278th Date: She Wants a Relationship... So Why Does Every Man Leave?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: His money looked good to me. [00:00:02] Speaker B: My point exactly. My point exactly. My point exactly. My point exactly. You was attracted to his. It was something about him that you found attractive. So you can't say he was ugly. It was something that you was attracted to as a part of him. [00:00:17] Speaker A: His physical appearance. [00:00:18] Speaker B: No, but. But you. But you didn't get to know his inside. You knew his money. He took you. [00:00:23] Speaker A: No, I didn't, to be honest. [00:00:25] Speaker B: Okay. Did he get to a second. Did he get to a second date? [00:00:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:00:29] Speaker B: And the third? And the third? [00:00:32] Speaker A: No, not yet. Cause we did. No. [00:00:34] Speaker B: Oh, not yet. [00:00:36] Speaker A: Listen, shopping is always a good time. I. Let me tell you something. [00:00:41] Speaker C: He might be watching this podcast. Don't let him talk you out your shopping sprees. Now. [00:00:52] Speaker B: Welcome back to relationship status, where we are changing relationships one conversation at a time. It's your boy Yousef in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms as well as YouTube. Remember to like, share, follow, and five star rating on YouTube. Make sure that you hit the subscribe button. As you can see, I'm here with the homies. We got angel and Chanel back again. What's up, y'? [00:01:15] Speaker C: All? Hi. [00:01:17] Speaker B: Hey. Hey. Hi. Hi. Hi. [00:01:18] Speaker A: Hi. Hi. [00:01:19] Speaker B: So, angel, how was. How was your week? [00:01:22] Speaker A: My week was super busy. Like, super, super busy. I'm exhausted. [00:01:28] Speaker B: Okay. [00:01:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Hopefully we can travel in the weekend and. Yeah. [00:01:34] Speaker B: Oh, well, okay. Work, work it. Work is. We all complain about work till we see the check. [00:01:42] Speaker A: Not complaining. I'm just tired. Yeah, like, I'm not. I just. You asked and I said I was busy. I didn't complain about. [00:01:48] Speaker B: Oh, no, I wasn't. That wasn't. I wasn't an attack. [00:01:51] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:01:52] Speaker B: That was not an attack. [00:01:53] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:01:53] Speaker B: Trust me, I. I'm in no mood for a fight today. Or maybe I'll get there. Chanel, how was your. How was your week? [00:02:03] Speaker C: Was good work. And then this weekend, you know, had some family reunion fun with some friends, so. [00:02:10] Speaker B: Okay. [00:02:10] Speaker A: Family reunions are so fun. [00:02:12] Speaker C: Yeah, it was fun. [00:02:14] Speaker B: My family doesn't have one. [00:02:15] Speaker C: Well, it wasn't my family. I went with a friend. [00:02:17] Speaker B: I mean. But does your family have one? [00:02:20] Speaker C: I don't attend mine. They do, but I don't want to reunion with some of my family. [00:02:26] Speaker B: Okay, now my family doesn't have one. We've never. We've never had one. And so I was talking to my sister because I work, working my part time job. Over the past couple of weeks, there's been a lot of family reunions. And. But here's the funny part. Like, they having a family reunion at the hotel. Like, it's like all the activities are like. They take over the little lobby area, paint and sip. They put tents outside in the parking lot yesterday because it was raining, so they couldn't go to the park. So they put all their stuff out in the front. And then I think this past week, we had, like, three family reunions at the same time. I never seen so much spades and liquor in my life in one place, in one setting. [00:03:08] Speaker A: But my family, if you're listening, we gotta do a family reunion. I miss y'. All. [00:03:13] Speaker B: Yeah. So I thought about it, and I thought the idea of it was cool seeing people Jevin. Seen in a while and the fact that I live so far from my family. I talked to my sister and she was like, well, you know, it's only us. What do we. What are we? Reunion? And I was like, well, you know, all family reunions started with somebody saying, hey, let's go ahead. And between. I think it's me, my two brothers, and my sister. Between us is, like, 10 kids. [00:03:40] Speaker A: Oh, that's the family reunion. [00:03:42] Speaker B: So. So by the time they get up, by the time they get of age and I think of those kids, we got like a couple of them in their early 20s. So by the time they get a little bit further along. Yeah, it'll start when they start having kids and stuff like that. [00:04:01] Speaker C: My boys don't know all of their cousins, and for some of my cousins, I want to keep it that way. Yeah, that's fair. But, you know, I. I would like to get it started again, especially since I. I told you I lost my mom really young. [00:04:15] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:04:15] Speaker C: Especially my mom's side. We don't do anything. So I really want them to know that side because it's not a lot of us, but on my dad's side, we do get together, but my immediate family, first cousins, aunties and stuff, we're huge with just them. So the extended. It's not really needed, but. [00:04:31] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, we think we planning it for Myrtle. Just. It's the first one, so we're probably gonna go like Myrtle beach and then. [00:04:38] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:39] Speaker B: And then because I don't have any family here, so all of them come in here. You know, I do the hosting the first time, so is what it is. So we're gonna go ahead and get into our favorite segment here. This either. Or. [00:04:54] Speaker C: Let me get ready. [00:04:55] Speaker B: Oh, my God. These are. These are easy. These are simple. I did not do nothing difficult. [00:05:01] Speaker C: You know, we need to do one time. We could ask him the questions because. [00:05:04] Speaker B: But I. Answer the questions. [00:05:06] Speaker C: But I'm saying we need to do our version of questions for you. [00:05:08] Speaker A: Right. [00:05:09] Speaker B: Well, when y' all come with them, then sure. [00:05:12] Speaker C: Okay. [00:05:12] Speaker B: All right. First one. Start over with your ex or take a chance on someone new. [00:05:18] Speaker A: Take a chance on someone new. [00:05:22] Speaker B: That was quick. [00:05:23] Speaker A: On someone, yes. [00:05:26] Speaker B: Rather the devil you don't know than the devil you know. [00:05:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:30] Speaker B: Okay. Financial security or emotional security? [00:05:38] Speaker A: Financial. Let me tell you something. Spectrum don't care if you love me or not. They want their money. [00:05:46] Speaker B: Okay, so financial security over? Emotional security. [00:05:49] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. [00:05:52] Speaker C: Because without financial security, my emotions gonna be. [00:05:55] Speaker B: No, I'm talking about the person that you're with. [00:06:00] Speaker A: Listen, if we broke my emotions, it's gonna be different kind of emotions. If we broke. Like, that ain't. No, it's not. [00:06:07] Speaker C: Like, either way, the emotions gonna be messed up. [00:06:09] Speaker A: Yeah. So. No. [00:06:10] Speaker B: Okay. Date someone who is emotionally available but not your type or your type who's emotionally unavailable. [00:06:24] Speaker C: I'm gonna take someone who's emotionally available but not my type because. Just because he's not my type originally, I can get to know him. Yeah, because I don't think I. I think I have a type, but, no, I don't. I don't know. I don't even know if I have a type. I just know I ain't gay. That's all I can tell you. I'm not gay. [00:06:52] Speaker B: How did we even end up there? [00:06:54] Speaker C: I'm saying I thought I had a type, but I don't think I really have a type. I just know I prefer one Anatomy over the other. [00:07:05] Speaker B: Angel. What's yours? Angel. I don't know how you can follow that up, but. [00:07:11] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. Let me see. I feel like I would have to [00:07:17] Speaker C: say [00:07:20] Speaker A: emotionally developed, but not my type. Okay, because. And. And I'll say this. The reason why I say this, maybe I've been going for my type and it ain't been working. So maybe I need to switch it up a little bit. Yeah, I. No, I did. And all my friends and I know when they see this, and my sons, too. It's not that I was going for that type. It's just like, they always seem to find me, like, Right. All. All the time. All of them. And then I'm like, dang. I don't know. Anyway. Yep. [00:08:00] Speaker B: Okay. All right, you got two more. Be with someone. Who, me? [00:08:05] Speaker A: Yeah, you. [00:08:06] Speaker B: Date someone who's emotionally available or not your type or Your type who's emotionally unavailable. My type who's emotionally unavailable. I got. Huh? [00:08:17] Speaker A: Why? [00:08:18] Speaker B: I ain't with all that emotion stuff anyway. [00:08:20] Speaker C: Huh? [00:08:21] Speaker B: I'm not with all that emotion stuff anyway. [00:08:23] Speaker A: So. [00:08:23] Speaker B: Like all that. But so. [00:08:27] Speaker A: So you just want to, like, have like a whole bunch of relationships? Like, what if. No, no, no. [00:08:32] Speaker B: It'd be the same. It'd be the same relationship. Oh. The next thing, like, the next relationship I get into is marriage. So I'm not even. Even if they're emotionally unavailable. We just gonna be two emotionally married people, unavailable people for the rest of our life. [00:08:45] Speaker A: That is crazy insane to me. [00:08:48] Speaker C: Wow. [00:08:50] Speaker B: Hey, listen, that's insane. But. But because. And the only reason I say that is because you gotta be. Well, I guess that question is. I guess I have to go the other way then, because. And the only reason I changed my answer. And I hate changing my answer, but the only reason I changed my answer was. I'm looking at the wording now. You're a type. So I don't have a type. So since I don't have a type as long as I'm attracted to him, [00:09:16] Speaker A: the looks fade, though, as long as I'm. [00:09:18] Speaker B: Oh, no. Hey, listen, we gotta get to the table first. We got everybody who says looks fade. It's about what's on the inside and not the outside. All that stuff. You're lying. [00:09:35] Speaker A: Looks too fast. [00:09:36] Speaker B: Use a liar. And the devil ain't in you. And the truth ain't in you. You want to know why? Because you gotta be. Nobody could tell me. And I'm only speaking on. I'm not speaking on somebody you work with, a friend. I'm not talking about somebody you know. I'm talking about somebody walks up to you. You're out to eat, or you're at the grocery store and somebody walks up to you and. And approaches you. If you don't find them attractive. Oh, no, baby, I'm sorry. You might not be rude, you might not be mean, but you gonna find a way to land the plane and leave because you're not attracted to them. You don't know them from the camera. You don't know what the inside is. [00:10:11] Speaker C: You. [00:10:12] Speaker B: And then the fact that you don't know will make it even worse. I don't know you and you unattractive. [00:10:17] Speaker C: But there have been situations where you have encountered some. [00:10:20] Speaker B: Someone has not. [00:10:21] Speaker C: Say, for instance, like, you work with them and you don't. [00:10:24] Speaker B: That's why I'm taking out. Like I said, I'm taking out work. [00:10:28] Speaker C: Okay? [00:10:29] Speaker B: I'm taking out. I'm speaking. I'm speaking on. [00:10:33] Speaker C: Just a brief moment. [00:10:34] Speaker B: Just like, why do people get in your inbox? Because they find you attractive? Because they liked your pictures on social media, not knowing you've been using filters. [00:10:45] Speaker A: That's crazy. [00:10:46] Speaker B: I've been there. [00:10:46] Speaker A: I mean, a good filter is cute every once in a while. Mouth. [00:10:49] Speaker B: Yeah, but when you always got a filter or the angle is always your face. [00:10:52] Speaker A: But I do whole body pics, baby. [00:10:56] Speaker B: I'm just saying. I. Hey, listen, they out there. [00:10:58] Speaker A: The fish be cat at 46. [00:11:01] Speaker B: Okay, the fish be catting. But like I said, I think that people like you, you get caught up in this. Oh, well, you know, it's what's on the inside. When you meet a person, you don't meet the inside. It's whatever is outside. You're attracted to whatever it is outside. It's not as. It's the way they dress. It's the way the hair might be cut. The way the hair might be done. If you're, you know, for a man to a woman or man to man or whatever you decide or whatever you are. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's an attraction that caused you to want to say you've never looked at somebody that was unattractive and said, ooh, he fine, or I want to holler at him, or whatever you got. That's not happening. You can't. You can't. Okay, so. So you dated ugly people. Ugly person before. [00:11:48] Speaker A: Okay, so listen. [00:11:49] Speaker B: Answer my question first. [00:11:50] Speaker A: No. [00:11:51] Speaker B: So have you dated an ugly person before? [00:11:53] Speaker A: Yeah, he was not. He was not attracted at all. But he kept asking me out, so I was like, hey, what the heck? He was. [00:11:59] Speaker B: Oh, so he hit you with the Steve Urkel? [00:12:01] Speaker A: No. [00:12:01] Speaker B: See, that's your fault. [00:12:02] Speaker C: Steve. [00:12:02] Speaker A: No. [00:12:03] Speaker C: Wasn't that ugly, right? [00:12:05] Speaker A: No. So listen, like, he been asking me out. [00:12:07] Speaker B: I'm talking about the Steve Urkel effect, where you just keep act. Even though you keep getting turned down. Turned down? Turned Turner. Yeah, but when you keep. But if. If you keep. First off, if you keep turning me down. I'm not asking. Maybe two, twice. It was. [00:12:20] Speaker A: It was sporadic for like the past three, four years. He been like, hey, you know, like, he'll just hop in and hop out and then really, like, you know, hey, like, you know, just trying to see what's up. You want to know? So. [00:12:32] Speaker B: So what happened when you saw what's up? [00:12:35] Speaker A: We went out in. He said we shopping. His money look good to me. [00:12:42] Speaker B: My point exactly. My point exactly. My point exactly. My point exactly. You was attracted to his. It was something about him that you found attractive. So you can't say he was ugly. It was something that you was attracted to as a part of him. [00:12:58] Speaker A: His physical appearance is not. [00:12:59] Speaker B: No, but. But you. But you didn't get to know his inside. You knew his money. He took you. [00:13:04] Speaker A: No, I didn't, to be honest. [00:13:06] Speaker B: Okay. Did he get to a second. Did he get to a second date? [00:13:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:09] Speaker B: And the third? And the third? [00:13:12] Speaker A: No, not yet. Because we did. No. [00:13:14] Speaker B: Oh, not yet. [00:13:16] Speaker A: Listen, shopping is always a good time. I. Let me tell you something. [00:13:22] Speaker C: He might be watching this podcast. Don't let him talk to you about your shopping sprees. [00:13:25] Speaker A: Now let me tell you something. [00:13:28] Speaker B: Tell me again. [00:13:31] Speaker A: He. I didn't know. I met him, like years ago. Like, years, years ago. And I kind of figured out he was a. A good person because he was at one of my cousin's parties. And my cousin is very selective on the people that he deals with. Like, I. Everybody at that party was connected to him in a. [00:13:52] Speaker B: Okay, let me tell you something. I. I don't mean to interrupt your story here. I got people in my circle that. In my circle, it's people that I trust that I know that. Whatever. Whatever. And I know if I gotta call them, hey, bro, we got a problem. Guns on the way. It ain't nothing. No, no, no. What I'm saying is I trust those people around me and those people trust the people around me. But I got by three homeboys could not date my sister for no reason or nothing like that. So to say that by association, I [00:14:25] Speaker A: didn't even know I went on a date with him, honestly. [00:14:27] Speaker B: Until now. [00:14:29] Speaker C: Until now. [00:14:30] Speaker B: But, but. But. Continue. [00:14:31] Speaker A: So he c. He wasn't talk you [00:14:34] Speaker C: into getting out your. [00:14:36] Speaker A: He wasn't being mean. He wasn't being. He was persistent. [00:14:40] Speaker C: And then. [00:14:41] Speaker B: So persistence is attractive. Oh, persistence plus money. [00:14:46] Speaker A: Sometimes. It was the way I was feeling that day. [00:14:48] Speaker B: Persistence plus money. [00:14:49] Speaker A: I didn't. But here's the thing. I didn't know he had. But when he asked me out again, he was like, hey, you want to go hang out at such and such? And I was like, I gotta do. Why not? So I went. I did not know he had one until we met at a. A place. And then I saw his car and I was like, okay, cool. And then we went to a. A big mall. It was like, lots of shopping. And I was like, hey, I need to run in here right quick to see. And he's like, okay. And so I went in There. And I was like, oh, I like those shoes. And I was like, oh, I like those earrings. And I was like, oh, that is a nice purse. So I was like, don't want to get the purse or the shoes. Which one? He was like, just get all of them. And I was like, first of all, you don't even know my budget. How you gonna tell me what to get? And he was like, get all of it. Like I got it. And then I was like, okay, he [00:15:47] Speaker B: knew your love language. [00:15:48] Speaker A: That was it. [00:15:48] Speaker B: Your love language. [00:15:49] Speaker A: Money know that he didn't. [00:15:52] Speaker B: How did he know he got to [00:15:53] Speaker A: a second date and that was the first date. [00:15:55] Speaker B: No, no, no, no, no, no. I said he got to a second date. [00:15:57] Speaker A: That was our first date. I had, it was within before. [00:16:00] Speaker B: Okay, but let me ask you the [00:16:01] Speaker A: time I got out of my car, from the time we walked in the mall, it was 10 minutes. [00:16:05] Speaker B: So the date, it was only 10 minutes. [00:16:06] Speaker A: I was at the register with. [00:16:09] Speaker B: So, so basically 20 minutes into the date, he spent money on Y. Y, absolutely. [00:16:15] Speaker A: Yeah. 20 minutes. [00:16:18] Speaker B: So that got him to the second date. [00:16:20] Speaker A: Okay, but I don't think he's cute. [00:16:23] Speaker B: But you went, but you went again because you were attracted to his money. Like I said, you have to be attracted to something about the person. [00:16:31] Speaker A: Yeah, well, whatever. Next question. [00:16:35] Speaker B: Yeah, I, I, I'm right. [00:16:38] Speaker A: If you want. [00:16:39] Speaker B: Oh no, it's not. Cuz I want to be because I am. All right. Would you like. Do you want to be needed or wanted? [00:16:51] Speaker A: Both. [00:16:51] Speaker C: Both. [00:16:53] Speaker B: That's, that's not the way we play this game. [00:16:56] Speaker A: We can't say both. Dang. What, what about, what about of Monday, Wednesday and Friday? I want to be. [00:17:05] Speaker B: It's, it's either or so either I [00:17:09] Speaker C: want you to need to want me. [00:17:13] Speaker A: That was a good one. [00:17:14] Speaker B: That's why dating women is so hard. [00:17:16] Speaker A: Jesus, let me see. [00:17:17] Speaker C: Date a man then. [00:17:19] Speaker B: I don't, I don't go that way [00:17:20] Speaker A: cuz at this point I just said [00:17:22] Speaker B: dating women is hard. That's all I said. That did not, I did not say, I did not say anything else. [00:17:27] Speaker C: I'd rather be needed. Honestly, I'd rather be needed. I want to know that I bring value to your life. [00:17:33] Speaker A: I think I want to be wanted. Ah. Because I feel like when you need something after you fulfill that need, then one, then what? Like I want you to actually want to be here. I feel like. Is that. [00:17:53] Speaker B: No. Well, I'm not saying I disagree. [00:17:56] Speaker A: I want to be wanted, but my, I want you to want me. [00:17:59] Speaker B: My, my grandma said There's a difference between needs and wants. Wants are things like, you know, I want a new pair of shoes. I, I want McDonald's. [00:18:15] Speaker A: I want, love that. [00:18:16] Speaker B: You know, a need, A need is like breathing, it's like eating, it's like whatever. So I want to be somebody's need. I want somebody to need me. Because when, when, when you're needed, you're more valued than when you're wanted. When you're needed, you are appreciated. You are valued a lot more than when you are wanted. And I think that I've. I think I felt needed in maybe only one of my relationships ever in my entire life. Everything else has been want. [00:18:52] Speaker A: Okay, let me ask you. So say like you want to get like I know how men are in like cars and they go out and buy like this and they trick the car. You didn't need to do that. You wanted it. So like you treat like I have seen God treat their cars like, better than their, like I'm like, they praise their cars like they pray and it's like they didn't need it, they wanted it. Okay, you know how like you want something so bad and it's like after that and then you got it, it's like it becomes precious to you because you wanted it. [00:19:31] Speaker C: I agree with what you're saying, but I also feel like once a temporary. It's like you said, if you want to use that analogy as a car. But what happens when a new model, what happens when a new model come out and you realize that now I want that new model what you do [00:19:46] Speaker A: with the old one and then that's okay. And just like when you need something, like I need it something the other day, but guess what? I use it and I don't need it no more. [00:19:55] Speaker B: But a want, I just feel like a want. And I'm not trying to, I guess persuade, but I just feel like a want is more of a. Like she said, like Chanel said, it's more of a temporary situation. If you want something once you get it, it's like, okay, something you need. And when. I mean need is not. I need it till I use it. I need it. Like we, we use. We. We use air. We use air. We. We have air. We need air every single day. It does not matter. We need the oxygen that is bestowed. So that's what it is. We need to eat every day. We need to. You know what I'm saying? We may not want to, cuz some of us, you know, but we need to for nutritional to be alive. You Said what? Yeah, yeah, but appreciate y'. [00:20:46] Speaker C: All. [00:20:46] Speaker B: Appreciate y' all for playing. Well, we got a advice letter today, so I'm gonna go ahead and get into reads. Please don't. Dear relationship status, Please don't tell my name. But I have a question I wanna ask. Here's my question. I want a serious relationship with someone who actually wants to be in a relationship. But my issue is I tend to rush the process when I really like someone, and I think I scare the man off. How do I stop this? Also, I enjoy sex, and I don't want to be in a situationship. So if he isn't ready to commit, I will not open my legs to him. Is that wrong? I feel so out of touch with how the dating process works. Please help me. So, I mean, personally, you know, I kind of. And I wrote some notes down here. I said, I think this letter represents a lot of people in today's dating world. People want love, but nobody wants to feel pressured. They don't want to feel that. Everybody wants to feel it. But you can get with a person and they just push and push and push and push. And sometimes that becomes an unattractive quality. And they. When they're trying to push you or not push, they're trying to pull you towards them, they end up pulling too hard, which automatically pushes you away. [00:22:23] Speaker A: Totally agree with that. Totally. [00:22:30] Speaker C: I think on the other side of that, I think some people have this stigma of thinking that, especially for women, you have to play hard to get. That this whole mouse game of play [00:22:46] Speaker B: hard to get you getting. Play silly games, you get silly prizes. [00:22:49] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? And I think, you know, I. I have been. I. I said this before. I'm not aggressive. I don't like that man. Because the way he gotta look is. You know what? I am not aggressive. I'm talking to you. We're gonna have a conversation here. I'm not aggressive, but I am a very persistent person. And if I like something, you know, I believe in going headstrong about it, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to push somebody away. But I also understand that you're supposed to pace yourself. But, you know, we have been told before, you know, you gotta let the man chase you. You gotta pull back. Don't be so available or whatever. [00:23:31] Speaker A: Like, I have heard people that, like, [00:23:33] Speaker C: made up these rules that if you call me, I can't answer the phone right away, or I can't respond to your text message or whatever. Like, why do we have to play this cat and mouse game of I'm being too available or I'm being too responsive or whatever. I mean, I don't know how to jump on that situation or how to stop it, but I do get it that some people do feel like you're pushing or you're trying to gravitate a person towards you just because you're being too responsive. Really? You're just trying to give your energy. Yeah. [00:24:10] Speaker A: I just feel like if they. You said that they both want to be in a relationship. [00:24:15] Speaker B: No, she was saying she does she. Does she. Yeah, she wants to be in a relationship. And she's. I think she's dating. She didn't. She wasn't real close clear about it, but I think she's in the process of dating and is out there dating and is kind of trying to figure out how to navigate because she wants to be in a relationship. And so if you. If you want to be in a. And I wouldn't say she sounds like me, per se, because I'm not saying that I want a relationship tomorrow, but I am intentional, and I know that I do want that at some point. So I move kind of in that way. And if the person doesn't, I try to put up with it for as long as I can. And then once I realize that there's a can't, then that I'm not the one. Because I. I, like I said on the last show, on the last episode, I truly believe that the right person changes your mind. [00:25:10] Speaker C: Right. [00:25:11] Speaker B: The right person changes whatever it is. And if me being who I am and the person that I am is just not enough to make you feel like, hey, yeah, I could see that's a possibility, then I'm just wasting my time and spending my wheels. Because at the end of the day, at some point, that is what I would like to have. So I am a little bit, I guess. But what really is moving too fast? Like, how do we gauge moving too [00:25:37] Speaker A: fast about opening her leg? It was something about the. [00:25:41] Speaker B: Oh, we'll get to that. Well, she talked about having sex. [00:25:43] Speaker A: Right. So I was trying to get. Go ahead, answer the. Yeah. What did she say about that? [00:25:48] Speaker B: She said, I enjoy sex and I don't want to be in a situationship. So if he isn't ready for a relationship, I will not open my legs to him. [00:25:58] Speaker A: Okay. [00:25:59] Speaker B: Is that wrong? [00:25:59] Speaker C: She has that right. [00:26:00] Speaker A: Yeah, she has that right. Like, not to. If you are feeling somebody and they're not giving you the same energy, why would you have sex with them? Like, I mean, well, some People just do it for sport. [00:26:17] Speaker C: So. And let's be real. You can end up having sex with someone and sex be enjoyable and you get caught up in the physical and just push aside what you really want just because you enjoy the physical. [00:26:30] Speaker A: Right. [00:26:30] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? That's how you get stuck in situationships when, and you just. I enjoy what it, what pleasure is bringing me. So I stay right here. [00:26:38] Speaker A: You do that little thing I like and I do that little thing you like and then it just, and it's [00:26:41] Speaker C: very easy to slip into that. So I get it why I don't want to open my legs because I know how easy I can get caught up in just that. Right. [00:26:49] Speaker A: And especially because she says she enjoys sex. [00:26:52] Speaker C: It sound like she's being very much self aware of. I know I can slip into. [00:26:56] Speaker A: Right. So I don't want to go down that road. I get. Listen sis, if you're not feeling it, don't do it. If we all have a gut feeling, if you're, if already, if you're questioning it, that means don't do it, right? If, if when you woke up and this question was in your head and you was going back and forth, don't do it, don't do it. Just, just, just wait the feeling to come. [00:27:25] Speaker B: So if a person is with you and they enjoy you and they enjoy being with you and everything, they're enthusiastic about you, is that attractive or is that overwhelming? [00:27:38] Speaker C: That's attractive to me. [00:27:42] Speaker B: That what I'm saying. Be happy. I mean like don't, don't we want to be wanted or want to be needed? [00:27:48] Speaker C: But when is okay? Like she brought up the fact of pushing or maybe she didn't use those words. Maybe we put those words in about, you know, pushing him or, or however we said it. Anyway, when, when is it okay to say, hey, I want to go on a date with you? You know, and it doesn't feel like I'm doing too much, you know what I'm saying? [00:28:11] Speaker B: And that was my, well, my question is, you know, why is showing interest sometimes viewed negatively? [00:28:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:18] Speaker B: To women. Because this is a question just to women. [00:28:22] Speaker A: I literally like, literally less than 24 hours ago, I just, me and one of my best friends, hey, Alyssa. We were just texting back and forth and we kind of had like the same thing. It was like the more sometimes when you show men that you like and that's when they start showing their ass. Like before, like when you were trying to, I, I, I promise you, like when they was doing like the whole chase thing. And then I'm like, no, I'm good. Like, you was persistent. Like, you was. Hey, like, you ate lunch today. Like you was doing this because you was trying to get me. But then when I start showing some an. That's when you start showing. [00:29:03] Speaker C: We have talked about that for the last couple. Been on here every single time. [00:29:07] Speaker A: I don't get it. [00:29:09] Speaker C: Start off doing strong about it, and we're like, okay, this. [00:29:13] Speaker A: And that's what. And that's where the hesitation. She lit. No, she. And I'm not going to put her business out. She literally just had the situation. This guy was trying to get. [00:29:24] Speaker C: I hope that camera's on your face. [00:29:25] Speaker A: To know her. No, because if trying to get to know her and all these things, like, hey, you know, you good. I want to take care of. But then the minute she starts like, you know what? [00:29:37] Speaker C: Saying, hey, like you. [00:29:39] Speaker A: She said. She said that she called him and was like, hey, let's go do such and such. Like, hey, I wanna. Like, I wanna go do this. Now you busy. But three weeks ago, like, every time we talk, you available. But now, like, come on. That's why. So now she's starting to show the interest. So now he automatically busy. Now what. [00:30:02] Speaker C: What happened? Explain it as a man. [00:30:04] Speaker A: Yeah, I want you to explain that because I can show you the text message. First off, I want to know first [00:30:10] Speaker B: off, I don't know where these dudes that y' all be dealing with are because none of the people. No, I asked. No, the question. The question. No, no, the question I asked. Not that. See, what you heard and what I said was two different things. The question I asked was, why is showing interest When a man shows interest, some to women sometimes viewed negatively. That's what I said. Not. Not the reverse. When a man shows interest, why is it viewed negatively? [00:30:41] Speaker A: I thought you said women. [00:30:43] Speaker B: No, no, no, no, no. I said this is a. I said. No, I said, listen. Once again, what I said and what I heard and what y' all heard is two different things. I said this question. This question is for women. So that means it's about men. It's your view about men. But if you want me to ask. You want me to ask. But if you want me to. But if you want me to ask. But if you want me to answer that question, if you want me to answer the question that you're asking me, because I'm actually listening. [00:31:10] Speaker C: Oh, he made me sick. [00:31:12] Speaker A: And I was shady. [00:31:13] Speaker C: Yes. [00:31:16] Speaker B: I don't know these people, so I cannot answer the question. I don't know where you. I don't know where you find these guys at. Like, I don't know where you find these dudes at. If you show me interest, I'm all in. Like, you don't have to worry about me being too busy because if you. In the getting to know me stage, you understand how busy I am, right? You know how busy I am. I'm podcast and I'm coaching, I'm teaching, I'm this and I'm that, and I got my kids. Like, you know how busy I am. So if I make time for you, if you say, hey, we're gonna do this, hey, you, I don't hesitate to pick up. There's times where I'll be like, y' all rather text than talk on the phone because I've been. Whatever. And I'm rest. Like, I think Yesterday I drove 3 hours at 6 in the morning and then drove 3 hours back. Got back home about 2 o'. Clock. I got into bed. I don't want to talk to nobody. I turned on Bridgerton. Don't get me started. I turned on Bridgerton and, and, and I went. I was in and out of sleep. First off, season four is my favorite season, so season four is my favorite season ever. I just finished season four so immaculate. But anyway, it's the best storyline out of all of them. Anyway, but, but anyway. But I was, I was on Facebook about it the whole night. Like, I was like, why am I watching this? But so in those moments, yeah, nah, but you're gonna know that I'm still respectful of the fact that you're there and you're communicating with me. So I' ma still communicate. I'm not going sometimes I might leave you a little bit of red, but just. I leave my read receipts on for a reason. And the reason I leave them on is that, you know, I. I got it. I will respond when I can. In this moment, I just couldn't respond. Some people don't put the re. Receipts on anyway. That's neither here nor there. But for that, I don't know. These dudes, these dudes are not men. They are boys. They are people who cannot take. You ask, ask, ask, ask, ask. And once you get. It's a game, though, for those guys, it's a game. It's the catch and release. It's like fishing for sport, not for not to eat. You know what I'm saying? I'm a reel it in. [00:33:21] Speaker C: Boom. [00:33:22] Speaker B: I got it. Oh, my God. That was a fun time. I was out Here with my beer, I'm gonna throw it back. You know what I'm saying? I'm not fishing to eat. Those guys are not fishing to eat. They're not hunting to eat. They're hunting for sport. And that's. And, but, but you gotta use your own women. Y' all gotta use your discernment as well. Like, you know whether a dude isn't being intentional about being and spending time with you. You could tell from the conversation. You could tell from the lack thereof. You could tell from the inconsistency sometimes in the conversation. And then sometimes you can. Like, y' all swear to God your woman intuition ain't wrong. But then you come here and talk about how guys got over on you all the time. [00:34:04] Speaker C: But you know what? Sometimes it can get misconstrued. But, like what you said, you described about yourself, what you may do as far as leaving people on red or you're busy or whatever can sometimes look like the version of a guy who's just catching and release. [00:34:18] Speaker B: Well. Well. No, no, no, no. [00:34:20] Speaker C: Hear me out. [00:34:21] Speaker B: I'm listening. [00:34:22] Speaker C: Quiet the whole time. [00:34:25] Speaker B: Yeah, but you didn't. But you didn't. But you didn't because that means you didn't. But that means you didn't hear what I said. You didn't mean. That means you didn't hear what I said. That means you didn't hear what I said then. But go ahead. [00:34:34] Speaker C: What you said. [00:34:35] Speaker B: I'll wait. [00:34:36] Speaker C: All I'm saying is you got the. [00:34:37] Speaker B: You got the floor. [00:34:40] Speaker C: You sure? [00:34:40] Speaker A: Then there's me. [00:34:41] Speaker C: All I'm saying is sometimes, and I'm not speaking for me, I'm just saying we do have our discernment and we do have our women's intuition. But sometimes when you're trying to date intentionally, you find a guy who may actually have pure intentions and really do have interest and effort. But if his effort slips, it sometimes mirrors a guy who is just trying to hit. Because it looks the same when he's actually busy, he's chasing his career, he has kids, he has other goals of whatever, but because he's not readily available. Like this guy who was readily available when he first started talking to you. Sometimes it looks the same and you're ready to pull back. This guy that really likes you might think you're trying to be chased, but really you're just trying to protect your own feelings in your heart. [00:35:25] Speaker B: So whose fault is that? It's not my fault. [00:35:27] Speaker A: It's not really anybody. [00:35:28] Speaker C: It's just being guarded. [00:35:30] Speaker B: But. No but, but, but you're blaming. But you're blaming me. [00:35:33] Speaker C: I'm not blaming you. [00:35:34] Speaker B: No, no, I'm. No, I'm saying I'm talking. No, I'm speaking. No, no, no, no. I'm speaking. I'm speaking for the male. Like, we're talking. We're talking about male. We're talking about. Yeah, we're not talking about myself personally, but we're talking about men, women. Right? So in that sense, you're blank. Like, dude might be. He might cannot get to his phone. And you're saying the last dude that you dealt with when he didn't get to his phone, it turns out he was dealing with other women or he was just. He was just hunting for sport or whatever it is that we gonna say is the terminology today. This dude is genuinely busy and can't get to you right this moment. [00:36:08] Speaker C: What's wrong with communicating better? What's wrong with. [00:36:11] Speaker B: I am. When I got to. When I got the ability to talk, I talked. When I got the ability. When I got the moment in my day as a man, I'm answering for men myself as an eye. So when I. No. Well, a part of this is. A part of this is trauma. [00:36:29] Speaker C: Because we see you traumatized. [00:36:31] Speaker B: No, I am. Because people act like. People that I've dated act like I don't got nothing else to do. You know what I'm saying? And I think we don't respect each other's space. That's the first thing. We just don't respect each other's space. And you said a man pursues. You guys said, why is it that the man pursues, pursues, pursues, pursues, pursues. And then when you get him and you start to turn your attention to him, then now he withdraws. Well, like through all that pursuit. First off, I said it earlier. You play silly games, you get silly prizes. Why he had to pursue you so long before you gave him a chance? [00:37:22] Speaker A: Maybe we just not have been ready. Like, so I gotta be ready. Cause you ready. [00:37:26] Speaker B: No, but what I'm saying is. [00:37:29] Speaker A: No, you just asked what took so long. [00:37:31] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm saying ready. Okay, well, wait. Okay, well, then you say I'm not ready so he can move on, because [00:37:37] Speaker A: apparently that's his choice. [00:37:39] Speaker B: You stay. No, no, no, but that's what I'm saying. So then at what point do you think that he's gonna take you seriously? He's not gonna take you. [00:37:47] Speaker A: I said, okay, let's go. [00:37:48] Speaker B: He's not gonna take. Yeah, okay, cool. But I haven't been. I didn't I. Okay, y' all ever seen Eddie Murphy Raw? You ever heard he got a joke in there that talks about crackers and how if a woman makes you wait for a long time to have sex and you go. The first time. The first time you got it, it was like, oh, my God, this ain't no regular cracker. This is a Ritz cracker. It's the best thing I ever done had. And then after having that cracker for a couple of times for a little while, you know, I ain't got no Ritz cracker. I got a regular old saltine cracker. I got a regular crack. The heightened sense of it was the pursuit, because now the pursuit became the game. It did. It no longer became the want of you, and I became the need of you, and I became the want of you. Remember, we just referenced the needs and wants. It became the wants of you. And then. So then you. Because. Because of the. Because of the fact that you kept going, no, no, not right now. No, not right now. Maybe later. Whatever it is, you got to keep him on the hook. Whatever it was that you said or whoever it is that you are that kept him around when he got you, he's like, oh, she just a regular old girl. I spent all that time for this. I could be doing something else. So sometimes you could know your way right into that, and that's not your fault. And I'm not saying it's your fault, but you asked me for an explanation. But for some men, that's what it is for some men. Some men hunt for sport, not to eat. That's the first thing. All right? And in some, initially, it was real. And so what happens when you put somebody on a pedestal? Nine times out of ten, they fall off. So all these times you say it, huh? [00:39:30] Speaker A: Depends on who you ask. [00:39:32] Speaker B: No, I'm. Nine times out of ten, when you put somebody on the pedestal, they do something that knocks themselves off that pedestal. So when you have said all these no's, because. Why. Why would you do stuff as a kid? Because your parent. Because your parents whoop your ass if you. [00:39:46] Speaker A: If. [00:39:46] Speaker B: If you didn't know, whatever they told you not to. No, you can't date that boy or that girl when, guess what you do? You run out there and date the boy or the girl. No, you can't do this. When you go out and do it. So every time somebody tells you no, it makes you want it more until you get it. And then it's like, oh, it wasn't all that. You know what I'M saying, so that's why 90 days. That's why I don't think that 90 day rule stuff works. I don't think a lot of this stuff, these games that women and men are playing don't work. Because at the end of the day, if you are prolonging this thing, if you're drawing it out or you're making me want you more, even though it's unintentional, because I'm not saying that you're doing it intentionally. Some women do it intentionally. Some of y' all are like, seriously not ready. Don't want to date right now. I don't want to go out. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do that. No, no, no, no, no. But the more you say no, the more the man, oh, my God, I gotta have her. She. That no turns me on. [00:40:42] Speaker A: That's so weird to me. [00:40:43] Speaker B: It's not. It's. It's not weird. [00:40:44] Speaker A: It's weird. [00:40:47] Speaker B: No, because. [00:40:48] Speaker A: Because that's your opinion. [00:40:51] Speaker B: Having something, the whole thing becomes a tape. Why do you think people go after the careers the way they do? [00:40:58] Speaker C: Ain't a career. But. [00:40:59] Speaker B: No, I'm just saying. Why do you think I'm talking? No, because life is. Is life. [00:41:03] Speaker A: But it's so many different. Anything you don't tell you no, just move on. [00:41:08] Speaker B: Anything you can't. Anything you can't have, you're going to fight to get. [00:41:13] Speaker A: Why. But [00:41:16] Speaker C: I can see giving somebody false hope, and then they keep being persistent. But when you have outright told somebody, like, there's. [00:41:21] Speaker B: Okay, but, but, but, but. Chanel, what? Okay, can't. [00:41:27] Speaker A: Can we go. No. [00:41:28] Speaker B: Okay, now, now. Now, y'. All. Now, wait, hold on. Now we're moving the goal post. Nope. Now. Now we're moving to goal post, and I'm tell you why we're moving the goal post because I'm talking about the situations in which you've said no a couple of times and then said yes. That's all I'm talking about. I'm not talking about. I'm not talking about nothing else. I'm talking about why, in fact. Wants it to catch. Wants it to catch. They releases. Because you've told me no so many times that I've. That I've. [00:41:57] Speaker C: That. [00:41:57] Speaker B: That it's kind of. That it's kind of going, oh, oh, she said no again. Damn, I'm getting this time. Okay, I'm gonna get this. And then when you actually get to the date and it's like, are you actually able to get on the phone and have a conversation. And there's no conversation. There's this, there's that. I've put you all the way up here, and then I got you, and it's like, I use a regular old cracker. Like, I. I did all that for this. [00:42:24] Speaker C: I think the worst situation I've ever done was a guy that I knew that wanted to date me, but I was like, no, I don't want to date you, but I think you're a cool person. Like, we could be friends, and we were friends, but every now and then he would, you know, shoot his shot. Again, like, no, I told you we could be friends, but that was worse. And then I just stopped being friends with him. But my no still stayed. No, I've never dated anybody that I said straight up, like, no, it ain't me either. [00:42:48] Speaker A: I've never. Like, when I said no, [00:42:52] Speaker B: you just said earlier in the episode the boy that you. No, she did say she said no. She did say she said no. She said no until she said yes. We took her shopping. [00:43:03] Speaker A: Yeah, you're right. [00:43:03] Speaker C: I did say no. [00:43:05] Speaker B: Just that quick. [00:43:08] Speaker A: Let me. When I'm defending you, can I say why I said no? The first time we asked, you said he wasn't. You said he was ugly, he was not attractive. But the first time he asked me, I was married, so I couldn't go with him. [00:43:23] Speaker B: We didn't. We didn't get all that context. [00:43:25] Speaker A: So. So then context matters. [00:43:27] Speaker B: Context matter. So you would have said so you would have said yes the first time, [00:43:32] Speaker A: probably, but I was married twice. I don't know. No, you know, I don't know. That was a different me back then. So I don't know you. The first time he asked me, I said no because I had a whole husband, so I couldn't go with them. And then I think the second time might have been two years after that. [00:43:51] Speaker B: Like, usually I reserved this look for Chanel, but you. This is for you to say. [00:43:54] Speaker A: I really. So I couldn't go. And then it turns out I was like, I don't know if he that cute or not. Like, do I want to go? And I think maybe, hell, I was just bored. [00:44:04] Speaker C: Wow. [00:44:06] Speaker A: I wasn't doing anything that day. I wasn't booked. [00:44:11] Speaker B: Alrighty, so let's get to the next part of this letter. Is waiting for commitment before sex unrealistic in 2026? [00:44:22] Speaker C: It's not unrealistic, but it's. It's a hard one. [00:44:28] Speaker B: It's a hard one. [00:44:31] Speaker C: Oh, like that saying goes, once you open the floodgates. It's hard to close. It's hard, but I mean, it's not unrealistic. And I do feel like if you're being intentional about getting into a relationship that you have to have a cut off point and just having casual sex in order to get into a real relationship. I, I do believe that. [00:44:51] Speaker B: Okay. And I want to say, you know, not opening your legs is not punishment. It's just you're setting the boundary. You're setting the boundary and you're setting, and you're setting the standard for what you want. That's what I, that's what I believe. I think you just, you're just going, okay, look, I'm not gonna do this. Like, one of my boundaries. That's not one of them. But one of my boundaries is. [00:45:13] Speaker C: You said that's. [00:45:14] Speaker B: Yeah, no, one of my boundaries is not. I'm not moving in with you before we get married. [00:45:20] Speaker C: Yeah, I have that one too. [00:45:21] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm not moving in before we get married. [00:45:23] Speaker A: Why? [00:45:24] Speaker B: No, we're not living together. We're not cohabiting. [00:45:27] Speaker C: I would never ever live with nobody else. [00:45:29] Speaker B: No, no, I did it. It, it's, it, it. I've done it twice and it didn't work either time. [00:45:38] Speaker A: I've only done it once and then we did end up getting married. [00:45:42] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I mean, I, I. Nope. Let's. We'll, we'll find the, we'll find a house. We're gonna. No, I'm saying. Yeah, I just, I'm not gonna move [00:45:51] Speaker C: into somebody else if, if I'm going to live with someone. It's something we're going to establish together. [00:45:56] Speaker A: Not together. I'm not moving in your house. And now somebody gotta die. [00:46:02] Speaker B: Yeah, no, no. See, craziness. [00:46:05] Speaker A: You know what? Therapy, Work it all up. [00:46:11] Speaker C: So we all gonna be sitting up. Somebody couch. [00:46:13] Speaker B: What do you, what do you think is the reason that some people. I'm gonna go through some reasons here that people rush. All right. Do you think people rush because they're lonely? [00:46:23] Speaker C: Yes, that's part of it. [00:46:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:29] Speaker B: I was waiting on the answer. Because the people that's actually listening to the show can't see your head. [00:46:32] Speaker A: Yeah, but I had to think about [00:46:34] Speaker B: the way the whisper turned. Okay. [00:46:36] Speaker A: So, yeah, I think people do it because they're lonely. [00:46:38] Speaker C: I don't think it's the only reason. Of course. I mean, that's part of it. [00:46:40] Speaker B: Okay. How about fear someone else will take them? [00:46:45] Speaker C: What do you mean take them? [00:46:46] Speaker B: So like the person you're dating The. The person you're dating rushes you for fear that somebody else is going to get you. [00:46:55] Speaker C: I don't think that plays a major part. [00:46:57] Speaker A: I don't think so. [00:46:58] Speaker B: Okay. Past trauma. [00:47:00] Speaker C: Yes, yes, yes. [00:47:02] Speaker B: That is. I hate, I hate, like those terms, the hot button terms or whatever, what is it called? But trauma for sure. Finally meeting someone who checks all your boxes. [00:47:14] Speaker C: Yes, that'll be the number one reason. [00:47:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Check all my boxes, baby. Check all my boxes. This is one mostly for women than for men. I don't think men have one of these biological clock [00:47:36] Speaker C: to get into a relationship. Yeah, I don't know. That's a tricky one because age plays a game with that one. Younger people maybe so, but older, I don't think it has anything to do with that because once you reach a certain age, you've already had kids or you don't even want them anymore. [00:47:51] Speaker A: Right. So I can't even really answer the [00:47:54] Speaker C: whole biological question because that doesn't apply for. [00:47:56] Speaker A: I haven't. This. This store is closed. It went out of business. [00:48:02] Speaker C: The new saying, it's just a playground now. [00:48:04] Speaker A: Yeah. Like it went out of business. Like, ain't no kids coming, like 21 years ago. Like, it went out of business 21 years years ago. So, like, it is. It is a deserted island. Like, it's not. Nothing's coming out of this. [00:48:17] Speaker B: Okay, so are we falling for the person or the potential or finally having somebody. [00:48:24] Speaker C: Oh, all three, I think. I think people fall for potential way more than anything else. [00:48:35] Speaker B: I don't need no. I don't need nobody. That's potential. [00:48:38] Speaker C: Yeah, but I'm not saying that it's right. But I think a lot of people fall in love with potential before they actually fall for the person. [00:48:45] Speaker A: Because you know what I'm saying this way, if they not already that way they're not going to be Right. [00:48:50] Speaker B: My old coach used to say. My old mentor used to say potential just means you ain't did yet and people are just dating. Are you getting in relationships with people off of the possibility that something's going to happen? It's not the definitive. It's the possibility of what they can be. It's the possibility that they could do this, the possibility that they can do that or. I got a better one. The fantasy what this person has sold you on. [00:49:19] Speaker C: Okay, I'm gonna give you one since you're a coach. My son is in 8th grade playing football and I'm not even gonna. It is what it is. But anyway, the coaches on that team because my son didn't play wreck ball. He was new to that school, and he really could play, but they wasn't giving him a chance because they didn't know what he can do. So my brother went out there with him, was like, listen, kill. Like, just do everything you can. He's on defense. He was like, when it's time for you to hit, bust that boy loose, because I want him to see that you really can hit. I don't know football positions, so I can't take what he was playing. But he was tackling. My son. Hit that boy so freaking hard. His nose was beating. Boy, nose beat him. Like, when I say he ran through him like a freight train. He ran through him. After that moment, coaches was on him every day, drilling him. They wanted to push him so hard saying that, to say they saw the potential in him. So therefore, they wanted to keep pushing him to get more out of him, because now they see what he can do. Applying that to a relationship, once you show somebody what you can do, regardless whether you ever do it again, people will chase that potential because they saw for at least once that you can do it. We get stuck. A lot of women get stuck because we saw it at least once. [00:50:35] Speaker B: So then basically, so. So what you're telling me is women are liars. [00:50:41] Speaker C: I didn't say that. [00:50:41] Speaker A: What. [00:50:43] Speaker C: Where did you get that? [00:50:44] Speaker A: Out of that. [00:50:44] Speaker B: Well, let me. Let me. [00:50:46] Speaker A: Hold on. [00:50:46] Speaker B: Let me lay in the plane. No, let me land the plane. No, let me. [00:50:53] Speaker C: Let me. [00:50:54] Speaker B: No, let me. Let me land the plane. Let me land the plane. Let me land the plane. Let me land the plane. You said just now y' all fall for the potential because you saw something at least once. [00:51:06] Speaker C: I say a lot of times you stay around. [00:51:08] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Because you saw something at least. Did I misquote or did I misunderstand? Now I'm asking. Did I misunderstand? Am I. Did I miss? Did I misunderstand? No. Did I misunderstand? Just yes or no. Yes or no? Yes. [00:51:23] Speaker A: Okay. [00:51:24] Speaker B: All right. The number one thing when you ask women what they want or need in a relationship is. What is that? Communication is one. Right. What's the other thing? [00:51:38] Speaker C: Commitment for me. [00:51:39] Speaker B: No, what's the other thing? There's another C that all women say not commitment. [00:51:44] Speaker A: Clarity. [00:51:45] Speaker B: Now, all of that falls under commitment. [00:51:47] Speaker C: I got a lot of seeds. [00:51:48] Speaker B: Okay? [00:51:49] Speaker C: Y' all ain't gonna be. [00:51:50] Speaker B: I help y'. [00:51:51] Speaker A: All. Clarity. [00:51:54] Speaker C: You said communication come with that commitment. [00:51:59] Speaker B: There's one. All of y' all say there's one. All y'. [00:52:02] Speaker A: All. [00:52:02] Speaker B: Everybody Says the same thing. All the women say it. Consistency. [00:52:06] Speaker C: Oh, how did I forget that? Yeah, definitely. That's number one. Consistency. [00:52:11] Speaker A: You can be consistently. [00:52:13] Speaker B: No, no, no, no, no. Exactly. But you fall in love with the potential of somebody who showed you something once. But you want consistency. You didn't see the consistency to even believe in the potential. I landed that plane. Thank you very much. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. I appreciate you. All right, so now we're gonna answer some questions. I'm just saying I'm not a. Anyway, how long before exclusivity? [00:52:42] Speaker C: Huh? [00:52:42] Speaker B: How long should it be before exclusivity according to you? It's just rapid fire questions. Just. [00:52:49] Speaker A: That's hard to say because I don't know. I don't think it should be a timing on that. [00:52:54] Speaker C: Yeah, I don't. But if I, if I put a time on it, I'll say somewhere between the four to six months. [00:53:00] Speaker B: Okay. I was gonna say six months. [00:53:02] Speaker A: Yeah, I could see that anywhere between before and six months. [00:53:04] Speaker B: Okay. Can someone know they're your person in one month? No. [00:53:10] Speaker A: Yes. No for me. [00:53:14] Speaker C: Yes for me. Maybe not for everybody else. Cuz in one month I pretty much know rather I am digging that person or not. [00:53:22] Speaker B: No, it says that they're your person. Not whether you're digging, not if. Not if they're not if you're digging them or like them. Your person. [00:53:30] Speaker A: I was crazy enough to think that no lie within a week. [00:53:38] Speaker B: See, but like you. But you think you didn't know. [00:53:41] Speaker A: And after the like I didn't even when we exchanged phone numbers. Cuz first I don't save anybody's number on phone. [00:53:51] Speaker C: It's up to you to get saved. [00:53:53] Speaker A: Hallelujah. I don't save anybody's number in my phone. But within a week I saved his number in my phone. And I didn't put his name, I put my person. That's who we. He was always in my phone as my person because we didn't start off as a. A physical. It was nothing physical at all. So that wasn't what drew me to him at all. [00:54:28] Speaker B: So yeah, he ended up marrying him. [00:54:32] Speaker A: Huh? [00:54:32] Speaker B: You ended up marrying him? [00:54:33] Speaker C: No. [00:54:34] Speaker B: Oh, so he wasn't your person. [00:54:37] Speaker A: But I said I. But I said no. You said you thought I said I was crazy enough to think he was. [00:54:43] Speaker B: Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. But you. So you answered the question because I said no. Is it possible for a person to know? You said you thought whether a person in that moment. There's a difference between Thinking and knowing. [00:54:54] Speaker A: But what I'm saying to you is, in that moment, I. In that, like, I just knew it. Because he checked all the boxes. [00:55:03] Speaker B: Okay. [00:55:04] Speaker A: He checked all the boxes. Yeah. So I felt like I. I knew it. [00:55:12] Speaker B: All right, next one. Is sex before commitment ever a mistake? [00:55:15] Speaker A: No. [00:55:17] Speaker B: Okay. [00:55:19] Speaker A: I get committed to you, and I don't know if you can do that thing I like. Then I'm mad. No. Yeah, yeah. [00:55:26] Speaker B: Now does. [00:55:26] Speaker A: No. [00:55:27] Speaker B: And then the flip side of that [00:55:29] Speaker A: is you gotta try your car out before you buy it. [00:55:32] Speaker B: Try before you buy. [00:55:34] Speaker A: Right. [00:55:35] Speaker B: Does waiting increase the relationship success? [00:55:38] Speaker C: Waiting for sex? [00:55:40] Speaker A: Yes. [00:55:41] Speaker B: Does it increase it increase relationship success? The success of the relationship. Okay, what's one dating red flag that people ignore? Because for women. Consistency. [00:56:03] Speaker A: Not living by yourself. Not living by yourself. [00:56:06] Speaker C: We don't pay attention to consistency. Until there ain't none. [00:56:09] Speaker B: Till there ain't none. Oh, my God. He showed it to me one time. [00:56:12] Speaker A: By yourself. [00:56:14] Speaker C: Sorry. [00:56:15] Speaker B: Okay. Oh, that's just. No. Women. Women look past that. Men don't. [00:56:20] Speaker A: Women look past. [00:56:22] Speaker C: You say it's a red flag. [00:56:23] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Women look past. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I agree. Men don't. What's one green fan? One green flag that people overlook. I got it. I'mma wait for y' all to answer. [00:56:38] Speaker A: Attentive. [00:56:39] Speaker C: This. Yes, I agree with that one. [00:56:44] Speaker A: Being attentive. [00:56:47] Speaker B: Being attentive for me. [00:56:50] Speaker C: Because being attentive, like, it's like me telling you something very minuscule and you actually remember. [00:56:56] Speaker B: No, we're talking about stuff that people overlook. So what's a green flag that they. That people consider. [00:57:01] Speaker A: You can. [00:57:02] Speaker C: If you're being attentive and you know what I'm saying? And you. You don't even realize the person is really paying that much attention. [00:57:07] Speaker A: Right. You really doing it. [00:57:08] Speaker C: It's very positive that they are. [00:57:10] Speaker A: And you don't even realize I would say attention. Yeah. [00:57:14] Speaker B: Okay. All right. So, angel, let's give this young lady some advice. She asked. She asked us two questions, and we kind of covered it, but let's go. Final words. Her first question was, how does she stop rushing into stuff? [00:57:33] Speaker A: Just pace yourself. Like you don't. Like. It's okay if. If you feel like that person is there for you, it's gonna come. But if you feel like you have to rush it in order for him to stay, then he wasn't your person in the first place. [00:57:47] Speaker B: What about. What about you, Chanel? [00:57:52] Speaker C: I think. I don't. First of all, I don't think she's talking about somebody. She's dating. I think she's just trying to prepare herself for the dating life. I think in order to stop what you're doing is to just. [00:58:04] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:58:04] Speaker C: Pace yourself and take a moment to think through your decisions before you act on them. Like, whenever you're ready to communicate with this person texting or calling, take a moment to think through what you're going to say and rather that communication is really needed at that time. Slow it down a little. Little bit. [00:58:23] Speaker B: Okay. And I get we talked about it at length, but is it wrong to, you know, keep the legs closed until you have commitment? [00:58:30] Speaker A: No, those are. That's your personal boundaries that you are setting. Absolutely. Yeah. No set boundaries. [00:58:38] Speaker C: That's going to work for you and your lifestyle. There's no right or wrong. [00:58:42] Speaker A: It's not. [00:58:43] Speaker C: It's. It's going to be wrong if it doesn't work. [00:58:45] Speaker A: That is your body. Nobody can tell you. [00:58:47] Speaker C: Right. [00:58:48] Speaker A: What to do with your body is yours. [00:58:52] Speaker B: That's. That's a valid. That's really valid. [00:58:54] Speaker A: It's yours. [00:58:56] Speaker B: All right, I got my answer here. I was trying to see what we had on social media. Okay. People didn't comment. Just, I guess I read mine. So I'm going have to cut that out. All right, all right, homegirl, let me help you. Stop telling these men you want a relationship. You're interviewing them for a position before they even know if they want the job. Let him wonder if he's good enough for you, and don't announce that you're not having sex until commitment. That's like putting the security system on the front lawn. The people who are going to break in just figure out another way. Keep your standards, but stop making speeches about them. Here's the real problem. You're dating every man like he's your future husband by date number three. Slow down. Make him earn access to your feelings the same way he has to earn access to your body. And, fellas, don't get mad because she won't open her legs. If commitment scares you more than celibacy, then you're not looking for a girlfriend. You're looking for a free trial. Stop chasing. Stop auditioning. Stop trying to convince a man to choose you. If you have to rush him into a relationship, Congratulations. You just adopted a grown man. And trust me, nobody wants to raise a boyfriend. [01:00:11] Speaker C: Cool. Good answer. [01:00:12] Speaker B: Yeah, thank you. I try from time to time. Whatever. Nah, I gave better answers than y'. All did. I tell you that? All right, once again, y', all, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for joining me on the Show. I really appreciate you ladies coming through. [01:00:32] Speaker C: Say anything about your shorts, you ain't going to show off. [01:00:34] Speaker B: Hey, man, n. The shorts. The shorts were shorting today. [01:00:37] Speaker C: Oh, okay. [01:00:38] Speaker B: The shorts was doing their thing today. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, y' all ain't reference. I'll never reference. I'll never reference my shorts. Y' all be. [01:00:45] Speaker A: Is that a cacti? [01:00:47] Speaker B: No, that's not a cacti. Hey, man, Good. Yeah, it's. It's oceans. Ocean. It's that ocean wear. It's that ocean. You know what I'm saying? [01:00:59] Speaker C: You know they actually are longer than this. [01:01:02] Speaker B: No, they long. They just. I was squeezed up in this chair. It was slid up in the chair. Yeah, it's the chair's fault today. Chanel, tell the people how they can find you on social media. [01:01:10] Speaker C: You can find me on Instagram at Nelly Poo. Underscore speaks. I'm on King B pod on YouTube, Spotify, and Facebook, and that's that. [01:01:22] Speaker A: Angel, you can find me on Facebook at Chrissy Solomon. Chrissy is C R I S S Y. And you can find me on instagram at a chrissy22. [01:01:35] Speaker B: Alrighty. And you can find us. You could make sure you follow us on all social media platforms. R E L S T A T podcast. If you want to join the conversation you want to get us, you want to email us, email us at R e L s t podcast gmail.com. make sure that you watch. As soon as this video is over, you go ahead and hit the subscribe button. Please subscribe. Subscribe. Subscribe. We. Oh. Shouts out to the 10 people that subscribed this past week. We really appreciate you. [01:02:02] Speaker C: Thank you. [01:02:03] Speaker B: We really appreciate you. [01:02:04] Speaker A: Bring a friend. [01:02:05] Speaker B: Yeah, tell a friend to bring a friend. We got you. [01:02:07] Speaker A: Might go on a date with you. I'm just kidding. [01:02:08] Speaker C: She will. [01:02:09] Speaker B: Oh, we. We about to. We about to go dating Angel. About to go. We about to go dating Angel. Hey, listen, y' all gonna keep on playing. I'm gonna come here with some relationship status shorts. [01:02:20] Speaker C: Yes. We gonna have this space on the middle. Middle is. [01:02:23] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Also, join the Patreon relationship status. Sorry, patreon.com backslash relationship status. There is a free tier. Go ahead and join it. But. Or you can join the tier for $5 a month. That's 17 cents a day. You spend more of that walking out the door. Until the next time, y'. All, it's your boy Yousef in the building and we are out. Peace.