286th Date: Who Should Lead the Relationship? The Man or the Woman?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship status. [00:00:03] Speaker B: I'm Angel. [00:00:04] Speaker C: Hi, I'm Chanel. [00:00:05] Speaker A: And it's your boy Yousef in the building. And as you can see, we are here with an Amazing, amazing guest, Ms. Diamond Nettles. How you doing today? [00:00:14] Speaker D: Good. [00:00:14] Speaker A: Did I say that correctly? Okay. Because I've been struggling. I was like, I don't know how to pronounce her last name. Let me not. Let me just leave it. Let me just leave it be. But appreciate you stopping through. I know you headed back up the road. I said, let us get you on real quick. So first off, how was the event? It looked like people had a great time. [00:00:35] Speaker D: So we did have a good time. We played a lot of games. We played a variety of different games. My special guest, Dougie Hendricks came in, got the crowd together. Our only issue, we had a little issue. [00:00:49] Speaker A: What was the issue? [00:00:51] Speaker D: The men. The men didn't. [00:00:53] Speaker A: My folk didn't show up. [00:00:54] Speaker D: They didn't show up how they needed to show up. And I was just confused because they got these tickets and I was just trying to figure out, oh, so men [00:01:01] Speaker A: did buy the tickets, they just didn't show. [00:01:03] Speaker D: Yes. So I was just like, h. I think, interesting. [00:01:06] Speaker A: What you might need to do next time is get a van and just go pick them up. Just be like, we got free service. [00:01:12] Speaker D: You got to do something. [00:01:13] Speaker B: I do a white van. [00:01:14] Speaker A: No, not a white. Not a white car. [00:01:16] Speaker C: No, not a. I mean, we want them to believe they're going to come back home. [00:01:19] Speaker B: Yeah, don't get the white van. Don't get the white van. [00:01:22] Speaker A: But n. Look, I was able to stop through. I went stopped in. Atmosphere was great. Venue was great. I like the way you had the table set up. DJ was good. It was, it was. I. I thought it was going to be an amazing event. I was supposed to come back, but some stuff happened. I didn't make it back. But once again, man, I, I really, really. And I really thought you did a great job as far as the organization of the event. You had signs on the road. I even posted the sign. I said, hey, fellas, make a left on this. Make a left at the sign. You know, it was great signage. Things that a lot of people don't do when they're having an event. They don't. They don't go through and put the legwork into that stuff. And I saw an amazing like you, You. You could tell it was planned and this was not run of the mill. Hey, buy a ticket. Here's a flyer. [00:02:12] Speaker C: Right? [00:02:13] Speaker A: Just come. You know, we just Trying to make some money. You, you were really deliberate about what you were doing and it was, it. I, I thought it was going to be. I thought the men were going to. Cuz listen. Some of the women I saw on the video, I was like, hey, I should have made it back. Why? I didn't make it. [00:02:27] Speaker C: I should have made it back. [00:02:30] Speaker A: Some of them was. Some of them was looking good. [00:02:32] Speaker B: Thank you. Sorry. I'm just kidding. [00:02:35] Speaker C: Look at her own. I mean, see you so ready to get on my cage. [00:02:42] Speaker A: Threw me off that dog. Going to quit. Sorry, what you mean? So how you. You went. How did you. [00:02:48] Speaker B: I did go. It was nice. I was there for support. So I wasn't there like, you know, looking for anybody, but it was. [00:02:53] Speaker A: Cuz we know she ain't looking. [00:02:56] Speaker D: I swear. [00:02:58] Speaker B: I swear after 19 years, I'mma come up here in three months with a ring on. You going to be excited for me. I'm lying anyway. I lied. Yeah, I lied real bad. But no, it was very nice. Little red flag. Like you had like the red and green flag and you hold up your flag if you thought it was like a. So I thought that was really cool. It was nice. I think you did a great job. The food was great. My drink was great. [00:03:25] Speaker A: She does a great job with that. [00:03:26] Speaker B: Yeah, that was my first time ever being there ever. [00:03:29] Speaker C: I've known her for years, Savannah. [00:03:31] Speaker B: Yeah. So that was my first time ever being there ever. And it was really good. I think you did a good job. It's just maybe, I don't know, the Negroes, man. Do y' all like women these days? [00:03:45] Speaker D: I was confused about. [00:03:47] Speaker A: Let's start there. [00:03:48] Speaker D: Okay. [00:03:53] Speaker A: We love women. [00:03:55] Speaker D: Maybe nothing, those of us outside the. [00:03:58] Speaker A: No. [00:04:00] Speaker C: Maybe only in private. [00:04:01] Speaker A: No, it's not. I don't think it's that. I think. Well, first off, there's a couple things and we've talked about it on the show. One, if you had. If you. If you hadn't said. If you just said mixer, you'd had all kind of guys there, even married ones would have been there. Okay, so they was going to come anyway. They was. No. Which is. [00:04:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:19] Speaker C: You don't say. [00:04:20] Speaker B: They single anyway. [00:04:22] Speaker A: Well, that's true. And then the second thing I think, I think is difficult for men to date today or even to approach. We have. We're such a society in which it's easier to get in somebody's DMs than it is to organically approach somebody. Like you see them in a grocery store or you see them at an event like as singles mixer. I think anybody who comes to a mixer is very, very deliberate about what they want to do, what they're searching for, what they see on. I think a lot of guys just don't know 1, 2. I think a lot of guys are afraid because of how it may come across. And then some of us don't know what's going to be there. Like, we don't know the value of women that's going to be there. We don't know how they gonna look. We don't know. I like. And I think that sometimes that plays a part because we are about aesthetics a lot of times. [00:05:07] Speaker C: So I think that's. That's the whole purpose of it is to have icebreakers without expectations. Like, you can come and play the games and have conversation and leave with no one. [00:05:18] Speaker A: No, I agree. [00:05:19] Speaker C: You can choose to not do anything. [00:05:21] Speaker A: I totally agree with you. [00:05:22] Speaker C: Like, I mean, we need to get that message across. The men that come coming to those mixers, you can come in single, have great conversation with someone who is extraordinary, beautiful, or she can be an ugly creature and you can have fun with her and walk away. [00:05:39] Speaker B: And it's not an ugly creature. [00:05:41] Speaker C: I mean, let's be real. Everybody ain't beautiful. And everybody. Everybody who's pretty isn't shallow. So you can have fun with either or. And still have a great night and walk away the same way you do at a club. But it is the fact of everybody is so used to social media and. And dating sites, planning your marriages, that you're not used to meeting somebody in public and actually being able to have a conversation. Yeah, I ain't got no game. That why the men ain't show up. You ain't got no game. [00:06:07] Speaker B: And it's weird. [00:06:08] Speaker D: I was like, they don't know, especially [00:06:10] Speaker C: the light skins, but we gonna stay off that. [00:06:13] Speaker D: They don't know how to have conversation. [00:06:14] Speaker C: Right. [00:06:15] Speaker D: So that's. I feel like that's a. [00:06:17] Speaker C: So understand that what she tried to do was actually giving y' all the game instead of y' all actually have to produce it. It's come play those games and. And actually realize that you don't actually have to have the conversation. Have fun and let it work for you. [00:06:31] Speaker B: Right. It's like she giving you the bait. Like, here they are. Here. Come and get them, baby. This is all these women are single. [00:06:38] Speaker C: Like, it's like fishing. We provide them the rod. [00:06:43] Speaker B: Like, that's it. Men are weird. [00:06:46] Speaker C: Yeah. You ain't never went to the little. I know. They do it at the beach all the time, where you go to the little pier and they got the rod and the, and the bait and everything. All you got to do is pay for it. [00:06:56] Speaker D: That's it. [00:06:57] Speaker C: All you got to do is fish. That's basically what a, A, A mixer is. We doing all the work for you. [00:07:02] Speaker A: But I think, I think women have made it difficult for men to come to events like this and be vulnerable enough to show up to an event like this. [00:07:09] Speaker C: The only thing that's making it difficult is we actually take the initiative. We actually be intentional about looking good. [00:07:16] Speaker A: Had to listen you say this. Had I been able to make it back. I had to. Been saying whatever. What I needed to. If I saw somebody in there to say something to. Cause I'm from the school of I. I don't get in DMs. I don't. Hey, you're. I think it's weird. Like, I think it's just completely, utterly weird. [00:07:34] Speaker B: It really is. [00:07:35] Speaker A: So to me, I don't do that. Like, I, I'm just not that type of person. I'm more of a yo. Like, I remember the days when we didn't have hell, when all we had was a beeper. You know what I'm saying? Huh? [00:07:49] Speaker C: Y' all had colds on people too? [00:07:50] Speaker A: No, I'm just saying. But you had to. But, but there was no social media. There was no social media. So to get your number, like, I had to. I remember, you know, back in New York, riding the bus and you see a girl. And I remember one time my sister had to put me on game. My sister was like. Because I would come home, I would. I was washing dishes at nyu and so I would always, before I left, I always changed my clothes to ride the train back to the house. And so my sister was like, why do you do that? I was like, yo, I gotta look good in case I run into something. You know what I'm saying? She was like, you got a job and you wearing a uniform. A woman gonna holler at you if you got on a uniform. If you holler at her, you got a job. You coming from the job. I was like, shoot, every day since that day running my. Wearing my damn. My dirty ass dishwasher outfit down on the sofa. And I would approach and approach and approach and do what I do. But that was just. That was more so me. I couldn't like. So now I can't get with this. These new age, this new age dating that's come about and it's dating sites and we talked about it A couple episodes ago. Where dating sites aren't built for you to. To get someone. Dating sites are built for you to keep. To keep you on. Because the longer you stay on, the more money, the more money they make because you to actually get to somewhat in a form of a match, you got to buy the subscription. So to keep you on, they don't want you getting nobody. They want to keep you on. Now if you look up and get somebody, like they said, hinge is made the. The app that's made to delete. Yeah, but they gonna get your money until you delete. You know what I'm saying? So at the end of the day, the only thing I think the only one that's free is like Facebook dating. But that's like, you know, shooting fish in the damn barrel because ain't no telling what you're gonna find on that. That's the only thing I said I [00:09:33] Speaker B: was gonna go on there to be nosy, just to see what it looked [00:09:36] Speaker A: like, see what it looks, looks, looks like. [00:09:39] Speaker B: Because I've never ever been on a date ever. [00:09:41] Speaker A: It's just Facebook. [00:09:43] Speaker D: I've been on Tinder really back like about five, six years ago, but I was trying to meet people in the area, so I made it very. Like I'm just trying to meet people in the area because I was new in the area at the time. Gotcha. [00:09:58] Speaker A: Did you meet, did you meet somebody? [00:09:59] Speaker D: I did meet people. I still, I'm still friends with most of them. [00:10:03] Speaker C: Remember we talked about that and I said that's, that's how I feel. Dating sites are supposed to be. Just to meet people and have friends and mingle with. Not looking for marriage or longing relationship. Long term relationships. [00:10:15] Speaker D: But it's like a kickstart. [00:10:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:17] Speaker C: Like usual, it works sometimes. [00:10:19] Speaker B: Some people are legit looking for marriage, though on those sites. [00:10:22] Speaker D: I don't think that got married. [00:10:24] Speaker B: Yeah, like some people are legit looking for their. [00:10:27] Speaker C: That's a very rare occasion. But it does work for some people. [00:10:32] Speaker A: Okay. That kind of. We're gonna transition a little bit. We're gonna talk a little bit about. She brought up the fact of marriage. People looking for marriage. And it's that third. And there's a lot of stuff on the Internet about leading who's who, the man should this or the woman should this or the woman should this. The man should that. So question to the panel, to everybody here. Can you be the leader in your relationship without becoming controlling? And can you be independent women? Oh, God. Can you be independent without becoming selfish? [00:11:08] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. [00:11:10] Speaker A: How so? [00:11:11] Speaker B: I mean, I can be. That's a fine. [00:11:12] Speaker A: But that's a fine line. You think so the difference between independent, independent and selfish. Yes, I think that's a fine line. [00:11:20] Speaker B: Some women are independent because they want that, because they have to be, not because they want to be. [00:11:26] Speaker C: Independence. [00:11:29] Speaker A: Some women wear independence like a badge of honor. I'm independent. I N D E P I N D. Look, look, look. There you go. [00:11:36] Speaker C: You understand what independence, that's just for entertainment. [00:11:39] Speaker A: Duh. [00:11:40] Speaker B: Like that's, that's for pure. [00:11:43] Speaker C: But I'm saying. No, no, no, no, no. [00:11:47] Speaker B: I don't mean. [00:11:50] Speaker C: But I don't mean like just a textbook definition of independence. Having independence doesn't mean that you're going to be selfish about your independence. Having something for myself does not mean I'm going to be selfish. For instance, if you want to get a degree, that's something that I want for me. That don't mean I have to be selfish just to get it. [00:12:09] Speaker B: I think more. [00:12:10] Speaker C: I'm not talking about a textbook definitions, but if you want to pursue something because I need this to be whole for me, I don't have to be selfish to get it. I have four children. But just because I have goals and dreams for myself don't mean I have to sacrifice being a good mother in order to get it. So when you think about relationships, if I want to be a good wife, that don't mean I have to sacrifice the love and the, and the things that they need emotionally or physically in order to be a good wife just because I have goals and dreams of my own. So yes, you can be independent and not be selfish. You have to adjust, choose to pace yourself in the things that you want for yourself. You have to choose to be intentional about the way you love that person, the way you provide for that person, the way you take care of their needs and still be independent in what you need, but be selfless in the things that they need. [00:13:02] Speaker A: I'm gonna give you a hug. [00:13:03] Speaker C: So I ain't in. [00:13:04] Speaker A: I'm gonna give you a hug. [00:13:05] Speaker C: So than you. I'm just saying you went school teacher on me and said yes, I know what Webster says. [00:13:10] Speaker A: I'm gonna give you a hug. After the podcast. When you hear the phrase leadership in a relationship, what does that mean to you? [00:13:20] Speaker D: Leadership is. I feel like, well, before we go into like, I feel like it's. It just depends on what is the topic of discussion. What are we leading? What is, what is Like, I don't know the best way I can describe this leadership to me is take initiative in whatever direction that is. How we doing with finances, how we [00:13:48] Speaker B: doing with [00:13:51] Speaker D: the kids, how we doing with work, with our daily schedule? It's like, what's the best way for this to work out for how we do it in our family? So I feel like that's what leadership is. [00:14:05] Speaker A: Okay, what about you, Angel? [00:14:09] Speaker B: I mean, when I think about leadership in a relationship, I always feel that, and I guess I could be old school, that a man is supposed to be the leadership, the leader of. And I guess biblically speaking, I just always feel like a man is supposed to be the leader and the head of my household. [00:14:30] Speaker A: But what if he's not worthy? What if he's not worthy of that? [00:14:33] Speaker B: I was going to say, hold on. [00:14:34] Speaker A: Go ahead, Diamond. [00:14:37] Speaker B: But if he is unable to do those things, then you have to do what you have to do to keep it afloat. And number one, if you can't, if you are a man and you cannot lead a marriage or relationship, you don't need to be in one. [00:14:50] Speaker A: Okay, diamond, you had a. Well, first off, we didn't ask Diamond a very important question. [00:14:56] Speaker B: Oh yeah, what's your relationship status? [00:15:00] Speaker D: I'm seeing someone. [00:15:02] Speaker A: Okay. [00:15:03] Speaker C: They said, everybody quiet girl, stand boldly in there. [00:15:05] Speaker A: She didn't say it with a chest. [00:15:07] Speaker B: She's like, [00:15:11] Speaker A: me and diamond had a conversation prior. [00:15:15] Speaker C: Cause you definitely have to tell him that quickly. Quickly. [00:15:19] Speaker D: Okay. [00:15:19] Speaker B: We're just like scurry alone. [00:15:20] Speaker A: Yeah, we gonna slide past him. But do you wanna divulge any other information about yourself or we gonna keep that? [00:15:26] Speaker D: Yeah, I'm gonna keep that for right now. We'll get into that when we scurry along. Talk about a little bit more. [00:15:30] Speaker A: Okay, okay. Nah, you know, I just wanted to see. [00:15:34] Speaker D: Let's talk about it a little bit more later on. [00:15:37] Speaker A: Later on. Okay? Okay. Okay, cool. So you talked about the man leadership and do you think a woman. I ask this to you, Chanel. Well, I know you believe this cause you aggressive. Can a woman lead? [00:15:50] Speaker C: First of all, what we ain't gonna do is do that to me. Yes, I am an aggressive female. But don't get it twisted that me being aggressive doesn't mean that I'm not a submissive woman. So I don't think a lot of [00:16:02] Speaker A: women know what submissive is. [00:16:03] Speaker C: Light skinned skin. [00:16:03] Speaker A: You we the same complexion. [00:16:05] Speaker C: Light skinned. I'm a light skinned woman, not a light skinned man. There are two different things. [00:16:09] Speaker A: We literally. [00:16:11] Speaker C: Oh no, y' all are. But we all don't. We ladies, we know there's a difference in a light skinned woman and a light skinned man. [00:16:18] Speaker D: It. Yeah, yeah. [00:16:19] Speaker C: You even chew light skinned. Oh, oh, I got the finger. I know I was going to break it out of you eventually. [00:16:30] Speaker A: I'mma cut that out. [00:16:32] Speaker C: Don't you edit nothing. Don't you edit nothing. [00:16:34] Speaker A: Cut that out. What you about to say? [00:16:36] Speaker B: Don't you chew like light skin jeans. [00:16:38] Speaker C: You trying to dance? Cross me. [00:16:40] Speaker A: You would not can a woman lead. [00:16:42] Speaker D: I don't think men were intended to lead. [00:16:46] Speaker C: Go ahead, come with it, baby. I like that. Go ahead. [00:16:48] Speaker D: I don't think they was intended to lead. I feel like that concept is kind of screwed because men have been leading this whole time as far as in the country and everything and where we at. I'm just saying I don't feel like they was intended to leave. I feel like they was intended to be like the muscle but not the lead. Because even in my household, like growing up, if my dad said I could go, he'd be like, yeah, you can go. And then I go ask my mama, she gonna say no. That's the final say that she, she kind of pretty much puts the final decision on a lot of things. So she's. [00:17:30] Speaker A: But I think that's more of the. I think leadership is understanding discernment. So I think that you gotta understand when to put your foot down and when to just back down. And I think there needs to be a balance. And that's why I think the leadership for me, I didn't see my dad wasn't worth a lead. Wasn't worth at that time of me growing up, my dad wasn't worthy of leading anybody anywhere except for. To the drug, the drug spot, to get high. So that, that was his thing. That's what he wanted to do. How he coped with whatever he dealt with in Vietnam, I don't blame him for it. It's just what it was. So my mom, my grandmother, they the ones that raised me, they the ones that, that did everything for me, but raised me to understand that I'm the head of my household, that I'm the one that has to make the important decisions in my household. That they were only making those decisions in this household because they had to, not because they wanted to. [00:18:26] Speaker B: That's why. [00:18:26] Speaker A: And so, and so. But my grandmother put me in a position and she was like, hey, you gotta learn everything to run your house. She was like, yes. She was like, do you want, do you even want your wife to cook? You might not even want her to cook. She was like, but you need to know how to cook. She said, you need to know how to do this. You know how I need to do that? Because I'm be honest with you. I like, in, like down here in the South, I'm like, it's difficult for me to date, like, Southern women. And the reason being is they see me as this guy who I'm not manly enough. That's what I've been told. And the reason being is because their dads could fix the car, can mow the lawn, can do this, do that. In New York, I don't need no [00:19:09] Speaker B: car, I said, cause you're from the city, though. [00:19:11] Speaker A: In New York, I don't need no car. Yeah, in New York, I ain't never seen a patch of grass until we went to the park and I had to mow that. [00:19:16] Speaker B: Right. That's what I'm saying. From the city. And so am I. [00:19:19] Speaker A: So, you know, so it's like there's certain things that I just don't know how to do. And. And I understand that I can pay someone to do it. Like you as my wife, don't have to do it. [00:19:28] Speaker B: I mean, I don't care how I get done as long as I don't [00:19:30] Speaker C: have to do it. [00:19:31] Speaker A: But there are women. But there are women. There's a demographic. There's a demographic of women that I've met and come across a lot who feel like if you're not doing these things, then you're not doing. My daddy. My daddy, my daddy. Well, didn't go marry your damn daddy. [00:19:47] Speaker C: But you know what? Now, I wasn't that type of wife. Cause my husband was from Jersey and I never made him feel that way. But he felt some type of way because he wasn't one to cut the grass. But my daddy will come cut it. I ain't about to pay somebody. Well, my daddy got a ride along. [00:20:05] Speaker A: No, but that's. See, but that's gonna make me feel away. [00:20:07] Speaker C: But he's gonna make him feel away. Listen, he felt some type of way when I was saying budget wise, it makes sense when my daddy got a riding lawnmower and. And he's willing to come cut the grass. Why pay for something that my daddy is willing to do for free? He's like, I ain't calling your daddy. You ain't got to call him. [00:20:25] Speaker A: I can see, but. See, but that's what I'm saying. [00:20:27] Speaker B: Or you can go cut the grass. [00:20:29] Speaker A: Or you can what? [00:20:29] Speaker D: You can go cut the grass. [00:20:31] Speaker A: Let me tell you something. [00:20:31] Speaker D: And then I don't have to call my dad. [00:20:33] Speaker C: My point was. My point was. Is it ego? [00:20:37] Speaker B: Ego driven. [00:20:38] Speaker C: You get what I'm saying? [00:20:39] Speaker A: I don't think it's ego. I don't think that's a. [00:20:41] Speaker C: You going let me ask the question. Can I fully ask the question? Cuz I mean it's an ego. [00:20:44] Speaker A: You said it's an ego. [00:20:45] Speaker C: I finished it. Wasn't it the fact of he had a problem with the fact that I'm a southern woman who know my daddy can do certain things or was it just his ego? Because I don't understand why am I gonna pay $60 to cut our big behind yard when my daddy can do it for free? [00:20:59] Speaker A: Am I asking you to pay [00:21:02] Speaker C: would have came out of our budget. [00:21:04] Speaker A: I just asked you a question. Am I asking you to pay it [00:21:06] Speaker C: if our money in the same account I am paying it. [00:21:09] Speaker A: I didn't ask you that. I asked you am I asking you to pay it? [00:21:12] Speaker C: When you get mad you has changed the we's. I mean the eyes for. Am I asking. It's us together. [00:21:17] Speaker A: You still can't. [00:21:17] Speaker C: I am paying it. Yes, but you are asking me to pay. [00:21:20] Speaker A: I'm not asking you to pay anything. Cuz it could be a situation where you say, hey listen, my daddy could do it for free. If you want it, you're going to have to pay it out of. Out of your money. And cool, that's fine, I'll do that. Because. No, because it's not an ego thing and what you're missing, it's an ego thing. [00:21:35] Speaker C: He's not paying money. Come out. [00:21:37] Speaker A: I'm going tell you what you're missing in that. What you're. What you're missing in that is. And all three of you. Because Diamond's looking at me like what? [00:21:45] Speaker B: No, I [00:21:47] Speaker C: actually agree with. [00:21:48] Speaker A: This is the issue. [00:21:49] Speaker C: This is the issue. [00:21:52] Speaker A: When you, when you got married, your dad handed you off to your husband. Your husband is supposed to deal with you. He's supposed to take care of you. He's supposed to do all these things for you. The moment that you do these things, it has nothing to do with my ego. What now happens is your dad now is in our marriage. [00:22:13] Speaker C: I agree. [00:22:14] Speaker A: Your dad now looks at me as a lesser man. [00:22:18] Speaker C: And that's not an ego thing I agree with. [00:22:20] Speaker A: That's a thing that's just a man. That's just. That's just being like. I wouldn't have my mom come in the house and cook for me. Because you didn't cook this. [00:22:27] Speaker D: Okay. [00:22:27] Speaker A: Like the way. [00:22:28] Speaker B: Right. So that's why. [00:22:30] Speaker A: Because you didn't cook the same way, you know what I'm saying? Because you didn't cook, you. You can't cook payloud. So I'm gonna call my mama in to cook payout. [00:22:36] Speaker D: They definitely gonna talk, you know what I'm saying? [00:22:37] Speaker A: Cuz now my mama gonna talk trash. And my daddy, your daddy gonna say something to you about why that man can't cut the grass. And he may be joking. [00:22:44] Speaker D: No, he did. [00:22:45] Speaker A: But them digs, like every time he come over, he going to be like, see how I did that? You see how I did them corner sun on that grass? Boy, you need to learn how to. [00:22:52] Speaker C: The whole reason why my daddy came to cut the grass, cuz the grass is high because he been delayed on. We s been looking at this grass [00:23:00] Speaker A: like, no, that's fine. [00:23:02] Speaker C: It ain't coming out my account. [00:23:03] Speaker A: I get what you're saying. [00:23:04] Speaker C: Pay the people. [00:23:05] Speaker A: I don't. I don't mind pay, cuz let my [00:23:08] Speaker C: dad come pickle them boys and they [00:23:09] Speaker A: grass ain't cut the story. I was in college. First house we had, I had some roommates is my junior year had some roommates. And the place that we lived at, the people said we had to take care of the mowing of the grass. It was three of us in the house. So we said every week we're gonna rotate who does the grass. Okay? First two weeks them boys did it. The third week it was me, I got that little lawn mower. It was a push mower. And I was out there for two damn hours in the hot sun. And I had mowed maybe a small patch. I could not figure out how to keep this goddamn the damn mower on. I couldn't figure out how to get it to move. I was. And then I look up and in the bathroom, because the bathroom window was out, pointed out to the backyard, both of my roommates is in there. Like one from Charleston, one from Spartanburg, laughing they ass off. Shouts out to Tyrus and V's, laughing they ass off. That was the last time I tried to mow some grass. Because right after that I called the guy I just found. My co worker did some did landscaping and I just paid him. My house. Now there's a little young man. There's a young man that has a little landscaping business. I said, hey, son, every two weeks, just come do it and I'll cash app you when you come by. I'm not mowing it. I know I don't know how to do it. Changing the Oil. I'm not doing it. I don't know how to do it. I know some people that know how to do it. I'mma pay them. But the point of the matter is. The point of the matter is. [00:24:24] Speaker C: But I'm Southern, like. [00:24:26] Speaker A: Like rounding it back around is where you grow up. Kind of dictates what you, to a certain degree, what you know how to do. And the difficulty in leadership is sometimes knowing when to kind of pass something off and when to move and be the person that move forward. Because even initiating it, like, I'm not the best at dealing with finances. Like, I just don't want to do it. So I'm going to empower my wife to be. Now we're going to sit down every Sunday and we're going to go through the budget. This is what we got. This is what we need to pay this down the third. I'm going to be a part of the process. But you could deal with that. I don't. I don't want to do. That's your thing, cooking. I. I love to cook. So my wife doesn't have to. You know what I'm saying? So we can trade off on certain things. But that's the leadership in me. And sometimes leadership is understanding what you're not good at. [00:25:17] Speaker C: Because if you leave it to me [00:25:18] Speaker A: to pay the bills, it's gonna be a late fee. You can be like, didn't I tell you I'd be. Oh, I forgot. [00:25:23] Speaker C: And see, like I said, I'm not disagreeing what you're saying because I totally do get it. But I feel like when it's something that you know that you can't do and there is somebody else to do it, if you're not going to be on top of paying for what your shortcomings are, then you can't be mad at your partner for filling that void. [00:25:42] Speaker A: True. Do you think that sometimes people, and I ask this to you, diamond, when people are leaders, do you think they. There's a thin line between a dictator and a leader. Which one. Which one are you? Cause you seem like you the leader in whatever relationship you in. You done said that. That woman. So. [00:26:00] Speaker D: No, I'm saying as far as they supposed to be like, I don't feel like men was intending to lead. I feel like it still was supposed to be a at. At the same time. Yeah. [00:26:12] Speaker A: So then. So how is. How is that there's no leader. [00:26:15] Speaker D: It wasn't supposed to be a leader. That's what I mean. It wasn't supposed to be a Leader. And I don't think they're supposed to [00:26:19] Speaker C: be on the same plane. [00:26:20] Speaker D: Yes. I don't think it's supposed to be a leader at all. That's why it could be on the same plane. [00:26:24] Speaker A: But I'm leaving. I'm driving the train. There's only one in a car. There's one steering wheel, one set of pets. [00:26:31] Speaker D: That's a house. [00:26:32] Speaker A: In the house. They want one front door. [00:26:35] Speaker D: It's one front door. It's two. [00:26:37] Speaker A: Okay, so. Okay, so basically. Okay, so it's two people cohabitating. [00:26:40] Speaker D: Yes. [00:26:41] Speaker A: And. And it don't make. So you saying the woman. It was meant. It meant to be even, right? [00:26:46] Speaker D: Yes. [00:26:47] Speaker A: Okay, so intruder come up in the house, since you the first. And intruder comes in the house, since you're the first one up, you should get the gun and go take care of it. [00:26:54] Speaker B: Right. [00:26:54] Speaker A: You ain't got to wake me up to do it. [00:26:56] Speaker D: Now, in how my household would be, but in general, I guess, if you want to do it, the traditional factors are how things supposed to be. Yeah, go get up. No, I'm not. [00:27:10] Speaker A: No, you want. We. We Eve. We equal. If you hear it first, you go take care of it. [00:27:14] Speaker D: I mean, I would do that if I had to. [00:27:18] Speaker C: Okay, you know what? [00:27:21] Speaker A: But don't wake me up. You. Hey, we both leaving. [00:27:24] Speaker D: Why we both can't go out there. [00:27:26] Speaker A: And don't wake me up. You take care. [00:27:29] Speaker B: You would be okay with. If you were marrying. It's like he said, somebody came in the house and your husband just laying in the bed and somebody in there stealing your stuff. You will be okay with your husband just laying there and you have to get up and it's a man. It's a dude. Like, I like you. You're. You're little. Like. It's a guy like six foot, something, like, he coming in the house wrecking stuff. You will be okay with your man laying in the bed and you in here trying to fight this guy. [00:27:53] Speaker D: I'm not talking about protect protector factor. I'm talking about leadership. [00:27:58] Speaker A: Oh. [00:27:59] Speaker D: As far as. [00:28:00] Speaker A: But you know, that's a part of leadership. [00:28:01] Speaker B: That is a part of leadership. Because I ain't doing it. [00:28:04] Speaker A: Protecting comes under the leadership. [00:28:06] Speaker B: I'm doing it. Yeah, I'm. Listen, I'm gonna be real honest with you. When I was married, I felt like I'm an adult, but I felt like my husband was an adult. 2.0. Okay? If I ain't gotta do it, I'm not doing it. I've never cut grass before a day in my life. Cause I had a husband, boy, I'm not doing it. I've never touched a trash bag. [00:28:22] Speaker C: I'm not. [00:28:22] Speaker B: Why am I doing that? I'm not doing it. If I don't have to do it, I'm just not gonna do it. Like, what is. We made a whatever when we first got married. Like, hey, this is what you are responsible for. This is what I'm responsible for. And we made it work in that aspect. And it's like, like he said we set down a certain day, like here the bills. I let him handle it because I get anxiety when it comes to like, if you ain't do it, I'm like, you, you handle that. But everything else as far as like the kids shopping and doing all of that, I got that. I can do that. But anything else, maintenance in the house, something, bro, I ain't doing that. [00:29:03] Speaker A: We know you ain't doing it. [00:29:04] Speaker B: I'm not doing it. When I said I'm not doing it, like I'm me, I'm not doing it. It'll be broke before. I'm not doing it. I just. Why? I'm a whole girl. Like, I'm. Why am I doing that? I don't want to do it. I'm not doing it. Sorry. [00:29:19] Speaker A: Well, I mean. [00:29:19] Speaker C: Sorry. [00:29:20] Speaker D: Sorry. [00:29:21] Speaker B: I just. [00:29:21] Speaker C: Me and my own crafty ass. I'm over here. Like, I. [00:29:24] Speaker A: What about if you end up with somebody? What about if you end up with somebody who's. Who's like the. Who's the proclaimed leader of the relationship? Cuz sometimes the woman is the leader in the relationship. I've seen these things and I don't think they go well. I don't think they go well. But I've seen these things and those men are not particularly happy, but they just. Because, you know, happy wife, happy life. Okay, Whatever. Is. Isn't there like a point of like where it gets to controlling? Like leadership can be controlling? [00:29:53] Speaker D: It can be. [00:29:54] Speaker B: It can be. And depends who you're married to. It can be. [00:29:59] Speaker A: How about you in your marriage, he was the leader or were you the leader? Well, he was. You said he was the leader in your exact. So did you find him to be controlling? [00:30:07] Speaker D: No. [00:30:08] Speaker A: Okay. You didn't let him. [00:30:10] Speaker B: No. Like, he just. It was like certain things from day one. Like, this is what you have to lay. Like, this is what we're gonna do and this is what we're not gonna do. Like, I don't like now on some things he would be like, hey, this is what we need to do. And sometimes I'm like, I don't feel like that's a good idea. I'm like, but because he's my husband, he's a leader. But if I saw it getting out of hand, I'm like, wait a minute. But I did give him the chance to. To lead because I felt like that was his domain. Yeah, it was his domain. [00:30:42] Speaker A: What about you, Chanel? [00:30:44] Speaker C: I wasn't paying attention. What was the question? I'm sorry, God. What. What was the question? You clearly saw wasn't paying attention. [00:30:54] Speaker A: In your marriage, was there a thin line between him leading and control or did he not lead at all? [00:31:03] Speaker C: He led. But there were certain aspects where I live because we were a blended family, I have four children that are not his. So I had a ready made family when he came into our lives. So there were certain things that I'm going to say he allowed me to just go ahead and take the lead on because I was already established before he came. [00:31:27] Speaker A: Like. Like what, per se? [00:31:30] Speaker C: Like the way I ran my household. My house was already established before he got there. So he moved into our environment. [00:31:36] Speaker A: Oh, he moved into your house that you already had? [00:31:38] Speaker C: Yes. [00:31:39] Speaker A: Oh, that's his first mistake. [00:31:40] Speaker B: I was gonna say. [00:31:41] Speaker C: I wouldn't necessarily say it was a mistake because he had his own. He had his own house. But like I said, I had four children. So to not uproot my children. He came into our environment. That was the understanding that we had. And I mean, to each his own. Whatever. Whatever. You did work for your life, that worked for ours. [00:31:58] Speaker A: We ain't doing. We ain't doing that. [00:31:59] Speaker C: But honestly, that was. [00:32:01] Speaker B: If a man move into my house, I'm not. He ain't going to lead it. I'm just going to be honest with you, cuz it's my. [00:32:06] Speaker C: Like I said, he led in certain aspects. [00:32:08] Speaker B: I'm not going to leave anything cuz it's my house. I'm sorry, but that's just me. If you move into my house, we going to do what I say when we. When I say so. I wouldn't let a man move into. Because I know me like this is my. So you're not getting ready to come up in here? No, I just. I know for me I couldn't do [00:32:26] Speaker C: it, but to each his own. That's why I'm Chanel, I couldn't. It worked for me. The reason why we. Our marriage didn't work had nothing to do with that part of it. That part actually worked out fine for us. [00:32:38] Speaker B: Cuz I know me. I'M like, who you talking to? Get out my room. [00:32:43] Speaker C: Get out my room. I've never been in any relationship I've been in. I've never been that type of person to be like, I'm upset, and you get out my. I was never that person. So that part never bothered us. Our reason for breaking up was not that. [00:32:56] Speaker A: Okay, yeah. That makes. That makes some sense. [00:33:00] Speaker C: My life ain't gotta make sense to you. [00:33:03] Speaker A: It's gotta make sense to you. [00:33:04] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Cause I gotta live it. [00:33:06] Speaker B: Listen, I know mine don't make sense now. We've already established that that mind does not make sense to him. I'm okay with it. [00:33:13] Speaker C: Yeah, it's all right. So, boy. But since you, you know, you asking us all these questions, what about you? [00:33:19] Speaker A: In my marriage. [00:33:20] Speaker C: Yeah, get across me. [00:33:22] Speaker D: Wait, hold up. [00:33:23] Speaker A: In my marriage, I did not. Huh? [00:33:26] Speaker D: No, continue. Go ahead. [00:33:27] Speaker C: He been married seven times. [00:33:29] Speaker A: I've been married. I've been married once. [00:33:32] Speaker C: Oh, she was married once. Turn in face is like, no, I've been married once. [00:33:40] Speaker A: And for those. For those short three years. For those long three years, we were in the, I would say the diamond mode of a relationship where it's an equally type thing, an equal leadership role. When I really had no leadership at all. [00:33:59] Speaker B: It was an equal. If you didn't have any leadership. [00:34:01] Speaker A: Yeah, it was. She made it look like it. She made it seem like it. Hey, you want to. And then turn around and do something else. [00:34:06] Speaker B: I didn't. Oh, poor. [00:34:07] Speaker A: Boom. No, but. But the thing is, and I've said it in seven years of this podcast, said the same thing repeatedly. We didn't want it. We really weren't in love with each other. And we literally got married just because of the kids and her. Between her faith and my situations, like, I didn't, you know, and what I didn't want for my kids, it was just, let's just get married. We could tolerate each other at least. But the relationship was completely toxic prior to. And we had no business being together. And when I showed up. Cause really, I showed up married to, like, I didn't nobody know we was going to go do it. And I showed up to my friend's funeral, and so all of my homeboys is out there. And I'm like, they said, why is she here? I said, we just got married. My homeboy Doc looked at me and said, I can't with you today. And just went on. Cause we was outside of my friend's memorial. [00:35:04] Speaker C: That's what I'm saying. Like, you always doing shit [00:35:09] Speaker A: so there was no leadership in our relationship because I was kind of just like, I don't want to get a divorce, so whatever you want to do. And then it gave her more and more power as it went along, and she became more and more verbally abusive as we went along to the point to where eventually I just decided to leave. In which I. I wasn't 100 into the marriage as it was, although, you know, nobody. Neither one of us cheated. I wasn't 100 in, and she wasn't 100 in. And so. Because we was just there. So there wasn't no real leadership in that. But in the majority of my relationships, I'm usually the person that leads, even if it's just to make the decisions to. For you to say, okay, well, you're better at this, so you take care of this. You know, you're better at that, so you take care of that. And like I said, it's just leadership. It just comes with a level of discernment. But let's get into a couple scenarios. We're running short on time here, so I'm gonna give y' all a scenario and then ask y' all a question. He makes all the financial decisions because he makes most of the money. Is that leadership or control? [00:36:09] Speaker C: Control. [00:36:10] Speaker D: That's definitely control. [00:36:20] Speaker A: That leadership, right. That leadership right. For you, that leadership right. [00:36:23] Speaker B: To me, it is. [00:36:24] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. Yeah. You don't. You don't spend your money. [00:36:27] Speaker B: I don't. Why? [00:36:32] Speaker A: Scenario two, she says, I don't need a man. I can do everything myself. Is that independence or emotional distance? [00:36:39] Speaker C: Emotional distance, yeah. [00:36:41] Speaker D: Emotional distance. [00:36:42] Speaker C: I ain't gonna keep answering these. First. [00:36:44] Speaker A: Let me. [00:36:45] Speaker D: My bad. I'll answer it first next time. I got you. [00:36:50] Speaker C: I'm gonna need for you to get on board. [00:36:51] Speaker B: I'm sorry. First of all, I ain't never said no stupid like that. So I'm like. [00:36:55] Speaker A: You're asking which one is it, independence or emotional distance? [00:36:59] Speaker B: I think it's just dumb to say [00:37:00] Speaker A: that that's not one of the choices. [00:37:02] Speaker B: I know, but that's how I feel. [00:37:04] Speaker A: But it's not a choice. [00:37:06] Speaker B: This ain't you. Okay, I'm sorry. My bad. [00:37:09] Speaker C: Still ain't. Answer the question. [00:37:10] Speaker A: Still ain't answer the question is. [00:37:12] Speaker B: That's just my aunt. [00:37:13] Speaker C: All right? [00:37:13] Speaker A: He wants his. He wants. [00:37:14] Speaker C: You ain't answering them either. You over here talking about her. How about you answer them? [00:37:18] Speaker B: Okay. [00:37:18] Speaker A: Okay. Go back and go back. The first one is control, of course. The second one is emotional distance, of course. Third one, he wants his Wife to support his career, but he doesn't want to support hers. Leadership or selfishness? [00:37:32] Speaker B: Selfishness. [00:37:32] Speaker D: Selfishness. [00:37:33] Speaker A: Yeah, selfishness. Okay. They love each other, but one person wants children and the other absolutely doesn't. Can love overcome that? [00:37:43] Speaker D: No, they should. That already should have been discussed. [00:37:46] Speaker B: I know. [00:37:46] Speaker D: Before y'. All. [00:37:47] Speaker B: Yeah, that should have been a. [00:37:48] Speaker A: That doesn't always happen. [00:37:49] Speaker B: A conversation that doesn't always happen. [00:37:51] Speaker D: That should have. That's a big one for a man, right? [00:37:55] Speaker B: A kid is. That's a lot. [00:37:56] Speaker C: But you know what? That should be a conversation. But I think it depends on who wants the kids and who doesn't. Because that's usually. Not all times, but usually a woman will express that she wants kids. Men don't always express that. Hey, I really want to be a parent until after the fact. You know what I'm saying? Because we. I mean, most women, if you want to have kids, by the time you hit puberty, you already know, I want to be a mom. But guys don't usually decide that they want to be a dad until they hit their late 20s and 30s sometimes. [00:38:27] Speaker A: What about you, Dom? Cause you made that face. What about you? [00:38:30] Speaker B: I think I made the same face she did. [00:38:32] Speaker D: Mine was the opposite. I already had. Knew. [00:38:33] Speaker A: I didn't know you didn't want kids. [00:38:36] Speaker D: I don't really want no kids. [00:38:37] Speaker B: I didn't. [00:38:38] Speaker D: No, that's not. [00:38:39] Speaker C: But I mean, it's not always like that. [00:38:40] Speaker D: No, Mainly most of the time, now that it is. That is. I'm gonna have to agree. Most times women do want. [00:38:47] Speaker C: But in this case, if it's the woman that doesn't. Cause like you said you didn't. But if it's the guy that is the one that wants kids and the girl that does it, that guy probably didn't say anything. If they got married, let's say at 21, 22, he probably didn't decide he wanted kids until 26, 27. She probably didn't really want him. And then now he's like, you know what? I really wanna have a baby. And she like, oh, I wasn't planning on having no kids. He like what? You know what I'm saying? But my first. [00:39:16] Speaker B: People will probably talk about that, but [00:39:18] Speaker C: it really depends on who it is that wants them, who does it. [00:39:21] Speaker B: My. My first one was an oops. We were in the middle. In the middle of planning our wedding. I was like, [00:39:27] Speaker C: I know you lying. [00:39:29] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Oh, I remember. [00:39:31] Speaker C: I got pregnant. Lord Jesus. [00:39:33] Speaker B: So it was a oops. [00:39:34] Speaker A: I think one of my. One of my Recent relationships. We were together for a minute, and then she popped up and said she want to get. Now I am done with kids. I do. No more at all. Like, not even. I refuse. I will not. Y' all would not have me on tape doing none of that. [00:39:57] Speaker B: We're all. I don't know. [00:39:59] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm. I'm just finished. I can't do it. And she was like, well, I want to have one. And I said, well, no. [00:40:07] Speaker D: Oh. [00:40:08] Speaker A: And she was like, well, I said, you have kids. I have kids. We don't need no more kids. [00:40:13] Speaker B: You might be the Brady Bunch running. [00:40:15] Speaker A: No, I don't need no more kids. [00:40:17] Speaker B: I'm just. [00:40:17] Speaker A: And so she was like, well, it's not a kid between us. I said, I don't care. [00:40:22] Speaker B: And Brady Bunch didn't have no kids between them either. [00:40:24] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. [00:40:25] Speaker B: So, yeah, they never shared a kid. [00:40:26] Speaker A: What did she say? She said something, and I said, I will go get a whole vasectomy just to be sure. I. I don't. Because I. That's how much I did one. [00:40:37] Speaker B: Did you get one? [00:40:38] Speaker A: I would not get my business on the air. [00:40:40] Speaker C: You just. [00:40:41] Speaker A: I just said I would. [00:40:43] Speaker C: So. So what would you do if someone. Because you know that can happen. What if someone told you that they had their tooth tied or whatever, and then they pop up pregnant? What would you do? [00:40:52] Speaker A: I don't believe you. You need more people. Like, I need. I need to see proof. I need to see the. [00:40:56] Speaker C: But I mean, okay, you got the proof, and she's pregnant, and it's your child. [00:40:59] Speaker D: What would you do? [00:40:59] Speaker B: And it's your. You the dad. You the pappy. [00:41:01] Speaker C: You the pappy. [00:41:02] Speaker A: No, I Ain't nobody pat me. [00:41:04] Speaker C: So what you gonna deny? [00:41:06] Speaker A: No, I. Listen, I. I told. [00:41:07] Speaker C: Like you were shooting up the club. What you gonna do? [00:41:10] Speaker A: Hold on. Even with this. Even with this young lady, she said. She was like, well, what if I have it? What if. You know, what if we get pregnant and I have a baby? Anyway, I said, listen, I'm telling you [00:41:19] Speaker C: right now, she gonna be a single mom. [00:41:20] Speaker A: You gonna be a single mom. I'm just telling you, right? I'm not. I'm not. [00:41:25] Speaker D: I feel like that's valid, though. [00:41:27] Speaker B: I'm just. [00:41:27] Speaker D: If somebody telling you not to have no baby. [00:41:29] Speaker B: Right. But anyway, that's on you. [00:41:31] Speaker D: That's on you. [00:41:32] Speaker C: But you know what? [00:41:33] Speaker A: That. Because I'm different. I'm. I've been there for my kids, but can you imagine? [00:41:38] Speaker C: I know this ain't supposed to be about the whole Baby mama, baby daddy thing. But can you imagine how many guys out there have told girls, like, Said, I'm on birth control, or you know what I'm saying? And they go and have a baby. [00:41:52] Speaker B: It's a whole. [00:41:55] Speaker C: They end up being a single mom. And you mad at him. Got that boy on child support. He seem to be. [00:41:58] Speaker B: Or they do it all the time. [00:41:59] Speaker A: Yeah, they were saying, no, no, I'm not doing it. No, you're gonna be a whole single mama. All right, let's last. The favorite segment everybody comes here for is the either or segment. Come on, diamond, let's give you the rules. The rules are you have to choose one or the other. You cannot ride the fence. You cannot say this and that. You can't make up your own answer. It's either or. [00:42:24] Speaker D: That's okay. [00:42:25] Speaker B: I'm always the villain in this all the time. All right? Always. [00:42:28] Speaker A: Okay. First, one leader or equal partner, [00:42:34] Speaker C: rather. Wait a minute. You're saying, do I want to be the leader or the equal partner? [00:42:37] Speaker A: Or do I rather have. [00:42:38] Speaker B: What do you prefer what I rather have? [00:42:40] Speaker C: It's, I don't want a leader, but I'd rather be a leader than I have an equal partner. [00:42:45] Speaker D: Okay. [00:42:46] Speaker C: I'd rather be a leader. [00:42:47] Speaker B: A leader. [00:42:48] Speaker A: I know what her answer is. [00:42:49] Speaker C: She say [00:42:53] Speaker A: 50. 50 or give according to capacity. [00:42:56] Speaker C: Give according. [00:42:56] Speaker B: Give according to capacity. [00:42:58] Speaker C: We older. [00:42:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:42:59] Speaker D: I don't want to know. 50. 50. [00:43:01] Speaker C: How old are you? [00:43:01] Speaker D: I'm 28. [00:43:02] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, you don't want to do no 50? 50? [00:43:06] Speaker D: I'm not doing 50. 50? [00:43:07] Speaker A: What do you mean you ain't doing 50? What if you don't have a choice? [00:43:11] Speaker D: The choice would be I'm about to [00:43:13] Speaker A: go, so you want to be taken care of? [00:43:16] Speaker D: Not [00:43:18] Speaker B: like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I [00:43:21] Speaker D: ain't gonna get into that. [00:43:23] Speaker A: Oh, come on now. [00:43:24] Speaker B: I answer that question. I don't want to be 46. [00:43:27] Speaker D: I do. [00:43:27] Speaker A: Yeah, okay, you. You don't want to do 50? 50? [00:43:30] Speaker D: No, I ain't doing no 50. [00:43:31] Speaker A: I knew your answer when the questions. When I made the questions. [00:43:37] Speaker C: He be sliding us up under that bus and then cranking independent. [00:43:41] Speaker A: Independent partner or highly independent partner. [00:43:44] Speaker D: What? [00:43:44] Speaker C: Huh? [00:43:44] Speaker A: How did I. I don't know how [00:43:45] Speaker C: I type that one. [00:43:48] Speaker A: Switch that shared bank account or separate accounts? [00:43:51] Speaker D: Both. [00:43:54] Speaker C: You are that. [00:43:55] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [00:44:00] Speaker D: We going to have to have both. I'm not having mine or one Jordan account. That's not going to happen. [00:44:04] Speaker A: Either or. That's why it's called either or. You have to pick One. [00:44:08] Speaker D: No, I don't follow the rules. [00:44:10] Speaker A: No, on this show, you will. [00:44:13] Speaker C: How you going to make us? You going get jumped? [00:44:15] Speaker D: Both. [00:44:19] Speaker A: Definitely not answers. [00:44:20] Speaker D: Oh, my bad. [00:44:21] Speaker A: Okay, come on. [00:44:22] Speaker C: Now, you can rob these announces, or you can go to the next one. [00:44:26] Speaker A: Come on. [00:44:27] Speaker B: If I had to pick, I'll pick separate. [00:44:29] Speaker A: I'd say joint. [00:44:31] Speaker C: I'm separate. [00:44:34] Speaker A: I tell where y' all at? [00:44:35] Speaker B: All right. [00:44:36] Speaker A: Same religion or same values? [00:44:40] Speaker C: Same values. [00:44:41] Speaker D: Values. [00:44:41] Speaker B: Same values. [00:44:42] Speaker A: Same values. I'm with you on that, cuz. I was married to a Jehovah Witness. Okay, chemistry or compatibility? [00:44:51] Speaker B: I feel like I've been into this before. [00:44:54] Speaker A: No, we didn't do this one because [00:44:57] Speaker D: you can have chemistry and. No compatible, but that don't mean y' all compatible. [00:45:01] Speaker A: Okay, so. [00:45:01] Speaker D: But y' all get along. Well, [00:45:05] Speaker A: that usually turns out to be toxic. [00:45:06] Speaker D: Yeah, they used to be a little rough. [00:45:09] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:45:09] Speaker A: But Chanel like a little toxic, so. [00:45:15] Speaker C: I like a little razzle. [00:45:17] Speaker B: Sometimes toxic is a little. You know. [00:45:19] Speaker A: So y' all going chemistry? I'm going compatibility. What? You going chemistry. I know y' all two going chemistry. [00:45:25] Speaker C: No, I'm going compatibility. [00:45:28] Speaker A: Okay. [00:45:28] Speaker B: I'm for real. [00:45:30] Speaker C: Peace. You know, I don't get a chemistry later. [00:45:33] Speaker B: As I said, you know, I don't get a single these days. I don't care. [00:45:37] Speaker C: All right. [00:45:37] Speaker A: Peace or passion? [00:45:40] Speaker B: Peace. [00:45:40] Speaker C: Passion. [00:45:42] Speaker A: Passion. [00:45:42] Speaker B: Peace. [00:45:43] Speaker C: I got compatibility. I don't need. [00:45:45] Speaker B: No, no, no. [00:45:47] Speaker C: My. [00:45:47] Speaker B: My peace is price. [00:45:48] Speaker C: I need compatibility. [00:45:51] Speaker B: My piece is priceless. Don't piss me off. Just leave me alone. Yeah, no, no. [00:45:55] Speaker A: I need passion. I need passion. [00:45:57] Speaker C: So you're gonna have compatibility. [00:46:00] Speaker B: If I'm peaceful, it's gonna lead to passion. I promise you it's gonna lead to me. [00:46:08] Speaker D: Or. [00:46:08] Speaker B: But I said it's going to lead to. I'm picking peace. But I'm saying because I am peaceful, I feel like it would lead to passion is what I'm saying. But I'm picking peace. [00:46:19] Speaker A: And what you're saying is leading to. Not an answer. [00:46:21] Speaker B: Whatever. [00:46:22] Speaker C: You have to take what she gave you. You already know this. [00:46:24] Speaker B: Peace. [00:46:25] Speaker A: You gonna take peace. [00:46:26] Speaker D: I'm gonna go with peace. [00:46:27] Speaker B: Okay. [00:46:28] Speaker A: All right. Someone who challenges you or someone who supports everything, you do not challenge me. [00:46:34] Speaker B: Challenge. Challenge me. [00:46:36] Speaker A: Support me. [00:46:36] Speaker B: Don't challenge me, challenge me. [00:46:38] Speaker A: All right. Be loved correctly or understood completely. [00:46:43] Speaker C: Love me correctly. Cause if you love me correctly, you understood the assumption. [00:46:50] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It don't work like that. [00:46:52] Speaker C: That's how it work in my mind. [00:46:54] Speaker A: Questions don't work like that. [00:46:55] Speaker C: We don't care. I answered it the way I answered because of the way I understood it. [00:46:59] Speaker B: You said love completely or what that is. No, I like that one, actually. [00:47:05] Speaker A: That is how be loved correctly. Understood completely. [00:47:09] Speaker D: Cause you love me correctly. You ain't. You do understand me. [00:47:13] Speaker B: Love to corrupt. [00:47:15] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no. First off. [00:47:18] Speaker D: Oh, my. [00:47:18] Speaker A: Men don't understand women any damn way. [00:47:20] Speaker D: They don't. [00:47:21] Speaker C: But if you love me correctly, you understand. [00:47:23] Speaker A: I don't understand nothing. I still understand. I'mma love you. I'm going to love you the way I know you want. You understood my love. Language I don't understand. [00:47:30] Speaker D: That's the first step. [00:47:31] Speaker B: Love me. I think I. [00:47:35] Speaker C: You ain't going to never win on this game. You might as well just let it be. [00:47:37] Speaker A: Would you rather be with someone who loves you but doesn't share your vision or someone who shares your vision but doesn't love you? [00:47:45] Speaker C: You don't be answering questions that go together. [00:47:48] Speaker A: Go together. It's the either or. [00:47:51] Speaker C: Love me, but don't understand my vision. I'll teach it to you later. [00:47:58] Speaker A: It takes time to understand the vision. Or love you. He said love you. [00:48:05] Speaker C: Love ain't everything, but. I don't know, man. [00:48:08] Speaker A: Love is the foundation. [00:48:11] Speaker C: I already answered it. I said love me, but don't understand my vision. [00:48:14] Speaker A: Okay. What about you, Dom? [00:48:25] Speaker D: I mean, you ain't gotta love me to understand my. [00:48:33] Speaker B: That's a hard one. [00:48:35] Speaker D: Yeah. Love me. [00:48:36] Speaker A: Love you. [00:48:36] Speaker D: I'm go. [00:48:36] Speaker B: That one. [00:48:38] Speaker A: I mean, [00:48:42] Speaker C: it be funny how she be closed her eyes meditating. [00:48:47] Speaker B: I know. God, I'm still processing. [00:48:50] Speaker D: That's a. Oh, God. [00:48:55] Speaker B: I'mma go. Love me. I guess I just chose love. [00:48:59] Speaker A: Okay. Love me as well. [00:49:00] Speaker D: Jesus. [00:49:01] Speaker A: You don't need to understand my vision. Love me. Last question, Diamond. What's one thing people need to understand before they choose someone to build a life with? What do you think that is? [00:49:14] Speaker D: Oh, I gotta go first. [00:49:16] Speaker A: Okay. [00:49:16] Speaker D: I need a second, Angel. [00:49:17] Speaker C: Oh, I said don't call me. [00:49:19] Speaker B: Cause I ain't. [00:49:19] Speaker D: Give me a second. Hold on. So repeat it. [00:49:21] Speaker A: Oh, I gotta go first. I'll ask the panel for whoever wants to ask first. All right. What's one thing people need to understand before they choose someone to build a life with? [00:49:32] Speaker D: Oh, I got you. Okay. [00:49:35] Speaker C: If you like me, you ain't understood the question. I'd be like, huh? Repeat that, please. [00:49:39] Speaker D: Your partner will not be the same person that they were when you met them. They are gonna continue to grow and change as the relationship goes on. That's one thing you're gonna have to Understand? [00:49:50] Speaker A: Okay. [00:49:53] Speaker B: I will say, while you in a relationship, every day is not gonna be. You're not going to have a good day every day. You just got to figure out how to still love and respect that person even though you're not having a good day. [00:50:11] Speaker A: Okay, Chanel, [00:50:14] Speaker C: I think. I don't know. I don't know what. [00:50:20] Speaker A: I think we only doing a podcast. [00:50:24] Speaker C: I don't know what I mean. [00:50:26] Speaker A: And you only had the questions already. [00:50:29] Speaker C: I think they need to understand that if you're not willing to choose that person every day, regardless of the circumstances, then you need to keep waiting. You need to be willing to choose that person. You need to be willing to commit to that every single day, regardless of whether you're happy, sad, whatever. If you're going to say you love me and you want to be with me, that need to be a commitment every single day, regardless of whether you like me today or not. [00:50:58] Speaker A: Okay, that's valid. That's valid. So let's get into the final thought. Let's close the show out. Here's my final thought. A relationship isn't supposed to be a competition over who has the most power. It's supposed to be a partnership [00:51:14] Speaker C: where [00:51:15] Speaker A: both people are committed to the building something bigger than themselves. Leadership isn't about controlling your partner. It's about taking responsibility. It's about being willing to make hard decisions, communicate clearly, protect in the relationship, and sometimes put your partner's needs ahead of your own. But here's where selfishness creeps in. You can't demand sacrifice from your partner while refusing to sacrifice yourself. You can't expect them to support your dreams while you minimize theirs. You can't call it leadership when what you really mean is, I want things my way. And being equally yoked isn't just about being the same religion. It's about being going to the same church. It isn't about being the same religion, going to the same church, or saying that you believe the same things. It's about asking, are we moving in the same direction? Because two people can love each other, have chemistry, have great sex, have history, and still be completely incompatible when it comes to life. They're trying to build. So before you ask, do they love me, ask, can we build together? Because love can bring two people together, but alignment is what helps them stay together. And if one person is pulling north while the other one's pulling south, eventually someone's going to get tired. Don't just choose somebody you love. Choose somebody you can actually build with stuff. Thank you for joining the show. We really appreciate you. You need to come again. We would love to have you back. Well, I got to even out so one of them can't be here. We got. I got to get a man on because I don't know, I'm a little out man today. I usually can deal with them too by myself. [00:52:35] Speaker C: No, he can't. No day can he ever deal with us. [00:52:38] Speaker A: But diamond, tell the people how they can find you on social media so we can get your followers up. [00:52:42] Speaker D: Okay. So you can follow me on Facebook at Diamond Nettles my whole name. Same with Instagram. D N. Well, D N on there. Tik tok. Same thing. D Nles and yeah, all right. [00:52:58] Speaker A: Chanel, please. [00:52:59] Speaker B: All right. [00:52:59] Speaker C: On Facebook is Chanel. Chanel on Instagram is Nelly Poo. Underscore speaks. And on Spotify, Instagram, Facebook and YouTube @King Me Podcast. [00:53:12] Speaker B: And you can find me on Facebook at Chrissy Solomon and also on Instagram @A Chrissy22. [00:53:18] Speaker A: And you can find me on Instagram @The9thWonder. On Twitter at I am coaching Underscore. And on Facebook. Yoshi English. Remember, you can follow the show on all platforms at R E L S T a T podcast. And if you like the cool shirt, we got T shirts on the website. Website relationshipstatuspodcast.com Go ahead and grab them. They are for the low 15 only 15. [00:53:39] Speaker B: My shirt. Hold on. [00:53:40] Speaker A: You can't beat it with a stick. [00:53:41] Speaker B: My shirt. Listen, mine going to look a little different the next time y' all see it. [00:53:45] Speaker A: The crew got shirts today. Gave diamond one for being coming on. So go ahead and grab your T shirt today. It's on sale right now. And then of course, remember and if you join the Patreon. Patreon 199 per month. Join the Patreon behind the scenes stuff and you get with your sign up, you get a free t shirt. So 199 per month. When you sign up, you get a free T shirt, man. And that's relationship. That's Patreon backslash. Relationship status. It's your boy Yousef in the building. Thank you to diamond again for Chanel and Angel. This is relationship status where we are changing relationships one conversation at a time. Until next time, y', all, we're out. Peace. Good job.