235th Date: It's A Safe Space Over Here

[00:00:25] Speaker A: And welcome back to relationship status. Your boy Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to, like, share, follow, and five star rate. And if you want to join the conversation, email us, R-E-L-S-T-A-T podcast, or join the advice group. The relationship status advice group. It's a private group on Facebook. It is bumping. It goes down in the advice group. Also, we have the relationship status chat on Facebook as well. And soon to release the broadcast of the relationship status on Instagram. As you can hear, it's just me without my team, my dog cl and the homie neek. But I had to bring in two. Well, we got one regular, so you're not even a guest anymore. Eddie Griffin, she's your staple, your cousin. I'm your favorite cousin. Yeah, it might be the favorite cousin. Eddie Griffin, how you doing today? [00:01:30] Speaker B: How you doing? Good morning. [00:01:31] Speaker A: I'm doing good. I'm doing good. It's a good morning. Good day. Beautiful weather outside. Last night was friggin gorgeous. You could do some things outside in that weather. And we also got my guy. Known him for years. Great dude. He's been begging to come on the show for a while. Every time he got a little slick shot to say, you don't invite me on the show. So here we are. This is my guy, Pat. What's going on, Pat? [00:02:01] Speaker C: Ain't too much. [00:02:02] Speaker A: Ain't too much. [00:02:04] Speaker C: I'm just a guy that wear many hats asking you to get on here, he'd be like, I got you. I got you. [00:02:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:10] Speaker A: You're talking about college basketball coach, philanthropist, author, what? Wrote two books, two kids books. [00:02:18] Speaker C: Yeah, two. Working on two. [00:02:20] Speaker A: Working on the third. Out here in these streets, making some things happen for himself. Has a training, business. He's a man of many talents and maybe some hidden talents that we don't know about. But the first question we have to ask all guests that come, and we've never asked you this, Eddie, and I'm asking this. I'm asking you to kind of. I think you kind of a little thrown off by the question, so it's going to take a minute, so I need you to process it. But, Pat, what's your relationship status? [00:02:54] Speaker C: Happy? I'll just answer that question. [00:02:58] Speaker A: That's how it's going to answer the question. [00:02:59] Speaker C: No, I keep my private life, my public life and private life doing to what I'm having, what I have going on. I have to have that balance. And we'll talk about it today. Just like being happy. What works for me works for me, might not work for other people, but, yeah, just leave it at that. It's happy. [00:03:26] Speaker A: Okay. What about you, Ms. Eddie? What's your relationship status? [00:03:31] Speaker B: You know me, I'm single, I'm taking. I'm dating, and I'm cheating on my man that I'm loyal to. [00:03:38] Speaker A: Okay. That's a lot. [00:03:41] Speaker B: The world will never know. [00:03:43] Speaker A: The world will never know. Okay. [00:03:45] Speaker C: So I'm basically happy. [00:03:46] Speaker B: Direct deposit. [00:03:47] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:03:49] Speaker A: Do you think people overshare their relationships, Pat? Like, do you think it's a situation where people just kind of. Their private life, they're okay with their private life being public? Or is it an overshare? Just like, I don't want to know. I didn't want to know that. [00:04:06] Speaker C: It's a yes and no question. Because for me, no, because I enjoy watching the drama unload through Facebook and Instagram. You have conversations, be like, man, I give them six months because they're doing all this, that, and the third, and I'm just like. And then you see, you send a message that call, like, I knew it was going to happen. They were doing too much too fast for me. It's just like, it got to be a process. I pop out with something, you know, it's substantial. You know, it's something real. You know, it's organic. Everybody don't need to know. Hey, I went to dinner. He sent me flowers today. This and that and the third. It's cool, but to do it every day, every, like, is it truly organic or is it just for the. [00:05:03] Speaker A: That. Well, that brings me to a different question for you, Eddie. He said it's not organic. If you should hold your stuff, pretty much your private life. Private. I think Cl's saying is date, court, court privately, date exclusively, marry publicly. [00:05:28] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what I'm popping out. [00:05:29] Speaker C: Absolutely. [00:05:30] Speaker B: Bam. [00:05:31] Speaker A: When you met, nobody knows anything. Not even the engagement. Not a post. So you wanted them. [00:05:36] Speaker B: You don't have to be looking like. You got to be nosy to be like, is that a ring on her finger? You get what I'm saying? [00:05:42] Speaker C: You're knowing the engagement? [00:05:44] Speaker A: Yeah. Even in essence, I don't know, because I think I've jumped the gun prior to before with. I wouldn't say living life on social media, but posting things. What is it? There's a saying that somebody I know had. It says the more you talk about what you're doing, the less you're likely to do it. And I got engaged publicly and then went ahead and we just ended up engaged for, like, six years. And then nothing ever came of it, and we ended up breaking up for the better. We probably shouldn't have gotten married, but it's just a matter of when you think about stuff like that. Do you think you should be on that road? [00:06:33] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm going to pop out with a husband. Just, bam, husband. [00:06:38] Speaker A: And that's going to be it. [00:06:40] Speaker B: Y'all niggas was not invited. [00:06:44] Speaker A: But that's what they say. That's another thing somebody said. They said, my sister said this. She said, my friends will know. The important people will know. [00:06:52] Speaker B: Important people will know. [00:06:53] Speaker A: I don't have to live my life on social media. [00:06:55] Speaker B: I do enough on there. [00:06:56] Speaker C: Yeah, I agree. Just like, my circle is my circle. Everybody's not invited. Everything's not supposed to be, like, public. And I think that goes from beyond relationships. For your ideals, for your dreams, for your businesses. Before I post it, it's 95% or 100% completely done. Before I post it, I did a thing because there's so many people that harp on your downfall. So if you posting this, that, and the third, and then they're like, I hope it don't work. [00:07:37] Speaker B: You, all this bad energy going out. There you go. [00:07:40] Speaker C: So you got to protect yourself. [00:07:42] Speaker A: Okay. I think that's a perfect way to put it, is you got to protect yourself. You got to protect your happiness. And I don't want to say the cliche word, protect your peace. Now, all of us here are, I would say, busy individuals. And in the dating world, that can come off away when you're busy. [00:08:09] Speaker C: Go ahead and say difficult. [00:08:11] Speaker A: It is difficult to date within this stage in your life where you have stuff going on. So what do you think is the difference? So time is an expensive commodity for you. I know for you, Eddie, you have with your professional life and then your home life, you don't have time. And Pat, with everything you're doing, coaching wise, you're on the road, your businesses, your books, you don't necessarily have the time. So to you, Eddie, what's the difference between free time and making time? [00:08:51] Speaker B: Well, at this point in my life, every time I do something, I'm making time. If we're being real facts, like right now, if I'm dating you, I am making. I'm logistics. I'm making this thing work like time management. But free time for me would be like, I'm not doing anything. If you always have to a person, you have to make plans with a person when they're not doing anything. It's like, okay, I got to catch. Okay, you got free time you got free time and what else, right? [00:09:24] Speaker A: Okay. [00:09:24] Speaker B: But making time. I have to put plans in place. I have children, so I have to put a sitter in place. I might be on call. I might have to put my phone do not disturb, don't call me because I have something I got to be doing right now. So I'm always making time. At this point, I'm making time to take a shower with like, silence. At this point, I got the cat trying to pawn the door. I got kids flying through the house. My phone's ringing. I just be like, bro, shot, please. [00:09:54] Speaker A: Shot, please. It's shot o'clock. What about Pat? Through your definition, what's the definition between free time and making time? [00:10:03] Speaker C: I agree with Eddie said, I don't have free time. It's just like my free time is still not necessarily free from September to march, full on. So if I say, hey, I want to spend time with you, I have to make a plan to lay. Are we doing this, that and the third. X, y, and z. It's not like, okay, well, I'm sitting home, just ain't doing nothing. I don't have that because it's always something for me to do. So I think the misconception that's been going on, it's been other people, when they say, I'm busy, don't necessarily actually be busy. But when you run across person who actually have stuff going on who's actually busy, they don't know how to necessarily handle that. And it kind of goes to something like this. Some people just how the young kids have main character energy. So when you have main character energy, it's always a plot going on with that person. Some people are just supporting cast, but you have to find a balance. So when I say, hey, I'm free from twelve to two on February 22, I'm free. Don't waste my time. You know what I'm saying? Saying, hey, we're doing this and third. So yeah, I might get agitated because we made a plan and it doesn't fall through because that's 2 hours, I allocate it for you and then it doesn't work, man. Loss of time equals loss of money and loss of productivity. And that's something you can't have. [00:11:56] Speaker A: I think productivity is a better word than money because being productive is not necessarily making money all the time, but it can be on the way in whatever it is you got to do to better off your situation or your business or whatever. [00:12:15] Speaker C: Or I say loss of productivity or loss of wealth could be money. It could be family, multiple tools. [00:12:23] Speaker A: And I think for me, I think the challenge I have sometimes with people, and this is friends too, I don't think anything is just relegated to just the dating world. I think it's friends as well. Sometimes you have to understand that my life is predicated on sometimes not even a schedule because I can't even put a schedule together because I don't know when my kid's going to be sick. I don't know when I have to come to the studio and cover for my business partner. I don't know these little things, these little intricacies of stuff that happen that you can't plan for. So when I do plan to do something, understand that I am saying I'm going to shut down my life for this amount of time. I'm going to stop whatever I'm doing to make this time to go out for drinks with friends or to go out on this date or to take this trip with you. Whatever it is I am taking time away from somewhere. Something else I could be doing that would benefit me in the long run because I feel to invest in this friendship, invest in this dating ship, invest in this relationship because of that. And I think that's probably a place I've struggled in my past, is not necessarily seeing the value or not valuing the other person enough to say, okay, you know what? I'm going to give them this time. And I know I could be doing something else, but I'm going to give them this time because I think in the past my trust is not somebody is going to. My trust issues with people have not been that they're going to cheat on me. My trust issues and people is that they're going to go. So if you're going to leave for whatever reason, you're going to leave. I don't need to miss a beat in my life. [00:14:16] Speaker C: I struggle with the same thing. Just like being military lifestyle, like eight years in air force. It's just like you're talked about in therapy, having attachment issues or detachment issues. So I'm so used to people coming in my life for two, three years. And then next, all right, I'm shipped off to another station, I'm deployed and this and that. And third, so like the relationships that you relationship, friendships that you built and now they're 3000 miles away or they have this going on and this and that. So do I fully want to invest and attach to people and that's something I had to unlearn and how to deal with. But I do have a question for both of you is doing all that why don't people see the value of the intimacy of me making time for you instead of just complaining about it? Because if I made time, it's not like. [00:15:17] Speaker A: Well, because people and everybody has the right to be selfish. We should be. You know what I'm saying? The preservation of self should be what's at the forefront of our minds. Although we are people that understand that we're dealing with people who have feelings and we should prioritize those feelings as well. But at the end of the, like, I think on friends Joey told Phoebe that there's no such thing as a selfless act because everything you do is going to make you feel good. [00:15:47] Speaker B: It's self preservation. [00:15:48] Speaker A: Everything makes you feel good. So if you go and you feed the homeless, you did it and it makes you feel good. So it's a selfish act. And I think that people, in their selfishness don't understand how selfless I am being with my time. Because I understand. Especially in dating. Especially, like, I think in dating, people want relationship. People want relationship access in the dating phase. You know what I'm saying? So if you're giving somebody everything you give in a relationship in the dating phase then what is there in the relationship to give? What makes the person you end up in a relationship with special? What makes them different? And that's why we end up with all these blurred lines. Well, I thought that I was the only person you was dealing with. Well, what made you think that? Well, because you always spend time with me. You text me every day. You call me every day. Now, that's not saying that that's only relegated to relationships. It should be in the courting phase. But there is a way in which you move in the courting phase and in the dating phase that makes people feel like they're in a relationship and so they mistake that step. So the making time might be if I end up making too much time for you in the dating phase when we get to the relationship phase and I can't make that time. Now it looks different. Now it feels different. Now it feels like, oh, so now all of a sudden you can't make time for me? [00:17:28] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:17:29] Speaker A: No. What I did was in the courting phase, I kind of overdid making time. I kind of overdid prioritizing spending time with you because I wanted to get you. And now that I get you and now that you're a part of my life that means I was wrong in my actions because I gave her relationship access in the dating phase, I want. [00:17:48] Speaker C: You to say you were wrong. [00:17:50] Speaker A: No, it is. [00:17:51] Speaker C: No, but some people assume that day three, day four, some people are like, we exchange number for talking, and next thing you know, yeah, you ain't called me today. You ain't text me. You have to be kind of blatant. And I use this in the term with coaching and is pulled into my life. You got to over communicate, over communicate things you want. Like, hey, this is my schedule, I do this, that, and the third issues I ran into in my past blatantly say, I'm a busy person. I have a business, I coach, I train a nonprofit, I mentor. I do all these things that have been some of the things that attracted you to me, but when we're dating or we're courting or in a relationship now, it's a problem. But you knew this in the very beginning. I hated this term. I was just like, I knew you was busy, but I know you was busy. Busy. What did that mean? What did that mean? Kobe Bryant. I'm so confused. I told you what it was in the very beginning. It's not like I'm doing anything else other than that. Like, hey, this is my daily know, I got a game today, I'm on the road, I'm doing this. And third, in the very beginning, it wasn't an issue, but two weeks later, it's an issue. I'm sorry. I'm not the guy that's going to sit there and look in your face all day because I feel like if I'm willing to sacrifice what my dream is for you, then after the fact, when I do that, you're looking at me crazy. So what are you doing now? And now you're complacent. The relationship become complacent. And now you might start looking outward, right? [00:19:56] Speaker B: I think that comes from being a good communicator or over communicator and then having a partner that's not or dating someone that's not. Because if she's clear on communication as well, she will let her expectations be known. Like, I can't handle being this busy and you have to be self aware in order to communicate. I can't handle somebody who's being that busy. Like, people really don't do that, especially women. Women try to conform, conform to what they normally do, and that's usually where the issue comes in. Like, she may not be okay with it, but I'm going to go with it because this is the lifestyle he lives until it gets on my nerves. That's really what it comes until it gets on my nerves. And a lot of women will sit there and just deal with and deal with and deal with it, knowing the whole time they were never okay with it in the chance of hoping that whatever they're providing, whatever they're giving would change. But that's not what it is. You get what I'm saying? [00:20:51] Speaker C: I feel like you're right. And then you have the other set of people that wants to conform you. You want to confirm you into being this. [00:21:00] Speaker B: Yeah. And there will be signs. There will be signs. When a woman is that way, you can kind of tell, yeah, she's going to be really pushy. She's going to need to know everything. The fact that we give so much too soon in relationships, they say that women would treat you how they want to be treated and then treat you how you treat them. How you treat them. That's what they say. But really they just give too much too soon. They put everything into the dating phase and then relationship gets here and they expect it to get in a woman's mind. If I'm talking to women, by talking to women, they expect to get better. Well, you've been given the same. [00:21:38] Speaker A: Well, you know, you've been in a. [00:21:41] Speaker B: Relationship in your head this entire time. [00:21:43] Speaker A: It's funny because there's a great philosopher by the name of C. L. Butler who says that a woman is in a relationship long before a man is. It's the same two people, but her anniversary date is usually different than yours. And at first I found it extremely funny. But when you pay attention to how much all of the relationships I've been in, the person has been there before I have. [00:22:12] Speaker B: Right. [00:22:14] Speaker A: And it usually takes me longer to get there because my understanding of myself is at this point, I don't want to keep starting over. So now I'm like, okay, I'm going to take my time getting to that point because once I'm in, we're there. [00:22:37] Speaker B: We're there. [00:22:38] Speaker A: And so if you double it back to time and making time and free time in the dating phase, I believe this is my belief system here. In the dating phase, you need to date in your free time, don't make time to date, because when you do that, that's what's expected throughout the dating phase, and the person gets a lesser understanding of the value of your time. So if, let's say I got a schedule and my last recording is 08:00 and I don't have the kids, my last recording ends at 08:00 and I don't have the kids. Yeah, we can go out. We can have a date on Saturday or Sunday at nine because if my last recording ends at eight, by the time I clean up here, spray down the spot, make sure everything is put into place. I can be somewhere by 09:00. We could eat dinner. We could do this. We could do that. All right. Oh, you want to go on a trip? You got to tell me that in January. Listen for February if that's the case. [00:23:43] Speaker C: February? [00:23:44] Speaker A: Yeah, you got to tell me. Maybe even March, whatever your timeline is, April, May. But because to me I just think that at that point I can look at my schedule and tell you yes or no. I'm just saying a month out because I can look at my month and go, I don't have the room for that. Or hey, I might have some free time here. Let me talk to my partner and see if you can cover the studio that weekend and we could do a trip that weekend. Let me check with my kid's mom and let's see if we can't. Can we schedule it on the weekend that she's supposed to have them? Because we have a schedule. And I think as a single parent, when I don't like using the word single parent, co parenting, as the custodial parent, I have to date on when they're gone. Now imagine how valuable that is that one weekend out, the month that I get and I go to spend it with you. Imagine how valuable that is to me the other 28 days of the month. I have my kids these two days, actually maybe one and a half. If I drop them off on Saturday, they coming back on Sunday. How valuable is that time? And you take it for granted. So yes, I think that you should date if you're dating, date in your free time. If you're in a relationship, have dates, make time for dates in a relationship. And that's what I think the difference between free time. It took us a little while to get here, but that's the thing. The difference between free time and making time is I think you should only make time in a relationship when you're dating. I think that you should date in your free time because then I think the person gets a true sense of your time and how you value your time. That's my thought on that. What are you guys thoughts on that? [00:25:40] Speaker B: Really honest for being a woman, it's different being a woman. I'm not even going to lie. Guys who they initially talking and all that. And then when they see how busy I am and how I never have time. It's always, are you playing games? Because I'm slow to get in a relationship. I'm slow to love. Like, I take my time. You're not going to rush me, sweetheart, you know what I mean? So when they see that I really don't have time, it's like, are you playing games? It's like, no, I'm just not about to be on your schedule. [00:26:08] Speaker A: I got one. [00:26:10] Speaker B: I got things I got to be doing. I'm constantly on the go. I'm always moving. So either you are going to have to respect my schedule or you can do it. [00:26:18] Speaker A: Bounce. [00:26:19] Speaker B: You know what I mean? Roll out. [00:26:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:23] Speaker C: And I agree. For me, I let you crazy. It's just like when you said, give you a month in advance, like, I tell you, from September to the middle of march, it's no trips. It's nothing. I think today was the. What's the date? [00:26:47] Speaker A: Today's the 11th. [00:26:48] Speaker C: This is the first Sunday I have free in 2024. That says a lot. And we'll talk about this eventually. Once we get past the dating phase. I have to include you in my life or you have to include me in it, in yours. And that's the next step. It's just like, hey, I'm coaching this. And then third, like, I'm traveling to go see a game. You can come with me or you can come to the game and then, hey, we can do dinner afterwards or we can do this. But some people don't appreciate that. [00:27:29] Speaker A: Well, I think now that's where I kind of got to disagree. I think that part of my life needs to be separate. Now, if I'm coaching and you come to a game, that's cool. If it's a home game, if I'm traveling like you're a college coach and you're on the road, if you're in, don't. Don't come to Florida because my schedule on a game on that trip might not be one that's conducive to you, to me spending time or going to dinner, because who knows what might happen. So I'm very cautious about, and I haven't been, I've been reckless with this and I've learned through experience. I didn't necessarily, the first time cl said this, I think this is probably the second year of us doing the podcast. He said that he doesn't want to share his professional life with his significant other. And that's not anything to disparage the person. It was just a general statement, not talking about his personality, but it was a situation where he was trying to explain that if you include this person into that world, they're going to lose out and lose sight of the time and even the effort that it makes for you to do that, and you kind of lose your space, too. Because I think these things that we do allow us to get space from our significant other, allow us to be in a world in which it's ours. You know what I'm saying? Podcasting, it's my sanctuary. It's my world. Coaching, it's my sanctuary when I get on the court. Yes. Thank you for coming to support. I appreciate it. But I give you a hug and the kids after the game, and then I'll see you at the house. It's not a situation where I'm able to fully on take into account you wanting this time or you feeling how you feel. I don't have time for it because I'm in a particular zone or I'm in a particular place. And I think when you do that and you include them, I think it makes them say, you know, you open yourself up to, well, I came all the way down here to see you and you didn't even have time for me. [00:29:39] Speaker B: Right? That's why I don't do work lunches. That's why I'm at work. I'm going to come up to the job and we can sit down and have lunch. I'm like, no, because my joint is going to be walking. I'm walking back up the steps while I'm eating. [00:29:52] Speaker A: And I think that some of that stuff is cute. Yama, come and surprise you. No, don't surprise me. [00:29:59] Speaker C: Drop the food off and go, yeah. [00:30:02] Speaker A: Cash app, some change. Cash app, a 20. Be like, hey, have lunch on me. You know what I'm saying? If you deem it necessary to do that. I just don't think when a person's at work you could coordinate time. Here's another thing. I'm very cautious of somebody who texts me all day. What are you doing? Do you have anything to do? What? [00:30:26] Speaker C: You're not going to do. [00:30:29] Speaker A: What you doing me all day? [00:30:30] Speaker B: You're not going to aggravate me. [00:30:32] Speaker A: Now, I might send it once or twice, but all. What are you doing? Don't you have a job? [00:30:40] Speaker B: I'm ass too, like you don't got no hobby as my boy. Damn. The 6th time you asked me what I'm doing, I'm still at work. [00:30:53] Speaker A: And then I think that, no, because I told you. And that's why I have become a huge fan of the work button on my iPhone. [00:31:10] Speaker B: It's the one now. [00:31:11] Speaker A: It's not the do not disturb. [00:31:15] Speaker B: Don't bother me. [00:31:17] Speaker A: You got to use those things because of course my kids moms have to come through and my business partners, I allow those calls to come through. And somebody who's significant, they come through significant people in my life. They're able to come through everybody else. No, if I'm sitting here and I'm doing this and we're talking and we're having. No, there's no reason. What are you texting me about? I told you before I got here that I'm at the studio. What could you possibly have to say to me between then and now? [00:31:46] Speaker B: Right? Because when I say I'm on the floor, I don't want to hear shit after that. Like I'm cool. [00:31:52] Speaker A: And then being your feelings when I don't answer. [00:31:55] Speaker B: Yeah, like I'm on the floor and then you might not hear from me from hours. And then I'll pop back up like, hey, everything's all good. [00:32:03] Speaker A: You know what I mean? [00:32:04] Speaker C: I'll see if you send a message, be like, hey, are you good? That's fine. [00:32:10] Speaker A: If you send one and I answer and I go, yeah, I'm good. Having a good day. [00:32:16] Speaker B: That's it. [00:32:17] Speaker A: Now we got to have a conversation. No, I don't got time for a conversation. [00:32:20] Speaker B: That's it. All I saw was, you're good. Oh, he's good, I'm good. We're good. Let's go. [00:32:24] Speaker A: Okay. And then if I talk to you all day, what am I going to talk to you about later? [00:32:33] Speaker B: You knew everything already. [00:32:35] Speaker A: So now we got a problem. When I get off work and I don't want to talk. Not that I don't want to talk to you, but I'm not real fond of just holding the phone to hold the phone because I literally could be doing something else. And that's not to disparage, that's not to discount the value of you in my life. But if we spoke about my day at 12:00. 1230 01:00 132 o'clock, 233 o'clock. Three by the time I get home at six and I got to bathe those boys and I got this and I got to that. What? I don't have nothing to talk to you about. [00:33:10] Speaker C: I have no recap. [00:33:12] Speaker A: I have no recap of my day. [00:33:15] Speaker C: Something happened in those 2 hours. [00:33:20] Speaker A: And that was it. I mean, are we going to talk about a tv show? [00:33:24] Speaker B: And then I'm getting sleepy, I'm rubbing my feet together. [00:33:27] Speaker C: Now, unless you want to hear about other stuff I have going on, but sometimes I only want to share that with you because they're like, well, what you are working on, I'm talking to you. I'm still working. And I think I'm in a profession where I think you can understand. It's just like I'm on my phone, I'm still working. I'm reading emails, I'm reading text, I'm watching highlight videos. And what you're doing working. Well, you off work, you fall from the office, I'm still working. Hey, I got an email from the distributor, I got an email from a customer, I got working on setting up events. When do you not understand working is working? I think people don't understand when you work. Like so many people work such a traditional nine to five, they don't understand that. Well, you say you was off. Technically I'm out of the building, but I'm still not off. [00:34:34] Speaker B: Technically, yeah, mine is. I thought you got off at 530. And I'm like, I know it's 07:00. [00:34:40] Speaker A: And I'm still here, but that's why I think that you got to still here. That's why you got to ask questions. And early in the phase of getting to know somebody, does their schedule fluctuate? Like does the time they get off fluctuate? Sometimes they get off at three, sometimes they get off at two, sometimes they get off at shoot for me. Sometimes I get off at 11:30 a.m. Sometimes I don't leave that school till 09:00 p.m. It fluctuates according to what's going on that day. So I think one of the few questions if I'm dealing with somebody like that, one of the few questions I ask just to gauge where I'm at with what I'm going to do with my evening, as far as maybe not seeing them, but not making some time, but taking some of my free time to talk with them is, hey, what time you get off today? And that kind of gives me a gauge of, okay, if she gets off at three, and let's say I'm dealing with somebody who has kids, she gets off at three, she's got kids, they're probably in school, they probably got to do homework, I'm probably not going to talk to her until about 07:00 730 and I'll give her that space. And then about 707:00 hey, what's going on? Hope everything was fine. You busy or just drop a phone call? Hey, and if she can talk, then she'll answer the phone. If she can't talk, that's fine. Don't answer the phone. And then guess what I'm not going to do. Sometimes I do it, but I try to not call back within a short period of time. But for the most part, I'll send a text. Hey, shot you a call. Give me a call back when you get a sec. [00:36:26] Speaker C: Yeah. All right. Hit me up when you hit me. [00:36:28] Speaker A: Up when you free. And that's being a good steward of somebody's time. That's being respectful of what they do. That's just being a good. What's it not a good. I wouldn't say a good person, but it's just being understanding. And I think in that sense you have to be understanding of what people have going on when they have it going on. [00:36:49] Speaker C: But some women think that you post to, I want my man to blow me up. I want them to call. [00:37:00] Speaker A: No, that's applying pressure. [00:37:02] Speaker C: That's what it's called. [00:37:03] Speaker A: That's what they say. Ain't that what that. [00:37:05] Speaker B: But some men do that too, though. Like, why are you not on my line? You're not blowing me up, blah, blah, blah, nigga. Because I got things to do. I'm just going to give it to you like that. I got things to do. You need to be busy, too. You need to go do something. [00:37:17] Speaker A: Well, how do you deal with, and I'm going to ask you that because I've never dated a man. Never wanted to date a man. How do women deal with that? Because stereotypically, men are not supposed to be so what's the word there? So aggravating. [00:37:36] Speaker B: Aggravating? [00:37:38] Speaker A: Is that the word? [00:37:39] Speaker B: But you all are aggravating. [00:37:40] Speaker A: No, they inspect it. [00:37:41] Speaker C: They want the chase. [00:37:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Don't chase me, sweetheart me like that. Too bad, baby, please. [00:37:48] Speaker A: What am I chasing? [00:37:50] Speaker B: But that's what a lot of women want. Some men do. Like, why don't you blow me up? By now you're supposed to be on my line. You must not be interested. And it's like, no, I got things I'm doing. And once I feel like that, though, I'm going to cut you off. I'm going to hit you with it. This ain't going nowhere. This isn't working. You can't say it like that. I don't have to say it no way. But how I say it true. [00:38:20] Speaker C: Maybe I'll give you the corporate America. I appreciate your time. [00:38:24] Speaker B: I appreciate the time. [00:38:25] Speaker C: You can try to waste mine. This is not working for me. And I wish you better in your future endeavors. [00:38:32] Speaker B: This is not going anywhere. My boy, you are on my nerves real bad. [00:38:38] Speaker A: Please stop. [00:38:39] Speaker B: Please quit. Police. Police. But seriously, this is not working. [00:38:46] Speaker C: But some of them have not compatible. I remember going through, they have those false moments and be like, you know what? I'm done. And I used to be like, okay, and then you really going to go out like that? You're really not going to fight for me? No, I'm not. [00:39:03] Speaker B: I'm not going to fight for you either, sweetheart. You go. You go. I'm so grounded and rooted in my. [00:39:08] Speaker A: Space that you have to be if. [00:39:09] Speaker B: You decide you want to go, by all means, sweetheart. It's a safe space over here. It's peaceful. Tea and incense, my boy. [00:39:18] Speaker C: Even if it do hurt. [00:39:20] Speaker B: Yeah, if it does hurt, I'm good. You know what I mean? So it's just like, all right, so. [00:39:29] Speaker A: As busy people, let's say when we get into now we're in this relationship, we've seen the value in this person. This person has found value in us. [00:39:38] Speaker B: They trapped us. [00:39:44] Speaker A: They have found value in us. Now, how do we go about prioritizing it? And I actually did some research on it, and there's a website, Livingwell optum.com, who gave prioritizing overcommitted and overwhelmed prioritizing your relationship. And these are some points they said, to help prioritize their relationship. And I want to get your thoughts on it, on each one. All right. The first one they said is talk with your partner, check in with your partner and have an honest conversation with them about their expectations and what they want more of in the relationship. What do you think about that one, Eddie? Start with you. [00:40:26] Speaker B: Prioritizing my relationship. I mean, if we're in this outside of what we both have to do, because now, if we're in a relationship, I'm going to consider us both now, you know what I mean? In both of our times. So I'm going to make sure that I prioritize our needs. I am really good at logistics when it comes to that. Like, me dating and me in a relationship are almost two different people. You're not going to know what it's like to be my man at all. You're just going to get the dates. You get what I'm saying, that's it. But if we're going to do this thing like, I'm a soft girl, I'm going to prioritize. I'm going to put our needs where they should be. I'm going to give you your time, but I'm also going to give you your space, because I'm a woman, that requires a lot of space but also a lot of trust. So if I actually made that step, somebody trapped me like that, then, yeah, I don't find that hard to do. [00:41:19] Speaker C: I think it's big for me, is inclusion for me. Hey, this is my schedule. Let me carve out dinner in my schedule, right? September to march. Scratch any type of trip you want to plan, but after march, like, middle of march, let's figure something out. But you got to communicate that, hey, this is my schedule for today. Hey, I'm free this time. I call to check in, and I'm big on check ins. [00:41:55] Speaker A: Check in? [00:41:55] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm busy. I had a free moment. Hey, I want to hear your voice. You're good. Everything's straight. All right, well, I'm about to get back to what I'm doing. You're good. I appreciate you. [00:42:06] Speaker A: That's it. [00:42:09] Speaker C: Those little moments like that throughout the day, showing that you're proud, like you care about your relationship, you're trying to show them that they're a priority, and that, hey, whatever it is, we can work through it and communicate through. [00:42:22] Speaker A: Okay. I think, for me, this is the part of a relationship that I've always dropped the ball on, and so I almost need my lady to force me to prioritize. Like, she needs to go, hey, we're going here on this date, and it's not with malicious. I don't not prioritize my relationship or my woman, because this is what I choose to do. It's just a lot of things go back because we've been talking on the show for five years. Actually, our anniversary is Valentine's day. It's Valentine's day of the show. But, yeah, hearts. I wish the team was here for lifers. Yeah, for lifers. And in that time, Cl has become probably one of my go to advice and being told off, oh, listen, if there's a person that holds you accountable for anything, it is Cl. And I'm blessed to have three friends. Four in my life that I'm talking about will tell. I hate to use the word, the n word, but, nigga, you fucking up. They will tell you and will ream me. And then I go, now I feel like a little kid. Then I get upset, and then I get in my feelings, and then literally, especially with Cl, like, literally five minutes later, we talk about something totally different. That got nothing, and we're back to. [00:44:04] Speaker C: Or the next day. He didn't totally forgot about. [00:44:11] Speaker A: Never. Me and cl never get off the phone where I still feel away because we have so many things we talk about. We have basketball, we have podcast, we have the business that we have together. We have another business that we have together. Then it's life stuff. Then it's relationship stuff. So in a day, let's say me and he'll probably talk about an hour and we hit all those points. So if there's something that he got to tell me off about, he'll tell me off about it. But by the time we get off the phone, we don't talked about ten other things that it's like it just takes over. So for me, my lady needs to help me because I think one thing about relationships that people sometimes don't take into account. You got to know yourself. Self awareness is always, you got to know yourself, you got to know where the pitfalls are. And even though where your deficiencies are, because even though you understand, you know that you have them, sometimes you can't help it. Sometimes it's just second nature. Like, I grew up literally watching my mom and my grandma work until the job told my grandma she had to leave. She didn't want to leave. They told her she had to leave. And so I don't know anything other. [00:45:31] Speaker C: Than work or for me, you hit a point where you feel like you hit rock bottom. I know what that feels like, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes. [00:45:45] Speaker A: Not to ever be there again. [00:45:46] Speaker B: Feel me? [00:45:47] Speaker A: Yeah, me too. [00:45:48] Speaker B: Had moments like, I ain't never going to be this goddamn broke again, ever. [00:45:52] Speaker A: For real. And what I mean by broke, I think people misconstrue. Broke and responsible. Me being responsible is me making sure I paid all my bills and I might not have extra money to do stuff. Broke is where you can't, like, the lights is off, the water is off. You know what I'm saying? You can't pay your cell phone bill. You borrow money every 10 seconds. That's broke. [00:46:20] Speaker B: Broke. [00:46:21] Speaker A: Like, stuff is off. You can't feed your children. That's broke. Listen, broke is not. You can't go to the club because you paid your bills. That's called being responsible. [00:46:30] Speaker B: Being responsible. [00:46:31] Speaker A: You can't go on this trip with your people because you paid your child support. That's being responsible. [00:46:38] Speaker B: Responsible. [00:46:39] Speaker A: And I think that that kind of gets misconstrued. [00:46:42] Speaker B: I was broke. I was broke. [00:46:48] Speaker C: I feel like more people need to have that moment and know what it feels like so they can understand once you have that moment and just like now. Okay, well, yeah, Coach. [00:46:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:46:59] Speaker C: I'm a program coordinator at another business. Yeah. I write books. Yeah, I train kids also. Now having my own brand, I'm just like, I'm trying to have multiple streams of income. So when 1520 years from now, when I say, hey, I want to chill, I'm okay. I'm chilling and putting myself in, doing what I need to do for I can eventually do what I want to do. [00:47:26] Speaker A: That's the thing. And I think only one person I've ever dated understood that side of me to say she would make me, hey, look, we're going here. Whatever you need to do with your schedule, we're going here on this day. Ask me months out. Hey, what do you have to do during your out for spring break? What do you have to do that first weekend? Do you have the first weekend or do you have the weekend after? Because with AaU ball, it's usually during around that time. So she would make time either before or after and not make the time, but she would make me prioritize that time. I'm a person that kind of has to be ushered into that, and I understand that about myself. And I think that this is one of the conversations I didn't have early on in my relationships that I need help prioritizing. As messed up as it sounds, it's not a personal thing. I don't dislike you. It's not done with malicious intent. It's just subconsciously I don't think I have a free moment. I remember being broke, so I don't think about doing anything other than work. Yes, there is always something I could be doing to advance. You know what I'm saying? I had to schedule time. Like Sunday nights is when I spend time with my boys. This is what we're doing. We're going to eat dinner at the table. We're going to have family dinner. We're going to watch a Sunday night is movie night. We're going to watch a movie. Tonight's the super bowl, so I'm going to go home. We're going to leave it when I leave here, finish recording. I'm going to go get some wings, some stuff to make nachos, and I already got some frozen pizzas at the house. We're going to slide them in. We're going to cook. Pause. We're going to cook. And then we're going to sit down and watch the game. You missed it, Pat. Missed it. At the end of the day, I had to find a way to do that and force myself. And it sounds crazy to say I'm. [00:49:40] Speaker C: Happy with self realization, but for me, it was therapy. I had it going through. Being in the air force, they always tell you you're never off, even though if you're off duty, you're not off duty, you're phoning. Such and such happened. Hey, you got to go in. You got to go in. You're always on duty. Being deployed, you're always on duty. Like a rocket attack, man. You're stationed. So I think for me, going, there's so many habits I had to unlearn about myself because I was programmed to be a certain type of way. I had to learn how to. It was okay as a man to have feelings and to feel a certain type of way about certain situations and even voice them. I didn't even know how to do that. I used to just bottle everything in and just point. I was just like, you know what? Now you know what? I don't like this. I don't like the way how you move. It makes me feel this, that, and that type of way. And if it does, you don't like it. It is what it is. [00:50:48] Speaker A: Well, speaking of your mini ventures and liking how you move, you said you have a brand. What's the name of the brand? [00:50:54] Speaker C: Passion driven sports. It was tied into my company. Love it. It's been my baby since 2018. Kind of been a staple in the area. It's grown from just training to just camps until now. We kind of have launched a brand, and I'm excited about it. Did my first official release of Merch over the holidays, and it did really well. So just partnering with cosmic soul in the mall, doing a huge pop up shop, which I'm excited about. [00:51:37] Speaker A: What's the date on that? Tell us some info on that. [00:51:40] Speaker C: March 23, from two to five, a lot of fun giveaways. Shirts would be there, hoodies would be there, crew necks. I got a couple of special surprises that I want to release. Different colorways and also doing a raffle giveaway, like a $200 gift card on the same day as well. So come out and support. Just be out. Show black love. Support a black business. [00:52:13] Speaker A: Support a black business. Yeah, man. You all heard it. March the 25th, from two to five at Magnolia Mall, outside of. [00:52:21] Speaker C: It's at Cosmic Soul. [00:52:22] Speaker A: At Cosmic Soul. [00:52:23] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:52:24] Speaker A: Okay. At Cosmic Soul in the mall. Be prepared to be there. Not 21st, 25th, 23rd. Yeah, 23rd, 23rd. My apologies. March the 23rd. We got to get you on some other shows, and so you could talk about that a little bit more, man. Thank you all for being here with me today. It's been a special time. [00:52:46] Speaker C: I feel like we have so much. [00:52:47] Speaker A: Other stuff we can talk. Yeah, but that's why they have more. Yeah, that's why they have more. We have more time. We have more things to talk about. That's why we have more episodes to record. [00:52:59] Speaker C: Just have my people contact. [00:53:01] Speaker A: Yeah, I'll have my people contact your people. And hopefully we could have Cl and Nikk in on the next one. We will make sure we save the rest of the topics, Pat. We won't go over that. So that the next time we are blessed to have for you to make some time to be here. That would be. [00:53:20] Speaker B: I heard they had to get the coast guard for you. [00:53:27] Speaker A: Well, Pat, tell the people how they can find you and your brand. [00:53:30] Speaker C: You can find me on Facebook. Patrick Paul, Instagram it's only Patrick Paul. Twitter is p five squared. What else do I have? [00:53:43] Speaker A: You sound like me. [00:53:45] Speaker C: That's it. Patrick Paul on threads on my thread shop. [00:53:50] Speaker A: Okay, what about you, Miss Eddie Griffin? How can the people find you? [00:53:54] Speaker B: You can find me on Facebook at Eddie Griffin. You cannot find me on Instagram because I barely post on there. But don't find me on Twitter because all I do is watch nasty stuff on there. So please don't follow me. Don't look at my likes. Thank you. [00:54:09] Speaker A: And we'll have the links in the description. And you can find me on Snapchat and Instagram at the 9th wonder. You can find me on Facebook Yoshi English on Twitter at I am coachy underscore. And of course, you can find me all the time on TikTok at R-E-L-S-T-A-T podcast. No, I don't be doing no dancing until the next time, y'all, we're out. [00:54:34] Speaker D: Thank you for listening to another episode of relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com, iTunes, Google podcast, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, nobody grinds like us. And anywhere you listen to your favorite podcast. [00:54:52] Speaker B: If you would like to join the. [00:54:53] Speaker D: Conversation or leave us a dear neek, email us at R-E-L-S-T-A-T podcast at or call us at 843-10-8637 follow us on Facebook at Relationship Status podcast on Instagram and Twitter at Re L-S-T-A-T podcast. And don't forget to comment, share five star rate, subscribe, and review.