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[00:01:05] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship status. It's your boy Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can catch us on all podcast platforms. Remember to like, share, follow, and five star rate. And if you want to join the conversation, email us. Relstat
[email protected].
Remember that you can also catch the show on relationshipstatuspodcast.com. And there you can also get a link to the brand new Relationship Status podcast. T, go ahead and order you one.
As you can see, it's me again. It's just me again.
This is going to be a quick one. It's a Wednesday show. It's hump day, so hope all you people out there are humping around in the land of Humpington, as Professor T used to say.
So today it's been a crazy week. I know we didn't have an episode on Monday, but kind of been super busy.
When we're talking about trying to be more consistent, this is us being consistent. We're here.
So this episode is going to be, like I said, kind of short.
We're going to get into a couple of our social media posts. Some of you all wanted to know what we thought on some of this stuff. We had about two questions and an advice letter. So let's jump right to it. We're going to talk about my thoughts on it. We're going to talk about your thoughts on it. Those people that tapped in and do a little bit here. All right, so first question we had was, while drinking one night, your significant other tells you that they don't love you anymore. The next day, while sober, they say they didn't mean it. Do you believe them? What do you do? There's a saying that goes, the drunk mind speaks the sober heart. Now, I not necessarily sure if I believe that that is true because I have had many a drunken night and said, money ain't drunken thing and did not mean them. But I do believe that when people are drunk, you're more likely to get information that you sometimes normally would not get out of them.
And I don't think the question here should be, do you believe them? What do you do? This is a bigger question here, like, why is the person drinking so much that they're saying things that they don't remember that they don't mean to you? And is this the type of person that you really want to be with? So, for me, if I was in a situation and somebody did do that to me, yeah, I would believe them. It's how you feel in the moment. Now it's up to me to either give you a pass on being drunk or to legitly be like, yo, this is just not for me, and be out. But that's 100% my call. Just like it's 100% your call. I don't think that people really think through the actions a lot of the time. And if you to that point where the drinking has gotten you saying stuff that you want to take back, I think you need to stop drinking. And if it were me, would I believe them? Yes. Sure would. What would I do? Be out.
What if it's the first time that it's happened?
Do you give them a pass? I don't know. I think that's a little that I think that's why I paused just now, because I'm not sure if I would give them a pass on that.
That seems to be a tough one. But me personally, I think I would believe them exactly what they said, and then I'd be out. So let's get into the comments. JD.
Shouts out to you, JD. She said, this is so damn personal. I'm skipping this one, my man. Mo black liquor equals truth serum equals focus on yourself. Yeah, focus on yourself. Focus on who you're with. Why are you making these decisions to be with this type of person?
Mama Patricia and Garrett auntie said he had to get drunk to speak his feelings. Well, I don't like drunks, so he's out the yeah, yeah. Totally agree. Kalita Holmes, I know I'm butchering your first name, so please go ahead and email us relstat
[email protected] and let me know the actual pronunciation of your name. Okay.
But she said, So you don't love me, but you do like me enough to continue. Love comes and goes, despite what people say.
Yeah, I think so. But I think I could kind of disagree with your statement here, because although it may come and go, I don't think you ever should say that you don't love someone if you actually do, no matter what the circumstances are, drunk or no drunk.
Yosh with the most. Happy Birthday I wish we got a new board so I don't have a happy birthday drop on here. But I wish I had a happy birthday drop on here. I am about to go looking for one, but happy birthday to you. Yosh with the most from the very necessary podcast. Hope you're enjoying your week. Birthday. Her actual birthday was actually Monday. Her actual birthday was Monday, but she'd been celebrating since last Thursday.
Check her out. Yoshi yolanda from the very necessary podcast. She says, Nope, it was the honest truth.
Wouldn't have been a next day. All my shit would have been packed that night, she says. She'd have been out the door that night, he'd have woke up from his drunken stupor and she would have been gone.
Brother Fatim of the Tangy T podcast live each and every Tuesday at 07:00. Well, in theory, folks in theory, folks would say they're out. But in a lot of cases, the person would have questions for that person once they sober up. My mother said a lot of things to my father that was hurtful when she was an alcoholic before she was able to quit, and it caused a rift. But my father stayed. And at the end of the day, we're both glad that the family was able to stay together. Just want to add that if the person that was drunk that said that, and then their actions show that they're not in love, then that's the sign to plan their exit. Yeah.
Do the actions match the words? So if their words is like, I don't, but their actions are like I do consistently, but in this one drunken stupor, they decided to say that, then I guess you got to leave it up to your own judgment at that point. Brother Fatim kind of raises a good question. Do you hang around? He said he's happy that his dad stayed because they kept the family intact. And now mom is straight, so shoot, everything's all good.
Cuz Khalil a drunk mind speaks sober thoughts. Like I said earlier, however, love is a decision. They may not feel like they love you in that moment, but that can change. Y'all can make it through that if you both want to. I think there's some validity there. I think when people want to work through anything, they can.
It's just should you? That's another question.
Angela coach Pam shouts out to you. Basketball season about to start. Head coach over at Cross High School. She said he had to get drunk to express his feelings. I'm asking 20 questions. What else you don't like or love? Yeah, I get that. That's a good one.
Cuz eevee said and co host with me on the Eggs, Grits, and Ignorance podcast. He said, A drunk mind speaks a sober heart. I believe what I see, not what I hear. So my partner is now on reality TV.
Yeah, I think that a lot of it comes down to what is it that you prefer?
What is your preference in discussing these feelings that your partner has with them?
How do you feel about it? Do you feel as though they didn't love you and this just validated those feelings?
Or did it completely catch you by surprise? Because if it's something that validated what you were already thinking, then, yeah, it's time to hit the door. But if you are completely caught off guard, completely surprised, that is definitely something that you need to deal with.
So our next question was a poll question, and it was true or false. If you really love him or her, you'd fight to get them back?
It depends on how much I got to fight.
Or is it the what is it? It's not the size of dog. It's the size of the fight in the dog. I don't know. But at this ten to age I have, I don't got to fight with you if you want to be gone. This is a decision you made off of my actions or yours.
I guess it's depending on how much it depends on how much I love you. Like all of those things would make you fight.
It would be the determining factor in how much you fight.
Hmm.
So my answer would be false.
Might as well be false.
Sometimes you have to love somebody enough to let them go.
Malaya said that if they value you and add to your happiness, no cheating included. Yes. Fight. Okay. It's a good one. La Paris. True.
Mama Garrett. I would not fight.
If to me the relationship is feeling like he has lost interest, to fight would be a waste of my time. I would just tell him it's okay to move on and wish him the best of luck. Yeah, I agree with you there. Chelsea McFadden. She said false. I just don't think you should have to fight someone to love you back. Either you gone love me. Either you going to love me or I'm going to find someone who will.
I wouldn't be mad. I would be mad.
I'm sorry. I think she meant I wouldn't be mad or anything. People love who they love, and that's okay. I just wasn't the one for him.
Be easy. DJ Blaze radio show said false. Casey Capricorn said false.
Liz Amy of the DJ Blaze radio show podcast. She said false. While the heart wants what it wants, sometimes what it wants doesn't make sense. No need to fight for it. I think that's a good point, Ebi. Not anymore.
You either in or out. Your choice. If you leave, I can fix my pain. So that's a false for me.
Kane from the Cain Is Able podcast each and every Wednesday, catch him really funny podcast. He says false. Everything ain't meant to be after a while. Just go your separate ways.
And then Kit Darling now, mind you, she changes her name once every three months, but to this month, it's Kit Darlin to a certain extent. So we have one true.
So about 90% we got about 90% saying false that you don't fight for it. So where do you fall on that?
Last question we got, which was, your significant other gets their dream job in a city far away. You do not, and I repeat, do not want to move. They take the job and move. Does this mean they value their new job over your relationship?
That is a big no.
I think sometimes within relationships we get caught up in what the other person won't do and we try to hold them back from things that they've been chasing.
And I think that if you try to hold somebody back and they stay, all you do is begin to harbor all you do is begin to find that resentment. They get that resentment in them and you have to really be careful of the decisions that you make when it's happening because you can't what's the word I'm looking for? You can't go back.
You know what I'm saying? Like a person could move away and come back and be just fine, but if they stay because of you and it doesn't work, they're going to forever, forever be going. Or let's say it is working, but they're not happy. They're not happy with their job. This was their dream. I think you helped foster their dream or even look at it like this, like, yeah, you don't want to move, okay, but is your job your dream job? Can you do your job from someplace else? I'm not saying follow them. I'm just saying look at all the options before you decide to say this person, this man or this woman has decided to choose their job over you. I don't know if it's choosing a job. If it's something that they've been dreaming about, it's their dream opportunity.
So I would say no. I don't think that they are putting the job over our relationship.
And I'm good with long distance relationships, so it don't bother me.
Mo Black said too many nuances to say a definitive yes or no, but if your relationship is solid, you'd be able to move, stay and not resent your partner. 100% true.
If they move with every little discussion, they value their career over any and all relationships. Don't take it personal. Find the right person and build with them. All I know is when I'm dead, my headstone will say loving father and not my annual salary zip code or what my GPA in grad school was.
It was a 4.0. Yeah. Mo Black was always smart.
Kit darling, she says no, it means they are chasing their dream and got it. That's a celebration. Love is so messy and simple at the same time. If it's love, you'd want your partner to be happy, whether it's here or there, and if that means the relationship must end, then that's okay. We've got to learn to be okay with changes that each phase of life brings. That is 100% correct. Where's my applause?
There we go.
Yeah. That is 100% correct. Kit I couldn't have said it better myself.
Chelsea Dean following your dreams shouldn't question the relationship. Things change at different times in our lives. If there was no discussion, you should reevaluate if the relationship is even good. True. Yeah.
If there was no type of discussion or anything about it, then, yeah, I think that you do have to reevaluate this relationship because it might be something that you don't even need to be in La Venice.
I can't never say how she got this last name, but she said the decision to take the decision to take or not to take the job in the first the decision to take or to not take the job in the first place should come after a decision that was mutually made.
I don't know. It's my dream, and I can take what you think into account, and we could discuss. But if you're animate about not moving, I'm not sure. And if you're animate about me staying and not chasing this dream and taking on this opportunity, I think anybody who truly loves you makes it work. You guys make it work no matter what. All right?
Doc, doc Holiday says no, not at all. And I'll encourage her to go. We can figure it out. And if it doesn't work, I wouldn't want her to resent me from keeping her from her dream job. True. So what I've been saying since the beginning of this particular section, you don't want to be the person that holds people back. Yoshi of very necessary. No. Why would you hold them back? What happens if the relationship doesn't make it? What's meant to be will be?
Ain't that much relationship in the world. Sorry. Not sorry.
Ibrahim said if there's a sacrifice for the relationship, then the person that does value the relationship is the person that just didn't want to go.
If there's no sacrifice, that just confused me, and I might be slow. If there's no sacrifice for the relationship, then the person that does value the relationship is the person that just didn't want to. Okay, not necessarily sure I agree with that. But Mama Garrett, if he moved and you don't have the fortitude to handle a long distance relationship, then it's time to have a talk with him. Explain how you feel and why you may have to change the relationship to a good friend and wish him all the best. Note he may be trying to improve his life, not just chasing rainbows. Rainbows. He should at the very least, respect you, as you should him. Also, if you and he are that tight, tell him what you think and that you go and try it out. You like, you stay. You don't, you leave. Regardless, it's your decision. You need to have that talk with him. Regardless of your decision, you need to have the talk with him. Yeah, I'm 100% agreeance. It's the lack of a lot of times the misconceptions and miss this, and that comes in the sense of you not discussing and talking and having conversation with them about it.
Okay.
All right.
So, yeah, those are our social media questions and polls for last week. And now we're going to go ahead and we're going to get into our advice letter from last week.
Which was all right. So we got an advice letter and this was one of them. So it says, hey there, relationship status. I'm going to try to cut this short to get you up to date. Over a year ago, I have had a girl start at my work. She started messaging me on Facebook, claiming I knew her husband, who I went to school with. We started talking on messenger every day and got closer, I guess because we always saw each other at work and talked afterwards. Things got to the point where she must have been having trouble with her husband.
He was an absolute lame in high school, by the way. I enjoyed her company as we clicked very well and she would tell me constantly about how she wanted to get out of her marriage and away from her husband. It would get to the point where I would cancel plans and stand her and stand her up because I really didn't want to interfere with her marriage. But here's where it gets funky.
About eleven to twelve months have passed or so and she came over to my place for the weekend with much of the time spent in bed. The next week at work, she's acting strange. I asked to go for a walk and she tells me she's pregnant. Plot twist. I hope you're sitting down on something like a steel bench, she says. It's not yours though. Suddenly after I have had an IVF procedure with my husband and it worked. I even congratulated her at the moment though as days passed, I couldn't help but ask why it could not have been mine. So I asked. Her response was I had done this months ago and decided the day before to get it done. She now has gone back to her husband, who she says knows but has no clue, I think, and will be having a baby that I have no idea is mine. Do I tell him? Please help. I will be listening for your response. I hope you're listening because you are wrong.
Stay out that lady's life. Don't say nothing to the to the boy, to the husband. Go find you something to do.
Go find you a toy to play with. Go find you like you got to figure out what you got going on. Because at the end of the day, some of the things you said that the husband was lame, that you knew him, at the end of the day, this lady was married. Son, you can't go out here and then be talking about the baby could be mine. Yeah, it could be yours, but it's not your place to do anything about it right now.
Like what you're going to do? Tell him? And tell him what?
That you've been messing with his womp, with his wife?
Something that he might already know?
Come on, son. Like that don't even make that don't even make, you know, let's go ahead and get into the comments. JD. Said I would want to know to clear my mind. I get that.
But you're a guilty like, there is no clearing your mind. You suck. Like you did something messed up, like you messed up. And now you're in a situation where you want somebody to feel a certain way and get you to I'm guessing and get to show you some pity or sympathy or whatever it is you want somebody to show you but like you was messing with and had sex with this man's wife, somebody you knew from high school. And then after you have sex with his wife, now you turn around and she throws you to cold shoulder. She's going back. She finds out she's pregnant dog, it's not yours. Even if it is yours, it's not yours because she is not going to let anything happen that's going to allow you to even remotely find out if it's yours.
Casey I'm a Capricorn says, wow, I would hate to blow her spot up, but it's a must for all of them to know. If not, this child may be trying to find the other half of their family later.
I might have spoke too soon because that is kind of what if he is the father? But they could do that secretly. I think that she at least owes him that. If he did pursue it, I wouldn't. But if he did pursue it yeah. Rain wanna maker. Sabrina hopefully to see you at homecoming.
First, whether or not her husband was a lame in high school has nothing to do with it or justifies getting into bed with his wife. Secondly, if he thinks it's his, he should ask for a paternity test and work that out with her and the courts if necessary to go that far. If he tries to tell the husband, how would that conversation even go? Hey, dude, since you were so lame in high school, I figured you still were and decided to sleep with your wife. She also needs to take responsibility for her actions in the whole situation and do what's right by the child and determine true paternity regardless of the consequences. Either way, both men have a right to know the truth, which is true. Both guys do.
If you want to just I think I'm all over the place with this because of how wrong he was and the fact that it's just a lot.
Chelsea said I would ask her for a DNA test just to clear his name. Now, if she refuses, then blow her cover.
Doc d nope. That's it. That's all Doc said. I'm not telling him he was a fling, a placeholder even. She said her husband knows about him and if I were her husband, I would get a paternity test as soon as I could. However, if I'm the fling, I'm not going up to this man and saying anything.
Jamie Stillinger a very good, very important question needs to be answered. Had they slept together before the weekend at his place? I thought about that.
That would be the only reason why it would be a thing. And then my thing was, well, did she know she was pregnant before she had sex with him for the weekend? It's another question, because she found out he was like the next week.
Ibrahim said that he don't need advice unless he want to be with her. As far as I'm concerned, he hit it. So she is now just a colleague and I wouldn't worry about a baby because her husband is that baby daddy. Stick and move. She'll be back for more.
La said if no one decides to tell the truth, trust and believe it will surface. Yeah, it's going to come out. No matter what anyone decides to do, if it's the truth, it'll come out.
100% agree.
Yeah. A lot going on on the social media, so Amen, you really need to go ahead. Follow us on Instagram, on all social media platforms at Relstat
[email protected] and if you want to send us a letter, trust me, we get it in on the show. If you want to send us a letter, you are more than welcome to do that relstat
[email protected].
That's relstat
[email protected]. You could follow me and the crew at Reelstat Podcast on all social media platforms and you can find me at the 9th Wonder on Snapchat and Facebook at Relstat podcast, on TikTok, on Facebook, Yoshi English and on Twitter, aka or X, formerly known as Twitter at. I am coachy underscore for Nik, Ferranda and CL.
This is your boy Yusuf in the building. And I'm out.
