249th Date: Is My Relationship a Red Flag?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Yes. You don't know which answer I'm going to give? [00:00:01] Speaker B: Yeah. You're going to say yes. Go ahead. [00:00:03] Speaker A: How do you know I'm going to say yes? [00:00:05] Speaker B: I'm just saying I, I, I just feel like this, this, that's like something you've done. I just feel like that's something that. [00:00:12] Speaker A: You want to do, right? Okay. No, I need for us to delve deeper before I answer this question into why it is that you think that's something I've done. [00:00:18] Speaker B: I think that everybody. [00:00:19] Speaker A: What about me makes you think that I have pushed away someone? [00:00:25] Speaker B: I'm going to use my context clues. Trendy baby. Yeah. [00:00:37] Speaker A: He said a curse word. He ain't even. What are you talking about? He say shag? Did he? [00:00:42] Speaker B: No, he didn't say shag. [00:00:43] Speaker A: Oh, are you trying to just speak your language? [00:00:45] Speaker B: I'm trying to speak the. Because it was in that British that, that, that English. [00:00:51] Speaker A: British dialect. [00:00:53] Speaker B: Is it a dialect? So what is, is it English or accent? So we speak English. What do they speak British? [00:00:59] Speaker A: They speak English. What I'm saying they have a different dialect of English. [00:01:06] Speaker B: No, because like in the islands, right, they speak patois. [00:01:09] Speaker A: Huh? [00:01:10] Speaker B: It's English, but it's pat. It's called patois. [00:01:12] Speaker A: It's a specific type of English. [00:01:13] Speaker B: Okay, so what is it? [00:01:15] Speaker A: But it's still a dialect. No, Some dialects have names. [00:01:18] Speaker B: Yeah, I know. So what's the dialect? For people that are. [00:01:21] Speaker A: Would you like us to go to Britain and ask the question? Maybe that's British. That'll make British English. [00:01:26] Speaker B: That'll make a good Patreon. [00:01:27] Speaker A: Actually, they. [00:01:30] Speaker B: That would make a good. [00:01:30] Speaker A: Patron all the way. We gonna fly all the way. England for the Patreon. [00:01:33] Speaker B: Oh, no, I'm not flying. I'll take a boat. [00:01:38] Speaker A: What? Why would you not fly? [00:01:41] Speaker B: I hate flying. Like anything over two and a half hours, I struggle. [00:01:45] Speaker A: If you don't get you, if you don't get on one of them fancy airways so you can lay down in a bed or something. That's what I'm doing when I go overseas. Like, overseas overseas. [00:01:54] Speaker B: Like where? Like Cambodia. [00:01:56] Speaker A: I'm not going to Cambodia. First off, you watch that dang on video and now you talking about Cambodia. Was Cambodia on your radar before? [00:02:04] Speaker B: Okay, I do want to visit Britain, though. Like, I want to go, I want to go to England. I watch a lot of English television. [00:02:12] Speaker A: I'm sleepy. I just, you know how you just sit down and it just happened? Okay. [00:02:22] Speaker B: I watch a lot of English. [00:02:24] Speaker A: Do you, you watch Bridgerton? [00:02:29] Speaker B: Am I a Woman. [00:02:32] Speaker A: There are not only women in Bridgerton. Richardson is a very good show. [00:02:37] Speaker B: Okay. [00:02:40] Speaker A: Support black women. [00:02:41] Speaker B: I'm supporting. [00:02:43] Speaker A: You know, you're not from afar. No, that's not support. That's not putting no money in her pocket. [00:02:47] Speaker B: I'm supporting from afar. Okay. Who's the. [00:02:50] Speaker A: Who's the Shonda Rhimes. [00:02:52] Speaker B: Oh, this is Shonda Rhimes thing. [00:02:55] Speaker A: Wow. And you are a Netflix king. [00:02:58] Speaker B: I just. Bridgerton. Isn't it a timepiece? [00:03:02] Speaker A: It is a timepiece. And also it's. [00:03:04] Speaker B: I don't really do timepieces. [00:03:05] Speaker A: Clearly very made up. [00:03:06] Speaker B: I don't really do timepieces. [00:03:08] Speaker A: There are black people that are dukes and queens and stuff. Like, so it also is like a play on, like, racial dynamics and all that. [00:03:18] Speaker B: Okay, okay, English teacher. Get deep, get deep. All right. I gotta check it out. And they all got the English accent. [00:03:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:24] Speaker B: Okay. All right. I think I could mess with that because like. Like one of my favorite podcasts right now is. [00:03:33] Speaker A: It'S called you just like the accent. [00:03:36] Speaker B: I don't know what's the draw? Like, I have no. [00:03:40] Speaker A: Cause you supposed to. [00:03:41] Speaker B: No, no, no. I know what started it. I know what started me. Me and SEO was watching what's. It's a show on Netflix. Top boy. Drug dealers. And. [00:03:59] Speaker A: Oh, I was about to say this. [00:04:01] Speaker B: Drug dealers in England, right? So, like, you know, so drug dealers in England. So little saying started to get to me. The man's. Damn, you know, Mav, you're a weirdo. Peas, you know, get. Get the peas. [00:04:19] Speaker A: You know, we gotta get some things that entertain you. [00:04:23] Speaker B: And then it kind of spiraled. And then I just started watching all kinds of, like, police shows. And now I watch a show called Shits and Gigs. It's a podcast. [00:04:35] Speaker A: All of this is on. Oh, this podcast. [00:04:36] Speaker B: This is a podcast on YouTube. Shits and gigs. I watch and I listen to that show. Funny. Funny as hell. And then TV wise, I'm just like locked in. I'm just like all the way in. So I know I gotta go to England. [00:04:52] Speaker A: You gotta go. [00:04:53] Speaker B: I gotta go. But I'm gonna have to be put to sleep. And I found out. Here's what I found out. [00:04:58] Speaker A: You say put to sleep. [00:04:59] Speaker B: Oh, I gotta make myself go to sleep. I found out that when you fly that you can take alcohol with you. How you're allowed to have. Each person above age of age is allowed to have five mini bottles in a Ziploc clear Ziploc bag. [00:05:19] Speaker A: Okay, that makes sense because when you. [00:05:22] Speaker B: Get three, you ever tried to have A drink at the bar in the airport? [00:05:25] Speaker A: No. [00:05:26] Speaker B: Every tried to have a sandwich at the bar. [00:05:27] Speaker A: Oh, no. Yes. I mean, all food. First off, the water. Have you gotten a bottle of water? The last time I was at airport, I went and got a bottle, said $5. $5. I could get a 32 pack. [00:05:39] Speaker B: Was it pure life? [00:05:41] Speaker A: I don't know. It doesn't matter. You're charging for a. A. A source that is. Is free. Like the earth makes it. [00:05:49] Speaker B: And they be like ninjas. Look over there. It's. It's a water fountain. You can go have that. That's free. [00:05:53] Speaker A: That is true. And I definitely have my water bottle. But I was like, but I want to. [00:05:58] Speaker B: Yeah, the airport's not a real place. [00:06:00] Speaker A: It's. [00:06:01] Speaker B: It's a whole nother world. [00:06:03] Speaker A: It's like a whole. I don't know, money trap or something. [00:06:06] Speaker B: But. Welcome back to relationship status. Boy. Yousef in the building. I'm here with my co host, Miranda, and it is a little bit late, and I'm sleepy. She's in here sleepy. [00:06:19] Speaker A: This is hilarious. I am old. You know, there's distinct moments where you realize. [00:06:25] Speaker B: Did you reach that point where you, like, you realize, is this. Is this a moment when you realize it, or did you know that before that? [00:06:31] Speaker A: I. Well, I mean, I knew it before, but, you know, there are. There are moments that remind you. Because, you know, once you get to. I think once you start getting into your latter 30s, into your 40s, it ebbs and flows, right? [00:06:41] Speaker B: You'll. [00:06:42] Speaker A: You'll feel young sometimes, and then you'll feel like, Yeah, I ain't 20 no more. [00:06:47] Speaker B: Yeah, this ain't it. Just saying it. [00:06:50] Speaker A: This is not the way. [00:06:52] Speaker B: So. [00:06:52] Speaker A: Yeah, that's one. It's one of those moments where I'm realizing I am usually on a weekday in the house with my feet kicked up, chilling. [00:07:01] Speaker B: And we ain't. And this ain't that. [00:07:02] Speaker A: No. And not exercising my brain anymore. And you got me out here doing none of those things. [00:07:10] Speaker B: Yeah, no, we gonna. We gonna. We gonna go ahead and get outta here quickly. Cause you nor I expected to be here at this time. [00:07:19] Speaker A: But the things we do in the name of commitment. [00:07:23] Speaker B: Yes, we gotta show up for the people every week. [00:07:24] Speaker A: We're showing up for y' all. [00:07:25] Speaker B: We gotta show up for the people. [00:07:26] Speaker A: So show up for us as we show up for you. [00:07:28] Speaker B: Yes. Make sure. [00:07:30] Speaker A: Follow what he said. [00:07:31] Speaker B: 5 star rate. Make sure you comment. Yeah. Subscribe. Yeah. Gotta click the bell. So you get. Not only do you subscribe, but you click the bell. So you can get alerts. That's why. [00:07:42] Speaker A: There you go on YouTube. This is why you're the person. [00:07:46] Speaker B: Yeah, I am. I am. I try to be all the time. All right, so last week, on last week's episode, we had an advice letter. We had a couple people tap in. [00:07:55] Speaker A: Tap in people on their. [00:07:57] Speaker B: On their advice. [00:07:59] Speaker A: When I'm sleepy, I do random things just as a warning. [00:08:02] Speaker B: Okay. You gonna give ad libs today? [00:08:05] Speaker A: Maybe. Whatever happens to come to my mind. [00:08:08] Speaker B: All right. So cousin of the show, E.B. [00:08:11] Speaker A: He said be is always coming. I like E.B. [00:08:15] Speaker B: He said be out. [00:08:16] Speaker A: Oh, my Lord. [00:08:17] Speaker B: That was it. [00:08:18] Speaker A: I thought it was gonna be. Never mind. [00:08:19] Speaker B: EB this was the young man who's going through verbally abused, gaslighting everything in his marriage. We talked about it on the last episode, and Evie's is bi. [00:08:28] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't like that comment now. [00:08:30] Speaker B: Minerva, Minerva, I think Minerva took up for what Evie missed and then added hers. [00:08:36] Speaker A: Put some context behind it. [00:08:38] Speaker B: Yeah. I want you to understand that what you're facing is incredibly tough. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge your pain and feelings of being lost. It's truly heart wrenching to think anyone should endure such suffering, especially when it's coming from someone they care about and wish to protect. First and foremost, remember that your feelings are completely valid. It's perfectly normal to feel exhausted, scared, and confused. These reactions are natural in such an emotionally taxing situation. Hold onto the fact that you're not alone in this struggle. They are caring individuals and resources out there that can help guide you towards healing and clarity. Your love for your children shines through, reflecting your deep sense of care and responsibility. It's crucial to recognize that they flourish in healthy environment, and it's clear that you want to provide that for them. However, staying in a situation that harms you, even with their well being in mind, can unintentionally add to the difficulties. Children are remarkably perspective. I'm sorry. Perceptive. They can feel tension even when they don't fully grasp it. That is 100 true. Sometimes making tough choices is necessary to create a safe and peaceful home that nurtures your well being. Prioritizing your safety and mental health should be a top priority. Seeking support from a counselor, trusted friend, or support group can be vital. You don't have to shoulder this burden alone. Professional guidance can help you process your emotions, clarify your options, and create a plan that protects you and your children. [00:10:16] Speaker A: Okay, Minerva. [00:10:18] Speaker B: I ain't done. [00:10:18] Speaker A: Oh. [00:10:19] Speaker B: When it comes to the confusion caused by someone trying to twist your Reality. It's essential to recognize this is manipulation. Often referred to as gaslighting. It aims to make you question yourself. Trust your feelings and experiences. They are real and valid. Keeping a journal or documenting incidents can be helpful way to affirm your truth and regain a sense of reality. Lastly, allow yourself to explore your future. This might involve seeking guidance through counseling, considering legal advice, or tapping into other resources that can help you build a safer, healthier environment. Remember that a healthy relationship should never involve tearing your partner down. Think about the kind of example you want to set for your own children. Please remember to look after yourself. You deserve respect, peace and happiness. Your strength and love for your children are powerful. Are powerful forces that can lead you to. To the support and transformation you genuinely need. PH shouts out to Manura. [00:11:23] Speaker A: Manura said all the things. Yes. Minerva, that was good. We might need to put a word limit. I mean, I appreciate everything. Minerva. It was great. [00:11:34] Speaker B: Was on point. [00:11:35] Speaker A: She was. And she hit all the different points. Children, self, mental health, counseling, prioritizing if you need to get out, everything. [00:11:45] Speaker B: And I think that she did make a point. She said, your love for your children shines through in the letter. You did. [00:11:49] Speaker A: Oh, it was a thousand percent shining through. [00:11:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:53] Speaker A: I think like, that's the thing that my heart connected with the most. [00:11:55] Speaker B: Was it Because. And I think that that's what. I think that's what a lot of people kind of connected with, was the. [00:12:00] Speaker A: Fact that it also came through that he, he was trying. [00:12:03] Speaker B: Like, it, like he didn't, he didn't just bail like a lot of people do. Like, he just, he just didn't go, yo, I'm done. [00:12:09] Speaker A: Yeah, he's really trying to figure this thing out for the betterment of his family unit and who can't respect a man like that, so. [00:12:17] Speaker B: Oh, no. 100%. [00:12:19] Speaker A: I think that, you know, while this might be a tumultuous time right now, it's definitely going to be sunshine and rainbows on the other side. [00:12:26] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then last week, at the end of the episode, we posed a question to the, to you and to the viewership and listenership out there and said, have you ever pushed away someone that's loved you? [00:12:41] Speaker A: Now I'm ask you. Okay, I about to say. [00:12:44] Speaker B: And why? Cuz you gonna say why? [00:12:45] Speaker A: We gonna read. That's funny. You did. You're doing that because I. [00:12:50] Speaker B: Yes. I know you gonna say yes. And just. [00:12:52] Speaker A: You don't know if I'm gonna say yes. You don't know which answer I'm Gna give. [00:12:55] Speaker B: Yeah. You gonna say yes? Go ahead. [00:12:57] Speaker A: How do you know I'm gonna say yes? [00:12:59] Speaker B: I'm just saying I, I, I just feel like this, this, that's like something you've done. I just feel like there's something that you want to do. [00:13:06] Speaker A: Right. Okay. No, I need for us to delve deeper before I answer this question into why it is that you done. [00:13:12] Speaker B: I think that everybody. [00:13:13] Speaker A: What about me makes you think that I have pushed away someone? [00:13:19] Speaker B: I'm going to use my context clues. [00:13:21] Speaker A: Oh, okay. Okay. [00:13:24] Speaker B: In the last episode. Callback. That's what it's called. [00:13:29] Speaker A: That's what it's called. [00:13:30] Speaker B: That's what it's called. The podcast world Callback. You stated that. [00:13:35] Speaker A: You remember what I stated? [00:13:36] Speaker B: Oh, yes, yes, yes. [00:13:38] Speaker A: Look at you listening. [00:13:39] Speaker B: I try. You stated that shots fired. You stated that in your 20s you weren't really sure, and it wasn't until you got into your mid to late 30s to your 30s that you truly understood and realized what you wanted, who. [00:13:59] Speaker A: You are, what you think I said I would have been divorced if I was. [00:14:03] Speaker B: And then you said you would have been divorced if you were in your 20s. So one could only assume or infer. I won't say assume. [00:14:10] Speaker A: You're assuming. [00:14:10] Speaker B: No. One could only infer from that context clue that you, at some point throughout your 20s, early 30s, maybe have pushed somewhere, someone away who's loved you. [00:14:26] Speaker A: Well, the answer to that question is yes. [00:14:33] Speaker B: And. [00:14:36] Speaker A: Actually, it's for all the reasons that you just named. I don't have to give a why. You gave my why. I was not emotionally mature enough to handle the responsibility of what it is that he wanted. And in actuality, I did more than push away. I did a push pull thing where. [00:14:59] Speaker B: No, I don't want you. Yes, I do. [00:15:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Like it was. Yeah, I would. You would get to a certain point and I will pull you back in because I didn't want you to get too far away and because I was just unclear and I was unsure. I was sure that I loved you. I was not sure on how that was going to, how that manifested. Yeah. How that was going to work for us. And also was sure that I was young and wanted to experience and explore the world and didn't know how to be tied down and make that work. And, you know, there were certain aspects of the relationship and of the individual that didn't necessarily mesh with what I overall saw my life being, being. And, but there was also, like, a very deep connection. So, yeah, I, I did it. I've Done it. [00:15:54] Speaker B: So do you think that you made a mistake then by pushing them? By pushing them him or her away? [00:16:00] Speaker A: It was definitely a him, not me. [00:16:02] Speaker B: I mean, in today's society we have to make sure that. [00:16:04] Speaker A: But we're talking to me, so you could just say him. [00:16:07] Speaker B: Okay. [00:16:09] Speaker A: Yes, it was a him. So. No, I, I think the mistake was in, in doing the ping pong thing. [00:16:18] Speaker B: Did you keep score? What was it? The back and forth. [00:16:23] Speaker A: Use your concept exclus for this too, Yousef. Use your ears. Yes, it was the back and forth. Because. What? [00:16:32] Speaker B: No, because some people keep in score. No, because some people say that, that, that like some people refer to ping pong, the ping pong reference as keeping score. Like so. No, I. He did this, so I did that and he did this and I did that. [00:16:45] Speaker A: It was more so the push and pull, the back and forth and kind of taking advantage of how I knew it is that he felt about me rather than just letting him go. And I think that ultimately affected things in a longer term way. [00:17:05] Speaker B: Okay. For me, I have done it multiple times. [00:17:11] Speaker A: Oh my. How many times would you say you've done it? [00:17:20] Speaker B: One, two, three, four, Maybe about six, My lord. [00:17:34] Speaker A: Yousef. Well, why, like what, what? Are there different reasons for each person or is there like a general overarching theme? [00:17:43] Speaker B: No, I think it's been different. Different reasons. In each situation there was different reasons. A few, a few of the situations are really early in my life. I would say early 20s, where I was like, you know, you not really fully understanding that somebody could possibly care about me for real because of the things I had gone through and experienced within my family dynamic. I did not know that there like a person could actually love me for real. Like actually be in love with me, love me, period. [00:18:24] Speaker A: So you hadn't really done the work yet? [00:18:25] Speaker B: No, I had not. Not at all. And then in the latter, I would say I, I did it a couple years, a lot of couple years ago. Maybe about 10 years ago. [00:18:40] Speaker A: That is not. Do you, you don't know what the word couple means? [00:18:43] Speaker B: Well, I mean in recent. I haven't done that in the recent years. I haven't done that in recent years. To me, about eight years ago I would say would probably been the last time. I kind of just was like maybe nine would be. Just pushed somebody away. But I think for me, I don't like now I don't think I'm pushing anyone away. I'm just super cautious. I'm just super cautious right now. Like, like, I'm just like all right. I'm a be in, but I ain't gonna be all the way. And because I don't know, I've had enough people to leave in my life for different reasons that it doesn't allow me to leave a lot of faith with people. [00:19:42] Speaker A: First off, that's still a form of pushing somebody away. [00:19:45] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I get it, but I try to. I try to not, like. Because I know, like, I will. Like, I put up this wall, and it's like, this is it right here. But I'm trying, I'm doing my best to, to not do that and be inviting and all of that good stuff for, for, you know. [00:20:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:09] Speaker B: For all the right reasons. [00:20:10] Speaker A: I don't think anything's wrong with being cautious. Yeah, no, I, I, I think I'm cautious, so. Because I know that when I get to that point on the other side of cautiousness, then I think I'm all in true that. [00:20:24] Speaker B: I think when you get to the other side, happiness is on the other side. [00:20:28] Speaker A: And I know what I have to offer. And everybody isn't going to have the privilege of expertise in that man, because everybody shouldn't. That is reserved for whoever it is that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. And so, yeah, like, I'm kind and as, you know, as open as you can be to just people in general. But yeah, no. [00:20:56] Speaker B: Well, we had some people tap in on that. [00:20:58] Speaker A: Did they have a word limit? [00:21:00] Speaker B: They did. Well, yeah, mostly. [00:21:02] Speaker A: Oh. [00:21:03] Speaker B: Rain said honestly, Yes. I truly didn't realize that was what I was doing at the time. I was taking everything the wrong way and putting my guard up. It wasn't until he called me on it that I stopped long enough to see what I was doing. The last two people before him were manipulative, but I was too in love with the potential of the relationship that I ignored it and made excuses. I realized that I really hadn't dealt with that last situation as much as I thought I had. I reached out to find a therapist to help me truly work through it so that I would destroy what I have. Even as a there, even as a therapist, we have our own blind spots, and we have to acknowledge that and do the work. [00:21:47] Speaker A: We do. We absolutely do. [00:21:49] Speaker B: So she hit her word limit. [00:21:53] Speaker A: Is there anyone who said no? [00:21:57] Speaker B: No. Somebody else said, this was Kitty. Kitty said yes. And the reason being that they didn't start loving me until I moved on. That's the thing. [00:22:11] Speaker A: I mean, that's the thing. But, but how is, how did they. How did you Push them away because they. [00:22:18] Speaker B: They now. They. Now they in love with you because you got somebody else. [00:22:21] Speaker A: And so you're just pushing them away and saying, no, I don't want you. [00:22:23] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what she was saying. [00:22:25] Speaker A: But if you have somebody else, that's not pushing them away because you already away. [00:22:29] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, not for him. And then. So appreciate y' all more to come. [00:22:36] Speaker A: Yes, all of that. [00:22:38] Speaker B: Thank y' all for tapping in. [00:22:44] Speaker A: Another verb adverb. [00:22:48] Speaker B: I don't know. Well, let's go ahead. And we're gonna get into this video. [00:22:53] Speaker A: Of the day in the cause of the demise of a relationship. [00:22:56] Speaker B: What do you mean? [00:22:57] Speaker C: Because I've never left a woman ever. [00:22:58] Speaker A: No. So they've always left you? [00:23:00] Speaker C: Yeah, they've always come back and I've never taking them. [00:23:03] Speaker A: Why did they leave? [00:23:04] Speaker C: Let me tell you what. Why a woman leaves. A woman leaves because she wants to somebody else. She might not say she wants to do it right. But unless she's saying she wants to go and join a nunnery. Yeah. She's saying, at some point, I'm going to sleep with somebody else. And the reason why I say like that, and I say it so crudely, is because I want men to understand something. The moment your missus does not want to be with you, she's going to sleep with someone else. And it might not be today, it might not be tomorrow. Don't believe it's going to be months down the line, because it won't. It's going to happen. [00:23:31] Speaker B: Right. It may not be tomorrow, but. [00:23:37] Speaker A: You and this fascination with the British accent is hilarious. Okay. [00:23:41] Speaker B: No, I'm okay. He seems like a man scorned. [00:23:46] Speaker A: Oh, a thousand percent. [00:23:47] Speaker B: And I hate to say that as a man is. [00:23:50] Speaker A: He's definitely scorned. [00:23:51] Speaker B: It seems like a man scorn. [00:23:52] Speaker A: Somebody has done this. And especially with the specific. The specificity of it's not gonna be more than a couple months down the road. [00:24:00] Speaker B: Yeah, like. [00:24:01] Speaker A: Like what? [00:24:02] Speaker B: It may not be today, tomorrow, but it's coming. Like, he's like, it's inevitable that the woman that left you. [00:24:14] Speaker A: Well, of course, though, like, they're going to move on. Like what? Like, just as you are going to move on. [00:24:19] Speaker B: Like, Amber don't know where the logic is. Missed. [00:24:26] Speaker A: What is. If we break up, what is the expectation for me to sit here, like. [00:24:30] Speaker B: Why am I still here? But I played that video more so to the overarching question, because he went on a tangent. But the overarching question early was, have you ever been the demise of a Relationship, do you think? And I know some people self sabotage. But I have been the demise of many relationships that I've been. And I know I have. [00:25:02] Speaker A: Many relationships. Have you been learning some lessons? So you can stop being the demise? [00:25:07] Speaker B: I mean, I'm not the demise now. I'm. I think. I'm sure I have evolved into a person that would no longer. [00:25:17] Speaker A: It's the mini for me. [00:25:20] Speaker B: No. Okay. [00:25:21] Speaker A: And wait, when you say relationships, are you saying like official relationships? Are you saying relationships and you know the stage that's like right before relationship, but it's not for real. It hasn't been made official yet. [00:25:34] Speaker B: Okay, let me say this. Sometimes people have been in relationships with me and I ain't been in relationships with them. That's happened. [00:25:45] Speaker A: First off, how does that even. How does this even happen? [00:25:49] Speaker B: No, because, you know, sometimes we be on. Sometimes people be on two different timelines and usually women been in a relationship with a man longer than he been in a relationship with her. Usually. [00:26:02] Speaker A: But I'm saying, is there never. [00:26:03] Speaker B: If there's no communication? If there's no communication. [00:26:05] Speaker A: I thought you were supposed to have like a formal conversation. [00:26:07] Speaker B: No, because sometimes people don't have that formal conversation. Sometimes people don't have that formal conversation. I mean, because I have experienced that. [00:26:17] Speaker A: I have experienced falling into a relationship haphazardly like you. You don't know when it really became a relationship. [00:26:26] Speaker B: Yeah. So you don't have no anniversary dates. [00:26:28] Speaker A: None of those things. You just look up and realize, am. [00:26:33] Speaker B: I in a relationship? [00:26:35] Speaker A: I'm only talking to you. Are you only talking to me? Like, what's, what's happening here? But to be in a relationship all by myself. No, no, no. [00:26:45] Speaker B: But you don't know you're in a relationship. You don't know. I'm saying you don't know. You're in it by yourself. You think you're in it with him. He thinks he's single. He thinks y' all just dating. [00:26:56] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, okay, so what. Okay, so dating and. And being a relationship. [00:27:02] Speaker B: Because I've been in situations where I've been told, so this relationship means nothing to you. And I'm like, hold on, when do we get in a relationship? [00:27:17] Speaker A: So even if it's not a formal rel, it's still a relationship. It's a dating relationship. [00:27:23] Speaker B: Have a relationship with the person that cuts the deli meat at publix. [00:27:28] Speaker A: You do. [00:27:29] Speaker B: Yeah, but I don't. [00:27:30] Speaker A: And so the question that they're asking is, does this relationship, this particular one with me, matter to You. [00:27:36] Speaker B: Yes, it does. Cause I need that ham sliced. [00:27:39] Speaker A: Not at the deli mart with that person that says right before shaved, Lord. Just a flaming hot message. You know, I actually think that young people do relationships way better than we do. [00:27:53] Speaker B: Mm. [00:27:55] Speaker A: As far as, like, the communication piece, I'm not saying the actual act of being in one. [00:28:00] Speaker B: How so? They. They stuck to a screen. [00:28:03] Speaker A: But that's the thing. Like, they are very clear on I'm your girlfriend. Like, think about young people. And when I'm saying young, I'm not talking like teenagers. I'm talking about, like, those early relationships. [00:28:15] Speaker B: But those ain't real. [00:28:17] Speaker A: Either way it goes, you know, they follow a formula that. That somewhere along the line gets lost, that needs to be picked back up. And that is. They are very transparent around. I like you. Do you like me? If you say yes. Okay. Will you be my girlfriend? If you say no. Okay, well, I'm gonna go play on the playground and go maybe talk to Susie. And now, Susie, do you like me, yes or no? Like, they're very forthcoming and open. And with us, it's all this. It's. It's the. What's the saying with the mirrors? [00:28:55] Speaker B: Smoke. [00:28:56] Speaker A: Smoking mirrors. [00:28:57] Speaker B: Well, I think. I think it's mostly because when you're. [00:29:01] Speaker A: Young, everybody trying not to get hurt. [00:29:03] Speaker B: Bingo. When you're young, you haven't experienced the hurt that you. That you have experienced throughout. When you get older. When you get older, you've gone through mindfields. You've gone through. This is true, like, a lot of hurt. And yo, I don't gave myself. Which is one of the things I gave you, all of me. And I think that when you. When. When you. When a person goes through that, it's difficult when you get to our age to continuously put yourself out there and do that. They young. Like, they. [00:29:42] Speaker A: They got that stretchy skin. [00:29:43] Speaker B: Yeah, they got that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That snap back. You know what I'm saying? And it's. But it's more than that. I think it says with the accumulation of yesterdays and the dwindling tomorrows, for us, it's a situation where we're seeing like, okay, we're getting older. So the window of I'mma be married for 25, 50 years is. [00:30:08] Speaker A: Is dwindling, closing. It's dwindling massively. [00:30:13] Speaker B: Like I said. I said, I'm not going to see marriage for 50 years. [00:30:19] Speaker A: Oh, I am. [00:30:21] Speaker B: You might. Yeah. [00:30:22] Speaker A: I'mma live. [00:30:23] Speaker B: I mean, but you've got. You got maybe a few years behind me. [00:30:27] Speaker A: Maybe, maybe. But a little More than maybe. [00:30:32] Speaker B: No, but, like, I might see 25, maybe 30. [00:30:39] Speaker A: You will definitely, definitely see more than 25. Why are you acting like you're ancient? [00:30:45] Speaker B: I'm not ancient. I'm just saying at the pace I'm going now. I'm looking at the pace I'm going. [00:30:50] Speaker A: Now because first, if you are. If you're going to be married for 25 years, you're saying you're going to die in your 60s. [00:30:55] Speaker B: I'm saying at the pace I'm going now. [00:30:58] Speaker A: Oh, so you little kid. No time. [00:31:01] Speaker B: But I'm not saying that marriage is not in my. In my head, but for a number of different reasons. And it's not because of a lack of opportunity. It's more so. [00:31:12] Speaker A: Excuse us. [00:31:12] Speaker B: I'm not saying it like that. It wasn't. [00:31:14] Speaker A: Go ahead and get on a knee then. [00:31:18] Speaker B: It's more so it's for. Not these knees. These needs work. It's. It's more so for the lack of being where I want to be to provide for my wife. You know what I'm saying? I don't think I'm in a place to have a. To take care of my wife and my family the way that I would want to be married. So in an effort to put myself in that space to. To be ready to be married, to be able to do everything that I believe I need to be able to do for my wife, that's some time down the line for me. So even if I'm dealing with someone like that, understanding kind of has to be there, because there's still a lot of work that I have to do on myself. And. And that's emotionally. That's physically. That's all the lease, all the leaves, all of the lease ly's, all of them. It's just there for me because I. I've been married once before, and being that I've been on that road, the next one is it, like, there's no reason for me to ever leave whoever I'm going to be with. It's going to be. There's no reason to leave this next one. Like, we going to work it out. We gonna work it out. Only thing that would stop it is if you, you know, swinging from the ceiling fan for somebody else. But other than that, there's gonna be no reason for. For me to leave out of this thing. Gonna work through everything. So it's gonna. It's taking me longer to get to the point where I'm like, all right, let's. Let's go. Yeah, I'M ready to do that. I'm ready to make that. That decision. I'm ready to lay it all on the line. [00:33:11] Speaker A: Yeah. But I also think, like, there's. I think there's so much I just. And this is for me as well. I wish that there are parts of that. That innocence that we could retain even through life's experiences. [00:33:31] Speaker B: Isn't it funny? Doesn't that suck? [00:33:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, you. You really just lose. [00:33:35] Speaker B: You. [00:33:35] Speaker A: You've lost a piece of the. The carefreeness of what it means to operate in the world. And now you see it in this tainted way. Like, have you. And I know you've done this because you have children. But to watch the world through their eyes is. [00:33:50] Speaker B: It's. [00:33:51] Speaker A: It's amazing. Like, when they discover things that you just. [00:33:54] Speaker B: I'd be having to shut. Like my Amir accustomed to. Amir is probably one of the most trusting. Oh, children. I'll be having to shut him like a son. Hey, hey, chill, Relax. You know, like, no, that ain't your friend. [00:34:09] Speaker A: No. [00:34:10] Speaker B: Like, I know you think he likes you, but that is not your friend. [00:34:15] Speaker A: Why are you out here destroying this man? [00:34:17] Speaker B: And then it was, oh, yeah. This little girl who liked him. And it's. It's. It's. It's so funny. My son's in I.B. so all these. All these little nerds, they don't know what to do. [00:34:32] Speaker A: They're gonna be emotionally stunted because all they focusing on is academics. [00:34:35] Speaker B: All they focus on his academics. So none of them know what to do. And this little girl used to tease him. [00:34:42] Speaker A: Oh, she likes him the time. [00:34:45] Speaker B: All the time. He hated her. So they ended up on the robotics team together. [00:34:52] Speaker A: Okay. [00:34:53] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Robotics. My son is on the robotics. [00:34:56] Speaker A: All right. [00:34:57] Speaker B: But then he turns around and plays travel basketball. But anyway, so he's on the robotics. [00:35:01] Speaker A: I love it. [00:35:02] Speaker B: Yeah. And I support. We go to the robotics. The state. It was the state qualifier or whatever. This girl that I have been hearing about that tease him that all this stuff. He done called her a pencil. [00:35:23] Speaker A: He called her a pencil. [00:35:24] Speaker B: He called her a daddy. She shaped like a pencil. Like, he done went in on his job. We didn't get to the robotics thing. Why is this little girl attached to his hip and literally following him everywhere? That boy went nowhere. That this girl was not standing right there. And this was last year. So now they're both at the same middle school. And I sometimes like, if we get at the same time. Did you see my car? She stopped and she wait for him to get out the car and Walk with him inside. [00:36:06] Speaker A: Aw, that's so cute. [00:36:09] Speaker B: He can't stand her, but she, like. And I just think that that's. [00:36:14] Speaker A: That's. First off, that's the reverse of the Laura and Steve Urkel relationship. [00:36:21] Speaker B: Complete reverse. [00:36:24] Speaker A: But you know what happened with Laura and Steve? He wore it down eventually. [00:36:28] Speaker B: I'm wearing you down. What happened? [00:36:30] Speaker A: I'm wearing you down. [00:36:33] Speaker B: What was she gonna do? [00:36:34] Speaker A: What do you mean? [00:36:36] Speaker B: What else was she gonna do? [00:36:37] Speaker A: She could have been with Stefan. [00:36:39] Speaker B: Stefan was not real. [00:36:41] Speaker A: He cloned himself, and Stefan became real. You don't remember this? Stefan became a permanent person, and. [00:36:48] Speaker B: But Stefan was too extreme. Remember? [00:36:53] Speaker A: First off, both of them are extreme. [00:36:55] Speaker B: Steve had to go back in and turn it down. He had to turn that. He had to turn the. The cool. He had to turn the cool juice down. [00:37:01] Speaker A: This is Mr. Cool. That was always his song. That was always his song. [00:37:07] Speaker B: Yeah, with that. With that white linen suit on. [00:37:09] Speaker A: I'm telling you, look, we are aging ourselves. Continue on with what it is. [00:37:14] Speaker B: I don't even know where we were. [00:37:16] Speaker A: You were saying that. Well, something about, what choice did she have? But, yeah, I. But that. That. That. That once you were talking about that level of trust. [00:37:27] Speaker B: You know, we late when my phone went to sleep. My phone says, sleep mode. [00:37:31] Speaker A: See, this. This signifies to y' all how late it is that he has me out here talking about, talking to a microphone in him, and I'm sleepy. [00:37:42] Speaker B: Okay. All right, go ahead. [00:37:43] Speaker A: I am struggling to put words and sentences together. All right, but whatever. Cause we out here now, so y' all just gonna. Y' all go raw and unfiltered. Dang. You may forget what I was about to say. Oh. But, yeah, that. That level of trust and openness is something that I wish that we could, in a. In a way, keep. Because I think that what happens is we. We position relationships wrong. [00:38:19] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. [00:38:21] Speaker A: And then because we position them wrong, we can't bounce back to reposition them in what their original state was probably supposed to be in the first place. So we miss out on what could be amazing friendships. We miss out on what could be amazing business partnerships. We miss out on what could be amazing networks, all because, you know, we see somebody, we. We like them. We either force our way into it being something that it wasn't supposed to be, or we naturally get there, or we fall into it. Like, whatever happens, because we're not. We're not as innocent enough to say, you like me or honest. [00:39:01] Speaker B: I want to say innocent or honest enough to say. [00:39:03] Speaker A: Honest enough to Say, do you like me? [00:39:06] Speaker B: Do you like me? [00:39:07] Speaker A: And then honest enough to respond back of yes or no and move forward. So I think, like, that's the. I don't know. That's the. That's the tragedy. One of the tragedies. I say there's a shadow side to all things, even good things. There's always a shadow side. And so while there are a lot of wonderful things about being an adult, I think one of the shadow sides is increasingly losing your innocence and becoming more and more cynical. [00:39:34] Speaker B: The loss of innocence, the roots, the. [00:39:36] Speaker A: Loss of any sense. [00:39:38] Speaker B: All right, y' all. We really appreciate y' all tapping in. [00:39:42] Speaker A: I don't even know. Did we even talk about anything today? [00:39:44] Speaker B: Yeah, I think we did. We did. Question for next week. Question of the week next week is going to be. [00:39:50] Speaker A: Don't ask me what I learned today. Cause I don't. I ain't. [00:39:51] Speaker B: I wasn't going there. Cause I don't think we were. [00:39:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:39:55] Speaker B: Question of the week next week is. I had it here just now. [00:40:00] Speaker A: Lord, this would be a great show to have bloopers. [00:40:06] Speaker B: It would. [00:40:08] Speaker A: Cause it's a show full of bloopers. [00:40:10] Speaker B: Nope, that's not it. [00:40:13] Speaker A: That's not it, Yousef. [00:40:15] Speaker B: That's not it. Hold on. [00:40:16] Speaker A: Your teacher training people ain't tell you not to have some lesson plans? [00:40:20] Speaker B: Well, here's the thing. When we edit, this part ain't even gonna be here. It's literally gonna go from whatever we said to the next part. [00:40:29] Speaker A: I'm hungry. [00:40:31] Speaker B: Who you telling? I got a salad in the fridge. Your boy is on the. [00:40:36] Speaker A: You doing your raw food? [00:40:38] Speaker B: I was until they gave away free hot dogs with chili for teacher. [00:40:44] Speaker A: This is why you gonna continue to walk past that mirror and be upset. [00:40:49] Speaker B: It was two. I had two hot dogs. Chili. [00:40:52] Speaker A: Okay, people, Mustard as his accountability. People, y' all are hearing you talking about he out here eating a hot dog. So the next time he complain about that mirror. [00:41:03] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:41:04] Speaker A: We not listening. [00:41:04] Speaker B: Like, I don't think you. And I had a salad up at the top, and I went to get the salad, and it didn't quite happen. [00:41:16] Speaker A: And I was gonna ask you at the end how it was going, but no falling. So are you gonna get back on the wagon? [00:41:22] Speaker B: I'm back on the wagon. I'm on the wagon. I'm. I didn't fall off. I just slipped in my feet and I'm running. I'm running alongside the truck right now. [00:41:29] Speaker A: You're no longer on the wagon. [00:41:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:32] Speaker A: Then you're not there. [00:41:33] Speaker B: Question. Question. Of the week. Question of the week next week. Be prepared to answer. Your partner never posts you, but posts food, pets, and shoes. Is this a red flag or should they chill? Make sure that you like comment share.5 star rate. If you want to tap in, it should be right below. R E L S T A T podcastmail.com I'm your boy. Yusuf in the building. [00:42:01] Speaker A: You did not define antithetical for the people on the last episode. [00:42:05] Speaker B: I figured they could go to the root, which is antithesis, and find that. [00:42:09] Speaker A: You told them that you were going to define antithetical for them. [00:42:13] Speaker B: Okay, you're right. Antithetical will be on the next episode. [00:42:17] Speaker A: He lying, y' all. He gonna forget again because that's what happened. [00:42:21] Speaker B: Antithesis means opposite. [00:42:22] Speaker A: So tell me how to spell it so maybe they can look it up. [00:42:26] Speaker B: A N T E and a N. [00:42:30] Speaker A: T H E S I S. I'm saying antithetical. [00:42:35] Speaker B: Antithetical. Okay, yeah, yeah. We gotta bring that back. All right. It'll be. It's right here. Antithetical definition right here. [00:42:45] Speaker A: I say who I was. [00:42:47] Speaker B: Okay, I'm sorry. And she is. You still in the building. And she is. [00:42:52] Speaker A: I'm for Rhonda, people. Even though he doesn't care. [00:42:55] Speaker B: And we're. [00:42:56] Speaker A: Peace. [00:42:57] Speaker B: Peace. Sam.