231st Date: We Don't Need Street Nique Back!

[00:00:10] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship status. Isha girl, Nick Cruz and your boy. [00:00:15] Speaker B: Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can catch us on all podcast platforms. Remember to like share, follow and five star rate. And if you want to join the conversation, email us at Relstat podcast. Ask. [00:00:27] Speaker A: You seem so hesitant today. [00:00:29] Speaker B: I am. I do not know what's going on. I'm completely off. I'm completely off today. I do not know really why everything is so crazy. These levels are messing me up. And it's early. It might be a little bit too early. It's cold today and it's cold. And with us in this earliness is our own favorite new name. Same game. Eddie Griffin. What's going on? [00:00:58] Speaker C: How y'all doing? [00:00:59] Speaker B: We doing good? [00:01:00] Speaker C: Good. [00:01:04] Speaker A: Oh, God. You said, what new gonna come with something wild? I was waiting. [00:01:10] Speaker B: She said with great anticipation. You were waiting? [00:01:14] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:01:14] Speaker A: I inboxed her and asked her and. [00:01:17] Speaker C: Made me realize that I was wrong. It was like I could change it earlier than what I thought. I went and checked. Let me make sure. [00:01:25] Speaker B: Okay, sure. Okay. I know we've asked this before, but what's the time frame on the change? [00:01:31] Speaker C: 60 days. [00:01:32] Speaker B: Every 60 days. [00:01:33] Speaker C: Every 60 days. [00:01:35] Speaker B: Okay, so this one was changed on what day? [00:01:38] Speaker C: I think it was January what, 10th? [00:01:40] Speaker B: January 10. Okay, I'm a countdown. We're going to do the Eddie Griffin watch. [00:01:52] Speaker A: It. [00:01:52] Speaker B: See what's next. Try to see what's next. How'd you guys week been? Start with unique. How's your week been? [00:02:00] Speaker A: Listen, it's been a very trying week. A very trying week. My daughter got in trouble at school, losing her mind at the. [00:02:10] Speaker B: You? [00:02:11] Speaker A: Yes. And, like, her principal is my old teacher, so he called me. He's like, nick. And I'm like, what happened? Was I this bad? And he was like, she's not bad. It was just this one thing. I talked to her, and I've been training all week for a new position, so it's just been a lot. [00:02:37] Speaker B: Yeah, because here's the thing for me is I've never seen your daughter, and I'm always out on campus, and I just never see her. And I was like, because she looks just like you. [00:02:49] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what he said. He was like, I knew whose child she was as soon as I seen her. [00:02:54] Speaker B: She looks just like you. So I've never seen her on campus, though. Did she find her mind? [00:03:02] Speaker A: No, it was definitely found. It was found before she got home. [00:03:08] Speaker C: Okay. [00:03:08] Speaker B: As long as she found it. When kids lose their mind, sometimes parents got to help them find it. [00:03:13] Speaker A: No, she did. She was like, she left me a long text message. Mom, I know I'm in trouble. I know what I did was wrong. Unless she was trying to lower the punches, like, oh, yeah, you're still punished. You have two days out of school. You're still punished. She was like, I know, but tears don't matter. Tears don't matter. [00:03:37] Speaker B: She was doing too much of the tears. [00:03:41] Speaker A: Like, I don't care about these tears right now. Child, your principal just called me. You got me out here looking bad. [00:03:48] Speaker B: Is that the worst thing for a parent, is, like, you looking bad? Because working in education, so many parents don't care how they look. A lot of them don't care how they look. Is it more of us who care than those who don't? That's the question I really, really wanted to get into. [00:04:11] Speaker A: Well, before we get into that question. [00:04:13] Speaker B: No, I'm going to get you. This is going to go right into no, because I'm not starting the topic. I was saying, just as parents right here, do you sometimes feel like you're fighting a losing battle when dealing with. Because your kids are in competition? Like, you feel like your kids. Not competition, but comparative to other kids. And they almost look at you like, why I can't act like that or why I can't be like that. [00:04:45] Speaker C: Because life will be very hard for you if you behave that way. Very hard for you. [00:04:55] Speaker A: For some, it's not. It's teenage stuff. And teenage stuff gets different as the years go. [00:05:05] Speaker C: Right? [00:05:05] Speaker A: Because my teenage stuff, like, listen, I'm happy. It's not things that I was out here doing in these streets. I'm not going to say I don't care, but she does ask why can't just get dropped off at a mall. [00:05:28] Speaker B: Because they're human trafficking children, right. And little girls mostly. [00:05:33] Speaker A: They've always been doing that. That's not something new. That's not something that I think got worse. They've always been doing. [00:05:41] Speaker B: They have always been doing that. But the access to kids haven't always been there because I know for a fact my mama or grandma didn't just drop me off. [00:05:51] Speaker C: Right. [00:05:51] Speaker B: They didn't drop me off anywhere. But in New York, you kind of can move around a little bit differently. I don't know any of my friends from the south who grew up in the south. All of them talk about not having that much freedom. [00:06:07] Speaker A: I had all the freedom in the world. [00:06:11] Speaker C: I had freedom to move, too, now. [00:06:13] Speaker B: But to get dropped off to the mall by yourself. [00:06:16] Speaker A: I had a ride. [00:06:17] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:06:18] Speaker A: Somebody else come pick me up. [00:06:20] Speaker B: At what age? [00:06:21] Speaker A: This was like 13. Yeah, like 13 different. You have to understand, my mom grew up in New York, so she's used to. When we were younger, she was sending us to the corner store at five. [00:06:33] Speaker B: Or it. Or is it. There was. The access to the kids was not as it is. Because now through social media, people could reach kids and then you could go ahead and let's meet at the mall. [00:06:47] Speaker C: Right. [00:06:47] Speaker B: And next thing you know, let's get something, eat, and then next thing you know, they're gone. [00:06:52] Speaker A: I'm older than the Internet, right? Yeah, it's a different time. [00:06:57] Speaker B: And I think that that's where the fear comes in. [00:07:00] Speaker C: It's the access. [00:07:01] Speaker B: It's the access to the kids so. [00:07:03] Speaker C: I could be dropped off because they knew that I wasn't going to act up. [00:07:09] Speaker B: Community, too. Didn't community matter? [00:07:12] Speaker C: Community matter. Because if somebody saw you at the mall getting in trouble, they'd already know by the time you got home. Yeah, but they don't do that anymore. But if you were out acting up and somebody saw you by the time I got home, I already knew I was in trouble. [00:07:25] Speaker A: Somebody didn't tell me, these kids don't. [00:07:27] Speaker C: Care, but they don't care. [00:07:28] Speaker A: Yeah, they don't care. [00:07:29] Speaker C: I was scared to. I was scared to act up. [00:07:31] Speaker A: Now, I wasn't scared. I was scared. [00:07:38] Speaker B: I was scared to act up. I saw my grandma beat my sister in front of class, and the teacher grabbed her hand, and my grandma was like, the bitch, if you don't let me go, you next. And I thought grandma was going to get locked up that day. But I seen that and that the ultimate fair in my mind of anything happening to me. But I still did my dirt. But it wasn't as prevalent. Like, some of these kids will cuss a teacher out, will cuss an adult out. There's a lack of respect for the adults because the adults in their house praised them when they were like five, when they started cursing at five or four. [00:08:14] Speaker C: But then the kids ain't scared of nobody. That's the problem. The parents are scared of the police, the teachers are scared of the kids. So the parents have to be scared of the kids because they're scared of the ramifications of what might happen if they punish the child. And the kids aren't scared of anybody, and that's the problem. [00:08:30] Speaker A: And some of the teachers don't even care. I'm starting to realize we don't have the same teachers that we had back in the day. And I hate to say it like that because I have a lot of friends who are teachers, but I have a child that used to be an a student that likes to do work, and she was like, my teacher don't teach. Like, she don't teach. [00:08:54] Speaker C: She pops a slideshow on and just let us go. [00:08:57] Speaker A: She was like, I want to learn and she ain't doing it. [00:09:00] Speaker B: I'm going to tell you what happened. And what happened is when you hold kids accountable in today's educational system, you hold kids accountable. They tell you in the first marking cycle, no kid could get lower than the 60. No matter if this kid does absolutely no work, cannot get lowered in the 60. They don't want to expel kids. They don't want to put them on the street. Some administrators, because they feel as though it's going to be forcing them to the street. And then other administrators, because the district is like, hey, look, the kids that we expel from our district, they get money for every kid that's in the district from the state. So every kid they lose, that's money being lost. So as a teacher, I have no control because if this kid's been cursing me out and I write him up and you send him home for a day or put him in iss for a day, and he comes right back and does the same thing again. Now, I'm trying to teach those that want to learn. And what happens after you beat your head up against a brick wall enough times, you tend to be like, man, effort. These kids don't want to learn. Now, there are more teachers out there that care than those that don't. And the ones that don't don't necessarily not care. They're just tired. [00:10:29] Speaker A: They're burned out. [00:10:33] Speaker B: And then the pay is not commensurate with what you have to go through. [00:10:40] Speaker A: I don't even have a degree, and I make more than the teacher, and that's shocking in itself. [00:10:44] Speaker B: Well, some of it now, some of it's on the teacher, too. Now, because the teacher is not making enough money, that means they didn't put themselves in a position to make the money. [00:10:53] Speaker A: Yeah, because you have to get those certification. [00:10:56] Speaker B: You need to be getting these masters. You need masters plus 3015 and plus 30, right? [00:11:02] Speaker A: Realize how much goes into being a math teacher. My cousin is a math teacher, and she was like, yeah, I got to get certified. To teach statistics. I got to get certified. I didn't realize how much you had to do for each subject, but you. [00:11:17] Speaker B: Only get paid for your college education. Whatever you do, post secondary or post grad, that's the only thing you get paid for. And then your years, they give you a step. So there are some teachers out there making six figures because they've put themselves in a position. They'll teach after school, they'll sponsor a club. All of those things. They'll coach all of those things, help get the money where it needs to be for them if they want to do it. [00:11:44] Speaker C: And educators really make up a lot of the millionaires in the world. And people don't know that. They learn to invest. They invest. Yeah. [00:11:53] Speaker B: So those teachers that are complaining about pay, I really don't complain about my pay because, well, first off, I do well. But secondly, I put myself in a position to do well, and I know that there's more to come and you just have to be patient, but that's all it is. The teachers, they're tired. [00:12:15] Speaker A: But that's reflecting on a student. And it's not every single teacher because the fact that I had an old teacher, they got one of my daughters, and she was like, oh, no, I'm on her. I'm on her. I got her. You don't even have to worry. And she knows I believe in the village. Call me. She's even called me one time like, snatcher, snatcher. She was like, I can't do that. Yeah, you can. Yes, you can. And my baby has never in her life made anything lower, I mean, anything higher than a d in math. She came out of math with a b. That's teacher. That's a teacher that actually care. And that's a difference in. She got into this next school year and was like, mom really trying, going after school, trying to get a grade up. And I see the difference in a teacher that's just teaching this year. She's been teaching, but it's like, okay, I'm here for this year. And, oh, yeah, I know your mom doesn't care. Like, you could tell the difference and you could tell the difference in my baby's scores. So I know there are teachers out there that are tired, but I know there are some teachers that are just doing it because of a check. [00:13:38] Speaker B: Yeah. In every job, there's people just doing it for a check. We all know in every job. [00:13:45] Speaker A: I mean, everybody goes to work for a check. Yeah, there are some people who do this because they like to do. [00:13:51] Speaker B: Some people are passionate about it and other people are just, hey, I got to pay my bills. This is what I took in college. So this is where I am, or this is the highest paying job I could find in my own personal career. Stratosphere or atmosphere. Sorry, wrong word. But I don't know. [00:14:15] Speaker A: But going back to what Eddie said, the kids don't fear anybody. [00:14:20] Speaker C: My kids do. [00:14:21] Speaker A: And not to say my kids never ever, because they be. Never ever. Okay, they be embarrassing. But, like, I still believe in village. I still believe in. You could call me and I'm going to do something about it. [00:14:37] Speaker C: Right. [00:14:37] Speaker A: And I want you to do something about it. I'm not coming to the school. Like, why? My child's getting in trouble. Whereas I do agree with the 504 plan. Ieps. I kind of feel like sometimes they're a crutch. Yeah. [00:14:53] Speaker B: And they're an excuse for a lot of. [00:14:55] Speaker A: For a lot of behavior. Because I grew up in a house with a child that had a 504 and IEP. [00:15:02] Speaker B: He had all the alphabets. [00:15:04] Speaker A: Yeah, he was horrible. He was horrible. And my mom would run up to the school like, no, you didn't follow the he and a teacher face. He like six foot tall and the teacher's like five foot, and he's standing up to her. Like, he challenging her. That's intimidating. Imagine how that teacher feels. And she can't do nothing about it because you up there like, no, you didn't do the procedures. You can't take him out of class. You can't do this. And I'm like, no one should have to deal with, like, if he knows he can do something and he's not going to get in trouble, of course they're going to act up, right? [00:15:41] Speaker B: That's all they call you. Johnny. Eddie, how's your week been? [00:15:51] Speaker C: It's been a long week. [00:15:54] Speaker A: I felt that long. [00:15:57] Speaker C: It's been a long week. And I know I'm about to start all over again. [00:16:02] Speaker B: It's back to Monday. [00:16:03] Speaker C: It's back to Monday. [00:16:06] Speaker A: We're off, though. [00:16:07] Speaker C: We're off. And it's still a long week. [00:16:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:10] Speaker B: Still going to be four days. Why did work weeks have to be five days? They couldn't be. [00:16:17] Speaker C: This mess is made up because Henry Ford. This is not right. This isn't right. [00:16:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:23] Speaker C: Back then and for the women that fought for us to work. I'm sick of y'all. [00:16:27] Speaker A: I'm telling women always had to work. Ain't never been a century we ain't had to work. [00:16:31] Speaker C: Listen. [00:16:32] Speaker A: Ain't never been a century. [00:16:33] Speaker C: Listen. Why would y'all do that? Did y'all not consult with the right people? Because, baby, we've been working. But for y'all to sit there and fight for that. And I could have been at home. [00:16:44] Speaker A: I could have been texting neat like, girl, what you doing, girl? Let's go day drink. And they said, I think I read a post where they were like, back in the days, all the women used to be sitting at the house gossiping, gossiping, chilling, drinking coffee, drinking wine while the fellas are out working, go and play poker. [00:17:04] Speaker C: We fumbled. [00:17:04] Speaker A: Yeah, we really did fumble the bmble the bag. [00:17:06] Speaker C: We fumbled. Yeah, we fumbled, you hear me? [00:17:09] Speaker A: Overly independent. [00:17:10] Speaker B: Yeah, you all want to be independent, though. [00:17:13] Speaker A: You have to be. But you have to be now. [00:17:18] Speaker B: Then they was like, no, I want my own rights. I want the right to work. I want right for equal pay. [00:17:26] Speaker C: If we going to work, we're going to have to have equal pay now. [00:17:28] Speaker A: Yeah, I have to pay me what I'm worth. [00:17:30] Speaker B: Okay, I agree. But you all fought for the right to work. [00:17:34] Speaker C: It wasn't me, that's all I'm saying. [00:17:40] Speaker A: What was crazy is that it's only like, what, 100 years old that we've been working Monday through Friday. It used to be seven days a week straight, twelve hour days. [00:17:53] Speaker C: Even the kids. [00:17:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:55] Speaker C: We're getting up like four in the morning working. [00:17:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:58] Speaker C: Hell no. [00:17:59] Speaker A: Yeah, I would have been crying. [00:18:01] Speaker B: I get up at four because I want to, not because I have to. Yeah, I'm not relaxed on doing it. [00:18:09] Speaker A: They make you appreciate the little nine to five. Listen, but I do agree, like, we shouldn't have to work on Friday or at least Monday. [00:18:18] Speaker C: We need a three day weekend. Yeah, because really, Sunday is pre Monday. [00:18:22] Speaker B: Yeah, Sunday is pre. So like today, people are already thinking it's Monday. [00:18:26] Speaker C: It's Monday right now. [00:18:27] Speaker B: The one thing I love about being in education is all the days I get off. [00:18:33] Speaker A: I know, that's why I thought about. [00:18:35] Speaker B: Going into education for no reason. Like all the days I get. [00:18:39] Speaker A: Just that summer. [00:18:40] Speaker B: Let me get a week. No, we get a week after every quarter. We get two weeks for Christmas. [00:18:46] Speaker A: That's in a year round schedule. [00:18:47] Speaker B: No, but still, even if it wasn't year round, you still get a couple of days for fall break. You get a whole week for spring break. [00:18:57] Speaker C: Yeah, that's true. [00:18:58] Speaker A: Two weeks out for Christmas, two weeks. [00:18:59] Speaker C: Out for arguing for our days. Ain't. [00:19:02] Speaker B: Not. Yeah, and then I don't argue for my days. [00:19:05] Speaker A: I'm going to take it off then. [00:19:06] Speaker B: Two months in the summer. Two months in the summer and get paid for all just. [00:19:11] Speaker A: Yeah, you do get paid and get paid. Yeah, because they take money out of each check. Right. To put. [00:19:16] Speaker B: Well, no, they just take your. Whatever your contract you're on, they take it and cut it up into. And pay you for the year. Salary, basically. [00:19:26] Speaker A: Salary. [00:19:26] Speaker B: So you're paid out throughout the year. But we don't work as, like, we only work 180 days out here. [00:19:34] Speaker A: Listen, I didn't did research. Listen, I thought about it. In all careers I have sat down, like, okay, with this. I can make this a year and I can have this type of time off. I didn't thought about traveling, being a surgical tech. [00:19:52] Speaker B: I thought about being a barber and, like, just cutting hair in the summer. [00:19:57] Speaker A: Do it. [00:19:58] Speaker C: Do it. [00:20:00] Speaker A: I'm going for esthetician. [00:20:03] Speaker B: Esthetician? [00:20:03] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:03] Speaker C: Oh, girl. Get me together. [00:20:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:06] Speaker C: Let me know when you're ready. Get me together, please. I'm tired of doing it myself. [00:20:20] Speaker B: All right. My week was good up until I got Edison's report card and I went off. [00:20:31] Speaker A: You went off on him? [00:20:32] Speaker B: Went off, like, off. [00:20:35] Speaker A: Did he try? [00:20:36] Speaker B: He got two c's. He had three a's. [00:20:38] Speaker A: Hold up. Stop. [00:20:39] Speaker B: He had three a's and two c's. [00:20:41] Speaker A: You're crying about some c's. I'm okay with. Did he try? [00:20:49] Speaker B: No. See, finish. [00:20:53] Speaker A: You're going to be one of them parents. Go ahead. [00:20:55] Speaker B: Well, because my thing is all of my kids a's are the only things that are worked towards. We don't talk about b's. We don't talk about c's. We talk about aiming for an a, doing everything you can in your power to get an a. Because in education, as you have said, school is too easy to not have an a. So my question is always, did you go to the tutoring? For my oldest, older kids, did you go to the tutoring? Because I've never had a c before. A c has never crossed my eyes. And so even my daughter, when she. [00:21:38] Speaker A: Get A-B-C-I went grad school. [00:21:40] Speaker B: When she get a b. No, for me, I got DS and F's. As a student, I was DS and F's. I was a horrible student till I got to college. [00:21:50] Speaker A: I wasn't that bad. [00:21:50] Speaker B: But no, I was horrible. I hated school. But I understand as an adult the importance of an education, of the way it's viewed by society. Now, some people want to play that. Education isn't important. I get it. [00:22:05] Speaker A: No, knowledge is power. [00:22:06] Speaker B: Yeah, but I'm just talking about how it's viewed. They don't ask you if you have a high school diploma on a job application just to ask you. [00:22:15] Speaker A: That's very much true. [00:22:19] Speaker B: Do you have college experience or did you go to college on the application, just because I get on him, get on him, get on him. And then a friend of mine reminded me and said, got called, and I was going off, man, I was mad at these two c's. They said, hey, have you been checking, keeping up with his power school? [00:22:46] Speaker A: Because. Yeah. [00:22:47] Speaker B: And I said, I took his phone. Mind you, this is after I took his phone. Give me your phone. You're not getting it back till you got A's. And they said, did you check his power school? Were you, as a parent, doing your part? And I thinking about when I'd be getting these parents that call me about their kid having an f. And I've been putting grades in all year, and you can have access to their power school. [00:23:08] Speaker A: I don't have access to power school. [00:23:09] Speaker B: You just go ask for it. [00:23:12] Speaker A: I have it on my phone, and for some reason, I can't get in. [00:23:15] Speaker B: Go to the school. [00:23:15] Speaker C: Yeah, they changed the passports sometimes get weird. And you did, like, reset. [00:23:20] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:20] Speaker A: I can't even reset it. [00:23:22] Speaker C: You can't. [00:23:22] Speaker A: You have to go to the school. [00:23:23] Speaker B: Go to the school. [00:23:24] Speaker C: That's what happened to me. And I had to keep going up there. [00:23:26] Speaker B: Listen, ain't nothing more powerful than power school. [00:23:28] Speaker C: Listen. [00:23:29] Speaker B: Because as soon as that grade dropped. Listen. [00:23:32] Speaker C: What is this? Yeah, I'll be on them kids. [00:23:35] Speaker A: My daughter is on hers. Since she made that be, she's like. She feels, like, empowered. Like, I can do this. [00:23:41] Speaker C: I'm talking about. [00:23:42] Speaker A: Yeah, I can do this. Now, she ain't the greatest in school, but she tries. That's why I said, if he's trying, amen. [00:23:53] Speaker B: But it's on me, too, because spelling is not his strong suit. So that's where he got one of his c's. And the other c is in social studies, but social studies hard, according to my child. So I gave him back his phone, and I told him, I apologize. Apologized to my son. And I said, I didn't do my part in helping you get to where you need to be. This is not acceptable. But from now on, I'm going to have to check your work every day because I got spoiled. Amir, Kayla. They just spoiled me in the sense of I never had to check them. I never had to check behind them. Like, Amir comes home. Amir does all his work. They get their work for the week on Monday. Amir will. He don't care how long it take him. He would do all the work due for the week, whether he will teach it to himself, do it, and then have a free week. So I had to apologize to young Edison. So he got his phone back. [00:24:59] Speaker A: It's his world. We just live in it. [00:25:01] Speaker B: Yeah. And I got to go up to the school Monday and get my power school information because now I need it. I never thought I'd ever need it before, but now I need it. It is what it is. I have a question for you all. Have you found it difficult to deal with person, with a person, male or female, whatever you like when emotions are all over the place? Neat. Somebody who unstable. No. [00:25:36] Speaker A: Did I cause it or. [00:25:37] Speaker B: No, just random bouts of emotion. Bipolar ebbs and flows. Not even bipolar. They just don't know. They have not evened out their emotions. They don't know how to. Because we're going to get into regulating your emotions. They don't know how to regulate their emotions. Is that type of person difficult to deal with for you? [00:26:01] Speaker A: I wouldn't say difficult, no. Could be a little challenging, but, I mean, it's all in how you handle somebody. Are you giving them a place where they can talk to you? Because sometimes people are like that because they don't have a place to vent. They don't have a place to feel comfortable and be like, you know what? This is bothering me. It's like they can halfway tell you and then they'll stop and be like, nah, she going to tell everybody or she's going to think I'm crazy, or she ain't going to be listening to me. Like, you ever talk to somebody and you're sitting there telling them about a situation, it could be crazy, it could be stupid to them, but they're like, no, I hear you. Yeah. Word. That's so dismissive. [00:26:53] Speaker B: I have been accused of that, but it's not that I don't hear you. I'm solution based. [00:27:03] Speaker A: But you can't put what you are on somebody else. You have to meet them where they are. [00:27:11] Speaker B: Here's my thing. I'm okay with you going through your emotional whatever it is you're going through emotionally, right? And if I ask you, hey, what's wrong? Did I do something? Because apparently something's going on that has these emotions going all over the place and you choose not to speak. This is your choice. Where do I go from there? [00:27:44] Speaker A: Maybe it's because in the past you have shown that you'd have not cared when they have told you no. [00:27:54] Speaker B: All I can do is ask. [00:27:56] Speaker A: It doesn't matter if you ask. It's how you've shown how you've reacted in the past that's going to. Cause if I know something is wrong and I say something and you have brushed me off. I'm going to feel some type of. And the next time I feel some type of way, you're going to ask me, Nick, is that wrong? [00:28:22] Speaker C: What's up? [00:28:23] Speaker A: No, I'm good. [00:28:25] Speaker B: Well, apparently you not if you being emotional. [00:28:28] Speaker A: But I know you're not going to care if I say anything. I know nothing's going to happen. [00:28:31] Speaker B: I would not. But what if it ain't got anything to do with me? And what if it's nothing for me to do but to help you find a solution to whatever this thing is? [00:28:40] Speaker A: Maybe you don't listen. Maybe it's all about solution. And you never really listen to the problem. And you're so focused on the solution, the solution, you're not really listening to the problem. [00:28:50] Speaker C: People don't want solution. They just want you to listen. Yeah, it could be that, too. [00:28:54] Speaker B: No, what I meant by that was I'm going to give you. I'm going to listen to whatever it is. Right. But we not about to sit here for days. [00:29:05] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:29:06] Speaker B: We not about to sit here for hours. Outside of somebody. Outside of. I just think that when people, whether they're an emotional roller coaster, I'm not just saying if they're down or depressed. [00:29:19] Speaker A: I'm talking about you talking about up and down. [00:29:21] Speaker B: If they're happy, super happy, like why you're out. [00:29:25] Speaker A: And the next thing you know, they're like. [00:29:26] Speaker B: Then it's a pitfall. It's valleys and mountains. [00:29:30] Speaker A: I just don't feel. [00:29:31] Speaker C: Are those people who can't have hard conversations without flipping out, too? [00:29:36] Speaker B: Those people exist. [00:29:37] Speaker A: They really do exist. [00:29:38] Speaker C: They can't have the hard conversations. And they're just like up and roars and you're like, why? [00:29:43] Speaker B: They're real. [00:29:44] Speaker A: I'm going to be honest. I'm about to be single. I am about to be single. [00:29:48] Speaker B: Do not do that to that man on this show. I will not allow. I will not allow you to do that to that man. [00:29:54] Speaker A: I am about to be. [00:29:55] Speaker B: He needs to come on the show. We need to do counsel. [00:29:58] Speaker A: He won't. [00:29:59] Speaker B: Because you have been a better version of you. And since you've been with him, you've been a better version of you. We do not need street feedback. [00:30:11] Speaker A: Out there. [00:30:12] Speaker C: Listen. [00:30:14] Speaker B: We do not need. So it can be worked through, Nick. [00:30:21] Speaker A: But no, for somebody to like, you have a problem, like, listen this. What do you mean? [00:30:29] Speaker C: Yeah, we're not doing that. Get your ass on. We're not doing that. [00:30:34] Speaker B: What about you, Eddie? What is your thoughts on dealing with. Is it easy for you to deal with somebody who's emotionally unstable? [00:30:43] Speaker C: No, it's not. I can respect if I did something to you, I can respect me fixing it, like me doing whatever I need to do to fix whatever I've done to you. But to be up and down all the time, I'm going to get like. Because if I woke up happy, I'm. [00:31:02] Speaker A: Typically happy all day. [00:31:04] Speaker C: You know what I mean? I'm not going to say partial. I just don't like having to deal with that. I would say that I feel like if it's something I feel like I had to, then I would. But up and down like that, I'm going to just be like, get it at some point. Get it together. [00:31:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:30] Speaker C: Don't get outside your body every time something going wrong or it's so dramatic and so dramatic. And I'm typically laid like how I am now. I'm pretty sure you all know this is me all the time. [00:31:43] Speaker B: Unless you're dancing. [00:31:44] Speaker C: Unless I'm dancing around. Or if I'm not like, this is me, I'm like, I'm chilling. [00:31:49] Speaker A: I'm dramatic at all times and so consistent. [00:31:53] Speaker C: So I just be like, yo, we're not doing that today. [00:31:59] Speaker B: So I was actually sent this post, it's by pastor John A. McDonald II on Facebook. Says how to actually, and he put in it, actually regulate your emotions in a relationship. He says emotional regulation is the ability to cope with your own emotions and the emotions of other people. People who can emotionally regulate in Relationships are more confident, able to repair, apologize and take accountability. Have closer, deeper relationships, more empathetic and able to grow and evolve because they see their blind spots. Without the ability to regulate your emotions, relationships will be chaotic, drama based and confusing. Investing time and energy into the practice of emotional regulation can change every relationship you have. And that spoke to me a good bit because as I was saying, like me dealing with another person's emotions is a part of emotionally regulating because I don't have any. [00:33:14] Speaker A: You do have emotions. Well, I mean, you have emotions. [00:33:17] Speaker C: That is a defense mechanism. [00:33:19] Speaker A: It is. [00:33:20] Speaker B: Hold on, ma'am. You will not psychoanalyze me today. [00:33:26] Speaker A: Avoidance, ma'am. Avoidance attachment. [00:33:28] Speaker C: It's avoided. Yeah, there you go. [00:33:30] Speaker B: No, I just. [00:33:30] Speaker C: Mechanism. So you don't have to really deal with emotions that come with it. You block yourself off. But we'll talk about it later. [00:33:36] Speaker A: But that makes sense of why you say you're solution based, because you don't like to feel those emotions. So you're like okay, I'm going to take them away. [00:33:43] Speaker C: Let's just fix it. [00:33:45] Speaker A: Going to fix it. [00:33:45] Speaker C: Let's get straight. [00:33:46] Speaker A: I'm not going to worry about why it's here, what it's here for, or what I'm going to learn from it. I'm just going to fix it. [00:33:52] Speaker C: Those emotions are complicated, and I don't want to deal with that right now. [00:33:55] Speaker B: A lot of my doings and actions come from me being raised by my grandmother, who was a completely emotionally detached person. My grandmother was always, what are we crying for? How do we fix it? We could cry. We're cool. All right, let's get it out. Now. [00:34:17] Speaker A: What to do now? [00:34:18] Speaker B: Now the sun's going to shine tomorrow. The day is going to go on. People at your job don't care what you're going through. The people at school don't care what you're going through. The world is going to keep moving. So are you going to sit in this for too long? So my thing is always, yeah, I'll give you your time, but we got to have a cap. [00:34:48] Speaker A: And I get that. [00:34:50] Speaker B: And for me to be sane and for me to be, because I always want to be a person's emotional rock. [00:34:56] Speaker A: I don't. [00:34:57] Speaker B: No, I mean, in that I want to give you the space to be you. But a, you got to communicate with me what the problem is. Because if I ask you what's up and you don't say, or you tell me nothing's wrong, what is the first thing a person is going to assume? And assumptions are the mother of all f ups. But what is the person going to assume? They're going to assume it's about them and you just can't. [00:35:23] Speaker A: You don't feel like talking about it? [00:35:24] Speaker C: No. It depends on how confident that person is with themselves. If they've done nothing wrong to you. [00:35:30] Speaker B: Even if you've done nothing, the fact that this person is, I'm just saying the majority of people, I'm not saying you personally, but I think a good bit of people go to, hey, it must be me. You don't want to talk to me, so you need to find somebody to talk to or something, because I'm trying to be there for you and you don't want to open up to me for whatever reason, whether I've in the past have done whatever, I'm here making an attempt. And if I'm that type of person who you can't lean on and I'm supposed to be your person or I'm supposed to be your other then why are you with me? If you cannot confide in me or be vulnerable or feel that I do not take into account whatever it is you need at that time, that I'm not going to feed that what you need at that time. So then why are you with me? [00:36:25] Speaker C: No, I think people, when they get in those situations, the first thing is self, because we all operate in self preservation. So I don't think it's of more of I don't need you in this moment. Some people process it differently. I myself have delayed process. And so I'll take my time. You get what I'm saying to figure out whatever it is I need to do. I'm not going to make a rash decision. I'm not just going to just jump into it. This is what I'm going to do. Because doing things like that, or just speaking on something straight off when I'm feeling some type of way, as soon as I say something, I don't think that's the best movie to make. [00:37:01] Speaker A: And a lot of people regret it. [00:37:03] Speaker C: Yeah, you regret it after saying out loud, I shouldn't have said that. And so sometimes it's like, it may not be you, even if it is you let me process this for a second and then I'm going to come back to it because we're going to talk about this shit now. You know what I mean? [00:37:17] Speaker B: I'm okay with processing, but communicate that. [00:37:20] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:37:21] Speaker B: Don't say it's nothing. I'm good. [00:37:24] Speaker C: Because that comes off as passive aggressive. [00:37:27] Speaker B: Exactly. So that response is the one I'm saying makes the person feel that way. Not that you're going through something that's. [00:37:35] Speaker C: Not automatic to be moody, just to. [00:37:37] Speaker B: Not say anything's wrong when asked, when approached, nothing. [00:37:43] Speaker A: But I will say this because I think right now. Was it. Individualism is very big. [00:37:51] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:37:53] Speaker B: Look at Nick with the big word shit. [00:37:57] Speaker A: Because I don't some, in some places I agree with it, but it's kind of like in this situation, once you ask and they say nothing is wrong. Leave it there. [00:38:11] Speaker C: You leave it there. Because I feel like that's childish. [00:38:13] Speaker A: Yeah, leave it there. [00:38:14] Speaker C: I'm not going to sit there and battle with. If you're okay, if you're okay. That's not my job. [00:38:19] Speaker A: Yeah, it's not your job to try to figure it out. I'm like, I did all I can do. No, just let them have their moment if it's you. [00:38:25] Speaker C: And most people do that, so you can ask them that. Some people really do that. Like the passive aggressive I want to make you feel like you did something to me and I know I'm intentionally going to punish you by acting some type of way and then saying nothing is wrong with me. And so with that, you just ignore them. You act like, okay, well, nothing. [00:38:43] Speaker A: Like they don't exist. [00:38:44] Speaker C: Yeah. You act like nothing is wrong. You keep going because that's what children do. That's actually childlike behavior. That's what kids do. [00:38:52] Speaker A: That's a trauma response. [00:38:53] Speaker C: That's a trauma response to not having your needs met and fearing that if you say anything, it's still not going to happen or you're going to have. [00:38:59] Speaker A: Are you going to act a certain. [00:39:00] Speaker C: Way, a certain way or treat and. [00:39:02] Speaker A: Get a certain response? [00:39:03] Speaker C: I'm going to feel unloved because I told you what was wrong with me. [00:39:07] Speaker A: Or if I keep sitting here saying nothing, it's going to show me you care or you're going to respond in. [00:39:13] Speaker C: A sort of way because abandonment. [00:39:18] Speaker B: Because abandonment, to Nick's word, for those of us that don't know, individualism is taking care of yourself. It is the belief and practice that every person is unique and self reliant. So that means basically just being to yourself. Yeah, but I think that in a relationship, that's not going to work. [00:39:43] Speaker A: Yeah, it is. Like you're still an individual. Even in a relationship. If you have something going on, you know, I'm here. There is no question. We're in a relationship. You know, I'm here. If you do not feel like you can talk to me at the moment, I'm not going to take on a responsibility in that heavy energy of asking, constantly asking, trying to figure it out, trying to put the puzzle together. I don't feel like that's my job. [00:40:11] Speaker B: Which might be true, but I think for me, go home. Or I can go home. [00:40:24] Speaker A: I want to say go. [00:40:25] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? If you're not going to talk to me and you're going to sit in this space that you're in, I want to respect that. So I can go in the other room, whatever. I could go home. You can go home. We could be in separate court somehow because, and this may be a little insensitive, and I've been known to be, but it's annoying to be around it. [00:40:51] Speaker A: It is. It really is. I can agree. It's not even insensitive to me. [00:40:58] Speaker C: Get your ass on with that. [00:41:00] Speaker B: And you're trying not to be insensitive. And you're fighting this. [00:41:05] Speaker C: No, I ain't fighting it. [00:41:06] Speaker B: No, because me, my insensitivity. [00:41:10] Speaker A: You want to fix the problem? [00:41:11] Speaker B: No, my insensitivity goes into a come on now. My whole demeanor, my body, everything about me changes because I do a poor job of hiding your emotions, hiding how I feel. If I don't like something you don't. [00:41:32] Speaker A: Know, sit there and roll your eyes. [00:41:35] Speaker C: My face going to tell it. [00:41:36] Speaker B: I don't have to tell you. [00:41:37] Speaker A: You go, my mouth's going to tell it. [00:41:41] Speaker B: Every time I go to Buffalo wild wings, they know they wings up because I show it on my face. [00:41:46] Speaker A: Yeah, I ain't going there. That's how I let them know I. [00:41:49] Speaker C: Just don't show up. [00:41:50] Speaker B: Well, they got all the tv screens. [00:41:54] Speaker A: Some things are good there. [00:41:55] Speaker B: If I don't want to feel like going home, go watch all the games at one spot. I got to eat something while I'm there. John gets into how to practice emotional regulation in relationships, and I want to get you guys thoughts on each one. We'll give our thoughts on each one. He gave five. One he says, learn how to stay in your body and breathe. When having difficult conversations. [00:42:24] Speaker C: Go ahead. Okay. [00:42:27] Speaker B: Eddie was doing something over there. When having difficult conversations, practice slow and steady breathing. Practice slow and steady breathing. Instead of accused. I'm sorry. [00:42:41] Speaker A: She's doing focus. She is doing something that she is making herself comfortable. [00:42:46] Speaker B: Okay, well, that's good. I needed to know that. Practice slow and steady breathing instead of leaving your body and reacting. Teach yourself how to handle discomfort. [00:42:58] Speaker A: Yeah, I've had to do that. [00:43:02] Speaker C: Yeah, I can do that, but I ain't. [00:43:07] Speaker A: Because I have this thing where if I fall out with somebody, I don't want to be around them no more. [00:43:14] Speaker C: I can sit right up in you. I can sit right up on you. [00:43:16] Speaker A: And that's what one of my friends were like, no, don't let somebody out of you. And I was like, no, because I understand that I can't control how somebody is. And if I don't like you and you're cool with him, cool with everybody in the room, you're going to be around the room, you're going to be around me. I don't effort you, and it's going to be difficult for me to control or regulate my emotions if I put myself in the middle of somebody that's social. [00:43:46] Speaker C: Yeah, I get that part, too. I just be like, just don't say nothing to me. [00:43:50] Speaker A: But see, the thing is, if I'm sitting here having a conversation with somebody, or you are in this big conversation with everybody, like, how am I going to I don't want to talk to you. I don't care your thoughts about this topic or what. We're no. Regulating my emotions at that current moment is going to just me be quiet. Just sit in the corner. And I've had one situation that I've actually had to do that because I had to go to a friend's housewoman party with two people. I fell out with one I didn't have an issue with. We just fell out. Like, I don't have anything. Like, you go your way, I go my way. But the other one, we actually had issues. I just sat in a corner to my time that I told him that I was going to leave and that was that. But everything in me, everything in me wanted to tell her, shut the hell up and sit down. Shut up and sit down, please. Because it got extra. It got, oh, yeah, let's do a twerking cost. Oh, yeah, let's do this. Oh, yeah, let's do this. [00:45:08] Speaker B: That right there is why we need video. Her face, like, her reaction to that. That's why we need video. [00:45:14] Speaker A: It started to be, and then somebody actually tried to get us to talk and I was with it, like, okay, cool, I'm an adult. Oh, my God. Screaming and hollering. I'm like, yeah, no, I ain't with it. I ain't with it. It wasn't that serious. But since it's that serious, it's that serious. Okay, whatever. Go enjoy your party, baby. Go enjoy the. Ugh. I guess I did well with regulating my emotions because Onik would definitely. [00:45:49] Speaker B: Would. [00:45:50] Speaker A: We can solve this problem because the stuff that you did were real messed up. Real shisty. [00:45:56] Speaker C: I get it. [00:45:57] Speaker B: Is it pooh shisty? [00:45:59] Speaker C: Yeah, but regularly, man. Yeah. If I don't mess with you and you around, I can sit all up in your space. I'm not going to lie because I feel like Nick. Shit. This is my skin. Uncomfortable in my skin, girl. I put this on. [00:46:17] Speaker A: No, ma'am. [00:46:20] Speaker C: In this skin. This is mine. But am I going to talk to you? Absolutely not. You could be the funniest person in the room. I won't crack a smile. [00:46:29] Speaker A: Not a lick or nothing grin. [00:46:31] Speaker C: I would just. [00:46:35] Speaker A: Yeah. But I realized it makes everyone else uncomfortable. [00:46:39] Speaker C: It does. [00:46:40] Speaker A: It makes everyone else. And that was the side conversations. Like, you good? You okay? I'm good. I just don't want to interact with this person. [00:46:48] Speaker C: Right. [00:46:49] Speaker A: They're interacting with everyone because you all. [00:46:51] Speaker C: Knew what time it was. But my thing with that is when people realize that you have an issue with somebody. Why would you all bring us together? [00:46:58] Speaker A: Because they feel like you should hold your stuff together for them. [00:47:03] Speaker B: Some people want to be fixers. [00:47:04] Speaker A: Yeah, but they wouldn't have fixed. [00:47:06] Speaker C: They want to fix. [00:47:07] Speaker B: And then some people want to see drama. [00:47:08] Speaker C: Some people want to mess with somebody. Don't bring them around me. [00:47:12] Speaker A: No, that's why I said, you going. [00:47:13] Speaker C: To know I'll mess with them. They're going to know it, too. [00:47:15] Speaker A: Who are going to be clear, who are going to be there? [00:47:18] Speaker C: Who come in. [00:47:18] Speaker A: Makes so much sense now as an adult. Who are going to be there? [00:47:23] Speaker C: Well, once I ask who all over there, you might as well go ahead and cancel me. Yeah, that's it. [00:47:31] Speaker A: But I don't even feel no type of way now. When I, one of my friends had a gathering and she invited somebody down, that particular person, and somebody else told me, oh, yeah. So and so had that. I'm like, okay. You don't feel no type of way? No, she knew better. She knew better than ask me. She knew way better. I appreciate her not asking me and not making me feel like I was obligated to showing mean. [00:47:58] Speaker B: That makes sense. [00:47:59] Speaker C: Yep. [00:48:00] Speaker B: John goes on number two, practice vulnerability instead of being accusatory. You don't care about me. You're so selfish. Practice speaking to the deeper emotion. For example, when you do that, I feel like I don't matter and I get scared. You don't care about mean. [00:48:19] Speaker A: I get that. [00:48:19] Speaker C: I kind of, though. I do that. [00:48:21] Speaker A: I do that all the time. Yeah. [00:48:23] Speaker B: Eddie, you don't look like you do that. [00:48:24] Speaker C: Yeah, but I will. I'll say I didn't like it. It might come out different. Like that shit you did. [00:48:28] Speaker B: That's what I'm saying. [00:48:30] Speaker C: That shit you did made me mad. [00:48:32] Speaker B: That's what I'm saying. [00:48:33] Speaker C: Like, you don't even look like I didn't like that. [00:48:35] Speaker A: I come off the jump. You know what you just showed me you don't care. You just showed me that you don't. [00:48:39] Speaker C: I ain't going to say that. I'd be like, I had, like that shit you pull last night. I was letting you know that we cool, sweetheart. [00:48:48] Speaker A: But I'm at a point where I just like, I don't even. I feel like I'm at a point where even when it comes to Friendship or relationship, you know me. You know what I don't like? You know what I do like? So when you do something and you act like you ain't do it, like nothing happened, yeah, I'm act like nothing happened, too. In my own little way. [00:49:10] Speaker C: I think for me, it's like you could do something to me with my friends, my loved ones, my partner. And I'm really one of the types to be like, you know, let's get over it. It's all good. Like we did that. You know what I mean? We had a situation. It's over. But once I feel like you have been plotting against me and scheming and looking for a way to purposely hurt me. [00:49:36] Speaker A: Yeah. Because anything you do, that's when all hell I feel like it's going to break loose. [00:49:41] Speaker B: Is that when it's going to break? [00:49:42] Speaker C: That's when it breaks loose. That's when you won't see a side of me that you are never going to want to see again. Once I feel like you've been plotting on me and you took your time to figure me out and complete your mission and complete your mission to hurt me or finish me off, that's when there's no coming back. And that's when emotions ain't going to be regulated at all. [00:50:04] Speaker B: They're not no regulation. [00:50:05] Speaker A: Oh, no, you're going to get regulated. Me in South Carolina, listen. Versus the state of South Carolina. You hear me? [00:50:14] Speaker C: Two felonies, no convictions. Jail and prison are not the same. [00:50:18] Speaker A: You hear me? Oh, yeah. [00:50:25] Speaker C: No. And I'm pretty forgiving. I'm too forgiving. But once I feel like you plot on me, man, I think a lot of us are. [00:50:34] Speaker A: A lot of us are too forgiving. We don't talk about the issues. [00:50:41] Speaker C: We don't. [00:50:42] Speaker A: We, like, you know what? It's not that big of a deal. [00:50:44] Speaker C: Not that big a deal. [00:50:45] Speaker A: I'd rather us just get over that little hump and move forward. But a lot of times I think we need to start sitting down and having these conversations. How do we get here? How do we get to a point where you felt okay to do this? [00:50:58] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:50:59] Speaker A: Because that was not all right. [00:51:02] Speaker C: Yeah. You really want to ask people like, who the hell you thought I was, for you to think I was going to let that slide? Let's talk about it. [00:51:11] Speaker A: Why you felt comfortable. I want to know why you're so comfortable in that environment. [00:51:16] Speaker C: That's the conversations I'd be having. I'm not going to lie. Like, all the yelling and the screaming, I ain't going to do that. [00:51:21] Speaker A: But sometimes that don't even matter. [00:51:24] Speaker B: I'm not really even with that. [00:51:27] Speaker A: Once you ask a question, people like, man, here you go. Oh, yeah, here I go. [00:51:33] Speaker C: This is where you had me effed up at okay, blah, blah, blah. [00:51:37] Speaker A: Like, I ain't going to curse you. [00:51:37] Speaker C: Out, you know what I mean? But this is where you had me effed up at. [00:51:40] Speaker A: I'm going to lie. I'd already sent a text. You know you f'd up, right? [00:51:44] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Neat. I told you we do not want street neat back. We're not trying to get street neat back. [00:51:57] Speaker A: And it's followed up with, here you go. Something's always wrong. Oh, it is. Oh, it's always wrong. This is always. [00:52:11] Speaker B: I do believe that using definitive words such as always and everyone, it can change the dynamic of a disagreement. [00:52:25] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:52:25] Speaker B: Like if you say, well, this is what you always do. Like, no, this is what I always do. [00:52:32] Speaker A: This must be what you're always doing. [00:52:35] Speaker B: Or definitive. Telling me, telling me how I feel. That's my favorite. Let's go to the third one. We running out of time here? Three, scheduled decompression time. Our nervous systems compound and carry a burden from stress. We need still quiet time to ourselves, even just ten minutes to help to release our emotional energy. [00:52:58] Speaker C: I agree. [00:52:59] Speaker B: The more we do this, the better we can cope. [00:53:02] Speaker C: I agree. [00:53:06] Speaker B: So you think space is key? [00:53:07] Speaker C: Space is key. And I'm one of those people that needs, like, a required time of a reset. My social media would get low and I need that reset. And I can't help but notice everything. Like, I hear this, I see that this person's touching me. The overload. Yeah, overload. [00:53:30] Speaker A: Really understand that. [00:53:32] Speaker C: I get that sensory overload and I need to really go back into myself and decompress. I do. I need that. Or it's going to come off as me being angry or bitter or whatever, but really, I'm just aggravated. There's too much going on I'm focusing on at once or I'm hearing too much. [00:53:49] Speaker A: And it happens a lot when we are doing just too much for others. I just want a moment. [00:53:54] Speaker C: Just give me. [00:53:54] Speaker A: Yeah, I just want a moment. I want a moment to plan my own thoughts. I don't want to have it already pre planned for me. Like, I have to do this, I have to do that. I just want to go into a Friday and do. I can plan my own right. [00:54:10] Speaker B: We're talking about the five ways to regulate your emotions from pastor John a. McDonald II. Number four, know when you're not in a space to talk, if you notice yourself. Oh, Jesus Christ. As an english teacher, that word just got me disassociating. Or you can't even find the words to say. Can't find the words say, I just need to take a break from this. I'll be back in x amount of time. Then take a walk and bring yourself down. [00:54:45] Speaker A: Oh, I say that? Yeah, I need a moment. [00:54:47] Speaker C: I need a moment. [00:54:48] Speaker B: But no, a lot of people do not say they need a moment. [00:54:53] Speaker C: Yeah, and they should. But you know when it's getting. When your emotions are going to get out of pocket, when you start thinking. [00:54:59] Speaker A: About saying things that's going to get hurtful. [00:55:01] Speaker C: Yeah. When you got to hurt somebody or, you know, you better get loud out of pocket, just go ahead and remove yourself. [00:55:06] Speaker A: Sometimes you got to catch yourself like, you know what, I'm doing too much. [00:55:10] Speaker C: I'm doing too much. [00:55:10] Speaker A: I'm a backup or, I can't have. [00:55:12] Speaker C: This conversation right now. It's too much emotionally. Like, I'm not going to be able to handle it right now. I got to come back and you. [00:55:17] Speaker A: Got to watch what you say when you get to that point, too. Because when you start saying things like, you know what? Before I hurt your feelings, don't say that either. Yeah, don't say that. [00:55:26] Speaker C: Don't leave with, the response is, oh, go ahead and hurt them, please. [00:55:29] Speaker A: Hurt. They're ready. They're set up. [00:55:32] Speaker B: What's up? [00:55:33] Speaker A: They're in position. [00:55:35] Speaker B: I think you guys are emotional terrorists. [00:55:38] Speaker C: No, I'm not. [00:55:39] Speaker B: You ready to go look? Yeah. No. Oh, you hurt my feelings when somebody. [00:55:46] Speaker A: Says, you know what? Before I hurt your feelings. You know what? If you feel like you can hurt my feelings and you feel like you can get to a point where we're at a point where you feel like it's okay, I'll just be like, try, please, I can hurt your feelings. [00:56:01] Speaker C: The three feelings I have. Please. [00:56:03] Speaker B: The three. The last one. Number five. Listen, out of genuine curiosity, if you have a habit of getting defensive, practice out of it, listen to what someone is saying without interrupting or deflecting. The more you practice this, the safer people will feel around you and the more connected. That's probably like he knows a lot of people. He might as well have put Yoshi Youssef. Listen, I think when you've gone a lot of time being the reason for something, when you're no longer the reason for something and somebody has a feeling or whatever, it automatically becomes. There's two things I do in defense. I over explain. That's one thing I do. Cl gets upset with me every time I do it. He cut me off the other day. What's the main point? [00:57:10] Speaker A: I'm long winded. [00:57:11] Speaker B: It's not being long winded. It's like almost to over explain a situation, but sometimes as to the why. [00:57:19] Speaker C: Explain that comes from not feeling understood. [00:57:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:57:21] Speaker C: Let me stop soccer analyzing people. [00:57:23] Speaker B: Yeah, you've been doing that to me this entire. That's got to stop. [00:57:26] Speaker A: But I understand that because I'm like that. I get a lot of like. I completely understand where you're coming from. Sometimes you feel like you have to explain because the person is not understanding and their responses are showing that they're not understanding exactly what you're trying to say, but they're cutting you off. And Cl does that a lot. He does that a lot. [00:57:48] Speaker B: He is listening. [00:57:53] Speaker A: Me and him had a whole conversation about saying, you're not listening. [00:57:58] Speaker B: So now the part that I feel like I have been the victim of a lot of times is listen to what someone is saying without interrupting or deflecting. Sometimes I feel like I don't explain myself because I feel like the person is going to flip it. [00:58:11] Speaker A: Okay. [00:58:13] Speaker B: They're going to flip it, and then it's no longer about whatever I'm saying. It's now about something I did. [00:58:19] Speaker A: Yeah, I've been like that, too. If I say this or if I let you know what's wrong, it's going to turn around. Well, you were doing so and so and so and so, and it's like, I didn't want to have that conversation. [00:58:31] Speaker B: I didn't know. That's why we were here. Yeah, we didn't come here for that. [00:58:36] Speaker C: I don't like deflection either, because I'm like, we're not even here for this. [00:58:41] Speaker B: Why do you think people deflect? [00:58:43] Speaker C: Because they can't have that conversation in that time. They are uncomfortable. And so in order for me not to feel this way, let's talk about what you did. Let's talk about what happened. Let's talk about this from ten years ago. Let's talk about the time you made me cry or the time you took something that belonged to me. Let me talk about anything else that. [00:59:00] Speaker A: I never knew about. Yeah. [00:59:02] Speaker C: And just to get off this subject, let's do that. [00:59:06] Speaker A: Or even coming off, I'm telling you how something affected me. And you're like, you know what? I have that problem, too. [00:59:13] Speaker C: I have that problem, too. Well, if that's the case, you should have had this TED talk. But this ain't yours, my boy. [00:59:17] Speaker A: Yeah, but in friendships and relationships, because I have a friend that has a tendency to just like. And she doesn't mean to do it. She doesn't do it to be malicious. It's just like if I'm like, yeah, girl, these bills are killed. Yeah, mine are, too. I'm like, yeah, I want to go to this. I can't go nowhere. I can't do nothing. I can't do a thing. I'm like, yeah, but this moment ain't yours. [00:59:40] Speaker C: This moment ain't yours. And people do it to be relatable just because they don't want that person to feel alone in that moment. But really, it's just an asshole thing to do if you're just being real. It's an asshole thing to do. Yeah, just bust out next time, like with my kuchi itching. And she say, mine, too, girl, you need to quit. [01:00:04] Speaker B: I don't know why. That tickle me. [01:00:07] Speaker A: Yes. She might say, yeah, did you just get the shave? [01:00:11] Speaker C: I'm like, girl, you've been itching. [01:00:19] Speaker B: Great combo. [01:00:20] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [01:00:21] Speaker B: Great combo. Today, what did we learn today? Neat. What did you learn today? [01:00:28] Speaker A: I learned a lot. I learned a know. Processing it. [01:00:35] Speaker B: Processing it. [01:00:36] Speaker A: Processing it. [01:00:38] Speaker B: Eddie, what did you learn today? [01:00:43] Speaker C: I learned that first. I learned it was cold this morning. [01:00:50] Speaker A: Because. [01:00:53] Speaker C: It was cold this morning. [01:00:55] Speaker B: It did punch me in the face this morning. [01:00:56] Speaker C: Yeah, he made me curse when I got outside, man. What's his name that we were reading from? [01:01:03] Speaker B: Pastor John. [01:01:04] Speaker C: Pastor John, you had some good ideas. You did. [01:01:08] Speaker B: Pastor John, a McDonald II. [01:01:10] Speaker A: He's a reader. Oh, you're a reader to come up with reader. [01:01:17] Speaker C: Pastor John, you had some good ideas. [01:01:19] Speaker B: Pastor John had some good ideas. Yeah. [01:01:21] Speaker C: But I enjoyed seeing street neek. I didn't get to meet street Neek before, but I enjoy. [01:01:28] Speaker B: And I learned that the streets are calling, right? [01:01:32] Speaker A: The streets are not calling me. The streets are not calling me. I'm going to work on it. I'm going to work on it. I'm going to work on it. Hit me back in a month. Let's see what happens. [01:01:44] Speaker B: Hey, Eddie, thanks for joining the show again. It's always a pleasure. All right. Tell people how they can follow you. [01:01:49] Speaker C: You can find me on Facebook at big Eddie. Big Eddie Griffin. [01:01:54] Speaker B: Big Eddie Griffin. Follow on Facebook Big Eddie Griffin. All right, neat. [01:01:59] Speaker A: You can't find me, but the street. [01:02:01] Speaker C: Go ahead and watch it. [01:02:03] Speaker A: Thank you all for listening. [01:02:06] Speaker B: We're not done. [01:02:07] Speaker A: We're done. [01:02:07] Speaker B: We're not done. [01:02:08] Speaker A: Where we at? [01:02:09] Speaker B: We're not done. [01:02:09] Speaker A: Where we at? [01:02:10] Speaker B: We are here. Please make sure you go and follow our Facebook page relationship status podcast and join the private advice group at relationship status advice group. Once you join it, you got to get let in. Once we let private, it's a private group where you can express yourself. Put your advice letters. We have advice letters where we post them first and you can go ahead and comment on them and also join the message board. Now you can do it, Neek. Oh, and you can find me everywhere. Go ahead, Neek. [01:02:45] Speaker A: You ain't want me to do it? [01:02:46] Speaker B: Go ahead. [01:02:47] Speaker A: Thank you all for listening. It's your girl Nick Cruz and your. [01:02:50] Speaker B: Boy Yousef in the building. And we are out. [01:02:59] Speaker C: Thank you for listening to another episode of relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com, iTunes, Google podcast, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, nobody grinds like us and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcast. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear Meek, email us at re lstat [email protected] or call us at 843-310-8637 Follow us on Facebook at relationship status podcast on Instagram and Twitter at re lstat podcast. And don't forget to comment, share five star rate, subscribe and review.