279th Date: She Said "Don't Worry... He's Just a Friend." BIG Mistake

[00:00:00] Speaker A: When you found. When your boyfriend. When your boyfriend took that phone and brought it to you and was like, look at these pictures. [00:00:08] Speaker B: Well, you can't ask me that. Cause I've never been in that well, so that question gotta go wrong. [00:00:13] Speaker C: I knew he wasn't just a friend when he slapped shit out me. That was the reality check. [00:00:21] Speaker B: Did he just hit me? [00:00:24] Speaker C: This where all the way live. [00:00:25] Speaker B: I ain't even. I said, he just hit me. Yeah. [00:00:29] Speaker C: Fired my jaw right on up. I was like, wait a minute. It stunned me for a minute. [00:00:34] Speaker A: You had to get yourself together. [00:00:35] Speaker B: That was funny. [00:00:36] Speaker C: Not. [00:00:36] Speaker B: Did he just hit me? [00:00:37] Speaker A: Did he just. [00:00:38] Speaker C: I thought it was reconcilable until he hit me. [00:00:40] Speaker B: Did he just hit me? [00:00:49] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship Status where we are making relationships better one conversation at a time. It's your boy Yousef in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to like share, follow and 5 star rate. And if you actually, actually are listening to us on one of these platforms, make sure to go ahead and join the watch us on YouTube. So you can see all the funny faces apparently that I make during the show. That's all I heard about in the feedback from last week, is the funny faces I make. But you know, I don't. I don't seem them to be funny. I'll be serious. I don't even be trying to not be. Also, if you want to get to. Yeah, also, you want to get some vaccines content, you want to have the get access to the blog, go ahead and join the Patreon. Patreon.com backslash relationship status. 17 cents a day, $5 a month. That's all it is to join. Or you can get the free version. Please go ahead and do so. Patreon.com backslash relationship status. And if you like this podcast and how stuff looks and how it's edited and you want to start your own podcast, hit up our sponsor, crux media@cruxmediagroup llc.com hit them up. They have no problem getting your podcast started. All the way from getting it started to your production to your editing, to even your descriptions and even your clips to help you go viral. Crux Media Group. And I'm here with my guest hosts for the week. It is angel. Welcome back. And Chanel. Welcome back. [00:02:28] Speaker B: Hello. [00:02:28] Speaker A: Hello. Thank y' all for rejoining me on this journey. We had a good week. Last week's episode was pretty good. Got a lot of good feedback. Got some other feedback. I didn't send it to y' all because they were agreeing with me and not y'. [00:02:46] Speaker C: All. [00:02:47] Speaker A: So I kind of just let it live. I let it ride. [00:02:50] Speaker C: Keep it to yourself. [00:02:51] Speaker A: But I. But I definitely appreciate y' all every chance y' all get to come on the show. I do, I do, I do, I do. Why you. Why you say whatever? [00:03:00] Speaker B: Nothing. [00:03:01] Speaker A: It's something. [00:03:02] Speaker B: No, everything's fine. [00:03:03] Speaker A: Okay. How was your first week back to work? [00:03:07] Speaker B: You know what? It wasn't as bad as I presumed it to be. It was. They a little mellowed out, so it was. We only got a hundred and seventy seven more days ago. 177 more days ago. [00:03:27] Speaker A: 177. It is 177. [00:03:29] Speaker B: 77. Yep. [00:03:31] Speaker A: And if you're a teacher, it's 187. [00:03:34] Speaker C: Oh, wow. [00:03:34] Speaker A: Because you work 190 days. So I just. [00:03:37] Speaker B: I try to block that out. Let me be great. [00:03:39] Speaker A: Like, I'm just saying we have to [00:03:41] Speaker B: be in the building, not there. I feel like, you know. But whatever. You're absolutely right. But in my head. [00:03:47] Speaker A: Okay. [00:03:47] Speaker B: I just. Yeah. [00:03:48] Speaker A: What's your. How about your week? How was your week? [00:03:50] Speaker C: My week was pretty good. Not a whole lot going on, just the usual routine, but it was okay. [00:03:57] Speaker A: Okay. [00:03:57] Speaker B: All right. How about you? How about. How was your week? [00:04:01] Speaker A: My week was good, man. I got an opportunity, was back in the classroom with my kids. The first time back in the classroom in about three years. So it's an adjustment period, but it was like riding a bike. I enjoyed it. I definitely enjoy the kids and, you know, getting to know them at this beginning time, beginning of the year. Then we have. And then last night, I got an opportunity. I went to Atlanta. Happy birthday to my homegirl. Sade went down to Atlanta yesterday and got a chance to celebrate with her and her family and her friends. And she. She looked like she had a good time. I had a good time. It was open bar. That's always a good time. Always. Open bar is always a good time. So it was open. I think it got over about 12. I got back to my hotel room somewhere around 1. [00:05:00] Speaker B: Shoot. [00:05:01] Speaker A: I got on the road this morning to get back here so we could record, so. [00:05:05] Speaker C: Sounds like fun. [00:05:06] Speaker A: Back at it. Back at it again. So let's go into our social media for a little bit. We had had some questions of the week, and we had some. Some interesting takes on some stuff. One of our questions of the day is, which is more important in a relationship, emotional consistency or physical chemistry? Dee Dee. Homegirl. Dee Dee said emotional consistency chemistry is temporary. Emotional consistency is permanent. My Niece Taimani. She said she want to come on the show. Whenever you want to drive, come on out. Emotional consistency for sure. Physical chemistry can change if he doesn't get a haircut or something. But emotional, emotional means we locked in. More. Alicia said emotional consistency. Dawn said physical chemistry. And my emotions are usually all over the place anyway. Shouts out to the homie Casey. She comments on almost besides you. Chanel. She's probably the person that comments on everything. It's going to be emotional consistency for me. The physical chemistry gonna fade fast if the other is lacking or non existent. Cousin of the show Evie said physical chemistry want me the way I want you. Ross said emotional consistency it more. It's more important. It's long lasting. The physical chemistry will fade once the emotional needs aren't being met. Then we had another one. Would you rather date someone who communicates consistently but isn't romantic or someone who's romantic but isn't consistent? [00:07:05] Speaker C: Right. [00:07:07] Speaker A: Well, what was. What's your answer, angel? Because you did not comment on any post this week. [00:07:10] Speaker B: I did because I didn't see it. [00:07:12] Speaker A: Okay. All right. [00:07:13] Speaker B: Barely on my social media. Like okay, work tired me out. I just wasn't. [00:07:18] Speaker A: So which. Since you didn't answer, which one would you choose? Emotional consistency but not romantic. I'm sorry. They're consistent but they're not romantic. [00:07:30] Speaker C: Which one? [00:07:31] Speaker A: Or romantic but not consistent. [00:07:36] Speaker B: I would say romantic and not consistent. [00:07:40] Speaker A: Okay. Chanel. Scratch. Chanel disagrees. [00:07:43] Speaker C: I didn't answer the question, but I attacked some people too. [00:07:47] Speaker B: And the. I guess the reason I said romance, because. This might be personal, but at my age, I'm going through a this perimenopause situation. So sometimes I don't want to be touched at all. I don't want you to look at me. I'm like, I'll be. I feel like I'd be being really mean to people these days. And it's. It's not that I want to be. My hormones are all over the place. Sometimes I'm hot, sometimes I'm cold. Sometimes I wake up in the morning in the shower and I'm crying. I'm like, why? What is wrong with me? So that's why I picked that. Because that's just how I've been feeling as of late. Like I don't. I don't want to be romantic. Like I don't, I don't. [00:08:33] Speaker A: You don't want to be. You don't want romance? [00:08:35] Speaker B: I do not. All the time you say consistent. [00:08:39] Speaker A: No. Or can. Like the person is romantic but not Consistent or they're consistent. [00:08:46] Speaker C: So it's either you get all or nothing on one or the other. [00:08:51] Speaker B: I think sometimes I'm so wishy washy. [00:08:56] Speaker A: You do. [00:08:57] Speaker B: You do say, yeah, I'm so wish you washy. I'm not. [00:09:02] Speaker A: Explain for the people. [00:09:03] Speaker B: Like, I feel like I'm not. Like, I don't know, like the average women be wanting to be. I don't know. I used to be like that. Like, sweep me off my feed and text me all throughout the day and say, I was saying I don't. Because sometimes I may look at my phone and be like, I don't feel like talking to you right now. Don't tell. Leave me alone. But it's just how I'm feeling in the moment. [00:09:29] Speaker A: Okay. [00:09:30] Speaker B: Because of what's going on. [00:09:32] Speaker A: So since you're not, you're okay with [00:09:34] Speaker B: people not being consistent Because I can't ask you for something that I'm not doing. [00:09:38] Speaker A: Okay. Not. [00:09:38] Speaker B: That wouldn't bother me. [00:09:41] Speaker A: First time I heard a woman say [00:09:42] Speaker B: that, I can't ask you for something that I'm not doing. I know I'm not romantically consistent. So I can't ask you to do something to me that I know I'm not willing to give you. [00:09:51] Speaker A: Okay. [00:09:51] Speaker B: I just don't have it. [00:09:53] Speaker A: All right. [00:09:54] Speaker B: I got it. [00:09:55] Speaker C: First of all, I think consistency is based off of your level of consistency. And what I mean by that is some people feel like consistency has to be every day, but you teach people what you need on your level. If I need you to show up once a month, I need you to do this. You. You have a baseline for what you need, and you communicate what that is. And you and your partner, your middle. I'd rather have consistency. I'd rather have romance. Consistency with no romance. And I teach you how to love me and be romantic with me. I'd rather have the consistency and it be on our terms. [00:10:33] Speaker A: That's valid. Let's get into some of these comments. Dijon of the It's Dijona podcast. Of course women don't follow directions. She said, I don't want. No, neither. Anyway, she says she'll choose consistent. I had to get on her for a moment. She said she'll choose consistent communication. He can always learn how to be romantic if he's calling. Texting consistently. Dee Dee said, not romantic, but consistent. Chanel prompted her. Ladies. Jimmy. Tia. Is that how you say it? [00:11:08] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:08] Speaker C: Shout out to my cousin Tia. [00:11:10] Speaker A: Okay. Consistency is key. I can teach him how to be romantic. [00:11:15] Speaker C: Come through. Come through. [00:11:16] Speaker A: Whatever, Whatever. Rather someone be consistent but not romantic. Asia Thomas. Communicative but not romantic. I think teaching someone to be more thoughtful romantically would be easier than teaching someone to be consistent, especially if they're easy to talk to. And expressive cousin Eve said, what's the difference? You still going to be looking for someone new. So I'll take the romance while I can conduct interviews. La Bell's Bell. I'd rather date somebody. Okay, bestie. I'd rather date someone that's consistent. And I can deal with the planning of different romances, but as long as we were. As long as we're consistent with the relationship and communication, I can deal with it. And then we had one more. That was the advice letter. Nope, that was the last one. So once again, y' all make sure that you are on the social medias checking us out. Chime in. Make sure you chime in. Now let's get into some either or. It's my favorite segment. [00:12:24] Speaker C: I bet it is. [00:12:26] Speaker B: I'm always like, oh, yeah, this is [00:12:30] Speaker A: the best part of the show. [00:12:31] Speaker B: It's the best times. I've been wanting to pick both. And I'm like, why can't I just have both? [00:12:35] Speaker A: I bet you this one you can't. [00:12:37] Speaker C: Let's keep in mind that if we answer, you must answer. Or two. [00:12:40] Speaker B: Right. [00:12:41] Speaker A: Would you rather be cheated on once or lied to every day? [00:12:47] Speaker C: Cheated on once. [00:12:48] Speaker B: Cheated on once. [00:12:50] Speaker A: Okay. Cheated on once. Would you rather have a faithful, broke partner or a rich serial cheater. [00:13:05] Speaker B: That was going to live? I gotta answer this. [00:13:09] Speaker A: Yes. [00:13:10] Speaker B: Dang repeated question. [00:13:14] Speaker A: Would you rather have a faithful, broke. A faithful broke. [00:13:18] Speaker B: His partner. [00:13:19] Speaker A: Broke, broke. [00:13:21] Speaker C: His bro. No. [00:13:22] Speaker A: He's so broke he can't pay attention. Have a faithful, broke partner or a rich serial cheater? [00:13:30] Speaker B: First of all, you would never be my partner if he was broke. [00:13:32] Speaker A: No. [00:13:33] Speaker B: So this is your partner cheater. [00:13:35] Speaker C: And I'm just gonna buy my happy baby. [00:13:39] Speaker B: Cause if you're rich, guess what? You can call me anything you want to, but you won't call me broke. [00:13:43] Speaker A: Okay. [00:13:43] Speaker B: You do it all you want to. [00:13:44] Speaker A: I'll take the broke. [00:13:46] Speaker B: Because while I'm stacking the money, then I can leave. [00:13:48] Speaker C: I'mma leave eventually. Yeah. [00:13:49] Speaker B: I'mma leave eventually, so. And then guess what? I won't be broke. [00:13:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:53] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. It's sad. Yeah, that's sad. I'm sorry. Listen, I can do bad all by myself. I'm not getting ready to sit there. [00:14:01] Speaker C: I'm a leader. [00:14:02] Speaker B: I'm sitting there. I can't. You can't even Buy me a four for four. [00:14:05] Speaker C: Because you making this seem fun. [00:14:07] Speaker B: I'm going be miserable, okay? [00:14:09] Speaker C: I mean, either way you miserable, I'm miserable because you broke. And then I'm being miserable cuz he cheating with all this money. [00:14:15] Speaker A: I'm just saying. So you got, you got the money. [00:14:17] Speaker B: I always get my. I see. [00:14:19] Speaker C: It's a lose lose situation. So I rather have the money. [00:14:22] Speaker B: Yeah. Cuz if you, if you're that rich, to where I can go on the trip, whatever. Do what I want to do. [00:14:28] Speaker C: Have your fun. [00:14:29] Speaker B: I'mma have mine too. So I'm taking the rich. [00:14:32] Speaker A: Yeah. I take the broke person that's faithful. [00:14:34] Speaker C: You lying. [00:14:35] Speaker A: I'm dead serious. [00:14:35] Speaker B: You lying real bad. [00:14:36] Speaker C: You making your face. So we know. [00:14:38] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I'm dead. [00:14:39] Speaker A: I'm dead serious. Serious I am. I almost. I can help you get your hustle, I can help you get to the money. But I'm not going somebody cheating on me. [00:14:50] Speaker B: Why do I got to help you? And it's already somebody that's already rich. That's insane to me. [00:14:54] Speaker A: I'm too old to be sitting there worrying about what you doing. [00:14:57] Speaker C: I ain't going to be worried about. [00:15:00] Speaker B: I'm spin that. [00:15:04] Speaker A: See the difference? See the difference? The difference in men and women is what women will put up with what women will put up with for money. [00:15:12] Speaker B: I'm just saying like. [00:15:13] Speaker A: And what women will put up with for money. [00:15:15] Speaker B: Come on, baby. [00:15:16] Speaker C: You said we have to choose. [00:15:17] Speaker A: Would you. Would you rather date someone with a high body count or someone who's cheated in every relationship? [00:15:24] Speaker C: That's the same question. [00:15:25] Speaker A: It's not the same question. [00:15:26] Speaker C: Well, I'm. You gonna get the same. Okay, won't either. [00:15:30] Speaker B: Wait, no, that again. [00:15:31] Speaker A: Would you rather date someone with a high body count or someone who's cheated in every relationship? [00:15:39] Speaker B: So if you have a high body count, that doesn't mean like you were in a relationship. I mean you just. You just a hoe, right? [00:15:45] Speaker A: Why? Just because somebody has a high body count? [00:15:47] Speaker B: No, I'm just saying. [00:15:47] Speaker C: I mean maybe have a high body count and weren't in relationships. [00:15:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:15:51] Speaker B: So yeah, you wasn't in a relationship. So I'm just saying before I answer. [00:15:55] Speaker A: No, ain't no question. Answer the question. [00:15:57] Speaker B: Give me the high body count. [00:15:59] Speaker A: The high body count. I'm with you. [00:16:01] Speaker B: Yeah, because you in a relationship. Like I'd rather be in a relationship [00:16:05] Speaker A: with somebody with a high body count than somebody who she's in every every relationship. [00:16:09] Speaker C: Cuz you got no loyalty if you doing that in every relationship. [00:16:11] Speaker B: Yeah, give me the high body. [00:16:12] Speaker C: But a high body count. You could have been single and just humping around. [00:16:16] Speaker B: Okay, so on your royal oats. [00:16:18] Speaker A: Okay, but one number. Count me. There was none before and there will be none after. [00:16:26] Speaker C: Delusional. [00:16:27] Speaker A: Would you rather be the. Huh? [00:16:29] Speaker C: I didn't say anything. [00:16:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I wouldn't be delusional if we in a relationship. [00:16:32] Speaker C: Why you say h. You heard? [00:16:33] Speaker A: I'm just saying, like, I think. I think people get caught up, like, with the high body. With the body count. [00:16:37] Speaker B: Stuff. [00:16:38] Speaker A: Stuff, man. People. People did stuff. Like sometimes you do stuff and shoot. Especially you get to get that age. People done been out there. So you're gonna. You're gonna. You're gonna condemn each person that got a high body count? [00:16:52] Speaker B: Yeah. No. I don't know. [00:16:53] Speaker A: That's why I don't even ask the question. Would you rather your partner flirt publicly or secretly. Secretly text an ex? [00:17:01] Speaker C: Publicly. [00:17:02] Speaker B: Publicly. At least I know you're doing. Cause the secret stuff. [00:17:06] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:17:06] Speaker B: Gonna get your body slammed. Sorry, that was my body slam. Somebody said that. Never mind. [00:17:16] Speaker A: Okay. [00:17:16] Speaker C: Somebody back hurt. [00:17:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:18] Speaker A: Got two more. Would you rather be the side piece everyone knows about? [00:17:23] Speaker C: Oh, Lord. [00:17:24] Speaker A: Or the spouse that's getting played? [00:17:26] Speaker C: Oh, Jesus. This a rob. [00:17:29] Speaker B: You know what? Can do. I have to answer this. [00:17:34] Speaker A: Yes, you got one of the. It's either or one of the other. You're on the show. You have to answer. [00:17:39] Speaker C: I plead the fifth. [00:17:40] Speaker A: No, ain't no plead to fifth. [00:17:41] Speaker B: Yeah, we can't do that. [00:17:42] Speaker A: Nope, not on the show. [00:17:44] Speaker C: I don't want nobody to know I got played. And I ain't want nobody to know I'm satisfied. [00:17:47] Speaker B: Right. Like, why would I want either one of those? [00:17:50] Speaker C: Cause either way, you're getting played. [00:17:52] Speaker B: Yeah, either way. [00:17:53] Speaker A: Which one would you rather be? [00:17:55] Speaker C: Either I'd rather be the wife or [00:17:57] Speaker A: you'd rather be the spouse getting played. [00:17:59] Speaker C: Mm. [00:18:00] Speaker A: Okay. What about you, Angel? [00:18:07] Speaker C: She like you about to play me? [00:18:11] Speaker B: Come on, angel, quick question. Is money involved in any of this? I'm just asking if that's gonna help me. [00:18:19] Speaker A: If money was involved, it would have been a part of the question. [00:18:22] Speaker B: It's a part of the question that's gonna help me. [00:18:24] Speaker A: It's irrelevant. Money is irrelevant. If it's going to help me, money is irrelevant. [00:18:30] Speaker C: But after my divorce, I'm killing everybody that knew about it. [00:18:33] Speaker B: See what I'm talking about? [00:18:34] Speaker C: Y cuz y' all knew that man was playing me. I still owe some people some. [00:18:39] Speaker B: Listen, see, that's why I was like, do I. Cuz when you been on both end. Wait, so when you say the side chick, everybody knows? [00:18:49] Speaker A: Yeah, everybody knows that you are the side chick. [00:18:54] Speaker B: So the wife know, too? You said everybody knows. [00:18:59] Speaker C: Everybody is outside, like his side. [00:19:02] Speaker A: Everybody knows that you're the side chick. [00:19:05] Speaker B: I have to do the wife because I'm too cute to be somebody's side chick. Sorry. [00:19:09] Speaker A: Yeah, I'd rather be the spouse because I'm getting half. [00:19:12] Speaker B: But then [00:19:15] Speaker A: I'm getting half. Last one. Would you rather forgive cheating or forgive financial betrayal? [00:19:28] Speaker B: How much we've been portrayed. [00:19:30] Speaker C: I'd rather forgive cheating. [00:19:31] Speaker B: How much we been portrayed? How much did this financial. You mean like $5, $10? We talking five grand? What we talking? What we talking? [00:19:42] Speaker C: I don't want to forgive either, but I rather forgive cheating because financial betrayal. You're talking about our investments. I mean, if we have children. You know what I'm saying? You're tapping something deeper than just my feelings. Like everything that we poured into our home. [00:19:57] Speaker B: Right. You know, [00:20:00] Speaker C: that's something that we've taken and build together. And you take that and put it somewhere else without consulting me about. Yeah, that's way worse. [00:20:07] Speaker A: Yeah. So what. What about you? [00:20:18] Speaker B: God, this is hard. [00:20:20] Speaker C: You take them rank nuts wherever you want. You ain't. Don't look at me. [00:20:25] Speaker B: I might have to do the cheating. I might have to pick the cheating. [00:20:33] Speaker A: You pick the cheating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too. Can't mess the money up. [00:20:36] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:20:38] Speaker A: I forgive cheating before I forgive. [00:20:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:40] Speaker A: Because I think there's a little bit of. That was a mistake. Whereas financial betrayal. [00:20:46] Speaker B: You meant, was it a mistake? [00:20:48] Speaker A: Huh? [00:20:49] Speaker C: Was that a mistake? [00:20:51] Speaker A: No, I'm just saying there's a chance in. There is a chance in cheating that it's like, oh, you know, this just happened or something happened. I put myself in a bad position. And so that's more forgivable than somebody going, okay, I'm deliberately going to take this money and do this. [00:21:07] Speaker B: Both of them are deliberate. So, yeah, you have plenty of time. [00:21:14] Speaker A: I'm not saying. I'm not saying that the decision in the moment is deliberate in the moment. So when you get to that, first off, it was a bunch of little stuff that led up to that. [00:21:24] Speaker C: Right. [00:21:24] Speaker A: That put you in that position to have to Whatever. [00:21:27] Speaker B: Right. [00:21:28] Speaker A: But then when I'm looking at financial. The financial cheating of it is. It's now a broader thing of. You are like, you went into this with malicious intent. Sometimes you might end up in a situation. I know people. I've heard people who've ended up in a situation where they've cheated where it was like a friendship or something like that, and something just kind of happened between. [00:21:50] Speaker B: Well, like it just. He tripped and it fell in. [00:21:52] Speaker A: No, I'm not saying. I see. I'm not saying it from that aspect. I'm saying it from the aspect of. So you. You. You've never. Of course, I'm speaking to saints here, people who've never cheated, but coming from someone who has in the past, it wasn't, you know, I know it wasn't deliberate. I didn't deliberately have this friend that I was like, yo, I'm gonna smash. Like, it wasn't anything that was like that. It just kind of happened. And then right after it, I went and told so. [00:22:20] Speaker C: But I don't understand how to intercede. [00:22:22] Speaker B: What do you mean? Like, it just kind of happened like that. I never understood. Understand when you say it just kind of happened. [00:22:28] Speaker A: I put myself. I am taking accountability, which I did when I told my girlfriend at the time. I am taking accountability for putting myself in the position. [00:22:36] Speaker C: There you go. [00:22:37] Speaker A: You put something to happen. [00:22:39] Speaker C: So it didn't just happen. [00:22:40] Speaker A: No what I mean by that position. But in that situation, there was no liking of each other. There was no texting prior to. There was. None of that stuff was even a thing. Like, none of that stuff was even a thing. Didn't. Wasn't trying to get at her. She wasn't trying to get at me. It wasn't. Wasn't nothing and just happened to be chilling. We was drinking a little bit, and next thing you know, no, it didn't. At that time. In the moment, it became deliberate in, like, at that time. But like I said, it wasn't never. No situation prior to. When I. When I think of deliberate cheating, it's somebody that goes out premeditated. It's premeditated. It's pre. It wasn't premeditated. That's a better way of putting the same. That's a better way of saying that [00:23:33] Speaker C: in that moment, you could have easily [00:23:35] Speaker B: got up to the butterfly. [00:23:35] Speaker A: You couldn't. And I took accountability for that. But I didn't go into it premeditated going, yo, I'm about to go get at this girl. [00:23:45] Speaker B: Just because you didn't. Just because it wasn't premeditated, that means it was delivered. [00:23:50] Speaker A: Did I. Did I absolve myself of it? Being of myself of anything? No, I didn't. [00:23:55] Speaker C: He feel like we taking him back through. Like, I don't apologize for this. [00:23:59] Speaker A: Oh, no. And even. And even in the moment, I did because I. I Have a thing. If I cheat on you or you cheat on me, I'm out. [00:24:05] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:24:05] Speaker A: Because I. Because if I cheat on you, I can't deal with the lack of trust. And if you cheat on me, I can't deal with the lack of trust. So at the end of the day, whatever comes from that, I'm out. [00:24:16] Speaker C: Right. [00:24:16] Speaker A: So that's what I was saying. In that, in that particular sense, I'll say it as I'll put it to you. Like this. Premeditated cheating. That's what I. I could forgive that more than I can forgive premeditated betrayal on funds because the funds deals with our livelihood as a family unit. Because there's more to. At stake than. Than, Than anything else, so. [00:24:40] Speaker C: Right. [00:24:40] Speaker A: Yeah, that was pretty much what I was saying. But that kind of segues perfectly into today's kind of topic. There's a lot of stuff about out there about can many women be friends? And the, the, the, the, the. The hot button topic is, you know, opposite sex friendships, you know, can they truly be plutonic? Well, what about. Because sometimes the man. The man's intuition is correct. Sometimes we. Right. This dude is there for the wrong reasons. And we done told you. We here for the wrong reasons. And we done told you. Hey, look, that dude, I don't seen him. I'm watching him. I know how men move. And y' all go, oh, you don't have to worry about him. Only later to find out that he was [00:25:35] Speaker C: so. [00:25:37] Speaker A: Have you ever dismissed either one of you, dismissed, you know, your partner's concerns because you genuinely believe the guy was harmless? [00:25:46] Speaker C: I have. [00:25:47] Speaker B: I haven't. I said I haven't. [00:25:50] Speaker A: You haven't? Like, he never. You never dealt with a man and they were like, yo, that dude over there, you say he's your friend? [00:25:56] Speaker B: Nope. All of my male friends. My. [00:26:00] Speaker A: I'm not saying you did anything. Yeah, they did anything. I'm saying. So. So you're, you're so who you were with, never had an issue with any of your male friends? [00:26:08] Speaker B: Nope, absolutely not. Now I've been on the other side when I've had issues with female. But no. Anybody. [00:26:18] Speaker C: I have. [00:26:20] Speaker A: You have? [00:26:21] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:26:21] Speaker A: And how'd that. [00:26:23] Speaker C: Well, my boyfriend. Well, my son's father, the male friend I had. And he used to be at our house all the time, and he said, oh, no, he really want to get with you. And every time we have arguments, he's always the consoling friend or whatever. And I never saw any signs of it, but he did. And how we ended up finding Out. He broke his phone and left the phone at our house. And my baby daddy went and got the phone fixed just so he could go through the phone. And he had pictures of me in his phone and all kind of craziness. It was a lot. [00:26:58] Speaker A: So did you tell him? Did you tell him? Nah, he harmless. [00:27:01] Speaker C: Yeah, like, going toe to toe. Like, we done got in the whole. Not fist fight or anything. Like, it was a whole argument. Like, we used to go at it about it. Cause I was defending my friend. Cause I was friends with him first. [00:27:12] Speaker A: Okay, well, I know for us, but [00:27:14] Speaker C: the friendship, of course, ended out there. Cause, like, how can I defend you when you doing all this and never even thought nothing of it? And, um, me and the guy actually got in a fight. Like, fist fight. When I confronted him about it, and he slapped me. Like, why did he slap you? [00:27:29] Speaker B: Jesus. [00:27:30] Speaker C: Because at that point I went to him and was like, you know, my baby daddy saw this. Like, how you sitting here, you trying to be undercover about some stuff. And you got me about to break up with him because you doing this. And I guess he was upset that he was exposed and he slapped me. And yeah, we went at it. Yeah, it was crazy. Of course, he's my 20s, younger years. It's a long time ago, but. [00:27:55] Speaker A: Yeah, I know, but a lot of times, A lot of times when we. Like when men be saying, yo, look, watch out for that dude. Sometimes, like, I've been told, man, you just being insecure. You just being jealous. And I'm like, nah, I'm watching the way this dude move. Like, I literally like some of the behaviors of a guy calling too late. I don't know. I don't know any. I don't have any friend that I talk to on the phone all day of the opposite sex all day, every day. Why is you on the phone with this dude all the time now? [00:28:31] Speaker C: My best friend now is a guy. He's married every day, all day. No, no, no. Our friendship is very much respectful. I respect his wife. [00:28:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:38] Speaker C: I don't go to the house any time of night or any. It's very much respectful. [00:28:42] Speaker B: I have two best friends that I [00:28:43] Speaker C: was his friend prior to him meeting her and marrying her. But I pulled back from our friendship mutually we have out of respect for his new relationship and now marriage. But it's because I love him just that much. Like, I have to make room for your wife. Like, I can't be that close to you and you have a wife. [00:28:59] Speaker B: Right. And I. [00:29:00] Speaker C: It's a respect thing. [00:29:01] Speaker B: I Have a best. We have been friends since we were six years old. So this is like 40 years of friendship. [00:29:07] Speaker A: Friendship. [00:29:09] Speaker B: And he's actually married to my. My best friend. Hey, Jessica and Tron. But like she said, I don't never. I never get into any of that because y' all are like, y' all are married. So now I can't call you anytime. Like, I need to talk or I'm crying about something or marriage. Like, I never do that to him. Because you got a wife. Like, because I wouldn't want anybody to do that to me, so. [00:29:42] Speaker C: Right. [00:29:43] Speaker A: And you shouldn't. And he shouldn't be calling you all time of night. [00:29:46] Speaker B: Right. And yeah, vice versa. Never. He does. [00:29:49] Speaker C: Now, the only thing, like I said, I was friends with him prior to being friends with her. She does respect our friendship enough that if I do want to talk to him as my best friend and not include her, I do respect her enough to let her know, hey, you know, I want to talk to Tyrone or whatever. And she doesn't feel any way about it, cuz I give her that respect first. [00:30:07] Speaker B: And we call each other brother and sister. So sometime she called me somebody. Girl, your brother's getting on my nerves. Yeah, Sometime he'll call me. He be like, you better talk to her. I'm like, oh, Lord, what happened? Yeah, so. But nothing out of. [00:30:23] Speaker A: So let's talk about some of these common phrases women use when we talk about. When we talk about this friend that we be trying to tell y' all about. The first one, you said it. Oh, that's like my brother. That's one of them. Next one. Another one you use just now, man, we've known each other for a long time. You talking about 40 years of friendship. [00:30:47] Speaker B: It is. [00:30:48] Speaker A: I'm just saying. These are, these are. These are some of them sayings. He's family, he's gay. Oh, he's just friendly. That's my favorite one. He's just friendly. Nah, ain't nobody that damn friendly. [00:31:04] Speaker B: I just never had that happen to me. So I don't know. [00:31:07] Speaker A: Yeah, no, it's happened. [00:31:09] Speaker B: But I'm just saying. But you asked, like, I. I literally have never had that happen to me to where my ex husband was like, hey, this guy. Like, I. I never had that happen before. [00:31:19] Speaker A: So in no relationship at no time, you've had anybody. You're lucky because not one. [00:31:25] Speaker B: I've just never had them before. [00:31:28] Speaker A: Okay, let me ask you this. Have you had a friend? Because it's a good one. [00:31:32] Speaker B: Have you more. [00:31:33] Speaker A: Have you had a Friend that after you broke up, tried to holler. [00:31:38] Speaker B: No. [00:31:40] Speaker C: Maybe you never had like a girlfriend of yours, man, try to holler at you after they broke up? [00:31:45] Speaker B: No. [00:31:46] Speaker C: Her plan do you live on maybe? [00:31:49] Speaker B: No, I think it's. [00:31:51] Speaker A: You've been married for 19, 20 years. You had a lot less relationships. [00:31:56] Speaker B: Right? [00:31:56] Speaker C: So that makes sense because you. Yeah. [00:31:59] Speaker B: And it's. And it's maybe like what I give off, like, you know, not to say no. Stupid. Like, I'm not even getting ready to let you get close enough to me now. I've had guys that have known my ex husband, but they, they may have went to high school together, but they weren't like friends. [00:32:19] Speaker C: I think maybe what has happened to you is they flirt in a way to see whether they can get that open window and you done closed it so tight, they like, never mind. [00:32:27] Speaker B: Yeah. So maybe that's it. Maybe I'm just like. [00:32:29] Speaker C: So therefore you dismiss it. [00:32:31] Speaker B: And I said, I have had. After my divorce was final, some guys that I knew that he knew would, you know, had asked me out after we were already divorced. But they weren't like friends, like, like I said they, they might. They was in the 12th grade together. [00:32:52] Speaker C: Right. [00:32:52] Speaker B: Or they used to live around the corner from each other. Like it. But nothing like they were friends because I knew all of my ex husband's friends. Like they've all been to my house. They've all they feet been under my table. So when I say friends, like I knew all of them and none of them never, not one. [00:33:09] Speaker A: Okay, so can someone be a friend while waiting your relationship out? Can someone truly be a friend? I don't think while waiting for your relationship then. [00:33:22] Speaker C: I don't. [00:33:23] Speaker B: How do you know they're waiting for you? Like, are they verbally telling me they're waiting for me? [00:33:26] Speaker A: No, no, no. This is. This. But do you have an ex you haven't experienced? I know, I. I've experienced it. I had a friend, I had this female friend of mine. I was in a relationship and strictly. It was strictly friend. And when my relationship ended, she started to kind of do little things to kind of see if my interest was there in her like that or. And tried to do little things to kind of be there. And it was like, I think she slipped up one day and was like, you know how long I've been. I've been waiting on this. Waiting on your relationship to end? [00:34:04] Speaker B: Dang. Maybe I'm lame. Nobody's ever done that to me. [00:34:07] Speaker C: No, I mean, it ain't supposed to. [00:34:09] Speaker A: What you talking About. [00:34:11] Speaker B: No, but I, but I think you're. [00:34:14] Speaker C: And this. [00:34:15] Speaker A: And I ain't going to lie. I think this gives me through these different. I'm going say this, I'm going say this, this conversation here. As we go back over the last couple of conversations we've had and your take on the different topics that we've had, I realize not. Although I still don't agree with your jail analogy, while I still don't. I understand why you're so green on a lot of relationship stuff. One and two, your reluctancy to put yourself back in that place because you really haven't experienced. Because you're talking about 19. So that means you got married in your 20s. [00:34:54] Speaker B: I got married at 23. [00:34:55] Speaker A: Yeah, you got married. [00:34:56] Speaker B: I got divorced at 42. [00:34:58] Speaker A: Yeah. And so that's what I'm saying. Like, that's a long, like where, where the majority of, while the majority of us were still kind of living and going through these dating ins and outs and having whole phases and things like that and, and being able to do things without having to consider someone else. Because if it's a marriage, I always say a marriage is, is significantly. Some people don't agree, but a marriage is significantly different than a relationship. [00:35:24] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:35:25] Speaker A: A relationship I could walk away from tomorrow. I can be out tomorrow with a marriage I, I really have to think about. Okay. You know, I took this, this, this oath before God to honor, obey, and everything else that it says that you're gonna do in, in, in the vows. And marriage is supposed to be forever, so I can see how you've lost the lost time you're trying to get back. And I kind of can understand it. So that's why your responses to some of this stuff. Well, with the, some of your stuff I don't agree with, but just, I don't care if you've been married 19 years or not, but I can see how you, you couldn't have experienced some of the things that myself or Chanel or some of our other listeners might have experienced because they just. And it. And I think even if you would have gotten married later rather than at 23, you probably would still be married. Because I think there is such a thing as getting married. It's a little bit off topic, but I just think there's such a thing as getting married too early or too young. Some people make it work, but I don't think we are who we are to become until somewhere around or start to form ourselves until somewhere around 30, 31, 32. You can start to see yourself start to form into the person you're supposed to be. I didn't. I didn't really get into my career until I was about 32, 33. [00:36:55] Speaker B: And then when I was like, oh, I become this new person at, like, 30, like, he didn't like that person. Like, he liked the other me. That was not saying I. I wasn't submissive the whole time. But when you're 23, like, I don't really know who I am. So of course, if you say we got to do this, then we got to do this. Like, I don't. I'm not really. I'm not really doing the combative, like, the back and forth. I'm like, okay. Like is. I'm like, okay. And then, you know, the older women at turn, like, oh, your husband say, you got to do this, and you got to do this. And he got it. So I'm like, oh, okay. And then after so long, I was like, do I really want to do that? Like, is this making me happy? [00:37:38] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:37:38] Speaker B: And then when I figured, I was like, no, I don't really want to do that anymore. And then after that, that's when it became a problem. [00:37:45] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, so. So, yeah. So now I'm starting to get. As. As we have more conversations, I'm starting to see a little bit of your. Of your mindset. [00:37:54] Speaker B: Me and my therapist got work to do. [00:37:56] Speaker A: Yeah. As long as you're going. As long as you're going. The thing about therapies, you gotta go. So, Chanel, has a guy ever told you, a friend ever told you I've always wanted you? [00:38:11] Speaker C: Yeah. I think we talked about it last time, and I dismissed him. [00:38:15] Speaker A: You dismissed him? Did you tell your man? [00:38:19] Speaker C: No. [00:38:20] Speaker B: No. Are you crazy? [00:38:23] Speaker A: Why not? [00:38:24] Speaker B: Are you crazy? [00:38:25] Speaker C: I mean, I think that's obvious. [00:38:27] Speaker B: I know why not. [00:38:29] Speaker C: Because I wanted to stay in my relationship. [00:38:31] Speaker A: No, but that had nothing. It was your friend. You didn't. You didn't do anything to invite it? You didn't. [00:38:36] Speaker C: Wasn't. Wasn't. [00:38:39] Speaker B: Listen. [00:38:40] Speaker A: No, but. No, no, no, but did he warn you about him prior to. [00:38:44] Speaker C: Well, not really. [00:38:45] Speaker A: Did he notice a different situation? I'm saying different situation. So he never said. He never said anything about this friend? He never. [00:38:54] Speaker C: No, not. No. Remember we was talking about another friend? Yeah, I get that. [00:38:58] Speaker A: I know. This is too. I understand. [00:39:00] Speaker C: And I told him I didn't want to talk to him like that, and I tried to still be friends with him, and it just kind of went left and we. [00:39:04] Speaker A: Oh, no, you Can't. You can't still be friends with somebody after you turn them down. [00:39:07] Speaker C: No, but no, I didn't tell my man at the time because he was a little crazy, right? [00:39:16] Speaker B: So whatever. That's a difficult. [00:39:18] Speaker C: So I chose peace. [00:39:20] Speaker A: So as women, good job. Here's the tough part. Here's the tough question for you. As women, can y' all take accountability? No. When your man is. When your man was right, like with the situation. The first situation. He was right. [00:39:38] Speaker C: I told him. [00:39:39] Speaker A: Yes. [00:39:39] Speaker C: That was a different man. [00:39:40] Speaker A: No, no, no, I said with the first situation. [00:39:44] Speaker C: Okay, the first one wasn't crazy. [00:39:46] Speaker A: No, no. Second one was. Can I get my question out? You read, you defensive and I ain't even said nothing. Okay, your man was right. [00:39:54] Speaker C: Uh huh. [00:39:55] Speaker A: What did you go to him and say? [00:39:57] Speaker C: I told him, he tried to holler. Well, I didn't have to go to him and tell him. He found it in the phone. [00:40:00] Speaker A: Okay, so what did. Okay, he found it in the phone. He approached you with it. You approached, dude, he slapped you. Y' all fist fight, all of that's done. What did you say to your man? [00:40:08] Speaker C: I apologize. I can't tell you everything that went on, but I apologize. [00:40:11] Speaker A: You did apologize. So he deserved an apology. [00:40:15] Speaker C: He definitely did. [00:40:19] Speaker B: I look at you, baby. [00:40:21] Speaker A: What? [00:40:24] Speaker C: I apologize. We stayed together. Could you. I lost a friend, but fast forward a few years and this other guy, and it was another friend, put it like this. I have always been that female that, you know, worked. I have male friends. You know, I didn't click well with me. I mean, with females. So it was like that. He was a work buddy that hung around my house and, you know, my sisters and stuff like that. So it was one of those situations. I didn't know the guy liked me like that until he said something. But I was with a new guy years later, and he was crazy. So, no, I ain't tell him. Yeah, okay, I let that go. [00:41:01] Speaker A: Cause I. Do you. Do you think that a woman. The man was right? A woman should apologize or. Or is just cutting off the friendship enough? [00:41:13] Speaker C: I do feel like that if he's right, she should apologize. And I do feel like in that type of situation that I was in, sometimes you have to pick your battles and safety first. [00:41:26] Speaker A: Safety, safety first. [00:41:28] Speaker C: But I am not against. I am for real. I'm not against. And I feel like everybody should take accountability. If you're wrong, you're wrong. Don't be ashamed to say, I'm sorry or say, hey, you know where you were right. That saves relationships A lot of times just admitting that you were not. [00:41:40] Speaker B: Yeah. Just. [00:41:41] Speaker C: Sorry, you know. [00:41:42] Speaker A: Okay. [00:41:43] Speaker C: You got to go in a whole dissertation of why you wasn't right. [00:41:46] Speaker B: I wasn't right. You were right. [00:41:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:49] Speaker B: Let it go. Me being a Taurus, I'm never really wrong. So, like, I feel like that too. 90% of the time. [00:41:55] Speaker A: That kind of goes into my next thing, y'. All and this women intuition. So if a woman says that woman wants you, should the man. Should the man dismiss her or should he respect her intuition? [00:42:10] Speaker B: This is why I just broke up. You said last week, last year. [00:42:15] Speaker A: Oh, I just said last week. [00:42:18] Speaker B: Where did I go last year for that? Same issue. [00:42:23] Speaker A: What issue? [00:42:24] Speaker B: I told him I was like your female friend. She likes you. No, we just. Friend. No. [00:42:33] Speaker C: Do y' all under. I mean, do men understand women's intuition? It's not just a feeling. We watch body language. We watch mannerism. We watch eye contact. Our intuition come through us studying situation. Not only that, because we're women. The same way [00:42:53] Speaker B: I know how women flirt. Cause I'm a woman in front of [00:42:55] Speaker C: me, and I like him. And I've been sitting like this, and then a man come in the room, and I'm all like this. And I'm eyeing him and I'm. We. We know. [00:43:03] Speaker B: Like, I promise I can tell. [00:43:05] Speaker C: We can see from across the room who she got her eyes on and [00:43:08] Speaker B: who she at all the time. [00:43:10] Speaker C: We know. We know an appetite and we could tell. So when I see what she's looking to eat. [00:43:15] Speaker A: So why is your. So why is y' all intuition praised? But our intuition, we're not saying it's. [00:43:19] Speaker B: I'm not saying it's praised, but you asked and I. [00:43:23] Speaker A: Women, Women intuition is praised more. And if a man is like, yo, listen, that dude, he moving the way he moving and the stuff he doing. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, it's a double standard. [00:43:33] Speaker C: I feel like, on both sides. If my man come to me and tell me, say, hey, this man right here, he's feeling you. I'm not going to dismiss it. But you just ask, should we dismiss it or should he just follow your intuition? All I'm saying is when it comes to our intuition, this is what our intuition is. He a grown man. He could choose to do what he want. I understand that there's levels to our intuition now. I don't know. Cause I'm not a man. Rather, he just feels some type of way because this what dude looking like. And this what this dude done said or how he Acting or whatever, I don't know. But if he give me a sound enough reason as to why he feel like I shouldn't be friends with this guy and this my man. Yeah, I'm gonna follow my man. [00:44:11] Speaker B: Absolutely. Every day in the week, I'm gonna follow my man. But like I said, I'm not in a relationship because of that issue. And after we broke up, then he saw what I was talking about, and he apologized, and now it's like, Imma fix it. I'm gonna. We gonna get back together. I'm a. Nah, I'm good. Boo. Cause I told you. [00:44:40] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:44:41] Speaker B: More than one time, more than two times, more than 10 times. That is entirely too much for me to tell you. I'm laying it out. Look, this. What she doing? I saw that. Listen, listen. Oh, but now we break up. Now you see it. [00:44:58] Speaker C: Okay, you got binoculars now? [00:45:00] Speaker B: Oh, you see everything now? You can see from space now. [00:45:04] Speaker A: All right, so let's. Okay, well, from. From your experience, let's. Let's talk about some red flags for those people who are in a relationship and they have their. Their spouse or partner have somebody of the opposite sex as a friend. What are some red flags to look for? You think of somebody who's gonna be, you know, kind of after that, if [00:45:25] Speaker C: they're in a relationship and they have someone of the opposite sex hitting on them. [00:45:28] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, what's some red flags of. To look out for. For this friend who might be trying to wait the relationship out or trying to arrest. [00:45:36] Speaker B: Making me. [00:45:37] Speaker C: Go ahead. [00:45:37] Speaker B: Sorry. Taking a selfie and you posted it on Facebook and then you putting subliminals underneath it. I know what that means. I know what that means. [00:45:47] Speaker C: Another one. Rather it's male or female to their partner being indirectly disrespectful to your partner. [00:45:55] Speaker B: Okay, I can go to a rep. Okay. [00:46:01] Speaker A: When your. When your partner wants to have private. When. When the friend wants to have private conversations with your partner. [00:46:07] Speaker B: Yeah, I know. [00:46:08] Speaker A: Oh, let me talk. Let me talk to you outside. Let me, you know, you had a gathering. Oh, let me talk to you out here. [00:46:13] Speaker B: And another red flag. If I'm with my partner and this friend calls, you got to step out. You got to go in another room and talk to him. [00:46:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:23] Speaker B: Or you don't answer the phone. [00:46:24] Speaker C: What? [00:46:25] Speaker B: Answer the phone. Because I answer the phone in front of you when my male friends call. So why you can't. What y' all got to talk about? You don't want me to hear? [00:46:31] Speaker C: I'm gonna say another one. I don't like obsessive body contact. Like, you know how some people, they'd be like, want to be extra huggy or. [00:46:40] Speaker B: Why you talking? Touch him again. We ain't got to do all that. [00:46:48] Speaker C: You don't hug one time, that's it. [00:46:49] Speaker B: And then the laughing at the jokes. Because he ain't that funny. [00:46:52] Speaker A: For real. [00:46:53] Speaker B: He ain't funny. I promise you, he ain't funny. So what you laughing at? [00:46:57] Speaker A: I'm funny. I don't care. [00:47:00] Speaker B: What are you laughing at? I promise you he's not that funny. [00:47:02] Speaker C: Yeah, you want to hear a joke? [00:47:06] Speaker B: He ain't. That. Ain't that funny. Okay. [00:47:09] Speaker A: I remember one time I was. I was dating somebody. I was dating this woman, and we were somewhere, and a friend of mine. A friend of mine was there. Like, I said, I'm funny. So I say something, and she start. And my friend would start laughing. My girl would just be like, see? Then we get in the car. [00:47:40] Speaker B: We get in the car, and then [00:47:42] Speaker A: we get in the car. [00:47:43] Speaker B: She like, what we laughing at? What's so funny in the car? She like. [00:47:46] Speaker A: Like, you ain't that damn funny. See, I was like, what? I said, why she always gotta laugh at your jokes? Because. Because I'm funny. What you talking about? You didn't see me on my podcast. I'm funny. [00:47:58] Speaker B: No, it depends on who you ask. And that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. [00:48:04] Speaker A: I think a friend that likes to become your emotional support. I think that's one. [00:48:07] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:48:09] Speaker A: Someone who's available after an argument. Ooh, what y' all arguing about? [00:48:12] Speaker B: Right? [00:48:13] Speaker C: Yeah. You wanna know too much. And I feel like those type people, they want to know the issue. So they'll know. [00:48:18] Speaker B: So they'll know what not to do. Them like, well, if I get a chance. So I know not to do this. Like, she did that. So. Yeah, come on now. [00:48:25] Speaker A: Gives relationship advice that benefits them. You know what? You should break up with her. Like, she ain't. She don't. [00:48:31] Speaker B: She. [00:48:31] Speaker A: She don't trust. She don't. She don't deserve a person like you. You doing too much. Just that you. You doing too much for her. And, you know, you need to give that. You need to give that to somebody else. [00:48:43] Speaker B: I just roll my eyes. [00:48:45] Speaker A: I just. Let's finish this sentence. The moment I knew they weren't just a friend was when. When. When you found. When your. When your boyfriend. When your boyfriend took their phone and brought it to you and was like, look at these pictures. [00:49:04] Speaker B: Well, you can't ask me that, cuz I've never been in a well, so that question got a girl. [00:49:09] Speaker C: I knew he wasn't just a friend when he slapped shit out of me. That was the reality check. [00:49:17] Speaker B: Did he just hit me this way? [00:49:21] Speaker C: All the way left? [00:49:21] Speaker B: I ain't even hit me. [00:49:25] Speaker C: Fired my jaw right on up. I was like, wait a minute. It stunned me for a minute. [00:49:30] Speaker A: Then you had to get yourself together. [00:49:31] Speaker B: That was funny. [00:49:32] Speaker C: Not. [00:49:32] Speaker B: Did he just hit me? [00:49:34] Speaker A: Did he just. [00:49:34] Speaker C: I thought it was reconcilable. [00:49:36] Speaker B: Did he just hit me? [00:49:40] Speaker A: Jamie Foxx has this joke about. [00:49:42] Speaker B: That is funny. [00:49:44] Speaker A: He has the joke about when him and LL Cool J got in a fight on this. On the set of any given Sunday, he was. He was like. He just hauled off and hit me and he said he knocked me in. The next week, he knocked me into a different movie. [00:50:00] Speaker C: I promise you, that's how I feel. I was like, why would you have [00:50:03] Speaker A: it to me in your phone? [00:50:05] Speaker C: Love it. [00:50:09] Speaker B: That is funny. Oh, my God. That is funny. [00:50:12] Speaker A: So according to y', all. And we're going to ask you guys out there in the comments. Drop it in the comments, man. Do you think that people. Do you think that if a man is right, the woman should. The woman should apologize. Acknowledge and apologize. And for the man, I didn't have to ask or answer this question. For the man, if we're wrong, should we apologize and. No, we shouldn't. [00:50:42] Speaker B: You said what? Now, wait a minute. [00:50:43] Speaker C: I know they shouldn't. [00:50:44] Speaker B: You said what? [00:50:45] Speaker A: If we're wrong about the friend, then should we apologize? [00:50:48] Speaker C: Yes. And our friend? [00:50:51] Speaker A: No. [00:50:52] Speaker B: Why wouldn't you? [00:50:53] Speaker A: Because. Because I'll never know if I was right or wrong. [00:50:58] Speaker C: So how would we know whether we're right? [00:50:59] Speaker A: I don't. You. [00:51:00] Speaker B: You will know how we know and you don't know. [00:51:04] Speaker A: Exactly. I don't know. Y' all got. Remember, y' all got women's intuition. [00:51:08] Speaker C: My intuition. [00:51:09] Speaker B: Listen, I feel like you pissed me off every other episode. [00:51:13] Speaker A: You said you feel like what? [00:51:14] Speaker B: I feel like you pissed me out every other episode. [00:51:16] Speaker A: Every other episode. [00:51:17] Speaker C: So how we gonna know if you ever humped this chick unless you humper and then we know we was wrong or we knew. We knew we was right. [00:51:23] Speaker A: Well, I tell you so. [00:51:25] Speaker B: I mean, I would tell you, but would you apologize? [00:51:28] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:51:30] Speaker C: So we just gonna be waiting around to see if you ever humble to know whether we was right or wrong. [00:51:35] Speaker A: The life we live. [00:51:36] Speaker C: It's the life you live. You seem like you lightly see that you don't fall. [00:51:41] Speaker A: Well, I think. And this is. And I think that. Okay, well, I will say this. [00:51:47] Speaker C: You will give every woman in your life anxiety. [00:51:49] Speaker B: I. [00:51:52] Speaker A: No, if I'm wrong, I'd apologize. If I was worrying about your friend and it came out that I was [00:51:56] Speaker C: wrong about you, would you apologize to the friend as well? [00:51:59] Speaker A: He did. He should not know what I said. I talked to you. No, I'm sorry. He should not know what I've said because I've had discussions with you. It's not like I'm gonna be out there treating him any different. [00:52:09] Speaker B: Right. [00:52:10] Speaker A: Because I'm not gonna treat him any different. You said, this is your friend. I'm watching him, but I'm not out there, like, you know, being disrespectful towards him. [00:52:17] Speaker C: Him. [00:52:17] Speaker A: This is your friend, and I do care about you. And until it's proven otherwise, yes, I have concerns, but I'm not going to treat him any differently than I would treat any one of your. Of your female friends. I'm gonna still be, you know, as friendly as possible to him until that moment comes in which you let me know that it. I was right or. And if I was wrong. If I was wrong, and this is a genuine person and this is genuinely our friendship, and this is a true friend, and he lives within the guidelines, then yeah, sure, I'm gonna. I'm gonna apologize to you. But apologizing to him, he shouldn't know anything I said now. If he knows the stuff I said now, that's a problem that me and you have. Well, you need to go apologize to him for what? He don't know nothing I said, right? No, I did tell him when you would say stuff. Well, now me and you got a problem because this is an inside conversation [00:53:07] Speaker B: that we're having, and it's amongst your partners. [00:53:09] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's a. It's between me and you. I'm. I'm not. If I. If I had a problem with him, I would approach him. If I wanted him to know what I said, that I would approach him. [00:53:16] Speaker B: I agree with that. [00:53:17] Speaker A: Yeah. So now, just like I don't expect y' all to apologize to my female friend if y' all are wrong about her, you know, if. If y' all wrong, you just wrong, you apologize to me. It's. It's done. It's done here. Because I never divulged to her that you had a problem with her. I didn't bring the knife. You brought that to her attention. Yes. You need to take your. You need to carry your ass over there and apologize. [00:53:38] Speaker C: I have one question. Though, let's say, for instance, and I'm only going to speak from a female perspective, if you're. If you're in a relationship as a man, you're in a relationship and you have a female friend who is being extra, and your woman checks that, even if you feel like she's not a friend that's crossing the line, but she is doing something that your woman feels is too much, would you check your friend? Even if you feel like. Would you check your friend? [00:54:02] Speaker A: If my. If my woman is uncomfortable with the way that one of my friends is acting and she comes to me, not her, and says something to me, yes, I will go and have a talk with my friend. Hey. And all of my female friends, and I don't call. I don't have many female friends at all. The two, three of them, four of them, they will 100. Well, first off, they wouldn't act like that in the first place because they just. It's literally just friendships. And so they're. They're gonna act accordingly. And then the second thing is, they're gonna be. They would say, oh, man, I didn't mean to be that way, or whatever. I hope she didn't take offense to it. I'm sorry, I won't do it again. And all of the friends I have, it's a couple of them, they would literally, each one of them would go to her and talk to her and be like, hey, look, I did not mean any. I did not mean any ill will. I did not mean anything wrong by it. The behavior bothers you. I'm. I promise you it won't happen again, you know, because those are the people that I. That I deal with. [00:55:06] Speaker C: Right. [00:55:07] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? I don't deal with fair weather. You know, friends that, you know, are not. Are not aware when things are happening. They're aware. Like, they're like, all right, man, shoot. This the case. Okay, cool. We. We gonna. I'm gonna relax on that. So. Yeah. So. But no, I would have no problem doing that for my lady. Me, especially if I care. If I don't care about you, [00:55:34] Speaker B: right? [00:55:35] Speaker A: If I don't care. No. I mean, so, you know, sometimes. Sometimes people. People mistake dating for a relationship. [00:55:41] Speaker C: Right? [00:55:42] Speaker A: And so if we just date and no, you don't have the right to talk about. You don't got a reason to check nobody. [00:55:47] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:55:47] Speaker A: Like, you lucky you even hanging around my friends because nine times out of 10, until I'm in a relationship, you ain't even around my friends. [00:55:53] Speaker B: Right. [00:55:54] Speaker A: To Even have an issue with somebody blown on relationship. Yeah. So. Nah, we ain't doing that right. So any closing words from you? What'd you learn today? [00:56:08] Speaker C: Learn? [00:56:09] Speaker B: What do we learn? [00:56:10] Speaker C: They may need to apologize more. Good Lord. [00:56:18] Speaker A: Let me get my closing perspective so we can get out of here. All right, so today's closing perspective is trust isn't about believing your partner won't cheat. It's about respecting. When your partner notices someone else isn't respecting your relationship, sometimes the warning isn't about control. It's about protection. The real question isn't whether you trust your spouse. It's whether you're willing to take their concerns seriously before someone else's intentions become impossible to ignore. [00:56:48] Speaker B: All right. [00:56:48] Speaker A: Make sure that you're taking your spouse's thoughts and feelings into consideration. Don't just think one sided. Don't think just it's my friendship or my spouse. There's a way for both to coincide. Just like we just spoke about. If your spouse expresses something to you, that is up to you now to check the behavior of your friend. Because if that friend can take that, if you can't check your friend, then you need to check your friendship. Or you need to check how dedicated you are to your spouse. Well, I wouldn't say new friend. If you can't check the friend, then you need to check. You need to figure out what you got going on between you and your spouse and how serious you actually are. But if the friend can't take being checked, then you need to have a new friend. And that's what I would say. Chanel, tell the people where they can find you. [00:57:35] Speaker C: You can find me on Instagram with Nellie Poo. Underscore speaks on King me pod on YouTube, Facebook and Instagram. Instagram. [00:57:45] Speaker B: You can find me on Facebook at Chrissy Solomon. Chrissy is C R I s s y. And you can also find me on Instagram at a Chrissy22. [00:57:55] Speaker A: All right, you can find the show at R e l s t a t podcast on all social media platforms, on YouTube, relationship status podcast and on all podcast platforms. Remember, if you love this, if you enjoyed this episode, you enjoyed the conversation, make sure to tap in in the comments. Make sure to leave us a five star review. Don't forget to hit us up on Patreon patreon.com backslash relationshipstatus. $0.17 a day, $5 a month. Go ahead and join. Until the next time, y'. [00:58:25] Speaker C: All. [00:58:26] Speaker A: It's your boy Yousef in the building and we are out. [00:58:29] Speaker C: See ya. Peace. Look at this, folks, this microphone, Sam.