149th Lunch Date: You Be Her Peace, I Wanna Be Her Problem

[00:00:11] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship status. It's your boy Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to, like, share, follow, and five star rate. And if you want to join the conversation, email us. E l s t a t podcast, man. This is part two to the episode from Monday. Conversation was so great. We were talking about growth, growing with someone else, and it just got so deep, we had to keep going. So here's part two. So if you find, let's say you know, that you're the cheatie. So if you find, like, he. [00:00:52] Speaker B: I'm the person he's cheating with. [00:00:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:00:54] Speaker B: Oh, I'm leaving. [00:00:55] Speaker A: Okay. [00:00:57] Speaker B: If you're cheating, if you're cheating with me, that means you're not doing anything with me. Like, we're not going on. We're not going nowhere. We're not out to eat. We're not. [00:01:06] Speaker C: So you would limit that if you were the woman in that position? [00:01:09] Speaker B: If I was a woman that he was cheating with. [00:01:11] Speaker C: Not, let's say, not neat. Another girl. [00:01:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:14] Speaker C: I'm just saying, that's your friend or somebody. Like, if she was cheating with a man, you would tell her not to do things with the man she's cheating with. [00:01:21] Speaker B: Yeah. No, no, don't. Don't get overly invested in him. This is just a quick, you know, a little fun time. [00:01:29] Speaker A: See, but the thing about that is cheating isn't always sexual. [00:01:33] Speaker B: No. Sometimes it's just conversation. Texting. [00:01:38] Speaker C: Yes. [00:01:39] Speaker A: Cheating isn't always sexual. It isn't always a sexual thing. [00:01:42] Speaker B: I feel like it's cheating once you start having inappropriate conversations with somebody. [00:01:45] Speaker C: Well, what? They're not. You said they're not inappropriate. [00:01:48] Speaker A: No, I didn't say no. [00:01:49] Speaker B: You said it's not sexual. I mean, well, it's not physical. [00:01:52] Speaker A: All cheating isn't just, you know, sexual. Like, some people. Some people are, let's say they're emotionally are deprived. They feel like they're emotionally deprived in their relationship. Then they go and they find they put those emotions out and express them through conversations with other people. And they may not even be having sex, but they may be enjoying each other's company. [00:02:15] Speaker C: Are these two lesbians? [00:02:16] Speaker A: No, these are kind of women. I'm just saying those are things that do happen. [00:02:21] Speaker C: So you need to tell me, I'm a man in a relationship with a woman, and I'm gonna let another woman call me and just talk to me. [00:02:29] Speaker B: Emotionally, to talk to my emotions on. [00:02:32] Speaker A: It depends on the guy. [00:02:33] Speaker C: And the guy don't wanna have anything physical. [00:02:37] Speaker A: I mean, of course he wants to have something physical. [00:02:38] Speaker C: No, you didn't say. [00:02:39] Speaker A: You said, I'm sorry. [00:02:40] Speaker B: Well, he may not want anything physical. She may just be there for, like, you know, to clear his mind. Like, somebody he could talk to that he feels like, understands him, lets him vent. Doesn't. [00:02:50] Speaker C: And he's not trying to have sex with her. [00:02:51] Speaker B: Yeah. There are men out there like that. [00:02:53] Speaker C: You should have smoked weed. [00:02:57] Speaker B: Do not do drugs. [00:02:58] Speaker C: That's not. I'm just. Well, listen, Nick. You tell me you got another woman. Cause your girl already like to talk. That's just women. You don't get another girl who just wanna talk. And you just wanna tell her your stuff. [00:03:13] Speaker B: Most women don't listen. [00:03:15] Speaker A: They just wanna talk. [00:03:16] Speaker C: Nik, listen ISO on me right here. Women don't listen. What are you talking about, nik? [00:03:23] Speaker B: We do listen. [00:03:24] Speaker C: They listen to what you wanna listen to. You don't listen to the main stuff. The point I was trying to make. [00:03:29] Speaker B: I listen to everything my man says. Like, when he wants to. And we have a little system where he sits down, he be like, can I talk? I know. To listen. [00:03:37] Speaker C: Yeah. And then you be like, oh, so you went to chick fil a without me. This other stuff I told you is the part, is what I'm talking about. Not the chicken. That's what you got all that. [00:03:49] Speaker A: So, like, after I left chick fil a, you know nothing. [00:03:54] Speaker B: So you come all the way over here after you let chick fil a? You ain't even asked me if I was hungry. [00:03:58] Speaker A: I just can't cry. [00:03:59] Speaker C: I just can't imagine a man who wants to talk to a woman to talk to her. [00:04:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:06] Speaker A: I think there are people that feel neglected within their relationships. That are just looking for the companionship of someone else. [00:04:11] Speaker C: But you do wanna have sex with that person. [00:04:13] Speaker A: Oh, no. Yeah. I mean, I think they probably do. [00:04:15] Speaker B: But for the moment, they're settling for just conversation. [00:04:18] Speaker A: And you can't have any conversation with another woman. And think that it's not gonna be seen as cheating. [00:04:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:25] Speaker C: Oh, I understand that part. [00:04:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:26] Speaker C: Like, I'm just talking about. I thought you were just merely talking to talk. [00:04:30] Speaker A: Oh, I think that it sometimes starts there. [00:04:33] Speaker B: Yeah. It starts as a conversation for, like. [00:04:36] Speaker C: A week, two weeks. [00:04:37] Speaker B: It can start for a while. [00:04:39] Speaker C: What? [00:04:39] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, wow. [00:04:41] Speaker A: You crazy. [00:04:43] Speaker B: Back in my days, your girl can. [00:04:45] Speaker C: Talk to you enough. You don't have to worry about that. [00:04:48] Speaker A: Okay? [00:04:49] Speaker C: I mean. [00:04:50] Speaker B: Cause you have to understand. Some women get comfortable with. I got em. And they don't feel like they have to do. And even men do that. Too. I got em. I don't have to do as much. And now is that. [00:05:03] Speaker C: That's on the person, right? [00:05:05] Speaker A: Yeah, that's the. [00:05:05] Speaker B: Yeah, they like that. [00:05:07] Speaker C: So why do you think people get complacent like that? [00:05:09] Speaker B: Cause that's not who they are. That was. [00:05:12] Speaker C: Oh, that was lying. [00:05:13] Speaker B: Yeah, that representative. [00:05:15] Speaker C: Okay, so you can't keep up the charade. [00:05:17] Speaker B: Yeah, they can't keep it up, and they just eventually, like, well, I got you now. Oh. Hmm. [00:05:21] Speaker C: Hmm. [00:05:21] Speaker B: Do you? [00:05:22] Speaker A: Well, I think it's also a comfortability, especially if the person is not expressing any, like, they're not expressing anything. Like, they. They feel that the relationship is getting a little complacent and stale, and instead of speaking up as to what they want, they don't communicate that. Hey, look, you know, we're getting a little complacent here. Like, we need to get back to the things we did. And so at this point, either representative comes back and has to do something, or the relationship ends up dissolving. But I think without communicating that, you feel like the relationship has hit a stalemate. You know, what really can you do, so to speak, and let the person, except that the person is just complacent and like, hey, she ain't going nowhere, so it doesn't matter. [00:06:09] Speaker C: Why would you think somebody's not going anywhere? [00:06:11] Speaker B: Baby, don't you ever think I'm not going nowhere. [00:06:13] Speaker C: You shouldn't. I think you should always handle your person. [00:06:17] Speaker A: Like, there was something you told me a couple years ago, Cl, and I think it applies to relationship. You should always be recruiting your own players. [00:06:27] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Meaning your woman. [00:06:29] Speaker A: Meaning your woman. But you said it. As far as basketball's concerned. But I think it regards to your relationship, you should always be recruiting your woman or your man or whatever it is you choose. You should always be trying to do that. [00:06:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Also to that, I feel like when you have recruited someone, you can also outgrow them. And I think a lot of people have a hard time realizing that I outgrew this relationship. I outgrew this individual. [00:07:02] Speaker C: What's an example of outgrowing a relationship? [00:07:05] Speaker B: Um. [00:07:06] Speaker C: You don't want to chicken no more. You want Ruth Chris. Like, what's. [00:07:09] Speaker B: No, that? I mean, that could be a, you know, but I don't want to go out no more. And they're still, you know, hitting a. The parties, the day parties, the nightclubs. And that's not what I want to do anymore. I want to invest my money in something different, or I want to travel now, and they're like, I really like to travel. So now y'all have different likes. So it's now it's time to, like, you know, reevaluate. Like, you know, does this relationship serve me, serve me anymore? [00:07:46] Speaker A: So how do you think couples can avoid that, outgrowing each other? [00:07:49] Speaker B: I don't think there is an avoidance of that. Like, it just happens. Like, it's okay to happen. It's okay to outgrow someone. Like, it was good to have this experience with you. I grew from this, I learned from this, and now I need to move on. [00:08:03] Speaker A: Okay, but what happens, and I think. [00:08:04] Speaker B: It'S a part of growth, too. [00:08:06] Speaker A: It is. I think that I agree with you there. But what happens if the relationship like something like, let's say, let's use your analogy of the club, but have a discussion on, hey, babe, we need to scale this back. And this way it's still servicing. You're still servicing the relationship and trying to help that person to grow with you as well. So now we're not going out five days a week. I don't want you. We're not going out five days a week, but maybe we can go together on Friday or Saturday after work or whatever, you know, finding the middle ground where they are to kind of help them grow and bring them along with you on your growth journey if you find it necessary to still be with said person. [00:08:51] Speaker B: But that's where it goes into you're trying to change somebody to fit your journey. Because if them going out five days a week does not necessarily hurt them financially or in any bad way, it's just something they like to do. Like, I don't want to step in the way of you doing something that you like to do. Like, yeah, you can scale back and say, okay, I'll go out three days a week instead of five. But if that's something they like to do, like, that's their hobby, that's their go to. Like, I don't want to stand in the way of that. Like, go ahead, go out. Get that out of your system. And when it gets old to you, because it eventually does for some, you know, maybe we could revisit a relationship. And it's not saying like, oh, you're not on my level. No, we're just in two different places, and that's okay. And sometimes people never grow out of that. And I think people, a lot of people waste their time with trying to force change on people to fit their life by saying, hey, well, instead of you going out five days a week, you know, let's scale back and you just go out three. [00:10:00] Speaker A: Or maybe it's not even that. Maybe it's we don't go to the club or the bar. We go and do something else. [00:10:07] Speaker B: But what if he likes going to the bar or the club? You're taking that away from him to then fit what you like. Because if it's not a problem to him, it's just a problem to you. You're not. Like, the relationship's just not fitting. [00:10:20] Speaker A: But I just feel like if he's in the position to care about this relationship and you've communicated with him, hey, sweet. I really don't enjoy the club anymore. And, you know, I think that we need to talk about how much you. [00:10:33] Speaker B: Go, but it's okay to care about somebody still and not be with them. I think that's why a lot of people try to hold on and they end up in these relationships where they're not happy, because no one understands that growing sometimes means partying. [00:10:47] Speaker A: That may be true, but I do think that also today there are more people bailing earlier on relationships than taking some time to grow within them or to have a little bit of. [00:11:03] Speaker B: Maybe they see that it's not going anywhere and that's okay. Like, that's, that's not a bad thing to bail on a relationship early to say, like, you know what? I'm not gonna waste my time or your time. [00:11:13] Speaker C: I think that's okay in your twenties. [00:11:15] Speaker B: I think it's okay in your thirties. [00:11:17] Speaker C: I don't know. [00:11:19] Speaker B: I think it's okay. I think it's okay in any place in life where you see that you're trying to grow and you're trying to go to a certain place and that person's not there yet, it's okay. [00:11:28] Speaker C: Like, what about sitting down before you make a decision? Let's say the club is an issue. What about sitting down before you decide that I don't want to go to the club anymore is y'all have a discussion about it, and maybe y'all can mutually agree, but sometimes with women and men, they're already past the point of frustration when they wanna have the discussion. [00:11:50] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:11:51] Speaker C: And now could only be an argument. [00:11:53] Speaker B: Yeah, I agree with that. [00:11:56] Speaker C: You've been mad for six months about him going to the club. [00:11:58] Speaker B: Yeah. It should be up front and winning in real time. Yes, real time. [00:12:03] Speaker A: And that's the point I was trying to get across. The point I was trying to get across was just have the discussion in the moment in which you feel like there's the separation of the growth between the two of you. [00:12:11] Speaker B: But you're telling somebody to stop doing something they like. [00:12:15] Speaker A: I'm not telling them. [00:12:15] Speaker C: Well, you shouldn't tell them to stop. I think you should have a conversation. [00:12:18] Speaker A: I didn't say stop. [00:12:19] Speaker B: But you're saying, instead of going out five, let's go out three, and you're saying, or instead of going to the bar and the club, let's do something else. You're telling them to stop doing what they like to do in their time. [00:12:30] Speaker A: No, we're having a discussion. [00:12:32] Speaker C: If he's a man in a relationship, he's already stopped doing things he likes to do. So now he feels it's not a big of adjustment. [00:12:39] Speaker B: He said no, he's gonna get real defensive. Look, I stopped doing. [00:12:43] Speaker C: You gotta pick your poisons. But if you're gonna be in a relationship with anybody, man or woman, there's gonna be some compromise, some form. [00:12:52] Speaker B: Like my cousin always tries to say, oh, you gotta pick your battles. Yeah, but you gotta win them. [00:12:57] Speaker C: Yeah, you better pick one. [00:12:58] Speaker B: You gotta win the battles that you're picking. [00:13:00] Speaker C: You need to get you some wins. [00:13:02] Speaker B: So, like. And it's not saying that the relationship could be over forever. Like, sometimes people just need time to grow up, and sometimes that doesn't include you. So that relationship is helping. Yeah, sometimes you helping them to grow up is you leaving because they see what they're losing. They see how things are passing. [00:13:20] Speaker C: Can't you just talk before you shoot them? [00:13:22] Speaker B: Sometimes you can talk, and sometimes you can't talk to people. Like, and I hate to give the whole illusion that, oh, you could just have a conversation. And that's gonna fix things? [00:13:29] Speaker C: No, but see, first of all, having a conversation means we need to start discussing. Then there's a negotiation, and then we can come up with a plan together. Or you can say, hey, I'm not gonna stop going out. I respect your decision. [00:13:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:13:45] Speaker C: I'm just not gonna be with someone who goes out all the time, so. [00:13:47] Speaker B: And that's okay. Yeah, but it sounds like to me. [00:13:50] Speaker C: You'Re making a decision for them, saying, oh, they don't. They're not gonna stop. I'm asking them to stop. Yeah, you gotta ask people to do stuff sometimes. [00:13:56] Speaker B: No, I'm not saying, you know, just drop them without a conversation. What I'm saying is being, okay, Nick. [00:14:02] Speaker C: You coming in with the drop, though? [00:14:04] Speaker A: Yeah, like, you just kept saying, like. [00:14:05] Speaker C: If you don't say, yeah, today, it's over, buddy. [00:14:07] Speaker B: Yeah, but, no, like, and I guess because I'm just saying, like, leave it, drop it. It's because I want people to be okay with getting the f on. And I feel like that's a part that stunts people's growth when they're not able to know when to let go. [00:14:25] Speaker C: Okay, you said stunts their growth. Sometimes you stunt their growth when you leave them. Cause they don't think they can change. Sometimes people don't know they can change. Like, you can stop doing this. You don't have to do this. [00:14:40] Speaker B: Some people you can talk to, you're blue in the face, and, well, it comes with actions. [00:14:45] Speaker C: It ain't just talk. You gotta talk, and you gotta have a plan of action. [00:14:48] Speaker B: You also know your partner, too. [00:14:50] Speaker C: No, I don't. [00:14:51] Speaker B: You should know your partner. You should know what your partner is capable of. [00:14:55] Speaker C: But again, I don't know what no person's capable of. I could just see what's. Okay. Her face. Round up. We got a problem. [00:15:00] Speaker B: Yep, got a problem. [00:15:01] Speaker C: Discuss and find out what the problem is. [00:15:03] Speaker B: And sometimes, you know, even when you're talking to somebody, how they're talking, their tone, like, if they're. [00:15:10] Speaker C: But you don't know what's wrong. You just know something is wrong. [00:15:12] Speaker B: And you can ask, like, well, what's wrong is what I'm saying. Not like you're not liking, like, where we're at. And some people will be like, let. [00:15:20] Speaker C: Me tell you something. I know you've done a lot. We getting out of here after this. I know you did a lot. You've had some experiences. I have never had. But you don't have enough experience with women. Not dating women. I can agree it don't work like that. [00:15:36] Speaker B: But I am a woman. [00:15:37] Speaker C: I know. That's the tricky part. [00:15:39] Speaker B: I have experience sitting down and telling somebody. Okay, but these two, what can we do to make it? Yeah, okay. [00:15:44] Speaker C: See, I never told a man that. I don't know, like April. [00:15:47] Speaker B: But, you know, I will say this. Women are more. Are more willing to make changes, because a lot of times, their end goal is marriage. [00:15:57] Speaker C: Yeah, but they the ones that are. [00:15:58] Speaker B: Willing, and they're the ones that will, like, I will compromise my life to fit his, like a lot of people. [00:16:08] Speaker C: But you don't think he's doing that either. [00:16:10] Speaker B: I think women do it more than men. Maybe they do, but, like, I do feel like it's easier to talk a woman out of doing something she wants to do. And, I mean, I'm not talking about in a good way. Just take it away. From what you mean, like, go back. [00:16:22] Speaker C: To school or something? [00:16:24] Speaker B: Like, say, for instance, she's not out of her club era. And a man goes and talks to her like, hey, yeah, this club stuff that you keep doing, don't no man want that. I don't want that. And I'm not saying that's how a man would talk to her or you would talk to her. You would talk to her. But that's kind of probably what she hears. Like, okay, my relationship is going to end if I'm steady at going out with these girls. Okay, I'm a cut this now. I'm not going out at all now. I'm just sitting in the house. I'm a nice house girlfriend, housewife. [00:16:58] Speaker C: Y'all can do stuff together, it's not gonna shit. [00:17:01] Speaker B: And I only know how to do things with my boyfriend. And don't say y'all don't know women that only hang out with their husbands. [00:17:09] Speaker A: A boyfriend. [00:17:11] Speaker C: I thought that's what you supposed to do. [00:17:13] Speaker B: No, because you see, like, men have friends. Men will go out with their friends. And not all the time. [00:17:18] Speaker C: Was your friends really your friends before I came to the picture, they wasn't your friends. I don't even like you. [00:17:24] Speaker B: But, like, men are not so willing to just let go. If I say I don't like one of your friends because he makes me uncomfortable, you're just not gonna bring him around me. You're not gonna stop hanging out with him. [00:17:34] Speaker C: Of course. [00:17:34] Speaker A: Okay, so my question. [00:17:36] Speaker B: But a woman, she'll drop her. [00:17:37] Speaker C: Well, that's crazy. [00:17:38] Speaker A: I think my question to your issue on her changing and becoming a housewife and no friends. And the only good things with my boyfriend, you know, how can couples grow together while still keeping their own identity? There has to be a way to do that. [00:17:53] Speaker B: Well, see, that's where you come into, like, I feel like, boundaries, things I'm just, like, not going to deal with, like, up front, not down the line, not four or five years down the line. [00:18:02] Speaker A: But we're talking about through the growth of the relationship. So the relationship has grown. [00:18:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Your bounties are gonna grow, too. [00:18:08] Speaker A: Yeah, so that's what I'm saying. So what is it that we're going to. How can people, like, stay, you know, grow together while continuing to keep their identities and their friends and stuff like that? [00:18:23] Speaker B: You gotta have to want goals for yourself and not just together. [00:18:26] Speaker A: True. [00:18:27] Speaker B: So if you have separate goals, you'll have a separate life and not so much like a bad thing, like, you're out cheating nothing, but, like, you'll have your own friends. You'll have communication with your own friends. Your own friends are helping you with your growth and work and being social and all of that and networking, and you'll have that understanding in yourself. You're not just absorbed in a relationship. All you are is a relationship. Anytime somebody sees you, you're in your relationship. But what's wrong with that outside of your relationship? Because that can stump your growth. Like, you know, if I'm out with my friends and they know me to be in a podcast, because my friend is like, yeah, she's in a podcast. Da da da da. Now, that's networking for me. If I'm with my, you know, if I'm with my boyfriend, I'm, for one, in a different scenery. [00:19:22] Speaker C: Why can't you still be in that? [00:19:23] Speaker B: And I could, I very well could still be in a situation where my boyfriend says, yeah, she's in a podcast. Da da da da da. You know, and that's networking. But, like, a lot of men don't wanna do podcasts with women or even wanna interact with women. And if I'm around his friends, they don't really wanna interact. I mean, I'm not gonna say mine. [00:19:45] Speaker C: But they're his friends. They're not your friends. [00:19:47] Speaker B: Yeah, but that's what a lot of women like when they go places as a couple is usually where not where he wants to go, but doing things that, like, with his, with his friends or his people. [00:19:58] Speaker C: No man wants to do that. The women want the men to have play dates. Men don't want the women there. We want to go by. [00:20:06] Speaker B: Women do not like men having playdate. [00:20:09] Speaker C: If they arrange them. [00:20:10] Speaker A: If they arrange them, they don't want. [00:20:11] Speaker C: Them to have their own. [00:20:12] Speaker B: Yeah, once you make your own plans, like, even I find myself, like, you know, kind of, you know, when you're like, yeah, I'm about to go to the, um, to the bar with my brother. [00:20:22] Speaker C: Your brother who? This is his real brother? [00:20:24] Speaker B: Mm hmm. [00:20:25] Speaker C: Okay. [00:20:26] Speaker B: Like, yeah. Going with. And as soon as he don't answer his phone, I'm like, oh, so y'all having lots of fun? [00:20:32] Speaker C: Juanit. That doesn't mean he's having fun. That doesn't mean he didn't answer the phone. [00:20:37] Speaker B: Hmm. I mean, yeah. [00:20:39] Speaker C: So that's your. [00:20:41] Speaker B: Yeah, it could be he's just not around his phone. Could have left his phone in the car. [00:20:44] Speaker C: Could have just not. [00:20:45] Speaker B: It could have went dead. Yeah. [00:20:46] Speaker C: It could be the big moment in the game when you call and. [00:20:50] Speaker B: Or it may have been too loud and he didn't want to answer could have been, it could have been a bunch of things or he just didn't feel like talking at the moment. [00:20:56] Speaker C: So when you're on the other end of the text of the call, what do you go to first? He's doing something he's supposed to do, or maybe he's just enjoying himself. [00:21:05] Speaker B: No, I just go til he's enjoying his though. [00:21:07] Speaker C: Good. Very mature. Some women don't do that. [00:21:10] Speaker B: Yeah, not now. [00:21:12] Speaker A: They instantly go to after the phone call was a text message and then another text message, then another text message, then a phone call on TikTok. [00:21:21] Speaker C: I mean, if somebody reached out to you four or five times, I understand you. [00:21:24] Speaker B: Yeah, there's something wrong. It could be something wrong, but I'm not going to reach out four or five times. I'm going to text him once. One time he sees my text, he opens my text, he understands that I text him, he will get back to me. If I call him. Now that's a little tricky. If I call him and he doesn't answer or he doesn't like, call me back in a long period of time, I'll text him, hey, I called you cause I know he's gonna get the text. I don't know if he got the call. [00:21:49] Speaker C: Okay. But you know the text went through. [00:21:50] Speaker B: Yeah. The text is gonna go through at some point because he could not have service and the call never got through. [00:21:56] Speaker C: Mm hmm. [00:21:57] Speaker B: But if I take, when he get. [00:21:58] Speaker A: Back to his service. [00:21:59] Speaker B: Yeah. The phone's gonna let them know, like, oh, okay. She text me. Yeah. [00:22:03] Speaker C: Okay. Does that make sense to me? [00:22:07] Speaker B: It does. [00:22:10] Speaker C: Is that all that matters sometimes with women? If it makes sense to them, yeah. [00:22:14] Speaker A: No, I think the biggest thing that matters to women is not looking stupid. [00:22:19] Speaker C: But I don't even know what that, I don't even know what. I don't even know what that means. [00:22:23] Speaker A: And I don't either. Hear it a lot. [00:22:24] Speaker B: I know what that means. [00:22:25] Speaker A: But you hear it a lot. [00:22:26] Speaker B: I know what that means. [00:22:27] Speaker C: What does it mean? [00:22:28] Speaker B: I know what it means. Don't embarrass. Don't embarrass me in front of people. [00:22:32] Speaker C: How do I know what embarrasses you? Like if I'm sleeping with you and your two friends? Yeah. That's wild. [00:22:40] Speaker B: Yes. [00:22:40] Speaker C: Not me, but a person. [00:22:42] Speaker B: Anybody. [00:22:43] Speaker C: Anybody. That's beyond looking stupid. That is crazy. [00:22:47] Speaker B: Yes. [00:22:48] Speaker C: So what is looking stupid? [00:22:49] Speaker B: Just being dumb got me out here looking crazy. Yeah. [00:22:52] Speaker C: That right there, that would make you look crazy. [00:22:56] Speaker B: Yes. Yes. [00:22:58] Speaker C: So after you do look crazy, said crazy. Yeah. What happens then? [00:23:02] Speaker B: You supposed to leave. [00:23:03] Speaker C: I mean, let's just say you did look crazy. [00:23:05] Speaker B: That's when you don't. You leave with no conversation. You got me out here looking stupid. Make sure that you're, you know. [00:23:10] Speaker A: But what if it's. [00:23:11] Speaker B: That's why I say, like, make sure that, you know, it's actually what it is before you just up and drop, because it could be a misunderstanding. It can not be what it looks like. Make sure you get a full understanding of it. Make sure you crush t's and dot your I's. But if it's what it is. Out. [00:23:26] Speaker C: Be out. Don't even. [00:23:28] Speaker A: But what if it's like, what if there's a discrepancy about. [00:23:35] Speaker B: Please help me figure this out. What? [00:23:37] Speaker A: Let's say this is. Let's say there's a discrepancy. [00:23:38] Speaker C: Don't look at me. Don't look at him. Let's say you're. [00:23:41] Speaker A: Let's say there's a discrepancy. [00:23:42] Speaker B: Cause you sleeping with somebody else. I'm trying to find it. [00:23:44] Speaker A: No, no, no, no. I'm not even talking about cheating. Okay, let's say. Let's scale it back from cheating. No, no, just say. Let's say discrepancy between. Sometimes there's a discrepancy between how long we've been together. All right? [00:24:02] Speaker B: I. [00:24:03] Speaker A: No, sometimes there is that. [00:24:05] Speaker B: Cause I don't even remember. I can't even tell you whether it been two, three. [00:24:08] Speaker A: What if the thing is. That's the discrepancy. Somebody asks you, and the answer is different than your significant other's answer, and they're upset with you because the answer's different as a. You out here got me looking stupid. [00:24:21] Speaker C: Is it by years or is it by months? So you don't know if you go together? [00:24:24] Speaker A: No, they go together. [00:24:26] Speaker B: You don't know how long. You're like, oh, it's been two years to them. [00:24:30] Speaker A: It's been two years. [00:24:30] Speaker B: It's only been a year. But see, that's when somebody else is talking to somebody and they're explaining your relationship. That's when you be quiet. [00:24:39] Speaker C: Okay. [00:24:40] Speaker B: And then you talk. You know, you talk to them afterwards. But you don't say that in front of people. Like what? Like, you're like, do you hate me? [00:24:50] Speaker C: I do think it depends on who decided who was going with who. Because sometimes women go with you and you don't go with them. [00:24:58] Speaker B: That is true. But you don't say that in front of nobody. [00:25:01] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:25:02] Speaker B: We've been together for two years, I thought it was just an air. [00:25:05] Speaker A: I'm speaking from experience on this. [00:25:07] Speaker B: Yeah, like, you don't say that. You supposed to keep quiet and you handle that when everybody leaves. Like, that's when one of those things that, you know, you talk in private. Don't do that in front of people. Cause now you look. We don't even look like we really together. [00:25:20] Speaker A: Well, no, it wasn't. Nothing addressed in the moment. [00:25:22] Speaker B: Mm hmm. [00:25:23] Speaker A: It was probably like a month later through a regular discussion was like, you know, I felt dumb when you answered that question. I said, what question did I? [00:25:33] Speaker B: Mm hmm. [00:25:35] Speaker A: And went through the whole scenario. [00:25:37] Speaker C: But how did you know they felt dumb? [00:25:38] Speaker A: I didn't. I didn't. But that's the thing. You got me out here looking stupid. I done told people that we've been together this long, and you. You answered the question like this. I said, are we together? Yeah, we are. I said, okay, what does it matter? [00:25:55] Speaker B: Okay, now that. [00:25:56] Speaker C: It does matter. [00:25:57] Speaker B: Yeah, that now if I'm going around telling people, like, by myself, I'm telling people, yeah, we've been together for five years. And you're like, oh, no, we've only been together for two years. [00:26:07] Speaker A: I didn't say no. I didn't say, oh, no. I was actually. [00:26:11] Speaker B: It was, no, no, I'm talking about just regular conversation. Like she's, you know, people ask, oh, how. Yeah, we've been together for five years. Dah dah, dah dah. Y'all are somewhere together, and somebody asks you. And you're like, oh, we only been together for two years. And she's like, that deaf. And they just heard from her a couple of months ago that y'all were together for five, so that could make her look stupid. Cause now they don't take your relationship serious. Okay, so that's what she means by, you made me look stupid. Because, see, now how. And I guess, like men, y'all don't do this to your friends for a woman. And I think some women don't realize they do it when you don't deem my relationship respectable. You don't respect my relationship, no matter if it's like, okay, so you had a wisdom. [00:27:03] Speaker C: I don't know. [00:27:06] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:27:07] Speaker C: I got confused there. [00:27:08] Speaker B: So you mean to tell me, like, yeah. And it gets uncomfortable. It gets uncomfortable because when I say something in a happy, like, oh, yeah, we're about to go to Hawaii. You know, I'm excited about that. You know, and I'm telling my friends, it's kind of like, oh, anyway, isn't. [00:27:26] Speaker C: That because of the information you shared with them? [00:27:28] Speaker B: No, it doesn't always have to be the information. [00:27:30] Speaker C: So where did they get the information from? They knew about him. [00:27:33] Speaker A: Didn't get it from me. [00:27:34] Speaker B: No, no, no. When I told them, we've been together for five years, and I've been in this relationship for five years, and somebody else asks you as is you, and you're like, oh, yeah, we've been together. [00:27:44] Speaker C: That makes the whole relationship off. [00:27:46] Speaker B: Yeah. It throws it completely off and like, oh, no, we've only been together for, like, two, two and a half years. And somebody else hears it that I just told five. Now it's like she said five. Oh, so she lying. [00:27:59] Speaker C: Mmm. [00:27:59] Speaker B: So the relationship ain't what it seems. [00:28:02] Speaker C: Not your friends, but this women. [00:28:04] Speaker B: But women just. [00:28:06] Speaker C: They're a rough group. [00:28:07] Speaker B: Yeah, it is. It's rough out here. But that's how women, like, like, judge other people. And I don't think we do it. Cause I could say we because I feel like I have done it before. But that's how we measure how much we respect somebody's relationship. [00:28:22] Speaker C: Okay, so if you knew the guy prior to meeting her and he didn't have the best reputation, that automatically makes. [00:28:30] Speaker B: Their relationship less than now with that. Okay, let's say he has a reputation. Yeah. This is something I've noticed with women, and I actually experienced it. Y'all watched it in real time? [00:28:42] Speaker C: Mm hmm. [00:28:42] Speaker A: We did. [00:28:43] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:43] Speaker A: Okay. [00:28:44] Speaker C: I'm not sure. I'm not agreeing. [00:28:46] Speaker B: A man treated me at first, treated me good, but then started to dog me. [00:28:52] Speaker A: Oh, okay. I know where gone. [00:28:54] Speaker B: Yeah. He started to dog the hell out of me. And we never really got into a relationship. We only dated. So when he got into the next situation, I already knew what he was about. Everybody else knew what he was about. Everybody seen it. Everybody witnessed it. And he went and got into a relationship with another woman, and she felt special, and he started to do things with her. Listen, she started to feel she should, and she should. She felt special, but she felt more special than me. And she compared herself to being more special than I was, than other. Not just me, other women that he had dealt with, because he had actually gotten into a relationship with her and posted it. So to her, it was like, oh, I'm the exception. He's not doing this with me. He's changed. He's a different person. When for forever. He's always had a reputation of being a dog. [00:29:49] Speaker C: But you knew that too, didn't you? [00:29:51] Speaker B: Yeah, I did. I'm not saying I wasn't stupid. [00:29:54] Speaker C: I'm just asking. [00:29:55] Speaker B: I wasn't saying I wasn't stupid. [00:29:57] Speaker C: Okay. [00:29:58] Speaker B: However, when I would tell my story, no one listened, no one paid attention, no one cared that I'm saying, no. This person has not changed. This person is not, you know, not who y'all believe he is. And he still, like, you know, double down on it. Let me finish. Cause I'm almost finished. And like I told people, wait till the end. So when he ends up doing the same thing to her because he was in a relationship with her and because people deemed, oh, well, he did this with her and he didn't that. And that's a lot of what I would get. Well, he was doing this with her. Well, he moved in with. He moved her in. He did this with her. I couldn't talk about my experience. No one respected my experience with him because they didn't view it as he took me serious. [00:30:54] Speaker C: Okay. Now, is that the end? [00:30:56] Speaker B: Yes. [00:30:58] Speaker C: So I'm uncertain on how that's any of your business. [00:31:04] Speaker B: What do you mean, what's my business? [00:31:05] Speaker C: Like, if the woman. If the woman had dated somebody. No, if you had dated somebody and the guy wasn't the best guy and he goes on to somebody else. [00:31:15] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that's not my business. [00:31:16] Speaker C: Yeah. So why is the comparison even happening? [00:31:19] Speaker B: Oh, I never compared myself. [00:31:21] Speaker C: Not you. I'm not even talking situation. I'm just saying, why is it any of the business for either of them to compare each other against relationships? Cause it's up to that other person to see if that person has really grown any or done anything. [00:31:34] Speaker B: But in his, like, in the way that he does it, he has to degrade me. And that's how he goes into each, and that's even how he goes. [00:31:43] Speaker C: So is that how you were brought into the situation? [00:31:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:46] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. [00:31:47] Speaker B: And that's what he does. I started to see that's his pattern. He has to degrade the last person that you know of. Not everybody. He just has to degrade the person that you know of. So that way it makes it sound like she's horrible. Like, she's the most horrible person. She's crazy. She's this. She's that. I don't know if he makes up stories, but, like, he just has to badmouth her and, like. Yeah, you're not like that. Yeah. You're different. You're easy to talk to. So now you feel special on a level that you didn't even realize. Like, oh, I'm easy to talk to. I didn't even know that. [00:32:19] Speaker C: But you can't. But can't both things be true? [00:32:22] Speaker B: Yeah, it can be true. [00:32:22] Speaker A: Both things can be true. [00:32:23] Speaker B: It could be true. But it kind of puts into why he's this way with you. So it's like creating of, oh, this is why I've changed, because you're like this. [00:32:33] Speaker C: So in retrospect, that person never has grown. He just switches people. [00:32:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:41] Speaker A: Hmm. [00:32:42] Speaker C: Okay. [00:32:43] Speaker B: But if you, you know, when you look at it, like, as women, a lot of times that's how we measure who we're going to respect. Like, are we gonna respect her pain or are we gonna respect her pain more? And, like, both woman to woman, equally, we both experienced the same thing. It's just I experienced it dating him. She experienced it in a relationship with him a little bit more. And it's like, okay, well, you can hush now, but this one. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I know you need to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand everything you going through. I'ma cry with you. And it's like, wow. [00:33:22] Speaker C: Okay. [00:33:23] Speaker B: Like, but that's how we, that is truly. So when a woman says, you are out here making me look stupid, it's because when we are in an environment with a bunch of women, that's how they deemed us respectable. Like, how they're going to respect us, how they're going to talk to us, how they're going to listen to us. And if we don't feel heard or, you know, a room where we feel like we can talk and express ourselves in a room of women, we don't want to be around them. And it kind of puts us in a place of secluding us from everybody else. So do you understand now why we say, don't make us look stupid? [00:34:07] Speaker C: Okay, waiter, bring us back home. Yeah. Yeah, I do see how it can make you look stupid. [00:34:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:13] Speaker C: Like, but isn't that always up to the woman to switch? They keep switching the goal line on. [00:34:19] Speaker A: What makes the woman keep moving it. [00:34:20] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:34:21] Speaker B: Like, how is it switching? [00:34:23] Speaker C: Cause your man could be a bad dresser. That's making you look stupid. He could cheat on you, but see. [00:34:28] Speaker B: Him being a bad dresser can only be changed. It could be like, all right. Like, that's just his style. That's just who he is. And it's not a bad thing. You know, you like to wear this color with this color. You like to wear polka dots with stripes. Hey, that's up to you. That's what makes you uncomfortable. But when you are like, you know, y'all are not on the same page in a relationship. [00:34:51] Speaker C: But the only way to get on the same page is to have the discussion. [00:34:55] Speaker B: And he probably did have the discussion with her. I mean, I was like, I'm talking about you stuff, but, I mean, like, they probably. Probably. I don't know how long y'all were together. [00:35:05] Speaker A: I don't either. [00:35:07] Speaker B: See? Oh, so you didn't even care. [00:35:09] Speaker A: Why is that? It's the same thing. [00:35:11] Speaker C: That's. You ain't talking. [00:35:12] Speaker A: That's the same thing she said. [00:35:14] Speaker C: Then did you not care? [00:35:15] Speaker A: You don't even care. [00:35:16] Speaker B: Like, how do you not know how long y'all been. I mean, like, when y'all started to be together. [00:35:22] Speaker C: I think you need a reference point, but I don't know if you're all that important. No, I have more. I'm just not agreeing with you. [00:35:32] Speaker B: He said you are not consumed. [00:35:33] Speaker C: No. Cause sometimes women get consumed by the time. And I probably more consumed with the quality of. [00:35:41] Speaker B: Okay, yeah, that could make sense, too. [00:35:43] Speaker C: I mean, I'd rather have a high quality relationship that lasts longer than just saying, we've been together for ten years. [00:35:49] Speaker A: Cause my statement was my statement to hers. I have reference points. But to tell you how long, I said, I can't. [00:35:55] Speaker C: Did you ask her to go with you? [00:35:57] Speaker A: No. [00:35:57] Speaker B: No, they just ended up going together. So how long did she. Well, how do you know how you. [00:36:02] Speaker C: End up going with somebody? [00:36:03] Speaker B: How long was the gap that she said? [00:36:04] Speaker A: And you said somewhere around a year, maybe two. Two years. [00:36:10] Speaker B: So she looked at it. [00:36:11] Speaker C: Sounds like you were the problem. [00:36:12] Speaker A: No, I wasn't the problem. [00:36:14] Speaker C: So you didn't talk to her for two years? [00:36:17] Speaker A: No, we. [00:36:18] Speaker C: I don't. No. Hold on a second. Listen to the question. [00:36:20] Speaker A: Uh huh. [00:36:21] Speaker C: So was there a two year gap in your relationship from the way she. [00:36:26] Speaker A: Starts, from the way she starts, was. [00:36:28] Speaker C: There a two year gap in your relationship talking or whatever y'all was doing? Was there two full years that y'all didn't talk? [00:36:35] Speaker A: No. [00:36:36] Speaker C: So somebody was doing something. Y'all was either talking. [00:36:42] Speaker A: No, we were talking. That's what I'm saying. We were dating and talking throughout the time. I was consistent. I was always saying, we're not in a relationship. If she would ask me, I'd be like, well, this isn't a relationship. [00:36:52] Speaker B: So you made that clear that it wasn't a relationship, and she stayed. Like, she didn't tell you? [00:36:56] Speaker A: She said she wanted to stay, Nick. [00:36:58] Speaker C: I don't believe him. [00:36:59] Speaker B: Did she tell you she wanted to be in a relationship? [00:37:01] Speaker A: Yeah, she did. [00:37:02] Speaker B: Then why did you keep telling her that it wasn't because I wasn't ready. [00:37:06] Speaker A: To be in a relationship at the time. [00:37:07] Speaker B: So eventually you started. So what, were you in a situation? [00:37:11] Speaker A: Well, there you go. [00:37:14] Speaker B: So y'all basically was together. Were you dealing with other people? Yeah. Yeah. The fact that he had to stare off and think about it. Yeah. The long paws thing. [00:37:27] Speaker A: No. [00:37:28] Speaker B: Then what was the. Then y'all was in there. [00:37:32] Speaker C: Okay, well, let me tell you. Let's take this to a movie that be easy. Doesn't like love Jones. I recently watched Love Jones. [00:37:40] Speaker B: Again. [00:37:41] Speaker C: Again? [00:37:42] Speaker B: Okay. [00:37:43] Speaker C: I was in and out. I was asleep. I was doing stuff, but I was watching. I got the gist of it. [00:37:47] Speaker B: Okay. [00:37:48] Speaker C: I think that's the first time I saw a situationship on camera. [00:37:51] Speaker B: Really? [00:37:52] Speaker C: I think so. [00:37:53] Speaker A: Cause that was a situation. They weren't in a relationship. [00:37:55] Speaker C: I didn't know that's what was called in, but I would. So you were like that? [00:37:59] Speaker B: Like that, yeah, but their situation was a little different. Okay, tell me what to me. [00:38:07] Speaker A: I mean, they did date stuff. [00:38:08] Speaker C: Cause it doesn't require. That type of relationship doesn't require growth. It's the moment you demand growth that now we have a problem or a demand on what are we doing? Or you're with me and I'm with you. [00:38:20] Speaker B: I think that situation was like. I think they both wanted to be together, but no one ever said anything. So it started to be like mind games. Like, okay, well, let me say this. [00:38:31] Speaker C: Who was playing the mind games? A woman? [00:38:33] Speaker B: Yes. [00:38:34] Speaker C: Okay. [00:38:35] Speaker A: Do you think she was playing the manga? [00:38:36] Speaker B: Yes. Cause she started first. She started first with, I was going to see my ex. [00:38:41] Speaker A: No, not when she was going to see my ex. She was like, remember she got the job. She got the job offer in New York. [00:38:48] Speaker B: Yeah. And she was going to stay with her ex. [00:38:50] Speaker C: And then women do the dumb tissue thing. [00:38:52] Speaker B: Yeah, that's the tissue. To see if he cares. [00:38:54] Speaker A: I'm gonna see if he cares. I'll stay if you want me to stay. That's kind of her look like, even when she went to the train station. [00:39:00] Speaker C: But why is that even appropriate for you to go stay with your ex to go look at a job? [00:39:03] Speaker B: Because she wanted to see if he would. If this was just a sexual thing or if he really had feelings for her. [00:39:09] Speaker A: Okay, but he didn't even. [00:39:10] Speaker C: But if I'm the man that makes it sound like to me, you want to go stay with him. [00:39:13] Speaker A: No. [00:39:13] Speaker C: So it don't matter. [00:39:14] Speaker A: But she didn't tell him that's who she was gonna stay with before she left. She didn't tell him that. She just said that she had to. [00:39:20] Speaker B: Go watch it again. [00:39:21] Speaker A: Yeah, no, she didn't. [00:39:22] Speaker B: If I'm mistaken, I remember a scene where she tells him specifically that, you know, it's her ex. [00:39:28] Speaker A: Nah, watch it again. [00:39:30] Speaker B: Cause I have to watch it again. [00:39:31] Speaker A: They talked about her going to New York, and he was like, well, I mean, you know, you gotta do what you gotta do. Yeah. [00:39:37] Speaker B: I mean, that's appropriate. [00:39:38] Speaker A: I think I get it. [00:39:40] Speaker B: Like, why would I hold you back? [00:39:41] Speaker A: And that's what he said. He said, we ain't in a relationship. He was like, you can go ahead and go. [00:39:47] Speaker B: I wanna say if I can remember clearly that she made a statement of staying with her ex until she got on her feet or something of that sort. She never told him that she was going back to Beveregh, like somewhat like in a relationship with her ex, but. And I don't even think that was her goal, but I want to say she did. Cause I remember him having a conversation with his homeboy about it. He was like, yeah, I'm cool. Nah, I'm cool. [00:40:12] Speaker A: No, they was talking about the fact that she was leaving. Like, it wasn't about the fact that she was going to be with somebody. It was just the fact that she was leaving to take this job. And there was the possibility that she wouldn't be back. [00:40:26] Speaker B: Okay, I have to watch it again. [00:40:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:40:29] Speaker B: You watched it recently. [00:40:32] Speaker C: But it's just like when women say, don't make me look stupid. [00:40:35] Speaker B: Mm hmm. Yeah. Cause she was around his friends. [00:40:38] Speaker C: Men kinda. Wasn't she around his friends? No, he took her around her. [00:40:43] Speaker A: Yeah, he took her around his friends. [00:40:45] Speaker B: Okay. One of the first dates was because she ended up dating one of the other guys. [00:40:50] Speaker A: She dated her homeboy. Dated his homeboy. [00:40:52] Speaker B: Where she came out. Yeah. Like, don't. Don't do that. That's crazy. That's wild. [00:40:57] Speaker A: She did date, and then. And then he brought her to the front, to the parties. To the friendship party. [00:41:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:09] Speaker A: Wood was wild for that. [00:41:10] Speaker B: Very wild. [00:41:11] Speaker C: Who? [00:41:11] Speaker A: That was his name, Bill Bellamy's character. [00:41:13] Speaker C: Oh, okay. He brought her now. [00:41:15] Speaker A: He brought her. She said, where we going? That's a surprise. He took it to the party knowing that Darius was gonna be there. [00:41:23] Speaker B: Yeah, that's probably him anyway. [00:41:25] Speaker A: But that's a good. That's the first situation that I know. [00:41:28] Speaker C: On tv, at least from black people. Probably other movies. [00:41:32] Speaker B: No, but last night. Well, the original. [00:41:37] Speaker C: Original. [00:41:37] Speaker B: Yeah, the original. Got to see the original cuz Kevin Hart. [00:41:40] Speaker C: Those didn't do a good job in this. [00:41:42] Speaker A: I never saw the original. There's an original tab out last night? [00:41:44] Speaker B: Yes. And it's on Hulu. [00:41:46] Speaker A: Okay. [00:41:47] Speaker C: I didn't. [00:41:47] Speaker A: That's on the list for the day. [00:41:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:49] Speaker C: But it was nevertheless a good one. [00:41:51] Speaker A: Okay. [00:41:51] Speaker B: Yeah. My mom, like, she was like, oh, my God, they're remaking it. So guess one of her good movies. [00:41:58] Speaker C: So that relationship couldn't grow. Why? [00:42:02] Speaker B: Cause no one really had a conversation. That's why. So this comes down to lack of communication. [00:42:07] Speaker C: Conversation fixes things. [00:42:09] Speaker A: Communication fixes. [00:42:11] Speaker B: Okay. Going back. Cause I see you saying going back to the conversation. [00:42:16] Speaker C: I'm just asking. I don't. [00:42:17] Speaker A: It's a callback. [00:42:18] Speaker B: A conversation can fix the direction of where things need to go. [00:42:23] Speaker C: Okay. [00:42:24] Speaker B: Not so much as fix it to make it stay together. Just a conversation to fix things, to see what y'all need to do and what's the next step. And sometimes the next step is peace. [00:42:41] Speaker C: Well, that seems to be your first step. [00:42:43] Speaker B: No, it's not. It's not. [00:42:47] Speaker C: What does that do? Protect you? [00:42:49] Speaker B: No, I'm asking. I believe leaving. [00:42:52] Speaker C: What does leaving do? Especially if you're just gonna think about. [00:42:55] Speaker A: A person, because, like, you. [00:42:57] Speaker B: But it's okay to leave. Like, if a person is. [00:43:00] Speaker C: I have no problem with leaving. I'm a believer. I'll leave. I've been kicked out of place before. [00:43:05] Speaker B: If you're in a relationship that you know you don't want to change, you know you don't want to do the work, but you don't. [00:43:10] Speaker C: You might not know why you need to change. [00:43:13] Speaker B: But, I mean, I'm saying, like, you might not need to change. [00:43:16] Speaker C: Everybody needs to change. [00:43:17] Speaker B: You might not need. Like, what I say is change is because everybody that asks you to change doesn't mean it in a good way, and you have to determine that. [00:43:26] Speaker C: So maybe you don't respect the man that's asking you to change or the woman that's asking you to change. [00:43:31] Speaker B: That could be it, too. Cause, like, Yusuf has said plenty of times, like, if he doesn't respect you, he doesn't listen to you. [00:43:40] Speaker C: As far as a woman goes. [00:43:41] Speaker B: No. You say in general, right? [00:43:43] Speaker C: Yeah. Which is a wild statement. [00:43:47] Speaker B: But I mean, like, that's how he is. [00:43:49] Speaker A: But that's. But that's, like, that's a choice in some things. And I think previously I have done a poor job of being self aware about some aspects of. And I think that as we're growing through and with people, and I think growth is not only in regular relationships, it's in work. Relationships and all of that. All of those different areas, which are. [00:44:17] Speaker C: Regular relationships, which are. [00:44:18] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, romantic relationships. I'm sorry, not romantic relations. Romantic relationships. [00:44:23] Speaker B: So you work on your platonic relationship. [00:44:25] Speaker A: But I think the best way to work on the growth of all of those is to be self aware and enough to understand that, yo, I gotta make these changes. [00:44:37] Speaker C: So it starts with self awareness. [00:44:38] Speaker A: It starts with the self awareness, whether you get it yourself or whether somebody points it out to you, and you come to the realization that this is okay. You know, I gotta grow for these different things, for these relationships to grow for me to grow with these relationships. And I think sometimes people, and in the past, I've done a poor job of understanding my self awareness in certain areas of my life, to be able to make that growth, to grow with the other parts, aspects of the relationships that I'm dealing with as a whole. [00:45:12] Speaker C: Okay, so, well, what causes a person have a lack of self awareness? [00:45:18] Speaker A: Being okay. Being okay with your actions. Well, not being okay with your actions, but being okay with the person that you are and having a certain stubbornness. [00:45:31] Speaker B: About changing, because there hasn't been any bad consequences that you've cared about that, you know, opportunities that you may have lost. Not just you. [00:45:40] Speaker A: I wouldn't say. [00:45:40] Speaker B: I wouldn't say I'm just. Some people, like, a lot of people don't feel like. Because the most common thing I hear is, if it's not broke, why fix it? [00:45:51] Speaker C: That's a very good reason to fix it. [00:45:54] Speaker B: Like, it's not broke. Like, I'm not. [00:45:56] Speaker C: Is it yielding the bad off? [00:45:58] Speaker B: I don't feel bad, but is it. [00:46:00] Speaker C: Yielding the results of happiness? Cause if you're not happy, which is the ultimate goal, but somebody. [00:46:06] Speaker B: Some people feel like they're happy in their mess. [00:46:10] Speaker A: No, but I'm gonna say that. [00:46:13] Speaker B: Through. [00:46:13] Speaker A: Some reflection, I realized I've not truly been happy. [00:46:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:46:18] Speaker A: Like, it's just you kind of. Just. Kind of just existing and moving through. Like, you're not truly happy. There are points in your life that there are things that happen that make you happy for a time. I was reading the article that had to do what we were talking about today, and they were saying that people that dislike their job. The example was work. The people that dislike work enjoy the weekend. And why do they enjoy the weekend so much? Is because they get these bursts of happiness on the weekend that don't sustain themselves. Because Monday they go back to work, which is a purse, a place where they have not found happiness. So it's not happiness across they said happiness should come from across all stages of your life, so that there aren't these. They were like, that's why people drink and take drugs and all of that after work. Or because they're looking for these bursts of happiness or escapes from the drum of work where if they found the happiness through the things at work that they do throughout the week, it just becomes one long, sustainable time of happiness. And there's not these bursts of wanting to get bursts of joys that die when it's done. It's like an energy shot taking a Red Bull. I'm going to be good for about an hour, but I crash right after that. So they were like, you have to find it across all mediums of life. And the only way to do that is to grow as self awareness, to be able to grow as an individual. [00:47:54] Speaker C: Okay, so y'all really believe you can be happy in all aspects? [00:47:58] Speaker A: I think that you can find. I think that you can find yourself in a space where you're happy. [00:48:08] Speaker B: Well, not all the time. I'll say that. [00:48:10] Speaker A: Nothing is 100%. You're not gonna walk into your job every day and be like, man, I love it here. [00:48:15] Speaker C: Why couldn't you? [00:48:16] Speaker A: Some people do, because there's. [00:48:19] Speaker C: If you're doing what you love to. [00:48:20] Speaker A: Do, if you're doing what you love to do, I think this is. [00:48:22] Speaker B: But even everybody has bad days, too. [00:48:24] Speaker A: I will say this, this is the first time that I think I've always loved my job, but this is the first time I've actually gotten everything I've asked for in a position. [00:48:36] Speaker B: Okay. [00:48:37] Speaker A: And so that makes. That does make the work life balance a lot easier to be happy in. [00:48:44] Speaker B: Okay. [00:48:45] Speaker A: Because I know when I go to work, like, how could I find something unhappy about what a situation that I've kind of found myself in and kind of work towards? And I finally have everything that I've kind of wanted in a job. [00:49:02] Speaker B: And that makes sense. [00:49:03] Speaker A: And I think. But for those people who don't have that, you kind of. I think you just kind of got to find that happy medium in there, or else you end up wanting these bursts of joy and going to the club five days a week to find the happiness. I'm going to happy hour. That's another thing they said, you know, people go to happy hour right after work because work has been this dreadful place, and now they're looking for. Yeah, now they're looking for that burst of happiness. But it has to be quick because it's gonna. It's back to work the next day. [00:49:36] Speaker B: Mm hmm. Yeah. [00:49:38] Speaker A: And back to where they feel it as feel a negative space, so to speak. [00:49:42] Speaker B: But that's what you do. Like Cl said, you do have to find something to do that you do love and you do enjoy and has you in a good mental state. Like, I can say, like, I do love my job. [00:49:55] Speaker C: You do. [00:49:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:49:56] Speaker C: But you said you couldn't be happy in all aspects. Or you. That you could. [00:50:01] Speaker B: No, I told you, you can't always. [00:50:03] Speaker C: Okay. Why? You can't always be happy because you're. [00:50:05] Speaker B: Gonna have bad days. I have bad days at work. Some days I don't, but it seems like I don't feel like being there. But it's just like, is that a bad day? I feel like it's bad. There's some days I don't want to be a mom. [00:50:17] Speaker C: Is that a bad day? [00:50:18] Speaker B: Yes. [00:50:19] Speaker C: Why wouldn't you chalk that up to more being human than bad? It's perfectly all right to not want to do something. I don't care what it is, whether it's being a mother or putting on shoes a day. [00:50:32] Speaker B: You don't want to do it. You don't want to do it. Sometimes you don't want to get dressed, but it doesn't make the day bad. [00:50:36] Speaker C: But what makes that bad? Instead of just being a human being. [00:50:39] Speaker B: Yeah, you're right. [00:50:40] Speaker C: So, yeah, well, we label it bad. [00:50:42] Speaker B: Yeah, we do label it bad. Cause I label that a bad day. [00:50:44] Speaker C: That's not necessarily a bad day. Sometimes don't want to be bothered by people, whether those people, you had them or not. You just don't want to be bothered by people. [00:50:53] Speaker B: If I don't feel like being bothered with work, I'm not gonna do. I'm not gonna meet my quota. Cause I know I'm not gonna sit at my computer like I'm supposed to. I know I'm not going to. Like, if I don't feel like taking my child all the way around the world, I'm gonna, you know, call somebody to see if they can do it. Like, I look at it as a bad day. Like, today is just a bad day. [00:51:18] Speaker C: I don't know. I think that's mislabeled. And then sometimes, even with children and people, you have to set healthy boundaries. [00:51:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:51:27] Speaker C: You should have told me this yesterday. [00:51:30] Speaker B: Oh, I'm already like that. [00:51:31] Speaker C: She shorted it. [00:51:32] Speaker B: I am not. I am not a last man. [00:51:35] Speaker C: You could've told me that last night. Today I'm not getting up. 06:00 in the morning. Gonna do this before you go to school. You just won't have it. And it's okay. [00:51:42] Speaker B: I let them know quickly. You will not plan my life. [00:51:45] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. It's okay. [00:51:46] Speaker B: So I need to know schedules. I need to make them out. I cannot on a whim, like. Okay, it's 09:00 at night. I need these socks. Guess you're not gonna have them. [00:52:00] Speaker C: Okay. Can you live with that? Yeah, but you couldn't live with that in a relationship. [00:52:05] Speaker A: Mm. [00:52:06] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Right. [00:52:08] Speaker A: Cause that is dropping the callbacks today. [00:52:10] Speaker C: Yeah. So, I mean, you can't. It don't, but. [00:52:14] Speaker B: Okay. Put that to a relationship so the viewer, I mean, viewers, the listeners can understand. [00:52:24] Speaker C: Let's just say you're not feeling your best, you're not looking your best, but you still have to serve this relationship. [00:52:33] Speaker B: Okay. [00:52:35] Speaker C: And now you're looking unrealistically. Cause you're having a bad day. He's not meeting your standards, so you're not even taking consideration that he's had a bad day. [00:52:45] Speaker B: I do. [00:52:45] Speaker C: Or a poor day or whatever y'all. [00:52:47] Speaker B: You can say that for someone else. [00:52:48] Speaker C: Yeah. Not me particularly, but the other person. All you're doing is focusing on yourself. So therefore, you've already short changed this person you're in a relationship with because you're so overly focused on what happened with you. [00:53:00] Speaker B: Yeah, sometimes it comes off like that. I mean, it ends up like that. [00:53:04] Speaker C: So one thing I become conscious of is not letting people steal your energy all day long and then giving your mate the worst of you in the evenings. [00:53:14] Speaker B: I believe that, too. Yeah. Cause, like, and that's what everything knows. [00:53:19] Speaker C: Don't expend all your energy at work and then come give me some. Like, nah, this not gonna fly. [00:53:23] Speaker B: That's not even just at work. Like, even out with your friends or family or anybody. And then you come, you give me. Turn it right back. [00:53:31] Speaker C: I need to go to sleep. No, you don't. [00:53:32] Speaker B: No, you don't. Stay up. [00:53:34] Speaker C: Yeah. You've been working with him all day. Stay up. Do what you need to do. Because you can't shortchange the other person just because. [00:53:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. That's happened to me. Like, oh, you tired? But it take a five hour shot when we go to the store and get you one. [00:53:52] Speaker C: Okay. [00:53:52] Speaker B: Cause, you know. No. [00:53:54] Speaker C: Cause I do think that's where when you don't separate the church state. [00:53:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:53:58] Speaker C: You could have problems. And it's not my job to replenish you every day for strangers. [00:54:05] Speaker B: Yeah. That took it away from. Did you allow to take away from you? [00:54:08] Speaker C: Yes. [00:54:08] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:54:09] Speaker A: Cause I. Yeah, I agree with you. [00:54:11] Speaker B: You gonna fake it with them, fake it with me. I want you to put your smile on your face when you come walking through this door. If you had to use all that energy and put a smile on your face to go into that job or to go out with your friends, do not come home and just be like, man, I don't feel like it. [00:54:27] Speaker A: Wow, maybe shouldn't that. And then y'all talk that out. [00:54:30] Speaker C: Talk? She already told you. [00:54:33] Speaker A: No, no, what I mean by that. [00:54:34] Speaker B: Is, what are you talking about? [00:54:36] Speaker C: If you just told him you're not gonna do all that with them and then come here and give me nothing. [00:54:40] Speaker B: Yeah, that ain't happening. [00:54:42] Speaker C: It ain't nothing to talk about. [00:54:45] Speaker A: But what's the saying? The woman should be a man's piece. [00:54:49] Speaker B: You should have. [00:54:50] Speaker A: Shouldn't you be his piece? [00:54:52] Speaker B: The only thing that ain't what future said. The only thing that you be her peace. [00:54:58] Speaker C: I'm trying to be her problem. [00:55:01] Speaker B: See, that's the thing. Don't bring me all your problems and you giving everybody peace, but expect to have peace from them. [00:55:07] Speaker C: Absolutely. And our mates sometimes suffer from that. Cause we do put that burden on them. [00:55:11] Speaker B: Yeah. So, like, if, you know, I don't mind being that individual's piece, but I. You also have to bring some type of peace. I don't mind listening to stories, you know, you're venting to me. I don't mind being that space that saves space for you, but also I need to have those happy moments with you as well. It can't. Just. [00:55:33] Speaker C: A lot more. [00:55:34] Speaker B: Yeah. A lot more of those happy moments. It can't just be you're happy with these people, you know, oh, I'm doing this for work or I'm cutting this out for work or this, that, and the other with my coworkers and you come home to me. I freaking hate them. [00:55:49] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:55:50] Speaker B: Like, well, why are you going? Like, I'm confused. [00:55:54] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. [00:55:55] Speaker B: Like, I gotta hear the oh, so and so and so and so and so. Why are you there? Why are you there? [00:56:00] Speaker C: Cause you would ask that. [00:56:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:56:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:56:03] Speaker B: Why are you there? Even at a job, especially at a job you qualified to do, you know, you're qualified to do, do the same job somewhere else you could. [00:56:14] Speaker A: Yeah, that's true. [00:56:15] Speaker B: So, therefore, if you having all these issues at this job, I'm not gonna tell you to quit. Like, just, you know. Cause bills still have to be paid. But let's start looking at other opportunities. [00:56:25] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:56:26] Speaker B: And if you not looking at those other opportunities and you just wanna complain to me, I'm going to remove myself from the situation. [00:56:35] Speaker C: Sometimes we have to remove ourselves, and. [00:56:37] Speaker A: It'S about that time to remove ourselves. [00:56:39] Speaker C: Yes. [00:56:41] Speaker A: Always a pleasure with you guys. [00:56:42] Speaker C: Thank you. Thank you. [00:56:44] Speaker B: You know, always. Well, thank you all for listening. It's your girl, Nate Cruz, cl Butler. [00:56:49] Speaker A: And your boy Youssef. And we are out. [00:56:52] Speaker B: Thank you for listening to another episode of relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com, comma, iTunes, Google podcast, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, nobody grinds like us and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dnique, email us at relst podcastmail.com or call us at 843-310-8637 follow us on Facebook at relationship status podcast on Instagram and Twitter. And don't forget to comment, share five star rate, subscribe and review.