276th Date: She LEFT a First Date Over THIS... Was She Wrong?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Would you rather marry someone who's broke but faithful or someone who's rich but everybody knows they're a cheater? Broke. Broke. [00:00:13] Speaker B: What do you mean broke? [00:00:14] Speaker A: Broke can't even pay attention. [00:00:20] Speaker B: You better be a goddamn good housekeeper. You better help the kids with their homework. You better be handy as hell. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. A rich whore. A broke candy man. [00:00:54] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship status where we are changing relationships one conversation at a time. It's your boy Yousef in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to like share, follow and five star rate. And remember, if you do not do those things, you are a hater. Don't be a hater all your life. [00:01:11] Speaker B: Don't be a hater. [00:01:12] Speaker A: Don't forget that we are sponsored that this episode is brought to you by Crux Media. All your podcast needs. Everything from shooting your podcast into edit to editing your audio, video as well as your descriptions. Man, you can't even beat it. Your your podcast clips, call them for email them for a consultation. Crutch Media Group LLC.com hit the website also. We are also sponsored by Eat My Biscuits down on East Main street in East Point, Atlanta. Go check them out. Tell V relationship status sent you. Y' all know me, I'm always here and I always gotta find one on my side. Now this one here. First off, let me say this. When you get to her, when you get to her, Instagram and all that, don't inbox her about no old stories, okay? Cause she know where the bodies are buried. She knows. She's one of the few people that know stuff about your boy that can't get out. Like, I lose my job over some of the stuff she knows. So this is my dog. I'm talking about over Jesus. [00:02:19] Speaker B: Over 26 years. [00:02:21] Speaker A: Over 26 years. She knows. Young Yosh. [00:02:25] Speaker B: Yes. [00:02:25] Speaker A: She knows Yosh from the streets. Yosh. From running these girls down every day trying to make. She knows. Damn. 2, 2, 2, 8. What was this their house? [00:02:39] Speaker B: That was the house. [00:02:43] Speaker A: The party spot. [00:02:45] Speaker B: Y Real World before real World. [00:02:47] Speaker A: Real World before Real World. [00:02:49] Speaker B: Yes. [00:02:50] Speaker A: Yeah. My girl, Ra. What is up? [00:02:53] Speaker B: Hey, Yosh, you know I'm living life. [00:02:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:57] Speaker B: You know, dealing with relationships, ups and downs and so on and so forth. You know how the life goes. [00:03:03] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. At our age, that is the life. [00:03:05] Speaker B: Like, that is the life. [00:03:06] Speaker A: It unfortunately. [00:03:08] Speaker B: Right, right, right. [00:03:11] Speaker A: Nowadays, you get married to get divorced. But I ain't gonna lie to you, Rob, if you'd have told me back in 1999, that we both would have been married. First off, I'd have told you I'm gonna beep that out. 2. That we would be divorced. [00:03:39] Speaker B: I could believe that. [00:03:41] Speaker A: Well, yeah, I could have believed that part. I could believe that part. And I told you it'd have been my fault. [00:03:47] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. [00:03:49] Speaker A: Shouts out to 228 South. Shouts out, yes. [00:03:53] Speaker B: Some memories are made there. [00:03:55] Speaker A: Oh, 100%. From when we moved into. When we moved out. Memories was made. [00:03:59] Speaker B: Memories were made. Yes. [00:04:01] Speaker A: Yeah. But it's probably one of my longest standing friendships. My daughter found out I was gonna be in Atlanta for the 2026 Podcast Summit, and she was like, yo, what's up? Let me get on. Let's do a show. Let's do a show. We don't even know what it's gonna be about, but let's do a show. So I said I could. I said, yo, let's make it happen. And here she is, my dog, man. I. Y' all do not know how much this is my real. And we don't talk, like. And I think a lot of times people think that friendship's got to be you. You got to talk every day. You got to talk every day. And it. It's not that. It's like. It's just like a. I think a true friendship is whenever you get on the phone, it's like you never exactly. Like, at no time past you pick up right when you. Matter of fact, I talked to Tara, like, the other day, and we just, like, kind of got reconnected just being back. Cool. She married and all of that. Got two kids. I was like, tara, like, God damn. But she cool doing her thing. So that's. Every guest that comes on the show gotta answer the first question. And this is the only question that matters on the show, because we don't want the men's in our inbox. What's your relationship status? [00:05:14] Speaker B: Okay, question about that. [00:05:16] Speaker A: What question? [00:05:17] Speaker B: The relationship status. Like, when do you say you're single? Post divorce. Like, how long post divorce do you use the status of single versus divorce? Like, do I have to say, I'm divorced, I'm single, I'm just single? [00:05:31] Speaker A: All right. No, you're single the day after the. You're single. Once you get separated. That's me. [00:05:37] Speaker B: That's me, too. But some people don't feel that way. [00:05:39] Speaker A: No, I don't think you should. [00:05:40] Speaker B: The paper has to be signed. [00:05:42] Speaker A: I don't think you should date during that time. [00:05:45] Speaker B: Why not? [00:05:46] Speaker A: No. Now. Well, I'm Gonna tell you why, for me, I was not emote. Because my ex fiance, we ended up breaking up because neither one of us, just like my marriage, we didn't need to be together. [00:06:01] Speaker B: Okay. [00:06:01] Speaker A: My ex fiance, I. I went from that. I think me and my ex wife were separated for about maybe three or four months before me and my ex fiance ended up saying, yo, let's make something happen. Let's do some. And then we kind of started on that type of journey. [00:06:16] Speaker B: Okay. [00:06:17] Speaker A: But my mindset, when I look back at it, damn, you weren't ready to really be nothing to somebody. Now, depending on how the marriage ends, I think you can do whatever in that time frame. But I think for some, like, some people go back and forth in that. In that separation phase. Like you might be, you know, sometimes you double back because you. That thing was stinging one night, it was thumping, and you was like, yeah, shoot, I ain't got to deal with nobody new. Let me, you know. And, you know, and. And you end up back there. But usually it's something more physical than the emotional because, you know, the emotional is the reason why you out. Anyway, so technically, I think it's the first day that y' all have decided to let it go. That's when I think that you're single. And I think divorce only comes up when you have a conversation with somebody that's serious about getting in a relationship with you. After that, that's when you should bring up the fact that you're divorced or you have been married or whatever that conversation could come in. [00:07:18] Speaker B: At that point, I feel a little differently. I feel like for me, once I'm done, I'm done, Right. So if you move out and we separate, we're done right there. Because I feel like once you move out, you gave up. It was over. There's no coming back for me. So, yeah. Like, for your story, three months is pretty quick. You know, you wasn't ready. But some people are separated for a long time because one person doesn't want to sign the papers for the divorce. [00:07:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:52] Speaker B: But that doesn't mean that the other person is not over it and ready to move on. [00:07:56] Speaker A: And ready to move on. Yeah. Which is valid because I think me and my ex wife was ready to. We was ready to move on. I think our first year marriage sucked. Our second year marriage was probably the greatest year of my life. [00:08:10] Speaker B: Okay. [00:08:10] Speaker A: And our third year marriage sucked complete ass. So I think we were both done before that, before the separation. [00:08:19] Speaker B: Okay. [00:08:19] Speaker A: And the only thing that kept us together was our kids and Me going, I don't want to be a baby daddy again. [00:08:27] Speaker B: Right. [00:08:28] Speaker A: I got two. I don't want a third. Let me just get this wife. Let me just keep this and let me just keep it going. But I think for the most part, I wasted her time, wasted my time. We should have never been married. And I think that that's what made me move on a little bit quicker. That's what I mean. Move on at three months. Matter of fact, my ex wife accused me of cheating because I had moved on so quickly. [00:08:58] Speaker B: Yeah, people do that. [00:09:00] Speaker A: And I was like, nah, but you already knew her. I said, I'm telling you, I wasn't dealing with her in that capacity. It just so happens that she kind of was there when. When the stuff broke down. [00:09:14] Speaker B: You know what? I feel like a lot of people, they. They have that mindset that like. And. And that's part of the reason why people don't like their significant other to have friends of the opposite sex. However, I feel like at the end of the day, there's somebody always waiting in the wings, whether they're your friend or not. Like, it could be a co worker that never to you at all, ever, because they respected your relationship. But as soon as they found out, oh, you're divorced, now they know they got their window. [00:09:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:46] Speaker B: And so, I mean, people are going to think what they want to think as long as, you know that you truly did not cheat or whatever. Yeah, it is what it is. [00:09:57] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. No, I know for a fact me it didn't happen. It's just oddly enough, she got married like a cup a month after. [00:10:09] Speaker B: After what you got? [00:10:11] Speaker A: No, after the divorce was finalized. [00:10:13] Speaker B: Okay. [00:10:14] Speaker A: My ex wife got married. Like it got finalized and she was married like a couple days later. [00:10:19] Speaker B: How long did it take from separation to divorce, though? [00:10:23] Speaker A: We had to be a year. [00:10:24] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Okay. [00:10:25] Speaker A: In South Carolina, you got to be separated for a year. Like no, Double back. No. You went over there and had some dealings. You like it got to be complete separation. Complete separation. You cannot stay tonight. You cannot touch her or sense. Yeah, yeah. And it does. But we know it wasn't. It wasn't for the right thing. So, you know. But to say so you still haven't kind of given us. [00:10:49] Speaker B: Oh, I'm. [00:10:51] Speaker A: Are you single, single or single? Every single dollar bill, single women be saying they single. [00:10:59] Speaker B: I don't got no. [00:11:00] Speaker A: You got a roster? [00:11:02] Speaker B: I don't have no FWBs. [00:11:03] Speaker A: When was your last date? [00:11:05] Speaker B: My last date? [00:11:06] Speaker A: Yeah. Last time you went out with somebody. [00:11:08] Speaker B: I mean, I Went out with somebody today. But still. [00:11:09] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:11:11] Speaker B: I'm still single. [00:11:14] Speaker A: This was the first date. [00:11:15] Speaker B: First date, technically. [00:11:17] Speaker A: Okay, when was the last date before this first date? And is that other person still available? Can you date multiple people? [00:11:26] Speaker B: Yes. Dating does not mean having sex with. [00:11:31] Speaker A: I didn't say that. [00:11:31] Speaker B: No, but a lot of men feel like when women say dating, they mean they're having sex with everybody. [00:11:36] Speaker A: No, I mean, I, I. When. The way I put it is dating. Just. Are you. If you're going out on dates and you're being courted and stuff like that, and you have. You've had multiple dates with the same person, can you do that with multiple people? Like, should you do that with multiple people? [00:11:58] Speaker B: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. [00:12:01] Speaker A: Okay. Because some people do and I don't. I'm a person who doesn't. But I do think that you need to make sure that you got clear communication. [00:12:09] Speaker B: Okay. [00:12:10] Speaker A: You gotta have transparency and clear communication. [00:12:12] Speaker B: Okay. [00:12:13] Speaker A: I don't owe you an explanation. Yeah, but if I'm going. If we've been on like five, six dates, [00:12:23] Speaker B: that's different. That's a little different. [00:12:25] Speaker A: We're just still dating. [00:12:26] Speaker B: We ain't had no conversation after five or six days. First of all, y' all should have had conversations before you reach five or six dates. What are you talking about? We. We too old to be having these. Oh, we just going out to eat. Just. Cause why not? [00:12:41] Speaker A: If we. If we're not having sex, then we should be fine just going out. Just cuz. [00:12:47] Speaker B: Okay, first of all, let's establish why are you dating? Like, why are you dating? Are you dating Just to have companionship, to go outside? That's one thing. [00:12:56] Speaker A: I want to be married. That's. That's, that's goes without saying. [00:12:58] Speaker B: So you're dating with intention. [00:12:59] Speaker A: I am dating with intention. [00:13:00] Speaker B: So. [00:13:01] Speaker A: But just like when you go to the buffet. Went to one in Virginia the other day. Amazing buffet. Amazing. The sushi bar, okay. From sashimi to California rolls. I had a little bit of each. [00:13:22] Speaker B: Okay. [00:13:24] Speaker A: And I went back to. That was the first trip. I went back and got me another run. [00:13:30] Speaker B: Okay. [00:13:30] Speaker A: Then I went back and I got three different soups. Then I went back and they had wings and they had ribs and they had crawfish. I never had crawfish. That's my exotic chick there, the crawfish. And I never had one of them before, okay? So I'm trying it all out now. I am. My intention is to figure out from this what one thing am I Going to go in on, right? Because it's for the next time I get married. I said this, man, they might turn some people off. That's it. Ain't no divorce. Ain't nothing going to make a divorce. I don't give a crap what she does. I don't care what I do. Ain't none of us leaving. The only thing leaving death do us part. I ain't killing nobody. But we gonna work this thing out. We gonna figure it out. We're gonna work it out. What have I done? What did you do? Let's figure out how to do this. Let's get some counseling. But if I'm doing what I'm supposed to do and you're doing what you're supposed to do, we shouldn't even come to that particular part because we too grown for all of that, right? So at the end of the day, I'm dating. So that's why I gotta be careful about who I choose. And I gotta make sure that whoever I choose, that's what's right. Because I don't want to mess it up. And I don't want to get into a situation where I'm 40 some odd years old, I'm married for another three or four, and now I'm looking to get divorced again because I ain't happy or because she ain't happy or for whatever reason. So, yeah, I'm dating with intention of. Because that's where I want to go. But, yeah, now we going, we gonna dance around. You know, you ain't never see. I hate to say this on air, okay, but I watch Bridgerton. [00:15:23] Speaker B: Never seen it. [00:15:25] Speaker A: I really hate to say it on air. [00:15:27] Speaker B: That's okay. [00:15:27] Speaker A: But I do watch Bridgerton, okay? And on Bridgerton at that time, the queen would pick the. The bell. But it was a season in which women would get courted to get married. And it's multiple dudes courting one woman, right? To get married. And when they would go to these balls and different parties, the woman would show up and all the suitors and all the dudes that was interested in them, each one would dance with her to show their interest. So if she could dance around with a bunch of daggone men, I should be able to dance around with all the women that I want to dance around with, which is true for the men. They can kind of court different women. But it's looked at differently because it's double standard. It's just what it is. But that's what I'm saying. Like I should be able to taste all the flavors of the ice cream before I figure out what I'm gonna hone on as my favorite. [00:16:29] Speaker B: I agree, but I could have sworn you said that you don't like to date multiple people at once. Oh, you didn't say that. [00:16:37] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:16:38] Speaker B: But you just. [00:16:39] Speaker A: I don't want to have sex with a bunch of people at once. [00:16:41] Speaker B: No, no, no. Okay, but so when you said date five. Right. I feel like it shouldn't take me to date five to figure out if I'm ready to proceed to possibly being monogamous with this one person. [00:17:03] Speaker A: Monogamous with this one person. And marriage. It's monogamy in a relationship leads to the marriage. Here's my thing. First off, once I decide that I'm on you, we got a six month window to figure out we getting married or not. [00:17:21] Speaker B: Six months window. [00:17:25] Speaker A: Maybe a year. [00:17:26] Speaker B: Okay. [00:17:30] Speaker A: But at our grown age, you know, whether you want to be with somebody within that time frame. I'm not saying one month. I'm saying you might have been dating. You might have been dating for five or six. Y' all had a conversation, say, hey, look, it's you. I want to be exclusive with you. I don't deal with nobody else. I don't want nobody outside. I just want to spend time with you. You're the person I want to be with. Then at that point, I'm talking about up to six months from that point of y' all having that conversation, of, yo, this, that is, that, is that. Let's, let's make it about us. Let's see where this goes within six months. You know what, you know what the deal is. [00:18:13] Speaker B: Okay, but prior to right or wrong, women. [00:18:17] Speaker A: Women know the first week. [00:18:18] Speaker B: Wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no. [00:18:20] Speaker A: When y' all know the first week, [00:18:21] Speaker B: women know or they feel that they know based on what they've created, what we've created. And when I say that, I mean, like, you might show me. Oh, like you're a go getter, you're a hustler, you're whatever, Right? So in that mind, with, with that picture, I'm going to see that in my life. You're going to be a go getter, you're going to be whatever. But that doesn't necessarily mean what you are for you, you're going to be for me. That doesn't necessarily mean that because you could very well be a selfish person. But I wouldn't know that until we're put in situations where I could see that you're being selfish. [00:19:01] Speaker A: But that's what I'm saying. So not when we get to X. That's. That's my point. When we get to the exclusivity, that's that time frame in which you get to analyze and see what this is. This is where we are. [00:19:12] Speaker B: But I'm piggybacking off of the fact that you said women know women. Women know women. Women know based on the picture that she's made for the situation. [00:19:21] Speaker A: And that's a lot of y' all problem then. It is. [00:19:24] Speaker B: It is a problem. And then later on, if she's not paying attention or sometimes red flags pop up and she'll ignore the red flags because of the picture is still there. [00:19:34] Speaker A: Why do women ignore red flags? [00:19:37] Speaker B: I think women, a lot of women ignore red flags because they want the picture that they've created. That's why they ignore the red flags. They want the picture that they've created. And it takes them a while to realize, no, you're. You're looking at a monster. That's not Prince Charming. [00:19:59] Speaker A: Here's. Here's my thing about women. For all this intuition. [00:20:07] Speaker B: We do have intuition. We just be ignoring it. [00:20:09] Speaker A: How y' all get screwed over so [00:20:11] Speaker B: much because women ignore their intuition. And then, not only that, not only that, sometimes there's people in your ear telling you, oh, no, you're bugging. He's good. He's whatever. And then you're like, okay, maybe I am bugging maybe. And then that buys this person a whole nother freaking year of crap. It happens. It happens. I cannot tell you. There was a time in my life where I had family members that used to be like, oh, my gosh, you know, you just. You just be cutting them off, right? And then one time I was like, oh, no, this person gotta go. I don't even want to be with them. Like. And they were like, no, wait, don't do it. And then I stayed. I should have left. Left. Sorry. I didn't even know if I could curse. [00:21:03] Speaker A: No, you could do you. You could do you. [00:21:05] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm like, bruh, but we be having intuition. We just don't be honing in. [00:21:11] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, y'. All. Y' all be letting it ride. I don't know what y' all be doing. All right, so we're gonna go ahead and get in either or. Okay, no riding the fence, woman. I got no riding defense. I gotta give that disclaimer because. Okay, y' all love to ride the fence, either, or would you rather catch your partner cheating? Now, my. Well, first off, let me Give you the rules of either or. [00:21:37] Speaker B: Okay. [00:21:37] Speaker A: Either or. No matter what happens, you're staying in this relationship. Breaking up is not an option. It's not an option. [00:21:46] Speaker B: I got to pick the lesser of both evils. [00:21:48] Speaker A: Whatever you feel. [00:21:50] Speaker B: Okay. [00:21:51] Speaker A: Because you're staying with this person. [00:21:53] Speaker B: Okay? [00:21:53] Speaker A: Okay. All right. Would you rather catch your partner cheating or have them accuse you of cheating for the rest of the relationship? Either you catch them cheating once or they accuse you of cheating. [00:22:09] Speaker B: I'd rather catch him cheating. I'd rather catch him cheating. [00:22:14] Speaker A: Okay. Would you rather someone who checks your phone every day or someone who refuses to let you touch theirs? [00:22:26] Speaker B: Refuse to let me touch theirs. I don't want you checking my phone every day. It's the same thing as accusing me of cheating. [00:22:33] Speaker A: Check my phone. [00:22:34] Speaker B: No. [00:22:34] Speaker A: Check my phone. [00:22:35] Speaker B: No, don't check my phone. [00:22:36] Speaker A: Ain't nothing in there. Go ahead. [00:22:38] Speaker B: That's not the point. The point is, if you got to check my phone every day, that means you're insecure. That means you're the same person accusing me of cheating. That's the person I don't want. [00:22:48] Speaker A: I'm just checking your phone. [00:22:49] Speaker B: For what? What you looking for? [00:22:51] Speaker A: Not looking for anything. [00:22:52] Speaker B: You're looking for something. [00:22:53] Speaker A: If you're checking my mouth, let me see what you. What you talking about on Facebook? [00:22:57] Speaker B: That's none of your Facebook. [00:23:00] Speaker A: No. Cause, you know, they got the privacy. Nah. What's in your privates? [00:23:03] Speaker B: You're the same person. [00:23:06] Speaker A: You look like you got a private snap, too. You got private snap. You know you got a private snap. [00:23:14] Speaker B: I don't even mean to be on snap. I need. I need him to be secure. I need my man to be secure. [00:23:20] Speaker A: I. I don't know if women could deal with a secure man fully. And I'm gonna tell you why. [00:23:24] Speaker B: Why? [00:23:28] Speaker A: Because I'm single. [00:23:32] Speaker B: What? What? What? [00:23:38] Speaker A: That's why I know they can't be with a secure man. Because, like, I am probably the most adaptive person, okay? No matter what you do, no matter who you are, whatever you are, as a person coming in this relationship, I'm going to support whatever it is, okay? I don't try to change you. I have dated women who have had girlfriends. I have dated women who strip. I have dated women who work a whole bunch of hours, updated nurses who travel. I've dated a wide spectrum of women, and I never tried to change anyone. I'm extremely secure, didn't accuse him of cheating. If I didn't talk to you, if I text you at 8 in the morning, and I ain't talked to you till the next day at 8 in the morning. I didn't accuse you or nothing. Didn't make you feel no kind of way. I am probably one of the most secure people, man, you could ever meet, okay? And I'm single. So that means that that proves my point. [00:24:40] Speaker B: That does not prove anything. [00:24:44] Speaker A: Next one. Would you rather know your partner's body count or know every person they almost slept with? [00:24:55] Speaker B: What? [00:24:56] Speaker A: Would you rather know their body count or know every person they almost slept with? [00:25:02] Speaker B: Body count. [00:25:03] Speaker A: Body count. I don't want to know. Don't tell me. Only I know your body count. One me. That's your body count. Me. And if you had kids, no matter the amount of kids, it's one per kid, of course. So you only. If you got two kids, you only have sex twice in your life. [00:25:24] Speaker B: Okay? [00:25:25] Speaker A: Like my mom only had sex twice. [00:25:26] Speaker B: Okay? [00:25:27] Speaker A: I know, because only two of us got it. The porn under her bed would tell me different. [00:25:32] Speaker B: But you being nosy. [00:25:36] Speaker A: I wasn't being nosy. This just fall out. All right? Would you rather find out your partner settled for you or find out you're the toxic ex in their stories? [00:25:54] Speaker B: I'm the toxic ex in the story. [00:25:57] Speaker A: You look like the toxic ex. You probably is the toxic you. I'm not. You are the toxic. [00:26:06] Speaker B: I'm not the top. [00:26:07] Speaker A: Come on, come on. [00:26:08] Speaker B: I have not. [00:26:09] Speaker A: Some people you cool with, the rest of them think your ass toxic as hell. Would you rather have your partner flirt with everyone or have them act single every time they go out? [00:26:22] Speaker B: What? [00:26:22] Speaker A: Would you rather flirt with everyone? You rather have them flirt with everyone? Yeah, but at least they know that you. We're homeless. [00:26:30] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:31] Speaker A: Okay. Would you rather be with someone who lies about little things or someone who's brutally honest even when you didn't ask? [00:26:42] Speaker B: Honest. [00:26:44] Speaker A: Okay. Would you rather your partner still talk to their ex every day or their ex still show up at every family event? [00:26:57] Speaker B: Family event. [00:26:58] Speaker A: Family event. Okay. You could deal with that. [00:27:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:02] Speaker A: Okay. Would you rather be cheated on once or be emotionally neglected for five years? [00:27:10] Speaker B: Cheating on once? [00:27:12] Speaker A: Would you rather marry someone who's broke but faithful or someone who's rich but everybody knows they're a cheater? Broke? Broke. [00:27:26] Speaker B: What do you mean broke? [00:27:27] Speaker A: Broke can't even pay attention. [00:27:32] Speaker B: You better be a goddamn housekeeper. You better help the kids with their homework. You better be handy as hell. [00:27:49] Speaker A: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. [00:27:53] Speaker B: A rich bro candy man. I'm put the broke handyman on the track. [00:28:06] Speaker A: You go put the broke handyman. [00:28:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:08] Speaker A: Okay, okay. Would you rather marry someone? Okay, no, we did that one. Would you rather your partner cheat on you once and never do it again? Or never cheat but tell you every single day they wish they had chosen somebody else? [00:28:23] Speaker B: Leave. [00:28:27] Speaker A: No, there's no leaving. [00:28:28] Speaker B: Oh. [00:28:29] Speaker A: Would you rather your partner cheat on you once and never do it again? No. [00:28:32] Speaker B: Cheat on me once. Go ahead. [00:28:33] Speaker A: Okay. All right, last one. Would you rather have amazing sex and terrible communication or amazing communication and terrible sex? [00:28:54] Speaker B: You know what? [00:28:55] Speaker A: Why you. Why you like Bernie Mac? Talk about something [00:29:00] Speaker B: like Bernie Mac. Oh, my gosh. I'm gonna have to go with great communication and terrible sex. [00:29:12] Speaker A: Okay, you're gonna go with communication, terrible sex? [00:29:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:14] Speaker A: You can do that for the rest of your life. Oh, you negro, don't. [00:29:17] Speaker B: You didn't say that he was going to give me a terrible sex for the rest of his life. [00:29:21] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no. [00:29:22] Speaker B: You said I'm staying with him. [00:29:23] Speaker A: Yeah, you're staying with him. [00:29:24] Speaker B: Okay. We gonna coach you into better sex. [00:29:26] Speaker A: It's absolutely. Whatever it is, it's absolute. You're staying and it's absolute. There's no change. This is what you have signed up for. [00:29:40] Speaker B: Damn, I got a great shower head. I need the communication to be there. Because. No, no, because. [00:29:48] Speaker A: No, no. I'm just saying. Well, you made it easy. I gotta give you some harder questions next time. I appreciate you for playing either or. You gonna cheat. You gonna cheat. Communicate these. That's what you're gonna say. [00:30:10] Speaker B: We have great communication. So when I talk about Abe, you know, this is not working. So. [00:30:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:15] Speaker B: So you're going, can I have another partner? [00:30:17] Speaker A: Can I. Can I go ahead and have another partner? [00:30:19] Speaker B: If he said yes, it's not cheating. If he says yes, it's not cheating, is it? It's not. He gave consent. We're consenting adults. [00:30:29] Speaker A: Okay. Something adults. All right. Well, we got a couple of dilemmas we're gonna get into, and all of them are from the female perspective. [00:30:38] Speaker B: Okay. [00:30:39] Speaker A: And these are random stories I've kind of ripped down off of social media. And I said, you know, this is a good one to have some debate questions some. Some little bit of debate about. So first one, it reads, a friend invited me out of. Out of town for fourth of July weekend, and I agreed to go. A few days later, he asked me if I would use my Hilton points to book the hotel room. And he said he'd cover everything else. I told him, absolutely not. Those are my Hilton points that I earned, and I'm not using them for somebody else's. Trip. You invited me, so why would I be using my rewards to make your invitation work? If you can't cover the hotel, then maybe you don't invite people on your trips you can't afford. My Hilton points are staying exactly where they are in my account. What's funny is, after I told him no, I never heard another word about the trip. If you invite someone on a trip, should they be expected to use their rewards to help pay for it? [00:31:35] Speaker B: Expected is a strong word. I think expected is no. However, I feel as though because he invited her and he said he'll pay for everything else. I'm assuming he. He's paying for the travel, like, all the expenses. [00:31:55] Speaker A: Yeah, he said he's paying for everything. [00:31:56] Speaker B: He's paying for everything else. Her not using her rewards just shows a level of selfishness, and therefore he doesn't need to be bothered. So he just stopped talking to. It shows character. Because it's like, okay, if she gave her explanation, I assume she gave it to him just as raw as she gave it to the Internet. He's like, no. He doesn't even like the way she handled that. So dance is no. [00:32:26] Speaker A: Do you think he dodged a bullet with her? [00:32:29] Speaker B: Yes. [00:32:30] Speaker A: I don't know, because I'm kind of on the opposite side of you. I spent my money building up these points. [00:32:38] Speaker B: Okay? [00:32:41] Speaker A: Points take time, right? And if I spend them, and this is something you invited me on, and I'm a. I was dating a woman once, and I. This is the reason why I kind of could feel it. Not about the points, but about being invited. Like, if you're invite. Like if I ask you to dinner, what's the assumption? [00:33:03] Speaker B: That you're gonna pay because you asked me out. [00:33:06] Speaker A: If I ask you, hey, look, we're gonna go to, I don't know, Tulum. What is the assumption? We're gonna go to Tulum. What is the assumption? [00:33:19] Speaker B: I'm asking you really and truly. If you ask me to go to Tulum, I really don't think you're paying for everything. [00:33:29] Speaker A: Use bold face. Lie. [00:33:31] Speaker B: I don't think you're paying for everything. You know, let me tell you, I don't think you're paying for it. [00:33:34] Speaker A: Why? [00:33:34] Speaker B: I don't think you're going to pay for everything. I don't think so. [00:33:37] Speaker A: If you ask me to go to Tulum, my impression, hey, hey, babe, I want to take you to Tulum. Because that's the only way somebody gonna ask you to go is if they say, I want to take you. Right or wrong. [00:33:51] Speaker B: First of all you said, hey, babe, that means we're in a relationship and you're taking me to the. [00:33:55] Speaker A: I'm not taking you nowhere. We ain't in no relationship. [00:33:57] Speaker B: Oh, okay, well, I guess that's different. [00:33:59] Speaker A: The only place I'm taking you to is Wendy's. I ain't taking you no place else. [00:34:02] Speaker B: There you go with that, Wendy. [00:34:04] Speaker A: I'm not taking you nowhere else but there. [00:34:06] Speaker B: Okay, so. Yeah, but I don't. Yeah, I think that you're going to pay the majority. The majority. [00:34:13] Speaker A: So if that's the case, if I was once asked, yo, it was some cruise somewhere. No, no, it wasn't a cruise. It was some other country. And I was asked, in my mind, if I'm asked, you're paying, right? When it came down to it, it was probably about a month out. Hey, when you're going to pay your deposit? I didn't know there was a deposit on this trip because I didn't know I was paying anything. Okay, cool. I'll pay for half of the room. Oh, nah, you got to pay for the whole thing. No, I don't. I said, and even if that's the case, you should have told me earlier. I got kids. I can't just for two weeks be like, yo, hey, you got to pay a thousand dollars, right? Then I got in, same woman. I got invited to a family thing. They were going out of state, and I got invited. I got invited. Hey, we're getting the money together for the Airbnb. Your portion is this my portion of what? My portion of the house. Hold on. How is my portion of the house an equal amount to everybody else? [00:35:42] Speaker B: What was the words to the invite? Was it, do you want to come? No, we're doing it like. [00:35:48] Speaker A: Like what the words were. The words were, hey, I'm inviting you to this trip with my family. So at best, in my mind, because what I said was, well, I'll pay for half of your portion or I'll pay your portion. [00:36:10] Speaker B: Right? [00:36:11] Speaker A: I didn't know I had a portion. [00:36:13] Speaker B: Right. That makes sense. What you're saying makes sense. [00:36:16] Speaker A: And that was my issue. I didn't know I had a portion. So in this sense, if you're asking me out, why are we using my points? You should, if you're asking me out of the country on a trip or whatever. When you asked me, you could have been like, hey, would love to go here, and since you got all these points accumulated, let's use your points for the hotel, and then I'll take care of all the other Expenses that should have been up front rather than on the back end. Because in my mind, if you ask me out, I feel like. [00:36:54] Speaker B: But I feel like it's based on how she exactly, like, explained it to him or how she shut him down. I feel like just like, you could tell me if I'm wrong. [00:37:02] Speaker A: Okay, I will. [00:37:03] Speaker B: That. That rejection, right? A lot of men don't do well with rejection, right? [00:37:14] Speaker A: You got to pick your face up, and that's difficult. [00:37:17] Speaker B: Right. So I think the way she shut him down may have been the issue as well, not just the fact that she said, though, because people can say no, and it'd be a smooth, easy no. People say no. It could be harsh and very nasty. And it's like, well, I don't want to deal with that. So it also depends on how she told him no. But the way she said it on the Internet, it sounded like it was real cut and dry. Like, nah, you're not using my yes. And so he just said no, like, I'm okay. I'm done. And that's. That's within his right, though. Like, it's in. It's in his right to say he didn't want to deal. [00:37:54] Speaker A: He was within his right. But I do believe that he did ask. So since he asked, he was obligated to take care of it. If she said no, then he should have been like, all right, cool. No problem. That should have been it. [00:38:12] Speaker B: Yeah, it should. But I still say things are based on how people say things at the same time. We don't know how. She said. [00:38:18] Speaker A: Told him, no, there's no such thing as tone. [00:38:21] Speaker B: What? [00:38:21] Speaker A: There's no such thing as tone. [00:38:23] Speaker B: What you mean there's no such thing as tone? [00:38:25] Speaker A: We don't know how that's tone. [00:38:29] Speaker B: Yes, there is a such thing as [00:38:30] Speaker A: there's no such thing as tone. Tone is a farce. Tone is something made up by women. [00:38:34] Speaker B: No, Yosh is not. [00:38:36] Speaker A: It is you. You didn't have to say it like that. [00:38:38] Speaker B: It's not. Okay, y' all don't have feelings, so y' all don't have feelings, so I could say whatever, however the fuck I want to say, because y' all don't have feelings. [00:38:49] Speaker A: What you mean if. [00:38:52] Speaker B: Okay, if tone doesn't matter? Respect doesn't matter. [00:38:56] Speaker A: I said there's no such thing as tone. Respect does matter. There's no such thing as tone. [00:39:01] Speaker B: Okay, so I could say something to you disrespectfully. [00:39:05] Speaker A: That's not a tone. Disrespectful. Not a tone. Disrespect is like you're being disrespectful. [00:39:13] Speaker B: Yoshi, there's no such thing as a tone. [00:39:15] Speaker A: That's what I said. [00:39:16] Speaker B: When your kids talk to you in a certain way. What. [00:39:21] Speaker A: In what way? What way can my child kids could [00:39:25] Speaker B: give you a tone? Has never given you what I'm chopping [00:39:30] Speaker A: and got him throat. [00:39:31] Speaker B: But you just said there's no such thing as tone. [00:39:33] Speaker A: No, it's no such thing as tone. I think people take things how they take it. [00:39:38] Speaker B: There isn't such thing as tone. There's a such thing as tone. [00:39:41] Speaker A: I don't think so, because I don't [00:39:46] Speaker B: know you came up with that. [00:39:47] Speaker A: No, because tone is how I take something. I'm not. Because tone could be like, I could tell you whatever I want to tell you. Say. We're in a relationship. You said, take the trash out. I didn't take the trash. I didn't take the trash out. And now you're frustrated, so you say, yo, she did not tell you take the trash out. [00:40:24] Speaker B: You hit an inflection on. Didn't I tell you take the trash out? [00:40:27] Speaker A: But that's. That's you. But that's. That's not tone. That's just you saying, no, no, no. That's your frustration coming through and be like, yo, dude, didn't I tell you? So now as a person who's taking this in, you know what? I should look the trash out. She been asking me to take the trash out. She's just frustrated. [00:40:46] Speaker B: That sounds very different from. From. Well, okay, what if she used that same tone, but she had a curse in it? What if she said fucking? [00:40:56] Speaker A: Oh, you ain't gonna curse at me now. You just use other words. That's word usage. That ain't tone. Told you I'm good at this thing. [00:41:09] Speaker B: So, okay, so what if she yells at you, did not tell you to take the trash out because she raised her volume? No, raised the volume is just the volume. [00:41:18] Speaker A: Why are you raising. Why are you raising your volume? I would tell. It's like this. You're at a 10. I need you to come do too. And the trash will get taken out. [00:41:27] Speaker B: No, [00:41:30] Speaker A: no. [00:41:31] Speaker B: When you ask. When you say to someone acts nicely. If I tell you it's a way of speaking. [00:41:38] Speaker A: It ain't tone. [00:41:39] Speaker B: That is tone. Okay, how come? How about agree to disagree? [00:41:44] Speaker A: Okay. [00:41:45] Speaker B: Okay. [00:41:45] Speaker A: That's what women like. All right, so next one. My guy friend invited me to lunch today, but his car was in the shop, so I picked him up from the dealership. On the way to the restaurant, my gas light came on. I pulled into the gas station and asked, would you mind pumping the gas for me? He looked at me and said, it's too hot outside. I don't feel like hitting out. So I got out, pumped my own gas, got back in the car, and suddenly I wasn't hungry anymore. I looked over and said, I'm just going to take you back to the dealership. He looked confused and said, I'm still hungry. Let's go to the restaurant. I said, no. Then he said, the ner. He. Then he had the nerve to ask, well, can you at least go to the gas. Go in the gas station and get me a bag of chips. I looked at him, said, are you serious? He got upset and told me I was overreacting because it was just pumping gas. So now I'm asking, was I wrong for taking him back to the dealership instead of taking him to go eat some lunch? [00:42:49] Speaker B: Did she say her homeboy or her boyfriend. [00:42:52] Speaker A: A dude asked her out? It's a dude that asked her out. [00:42:55] Speaker B: No, [00:42:57] Speaker A: he'd have been at the gas station. [00:43:01] Speaker B: Depending on. Depending on our level of relationship. Yeah, he'd have been at the gas station. [00:43:04] Speaker A: No, no, no. Ain't no. Ain't no level of relationship. He been against this. Hey, no, no. Here's the money. Go get some chips. [00:43:10] Speaker B: And then you peeled off. [00:43:13] Speaker A: I been the cribo. [00:43:14] Speaker B: It depends on. I live. [00:43:16] Speaker A: I been the cribo. First off, there's an unwritten rule women shouldn't pump gas. That's unwritten rule. [00:43:24] Speaker B: If there's a man, all men don't have that rule. Just like all men don't open doors. Like all men. [00:43:31] Speaker A: What are you dealing with out here in these streets? [00:43:35] Speaker B: First of all, when we tell y' all what we dealing with, y' all never believe us. [00:43:38] Speaker A: No, because. No, no, no, no. [00:43:40] Speaker B: Don't open doors. [00:43:41] Speaker A: I'm gonna. I'm gonna tell you why we don't [00:43:42] Speaker B: believe all men don't pump gas. [00:43:43] Speaker A: I'm gonna tell you why we don't believe it. Because women don't have integrity. [00:43:51] Speaker B: So. Because women don't have integrity? [00:43:53] Speaker A: Yep. [00:43:54] Speaker B: You. You don't believe the stories? [00:43:56] Speaker A: No. [00:43:58] Speaker B: Wow. [00:43:58] Speaker A: Nope. Cause y' all could be lying. You can't tell me no man is opening no doors for you. [00:44:03] Speaker B: I didn't say that. I said all men don't. I said all men do not open doors. All men do not bump gas just because. [00:44:09] Speaker A: Well, I mean, you can't. [00:44:10] Speaker B: You can't do. [00:44:11] Speaker A: You can't count automatic doors because nobody's opening automatic doors. [00:44:14] Speaker B: You're talking about car doors. Talk about restaurant doors. All men don't open doors. All men don't pump gas. [00:44:20] Speaker A: Okay, last couple of days you had. Say, last four, how many opened the door for you? [00:44:29] Speaker B: All of them opened a door, [00:44:33] Speaker A: so your statement is invalid. [00:44:35] Speaker B: That is not true. Look, some of them opened the door to the restaurant, right? Some of them opened the door to the restaurant and the door to the car or. [00:44:44] Speaker A: Oh, wait, hold on. Okay, now. Okay, now, the car situation, I got a problem with that. And I'll tell you now, you got. I'm going to tell you why I got a problem with the car situation. Because sometimes y' all get out the car too damn fast. [00:45:00] Speaker B: Well, we don't give y' all a chance to open the door. No, that's what it is. [00:45:03] Speaker A: As soon as we park, I'm like, I can't even. Well, I'm supposed to run now. [00:45:08] Speaker B: No, you supposed to tell her, don't open the damn door. [00:45:12] Speaker A: I don't know. You open the door until the door is open. [00:45:15] Speaker B: Okay. And after, as soon as the locks corrected. [00:45:18] Speaker A: Because my car, if I cut it off, door's gonna unlock, as does a lot of cars. So the doors are like. And foot out the door. [00:45:30] Speaker B: She's used to opening her own door. [00:45:33] Speaker A: That's not my fault. [00:45:34] Speaker B: No, no one said it's your fault exactly. [00:45:36] Speaker A: But you. But you. But when you get back to the crib, then you're gonna talk about me because I ain't open the door. [00:45:43] Speaker B: Nah, I'm not that petty. If you don't open up my car door, it doesn't make a difference to me. But, like, for me, it depends. Like, for instance, if we're dressed up on a date and we're going somewhere. Yeah. I want you to open my door. [00:46:00] Speaker A: Okay. [00:46:00] Speaker B: Just looks up like. You know what I mean? Yeah, but we going to the gym. We about to run to the grocery store. I'm Open the door myself, hop out the car. [00:46:07] Speaker A: No, it should be across the board. [00:46:10] Speaker B: Like it. But I'm trying to say, like, it doesn't always matter for me. Like, opening the car door and about opening the door, walking into the establishment. You should always open my door. [00:46:18] Speaker A: But that's the problem. [00:46:19] Speaker B: Why is that a problem? [00:46:21] Speaker A: Because you are letting your standards fluctuate. [00:46:24] Speaker B: That is not letting. [00:46:25] Speaker A: You're letting your standards fluctuate. So I don't know. I don't know when I should and when I shouldn't. [00:46:30] Speaker B: I just told you when. [00:46:31] Speaker A: No, you ain't telling that man that. [00:46:34] Speaker B: Yes, I have told the guy I was dealing with that, because he was looking at me like. Like, you want me to open the door all the time. And you said yes every time we go out. [00:46:46] Speaker A: Yeah, going to the gym is going out. [00:46:49] Speaker B: Going to the gym is going to the gym. [00:46:51] Speaker A: It's going out. [00:46:53] Speaker B: Going to the gym is going to the gym, bro. [00:46:54] Speaker A: That's going out. [00:46:55] Speaker B: Okay, so basically, it's kind of like you're saying to me, say you missed the trash. Say you missed taking out the trash. [00:47:03] Speaker A: Yes, the trash is full and I am not here. [00:47:06] Speaker B: Right. I'm supposed to leave the trash for you to come. You should take out the trash. [00:47:10] Speaker A: You should. [00:47:11] Speaker B: Now I'm taking out the trash, and I'm cussing you out when you come in the house, because you didn't take out the trash. And I had to do it. [00:47:17] Speaker A: But that's why you should leave it. [00:47:21] Speaker B: Why the trash is overflowing. The trash may be stinking. The trash maybe. Whatever. No, I need it out of here. [00:47:25] Speaker A: No. [00:47:26] Speaker B: And when I get out of my kitchen, well, guess what. [00:47:28] Speaker A: Guess what. When I come in. When I come in this. Oh, damn, I forgot to take out the trash. I'll take out the trash now, but you just want a reason to cuss me out. See. Cause if I come in and take out the trash. If I come in and take out the trash, then you gonna be like, what? [00:47:44] Speaker B: The trash out of here. [00:47:45] Speaker A: See, that's what I'm saying. Like, I think sometimes y' all want a reason to cuss us out and. And we don't be deserving. [00:47:52] Speaker B: That. That is not true. [00:47:53] Speaker A: That's the type of life. [00:47:54] Speaker B: Don't give me a reason. [00:47:55] Speaker A: That's the type of life that we don't want to live. [00:47:57] Speaker B: I don't want to live the type of life where I gotta ask you the same thing over and over and over either. [00:48:03] Speaker A: Sounds like trauma. All right, [00:48:13] Speaker B: Look, you remember when your mother used to be like, don't make me have to tell you again. Yeah, the same thing. Oh, should I have to repeat myself? [00:48:21] Speaker A: You shouldn't. All right, last one. Yesterday, I went to meet someone for a lunch date. He asked me to meet him at one location and then follow him because he wanted our lunch destination to be a surprise. I thought, okay, this should be interesting. So I followed him right to a park. He got out of his car, opened the trunk, pulled out a picnic basket, smiled, and said, this is where we're having lunch. Now, before y' all come for me, I know some people would think that's sweet and romantic, but for me, it wasn't. For one, my allergies and being outside don't get along. More importantly, when someone invites me to lunch, I expect we're going to a restaurant, especially on the first date. Now, tell me, was I wrong for leaving? 100%. [00:49:09] Speaker B: I think that she was. Wait a minute. [00:49:11] Speaker A: She's wrong for leaving. [00:49:12] Speaker B: Whoa, whoa. Pause. [00:49:14] Speaker A: And. And. And I'm glad. And if I'm the dude, I am glad you left. [00:49:19] Speaker B: Wait a minute. [00:49:20] Speaker A: Get out. [00:49:20] Speaker B: Yeah. He dodged a bullet, and he did. [00:49:23] Speaker A: Red flag. She's a whole red flag. [00:49:25] Speaker B: It's not a flag from here. It's not a whole red flag. Only part of it is red. Only part of it. [00:49:31] Speaker A: So what's the other? [00:49:32] Speaker B: Amber. [00:49:33] Speaker A: It is yellow is red. [00:49:36] Speaker B: Let me tell you why. Let me tell you why. Let me tell you why. She was wrong with the expectation that your first date needs to be at a restaurant. First of all, the expectations is what people get jacked up a lot of times. That's number one. Number two, if her allergies were going crazy, then the park was not a good place for her. But she should have explained that to him as to why she didn't want to be in the park. This, that, and the third, and then move on from there. How did she shut him down again? Like, did you just leave this? [00:50:07] Speaker A: Yeah, she just left. [00:50:09] Speaker B: That was horrible. That was horrible. [00:50:11] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:50:11] Speaker B: The communication was poor. [00:50:13] Speaker A: Your women's sistering. But this is what women. This is what we go through, my sister. This is what we go through with women. [00:50:19] Speaker B: We go through a lot with men. [00:50:20] Speaker A: Y' all don't. [00:50:21] Speaker B: We do. [00:50:22] Speaker A: Y' all don't. Like, at the end of the day, [00:50:24] Speaker B: I got stories, bro. [00:50:25] Speaker A: You ain't got no stories. [00:50:26] Speaker B: I got stories. I got stories. [00:50:27] Speaker A: At the end of the day, she didn't look at the effort that was put in. She looked at the end, and she was extremely selfish, and she placed an expectation and she had an opportunity to find out what type of man this was. If she would just said, hey, I have seriously bad allergies. Can we go someplace else? If he would have said, no, I put all this work into this, then you dodged a bullet. Yes, leave, Right? [00:50:59] Speaker B: That's what communication comes in. [00:51:00] Speaker A: But if he would have said, oh, shoot, I didn't know that. Packs up his lunch. We can go. There's a restaurant right over there. Let's go over there. That would have worked. Her. Her selfish behind just left. And he dodged a bullet because that is a very thoughtful man. [00:51:18] Speaker B: So let me tell you, since you think I don't have any stories. I had a homegirl, she was dating a pilot. And you know how dudes always be like, you got a friend for my friend? [00:51:32] Speaker A: Dudes don't always be like that. But okay. [00:51:34] Speaker B: Oh. [00:51:35] Speaker A: Anyway, at this age, we. We don't do that. [00:51:37] Speaker B: Some dudes are right at this age. Yes. [00:51:41] Speaker A: Why? [00:51:41] Speaker B: They are. That's what I'm trying to tell you. You don't know things that we deal with. So, boom. [00:51:46] Speaker A: I don't subscribe to this ministry. [00:51:48] Speaker B: So I meet the guy. He's a doctor. [00:51:51] Speaker A: Okay. [00:51:52] Speaker B: Right. [00:51:53] Speaker A: Okay. [00:51:54] Speaker B: He picks me up for the date. That's fine. On our way to said date, he has to stop by his house. I call my hunger. I'm like, why are we stopping by his house? I said, he should have already been ready for the date. What's the reason to go to his house? Like, there's no reason to go. [00:52:10] Speaker A: He should have came from his house. [00:52:13] Speaker B: Right. [00:52:14] Speaker A: Today. Yeah. [00:52:15] Speaker B: So he opens up his garage, and he's like, oh, come inside. It's not a third. [00:52:19] Speaker A: Did you go inside? [00:52:20] Speaker B: So I'm like, girl. So I didn't go all the way inside, but I was by the garage. So he picked me up in the Beamer. But in the garage was the Porsche, right? So I said, girl, I really think this man just wanted me to see his cars. He just wants me to see his cars showing off. So we get on a date. When I tell you, no type of charm at all, no conversation. It was very much so. Me asking him questions, he'll answer it. That was that. And I was like, he has no personality. So I was like, girl, I'm not going out with him. This, that, and the third, you could forget it. And she was like, he's just shy. Blah, blah, blah. She talked me into date number two. We go out on the second date. We're at this date, and then his friend comes. I said, you invited somebody else? So I date. So now it's me, him, and him, right? But this friend has conversations. He's just talking, talking, and we're just talking and talking and talking. So old boy takes his hand and puts it on my shoulder. I'm like, what the. So when his friend gets up to go to the bathroom, I said, why are you touching me? I said, take your hand off of my shoulder. I said, because you're only doing this because I'm talking to your friend. [00:53:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:53:37] Speaker B: Not that I was going to try to get the friend's number or anything. I'm passing time. We're just talking. And so at the end of the day, he was like, oh, are you going home with me? No, I'm not. I'm not going home with you. And he was upset that I wouldn't go home with him. He felt like he showed me enough and I needed to go home with him. Negative. Not at all. Not gonna happen. We go through that at this grown age. [00:54:07] Speaker A: I just. He was older than you. Same age as you, younger than you. [00:54:12] Speaker B: I believe he may have been a little older than me, but it doesn't matter. We're at this big, ripe age. He wasn't younger than me. [00:54:19] Speaker A: We ripe out here. [00:54:22] Speaker B: He wasn't. He wasn't younger than me. [00:54:26] Speaker A: I just don't think. And here's where I think I struggle a lot. I don't think everybody had the. The same dating experience. And what I mean by that is somebody like, some people didn't get hot until their latter days in life. And he strikes me as somebody who didn't always have, like, he didn't get his. Like, there's some woman out there that. If you'd have done that too, George would have fell to the floor. [00:54:57] Speaker B: Yes. [00:54:58] Speaker A: If you just. Boom. Oh, my bad. I gotta change cars. I gotta. [00:55:02] Speaker B: Yes. [00:55:03] Speaker A: And you see the Porsche in the garage, like, oh, my God, he's gonna. There's some women that would have fell for that. But do you really want. That's like old girl from the polemic, the polygamist. The young girl fell for the father because he was doing all that stuff. And I don't know. I just think that where we are today with dating is. I don't think anybody's dating with attention. I think people are just out here. And I mean. And that's an absolute statement. I think people are just out here. I don't. I don't think people really know what they want out of a relationship. I think they think they know. I think people. Some people have a checklist, and they want everything in the checklist. They're not willing to move a budge off of one thing here, one thing there. They need everything on the checklist now. My checklist. There's one thing I can't budge off, so that might be my problem. But I think that people aren't willing to. [00:56:12] Speaker B: What's that one thing? [00:56:13] Speaker A: We ain't gonna talk about it. We talk about it off here, okay? But I think people have these things in these. In their head of what they want to be and what they want to do and what their relationship should look like, what they're married. The woman that's going to make the most profound thing. I think I heard this whole weekend at Podcast Summit during the Seven Figure Podcast workshop. That was Thursday. And if you haven't had an opportunity to. And you're in podcast and join the Seven Figure Podcast group, it's definitely worth what you're gonna spend. They gave everybody an opportunity because they was talking about interviewing, and so they gave. David and CJ were on stage, and it was like, we'll give five people in the room, six people in the room to have five minutes with us, and we're gonna record it, and we're gonna send you your pod. You're gonna send it to you. That's huge. Yeah, that's huge. First guy gets up there, he talks for 4 minutes and 30 seconds. David and C.J. don't say nothing. Didn't take advantage of the situation. I was like, they would have talked [00:57:26] Speaker B: all the time, [00:57:28] Speaker A: but one of the women that got up there, she. The way she formulated her questions, and it was on the spot, so nobody knew they were going up there. So when. When. When she did her question, matter of fact, Dr. Nicole, who was on. Who was on one of my episodes, she said, what made you want to marry your wife? And David said, you know, he wanted to be married. And she was the one. The moment he saw her. And CJ said, and this was probably the most profound thing I heard all weekend. I never wanted to be married. My wife made me want to be married without telling me anything. Just her being her made me want to be married. Now I would like to be married, but I want to be with somebody. I want to be married to somebody who makes me want to be married. Because I'm a person where, like, I'll move to wherever. So, like, wherever you live, I don't care. [00:58:34] Speaker B: Okay. [00:58:34] Speaker A: Live in New York. You live in Alabama, you live in California. My son is young enough where he can move anywhere, adapt. I can get a job anywhere. I'm a black man who teaches English. I'll get a job. [00:58:48] Speaker B: That's right. [00:58:49] Speaker A: My podcast can go anywhere. It doesn't matter where I'm at in the world. So I'll move anywhere. It doesn't matter. But it has to be somebody who makes me think in that mind frame, in that mindset. I mean, and as we were talking earlier, I was like, yeah, and I will. And I'm dating to get to that point. But at the end of the day, if there's Something on my checklist that I can't get over and I feel like that's going to hinder me from being 100 all in. I'm not gonna do it because I'm not gonna waste your time. Not gonna waste my time. And you might have all of these things over here, but literally on my checklist it's one thing. [00:59:37] Speaker B: You said it's one. [00:59:38] Speaker A: It's just okay. Every. Everything else on my checklist is negotiable. [00:59:43] Speaker B: Okay. [00:59:44] Speaker A: Except for one thing. [00:59:45] Speaker B: So I don't think there's anything wrong with having your hard no. Right. But I think that where people mess up with is the expectation like yeah, I could want my relationship to be a certain type of way. Well, first of all, I think people should just be aiming for healthy relationships that you can build and grow in. Because being the same person and not growing just stagnant, that's crazy. Like why would you want that? [01:00:20] Speaker A: I don't know how many people know how to grow or what they're growing to or where they coming from. Cuz a lot of people don't have. [01:00:26] Speaker B: But that's your self work. That's the things. Some things you got to do by yourself before you get to a relationship. [01:00:32] Speaker A: That's valid, right? That's valid. [01:00:34] Speaker B: So I feel as though once you're with someone, your relationship should not look like somebody relationship over there or whoever else's relationship. Like it does not have to model somebody else's relationship because that's them. You guys are you. You have to do what works best for your relationship. [01:01:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:01:01] Speaker B: And I think that a lot of people fall into the pitfall of no, you're supposed to be like this, you're supposed to act like this. You're supposed to open the door every single time because you are supposed to. [01:01:16] Speaker A: How much would you. But hold on. [01:01:18] Speaker B: But if it works for us, think [01:01:19] Speaker A: about this, Think about this. [01:01:20] Speaker B: It works for us. [01:01:20] Speaker A: Think about this. Right? [01:01:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:01:22] Speaker A: Women don't know what they want till they get it. [01:01:25] Speaker B: Guess what? Women. No, look, people listen. No, people don't know what they're missing till they get it. [01:01:30] Speaker A: No, women don't know what they want. Today you have to almost give a woman what she does not know she wants. You said it doesn't matter if we're going to the grocery store. Do you know how appreciative you would be if your man said do not get out the car. [01:01:48] Speaker B: I've had a guy that I'm just had a boyfriend like that. [01:01:50] Speaker A: I'm saying. And you were appreciative of it. [01:01:52] Speaker B: Right? Yeah. [01:01:53] Speaker A: So you can't say it didn't matter. [01:01:55] Speaker B: What? No, no, no. Let me tell you why it didn't matter. Why I say it doesn't matter. I was appreciative for it. But when the next guy came along. Right. The car door at the grocery store didn't matter to me. But it matters to me when we're going. [01:02:10] Speaker A: So that means you lowered your standard. [01:02:12] Speaker B: It doesn't mean I lowered my standard. [01:02:14] Speaker A: That doesn't mean you lowered your standard. [01:02:15] Speaker B: First of all, somebody could open up all the doors and be a piece of. [01:02:18] Speaker A: No, wait, hold on now. [01:02:20] Speaker B: Don't say I lowered my standard. Yeah, because I lowered my standard. Because guess what? We're not the guy. Look, we're not talking about. [01:02:26] Speaker A: We're not talking about. But wait, we're not talking about the positive. [01:02:29] Speaker B: About the overall. We're talking about the overall relationship. Me, him not opening the door 100% of the time. Right. But yet giving me all the attention or. And being faithful, that outweighed him not opening the door all the time. The other dude opened the door all the time. He was. So. So for you to say I lowered my standard. No, I didn't. Okay, I upped it here. I made. It Went down on the door opening, but. [01:02:59] Speaker A: So you negotiate your terms all the time. [01:03:01] Speaker B: It depends on what it is. [01:03:02] Speaker A: What you mean, like, what it is? [01:03:04] Speaker B: Okay. For instance, you said you have one thing. [01:03:06] Speaker A: Oh, no, no, no. That's. That's. That's. [01:03:08] Speaker B: Listen. [01:03:09] Speaker A: No, no, I agree with you. [01:03:10] Speaker B: That's a hard no. [01:03:10] Speaker A: That's. [01:03:11] Speaker B: So the. [01:03:13] Speaker A: Everything else, I kind of. [01:03:15] Speaker B: Exactly. [01:03:15] Speaker A: I ain't saying I said negotiable, but I'm kind of like, yo, if your [01:03:21] Speaker B: hard no is not cooking right. If your hard no is not cooking right. [01:03:25] Speaker A: But I cook enough. [01:03:26] Speaker B: Exactly. [01:03:27] Speaker A: But go ahead. [01:03:27] Speaker B: But you get with a woman that she does, but her cooking skills is zero. I don't think. I'm gonna say. I wouldn't say that you reduce your standards because she can't cook. [01:03:44] Speaker A: I mean, but some. I would not argue the fact that somebody wouldn't say that. I wouldn't argue the fact that somebody wouldn't go, yo, you know, you. You lowered your standard. You said you wanted this. This. And third. But standards between you and your God. So I guess. But I still feel like. And opening the door is just an example. Yeah, but if this is a requirement, I don't think we should. I don't believe that we should negotiate our standards. I think our standards are standards for requirements Checklists are one thing, but our standards are standards. Like you shouldn't. [01:04:25] Speaker B: Your requirements are on your checklist. Like, that's not what makes. [01:04:28] Speaker A: Your requirements are different than standards. I think requirements different. My standard, like a requirement might be. Requirements are things that you could fall back on. I think requirement might. She can cook. Everybody can't cook. It's a fact. Even people who think they could cook can't cook. [01:04:49] Speaker B: Okay, [01:04:52] Speaker A: that might be a requirement, not a standard. A standard would be she attempts to take care of me in. Underneath that realm is I'm a coach. I get in late, I shouldn't have to cook. When I get home at 11 o' clock at night. You're not waiting for me to come home and cook. Whether it's bad or not, the appreciation is your effort in the cooking and trying to cook. [01:05:22] Speaker B: Can I make you a sandwich? [01:05:24] Speaker A: I don't give a damn if it's a sandwich and she put it in the air fryer. [01:05:29] Speaker B: As long as it's hot. [01:05:30] Speaker A: As long as it's hot. Making that pie while it's hot at the end of the day, as long as it's hot, it's showing the effort on her part to make sure that I'm fed. In a point in which I've dealt with somebody who waited on me to come home to cook every time. 10 o', clock, 11 o', clock, midnight. Hey, y' all ate? No, I was waiting on you to get home. [01:05:55] Speaker B: That's crazy. [01:05:56] Speaker A: Hell, you mean, you know, I don't cook, but you go to food. [01:06:01] Speaker B: Right? [01:06:02] Speaker A: And that's what I'm saying. So the cooking part of it might be a requirement, but it's not the standard. The standard is the ability to pick up where I slack off. The requirement might be cooking. So I could check that off the list. She could cook, it don't matter. But she's making sure I take. I'm taken care of. And in a sense where I don't have to cook, that's the standard she ordered. [01:06:32] Speaker B: Whatever she did, she made the sandwich and put it in the air fryer. [01:06:35] Speaker A: Whatever. [01:06:35] Speaker B: She. [01:06:36] Speaker A: She made a grilled cheese. I don't know, she bought some eggs. Whatever she could do. She. She could have made me a hot cup of tea to make sure. I know you didn't want the empty stomach. So all I could do is hot tea. [01:06:46] Speaker B: Yeah, but just even in that scenario, it's still saying that you lowered your standard based on. [01:06:54] Speaker A: Remember, my standard is taking care of me, not. [01:06:57] Speaker B: Oh, not the cooking for you. Got it? [01:06:59] Speaker A: Yeah, okay, exactly. Standards are different requirements. I'm always right on my show. [01:07:07] Speaker B: Let you have it. I'll let you have that. Yeah. Let me have it. I'm gonna let you have that. Yeah. [01:07:11] Speaker A: But, ra, thank you for being on. I really appreciate your time. When we started, it was light outside, and now it's dark. [01:07:16] Speaker B: Now it's dark. [01:07:17] Speaker A: Yeah. But I really appreciate you being on. It has been amazing fun. Tell the people how they can find you on social media. [01:07:25] Speaker B: On social media. I'm rah r a H duh. D a libra. L I b R a underscore speaks on Instagram. That's my page on Instagram. I'm only on Instagram. [01:07:37] Speaker A: You're only on Instagram right now? [01:07:39] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [01:07:39] Speaker A: Don't look for the private snap. It's a private snap. [01:07:42] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Don't listen. [01:07:43] Speaker A: It's a private snap out there. [01:07:45] Speaker B: Listen to yo. [01:07:47] Speaker A: But once again, make sure to check out our sponsors, CruxMediaGroup LLC.com as well as Eat my biscuits down in East Point Atlanta on main Street. Make sure you tell V that we sent you. Make sure that you join the Patreon relationship Status Doc. Sorry. Patreon.com Relationship Status. $0.17 a day, $5 a month. Can't beat it. All right, go ahead and join. Also, make sure you follow us on all social media platforms. R e l s tat podcast. If you want to join the conversation, email us. R e l s tat podcast gmail.com. plus, the show is going through some changes. It's about to be some new stuff dropping. Please make sure you tap in. Stay locked. Subscribe, man. And you know what it is. Until next time, y'. All, it's Yousef in the building. We are out. Peace. [01:08:34] Speaker B: Peace, [01:08:41] Speaker A: Sam.