266th Date: When the Sex Fades… Is Your Relationship Over?

[00:00:08] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship status. It's your boy Yousef in the building. And of course, I'm here with my wonderful co host who just took her glasses off. [00:00:17] Speaker B: Yeah, because I looked like a granny. I forgot I had them on. [00:00:21] Speaker A: I mean, embrace what you are. [00:00:24] Speaker B: I am. [00:00:25] Speaker A: That's how I met you on social media. The. The granny. [00:00:28] Speaker B: Yes. And I am granny. But you always going to look like granny. [00:00:33] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no. You can't always look like granny. You can't always look like granny. That's the problem with some women today. They go outside looking like granny. [00:00:39] Speaker B: Yeah. And some. [00:00:41] Speaker A: And that's not attractive. It's not. [00:00:46] Speaker B: You know what? Mo are not attractive when that ass moving in them. [00:00:52] Speaker A: What can I. Outside outdoor. [00:00:55] Speaker B: I mean, I ain't going outside no moomoo period. So that. That ain't no mumu. I don't wear one inside, so I ain't going outside with it. [00:01:02] Speaker A: Okay, all right. You got it. You got it, you got it. Well, we're gonna. It's been a couple months since we've been together. It's been a while. We're in April. A lot has taken place. We don't have to address it. I don't think we should. I think we should just. [00:01:18] Speaker B: Yeah, like a lot is taking place. [00:01:22] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just leave it like that, you know. Oh. Matter of fact, can't forget our sponsor, Eat my Biscuits here in Atlanta. Make sure to check them out. It's an amazing place to eat. [00:01:35] Speaker B: It is. Eat my Biscuits breakfast, brunch, lunch vibes. [00:01:41] Speaker A: Thursday nights are Thursday nights. [00:01:43] Speaker B: Conversations over cocktails. [00:01:44] Speaker A: Conversations over cocktails. [00:01:45] Speaker B: Full bar, handcrafted cocktails. Eat my Biscuits in East Point. 2881 Main Street. Follow us on a gram at eat. Underscore my biscuits. [00:01:56] Speaker A: Yep, yep. Yeah, go check them out. We got. We gotta get. We gotta get that place full packed. Tell it. Tell them we said. Tell them we sent you. [00:02:04] Speaker B: Tell them. [00:02:09] Speaker A: Be live. Granny, over time, there's been a list of questions that we've gotten that you've gotten that you wanted to discuss, so. [00:02:16] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. So basically I thought we'd talk about intimacy today. [00:02:20] Speaker A: We're talking about intimacy. [00:02:21] Speaker B: Yes. [00:02:21] Speaker A: Okay. [00:02:22] Speaker B: What? What the. [00:02:23] Speaker A: What? I didn't say anything. I didn't. [00:02:26] Speaker B: You have to say anything. [00:02:27] Speaker A: I'm looking at you just. It was a brief gesture because intimacy means different things to different people. [00:02:33] Speaker B: Exactly. And that's. That's why we're having a conversation. So before we even start, I want everybody to kind of take a moment and drop it in the Comments. [00:02:42] Speaker A: Drop it in the comments right now. What does. [00:02:44] Speaker B: What does intimacy mean to you? We need to see that. So before we, you know, get into the definition of intimacy. [00:02:53] Speaker A: Okay. [00:02:53] Speaker B: What does it mean to you? Drop it in the comments right now. [00:02:57] Speaker A: Okay. To me, intimacy is a multifaceted mental, physical and spiritual realm that you enter with someone because you can. Because it has to be. I believe it has to be on all. Well, two, let's say it like this. Mental and physical. I wanted to say spiritual because you don't spiritually mix with everybody because everybody [00:03:22] Speaker B: doesn't have the same face with everybody either or mentally. [00:03:26] Speaker A: But that's what I'm saying. That's what. That's. That's why I say that's. That's what makes it intimate is when both things meet is. That's when it makes it intimate. Because you can have sex with somebody with no intimacy. You know what I'm saying? Because it just doesn't mean anything because you're there, but mentally you're not there. Like for me, right, if I'm engaged with a young a woman or whatever, and this has been all my life, all my sexual life, if I've been dealing with somebody, if I'm not into the person, it's quick. It's to the point. It's just. And it's not me conscious of it going, I just want to get this over with. It's just there's no connection. So I'm not into it the same way. [00:04:12] Speaker B: Okay. [00:04:13] Speaker A: When I'm into it with a person, when my mentor was there, my feelings are there. I'll. The length goes on and on because I want to continue to be in this room with you. And it's not anything that I'm once again conscious of doing. It's just I'm in it with how your body's. It's how my body's responding to the feeling for that. Exactly. Because of the feelings for that. [00:04:35] Speaker B: So taking your time. Yeah, she said take your time. What's the rush? [00:04:40] Speaker A: Hey. Hey. So I be like, in that sense, I think that that's where the intimacy like. Like when your mental and your physical meet, that's where intimacy is. [00:04:51] Speaker B: Okay, I heard that for, for let's. [00:04:55] Speaker A: Romantic intimacy. Because there's other intimacy that's financial. [00:04:58] Speaker B: So for me, intimacy are things that we share with a person that we just feel connected to and it's not always a significant other. Sometimes you have intimate conversations with strangers and it don't mean it's going anywhere. So for me, intimacy is a Shared space with a connection. [00:05:21] Speaker A: Okay. [00:05:21] Speaker B: And it could be anywhere. It could be at a movie. It could be at Eat My Biscuits. It could be at a bar. It could be at a park. Um, it's conversations. It's the way someone feels. It's the way someone looks at you. I think it's like you said, it multifaceted. It's. It's so many different things. But intimacy requires a level of connection. And I think that connection has to be spiritual, emotional, mental. [00:05:54] Speaker A: Okay. [00:05:55] Speaker B: It doesn't necessarily have to be physical. I think it has to be all of those. [00:05:59] Speaker A: I think I was more so. [00:05:59] Speaker B: Yeah, just a man. You're a man. You think about. [00:06:02] Speaker A: No, that's. That's not the case. [00:06:03] Speaker B: The whole. Your whole spiel was about. [00:06:05] Speaker A: No, it was not either. [00:06:06] Speaker B: If I'm not intimate with you, we. If I'm intimate with you, then I'm taking my time. [00:06:12] Speaker A: Yes. [00:06:13] Speaker B: And I'm sitting over y' all in my head thinking about a whole other different. [00:06:17] Speaker A: No, I mean. But that's. But see, I think. [00:06:20] Speaker B: But see my ass. [00:06:21] Speaker A: When. When you ask some. When you ask a man that question. Because now let's. Let's take it in that sense, because every. A lot of people, when you say intimacy, that's what they go to innately. [00:06:33] Speaker B: And that's what. And that's why these. But that's why these conversations are important to understand that intimacy is beyond sex. Although. Although intimacy increases the value of sex. It. Like. Intimacy is like that chemistry. It just all mixed in together. Now tell us the definition of intimacy. [00:06:56] Speaker A: Okay. [00:06:57] Speaker B: What does Webster dictionary say? [00:06:59] Speaker A: Webster's dictionary says the voice of why Webster's Intimacy says. What's the definition of intimacy is a close, familiar, an affectionate, personal relationship with another person. Now, often often described as into me See, vulnerability, vulnerability and being known. It involves deep emotional, intellectual or physical connection requiring trust, reciprocity, and shared vulnerability rather than just sexual activity. [00:07:39] Speaker B: Well, I'm wrong because that clearly states that in. So I guess I need to use another word. It has to be someone that you have a personal relationship with. [00:07:51] Speaker A: It doesn't have to be physical. [00:07:53] Speaker B: No, it said personal. [00:07:54] Speaker A: Yeah, but it does say personal. [00:07:55] Speaker B: Yeah, personal. So I ain't got no deep personal relationship with no motherfucking stranger. So I ain't gonna have no intimacy with no stranger. [00:08:03] Speaker A: You may be open, you may be vulnerable with a stranger, but not necessarily be intimate with them because like you said, you have. [00:08:09] Speaker B: But then. But that kind of go with that. [00:08:11] Speaker A: But you said you've had intimate conversations. [00:08:13] Speaker B: Maybe I'M using the wrong words. So that's what I'm saying. So maybe I need to pressure my vocabulary. Yeah, intimate conversations. It's just personal conversations. Not necessarily intimate. [00:08:24] Speaker A: That could be true too. [00:08:25] Speaker B: Maybe nosy conversations. [00:08:27] Speaker A: Well, no, not nosy because you're not being nosy. You're being open. Because sometimes you can sit down at a bar, let's say, like, at a bar, you may sit down. I think maybe my first time coming to eat my biscuits. The first time we met in person, and I sat down and it was like a lady. It was like a lady and a guy, and they just was got. They didn't know each other, and they got to talking, and you was talking, and I don't think the three of you knew each other. And so it was just. Just. Y' all just got to talking and then started talking about personal situations that you had been in in that moment. And I don't think those are particularly according to the definition. [00:09:01] Speaker B: That's not intimacy. [00:09:02] Speaker A: That's not personal conversation. That's just personal, open, personal conversation. [00:09:06] Speaker B: I got it. I'm glad that you read that, because I need to, I guess, brush up my vocabulary. [00:09:11] Speaker A: Well, a lot of people don't realize that words matter. [00:09:15] Speaker B: They do. They do. They abs. They. When the biggest con that anyone ever said was sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Words hurt so much more than sticks and stones. Words never go away, even when the body heals. What a said to you never leaves you. I tell you, that's more painful than a broken finger, a broken arm, because that gonna heal them words. [00:09:53] Speaker A: And that's like I said, I dated some. Well, started to date somebody one time, and they told me that they weren't attracted to me physically and my body and pretty much my dad tell me, you know, I'm here. You know, I'm working on it still. [00:10:10] Speaker B: I remember this story. [00:10:11] Speaker A: Yeah. And it affected me in a way in which it made me look at myself in a way I had never looked at myself before. So for the first time ever, I think I allowed what somebody said to affect me mentally in a sense where I went so hard to change my appearance. [00:10:37] Speaker B: Yourself. [00:10:37] Speaker A: To change my appearance. But for what? And that. Because the reason why people can't stick to, I would say, weight loss goals or whatever is sometimes it's outwardly motivated. [00:10:51] Speaker B: Yeah. It ain't for themselves. It has to be for you in order. In order for it to be consistent. [00:10:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:57] Speaker B: It has to be a change that you are ready to make and not Ready to make. Oh, somebody said this one of show them. Because you're going to show them and you're going to be right back to where you started. [00:11:04] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:11:04] Speaker B: You know, but those things can fuel that fire in you though. [00:11:08] Speaker A: It did. And I eventually found the grand median in between of let me not go work out 40 times a day. Let me just, let me just do a little bit. Yeah, no, no, 40 times, yeah. Let me, let me get one workout a day, you know, have days off, enjoy myself. I don't got to eat all crazy, don't got to eat less, don't have to eat more. But just be mindful about, just be [00:11:31] Speaker B: mindful of your what I'm eating and what you're doing. [00:11:33] Speaker A: And it became about what I wanted for myself and not necessarily what she had said or had articulated to me. But people when they say things first off know the definition of what you, what you're saying because sometimes the other person may know the definition and you [00:11:51] Speaker B: don't and you didn't say some they like, nah, that ain't, that ain't it. You know, it's not. Here it is. [00:11:58] Speaker A: But now, now you know, we've educated you and that's what we hope is to educate. [00:12:03] Speaker B: So now if we've done that then kind of, I want you to kind of think of, well, so intimacy is sex, it's connection, it's personal, it's vulnerability, it's acceptance. It's a lot of things, right? So let me ask this. Oh, there's the camera. What's more important to you? Physical sex or intimacy? [00:12:35] Speaker A: Intimacy. [00:12:36] Speaker B: I can say what is more important to you? Intimacy or the actual act of sex? Now here's the thing, okay. Intimacy without sex or sex. [00:12:53] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. [00:12:54] Speaker B: What's more important to you? Intimacy without sexual or sex? [00:13:03] Speaker A: 20 year old me, [00:13:06] Speaker B: you now 70 [00:13:08] Speaker A: year old you now I would say intimacy because that lasts longer. [00:13:13] Speaker B: Okay, I can let us know. [00:13:16] Speaker A: Can I sit on the porch with you, talk shit and talk shit at 80, at 90, you know what I'm saying? Am I still going to be. If, if I need to change your diaper before you need to change mine, am I still going to be there for it? Am I going to be there for that? Am I going to. That's, that's. I think that true intimacy when it's to that fact between two people and it. And we talk about, even in a friendship, you know what I'm saying? We talking about romantic right now. But you know, am I one of the intimacy that's built if you have that man. You. It doesn't matter whether you are having sex or curled up watching a movie, Netflix and chilling, or you're out or you're both just sitting there reading a book, it doesn't matter. As long as you're in each other's presence, that intimacy that's there between the two of you makes you want to continue to pull towards each other. [00:14:13] Speaker B: Okay? [00:14:14] Speaker A: And that's why I think that's more important than sex. Because what happens when you can't. When, as a man, what happens when you can't get it up? They got these pills, but who knows what it's doing to your body? [00:14:22] Speaker B: You ain't lying. Your heart. [00:14:23] Speaker A: Yeah. You know what I'm saying as a woman, what you gonna do when it dries up? You gotta lie. But you know what I'm saying? Like at the end of the day, [00:14:31] Speaker B: at the end of the day, the only thing you're gonna have is right? So for me, intimacy is far more important for a number of reasons, pretty much all the ones that you've stated. But this is a good segue into my next question. As we're talking about intimacy and you've, you've brought up some, some points because you say intimate. You know, are we asking at my age now, Yousef, or we asking at 20 year old yousef now me as a woman, 20 year old me, I enjoy intimacy. I've always been that person just because of my desire for people and relationships and connections. Right? So intimacy has always been number one for me because I honestly cannot have sex without a level of intimacy that I don't understand how. And I'm learning that when we're doing conversations over cocktails, the amount of people, men and women our age, younger, some older, who freely enjoy sex with zero intimacy to me is crazy because how do we get to fucking if we don't have intimacy? I can't have. Me personally, I know how y' all get there because it's just fucking to y'. All. I can't have sex without intimacy. I have to feel connected to you. I have to feel personal to you because allowing myself to have sex, I have to be vulnerable. I have to be open. So for me, I can't have sex without intimacy. [00:15:59] Speaker A: They don't, they, the two don't mess. [00:16:02] Speaker B: They don't know they have to. [00:16:04] Speaker A: I mean, I mean, they don't. [00:16:05] Speaker B: They're not separate. [00:16:06] Speaker A: They have to copy. [00:16:09] Speaker B: With that being said, I'm go ahead and moving into the next conversation. We talk about intimacy, we talk about vulnerability. We talk about age. [00:16:16] Speaker A: You just be making me look bad. I don't like that. [00:16:18] Speaker B: Nigga. You just a nigga. [00:16:19] Speaker A: I'm just. No, no, I'm not just a. I'm much more than just [00:16:25] Speaker B: you just a nigga. I'm much more just what JC Say still nigga. Okay. Hopefully this will make you feel better. [00:16:35] Speaker A: Okay, okay, okay. [00:16:36] Speaker B: When you have a partner that you feel deeply connected to, and I'm asking our listeners as well, how are you with having the uncomfortable conversation about vaginal dryness, about erectile dysfunction? [00:17:03] Speaker A: I've never had that conversation about erectile [00:17:05] Speaker B: dysfunction, but that's what we're asking. [00:17:07] Speaker A: That's what we're asking. How comfortable are you? [00:17:09] Speaker B: These are things. Or. Okay, erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, pussy just not feeling good. How do you have that conversation? Dick ain't good. He ain't taking you through there like. Or. There was a time he was. What are the desires now that you want to try that you're afraid to tell him or her that you want to try these things because you don't know how they're going to perceive it. We can fuck, but we can't have these conversations. And so when you have this level of intimacy, you got to be vulnerable enough to be able to say, this ain't working, or, okay, my homegirl was telling me about, you know, she did this. I'm just giving an example. [00:17:50] Speaker A: Yeah, okay. [00:17:54] Speaker B: I went. Let's just say I went to conversations over cocktails, right? And I'm coming back home to my man. I went to conversations over cocktails, and this couple was talking about how they enjoy. Or her husband enjoys getting his asshole licked. And she was saying how that's exciting for her, and I want to try that. Like, you got to be in a vulnerable space to be able to ask that. Depending on a man now, you don't know what his response is going to be. Or, you know, my girlfriend, you a guy. You go back and these are things that we've talked about in conversations over cocktails. You know, go back and say, hey, today we talked in conversations over cocktails. We were talking about how, like, the flame has died on us. You know, what can we, you know, we ain't feeling good to each other no more. What can we do? When you have that level of intimacy, these are conversations you should be able to have, but so often, people cannot have them. Do you think that you are in the space? Because what we're. When we're presenting these. These concerns our partner, like, the girl who told you Okay. I feel like you. It's too much like. [00:19:20] Speaker A: But the. What was crazy to me with that was the level of intimacy that we had. [00:19:27] Speaker B: But that's why she felt comfortable enough to say that to you. Like, I'm digging you, but you know, but this. This is not attractive to me. But we got. Because these are concerns that we are gonna have as we get older. I'm sure that was no concern at 20. Because you probably didn't have it at 20. [00:19:42] Speaker A: I did not. [00:19:43] Speaker B: That's what I'm saying. So I think that that intim. I think it's valuable, but I think we. It has to allow for a space of openness. [00:19:53] Speaker A: True, I agree with you. [00:19:54] Speaker B: You know, in order to. To say like, I'm scared. I ain't gonna lie. I'm 50, I still have a period every month. [00:20:03] Speaker A: That's a good thing. [00:20:06] Speaker B: Not if I fuck around, get pregnant. Shit, ain't no motherfucking thing. She a lot. But my concern is that because many older women speak of issues of vaginal dryness. [00:20:20] Speaker A: Okay. [00:20:21] Speaker B: That is one of the key things that happens in menopause. And I'm gonna rephrase that. The women don't speak about it. Cause bitches running around here 60, acting like they pussy is as wet as the motherfucking Atlantic Ocean. Like some of you hoes pussies is dry. Because the Internet. Not Internet, the Internet that's in a neck. And the symptoms of menopause and perimenopausal is vaginal dryness. [00:20:50] Speaker A: Bitch. [00:20:50] Speaker B: Every pussy ain't wet, but nobody's being honest. Every nigga dick at 50 and 60 ain't hard, but nobody's being honest. And I'm scared to death of a pussy. Of a dry pussy. [00:21:05] Speaker A: The desert reaching. [00:21:06] Speaker B: Yes, I'm afraid because I know it happens. [00:21:09] Speaker A: But I think that in this day and age, I don't think that people should be so afraid of it. Because in this day and age there are things that you can do to still. [00:21:18] Speaker B: But the reason why people are afraid is because no one's admitting it. Well, okay, let's just talk about the gay population, right? There was a time we didn't talk about gay. It was a place for it. You didn't discuss it. If you had a gay person in your family nobody talks about was an in front truth. But it was never talked about. Men ain't just started being gay. Men being gay and fucking each other since back in the Romans days. In the Bible, in Genesis, it speaks about God looked and said and saw how everybody was Basically fucking everybody. Men were fucking men, men were fucking women. And he flattened this shit and said, we gonna start again. It talks about that in Genesis. So there was a time where you would nowhere near see as many gay men as we see now, because it started to become socially acceptable. We started to see it more. We started to talk about it more, and we should. [00:22:18] Speaker A: And that's. To that point, I think that that's where it's sort of. Because in that sense, it used to be shameful to be. [00:22:29] Speaker B: Exactly. And it's. Right now, it's still shameful to have a dry pussy. [00:22:32] Speaker A: It's shameful to baptize. [00:22:34] Speaker B: Dysfunct conditions are important. You need to be able to say, hey, I'm 55. You know, by now you may have high blood pressure, you may have diabetes, you may have cholesterol. All of these are issues that developed. [00:22:49] Speaker A: Yeah. As you get older, and these are [00:22:51] Speaker B: also issues that also cause erectile dysfunction in men. But nobody talks about this, so I [00:22:59] Speaker A: need to lower my blood pressure. [00:23:01] Speaker B: You do. You show. The fuck do. Because the next thing that happens that my mother said that she sees so often in black and brown men, because these. As a black man, especially as a black man, you know that. [00:23:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:17] Speaker B: Almighty, right. It is such a difficult space when he cannot perform as he once had. That's a very difficult space. And when black men start having high blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol, and they're taking things, and it affects that area. And a lot of men will not take their medication just because it affects that area. [00:23:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:54] Speaker B: Yep. And now they're back in the hospital. They ain't took no medication. They're either in a diabetic coma or they've had a massive heart attack because of blood pressure. So I think we have to open ourselves up intimately in our relationships with our partners to say, hey, baby, you know, let's sandpaper down now. [00:24:20] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, but if you're in. If you're in a truly intimate relationship. Relationship and with the person you have that you're close to, not only that you're close to, but that you. Like, you're really trusting, it's got to be. [00:24:36] Speaker B: You got to be able to feel vulnerable. Yeah. [00:24:38] Speaker A: But also, it's somebody that you're really in. Like, it's got to be somebody you're really into, too. Like, it's got to be like, hey, babe, look, like, I love everything about you, but this one space. Like, we need to figure out a way to make it better. We need to figure out a way Sexually, to make it better, you know, or, you know, like, even if. If the man. Like, if. If I was underperforming, I would love for my woman to come and say something to me. Because I'm. I'm of the old adage that whatever you can't do, somebody else will. And so if. If you come to me and you say, this is a desire of yours now, all desires will not be met. I might not be the man for you in some space. I might not be the man for you in some. In some spaces, we. In some spaces, we ain't gonna connect. We ain't going. But at least if I'm in. If we're into each other, we need to be able to at least have the conversation about it. You could get. I can hear you out on what you got to say and why you find this. So why you feel the way you feel. And then it's up to me at that point to go. To then decide and go, hey, you know what? That's valid. I'll. I'll try it. [00:26:00] Speaker B: Okay. [00:26:01] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? But we gotta set boundaries in that sense. Like, okay, now this is it. Like, this. This is. And. But that should be something that y' all talk about early. I think having conversations about physical intimacy in the sense of it being. Being compatible. I think like some people say, you know, you shouldn't talk about sex too early. I'm like, I ain't gonna lie to you. Like, I always feel like you gotta have the conversation with somebody to get to know where they are. I'm not asking you how many. I'm not asking you how many bodies you had. But I am asking you about your experience, what you like, what you don't like, things you've done, things you haven't done. And that's just a matter to see how open, spontaneous or whatever, or if we mesh. Because sometimes you just don't mesh with somebody, but you just don't mesh with them. And it's not a bad thing. It's just the truth for you. And sometimes you could have a conversation [00:27:04] Speaker B: and learn and find that. [00:27:05] Speaker A: And find through the conversation, you could find out, am I willing to have this missionary every day for the rest of my life? [00:27:14] Speaker B: But I think oftentimes with things like that, you don't always know, because different people bring about different things. Like, I've done things with my fiance sexually that I've never done, like, with anyone else. And not saying that I would have never done it with anyone else, it's just no one ever required it of me. So people bring out different things in you, you know what I'm saying? That's a valid point. And through conversation, I may say, like, hell, no, nigga, absolutely the fuck not. But then you get in that bedroom and you feeling how you feel. You like, okay, maybe I would. [00:27:50] Speaker A: Maybe I try. [00:27:51] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? Like, oh, God. You know what I'm saying? It changes your mind. So let me go into this last question, and then we're gonna kind of give you guys a little space to answer this as well in the comments. But since we're talking about age and we're talking about intimacy, and we' talking about sex changing for each partner in various ways as we grow older and as we mature. Can relationships survive when the sexual connection fades? The paint is the paint. [00:28:33] Speaker A: No, you. I thought you was asking the people, sir. You asking the people? [00:28:38] Speaker B: I'm asking the people. [00:28:39] Speaker A: But you. [00:28:41] Speaker B: Okay, so I'm with Relations now. And this is. This is. But these are the conversations we have at. Conversations over cocktails. Hey, listen, so it's a vibe, right? [00:28:51] Speaker A: Yeah, it is. [00:28:51] Speaker B: This is some real. [00:28:53] Speaker A: But for me personally, no. [00:28:57] Speaker B: Okay. I ain't built like that, so I'm just gonna. I love that you said that because I'm gonna show you how he's still a. I'mma sell you. And you know what I told myself I'm gonna be a little more demure and start using better choice of words. [00:29:14] Speaker A: Okay. [00:29:14] Speaker B: Okay. This man over here. But trust and believe. It ain't like slave nigga. It's just a term of endearment for the black community. My right. Like. But the audience, I just want them to understand that. Okay, like, when you talk to your homegirl. Bitch, bitch. Everything. It's context. [00:29:36] Speaker A: Yes, true. [00:29:36] Speaker B: Right, True. Because he's like, I beat your ass. That's another. Like, that's my. Yeah, like, goofy ass. That's one thing. My. [00:29:45] Speaker A: That's different. [00:29:46] Speaker B: Right? [00:29:46] Speaker A: That's different. [00:29:47] Speaker B: So just so the audience. Because we don't know who's listening, you kind of contradicted yourself. Close your mouth. I'm about to. I'm about to walk you. I'm about to take you through that. Okay, man. Almost said that word, didn't it? [00:30:02] Speaker A: Go ahead. [00:30:02] Speaker B: Take you through that. [00:30:03] Speaker A: Go ahead. [00:30:05] Speaker B: We already talked about the importance of intimacy. [00:30:07] Speaker A: Yes. [00:30:08] Speaker B: And how. And you. [00:30:11] Speaker A: I did said, I know where you're going. [00:30:13] Speaker B: Sitting on the porch. [00:30:14] Speaker A: I'm already down that street reading a book. [00:30:18] Speaker B: But now you said, hey, if the [00:30:19] Speaker A: ain't performing by No, I did not say that. You said if the sex. The sexual connection fades. Correct? [00:30:25] Speaker B: Yes. [00:30:25] Speaker A: Yes. I don't think it can survive if a sexual connection fades. Sexual connection is the physical. My physical want of you. [00:30:33] Speaker B: Got it? Okay. That's what I'm talking about. You're right. Check. I love a man that can check a lady. [00:30:38] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? I'm talking about my. If you're saying the sex. The sexual connection has faded, that means my want of you, whether you dry or not. If I still. [00:30:47] Speaker B: I'm no longer sexually attracted to you. [00:30:50] Speaker A: If I'm no longer sexually attracted to you. [00:30:52] Speaker B: Not the inability for us to have sex. We old and. Yeah, got it, got it. Okay. [00:30:56] Speaker A: Just. Yo. And I look at you at 80 and yes, if I could get it. And I'll give it to you. [00:31:02] Speaker B: If. Boy, if that boy could get up. Matter of fact, and if I wasn't in Sahara desert, we would have had some flames in here. Matter of fact, we just been a thought of fire. [00:31:11] Speaker A: Let's see what to do. Hey, I put some spit in my hand and rub that, man. [00:31:15] Speaker B: We gonna get some of that Vaseline [00:31:17] Speaker A: or we gonna get Whatever, man, we gonna squeeze. [00:31:18] Speaker B: Understood. That makes total sense. [00:31:21] Speaker A: But that's what I mean. Like, when people. [00:31:23] Speaker B: Because the sexual connection is beyond the actual intercourse. [00:31:27] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. When I think the movie Love Jones, they're having a conversation, I think it's Savon and it's Darius. And Darius says, when people say that the sexual connection is gone. I think I got the verbiage right. If when people say the sex and the sex is gone out there, the sex is gone, it's not that the sex is gone. It's that they've exhausted the possibilities. And I think that sometimes you can be with somebody for so long that you've experienced sort of the same thing all the time, and you don't go into. Okay, babe, let's explore this role play. Yeah, let's explore that. Let's explore this, like, totally different. Whatever. [00:32:14] Speaker B: Someone else in the room with us. [00:32:16] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:32:16] Speaker B: Hey, whatever it is. [00:32:17] Speaker A: Whatever it is, It's a party at that point. But, you know, I love a good party. I love a good party. Anyway, at. So that. That spoke to me in that moment. It was like, yo, that's right. Like, yeah, we could say all day that, man, I no more attracted. Like. And then there was another movie, and I can't remember where it is. It says, I wake up and choose you every day. I look at you and I choose you every day. Because I am still. I look at you and you are still fine as hell to me every single day. [00:32:55] Speaker B: Difficult. [00:32:55] Speaker A: Every single day. [00:32:57] Speaker B: I look at my fiance and I think, he is still such. I'm still very attracted to him. And it's been years. Like, he's still very handsome. His hands still feel good. It's crazy. But I agree. I cannot. [00:33:17] Speaker A: What about you? I'm flip. [00:33:18] Speaker B: I cannot stay in a relationship that is not sexually healthy. I can't. That I do not feel connected to. Because infidelity will come in, and I don't want to be with anyone that I feel that I have to cheat on. I can't. [00:33:35] Speaker A: Glory. [00:33:36] Speaker B: I cannot do it for me. I would much rather have this very uncomfortable conversation and say, look, I can't do this. I can't. I don't. I'm not a cheater. I don't want to be a cheater. [00:33:48] Speaker A: Yep. [00:33:49] Speaker B: I don't have the energy to cheat. It's too many lies. [00:33:53] Speaker A: You gotta tell too much. [00:33:54] Speaker B: And I already gotta lie about shit. When I look at customers and say, girl, your hair is beautiful. I got too much. I gotta lie about already. I am not lying. [00:34:02] Speaker A: I don't need to lie about that [00:34:04] Speaker B: person I sleep with every night. I would rather say I don't feel that way about you any longer. I am not connected to you in that way. And not that it's solely about vagina and penis. [00:34:21] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I got what you said. [00:34:22] Speaker B: It's about that feeling. It's about that connection. And so as a human being, because we naturally are drawn to people and connections are important, which is why Covid was so difficult for us. I'm. It's going to make me be drawn to someone else eventually. Now, what will work in my favor that I don't like? I'm sorry. I don't like nobody. [00:34:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:44] Speaker B: I don't like no body. It's hard for me to like people. It is in that way. I love everybody. But to like someone like that, that takes a lot. That takes a lot. So I would rather just have that conversation to get you prepared to know. [00:35:02] Speaker A: Yes. [00:35:02] Speaker B: So this is time for us to start. [00:35:05] Speaker A: Yeah. It's a divide to divide. [00:35:07] Speaker B: Because I ain't gonna say that then in a week, I'm in somebody else's bed. [00:35:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:12] Speaker B: I'm saying it because I'm preparing for the disconnect. I'm preparing that I'm not longer connection connected. And when I'm not longer and when I'm no longer connected, I'm not gonna do certain Things because I don't feel the. [00:35:27] Speaker A: The intimacy or the want to do. [00:35:30] Speaker B: I don't feel that way no more. You know what I'm saying? So I personally cannot stay in a relationship that I no longer feel a sexual connection to. I can, however, as I'm preparing to separate, I can hope and pray that that connection starts again before I meet someone else. Because once I meet someone else and I have a connection with that person, ours is permanently going to be over. [00:35:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:59] Speaker B: So. [00:35:59] Speaker A: Because. So, because there's no way to get back. [00:36:01] Speaker B: I don't know how to get back because I already started with somebody else. [00:36:03] Speaker A: It's been fragmented at that point. Because now you have now, you guys, it's not that your connection wasn't genuine. It's just that it's over. [00:36:11] Speaker B: It's over. So just some things to kind of reflect on right as we're closing out this session. First of all, you got to come to eat my biscuits. Yay. You're in Atlanta area. [00:36:22] Speaker A: You always do that. [00:36:23] Speaker B: Eat my biscuits. We're right by the airport. 2881 Main Street. Thursday evenings, we have conversations over cocktails, but other than that, we're open from 9am until 3pm Follow us on Instagram, TikTok or Facebook. Eat. Underscore my biscuits. The next thing is understand what intimacy means. And when you are going into these relationships or when you are out dating, make sure you find that intimacy before you start fucking, because that's why y' all spreading all these diseases. And on top of the fact that you people. Too soon. [00:37:00] Speaker A: True. [00:37:01] Speaker B: What was that noise? [00:37:03] Speaker A: My iPad. [00:37:04] Speaker B: Oh. I'm like, is that a ghost? [00:37:05] Speaker A: I forgot to turn that off. Oh, I turned off my phone. I forgot to turn that off. [00:37:10] Speaker B: Okay. I just make a shine going crazy. So make sure you have that level of intimacy and be intimate enough to have the uncomfortable conversations with your spouse. Just. It just makes for healthier relationships. It makes for healthier breakups. It makes for people being able to move on in a sound mind that they did what they could do and they did it the right way. It leads to less regret and just healthier relationships over time with each other. And I think that's what we, especially as black people, need. Healthy relationships. Ones that work and ones that don't work. Yeah, those still need to be able to be healthy. So you want to do your clothes out? [00:37:53] Speaker A: Well, what. Well, what did I learn today? [00:37:57] Speaker B: What do you learn today? [00:37:59] Speaker A: Hey, it's never what intimacy is. We did learn what intimacy is. I also learned that, you know, there's never a bad time for a party. [00:38:08] Speaker B: Never a bad time for a party. [00:38:11] Speaker A: All right, y', all, thanks for tapping into the show again. Make sure to follow us on all social media platforms at R E L S T A T podcast. Make sure that you join the Patreon at page. It's patreon.com relationship status. And hey, if you want to ask us some questions, email us. [00:38:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Or if you have, like, maybe some experiences that you've had that you kind of want to put out there. Of course, we won't disclose any names or anything. [00:38:40] Speaker A: Of course. [00:38:40] Speaker B: That you want to put out there to get any feedback on. It could be about any topic, honestly. I mean, the. The title of this is relationship status. [00:38:49] Speaker A: Yeah, but it can be about, however. [00:38:50] Speaker B: You have a relationship with money. You have a relationship with finances. You have a relationship with family, with friends, with children, with parents. So this relationship is not just about a male, female, romantic relationship. It's the relationship status about everything. [00:39:07] Speaker A: Everything. [00:39:08] Speaker B: Relationship, spiritual relationship, financial relationship, career, relationship. Your relationship with yourself. That's the most important relationship in your relationship with God. [00:39:19] Speaker A: I told this one the other day, she got it f with herself. On that note, y', all, this is relationship Status podcast. And we're out. [00:39:30] Speaker B: Peace.