240th Date: That Was Not In The Letter

[00:00:15] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship status. It's your girl. Neat. [00:00:17] Speaker B: Cruz cl Butler, and your boy, Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to, like, share, follow, and five star rate. And if you want to join the conversation, email us relstat podcastmail.com. and we are back after a brief hiatus. A brief hiatus. [00:00:37] Speaker A: Season five. [00:00:38] Speaker B: Season five. [00:00:39] Speaker C: Season five. Okay. [00:00:41] Speaker B: We are enough. [00:00:42] Speaker C: Okay. [00:00:42] Speaker B: Is this year five? [00:00:44] Speaker C: I don't know. [00:00:44] Speaker A: No, it shouldn't be year five, but you know how the seasons go. [00:00:47] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just stepped on whatever Nick was doing. I got you. I got followers. You, nik, you just really. Season five. It's kind of like when all the kids come back and they're grown up deeper than. Not as cute and adorable anymore. [00:01:00] Speaker A: I mean, I'm still cute and adorable. [00:01:02] Speaker C: Okay. [00:01:02] Speaker A: I don't know about y'all, but, you. [00:01:04] Speaker C: Know, not you, not me. [00:01:05] Speaker A: Growth has happened. [00:01:06] Speaker C: Yeah, things have happened. Things have been happening. [00:01:09] Speaker B: We took a slight break, and now we're back with you guys and see. How's everything been? [00:01:18] Speaker C: Good. I mean, you have a lady here first. I don't know why you continue. [00:01:21] Speaker A: Ladies. [00:01:22] Speaker B: I'm sorry. [00:01:23] Speaker C: Sorry? What you're sorry for? [00:01:26] Speaker A: Things don't change. [00:01:26] Speaker C: Disregarding women. [00:01:28] Speaker A: Oh. [00:01:29] Speaker C: Hmm. [00:01:30] Speaker A: Ooh. [00:01:30] Speaker C: Hmm. [00:01:31] Speaker B: Not disregarding women. [00:01:33] Speaker C: Still not watching the WNBA. [00:01:36] Speaker A: You don't. [00:01:37] Speaker C: No, he doesn't. He don't support women. [00:01:39] Speaker B: Don't. [00:01:39] Speaker A: I am shy. [00:01:40] Speaker C: He doesn't. [00:01:42] Speaker A: You of all people, I would have thought. [00:01:44] Speaker B: Yeah, I watched the WNBA. [00:01:47] Speaker A: Am I lying? [00:01:47] Speaker B: I'm not against it. [00:01:49] Speaker C: You don't want to. He don't support. [00:01:51] Speaker B: I'm not against it. I'm not against supporting it. I have to do a better job of watching it. That is a fact. I do have to do a better job of watching it. [00:01:58] Speaker A: We know that. But I am very shocked at you. [00:02:02] Speaker C: Yeah. He barely watched regular basketball, but it's a whole other whole. [00:02:06] Speaker B: Yeah, that's a whole nother issue. Cf. [00:02:08] Speaker A: That's a whole nother issue, though. [00:02:10] Speaker B: Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Well, how's everything going with you? [00:02:14] Speaker A: Yeah. Running behind these kids. [00:02:17] Speaker C: Really? [00:02:17] Speaker A: Nik? [00:02:18] Speaker C: Are you. [00:02:19] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, I have. [00:02:20] Speaker C: They're kind of grown now, nik. They not. [00:02:21] Speaker A: No, they're. Nothing is. Look, listen, listen. Oh, God. [00:02:27] Speaker B: Cause, like, the older they get, the more stuff they get involved in. [00:02:29] Speaker A: Yes. My oldest, like, I feel like she's just, like. She just throws something in the air and be like, boom, I'm doing that this week. [00:02:37] Speaker C: Meaning what now? Well, like, new hobbies, new interest. [00:02:40] Speaker A: No. Sports. Like, we just finished soccer in May. [00:02:43] Speaker C: Okay. [00:02:44] Speaker A: June was a break, and now we had to go into band camp. The whole month of. [00:02:49] Speaker C: Well, you had a whole month off, Nick. [00:02:51] Speaker A: Yeah, like, that's. I was trying to enjoy that month, and before, you know, like, it just felt like it flew by. [00:02:56] Speaker C: Are you actually going to band with her? [00:02:59] Speaker A: No, but I gotta pick her up. Yeah, that's a lot. [00:03:03] Speaker C: By 10th grade, I would thought you'd been used to this. I'm now picking up. [00:03:06] Speaker A: And they have to have this particular type of water bottle. I mean. Well, she wants this particular type of water bottle. [00:03:12] Speaker C: Yes, exactly. [00:03:14] Speaker A: They have to have these type of shorts, white t shirts, which is not a uniform. [00:03:21] Speaker C: That's crazy. On the bench. [00:03:22] Speaker A: But it's like making sure it's washed and clean. [00:03:26] Speaker C: Okay. [00:03:26] Speaker A: And just getting her to her locations, doing this. Make sure her instrument is working. She fell this year and got a concussion. [00:03:36] Speaker C: She got a concussion. How'd she fall? [00:03:38] Speaker A: They were playing Red Rover and she ran through the people's arms and she fell on one of the people and they dropped her. [00:03:50] Speaker C: She jumped? [00:03:51] Speaker A: No, she ran through, and one of the people, like, kind of caught her, like, in his arm, and he let her go. And she was, like, tipping over and she fell and hit the heart ground. [00:04:01] Speaker B: Red Rover's where you got to run across and then bust through the horn. [00:04:03] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:04] Speaker B: And bust through the interlocked arms. [00:04:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:06] Speaker C: Okay. [00:04:07] Speaker A: So she blacked out and everybody was scared. [00:04:11] Speaker C: What you probably should have told her is that it's a cool game, and then if you think it's cool, she won't do it. [00:04:16] Speaker A: She don't care. [00:04:17] Speaker C: Yeah, she won't do it. [00:04:18] Speaker A: She's not that type of. She seemed competitive and she was like, yeah, I could do this. [00:04:22] Speaker C: Okay. Okay. [00:04:23] Speaker A: So, like, yeah. And then she starts wrestling. All right. [00:04:30] Speaker B: All right. She's gonna wrestle. [00:04:31] Speaker A: Yeah, she's gonna do wrestling. [00:04:33] Speaker C: All right. Girls wrestling. Boys volleyball. It's wild out here. [00:04:39] Speaker B: And a lot of schools have boys, but a lot of them have boys. [00:04:42] Speaker A: Yeah. Wilson has one. [00:04:43] Speaker C: I'm protesting against that, personally. [00:04:45] Speaker B: You're protesting? [00:04:46] Speaker C: I don't know. I just don't think you need boys volleyball. I watched boys don't participate in enough sports already. [00:04:52] Speaker A: Volleyball is very interesting. It's a competitive sport. I like it when I watch it, when I see it on tv. I don't go looking for it, though. [00:05:00] Speaker B: You don't go just if it happens. [00:05:02] Speaker A: I've seen Michigan play girls. [00:05:05] Speaker B: Girls. [00:05:06] Speaker A: Gollywall, Michigan. Some other state. I wouldn't say Washington, but, like, they seem pretty good. [00:05:14] Speaker C: I'm pretty sure they all have teams. [00:05:16] Speaker A: But I'm not sure if all of them have teams. [00:05:18] Speaker C: I mean, you went for the college or you going for the state. [00:05:21] Speaker A: Oh, college, college. Michigan State. It was Michigan State. [00:05:24] Speaker C: Okay. Okay. So you combined it. Michigan State. Not Michigan. [00:05:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:27] Speaker C: And, you know, they have real beef. [00:05:29] Speaker A: Yeah. And they were playing each other when I first watched it, so, like. Yeah, but I was trying to think of another name instead of just Michigan, but. [00:05:36] Speaker C: Yeah, South Carolina, we kinda, like, right. [00:05:38] Speaker A: Here, they have a volleyball thing. [00:05:40] Speaker B: Yeah. And they're actually really good, too. [00:05:42] Speaker A: Really? [00:05:42] Speaker C: I don't know about really good, but. [00:05:44] Speaker B: I mean, they don't watch. They do well in the conference. [00:05:46] Speaker C: I definitely don't watch their boys. [00:05:48] Speaker A: You watch that, but wwe, I don't watch it. [00:05:51] Speaker B: It comes up on the timeline of stuff, that social media stuff that comes up. [00:05:54] Speaker A: Oh, okay. Yeah. I do love to get into that and watch that. I want one of my daughters to play that, but I. They like. No. [00:06:01] Speaker B: What, volleyball? [00:06:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:03] Speaker C: Well, it could be a little challenging for them. Listen, they're not the tallest. They need a little bit taller. [00:06:11] Speaker A: Well, I mean, my oldest is taller. She's taller than me. [00:06:16] Speaker C: She's five one. [00:06:17] Speaker A: No, she's like 5253. [00:06:19] Speaker C: Okay, okay. Big. Big girl. Big gal. [00:06:22] Speaker A: Yeah. Don't tell her that. She's very self conscious. [00:06:24] Speaker C: About what? [00:06:25] Speaker A: About, like, her height, her weight, all of that. She's at that age. [00:06:28] Speaker C: Okay, I'm sorry. You're not the big gal. [00:06:32] Speaker A: But like, your little one. She's a her. I know, I'm. [00:06:35] Speaker C: So the little one's wrestling. [00:06:37] Speaker A: No. Yeah, the little one's wrestling. [00:06:38] Speaker C: Okay. [00:06:39] Speaker A: As of right now, she says she'll do it. [00:06:42] Speaker C: That's different. [00:06:42] Speaker A: And then going into soccer, so. [00:06:45] Speaker C: Okay. [00:06:46] Speaker A: And soccer is like practice. Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, game on Tuesday, game on Thursday, practice on Friday. [00:06:53] Speaker C: It's kind of what people do when they play sport every. [00:06:56] Speaker A: Like, it just Saturday is the only. [00:06:58] Speaker C: Day I can go out there and suck. [00:07:00] Speaker B: Then it's already out. [00:07:01] Speaker C: You want suck? [00:07:04] Speaker A: And then that comes into his challenges. Cause she broke a tooth out there. It's just a lot. [00:07:08] Speaker C: You better check your insurance cause you got a lot going on. [00:07:12] Speaker A: It's just a lot. It's a lot. Yeah, a lot. [00:07:15] Speaker C: So nothing with you? No, no. [00:07:18] Speaker B: I wanna give you a shot. I wanna give you some props and a shout out for. [00:07:21] Speaker A: What would I do? [00:07:23] Speaker B: Last week I had the opportunity to catch you on the tanky t show, but you did a wonderful job. [00:07:29] Speaker C: What was she talking about on there? What's she doing? Wondering for drama. [00:07:32] Speaker A: They had their own topic. [00:07:34] Speaker B: They had an advice letter, and it was the. I think it was a lady who y'all were talking about. [00:07:41] Speaker A: I used the one. The week prior. [00:07:42] Speaker B: Yeah, the week prior. Not the one I didn't see. The one from this Tuesday. The one where you and Veronica kind of had a disagreement, and the guys kind of sat out of it. They was like, hey, gosh. What was. [00:07:55] Speaker C: Nick disagreed. That's wild. No, Nik. [00:07:58] Speaker A: No. [00:07:58] Speaker B: But her points were valid. I'm just trying to. [00:08:00] Speaker A: It was about, like, a fiance was upset about the relationship. [00:08:07] Speaker B: That's right. [00:08:08] Speaker A: That her future husband had with his baby mama. And not inappropriate to me. It wasn't inappropriate. It was more on the lines of, she doesn't want her walking the kids to the door. Like, it's petty. [00:08:20] Speaker C: Well, I mean, you can want what you want. [00:08:22] Speaker A: Yeah. And, like, they don't have a bad relationship. She just feels like the girl doesn't like her. I was like, well, it sounds like her problem. [00:08:28] Speaker B: And then. And then Nik made the statement. Cause they were making some interjections about things that weren't in the letter. And Nik was like, but that's not in the letter. [00:08:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:37] Speaker B: According to the letter, the issue is this. What? [00:08:43] Speaker C: That's crazy. That's crazy, Nick. It wasn't in the letter. [00:08:48] Speaker B: That's crazy. And that's what I said. [00:08:51] Speaker C: Okay. [00:08:51] Speaker A: You know, growth. [00:08:53] Speaker C: Yes, yes. [00:08:55] Speaker A: It's all about growth, you know? [00:08:56] Speaker B: You know, Nico's like, y'all are making some assumptions. But it's not in the letter. [00:09:01] Speaker A: It wasn't. And so cl taught me that looking at things from a bird's eye view. Gotta look at the bigger picture. Look at things logically. [00:09:08] Speaker B: But you were on. You were on that. You were on. I really enjoyed you on the show. [00:09:12] Speaker C: Shouts out to the tangy, tangy t of life. [00:09:15] Speaker B: Yeah. Veronica, fatine and. [00:09:19] Speaker A: Victor. [00:09:19] Speaker B: Victor. Yeah. [00:09:20] Speaker C: Big shouts to them. [00:09:21] Speaker B: Big shouts out to them. Yes. [00:09:25] Speaker C: Since Youssef, we catching up with you? With you. Anything major developments going on with you or. [00:09:31] Speaker B: Nah, just some work and just mental health. And the young one broke. Speaking of injuries, the young one I saw that broke his arm. [00:09:40] Speaker C: How'd you see that? [00:09:42] Speaker A: His mom posted it. [00:09:44] Speaker C: Oh, wow. Okay. That's crazy. All right. Did she get his permission? [00:09:49] Speaker B: Did she get Amir's permission to post it? [00:09:51] Speaker C: Yes. [00:09:52] Speaker B: I'm not sure she did. [00:09:53] Speaker A: Okay. [00:09:54] Speaker B: I'm not sure she did. [00:09:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:56] Speaker C: Cause, like, telling me I knew a. [00:09:57] Speaker A: Lawyer you can get about my daughter. Cause he had just walked in before, like, right after we left. I was like, now. And I go on. I'm strolling on Facebook, and I see, oh, he didn't tell me this, but. [00:10:11] Speaker B: The funny thing is, as you scrolled, I found out when it happened, but I didn't. I was kind of. It was after the situation with your daughter. And then as you scroll through, it's like, not when I found out, but it's kind of. Everything's happening at the same time. [00:10:28] Speaker A: It's happening at the same time. [00:10:29] Speaker B: And I didn't even see the photo until the next day after it was posted. [00:10:34] Speaker A: Oh, okay. [00:10:35] Speaker B: But he's a little upset. [00:10:38] Speaker A: He looked mad. He don't look like he was hurt. He looked like he was pissed off. [00:10:42] Speaker B: They was playing imaginary basketball, and Edison fouled him. He said. He said, dad isn't in a flagrant foul if you get pushed. I said, yeah, yeah. But it was a blessing in decide, so to speak, because apparently there was something sitting in that spot that they had to. When he hit. That's what made it kind of weak. So they were able to alleviate it. So, you know, it was good to happen. Cause they were able to catch it. So that was actually, you know, a blessing in disguise. But other than that, it's been a. It's been a pretty cool summer. Ready to get back to work? [00:11:24] Speaker A: Yeah. You got a new position, too? [00:11:25] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Amazing position. So I'm enjoying that and really enjoying where I'm at right now. [00:11:38] Speaker A: Welcome. Welcome to being a tiger. Officially. [00:11:43] Speaker B: Officially. I was there last year. [00:11:46] Speaker A: No, welcome to officially being a tiger. You can't just say, oh, I just work here. You are officially a tiger now. [00:11:51] Speaker B: Okay, I got it. What about you, Sidney? [00:11:53] Speaker A: What about you? [00:11:54] Speaker C: Chilling. [00:11:55] Speaker A: That's it? No mixtape? [00:11:58] Speaker C: There's a lot of. Lot of stuff, but I'd be showing off. No, no, no. [00:12:05] Speaker A: Sometimes you gotta pop out. [00:12:06] Speaker C: No, sometimes you do. Sometimes you do have to pop out. But, no, sometimes you got to stay low to keep firing. But no, no, nothing new. Just regular, same old, same old. Okay. Yeah. Just trying to be more proficient at what's going on. [00:12:21] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Okay. So classy, sophisticated. [00:12:26] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. So, we've been away. [00:12:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:29] Speaker C: A lot's going on. A lot's happened in the relationship space. [00:12:33] Speaker B: What you got? [00:12:34] Speaker C: What you mean, what I got? [00:12:35] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause you came out. Lots happened in a relationship. [00:12:37] Speaker C: Lots happening. I'm just saying, in general, there's been a lot of twistes and changes in the world since we've been away. [00:12:43] Speaker A: Yeah, it has been. [00:12:44] Speaker C: Be nice if we would've prepped and had a list of things we don't. [00:12:48] Speaker A: So, I mean, you threw it out there. You know, I was trying to pick up what you were putting down. [00:12:53] Speaker C: I was hoping you would jump right in there. But, I mean, we've seen some rise of some people and some fall of some others, and, you know, it's just life. [00:13:02] Speaker A: Lives. [00:13:04] Speaker C: Yeah, just a life. [00:13:05] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. [00:13:06] Speaker C: But today we're gonna talk about growth a little bit. [00:13:09] Speaker A: Growing. [00:13:10] Speaker C: Oh, growing or growing. [00:13:12] Speaker A: Growing in a relationship. [00:13:14] Speaker C: Is that possible? Number one. [00:13:16] Speaker A: Yeah. I think everybody grows in a relationship. [00:13:20] Speaker B: Isn't it the thing where every. Yeah. I thought as you go through the relationship, shouldn't there be some growth to you as an individual as well as the. As well as a couple? [00:13:29] Speaker C: Not if you don't grow personally. [00:13:33] Speaker B: That's true. [00:13:33] Speaker C: So if you don't grow personally, there's no growth in the relationship. [00:13:36] Speaker A: This is true. But I feel like that's more when you're with the wrong person. [00:13:40] Speaker C: What you mean? [00:13:41] Speaker A: When you're with the wrong person, it's hard for you to grow. Kind of stunts your growth. [00:13:45] Speaker C: So a man has to date you and help you grow. Jesus. [00:13:48] Speaker A: I mean, a woman has to date you and help you grow. [00:13:50] Speaker C: No, they don't. [00:13:51] Speaker A: Yes, they do. But she's not helping you if you're not helping each other. She gonna say it. [00:13:55] Speaker C: Well, I'm not. [00:13:56] Speaker B: But isn't the personal growth on the person? [00:13:59] Speaker C: Well, it depends. Now, personal growth, I think, has to be for yourself first. [00:14:05] Speaker A: But it's environmental based. [00:14:08] Speaker C: Okay, well, maybe your partner will help you understand that you need to grow in this area, then you have to grow in that area. Yeah, because some growth is for the relationship. It's not for you. [00:14:18] Speaker B: Yeah, but I think that you, through whatever, through you growing individually and changing the things within you, it helps the other person because it helps the other person to kind of usher or help with that growth person. I was trying to think of another word other than growth, but the maturation of the person within the relationship. And sometimes your partner sees things that you do that you don't even recognize that you do. [00:14:52] Speaker C: Well, yes. [00:14:55] Speaker B: Or that you might not even be self aware that you. [00:14:57] Speaker C: Well, I mean, something. [00:14:58] Speaker A: I agree with that. Okay, so sometimes a person, like, sometimes a person doesn't know that they're a ho until somebody tells them. And, like, they can hear it from different people. But it could be in certain situations, that person is telling them that. So it's like, of course I'm being a hole. Cause you're doing XYZ. But when someone that, like, you care about and you're dealing with day in and day out and like, hey, you really are an a hole. It kind of makes you step back. Like, hold up. Am I? [00:15:26] Speaker C: Well, you gotta speak one language. What's an a hole? [00:15:30] Speaker A: An asshole. [00:15:31] Speaker C: Oh, an a hole. [00:15:32] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what you said. [00:15:33] Speaker C: I thought you were saying something like in Spanish. I was like, no, what is he talking about? Yeah, I didn't know. Okay. My fault. Yes, you could be that. I thought it was something else. I thought y'all was tapping into your spanish. I was like, I'm not even gonna pretend I know. I'm just gonna say no. [00:15:52] Speaker B: You was. You were sitting over there. [00:15:58] Speaker A: Like, sometimes we tell you you're an a ho. [00:16:01] Speaker C: Yeah. But sometimes unmerited, you're just being defensive. That's all that is. I don't take that personally. Now, I could be misjudged there. [00:16:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:14] Speaker C: Cause I really be trying to understand before I go. Cause once I hit the switch, the switch is on. Now we gotta deal with. So I really wanna know. So if somebody's see, but to that. [00:16:26] Speaker B: Point, Ciel, I don't think, I think if the person that you're speaking to understands you as the person you are, nobody understands nobody. [00:16:37] Speaker A: But you still can't take things personal. You can't. Like, just because he may ask a question the way he asks a question, that's not for you to take it personally. Like, oh, he's asking me questions? Or why is he asking me like this? Like, just answer the questions. Or if you're not sure, why ask? [00:16:53] Speaker C: Okay, but, Nick, you just called me an a hole. Cause you do. [00:16:56] Speaker A: You are a ho. [00:16:57] Speaker C: That's what I'm saying. You say you called me an a hole, but it's only cause I ask questions. [00:17:00] Speaker A: No, but you ask questions. [00:17:02] Speaker B: But I don't perceive you to be that. It's like, I don't perceive c o to be an ao. [00:17:06] Speaker A: Oh, you're a huge one too. [00:17:08] Speaker C: Oh, maybe it's just you. Okay. Okay. Okay. [00:17:12] Speaker A: Maybe it's like two different levels of it, but definitely okay. [00:17:18] Speaker C: I don't know. Maybe. [00:17:20] Speaker A: I mean, that's just like, you have a lot of sarcasm. Like, you're very, you're not. Like, he's petty. Like, if you piss him off, he's gonna be very petty with you. [00:17:31] Speaker C: Mm hmm. [00:17:33] Speaker A: You don't really get pissed off. You use your sarcasm to make like you can make somebody feel stupid. [00:17:40] Speaker C: I don't mind. I have no intention of making my feel stupid. But I want you to realize what you just said. [00:17:45] Speaker A: Like, like you know, listen to yourself. [00:17:48] Speaker C: Yeah. You gonna shoot everybody in here? [00:17:52] Speaker A: Like, there's. [00:17:52] Speaker C: You literally don't even have a gun right now, but you can shoot everybody. Okay. All right, cool. If you gonna shoot, bang, bang, you know, we're gone. And since you threaten us, we gonna let you leave and go get the gun. [00:18:07] Speaker B: No, it's just. [00:18:08] Speaker C: That just doesn't make sense to me. [00:18:11] Speaker A: Oh, God. [00:18:12] Speaker C: But sometimes you don't know. And then sometimes in the confines of a relationship, I think some decisions have to be made for the relationship. I don't know if that's personal growth. That just makes it easy to get along with that person. [00:18:26] Speaker A: Well, I mean, I still think it's personal growth because you have to grow. Like, you can't just change just for that moment, for that relationship. [00:18:35] Speaker C: No, you have to change. [00:18:36] Speaker A: You have to change completely, but it. [00:18:38] Speaker B: Needs to be more for you. [00:18:39] Speaker A: Yeah. It has to be more personal than anything. Hearing somebody that you spent a lot that is actually experiencing you on all levels, not just friendship or not just business, they actually see you behind the scenes and they're telling you, like, hey, you're coming off as this. It could be like, okay, you know what? Let me sit back, reevaluate, make some changes somewhere, and then go back out and handle my friends this way. Handle, work this way and see how it works. So, like, sometimes it takes that person that you're in a relationship with, or even sometimes it takes your kids to tell you. [00:19:19] Speaker C: Your kids could tell you. [00:19:20] Speaker A: Yeah. How you come off to them, because they are also experiencing. [00:19:25] Speaker B: Experiencing you. [00:19:26] Speaker A: Yeah. They're experiencing you in a different way. So it's kind of like, yeah, well. [00:19:31] Speaker C: I'm seeing something here. [00:19:32] Speaker A: What? [00:19:32] Speaker C: I think maybe you have had that done to you. Have your girls had to sit you down and have an intervention and say, hey, mom. [00:19:43] Speaker A: I have meetings with my kids. [00:19:44] Speaker C: Okay. Okay. [00:19:45] Speaker A: I do. I sit down, I have meetings with them individually and ask them, like, how am I doing? Okay, where, you know, where are you at? How do you feel? Instead of both of them being in the room and them going bickering back and forth, like, I give them that space. So, yeah, okay. [00:20:01] Speaker B: So do you think that people confuse personal growth with change? [00:20:08] Speaker C: Personal growth should lead to change. [00:20:11] Speaker B: It should lead to change. But, you know, some people are reluctant to change. So if somebody says, hey, you know, if your spouse or significant other comes to you and says, hey, I see this as an issue that you have, and I want you. I think we need to work through changing this, that would be personal growth for them. As an individual, but they may see it as a negative and be like, this person's trying to change me. [00:20:33] Speaker A: Yeah, because I personally. [00:20:34] Speaker C: People should change you. [00:20:36] Speaker A: But some people feel, like, reluctant to change. Yeah. Like, if you call somebody stubborn and be like, well, I've been like this for 40 plus years. Nobody else complained. Nobody else said anything. It hasn't hurt anything. So, you know, then. You know, even though. Yeah, but, like, even though other people have told you you're stubborn, they, like, you haven't necessarily had any bad consequences. Consequences from you being stubborn. [00:21:03] Speaker C: So why do y'all give y'all partners such a hard time with that when they're just trying to express themselves? [00:21:08] Speaker A: What are you talking about? [00:21:09] Speaker C: I'm asking y'all a question. [00:21:11] Speaker A: Cause, like, I ain't never been told I was stubborn. [00:21:13] Speaker C: I asked y'all, just ask y'all a question. Like, why? Why would y'all do that? [00:21:17] Speaker A: I don't. [00:21:18] Speaker C: You don't? [00:21:19] Speaker B: Okay. [00:21:19] Speaker A: No, I don't. If that man. [00:21:21] Speaker C: Cause we're reluctant to listen to our partner sometime, this is. [00:21:25] Speaker A: I can't not listen to somebody I'm willing to lay next to. [00:21:29] Speaker B: No. Yes, you can. And you probably have. [00:21:31] Speaker C: It's probably going to be a bad relationship, but you can do it. [00:21:35] Speaker A: No. Like, if I'm willing to close my eyes next to you and trust you on that level, why wouldn't I listen to you? [00:21:42] Speaker C: That ain't true, Nate. Not for you. But I do know people who are in physical relationships with people, and they don't know nothing about each other. [00:21:54] Speaker A: And, like, why be in a relationship? [00:21:56] Speaker C: I mean, I don't think it's healthy either. But it does happen a lot. Or you find out this about a person, like, wow. Or I'm actually listening to an interesting podcast called betrayal. [00:22:06] Speaker A: Mm hmm. [00:22:07] Speaker B: Okay. [00:22:07] Speaker C: And it's about these women, mostly caucasian, all caucasian, like their husbands. Like, one of them was, like, producing kiddie pornhood. One was, like, a killer. [00:22:24] Speaker A: Well, a part of it is, like, some women feel like, as long as you create a space for me to be comfortable, I don't care who you are. [00:22:35] Speaker C: See, whips. So women don't care about men? [00:22:37] Speaker B: No, but a little bit. But a little bit of like that. [00:22:40] Speaker C: Like you creating one man was gay. He was just. [00:22:47] Speaker A: And what was the color of these women? [00:22:49] Speaker C: They were all caucasian. They were caucasian. But it has nothing to do with the story. [00:22:52] Speaker B: I don't think it has anything. Cause I think a lot of people end up in relationships, and because they don't take time to know the other person fully. There are these holes and gaps where other things do come into play, where, like, I don't know, how is he having so much time on his hands away from you that he's producing kiddie pornhood? [00:23:11] Speaker A: He has provided her with a lifestyle that she doesn't dig into his business, which is. Yeah, yeah, she's able to go to brunch, but for you not to listen. [00:23:20] Speaker C: To the podcast, I think you summed it up right there. There's a gap or space that she. [00:23:26] Speaker B: Knows nothing about because he provided a particular lifestyle for her. [00:23:30] Speaker C: I think lifestyle helped cause one guy was a doctor. Yeah, see, he was a doctor. Don't make it 1000% right now. [00:23:37] Speaker A: He makes it a little bit more comfortable. Not saying that she doesn't have to work at all, but, like, I mean. [00:23:42] Speaker C: She worked, but it was a comfortable living situation. [00:23:45] Speaker A: You're not so, like, oh, where's he going? What's he doing? [00:23:48] Speaker C: Yeah, she had two step kids. She had two kids of her own that he took in and younger guy, and financially, I think he made their life better. So sometimes you think the distraction of what you really want makes you not know what the person needs because. [00:24:04] Speaker A: Yeah, but I also feel like people lie to themselves in relationship. Not even just, like, in relationships, just in general in life. [00:24:13] Speaker C: So you have to lie to yourself a little bit to live in this world. [00:24:16] Speaker A: But I believe people lie to themselves to keep from really believing. What is reality, if that makes like that? [00:24:27] Speaker C: Well, you create your own reality. [00:24:28] Speaker A: Sometimes you create your own reality. Like, I have a friend that her boyfriend had a baby on her. [00:24:38] Speaker C: Okay, tell us more. I'm pretty sure he had a reason. [00:24:43] Speaker A: Now, I will say, like she believes. Like, oh, no, he got drunk and his baby. Now he had a baby with a woman that he already had two kids with. [00:24:51] Speaker C: Okay, so he's familiar. [00:24:52] Speaker A: Yes. [00:24:53] Speaker C: Okay. [00:24:53] Speaker A: So I explained to her, like, they've been dealing with each other. [00:24:57] Speaker C: Whoa, negro. [00:24:58] Speaker A: Listen. [00:24:59] Speaker B: That was not in the letter. [00:25:00] Speaker A: No, listen, listen. But she's just like, she has in her head that no matter what anybody. No matter what the girl told her, no matter what anybody else told her, she has in her head, not even what he told her she has in her head that he was drunk and he slipped up and had intercourse. He didn't even have intercourse. She took advantage of him. Like, that's what she believes. Okay, now you go back into the story. Like, you know, you dig a little deeper. You find out that the baby, mom was living with them before. Yes. [00:25:34] Speaker C: Okay. Maybe they just weren't done with each other yet. [00:25:36] Speaker A: Like, that's how I feel. That's where I believe. That's why I explained to her. And. Cause the baby mom actually accused me of talking. Yeah, Nick. [00:25:48] Speaker C: No. [00:25:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:48] Speaker A: I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, my friend. He's with my friend. And she's like, no, I think I saw him with a girl that looks like you. No, you didn't. So, like, even all of that, like. But again, my friend and lying to herself, like, no, no, no. And she'll tell you, like, she does lie to herself, because when she really likes somebody, she doesn't want to see the red flags. [00:26:14] Speaker C: Okay, well, that don't have nothing to do with him. [00:26:20] Speaker A: No. And, yeah. [00:26:21] Speaker C: I mean, though, he doesn't. You shouldn't cheat. [00:26:23] Speaker A: I mean, like, I know you shouldn't cheat, but there is, like, a whole bunch of other red flags. But he actually left her and sitting down. And you see, this person is the way they are, because even in certain arguments that they had, it was because she was lying to herself about the situation. She was lying to herself about how things were with them. Not just with them, but just in life. And that's a lot of things that they would argue about. Things with her child, things with her job, things with her parents. Like, he would have to tell her, like, hey, no, it's. You know, it shouldn't be this way. You should be doing this. And she's like, no, no, it's just gonna be. Yeah, it's gonna be. It's gonna be like, Xyz. [00:27:07] Speaker C: Did she forgive him? [00:27:10] Speaker A: I don't really know if. Cause this is, like, years ago. [00:27:14] Speaker C: Mm hmm. Many, many years ago. [00:27:16] Speaker A: Yeah, many years ago. [00:27:17] Speaker C: Many friends ago. [00:27:18] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:27:19] Speaker C: Nobody recent. [00:27:20] Speaker A: Nobody recent. Yeah, nobody recent. But he actually left her. [00:27:25] Speaker C: Good for that. King. [00:27:26] Speaker B: But isn't a part of that something that we referenced earlier? Just self awareness? [00:27:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:31] Speaker B: And just kind of being able to. [00:27:33] Speaker C: But what was the problem? [00:27:35] Speaker B: Well, she said that she lied. [00:27:36] Speaker A: She lied to herself rather than. [00:27:38] Speaker C: Oh, you talking about the woman. Okay. [00:27:39] Speaker B: The woman not saying. [00:27:40] Speaker A: Like, he not saying he doesn't have any problems. [00:27:42] Speaker C: Yeah, he did some stuff, too. [00:27:43] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:27:44] Speaker A: But, like, for her. [00:27:45] Speaker B: For her too. [00:27:46] Speaker A: There's so many things to identify as. This is a red flag. This is not good, because, like you. [00:27:52] Speaker B: Said, you said, when she likes someone like that, she ignores the red flags. So she has to be aware enough of herself in those moments to say, hey, look, you know, I see these red flags, and normally I bypass this, and this is what happens. So maybe I need to take heed to. I need to make some personal growth in myself. [00:28:11] Speaker A: Yeah. I need to start being more. [00:28:13] Speaker B: To start being more careful about bypassing these red flags. Depending on the red flag, depending on the tie. Red flags. Cause I don't think all are equal. [00:28:24] Speaker A: Explain it. [00:28:25] Speaker B: I don't think all red flags are equal. [00:28:28] Speaker A: Why? [00:28:28] Speaker C: Okay. [00:28:29] Speaker B: I think we determine what our red flags are, correct? [00:28:32] Speaker C: No. [00:28:33] Speaker B: So, okay, we don't determine what our red flags. Our red flags. [00:28:36] Speaker A: Some red flags are red. [00:28:37] Speaker B: No, no, no. What I mean by that is through our experience, it causes us to have red flags. So until we experience something. So, for example, if something minute, like a guy who turned his phone down was cheating, so he always has his phone face down. Right. That's to that person. When they found out that the person was cheating, they found out via their phone somehow being up or whatever. Well, the next person they get into a relationship with, this person just. It's nothing to it. It's just a habit of them putting their phone face down. To you, that may be a red flag because you went through this process with somebody who turn their phone down. So now you're looking at this as that's a red flag. [00:29:20] Speaker A: So you mean that's more as an insecurity versus a red flag? [00:29:24] Speaker C: I think so, yes. I would agree. Or an imaginary insecurities are imaginary red flags. [00:29:30] Speaker B: But I guess then that's what I'm saying there. [00:29:32] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:29:33] Speaker A: Cause that's probably a better way of saying red flags. [00:29:35] Speaker C: I just think. Yeah, we've convoluted what red flags are. Everything ain't a red flag. [00:29:39] Speaker B: And that's what. And I think that's the point I'm trying to get. [00:29:41] Speaker A: That's the point he was trying to get to. [00:29:41] Speaker B: That's the point I'm trying to get to, like, everything. [00:29:43] Speaker A: Like, it's not a red flag. [00:29:44] Speaker B: It became so social, social media driven that everybody is now coming up with their own red flags where they should. [00:29:51] Speaker A: Cause they're projecting where it should be. [00:29:53] Speaker B: All like, these are. This is the cause. Your non negotiables may change. That might vary from person to person. [00:29:58] Speaker A: It's gaslighting me. [00:29:59] Speaker B: But the red flags are just red flags. As y'all are saying. As y'all are pretty much explaining on that. [00:30:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Cause that is a insecurity. Like, if, you know, somebody puts their phone face down, that could just be common, like how they, you know, or they don't want you in their business. [00:30:15] Speaker C: First of all, it's my phone. [00:30:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:17] Speaker C: No, I was just making, I mean, I don't understand that. And I've had, it really is, I've had to have those type conversations before, but I don't understand that at all. [00:30:28] Speaker B: Because I think, I just think the person, which makes sense to it being an insecurity, the person feels the need to have to know what's going on at a particular time at today's age. I remember being dealing with somebody, and I just, my phone was down and it rang and the name popped up. Well, who's that? [00:30:50] Speaker A: Who they are? [00:30:53] Speaker C: What do you mean? [00:30:55] Speaker A: What I mean? [00:30:56] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what you would ask. [00:30:57] Speaker C: No, no, I wouldn't. [00:30:58] Speaker A: No, he's asking me. [00:30:59] Speaker C: I'm asking you. Like, what is that? [00:31:02] Speaker B: No, I was saying, like, I think the people just sometimes want to know what's going on. [00:31:05] Speaker A: If they see a woman's name, they're. [00:31:06] Speaker B: Like, oh, they just want to know what's going on. [00:31:09] Speaker C: I haven't even picked up the phone yet. [00:31:12] Speaker A: Exactly. But, like, who they are, I don't know what they want, but I don't like, don't ask. [00:31:18] Speaker C: And that doesn't mean you talk to this person. You haven't talked to this person in years, and they just. [00:31:22] Speaker A: And they just decide to call. Yeah. [00:31:26] Speaker C: So what do you, how did you respond? [00:31:28] Speaker B: My response was, I actually explained shaking in your boots. I actually explained to her shaking in your boots. I said, it's a friend of mine. I call him back. [00:31:37] Speaker C: No, you answer why the person have. [00:31:39] Speaker A: To answer, because you don't know what that person wants. [00:31:42] Speaker B: We were in the middle of watching a movie. I was not about to answer the phone. [00:31:45] Speaker A: Oh, okay. That's different. If you like out, like, I. Well, out can only speak for me. I don't mind people answering the phone because I feel like, you know, you don't know what's gonna. What's happening. You don't know what's wrong. You don't know why someone is reaching out to you. They could be reaching out to you as a third party for someone else to reach you for a more important matter. [00:32:03] Speaker B: Well, what I can say is, like, parents of my kids, my kids business, like those, I'll pick up on them. People like, close circle, pick it up on the moment. Cause I don't know what's going on. Somebody could be calling me from a friend's phone to let me know something's going on that I do. But people that are like, yeah, you. [00:32:20] Speaker C: Got too much going on. [00:32:21] Speaker B: Just miscellaneous, just. [00:32:23] Speaker C: No, you got too much going on. [00:32:24] Speaker A: What you mean you need a second phone. [00:32:26] Speaker C: Yeah. Why would a person. Why would a person even question that? No, I find that to be very disrespectful. [00:32:34] Speaker A: Some people don't even trust, like, you know, coaches. They be like, oh, I think you're, you know, you talk too much to this parent or something like that. Like, that's an insecurity. Like, well, I mean, let's say that. [00:32:47] Speaker C: Does happen, but that doesn't mean somebody's doing something. [00:32:50] Speaker A: No, we never said anybody was doing anything. [00:32:52] Speaker C: So what would be the insecurity? [00:32:54] Speaker B: But that's the insecurity she's saying. That's the insecurity the person is. [00:32:57] Speaker C: That's the insecurity. [00:32:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, I know what you talk. I know where we're at. [00:33:02] Speaker C: I believe I can fly. Like, that doesn't make sense. [00:33:07] Speaker A: It's just a projection of, you know, what they have experienced. [00:33:10] Speaker C: So how do you handle that? Cause that person needs to grow. So how do you handle that situation without it being blowing up or when. [00:33:20] Speaker A: It comes to insecurities, I don't think you can help someone grow out of insecurities. I think. I don't think it's a helpful thing. I think the best thing you could do is to leave. [00:33:28] Speaker B: No, this christ needs immediately. But I would say for the woman or the man? [00:33:35] Speaker A: For both. [00:33:36] Speaker C: Immediately. [00:33:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:37] Speaker C: We not gonna work through this. We not gonna chop through this. [00:33:39] Speaker A: You can't fix somebody's trauma. [00:33:41] Speaker B: But I think if you have. [00:33:42] Speaker C: That's not trauma. Everything ain't trauma. [00:33:44] Speaker B: Everything ain't trauma. [00:33:45] Speaker A: But I think that if you have traumatic. It was a traumatic trauma. [00:33:46] Speaker C: Okay. [00:33:47] Speaker A: Traumatic and trauma are two different things for them. So now they put that on everybody. They have to want to change that. [00:33:53] Speaker C: Well, first of all, that means you're neglecting who I am, because whatever happened to you in the past is stronger than what I'm presenting to you right now. [00:34:00] Speaker A: Exactly. So I need to move on till you go see that lady. [00:34:02] Speaker B: Go ahead. I would say if you have the patience enough to work through the person and their insecurities. [00:34:08] Speaker C: What do you mean patience? What kind of words are we using here? What you mean patience? [00:34:11] Speaker B: Like. Cause some people don't have the patience to discuss or talk about how they. [00:34:15] Speaker C: Gonna be in a relationship with anybody ever. [00:34:18] Speaker A: Maybe the word citations isn't. [00:34:21] Speaker B: Well, I mean, Nick just said, if this. If you. [00:34:23] Speaker C: But that was wild. [00:34:25] Speaker B: That was it. [00:34:26] Speaker C: That was wild. We gonna blow this whole relationship up. I'm out of here. Poof. Yeah, like, you gone. Yeah, you're gone, buddy. [00:34:36] Speaker A: I'll say with certain, with certain insecurities. It's hard to move past those insecurities. Like you clocking everywhere I'm at, you asking me about everywhere I'm going. [00:34:48] Speaker C: But can't you stop that? [00:34:49] Speaker A: I mean, I cannot answer, but I can't stop that person from asking me. [00:34:52] Speaker C: Yes, I can. [00:34:53] Speaker A: And I can tell them, well, don't ask me now. They have all these things going on in their head. [00:34:57] Speaker C: You can't say it like that. Don't ask me. I think you should, at least from man to woman, before you tell a woman just point blank. Don't ask me that. You need to explain it multiple times. It's gonna probably take a minimum of. [00:35:12] Speaker A: And they gonna think you're lying. [00:35:14] Speaker B: Seven. [00:35:14] Speaker C: No, it's gonna take a minimum of 122 hours. But after that, after 122, you're lying. You're good. No, just cause you feel like I'm lying, I'm not gonna behave like I'm a liar. [00:35:26] Speaker A: No, I'm gonna behave how I'm usually behaving. [00:35:28] Speaker C: Even if you think I'm lying, I'm okay with you thinking I'm lying. If I know I'm not lying, I'm okay with that. [00:35:34] Speaker A: And that's why I'm okay with leaving. I'm okay with you believing whatever you believe. [00:35:37] Speaker C: Mm hmm. [00:35:38] Speaker A: I'm just not. [00:35:38] Speaker C: So your belief, your belief and whatever your belief is, is stronger than the actual relationship. [00:35:46] Speaker A: I'm not talking about my belief. [00:35:47] Speaker C: Not neat, personally. I'm just saying a person in this position, your belief that somebody is doing something, if you believe that, I mean, like, really believe that, you think you should just be out. [00:35:58] Speaker A: No, I'm not talking about I believe that. No, I mean, I know what he's saying. What I'm saying is when I say just do away with the relationship, I'm talking about the person on the other end, the person that is being accused, the person that is receiving, they should just leave. Yeah. [00:36:13] Speaker C: Why? Because he, that's why I think growth comes in that, like you, we can serve each other's growth. Now, we may not be together for. [00:36:20] Speaker A: I feel like growth is because I feel like when you're trying to, when you start to become, see, like, go. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. [00:36:30] Speaker B: See, although I don't think it's our responsibility, I think it's partially our responsibility to aid in someone's growth. It's their thing, right. [00:36:39] Speaker A: For them. [00:36:40] Speaker B: They're growing for themselves. So even if past this relationship, you don't continue whatever this behavior is that is detrimental to you. So through the personal growth, we need to be able to, they have to make them self aware. We have to make them aware of what they're doing and talk through that to help them get to the growth part of it. [00:37:02] Speaker A: You can tell, well, I'll say, I'm. [00:37:03] Speaker B: Not saying tell and talk through. I think that's two different things. I think people take those two. [00:37:09] Speaker A: I'll say it from a woman's point of view and only, well, I wouldn't even say a woman. I'll say from my point of view, because, you know, y'all bring women on here to be like, no, I would never. So from my perspective, shot at somebody. I don't know who every person has been on this show. [00:37:24] Speaker C: Okay. [00:37:24] Speaker A: But I would say this because everybody always say, like, well, from my perspective, like, you know, they don't wanna speak for women. Once you have an insecurity, it's hard to pull. It's hard to, it's hard to hear anything that other person is saying. [00:37:41] Speaker C: Mm hmm. So not impossible. Just hard. [00:37:43] Speaker A: Not yet. It's just hard. It's not impossible. It's not saying it can't be changed. But if I'm not doing the work, it doesn't matter what you tell me, because I feel like you're in my head. I feel like it is what it is, and like, I can't change it. If I feel some type of way about you putting your phone down, I'm always going to feel some type of way about you putting your phone down. Even when you say you can't change, even when you say, oh, it's nobody, it's just c, like, it's not that big of a deal. Even when you prove it, I'm still gonna feel like just for the moment, you're proving it to me. Just for the moment. But it could be. [00:38:15] Speaker B: See, but I think in those moments, we have to have the discussion about the deeper issue there because the phone. [00:38:21] Speaker A: Is not the answer. You can have that conversation. You can dig down in those deeper issues, but realistically, you can discuss it. But realistically, I was talking over you, so I'm sorry. [00:38:33] Speaker B: No, you're good. [00:38:35] Speaker A: I'm talking to you from a woman's point. We're not. Cause we have our friends that are telling us, girl, whatever, and we do not wanna feel stupid in front of other people that we have already sold our business to. So it's gonna be hard to. [00:38:50] Speaker C: What if you're looking stupid by believing what you believe, that's still stupid. [00:38:56] Speaker A: That's when you start lying. To yourself. [00:38:57] Speaker C: Okay. Okay. That's when you lie to yourself. Okay. [00:38:59] Speaker A: That's when you start lying to yourself. Like, no, he loves me. [00:39:02] Speaker C: Okay. Okay. [00:39:03] Speaker A: But no, like, it's really hard to deal with. So, like, a lot of women, like today, not back in the days, but today, they feel like, I'm gonna get you before you get me. So a lot of women just result to cheating themselves or you put your phone down. I'm gonna put my phone down too. [00:39:20] Speaker C: But what if I don't care? I don't care what you do with your phone. [00:39:28] Speaker A: Look, he doesn't care about me. He doesn't care what I do. [00:39:33] Speaker C: Like, that's. [00:39:34] Speaker B: What if I don't care? [00:39:35] Speaker C: Yeah, what if that ain't my trigger? [00:39:38] Speaker A: And then she's gonna dig to find what should trigger to bother you because you're doing something that's bothering her. Is that something where you won't stop? [00:39:45] Speaker C: Because I ain't say he wouldn't stop. [00:39:48] Speaker A: But it's just like, it's something as little as turning your phone down, that could just be something you do without knowledge. [00:39:55] Speaker C: Sometimes you don't even look, you just put your phone down. [00:39:56] Speaker A: Yeah, you're just putting your phone down and it's bothering her. And it's like, now I gotta, like, in my head, make sure I'm always facing my phone up. That's too much. [00:40:05] Speaker C: No, I would just. Me personally, I would just say, I'm not facing my phone up. My phone happens to be down. Just happens to be down. [00:40:11] Speaker A: Yeah, but. [00:40:14] Speaker C: I won't try to put my phone down. Cause if I'm not cheating, I don't care. [00:40:23] Speaker A: Yeah, but see, if she, like, I'm. [00:40:25] Speaker C: Not gonna start behaving like a cheater. Cause you say I'm cheating or doing not even cheating, but they would be cheating. [00:40:30] Speaker A: So if a person that feels like you are cheating, it doesn't matter if you. The way you act. Cause right now, the way you're acting to her is you're lying to me. So, like, you can't change that. Until she does the work to fix whatever is going on with her. You can't fix that. There is no conversation, there is no deep dive into her feelings that you can do to change that. She is always going to feel that until she's able to do the work and go get help. Because that's true. Like, she had a traumatic experience with someone. [00:41:03] Speaker C: Somebody just cheated. [00:41:04] Speaker A: Like, that's not traumatic, but it is traumatic that don't have nothing to do with you, but it's traumatic. For a lot of people. So you can't say that it's not traumatic when a lot of people experience that and it's traumatic for them. [00:41:17] Speaker C: Okay, I don't understand the traumatic part about. [00:41:22] Speaker A: About being cheated on. [00:41:23] Speaker C: Yes. Because somebody, like, let's say if a man was being cheated on for three years, but I only found out the last two months. I'm only responsible for the last two months. I'm not responsible for the last three years. Cause I didn't know. [00:41:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:37] Speaker C: The moment I find out you're cheating, now I have a problem. [00:41:42] Speaker A: Yeah. Now. [00:41:43] Speaker C: So I'm not gonna go back and do revisionist history. When'd you meet? I'm just. You gonna run yourself crazy. [00:41:50] Speaker A: Yeah. And they do. [00:41:51] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:41:51] Speaker A: They end up running themselves crazy. Then it starts to be when they're in the next relationship, how you met that guy. [00:41:57] Speaker C: That means you don't have closure from the other one. [00:41:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:59] Speaker C: You haven't done the work. You were just by yourself. [00:42:02] Speaker A: So drop the relationship. [00:42:03] Speaker C: That's why I say based upon your baggage. [00:42:06] Speaker A: Based. Based on the baggage that you're bringing to me. [00:42:09] Speaker C: Well, everybody has some baggage. [00:42:13] Speaker A: I'm not talking about the person that has the insecurity. [00:42:16] Speaker C: Tell me the other person. [00:42:17] Speaker A: The other person. Because, like, it's not your job to do the work. Like, you can have you care about the person. [00:42:22] Speaker C: I think it is a portion of you it depends on. [00:42:24] Speaker A: That's why you hear women saying, well, I'm gonna say women. You hear men telling women, yeah, I made an appointment with that lady because, like, what lady? Oh, y'all ain't never heard that? [00:42:35] Speaker B: No. [00:42:36] Speaker A: Really? [00:42:36] Speaker C: I didn't make no appointment with that. [00:42:38] Speaker A: Like, sometimes. Like, with what lady? [00:42:42] Speaker B: Who is this lady? [00:42:42] Speaker A: And no one knows who the lady is? [00:42:44] Speaker C: I never heard this before. [00:42:45] Speaker A: Okay, so this is new, but, yeah, so, like, when women are at their. Have reached their point of, like, I can't do this no more. I'm leaving. I can't deal with your, you know, I guess your cheating or us arguing. I'm out. [00:43:03] Speaker C: Mm hmm. [00:43:03] Speaker A: Some men will go and say, yeah, I made an appointment with that lady. [00:43:06] Speaker B: Who is the lady? [00:43:07] Speaker A: It's like therapy count for some cheater. Yeah. [00:43:09] Speaker B: Counselor, I'm guessing so. [00:43:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:12] Speaker C: Y'all making counselors millionaires? Cause some of this stuff. You don't have to go see a counselor. [00:43:16] Speaker A: You really don't. [00:43:16] Speaker C: Sometimes you could just stop. I quit. You won. Yeah, you got it. If I gotta keep refreshing the browser to see what's new every day. Come on. I can't do it. I don't have the strength. [00:43:34] Speaker B: But to that point, Nick, I just think that if the care is there and you feel like the relationship is worth it, that you do have to help the person through those insecurities and you gotta. And it might be making some suggestions of things that could be done and it could be. Yes. I might have to be like, CEO said, be a little bit more conscious of making sure my phone faces up. Cause that's what makes. [00:43:58] Speaker C: No, I'm not gonna be conscious if it's up, it's just up. [00:44:00] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. I'm not making any changes. I'm gonna be me. Because that should trigger if I'm not cheating. I'm not making any adjustment. Adjustment. [00:44:11] Speaker B: But see, but that's so the only. [00:44:14] Speaker C: Time you make an adjustment when you cheat. That's what she said sound like to me. That's what you said. [00:44:23] Speaker A: Like, I don't know if I'm doing something inappropriate, and I know that it's inappropriate, and I know that is deemed inappropriate. Not so much as cheating, but it could be inappropriate being in a relationship, then, yes, I will make those adjustments. But, like, something as simple as putting my phone facing up or down. No. However I lay, I'm not like, I just put my phone down. [00:44:45] Speaker C: Mm hmm. [00:44:46] Speaker A: If you feel the need to go pick it up and touch my phone, make sure you can pay the bill. [00:44:49] Speaker C: So what would be the purpose? Cause I understand what you're saying, but I'm not really sure what it means, and I've heard this before. [00:44:58] Speaker A: What? [00:44:59] Speaker C: What does it mean if your phone is down? [00:45:02] Speaker A: Well, if somebody calls you and your phone is down, you can't see who's calling. So the person is with, you can't see who's calling. Or if a text message pops up, you don't know who's texting or sees a text message because your phone is down. [00:45:15] Speaker C: Okay. But you just go into your settings and turn your notifications off. Like, you don't have to. [00:45:19] Speaker A: Yeah, most people do that. [00:45:20] Speaker C: You don't have to do. Like, if you go to cheat, be advanced at cheating. [00:45:25] Speaker B: Like, all this technology, how to cheat. [00:45:27] Speaker C: Block the person that you cheating with when you with your girl. Like, that just makes sense. [00:45:33] Speaker A: I had a guy do that. [00:45:34] Speaker C: That just doesn't make sense. [00:45:36] Speaker A: Like, why would I just go straight in the voicemail? I'm like, what the hell? And then at the same time, you're like, yeah, I be in the country, and I'll be having service when I'm in the country. [00:45:45] Speaker C: I don't understand why? If you're cheating, why do you have to be available for the person you're cheating with? You know I'm cheating. Unless they just both oblivious. [00:45:53] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, well, I don't. [00:45:55] Speaker B: I think that, like, sometimes people, they don't want the world blown up. And the person they're cheating with sometimes knows the main business well, is the. [00:46:05] Speaker C: Other person getting cheated on if they didn't know you had somebody else? [00:46:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:10] Speaker C: Cause I think we in a relationship. I didn't know you had somebody else, so I'm not. [00:46:13] Speaker A: So I'm not. But the other person usually gets, like, the heat. [00:46:19] Speaker C: Okay. [00:46:20] Speaker A: Because, like, once you do find out about that other person, it's like, well, why you didn't leave? Cause we were in a relationship. The hell you talking about? Like, I'm just finding out about you, and I'm coming to you, letting you know about me, not woman to woman. Yeah, I'll do woman to woman. Because once you. Once you go to another woman by the man, like, that is just low. Like, no, I just leave. [00:46:42] Speaker C: That's a drink. Okay. [00:46:43] Speaker A: Yeah, I just leave. I might cheat, and I'm not doing all that. I don't feel like it. I'll just leave and go find me another one. But I just can't. [00:46:49] Speaker C: I just. It's just baffling to me that men get caught cheating on iPads and phones. [00:46:55] Speaker A: And women do, too. [00:46:57] Speaker C: Well, I just know guys who cheat. I don't really know. [00:46:59] Speaker A: Well, I know a woman that got caught cheating on her iPad. [00:47:02] Speaker C: Okay. I don't really know any women who. [00:47:05] Speaker A: Her husband opened it up, and all the text messages were there. All the pictures were there. [00:47:10] Speaker C: Why would you have pictures? [00:47:13] Speaker A: No pictures you take. Because it's connected. [00:47:15] Speaker C: I understand, but why are you taking any pictures? You trying to be in a relationship? You trying to. [00:47:20] Speaker A: Yeah, she was in a full blown relationship. [00:47:23] Speaker C: See, that's the problem. That's the problem. You're not cheating you in a relationship. Cheating is a part time job. It's not full time. You're in a relationship. [00:47:31] Speaker A: And I think a lot of people don't realize that. [00:47:33] Speaker C: Yeah, that's a full time job. [00:47:34] Speaker A: Like, cheating is not, like, once somebody starts, like, actually actively being in a relationship with somebody, like, doing, like, things that you would do if you was in a relationship with someone. Cause cheating to me is just. I went to your house, we bumped pelvises, and I went home. [00:47:49] Speaker C: Okay. That would probably be the easiest form of cheating. [00:47:53] Speaker A: Or I text you here and there. [00:47:55] Speaker C: Yeah, I would probably. [00:47:57] Speaker A: Yeah. But outside of that, like, I feel like that's cheating. [00:48:01] Speaker C: So that's where you think people go wrong when they're cheating, is when they try to have a relationship with other people. [00:48:04] Speaker A: Yeah. And then now you want this person to disconnect. Well, I'm gonna say you not the middle person. Definitely not me, but the person. [00:48:12] Speaker C: Definitely not me. I'm not him. [00:48:14] Speaker A: But the person that, like, the other lady that's getting cheated on kind of starts getting mad at the other woman. Cause she feels like, well, you know, now why don't you just leave? And it's like, no, why don't. You won't leave. And so now they're in this bickering back and forth. [00:48:30] Speaker C: But hold on a second. Listen, the woman who is getting cheated on does have a point. She got a point. But I mean, like, she does have a point. Can you just stop now that, you know, can you stop and let me see what we gonna do? And then if we don't do nothing, she's yours. Like, well, can you please stop? [00:48:46] Speaker A: Like, we got a trip booked next year. We not stopping. You might wanna stop, but, like, that's where it goes, into the back and forth. Cause it's like y'all are the same, you know, playing field now. Like, why are you expecting me to leave and you ain't leaving? Cause if I'm here, if I'm here with you, if I leave, what makes you think he's not gonna go out and find another me? [00:49:11] Speaker B: Hmm. [00:49:12] Speaker C: That don't have nothing to do with you. But as far as then he'll be cheating with another person. [00:49:17] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I guess, but see, at that point, he's not cheating on just like her. He's cheating on me, too. [00:49:23] Speaker C: Yeah, but just the person that's being cheated on is being cheated on. No, the person who is being cheated with is being cheated on also. [00:49:31] Speaker A: That's how I feel. [00:49:32] Speaker C: Jesus Christ. [00:49:33] Speaker A: I mean, like, if they're doing relationship. [00:49:35] Speaker B: With stuff, if they're doing relationship stuff, both women are being cheated on. [00:49:40] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:49:41] Speaker A: Cause basically you're in a relationship with two women. [00:49:43] Speaker C: Okay? [00:49:44] Speaker A: And so the woman that, like, you know, maybe she met your mama. You know, she met his mama. Now it's like, well, I met his mom, so I met his brother. Like, you know, like, they started bickering back and forth because no one wants to leave. Shoot. I've came to a point where I was just like, you know what? When you with her, you with her. When you with me, with me, but you gotta pay. It's not cheap over here. [00:50:07] Speaker C: So if he has the financial means, he might could, he might promote. [00:50:12] Speaker A: Mike could swing it. [00:50:14] Speaker C: Get your money up, folks. [00:50:15] Speaker A: Yeah, you might be able to swing. [00:50:16] Speaker C: Or ladies, or ladies, get your money out. [00:50:18] Speaker A: You might be able to swing it if you can afford to do it. [00:50:25] Speaker C: Yeah, afford this. [00:50:27] Speaker A: Now, I'm not saying anything will come. Like, I ain't gonna say I'm not gonna be out here not looking for the next guy, but, you know. [00:50:38] Speaker B: Well, the conversation was so good, we had to go ahead and cut it in two. So that's the end of part one. We're going to go ahead and have part two for you on this Wednesday. So make sure that you go ahead and tap in to part two on Wednesday. Phonique, Ciel and myself, Youssef in the building. Check y'all on Wednesday. [00:51:00] Speaker A: Thank you for listening to another episode of relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com, iTunes, Google podcast, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, nobody grinds like us, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear neek, email us at relstat podcastmail.com or call us at 843-310-8637 follow us on Facebook at relationship status podcast on Instagram and Twitter. E L S tat podcast cast and don't forget to comment, share five star rate, subscribe, and review. [00:51:44] Speaker C: You our channel.