationships one conversation at a time. It's your boy Yousef in the building. And remember, you can catch us on all podcast platforms. Remember to like, share, follow, and five star rate. Remember, you could also catch us on YouTube. So check us out on YouTube. R E L s T a t podcast if you want to join the conversation, email us R e L S t a t podcast and right now. And then of course, make sure to join our Patreon patreon.com relationship status po relationship status podcast right now. If you join, $0.17 a day, $5 a month if you join. Just for the next 30 days. If you join in the next 30 days, you will get a free relationship status T shirt as well as a free relationship status candle. Go ahead and join. Go ahead and join the community. Be a part. It's only $5 a month. 17 cents a day. And as you know, the team through for me once again. I have some guests with me again for some dope conversation. And they are back. It is angel and Chanel. Welcome back, ladies. Chanel of the king me pod podcast. Check them out on Thursdays on YouTube. And angel of the angel podcast. Oh, she has no podcast. [00:02:16] Speaker B: We'll be coming soon. [00:02:17] Speaker A: Don't do that show. Show coming soon. [00:02:21] Speaker C: She's. [00:02:21] Speaker A: She's working on it. [00:02:22] Speaker C: Coming soon. [00:02:23] Speaker B: Soon. [00:02:23] Speaker A: She's working on it. But at the end of the day, thank y' all ladies for joining me for another show. We. I really, really appreciate y' all being here. [00:02:32] Speaker C: I feel like you can't live without it. [00:02:34] Speaker B: Most definitely cannot. [00:02:35] Speaker A: As most women do. [00:02:37] Speaker B: Listen. [00:02:38] Speaker C: Hey, bookie butt. [00:02:42] Speaker A: This is gonna be interesting. I was. How was, how was everything for you ladies today? [00:02:49] Speaker B: Been good. Work, home, work. [00:02:52] Speaker C: Home. [00:02:52] Speaker A: Work is working. [00:02:54] Speaker C: Today was actually a good day. I did not feel like I was super exhausted and needed a nap when I got off work. So that is a plus. Vitamins. [00:03:05] Speaker A: I actually felt good. I actually felt good myself today. It was a pretty good day, I must say. It's a pretty good day. All right, so we're going to get into the. My favorite part of the show, which is the either or questions. Either or segment. We have a couple. We only have five today. And we're gonna. We're gonna. With the either or questions. They kind of been kind of all over the place. So from now on, they're gonna be strictly about some aspect of relationships. So today the either or has to do with single and dating. You're single and you're out dating. Okay. So. [00:03:42] Speaker B: Okay. [00:03:42] Speaker C: Okay. [00:03:42] Speaker B: This I think I can do. [00:03:44] Speaker A: Would you rather date someone with three kids by three different people or someone who's never been in a serious relationship? [00:03:55] Speaker B: Oh my God. [00:03:58] Speaker C: Someone who's never been in a serious relationship. [00:04:01] Speaker B: I'm gonna take the three kids. [00:04:03] Speaker A: Okay. Why you say why? You said. [00:04:04] Speaker C: Cause he might try to make me his fourth baby mama. No, no, I don't wanna do that. No. [00:04:10] Speaker B: Well, I can't have no more kids. I'm gonna take the three baby dads. The three, three baby mamas and hope they ain't ratchet. [00:04:16] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. [00:04:17] Speaker A: I think the person that has three different, I guess three different baby daddies, as toxic as that is, and more so because I wouldn't say toxic. Cuz I guess my situation is. I got. [00:04:32] Speaker C: How many baby mamas you got? [00:04:35] Speaker A: Four. [00:04:36] Speaker C: Oh. Oh. [00:04:37] Speaker A: I have four. Have six kids and four mothers. I wouldn't call them baby mamas, but mothers of my kids I have. And I was married to one. Engaged to one. I was engaged to two of them actually. You know, engaged to one. Married one. And then one was from a long relationship I had in college and one was from a long relationship I had right after college. So, you know, it is what it is. So I understand that people, you know, sometimes life leads you in the direction. So I'm not here to judge any person on what their circumstance is. Cause I would not want anybody to be judged. [00:05:13] Speaker B: I don't know the difference between a baby mama and. And a mother. [00:05:16] Speaker A: Oh, no, my kids, the mothers of my kids are amazing mothers. My kids Are great. You know, shouts out to them. They're all doing really, really good. Their moms, their mothers did a great job. So I don't have baby mamas. I have mothers of my kids. [00:05:33] Speaker B: Wait, I ain't no baby mama. [00:05:36] Speaker A: Well, I think it's determining upon. I think it's determining upon the relationship because I happen to have. I happen to have a good relationship. At least with three of them, I got a good, like, good relationship. Just to say that we're on. Like, if I call, they'll answer the phone. You know, they'll communicate with me. I'll communicate with them. One of them. We just. We ain't spoke since my daughter, probably five or four. Oh, we haven't had. Me and her. Haven't had a conversation, but me and my daughter talk all the time. So. No, I just. [00:06:10] Speaker C: I don't think his wife. So I was like, am I. No, I'm an ex wife or I'm a baby. [00:06:14] Speaker A: Well, ex wife call me his. [00:06:16] Speaker B: Are you a mother? [00:06:17] Speaker A: I think you're a mother. I mean, cuz at the end of the day, your ex wife. But I think. I think at the end of the [00:06:22] Speaker B: day, marriage situation has anything to do with you being a. [00:06:24] Speaker C: Right. [00:06:24] Speaker B: I was. [00:06:25] Speaker C: I'mma ask him, like, do you be calling me your baby mama? [00:06:28] Speaker B: He might do. Just to be spiteful, but still. [00:06:30] Speaker C: He might. Cuz he might. [00:06:31] Speaker A: All right. Would you rather date someone who was still friends with their exes or. Or someone who hates every ex they ever had? [00:06:45] Speaker B: Repeat that one more time. My brain ain't register all of that. [00:06:47] Speaker A: Would you rather date someone? Would you rather date someone who's still friends with all of their exes or someone who hates every ex they've ever had? [00:07:02] Speaker C: Hates every ex they have. [00:07:04] Speaker B: I'm gonna just take a little sip. [00:07:05] Speaker A: No, you gotta answer the question. [00:07:07] Speaker C: I did. [00:07:08] Speaker A: No, no, I'm talking to Chanel. You did. [00:07:11] Speaker B: I don't want him to have no hate in his heart, but I ain't want him friends with him either. Because, see, y' all gotta understand, I define friendship on a different level. You can't be friends with them hoes. Can't be. [00:07:22] Speaker A: No, I think. I think that you can be friends. I would rather. I would rather. [00:07:26] Speaker B: You cannot hold any malice in your heart for them, but you ain't about to be friends with them. [00:07:31] Speaker A: I would rather y' all rather date somebody. [00:07:34] Speaker B: X them out your life and leave them there. You ain't about to be friends no matter what. [00:07:38] Speaker C: Do you pick? [00:07:39] Speaker A: I pick rather date somebody who is [00:07:41] Speaker B: friends with techno cases. [00:07:43] Speaker A: Cuz I'm. I'm friends with the majority of my exes. [00:07:46] Speaker B: You friends with them? [00:07:48] Speaker A: Friends. I mean, cordial with them for the majority of them. [00:07:51] Speaker B: Are you friends with them? [00:07:53] Speaker C: Friends are cordial. Cuz that's different. [00:07:56] Speaker A: Like my ex fiance. We're friends. [00:07:58] Speaker B: You friends? Are you cordial? [00:08:00] Speaker A: No, we're friends. Like we are legit. My ex fiance is legit. Like we're friends. [00:08:06] Speaker C: Like, like literally kick it at a bar. Like y' all go out. [00:08:09] Speaker A: Like we could like me, her, me, her and her boyfriend sometimes kick it. Like it's, it's not a thing. Like, because I, I ain't want my [00:08:16] Speaker B: man to be friends with nobody. He done hump before. [00:08:19] Speaker A: But I, I think that's kind of insecure. [00:08:21] Speaker B: That ain't insecure. That is me being realistic. [00:08:23] Speaker A: I mean, I just think that's insecure. [00:08:25] Speaker B: I just don't want you to be friends by either. [00:08:26] Speaker A: But that, but how are you gonna, how are you gonna dictate what if [00:08:30] Speaker B: it was really good sex and you might. [00:08:31] Speaker C: And he'd be sitting there thinking about it. He'd be sitting there at the bar, like, have a drink. [00:08:38] Speaker A: No, but I don't, I don't think [00:08:39] Speaker C: you at the bar like this. Like, I remember that thing. [00:08:43] Speaker B: I remember. [00:08:46] Speaker A: But that's different. But that's different for me because in my mind, like once we're done, like if we're done, we was in a relationship. No, if we're, if we're in a relationship and we're done and we're friends, like, I can understand. Too close. Too close. Too close to proximity. Closer to the breakup. Closer to the question. I'm answering your question. Closer to the breakup. Yes, but we've been broken up for eight years now. Eight, nine years now. [00:09:12] Speaker B: You ain't never reminisced eight years? [00:09:14] Speaker A: No, I said closer to the breakup. Yes. When it was months out or a year out? Yes, I did. Because you're talking about. We were together for eight years. [00:09:22] Speaker B: It wasn't good enough then. [00:09:25] Speaker A: I'm not going to divulge that. Because she watches the show. I'm gonna say she watches the show and a lot of, A lot of. A lot of people, a lot of people in our circle, a lot of people in our circle that know the both of us watch the show or listen to the show on the podcast. So I'm not going to put her business out like that. But the people like this. Like this. The people that know me, I stayed with her for eight years, so. [00:09:48] Speaker B: But no Disrespect to any of your exes. I'm just speaking for myself. I don't feel like I could be in the vicinity of somebody who I had amazing sex with. [00:10:01] Speaker A: I don't understand. I don't understand. But then that's. [00:10:04] Speaker B: That's the person I'm with. [00:10:06] Speaker A: But I don't think. I don't think. I don't think, like, as an adult. As an adult. Right. All right. So if we're adults, right, and we're going, okay, that time has passed. You were. We were here for a season reason, whatever it is, we are no longer together. There was something that broke us up that sex couldn't fix. Because if the sex was that amazing and could fix it, we would still be together. So what I'm saying. [00:10:28] Speaker B: So my thing is there's just some boundaries you shouldn't cross. [00:10:31] Speaker C: But. [00:10:32] Speaker A: But what's the. About. Yeah, if we. If we're friends. No, we should not be doing anything in the aspect. But you shouldn't be having sex with any of your friends if they're your friend. [00:10:38] Speaker B: Why tamper with it? [00:10:40] Speaker A: I'm not tampering. How are you tampering with it? [00:10:42] Speaker B: Why would you even put yourself in that situation? [00:10:44] Speaker A: There is no situation if we're not attracted to each other. [00:10:47] Speaker B: You remember how you said last week where you didn't mean for anything to happen? [00:10:51] Speaker A: No, I get what you're. I know. I mean, good. I mean, good, good, good recall. But at the end of the day. But that. That's not. That's not anything. I. I believe that if you're in a situation, especially with an ex, I think with a friend, with a. With somebody who's a friend that. Y' all ain't never did nothing. Y' all ain't never. Well, not ever did nothing. Y' all ain't never been in a relationship before that's a little bit different. But if you with somebody and the breakup wasn't volatile, you just literally realized you two weren't supposed to be together. And that's pretty much what happened to me and her. Like, we did a whole episode. Me and her actually did a whole episode on it. Matter of fact, I'm gonna repost it. It was a whole episode with me and her on it. And we just talked about the whole relationship and what broke it up and how we got to where we were. So to be able to sit down with somebody and be mature enough to deal with a. Me and her are not gonna get in. Me and her never get into a situation where that's the case. One of my best friends is an ex girlfriend of mine from, like, shouts out to you, Tara, best friend of mine from. I mean, we dated my freshman year in college. [00:11:52] Speaker C: Oh, that don't count. [00:11:53] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm just saying. But. I'm just saying. But that's one of my best. One of my best. I was 21. [00:12:00] Speaker B: Okay. But still, I still look at that as very ill, so I just don't. [00:12:03] Speaker A: I think at the end of the day, I think if the either or is somebody who is friends with the ex or somebody who hates all the exes, I believe a person like that is more toxic than the person who's friends with all the exes. And the reason being is, what in the world do you keep choosing in your life that you hate every one of your exes? [00:12:22] Speaker B: I agree with that. [00:12:24] Speaker A: Like, what are you choosing? [00:12:25] Speaker B: Who. Who are you choosing? You know, outside of that, I. I just agree to disagree. [00:12:32] Speaker C: Romantics. And they just in love and it's. But I do understand. I have had a boyfriend from the time I was 15 to the time I was 21. I'm just one of those people. I just haven't had a whole lot of. [00:12:47] Speaker A: You a serial monogamous. Yeah, you used to be, because you ain't now. [00:12:52] Speaker C: I'm not gonna flip you off because we're on camera, but I'll do it for you later. I dated him from the time I was 15. Teens at the time I was 21. Me and him are still friends. Like, he would call me sometime, like, hey, how you make this or how you do this? And he be like, I went on a date this weekend. I'm like, for real? How'd it go? Like, what happened? And I'm like, what was wrong? What happened? So I. But like I said, we broke up when I was 21. You know how long ago that was? [00:13:21] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. [00:13:23] Speaker C: 46. And he almost 49. [00:13:25] Speaker B: You see, I see that as being cordial, not necessarily as that being your [00:13:28] Speaker C: friend, but we hung out, like, last. Maybe last year or two years ago. [00:13:32] Speaker B: But you consider that your bestie? [00:13:34] Speaker C: Like, no, he's not my bestie, but I. I figured I gotta look at him now like, that's my homeboy. [00:13:39] Speaker A: You know how I look at whether you determine a friend or not. But if you're in a bind, can you call him? [00:13:44] Speaker C: Yes, I could. [00:13:45] Speaker B: Okay. [00:13:46] Speaker C: Yes. [00:13:46] Speaker A: If you're in a bond, like a friend and a bond, somebody you called you with or an associate. [00:13:51] Speaker C: Yeah, I could. [00:13:52] Speaker A: Not that they won't show up for you, but that's not the person you're going to reach out to because you don't trust them with the information that you're going to give them to get. You need the help or the aid that you need. It may not be money. It might be, hey, shoot, I need somebody to come at me, move or right. You know, I'm in a bind, blah, blah, blah. I need a place to stay, whatever. Like, who can you call on in those moments? Those are the people that consider friends. So are all of my exes friends? No. [00:14:16] Speaker C: Right. [00:14:16] Speaker A: I'm culture with some, but I am friends with some. [00:14:19] Speaker B: And. And I guess that's the way I look at it too. I. I do have exes that could potentially be friends. I choose for them not to be friends. [00:14:27] Speaker C: And I mean, I could call them [00:14:28] Speaker B: because I probably could call on them and they be there for me, but I choose not for them to be friends because in case someone. I don't want to cross those boundaries. [00:14:36] Speaker C: I get it. I get it on both sides. [00:14:38] Speaker A: Okay, next one. Would you rather date someone who posts you every day or someone who refills someone who refuses to post you at all? [00:14:52] Speaker C: Refuse to post me at all. [00:14:55] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm good. I'm good with the privacy. [00:14:56] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm good on that. Yeah. [00:14:58] Speaker A: Don't post me [00:15:01] Speaker B: about posting. [00:15:02] Speaker C: I'm not posting any shouts out to Cardi B. Hopefully she see this ain't no. You ain't no ring on my face. You are not going on my gram. Ain't no ring on my finger. You ain't going on my gram. Like shouts out to Cardi. [00:15:16] Speaker B: No. Even with the ring on my finger. We're posting marriage and all of that stuff, but after that, I feel like my page is my page. Your page is yours. [00:15:23] Speaker C: Right, But I mean, I will post what I post. Like if I. [00:15:26] Speaker B: You may get a pose. [00:15:27] Speaker A: I remember every. Remember it's. It's one extreme or the other every day or not at all. [00:15:32] Speaker C: Yeah, you know, okay. All right. Not at all. [00:15:36] Speaker A: This is a good one. In these day and ages of dating, would you rather date someone who is still living with their parents? [00:15:45] Speaker B: No. [00:15:46] Speaker A: Or someone who's living with roommates. [00:15:49] Speaker B: Oh, damn. [00:15:50] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Damn to me, please do not your [00:15:57] Speaker B: mama or your friends. [00:16:00] Speaker C: Please don't do this to me. Because it hits home, oh, my God, [00:16:03] Speaker B: he got siblings and his mama them. Or is it, I got questions. [00:16:09] Speaker A: Live with his parents or he got roommates. [00:16:12] Speaker B: How old he is? [00:16:15] Speaker A: He. It's. It's whatever you would date right now. It's whatever you would date right now. We're in the dating scene right now. So whatever you would date right now. [00:16:24] Speaker B: I think I'll take the roommate over your mama. See your mama gonna act like no. Cause I'm a mama and I'm for real. The way I'm acting. My son. Bring a girl home. Did you clean your room, son? [00:16:37] Speaker A: Oh, Lord. [00:16:38] Speaker B: No, I can't. [00:16:41] Speaker C: Oh my God. [00:16:42] Speaker B: Oh, I cannot. [00:16:44] Speaker C: I feel like my friends and the people that know me are going to see. They're going to see this. [00:16:48] Speaker B: And I'mma take the roommate. [00:16:49] Speaker A: I'm. [00:16:50] Speaker C: Do I have to answer this? [00:16:52] Speaker A: Yes, you got to answer it. [00:16:53] Speaker B: I'mma take the roommate. Because at least hopefully he got some balls with a roommate versus him trying to tell his mama, mama, I'm about to have some company. And she are you waking up in [00:17:05] Speaker C: the morning to walking Shane? [00:17:06] Speaker B: And she be like, you better hump that girl. [00:17:08] Speaker C: You waking up in the morning with a walking Shane. Oh my God. Yeah, give me the roommate. Cuz I. Give me the roommate. They walk up in the morning or I got to sneak out in the middle of the night, ain't it? [00:17:20] Speaker B: And you don't want me in the kitchen when I walk through. [00:17:23] Speaker C: And I'm like, never mind. Yeah, right. Cuz doing it like I even did it right. Like sometime you got be loud and stuff. Never mind. Now give me the roommate. [00:17:35] Speaker A: Get roommate. Yeah, give me the roommate. I'd rather the roommates cuz I did it in college so I could do it again. [00:17:40] Speaker C: Yeah, give it a roommate. [00:17:41] Speaker A: I did it in college. [00:17:43] Speaker B: One at 45. No, you better be by yourself. [00:17:45] Speaker C: Yeah. At this age you at 46. Hey guys, listen, I rather your roommates [00:17:53] Speaker B: better be your kids. [00:17:54] Speaker C: You need to. Yeah. The only roommates I'm accepting are your children or if it is a parent. They have to be like disabled. Really disabled. And you're taking care of them. Yes. And they can't really hear, right? And they can't hear. They really have to like they can't hear. Maybe almost a little blind. And they won't see me walk through. Yeah. Just in case. And they. Right, it is just in case anybody not saying anybody wants to take me on a date, but I'm just saying if. [00:18:37] Speaker B: If you live and I got to come to your house. [00:18:42] Speaker C: Yes or no. [00:18:43] Speaker A: Oh, real quick. Speaking about that, we about to start a series. The show is about to start a series. We are visiting different cities to put on the relationship Status, singles game night. All right, so look for. We're going to start with Florence. We'll be dropping the details to that shortly. But we're going to start with Florence. Singles date night. We're going to start with a tour, and in South Carolina, we're going to do Florence, we're going to do Columbia, we're going to do Greenville, and we're going to do Charleston. So make sure you check out for that. All right, last one. Would you rather date someone who admits that they've cheated before or someone who swears that they've never cheated? [00:19:30] Speaker B: Admit it. [00:19:31] Speaker C: Admit to me that you've cheated. [00:19:33] Speaker A: Yes, I would rather date somebody who's admitted at least. [00:19:35] Speaker C: You mean, like, just be honest? [00:19:37] Speaker A: I think when somebody can be that transparent with you and well be that honest, because I don't think anybody comes into it and goes, hey, I cheated. You know, I think it's through conversation that you find out, hey, have you ever cheated before? [00:19:51] Speaker C: Right. [00:19:52] Speaker A: And if a person is going to be honest enough with you to say, yes, I did. And, and I think not only admit that they've cheated, but admitting you cheated and taking accountability has to go hand in hand. [00:20:05] Speaker B: But you know what? Like, do people even ask that, like in the dating phase, like, do you ask people, like, do you ask people, [00:20:12] Speaker C: like, have you cheated in your relationship? How did you do that? [00:20:15] Speaker A: I think so. I think you gotta have that conversation. [00:20:18] Speaker C: But how do you have that conversation? [00:20:20] Speaker A: How do you come out? I just think that in the getting to know you phase, you'd be like, as you're talking, like, I was dating somebody one time or getting to know somebody. I want to say daddy, because we had, we didn't, we didn't actually end up going on any dates, but we. Because it was a long distance type of deal. And she would do. And this. I thought this was cool. She would do a question of the day, and every day she would have a question like, past the pleasantries of, how you doing? How's your day going? Blase, blah. Or simple communication. We would have. She would text sometime in the middle of the day, hey, here's the question of the day and whatever it may be. And one of the questions was, you know, have you ever cheated before? [00:21:01] Speaker B: You know, it's weird. I did that before. [00:21:06] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:21:06] Speaker B: Because it was like icebreaker questions, like, you know, just to get to know somebody. I used to do that. [00:21:10] Speaker A: Yeah. But I think it helps with community because I think you have. When you first start dating, I think you got about a week worth of Good conversation, just generic, just conversation. And then after that it kind of fades away. Like the conversation fades a little bit. Unless it's just that type of person where you are like you just rocking like your conversation every time you get on the phone is something to talk about. The text might not be on like that, but you know, you're. When you get on the phone, it's like, like you never got off. [00:21:48] Speaker C: Right? [00:21:49] Speaker A: You know, but the majority, but that's, that's few and far between in my experience. I haven't had a lot of good conversationalists or people that I could talk to. Like, yo, it's going to be about an hour or two on the phone and we just chopping it up. Especially if you long distance, if you're in close proximity, you know, I think that you got to see each other more. But what I'm saying is if throughout the day, the little text messages to kind of keep things flowing, I think that that was a good thing to do was like that. And I think that that's a place where you could pose a question, you know, hey, have you ever cheated before? I would say, I think that that's why I would rather date somebody who is. Has admitted to cheating rather than somebody who is, you know, good. You. I'm not saying you gotta admit to cheating, but to tell, like just flat out refuse to or to say, man, I never cheated. [00:23:45] Speaker C: What if somebody is embarrassed? Like, what if they felt like they were going to be judged and that's why they said it? [00:23:52] Speaker A: That's between you and your Lord. [00:23:54] Speaker C: Amen. [00:23:55] Speaker A: That's between you and your God. [00:23:56] Speaker B: So I'll tell you, a lot of people feel like their version of cheating is justifiable. Like some people feel like, okay, I checked out of the relationship even though they didn't. Like, you know, for instance, like, okay, well, I been told them I wanted to break up, but they didn't choose to leave. Or they, they wanted to stay in it, but I was done. [00:24:16] Speaker A: No, I think you know what I'm [00:24:17] Speaker B: saying, people like that. [00:24:19] Speaker A: But I think those, those people are liars. Wait, so those people are liars? All of them? You didn't check out the relationship? If you checked out the relationship, you'd have been broke up. [00:24:35] Speaker C: That's not. [00:24:36] Speaker A: That is true. [00:24:37] Speaker C: No, it's not. [00:24:38] Speaker A: That is true. You held on to something for a reason. [00:24:40] Speaker C: Then why did you just afraid of letting go. [00:24:43] Speaker A: Then you cheated. Then you cheated and you. [00:24:47] Speaker C: We didn't say, but we said checked out. You say if you were checked out, you Would have been gone. [00:24:52] Speaker A: Yes. If you check. If you check out. If you check out of a relationship. See, this is the thing that I think some people rationalize in themselves when they hurt other people. Just because you checked out, that doesn't have nothing to do with that person's feelings and what they thought was going on in your relationship. Because at the end of the day, they thought they were still in a relationship with you. If you checked out, you owed it to them to break up with them. If you checked out. [00:25:13] Speaker B: You know what? No. Let me explain something to you, okay? For instance, you did owe. [00:25:17] Speaker A: So you don't feel like you owe it to them. [00:25:18] Speaker B: I don't talk about my marriage often, but in my marriage, my husband refused to go to counseling. He refused to work on our marriage. He refused to do a lot of things. And I told him, I said I wasn't going to file for divorce because I believe that when I went before God, when I. When I vowed to marry him, I didn't just marry him. I promised God that I was going to honor my husband. [00:25:44] Speaker C: Right? [00:25:45] Speaker B: So listen, listen to me. When I did make all the faces you want, you gonna listen. Rub your knees, don't rub your knees. [00:25:53] Speaker A: I did nothing. [00:25:53] Speaker C: I'm watching faces while you rub that one right there. [00:25:56] Speaker A: I did nothing. [00:25:57] Speaker B: Cause I want you to be comfortable. [00:25:58] Speaker A: I'm comfortable. [00:25:59] Speaker B: Usually when you massage your knees, you be quiet. [00:26:01] Speaker A: I am comfortable. [00:26:02] Speaker B: You want me to rub your face? [00:26:04] Speaker A: No, I am comfortable. [00:26:05] Speaker B: So listen. My husband cheated in our marriage. He did everything he could possibly do to dishonor our marriage. But I made a vow and a covenant with God that I was gonna honor their marriage. And I didn't do anything wrong. But I let him file for divorce. I stood right there flat footed in that courtroom. And when that man asked me, he said, what do you want out of this marriage? I said, I want my daddy's name. Cause it's the only man I know that was gonna love me. I ain't ask for nothing out of our bank account. I ain't ask for nothing out of that house. I ain't asking nothing from this sorry behind man. I wanted my daddy's name. You can take your name, you can go. But I didn't want nothing from him because I honored my vows. [00:26:51] Speaker A: Okay? [00:26:52] Speaker B: With that being said, I did what I was supposed to do while he cheated. And he did what he was supposed to do. He checked out of the marriage. But if I. The Bible even says that when you abandon the marriage, I was free. [00:27:09] Speaker A: Wait, hold on. [00:27:11] Speaker B: The paperwork Is the paperwork. But even in the Bible, he abandoned the marriage. [00:27:15] Speaker A: Hold on. [00:27:16] Speaker B: I was free to go. [00:27:18] Speaker A: Okay, okay. [00:27:19] Speaker B: I was free to go. [00:27:20] Speaker A: Hold on. I get that you was free to go, but I think you completely missed and went into your soliloquy off of something that is in agreeance to tell a story that's in agreeance with what I said. What I said was the person that has checked out owes it to the other person to leave. So if he cheated, if he says he checked out as you said you was in, he owed it to you to leave prior to. Because, like, angel was like, sometimes, you know, if you check out this and the third, and they'll give you that excuse. Nah, they lying. That person is a liar. You cheated. Get on. Because I'm. I tell people this all the time. I'm from the school to get the. On. If you don't want to be here, if you don't want to do something or whatever, if you feel like you need to go someplace else and get whatever else you need to get at this tender age I'm at, then you need to go. I don't need to waste my time. And then if I feel as though you're not the person, I need to go. I need to respect you enough to be out. Now, in my past 20s, yes, I have cheated. So that's why I think for. For selfish reasons. It wasn't anything that anybody did that made me say, yo. Just that. And the third. No, like, shoot. I had been a cheater since high school. To be honest. Sometimes the truth. [00:28:49] Speaker C: That's wild. [00:28:51] Speaker A: I'm just. Because in high school, I didn't. In high school, I didn't respect relationships. I didn't. I didn't respect them. I didn't. [00:28:58] Speaker C: High school relationships don't count. [00:28:59] Speaker A: Exactly. So that's why I don't allow my kids to get in relationships in high school. [00:29:02] Speaker C: Yeah, they don't count. [00:29:04] Speaker A: You can have somebody you have conversation with, you can go out on a date with, but we ain't doing no relationships. [00:29:09] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:29:10] Speaker B: So you don't think high school relationships are, like, training? [00:29:12] Speaker A: No, no. [00:29:13] Speaker B: Like, you don't. [00:29:14] Speaker A: The reason being you don't know who you are, and I don't know who I am. So all we're gonna do is end up hurting each other and messing up each other's early lives. Because, you know, ain't nothing worse than. And I watch it because I work in the school system. Ain't nothing worse than a kid that just got their heart broke and now they can't function in the classroom, they can't function in their sports. Because a relationship at that age, at the adolescent age or the teenage, teenage age is. That's adolescent. We are not equipped to deal with the hell. There's people in their 30s, can't, 40s that can't deal with they, they damn feelings. And you asking a 16, 15, 17 year old to deal with the fact that somebody is cheating on them. I know a kid, I don't know him, I hear stories. His like the girl that he dates cheats on him all the time. I talk about all the time. He keeps going back and he keeps going back and he keeps going back and he keeps going back and she keeps doing it, keeps doing it, keeps doing it, keeps doing it. And every time he's hurt, he's down for a minute, suffers in every aspect of his life, then he snaps back, gets with her again, and then it happens all over again. It's a constant cycle. [00:30:31] Speaker C: Right, because he. [00:30:33] Speaker A: But that's what I'm saying. No, I'm just saying like. And that's what I'm saying, like, I think that the issue, the issue is in that sense, you know, and we kind of got this, got a little bit off the rails here. But you know, at that age, they're just not equipped to. We're just not equipped to deal with our feelings at that stage in our lives with that like, like to know, shoot, at my age now, I can't deal with heartbreak. [00:30:59] Speaker C: I was just gonna say heartbreak at any age. [00:31:01] Speaker A: It's just. [00:31:02] Speaker B: Yeah, it's detrimental. [00:31:03] Speaker C: It's detrimental. I broke up with somebody last year and it was detrimental. [00:31:09] Speaker B: And you know what? [00:31:10] Speaker C: To me it was detrimental. And I was 45 last year because I thought this person was actually my person. And I was deceived because I felt like if you was gonna come into my life and cause all of this, you could have just left me alone. [00:31:33] Speaker B: Right? [00:31:34] Speaker C: Not saying that that was his intent. I don't know what his. But if you were gonna do this in the end, you clearly could have just left me alone. You could have just left me alone. [00:31:46] Speaker A: See, now that I ain't gonna lie. That statement, I think that statement, sometimes it bothers me a little bit. [00:31:54] Speaker C: You could have just not. [00:31:57] Speaker A: I'm gonna say why it bothers me a little bit. That statement bothers me a little bit because I don't think, just like a person has to take accountability for the actions that they do. So yes, he should have taken accountability for his actions. Sometimes you don't, you don't have malicious intent when you start out. You know what I'm saying? So to say. So that statement to say, you could have just left me alone. Well, I didn't know that this would be something, that this was a decision that I was going to make at the time in which I was courting you. I was genuine in those moments. I was being genuine in those moments. Something happened over time through us dealing with each other in our relationship, for however long the relationship was that had me change or had me not respect the relationship because I don't want you to divulge whatever happened, but because I didn't respect the relationship enough to where you feel like, you should have just left me. You should have just let me be. I think a lot of times people don't go out. Yes, there are some people who go in it with malicious intent. [00:33:01] Speaker C: That is very true. [00:33:02] Speaker A: I just want to smash. But is that malicious intent or is that a person that can't tell you the truth? And I think nine times out of 10, women say they want the truth, but they don't really want the truth. I don't think people want to truth. [00:33:15] Speaker B: I won't even agree with that. [00:33:16] Speaker A: No, no. I don't know. Look, Chanel, hold on. Chanel, let me finish, because. No, no, no, stop. The reason I say that. Because what you're gonna say. And me and you've had a discussion before. You speak from the mindset of a person who is. Who makes sense. So what I'm about. So what you're about to say is. I can't say that because I'm not like that. [00:33:40] Speaker B: No, I wasn't gonna say that. I wasn't gonna say that. Straighten your face. That why your foot crooked now. But I'm gonna say my piece because what I was gonna say is it's not always about that. Sometimes people just want closure. [00:33:56] Speaker A: Like, wait, hold on. How do you get the closure? [00:33:59] Speaker B: Not. Not necessarily what your malicious intent was, but even if it wasn't malicious, state your reasoning. [00:34:06] Speaker A: For what? [00:34:07] Speaker B: Like she was saying that, you know, if this is what you came in for, if. If this isn't what you wanted or whatever. [00:34:14] Speaker A: But. No, no, no, no, no. You should have just left me where I be. [00:34:17] Speaker C: Yeah, you could have just. [00:34:18] Speaker A: What if. What if at that point. [00:34:19] Speaker B: Moment. [00:34:20] Speaker A: What if in the moment that we were courting in the first couple of months, I was all in, I was genuine, but there was something that happened. [00:34:29] Speaker B: Mind you, simple conversation can fix. [00:34:31] Speaker A: No, but I'm assuming since they broke up, they had a convers Did y' all not have a conversation? [00:34:35] Speaker C: And we're cordial now. [00:34:36] Speaker A: Like, they had the convers. You're assuming they didn't have no conversation. You're assuming facts not in evidence. [00:34:40] Speaker C: You know, talk every once in a while. But I did have convers after we. After we broke up. I did ask him. I said, what was ever your intent, [00:34:51] Speaker B: but how long did it take for you to have that conversation? It took a while, didn't it? [00:34:54] Speaker C: Just a few months. Not a while. [00:34:57] Speaker A: No. But when I break. When we break up. Listen, I think when you break up with someone. Did he. Did y' all break up? Like, there was a conversation and y' all decided to break up? [00:35:07] Speaker C: It was. I asked him, how did y' all break up? Get into the particulars I won't get into. I asked him. I said, are you sure? Like, you're animate on this. Because I have a problem with this situation and it is bothering me. [00:35:22] Speaker B: Right? [00:35:24] Speaker C: Yeah, I did. Yeah. I broke up with him. [00:35:25] Speaker A: What are we talking about? [00:35:28] Speaker C: That's why I said I felt like if he was going to come into my life. This is. [00:35:33] Speaker A: Dude you talked about. About on the last episode, about the friend. [00:35:36] Speaker C: Yeah. Yes. [00:35:37] Speaker A: But you broke up because of the friend. [00:35:40] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:35:41] Speaker A: Okay. And it was. But. But he was adamant that the friend was not an issue. And he told you after the fact that. Oh, you were right. Yeah, she did. Whatever. Whatever. [00:35:51] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:35:51] Speaker A: Okay. All right. But y' all did have a conversation about why you were breaking up with him. [00:35:55] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:35:56] Speaker A: So it wasn't about closure, because the door was closed. It was closure. [00:36:01] Speaker B: I'm not saying it wasn't about closure. I'm just saying that the fact that when she questioned about. Why were you even here? What. What was your whole intent? Right. Why did you even come here if this is what was going to happen? [00:36:14] Speaker A: Okay, so to have that conversation, why'd you even come in? [00:36:16] Speaker C: Right. [00:36:17] Speaker A: I genuinely was into you. I genuinely thought I was really wanted a relationship to work. I wanted a relationship with you. [00:36:23] Speaker C: He gave me an answer. [00:36:24] Speaker A: Okay, what was the answer? [00:36:25] Speaker C: When I said, what was your intent when we started our relationship? He said, because I wanted to make you my wife. [00:36:35] Speaker A: So what's wrong with that? [00:36:37] Speaker C: And I said, well, like, well, why didn't it happen? Okay, Because I'm like, the type of person, like, I just didn't. [00:36:46] Speaker A: I know why it didn't happen. [00:36:48] Speaker C: I. [00:36:48] Speaker A: You wonder why it didn't happen. [00:36:50] Speaker C: I just said, I just didn't want to be a wife. Like, I just don't want to. Like, oh, I want to get married. Like, I want it to be his wife. Not just like a wife. [00:37:02] Speaker A: But he said he wanted you to be his wife. [00:37:04] Speaker C: Yeah, but after we broke up. [00:37:06] Speaker A: But you asked him what was his intent? [00:37:08] Speaker C: Because I just wanted. [00:37:09] Speaker A: He told you his intent? [00:37:10] Speaker C: I guess, like, for the. [00:37:11] Speaker A: Yeah, but his intent was to make you not anybody. Now, he didn't say, I just wanted a wife. He said you. I wanted to make you my wife. [00:37:19] Speaker C: Right. But we already broke up, so. [00:37:26] Speaker B: Are we hearing the same conversation? [00:37:30] Speaker C: Right. I'm saying after we broke up, I asked him. [00:37:34] Speaker A: No, I get what you're saying. [00:37:35] Speaker C: Right. [00:37:35] Speaker A: So that means he didn't have malicious intent to start. [00:37:39] Speaker B: But she's feeling like he didn't put those things in perspective in the relationship. [00:37:43] Speaker C: And I'm not saying. [00:37:43] Speaker B: Waiting to tell her that after they broke up. [00:37:45] Speaker C: Right. I'm not saying he had. Felt like he broke up. Malicious intent. Until I asked him the question. Question. That's what I'm. [00:37:52] Speaker A: So now you feel like after you asked him the question, you felt like he had malicious intent? [00:37:56] Speaker C: No, before I asked. [00:37:57] Speaker A: You thought that he thought he did. So after the fact, you thought he didn't. [00:38:00] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:38:01] Speaker A: Okay. Because I was genuinely and utterly confused. [00:38:04] Speaker C: Yeah, you look confused. [00:38:05] Speaker A: Yeah, I was always. [00:38:06] Speaker B: Always looking. [00:38:07] Speaker A: I was 100, like, out of that. [00:38:10] Speaker C: Yeah, that's all right. Bookie butt. [00:38:12] Speaker A: Okay. I'm not. It definitely does not [00:38:19] Speaker B: get your shirt made, Bookie. [00:38:20] Speaker A: Since this is. Since we're completely off the rails and we're about maybe 40 minutes in, let's go into something else. Would you rather. Let's go another. Let's go. A couple more questions. Would you rather date someone who takes six hours to text back or someone who wants to talk on the phone all day? [00:38:37] Speaker B: I want somebody that wants to talk on the phone all day, even if he doesn't. It's the one. [00:38:44] Speaker C: I want someone who wants to talk on the phone all day, but I [00:38:47] Speaker B: want you to have that desire to talk to me. [00:38:50] Speaker C: Act like you like me. Yeah. [00:38:53] Speaker B: Even if you don't have the time and the energy to talk to me all day, but I want you to want me every day. [00:38:58] Speaker A: Okay. Now he'll be like, oh, here's my thing. [00:39:02] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, baby, I miss you. I wish I could take you all day. [00:39:05] Speaker A: If we kicking it. If we kicking it like that and we're dating or whatever. Yes, I want to spend time with you. I don't mind if you text me. Take six hours to text me back because I'm probably busy anyway. And then I talk all day and I get on my show and talk. So sometimes talking on the phone, it's a little bit exhausting. Unless. Unless we're in a long distance relationship. If we're in a long distance relationship, there's some things that you have to take heed to. [00:39:31] Speaker B: Listen, I'm gonna tell you what. Because especially when women and men, if you are on social media all the time and if I text you and it took you six hours, oh, let [00:39:44] Speaker C: me tell you something. Oh, that bitch is mail. I've had arguments about that. I've had arguments. [00:39:53] Speaker A: Have y' all not heard? Have. Yeah. Have y' all not heard of meta business suite? Now, just for. Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, [00:40:04] Speaker B: whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. [00:40:09] Speaker A: Hold on. Let me help the people out here in the world. [00:40:11] Speaker C: I'm listening. [00:40:11] Speaker B: I'm gonna repeat myself before you say this. We're not talking about him per se, because I'm not saying he's a businessman. We're talking about normal people. [00:40:19] Speaker A: I'm not saying. I'm not saying me. [00:40:22] Speaker B: I'm hoping I don't use meta business with him. [00:40:24] Speaker A: I'm hoping the camera's on me. [00:40:26] Speaker B: I hope it ain't put it on his foot. [00:40:29] Speaker A: That turned it. Here's what I'm trying to get across to you people who are. Who do this. You text and then you check his social media or her, because guys do it too, and then go, damn, couldn't this, that and the third and blah, blah, blah, blah. Now, mind you, I was once a person of this community. I no longer am. I was dating somebody who I would text, who would not answer back, but would post seven, eight times. In between the time that I text and I would go, and we would have an argument. Yo, I text you. And in between the time I text you and the time you responded, you don't post it seven times. She was like, oh. She was like, no. Like at the beginning of the week, I set up my post for the week and I just have it drop at certain times and so it's automatic. So I sit down and I do all my posts for the week and it just goes. And then at the end of the day, I may go back and respond to some comments. She's like, that's when I take my time to respond to the comments at the end of the day. But that's after work, while I'm at work. It's just posting because I set it up to post that way. So Twitter does it, TikTok does it. Every single social media platform does It. You can preset your post because I ain't got time. So a lot of times I preset my post. So do not judge that man or that woman if they do not text you back. They are busy. Sometimes I am busy and sometimes it takes me six hours to respond. No, because one time I was dating. I was dating somebody one time and they were like, excuse me. I was like, oh, I gotta go. I'm gonna call you back in five minutes. Minute six, she called me back. Minute goddamn six, she called me back and was like, you said you can come back in five minutes. I looked at her like she was crazy. [00:42:36] Speaker C: Hell, I would too. [00:42:38] Speaker A: I didn't look at her. I was on the phone. [00:42:40] Speaker C: That's obsessive. [00:42:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:42:42] Speaker A: No, but those people exist in this world. [00:42:44] Speaker C: I know they do. And that's. [00:42:46] Speaker A: These people exist. They're out here living among us. [00:42:49] Speaker C: I know they are. And it's a little scary. [00:42:51] Speaker A: It is. It's very scary. It's like a horror movie. [00:42:54] Speaker C: But he says, but I what? She said, like, I. If. If I text you, say 9 o' [00:43:05] Speaker B: clock [00:43:07] Speaker C: and you make a post around 9:45, 10 o' clock, and you don't text me back till 5 o' clock that afternoon, you ain't that busy. You work from home. [00:43:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:19] Speaker A: Let's get into. Let's get into my final thoughts today on social media. We talked about. [00:43:25] Speaker B: Oh, it wasn't no clip playing. [00:43:26] Speaker A: For real. No, no, I'm not playing the. What are you doing? I'm talking about in the edit phase. Oh, my God. All right, so my Yoshi's final thoughts. People will always tell you, watch the patterns. And they're right. Patterns matter. But don't let your past make you so defensive that every person has to pay for someone else's mistakes. Pay attention. Ask questions, set boundaries, but leave room for people to be human. The goal isn't to become better at catching red flags. The goal is to become better at recognizing healthy relationships when they show up. Protect your peace, but don't lock your heart away. Ladies, thank you once again for joining me. We really appreciate you. Tell the people how they can find you. [00:44:08] Speaker C: Angel, you can find me on Facebook at Chrissy Solomon. Chrissy is C R I S S y solomon. And on IG Instagram @a Chrissy22chanel. [00:44:21] Speaker B: On Instagram @Nelly Pooh underscore speaks on Facebook, YouTube and Instagram King Me Pod. That's it. [00:44:33] Speaker A: The energy died in here when I shut it down. And you can find a show on R s tat Podcast. If you want to join the conversation, email us R Stat podcast gmail.com don't forget to join us on Patreon patreon.com forward/relationship status podcast Remember, we are giving away a T shirt and a relationship status candle to everybody who signs up in the next 30 days. Did you sign up for Patreon? It is $0.17 a day, $5 a month. Don't forget. Go ahead and join. And don't forget. If you like the way the podcast sounds, you like the editing, you like the way it looks, you like the description, hit those guys up at Crux Media group, crux mediagroup llc.com that's info cruxmediagroup llc.com to reach out to them. Shabboy Stuff in the building. It's Relationship status and we are out. Peace. [00:45:27] Speaker B: All right. [00:58:37] Speaker C: It.