150th Lunch Date: She's One Of Many

[00:00:00] Speaker A: My intentions are to be your man, to be your husband. I'm looking for a wife. Okay, that's beautiful. But, you know, there's steps. [00:00:07] Speaker B: It's crazy. [00:00:07] Speaker A: There's steps. [00:00:08] Speaker B: That's crazy. [00:00:09] Speaker A: There's steps. [00:00:10] Speaker B: That's not the natural order of things. You pose to wear the man down. Then he got to realize he can't live without you. [00:00:19] Speaker A: I understand. [00:00:20] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:00:21] Speaker C: But the reverse is okay if the woman is ready to go all in. [00:00:24] Speaker A: No, that's scary, too. [00:00:26] Speaker B: Okay, 1 second. Nina. What scare you self. [00:00:33] Speaker A: When a woman. [00:00:34] Speaker B: When a woman like. Cause a woman wanting to be with a man, I think is okay. Be in a relationship. [00:00:46] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship status. It's your girl, Nik Cruz, cl Butler. [00:00:49] Speaker C: And your boy Yusuf in the building. And remember to, like, share and subscribe. And subscribe. [00:00:55] Speaker B: Thank you. Sure. But sweet. [00:01:01] Speaker A: No, that was exactly what I like. Hey. Okay, straight to the front. [00:01:04] Speaker B: That's better. [00:01:04] Speaker C: Hey, listen. When you're held accountable, you gotta make the necessary changes. [00:01:09] Speaker B: Sometimes make changes where they make sense. [00:01:12] Speaker C: Where they make sense. [00:01:13] Speaker B: Yeah. Not just cause you wanna honor someone's wishes. [00:01:16] Speaker C: Yeah. So it's gonna change. Cause we do have some things we. [00:01:19] Speaker A: Do need to say. [00:01:21] Speaker C: Yes, I could understand. Okay. We'll monitor and adjust as we go. [00:01:25] Speaker A: All right. [00:01:26] Speaker B: All right. [00:01:27] Speaker A: Behavior is the best. [00:01:28] Speaker C: We haven't said this in a while. [00:01:29] Speaker A: What? [00:01:30] Speaker C: Hump day. [00:01:31] Speaker A: Hump day. [00:01:32] Speaker B: Okay. All right. [00:01:35] Speaker C: It's the middle of the week here and we have an advice letter. [00:01:39] Speaker B: Okay. [00:01:40] Speaker C: From one of our listeners. Says, hey, guys, need some advice? Was dating a girl from work over a year ago and she wanted to keep it a secret from work, which we did and never told anyone. She ended up ending it for her own reasons. And everyone's opinion around the office was that I was doing. I was the one that was doing the chasing like a lost puppy. And I couldn't get her to date me that entire time. Fast forward six months and we have just started to get close again. And everyone at the office knows that something is going on. Last night, we had at a work function. We were at a work function where people were coming up us separately through the night, commenting about us as a couple. I asked her today that when people ask at work on Monday about us, can I say that something is developing? Something is developing as I don't want to feel like I am a secret again. Her response was, frankly, it's none of their business. And I have no desire to entertain or justify what we are to others. If you say something to people that will impact me. Wanting to move forward into a relationship sooner. I feel like she's not considering my feelings, needs. Feelings or needs as. I don't want to be a joke at work. Again. Thoughts? Please? [00:02:56] Speaker A: I'm gonna let you handle this. First. [00:02:58] Speaker B: Um, does he. Is he just heterosexual or bisexual? Cause if he's bisexual, it's cool. [00:03:09] Speaker A: It's giving sassy. [00:03:10] Speaker B: Yeah. Very much sass. [00:03:12] Speaker A: It's given. Very sad. [00:03:13] Speaker B: Very, very, so much sass. [00:03:16] Speaker A: Like, why you want to be seen and known so much? [00:03:18] Speaker B: Why. [00:03:18] Speaker A: Why you want to be seen? You want to be a trophy? [00:03:21] Speaker B: That ain't. [00:03:22] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, some people want to be. Some. Some people. [00:03:26] Speaker B: Men and women. Why would you want to be anything in your workplace other than an employee? [00:03:31] Speaker A: Yes. [00:03:32] Speaker B: That. [00:03:32] Speaker C: I don't agree. I do agree with you on that. [00:03:35] Speaker A: Like, we ain't got to let nobody know at work. But why? [00:03:39] Speaker B: And people say it's not going to change. It's literally going to change. [00:03:42] Speaker A: It is. It is. [00:03:44] Speaker C: How so? [00:03:46] Speaker B: First of all, work, I'm against workplace relationships. Relationships. Because feelings get involved. But you said the question was how is it going to change? [00:03:57] Speaker C: Yeah. How so? [00:03:58] Speaker B: People are going to treat you different. Level of conversations are going to be different. [00:04:02] Speaker A: If somebody doesn't care for the other person, they may try to come and try to talk to you a little bit more. [00:04:08] Speaker B: Some man or woman may try to. [00:04:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:10] Speaker B: Be off the cause. [00:04:12] Speaker A: Yeah. Just to cause some issues, you know? And it's work. So you can't, like, push away from not talking to this person. Cause it's work related. And they'll say that, well, we're at work. I talk to people at work. You can't talk to me at work. [00:04:24] Speaker B: And what if you wanna be, like, all lovey dovey at work or PDA or. [00:04:29] Speaker C: I think you. You. I think he would have to know. It's not in the letter. [00:04:33] Speaker B: It don't sound like he know. [00:04:34] Speaker C: He would have to know that. He can't. [00:04:35] Speaker B: It doesn't sound like he knows. Maybe PDA is just one thing, but there's so many versions of PDA, you. [00:04:43] Speaker A: Know, throwing a little kiss across the room. [00:04:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Just wilding. You calling me on the work phone. I'm looking at you. Stop. [00:04:48] Speaker A: Hey, sexy. [00:04:49] Speaker C: But he's probably doing that already. Do you think that that's. How do you think that that's possibly how the people started saying that he was doing the chasing? Cause how would anybody know if she didn't know that they were talking. [00:04:59] Speaker A: He was talking too much. [00:05:00] Speaker B: Cause he out there. Yeah. [00:05:02] Speaker C: He was the one doing the chasing and never caught her. [00:05:04] Speaker B: I don't understand. What's the importance of letting somebody else know? Yeah, maybe y'all should get as close as you all need to get. [00:05:11] Speaker A: He wants validation. [00:05:12] Speaker C: Yeah, why do people. But why do you think people want need. Because it seems like he needs the validation. [00:05:18] Speaker B: Why do people need the validation? [00:05:20] Speaker C: Why do they need. Why do some people need to deep. [00:05:22] Speaker B: Seated issues growing up from childhood? [00:05:24] Speaker A: That. Yeah, that. I will say that we go on. [00:05:26] Speaker C: Childhood trauma on this one. [00:05:27] Speaker B: Most of it is childhood. Most things that. That are your problems, and it's who. [00:05:31] Speaker A: You decide to listen to and surround yourself by, because, like, it's not anyone's business. And if you feel like the people around you validate you in that way where they have to know all your business, they have to know, you know, they need confirmation. They need confirmation that you're in this relationship. [00:05:49] Speaker B: No, he needs confirmation that he's in. [00:05:51] Speaker C: Yeah, he needs confirmation. Yep. [00:05:53] Speaker A: But the letter stated, like, he doesn't want to look like a fool. He wants to be able. [00:05:58] Speaker B: If you're not being a fool. [00:06:00] Speaker C: We talked about that last week. [00:06:01] Speaker A: But he wants, you know, he wants to tell people and like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I actually got her. Da da da da. But it's like, why do you need to confirm that with them? To make yourself feel better. Like, that's a deeper issue. Like, screw them. [00:06:17] Speaker B: Well, it's not about the other people. It's literally him warning to be acknowledged. But why does it need to acknowledge what happened at the workplace? [00:06:28] Speaker A: But he only wants to be acknowledged at the workplace. [00:06:30] Speaker B: Well, I mean, it may be other places, too. [00:06:32] Speaker C: Yeah, but he's only talking about. [00:06:33] Speaker B: But he's talking about the workplace. I don't know. [00:06:35] Speaker C: Well, I think it seems creepy. [00:06:36] Speaker B: Do they work at Honda? [00:06:38] Speaker A: Sound like. It sound like QVC. [00:06:40] Speaker B: Cause I heard it's a lot of workplaces. I heard it's a lot of work cases. I heard there's a lot of. Yeah, a lot that goes on there. [00:06:47] Speaker C: From what I know that. [00:06:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:49] Speaker A: Ifhe. [00:06:51] Speaker C: I don't. [00:06:51] Speaker B: What's that? [00:06:52] Speaker A: It's trekking place. [00:06:53] Speaker B: Okay. I don't know about that. But they said that Honda is. [00:06:56] Speaker A: It's just as bad as Honda. Honda's just more popular. [00:06:59] Speaker B: Okay, okay. [00:07:01] Speaker C: Now it's about to go off. [00:07:02] Speaker B: Yeah, but maybe he needs validation. Right, but why should she consider his feelings when she know what makes her uncomfortable? And you can replace the he with the she. If something makes me uncomfortable, for whatever reason, I have the right to say so. [00:07:23] Speaker A: Yeah, because if she does, like, start expressing to other people. Like, yeah, I'm talking to him. Who's to say other men won't start approaching her? [00:07:29] Speaker B: They are. [00:07:30] Speaker A: Or sexually harassing her because they feel like, oh, oh, I don't know about. [00:07:33] Speaker B: Sexually harassing, but Trevor is definitely coming by. Trying to be funny. [00:07:37] Speaker A: No, but I'm saying, like, once they feel like you have opened that door at work, like, oh, okay. Because every, like, just because someone says that you're, you know, in a relationship with someone at work, that, like, some men don't care that you're in a relationship, they just see that the door is open for you, for them to come in and to mess with you. Like, you will mess with somebody at work. So now they're trickling in like, hey, you know, so, yeah, I see you messing with old boy, you know, wow. You know, we trying to do lunch break. [00:08:10] Speaker B: What? Wow. [00:08:11] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, they're very forward. [00:08:13] Speaker B: They are lunch. [00:08:15] Speaker A: He ain't got to know. [00:08:16] Speaker B: So it's like open season. [00:08:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:18] Speaker B: Especially for a woman. And a woman's reputation is so fragile. Very fragile. Very fragile. Cause let's say you dated two dudes. Now you, the office, whatever you wanna put. Yeah, whatever. So you pass around and you might not even dealt with the other one in the same capacity. [00:08:35] Speaker A: Yeah. You might have just talked on the phone with him. Yeah. [00:08:37] Speaker B: You might even have sex with either one. No office slam. [00:08:40] Speaker A: As somebody that dates people at work. [00:08:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:44] Speaker A: So when somebody's at work, they'll be like, you know what? Let me try. [00:08:46] Speaker B: Cause there's always that man or woman at work that's always trying. A new person always trying to work. [00:08:52] Speaker A: The new person comes in the door. [00:08:53] Speaker B: As soon as they come in. [00:08:55] Speaker A: Fresh meat. [00:08:55] Speaker B: Yeah. As soon as they come in. [00:08:57] Speaker A: Like, hey, show it with you. [00:08:59] Speaker B: Let me show you the roll. [00:09:00] Speaker A: Kind of thick. And I'm like, overalls trying to see what you look like outside of them. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, that can put her in an uncomfortable position. [00:09:10] Speaker B: I think it's a little more dangerous for women than it is guys. [00:09:13] Speaker A: Yeah. With him, like, it's gonna be a pat on the back or, you know, a fist pump or whatever, but it may be harmful to her. [00:09:20] Speaker C: But it's usually this. The thing that intrigued me about this letter is it's what you guys said in the beginning. He sounds a tad sassy. [00:09:29] Speaker A: You say you. [00:09:30] Speaker C: No, no, no. Somehow we gotta get the conversation going. [00:09:35] Speaker B: Okay. [00:09:37] Speaker C: I'm just saying, like, it's usually flipped. It's usually the woman wants to be validated. Yeah, validated. And the man is like women be. [00:09:45] Speaker B: Wanting to be validated. [00:09:47] Speaker C: Let's keep this on the low. Don't wanna. [00:09:50] Speaker A: Yeah, it is like that sometimes. It's like, you know, I like my privacy. You know, like men like to say, like, oh, don't like to say. Yeah. [00:09:57] Speaker B: They say, what? [00:09:57] Speaker A: I don't like all my business out there in the streets. And, you know, sometimes women feel, you know, insecure and he's hiding her from the world because he's out there doing something. [00:10:08] Speaker B: It sounds like he's trying to mark his territory as well. [00:10:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:12] Speaker C: And she may be someone that's sought. [00:10:13] Speaker A: After, probably is at the workplace, other men trying. Or he might be in the room of conversation where other men are like. [00:10:20] Speaker C: And he wants to say something. [00:10:21] Speaker A: I'm a try. He's like, yeah. [00:10:22] Speaker B: Cause you can be a tenor at the workplace. [00:10:24] Speaker A: She mine. [00:10:25] Speaker B: And a six in the street in reality. But when she walk in. [00:10:28] Speaker A: When she walking in, she probably is eleven. [00:10:30] Speaker B: Yeah, she walking in. She is it. She is it. She. Top shelf. [00:10:33] Speaker A: She, you know, and he want to say that mine. [00:10:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. [00:10:39] Speaker C: What piece of advice do we have for him? [00:10:42] Speaker A: A piece of advice. Man up. That's the piece. [00:10:48] Speaker B: I think you have to figure out why you want validation. Even if you're going through it. You have to ask yourself, why is this important? Because sometimes things aren't as important as we deem them to be. Like, it's the end all, be all. And it's not clearly not gonna. Nobody ain't gonna care three months or you about to get fired, like, you and your last, you know. [00:11:12] Speaker A: Or, you know, depending on the policies. Cause a lot of places have policies against workplace romance. [00:11:17] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:11:17] Speaker A: Yeah. So, like, that could be her job. [00:11:19] Speaker B: And then there's a process of figuring. No, there's a process of telling upper management, do I really want to go through that if I'm not sure if you're like, long term? [00:11:32] Speaker C: True. [00:11:32] Speaker B: Yeah. Maybe this is a 90 day relationship or I'm part of a. [00:11:35] Speaker A: Maybe a. Just a year. [00:11:37] Speaker B: And I don't know if I like you if we switch jobs. Cause I probably wouldn't even know you. Cause I wouldn't come up to you normally on the street and maybe talk to you. But since we worked together and I've had the opportunity to know you, there is something there. [00:11:49] Speaker A: And especially with department wise, like, what if she's trying to go for another position? [00:11:54] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:11:55] Speaker A: And they're like, don't you have this? [00:11:57] Speaker C: Or is one person higher than the other? [00:11:59] Speaker A: That's how I think about it. [00:12:00] Speaker B: One person has a lot more to lose. [00:12:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:03] Speaker C: Cause if she's a manager and you're just. [00:12:05] Speaker B: If I've been here for ten years and you've been here for a year, I might not want that out there. [00:12:10] Speaker A: Like, calm down. [00:12:11] Speaker B: So. There's so many other reasons, but I think people make them so personal, and. [00:12:16] Speaker C: I think that's where he's coming from, is like, personally, like, you just. Are you ashamed of me? [00:12:20] Speaker B: It sounds a little immature. [00:12:22] Speaker A: It is very immature. Well, I think. I think. I believe he should consider that it may not be a safe working environment if she does release this information. And he should just close his mouth, like, stop trying to. [00:12:38] Speaker B: What'd you call his statement when he said that? Why are you hiding me? [00:12:44] Speaker A: You said that's what was sassy. [00:12:47] Speaker B: No, immature. You said something. [00:12:49] Speaker A: No, I didn't say anything. [00:12:50] Speaker B: You said something. [00:12:53] Speaker A: When you say immature, I said, very. [00:12:55] Speaker B: Okay. Very correct. So you did say something that only works for women. Men don't get to say that. [00:13:03] Speaker A: That what? A woman is immature? [00:13:05] Speaker B: No. You hiding me. Women can say that and maybe have a leg to stand on, but as a guy, you can't say that. [00:13:14] Speaker A: Well, yeah, no, because when it comes into hiding, when a man is hiding a woman, there's like a 50 50 chance. [00:13:21] Speaker B: Oh, he's doing that. [00:13:23] Speaker A: He is a relationship. [00:13:24] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. Okay. [00:13:26] Speaker A: You know, but more than likely with a woman, it's more as in, especially in a workplace, she's kind of protecting herself. She's protecting herself. She wouldn't be like, this ain't got nothing to do with no other Mandev. [00:13:36] Speaker B: Okay, but if a man says that. [00:13:37] Speaker A: It could be, you might be knocking off a few of the other little. [00:13:41] Speaker B: Hussies at the workplace. [00:13:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:43] Speaker C: That seem a little double standard ish. [00:13:45] Speaker B: Oh, it's very, quite double standard. We live in a double standard world. [00:13:48] Speaker A: But that's not how it is. [00:13:50] Speaker B: At least I do. [00:13:51] Speaker C: At least you do. [00:13:52] Speaker B: Yeah, I know I do. I'm aware of it, and I do. [00:13:54] Speaker A: Because a man likes to like, this is mine. This is my prize. This is what I got. And when you're nothing kind of doing that, it's kind of like, why you not showing me off? Why you not parading me around? Why you not bragging to know other women about me? [00:14:10] Speaker B: But you're not supposed to be talking to other women. I can't talk to other girls. I wouldn't know. [00:14:16] Speaker A: My friends, my guy friends know, I mean, not other. [00:14:18] Speaker B: And they don't care. [00:14:23] Speaker A: I guess what you. [00:14:25] Speaker B: What you make of a birthday posts don't know. How about your significant others? [00:14:33] Speaker A: This is what I came up with. Cause I. Don't do that to me. [00:14:36] Speaker B: Don't do that. [00:14:37] Speaker A: Don't do that to me. [00:14:38] Speaker C: Why not? [00:14:39] Speaker A: The longer the post, the longer he's been cheating. [00:14:41] Speaker B: Jesus. Okay, that's a theory. [00:14:44] Speaker C: Do you think that's what it is? [00:14:45] Speaker B: I don't know. That's a theory. [00:14:46] Speaker A: Cause it goes into. Oh, all the. It's my most beautiful. [00:14:51] Speaker B: I have some thoughts about that. [00:14:52] Speaker A: So and so this, that just all her traits, all in one. The most selfless person. Oh, so she be giving you money. [00:15:00] Speaker C: But it ain't just. Here's my thing is it ain't just guys. [00:15:03] Speaker A: It's women, too. [00:15:04] Speaker C: It's women, too. [00:15:05] Speaker B: Yeah, it's okay for women. [00:15:06] Speaker A: No, no, no. It's not advertising. [00:15:12] Speaker B: Women cheat. [00:15:13] Speaker A: No, I'm not talking about what. Yeah, women do cheat. [00:15:15] Speaker C: Women be cheating. And. [00:15:18] Speaker B: You'Re talking about somebody cheating. I'm talking about the post. [00:15:21] Speaker C: Oh, you don't want to post, period. [00:15:22] Speaker B: Well, I'm talking about what the post means and represents. You could be cheating. [00:15:25] Speaker C: Okay. [00:15:26] Speaker B: But I think it's more acceptable for a woman to post a man and say all the. I don't want it either way. [00:15:32] Speaker A: Personally, to me, I'm not doing it either. But I even feel like when a woman does it, it's kind of like I'm trying to show him off. Not even show him off. Be like, kind of throwing everybody face. We still together. Yeah, we're still together. Like, y'all ain't messing up. [00:15:49] Speaker C: So why is the guy doing it? She's doing it to show people they still together. [00:15:53] Speaker B: He's trying to show his. [00:15:54] Speaker A: You trying to make her feel better about whatever he doing. Like, see, I'm showing you off to the women that you think that I'm messing with and the women that he's messing with. Like, love. [00:16:04] Speaker B: Yeah, well, see, that's what I think. When the woman feels like you've made that social media space a priority in your relationship, so you have to put. [00:16:15] Speaker A: And I also feel like, as if. [00:16:16] Speaker C: You'Ve done that if you don't want. If you've made it a priority in your house. [00:16:20] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, if you are, that's for her. But no, like, I do feel like if you are a person on social media, that you post everything on social media. You post where you're at. You post your homeboys, you post your kids, your food, sneakers, clothes, everything. [00:16:35] Speaker B: Poster King? [00:16:37] Speaker A: Yes, Poster King. I'm gonna use that. I'm definitely. If you're a poster king yeah. Then why you're not posting? Oh, post hurricane? [00:16:48] Speaker B: No, no. What's the post was that, I don't know. [00:16:50] Speaker A: I thought it was a word. [00:16:52] Speaker C: She thought it was something you made up. [00:16:53] Speaker B: No, no. [00:16:54] Speaker C: Like a posting king yeah, posting king oh, no. Making a whole post all day, every day, every day. [00:16:59] Speaker A: Like all, like all of you post. [00:17:01] Speaker B: A lot, your life there. Then she might have grounds. [00:17:04] Speaker A: Yeah. Just saying why you're not posting me. I'm a part of your life as well. But if it's a person that don't post, like you may share something once every six months, like why do you need a post? [00:17:16] Speaker B: Because that's someone, right? [00:17:18] Speaker A: Yeah. Like that's outside of his comfort. Like it's not even who he is. You're asking something outside of who they are. And I even think in this situation he's probably asking something outside of who she is. She probably does not talk to anybody at work about her personal life. So it's like you're kind of giving people access to my personal life. [00:17:40] Speaker C: And she actually gave him a warning. She said, you know, if you do, so it's going to have me. [00:17:45] Speaker B: Why would you have to warn him? [00:17:46] Speaker C: Well, I think she, cause she said it's gonna make me question what's her exact words? It's gonna make me question the, she says, frankly, it's none of their business and I have no desire to entertain or justify what we are to others. If you say something to people that will impact me wanting to move into a relationship. [00:18:06] Speaker B: But isn't that like an idle threat? [00:18:08] Speaker A: No, it's not an idle threat. [00:18:09] Speaker C: Or is it a fact? [00:18:10] Speaker A: It could be very much a fact. Now, I don't want to do this no more because if I'm expressing to. [00:18:14] Speaker C: You, if I'm expressing to you that I don't want to be public, I don't want what we're doing to be public for a plethora of reasons. [00:18:20] Speaker A: And it could be because at work. [00:18:21] Speaker C: There'S a plethora of reasons not to be public. [00:18:22] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause it may be public. Outside of work. I don't want to be. Why me kind of outed at work? [00:18:28] Speaker C: I think you almost have to, you kind of almost have to keep it private outside of work as well because it's still a workplace romance, still like. [00:18:35] Speaker A: People, you can go out and do it. [00:18:37] Speaker C: I mean, you can go out and stuff like that. As far as posting social media stuff, attending different gatherings together, stuff like that. [00:18:43] Speaker B: You could if you didn't want people working. But see my. [00:18:46] Speaker A: But that's when you start, you know, separating work with personal life, your work. You know, your coworkers shouldn't be your friends on social media. [00:18:53] Speaker C: Yeah. Well, sometimes, you know, let's say your coworker's having something like a dinner or whatever, and they may invite you, hey, why don't you, you know, why don't you come over? And that's. You may not necessarily be friends. You are just associates, but they're inviting people at work to come to something they're having. Well, you kind of exclude yourself from going to that together because although that is post work or outside of work, that's still work. [00:19:18] Speaker A: It's still a work environment. [00:19:20] Speaker C: Work environment. That's perfect way of saying it. There's still a work environment. So there is a part of your life that you can't, I would say, not show off, but there's a part of your life that you can't be more comfortable in because you would go, I would assume, to some people. [00:19:35] Speaker A: Some people may not go, but you go separate. Yeah. And one might not go at all. [00:19:39] Speaker B: Why would you want acknowledgement if you haven't established that you're in a relationship? [00:19:43] Speaker C: She said to get to a relationship sooner. That means they're not in a relationship. [00:19:46] Speaker B: So that's why I said it's just a threat. [00:19:49] Speaker C: Okay. [00:19:50] Speaker B: I'm not gonna go any further if you announce this. [00:19:53] Speaker A: So they not even in a relationship? [00:19:54] Speaker B: They're not in a relationship. Yeah. [00:19:56] Speaker A: Look, that kind of feels like he needs to go ahead and go by his business ultimatum. [00:20:01] Speaker C: If he wants, he should go about his business. If he feels strongly about this, then he does need to go about his business. [00:20:06] Speaker A: No, but, like. [00:20:08] Speaker C: No, I'm just saying if he feels that strongly about it. [00:20:10] Speaker A: No. [00:20:11] Speaker C: Having to want to say about wanting to tell people at work that y'all are dealing with each other, and she's on the other side of the line. [00:20:19] Speaker A: Saying he wants people to know that he is with her and he's not even with her. [00:20:25] Speaker C: That's what I'm saying. She's saying, if you want to move forward, understand that this is what I'm asking you. Understand that this is my boundary. Or is that right? Was that the right word, boundary? [00:20:33] Speaker B: Or. [00:20:34] Speaker A: Yeah, that's the right word, but that's not a boundary. Yeah, because they are not together yet. Like I said, they were together. But he wants to tell people that they're working on being together, and it's like, that isn't nobody's business because it may not work out. [00:20:48] Speaker C: We may not even be in a relationship. [00:20:50] Speaker A: So why you want to tell people? [00:20:51] Speaker C: So I don't think they're going to end up. That's my advice to you, sir. [00:20:55] Speaker A: That's weird. Why? You want to tell people about us and there is no us yet. [00:21:00] Speaker B: Yeah. Shouldn't they establish a relationship and then have this conversation? Yeah, it's kind of out of order right now. [00:21:06] Speaker A: Yeah, that's weird. [00:21:07] Speaker B: And you look like a sucker. [00:21:08] Speaker A: Yeah, it's giving. You're trying to. You're trying. You're trying to trap me. [00:21:13] Speaker B: Okay. Trying to force her hand to make her. [00:21:16] Speaker A: You're trying to make me do something. Because, like, it does become that peer pressure of when other people know, they start asking you, like, only women allowed to do that? They are, but other people are saying, oh, your little boyfriend. Like, boyfriend. Women make comments and it's like, now it's weird. No, he could've ironed his shirt today, girl. Like, girl, you couldn't help him with his shoes. [00:21:43] Speaker B: Yeah, it could be stuff. [00:21:44] Speaker A: And now you looking at him different. Like, yeah, his shoes is ugly. [00:21:47] Speaker B: And what if he don't really have it together? Like, he thinks he got it together. [00:21:50] Speaker C: Cause that might be true, too. He might not have it together. [00:21:52] Speaker B: Yeah, you might be the corny dude at work that she just kinda like a little bit. Like, I'm. [00:21:57] Speaker A: Yeah, sure. [00:21:58] Speaker B: I gotta straighten him out. I don't really got time right now. I gotta get him right. [00:22:02] Speaker A: Like, give me a moment. Like. And I don't even trust men that be trying so hard so quickly. Like, yeah, I want to be in a relationship with you tomorrow. Like, that's what's giving. [00:22:12] Speaker B: It is. [00:22:13] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, why you want it? Like calling you their wives. You know, a week into the conversation, we haven't even gone on our first. [00:22:20] Speaker C: I can see you as wife. I can see you being my wife. [00:22:22] Speaker A: Yeah. Hey, wifey. What? [00:22:24] Speaker B: So that's the guy man, you should run from. [00:22:26] Speaker A: Very. Why not? [00:22:28] Speaker B: I think you should. Any man who just wants to have a girlfriend, you should look into him, see what's going on. [00:22:35] Speaker A: My intentions are to be your man, to be your husband. I'm looking for a wife. Okay, that's beautiful. But, you know, there's steps. [00:22:42] Speaker B: It's crazy. [00:22:43] Speaker A: There's steps. [00:22:44] Speaker B: That's crazy. [00:22:44] Speaker A: There's steps. [00:22:45] Speaker B: That's not the natural order of things. You supposed to wear the man down, then he got to realize he can't live without you. [00:22:54] Speaker A: I understand. [00:22:55] Speaker C: Yeah, but the reverse is okay if the woman is ready to go all out. [00:22:59] Speaker A: No, that's scary, too. [00:23:01] Speaker B: Okay, 1 second need now. What scare you self? [00:23:08] Speaker A: When a woman. [00:23:09] Speaker B: When a woman, like. Cause a woman wanting to be with a man, I think is okay, be in a relationship is more natural than men. Just coming up to my. I want to be in a relationship with you. [00:23:19] Speaker C: What's scary? What's scary is when she don't. [00:23:22] Speaker B: When she don't what? [00:23:23] Speaker C: Like, when a woman comes off as, like, not even because it's so out of. It's not out of the norm now, I guess today, women are taking on, like, men gender roles, so to speak. [00:23:36] Speaker B: Oh, they're liars. [00:23:37] Speaker A: Men, stop. [00:23:38] Speaker B: They are. They're liars. [00:23:39] Speaker A: No, no. Now, like, I think. I think that dynamic has changed because. [00:23:45] Speaker C: Like, I'ma get you before you get me. [00:23:48] Speaker A: Not even so much that. Cause that's a whole different level where. [00:23:51] Speaker B: These hurt people at. [00:23:52] Speaker C: I'm just saying, like, these are things that people. [00:23:54] Speaker A: But some women don't want to be in relationships because they no longer like relationships. Growing up to women have always been a need. Like, the goal in life was to get married, not to have a job, not to go to school. And a lot of men don't understand that because a lot of women are not honest about that, about how they grew up. You were not raised to go to college. And I don't care what no woman on here says. You were not raised to go to college. You were not raised to be something. You were raised to find you a husband. And if you got to college, if you were able to get a good career, that's cool. But you're a woman, so you may not get there, and that's okay. As long as you got a husband. You're something. And a lot of people don't look at me like that. I'm not talking about you. Let's talk about him. [00:24:42] Speaker B: Yeah, we can't really agree. [00:24:45] Speaker A: And I don't expect you to. [00:24:46] Speaker B: I believe it. [00:24:46] Speaker A: I don't expect y'all to agree, because y'all are not women. Yeah, but a lot of women be like, no, I wasn't raised like that. I was raised to go to school. Yeah, maybe cause your mom didn't feel like a man was gonna wanna marry. [00:24:57] Speaker B: You as a child. [00:24:59] Speaker A: Yes. [00:24:59] Speaker B: Jesus Christ. Suck as a child. [00:25:03] Speaker A: And that's like, we've even had somebody on here that said, like, my mom pushes me to get married. Pushes me to get married. Pushes me to get married. And she's still not married. Like, she's not worried about if you have, you know. And this person has, like, two, three degrees, I believe. And her mom, and not saying her mom is not proud of her. But your mom is also pushing you to get married. She's not saying. Oh, okay, well, yeah, you're still getting your studies in. Oh, great. Awesome. No, Mama. Yeah, she's pushing me to get married. Like that's a big thing. It is for women to get married. A lot of women don't care to get married now. We don't need marriage to. You just don't like them to establish our place in life. So marriage is like, if it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, it doesn't. And that's not like, you know, it's not scary that a woman doesn't want a relationship. It's just, you know, a relationship. If it comes, it comes. It doesn't, doesn't. [00:26:04] Speaker B: Oh, those women are liars too. Everybody wants relationship. No matter what sex. [00:26:08] Speaker A: You want a relationship. [00:26:09] Speaker B: Everybody wants relationship. [00:26:11] Speaker A: But see, men have a hard time understanding when a woman doesn't want to be with them. [00:26:15] Speaker B: No, they just don't like me. Yeah, you school. You're actually saving me some money. Cause I usually have to go harder. [00:26:22] Speaker A: Surprise. How? [00:26:23] Speaker B: You gotta go harder when they don't like you, you gotta go extra hard. [00:26:26] Speaker A: No, you don't. If they don't like you, they don't like you. [00:26:28] Speaker B: No, some women don't like you but will let you entertain them. [00:26:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:33] Speaker B: And that cost. No, she not paying. Those are the type women that say 1200. That's not a lot of money. [00:26:42] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:26:43] Speaker B: What a bottle. [00:26:45] Speaker A: Should I see that video? [00:26:47] Speaker B: That's a lot. [00:26:48] Speaker A: That's a lot of money. Oh, yeah, that's nothing. [00:26:52] Speaker B: That's nothing. [00:26:53] Speaker C: We got it. [00:26:54] Speaker A: Yeah, we got. Who's we? [00:26:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:56] Speaker A: Where's your card? [00:26:57] Speaker B: Yeah. No general admission. We happy, baby? All the way through. Like, no, you don't like me. You're not even concerned that I may save some money? [00:27:06] Speaker A: Yeah. You're not. Well, no, and also, that's the type of men she's used to dealing with. The men don't have to wait, you know, certain men don't have to wait for payday to have it, but they. [00:27:16] Speaker B: Don'T like her either. She's one of many. [00:27:20] Speaker A: She don't care. [00:27:22] Speaker B: That guy has many others, so she's one of many. And you're right, he don't have to wait to pay that. He don't have to wait on you either. [00:27:29] Speaker C: He's probably not waiting. [00:27:31] Speaker A: And she's probably okay with that too. [00:27:33] Speaker B: Well, I mean, it's okay if it's that person. [00:27:35] Speaker A: Like, I always feel like there are certain, you know, there's different types of men, there are different types of women, and everybody has to be in their lane. I don't judge anybody for what lane, for what lane they're in. If, you know, if there's a woman that wants a man to pay for every single thing, even though he's never seen her before, there's a man that has done that. So it's not for another man. [00:27:59] Speaker B: She's heard about the man. She usually don't have them, but she's heard that there are men who do. [00:28:02] Speaker A: But see, that's the thing. It's not for me to tell her. Oh, that's non existent. If she's experienced it. [00:28:07] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:28:08] Speaker A: So, like, I can't tell her, oh, you have unrealistic, you know, expectations of somebody you shouldn't even have expectations of. [00:28:15] Speaker B: It is. Well, I think it's a little unrealistic. And I'll tell you why. [00:28:19] Speaker A: There are people that have done that. [00:28:20] Speaker B: If that guy did that, why didn't he continue doing it? [00:28:25] Speaker C: That's all I'm saying. Yeah. [00:28:26] Speaker B: You found one who do it. He did everything you said he would do. He bought it, he spent. [00:28:31] Speaker C: And you're not with single. [00:28:32] Speaker A: Well, see, that's the thing. She might like that. She might jump from man to man. [00:28:36] Speaker B: Nah, you won't get a lot. [00:28:37] Speaker A: But see, when you go into the seat and you're still single, like, that's not. [00:28:40] Speaker B: You don't get a lot of them. [00:28:41] Speaker A: Nobody cares about being single. Cause there's always a man out there that's willing to make you not single. You can just change your, like, okay. [00:28:47] Speaker C: I think the point to it was you're saying all these things that you want and that you've had, that a man has done for you in the past, then why are we not here? Like, why is he not here? Why is he not with you? [00:28:59] Speaker A: But you also have to understand, certain men are. There's a high turnover on certain men, and you have to. [00:29:04] Speaker B: Yeah, it's called not your man. [00:29:05] Speaker C: It's called you kind of jump. [00:29:07] Speaker A: But that is a certain type of woman. [00:29:10] Speaker B: Yeah. That's not your man. That's all it is. [00:29:12] Speaker A: And like, I've seen women who've been like, you know, I love this type of Mandev, and this type of man is in and out of jail. This type of man is, you know, a cheater. They don't care. So, like to say, well, you know, he's not here. [00:29:25] Speaker B: Well, don't pressure me. Cause you don't hear it. [00:29:28] Speaker A: But, see, that's the thing. That's where I feel like it kind of comes into stupid. Because if you know that woman's like that, leave. If you know he's not the man that you wish him to be, leave. [00:29:38] Speaker B: Okay. [00:29:39] Speaker C: Or that you wish to have. [00:29:41] Speaker B: Yes. [00:29:43] Speaker A: There's somebody out there for everybody. [00:29:45] Speaker B: There he is. [00:29:46] Speaker C: Nik. Be ready to leave, boy. [00:29:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:50] Speaker C: Three episodes. [00:29:51] Speaker A: No. Because I always tell y'all, like, I feel like people have a hard time understanding their place in life, and that when we have a hard time understanding our place in life is hard for us to let go of things because we're holding on to something that is not even for us. [00:30:07] Speaker B: Who's it for? [00:30:08] Speaker A: Huh? [00:30:08] Speaker B: Who's it for? [00:30:10] Speaker A: Who knows? It's not for you. [00:30:11] Speaker B: So why'd you pursue it? [00:30:13] Speaker A: Because you seen it look good. Like, everybody is attracted to something that looks good or something they think they want or have, you know, is a great idea, or somebody told them, this is what you should be looking for. So if, you know, you feel like that's what you need, because somebody else told you that, or society told you that, like, it may not be for you. [00:30:32] Speaker B: Okay. [00:30:33] Speaker A: There's no need for you to, you know, compromise your life for something that doesn't make sense to you in the long run. Like, no, leave. [00:30:44] Speaker C: You heard it here first. Leave. [00:30:47] Speaker A: Yeah, leave. Leave. Yeah. I'm not saying don't talk and communicate, but, like, when something is not beneficial to you, like, leave, it's okay. Don't be hurt. Like, oh, they can. People are gonna hate to forget people. [00:31:02] Speaker B: Shouldn't you make adjustments as you go? Cause if you keep leaving people for the same reason, you're gonna run out. [00:31:07] Speaker A: Well, then it's a you reason because it's who you're attracting and who you're attracted to. You keep leaving for the same reason. [00:31:13] Speaker B: Yeah, but maybe the first time you left, you left for the wrong reason. Now, you started. [00:31:17] Speaker A: When you're looking into leaving a situation, you're not just leaving because, oh, they don't have enough money. It's okay. [00:31:24] Speaker B: Whatever it is. [00:31:25] Speaker A: Yeah, like, for whatever it is. But if it's the same situation over and over and over again, is a you problem because it kind of comes off as you're looking for these situations. [00:31:34] Speaker B: Okay. [00:31:34] Speaker A: So you need to change. And every situation that you leave, or even friendships, I even put, like, we don't even have to just talk about romantic relationships. It can be friendships. People have a hard time leaving friendships because, like, oh, I've been. You know, we've been friends for 20 plus years, but they're a shitty friend, okay? They use you. They put you in bad positions. [00:31:59] Speaker B: I don't believe in any of that. [00:32:01] Speaker A: You don't believe in leaving friends where they at? [00:32:03] Speaker B: I don't believe in using. I don't believe you can use people, and I don't think people put you in no bad position. [00:32:08] Speaker A: Really. [00:32:09] Speaker B: It's your choice. [00:32:10] Speaker A: But see, that in that decision, you have to take accountability in all accountabilities. [00:32:16] Speaker B: I didn't say no. [00:32:17] Speaker A: Yeah, you didn't say no. You kind of allowed someone to make decisions for your life, and the position that you're in is because you made a decision to say yes. [00:32:28] Speaker B: That's what I'm saying. I don't think people can use you. You either have to agree or disagree. [00:32:32] Speaker A: I mean, they can manipulate you. [00:32:34] Speaker B: How? [00:32:35] Speaker A: Like your feelings. Like, oh, we've been friends for 20 years. [00:32:39] Speaker B: I still have to make a choice to help you. [00:32:42] Speaker A: Yeah. And they may feel obligated to help them because they've been friends for 20. [00:32:46] Speaker B: Plus years, then that's just something you decided to do. Yeah. [00:32:49] Speaker A: And you have to take accountability and say, you know what? This friendship is not benefiting me, but. [00:32:54] Speaker B: I'm talking about using someone. [00:32:57] Speaker A: A person can get used now they're using you over and over and over. But, like, that's a different. [00:33:03] Speaker B: I just think it's a choice. [00:33:04] Speaker A: I mean, everything's a choice. [00:33:06] Speaker B: Okay. All right. [00:33:07] Speaker A: That's why it's a choice to leave. [00:33:08] Speaker B: Okay. [00:33:09] Speaker C: And we have a choice to get out of here. [00:33:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. He's like, all right, let's wrap this up. [00:33:14] Speaker B: Sometimes the clock is the choice maker. [00:33:18] Speaker A: Sometimes the biological clock. [00:33:19] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. [00:33:20] Speaker A: Biological clock. [00:33:21] Speaker C: Final advice for our young man here. [00:33:24] Speaker A: Man up. [00:33:29] Speaker B: I think he has to figure out what he wants. [00:33:33] Speaker C: He wants her and to be acknowledged. [00:33:36] Speaker B: No, he just. He doesn't have. [00:33:37] Speaker C: Wants to be acknowledged. [00:33:38] Speaker B: He got to decide which one he wants, then. The acknowledgement or her. Cause according to her, this is what she has to have to get acknowledged. I mean, for him to be in a relationship with her, which I think the consequences to her. [00:33:54] Speaker A: My advice to him was, do you really want to be in a relationship with her, or do you really want to be with her, or do you just want to show everybody that you got her? [00:34:03] Speaker C: That was gonna be mine. Okay. [00:34:05] Speaker A: So, like, yeah, because that makes. And ask yourself that question, because, you know, sometimes we want things that we really don't want. It just looks nice, and everybody else is after it. And so when you kind of capture it, it's like, I really don't want this, but I wanna show everybody else that I got it. Or some people are just so desperate to be in a relationship, they want to be acknowledged, to just feel like before the relationship, like, I just want everybody to see that somebody wanted me. [00:34:36] Speaker B: Okay. That's. Wow. [00:34:40] Speaker C: I think given what she's asking for, which is some privacy, I think that the acknowledgement comes when it comes in whatever form it comes in. I said there has to be some type of policies you guys have at your job that you yourself need to adhere to and really think about. But definitely just give her what she's asking for, which is some privacy, and continue to get to know her, and then maybe she acknowledges you one day when you're actually in a relationship. Cause right now, you're not in a relationship to be acknowledged. [00:35:17] Speaker B: Okay? [00:35:17] Speaker C: Yeah, Nikkin. [00:35:21] Speaker A: Thank you all for listening and joining in on the conversation. It's your girl, Nick Cruz, Cl Butler. [00:35:27] Speaker C: And your boy, Youssef. And we are out. [00:35:30] Speaker A: Thank you for listening to another episode of relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com, comma, iTunes, Google podcast, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon music, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear neekhood, email us at relstat [email protected]. follow us on Facebook at relationship status podcast on Instagram and Twitter at Relstat podcast. And don't forget to comment, share, five star rate, subscribe, and review.