269th Date: She Found CashApp Notifications From His EX… (Video)

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Let me find. Let me find out. You done sent that man some gas money. Okay, $20. Come on, now, go get in the car with him and you can get the hell on. [00:00:07] Speaker B: Right? That's why people, when they. When they do that, well, you know, I wouldn't look at a situation like that or, you know, like, okay, if it were. [00:00:15] Speaker A: If it were me, I wouldn't be mad. [00:00:17] Speaker B: Yeah. A lot of times if the shoe was on the other foot, you'll probably be responding worse, you know? So [00:00:26] Speaker A: you sent. You sent who $20? Hey. Hey, you. Ma', am, ma', am, ma', am, ma', am, ma', am, [00:00:37] Speaker B: take a sip of water on that. [00:00:39] Speaker A: Hey, hey. What we got going on over here? [00:00:43] Speaker B: Okay. [00:00:43] Speaker A: I ain't from the south, but I get real. Welcome back to Relationship Status. It's your boy Yousef in the building, and as always, you know that we are brought to you by Eat My Biscuits in East Point, Atlanta. Go ahead and check them out. The best food, best brunch food you could possibly get in the world is in East Point. Go down there, tell them that Relationship Status sent you. As you can see, Vanetta is out today, and we have a wonderful co host. She's been here before, our girl from the Becoming her podcast. [00:01:20] Speaker B: Hey, guys, it's been a minute. Thank you, Yus, for the invitation. [00:01:24] Speaker A: It's. [00:01:25] Speaker B: We're not really recording right now. [00:01:26] Speaker A: Yeah, we are. [00:01:27] Speaker B: Oh. [00:01:27] Speaker A: How old are you now? That's how long you've been gone. I don't know how old you are now. Like, how long is it? 10 years. I haven't seen you in about 10 years. [00:01:36] Speaker B: It seems that way. [00:01:37] Speaker A: It seems that way. [00:01:38] Speaker B: It really. I said that to you. I was like. It seemed like it's been 10 years since we've seen each other, but no, it's only been just a few months. But. Too long. [00:01:48] Speaker A: Too long. [00:01:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:49] Speaker A: Well, what have you been doing in. In this time of yours? [00:01:53] Speaker B: Growing. You know how you girl. [00:01:55] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Who have you been? [00:01:58] Speaker B: I have been becoming all the versions of myself that I have wanted to become a year ago. Two years. Two years ago. And all the versions of myself that I have been writing down, like, just, you know how people say you write the vision, you make it plain. So things that I've pinned years ago, the manifestation of those versions that I wanted to become is what I have been doing and who I am now. I'm a licensed esthetician. Wanted to do that a few years ago, and just so many things. I just. You know, I'm always big on Expansion and becoming the versions of the higher self. And so that's where I am. [00:02:38] Speaker A: So where is when, Will? Now, here's what the fans want to know. [00:02:41] Speaker B: Huh? [00:02:42] Speaker A: When is becoming her coming back? [00:02:45] Speaker B: Soon. And when I say soon. Soon. We are going to be releasing the episode. I won't say give a specific date, but I will say literally before the end of this month. And right as we speak, we're in May. Okay. So before the end of this month, we will be releasing an episode. [00:03:03] Speaker A: I'm gonna hold you to that. [00:03:04] Speaker B: Okay, you can. [00:03:05] Speaker A: Okay. All right, now I'm gonna start. I've been with the My7Figure podcast group. I joined that a couple months ago. Been. Been dope. If you want to join, we'll put you a link in the comments so you can go ahead and join. It's a good. It's a good place to kind of connect with other podcasters. We'll be attending. I will be attending Podcast Summit this July. This July. July 2nd. Yeah. Hey, call me. [00:03:34] Speaker B: Hey, make sure you give me the information. I would love to be there. [00:03:37] Speaker A: Yeah, no, it's a. It's gonna. It's gonna be great. Everything I've heard about it, I've never been, but everything I heard about it has been good. Cj, David, Shands, Nella, they've all been kind of doing a great job of getting us ready to go there. And so there's been a lot of good things. So I can't wait to get down there and really become a part. So I'm excited to go now as we speak. I have not bought my ticket, but. But I am going, so I'm gonna be happy to get there. Yeah. Gotta get out there and network with the other podcast. [00:04:11] Speaker B: Yes, absolutely. [00:04:13] Speaker A: So we had a question of the week. You know, we always got to start with question of the week. [00:04:18] Speaker B: Always juicy, juicy, juicy. [00:04:20] Speaker A: Oh, it's always juicy. All right. So our question of the day. Question of the week was, what is the worst thing you ever did for love? [00:04:32] Speaker B: What is the worst thing that I have ever done for love? I think the answer to that question for me specifically, but I think I probably speak for a lot of other people, men and women, staying too long, staying when, you know, it's been over. So the worst thing that I have ever done for love was not prioritizing myself and staying way past, you know, all the warnings and the red flags. [00:05:06] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah, Okay. I think the worst thing I ever did for love was lose myself. [00:05:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:15] Speaker A: I got so wrapped up in wanting to be what she wanted me to be that I lost who I was along the way. [00:05:23] Speaker B: And that's good because a lot of times, you know, that's kind of like I feel, in my opinion, it's gender based. You know, people assume that women only lose themselves. So with you sharing that, that, you know, that is very heavy. And that's, that's important for people to know that men lose themselves as well. [00:05:43] Speaker A: Well, because I think we get lost in. The thing we get lost in is though, wanting to be what they want us to be and trying to meet whatever standard of man she's expecting us to be rather than being ourselves. [00:05:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:58] Speaker A: So I've come to a point in my life where it's not about changing. It's about making yourself better. Right. So if you make yourself better and you're consistently making yourself better for your significant other and what they. It's an adaptation to what they feel like they need in their life. And if it's things that you're comfortable with, then do it. A lot of times, men and women, I believe, get caught up in, yo, I'm going to change myself. Okay. If you know that you're a, let's say you know that you're a person that likes to go out to the club, this is your thing. Friday, Saturday night, I'm outside in these streets. In these streets. You know that that's who you are, right? And you're now dating a person who. That's not who they are. And not only are they not in these streets. [00:06:52] Speaker B: Yeah. But they don't want you in them streets. [00:06:55] Speaker A: They don't want you in them streets either. So now you're at an impass where now. So that's what I mean. Change yourself. So now you're taking something that you like to do and you're suppressing that. And now you're suppressing a part of you that is just been a part of you. Whether people agree with it or not, it's just been a part of you. So now as you're changing that part, now you're miserable, you start to build resentment. Now you're in the house. Now your friends are calling you up. Now she's happy. But you've changed who you are. [00:07:28] Speaker B: But you know what? I think that that's all about being in a relationship and especially, you know, a romantic relationship. It's about that give and take, you know. [00:07:38] Speaker A: So here's how I deal with it, though. I deal with it a little bit different. [00:07:42] Speaker B: I'm listening. [00:07:43] Speaker A: Okay. So I don't like going out. [00:07:46] Speaker B: Okay. [00:07:46] Speaker A: But it doesn't. The people I date, whatever your lifestyle is, when you met me, I want that to be your lifestyle, whatever that is, whatever it is you do. And through my support of that and my understanding of that, you then start. So, like, if you're, for example, if you're a person who likes to go out. Let's use the same example. And I'm dating you, and you like to go out, I just ask, hey, when you get in, just give me a call, let me know that you got in safe. I'm not gonna bother you. I ain't gonna ask you what you did. I'll ask you where you been. When you get in, just give me a call. I hit you up in the morning, let me know you're going out. You ain't gotta let me know where you're going. You ain't gotta share your location. You're going out eventually. What happens with people innately? You know what? I don't wanna go out. I just hang out with my guy. Nope. I'm cool. I'm cool, y'. All. [00:08:39] Speaker B: Yeah. Why do you think so. Why do you think that is, that you've given them so much freedom? You haven't been, like, on them, like, just, hey, dang, you going out again? You know, so do you think that it's like a mind control thing or a Jedi mind trick? In a. In a sense. [00:08:55] Speaker A: You know what? You know what Anakin. What Anakin Skywalker said? Not Anakin. Ah. What was his name? He. Him with the Jedi mind trick. Are those the droids you are looking for? No. These are not the droids you're looking for. Nope. These ain't the droids I'm looking for. It's sort of. I don't think it's that part of. It's just me. [00:09:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:11] Speaker A: And I have. I just don't want to change anybody that I'm dealing with. I want you to want. [00:09:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:18] Speaker A: To be better. And if better means you're going out less, then that's what better looks like to you, and that's fine. But I want you to spend time with me, but I'm not going to chase you down about spending this time. And it's like you were. Like when you were a kid, the more your parents got on you about doing something, the more you wanted to [00:09:35] Speaker B: do it, the more you want. Yeah. Yeah. [00:09:37] Speaker A: Oh, I can't do this. Oh. Yo, listen, I'm. I, I, I would, you know, get [00:09:44] Speaker B: out the house to do it. [00:09:45] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm gonna sneak out the house to do it. My kids, I give. I, I got three daughters in college now. Two, Two in college. No one's taking a gap here to figure out what she wants to do. [00:09:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:55] Speaker A: My oldest, I consistently said I'll never be mad unless I have to find out something. We have a couple of rules. Like we not gonna do. We're not gonna do boyfriends in high school. We're not gonna do relationships in high school. We're not gonna do relationships in college. [00:10:18] Speaker B: No relationships in college. How are you. [00:10:20] Speaker A: No relationships. She can date. You can date without a relationship. [00:10:24] Speaker B: You're encouraging, you're encouraging your daughter to not take on anything serious. [00:10:29] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:10:30] Speaker B: Okay. [00:10:30] Speaker A: Because I think. Think about your time in college. Think about your time in, in high school. In which. And I see it a lot. And I think for me, I see it a lot with the kids that I deal with on a daily basis. They get so wrapped up in these relationships. [00:10:47] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:47] Speaker A: That academics suffer, their identities suffer. [00:10:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:53] Speaker A: How can you love somebody when you don't even know who you are? [00:10:55] Speaker B: Come on. I would totally agree with that. [00:10:58] Speaker A: So my child doesn't know who she is yet. My children, they don't know. [00:11:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:02] Speaker A: You're in college. What's one of the things they say is that is, is why I'm an advocate for college and why a lot of people are advocate for colleges. It's not about the education. It's more about finding out who you are. [00:11:11] Speaker B: Discovery. [00:11:11] Speaker A: It's self discovery. [00:11:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:12] Speaker A: It's figuring out who you are, where you fit in in society, finding people who are like minded. And the reason I say, yo, let's, let's wait. Is because when you go, when you in high school, you don't know what track anybody's going to. And if you hit your, if you hit your wagon to the wrong train, it can lead you in the wrong direction. And it's not because that person wants [00:11:36] Speaker B: to play that again. That's the whole clip. [00:11:38] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:38] Speaker B: I'm saying like, seriously. Yes. [00:11:40] Speaker A: You can go down the wrong track real, really, really easy. [00:11:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:43] Speaker A: It ain't nothing that's difficult to do because what you're doing is you're just being a, you're being a person who, when you have feelings for someone and you want to be with them, you then take on their. Likes. You then take on their. The different things that they have going on. [00:11:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:00] Speaker A: You take that on. [00:12:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:01] Speaker A: So as you take that on, what you think is going to happen. [00:12:05] Speaker B: Yeah. Your path is going to slowly change. [00:12:08] Speaker A: Yes. Yeah, exactly. So that's why I said Those things. And so when I meet someone, it's like, if you like going out. Yes, do it. I'm not here to change you. I'm here to bring. I'm here to bring value to your life. [00:12:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:24] Speaker A: And I'm here to do my best to change your life for the better. And that doesn't mean criticizing your lifestyle or what you do. [00:12:33] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:34] Speaker A: Because we don't live together now. When we get married, we get to this point, we're married. Something totally different now. Yes. No, I don't believe a married woman should be out three days, two days a week. We got stuff to do at the house, where that money going, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, we not about to do that. But I just think that people spend so much time handcuffing that now if I'm handcuffed now, I'm a rebel. And not only if I change myself, resentment sets in at that point. [00:13:05] Speaker B: That is simple. What you're talking about is very simple. But unfortunately, a lot of people don't look at it that way. And perhaps, you know, so many other factors play into it. You know, you talking about people who just haven't dealt with their inner issues, you know, are deeply insecure. So the moment someone said they're going out, they don't hear that person is going, like, don't. They don't hear innocence. They hear that person is going to look for some. Somebody else. They want to replace me. Because, you know, that's how people think, you know. And so when what you're saying is being such an advocate for you, being your authentic self, that anything that you change on your end, it is going to be because you want to do it. Not me trying to handcuff you or not me trying to change you. And that is the beauty of like literally knowing who you are. So much so where you're so grounded and giving people the permission to be themselves. Because that's what people need. People need to be reminded that you need to be who you are, you know, and you given the permission to, you know, the date the woman who you're dating. That is important. [00:14:15] Speaker A: Look, here's the thing. However I met you. [00:14:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:19] Speaker A: How can I expect that to change if that's how I met you? Yeah, I met you when we was out. Now if I met you at the grocery store and we got to talking and you told me, hey, I like to go out, I like to enjoy myself. I like to this. Okay, cool. Yeah, I was having conversations with this lady once. She's a Nurse. And she works nights. And she was like, man, you know, I sometimes don't have time for people because when they're asleep, I'm awake. [00:14:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:57] Speaker A: I work five 12 hour shifts, and sometimes it's three or four days back to back. [00:15:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:02] Speaker A: So when I get off, I go home, I eat, go to sleep to do it all over, get up to do it all over again. [00:15:08] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:09] Speaker A: So I sometimes don't have the time that some people require of me, and I tell them that up front. So I at times would send her a text. Hey, just thinking about you. Hope you're having a good day. Hope your shift went well. Hope this, hope that. And whenever she would get around to it, she'd be like, oh, I was sleep. See, I told you that. This, that. And the third. I said no. I said that. She said that I. That I can't give the attention that, you know, people want. I said, you're. You're. You're confusing what this is. [00:15:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:44] Speaker A: I said, I'm accepting you for who you are. I don't need the attention. I don't need attention. [00:15:48] Speaker B: Yeah. I just want you to know I'm thinking about you. [00:15:49] Speaker A: Yeah. I said you're confused. That's what I said. I said you're confusing attention with quality time. Like, quality time to me is whatever I can get knowing that your schedule is what it is. [00:15:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:00] Speaker A: Because if you take the time in your free time to spend with me knowing what your schedule is, then I value that. [00:16:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:08] Speaker A: That's valuable. So at the end of the day, who am I? You told me up front, and I decided to be here for this. If it don't work, it's because something else. It ain't because of your time. [00:16:20] Speaker B: Right. [00:16:20] Speaker A: Because I knew the time was limited when I got. When we started talking. [00:16:23] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:16:24] Speaker A: And I think that a lot of times, people, you know, and people are telling you up front. [00:16:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:27] Speaker A: Like I tell people all the time, I'm busy. I don't have time. [00:16:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:33] Speaker A: And I have kids that got stuff going on, and I don't have time. I'm trying to get this podcast off the ground. I'm a high school basketball coach. I got kids. I got a regular job I gotta do every day at school. [00:16:47] Speaker B: Hey, let's not. Let's not forget Chef. Oh, y' all don't know. Oh, my goodness. This is a whole chef over here. [00:16:55] Speaker A: I do a little. I dibble and dabble everything. I dibble and dabble a little. [00:16:58] Speaker B: And, you know, you remind me of, though, Yusuf. You remind Me off of. You remind me of. Oh, God, what's his name? Off of. Are we done yet? The one who was the realtor. He was the. You know what I'm talking about. [00:17:13] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. [00:17:14] Speaker B: What's the ice Cube movie? Y'. All. Y' all know what I'm talking about. Drop it in the comments. Ah, God, what was his name? But anyways, he was everything. He was the baby whisperer everything. But what you're ultimately saying is you are being stretched in so many different directions, and even with this woman saying how busy she is or with whatever, you know, whoever you're dating. Right. It's like you want to let them know I'm busy, too, so I understand. And at the same time of being, like, understanding, you know, you're giving them permission to, you know, it's okay. You know, we. We will spend that quality time whenever, you know, we can spend that time together. And again, giving someone permission to be who they are. [00:17:58] Speaker A: See, I have a beautiful thing. I have an issue with your word wording here. Giving permission. I don't need to give you permission to do anything. I'll give you permission to be who you are. [00:18:08] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:09] Speaker A: Just be who you are. [00:18:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:10] Speaker A: I am not the permission police. [00:18:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:13] Speaker A: I just think that, like, okay, God Meets a girl. She's a stripper. I'm just gonna use stripper. For instance, you met her in strip club, But you. You met her in the club. [00:18:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:30] Speaker A: You met her half naked. [00:18:31] Speaker B: Huh. [00:18:33] Speaker A: And y', all, however happened. I ended up sitting down and talking, [00:18:38] Speaker B: Having an enlightenment conversation. [00:18:39] Speaker A: Having an enlightenment conversation about, you know, how she's using this to go to school. [00:18:43] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:45] Speaker A: And you liked something about her, and you decided to take a conversation out of that environment. [00:18:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:52] Speaker A: And you liked her, but you forgot where you met her. So now you have a problem with her going to work. [00:19:04] Speaker B: Mm. [00:19:05] Speaker A: It's her job. It's where you met her. [00:19:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:08] Speaker A: Are you gonna. [00:19:09] Speaker B: That's a situation that probably occurs so, like, more often than none. [00:19:13] Speaker A: Yeah. So. [00:19:13] Speaker B: And not maybe exactly the strip club, but, you know, very similar, very different things. [00:19:17] Speaker A: Like, you met somebody, like the nurse or. Or a traveling nurse who. She may be here for two weeks, and then she's. And I got a friend of mine who's a traveling nurse. She'll be in California for, like, three weeks. [00:19:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:31] Speaker A: Come to Georgia for a day and then go to, like, Michigan. [00:19:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:35] Speaker A: You know what I mean? So. And she's single, so sometimes when she meets people that she. Oh, you ain't got no time for me. What. What. What is that? What is time for me? Yeah, we don't. I don't even know if you're going to be here. Yeah, I don't know if you're gonna be here two weeks from now. [00:19:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:50] Speaker A: Time for you. Yes, time for you. All right, let's get into some comments. [00:19:55] Speaker B: Let's get into it. [00:19:56] Speaker A: So Luna Fleming said the worst thing she ever did for love was chase. Okay. My Auntie Pat. Auntie Pat call her Khadijah. She said nothing. No one has ever said they love me. Shut up. My aunt, silly. You can't. You can't follow her. Did she talk about something? This does not include you, Yoshi. I know. Thank you, auntie. I love you. I love you too, Auntie. [00:20:20] Speaker B: Say she up in the comments. [00:20:22] Speaker A: Yeah, my cousin, her. Her son, Eie. Friend of the show, shouts out, auntie. Cuz he said stay. Ashley. [00:20:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:32] Speaker A: Jessica Collins, new listener to the show, shouts out to you. [00:20:36] Speaker B: Hey, Jessica. [00:20:36] Speaker A: She hit me up one day and was like, I just love your show. I just found out. [00:20:40] Speaker B: Thank you for the love. Thank you for showing I just found you podcast. [00:20:44] Speaker A: Oh, my God. [00:20:45] Speaker B: Yes. [00:20:46] Speaker A: She said moved. [00:20:48] Speaker B: What is that? What. What. What does she mean? [00:20:50] Speaker A: I think she moved. Like, moved to a different city. [00:20:52] Speaker B: Okay. And that's the worst thing that she did for love, like, moving. I wonder if she met. Moving, like, with the person. She moved. [00:20:59] Speaker A: Yeah, I think she moved. If I remember. This is one of my classmates from college, I believe after college, at some point, she was dealing with somebody, and she actually moved. [00:21:08] Speaker B: Followed him. [00:21:09] Speaker A: Followed him to somewhere. And I have another. Another story that didn't end well. I have a kid I adopted years ago. He graduated in, like, 2016. He graduated and he dated this girl ever since 10th grade. He ended up with a football scholarship out to a school in West Virginia. The girl went to school with him. Now, I was telling them, look, look, [00:21:36] Speaker B: y', all, look, let's not moving too serious. I'm moving too fast. [00:21:39] Speaker A: I mean, yeah, yeah, let's not. She follows him up there. I think after the first year, they were broken up, she had to transfer because they didn't have her major. She literally went to be with him. And I kept telling him, look, let's. Let's not. Yeah. Let's not bring those things in. Like, let's chill. [00:22:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:02] Speaker A: It's just chill. So you got. You can't do that. [00:22:05] Speaker B: And you learn, though. [00:22:06] Speaker A: You live and you learn. Malaya Bradley said, lose myself. Something I said as well, lakeisha Marie. She said the worst thing I did out of love. For love was pour into a cup with the thought of it being reciprocated and appreciated. [00:22:29] Speaker B: And that is so common, and especially, I feel like, for women, you know, because we are nurturers, you know, by default. And a lot of times, that's what we do. We're gonna pour. We're gonna pour. We're gonna pour until, you know, sometimes it's like, where am I pouring from? Because I'm empty. [00:22:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:49] Speaker B: So, I mean. [00:22:50] Speaker A: Yeah, but you're pouring into an empty cup. [00:22:52] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, pouring into an empty cup. [00:22:54] Speaker A: They ain't even got nothing in there. [00:22:56] Speaker B: That's deep. [00:22:58] Speaker A: They ain't. They ain't got nothing in there. [00:23:00] Speaker B: Where is it going that the cup must have a hole in it. [00:23:03] Speaker A: Yeah, there's a hole in the bucket. Dear Elijah. Dear Elijah, there's a hole in the bucket. Anyway, next one. Monique Smith said she stayed while being hurt. Ra. Cousin rock, she said, let a play in my face. [00:23:22] Speaker B: Okay. [00:23:24] Speaker A: Look. [00:23:25] Speaker B: Just like that. [00:23:27] Speaker A: She also said, go against my better judgment. [00:23:30] Speaker B: Huh. Intuition. Not listening. [00:23:35] Speaker A: So y' all definitely. Next time we post a question, please make sure you get in the comments, get in the chat, and, you know, it's always fun, but let's. Let's get into an advice letter here. We have people write those in all the time. Yeah, we're gonna try to. We're gonna try to get the two time permits. All right, so the first one is, my boyfriend and I have been together for five years. Recently, I found out he's been sending money to his ex girlfriend because she's as she is, as he put it, going through a hard time. He says it's nothing romantic and that he's just helping someone he used to care about. The problem is he never told me about it. I found out by noticing cash app notifications pop up on his phone. Now, he says I'm overreacting because it's not cheating. I told him it's not even about the money. It's about the secrecy. He says if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't care. Am I wrong for feeling betrayed, or should helping an ex be acceptable in a serious relationship? [00:24:40] Speaker B: I'm gonna start right here and be very direct. It is not about the money. [00:24:47] Speaker A: Yes. [00:24:48] Speaker B: So what? So that's the first thing that come to mind, is not about the money, because I personally. Well, let's. It's not about the money. It's about the secrecy and not being open about it. Because let's be honest. If something is pure and it's coming from a place of you not having to hide anything, then it wouldn't be you having to go behind your significant other other's back. And I think that if, first of all, let's, let's, let's also, you know, say this, that it is not. I personally feel like it's nothing wrong with caring about someone you once love. People go through hard times, and if you're in a relationship and someone that you once love is, you know, having a hard time and you know, it's okay to help people, in my opinion, but don't do it at the expense of being secretive about it. And you're in this committed relationship, whether it's a marriage or, you know, a relationship, a committed relationship. And I personally feel like she shouldn't disregard how she feels about the situation. And also, can you go back and read the part? Because was the boyfriend said something about or the. The spouse says something about if it was you? [00:26:14] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. He said, he says if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't care. [00:26:19] Speaker B: Okay. I have a big problem with that. Let me tell you why I have a big problem with that. Because people oftentimes feel like. Feel like when they use that phrase, if the roles were reversed. You're being dismissive to my feelings. That's how you will look at it. So don't dismiss my feelings. And in this particular situation, excuse me. I feel like he's using almost like this reverse psychology, and that's not fair. In a relationship, you can play those games if you're in business, but in a relationship, if you want to grow with a person, let's be mature about it. Okay? I made you feel this way. Let me take accountability. Let me. That's the first thing. Let me take accountability and let me make sure that I'm listening to you so that you know that I'm going to give you the reassurance that you need and also me so that I can see. Okay, yeah, I shouldn't have done that because this is how it made the person that I want to grow with. This is how I made that person feel. So take accountability for your actions. You know, don't be dismissive to your significant other's feelings. And if it's something that you feel so innocent about, why hide? [00:27:30] Speaker A: That's the part. That's the part I think that he missed. [00:27:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:35] Speaker A: And the. If it's so. If this is so minute and so minor, why didn't you. [00:27:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:45] Speaker A: Tell her. Yeah, why don't you tell her? [00:27:49] Speaker B: Simple. [00:27:50] Speaker A: That's it. [00:27:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:51] Speaker A: Hey, my ex is Having a isn't is in a bind now if we have kids, if my ex. If me and my ex have kids together. [00:28:01] Speaker B: Totally different kind of different situation. I still feel like it should be. [00:28:04] Speaker A: No, no. I still have to tell you because. [00:28:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:07] Speaker A: You're taking money out of this house. [00:28:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:10] Speaker A: To put into somebody else's house. [00:28:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:13] Speaker A: I need to have a discussion with you about what's happening. [00:28:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:16] Speaker A: Especially if finances are tied and this, that and the third I have to do. [00:28:22] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. [00:28:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:23] Speaker B: So that's how, that's how relationship is built. Like, that's a foundation. The foundation is always going to be transparency. The foundation is always going to be, you know, truth and honesty. And sometimes, you know, you cringe. It's like, oh, God, how is it, you know, my person going to receive this, but give them that right to receive it instead of not giving them that right. And now you have a whole nother problem on your hand. Because now that, brick by brick, that brick that is called building trust and laying the foundation, you just literally, you know that the foundation is shaken because of you feeling like they don't deserve that honesty. And you just going to go ahead and do this because it might not be that serious. Ain't not serious, but I'm just going to do this without, you know, acknowledging it to. To my significant other. And that's not fair. [00:29:10] Speaker A: It's not at all. So what do you think? Do you think this, that this is emotional disrespect or a lack of maturity? [00:29:20] Speaker B: That's a good question. And I really feel like both fits into that category because if you were, you know, mature, you, you will know [00:29:31] Speaker A: that this is disrespectful. [00:29:32] Speaker B: This is disrespectful. And so, yeah, both of them were applicable. [00:29:37] Speaker A: See, I'm known to be friends with my exes, but I think, I don't think I have an ex outside of my exes that I have kids with. I don't think that I have one that I would just be like that. Here, here's some money. [00:29:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:52] Speaker A: You in a bind without. If I'm. If I'm not single, I think I'm probably more likely to help if I'm with someone. Even if I wanted to help, I would have to go, hey, sweetie, this person, I have to be able to explain this. [00:30:06] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:30:08] Speaker A: So as such, has going. Got this going on. Let me go ahead and help. So my response on the post, because I post, I always respond to it on social media. Helping your ex in secret is crazy. That's not your girlfriend. That's your probation officer checking your finances, talking about she's going. She's going through a hard time. Well, tell her to go through. Indeed. Applications too. And the fact that she said he wouldn't care if the roles were reversed. Some of us lie. Too bad. Let you send your ex20 for gas, you might as well go back to him. Let me find out you done sent that man some gas money. Okay, $20. Come on now go get in the car with him and you can get down on. [00:30:49] Speaker B: Right? That's why people, when they do that. Well, you know, I wouldn't look at a situation like that or you know, like, okay, that is, if it were, [00:30:57] Speaker A: if it were me, I wouldn't be mad. [00:30:59] Speaker B: Yeah, a lot of times if the shoe was on the other foot, you'll probably be responding worse, you know. [00:31:08] Speaker A: You sent who $20? Hey, hey, you. Ma', am, ma', am, ma', am, ma', am, ma', am. [00:31:19] Speaker B: Take a sip of water on that. [00:31:21] Speaker A: Hey, hey. What we got going on over here? Okay, I ain't from the south, but I get real Southern. [00:31:27] Speaker B: Okay? [00:31:28] Speaker A: What it, what it is? What it is? [00:31:31] Speaker B: Hey, hey, Bo. Hey, Bo. Hey, Bo. Hey, Bo. Hey, Bo. [00:31:35] Speaker A: Hey, hey, Bo. [00:31:36] Speaker B: Hey. [00:31:36] Speaker A: What we got going on? [00:31:37] Speaker B: Yes, Yes. [00:31:38] Speaker A: I need to know why you sending this man money. [00:31:41] Speaker B: Hey, Trigger. [00:31:43] Speaker A: JJ shouts out to JJ Thomas. I personally think it would have been an issue for her whether it was a secret or not. I think he wouldn't care if the roles were reversed because he wouldn't have looked at notifications on her phone just because her phone was going off. Yeah, they could have discussed it before, but it may have made matters worse if. And they may not have a five year relationship. However, I also think if the roles were reversed, she would say he is making a big deal over nothing. And why are you going through my phone? Communicating is good, but some can be blown out of proportion and become unhealthy for the relationship. Not about secrets, but being secure. Every situation is different, but this is just my opinion. Hey, jj. I. I ain't gonna lie to you, jj. My comment on your comment was I totally agree and I totally disagree, sir. [00:32:40] Speaker B: I, I didn't get into it. [00:32:41] Speaker A: No, no. I, I do. [00:32:43] Speaker B: Cuz he said totally agree and you disagree. [00:32:45] Speaker A: And I didn't read his whole comment. [00:32:46] Speaker B: Oh, okay. [00:32:47] Speaker A: I think I might have asleep. [00:32:48] Speaker B: Oh, okay. [00:32:49] Speaker A: When I read it and I try to respond to all the. When people. Ain't nothing like leaving a comment. Ain't nothing like leaving a comment. And somebody don't Respond. [00:32:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:57] Speaker A: So now I just know you're doing it for the comments. No, no. I really want conversation. I want to go back and forth. And so I think I might have been half sleep. Jj, you my boy. Still my dog. But if you. What you mean, like, she. She didn't say she went through his phone. She said she saw the notifications pop up. Because when you send something in the cash app notification. I saw one, and then she might have dug through the phone. That might have been her own undoing. [00:33:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:25] Speaker A: Let's say that's her own undoing. [00:33:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:27] Speaker A: But it was still a secret. She did the first initial thing that came through because. Or it could have been, because I know this happens, too. Like, you send somebody. Let's say you send somebody some money on their end, you could either heart it or thumbs up it or whatever, and then it sends you back a notification. [00:33:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:45] Speaker A: And so if he is. If she was. If he was repeatedly sending her money, and then it turned around and came back on the. And she was like, oh, shoot, let me like all these. So, you know, I got it. [00:33:54] Speaker B: Phones be telling on y'. [00:33:55] Speaker A: All. Bing, bing, bing, bing. But first off, the great philosopher C.L. butler says, okay. [00:34:02] Speaker B: Says, take us. Take us to church. [00:34:05] Speaker A: Never leave your notifications on. [00:34:07] Speaker B: Turn them off. [00:34:07] Speaker A: Turn them all notifications off. No, no. No previews come up. Nothing. I tried that for about a month, and you never know how peaceful your life is. [00:34:18] Speaker B: Yeah, if. [00:34:19] Speaker A: No. No, if you don't. No, if there's no notifications except for phone calls. [00:34:23] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:24] Speaker A: You. You. You won't look at text messages. You won't look at social media as much. My phone usage was so. Was way down when I turned off my notifications. I'm thinking of going through it again. Yeah, but JJ's not. I don't. I don't agree with that. Now, Kate, her name on Facebook is K. Elena. Elena is the name she wants everybody to call it. I know her as Kristen. That what your mama name you? Kristin. [00:34:50] Speaker B: She said in secret is stop telling that government. [00:34:52] Speaker A: Yeah, that was. I know that's what she just said in secret is. And a big hell nod for me also, if the roles were reversed, it would not be a conversation to be had. No, it wouldn't be no conversation. And see, I'm. I'm a little bit all kinds of petty. [00:35:12] Speaker B: Tell us about it. [00:35:14] Speaker A: So I might have. Here's what I might have done. If I would have seen the notifications, I wouldn't have said nothing. I'd have tallied up whatever it Was [00:35:28] Speaker B: let a case against yourself coming with that rico. [00:35:32] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no. I would have tallied it up, and if we lived together, I'd go to the bank and get the money, and I would put her bags in the car with the money. [00:35:45] Speaker B: You gonna put the bags in the car? [00:35:46] Speaker A: I'll put her bags in my car with the money in an envelope, and I'm gonna take it to her job and I'm gonna be like, hey, I brought you something. [00:35:58] Speaker B: So you gonna leave the car with the bags? [00:36:01] Speaker A: No, no, no, no. See, I'm sorry. I did it a little bit out of order. The bags, the money, and the envelope. I put the envelope on her windshield and the bags right behind her trunk. And I would open in front of the car, in front of the bumper. [00:36:15] Speaker B: Oh, God. So I gotta planned out. [00:36:18] Speaker A: I'd be like, hey, babe, I left you. I left you a gift on your car. I left you a surprise on your car. [00:36:23] Speaker B: That's petty. [00:36:24] Speaker A: No, baby, that's petty. Baby, you did. Baby, you did. Yeah, I did. I did. You know I'm like that. You know, I like to do good things, nice things for you. [00:36:34] Speaker B: Make a bold statement. [00:36:36] Speaker A: Yeah. I love making. I love making you smile. [00:36:38] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness. [00:36:38] Speaker A: She came outside and I don't block people. I just ignore your phone call. [00:36:42] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness. [00:36:42] Speaker A: And I would ignore her that day. [00:36:44] Speaker B: Y' all don't want to ever try him. [00:36:46] Speaker A: I'm a little petty. I'm a little petty. [00:36:48] Speaker B: That's not little. [00:36:49] Speaker A: What's the word? The Lord ain't through me yet. [00:36:51] Speaker B: Hey. [00:36:51] Speaker A: All right, next one. Clayta Holmes shouts out to you, if you're bothered, you're bothered. The secrecy is the issue. And if it's an issue, then do you still trust him? If you do, then let it go. Now, that's valid. [00:37:08] Speaker B: That's valid. Yeah. [00:37:09] Speaker A: If you still trust him. [00:37:11] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:12] Speaker A: Because people ask for advice all the time just to not take the advice. You just want me to talk to you. Yeah, But I got a friend who, you know, his. His wife is always doing shaky stuff, and you ask me for advice, and then I give you the advice, but then you come back with another problem two weeks later, like, what are we doing? [00:37:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:29] Speaker A: Why is this continuously a thing? [00:37:31] Speaker B: Yeah. And at some point you got to cut it off because, like, you ain't gonna stress me out. [00:37:34] Speaker A: You are not about to stress the [00:37:36] Speaker B: same situation in somewhat different forms, but all the time. [00:37:41] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm not doing this with you. [00:37:43] Speaker B: Yeah. I. I feel, you know, when people. And obviously we want to Be emotionally available to our people. But when, like you saying, somebody come in with the same theme all the time. I'm gonna lit what you just said. You don't. You don't block them. You just don't. I just don't answer the phone. [00:38:02] Speaker A: I'm answering the phone. Yeah, I don't have time to put my phone on. Do not disturb. [00:38:05] Speaker B: Right. [00:38:06] Speaker A: Sleep or whatever else it is I'm [00:38:08] Speaker B: just not going to do is be aggravating me. [00:38:10] Speaker A: You're not going to aggravate my soul. Next one, Ms. T. Love her. She. Her content's funny. It really depends on a lot, but one is how. How long this hard time been going on? Going on for $50 for gas unexpectedly last week. Okay, $600 for bills three years ago. Okay, $400 every two weeks in the last three months. The fuck? $800 a month for the last five years. Nigga, you taking care of two households. You trying to be poly? [00:38:45] Speaker B: Hey. Evidently. [00:38:51] Speaker A: Last one, Rain Wanamaker. What's up? Brina shouts out to you. This is one of the reasons I broke up with my ex last year. It was more about the secrecy and protection of her. If the mom to his youngest daughter, 6, asked for anything, he'd mention it. But the mom to his oldest, who are 23 and 21, he wouldn't say anything. And when I found out, would tell, told me I wouldn't understand because I didn't have kids. The one you protect and provide for is the one you really love. So go there. [00:39:25] Speaker B: Hey, that's valid. That solid valid. And shout out to her for knowing her worth and not continuing in a cycle that would only lead to resentment, because so many of us, you know, do that. We, you know, we make excuses and make excuses and make excuses until one day you be like, you know, man, like you. You become emotionally unavailable. But then what does that solve? Because you basically swept so much, so many things up under a rug for so many years, and. And it's like you make an excuse, making excuses, making excuses. And then you get to that point where it's like, resentment is an understatement, you know? So shout out. Nah, I ain't gonna. I ain't gonna go for that. [00:40:09] Speaker A: Yeah. So, man, look, y' all keep. Keep bringing the comments in. Keep doing what you do. We definitely appreciate y' all tapping in. Ashley. [00:40:20] Speaker B: Yes. [00:40:20] Speaker A: Thank you for stepping in for V. [00:40:23] Speaker B: And shout out to V. Man, I love V. I told you you earlier. I was like, when I listen to her, of course we bring too many. I Mean, two different vibes. But when she talks, she's so raw. You know, I try to filter it a little bit, but raw is so good because you get that direct. And sometimes people need both. You know, sometimes people have a palette for rawness. Sometimes people have a, you know, you have to kind of, you know, make [00:40:50] Speaker A: it, move it around a little bit. [00:40:51] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So shout out to V. Thank you so much, you said, for this opportunity to engage because I'm always down for a conversation about, you know, relationships. And so thank you, listeners for your continuous support of the podcast. And, you know, well, tell the people [00:41:10] Speaker A: how they can find you. Yeah, Extraordinaire. [00:41:13] Speaker B: Right. Well, thank you. Thank you. So my platform, my podcast is becoming her with Ashley Martin. And. And I am a licensed esthetician. If you are in the South Carolina area, even if you're not and you want to travel, get a good facial. Need a Brazilian. Any of that. I am on for. I'm at 4400 Fort Jackson Boulevard, inside the Solar Salon Suites, Room 8. Come see your girl. And I'm all for just, you know, people finding themselves and reaching those deeper levels within so that we can live in authenticity. And, you know, our duty is to continue to just, you know, bring light, bring light to the world. So, again, thank you for the opportunity and I can't wait to see you guys at the next one during the next time. [00:42:02] Speaker A: We're definitely happy to have you on. Please come back. Oh, social media. [00:42:06] Speaker B: How can they find social media? I am on. So I'm like one of those grandmas when you come to social media. I got to get into the wave of, like, you know, being more active on Instagram and the other platform forms. But I'm on Facebook. Ashley Martin. My other Facebook page is becoming her with Ashley Martin. And I'm on Instagram at. I_AM_ Ashley_ Martin. I know that's a lot of underscores, [00:42:35] Speaker A: but just, I am Ashley Martin. [00:42:37] Speaker B: I am Ashley Martin. You. You look at this face, you can find me Ashley Martin. Tick Tock. The same thing. Becoming Ashley on Tick Tock. But I'm sure you can find me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:42:51] Speaker A: And once again, shouts out to our sponsor, eat my biscuits. Make sure you check them out in East Point, Atlanta. Also, if you enjoyed the podcast, you like the visuals, you like the studio, check out the people over at Crux Media. Crux Media. Hit them up on online. Crux Media Group, LLC. That's cruxmedia group llc.com. they'll edit your podcast, you just send them the raw video editing. If you need audio editing. If you need recording time, hit the studio, hit them up cruxmediagroup llc.com and don't forget Relationship status. You can follow us on all social media platforms at R e L S T A t podcast. Remember, email the show. Hey, we get emails inboxes all the time. Email the show app is R e l s t podcast gmail.com and definitely go join the Patreon we had an episode drop on Patreon. It's behind the paywall but it's me and V had a discussion one time about how many times, how many times should a couple have sex during the week and that conversation went crazy. [00:43:57] Speaker B: I know that was juicy. [00:43:58] Speaker A: So patreon.com backslash relationship status. Also all of our outtakes are there under the free tab. You can join for free once again patreon.com racial status I write. I I write a blog now. [00:44:11] Speaker B: I love that I have two blog [00:44:13] Speaker A: entries and it's on our Patreon page. So definitely join the Patreon page. The membership is free to to listen to the blogs to get early access to episodes. All of that's on our Patreon page. So join Patreon patreon.com backslash Relationship status also last last shout out to one of our sponsors, the My7Figure podcast group. Make sure you check them out. Link will be in the comments. Click on the link and join. It's really simple. It's going to help you all you people that want to be podcast. Even if you have not started your podcast. I want to start your podcast join. And then after you join go to cruxmediagroup llc.com and hit them up for a place to record your podcast. Hey y'. All, until the next time, Shabboy Yousef in the building. We are out. [00:44:56] Speaker B: Bye. [00:44:57] Speaker A: Peace. Sam.