239th Date: It Should Have Bee Negotiated In The Agreement Phase.

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Do you have a podcast that you're passionate about? Are you looking for a professional studio to help bring your vision to life? Then look no further than Crux Media Group Studios. Located at 903 West Evans street in Florence, South Carolina, Crux Media Group Studios is a full service podcast studio that offers recording, editing, consultation, live streaming, video recording, and more. We have state of the art equipment and a team of experienced professionals who can help you create a podcast that is professional, polished, and engaging. Whether you're a first time podcaster or a seasoned pro, Crux Media Group Studios can help you take your podcast to the next level. Contact us today at 843-407-1673 to learn more about our services and to schedule a consultation. [00:01:03] Speaker B: And welcome to the relationship Status podcast. I'm your boy Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to, like, share, follow, and five star rate. And if you want to join the conversation, make sure to email us relstat podcastmail.com. And don't forget the advice group. It's a private group. You can go in there. It's a lot of foolishness going on in there. Go ahead and join the relationship status podcast advice group on Facebook. Yep. You gotta get let in, so you gotta answer a questionnaire. But I am here. We are privileged to have two of the best in the PD. In the world. We gonna get the one, then we gonna get to the other. First one over here. You've seen her before on the show. She is, we might say you a host now. You gonna. Kiki, Banjo, how y'all doing? Yeah, she changes her name. We know how it go. When's the next change coming? [00:01:56] Speaker C: I don't know. [00:01:57] Speaker D: You don't know? [00:01:58] Speaker C: It'll be next month. [00:01:59] Speaker B: Next month. Okay. Okay. We wait, anticipating as usual. How's everything been? [00:02:04] Speaker C: Everything's been. It's been okay. I'm here. [00:02:07] Speaker B: I'm present and accounted for. [00:02:09] Speaker C: I'm counted for. I'm ready to talk my shit. [00:02:12] Speaker B: Ready to talk. All right. And then over to our left. This is kind of a grandiose introduction. He is new to the Crux media podcast family as of today. Mister Antoine Ly. How you doing, sir? [00:02:28] Speaker D: Man, I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be. Happy to have you, bro. [00:02:33] Speaker B: Happy to have you on the team. Like, and it's not. It's just like a great. I don't like to call it a team. I like to call it a family. So it's great to have you a part of the family. We always encouraging each other. We always kind of on each other's posts and helping each other out. So definitely glad to have you in the mix. Give us the name of your podcast and what can people expect from your show? [00:02:55] Speaker D: So, philosophy talk show. Philosophy talk show. I'm big on. We're big on introspection. Like, we want to know what people are thinking, why they think that way on different subjects. I feel like intellect is a thing that's missing, and that's something that I enjoy. Like, I enjoy intellectual conversations. I love rag, the richest stories, inspirational stories. So I'm gonna be chopping it up with people about their philosophy and on different things, life like philosophy, but everybody got their own. [00:03:29] Speaker B: Everybody has their own, the way they live their life and stuff like that. So what brought you to wanting to do a podcast? [00:03:36] Speaker D: I think not having the space or finding it hard to find people to really talk to on the level that I wanna speak. [00:03:46] Speaker B: Okay. [00:03:46] Speaker D: You know, like, I haven't. I don't really bump into it. I don't speak a lot anyway, but I don't really. It's hard to bump into people and y'all just having a real good conversation. So I wanted to try to create that space for people to be involved in and people to be able to watch and create their own thoughts on. [00:04:05] Speaker B: And kind of get involved with them. It may bring them to speak up or find something within themselves to get them going. [00:04:12] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:04:12] Speaker B: So I can't wait. I can't wait for episode one. [00:04:14] Speaker D: I'm excited. [00:04:15] Speaker B: I can't wait for episode one. Hopefully that comes out soon. So make sure y'all stay tuned. We'll be dropping that information. We actually probably might put it in the description of this episode when you can catch his first episode. But how's your week been, man? How's. It's a good. It's a big Sunday. How was this week for you, man? [00:04:33] Speaker D: Last week was crazy. This is a part of it, though, you know, like being in Crux Media. That's how you pronounce it, right? [00:04:39] Speaker B: Yeah, Crux media, everybody messes it up. It's all right. It's all right. [00:04:42] Speaker D: Yeah. So that being a part of that was a part of how my week went. So you can only imagine the things that led up to it, you know. [00:04:51] Speaker B: Well, let me say this, like, for all of the people, and I'm, you know, one of the founders of Crux Media, and very few people I've talked to about podcasts have had the excitement that he, like that he. And it was more like an organic thing we got on the phone, he was actually talking about something totally different. And as I'm going over stuff with him, he's like, yo, this is what I've been. [00:05:14] Speaker D: Oh, my. [00:05:15] Speaker B: And from there, it was like, some people, they go through the contracts, they go. Cause we are business. We are actual business. So, yes, we hold ourselves to a standard as much as we hold our podcasts to a standard. And the thing I liked about the interaction with you was you could tell when people really want to do something. People talk about, hey, man, I'm a open this business. You know how many podcast meetings we have with people that want a podcast and it don't get. We send them all the information, all the things that they need. You know, we don't need to go over all of that stuff on it, but we send them everything that they need to do on their end. And either we never hear back from them again, or we reach out to talk to them and we don't hear back. And it's like, you could have kept. And it almost puts us in a position where we're like, we need to start charging for these consults because we're taking time out to come and do these things. And it's not like we solicited you. It's like you reached out to us. So if you reached out to us to do a show. So to get to your point, like, to get to you, it was like, we talked. I think it might have been Tuesday on the phone. We met Tuesday. We had some emails back and forth. We had to get some verbiage, right? We did that signed, sealed, and here we are in four days. And then, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's when people want to do something, they'll do it. And I think that it gets, especially with podcasting, it's so easy to get in and out that, and then people think they want to do it until it's time to do it. And then it's either the money aspect of it. Well, no matter how you choose to do it, there's a cost. If you choose to do it yourself, guess what? You got to do all this fire stuff you see in here, from the cameras to the microphones to everything, you got to pay for yourself, then you gotta do the work yourself. And then, so then you end up fizzling out there. And then we say, hey, you gotta charge. Oh, why you gotta charge that much? What? Like, we're providing a service. And so I just think that some of the mentality when it comes to podcasting is I wanna do it until I gotta do it. And so for you to have the level of excitement you had and then just for it, for the action to happen so quickly, it shows. I wanna work with people that wanna do that. You know what I'm saying? And right now, on our network, all we have are people that move in that sense. And I think that that's good. When you have a lot of like minded people, a lot of like minded podcasters, it helps to move your business a whole lot further. Cause I'd rather have a minimal amount of good people than a whole bunch of mediocre people. Because then your turnover is so crazy of people that's in and out. So, Matt, thank you for being on. And so you say you're also an author. You got a kids, but. Let me see that thing. Yeah, man. [00:08:05] Speaker D: Hey, Al the acorn. I am a mighty oak. [00:08:09] Speaker B: Out. Acorn. I am a mighty oak. So what do we. What is this about here? [00:08:13] Speaker D: So that's a. That's about. It's a children's book, ages number one. I am an independently published author. So that's a credential that it took me two years to get. [00:08:24] Speaker B: So here's the thing. We need to talk after this about that. All right. We need to talk about that. [00:08:29] Speaker D: I got you, bro. I got you. [00:08:30] Speaker B: Because we actually have an author on our network. She writes books of poetry, but she going through so much to get her first book done, and she has a whole second book done, but publishing and all that stuff, she doesn't want to go through that whole process. So we definitely got to talk. But, yeah, no, they can't see that. No, you could. [00:08:51] Speaker D: So, yeah, that's a. It's just. It's a book that I wanted to give to the kids about an acorn. It's a book for everybody. But if you can teach it to a kid, I don't feel like you can. You really know what you're talking about until you can teach it to a kid, you know? So I had a. It's about an acorn that believed in himself to become an oak tree. So it's about self belief, you know? So I was able to create a character. An acorn is naturally brown, you know, I feel like that self representation plays a part into that, too. So a brown character with the potential of an oak tree. An acorn is an inch tall and it can grow to 144ft. That's a lot of potential that an acorn packing. And we have more potential within us. And I think it's important for our kids to know that that's dope. [00:09:41] Speaker B: That's dope. That's dope. And where can they find the book? [00:09:44] Speaker D: So you can find it right now. It's available on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles Walmart websites. We also sell the copies at Courtney's cupcakery. It's a book called. It's a store called Jack Books. I want to say that's coming downtown Florence. It's a new independent, independent books. So I'm looking to get it in there, too. So those are ways avenues you can get it. [00:10:12] Speaker B: Okay. All right, we're going to go ahead and drop that link in the description of this episode as well. Go ahead and support Aldacorn. Go ahead and get that book today. I'm probably gonna get a copy from you. If you got something in the car, I'm gonna get. I'm gonna go ahead and pay you for a copy today. I got some kids in the back. You see them? You see them right here all the time. [00:10:31] Speaker D: I got embroidered. [00:10:33] Speaker B: So let me get into a little bit of it. My week, a little bit, actually. It's been a while since we recorded an episode, and I was hoping Cl and Nick would be here today, but they're out. They had some things come up, so I had to call in the reinforcements. But there is an update. We've been in the show six years of this show and going on year seven, and I've consistently talked about my kids and my exes, and this is a relationship show, so all of that matters. And I had a daughter that we didn't have contact with, and she reached out to me, and I had my kids go with me up to see her, and we had an amazing time. Hadn't seen her since she was, like, six, and she's 18. She's a freshman at Howard. Name is Niara. And we went up, and it's the first time ever since my kids, I had all of them together, so it was really emotional for me. My son, Amir, who has his podcast, check it out. Kid Life podcast. He was over the roof. Cause he's never met her, and he's really big on family and stuff like that, so it was just dope. And so to all the fathers out there who have issues and stuff, like, don't give up, that day is gonna come. And don't be afraid of having that hard conversation. Cause it was hard. It was a 3 hours of a hard conversation on the phone, having to answer questions. And then not only that, but in the conversation, it was something I went into it with. I said I was not gonna blame her mom for anything, no matter what I felt. It was about my decisions and what I chose to do. And then however she took it, I just could not put a negative light on her mom. I wanted to make sure, even though we have some disagreements, I wanted to make sure that it was centered around her and the things I felt like I could have done more of. And if you're willing to have that conversation, please just wait for your child. Cause they're gonna call you. And I think a lot of people think it's hopeless because of their situation, because of what they had going on. It's hopeless for them. It's not. Cause that day is gonna come. Cause, like, she reached out to my other daughter who then sent me the number and said, she said, hey, she said, call her. And it was just that simple. And 3 hours later, we planning to go to DC. I think the phone call happened, like Thursday, like that Monday, I got the kids, was in the car, in the truck, headed to DC now. Spent a whole lot of money. Cause DC is expensive and where they wanted to go, we wanna go ahead. But after that, I think I've spoken to her every day since. And it's been about a month and a half now. There's not a day I have not spoken to her. So just an update for those people who really listen to the show over time. So just don't give up. Fathers or even moms, if you don't have. If you haven't seen your child or whatever, just don't give up. Just keep. I know they say hope is a drug, but keep that because you don't want to give up. And then it happens and you're not prepared for the moment. And I felt like I was extremely prepared for the moment to happen. So she's even talking about coming to visit. Like, it's been. It's been a whirlwind stuff in like a month. It's almost like trying to catch up, you know, 14 years in a short period of time. So, you know, I'm just trying to do my best to keep moving forward with that. So. But let's get into this episode something interesting. Of course, our. Our Facebook family is super dope. They always sending us stuff to talk about. Now, I know you're not a relationship dude, but this is about the five stages of love as put forth by Cy Las. She posted this actually two years ago, November 9, 2022. And she said that most couples don't make it past stage three. So what we're gonna do, we're gonna talk about the different stages. So the five stages are one, passion and fun. Two, getting serious. Three, disillusionment. Four, deeper understanding. And then five, moving forward together. Now, she says most couples don't get out of stage three, which is disillusionment. And we'll come back to that. Cause I think that is. I kind of agreed with her in that comment. All right, so passion and fun. This is pretty much the honeymoon stage. So what about the honeymoon stage makes it, like, so exact. What makes it like that? Fire in. [00:14:53] Speaker D: You gotta throw a disclaimer real quick. [00:14:56] Speaker B: Go ahead. We forgot to get the disclaimer. [00:14:58] Speaker D: Yeah. So you said I ain't a relationship dude. I am. I just don't speak about racism. [00:15:03] Speaker B: Okay. Speak about racial. That's what I meant. We'll clarify that. Don't speak about relationships publicly. [00:15:08] Speaker D: Yeah. Cause it's. Yeah, that's my thing. But, yeah, let's get into it now. [00:15:11] Speaker B: Okay, so what is it about the. And I'll ask you first, Kiki. What is the. What is it about the honeymoon phase that just makes it, like, so. Like, you in that. Oh, I wanna talk to him all the time. Oh, I wanna talk to her all the time. Like, what makes it so exhilarating? [00:15:27] Speaker C: Because you meet the best version of them. They give you that representative. So you see the best version of that person right there. [00:15:36] Speaker B: But don't you think kind of, sort of like. That's kind of the issue with dating today is that is the statement you just made. You're meeting the representative. So everybody now is going into everything that they relationship, whether. Even if it's a business relationship. We ain't even talking. Let's take it out of romance. Even if it's business or friendship. I'm going into it looking for red flags, like, the reasons why I want out. So doesn't that make, like, the honeymoon phase now? Cause I'm already thinking that this is not the person that I'm gonna be with. Doesn't it diminish the honeymoon phase? [00:16:06] Speaker C: Only if you come in with that mindset. It's all about the mindset you come into it with. If you come in looking for what you don't want, you don't want that person. And you even healed it. So we gotta get into that in a different conversation. [00:16:17] Speaker B: Okay. But I do think people do get into stuff, and they ain't even. They ain't even over. Yeah, they ain't even over. The last thing over. [00:16:25] Speaker C: So it's like, yeah, if you come in looking for red flags, that mean you. You still got issues. You ain't let go of it. Like, you don't even date nobody. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't go in looking for something to be wrong. That's weird, but it's. [00:16:40] Speaker B: But some people turn that as going, I'm just. I'm just protecting myself. That's. That's how they see it. [00:16:45] Speaker C: You can have boundaries. That's what boundaries are for. Boundaries offer protection. [00:16:50] Speaker B: But I think that's another thing. People don't know the difference between boundaries. They don't know boundaries. Non negotiables and red flags. [00:16:56] Speaker C: They don't know the difference between any of them. [00:17:00] Speaker D: So what's the difference? [00:17:02] Speaker B: I think a boundary is things that you put up this wall of don't inter. Like, for example, I think I can't articulate the actual meaning, but I know. In examples. In an example. And the boundary for me is, don't pop up out of my house. [00:17:20] Speaker D: Right. I feel you on that. [00:17:21] Speaker B: You know, call me. I'm not saying you can't come. I'm just saying announce that you're on the way. Call if you're on the way. That's a boundary. All right. A non negotiable would be. Don't curse at me. It's not a boundary. That's non negotiable. For me. A boundary is something that you may cross, and then I have to then put you back outside of that. Like, you might pop up at my house one day and my anger I might. Cause, we might have never had a conversation about it, and so my anger might go. But, hey, look, we didn't have a discussion about this, but I would really appreciate it if you call before you come. I get your sentiment. You want to surprise me with whatever gift this is you brought me. You want to show up in a trench coat? No, and I get it. But this is one of my boundaries. I would prefer if you call now a non negotiable. Once we arguing, and I got this from my marriage, the way she used to speak to me, I don't take that off. Nobody at all. Now, in a relationship, I do not. The second you curse, I'm out. I'm out. Like, I shut down. I don't say nothing, and I'm probably out of this altogether. So I think the non negotiables is the things that, like, it's a hard line stance that you just don't take. A boundary is something more so that people might be able to cross, but through conversation, they'll then respect that, that particular aspect of it. And I think that not enough people have enough conversations about their boundaries or non negotiables prior to going deeper or further past stage one of the love phase. And I think that that's where we end up, and that's what kind of stuff ends up. And then red flags is just. I just think that's a hot button word that's been used over and over. Cause if I see another social media post about red flags, I'm done. And I think that that's. I think that sometimes that's why people, you know, we have a really good. I would say we have a really good followership and people listenership and viewership for this show. And I think it's all because of the way that we've intentionally not tried to make this show a viral thing. So where whatever they're talking about on social media, this is what we're gonna talk about. [00:19:30] Speaker C: Right. [00:19:30] Speaker B: Like, even today's topic, if I say this is something from, like, two years ago that this person wrote that somebody just happened to send to us. So it's not something that's like, we're not gonna be here talking about ten red flags or, you know, flying somebody out, or, you know, it's more so about, we wanna make it a little bit deeper of a conversation. So, yeah, I think that red flag stuff like this is for the viral thing. So I want Mister ladd. [00:20:00] Speaker D: Okay. [00:20:00] Speaker B: What's your favorite memory in the honeymoon stage? You have a favorite memory? [00:20:07] Speaker D: Let me see. My favorite memory. Favorite memory in the honeymoon stage. Shoot. How long is the honeymoon stage usually? [00:20:19] Speaker B: I think it varies. Yeah. That's why I think it varies from person to person. Yeah, yeah. I think for each individual that you deal with, I think it varies. You still in the honeymoon stage? [00:20:31] Speaker D: Yeah. So, like that. That's why I'm saying, yeah, that's good, though. [00:20:35] Speaker B: And that's great. But that's great. That is amazing, because most people. Because I think it's just a matter of you and your significant other being consistent. Correct. [00:20:48] Speaker D: That's a part of it. It's just allowing growth in the relationship. You know, like, you can't expect it to be exactly like it is. I feel like every phase of relationship has a honeymoon stage. Cause it's new, you know? Like, if you allow growth in the relationship, like, it's gonna be good times and bad times, but the honeymoon stage, to me, just is like, the excitement. Right. But as you grow what excites you changes. I feel, you know, that's the perfect. [00:21:16] Speaker B: Way of putting it. Because I think people don't think like that. I think. I wouldn't say all people cuz I try to stay. We try to stay away from absolute statements. But I think a lot of people don't look at the relationship, think the relationship between the two people, it grows. And I like the way you said that word. That word growth is a thing. And people mistake growth for change. [00:21:43] Speaker D: Like evolving. [00:21:44] Speaker B: Yeah, growth, evolution, everything. But everything evolves. Your friendships evolve, your business evolves. [00:21:51] Speaker C: Something's wrong. [00:21:53] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:21:53] Speaker D: And I think that's what be happening. You know, like when that relationship or when that honeymoon stage, like it's fizzling out or something like that. Maybe for some people, I feel like they don't really look at the next phase of themselves and then how that next phase fits into the relationship where it worked for both people in a way that it's exciting for both of y'all. [00:22:18] Speaker B: And I think that kind of segues into the next thing, which is the next part of getting serious. Because this honeymoon, like usually that's the getting to know you, that's the I'm excited to talk and this that third. So now we're going to a deeper level out. Hey, let's. You know, there's some. I want to be with you and no one else. I know people date differently. All right, so some people, they could date multiple people, and some people they can only date one date. They like, hey, look, this is my boundary is I only date one person at a time. We may not be in a relationship, but I only date one person at a time. And so I guess understanding there. So now when we get serious, how does it go? How do we know the difference between infatuation and actual love in the stage? Because it's really easy to muddle that line. So how do we. Kiggy, how do you think you kind of gauge between the two? Or what's the best way to gauge between. [00:23:13] Speaker C: The best way to gauge is really with conversation. Like, I feel like this is getting. This is getting serious. You start that off with a conversation. You don't just assume just because you feel that way, that the other part is feeling that way. And that's when you get that little imbalance and we got ourselves questioning. So it starts with a conversation. I think this is getting further. Like, what we doing? Don't be weird. [00:23:37] Speaker B: Cause that isn't like I would say as a guy at times, that's one of the conversations I don't be ready for is what we doing. Hold on now, like, I thought we established what we was doing, but what happened to the, what happened to where we were? Cause, like, some people, they'd be like, hey, look, I don't want a relationship. I just wanna have a good time. [00:23:57] Speaker C: Right? [00:23:58] Speaker B: And then, okay, good, let's have a good time. And then after a couple of months, good time turns, so what are we doing? Wait, hold on. I thought good time was what we were doing. [00:24:06] Speaker C: That's why I think it all has to be a conversation. It has to be. [00:24:10] Speaker B: But if we had the conversation, if we had the conversation in the beginning. [00:24:13] Speaker C: Though, if you had a conversation, that doesn't mean that person is allowed to change their mind. That goes for men and women. Just have that conversation. That person's like, well, I just want to keep having good time with you. So now you know where I can't have. [00:24:23] Speaker B: I can't be here with this. [00:24:24] Speaker C: I can't be here with this dancer. [00:24:25] Speaker B: I got home, okay. [00:24:27] Speaker C: That's when, you know, I'm separate. [00:24:29] Speaker B: Okay. I'm saying, you know, I get like. [00:24:32] Speaker C: Oh, but now I want to do it. So you forcing me to do it as well. That's weird. Why you being weird? [00:24:38] Speaker B: But some people will go, I'm having such a good time. What's the harm? And being in a relationship with this person when I have a good time and not understanding that this person is trying to be. Trying to get serious, you're not. So if that's the case, it's not aligning, and it's kind of destined to fail, really, because you really don't want to be in a relationship. And this thing has grown, as you put it. It's a good question for you. I'm asking a good question. What does commitment mean to you in a relationship? [00:25:09] Speaker D: In a relationship? A commitment? Okay, so that's a good question. Cause I ask people this question sometimes. I ask it in a different way. But when you commit, I feel like there's no commitment without agreeing on what it is that y'all committed, committed to, you know what I'm saying? So I feel like that the commitment comes after the agreement. Like, this is what, this is how we feel. We. This relationship will work best for us. This works for me, this works for you. This is how this thing mesh. I've committed to x, y, z. I mean, I can agree that this is how I. This is what I feel like is going to be disrespectful to the household. This is what I feel like when y'all have these agreements, y'all establish these agreements when you commit, you committing to those agreements to that person. And, like, I feel like as you. As you grow and as y'all make your mistakes and stuff like that. Cause that happens. [00:26:05] Speaker B: That happens. Yeah. [00:26:06] Speaker D: You know, so as you make your mistakes, it's either, like, y'all willing to have the conversation and see if growth can come from this mistake or if that's just something that's one of those boundaries or one of those non negotiable, non negotiables that should have been negotiated in the agreement phase. [00:26:24] Speaker B: Oh, that's a good. It should have been negotiated in the agreement. That's a good way to put it. [00:26:28] Speaker D: But that's what I feel like commitment is just you giving your word or your ring or, like, whatever it is that you given in exchange for this commitment to these agreements. I feel like that's. Hopefully I answered the question, like, what is to me? But I think a commitment is just, you know, actually committing to what it is that y'all agreed on in your relationship. Like, what y'all feel like is gonna work the best. Cause like you said, for relationship, even if it's business. You know what I'm saying? If we got a business relationship like you and I, we went back and forth in emails to find an agreement on what it is. [00:27:05] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:27:05] Speaker D: You know, and then now the commitment was made, and now I'm here, you know, so that would give an example. [00:27:14] Speaker B: Underneath the terms that were agreed upon. [00:27:16] Speaker D: Underneath what we agreed upon. And not saying that. [00:27:18] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:27:19] Speaker D: Not saying that, like, a relationship is contractual. [00:27:22] Speaker B: No, but isn't it? [00:27:23] Speaker D: Yeah, well, I think there's different. It's kind of. It's kind of different. I know when people get married, it's a contract they feel like. [00:27:31] Speaker B: But I think. I mean it more metaphorically. I think it's a contract in a sense of. Especially if you're saying, especially when you said emotional contract. And it's an emotional contract if we're sitting down and we're agreeing. Right. So we're discussing. We have now gotten to the point we're in a serious phase. We're in phase two. We wanna make this thing serious. So now, what is it? What are our, what is the contract? What are we committing to? What are we committing? [00:27:59] Speaker D: What are we doing? [00:28:00] Speaker B: What are we doing? Yeah, what are we committing to? And I think, and I think in my past, I've been very poor at articulating what I want. I usually just go, okay, what do you want? Okay, cool. That's what we'll do. And there is no agree. I'm agreeing to whatever they said. There is no negotiation throughout the situation because I'm agreeing just to what they. [00:28:24] Speaker D: So that's automatically, like, it ain't no balance. [00:28:27] Speaker B: There's no balance in the relationship. And so now what ends up happening is. And this is in a lot of my past relationships, what ends up happening is I end up slower and slower, being more unattracted to losing feelings for, because I feel like my portion of the relationship is my. What I need is not being met. Although I'm meeting all these other needs when I have never. When I didn't articulate in the first place what I actually needed from her. I didn't negotiate that in the beginning, and I feel like I can't bring it back up. Cause I didn't say nothing before. [00:29:00] Speaker D: But you know what? Be the best, though, like, the best is when not saying it always happened like that, but, like, when you don't have to say it. Like, it's just automatic, like. Cause y'all just. Y'all just mesh like that. Y'all fit so well, and that's your gift. [00:29:14] Speaker C: And then they mesh. [00:29:16] Speaker D: Yeah. So, like, when you ain't gotta say nothing, but it's like two sides, I always see things from multiple sides, so it'd be two sides to it. People just gotta figure out what works best for them, you know? But, yeah, I do feel like that's. That's it. [00:29:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:33] Speaker C: You need an empath yourself, huh? You need an empath, Yoshi. [00:29:37] Speaker B: I need an empath? What do you mean? I don't think I need an empathy. [00:29:42] Speaker C: Because if you need. If you tend to do that and, like, put yourself, neglect yourself, you need somebody that can pick up on that. You get what I'm saying, though? [00:29:51] Speaker B: I've just always been more of a. [00:29:52] Speaker C: Guy can be like, he ain't did blah, blah, blah for himself, you know, that can, like, pick up. You know what I mean? [00:29:57] Speaker B: Well, I dealt with one or two people, one or two women like that, who really kind of did for me. [00:30:02] Speaker C: And then encourage you to do that. [00:30:03] Speaker B: For yourself as well. Yeah. One of them would. She would go out of her way, like, to be like, hey, why don't you just. The kids are going, are you gonna have your kids? No. Well, just. Just don't be bothered. Just go over here. I'll pay for you to go to this, that, and the third and just go. And that was cool. But I always feel like in those instance, I always end up feeling like. Cause I'm more of a giver than a taker. Excuse me. I feel like I'm taking something, and I always feel it's always like, a level of guilt in me when I'm doing that. But I do understand that I probably need to say something. But you say empath, that'll work. I can take that. [00:30:48] Speaker D: Okay, so do you feel like he needs an empath or somebody that's just really paying attention? [00:30:55] Speaker C: That too. He needs somebody who pays attention to. [00:30:58] Speaker B: You. Need somebody who's detail oriented, too. There ain't too many of them out there. [00:31:03] Speaker C: Yeah, like, detail oriented. [00:31:06] Speaker D: It might be a lot. They just spread out. [00:31:08] Speaker B: They just spread out. [00:31:10] Speaker D: It might be a lot of them ain't in the same space. [00:31:15] Speaker B: It's a few and far between. [00:31:19] Speaker D: Two is a lot when all you need is one. [00:31:22] Speaker B: True. [00:31:22] Speaker D: You know, so true, true, true, true. [00:31:27] Speaker C: Hey. [00:31:27] Speaker B: No, but it is. They could be all spread out. Now. Stage three is one I wanted to get to. Cause I think a lot of people go through stage three, and that is. And my thing is messing up. Come on. Stage three open when technology fails you. All right. Stage three, disillusionment. She says that unfortunately, this is the stage where couples break up. Things start to feel off. You are feeling stuck with life's responsibilities, paying bills, maybe kids, and a lot of things to worry about. Everything has turned into a routine at this stage. You start to wonder what happened to all the cuddles, the kisses, the romance and love. You feel like your partner is taking you for granted. Small things you didn't notice start to annoy you. Constant arguments are taking the place of romance. You have mixed feelings which make you doubt if you even made the right choice. You may even start resenting each other. This is when most couples break up. Do you think that that's the case? I'll ask you, Kiki, what is your. In that sense? [00:32:30] Speaker C: Yeah, that's the truth. That's where most people hate fall apart when life start, like when real life hits them. Like, this is who this person is, especially at this stage in life, because we all have that ugly stage, right? And so this is who this person is. And you have to figure out, how can I navigate this stage of this person if that's what you want to do. [00:32:56] Speaker B: Do you think that people end up in this disillusion stage because they're not. Because. And actually, and I want to ask you this because you said that you're still in your honeymoon phase because as you're relationship grew. I love the word of growth. And I love the way you worded that, but as you. As it grew, y'all made the adjustments to deal with the growth. Do you think that that's what it is here? Like they said, kids came into play and bills had to be paid. Cause now we're living together, and so life becomes a routine. So do you think that what can help couple? Like, do you think that that's a real thing? Like, is it, is it that people are just not making the choice to recognize that things have gotten to this point? [00:33:44] Speaker D: Yeah, I think you share responsibilities on a larger scale. And, like, when you haven't had to share responsibilities, then it's a certain part of a person that you don't even know yet, for real. So how responsible are they with these things? Like, it puts me in the mind of somebody. I have said somewhere, they say, like, before you have kids, have a plant. See if you can take care of a plant, and then if you could take care of that plant, get a pet and see if you can take care of that pet. Something that's dependent on you. And it just makes sense to me just to have those gradual stages, like a plant. Like, some people don't care if they plant die, but it's life, though, you know what I mean? Then a pet and then kids. So I feel like by people having to share more responsibility together, a routine actually is beneficial when you got that amount of responsibilities together. Now, if you add excitement into that routine, or, like, you find that space to where some people do dates once a week to keep their joint new, or they go on a trip every quarter, like, they do what it is they need to do, because the same things ain't the same. I feel like the same exact things shouldn't excite you because you've experienced it. You've experienced. So that's just like eating steak every single day. For the rest, it's gonna not excite you or down the line. But you might like something else, though, you know what I'm saying? So you might like this new experience that y'all haven't experienced instead of looking for the same exact thing in the beginning, because y'all two different people. [00:35:26] Speaker B: But that's. And that's the point that I thought you said earlier that made a whole lot of sense. We don't realize now, societally, I don't think we recognize that we change all the time. And the people that we deal with, well, not change, evolve. And so with the evolution of us, of self, right. The same thing happens in the relationship the relationship evolves, and it changes, and it. So I just don't, why is it so, how, what is a telltale sign, you think? Kiki, like, what should people look out for so that when it's, when it's like that, like, so they don't end up in that, how could they address the problems? How could they recognize the problem in this particular stage so that they don't break up? And I know counseling is the number one thing people say, but, I mean, that's a given, so we're not gonna say that. What are some things that I guess we could do? If we're in this relationship and it's been two years and we're living together and we've gotten to this mundane state, how should that conversation go? How do we address it? How do we address it as a whole? [00:36:35] Speaker D: I like the opportunity to answer that after. [00:36:37] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah. [00:36:38] Speaker C: You start off with clear communication. Like, somebody has to be attentive. Attentive enough to know there's been a lack in communication, because that's usually the first thing that starts to falter, is the lack of your needs, because your needs start to change. And you've been doing this one thing for a very long time. [00:36:56] Speaker B: Right. [00:36:57] Speaker C: And your needs start to change. You almost feel obligated not to change them because you've been doing this with this person for so long, you know? And that's when I think the communication starts to fall to me. You feel like, I feel obligated to doing this one thing, but I don't need that. It's not working for me anymore, and now I feel obligated, and I don't know what to do. So now I'm feeling away. You get what I'm saying? I'm feeling away, and I'm starting to resent my partner, and for whatever reason, because I didn't communicate what I needed. And, of course, you said counseling, but I feel like there are other ways to do it. You can reconnect, like, every two weeks, just try to take on a date. So every two months, have a sit down, talk about what you need. [00:37:42] Speaker B: You, you know, have a check in. [00:37:44] Speaker C: So check in, you know? [00:37:45] Speaker B: Okay. What, you wanted to chime in there? [00:37:48] Speaker D: Yeah, she kind of hit it. Like, I feel like communicating your feelings. Like, people be straying away from actually communicating their feelings at that point. And then me. Yeah. So I feel like that's an issue, being able to effectively communicate your feelings, because sometimes you can wait too late. You know what I mean? Feeling is so long that you implode and then you explode. So I feel like being able to communicate or building that relationship the way y'all feel comfortable knowing what's on each other's minds and keeping people out of your relationship. Like, I feel like that be the biggest. [00:38:25] Speaker B: Wait, what is. What is that? With the advent, with the blow up of social media, I gotta have people in my relationship. [00:38:30] Speaker D: That's false. [00:38:31] Speaker C: That's not. [00:38:32] Speaker B: Isn't that. I don't believe that I'm speaking. Look at how many. And it irks my nerves. Like, I was dating somebody one time, and I said, after my last relationship, until I'm married, I'm not posting nothing. The next thing you go, the next picture you see of me is probably my wedding day, and it's probably cause my wife want to post it. It ain't cause I actually wanna do it. I'll post other nonsense all day, all day, every day. But I try to keep my relationships and the people I deal with very close. [00:39:05] Speaker D: Right. [00:39:06] Speaker B: And it's one person I was dating one time. Are you. What's it. You hiding? Me? [00:39:12] Speaker D: Yeah. That's usually a thing that people would say. [00:39:14] Speaker B: No, how. You've met my friends, you've met my family, everybody that's important to me. But you ain't post me on social media. That means you got how. [00:39:27] Speaker D: That's just how they think. [00:39:28] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:39:29] Speaker D: You know, like, that's just how that particular person think. I feel like a relationship is so sacred, like, you should when you put something on social media. And this is why it's hard for me to really be as effective as I can be, because social media is a gift and a curse, you know? And, like, the more I realize, the more people that you. The more people you put in your relationship, the more opinions you open that up to, the more perspectives, the more, like, thoughts of others. Like, it's so many different worlds that. [00:40:01] Speaker B: Just plants, that just plant seeds in your brain, in your mind. [00:40:05] Speaker D: Right. You know? So I feel like when it comes to a relationship, the more you keep people from swaying your emotions when it becomes a yo. Cause you. They not gonna get the whole picture. They might get a picture. [00:40:16] Speaker B: They ain't gonna get the whole picture. [00:40:18] Speaker D: You know, so you people get into it, and they might not post nothing, but, you know, people start saying certain things, and your people you close to, like, bro, I saw this on, like, it's too many opinions on something that's private. Like, why would y'all want other people's hands on something private? [00:40:37] Speaker B: Yeah. And to that point, too. Let's away from social media, like, you, your friends don't have to know everything that's going on in your relationship. I think if you got somebody that you confide in, that's. That's one thing. But the people, you know, everybody don't need to know you got some issues going on. If you got issues, everybody don't need to know what y'all have for dinner. You know, I think that sometimes people. I remember my ex wife would. Would say, hey, let's go to my mom and dad. We're having this issue. I want to get my mom and dad's thoughts on it. I was like, no, their relationship is not ours. What's making them work? Cause I see a lot of stuff over there I don't like. What's making them work is not gonna work for me. [00:41:22] Speaker D: Y'all got your own fingerprint. [00:41:23] Speaker B: Yeah. And. And so I think I went to. When my marriage was really about to fall apart, I went to my friend, a really close friend of mine. He's married. Been married now. He's been married about 20 something years, 22 years. Got married 2000, like, four or five, something like that. So about 20 years they're coming up on. And I went to him at the time, and I was like, hey, man, this is my problem. And he stopped me. He said, I'm gonna give you the same advice my daddy gave me. He said, your marriage ain't mine. Whatever I give you gonna be from my perspective of what works with my wife. Your wife is not my wife. He said, I suggest y'all just go and talk and figure out if y'all can talk this out. And if you need to go to counseling, go ahead to counseling. He was like, but you don't need to seek anything outside of your house. [00:42:10] Speaker D: That's a good friend. [00:42:11] Speaker B: Oh, no. I took it to this. Now, cl don't agree with that advice, but. Cause I've said it before on the show. Cl don't agree with it. But. But it made sense to me, and it made me look at it like, yeah, you right. Like, his wife is different than mine, so what works in his marriage is not gonna work. So any advice he gives me is gonna be from his perspective, which is different than my situation altogether. So I don't think I've ever. And this might be. I don't know if it's a red flag for people. I don't think I've ever made it out of the dissolution mistake. Like, usually this is where it ends for me, is where it becomes a routine. We stop focusing on each other, and then sometimes, and there's no conversation about it. And I think the women in my past that I've dealt with don't. They haven't been the best communicators, and I'm not the best communicator, and I know that. So, like, sometimes you gotta force a conversation with me, or sometimes I try to force a conversation and not really taking the clues as to, yeah, no, there's no more conversation to be had. And so I don't. I'm still trying to figure out that balance of when I need to talk and when I need to let the other person open up the conversation, but I haven't made it out. But you, Antoine, have made it to the deeper understanding stage. So it's deeper understanding stage is where I hate it when I mess up. Come on, come on, come on. [00:43:44] Speaker D: And to that, I feel like people don't. Like, every relationship you get in don't supposed to last forever. I feel like, like, I feel like it's hard to. Like, sometimes people feel like, you ain't gonna know if that person ain't good for you till you reach some of them stages. Yeah, you know, they might be good at these stages, these first two or these first three, but y'all just ain't that. They not growing with you, or you got to this stage faster than them. You know what I mean? So I feel like it's so much that goes into relationships, that's why it's always, like, I see so many different perspectives on it that it's hard for me to talk about. [00:44:27] Speaker B: Yeah, I get it, and I just. But, and then it's so much of a war. A lot of people's like, a lot of these things with all social media, because that's where it comes from. A lot of it is. These people are literally trying to say something to get people to watch so that they can, because you get enough views, you get enough likes, you start to get paid off of it, and I get it, and that's cool. But that doesn't mean that you, as a person, as I'm watching, it's entertaining to me, it's entertainment, which is what it's meant to be. It's not meant to be taken as law. I don't think. So. When people go all up in arms and they be going after each other in the comments, I be like, we. [00:45:08] Speaker C: Don'T belong to each other. And if anything teaches us that it should be death, we don't belong to each other at all. Okay, so you might have a person for a month, you might have somebody for a year, you might have five years. And it's okay. It should always be open door, you know, we don't belong to each other in any sense. We can't hold on to people. That's not what we're here for. [00:45:30] Speaker B: And some people do get. I think people get stuck in that, too. Like, the biggest thing is, what is one of those sayings, I don't put all my time in this. And so they want to stay because whose fault is that? They've invested time. [00:45:44] Speaker C: Well, it's yours to invest, so whose fault is that? [00:45:47] Speaker B: It's yours if you stay. [00:45:49] Speaker D: It was a bad investment. [00:45:50] Speaker B: It was a bad event. In business, sometimes you got to know. [00:45:54] Speaker C: When to pull out. [00:45:56] Speaker B: You got to know when to. Yeah. [00:45:57] Speaker C: Hey, give me my. Let me get my. [00:46:00] Speaker B: Yeah, let me. Let me get out of here. Five years, ten years, whatever the time is that you realize it's time to go. [00:46:06] Speaker C: Yeah. You had to wake up and realize. [00:46:07] Speaker B: That, yeah, it's up to you. [00:46:09] Speaker C: It wasn't on them to say, hey, this is what's going on. [00:46:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, they say if you make it past stage three, consider yourself safe and stable in your relationship and in it for the long term, you begin to see each other for who you really are. You gain a deeper understanding of who your partner's. Of your partner's problems and insecurities. You acknowledge they have needs, wishes, wants and insecurities just like you do. You get better at expressing your needs and desires, and you are more willing to face problems together and work on them. Now, you understand true love. You understand that a meaningful and long lasting relationship is about acceptance, understanding and compassion. Any disagreement there? [00:46:53] Speaker C: No. [00:46:54] Speaker D: I like the acceptance, understanding and compassion. I think that's a very important ingredient. [00:46:59] Speaker C: Compassion is so important in relationships, though. [00:47:02] Speaker B: But I think that. Isn't that at any stage, though. [00:47:04] Speaker C: Yes, it's usually the disillusionment stage that we lose it. [00:47:09] Speaker B: Usually disillusionment stage. So you think we have it up. [00:47:11] Speaker C: Until that point, you have, like, compassion for that person until they hit that disillusionment stage and you tend to lose it after that. [00:47:20] Speaker B: A relationship I had, I remember we started out, everything. Honeymoon phase was great. And she was making an exorbitant amount of money. And I'm a teacher, so I was making whatever amount of money. And so the relationship progressed. Two years down the line, she ends up losing that job because of some stuff she did and then never went back. I just never saw her fight to get back to trying to work. She wanted to be like a. She wanted to stay at the house. She wanted to stay home. She wanted to find a job that works from home. She didn't want to just take any job. She wanted to find the job and ended up unemployed for maybe about two or three years during our relationship. And we were living together. So we went from this two income household where she was the majority of it, and we had to drastically scale down to a teacher salary for me, her, the kids. And it ended up weighing on me because that's what I said in the disillusionment. I was like. Then all little stuff about her just started to bother me, whether it was little physical. Like, she has a small tooth on the right side of her mouth. Like, I used to annoy me. They're like, what is. Why am I here? Like, and it, but it. To me, it was one thing led to another that led to another, and I didn't see her. Like, why is she laughing? Like, like, it's a true state. Like, it's a totally true. Like, every day she would talk to me. I would look at her go, oh, my God. [00:48:57] Speaker D: What was blinding you? What was blinding you? Like, why were you blinded? Like, why did that start to bother you so much? [00:49:05] Speaker B: I think it just. Because I think it was everything else. Cause I'm attracted to driven to women who are really driven and really hustle and grind and stuff like that. I'm attracted to busy women, like, women who gotta just, they're after it, getting their own. Not necessarily cause they don't need me or cause I don't wanna do, but it's more. So that's the same mindset that I kinda have. I'm always, I'm always moving on and I'm always grinding. I'm always trying to do something. And so a woman like that can understand me as a person and the way I carry myself in a relationship because they can understand that, and I could not. What was bothering me was her lack of work ethic. And so once that happened, it was one thing that, and I think that particular physical attribute was just the, the symbol of my disdain. Something so minute and so small could annoy me on a level. And it was just, it wasn't about. Cause she was a beautiful individual, beautiful lady, but it's just that one thing was magnified because of these other. Because of the other glaring, that big, glaring disparity was, you want us to do all these things. You want us to do these things your friends are doing, but you're not helping by like, you know, we got these kids. I think it was my two boys, mine. She had a son that she came to the relationship with, and then I adopted the kid prior to getting in the relationship, and he was, when I adopted Chris, he was like 15. So, you know, going through all of that. So now we got four kids in this house and you not work. It was so, like I said, that one thing just became the symbol for me and instead of me, and I think I did a lot of not communicating. And so now, like, then it gave me more excuse to be out the house, which annoyed her because now she's in the house with all the kids. But I'm like, nah, I gotta go work. Cause so blaze called me and be like, hey, yoshi, I need you to come. I got an event out here in Florence. I need you to come work the door. Okay. I need you to come for the whole weekend. Okay. So I'm not home with the kids. So that kinda blew her resentment up in me because now I'm not there. But it was like, which came first? The chicken and egg and stuff just started to annoy me. And so then she, I mean, we ended up breaking up, of course, but it was destined to go there. And like I said, it was that disillusionment stage that just kind of put us in that place. [00:51:39] Speaker D: Hopefully she don't see this and be like, oh, that's how you really feel. [00:51:42] Speaker B: Oh, no. You think we know. We've had that discussion on this show. There's an episode. I'm putting the link in the. There's an episode. Me and her was on the show. It was just me and her. We did an episode where we talked about our relationship, the breakdown of it. [00:51:55] Speaker D: Y'all go deep. [00:51:56] Speaker B: What happened? And me and her, it was just me and her on the episode. And we spoke and I mean, me and her, we cool. Like, she know what I be saying. [00:52:03] Speaker D: Y'all go deep up in this joint, huh? [00:52:05] Speaker B: Yeah. Nah, I'm gonna put a link to the episode if y'all wanna hear that episode, because the show's been going on for like five, six years now. [00:52:13] Speaker D: That's crazy. [00:52:14] Speaker B: And there was, when we started, was literally at the end. This show started at the end of my relationship with her. So she was on the show. She's been on the show as somebody who was with me at the early. And then we did a show, I think it might have been last year, where we just talked about the breakup and how it happened and stuff like that. [00:52:36] Speaker D: That's what's up, man. [00:52:37] Speaker B: And so people was like, somebody hit me up. Like, y'all cool? I'm like, now I think when you. I just think when people take accountability for whatever happens in the relationship, both parties can move on. [00:52:50] Speaker D: Yeah, that's real talk without issue. [00:52:54] Speaker B: So for us to be able to sit there and have a conversation, as hurt as she was and as hurt as I was by us breaking up and as hurt as our kids were about us breaking up, for us to be able to sit there and have a conversation and have a deep, meaningful, like, just conversation about it on air. [00:53:12] Speaker D: On air. That's the thing. [00:53:14] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? [00:53:14] Speaker D: Different. [00:53:15] Speaker B: And so it's. But left out of there. Hugs. Hey, have a safe ride back. Have a safe ride back today. You know what I'm saying? It was. But I think. But that's because I think not only. I've evolved a lot more. Cause there's been a stage where if you was out, I'm out, we ain't got nothing to talk about. But I felt like people had. People could get something out of us having that conversation, even if it's just, hey, you know what? You can have a conversation with your ex, especially if you have kids together, because you can't just. You're linked for life. So you can either have conversations with this person, tough conversations. Maybe it's some stuff and some resentment that y'all are holding on to because y'all just haven't discussed it. Because you just haven't talked about it. So talk about it. Get it out there. Get it in. And you don't need no counselor to talk about nothing. The counselors there to help you come up with strategies to help you get past it. But ain't nothing to having a conversation with somebody. And you ain't gotta cuss. You ain't gotta, you know, your voice might become elevated at times because it. It was a hurtful thing for you, but for the most part, you know, why can't we discuss it and give the both of us closure? Cause I think one thing that annoys me sometimes about people is somebody said, a lot of people believe this. They don't owe anybody any closure, which might be true, but it would be nice. I just think it would be nice if you were to offer some form of closure to the person. Cause sometimes a reason why somebody repeats behavior is because they don't know that the behavior they're doing is wrong. They may simply say, hey, this is who I am. You know, I don't know why all these women don't talk to me anymore. Well, that's because nobody has said, hey, you know what? This is over. But, you know, these are the things you did. That kind of got me to that point. And that's why I think there's some. You don't owe anybody anything. But it would be nice. I think it would be courteous. It would be nice if that was the case. And so for me and her to have that conversation, if I was to hash that out, she was able to get some. And mind you, we did it on air, but we had talked prior to. So that wasn't anything. We just kind of repeated a conversation we already had. But it was through that conversation that I was able to see, okay, well, these are the things I need to change about myself because she gave me her reasons for the. For the deter. The deterioration of our relationship, what she thought were those reasons. And then I was able to give her what I thought was those reasons. And I think it was able to give us both, allow us both to move on without holding on to bad behavior that didn't work the first time around. [00:55:59] Speaker D: And that's why I said I had liked that acceptance, understanding, that compassion, because one of the things that we brought up multiple times was communication. But I feel like a part of communication, under that umbrella of communication, is understanding, because we can communicate. But if I'm sitting and trying to communicate with somebody that just choosing not to understand what I'm saying, the communication is out the window. Not just words. Like, it's body language too, you know. [00:56:27] Speaker B: So verbal and non verbal, right? [00:56:30] Speaker D: So all of that falls into communication to me. So that understanding is probably one of the most important things. [00:56:36] Speaker B: I feel like you gotta ask. [00:56:37] Speaker C: Like, I know you heard what I said, but, like, what did you hear? What did you get from that? [00:56:43] Speaker D: Right? [00:56:43] Speaker B: Oh, and you know what? That's. [00:56:45] Speaker C: What did you get from that? Like, I know you hear what I said, but what did you take from that? Okay, like, what did you get from that? What did you hear me say? [00:56:52] Speaker D: What are your takeaways? [00:56:53] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. Like, what did you get from that? Like, seriously, like, I said, blah, blah, blah. But what did you hear me say? [00:57:00] Speaker D: That's weird. [00:57:00] Speaker C: Sometimes you'll say something, you'd be like, but I never said that. And you're like, I felt like, see. [00:57:05] Speaker B: No, that wasn't it. That wasn't it. But to that point, we had one episode. We had. We had a communication. This person is a communication expert, and he's based out of Canada, and what he does is he helps companies hire him. Companies. And he even has couples that come to him to help with their communication. And he said, me and Nick were going back and forth on the show. Cause me and her always go back and forth. And he stopped it. He said, okay, nick, he said, you said, what did you say? And I said, well, I repeated what I said. I can't remember what I said. And he said, nick, well, what did you hear? And then Nick said something that was not like what I said. And he was like. He said, that's the problem in communication. Sometimes you have to stop and ask the person, okay, you're upset. So what did you actually hear me say? What? Did you hear what I said? Cause then there is that disconnect between what I say and what a person hears. Because tone or whatever, like, body language, all that stuff, can determine how a person sees a views or hearsay, or even they feeling. Oh, what? [00:58:19] Speaker D: They mad. [00:58:20] Speaker B: They hear nothing. They hearing exactly what you. [00:58:26] Speaker D: Feeling. How they feeling is what they're gonna determine what they hear, too. So it's so many communication, so broad, bro. And it take practice, though. [00:58:34] Speaker C: That's. Yeah. And you gotta know to talk when you cool down. Like, you shouldn't say nothing when you, like, when you're angry. And just walk away. Leave it alone. [00:58:44] Speaker B: Well, thank you. Thank y'all for being on. Y'all have done an amazing job. I gotta have y'all back. Gotta have you back for sure. [00:58:52] Speaker D: I'm up in here, bro. I'm up in here, man. [00:58:57] Speaker B: Tell people how they can find you. [00:58:58] Speaker D: You can find me. I ain't hard to find. Fruit. Fruit. Thinking on Instagram. Antoine lod on Facebook. I don't do a whole lot of social media. I'm usually, like, putting something out there, promoting something. But if you wanted to contact me anyway, you can find me on those two links right now. [00:59:24] Speaker B: Okay, what about you? How could they find you in the trap? It's going down. [00:59:29] Speaker C: You can find me on Facebook at Kiki banjo. Don't follow me anywhere else. I'm only on Twitter doing, you know, what I'm doing. [00:59:36] Speaker B: Foolishness. [00:59:37] Speaker C: Looking at stuff I ain't got no business. [00:59:39] Speaker B: All right, so you on X. You ain't on Twitter. You on X. [00:59:46] Speaker C: Hey, don't look for me, please. [00:59:49] Speaker B: Hey, you can find me on Instagram. And Snapchat at the 9th wonder. You can find me on Facebook. Yoshi English. And on. There's one more. Oh, you can find us on all podcast platforms. R E l S T a T. Podcast. Until the next time y'all route peace.