242nd Date: I want my kids to be better than me

[00:00:10] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship status. It's your girl. Neat, Cruz. [00:00:14] Speaker B: Hi, guys. [00:00:15] Speaker C: It's Professor T and your boy Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to, like, share, follow, and five star rate. Hey, y'all. Y'all heard it. We don't even have to do it after two years. Maybe three. [00:00:31] Speaker B: Professor T. 2.7852.785. [00:00:34] Speaker C: Professor T is back. What is that? [00:00:36] Speaker A: Get the audience going. [00:00:38] Speaker C: There we go. There we go. Welcome back. [00:00:43] Speaker B: Thanks, guys. Thank you all so much. I actually missed you guys. I missed. [00:00:46] Speaker A: You have been missed. [00:00:48] Speaker B: Well, thank you. [00:00:50] Speaker C: Listen, the fans. We lost fans when we lost you. [00:00:53] Speaker B: Whatever. [00:00:54] Speaker C: No, dead serious numbers. Took a dip for a while. We had to recover. [00:00:57] Speaker B: Oh, my. [00:00:58] Speaker C: Yes. [00:00:59] Speaker A: Yeah, you've missed. [00:01:00] Speaker C: Yeah, you've been missed. You had a following. Know that? We were asked almost weekly up until about a year ago. When is she coming back? [00:01:08] Speaker B: Well, I'm gonna reach back out to my people and be like, y'all, come on back. Come on back and listen and follow and support. [00:01:13] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:01:14] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:15] Speaker C: So, I mean, we're just happy to have you back on. [00:01:17] Speaker A: There's been nobody like you. [00:01:19] Speaker B: Oh, thank you, guys. You're so special, and I know it's genuine, so I appreciate it. [00:01:22] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:01:23] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:23] Speaker C: It wasn't. I think we only had one replacement, and that lasted for a little while. She was good, Jaren. [00:01:30] Speaker B: Yeah, she was great. [00:01:30] Speaker C: She was great. [00:01:31] Speaker B: Awesome. [00:01:31] Speaker C: And then after that, I just couldn't find nothing else kind of quite clicked. Nothing else fit. [00:01:37] Speaker A: It was okay. But it just. It was nobody like you. [00:01:40] Speaker B: Oh, gosh. [00:01:41] Speaker A: It was definitely nobody like you. [00:01:43] Speaker B: I feel the love. I feel the love to all the people listening. Just know that I'm smiling. [00:01:47] Speaker A: Not only if Cl was here. [00:01:48] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:01:49] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:01:50] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:01:51] Speaker B: Shout out to Cl, everybody. [00:01:52] Speaker A: Yeah. You didn't let me do the little cl butler as he likes to do. [00:01:58] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. [00:01:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:58] Speaker C: Yeah. You should do that at Cl. [00:02:00] Speaker A: Older, old butler. And he'll be like, so that's how it sound. That's how it sound to you? [00:02:06] Speaker B: Exactly like that. Just like that. [00:02:09] Speaker A: So what's been going on? [00:02:11] Speaker B: Let's see. Things have been great. Life has been good. I know a lot of times when y'all ask me that, I start with work, so I don't want to start with work, obviously, I've been working. You know, we have to work to make a living, but. Okay. I have been enjoying gardening. [00:02:25] Speaker A: Hello. [00:02:26] Speaker B: So okra is like, my favorite summer vegetable. So I planted lots of okra, cucumbers, watermelon, squash, zucchini, tomatoes. And I did some herbs. [00:02:38] Speaker C: Did everything. [00:02:39] Speaker B: The legal herbs? [00:02:39] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:02:42] Speaker B: Everything except the watermelon. Like, the watermelon got to maybe the size of a newborn baby's head, and then it just stopped. So it's still there, and I don't want to pluck it yet. Right. Because I keep telling myself that it's going to expand, but it's probably not because it's just sitting there. But everything else did a great job. [00:02:59] Speaker C: Have you cooked and eaten? [00:03:00] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:03:02] Speaker A: 100%. Well, you know. [00:03:03] Speaker C: Well, not the okra. [00:03:05] Speaker A: I love okra. [00:03:06] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:03:07] Speaker C: Okra is. I like the flavor of okra, but it's the sliminess of it. [00:03:12] Speaker A: It's the way you cook it. [00:03:13] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:03:14] Speaker B: All of it does not have to be slimy. [00:03:15] Speaker A: Yeah, you have to know how to cook it. Like, cut it up and put it in a dry pan and go ahead and kind of saute it. And that dries up. [00:03:24] Speaker B: That's it? [00:03:25] Speaker A: Yeah, that dries up the. [00:03:27] Speaker C: I'm not saying I can't. I'm just saying I won't. [00:03:29] Speaker B: You just say you're not interested. [00:03:30] Speaker A: No, like, seriously, it is so good. [00:03:32] Speaker C: No, the flavor is good. Like, I ate it. I made some the other night. [00:03:35] Speaker B: Okay, how did you cook it? How did you prepare it? [00:03:37] Speaker C: Well, I had it with steamed fish, with some jamaican steamed red snapper. [00:03:41] Speaker B: Oh, that sounds delicious. [00:03:42] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. It was. [00:03:43] Speaker A: That sounds good. So you get your red snapper from. [00:03:45] Speaker C: Oh, Harris T. The best cuts of red snapper you can. [00:03:49] Speaker A: Really? [00:03:50] Speaker C: Yep. They got the whole red snapper, and they got the filets. And me, I don't want to do that much work, so I just got the. I got the filets. Put it in a pan, put it over some peppers, bell peppers, okra. I got the spicy jamaican peppers. I put about two of them in there. [00:04:10] Speaker B: Have y'all eaten dinner yet? Because, like, this is definitely my stomach growling over here. That sounds good. [00:04:16] Speaker A: They got some at the farmer's market. [00:04:17] Speaker C: Yeah, nah, they got some good cuts. So if you do, if you ever need the seafood, good spot to get it from people. A lot of people know, but a lot of people don't. Harris Teeter got some good fresh cut seafood, so it was really good. [00:04:29] Speaker B: Thanks for the plug. [00:04:30] Speaker C: Nah, no problem. I don't mean to plug Harris Tita, but, yeah, they didn't pay us for that, so. [00:04:34] Speaker A: Right. [00:04:35] Speaker B: That was free advertising. [00:04:36] Speaker A: That was the only free one you. [00:04:37] Speaker B: Gonna get, but, yeah, gardening, reading, writing, of course. Y'all know I have a tight circle, and we travel and so hanging out with my girls, prioritizing self care, spending time with grandma and mama and nieces and nephews. Yeah. Just enjoying life. [00:04:58] Speaker C: That's great. How is. Can you talk about grandma a lot? [00:05:04] Speaker B: Yes, I do. [00:05:04] Speaker C: On social media. [00:05:05] Speaker B: I do. [00:05:06] Speaker C: I do love the best stories that I tell. [00:05:10] Speaker A: Stories. You be like, oh, grandma got a little shade to. [00:05:16] Speaker B: Oh. And it comes so naturally. She doesn't even try. And she's never trying to throw shade, but her natural disposition is. She's so witty and her comebacks are so strong. If somehow you would think that I would be used to it. But she surprises me every single time. Like, I was there before I came here, so I stopped by there, and I don't know what it is about elderly, you know, black women, but they're just so obsessed with size and weight. I don't know about any y'all's family. [00:05:42] Speaker A: Like, oh, you been eating good? [00:05:43] Speaker B: Yes, yes. So she likes to say that, you know, but what she said was, she said that size you is right there. That's it right there. Don't get no bigger than that. That's good right there. You can pause. [00:05:55] Speaker A: You're like, now I'm scared to eat dental. [00:05:57] Speaker B: Oh, no, not me, but, yeah, so just hilarious. Funny. 92 years old, still just sharp, witty. Very comedic. You know, she's the matriarch of the family and, yeah, just my oldest bestie. [00:06:14] Speaker C: Your oldest bestie? [00:06:15] Speaker B: My oldest bestie. [00:06:17] Speaker C: Well, that's cool. [00:06:18] Speaker A: Well, welcome back. What about you? [00:06:21] Speaker C: You threw me on that. [00:06:23] Speaker B: Should be ready. You already know what's coming. [00:06:25] Speaker C: Well, here's the thing, Lil. Debbie didn't do what she was supposed to do. [00:06:31] Speaker B: What was she supposed to do? [00:06:32] Speaker C: Debbie was supposed to have me out of work today. [00:06:34] Speaker A: Yeah, I understand. [00:06:36] Speaker C: Debbie only had me out of work Wednesday and Thursday. That's why she went from big Debbie to little Debbie. [00:06:42] Speaker B: Gotcha. [00:06:43] Speaker C: I didn't, you know, no roads happened. The lights didn't. [00:06:45] Speaker B: So you're disappointed that Debbie didn't do. [00:06:47] Speaker C: I'm disappointed that Debbie didn't do a little bit more. A little bit more. [00:06:52] Speaker A: A little more shaky. [00:06:53] Speaker C: I don't want for anybody to lose their life. I don't want anybody to lose their homes. I don't want none of that. [00:06:58] Speaker A: Not a lot of damage. Just a little light flicker. [00:07:00] Speaker C: Just enough for a little flood here in there that the buses can't roll. Yeah, once the buses can't roll, that's it. [00:07:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:08] Speaker B: Then it's a wrap. [00:07:09] Speaker C: Then it's a wrap. So they sent out a memo saying, yeah, we checked the bus routes. There are some routes that are closed, so we'll be making some alternate stops. I was like, no, you need two stop. Don't even roll. [00:07:20] Speaker B: It's Friday. [00:07:20] Speaker A: Just give us a week. [00:07:21] Speaker B: One more day. [00:07:22] Speaker A: See you on Monday. [00:07:23] Speaker C: See you Monday. Like, why bring me back? Well, I understand as an educator, they don't want to make these days up. [00:07:29] Speaker A: And I get, but how if we're doing e learning. [00:07:31] Speaker C: But we're not e learning anyway. [00:07:32] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:07:32] Speaker A: So I'm like, these days don't have to be made up. [00:07:35] Speaker C: You could have just had me on e learning. [00:07:36] Speaker B: And it's not like a corporation where you're losing money if people aren't in the building. So. [00:07:40] Speaker C: Yeah, you're right. That's what I'm saying. I just. But other than that, it's been a good week. Nothing really to tell. The young man is, let me say this. I put him in Ibn six. He's an IB 6th grader. Wow. [00:07:53] Speaker A: How does he like it? [00:07:55] Speaker C: He comes home. At first, it was an adjustment for him because the reason I put him in IB was work was just, we had him in the gifted and talented class, and literally every day he would come home, I'd be like, where your homework? I did it already. [00:08:09] Speaker B: Wow. [00:08:10] Speaker C: Not challenged at all. [00:08:12] Speaker B: Even in GT. [00:08:13] Speaker A: But I mean, like, that's okay. But even as he gets older, he may have been challenged. Not saying I'm against IB program. I just learned it is not for everybody. [00:08:22] Speaker C: Oh, no, it's not for everybody. But I think, excuse me, if you're gonna do it, I think you do it early and find out if they can match it. And so what I learned about him is they gave he, for some odd reason, he didn't end up getting all the summer work. Well, no, it was because he didn't have a chromebook. They took his chromebook at the end of the year. [00:08:40] Speaker B: Okay. [00:08:40] Speaker C: So they put out all the summer work for ib kids. So you could imagine what that is. [00:08:45] Speaker A: Yes, I know. [00:08:45] Speaker C: Yeah. He said, dad, I got my chromebook and I got all the assignments. And so we went to the teachers. He said, well, that's an excuse, so we'll give you extra time. So when we got home, I said, look, we don't do extra time, so we're gonna get it done. And if we need extra time, then we'll use it. We'll use it. So he had a project for science, one for math, one for English. He had a theater one. So he's sitting there with the science. He's frustrated and what grade is he in? [00:09:14] Speaker A: 6Th. That's a lot. [00:09:16] Speaker B: That is a lot. [00:09:17] Speaker A: That's a lot. [00:09:17] Speaker C: Saturday was a work day, so he did his science project. Then he did his. He did the math project, and then he looked at the english project and it was an extensive book report. He was like, yeah, I'm gonna come back to that. And then we started the theater project. So he did that. But then Monday hit. And so he had homework for each class. And then Tuesday he has homework for each class. So we're trying to fit in the work. So he's finished. Wednesday we finished. This is hilarious. So his older sister Niara, she's a theater major at Howard. [00:09:50] Speaker A: Okay. [00:09:52] Speaker B: HBcu. [00:09:53] Speaker A: Right. On. [00:09:54] Speaker C: Full scholarship. Let me say full scholarship. [00:09:55] Speaker B: Oh, good job. Congratulations. [00:09:57] Speaker C: The Felicia Rashad school. So she. So he's got to do this assignment where he got to watch frozen daddy. I hate this movie. And then in it, the teacher. It was an ed puzzle. So the teacher has these little questions throughout, and he gets to a question that talks about sets. How do you think these sets were made? He puts the thing down and says, I don't know. I said, son, I said, you have one of the best resources anybody can have. I said, call your sister. [00:10:30] Speaker B: Oh. In that moment, he was just frustrated. [00:10:33] Speaker C: Yeah. And then, so he calls her. And so, needless to say, he finished all his projects except for he halfway finished. The deadline was today. He halfway finished the english one. And so his teacher said he could get till Monday to do it. So, yeah, he's, like I said, he'll do whatever he's challenged with. And that's the thing. I like the fact that he'll meet the challenge. Like, it's not. He'll get frustrated at first. He'll say, I don't know. And then it's like, okay, then he gets to it. Once he gets it, it's off to the races. [00:11:03] Speaker B: How are you making sure that, I guess he still has this balance of. [00:11:09] Speaker A: Life being a kid. [00:11:10] Speaker C: Yeah, well, that's the thing. [00:11:11] Speaker A: Like, because I'm be honest with you, anybody I've ever grew up with in IB, they did not enjoy it. [00:11:17] Speaker C: Well, the plan for me with IB is not for him to have IB in high school. [00:11:22] Speaker B: Okay. [00:11:23] Speaker C: The plan for him, as soon as he gets to high school is to go dual credit. [00:11:27] Speaker A: So that makes sense. [00:11:28] Speaker C: Yeah. Because I'm only using this in this moment for middle school so that he continues to be challenged all throughout middle school. And it kind of builds that him. It makes his brain kind of keep going. And keep growing because I know. Cause he wants to be a high school athlete. I know high school athletes and IB don't mix. [00:11:50] Speaker A: They don't at all. [00:11:51] Speaker C: It just don't mix. [00:11:53] Speaker A: I mean, they're supposed to be able supposed to be an athlete as well because that's a part of their curriculum. [00:12:00] Speaker C: Yeah, but they got, but they got kids. They got like, I had two kids. There was two kids, I think on one of the teams last year that were IB and them kids would be on the bus reading books, like big books and doing work in the locker room before the game and like will not to the last second be doing work. So I don't want him to go through that. But I do think as a middle schooler he can use and if it doesn't work, it's nothing to 7th grade to take him out. Just put him in regular honors classes. [00:12:28] Speaker B: I appreciate you saying that because what I've found is some parents, I think that they get so excited that their children are eligible for IB. Now mind you, some of these parents, they've never been even in honors and that's not no shade or anything. But you know, I know some students that will try IB and they're like, they'll tell their parents, you know what, I tried it. I don't want to do it. It's too stressful. And parents will still make them. I think that's where. And I know it's a controversial topic because some parents will be like, well, I know what's best for my child, but do we? Well, exactly. [00:13:00] Speaker A: Because your child is not going to show you. They're not going to want to disappoint. [00:13:05] Speaker C: You, which is true. But I think that sometimes as parents, sometimes you don't know. [00:13:13] Speaker B: Sometimes you don't know. [00:13:14] Speaker C: Cause like you're putting your child, like I put him in Abby. Right. If he ever gets to the point where I see he's struggling academically, I'm not gonna say, hey, you have to do. You have to do more. Because I know my child as one who he does try hard. So if he's not getting it, then that means that, okay, this level might have been too high. Well, the question, come, let's take it a step back. [00:13:38] Speaker A: Is it something you introduce to him? Like, hey, do you think you would like to do this? Or you were like, I'm putting you in this. [00:13:43] Speaker C: No, I told him he's going in it. I think it has. [00:13:47] Speaker B: I'm sorry, I didn't just. [00:13:48] Speaker C: No, no, that's fine. No, because I think kids, I think, here's the thing with me and kids and. [00:13:52] Speaker A: No, because like Carly wanted to to do it and I had to, like, let her sit down with other kids who are currently in IB and her godmother that she got out of ib her junior year and like, let her taught her. Like, it's a lot of work. You're not gonna have a life. [00:14:10] Speaker C: And me personally at the high school. [00:14:12] Speaker A: Level, no, this middle school, no, see. [00:14:14] Speaker C: To me at the high school level, I was speaking more so to that. The reason why I won't let them do it in high school is it doesn't give you any kind of advantageous. [00:14:21] Speaker A: But see, in middle school, it doesn't either. And it separates you. [00:14:24] Speaker C: Well, see, here's the thing. I don't mind the separation as a 6th grader, I don't mind the separation as he's trying to transition from elementary school to middle school with kids that he does not know and a lot of the kids that came from his school. Cause the elementary school he was at is not zoned for this particular middle school. So a lot of the kids that was in his class, in his gifted and talented class that he knew are in IB. So it helps the transition. I thought more so on a global setting of him. [00:14:54] Speaker A: Cause now it won't be such a culture shock. [00:14:56] Speaker C: Yeah, it won't be. He kind of could get eased into middle school life. And if we have to take a step back, at least he has a core set of friends there. And then we take a step back to honors and it's kind of the in between, right? Which I think he can handle with no problem. But then 7th grade, he's gonna be playing basketball. So he'll have. He'll be ingratiating himself into another circle of friends. And I just wanted him to gradually make that, because I'm gonna be honest, like, at that school, there needs to be some separation. It needs to be some separation that. [00:15:27] Speaker B: You guys have a plan. [00:15:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:15:28] Speaker B: You know, you're talking about it and you're including him on the dialogue so that he can have a voice in the path for him. And I know some people feel like, you know, I'll tell my child what he or she is going to do, but I guess, you know, being in education for 20 plus years and I've seen all kinds of models. I've seen the school within the school, and I've seen parents put so much pressure on their children, and children feel the pressure. And at the end of the day, you know, after being a college graduate, nobody asks where did you get your degree from? [00:15:57] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:15:57] Speaker C: No, they don't. [00:15:58] Speaker B: They really don't. They don't care. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. So I just appreciate children having balance, especially now that, you know, your social emotional well being is not just a buzzword, but, like, as adults, we talk about taking care of ourselves and self. [00:16:16] Speaker A: Care, and it's not too much on ourselves. [00:16:19] Speaker B: Exactly. So in the same way I used to get on, you know, kids, and I'd say, did you do your homework when you got home? And the reality is, the first thing that I do when I get home is not homework. It's not homework or any type of work like that. Right. I am getting comfortable. I'm relaxing. Bra off. Comfort. Moo, moo, Bonnie. [00:16:37] Speaker A: You know, and then I'll sit down and say, okay, what else do I need to do? [00:16:41] Speaker B: Yes, yes, yes. [00:16:43] Speaker C: I will say this. I think I've kind of started to compartmentalize so that I can balance better to be a better example for him. If it's work, I do that at work, I don't. I'm not doing nothing at the house. Work wise. If it's podcasting, I have time set out for Crux media podcasts and stuff. Whatever I gotta do that time is cut out. And then I make sure that I have time to sit down. Cause we sit down and eat dinner. It's just me and him now. So me and him sit down and have dinner each night. We'll sit to the table. [00:17:13] Speaker A: I do that, too. [00:17:13] Speaker C: And talk. [00:17:14] Speaker A: I think that's whatever. Yeah, I think, you know, you have conversation, talk about your day, and stuff like that. Kind of gives them a little outlet. Like, yeah, this is what happened. Da da da da. But I also call my kids when they get out of school suck. What happened today, I love it. But, yeah, I don't care for the separation, because, like, like I said, like my best friend. Cause we went into, you know, elementary school to middle school. They're all the way up. They have a different lunch, they have a different place. They go outside. And she felt it, as in, like she was around a group of people she could not relate to. Academic wise, yes, but life wise, no. [00:17:51] Speaker C: Well, I think now they have it. Now they have it. It's not the lunch. They sit, like, whatever class they're into. [00:17:58] Speaker A: Yeah, they sit with their class. [00:18:00] Speaker C: They sit with their class. And so they have their electives during that time. So, like, one of the classes is keyboarding, and one of the classes, he has one is keyboarding. And then one class is video game design. So. [00:18:14] Speaker B: So being in IB, does he have all of his classes with other students that are in IB as well? [00:18:19] Speaker C: No. [00:18:20] Speaker B: Ok. So there's some inclusivity. [00:18:22] Speaker C: The class, the video game design and theater class is awesome with. [00:18:28] Speaker A: Okay, that's good. So he has a bit of. [00:18:30] Speaker C: Yeah, and then he has gym, everything. Yeah. Cuz he like says, cuz like his IB classes is like four or five kids, maybe six in the class. And then I think his. No, science, math, english, his social studies class, those four classes are IB. And then that his electives. His electives are. [00:18:48] Speaker A: That's good. [00:18:49] Speaker C: So he gets the inclusivity of that. And like I said, once he starts with basketball and those other things, those other. [00:18:55] Speaker A: Yeah, I think when you start to do that. Yeah, I know. I think you are gonna back down and just put him in honors classes. [00:19:02] Speaker C: Well, no, I think he. No, the second I see him struggle. [00:19:06] Speaker A: The second it's not that he's gonna struggle. Cause I don't think he's gonna struggle like I. Cause I think you're gonna push him. And when I say not in a bad way, like he knows he gotta come with something. But. [00:19:17] Speaker B: But you think coach English is gonna be like. [00:19:20] Speaker A: Yeah, I think it's gonna be like where he's gonna want to and it's gonna be like. It's not gonna be a balance. I'm letting you know it's not gonna be a balance. [00:19:27] Speaker C: But that's why I said when he gets to high school, we're going due credit. Because due credit will allow him, especially his junior and senior year, to not be in a traditional classroom. He'll be doing online classes for the most part for college credit. Which the way it's if you and. [00:19:41] Speaker A: He can graduate early. [00:19:42] Speaker C: Yep. If you do it from day one, you can not only graduate early, but you graduate as a sophomore. [00:19:49] Speaker B: Right. [00:19:49] Speaker A: I actually, I don't like that. I told my daughter's friend. Cause she went to graduate after. No. Cause I said, what are you doing after you graduate? And she was like, oh, I'm gonna go to cosmetology school. No, take your two years, your junior senior year and let the school pay for cosmetology. And that way when you graduate, you not only have finished all your classes because you're gonna get early dismissal anyway and. [00:20:16] Speaker C: Oh yeah, we ain't doing that dismissal. [00:20:18] Speaker A: And the school is gonna be paying for. [00:20:20] Speaker B: No, that's smart. [00:20:20] Speaker A: Yeah, education. [00:20:22] Speaker C: I told her they got all kinds of stuff, so. [00:20:25] Speaker A: Yeah, they got a whole senior year. [00:20:26] Speaker C: I want him to take his junior. Senior year, I want him to take barbering. [00:20:29] Speaker A: Yes. [00:20:29] Speaker C: So he can be. Because my thing is we gonna be making them that money when we get to college. We get to college. [00:20:34] Speaker A: That's what I told her. [00:20:35] Speaker C: Every dorm need a barber. [00:20:36] Speaker A: Cuz if you're gonna still wait two years, I think what they have like a time. You can't just go enter college at a certain age. [00:20:43] Speaker C: Yeah, you can. [00:20:47] Speaker A: 16 or whatever. But I told her, you might as well go ahead and go with your peers. Cause you being 16 years old, you going on campus, it gonna be grown men. Grown men grow. Your brain ain't there yet. [00:21:02] Speaker B: And it's not just about whether or not you can handle the academics. It's about whether or not you're mature. [00:21:06] Speaker A: Enough to handle your surroundings, college life. Cause you can go to each class, you can do class online. But when you get into that environment where it just look like everybody free and you still gotta go home. [00:21:17] Speaker B: A whole new world. [00:21:18] Speaker A: Yes. [00:21:19] Speaker C: Okay, so I wanna bring it back to something that you brought up. Professor T. You was like you said, you've seen parents. Yes, a numerous of different types of parents. Advice to a parent who wants more for their child. [00:21:34] Speaker B: Right, right. [00:21:35] Speaker C: But doesn't quite understand how to navigate the educational system to the point where they think they know, but they really don't. [00:21:44] Speaker B: Gotcha. [00:21:45] Speaker C: So how do we help those parents really make good decisions for their kids? Like, what are some things, some key things that they should take into? [00:21:54] Speaker A: That's a good question. [00:21:55] Speaker B: That is a good question. And I'm glad you phrased it that way. You say, because parents that want more. Right. And I think starting there, the parent needs to pause and self assess once more. [00:22:06] Speaker C: Then what I think they don't know. [00:22:09] Speaker B: Like, that's the definition, but that's the point. That's where you start with the self assessment as a parent. When you feel like, I want more for my child. Are you saying I want more than what I had? I want more opportunities that were afforded to me when I was in school, or I want more because if we pause, in most cases, today's child is getting a little bit more than what, you know, we got more than what our parents got. You know, the one mistake, I believe, that they made when they took away a lot of those technical courses that you're talking about, like home economics, Brick Mason. I think they need to bring those things back. So that was a mistake. So in that regard, I think our parents and some of us, we were afforded a little bit more opportunities. But when we think about, like, trust me, the standards now, you guys, things that were common, standards like that we were introduced to in 8th grade, our students are being introduced to in, like, fourth and fifth grade. So they're already getting more and more can mean they're being challenged more. There are more opportunities. There are more extracurricular activities. There are more clubs. There are more resources. There are more field trips. So. And I'm not. I mean, the school system is a school system. I've been an educator. However, it's not perfect, but there are some advantages. So, one, I think sometimes parents need to pause and recognize that their childhood is already getting more. So that's the first thing then. The second thing is for those that still feel like, well, I still want them to have more, and they can't define it. I think they need to figure out what it is. So instead of just saying, I want my child to have more, I want my child to have this and fill in the blank, I want my child to have this experience, whatever that is, define it and then begin to ask questions that can allow that child to fulfill that, which is what you want your child to experience. So, for example, a parent recently said to me, you know, I want my child to be able to take classes or be exposed to content that she is ready for. Like, if my child comes home every day and is saying that the work is so easy, right. I'm not saying that I want her to skip a grade, but why does she have to go through this whole math unit if she can take the test right now and make it a. Or make a 100? Right? And we have some students like that, and I think that that's a logical request. So what that parent is saying is, why does my child have to sit through three weeks of this lesson to take a test that she can already pass now? So for my child, can she do something else? Can she do independent study? Can she, you know, during that time, listen to a podcast, you know? And so those are the kinds of things that I think parents need to identify, be able to say what it is they want the end game to be for their child, instead of just saying, I want my child to do more and have more. Cause more doesn't always mean better. [00:25:02] Speaker C: Yeah, well, that's true, too. [00:25:03] Speaker A: And I actually have a question, because with my youngest, the question mark is still with my oldest, but with my youngest, she's a little bit more like, she knows what she wants. She has her five year plan. I asked her what she wants to do. [00:25:19] Speaker B: Okay. [00:25:19] Speaker A: Versus, like, okay, this is what I want you to do. I want you to do this. I want you to do that. Cause she's very smart, but she's, like, very math smart, Ela. You know, but she comes to me, we sit down, and we talk, and she was like, okay, what do I need to do to get into this school? Okay, so she already has, like, three schools that she's looking at. She already has, like, what she wants to do. Done research, made sure that they have her major that she wants. [00:25:48] Speaker B: Good for her. [00:25:49] Speaker A: And I hate to kind of, like, be on her a lot. Like, okay, well, make sure you do this. Well, let's make sure you do that. Since you are an educator and you're around the children that we are taken to school, how does it affect a child when a parent is too hard on them? [00:26:10] Speaker B: Listen, let me tell you something. We know the version of your child that some parents don't know, okay? And I don't mean that in a bad way. [00:26:20] Speaker C: I mean, like, well, sometimes in a. [00:26:21] Speaker B: Bad way, sometimes we know. [00:26:24] Speaker C: Yes. Well, he don't act like this at home. [00:26:26] Speaker B: Right. [00:26:27] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:26:27] Speaker B: But what I'm getting at, though, what I'm getting at is there are teachers that once children know that they can trust this teacher, they become extremely vulnerable, and they will share their frustrations, they will share their stresses, which is a good thing. I embrace it. I welcome it, because you have to have an outlet, and a trusted adult is a safe place for these children to share their feelings and their thoughts. But one of the most common expressions we get is children who are frustrated because they feel like their parents are either pushing them too hard or they're too afraid to tell their parents that. You know what? This isn't quite the path that I want. I see it a lot with some boys who are athletes, and they really don't want to be athletes, and they do not want to disappoint their fathers or the male figures in their lives. [00:27:16] Speaker C: I'm gonna tell you. So they'll stay and sometimes. [00:27:18] Speaker B: And hate it. [00:27:19] Speaker C: Yeah. But I think with that. Cause I'm around a lot of that. [00:27:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:23] Speaker C: Sometimes the kid know that they're not as good as the parent wants them to be. [00:27:27] Speaker B: Right. [00:27:28] Speaker C: And so they keep going out there because their parents keep making them go out there for sure, and they're 100% unhappy. And I'm gonna tell you where I saw that on a show the last season of all american. They had a kid on there that was a football player, and his sister was pushing him to football and he hated it to the point where if it was about to be a game, he'd have an anxiety attack. [00:27:54] Speaker B: Right. [00:27:55] Speaker C: So it took for Spencer to kind of come and he was like, yo, you having an anxiety attack? And he kind of talked him through it. And that's when he found out. He's like, man, I hate football. And sometimes what I have found in some kids is just like, the guy on the show, he hated football, not because he disliked playing it, right. It's because of how much pressure the pressure sister put on him that the game stopped being fun. Right. So many parents take the fun out of things. They take the fun out of school, they take the fun out of sports, they take the fun out of. Shoot. Some parents take the fun out of being at the house. Yeah. [00:28:36] Speaker A: Understand that. [00:28:38] Speaker C: Snatch the fun out of the house. Like, when you come home, it's your place of silence. It's the place you wanna relax. [00:28:45] Speaker B: Amen. [00:28:46] Speaker C: It's the place you wanna just kick your shoes off and be comfortable. Some kids can't be comfortable in their own house because their parent is on them about something. [00:28:54] Speaker B: Right. It's like some parents, if they go in there chillin or relaxed for, you know, too long, I need you to get up and do something just because you've just been being lazy and doing. [00:29:02] Speaker A: Nothing for you flipping too long. [00:29:03] Speaker B: Exactly. There's something that I wanted to say just because in this moment, I have this, and it's just been something that I've been thinking about for a while. And I encourage y'all to do this as well. When we were growing up, when we were in school, what was one of the number one questions they asked us? What do you want to be when you grow up? Okay. [00:29:23] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:29:24] Speaker B: And I wish that someone had asked me, who do you want to be when you grow up? Because when you phrase it, what do you want to be when you grow up? We put so much emphasis on a role, a position, a job, or a title. But if we have, if we push children and ask them, who do you want to be? It makes them think a little bit differently and deeper about, like, what impact you want to have. What kind of life do you want to have? And thankfully, now those are the kinds of conversations that I'm having with these 11, 12, 13 year olds, and they're saying things like, I want to be a leader in my community, or I want to have the flexibility to travel, or I want to be able to. I don't want. I don't think I want to have children, but I want to be able to, like, mentor children. And so. Or you have some that are saying, I know that I want to make at least $125,000 a year because they have to understand the concept of, like, salary. And when you're in third grade and you start with, I want to be a, you know, fill in the blanken of whatever role or title at that time. You're not, you know that it's a position or a job or a role that you might be interested in, but you're not as familiar with the life that surrounds it. And these young people are so ready for these kinds of conversations. So I think it's important to begin to ask, who do you want to be? What kind of impact do you want to have? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have? Where do you want to live? What kind of house do you want to live in? Because then that will also help them define and determine what they can be, to be who they want to be. So, yeah. And they can handle these conversations. [00:30:59] Speaker C: They eat them up. I think parents also need to be okay with the answer. I don't know. [00:31:06] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, absolutely. [00:31:08] Speaker C: Just be okay with the answer. I don't know. [00:31:10] Speaker A: I had to grow to be like. [00:31:11] Speaker C: That with my oldest because sometimes I. I sometimes have to look at my own life and go, I didn't start out to be a teacher. I kind of just ended up in education. I didn't plan it. All I knew was I wanted to help kids to not go down the same paths and make decisions that I made. I did not know it was going to lead me to actually teaching kids. If I go home and tell people, yo, man, they said, what you do? I'm a teacher. I've told them. And they were like, you teaching people, children, as much as you hated high school, as much as bad as your grades were, I was like, yeah, trust. [00:31:51] Speaker A: Me, I'm shocked at some of the teachers now. [00:31:53] Speaker C: I'm shocked, too. But I think we do put too much emphasis on what do they want to be and putting them in this pressurized box and then not. And then some parents fully don't understand. We put that. They put pressure on the kid. Cause I do. I try my hardest not to put pressure on my children, right. But there's pressure put on the kids by us. And then when they get to school, they have to deal with peer pressure. Some of them have to deal with bullying. Some of them have to deal with, like, just the teachers that wanna just be a holes that day. It's pressures every way they look and sometimes you're trying to figure out, well, why does my child, why is my child depressed or why my child won't talk to me? Well, because every time they, every time you talk to them, you're yelling. [00:32:43] Speaker B: Right? [00:32:43] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:32:44] Speaker C: That's why they don't talk to me. [00:32:45] Speaker B: Adding more, you know, you're adding more. [00:32:48] Speaker C: Pressure to the pressure they deal with from 830 to 330. [00:32:53] Speaker A: And you probably started a day where hurry up and get up. [00:32:56] Speaker C: Yeah, and get up. You gotta go brush your teeth, you know. [00:32:59] Speaker B: Trust me. We get. Yes. The ones that get fussed in the morning. [00:33:02] Speaker A: You can tell. [00:33:02] Speaker B: Getting out the cardinal, like, we can tell. We see it on their faces, they wear it in their shoulders. You know, you have some that will just make a beeline straight to me and just fall in my arms. It's interesting to watch, you see? [00:33:15] Speaker C: And I think what I used to do that, I used to yell all the time at my kids. And then I was watching a motivational video. It was something on kids and parenting and stuff like that. And they were like, well, the guy asked, if you yell at your kids, why do you yell at your kids? And I go shooting. My parents yelled at me. [00:33:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:37] Speaker C: And that's how I got going. And it was just like, well, today, try a different approach. And just, if you don't want that type of negativity to go through them, then you don't put that in them and you kind of help them. So now, like, I'm very. With the morning time. I think the day, if your day starts in a positive manner, you're more likely to have a positive day for sure. And so we got a little ride. We got about a 30 minutes ride to drop him off. And so he wants to put his earbuds, everyone, he wants to put his earbuds in and get on his phone and watch whatever. And so I'll tell him no. And it's got a routine now where we watch, well, we play a motivational thing from YouTube on the ride to school. [00:34:22] Speaker B: Look at you. [00:34:22] Speaker C: And then just something motivational. Eric Thomas, David Goggins. It doesn't matter who it is. [00:34:28] Speaker A: That's so nice. [00:34:28] Speaker C: Whatever comes up. [00:34:29] Speaker A: None of that. [00:34:30] Speaker C: And it just kind of starts the never too lately. And then we talk. [00:34:33] Speaker A: I'm not gonna do that. [00:34:34] Speaker C: We talk a little bit. What you mean? [00:34:37] Speaker B: How can you wait? [00:34:37] Speaker A: No, go ahead, finish. [00:34:39] Speaker C: You have to come back then and we discuss a little bit. And then I let him get on his phone and get into what he's gonna do, but I think I'm trying to be, to create good habits within him, because I think sometimes we, as parents, we don't put on our kids what we do for ourselves in the morning. Like, if we stop, if you need to stop at Starbucks every morning and get you a coffee, hey, stop with your kid. You know what I'm saying? Don't wait to drop them off to go to Starbucks. [00:35:08] Speaker A: Oh, I am. [00:35:09] Speaker C: Hold on. Introduce them. [00:35:11] Speaker B: I'm trying to have this moment and appreciate the brother's growth. They look at me like, nah, I ain't doing that. [00:35:18] Speaker A: I mean, it's good for you. I love that. I love that for you. I love that for you. [00:35:22] Speaker C: I think that you should introduce your kids into some of the things that make you, that get you going in the morning in a positive way. Because in their own way, we're teaching them in their own way, they'll find whatever it is for them as they grow up. That's gonna make their morning start off on a positive way. That's just my kudos. [00:35:42] Speaker B: I love it. And I gotta give you a shout out. Gotta give you a shout out. That's growth for you to acknowledge a name that. You know what? I used to yell at my kids, and I decided to be intentional about making sure that I changed, like, the start of their day. All right? So kudos. [00:35:55] Speaker A: All right. Well, first and foremost, my kids are at my mom's house, okay? Cause I felt like they were getting. We were getting. Both of us were getting up entirely too early just to make a bus at 730 at my mom's house. And they both wanna go to this school. So. Yeah, I'm not getting up at 530 in the morning every day to make sure they get over here. They're tired, they're aggravated. I don't like them starting their day like that. So at my mother's house, both of them have their alarm set. At 630, they get up. I don't do all the ice cream. Cause I don't like hearing and fussing. And my mom never fussed at me, but she didn't care either. So I allow them to move. How they're gonna move, okay. Cause this is your life. I let them live their life. How they're gonna live their life. If you missed the bus, that's on you. This is your education. This is your life. This is how you see how it's the outcome of it. So I think my youngest, when she wakes up in the morning, she gets dressed, brush her teeth, wash her face, all that, and sit down and watch her favorite show okay. My oldest, she talks to her little friend, little boyfriend or whatever she wants him to be. I remember those days, and, you know, that's how they started. But, like, I don't like to make their day my day. [00:37:17] Speaker B: Okay. All right. [00:37:19] Speaker A: So they do their thing, I do my thing. I check their location. They're on the bus. This one's here, this one's there. When they get off the bus, I call them, ask them how their day was, let them, you know, vent for, like, 30 minutes. Ma. Guess what happened. I play their friend at that moment, and that's how I. [00:37:41] Speaker B: Okay, so you embrace letting them shake their own day or shape the trajectory of the life that they want for themselves, including. Listen, you gotta face the logical consequences if, you know, you make some poor choices. [00:37:54] Speaker A: Yeah. You have consequences behind it. Like, my daughter, she made a bad choice last year. I was so disappointed to the point where her principal called me, and I think I was on speaker, and I started cursing her out, and I think he had to hurry up and get her off. I was so upset where I was so disappointed. But when I talked to her principal, he actually, like, sat down and talked to her. And he's my teacher from when I was in high school, so he's like, yeah, don't let your mom fool you. She gave me a hard time, too. [00:38:28] Speaker B: But he wasn't supposed to tell her, right? [00:38:30] Speaker A: That's why I told. And I. Even when he called, I was like, I wasn't as bad, was I? But, um, he said she talked to him a little bit and basically was like, she was stressed because she doesn't do well in school. Okay, so she was stressed with trying to bring home decent grades so I wouldn't fuss at her. And not even just me, just like my mom, her uncle, her dad. And it was just like, she felt like, you know, she had a lot of pressure on her shoulders. So from then, I was like, you know what? If you need help, it's okay to come to me and say, mom, I don't get this. I don't understand it. [00:39:03] Speaker B: Exactly. Y'all got to the root of it. Yeah. [00:39:05] Speaker A: And so, yeah, that next semester, she. She loved the 9th grade honor roll. [00:39:11] Speaker B: Nice. [00:39:12] Speaker C: Yeah, that's good. [00:39:13] Speaker A: Yes. [00:39:14] Speaker C: So in this moment, you just need to acknowledge that there's no one right way to. [00:39:22] Speaker B: Right. [00:39:23] Speaker C: I think you just kind of do what works for you, but do make sure that you acknowledge that the kids are gonna grow up whatever way you put in them. And that's not to you. I'm just talking about to the parents out there listening, however it is that you. [00:39:42] Speaker A: That's true, though. [00:39:43] Speaker C: However it is that you choose whatever you put in them. One of the major questions I got when I stepped away from basketball was, you know, you went to the lower state championship. You had the majority of your team coming back. We thought you'd be coaching forever. Why'd you step away? And I told him. I said it was two things. I said. One, my daughter cracked a joke. She says. She calls me up, and she says, dad, you spoiled me. And I was like, I did what? I said, what are you talking about? You ain't never been spoiled. Not by me. And so she was like, I said, me by your mama? And she was like, no. She was like, I can't date a boy shorter than six foot because I've only been around basketball players. And she was like, every Christmas, every whatever, we're at a basketball tournament. Every summer, we're at a basketball tournament. So. And she was saying it jokingly, like. [00:40:37] Speaker A: This is all she's around. [00:40:39] Speaker C: So she's saying it jokingly. And it made me reflect on the season as it went on, because it was the end of the season that we had this conversation. And then there was a game against North Myrtle beach, tight game, where we end up going to overtime, and we end up winning. And so Amir and Edison would always sit on the bench at the games, and I turn around, and I'm giving everybody five. And my last five would always be to them, too, at the end of the bench, and Amir is crying and shaking. [00:41:09] Speaker B: Wow. [00:41:10] Speaker C: And I'm like. I said, hey, you okay? He said. And he's just. And I'm like, what happened? He said. We said we almost lost. [00:41:19] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:41:20] Speaker C: And I was like, what I'm doing? He is so. I'm so into the game, right? And it's made him be so into. [00:41:29] Speaker A: The game, and you haven't even acknowledged that. [00:41:32] Speaker C: Exactly. And in that moment. So when I talked to my daughter, it took me back to that moment, right. And it made me say, I might need to take some time away and to create a balance. And if something comes up later, then I'll do it. But for right now, I need to take some time away and just concentrate on being with my kids, for sure, which led to me rebuilding all the relationships and now having access to all of my kids. [00:42:03] Speaker B: That's awesome. [00:42:04] Speaker A: Yeah, that is. [00:42:05] Speaker C: And then turn around and end up with a better. A better coaching job than I had the first time. Better school, with an understanding of creating balance. Well, that's true. It is a better school, but of creating balance, because now I understand that I got to spend time with my kids. I got to take. I can't ingratiate myself so much into basketball that I don't spend time with my kids, and I forget about them. So I've been able. And, you know, I know once the season gets here, it's gonna be a little tough because it's hard to break bad habits, but I'm gonna try my hardest to find a way to find that balance. But even over the summer, I was able to do that. My daughter, I went and spent time with her, and she lives in Raleigh. So I was like, I drove up to Raleigh and spent time with her, and she came down and spent time with us at the house. And so it's just, remember that these things are going to. The kids grow up. [00:43:07] Speaker B: They grow up, and it goes back to. I mean, it's simple stuff that we were told and taught, but your priorities in order. That's all it is. Prioritizing. [00:43:16] Speaker C: And that's the biggest thing, prioritizing. And then, like, just if you gotta plan your stuff out and put a set alarms and all that stuff, do that. If you gotta set an alarm to call your kids every day, set the alarm. So as soon as it goes off, no matter what happens, that's what I do now. I stop, call everybody, hey, how was your day? [00:43:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:38] Speaker C: And then get off, and then I go back to doing whatever I'm doing. So just remember that however you're navigating, kids are gonna grow up, and then it's just, what memories are they gonna have? And, like, that memory of my daughter, like, that she had, albeit playfully. [00:43:53] Speaker B: Right. Cause it wasn't really about her saying that. It wasn't about the whole boyfriend thing. It was about. [00:43:59] Speaker A: It was experience. [00:44:00] Speaker B: The fact that she was able to associate a lot of her time with. [00:44:04] Speaker A: You being basketball, basketball, basketball. [00:44:06] Speaker C: Yeah. And that was. And then don't let me have gone on a basketball trip to somewhere nice. And she didn't go, right. She's like, oh, I can go to the little. She was like, local game. No. She said no. She went on a lot of trips, but she didn't know. She never went with me and the team to Orlando. So she goes, I've never been to Orlando with the team. I'm like, all right. But, you know, I love that. [00:44:32] Speaker A: That's great. That's great that you identify. There was a issue, and you took a step back and was like, you know what? My kids need me more? [00:44:42] Speaker C: Yeah. And I think I needed them more. [00:44:47] Speaker A: Oh, that's dope. Aw. I think you made me cry. You know, I'm already emotional. [00:44:52] Speaker C: No, see, see, I didn't realize, like, when I reconnected with my daughter, we talked for like an hour and a half. This is the first conversation since she's been, like, six. And the thing was, she says, dad, I'm not mad at all. She was like, it's just where we go from here. What are you gonna do from this point forward? [00:45:18] Speaker B: Such maturity. [00:45:19] Speaker C: And she was like, I don't care about the past. She's like, I'm not angry. She was like, there's only two things. There's only one thing we can't talk about. And I was like, what's that? My mama. [00:45:27] Speaker B: Okay? [00:45:27] Speaker A: She was like. [00:45:28] Speaker C: She was like, outside of that, we can do. We could talk about whatever. We could go and do whatever. She was like. And I'm just happy to say one thing. And I was like, what's that? I told my friend the other day, man, my dad be tripping. I've been wanting to say that all my life. Oh, she said it. [00:45:46] Speaker B: She just didn't say it again. She said it to somebody. [00:45:49] Speaker C: She said, I've been wanting to say that all my life. So it's just I didn't know how much I needed them to really appreciate just being, you know what I mean? [00:46:01] Speaker B: Right. [00:46:01] Speaker C: And living and knowing that you're going to get older and there's going to be a time in which you got. [00:46:07] Speaker A: To take care of it. [00:46:07] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:46:08] Speaker C: That's the thing. And that's what I think most parents don't think about. Are you parenting your kids in a way in which when you're old and decrepit, they gonna have to parent you, right. And not just throw you in a home or not just forget about you or whatever. Are you parenting them to be able to come back? [00:46:28] Speaker B: That'll preach. That's a whole nother show. [00:46:29] Speaker C: Yup. [00:46:30] Speaker A: See, that goes back to, like, when so many people were like, I push my kids to be grown. [00:46:36] Speaker B: No, push them. [00:46:38] Speaker A: I don't push them to be grown. I push them to be able to take care of themselves. I teach them to cook, to take care. Cause they smell so funny. Especially that oldest one, hygiene. Um. [00:46:55] Speaker C: See, that's. See, that one there is what we needed the camera for. That's what we need the video for. [00:46:59] Speaker A: Listen. Oh, my God. That look right there, that dumb high schooler is just. It be that hoodie. Just it be. It be holding it. [00:47:08] Speaker C: Why is they wearing. [00:47:10] Speaker A: I don't know. It is 90 degrees and they are wearing hoodies. [00:47:13] Speaker B: It's a whole phenomenon. [00:47:14] Speaker A: I have get it off your. [00:47:18] Speaker B: And it's universal. Like, I will go out of town and everywhere, every spot a middle schooler a mile away. [00:47:25] Speaker A: Not even middle school, high school. Like they all just the hoodie. [00:47:29] Speaker C: I don't know. [00:47:29] Speaker A: Oh, my God, they are so stressful. [00:47:31] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:47:31] Speaker A: But just to teach them how to be able to take care of themselves and to have that conversation with them about who they want to be. [00:47:39] Speaker B: Right. [00:47:40] Speaker A: And how they want to be and how they are looked at and who to be around. [00:47:44] Speaker B: That's a good one. How do you perceived in society? [00:47:47] Speaker C: Because perception is somebody's reality. It isn't the reality. [00:47:51] Speaker A: Exactly. And how to be friends, how to, like all those little things. We don't really like how to choose friends. How to choose friends, but not even just how to choose friends because you have to know how to be a good friend in order to know how to choose a good friend. [00:48:05] Speaker B: That's true. That's true. [00:48:06] Speaker A: And just like all those little things that we really like, I didn't get to talk about. So, like, I do treat my kids like little adults, like I am their best friend, but I'm also their mom. They know there's a boundary, but they can come and sit on my bed and talk to me like, ma, guess what? This boy finally got the hug from so and so and so. And they like, just lit up these boys conversations. Crazy. [00:48:30] Speaker C: But that's another thing, I think that also, like, you've created a space where your kids feel comfortable talking to you about everything. So there is nothing that they're going to hide from you. And a lot of parents don't create that space where the kid feels comfortable. And I know we mentioned it a little bit earlier where the kid feels comfortable discussing things with you. They would rather talk to a teacher at school. [00:48:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:48:52] Speaker C: Now, as long as they talk to somebody, you know, you would much rather it be you. And although I've always been, I would say I've always been hard on my kids about academics because I do understand that I don't want to pay for college. [00:49:11] Speaker B: Say that. [00:49:12] Speaker C: And right now, two in college, not paying for either one is a blessing. They both on full, one is on the theater scholarship, the other one's on the full academy. Partial academic, partial dance. So all this investment into dance classes that her and her mama and I put into these dance classes, these hundreds of thousands of dollars paid off. [00:49:32] Speaker B: Paid off with this scholarship? [00:49:34] Speaker A: You paid for the scholarship? [00:49:35] Speaker C: I paid for the scholarship. But I think that you always want to. My kids knew that. They can always talk to me. Always talk to me. And even if I had to repeat it, I'll never be mad at you. [00:49:50] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. There's no. [00:49:51] Speaker C: I'll only be mad at you if you don't talk to me. As soon as something comes up, just come talk to me. We can figure it out. I may be disappointed, but I'll never be mad. Do not be afraid of me being mad. [00:50:05] Speaker A: I'm never gonna be mad at you. But I also. Again, my mom hates this. My kids do not get in trouble. [00:50:12] Speaker C: Mine either. [00:50:13] Speaker A: Yeah. Not saying they're not paying. [00:50:16] Speaker C: Oh, that's what I'm saying. [00:50:17] Speaker A: They have their moments where they cause them mouths. Who? That little one? But I have to understand from my youngest perspective that she's very logical and things have to make sense. And she does read a lot and is like, yeah, ma, that don't make sense. And when somebody like my mom is, like, fussing at her, she's like, okay, now do you feel better? Cause you elevated your voice, your blood pressure, and still. I did not do what you asked me to do. So you could have just talked to me in a regular voice and I would have done it. But the fact that you screamed at. [00:50:54] Speaker C: Me, now, I don't wanna do that. [00:50:56] Speaker B: Not only was I not ready for these Gen x kids now. [00:50:59] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't wanna do it now, but. And my mom, like, she hates the fact that they don't get in trouble. I always tell her that they have consequences in the world. So when they come and they tell me something like, I did this, or, like, my daughter got in trouble last year, I lied to my mom about why she got time out of school. And, like, my mom knew, like, something ain't right, I don't know what it is, but I guess y'all handle it. And, like, I didn't. You know, I didn't want her to get. Cause I knew my mom was gonna be more hard on her than I was, but she's seen that. Okay, I can talk to my mom. Okay, I'm not in trouble. But, no, there are consequences still behind you doing what you did? Absolutely. There's no need for me to double down on that discipline when you're already being affected. You have three days out of school. [00:51:48] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:51:49] Speaker A: This is how you're now viewed by this principal, that this is what you did by these teachers, by, you know, by everybody that knows about this situation. So therefore, sweetheart, like, you get in trouble at home, you gotta face the world. [00:52:03] Speaker B: There are gonna be logical consequences anyway. So there doesn't always have to be this element of, quote unquote trouble or punishment that hurts or this intended discipline that is made to make them feel bad or worse. Because sometimes experiencing someone being very disappointed in you, that's a logical consequence for the behavior or for the choice that you made of. Yeah, yeah. [00:52:28] Speaker A: It's good stuff. I try really hard to be the parent that I wanted. [00:52:35] Speaker B: For sure. There you go. That's it. [00:52:36] Speaker A: Instead of just, like, being my mom or being like, oh, yeah, well, I'm not your friend. Like, no. Like, I wasn't the best in school, and I'm not a teacher either, so, like, I don't push hard on academics because, I mean, if I gotta pay for college, I gotta pay for college. But, like, I always tell my oldest, do your best. [00:52:56] Speaker B: Do your best. [00:52:57] Speaker A: Do your best. [00:52:58] Speaker C: I think if that's the. If that's the message that you're giving your kid, that's letting them know that as long as you gave your best, we're good. [00:53:07] Speaker A: Yeah, we're good. Like, if you need help, if you're not happy where you're at, tell me. It's okay. Like, we'll get you a tutor. We ain't got to shout you out. We don't have to even, like, if, you know, we have a little underarm issue, like, it's never done in front of people. And I think our generation. Well, I say my generation. Our parents were more loud. [00:53:29] Speaker B: Oh, our parents were definitely loud. [00:53:32] Speaker A: And more embarrassing. Like, oh, you didn't clean your room. I'm telling everybody. Oh, you know, Elon Musk, I'm about to tell everybody, you need to go wash. And there's no need for that, right. There can always just be a sit down conversation. [00:53:45] Speaker B: Like, yeah, they took that village thing to a whole nother level. Why you got to call? [00:53:50] Speaker A: But I still very much believe in a village. [00:53:52] Speaker B: For sure. No, but they took it to, like, even telling the village. [00:53:56] Speaker C: Oh, they'll tell everybody. [00:53:57] Speaker B: Yeah. All the mistakes and all the, you know, don't. [00:54:00] Speaker C: Don't go to the family barbecue. Oh, why is he sitting over there in the corner? Let me tell you why. He. [00:54:05] Speaker A: Over there in the corner. [00:54:06] Speaker C: Yeah, he's sitting over there by the face in the tree. [00:54:08] Speaker A: Right. [00:54:09] Speaker C: Let me tell you what he did this week. [00:54:10] Speaker A: But I believe that I. And I believe that's something that is missing in today's society. The village. I think that's something we definitely need to bring back because people. [00:54:20] Speaker C: Because I'm gonna tell, yeah, it's something that we need to bring back, but people have to embrace bringing that back because what's happened is. But no, because what's happened is a lot of these parents said, you can't do that to my kid. That's the reason why teachers can't reprimand kids. That's the reason why administrators can't reprimand kids. [00:54:33] Speaker B: This is true. [00:54:34] Speaker C: That's the reason why. [00:54:36] Speaker B: This is absolutely true. [00:54:37] Speaker C: 100%, because the parent don't want nobody else reprimanding their kid. So, yeah, we would love for be a village like the teachers, educators always want to be a part of the village because we want what's best for that. [00:54:51] Speaker A: Every single teacher my kids, I've had, you are a part of my village. [00:54:54] Speaker C: Yeah. But you are in the minority. [00:54:57] Speaker B: Yeah, you definitely are. [00:54:58] Speaker C: I think I said it on the last, I think I said it last week on the episode. It's about, I would say 80% of the parents, and I put a number. 80% of the parents are in the. In the realm of, until the grades are bad, you don't see them, you don't hear from them. [00:55:12] Speaker A: I might be their parent, too. [00:55:13] Speaker C: You know what I mean? And even when they come up there. [00:55:16] Speaker A: But not to curse you out or. [00:55:18] Speaker C: Anything, but here's the thing. Even when they come up there, it's to attack you for the referral or for the bad grade. Well, what did you do? What didn't you do with my child? Wait a minute. [00:55:30] Speaker B: It is completely just very different. [00:55:32] Speaker A: But as people who do not know their children, like. No, no, no. I know my children are totally different people in their phones. [00:55:38] Speaker C: It's just, I think. I don't know if it's people that they don't know their children. [00:55:43] Speaker A: They don't. [00:55:44] Speaker C: I think they. I think they do. They don't want. I think they. But I don't think they want to admit it to themselves, because admitting that your child is the way they are is admitting that you did this, because kids are only gonna do what you allow as a parent. [00:55:57] Speaker A: Yeah, but a lot of these kids are totally different people at school because they can't be this at home. [00:56:03] Speaker B: Some of them. Some of them definitely are. [00:56:05] Speaker C: No, I get that. What I'm saying is, why are you not like, okay, if this child has, my son doesn't leave the house without me checking his book bag. [00:56:15] Speaker A: Mm hmm. [00:56:16] Speaker C: It just doesn't happen because. And one, I'm making sure that we have like Edison. I used to have to make sure he didn't take toys to school with Amir. I double check it to make sure he's got his MacBook in there. Cause his computer. Cause he'll walk out without it. So why is it that. Oh, no. Oh, why is it that you're not checking? I think so. Unless it's a truck. Yeah. So we gonna have to. On that note. [00:56:42] Speaker B: You scared of a little thunder? [00:56:44] Speaker C: No. Rain. But I'm just saying, like, I think that the kids are doing. And why you not? My grandma used to pop up at the school like clockwork. Like, oh, let me see what you're doing today. Like, God. Oh, can you stay at the house? You know, and I don't have to do nothing wrong. Amir, when I get a chance, I. [00:57:08] Speaker B: Pop up at the school, right? [00:57:10] Speaker A: I'm not popping at the school. [00:57:12] Speaker C: Yeah, but that's good that you do. [00:57:13] Speaker A: That, because he has eyes on you. [00:57:15] Speaker C: Yeah, no, I'm not. I can't get past the door. Cause, you know, now security's a lot tighter, so you can't really get past the door like you once could. But I'll have them call him up and I'll just. And I'll just say, don't let y'all. [00:57:28] Speaker A: Go sit in the classrooms no more. [00:57:30] Speaker C: You gotta. You gotta. You have to schedule that. And then even that is so much paperwork that you gotta go through to get it done that sometimes it worth it. It's like now, if your kid is acting up, the teacher will invite you to come. Yeah, come and see this, right? And then this up to administration. They gotta get an approval. They gotta come get a visitor's pass and all that stuff. But it's not as easy as it was. My grandmother would come up. She'd sign in and walk to the class. [00:57:56] Speaker B: It's possible. It's just not possible. [00:57:57] Speaker C: It's not as accessible. [00:57:59] Speaker A: Call me when that. Cause I know that little thing there got a little mouthpiece on her when she does. Cause she is. She's gonna get bored. She's gonna. You know, she has her days where it's just notebook. Yeah. Asking questions. But it's gonna be a day she's bored. And she gonna talk back, and you gonna be shocked. And it's okay. And I'm gonna understand. Just call me. It was straightened right up. I understand. I don't. When the teacher calls me. [00:58:27] Speaker B: We love parents like you. [00:58:29] Speaker A: Because I know my child is gonna be something different. I experience my child, so I know what your experience. And I was just waiting for you to call me. And we appreciate that. [00:58:39] Speaker B: We really do. Yeah. [00:58:40] Speaker A: Because, like, I feel like it takes a village to raise a child, and if my child feels like no one can touch her, then they're gonna act out. Like, I think I told the teacher once I snatch her up, she was like, nick, I can't do that. [00:58:53] Speaker B: Hey, lose my job, girl. [00:58:54] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause she knew, like, she knew me since I was. She knew my baby since she was little. So I was like, when she called me, she was like, oh, I could talk to you regular. And she was like, yeah. I was like, yeah, well, you know, if she gets out of line, you know what to do. She was like, nah, I can't do that. Why you can't? Like, I wholeheartedly believe in the village. The village call me. I feel like they should have. Well, when they both were in elementary school, they had a school mom. She would be my point of contact. If my kids needed something, say they needed money for anything that I forgot. Like, I wasn't being mommy of the year moment. She'll come like, hey, they need so and so and so. You can go hand cash at me, I'll do it. Boom. If they were acting up in class, she'll go to their class. Cause she was able to be. Yeah, right there. Like, you wanna call your mom? [00:59:48] Speaker B: That's me. [00:59:49] Speaker A: So, like, I appreciate, but I treat. [00:59:51] Speaker B: Em like they're mine until you tell me I can't. [00:59:53] Speaker A: Exactly. And they still call her to this day. So, like, I appreciate those type of teachers. And now there's some teachers, I'll admit, that don't need to be teachers. You can tell it's there for the check. Absolutely. [01:00:05] Speaker B: That's every profession. [01:00:06] Speaker C: But definitely they're not there for the check. The check ain't. But I mean, the check ain't checking list. [01:00:13] Speaker A: The check ain't checking because I've experienced a teacher picking on my baby for a check. [01:00:18] Speaker C: Yeah, for the check. No. [01:00:20] Speaker A: Well, for a check. [01:00:23] Speaker C: Maybe. [01:00:23] Speaker B: Maybe the benefits. [01:00:25] Speaker C: The benefits. The benefits for show, because it's do be benefiting sometimes. [01:00:31] Speaker A: But I wholeheartedly feel like, yeah, parents need to do better at letting it. Letting teachers in of being their village and all communicating. [01:00:39] Speaker B: Amen. [01:00:40] Speaker A: Because without everybody on one page, on the same page, like, I can't set my child up for success if we don't even know. Like, we can't communicate. [01:00:51] Speaker B: We have to be on the same page. [01:00:52] Speaker A: If I come in with why my child ain't did his work, why hasn't he, like, why at the end of the day. Why haven't they. [01:00:57] Speaker B: Why are you supposed to want the same thing for your child? [01:00:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:00:59] Speaker B: Like, to do. [01:01:01] Speaker A: Well, we should both be talking to the little individual that's attending class, so. Yeah, definitely, I am. I'm not hard on my kids because I always tell them what you do. You're gonna get what you put in, you're gonna get out of. If you're not getting nothing out of it, it's because you're not putting much into it. [01:01:19] Speaker B: That's it. [01:01:19] Speaker A: I can't push you. I can't. I want you to be better than me, but I can't. You're not me. [01:01:24] Speaker B: You can't be me. Yeah. [01:01:27] Speaker A: So I have to give you the opportunity to create who you want to be and figure out, okay, is this who I want to be? You need to ask yourself that question. [01:01:36] Speaker B: Right. [01:01:36] Speaker A: Am I happy where I'm at? Am I happy the way things are going? If you're not, then okay, then what. [01:01:41] Speaker B: Are you gonna do about it? I'm here to help you. How are you gonna change that? [01:01:44] Speaker A: Change that? Outside of that? No, I'm not gonna build them into. They're not builder bears. [01:01:50] Speaker B: I just wanna say really quickly, as I'm sitting here, for the audience out there, this is my first time in this studio, and I. Crooks media has absolutely evolved. I'm just so impressed with everything that I'm seeing right now. They got y'all. They got fancy carpet. [01:02:07] Speaker A: Yeah. It feels good on your toes. [01:02:08] Speaker B: I mean. Yes. It's just really, really nice green couch. [01:02:13] Speaker C: Thank you. [01:02:13] Speaker B: Very nice facility. The last time that I was on the show, you know, we were recording out of Youssef's home. Right. And so just to see the evolution, I'm just really proud of. Of what you guys are doing. [01:02:25] Speaker C: Thank you so much. [01:02:25] Speaker B: On that note, though, yeah, we're gonna go ahead. He ain't offering me no water, though, y'all. I'm just saying. [01:02:29] Speaker C: Well, see. [01:02:33] Speaker A: I'm thirsty, too. [01:02:35] Speaker C: We're getting there, but, see, at the house, I had the snacks we had. There was always food at the house, you know, but. Professor T, thank you once again for joining us. Again. [01:02:48] Speaker A: We really appreciate you coming back and, you know, gracing us with your presence. [01:02:54] Speaker B: Thank you. [01:02:54] Speaker C: Definitely. [01:02:56] Speaker A: Don't be a stranger. I'll come back. [01:02:58] Speaker C: All right, nik, go ahead and take us out. [01:03:00] Speaker A: All right. Well, thank you all for listening to today's episode. I am all off. [01:03:06] Speaker C: Don't worry about it. Run with it. [01:03:08] Speaker A: We want to thank Professor T for coming, and, you know, gracing us with her presence. And we miss you, Cl c o Butler. That was it. That was it. And thank y'all for listening. It's your girl, neat Cruz, and your boy, Youssef. [01:03:24] Speaker C: And we are out. [01:03:26] Speaker B: Thank you for listening to another episode of relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com, comma, iTunes, Google podcast, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon music, nobody grinds like us, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcast. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear Meek, email us at relstat podcastmail.com or call us at 843-310-8637 follow us on Facebook at relationship status podcast on Instagram and Twitter, and don't forget to comment, share five star rate, subscribe, and review.