275th Date:

[00:00:00] Speaker A: All right. Would you rather have date night every Friday or a weekend getaway every three months? [00:00:08] Speaker B: Weekend getaway. [00:00:09] Speaker A: Y' all got kids? Yeah, that's the answer. [00:00:13] Speaker B: That's what the people with kids say. Give me a weekend getaway. [00:00:17] Speaker A: That's the. Well, people with kids. That's what they say. I don't want to go on Friday and come back to them. [00:00:23] Speaker B: Give me. [00:00:23] Speaker A: I need a whole weekend away from them. [00:00:26] Speaker B: Well. Cause our weekends, we do Friday movies. [00:00:29] Speaker A: Okay. [00:00:29] Speaker B: Anyway, so. Or shows. [00:00:34] Speaker A: All right. Would you rather your husband always be 30 minutes early or would you rather your husband always be 30? Welcome back to Relationship Status. It's your boy Yousef in the building. And remember that you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to, like, share, follow, and 5 star rate. And guess what? If you do not do those things, what are you doing? A hater. At the end of the day, make sure that you check us out. You can also check us out on YouTube if you want to join the conversation. Email us. R e L S T A T podcast. That's R e L S T A T podcast. And don't forget to join the patreon. Patreon.com relationship status. You know, it's been crazy me doing these shows over the last couple of weeks without my girl, V. But I am blessed because I'm at the Podcast Summit 2026, and I got an opportunity today to meet this wonderful lady named Dr. Nicole who has a podcast. Give it to me one more time. [00:01:32] Speaker B: The Secret formula of femininity. [00:01:34] Speaker A: The Secret formula of femininity. And I said, try to say that three times fast because I've been here trying to do this for the last however long, and we ain't quite got it right. But welcome to the show, Dr. Nicole. It is a pleasure to have you on. We just met today, and the thing that made me kind of approach you today was just when you was up on stage with David and cj, just the way your conversation just kind of flowed from one thing to the next to the next. And it was going over interview techniques and. And I was like. I was. I wanted to raise my hand, but I was like, I don't really do interviews, so, you know, it is what it is. But the first question we ask all of our guests. First question before you answer, say anything. [00:02:14] Speaker B: Okay. [00:02:14] Speaker A: What is your relationship status? [00:02:16] Speaker B: I am married. [00:02:17] Speaker A: Married? [00:02:18] Speaker B: Yes. [00:02:18] Speaker A: Happily married. [00:02:19] Speaker B: Happily married. [00:02:20] Speaker A: For how long? [00:02:21] Speaker B: For 15 and a half years. [00:02:23] Speaker A: 15. And he's happy, too? Yes, for 15 years. [00:02:26] Speaker B: He's calling right now. 100. That's my best friend. [00:02:31] Speaker A: That's your best friend? Were you guys friends first and it grew. Or did he like. Or was it a cult? Like, kind of. He. He was attracted to you. He approached you? [00:02:40] Speaker B: Yeah, it grew. It grew. But one of the things that made us connect was like, just the. Like how we could just laugh together, which is something that I. I think of doing with friends. [00:02:52] Speaker A: Okay, well, that's cool. In a day and age where marriages really aren't lasting, it's cool to see that you. That you guys are lasting. And we'll come back to the marriage in a second. [00:03:01] Speaker B: Okay. [00:03:02] Speaker A: But let's talk about the femininity podcast. How did that come about? [00:03:08] Speaker B: So I. I'm a. I'm a clinical psychologist, so I do therapy. I'm a therapist, but I also started coaching women, which is a little bit different than therapy, just coaching them on specific things that goals they wanted to achieve, things they wanted to improve. [00:03:23] Speaker A: You're brave. I'm brave because, you know. You know, women don't have integrity, you know, because they don't never know what they want to do. [00:03:30] Speaker B: No, well, I. Well, the women. The women that I coach, they knew what they wanted. Their desired outcome was okay. But they needed a path to get there. And what we found is a lot of women were disconnected from their feminine energy. That part of that thing, it's that just that oomph that makes a woman a woman. [00:03:53] Speaker A: Well, you know. You know, I'm gonna tell you what happened. [00:03:55] Speaker B: Okay. [00:03:55] Speaker A: There was a song that came out some years ago, I N D E P E N D. That was. That was death to feminine energy. Because it was. I could do my own nowadays, you hand. [00:04:06] Speaker B: But wasn't that a Male rappers. [00:04:08] Speaker A: Yeah, that was a male. But the women were singing was their anthem for a minute. And I think that. That women wanting to fight patriarchy so much, I think it kind of. It kind of. And then not only that, but them having to be single moms also formed them also had to force them into this masculine energy. And so whereas, like, you know, I'm divorced, and I've been divorced for. Since 2011, so however many years, that is okay. The women that you meet on this journey now is they all want to be in their masculine, and they don't know how to be in their feminine energy. So are you helping them to get back to that? [00:04:52] Speaker B: Yes, I would say it's not that women don't want to get in their feminine. [00:04:58] Speaker A: They don't know how to. [00:04:59] Speaker B: Yes. [00:05:00] Speaker A: So, like, if I'm. I went on a date One time, lady got upset because I opened the door for I go my own door. [00:05:07] Speaker B: Wow. Well, yeah. That's interesting. Yeah, that's extreme. [00:05:12] Speaker A: Yeah, you can. You have to. I said, but, you know, the way. Not the way I was taught. But what I've learned over time is, you know, you got to be. As a man, you got to be chivalrous. You got to open the door. You gotta. You know, if you pick someone up, you don't sit in the car, you walk to the door. Nowadays, you know, people want to meet you at a place, but even if you pull out the chair, you know what I'm saying, all of that stuff has kind of gone out the window. So are you finding it difficult in what you're doing to get women as you're coaching these women, is it difficult to get them? [00:05:43] Speaker B: I would say yes and no. I mean, I think once. I think earlier today somebody said, you have to connect before you correct. You can't just go telling somebody, you need to do this. You. It's like, I want to connect to understand that person's story. Why is it that you're in your masculine. Why is it hard for you? You know, you might want to fight the patriarchy on a bigger scale, but in your relationship, you have to have two complimentary energies, masculine and feminine. [00:06:10] Speaker A: Okay, so a woman should have some form of masculine energy. [00:06:14] Speaker B: No, no, I mean, you talking about in the relationship. [00:06:18] Speaker A: Okay, I get what you're saying. So the brainchild is born. You have the podcast. What was like. What was your. The moment that you was like, okay, I got this. I'm gonna go out and do this podcast. [00:06:30] Speaker B: You know, when we're in the community, the podcast community. I was on one of the calls featuring Jose. He's part of their network. He was doing the call that day. Cuz, cj, Dave, everybody was out of town and he said, I need every. I got on there and to ask something. He said, I don't wanna hear that question. When is your podcast? Tell me your date. So I just set a date. June 24th. It was two weeks from the day that I was on that call. So that forced me. He said, I want you to send me the link to your first episode on June 24th. [00:07:01] Speaker A: Okay? [00:07:01] Speaker B: So that was it. It's literally the accountability. Somebody saying, no more excuses. I don't want to hear could have, should have, would it. Like, this is the date. You pick it. And I want you to be accountable to me. [00:07:13] Speaker A: And how. How long ago is that? [00:07:15] Speaker B: That was two years ago, 20, 24. [00:07:18] Speaker A: How many episodes are you? [00:07:19] Speaker B: I just celebrated 100 episodes. I'm on 104. [00:07:23] Speaker A: Congratulations. Shouts out to you. [00:07:27] Speaker B: That's been a journey. It has been a journey. Oh, my goodness. [00:07:30] Speaker A: And along the way, there's always some speed bumps. What was. What would you say is the. Has been the difficult. The most difficult hurdle for you? [00:07:41] Speaker B: Sometimes you feel like you're talking into the black space. [00:07:45] Speaker A: Into an abyss. [00:07:46] Speaker B: Yes. And that's the word in abyss. You don't know if anybody's picking up what you're putting down. You don't know if they appreciate it. You don't always get the views. You don't know. Sometimes you get silent com. You know, you don't get all the comments. People might be watching but not commenting. And you have to just believe in yourself, in the mission and keep going. But it's not easy, which is why I'm part of the community, because every Friday they come and tell us, like, be consistent. Don't worry about the views. Don't worry about this, this, and this. But it can get hard sometimes. [00:08:17] Speaker A: I find it sometimes discouraging in podcasting because a lot of people, they think it's like. They think it's easy. All I got to do is get this and get that, and then. And then I'm on. And it's not. [00:08:28] Speaker B: Yes. [00:08:29] Speaker A: That easy. Because to show up every day to record or whatever. Whenever you. You. You have your. You choose to record, show up, and you just know you got this fire post it, and it's like. [00:08:40] Speaker B: It's like two. [00:08:42] Speaker A: It's like five or ten, and it's like, why am I doing this again? [00:08:47] Speaker B: Yes. [00:08:48] Speaker A: So what keeps you coming back to the mic each week? [00:08:51] Speaker B: Knowing my why. My why is to touch. There is a woman out there who needs to hear that. She can be soft. She doesn't have to always be strong. She can learn to communicate. Because I believe that healthy families, healthy relationships, healthy families. We need this in our community. And so I look at it like it's a bigger mission. There's a bigger picture. So I can't get caught up in my ego, like, oh, I didn't get this many views because, you know, my mission is much larger than just today's moment. [00:09:25] Speaker A: Okay, well, that's cool. Really happy to be able to get. You get some of your time. Had a chance to just, like I said as I listened to you on stage, and it was just a way that you carried yourself, a way that you dealt with yourself. And it's like, yo, that's. She's Dope. So I gotta get her right now. Gotta get on right now. So, as y' all know, this is about the time that we get into our either or. So we're gonna get into our either or questions. [00:09:49] Speaker B: Oh, boy. [00:09:50] Speaker A: Now, every woman that comes on here always is on the fence. The rule is you have to pick. [00:09:59] Speaker B: Is it gonna be one of those. Do you save your. This first or that first? [00:10:03] Speaker A: It doesn't matter. [00:10:04] Speaker B: Okay, it doesn'. [00:10:05] Speaker A: But you got to pick one. [00:10:06] Speaker B: Okay, okay. [00:10:07] Speaker A: All right, the first one. Would you rather your husband forget your birthday or your husband forget your anniversary? [00:10:16] Speaker B: Oh, gosh. I would say my anniversary. [00:10:25] Speaker A: Your anniversary? [00:10:26] Speaker B: Yes. [00:10:26] Speaker A: Okay. Why you choose your. [00:10:29] Speaker B: I just say because, like, anniversary. Yeah. I'm gonna remember it, so we're gonna celebrate it. But my birthday? [00:10:37] Speaker A: Yeah, your birthday. That's the Lord's day. [00:10:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:42] Speaker A: All right. Would you rather catch your husband singing in the shower, or would you rather catch your husband crying during a Disney movie? [00:10:53] Speaker B: Singing in the shower? [00:10:54] Speaker A: He can sing? [00:10:55] Speaker B: Yes. [00:10:56] Speaker A: Okay. [00:10:57] Speaker B: I mean, you know, he can carry a tune, so. [00:11:00] Speaker A: All right. And this probably. This next one you probably have dealt with already. [00:11:02] Speaker B: Okay. [00:11:03] Speaker A: Would you rather your husband always leave the toilet seat up or never replace the toilet paper roll when it's out? [00:11:10] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Toilet seat up. Toilet seat up. I rather that 100%. I. Because you can put that down, but when it comes to no toilet paper, it's like yelling at, oh, my gosh, you better bring me around. [00:11:24] Speaker A: Hey, somebody. Anybody. All right. Would you rather your husband spend $500 without telling you, or you ask your husband for permission to spend $5? Would I rather he spent 500 without telling? [00:11:44] Speaker B: I'd rather ask him permission to spend 5. [00:11:47] Speaker A: You don't. You got to know everything, huh? All right. Would you rather have date night every Friday or a weekend getaway every three months? [00:11:58] Speaker B: Weekend getaway. [00:12:00] Speaker A: Y' all got kids? [00:12:01] Speaker B: Yes. [00:12:02] Speaker A: That's the answer. [00:12:03] Speaker B: That's what the people with kids say. Give me a weekend getaway. [00:12:07] Speaker A: That's the. Well, people with kids. That's what they say. I don't want to go on Friday and come back to them. Give me. I need a whole weekend away from them. [00:12:16] Speaker B: Well. Cause our weekends, we do Friday movies. [00:12:19] Speaker A: Okay. [00:12:20] Speaker B: Anyway, so. Or shows. [00:12:25] Speaker A: All right. Would you rather your husband always be 30 minutes early, or would you rather your husband always be 30 minutes late? [00:12:33] Speaker B: I'd rather 30 minutes late because my husband is very punctual. And it's like. I'm like, oh, my God, I gotta hurry up. I gotta be on time. So Late. Yeah. I would rather the late so then I won't feel guilty because I'm running late, too. [00:12:48] Speaker A: Okay. They're gonna get a little bit harder. A little bit harder. Would you rather find out your husband has a secret bank account or a secret group chat with his boys? [00:13:01] Speaker B: A secret group chat. [00:13:03] Speaker A: A secret group chat. [00:13:04] Speaker B: Yes. [00:13:04] Speaker A: Okay. [00:13:06] Speaker B: Yes. I'll go with you. [00:13:07] Speaker A: Go with secret group chat. Okay. All right. Would you rather your husband's ex call him every week or his mama called him every day? [00:13:16] Speaker B: Mama. [00:13:18] Speaker A: That was easy, dear. [00:13:19] Speaker B: Mama. [00:13:22] Speaker A: Two more. Two more. Would you rather he always say, calm down, or you're acting just like your mother? [00:13:30] Speaker B: All right. Calm down, or you're acting just like your mother? I would say calm down. [00:13:38] Speaker A: Calm down. Yeah, that's. [00:13:40] Speaker B: I would be on the fence, but you said I can't. [00:13:42] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. There's no fence. There's no fence. [00:13:44] Speaker B: Calm down. Yes. [00:13:46] Speaker A: Okay. Would you rather your husband check your phone every day or expect you to check his? [00:13:56] Speaker B: Would I rather he check mine or that he expects you to check his. I don't. It doesn't. [00:14:07] Speaker A: That one doesn't see on the fence. No, on the fence. [00:14:11] Speaker B: He can check mine. [00:14:11] Speaker A: He can check yours. Okay. [00:14:13] Speaker B: I'm an open book. [00:14:14] Speaker A: Well, I appreciate you for playing. Thank you very much. That was the easy one. I went light on you. Some other people being sitting in the chair. [00:14:21] Speaker B: I said, you saw my face. [00:14:22] Speaker A: Like, please, please. I had to put him in the hot seat a little bit more. So how'd you and your husband meet? [00:14:29] Speaker B: He's from Senegal, West Africa. I was there doing work, and we. And went a couple of times, and he was one of the. The people who was, like, interpreting for the work that we were doing. [00:14:43] Speaker A: How. How. How was that? I think the cultural difference that you guys over. Let me step back. How do you approach you? [00:14:53] Speaker B: Well, we were spending a lot of time just doing. [00:14:55] Speaker A: Just doing stuff together. Yeah. [00:14:57] Speaker B: Yeah. So it's like when you. Well, it's funny because you know how they say the best way to meet people is just doing stuff? Cause it's not really a. It's like you just. [00:15:07] Speaker A: There's no pressure. [00:15:08] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:15:09] Speaker A: Okay. [00:15:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:10] Speaker A: All right. And it kind of just flowed from there. [00:15:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:12] Speaker A: How's it been the cultural difference between both? Like, how. How difficult was that in the beginning? And was there anything that you. Let's talk about that. How. How difficult was that in the beginning? [00:15:25] Speaker B: Well, we. There's. We have a religious similarity, being both Muslim, so that creates a commonality, but there's different cultural differences. But Part of it, too, is, like, I've traveled a lot. And also my husband, his. Where he's from, it's a lot of different cultures. From Senegal in his area. So we both kind of had this mindset. Like. Okay, sometimes you have to understand another person has another point of view, but outside of that. Yes. Sometimes it's just trial and error. You have to, like, understand, like, oh, if you say something that is taken the wrong way. Wait a minute. Okay. Is that culture or is that something. [00:16:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:10] Speaker B: From the person. [00:16:11] Speaker A: So was the. Even though he was an interpreter, was there still a language barrier there between. [00:16:16] Speaker B: Yeah, because there's certain words that even though you say it's. We all know language is not just the words, it's like, the meaning. Like, where are you from? [00:16:26] Speaker A: I am from Brooklyn, but oddly enough, I was born. Well, I was born in Trinidad. [00:16:31] Speaker B: Oh, okay. [00:16:32] Speaker A: And I was born Muslim. [00:16:35] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Yusuf. [00:16:36] Speaker A: Yeah, I was born Muslim. [00:16:37] Speaker B: Okay. Were you raised, like, or you. [00:16:40] Speaker A: I was Muslim up until. Was about seven. [00:16:42] Speaker B: Okay. [00:16:42] Speaker A: And then my. My dad and my mom actually split earlier than that. And then you came to Brooklyn. Yeah, and then Hot. And then my mom left the faith. [00:16:51] Speaker B: Okay. [00:16:52] Speaker A: And then ever since then, I've been a mixed bag. [00:16:54] Speaker B: Okay. [00:16:55] Speaker A: Whatever. Whatever. My family felt like they wanted to be religiously. [00:16:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:58] Speaker A: For that year. [00:16:59] Speaker B: Yeah. But you know the dean. Like, religion. [00:17:02] Speaker A: Yeah, I do. I got pictures of me and my dashiki and my Kofi. So I. You know, me. My name is Yusuf Abdullah. English. It's the first time I've said my middle name on the show. I'm gonna have to cut that. [00:17:16] Speaker B: Okay. [00:17:17] Speaker A: My brother's name is Abdul Kadir, and my sister's name is Jabrilla Aziza. [00:17:22] Speaker B: Wow. [00:17:22] Speaker A: Yeah. So born into it. [00:17:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:24] Speaker A: Yeah. And my dad's name was Edison, but when he converted, I forget what is. What his name was. My mother's name was Kabira. [00:17:36] Speaker B: Okay. And. Okay. [00:17:37] Speaker A: Yeah. When she went back and she changed her name to change her name back to her maiden name. Well, Jennifer, before she had things. So. [00:17:44] Speaker B: But even Trinidad, you see how, like, even though it's English, there's ways that people communicate in Trinidad 100. Somebody might get offended if they don't understand. [00:17:55] Speaker A: Even from island to island, even from, like, Trinidad to Jamaica. So. So something that you found difficult in the beginning, that you still found difficult now, or as everything was kind of easy throughout the marriage. [00:18:08] Speaker B: Marriage is not easy. And I. People need to understand that. And you have to take your ego out of it. So that probably was, you know, I think the difficult thing is. [00:18:20] Speaker A: Yeah. So basically, we're talking to women now. Take your ego out of it. [00:18:23] Speaker B: The women admin. [00:18:24] Speaker A: No. [00:18:25] Speaker B: Okay. [00:18:25] Speaker A: Women. In a marriage, women only want to have ego. Men don't care. As long as y' all happy, we don't care. [00:18:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:33] Speaker A: Hey, you want to go here? I don't care. You want to do this? I don't care. That's our response, y'. All. Hey, what you want to eat? I don't care. All right, well, let's get Italian. I don't want Italian. Wouldn't you care? Don't lie to me. Don't tell me you don't care. Cause you care. Yeah, but, no, things aren't easy. I think a lot of times. I know in my marriage, we did a poor job of communication. And communication isn't just the words. The words. It's also listening. [00:19:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:05] Speaker A: And I think that that's the part of communication that men and women miss when they're in, especially a marriage. I think relationships. Although they're setting you up for marriage, they're not. [00:19:16] Speaker B: You have an out, you have an easy out. Yeah. [00:19:19] Speaker A: And I think that that's the thing that makes it difficult for some people, is they feel trapped rather than seeing it as a blessing to be. To be and committed and to have. We're not. I always say we're not meant to walk this earth alone. [00:19:34] Speaker B: Yeah. 100. [00:19:36] Speaker A: You know, it may be cool to be in the club at 40 trying to find something, which it ain't to you. It might be. [00:19:42] Speaker B: Yeah. But at 80, Lord have mercy. [00:19:46] Speaker A: And you in the rocking chair and ain't nobody next to you. [00:19:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:50] Speaker A: What. What. What have you. So the fact that you're umpteen years in and happily married. There's a lot of people that can't remotely even fathom a marriage being happy. Far less being happy in a marriage. [00:20:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:06] Speaker A: And that's two different things. [00:20:08] Speaker B: It's their own trauma. I take it to that. When I hear people talk like that, I feel like they have their own family trauma. They didn't see it in their family, or they were hurt or abandoned, and so they project all of that. And then when I hear people saying, there's no good men, there's no good women, and it's like, that is so untrue. That is not true. If you take your ego out, if you honor your commitment, if you know it's bigger than you. We are committed. We for God, for our family, our kids. It's not just because one day you're mad. You're going to walk out. It doesn't work like that. But I don't know why. I mean, I do know why. But the culture, I agree with you, the music, the culture, everything is telling people you're better alone. And I don't believe that to be true. [00:21:00] Speaker A: No, I. Like you said, your ego tells you you're okay being alone, and it's mainly because you don't want to. I know men say about having a submissive woman, Right. Well, the man has to submit not maybe not to his woman, but to the relationship. And that's the only way that is going to work, that you submit to the marriage. Like you, you made a commitment. You said, this is what you're going to do. And sickness and health, rich or poor, no matter what happens. And some people even say, you know, some people vary on infidelity, but even in that. Is there even a moment where you could say, okay, if you were the person who was cheated on, could you even look and go, okay, let me look in the mirror and see am I doing everything that I'm supposed to be doing? Not saying that there's a reason for it, not saying you're condoning it. Self examination, but self examination in this moment, can we do that? Or if you do it, can you find it in yourself to one, apologize B, figure out why and y' all begin that journey of healing back together. Especially if you. 20 years, 25 years down the line. Yeah, you're gonna get divorced now to go do what? [00:22:15] Speaker B: That's what they said when Steph Curry's mom and dad got divorced. They were like, don't do it. [00:22:22] Speaker A: The people were, you're gonna go and do what now? With who? Mistakes were made, things happen. And I've said this repeatedly in a relationship. You cheat on me, I cheat on you, I'm out. I just can't deal with the lack of trust. All that stuff's gonna come with it. But if we're married, first off, I shouldn't have put myself in a position. You shouldn't have put yourself in a position where you could have been compromised or I could have been compromised or compromised myself in that manner. So when I. When I look at it, it's me now looking at myself and figuring out, okay, what should I have done? Am I working too much? Am I. If. If my wife decides to do this because this. She had a window. [00:23:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:04] Speaker A: To go and get whatever it is she needed, that somebody could fill the hole that was left by me in some formal way. [00:23:13] Speaker B: Yeah. And people aren't Communicating when it puts you in a vulnerable space to say, I'm hurt. I need this. You know, what's going on. We have a problem. People don't communicate that. And they go and act out on these feelings. Sometimes. [00:23:30] Speaker A: I think it's in that sense. I think it's more men than women because we're not allowed to get in touch with our feelings. [00:23:38] Speaker B: Is that socialization? [00:23:40] Speaker A: That is 100 socialization. [00:23:42] Speaker B: Men have to be just. [00:23:43] Speaker A: Yeah, we. [00:23:43] Speaker B: We tough. [00:23:44] Speaker A: We can't cry. We can't. But it happens. From a young age, I never heard a couple things I never heard growing up. Never heard, I love you, grandmother, mom, dad, nobody. [00:23:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:58] Speaker A: Never heard that. Nobody in my family was married. Except for my granddad on my mother's side. Nobody's married. Cause even when my mom and dad were together, they weren't married. They were married. Muslim married, but they weren't legally married. But outside of that, nobody. So what it did was it created children. My grandmother, I never married. She raised us. Never married. Never seen her date anybody. [00:24:29] Speaker B: So you just saw her as this woman raising kids, like, taking care of kids? [00:24:32] Speaker A: Yeah, that's it. My dad was on heroin, so she had to deal with that. My aunt was a military wife, or she did. My aunt got married, but we never saw her because she was in Germany. And then I think they were only married for, like, three years. And then she got divorced. And then I haven't known my aunt to date since. And then my dad jumped from person to person to person to person. And he's married today. [00:24:57] Speaker B: But as a child, you all are already grown. [00:24:59] Speaker A: We're all grown. You talking. I'm in my 40s. Me and all my siblings are in our 40s, except for my youngest brother. He's in his 30s. And I didn't notice that until I went to therapy. That I had never heard. That I had never heard. Yeah, yeah. I'm probably gonna cut that out. But I never. I never heard anybody. I realized I never heard anybody tell me, I love you. [00:25:26] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:25:26] Speaker A: So now with my kids, I overdo it. [00:25:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:29] Speaker A: You're like, yeah, nah, nah. I gotta make sure that y' all know. But the funny thing is, I was always told, men don't cry. You can't cry. Suck it up. It's my grandmother now. Suck it up. The world's gonna keep spinning. What you crying for? [00:25:44] Speaker B: Yeah. And so I thought they were doing right. [00:25:47] Speaker A: But the funny thing is, that's what I have to catch myself with my sons. [00:25:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:51] Speaker A: Because I do the same thing. To them, what you crying for? Fix it. Like, we ain't got no time to talk. We ain't got no time for this. [00:25:58] Speaker B: All these emotions, all this emotion. [00:26:00] Speaker A: We ain't got no time for this emotion. Caught myself with my daughters. Oh, y' all know y'. [00:26:07] Speaker B: All. [00:26:07] Speaker A: Y' all can't date till y' all graduate. No boyfriends until you graduate. College focus and that. So now to me, in my mind, I had to go back and kind of talk to them because I'm like, I might be wrong, because I was. You know, when you finally get into a relationship, you're not going to know how to deal with certain things, because all of those things throughout heartbreak and all of that kind of help you as you grow along to deal with the ultimate thing, which is marriage. So how do you think your kids seeing y' all in your. How does that affect them? [00:26:42] Speaker B: Well, I hope in a positive way. I really do. I hope that they, you know, take it as normal, that they. I almost hope they take it for granted, which means it's normal. [00:26:56] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:26:57] Speaker B: That's. That's. [00:26:58] Speaker A: This was supposed to be mom and dad. Like. Yeah, I'm supposed to be. Yeah. Marriage. And we supposed to stay together, work as a team. [00:27:04] Speaker B: Team. And, you know, I always. We always tell them, like, family is so important. So I hope that they. I hope they see that example. I do know that, like, people, like, I look at other communities. [00:27:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:18] Speaker B: I have a lot of friends and people I work with. It's seen as a. An important milestone marriage. Whereas our community, we downplay it. [00:27:29] Speaker A: It's not seen as a milestone at all. It sees the ball and chain. This. You got married. [00:27:35] Speaker B: Yes. Versus, like, you know, I have, like, Indian friends. That's like, all right, the aunties are start. You're all right. We're looking for a husband for you or we're looking. [00:27:43] Speaker A: Yeah, they're arranging that thing. [00:27:44] Speaker B: Yes. [00:27:45] Speaker A: We don't care if you love them. You learn to love them. [00:27:49] Speaker B: But, like, understanding that they want similar family values and. Yeah, I. I hope that, you know, it's just seen as normal. This is what you do. You get into partnership with someone, you build a life, you focus on your kids, and. Yeah, I love it. [00:28:07] Speaker A: Okay, before we close out. [00:28:08] Speaker B: Okay. [00:28:09] Speaker A: Got gonna ask you for some advice. [00:28:11] Speaker B: Okay. [00:28:12] Speaker A: Make sure two pieces of advice. First piece of advice, I'm gonna ask you for advice to the woman out there who doesn't want to be married, who doesn't want. [00:28:22] Speaker B: I would say. I would ask you to interrogate and investigate. Ask Yourself. Is that truly what you want? My advice would be to really question, is that a defense mechanism that you're saying because you never saw it or you hear these horror stories, or is that truly what you want? Because I believe that it's a small percentage who just 100 just naturally don't want it. I think the rest is more like a reaction. You know what I'm saying? [00:28:51] Speaker A: Yeah, I got you. I got you. I got you, Got you. All right, so, and then the last question. Some advice to a woman who wants to get married but can't seem to find that man to get married. [00:29:04] Speaker B: I would say two things. One, look at yourself and your patterns. Are you. Do you have a pattern of, like, toxic people and just, you know, you don't have boundaries, low self esteem? Secondly, I would say practically, what are you doing? Like, are you going to the right place? You have to go out and live yourself, your life, and present your best self. So are you doing that, or are you sitting in the house on the Internet saying, oh, I can't meet anybody. Like, you have to get out, but you have to look at yourself. Why do you have these bad patterns? [00:29:34] Speaker A: Okay. [00:29:34] Speaker B: And you can come. You can listen to my podcast. [00:29:37] Speaker A: That's what I was waiting on. That's what I was waiting on. [00:29:40] Speaker B: Every bit. Every topic. Why are you choosing toxic partners? Why aren't you communicating? You. You need to heal yourself. You have mommy issues, daddy issues. I have an episode for each and every one of you. [00:29:51] Speaker A: That's what I was waiting. That was my segue. That was my segue. I threw you the alleyu. All I needed you to do was dunk it. You was like, what am I supposed to do? [00:29:59] Speaker B: Remember Ben Simmons when he wouldn't shoot the ball? [00:30:01] Speaker A: Yeah, he wouldn't shoot the ball. [00:30:03] Speaker B: Yes. Okay, now I get it. I get it. Listen to the secret formula of femininity. Whether you think you want to get married, you think you don't, whether you want to know why you keep running into these toxic issues, why you can't find anyone. I have an episode for each and every one of those issues. [00:30:20] Speaker A: And when can they find your show? When, when, when do it? When does it drop? [00:30:24] Speaker B: So we. Our episodes drop every Tuesday at 6pm on YouTube and on all the Spotify, Apple, all the audio platforms. The secret formula of femininity, you will find it on all the platforms. [00:30:39] Speaker A: And we want all of our followers to become your followers. So what's your social media? So they can go. [00:30:44] Speaker B: You can. On Instagram, it's. Follow me at I am Dr. Nicole. That's simple. I have a couple. [00:30:51] Speaker A: But it's going to be like, right here. Yes, right here on the video. It should have popped up already. [00:30:56] Speaker B: Femininity Formula, YouTube. Feminine at femininity Formula and the. All the platforms. That's what it is. Tik Tok. I'm on Tik Tok. You can find me. [00:31:07] Speaker A: So go ahead and subscribe. Once Again, thank you, Dr. Nicole. Really appreciate your time. Know it's been a busy, long day. [00:31:13] Speaker B: Yes. [00:31:14] Speaker A: Before we. One more thing. What did you. What was your biggest takeaway from the podcast summit today? I mean, from the, from the workshop today, because we ain't really get into the summit yet tomorrow. But what was your biggest takeaway? [00:31:24] Speaker B: Takeaway was like, stand on your business. When CJ said he's a carnivore, he like, they could be. Some people might be vegan, some people might be whatever, vegetarians. They going to argue and say, well, how can you just eat meat? He said, it doesn't matter. Stand on your business and your message and your people will find you. And that stuck with me. They said, stop playing the fence. [00:31:48] Speaker A: Yes. Stop playing. [00:31:48] Speaker B: Stop trying to placate everyone. You. I know the woman that I'm talking to. So all the others, if it's not for them, I'm okay with that. [00:31:56] Speaker A: If you're talking to everyone, you're talking to no one. [00:31:58] Speaker B: Yes. That. That was the main takeaway. Yes. [00:32:00] Speaker A: If you're talking to everyone, you're talking to no one. All right now, thank you again, Don Nicole. Really appreciate you. Once again, you can find us on all social media platforms at R Stat Podcast. If you want to join the conversation, hit us up at rel stat podcastmail.com. remember that you can join the Patreon patreon.com relationship status for free. You can catch the blog, you could catch some clips. You could catch the book, the book club. Don't kill me, but I forgot the book we're reading right now. It's going to be up here, around here somewhere. [00:32:34] Speaker B: Okay. [00:32:35] Speaker A: But the book club conversation, make sure that you join for that. And then of course, for 17 cents a day, $5 a month, join the Patreon. You can, you can go ahead and you get early release episodes. You know, we drop every Monday. You could, you could access the episodes on the night before. Also V and her backstage shenanigans. So join the Patreon. It's all the backstage stuff, all the funny stuff is there. All the uncut stuff and the cussing and everything else is there. The stuff we can't put out here. Once again, man, I'm your boy. Yousef in the building. And we are out. Peace.