234th Date: She ain't here because she wanted to be

[00:00:00] Speaker A: It. [00:00:00] Speaker B: Do you have a podcast that you're passionate about? Are you looking for a professional studio to help bring your vision to life? Then look no further than Crux Media Group Studios. Located at nine three West Evans street in Florence, South Carolina, Crux Media Group Studios is a full service podcast studio that offers recording, editing, consultation, live streaming, video recording and more. We have state of the art equipment and a team, experienced professionals who can help you create a podcast that is professional, polished and engaging. Whether you're a first time podcaster or a seasoned pro, Crux Media Group Studios can help you take your podcast to the next level. Contact us today at 843-407-1673 to learn more about our services and to schedule a consultation. [00:01:09] Speaker C: Welcome to relationship status Isha Girl, Nick. [00:01:11] Speaker A: Cruz and Cl Butler and your boy. [00:01:15] Speaker D: Yusuf in the building, Emery. You can catch on all podcast platforms. Just search relationship status podcast. Make sure to email us if you want to become a part of the conversation at [email protected] and don't forget to give us a phone call. We would love to hear your voice. 843-310-8637 and leave us a voicemail. We will play it. [00:01:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Some of you all hadn't been calling, so you have forgot about it. [00:01:42] Speaker D: So call and leave us a message. We would like to hear you definitely would like to hear your voice. Nick, how's your week been? [00:01:51] Speaker C: My week has been awesome. I got a $2 raise. [00:01:56] Speaker A: $2 raise. [00:01:57] Speaker D: $2 per hour. That's cool. That's what's up. [00:01:58] Speaker C: Okay. Two more dollars an hour. [00:02:00] Speaker A: Yes, more. [00:02:03] Speaker D: But I said raise. It doesn't raise me plus. [00:02:05] Speaker C: You said $2 an hour. [00:02:07] Speaker D: Yeah, $2. [00:02:08] Speaker A: He kind of said it like a hater. But I ain't going to. [00:02:10] Speaker C: I didn't say like a hater. [00:02:12] Speaker A: Like a hater. Not a hater. Like a hater. Don't do. Yeah, you're making $2 an hour. [00:02:18] Speaker D: No, it's more. Okay, that's a plus. [00:02:20] Speaker A: That is a plus. Yeah. [00:02:21] Speaker C: And then I'm also plus promotion again. [00:02:25] Speaker D: You got another promotion? [00:02:26] Speaker C: No, I'm not again. [00:02:27] Speaker D: Okay. [00:02:27] Speaker C: But I applied for one, so hopefully I did. [00:02:30] Speaker D: Okay. [00:02:31] Speaker A: What you going to be? [00:02:32] Speaker C: Basically the same thing. I am just under a different management. [00:02:37] Speaker A: So it's a. Horace, these jobs are so tricky. [00:02:40] Speaker D: It's a horizontal promotion. [00:02:42] Speaker C: Well, I think they do a little bit more than I do currently because currently bilateral, I think they do spreadsheets and they kind of identify problems more than my department does. [00:02:53] Speaker A: So that would be a little different than what you do. [00:02:55] Speaker C: Yeah, but it is the same what I do. I'll still be taking calls. I'll just be doing a little bit more, as in, why am I taking. [00:03:02] Speaker A: These calls with you taking calls so often? Does it bother you to talk on the phone? [00:03:08] Speaker C: No. Okay. I like my job. [00:03:12] Speaker A: I'm just asking about talking on the phone. [00:03:14] Speaker C: Yeah. I mean, most people who work in the call center don't like talking on the phone after they get off, or don't like talking in general, but that's because they don't like their job. [00:03:25] Speaker A: Oh, you've done the research there at the center. I'm just asking because you talked to a lot of people, and I'm pretty sure there's a lot of women who work there or work along beside you or with you. And I was just inquiring. [00:03:38] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:03:39] Speaker D: The good brother C, who always has a great one. Another great one for the books. [00:03:43] Speaker A: Yeah, another great one. Another great one. No complaints. [00:03:48] Speaker C: Nothing exciting. [00:03:50] Speaker A: I would be showing off if I told you about my excitement. [00:03:56] Speaker C: I aspire to be like Cl when I grow up, I want to be like Cl. [00:04:01] Speaker D: It's not fair to people. [00:04:02] Speaker A: It's not fair. I'd be showing off. [00:04:04] Speaker D: Well, you know, every now and then. No, you gotta let him know. [00:04:08] Speaker C: He likes to be humble. [00:04:09] Speaker A: No. Yeah, fake humble. [00:04:12] Speaker C: Fake humble. Okay. Give him a little drizzle, but not. [00:04:15] Speaker A: Yeah, a little fake humble. I ain't really humble. I'm not volunteering it, but I could. [00:04:21] Speaker C: Rain on your day, but, no, Nick. [00:04:23] Speaker A: I would never rain on anyone's day intentionally. [00:04:26] Speaker C: See? [00:04:27] Speaker A: Not intentionally. [00:04:28] Speaker C: Not intentionally. [00:04:29] Speaker A: Not intentionally, no. [00:04:30] Speaker C: You just did. [00:04:31] Speaker A: No, no. I just kind of go with the flow. Life is full of ebbs and flows, is what they say. [00:04:36] Speaker C: Yeah, ebbs and flows. [00:04:39] Speaker A: Ebbs and flows. [00:04:40] Speaker C: What does that mean? [00:04:42] Speaker A: Ups and downs and around. [00:04:45] Speaker C: Never heard that before. [00:04:46] Speaker A: Yeah, I think I brought that from one of my white constituents. Oh, excuse me. Caucasian constituents. Yes. [00:04:55] Speaker D: That seems very interesting there. [00:04:58] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a very republican like statement. Ebs and flows. You have to pull yourself by your. [00:05:05] Speaker D: Bootstraps and all of those cliche things. [00:05:08] Speaker C: Wow. [00:05:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:10] Speaker C: What about you yourself? [00:05:11] Speaker D: Good week. Another good one in the book. [00:05:14] Speaker C: How's school? [00:05:16] Speaker D: We don't start back to teaching or student wise? Teaching is fine. My classes usually run well. I don't have no issues in the classroom. [00:05:27] Speaker C: You haven't had to do the whole quarantining? [00:05:31] Speaker D: Not yet. I've had a kid who had a positive test, but with all the social distancing that we're personally doing at our school, they track it. And they have cameras in the classrooms. [00:05:45] Speaker C: Oh, that's good. [00:05:46] Speaker A: So you all don't touch each other or anything. Good. [00:05:49] Speaker D: And if you're in anyone's space, you have a mask on. And so they always can go back to the actual camera and look at the class and go through the whole. [00:06:00] Speaker C: Who has been exposed? [00:06:01] Speaker D: Who has been exposed? And then they have us. Like, I have these long desks, about the size of these in the studio. So 3ft apart, it's one in the middle, one on one end, one on the other end. So I just stick to that and I make sure that each desk has sanitizer on it. The kids are responsible for wiping it down at the end of the class, period. I will say my school has been diligent with COVID safety, and we've had some kids get quarantined, but it hasn't been as many as it could be that I've heard from other schools. [00:06:38] Speaker C: The other schools. I think they're lying. [00:06:41] Speaker D: What you mean. Oh, you mean like parent wise? Oh, parents, yeah. [00:06:45] Speaker C: I think they're just trying to make a big plus because I've seen everybody go on vacation. Everybody was at Disney World this year. All of a sudden, I guess everybody got PPP. But school is where they drew the line. [00:06:56] Speaker D: I don't get mean. I just think some people just don't. They do what they want to do, so when it's time to do what they want to do, they do it. [00:07:07] Speaker A: Isn't that everybody? [00:07:08] Speaker D: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. As I said, people, you do what you want to do. You put the value in whatever space you want to put it in. [00:07:14] Speaker C: But it hasn't been that bad. My kids have not been sent home yet. [00:07:17] Speaker D: Yeah, my sons haven't been either. But I tell them, wear that mask and I can't control having this school, but I know when they get back in that car and they don't have that mask on, I flip out. And so they try to remember it. But I just wanted to say, like, school's becoming crazy. Last week, there was. A week before last, there was a shooting when kids got let out of school. [00:07:48] Speaker A: At your school? [00:07:49] Speaker D: No. Orangeburg Wilkerson. Is that what happened? [00:07:53] Speaker A: I saw somebody said they didn't stop the violence down there. [00:07:56] Speaker D: Yo, I'm talking about, like, as soon as the bell rang, there was a drive by and they let off into the crowd of students. [00:08:01] Speaker A: Did someone. [00:08:02] Speaker D: They got. Four students got shot and it was over $250 and a bag of weed. [00:08:10] Speaker C: Are you serious? [00:08:12] Speaker A: And then they find out the party's involved. [00:08:14] Speaker D: Yes. 14 year old. [00:08:15] Speaker C: It was gang related. [00:08:17] Speaker A: It's a 14 year old gang at 14. [00:08:19] Speaker D: I don't know. I know he's 14 and he shot. Yeah, he was the shooter, and he's going to be charged as an adult at 14. [00:08:30] Speaker C: Your whole life is being thrown away. [00:08:32] Speaker D: So just got to be careful out there. [00:08:36] Speaker A: 14 years old. Wow. [00:08:37] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:08:38] Speaker C: We need some real mentors out here. [00:08:40] Speaker D: Well, I think they're out there. The problem is those kids ain't going to them. I don't know if the solution is that it's not. I mean, you're talking about something that's been around. [00:08:52] Speaker A: Where does one get a gun from it? Well, I can't say that because I could have got a gun at 14. [00:08:57] Speaker D: Yeah. Just be careful out there. [00:09:01] Speaker A: Be careful. [00:09:02] Speaker D: That's it. We're going to get into. Miss Nik is going to be leading us off today. [00:09:07] Speaker A: She is. She got something on her spirit? [00:09:09] Speaker D: She has something on her spirit. See? [00:09:11] Speaker C: Get it off my chest. [00:09:12] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:09:12] Speaker A: No, you're just your spirit. I'm sorry. [00:09:15] Speaker C: Let me go to church. [00:09:16] Speaker A: I don't want to objectify you in any way as a woman. So just your spirit. Because we all have spirits. They haven't taken spirits away from us yet? [00:09:25] Speaker D: No, not yet. I have lots of spirits over there. [00:09:28] Speaker A: Those are spirits as well. [00:09:31] Speaker C: Can we normalize me saying what the hell? I said? [00:09:35] Speaker A: What did you say? [00:09:37] Speaker C: I am getting it off my chest. [00:09:39] Speaker A: Why would we have everything doesn't need to be, but everything doesn't have to be normalized. [00:09:43] Speaker C: Why? [00:09:44] Speaker A: Why would that be normal? You know what the list of normalization is? [00:09:48] Speaker C: Just saying get it off my chest and you changing my words. [00:09:50] Speaker A: I didn't. I said I. I didn't say you. I said I. I didn't want to objectify you in any way, but I. [00:09:57] Speaker C: Said what I said. [00:09:58] Speaker A: I heard what you said. I just said I don't want to objectify you. I just want to get off your spirit. I asked about your spirit. I asked about your chest. See, you can't even agree with society. They disagree with you when you agree. [00:10:13] Speaker C: When you disagree, because I'll be trying to change it. [00:10:16] Speaker A: I didn't change anything. I didn't say nothing about your words. No, I just said what I was going to do. I don't want to objectify you in any way. Yes, because it's more than one. [00:10:27] Speaker C: All of us. [00:10:28] Speaker A: Yes, but I didn't tell you what to do. I didn't tell you what to do. [00:10:32] Speaker C: Let's use instead. [00:10:33] Speaker A: No, I didn't say let's use because we can't rewind this, but I digress because we could be getting off subject here. [00:10:41] Speaker C: Well, technically, we're not getting off subject because we're talking about normalizing behavior. [00:10:46] Speaker A: Well, we have all these other things to normalize. Why are we worrying about chess? We could just be normalizing the other 400 things. [00:10:53] Speaker C: First speech, I'm getting it off my chest. [00:10:55] Speaker A: Okay. [00:10:56] Speaker C: All right. Normalizing behavior is a tactic used to desensitize an individual to abuse or inappropriate behavior. In essence, normalizing is the manipulation of another human being to get them to agree to or accept something that is in conflict with the law, social norms, or their own basic code of behavior. [00:11:19] Speaker A: So this is like everything else. We're just going to find something else this week. Okay. All right. I'm abortion. Normalize being normal. [00:11:31] Speaker C: You know what? That is the thing, though. [00:11:33] Speaker A: Normalizing. Being normal. No, you put no, because my normal may not even be your normal, but that's okay. [00:11:40] Speaker C: You're being you. [00:11:41] Speaker A: No, it's not. You're not acting normal. You're acting weird to me. I'm not acting weird. It's not act all the time. What are you talking about? You just decided I was being weird and you said it. [00:11:53] Speaker D: But normal is relative to the person, to that particular person. [00:11:56] Speaker C: Yeah, it's an individual thing. [00:11:57] Speaker D: Yeah, what's normal to me, like cl just said, is not normal to other people might be seen as weird, or even with people in relationships, if one couple thinks that this is a normal thing that they want to do, it's normal to them. People might say, hey, that's not normal. It's relative to whoever it is in that particular space. [00:12:25] Speaker C: Do you feel like we are normalizing certain behaviors that everybody kind of like, how can I put it? In relationships? [00:12:35] Speaker A: No, it's all bs, but every bit. [00:12:38] Speaker C: Of it you just touched. Based on what somebody else does in a relationship, another person might not agree with. So let's say, for instance, the way your friend talks to his girlfriend, he may degrade her. Call her out of her name. [00:12:57] Speaker A: Well, that's everywhere, though. [00:13:00] Speaker C: Let me finish. He may degrade her, and you're like, okay, well, that's what's good for them. Do you feel like you are normalizing that behavior because you're accepting him talking to her recklessly, or are you just not getting involved? [00:13:17] Speaker A: Is this question only for Yousef? No, because you felt like you waved me off. [00:13:21] Speaker C: I'm sorry. Because he went looking directly at. He wasn't even looking at me. [00:13:28] Speaker A: But disrespect is disrespect. It's not. No, normal. Disrespectful is disrespectful. That's the norm. This disrespect is disrespect anywhere you go. Somebody cursing your girl out in California, Saudi Arabia. Well, not yours, Pakistan, theirs. It's all. It's. No, you can't normalize disrespect. [00:13:47] Speaker D: No, but I think. Okay, what about jealousy? People do normalize jealousy. [00:13:55] Speaker A: Well, okay. Me personally, before I even come to the judge, I try to understand why you think if you can express it the way you do. So the first thing I want to ask you is I'm not worried about you being jealous. I'm more concerned about, why are you jealous? Because it just could be your insecurity, and that ain't normal. But you may have grown up with the same insecurity your whole life. So it's normal to you when it's abnormal to me. But if I understand you've been dealing with this for 20 years, I don't expect you to change it in five minutes of meeting me. So I'm going to be more caring and more understanding to your need. But I'm not trying to figure out what's wrong until I understand what's wrong. [00:14:41] Speaker C: Okay. So I think when he means that we're normalizing jealousy, it's more like, I like the fact that someone is jealous or scared that they may lose me. [00:14:53] Speaker A: Both of you all have an issue. Yeah. It's not cute at all. [00:14:59] Speaker C: It's not. But I do made you feel good. [00:15:03] Speaker A: I'm just saying. [00:15:07] Speaker C: No. Well, it can, in a sense, make you feel like, oh, this person. [00:15:12] Speaker D: That's the thing. Jealousy is a thing where. That's what it means. [00:15:16] Speaker C: They're possessive over me. Well, they're kind of showing kind of some type of ownership. [00:15:20] Speaker D: Ownership. [00:15:21] Speaker C: Ownership property. [00:15:22] Speaker D: But some people find it endearing. They find a person being jealous over them. Oh, they needed that. That validates them as how much they care. No, how much the person cares about them. That validates the care. [00:15:36] Speaker A: That validates their dysfunction because that's not normal. [00:15:39] Speaker D: It's not. But that's to them, it's them saying it's okay. Especially, I guess, a person who's insecure, it's okay that he acts like that because he's showing he really cares. [00:15:50] Speaker A: But both of them are insecure because I think for you to say it's. [00:15:54] Speaker C: Okay, they're both needing validation. [00:15:58] Speaker A: They both need that. And just because somebody provides what you need, it can still be the wrong thing because it's going to show itself again later in your relationship. [00:16:06] Speaker C: I think a discussion I had with some women, they were talking about how they can't wear certain things because their man wouldn't like it. If I walked out of the house with that on and went to the club, he will pull up and snatch me out of that club. And that's kind of, well, if you. [00:16:26] Speaker A: Know that and you knew it could be an issue and you value your relationship, couldn't you just tone it back a little bit and not wear it? [00:16:35] Speaker C: But why does she. [00:16:36] Speaker A: I'm just saying, if you're going to hit him with the breast, don't hit him with the back eyes. [00:16:39] Speaker C: Controlling what she wears. [00:16:41] Speaker A: I'm not saying he's controlling what she wears, but I do understand that when you're relating to someone else, you have to understand kind of their point of view. And sometimes in the situation with men, yeah, but if my girlfriend is out with me, the way she would go out on a girl's night out would be different than the way she dresses with me. I may not like that, but I'm probably more comfortable with that than being with me because I may have to defend it. And then we got another problem. Let's say you out there, everything out, I'm cool with it. Maybe a drunk man, maybe a nice person. [00:17:28] Speaker D: He's just drunk. [00:17:29] Speaker A: Yeah, he violates. Am I a to supposed to walk away? [00:17:37] Speaker C: You are supposed to protect her. [00:17:40] Speaker A: But why put me in harm's way if I know this is going to get you more attention than you need? You're here for me, right? [00:17:47] Speaker C: This is true. [00:17:48] Speaker A: So don't put me in that situation where I have to defend you. I'm not trying to control you, but I'm also trying to control me not having to get into it with you and maybe somebody else. [00:17:59] Speaker C: I can't even argue with that. [00:18:03] Speaker A: Women don't see that point of view. [00:18:05] Speaker D: I think not only do women not see that point of view, I think some guys don't see that point of view because she's saying that if the woman was supposed to leave the house, whether with him or without him, he would have a fit. [00:18:16] Speaker A: Well, depending on what she's wearing. [00:18:18] Speaker D: Depending on what she's wearing. But if it's tastefully done and is. [00:18:22] Speaker A: It really ever tasteful? Your breasts are your breasts. [00:18:25] Speaker C: Well, you can help your breast size. [00:18:27] Speaker A: Okay, but you can help how much you cover them. Trust me, you can. Because you don't go to work like that. [00:18:35] Speaker C: Well, some do. [00:18:37] Speaker A: No, strippers don't count. [00:18:39] Speaker C: Okay, first of all, I'm not a stripper. [00:18:40] Speaker A: I didn't say who said. [00:18:42] Speaker C: I work in a call center and I see them all the time. [00:18:46] Speaker A: You didn't say that before. I said didn't. [00:18:52] Speaker C: You said, this is not work. I said, well, yeah, I work. [00:18:54] Speaker A: I said, people don't do that work. I'm not talking about Nick. [00:18:57] Speaker C: No. [00:18:59] Speaker A: Yeah, she took it personal. [00:19:01] Speaker C: No, because you didn't hear what I said after you said that. So my apologies. [00:19:05] Speaker A: I heard what you said before. That's what I'm addressing the before, not after. Okay. [00:19:11] Speaker D: Good. So what about snooping, going through, going through phones, emails? [00:19:20] Speaker A: Wow. [00:19:21] Speaker D: But some people, it's a behavior. [00:19:24] Speaker A: It's a behavior within relationships. [00:19:26] Speaker D: It's a behavior that is seen as normalized. [00:19:30] Speaker A: Is it situation based? [00:19:34] Speaker D: No, some people just do that. [00:19:36] Speaker C: That's just who they are. [00:19:37] Speaker A: Well, we're not just going to do that without reason. But if we're at a point and if it's going to bring some solitude or reassure someone, I'll give you once. [00:19:58] Speaker C: Going through your phone, I ain't say. [00:20:00] Speaker A: Go through because first of all, to me, it's crazy. I wouldn't go through nobody phone under no circumstances or your computer or your emails or your apple watch. That's not normal. [00:20:14] Speaker C: People really normalize like, oh, no, I got to watch what I put in my phone because my significant other is going to go through it. [00:20:21] Speaker A: No. [00:20:22] Speaker C: Or she might go through it. [00:20:23] Speaker A: Sometimes if your man doing it, that's really wild. But if your girl's doing it, am I paying for another man's sins or what did I do? Did you catch me cheating before? So there's always a precursor to checking my phone. But let's say nothing has happened and you want to just check my phone because we're in a relationship. It's no dice. [00:20:46] Speaker C: And that's how some women are just taught. [00:20:49] Speaker A: No, you go unlearn today what you. [00:20:53] Speaker C: Was taught, even like that is like, girl, I don't go through his phone. That's his business. [00:20:57] Speaker A: It is his personal business. [00:20:59] Speaker C: Be like, girl, you stupid. You don't know what's going on. [00:21:01] Speaker A: You still don't know. Because if I know you're going to go through my phone, why wouldn't I just delete it? Oh, wow, this is true. [00:21:08] Speaker C: It's still in your iCloud. [00:21:10] Speaker D: I've known people that literally say, yeah, my husband or my wife or my boyfriend or girlfriend have all of my passwords. [00:21:18] Speaker A: Why is that? I don't even understand why that's necessary. [00:21:21] Speaker D: That's what I'm saying. [00:21:22] Speaker A: I'm not looking. Even if you give it to me, I'm not looking. [00:21:24] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm not looking either, but I. [00:21:26] Speaker D: Probably don't take your passwords. It's not like you're my child. [00:21:29] Speaker C: The last time I went through a phone, I lost ten pounds. [00:21:31] Speaker A: Wow. [00:21:32] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:21:33] Speaker A: Okay, since we have somebody who's admitted they went through a phone, why did you go through the phone? Not the situation. Why did you go through the phone? It doesn't matter if somebody was cheating or doing whatever or not cheating. Why did you have to go through the phone? [00:21:47] Speaker C: Because he would hide it. [00:21:48] Speaker A: But no, you're telling me what he did. Why did you have to go through the phone? It's his phone. It's his phone. If he wants to take it and put on top of the ceiling fan, it's his phone. [00:21:57] Speaker C: You can do what he wants when I come around. Only when I come around. [00:22:00] Speaker D: How do you know what he does if you're not around? How do you know what he's doing when he. When you're not? [00:22:05] Speaker A: Idea. Maybe that's when he always has his fan on the ceiling bone. I mean, on the ceiling fan. Yeah. [00:22:10] Speaker C: Well, when I walked up to the house one day, I knocked on the door, and his sister was like, oh, your phone is right there. [00:22:16] Speaker A: Okay, what's wrong? [00:22:17] Speaker C: That let me know. And then that didn't let you know? [00:22:19] Speaker A: Nothing. That means the phone was right there. Okay, hold on. [00:22:23] Speaker C: Something. Yeah, hold on. [00:22:24] Speaker A: Maybe he was asking about his phone prior to you getting there. Maybe she had used it. I know. It could be true, Nick. [00:22:31] Speaker C: That is true. [00:22:31] Speaker A: It could be true. So that told me I had to go look through his phone. Could the Lord intervene? [00:22:38] Speaker C: Let me say another. [00:22:40] Speaker A: No, no. [00:22:41] Speaker C: I went through a phone. [00:22:42] Speaker A: Okay, tell me. Answer my question. Because you successfully did not answer the question. Why did neek go through someone's phone? [00:22:50] Speaker C: Because I expect something within there that. [00:22:55] Speaker A: So why not just leave or have a conversation with him if you felt so much? And you're so right. Leave. Don't torment me. Leave. [00:23:04] Speaker C: You're right. I didn't, though. I went through the phone and I found what I wanted to find. [00:23:11] Speaker D: First off, moving through a phone has no good outcome. [00:23:14] Speaker C: It doesn't. [00:23:16] Speaker D: There's no good outcome. [00:23:17] Speaker A: And I'll say why later when you're finished. Why has no good outcome. [00:23:22] Speaker D: There's no on both ends. Like, there's just no good outcome to it. Now, I think that people that go through people's things have a version or a level of insecurity, and they feel like they're not enough. So it must be something else. [00:23:38] Speaker C: That was it. [00:23:39] Speaker A: Okay. [00:23:39] Speaker C: That was definitely it. [00:23:41] Speaker A: Okay. [00:23:41] Speaker C: That was it. [00:23:42] Speaker D: And I think that I don't get that. I just don't feel like you have to subscribe to that. If you have this feeling like you got to go through somebody's stuff, like what trust is there and how can you survive? How can I survive in a relationship where on my mind I'm wondering what she's doing every time she picks up her phone or who she's emailing or who's in her d. Well, we're in the social media age. Who's in her dms? [00:24:12] Speaker C: Who's on her Snapchat list? [00:24:14] Speaker D: Like who she got a streak with stuff like that on Snapchat streaks? [00:24:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:20] Speaker D: That means according to my daughter. No, according to my daughter, a streak is consistent amount of pictures. Every day a picture has been sent in either direction. [00:24:32] Speaker A: Oh, but that's old because I heard about that before. [00:24:36] Speaker D: It's a streak. [00:24:37] Speaker A: Somebody broke the streak with their girlfriend or something. I was like, what are you talking about? And he explained it. [00:24:42] Speaker D: It's where a picture is exchanged every day. [00:24:44] Speaker A: They did like 400 days, and then they broke up and broke the streak. [00:24:48] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:24:50] Speaker C: Wow. You just helped somebody. [00:24:54] Speaker A: But that's the only reason I know about it. [00:24:58] Speaker D: What I didn't mean was to put somebody on blast because you just helped somebody out. Somebody listening to this show is going to go through somebody's Snapchat tonight. [00:25:08] Speaker C: Wow. Let me see if he got any streaks with anyone else. [00:25:12] Speaker D: But you're going to answer the question, why does it not come to a good outcome? [00:25:16] Speaker A: Because the way I communicate and some of the things I may laugh about with my friends, you can misinterpret completely the wrong way. [00:25:24] Speaker C: That is true. I agree with that. [00:25:26] Speaker A: And you don't have time to go all the way back through all the Texas or our personal conversations. [00:25:31] Speaker C: Yeah, I was added to a group chat. A male group chat by a male that was in a group chat. [00:25:40] Speaker A: You sure he's a male? [00:25:42] Speaker C: He might not be. [00:25:44] Speaker A: You double down on the male part. [00:25:46] Speaker C: Yeah, he's a male. [00:25:48] Speaker A: Okay. [00:25:48] Speaker C: Because he acts like a. [00:25:51] Speaker A: Okay. [00:25:51] Speaker C: But he added me to the group chat to, I guess, show me what my significant other at the time was talking about. [00:26:00] Speaker D: That's a snitch move. [00:26:01] Speaker A: That's a hating move. [00:26:02] Speaker C: Yeah. And I went, what you told me. [00:26:04] Speaker A: Yeah. You still looked at. [00:26:09] Speaker C: It was all a set up because he added me. Then the other friend came where we were to sit, I guess, to see the outcome, and I went like, when I seen it come up on my phone, I was like, did somebody add me? Did they add all of us together in a group chat? What's going on? And he snatched my phone. And they were like, oh, get out the chat. Get out the chat. And I guess they thought that getting out the chat was going to shut it down. And I went all the way through, and it was like things I didn't understand and men talk about. [00:26:41] Speaker A: I think in that case, somebody might have been doing something they're not supposed to do. I'm just talking about at the elementary level of how we communicate or talk or what we talk about in the same thing that goes with a woman. [00:26:54] Speaker C: Well, no, it was them. I mean, they talked about everything. [00:26:58] Speaker A: Well, I'm not talking about your situation. [00:27:00] Speaker C: I'm just saying when I say they were talking about women also, I understand. [00:27:04] Speaker A: Talking about even talking about women. [00:27:05] Speaker C: I went to another friend and he was like, that's what men do. [00:27:08] Speaker A: No need. That's not what it. [00:27:10] Speaker C: No, that's not what. [00:27:11] Speaker A: No, it don't sound like you wouldn't talking to no men at all in this conversation. [00:27:15] Speaker C: Just all males. [00:27:17] Speaker A: Sounds like a lot of male behavior or juvenile behavior, like, I don't know, young adolescents. [00:27:23] Speaker C: I don't know, young adolescents. [00:27:25] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm just speaking from the standpoint of. You don't know what precedes these conversations or did this conversation start in person? I might say she tripping again. If my girlfriend read that, she's going to assume it's about her. [00:27:45] Speaker C: Okay. [00:27:45] Speaker A: Yeah, one of her thoughts. [00:27:47] Speaker C: Who else are you going to be talking about? [00:27:49] Speaker A: I could be talking about somebody at work. I could be talking about his girl. I could be talking about any woman in the world. [00:27:54] Speaker C: I said the conversation would continue and. [00:27:57] Speaker A: Okay, but what if we had the conversation in person and then I text that to him? [00:28:01] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:28:02] Speaker A: So you have no idea what the conversation is prior to. So you're going to assume, which I just think some people do, but where you go wrong is when you act upon your assumptions. Or you be like, oh, you talking about me? Or you're talking about some other girl? [00:28:17] Speaker C: You got to read the rest of. [00:28:18] Speaker A: It to find out who it was. Nothing written. We talked about it. We left each other. And I text him that, oh, she's tripping again. [00:28:27] Speaker C: And he didn't respond. [00:28:30] Speaker A: Nick, this is a hypothetical. [00:28:31] Speaker C: This really hypothetical. [00:28:33] Speaker A: It doesn't matter. You saw what let's say let's say the person I'm with saw what I sent. You're going to assume it's about you. She's going to assume it's about her or another woman. It doesn't matter. None of that matters. [00:28:53] Speaker C: It does matter. Like, you can't just go off of the first sentence. You have to read all of it. You got to get. Before you approach anybody. [00:29:00] Speaker A: Listen, there was nothing written before. Let's just take the hypothetical. He didn't even respond. You just saw it when I sent it. [00:29:09] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:29:09] Speaker C: Also, now you got to do an investigation. [00:29:11] Speaker A: You don't have to do anything. [00:29:13] Speaker C: I mean, I'm just saying as a. [00:29:14] Speaker A: Woman, but it's none of your business. You're invading someone else's privacy. Let it be that hit. Yeah. You don't need to know everything. [00:29:23] Speaker C: And I think that's where a lot of women face. When a man says, it's not your business, my phone is not your business. [00:29:30] Speaker A: Why is anybody's phone your business? [00:29:33] Speaker C: I guess that is an insecurity of being cheated on before or being lied to. And that's the insecurity. [00:29:38] Speaker D: But that's the thing in their self. I don't think anybody else should pay a tab that someone else ran up. [00:29:45] Speaker C: And I agree, but it's kind of a hard habit to break. [00:29:50] Speaker D: It is. But if you're in that stage, and this is sometimes where I have an issue with people, with some people, the. [00:29:59] Speaker A: People who do this, women, because men. [00:30:00] Speaker C: And women do this, I say on. [00:30:03] Speaker A: Both ends, oh, man, go through us. Your guy friend went through your home. Okay. In a relationship. [00:30:10] Speaker D: So in these relationships that I'm paying for something or we're making someone pay for something that was done to them in the past, you're obviously not ready to be in something if you're still going to be holding on and putting these walls up and making people pay for. [00:30:27] Speaker A: We're all paying for somebody else's tab. But it's just unfair when you act upon. It's unfair. [00:30:35] Speaker D: But I'll say if I could have. [00:30:36] Speaker A: The thought, is that about me? But once I act on it, act upon it and verbalize. [00:30:42] Speaker D: I'm talking about the people that act on it. [00:30:44] Speaker A: Okay. [00:30:45] Speaker D: You're not ready to be in anything. [00:30:47] Speaker A: I don't know if you're not ready, but sometimes you're just not mature enough. It's kind of like you give your son a dollar and $100 bill and he don't know the difference between the both. So he'll leave the hundred not knowing it's worth 100 on the counter. Just like he left the dollar. Yeah, because he doesn't understand the value between the two. And sometimes, even though we're adults, grown ups, we're not mature enough to understand. But that doesn't mean you don't need to totally be in a relationship. [00:31:16] Speaker D: I'm not saying not date or nothing like that. What I'm saying is they get into it carrying the stuff. Because if you got to pick up my phone, if there's no level of trust and some of these things that we're going to continue to talk about, how is it that you're not going to be successful? Because eventually, if I'm a person who's. I'm giving you everything that I possibly can to make you happy. [00:31:37] Speaker A: You can't give anybody anything. [00:31:39] Speaker D: I know, but I'm doing everything I possibly can. [00:31:40] Speaker A: No, people have to make yourself happy. You can be a part of your happiness. Okay? [00:31:44] Speaker D: I'm trying to be a part of your happiness. [00:31:45] Speaker A: I'm part of your happiness is me keeping my phone and my business and my phone, because you're not going to be happy. What? [00:31:51] Speaker D: You see. [00:31:54] Speaker A: And that doesn't mean I'm cheating. [00:31:55] Speaker D: It doesn't mean. [00:31:56] Speaker A: It doesn't mean you cheating. Doesn't mean you cheating either. Nick, I don't want to exclude anybody. [00:32:00] Speaker C: Thank you. [00:32:00] Speaker A: Yes. [00:32:02] Speaker C: But now I've also had a situation where I picked up somebody's phone that I did have access. [00:32:08] Speaker A: Why can't you just leave people. [00:32:09] Speaker C: No, listen to the. Listen to the situation. I didn't go through it with the intent on going through it. [00:32:16] Speaker A: What? [00:32:16] Speaker C: All right, so his phone was going off. [00:32:21] Speaker A: That's none of your business. [00:32:22] Speaker C: Listen. His phone was going off. We were asleep and his phone was going off. [00:32:26] Speaker A: That's still none of your business. [00:32:27] Speaker C: Listen, okay. It wasn't my business. And he never gave me a reason to feel like I had to go through his phone, ever. Like, if his phone was going off, it was just going off. But usually when his phone is going off back to back like that, that's his parents. And my phone started going off, which was his parents, because they were looking for him. So when my phone went off and it went straight to, like, it didn't go straight to it, just like they went calling. I picked up the phone. [00:32:56] Speaker A: Why didn't you pick up your phone? [00:32:58] Speaker C: Because I didn't get to it in time. [00:33:00] Speaker D: Why'd you pick up that man's phone? [00:33:03] Speaker C: Because that was normal for us. [00:33:04] Speaker A: Which wing of the mansion were you in that you couldn't just reach over and grab your phone. You heard it ring. [00:33:09] Speaker C: But no, my phone was further. So I went to pick up his phone. I went to pick up his phone because I thought, okay, I didn't get to my phone in time for me to answer it. They're calling his phone. [00:33:23] Speaker A: Leave people phones alone. [00:33:24] Speaker C: And it ended up being another woman that happened to call at that very moment. And that's how you talk to her? [00:33:32] Speaker A: You talked to her? [00:33:32] Speaker C: No, I gave the phone to him. [00:33:33] Speaker A: So what was wrong with another woman calling him? [00:33:36] Speaker C: When I answered the phone, I said, hello. And she was like, who the he double hockey skits. [00:33:41] Speaker A: Okay, that'll have nothing to do with him. That's what she said to you. [00:33:45] Speaker C: And it kind of went left there. So I just woke him up and like, here, you need the phone, whoever that is. And she's like, screaming on the phone. [00:33:52] Speaker A: Maybe that's his auntie. [00:33:53] Speaker C: No, it wasn't his auntie. And then she ended up coming to the dorm. [00:33:59] Speaker A: You have a lot of instances where some things are happening that are pretty consistent. So he was cheating on you or cheating on her? Of course he was cheating on both of you all. Okay? [00:34:15] Speaker C: He wasn't in a relationship with her. [00:34:17] Speaker A: Then. You all need to leave this man phone alone. We going to not go together and I'm going to be in trouble. You better get out my face. Telling you I don't play that it. [00:34:28] Speaker C: Wasn'T nothing, but for me, it wasn't me going through it. It was just like, okay, like something. I'm normal. He would even tell me sometime, oh, can you answer my phone for me? [00:34:37] Speaker A: You should say, no. I'm not answering my lady's phone. I don't care what you do. Whatever. No, you pick it up yourself. [00:34:44] Speaker C: Why not? [00:34:45] Speaker A: That's her phone. Let it be her phone. [00:34:49] Speaker C: She has nothing to hide in. [00:34:51] Speaker A: Listen, it doesn't matter if she has something to hide or not. It's her phone. Take your phone and do whatever you're doing with it. And if people leave people's phones alone and their personal property and their personal business alone, you'll be happier. Mind your own business. That's the easiest business to mind your own. That's the best business to be in, is your own. Leave it alone. I don't need to know what you and your friend was laughing at. [00:35:16] Speaker C: We don't go through male conversation. If we go through your phone, Nick. [00:35:20] Speaker A: Obviously you've never been on a whim with a woman and had a funny conversation with your friend. As soon as you look over, they're like, what? That wasn't for you. That was talking to me. What are you talking about? I was laughing. That's just natural, I think. I'm not going to do it at all. I'm not going to ask you no questions. If it ain't like an emergency and we need to move, then you can be talking to Eddie Murphy. Laughing. I'm not going to ask one word like this is none of my business. She will share. She wants to share. [00:35:50] Speaker C: I don't mind the laughing at your phone. It's when you start cheesing hard at your phone. [00:35:56] Speaker A: Okay? [00:35:57] Speaker C: You start doing little facial expressions you usually give me. [00:36:00] Speaker A: But why? That's you assuming those expressions are for you. Maybe he does that with everybody even doing it since he was little. [00:36:09] Speaker C: You know what? [00:36:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:10] Speaker C: She want to feel special. [00:36:12] Speaker A: I know. [00:36:13] Speaker D: So got a question, got an answer. You and your significant other don't know if you have one? [00:36:22] Speaker C: No. I am detoxing for men. [00:36:24] Speaker D: Okay, you're going through a detox, but when you were pretty certain you had arguments yourself. [00:36:28] Speaker A: Just get to the question. You've had arguments, okay. [00:36:34] Speaker D: And he comes in to apologize. He brings you some flowers or candy or jewelry or whatever it is. This is another kind of behavior where people. [00:36:47] Speaker C: When you see my face, when you. [00:36:50] Speaker D: Get into something or something goes wrong or whatever, I mean, it could be anything. A spa day, a vacation, something major. They buy something from what? [00:36:58] Speaker C: They buy something actually going on. [00:37:00] Speaker D: Basically something like an emotional to. [00:37:03] Speaker C: I don't have to attach now he's going to send me on a shopping spree. [00:37:08] Speaker D: Yes. So that's another no. [00:37:12] Speaker A: Can we normalize men doing something other than cheating? Jesus Christ. [00:37:16] Speaker D: That's why I said argument. [00:37:18] Speaker A: All men do is cheat. [00:37:19] Speaker C: She brought up an argument. I could accept that. I could accept that with an argument, depending on the argument. He didn't call me up my name. We just fussing and we have. [00:37:28] Speaker D: He did something other than cheat. [00:37:31] Speaker A: Maybe he was inconsiderate. [00:37:32] Speaker D: He was inconsiderate maybe or something. And he hit you. No, me. [00:37:37] Speaker A: Can we normalize? Men don't hit women and we don't cheat. All the time. [00:37:44] Speaker C: I've watched men pull women out of cars. [00:37:48] Speaker A: You should call the cops. [00:37:50] Speaker C: No, but this is normal behavior to people who are around. [00:37:53] Speaker A: It's not normal to me. I'm calling the cops and leaving. [00:37:55] Speaker C: People really? Tell me, like, mind your business. No, this is. [00:37:59] Speaker A: Why are you talking to those people? Why are you talking to those people? Yeah, exactly. [00:38:08] Speaker C: But I'm saying no here in, it's. [00:38:10] Speaker A: No here in there's no cheating. It's just regular life. Regular degla. [00:38:14] Speaker C: We just arguing. [00:38:15] Speaker A: Yes. [00:38:16] Speaker C: Then I can accept a gift. [00:38:17] Speaker A: I would tell all men, do not ever apologize with a gift. [00:38:22] Speaker C: Yeah, you're selling with a nice night out. [00:38:25] Speaker A: No, you apologize with your words. [00:38:27] Speaker D: Yeah, that's it. And rectify the behavior. [00:38:30] Speaker A: That's change the behavior. Don't pacify it with a gift. Don't pacify it with. I'm going to do better. I ain't going to do that no more. Just apologize and act better. [00:38:40] Speaker C: Yeah, change behavior is the best apology. [00:38:43] Speaker A: So why I got to buy you? We'll get take you on a trip. [00:38:45] Speaker C: I mean, it just feels good. [00:38:47] Speaker A: You only going to bring it up when you get mad, but you're not going to bring up the trip. Yeah, you'll bring up what happened, but you ain't bringing up the $500 when it's fun. [00:38:55] Speaker C: If you $500. That's it. [00:38:59] Speaker A: It's only a regular apology. I ain't cheating. Cheating is over 500. Everybody knows that cheating is over 500. [00:39:12] Speaker C: Here's $500. I'm sorry, I just text with her. [00:39:16] Speaker A: Here's 500. [00:39:17] Speaker C: Oh, just a cash app? [00:39:18] Speaker A: Yes. Anything cheating. The starting rate at cheating starts at 500. [00:39:24] Speaker C: The cheating rate? [00:39:25] Speaker A: Yeah. If you cheat 1000, you got to do 500 just to get you back in the game. Just to get back. Bare minimum. 500 if you're a cheater. [00:39:36] Speaker D: And you. [00:39:36] Speaker A: Want to get back. [00:39:37] Speaker C: Men advice on it. [00:39:39] Speaker A: No, that's a rule. We already knew it. [00:39:41] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Why is that normal? [00:39:43] Speaker A: Group chat. We normalize it in group chat. Mass group chat. [00:39:48] Speaker C: You know what I want to know since I'm talking to two great men. [00:39:53] Speaker D: Oh, I appreciate that. [00:39:54] Speaker A: Yeah, thank you. [00:39:55] Speaker C: Two great men. I want to know. Why do men hold on to the guy code so tight? [00:40:02] Speaker A: What guy code of what's the guy code? [00:40:05] Speaker D: Which one? [00:40:06] Speaker C: There's so many. Like for instance, if your homeboy is cheating on his wife, whose friend. [00:40:17] Speaker A: Who'S who keep cheating, why is everything cheating or lie? [00:40:23] Speaker C: Let's say lie. [00:40:24] Speaker A: That's my friend. We've been lying together since we blew you. Just a new person. We've been lying. [00:40:30] Speaker C: Why do you all take up for you? [00:40:31] Speaker A: We've been lying to my mama. We don't think we're going to lie to you. Yeah, lie to you. Who are you? [00:40:37] Speaker C: Why is that so normal? [00:40:38] Speaker A: Who are you? You. Jesus. [00:40:41] Speaker C: I'm the love of his life. [00:40:43] Speaker A: That man told you he wasn't over there. Don't come ask me. But I think that's my friend. You are not my friend. I'm just calling you cis because that's popular. I don't like. [00:40:53] Speaker D: I'm going to tell you what it is. I mean, Jesus. I tell you what it is. I'll tell you what it is. [00:41:08] Speaker A: All right. [00:41:09] Speaker D: I'll tell you what it is. Neat. You can edit that out. [00:41:13] Speaker A: It will be okay. [00:41:14] Speaker D: I'll tell you what it is. [00:41:15] Speaker A: Neat. [00:41:15] Speaker D: Men understand that we enjoy our own business and our friend's relationship is his business. Women do not know how to draw that. [00:41:29] Speaker A: Don't. What women don't understand is, let's say me and Yusuf are these two hypothetical men, but not me and. [00:41:36] Speaker D: Right. Yeah. [00:41:38] Speaker A: We lie together, right? [00:41:41] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:41:42] Speaker A: I'm not going to believe everything he tell me about you because we lie with me. Come on now, Tony. I'll listen to it. [00:41:51] Speaker D: But come on, man. [00:41:52] Speaker A: You know that girl ain't did all that stuff now. So we don't believe each other either. I don't know why you think it's just so much solidarity. Like, I know he's lying. Like, okay, he got one off just now. Good. But they don't completely believe their friend either. And I think men have a little more discernment about who our mate is. [00:42:17] Speaker C: Okay. [00:42:18] Speaker A: So if my girlfriend is a representation of me, I think my guy friends know that. I'll say, my good friends, if my lady was to violate one of them, I don't think they would say anything to her. They would come to me as they should. Everybody don't do that. Some men curse out women. Let's say reality shows. Yeah. It's men staying women business. [00:42:46] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Not men. [00:42:48] Speaker A: You should let the wives talk about that. But there are a lot of guys who like the guy you say put somebody in a group chat. Yeah, that's female behavior. [00:42:58] Speaker C: Why is that female behavior? Why is that considered female behavior? [00:43:01] Speaker A: Because it's me and that's how I judge things. I'm not saying I'm right, that's just. [00:43:06] Speaker C: How I judge things. [00:43:08] Speaker A: But I want to know why good, bad, man, woman. [00:43:11] Speaker C: I also start to know. [00:43:13] Speaker A: Can't say the f word. Oh, yeah, you can't say that. [00:43:19] Speaker C: Don't say that. [00:43:21] Speaker A: That's not a good term. But I'd see things in men and women not saying it's right. Just my own processing system. [00:43:28] Speaker C: So you're saying that women are. [00:43:31] Speaker A: Women are. [00:43:32] Speaker C: Well, females are messy. [00:43:35] Speaker A: I think women, for the most part, investigate. I didn't say messy. I'm clear with words. They investigate situations that don't need an investigation. You don't need to call the SWAT team. It's real simple. Somebody broke your window. Your window broke. Everybody's not here. You don't got to call the FBI for. So that's where the mess comes in. When all these parties get involved, Yusuf will come to me. You need to talk to your girl. Just happened, and it's dead. Right. Then he probably not going to go to all our guy friends and tell them why. Guess what? Guess what happened. Yeah. It's going to be right. Okay? Boom. Take care. Women. We overthink, overthink, overreact, over talk, over. [00:44:26] Speaker D: Share, overtown, send the man overboard. [00:44:33] Speaker A: Yes, sometimes they do go overboard. And that's why I don't want to label it messy, but there are full scale investigations about nothing. Sometime, like the text, she's still tripping. But who are you talking about? He talking about me? He talking about who he got. He cheating? [00:44:52] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:44:53] Speaker A: Could be talking about his mama or his daughter. [00:44:58] Speaker D: Because all it says is she. [00:45:00] Speaker A: She. I gotta watch you. [00:45:04] Speaker C: Yes. [00:45:05] Speaker A: How about stop looking at my phone? How about that? Please. [00:45:10] Speaker C: Wow. [00:45:12] Speaker A: It can go far sometimes. [00:45:13] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:45:14] Speaker A: Now, I'm not saying all women are wrong or all men are right or wrong, but sometimes you got to give time. Time. Wait on it and you'll see. If he's cheating with the girl down the street, he's going to go down that street sometime. [00:45:30] Speaker C: He's going to cheat on whoever. Well, maybe if that's who he is. [00:45:35] Speaker A: Or she. Or they. [00:45:36] Speaker C: Or she. They or him. They might be non binary. [00:45:39] Speaker A: Yes. Somebody's going to cheat. [00:45:42] Speaker D: Somebody's going to cheat. [00:45:43] Speaker A: According to Nick, somebody's going to cheat. [00:45:44] Speaker C: Okay, whoa, wait a minute. [00:45:47] Speaker A: What? [00:45:48] Speaker C: According to Nik, all your stories involve. [00:45:51] Speaker A: Somebody cheating or a woman. Domestic violence? [00:45:55] Speaker C: Yeah, because that splits around me, I guess. [00:46:00] Speaker A: Some better people. What's a CBD? [00:46:08] Speaker C: Well, what I feel like is domestic violence is like somebody screaming at you, calling you out of your name. [00:46:15] Speaker A: Is that what domestic violence is? [00:46:18] Speaker C: To me it is, because that's abuse. Still. That's verbal abuse. [00:46:22] Speaker A: But you said a man can hit a woman, and there's none of your business. But it's domestic violence if he yells. [00:46:28] Speaker C: Sometimes men do hit. I've seen men. [00:46:31] Speaker A: No, listen to what I'm saying. You said you've seen men violate a woman. [00:46:35] Speaker C: Yes. [00:46:35] Speaker A: And it's none of your business. [00:46:37] Speaker C: No, I didn't say it's none of my business. I just said that people around would tell me it's not my business. [00:46:44] Speaker A: Okay, but if somebody's yelling, it's domestic violence, yeah, I see why you don't call the cop. Okay. All right. What's our next talking point? [00:46:57] Speaker D: Not sharing. [00:46:58] Speaker A: What do you mean not sharing? [00:47:00] Speaker D: The workload. Both of you work. The man may come home. Both people work. Man may come home and does nothing, while the woman who also has worked. [00:47:11] Speaker C: Traditional lifestyle does the other does. [00:47:14] Speaker A: Well, that's because you don't believe you have two jobs. Home is a completely separate job. In work, school, whatever you was doing in the street, that's a whole different job. [00:47:25] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:47:26] Speaker A: As a matter of fact, this is the primary job. Your career is your secondary job. So a lot of people get the things crossed. Like, their work is their job, is their life, and it's not. So when you come home, you're not off work. You just clock back in. [00:47:43] Speaker D: You're clocking into the new job. [00:47:46] Speaker A: You clocked out at 08:00 you clock them back in. So all that. People get tired. But you got to have a plan. [00:47:55] Speaker C: Okay? [00:47:56] Speaker A: Don't plan to cook the meat. If you left the meat in the freeze off all day, you got to take the meat out before you leave. [00:48:02] Speaker C: So are you saying, like, what, men are working all day and coming home and not doing anything else? He's not on his job, but expecting a woman to do. [00:48:11] Speaker A: He's not. [00:48:12] Speaker D: He's not on his job, or she. [00:48:15] Speaker C: Just doesn't work at all? [00:48:16] Speaker D: And it could be like, she takes care of the household, and it could be that. [00:48:21] Speaker A: Or how is it her job to take care of the household? [00:48:23] Speaker D: Well, no, just saying if she was a housewife. [00:48:26] Speaker A: No, we said she came from work. [00:48:28] Speaker D: The initial one I gave it was both of them work because there's fewer housewives than there are. [00:48:35] Speaker A: So we're talking about dual income who work. Yeah. So why is it her job? [00:48:39] Speaker D: It's not. [00:48:41] Speaker A: That's the problem. [00:48:42] Speaker C: A lot of men argue the fact that if I have to work and. [00:48:46] Speaker A: Come home, we said both people are working. [00:48:49] Speaker C: Both people can work it. But one person could just be responsible for all of the bills. [00:48:53] Speaker A: No. Then that's a dumb relationship. Why would one person be responsible for all the bills? [00:48:57] Speaker C: But this is what's being pushed out there. That a man works. He pays all the bills. [00:49:03] Speaker A: We're trying to normalize this regardless of. [00:49:05] Speaker C: She works or not, but she's responsible for making sure food is on the table, kids are taken care of, and all of that. [00:49:12] Speaker A: That's not her only job. They're your kids, too. [00:49:14] Speaker C: Responsible for any of the bills. [00:49:16] Speaker A: They are your children also. [00:49:20] Speaker C: Yeah. And they're your bills also. [00:49:23] Speaker A: Did you make a point or did you agree with me? What are you talking about? [00:49:27] Speaker C: I was agreeing with you because these are your kids, too. And I'm saying to her, this is. [00:49:35] Speaker A: A 50 50 business, but people don't. [00:49:38] Speaker C: Want to normalize 50 50. They're looking at, well, we can't do that. [00:49:43] Speaker D: Or the flip side of it, man has to pay for everything. As far as a date. No, not even that. Let's say we're talking to say we're keeping it in the household. [00:49:53] Speaker C: Okay. [00:49:54] Speaker D: I've known women who say my check is my check, and he pays for all of the bills, mortgage, everything and all that. And I keep mine. [00:50:02] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:50:02] Speaker D: So there's an imbalance there, or you don't think there's. [00:50:06] Speaker A: Why would you sign up for that? [00:50:07] Speaker D: No, some guys sign up for it. [00:50:10] Speaker C: Yeah, but that's what. [00:50:11] Speaker D: I don't subscribe to that man work. [00:50:13] Speaker A: That's called a toxic relationship. Why would you sign up for. That's stupid. [00:50:17] Speaker C: And she's only responsible for taking care of the kids. No, not even. [00:50:22] Speaker D: I know one person who literally, I know a person is not a lot, but I'm pretty certain there's more. Who? Nothing. Her money is to take care of herself and to build her savings account. And whatever his is to pay for, he pays for everything else. [00:50:37] Speaker C: Let me find another wife. [00:50:39] Speaker A: Let me ask you a question. Do you think they're in a healthy relationship? [00:50:42] Speaker D: No, I don't. [00:50:43] Speaker C: No. [00:50:44] Speaker D: Okay. But I'm just talking about the non sharing of the burden of the work. [00:50:49] Speaker A: At what point you asked us to get married to each other. So at what point do the finances become separate than the marriage with us? [00:51:00] Speaker D: Some women. [00:51:00] Speaker A: Some women. Why would you sign. I don't care what you feel. You could feel like you don't want to pay the bill. Just go pay it. [00:51:07] Speaker C: I don't like the whole separate accounts in a marriage. I don't feel like if you have to have a separate account from me. [00:51:17] Speaker A: You'Re talking about separate accounts. [00:51:21] Speaker C: In a marriage. [00:51:22] Speaker A: She's not even including her money. She's just keeping all the money. According to this scenario. [00:51:26] Speaker D: Yeah, this scenario. She's keeping the money. [00:51:29] Speaker A: That's not right. [00:51:30] Speaker C: Well, she's keeping the money because she's building her savings account. She's building her accounts up. So that means she may have access to his, he has no access to hers. [00:51:38] Speaker A: But what does. That's still not healthy. [00:51:41] Speaker C: No, I'm not saying it's healthy, but that's a taught behavior. I don't agree with it, but that's. [00:51:46] Speaker A: An allowed behavior because I don't care what you learned at your house. What we're going to do in this house ain't what I did at my house. [00:51:52] Speaker C: That's actually preached from women to women. Always have that side money. Have that fu. [00:51:59] Speaker A: Money. It's nothing wrong with having side money, but you're going to have a career, not contribute to the household. You want me to split everything else down halfway down the middle. And the finances are different, the work, the responsibility. [00:52:18] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:52:20] Speaker A: No, you all don't know people who do this following up with you. [00:52:26] Speaker D: No, that one. I know somebody who did. It's only one woman. I haven't met more than one. [00:52:31] Speaker A: That's domestic violence. That's gang violence right there. [00:52:36] Speaker D: I think we got time for one more. [00:52:38] Speaker A: We got time. [00:52:39] Speaker D: You got time. Impatient communication. I text you and you don't always. [00:52:46] Speaker A: Have your phone in your, for a while. [00:52:50] Speaker D: Getting patient. [00:52:51] Speaker A: What's rule number one? [00:52:52] Speaker D: You sell rule number one. [00:52:55] Speaker A: Rule number one. [00:52:58] Speaker D: There's a lot of number one. [00:52:59] Speaker A: Don't text. [00:53:00] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, don't text. [00:53:01] Speaker A: Don't text. [00:53:02] Speaker D: Yeah, but let's say you called them and they didn't answer. [00:53:05] Speaker A: Well, wait for their message. [00:53:07] Speaker D: Yeah, but some people, social media are okay, look, as soon as they call, I called. I went and looked on social media. The green dots on. [00:53:16] Speaker C: Not even a green dot. You're actively speaking other people. Well, on social media, you're not answering my calls. And mind you, if you're not answering my calls are my text. I do understand that people are busy. However, if you have time to do everything else and you always have your phone in hand, then I'm going to have an issue. [00:53:35] Speaker A: Well, how do you solve the issue? [00:53:37] Speaker C: I'm going to ask you, like, do you not want to talk to me? I could stop calling. [00:53:41] Speaker A: Well, you're not going to ask. You're going to have to have a conversation. See, you don't even want peace. You came for more gang. [00:53:48] Speaker D: She came for war. [00:53:49] Speaker A: She chose violence today when she woke up, like, no, you can still have a conversation. Yes, violence, but you can literally have a conversation no matter what happens, no matter how many times it happens. Now we're talking about being impatient or short patience. Yeah, you got to work on your patience. [00:54:08] Speaker D: But that's rooted in which, as a lot of these are, that's rooted in insecurity as well. It is. Your mind can't wrap around. [00:54:16] Speaker A: You mean tell me you can't stay busy enough and all you can do is worry about what somebody else doing how many things I got going on. [00:54:23] Speaker D: In a day, in an hour? [00:54:26] Speaker C: But usually that goes into change behavior. I'm only concerned about you not answering your phone or not responding to me in a timely manner because your behavior may have changed. [00:54:36] Speaker A: Well, according to who? Maybe you're just finding out who I am. My behavior ain't changed. [00:54:45] Speaker C: Some men will go as far as always calling, sending, good morning, text answering every. [00:54:51] Speaker A: The moment he stops, you should address it the moment, not 18 months after. [00:54:56] Speaker C: We don't like to feel like we're overreacting. [00:54:59] Speaker A: Women always overreact. So it doesn't matter. [00:55:01] Speaker C: It does matter. [00:55:02] Speaker A: It never. [00:55:03] Speaker C: We're not trying to show that side. [00:55:04] Speaker A: Right off, are we? Trying to have peace? So you're going to fake it? [00:55:09] Speaker C: It won't be the first time. [00:55:11] Speaker A: No, this won't be the first time or the last time. You're in a bad relationship if you're faking it, nanique. Yeah, but if the person is faking it, if you're not cool faking it, what do we have anyhow? [00:55:26] Speaker C: Yeah, it starts to build up and then it starts to be an argument after a while. So it's really not a healthy life. [00:55:32] Speaker A: You got to be single. [00:55:33] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:55:34] Speaker A: I'm not going to keep arguing about certain things. Yeah, certain things have merit. Certain things don't. [00:55:41] Speaker D: You just can't keep repeating the same conversation over and over and over again. [00:55:44] Speaker A: And if you have the same problem from man to man, woman to woman, maybe it's you. [00:55:51] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:55:52] Speaker A: I think most of our problems come from ourselves. [00:55:55] Speaker C: Really? [00:55:56] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. [00:55:58] Speaker C: So you feel like we're all the common denominator. [00:56:01] Speaker A: I can talk about me. Yeah. Certain is me. So I'm either going to do better, I'm going to curtail it, I'm going to try to control it, but certain issues on me. I have no right to ask you to be patient if I'm not willing to be patient. [00:56:16] Speaker C: Okay, that makes sense. [00:56:17] Speaker A: I ain't going to ask you to shoot nobody for me if I won't shoot nobody myself. That's for the thug love. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. If. I ain't going to roll the blunt sometime. [00:56:28] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:56:31] Speaker A: So I think our issues start within ourselves and we project them in relationships over and over and over. It's the same problem. You're the common denominator. [00:56:44] Speaker C: But some men like that. Some men like their women argumentative. [00:56:48] Speaker A: Nick, I'm going to tell you a secret. Don't tell no other women is they don't. They don't. So many battered men out here, oh. [00:56:57] Speaker C: They'Re battered, they're traumatized. [00:57:01] Speaker A: And sometimes we just dumb. We don't even know we doing wrong. Why are you tripping? Why are you tripping? [00:57:08] Speaker C: I have a friend that has a girlfriend that fights him anytime she gets mad. [00:57:13] Speaker A: You should call the cops again. [00:57:16] Speaker C: I just hear the after. [00:57:18] Speaker A: Maybe the violence in your county will go down if you just call the cops. Call the cops. [00:57:25] Speaker C: He's not even in our county. But, well, when he's in your county, call. Why? He doesn't say. [00:57:30] Speaker A: They add the olive are right now. You know they're going to aircraft. [00:57:32] Speaker C: I asked him why you don't leave the situation if you don't like constantly being in a situation where she's fussing at you, arguing with you because he sucks. He was like, this is just who she is. [00:57:44] Speaker A: No, it's not. If somebody gave her a million dollars to be quiet, you don't think she could be quiet? Loa, she'd be quiet for the next 30 days. I'm going to give you a million dollars. No argument. [00:57:55] Speaker D: You don't say not one word. [00:57:56] Speaker A: You don't think she could do that? [00:57:59] Speaker C: So he's just allowing her to be the way she is? [00:58:02] Speaker D: Yes. [00:58:03] Speaker A: He's taught her how to treat him. [00:58:07] Speaker C: I hope he listens to this. [00:58:08] Speaker A: I hope he does. Give my number. I'll talk to him. Talk him to. [00:58:15] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:58:16] Speaker C: Oh, Jesus. Thank you all for listening to the show. It's your girl, Nick Cruz, Cl Butler. [00:58:23] Speaker D: And your boy Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can catch us on all podcast anywhere. You listen to podcasts for free. When you do, make sure you subscribe like five star rate and review. Also, if you want to join the conversation, you can email us or send us a damn neat email us at [email protected]. Or send us a voicemail. 843-310-8637 until next time, Phoenix, CL, I'm yusef. We are out. [00:58:53] Speaker C: Thank you for listening to another episode of relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com, iTunes, Google podcast, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, nobody grinds like us. And anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear neek, email us at re lstat [email protected] or call us at 843-310-8637 follow us on Facebook at relationship status podcast on Instagram and Twitter at relstat podcast. And don't forget to comment, share five star rate, subscribe and review. [00:59:36] Speaker D: The relationship status podcast is sponsored by unfiltered. Whether it's hoodies, long sleeve tees, leggings, joggers, or tech suits, unfiltered has what you need to express yourself in any weather. Visit unfiltered forever.com and use the promo code RSP to get 10% off your entire order. That's unfiltered forever promo code RSP. And remember, there's a science to being you. [01:00:00] Speaker A: You. [01:00:16] Speaker C: This is the very necessary podcast. Come on in, have a seat, and unplug from the world by listening to Jennifer Vaughn, Yoshi, and Sue, where you get our unapologetic view on relationships, balance, careers, and how we handle it all, or how we don't. This podcast is like a box of chocolate. [01:00:38] Speaker D: You never know what you're going to get. [01:00:40] Speaker C: You can catch us each and every Wednesday on Apple podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, iHeart, Amazon music, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcast, it's.