[00:00:00] Speaker A: Do you have a podcast that you're passionate about? Are you looking for a professional studio to help bring your vision to life? Then look no further than Crux Media Group studios. Located at 903 West Evans street in Florence, South Carolina, Crux Media Group Studios is a full service podcast studio that offers recording, editing, consultation, live streaming, video recording and more. We have state of the art equipment and a team of experienced professionals who can help you create a podcast that is professional, polished, and engaging. Whether you're a first time podcaster or a seasoned pro, Crux Media Group Studios can help you take your podcast to the next level. Contact us today at 843-407-1673 to learn more about our services and to schedule a consultation.
[00:00:54] Speaker B: Man.
[00:00:55] Speaker A: Like, a different type of color, black. That not really made.
[00:00:59] Speaker B: But, like, my thing is that's kind.
[00:01:00] Speaker C: Of like off back.
[00:01:03] Speaker A: You know, it's been years.
[00:01:05] Speaker C: I'm asking.
[00:01:06] Speaker A: It's been years.
[00:01:06] Speaker C: Off black is like off back. It's like a brand. It's brand.
[00:01:11] Speaker A: I'm just gonna go here. We can.
[00:01:13] Speaker C: I'm not going there.
[00:01:14] Speaker A: I'm just in my voice.
[00:01:16] Speaker C: I'm just asking. Here's what you're saying. Black, off, black, off. Yeah. No. Okay.
[00:01:22] Speaker B: You trying to see if I can.
[00:01:23] Speaker C: I heard off white is a brand. Like off black. I didn't.
I'm just asking. Neat.
I'm just asking.
[00:01:32] Speaker A: Move on.
Welcome back to relationship status. It's your girl, Nik Cruz, Cl Butler.
[00:01:43] Speaker B: And your boy Yusuf in the building. And remember, you can find us on all podcast platforms. Remember to, like, share, follow, and five star rate. If you want to join the conversation, email us relstat podcastmail.com. remember, you could also join us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com. nik, how was the week?
[00:02:02] Speaker A: You need to put that, like, at the end. That's a lot.
[00:02:06] Speaker C: That's a lot.
[00:02:06] Speaker A: Yeah. That ain't a lot to you?
[00:02:08] Speaker B: No.
[00:02:09] Speaker C: Nik is spoken.
[00:02:12] Speaker A: No. Cause it'd be like a big chunk. Like, we just be sitting here and you'd be like, yeah.
All your podcasts you can find us at. Like, it's kind of.
[00:02:23] Speaker C: So to edit it, you think we should put it in the back end, not the front end?
[00:02:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
Or before we start.
[00:02:31] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:02:32] Speaker A: So that way you're not running it all the way down every episode.
[00:02:37] Speaker B: That's fine. Okay.
[00:02:38] Speaker A: I know you're kind of used to it. It's just like.
[00:02:40] Speaker B: Yeah, kind of part of the script at this point.
[00:02:41] Speaker C: Is it?
[00:02:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:42] Speaker B: To me, I mean, it could change definitively. Cause we do have it at the back end. Professor T says it on the back end.
[00:02:48] Speaker C: Okay. Life's about change.
[00:02:50] Speaker B: Yeah, it is. We can't change that.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: New season.
[00:02:52] Speaker C: New season. Season. I guess we're gonna say that.
[00:02:55] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:02:56] Speaker C: You know, we're doing seasons. I do have a question for you, Seth anique, you cook too, right?
[00:03:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:01] Speaker C: Have you seen this trend of cooking wings in orange juice? And they make, like, a teriyaki?
[00:03:07] Speaker B: I don't know what that is. I'm not trying.
[00:03:09] Speaker C: Is teriyaki made out of orange juice?
[00:03:11] Speaker B: I don't think orange juice is.
[00:03:12] Speaker A: Okay. It's not made out of orange juice.
[00:03:15] Speaker B: Citrus in it.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: Yeah. It cooks down.
[00:03:18] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, I think they might put teriyaki, might have maybe the juice from an orange, but not like the people are taking orange juice out the store and, like, pouring it on the chicken.
[00:03:27] Speaker C: That's what I see.
[00:03:28] Speaker B: Yeah. And dousing it in it and then.
[00:03:30] Speaker C: Is this a caucasian thing?
No, I'm just asking. I'm not saying.
[00:03:36] Speaker A: I was just saying. What color were they with that they could.
[00:03:39] Speaker C: I don't know. I've seen.
[00:03:40] Speaker B: Cause it didn't.
[00:03:40] Speaker C: It didn't have some Caucasians, you know?
[00:03:44] Speaker B: Yeah. I know citrus is in it, but I just don't know about. Cause they're literally washing it in the orange juice, letting it sit, and then seasoning it and then putting it in the flour and then putting it in the fryer. And I.
[00:03:56] Speaker A: And that is.
[00:03:57] Speaker C: Nah, they cook it all the way through.
[00:03:59] Speaker A: Yeah. That doesn't.
[00:03:59] Speaker B: Oh, they cook skillet down in the skillet.
[00:04:02] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:04:02] Speaker A: That's not even correct.
[00:04:03] Speaker C: Like, how do you know, Nick?
[00:04:05] Speaker A: Because I have books about cooking, and that for chicken is not even correct. So, no.
[00:04:11] Speaker C: So you think this is good? Bad. Okay.
[00:04:15] Speaker A: Very bad.
[00:04:18] Speaker B: Although I would say that there's no wrong way to cook something. I think it may be just ways that you disagree with doing something that other people do. I just. When I seen it, the one I seen, I didn't see them cooking it in the. I only see maybe one or two cooking it in the sauce. I've seen other people, like, soaking it and then take it.
[00:04:35] Speaker C: Why would you soak it in orange juice?
[00:04:37] Speaker B: I don't know. I don't do that.
[00:04:38] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:04:39] Speaker B: I just. They didn't have a reason. And it was like, all they would say is, like, for the best wings ever. And then they would have it in a bowl. They'd pour the orange juice.
[00:04:45] Speaker C: You should try it since it's the best wings ever.
[00:04:49] Speaker B: I'll see how that goes.
[00:04:51] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:04:51] Speaker A: I don't think I would go more for beef or pork.
[00:04:55] Speaker C: What do you mean? So you put.
[00:04:56] Speaker A: I use orange juice.
[00:04:58] Speaker C: You put beef or pork and orange juice. What do you do?
[00:05:01] Speaker A: I don't do it. But you can use like a Boston butt or you put it in orange juice? Yeah. You could cook it in orange juice. Like there's a whole.
There's a whole thing, like, in a store for that.
[00:05:16] Speaker C: But, like orange juice.
[00:05:17] Speaker A: Yeah, but it's like a certain type with, like, added stuff, but, yeah.
[00:05:22] Speaker C: So do you wash all meats before you cook?
[00:05:25] Speaker B: I rinse it.
[00:05:27] Speaker C: Every kind of meat you have, you buy at the store.
[00:05:29] Speaker A: The chicken.
[00:05:29] Speaker B: As soon as I buy that.
[00:05:30] Speaker C: Just the chicken for me. So you don't wash, like, steak?
[00:05:33] Speaker A: I don't wash my steak at all.
[00:05:34] Speaker B: No, I just rinse it off.
[00:05:36] Speaker C: You rinse off a steak?
[00:05:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Run it under the water.
I would say.
[00:05:41] Speaker C: I thought the water was dirty, too.
[00:05:44] Speaker B: I would say forcible habit.
[00:05:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:46] Speaker B: My chicken, I put. When I do the chicken.
[00:05:47] Speaker C: So you don't squeeze lime on it?
[00:05:49] Speaker B: Not on the steak. I do that with the chicken.
Threw some vinegar in the water. Why is this more stuff black people made up? It could be. That's how my grandmother told me. She said, this is how you clean.
[00:06:02] Speaker C: Cleaning with bleach. It's like the silliest thing I've ever heard.
[00:06:06] Speaker B: No, no. You want.
[00:06:07] Speaker A: Not in the country. I've seen no country.
[00:06:09] Speaker C: It's city too. It's all over people.
[00:06:11] Speaker A: No. Cause I've only seen this in the country.
You know when you cooking up the fat back.
[00:06:17] Speaker B: I've never come.
[00:06:18] Speaker C: I thought you were talking about bleach.
[00:06:19] Speaker A: You never.
[00:06:20] Speaker C: Oh, fatback.
[00:06:21] Speaker A: Yeah, the fatback. I've seen somebody like, when they're washing the fatback, they're washing it in soap and bleach water.
[00:06:32] Speaker C: Okay. I think you just said that person's name.
[00:06:35] Speaker A: No, I'm not.
[00:06:37] Speaker C: They need to be arrested.
[00:06:39] Speaker A: I'm not.
[00:06:40] Speaker C: At least brought charges against them. Served with some sort of.
[00:06:43] Speaker A: And I was like, that's not how.
[00:06:44] Speaker C: You do that, is it?
[00:06:45] Speaker A: Not yet, no.
[00:06:45] Speaker C: If you have to clean the meat you're eating with bleach, you probably shouldn't be eating that. Probably shouldn't eat it.
[00:06:52] Speaker B: You shouldn't eat that.
[00:06:52] Speaker C: Is that old?
[00:06:53] Speaker A: No one old.
[00:06:54] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:06:55] Speaker A: No, I don't think she meant to do it. She was just like, it's gonna be fine.
[00:06:59] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:07:00] Speaker B: Yeah. Nah. Cause I can't.
And then that comes down to what. Do you know what people do when you go to the house to eat the food that they've cooked.
[00:07:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:09] Speaker B: Some of these people might be cleaning their meat and bleached.
[00:07:13] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:07:13] Speaker A: No, I hope not. Or soap.
[00:07:15] Speaker B: Or soap.
[00:07:16] Speaker A: But I do use vinegar on my pork. Cause that's just when I was taught. But outside of that, no, I don't. I clean my chicken regular. Just rinse it off with water. And.
[00:07:29] Speaker C: I don't do none of that to nothing I cook at all.
[00:07:32] Speaker B: Wait, you just throw it in the pot?
[00:07:33] Speaker C: It's already clean. I prayed over it.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: It's blessed you're still here.
[00:07:37] Speaker C: Still here. The good lord, whatever it is. It is.
[00:07:41] Speaker A: Yeah. I think a lot of black people are just, like, too. Oh, I gotta be this clean. Everything has to be clean.
[00:07:49] Speaker C: Oh, you think that's a black thing?
[00:07:50] Speaker A: Mm hmm.
[00:07:51] Speaker C: Not cleaning this thing, but black thing. Think black people overdo cleanliness?
[00:07:54] Speaker A: Mm hmm.
[00:07:56] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:07:58] Speaker B: Well, a little side have nothing to do with nothing.
[00:08:02] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: Bleach. But bleach brought it up.
You know the reggae artist vibes cartel?
[00:08:07] Speaker A: No.
[00:08:08] Speaker C: Yes, I know.
[00:08:09] Speaker B: Okay. He was in prison for a little while. He just got out.
[00:08:11] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:12] Speaker B: And celebrating. No. Okay. He says some. Actually, some people in Jamaica actually upset.
[00:08:19] Speaker C: That he thought he was, like, a killer.
[00:08:20] Speaker B: Yeah, he is.
[00:08:21] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:08:22] Speaker B: Like, killed a whole bunch of people.
[00:08:24] Speaker C: Snitch. Go ahead, snitch. Then.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: He'S a part of cartel.
[00:08:30] Speaker C: No, vibes cartel is the stage name.
[00:08:34] Speaker A: Oh, we have no affiliation.
[00:08:36] Speaker C: I think his name is, like, Trevor Barrington or something. I don't know. Go ahead.
[00:08:40] Speaker B: But anyway, so he's a part of the bleaching community.
[00:08:44] Speaker A: Oh, bleaching your skin.
[00:08:45] Speaker B: Yeah, bleaching the skin. And so he did it in jail. Now, he couldn't do it in jail, but when he got out, it was so many people out there that bleached their skin. Like, they had to. Cause if you bleach, you can't go out in the sun. And I was just thinking about the. They're literally tearing away a layer of their skin to look as white as possible.
[00:09:06] Speaker C: Why? Is that a caribbean thing?
Or is it not a caribbean thing?
[00:09:11] Speaker B: Because it's just. It's prevalent in the Caribbean.
[00:09:14] Speaker A: Oh, I know about it. In Africa. So, like, with Africans.
Yeah.
[00:09:19] Speaker B: It was just to see people out with. They had the big shaded hats and all of that, and so it was a large. Yeah, it was like the Hummer limos pull up and. But the thing about the bleaching that just makes them. It looks odd is, like, there's certain areas you can't bleach, like, around your eyes and, like, your elbows, so they'll be, like, white, and then there's, like, dark spots. Dark spots.
[00:09:43] Speaker C: You saw this?
[00:09:44] Speaker B: Yeah, it's on YouTube.
[00:09:46] Speaker A: And you start to look white.
[00:09:47] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:09:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:48] Speaker A: I mean, not off white. You look off black, like a different type of color that not really made.
[00:09:55] Speaker B: But, like, my thing is that's kind.
[00:09:56] Speaker C: Of like off back.
[00:09:59] Speaker A: You know? It's been years.
[00:10:00] Speaker C: I'm asking.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: It's been off black is like off back.
[00:10:04] Speaker C: It's like a brand. It's brand. I'm just asking.
[00:10:07] Speaker A: If you want to go here, we can.
[00:10:09] Speaker C: I'm not going there. I'm just asking.
[00:10:11] Speaker A: Progression is in my voice.
[00:10:12] Speaker C: I'm just asking.
[00:10:13] Speaker A: Is it just saying off black?
[00:10:15] Speaker C: Off black, off. Yeah. No. Okay.
[00:10:18] Speaker B: You trying to see if I can.
[00:10:19] Speaker C: I heard off white Jabran, like, off black. I didn't.
I'm just asking, Nick.
I'm just asking.
[00:10:28] Speaker A: Move on.
[00:10:29] Speaker B: How was your week, Nick? First week.
[00:10:30] Speaker A: Kids back to school? Yeah, my week was good.
No hiccups.
Everybody got to their locations on time. Everybody got back to their original locations on time.
No phone calls from teachers yet. I already warned them about the little one.
[00:10:49] Speaker B: You warned them about the little one?
[00:10:50] Speaker A: Yeah, that thing. She gets bored, she get mouthy. Okay.
And, yeah, everything's good. How about still trying to get into power school?
[00:10:59] Speaker B: Oh, you weren't. You don't have it from last year?
[00:11:03] Speaker A: I didn't. I never got into it last year.
[00:11:05] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, they won. I was in, like.
[00:11:08] Speaker A: Yeah, I gotta go to the school.
[00:11:09] Speaker B: Yeah, and they'll give you the. You actually could email the guidance counselor, and they'll send you over the code.
[00:11:14] Speaker A: I got a code.
[00:11:15] Speaker B: Oh, you just can't get in. Okay, well, then you gotta go up to school. But what I can say is my. At that school, my interactions with the staff so far have been great. Like, every time I go in there, it's seamless and great for me, I guess.
[00:11:29] Speaker A: Well, how was your first week?
[00:11:31] Speaker B: Oh, it was. It was good.
The young one going to a new school, so he was a little nervous on day one, but once he got through the day, he was cool. Found out he had a couple kids in his class that he knew, and he said, the school is different. I was like, well, yeah, you're in middle school, not.
Not elementary school anymore.
[00:11:51] Speaker A: So the oldest, right?
[00:11:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:53] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:11:54] Speaker B: And then the little one is in school down there where his mom is. And he called and said he was excited. They had a band, the band and the cheerleaders. Washington. But the odd thing was mom dropped him off early, and then when she came out of the school. That's when she saw the band the cheerleaders in the band was after for the kids.
[00:12:15] Speaker A: Yeah. I see her driving slowly with the.
[00:12:17] Speaker B: With the camera.
[00:12:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:18] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:12:19] Speaker B: How about you, sil? How was yours?
[00:12:21] Speaker A: Great.
[00:12:21] Speaker C: Great.
[00:12:22] Speaker B: Your week was good?
[00:12:23] Speaker C: Great. Yeah.
[00:12:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:24] Speaker C: It's not. And that was just, you know, you're talking about kids in school, so I feel we was moving the spirits of the kids in the school, so I'm doing well. So I don't have any school stories.
[00:12:37] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:12:38] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:12:38] Speaker C: I'll wait to share some stories another time, but let's jump right into the crux of the show. Oh, now, both of you are co parent.
[00:12:49] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:12:49] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:12:50] Speaker C: So does your significant other of co parenting.
How do y'all split those duties?
[00:12:58] Speaker A: How do we split?
[00:13:00] Speaker C: Yeah. Like, do you do the registering? They take him, or does he show up that day? Or does she show up that day?
How'd y'all work this out?
[00:13:08] Speaker A: He got a better co parenting relationship, so I let him start.
[00:13:12] Speaker C: Or you can just say what you like. You don't have to say what you actually have or don't have.
[00:13:17] Speaker A: Okay. What I would like.
[00:13:19] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:13:19] Speaker A: I don't mind doing the whole registering thing. I don't mind being the point of contact for school.
We do that well, I do that this year, surprisingly, he helped with school clothes and school shoes.
I did supplies and clothes, some clothes.
He's the fun dad. He's the, you know, if he goes somewhere, he takes them. He's the one, you know, gets nails done without my permission.
[00:13:50] Speaker C: Should you have say so in there?
[00:13:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:53] Speaker C: Meaning, how would they look?
[00:13:55] Speaker A: Because I'm not gonna say he doesn't just let them just do anything. But it could have been like, no, she doesn't need it. I don't feel like she's at, you know, the age to be able to do that. Well, you know, as far as them having a type at school all day.
[00:14:09] Speaker C: Okay, well, let me ask you this. Nails done, does that mean putting fingernails on? Cause I thought nails done was just getting your nails done.
[00:14:16] Speaker B: Just getting them done.
[00:14:17] Speaker A: No, she has tips on.
[00:14:20] Speaker C: Oh, and they're too long.
[00:14:21] Speaker A: No, no, they're a decent size. I'm not mad with it, so I didn't make a fuss about it.
[00:14:26] Speaker C: Um, but you wish she would have talked with you about it before.
[00:14:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:30] Speaker B: You're not into the acrylic on the nails?
[00:14:33] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Cause I get acrylic on my nails. But when it comes to kids, like, a lot comes with that. Cause, like, who's gonna do her refill her dad. That's what I assumed, too, but, like, he'll come to a point where, like, ask your mom.
[00:14:46] Speaker C: Okay, now, what's acrylic on your nails?
[00:14:49] Speaker A: It's an overlay. Like, um.
[00:14:51] Speaker C: Is it an actual tip?
[00:14:52] Speaker A: No, tip is like, a fake nail added on. An acrylic keeps everything in place.
[00:14:58] Speaker C: What keeps what in place? Your regular nail.
[00:15:00] Speaker A: Well, it stops it from breaking.
[00:15:02] Speaker C: So you get acrylic?
[00:15:03] Speaker A: No, he should not.
[00:15:05] Speaker C: He does.
[00:15:05] Speaker B: I don't get anything. I don't go.
[00:15:07] Speaker C: He does, but you.
[00:15:08] Speaker B: I don't go get.
[00:15:09] Speaker C: You brought up acrylic.
[00:15:10] Speaker B: I have daughters.
I've dated women.
[00:15:15] Speaker C: So you be getting acrylic. Ladies and your daughters to get acrylic?
[00:15:18] Speaker B: No, I just know the terminology behind it.
[00:15:20] Speaker C: So that's the only term you knew that she threw out there?
[00:15:23] Speaker A: Acrylic nails. That's what they call them. Acrylic nails.
[00:15:25] Speaker B: Yeah, she was talking about.
[00:15:26] Speaker C: But aren't they your nails?
[00:15:28] Speaker A: No, it's a fake nail. That's.
[00:15:30] Speaker C: So. That's what I asked. Did you get something put on?
[00:15:33] Speaker A: It's a gel that goes over the nail to keep it in place. To keep your nail in the fake nail together.
[00:15:40] Speaker C: But you're getting a nail put on.
[00:15:42] Speaker A: And then that's just in between it. No, it's on top of it.
[00:15:45] Speaker C: See there? You don't really. I knew. You didn't know about acrylics.
[00:15:48] Speaker B: No, I knew. Acrylic goes on it. I did not know it was. I didn't know it was binding the tip. The nail tip to the nail. See, I didn't know.
[00:15:56] Speaker C: Cause you said you just get it on your nails.
[00:15:58] Speaker A: Cause if that breaks or if that cracks, it can mess up your whole nail.
[00:16:02] Speaker C: See there.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: No, I learned something today.
[00:16:05] Speaker C: You putting women you dated and your daughters at risk.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: No, because I'm not getting it.
[00:16:10] Speaker A: I just hit them. If you're able to handle it, it's fine. But, you know, just as a student that has to work on a chromebook all day, like, if that nail breaks, you're not gonna be able to use that nail. Cause it's gonna hurt.
[00:16:22] Speaker C: Can I be devil's advocate here?
[00:16:23] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:16:23] Speaker C: Is that any of your business need? Yes, because I think co parenting, sometimes people just get involved in the business they don't need to be involved in.
I think it's cause it's their child. It's literally their business. Which it is. Which is oxymoron. But sometimes it is, I think, to.
[00:16:40] Speaker B: A certain degree, in some co parenting relationships, the other parent who doesn't know of the activity. It could be whatever it is, just would like to be informed. Like, I can't tell you no, I'm not gonna say no.
[00:16:55] Speaker C: So why do they have to inform you?
[00:16:56] Speaker B: Well, it's just by having conversation about.
[00:16:58] Speaker C: Is that ego?
[00:17:00] Speaker B: No, it might have ego. Let's say in niece's case, it was a situation where she was gonna, I.
[00:17:04] Speaker A: Didn'T want her to do it, but.
[00:17:05] Speaker B: It could be something where she didn't want her to do it. One.
[00:17:07] Speaker C: But you didn't tell anybody. You don't want her to do it.
[00:17:09] Speaker B: But let's say. Let's say she didn't want to.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: There's no communication either.
[00:17:12] Speaker C: But you could have. You could have communicated that.
[00:17:14] Speaker A: And if I don't want her to.
[00:17:15] Speaker C: Have her nails done, I can tell.
[00:17:16] Speaker A: My girls that, but, like, I don't.
[00:17:18] Speaker C: Talk to her, you can tell. Well, you could text him, email, see.
[00:17:21] Speaker B: What, I was thinking of a lesser point. Let's say Nick was taking them to do an activity. Well, the point in which the nails.
[00:17:28] Speaker C: Yeah, the communication part of it.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, I mean, like, the reason why I was kind of taken aback by it is because, one, she's supposed to start sports this year. She's supposed to do wrestling and soccer. And, you know, I'm sure nails are not gonna be a problem. But it could be.
[00:17:48] Speaker C: But they only like a few weeks, right? Like a month.
[00:17:50] Speaker A: What?
[00:17:50] Speaker C: Nails?
[00:17:51] Speaker A: No, you keep nails on, you get em filled in.
[00:17:54] Speaker C: You said, we don't know who getting the refill. So that thing could be either way.
[00:17:57] Speaker A: But see, the refill is just like the back end.
[00:18:00] Speaker C: I know, but we don't know either. But we don't know either way.
[00:18:02] Speaker A: Grows and grows and grows.
[00:18:04] Speaker C: In two weeks, she might be tired of the nails.
[00:18:05] Speaker A: In two weeks she might be and take them off, but it doesn't look like she is. Cause every picture is okay.
[00:18:12] Speaker B: Let them know she's showing them off.
[00:18:13] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:18:14] Speaker A: So I'm like, talk to your daddy.
[00:18:16] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:18:18] Speaker B: For me, it's everything. Education, I do registrations, scheduling.
[00:18:26] Speaker C: Who told you this?
[00:18:28] Speaker B: Through experiences of.
[00:18:30] Speaker C: Cause you don't do it all.
[00:18:32] Speaker B: What don't I?
[00:18:34] Speaker C: You have a son registered in another school that you didn't take care of yourself.
[00:18:38] Speaker B: I dealt with.
[00:18:39] Speaker C: So you don't do it all.
[00:18:40] Speaker B: I dealt with the transferring.
[00:18:42] Speaker C: But you don't do. You don't do it all.
[00:18:44] Speaker B: I had to walk her through the rest.
[00:18:45] Speaker C: You said. I said it's your child.
[00:18:48] Speaker A: Well, he's the leading guy.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: I'm the lead on the educational.
[00:18:55] Speaker C: So you say, we'll take your word at that.
[00:18:57] Speaker B: Oh, my.
[00:18:58] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:18:59] Speaker B: She'll say it too.
[00:19:00] Speaker C: Well, listen, I don't know.
[00:19:01] Speaker B: She'll say it, too. Oh, no. But. And then as far as, like, clothes and we kind of just tag team that situation.
[00:19:08] Speaker C: Is that co parenting or just taking care of your child?
[00:19:10] Speaker B: It's just taking care of your kid.
[00:19:11] Speaker A: I just think, well, I mean, like, communicating of, you know, when we're gonna do this, if we're gonna do this together or if you're gonna do this portion of it and you do this portion of it. So that way, we're, you know, it is just taking care of your child, but we're co parenting to where we're not bumping heads.
[00:19:28] Speaker C: But you're not communicating either. So you're always gonna bump heads anytime you don't communicate. Cause you didn't say you didn't give him a list of this is what I don't want or this is what I expect.
[00:19:38] Speaker A: You know, I don't feel like I have to dictate what I don't want to him as a parent. Like, I'm not the parent in charge of him either. So, like, he's a parent. He should know, like, the do's and don'ts for teenagers, how.
This ain't his first rodeo, but how.
[00:19:55] Speaker C: Do you know somebody knows the do's and don'ts?
[00:19:57] Speaker B: Did he get it right on the first rodeo?
[00:19:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:00] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:20:01] Speaker C: Did he? Mm.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: I'm gonna get it.
[00:20:03] Speaker C: I'm about to bring her in. See? I don't know.
[00:20:05] Speaker A: Oh, she's 22.
[00:20:06] Speaker C: I don't know.
[00:20:08] Speaker A: She'll come. She'll say, well.
[00:20:13] Speaker B: And then, for me, we do communicate a good bit. I would say we do communicate a good bit.
[00:20:21] Speaker C: Talk or communicate.
[00:20:23] Speaker B: We communicate a good bit.
[00:20:25] Speaker C: Interesting.
I'm just saying.
[00:20:30] Speaker A: Interesting.
[00:20:31] Speaker C: I'm less interested. I don't know. Cause sometimes you say you be communicating where you just be chatting.
[00:20:35] Speaker B: Be just chatting.
[00:20:36] Speaker C: As the youths themselves.
As the youths themselves. You chatting.
[00:20:42] Speaker B: Yes.
I'm gonna tell you what you do, sil. A lot of, okay.
You really make a person reflect on everything in the moment.
[00:20:52] Speaker C: But y'all, beside trying to. Y'all get on this mic. Some people, not y'all.
[00:20:56] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:20:56] Speaker C: And just talk. Like, it's like that. And it's. Nah, that's not what you did.
[00:21:00] Speaker A: You chatting.
[00:21:01] Speaker C: It sound. You just talking on, like, what? What did. You didn't tell me nothing I need to know. But we did talk. It's like productivity, inactivity.
[00:21:11] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:21:11] Speaker C: Similar.
[00:21:12] Speaker B: You can be active without being productive.
[00:21:14] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:21:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I can see what he's saying. Cause y'all are more like friends, so y'all might just chat.
[00:21:20] Speaker C: But if you call me to tell me something and don't tell me that. Yeah, well, not necessarily you do that. But if we're just talking, you don't tell me what you meant to call me about.
[00:21:32] Speaker A: Cause our conversation. Well, my conversation is wetland. My children's father are very intentional. Like, hey, you coming to the game? What time is it this time? What's the location? This location. All right, all right.
[00:21:46] Speaker B: With my oldest daughter, me and her mom's, our relationship is like that. If it has nothing, we're not talking about anything else. We don't have. There's literally zero communication. Unless it's like the. Like right now with the car insurance and the car payment. Here's the due date. That's it.
[00:22:06] Speaker A: Like, that's just the straight to the point.
[00:22:08] Speaker C: But you talk to strangers.
[00:22:11] Speaker B: Yeah, but I think.
[00:22:12] Speaker C: But you think what? You think it's cause of the nature of the relationship with the person? It matters how well you co parent?
[00:22:19] Speaker A: No, I wouldn't as well how well you co parent. It's just certain situations are just straight to the point. Like, we have nothing to talk about. We're not friends. We're not anything outside of being parents to the same person. Okay, so it's kind of like, I. I have no interest in calling you, talking to you about anything.
[00:22:40] Speaker C: Shouldn't you.
[00:22:40] Speaker A: That's part of co parenting for some. For some.
[00:22:44] Speaker B: For some people.
[00:22:45] Speaker C: What you mean for some people?
[00:22:46] Speaker B: Okay. Cause I can tell you I have different co parenting situation.
[00:22:50] Speaker C: Do you?
[00:22:50] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:22:51] Speaker A: Do I? Do you?
[00:22:53] Speaker B: One was horrible, and it just got good to where it's almost like some semblance of a friendship is more in play.
[00:23:03] Speaker C: But isn't that a choice?
[00:23:04] Speaker B: I think it is a choice.
[00:23:05] Speaker A: It is a choice.
[00:23:06] Speaker B: It is a choice. And I think that what ends up happening for most people trying to co parent is the feelings from the relationship either never dissipate, like, they never go away. So you've never healed, or whatever it is between the two of you, whether it's one person or the both of you might continuously feel that particular way. And then there's other ones where the breakup has happened, that you've talked, you've communicated feelings and all of that, and you've understood that, hey, we got a co parent, which means we should be friends to a certain degree, and we should care about each other's well being.
[00:23:37] Speaker C: Or should we?
[00:23:38] Speaker B: Yeah, we should. I mean, I think you should care about. You should care about the parent of the other parent.
[00:23:43] Speaker A: Other parent? Yeah. Like, I do care about my kids.
[00:23:46] Speaker B: What happens to them?
[00:23:47] Speaker C: You know, you just probably. We don't talk. I don't.
[00:23:50] Speaker A: We don't inquire about him.
I don't ask, like, hey, how you doing?
[00:23:55] Speaker C: But isn't that just common courtesy? You do that to strangers every day.
[00:23:58] Speaker B: Also. But true, but also.
And this kind of goes a little bit also. That person may have us. Cause that person, I have a friend of mine who had a great co parenting relationship with his ex, and then she got into a relationship with somebody, and it changed.
[00:24:17] Speaker C: What you mean it changed the call.
[00:24:20] Speaker B: To check in on him and stuff.
[00:24:22] Speaker C: How does it change?
Let's talk about that. How does it change?
[00:24:26] Speaker B: Well, he didn't know for sure. He just knew it changed. Like, she no longer was. The conversations became very short.
[00:24:35] Speaker C: So he didn't go to the house.
[00:24:37] Speaker A: She liked him coming to the house. She liked that family feel. And then she found a man. They gave her that feeling. So she didn't need him.
[00:24:43] Speaker B: No, but he still.
He never really went in. Like, he wouldn't go to her house and hang out. They wouldn't go out for drinks and all that.
[00:24:50] Speaker C: You didn't go to the house and talk to the man?
[00:24:53] Speaker B: No.
[00:24:54] Speaker C: See, that's the problem. You let women.
[00:24:56] Speaker A: And see, I talk to my baby.
[00:24:58] Speaker C: Daddies, women or men. Be the go between you and another person.
I don't think that's fair to you as a parent. The co parent, to let a stranger.
[00:25:10] Speaker A: That she likes or he likes come in and just.
[00:25:14] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:25:15] Speaker A: And just change things.
[00:25:16] Speaker C: Yeah. Change the whole dynamic.
[00:25:18] Speaker B: Yeah. And for him, it changed his dynamic drastically.
They started to become a little bit more estranged than when they had started out. So that means, like, picking the kids up on time. If he was a little bit late, she would have something to say. Where normally it was.
[00:25:35] Speaker C: She should have something to say.
[00:25:36] Speaker B: It wasn't where normally she should have been.
[00:25:38] Speaker C: Had something to say.
[00:25:39] Speaker B: She should have been, had something.
[00:25:40] Speaker C: Now she has the backing to say something.
[00:25:42] Speaker B: Now she has the backing.
[00:25:43] Speaker C: Yeah. I'll get Thomas to pick him up. Then you go, whoa, whoa, whoa. Thomas not picking up my childhood. Well, if you can't be on time now, you got something. Now we have a situation now.
[00:25:53] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause you got somebody to plan something with, and it's like, okay, the. His is supposed to be gone at this time. We're running late because he's late. So I can get what you're saying too. Yeah, but I do, like, I would ask, like, how did it change?
[00:26:10] Speaker B: Well, it changed dramatically. He just said the communication started to be off. It became less.
Less, I would say regular conversation. Whereas they may call and talk about the kids, but hey, how was your day?
How's everything going? How's your mom? And they would catch up. They wouldn't talk every day. But when they did talk, it was more than just about the kids. And the conversation went from things like that to just the kids. Very short, very direct, no extra anything that would more. So it took the friendship feel out of it that it once had.
[00:26:50] Speaker A: What you mean the friendship feel like they were friends? Outside of just being parents to the same.
[00:26:54] Speaker B: Outside of being co parents, they actually had a friendship that had them.
[00:27:00] Speaker C: So what changed in your friendship?
Let's say I have a person.
[00:27:05] Speaker A: Let's just say people, probably the man didn't like it.
[00:27:07] Speaker C: Probably. But let's say we're friends, just two people.
You start dating someone, our relationship can decline or we talk less, but that doesn't change where our friendship is.
[00:27:21] Speaker B: Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.
They never really.
[00:27:25] Speaker C: So maybe they were friends.
[00:27:26] Speaker B: It could be that. It could be that. I mean, it could be she was just that way with him until she did find someone and realize, and she may think it may not even have anything to do with the new significant other. It could do it with her. I don't want to be disrespectful to him by having unnecessary conversation with another man. That could be, that could be. That could have been.
[00:27:49] Speaker A: And we don't know.
[00:27:49] Speaker B: Cause he never said what it was.
[00:27:51] Speaker C: Depending on the age of the child, I can agree or disagree with that. What, you mean your child's 25? Oh, yeah.
[00:27:57] Speaker A: I don't have that child, but if.
[00:27:58] Speaker C: The child is five, I would never expect a person not to communicate with the child's father.
[00:28:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:06] Speaker C: I mean, even through high school, maybe even college.
[00:28:09] Speaker B: No, no.
[00:28:12] Speaker A: But some people feel like they shouldn't.
[00:28:14] Speaker C: Shouldn't what?
[00:28:15] Speaker A: They shouldn't, like, have no type of relationship with, you know, the other parent. And when I say relationship, I mean like some type of friendship with the other parent just because they have a significant other.
[00:28:26] Speaker C: Well, well, if any man comes into that situation and co signs all woman.
Well, I'm saying from a man standing view, if you come into a relationship with a woman who has a child and you're co signing this behavior, you're setting yourself up for failure.
[00:28:39] Speaker B: Oh, 100%.
[00:28:41] Speaker A: Yeah, I think you should be. If you're coming into a relationship with children, that's co parenting. Is your job to come to help and be a part of the village, not just be a participant in his life. Cause this is a part of his life.
[00:28:59] Speaker B: That brings up a question when dealing as the new significant other, when dealing with the co parenting situation and joining this village, how do you ingratiate yourself in said village? Does it need to be an invitation?
Do you need to just insert yourself?
How do we navigate? How does someone navigate getting into that space? Sometimes they're not invited into that space.
[00:29:26] Speaker C: Well, I think you insert yourself either.
[00:29:31] Speaker B: You insert yourself.
[00:29:31] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:29:32] Speaker A: I could see that. Yeah, I could.
[00:29:34] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:29:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:29:35] Speaker C: Now I do know of this.
But you insert yourself, that don't mean you go in and try to dominate. That means you just get in the dope, you might play the wall for a little bit, and then you get to move out gradually.
[00:29:47] Speaker A: You let your presence be known.
[00:29:48] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm here to, I'm here, but don't interfere. Like, I don't need to interfere with.
[00:29:53] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:29:54] Speaker C: Like if you have children, I don't need to be involved in the conversation with the child. Cause I ain't trying to make a new enemy.
Cause that's. What if your mama fussing at you, I'm like, you know, that's it. Come on, cuz, you gotta help me help you. I can't help you. That's how you insert yourself. I can't help. She can't be mad with both of us. Yeah, okay. I'm not, I didn't do nothing.
[00:30:18] Speaker A: Yeah, you know, I didn't do anything. He's just there and tries to talk to my daughter. Like, listen, like, I'm trying to help people.
[00:30:26] Speaker C: You gonna mess it up.
[00:30:28] Speaker B: But what if. Okay, that's a good, but what if the.
Cause this is where co parented. I think this is where being in the significant other to an outside situation is kind of tricky is when the, is when the father or the mother of the child is not really feeling you being in the room.
[00:30:48] Speaker C: They don't have to feel you.
[00:30:49] Speaker B: They're not really, they don't have to feel you.
[00:30:51] Speaker C: I'm not expecting you to like me, at least for the first two years.
So I know it's two years coming, in 24 months, you're not gonna like.
[00:30:58] Speaker A: But like, if you're, if this is a person that is involved in a child's life on a, you know, on a regular, regular basis, not just like somebody that's kind of, they're not there, but somebody that's constantly there. I feel like they do need to be in a room because there may need to be a conversation between the two of y'all.
[00:31:19] Speaker C: It should be. Okay, well, it should be the initiator of the conversation.
[00:31:22] Speaker A: Yeah. I talked to my children's stepmother.
[00:31:27] Speaker C: Are they married?
[00:31:28] Speaker A: Yeah, they're married.
[00:31:29] Speaker B: Okay, that's on the way.
[00:31:30] Speaker C: Oh, just cause you got a new boyfriend.
[00:31:32] Speaker B: I mean, listen, off air.
[00:31:36] Speaker A: But yeah, like, well, I mean, before they got married, I communicated with her because she was gonna be. If my children were with him, she was gonna be around him.
[00:31:47] Speaker C: So would you give her ground rules?
[00:31:49] Speaker A: Oh, no, no, no.
[00:31:50] Speaker C: Why not?
[00:31:51] Speaker A: I mean. Cause, like, just, like, what? Why should I have to give you ground rules? Like, your dad is right there, but, well, it's already.
[00:31:59] Speaker C: Obviously your dad doesn't make good decisions. Cause you're not with you no more.
[00:32:03] Speaker A: I mean, I agree.
[00:32:04] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying?
[00:32:05] Speaker A: We gotta watch Olio, but. Cause he fumbled the bag. Yeah, but.
[00:32:10] Speaker B: Okay. Fumbled the bag.
[00:32:14] Speaker A: But yeah, when it comes to her, like, the communication is easy.
So, like, instead of me and him, like, you know, he's asking me, like, what are you doing? What are you gonna do? It's more as in me tell, like, just giving her pieces of information that she may need to know when having either one of the girls, like, I'll let her know. When she first got them, she asked me about, like, you know, hey, we're about to go somewhere. We're gonna be getting in the pool. Da da da da. She asked you, like, do you want me to do one of their hair and you can do the other?
And I was like, you know, she was like, I know some people are funny about being, you know, other people being in their kids hairdouse. And I was like, oh, no worries. I'll pay somebody to do both of their hair, so that way it's something you don't have to worry about. I don't have to worry about, but I appreciate you call her broke at the end.
No, no, I did not call her broke at the end.
[00:33:09] Speaker C: I'm just asking.
[00:33:10] Speaker A: But I appreciate the offer, but I was like, no, I have somebody to braid their hair. That's no problem. So just braid it a certain way.
[00:33:20] Speaker C: Did she call you or you called her?
[00:33:21] Speaker A: She called me.
[00:33:22] Speaker C: See, that's how you insert yourself. You just asshape.
[00:33:24] Speaker A: Yep. And when it came to, like, you know, she took my youngest to Frank's in Charlotte. I'm not sure. I've never been there.
It was right after she had her concussion so I called her and, like.
[00:33:40] Speaker C: Frank'S place to eat?
[00:33:42] Speaker A: No, it's, like, an arcade type place.
[00:33:44] Speaker C: Oh, okay.
[00:33:45] Speaker B: Frankie's.
[00:33:45] Speaker A: Frankie's.
[00:33:46] Speaker C: Frankie's in Columbia?
[00:33:47] Speaker B: No, they got one in Charlotte, too.
[00:33:48] Speaker A: They got one in Charlotte.
[00:33:49] Speaker B: They got one in Charlotte.
[00:33:50] Speaker A: So, um, I communicated with her to let her know. Like, this is what's going on. I already talked to their dad, but I'm sure, like, they. It was, like, early in the day that they probably didn't even communicate yet. So she was coming, like, the.
It was always for her to go with them, and she was coming to get them, so I wasn't sure if he told her. And I'm not gonna say I don't trust him giving her all the information, but as, like, nonchalant as he was, like, oh, okay, she sounds fine. Let me call the mom. That's gonna be sure, though.
[00:34:24] Speaker C: She's just gonna pick em up or do whatever she's gonna do.
[00:34:26] Speaker A: Yeah. And I talked to her, and I was like, hey, you know, this is what she may experience. This is what she is currently experiencing, and this is what she's not able to do.
[00:34:35] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:34:36] Speaker A: And, you know, she was like, okay, okay, cool, cool, cool. And we left it at that. But, yeah, I love the fact that she inserts herself in my kid's life. She's an extra person, and there is no. From my end, there's no beef, no issues, no. Oh, you overstepping. None of that.
[00:34:56] Speaker C: So she understands how to do it.
[00:35:00] Speaker A: In a sense. I wish she would be more involved in certain areas, but. Cause I feel like she doesn't step in when she needs to.
[00:35:08] Speaker C: What?
[00:35:09] Speaker A: Yeah, with certain areas. Okay, but, like, I don't want to talk about that. But, yeah, like, that you should. That it.
[00:35:18] Speaker C: Maybe you should.
[00:35:19] Speaker A: That means an off air conversation.
[00:35:21] Speaker B: Talk with her.
[00:35:22] Speaker C: Yeah, well, her. Not us.
[00:35:23] Speaker B: Not us. Not us. We talking about.
[00:35:25] Speaker A: No, but no, I'm saying off air, meaning I can tell y'all off air. I don't want to go in depth with that, but, yeah, but with my boyfriend, like, my baby dad doesn't care.
He doesn't want to talk to nobody. He don't care who, what, where, how.
[00:35:41] Speaker C: Well, even if he doesn't, shouldn't he.
[00:35:44] Speaker A: If I ask him for something and he, like, he knows somebody's around, he be like, oh, your boyfriend ain't getting it.
[00:35:52] Speaker C: Who? The baby father says that.
Awkward.
[00:35:58] Speaker A: And it's like, you know, it's not his job to do it, but if you want him to do it. Cause you're not capable of doing it. That's fine.
[00:36:04] Speaker C: That's low key hate, though, Nick.
[00:36:07] Speaker B: That's hate. It's low key hate.
[00:36:09] Speaker C: That's hate. That's a form of hate right there. Your boyfriend not doing it. What does that have to do with anything?
[00:36:15] Speaker A: Nothing.
[00:36:17] Speaker C: You be doing that, don't you?
[00:36:18] Speaker B: What?
[00:36:19] Speaker C: Hate.
[00:36:20] Speaker B: No, I don't. I don't.
[00:36:22] Speaker C: You sure?
[00:36:22] Speaker B: I do not. There's only one thing. There's only one thing I hate on.
[00:36:26] Speaker C: What's that?
[00:36:27] Speaker B: And I tell. I tell them.
[00:36:28] Speaker C: What's that?
[00:36:29] Speaker B: I always tell them.
[00:36:30] Speaker C: What's that?
[00:36:31] Speaker B: Uh, the matching outfit. Y'all gotta relax.
[00:36:35] Speaker C: What you talking about, hating on matching outfits?
[00:36:37] Speaker A: What you talking about?
[00:36:38] Speaker C: I'm talking about you hating on the guy when he's not around to the woman. I don't know what you talking about. See, you got something else in your spirit.
[00:36:48] Speaker B: No. No.
[00:36:48] Speaker C: That you want to talk about when.
[00:36:50] Speaker A: They'Re all matching outfits, the whole family.
[00:36:53] Speaker B: I told you.
[00:36:55] Speaker C: You ain't telling me nothing. This is the first time I heard any of this.
[00:36:57] Speaker B: Yeah, what else?
[00:36:58] Speaker C: I never heard this.
[00:36:59] Speaker A: They posted this.
[00:37:07] Speaker B: Okay, okay, I don't mind.
No, I'm just not doing it. I just told her it's corny.
Corny.
[00:37:14] Speaker A: Oh, you're hating.
[00:37:15] Speaker B: How's that? Hate this. Corny.
[00:37:17] Speaker C: You didn't even try. You know it's corny.
[00:37:19] Speaker B: I'm not doing. Would y'all do it?
[00:37:21] Speaker C: Yeah, I would. See, now, you said matching outfits or outfits that go together like we all got on the same shirt.
[00:37:28] Speaker B: No, no matching outfits. It is the same identical outfit.
[00:37:32] Speaker C: But what's the purpose? Are y'all going so y'all can identify each other at a it just be place. It'd just be random, like y'all just going to target. And y'all have on matching clothes.
[00:37:41] Speaker A: I'm sure they're going to some.
[00:37:42] Speaker C: I know he trying to downplay, make.
[00:37:43] Speaker A: His cookout and they all want to look at.
[00:37:47] Speaker C: But that's why I wouldn't match with anybody.
[00:37:49] Speaker B: No, I'm not. Unless I'm at work and they say I got to wear a uniform. Other than that, I'm not.
But no, me. And especially now that my youngest is living with them. We had a great conversation. We sat down and talked about all the things related around going to school, bedtimes and cell phone use and tv. Like all of that stuff that you talk about. And then he was very hedgesthe, I would say very respectable. And asking questions about certain situations.
[00:38:25] Speaker C: I would've told you none of your business what we do in the house without tv.
[00:38:28] Speaker B: Oh, you can say whatever you want.
[00:38:30] Speaker C: He's 70 inches around here. Bed all day long.
70 inches. I've been to your house. I saw that 50 inch, 70 inches down all night.
[00:38:40] Speaker B: Hey, if I'm asked the way we did that things were done during the school year, I'm gonna tell you. I was asked, like, hey. And then as I told her, I was like, you know, I was around for this educational experience prior to. And I said, so just letting you guys know that, you know, we need to make sure that the grades stay up and stuff like that. I need y'all to be very.
[00:39:10] Speaker C: Should you check on that?
[00:39:11] Speaker B: I am. Oh, no, I am.
[00:39:13] Speaker A: He probably will, but he probably will be, like, having conversations I can't get to.
[00:39:18] Speaker B: If.
[00:39:18] Speaker C: Did you have power school?
[00:39:19] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. In the school.
[00:39:20] Speaker A: That's weird.
[00:39:21] Speaker B: No, I got it in. They got power school there. Yeah. I'm already linked into all of that. Got. Already done.
Yeah.
[00:39:27] Speaker C: Told you, Nick. Told you.
[00:39:30] Speaker A: I'm the one that can't get into power school.
[00:39:32] Speaker B: Well. Cause the thing is, I think she's more.
She's more nurturing, so she's more likely to be like, well, come on, you can do it. You can do it.
[00:39:42] Speaker C: Is that nurturing?
[00:39:43] Speaker B: Yeah, that's a little bit more.
[00:39:45] Speaker A: He's like, you're going to do it.
[00:39:47] Speaker B: No, no, no, I'm going to call.
[00:39:48] Speaker C: That's nurturing, dude.
[00:39:49] Speaker B: No, I'm going to call the teacher. Hey, what's he not doing? What are we. Cause I see these zeros here. Do you have the work and you haven't graded it yet?
Did he not turn it in? Is it late? I just need to know where we are.
As a teacher. That's not regular parenting because everybody doesn't do it that way.
Some people wait until the quarter is up and then they got a. Their child has a particular grade. And now they're coming to you.
[00:40:14] Speaker A: Now they're having conversations.
[00:40:15] Speaker B: Now they want to have a conversation of what can they do.
[00:40:17] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:40:17] Speaker B: And I think, and I've experienced as a teacher, I think 80%, if I was to put a number on it, 80% of the students that I've taught over the last 13 years are in that category of waiting. I won't hear from a parent unless a grade, unless the marking cycle comes bad.
[00:40:37] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:40:37] Speaker B: You know? So I think that going through it kind of gave me some insight in how to deal with my own kids and their education. Like, you gotta be a lot more proactive. And I was through that conversation. Her significant other doesn't have kids, you know? So for him, it's an adjustment period. Cause before it was, hey, we coming for the weekend, or, hey, we coming for the summer? And they're out.
I kinda expressed to them the importance of understanding that life has changed.
And kinda, you still have to have work life, you still have to have a life type balance. But his education, especially now for fifth grade, we're trying to create good habits that are gonna carry on.
We need to make sure that we're intentional about that. And he was very receptive. It was a great conversation.
But all in all, I've, you know, me and him have had good conversations. So I do believe, you know, I ain't gonna say that.
[00:41:36] Speaker C: So after you finish bigging yourself up.
[00:41:39] Speaker B: What you mean bigging myself up?
[00:41:41] Speaker C: I mean, you're the perfect educational co parent.
[00:41:44] Speaker B: Educationally.
[00:41:45] Speaker C: What about your weaknesses?
[00:41:47] Speaker B: My weaknesses are I'm not as nurturing.
[00:41:51] Speaker A: You're not cuddled.
[00:41:53] Speaker C: That's called being a bad parent. It has nothing to.
He said it. I don't know.
[00:41:58] Speaker B: I mean, like, as a.
[00:41:59] Speaker A: You're not giving hugs?
[00:42:01] Speaker C: Is that what nurturing is?
[00:42:03] Speaker B: That's how it seems.
[00:42:04] Speaker A: That's how it seems, yeah. Making them feel comfortable, understand what it is.
[00:42:08] Speaker B: I don't think.
[00:42:10] Speaker A: Go ahead.
[00:42:11] Speaker C: Nurturing don't necessarily mean hugging.
[00:42:14] Speaker B: Okay, so what would be. What do you believe would be a better word to use if.
[00:42:18] Speaker C: I don't need you to change a word even. But there are different forms of nurturing. It isn't just one form of nurturing, okay? Telling you. Telling you it's gonna be all right. When you're messing up, that's not nurturing.
That's called messing your child up.
[00:42:34] Speaker A: Care for or encourage the growth of, develop or development of.
[00:42:38] Speaker B: So it could be many different.
[00:42:39] Speaker C: So you can be hard on a kid and still nurture them. Like, you're gonna stay here and get this right. You're not going outside, so you're still nurturing.
[00:42:47] Speaker A: You're just in a different way.
[00:42:49] Speaker B: I do it in a different way. She's a lot more. Oh, come here. It's okay, baby. You know, rub it on the back and all of that. And I'm more like, okay, no, let's get this done. Or what?
[00:42:59] Speaker C: It's just two different forms of nurturing.
[00:43:00] Speaker A: I don't think I could say me in.
[00:43:02] Speaker C: So now you're trying to say she don't do nothing but.
[00:43:04] Speaker B: No, I'm not saying.
[00:43:05] Speaker C: What are you saying?
[00:43:08] Speaker B: She is not. No, she is not like a disciplinarian. That's the word. She's not a disciplinarian. Okay, so that's the word. That's the right word. I'm more of a disciplinarian. She isn't. Okay. And what I have learned is that her significant other is a disciplinarian. So it kind of. The two of them balance each other out in that aspect, and I'm actually really comfortable with the situation, and I know that he's gonna be held accountable for things.
[00:43:35] Speaker C: So did y'all go and compare beating styles, belts, switches, paddles?
[00:43:42] Speaker B: Like, what y'all see? I'm partial to a good paddle.
[00:43:45] Speaker A: Oh, okay.
[00:43:46] Speaker C: So you gave him a proper title.
[00:43:47] Speaker B: He tends to like a belt, so I figured, I'm not beating my child. I'm just saying we're not beating the children.
[00:43:53] Speaker C: Beating your children child is not bad. I don't care what people tell you.
[00:43:56] Speaker A: I don't care.
[00:43:57] Speaker B: My kids are at the age now.
[00:43:59] Speaker A: They still both get.
[00:44:01] Speaker B: They still can. I'm not saying that they can't.
[00:44:04] Speaker C: You do something, but you say, he's a disciplinarian. Y'all could have two completely different forms of discipline.
[00:44:11] Speaker B: Disciplinarianship.
[00:44:12] Speaker C: Yeah. Now, outside looking in, people might think my dad would be the beater.
He's not.
[00:44:18] Speaker B: But you've said me all the time.
[00:44:20] Speaker C: He's not gonna do nothing. He's gonna yell a little bit and peek out the door, make sure my mom heard him yell, hey, man, stop. You know my mama gonna beat you.
[00:44:29] Speaker A: That's how it is.
[00:44:30] Speaker C: That's it.
[00:44:31] Speaker A: Pop, pop.
[00:44:31] Speaker C: Like, oh, whoa. Okay, okay, I'm back. I lost my mind for a minute, so it's nothing.
How do you. He's a disciplinarian. But did you discuss how he's gonna discipline?
[00:44:43] Speaker B: Well, one of the things I did say that I would not appreciate if he did.
[00:44:48] Speaker C: What's that?
[00:44:48] Speaker B: Was if he put his hands on my child or whether he hit on a belt or on my child or on my child's mom.
[00:44:54] Speaker C: A belt is not putting hands on you.
[00:44:56] Speaker B: Is it not mean physical harm to my child?
[00:45:00] Speaker C: So no hitting?
[00:45:01] Speaker B: Yes. No hitting.
[00:45:02] Speaker C: You said no hitting, no belts. Paddleshe.
[00:45:04] Speaker B: To me, discipline is holding the person accountable and giving them some consequences for their. For what they did.
[00:45:10] Speaker C: So all he can do is ground.
[00:45:12] Speaker B: He can ground him. He could take things away. I mean, whatever he decides to do outside of physically. What if it's sometimes that don't work, putting his hands.
[00:45:19] Speaker C: Huh? What if you think it's excessive?
[00:45:23] Speaker B: It's not my house.
[00:45:24] Speaker C: So you would be quiet.
[00:45:26] Speaker B: I would, but. Oh, because I've been on the other side of that. Like, I've been on the other side of that where the woman, I was with her son, I caught him.
He was smoking weed one morning in the backyard.
[00:45:46] Speaker C: This is snitching cast. What are you talking about?
[00:45:48] Speaker B: No. Smoking weed in the backyard. He was smoking weed in the backyard, and we didn't know. He came in, and his mom told him, hey, grabendeh, grab your brother. And he must be stressing and then.
[00:46:00] Speaker C: Smoking weed in the morning in the car.
[00:46:04] Speaker B: So initially, we grounded him, ground. Initially, we grounded him because when his mom got to the car, he's like, what's all this smell? And the smell was on my son. And I was like, hey, man, no, we're not doing this. So initially, we took all the stuff away.
[00:46:21] Speaker C: He's smoking a czar.
[00:46:22] Speaker B: I don't know. And then next time.
Next time we. I caught him. First time, I didn't catch him. This is just what happened. Second time, I caught him, and, like, the door was locked, and so I opened it. So then Chris was in there. Chris, come open the door. And I was like, hey, where's. He was like, he looked at me, he looked at the window, and he kept playing the game. I was like, where's he at? He looked at me, he looked at the window. Then the boy come climbing in the window, blowing smoke. So everybody went. They had a family meeting. I don't do family meetings, but they had a family meeting about what to do with them while they were gone. I took the door off the hinges, put it in the garage, cleared his room, everything in there. We had already took away some stuff, everything in the room. So when he came back, he had no door. He had no nothing. He was just. And had maneuvered his stuff so that every time he look up, he see us, you ain't going out that window. Now, I was told by my significant other that was excessive. And I was like, he's not gonna have no door. He hasn't earned the right to property.
[00:47:27] Speaker C: But you didn't discuss that with her prior, too.
[00:47:29] Speaker B: I did not, and I should have. Now, knowing what I know now, I should have, but that was excessive for me. But in a sense of what I felt needed to be done in the moment because he was. Because he was steadily breaking the rule of the house that we had already talked about him not doing. And then.
So you lose your rights to privacy because you can't be trusted. And that was my version of doing that. So if you know, if Hearst guy wants to discipline Edison in any way outside of physically harming him, I'm okay with. It's their house. However they got to discipline him within the house. I may not agree, but I have to at least respect him as the head of the household in that house, even though it's my kid.
[00:48:19] Speaker A: I agree to that. But I also disagree with two different ways of disciplining a child. Because if you're the type that puts belt to tell when he's here, and then he goes, and it's just, okay, you're just gonna take my door off the hinge, like, okay, okay. Well, you know, it kind of goes into the less of the evils. Like, I'm gonna get my butt cut. So I'd rather listen to my dad, but you taking my door off the hill.
[00:48:48] Speaker B: But then I also.
[00:48:49] Speaker A: All right, I don't have no privacy. Whoop dee doo.
[00:48:52] Speaker B: But I also feel like if you've done, as a parent, if you've done the discipline thing effectively, right.
If it's to the point where it should be a way in which the child should respect whatever form of discipline is handed down, even if it is different. You know what I'm saying? Because they know what it's like to be disciplined, even if they think, well, I'd rather take this than him and my daddy. Because if need be, you know, she knows she can call me and I'll get on I 20 if I need to. And he knows that.
[00:49:25] Speaker A: And, I mean, that's still fine, but it shouldn't be a point where you have to be called into that household to discipline. Because.
[00:49:32] Speaker B: But that's the reason why.
That's why I think it's big that I respect what. Whatever they're doing at home so that I'm not the person that has to be called in for reinforcements. They should be able to deal with it in the house, and if they can't, then he doesn't need to be there.
[00:49:46] Speaker A: But see, no, but that's not fair to say, because if y'all are disciplining on two different levels like that, that's like, if he. If his thing is taking stuff away from him. Cause that's the boundary that you have. Don't put your hands on my child. If his boundary is.
Well, your boundary is, you know, you can take stuff away from him, you can stop him from doing certain things, and that's fine. That should be the same thing that you do at your age.
[00:50:11] Speaker B: I think. I haven't had to, like, cut my kid's butt in a while, I just.
It's almost the threat of.
And now everybody know. Everybody knows.
[00:50:24] Speaker A: The youngest one, he kind of ain't.
[00:50:25] Speaker B: Scared of much of nothing.
He kind of on go.
[00:50:28] Speaker A: So even if it's his world and.
[00:50:29] Speaker B: We just live in it, like, some people, like, and then also, you gotta understand the kids too. Like, for him, if you take away a video, he is through. Like, whatever you need him to do is gonna be done.
[00:50:40] Speaker A: But we also can condition our kids to be okay with the fact that, okay, I'm not gonna have my game for a week or even a month. Okay. It's better than getting my butt cut. I can deal with that. Like, and I can say that because, like, I had a. I mean, I'm not gonna say that, like, oh, I know, but my brother was.
My brother was a bad child. Like, not saying your child's a bad child, but, like, I do understand kids can get very manipulative.
[00:51:06] Speaker C: Mm hmm.
[00:51:07] Speaker A: And so when it comes into. Yeah. And so when it comes into discipline, like, my brother would. Cause at the time, my mom was co parenting with a person that wasn't even my brother's dad, but he would cut his tail. End of story. He would cut his tail. Like, he had my mom's permission to cut his tail. So my mom felt like he was too big for her to be. So she was just. She took the door off. He didn't have a door for a very long time. He didn't have a game. He couldn't do football for a while. And to him, it was just like, okay, well, you know, at least so and so ain't coming over here to beat my butt. Well, it was like, I can deal with this for what, a month? Two months? He started just making sure his room was clean. So when people came by to see, you know, and. Cause he is room, he was just like, well, it's clean.
[00:51:58] Speaker B: I get what you're saying on.
[00:51:59] Speaker A: It's starting to be normal.
[00:52:00] Speaker B: I see what you're getting on. The imbalance of discipline.
[00:52:03] Speaker C: But why does it have to be balanced?
[00:52:06] Speaker B: That's what I'm saying.
[00:52:07] Speaker A: I said, well, I feel like it needs to be a balance because it's like, how can I feel? It's not even so much of him respecting them because I feel like he would. It's just if he knows he can get this anywhere.
Like, I. Like, if I don't have. If I get in trouble here and you take away my game here, okay. I get my game taken away for a week, I'm crushed. But when I go to my dad, the same thing can happen.
If that makes sense. Instead of a butt cut in, I.
[00:52:38] Speaker B: Haven'T put like this. And I guess I think my lack of understand, I think my lack of agreeance on this here is I haven't with any of my kids experienced a situation, experienced something so bad that they did. So bad that I just had to get at them.
I probably popped them or something like that. But to say, get the belt or whatever, I joke about it a lot and I might tell, man, I'm gonna cut you.
But at the end of the day, I haven't been in a situation where I felt like that was the course of action.
[00:53:08] Speaker A: Well, not even just.
[00:53:10] Speaker B: No, I'm just saying, like, not even looking at it. I get what you. But then if that's taken out, which is taken out for me for the most part, it would have to be extreme.
And like, if he wants. If.
[00:53:24] Speaker A: Because, I mean, taking the door off the hinges is a little extreme to me.
[00:53:27] Speaker B: Yeah, but I'm talking about he had to do something. Like, I never wanted to put my hands on somebody else's kid. I just, you know, it's just never been. It's just I cut sad. I personally, and I know people might not agree. I personally have never gone out a woman that I'm. That I'm. That I'm dating who has kids. And I. I've always not out of. I wouldn't say out of respect for the father. Cause some of them, the father hasn't been around or will never be around. But it's just if I don't see her exert that, you know, do that type of behavior, if she doesn't beat her, I'm not gonna do that because that's not what she does. That's not what she does. Now, if she. And I don't think that if you coming into somebody's. You coming into somebody's life when if you come to somebody's life and the child is young like one, you're pretty much raising the kid. Yeah, but I mean, if the kid's 1314 years old, how am I just getting here gonna go beat somebody child at this age?
[00:54:23] Speaker C: What you mean?
[00:54:24] Speaker B: I'm just saying, like, maybe you just.
[00:54:28] Speaker C: Don'T got any need to do it.
[00:54:29] Speaker B: I might not have it in me to do it. I don't. Well, that is a fact. I don't have it in me to do it. To put but the hands. But my own kids. If it was extreme, then, yeah, I don't even know what the action would have to be. But I don't think my kids. The things my kids get in trouble for at this age.
It's not anything that's a.
[00:54:49] Speaker C: But how do you know?
Maybe. And I'm not.
[00:54:53] Speaker B: I guess I'm comparing it to me.
[00:54:54] Speaker C: I'm not. I'm not pro beating necessarily, but maybe if you discipline this child in a manner now, you won't have to do it in three more months. Cause it's the same thing. It ain't a new thing that's happening. It's the same thing. So if it's the same thing that keeps happening, I do believe you have.
[00:55:15] Speaker B: To escalate the action.
[00:55:16] Speaker C: The action. If you keep getting bad grades, it ain't the same punishment no more.
[00:55:24] Speaker A: Yeah. We're not gonna keep taking stuff away from you.
[00:55:26] Speaker C: No, no, no.
[00:55:27] Speaker B: And I just. And I think for me, I haven't quite had the. I haven't had to deal with certain things. Like, I haven't had to deal with certain things.
[00:55:37] Speaker C: What, somebody was smoking weed at the house.
[00:55:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:55:40] Speaker A: No, but he's saying.
[00:55:41] Speaker B: I'm talking about with my kids.
[00:55:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:55:43] Speaker B: See. Cause with that, they like, let's say with that situation.
[00:55:46] Speaker C: So that wasn't your kid?
[00:55:47] Speaker B: No, with that situation.
[00:55:49] Speaker C: So that wasn't your kid?
[00:55:50] Speaker A: It wasn't. It was.
[00:55:52] Speaker B: Nah.
[00:55:54] Speaker C: Because of how you was carrying it.
[00:55:55] Speaker A: But that's how I.
[00:55:56] Speaker B: No, it's carrying it like it was yours.
[00:55:58] Speaker A: He was treating him like he was his.
[00:56:00] Speaker B: I made an attempt to treat him like he was mine.
[00:56:03] Speaker C: So that means treat you 100% like you're mine.
[00:56:05] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:56:06] Speaker C: And not 40%.
[00:56:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:56:08] Speaker C: Not when it comes to buying sneakers.
[00:56:09] Speaker B: Yeah. No, I get what you're saying.
[00:56:11] Speaker C: Yeah. So that's what I'm. What I'm saying is.
And this could be completely off base, but if you say you care and you love this child and you gonna discipline this child, you should do the things you know are best for the child.
You can't be 100% the parent over here and 20% over here and 10% over here.
Now, if I dated a woman with younger kids, I'm sitting her baby father now and said, look, this was gonna happen right here.
We just gonna have to have a man off something.
[00:56:44] Speaker A: That would not have worked. I don't know who, you know, trying to be.
[00:56:48] Speaker C: I'm not trying to be nobody, but I'm just gonna tell you, this is what happened. If he in trouble at your house, he in trouble at this house. It ain't no true.
[00:56:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:56:56] Speaker C: So it ain't just like me trying to get at you.
[00:56:58] Speaker B: Yeah, no, that's true.
[00:57:00] Speaker C: Even with her.
[00:57:01] Speaker B: Yeah, that's if she not gonna come.
[00:57:03] Speaker C: To me and talk about you.
[00:57:04] Speaker B: Yeah, if he can't have a phone here, he can't have a phone over there. Like, it translates, whatever it is, the punishment or whatever it is, it translates from house to house. That's one thing we did discuss.
[00:57:15] Speaker C: Okay, but see, this is why I think the village aspect is lost, because people are raised. My childhood, I listened to both of you. I talk, it's my child. No, it's not your child.
[00:57:24] Speaker B: It's our child. I get it.
[00:57:26] Speaker C: It's not singly yours. You're not a single cell.
[00:57:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause I believe in a very.
[00:57:31] Speaker B: I just think you kinda.
[00:57:34] Speaker C: If grandma got you, you should trouble grandma.
[00:57:36] Speaker A: My grandma child too.
[00:57:38] Speaker C: You trouble all the way around.
[00:57:39] Speaker B: My grandmother popped my sister. My sister might have been 26. Popped her right in the mouth.
[00:57:44] Speaker A: Yeah, my mom still popped my kids.
[00:57:47] Speaker C: It doesn't change. I don't think it. It's too much of the my.
[00:57:52] Speaker B: I can see that.
[00:57:52] Speaker C: And that child becomes somewhat uncontrollable sometimes. You have a good kid who's just fine. Yeah, for the most part.
[00:57:58] Speaker A: But, like, that's why I said, like, every child is not the same either. But, like, sometimes it gets into a child's head that I'll tell my mom or I'll tell my mom.
[00:58:07] Speaker C: They don't get in the sense the mama told them that my son, you come tell me.
[00:58:12] Speaker A: You can't say that to me. It doesn't even have to put, like hands on. It could just be like, you can't say that to me.
[00:58:17] Speaker C: But that's disrespectful for a child to even tell any adult that. Now I was really a little different. Every adult is right. You come talk to me and then I'll address the adult.
[00:58:27] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:58:28] Speaker C: Now, if he hit you, you need to try to get away now. Let him stand there and be no punching bag. Nah, get out the way. Come tell us and we'll handle it.
[00:58:39] Speaker A: I remember my aunt cut my tail one time, and I was so pissed off at her, I couldn't wait for my mom to get off of work.
[00:58:44] Speaker C: And you tell your mom?
[00:58:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I told my mom was like, mom, she cut, cut my butt. Mom, she so and so and so and so mama, like, well, what did you do? That's not. We, you. Wrong subject. She cut my butt. Yeah.
[00:58:55] Speaker C: That's what you were trying to get your mama to. Yeah, but she didn't buy in.
[00:58:58] Speaker A: No, she didn't act fool like she usually do. Like when the school's talking about paddling.
[00:59:04] Speaker B: Yeah, I got something on that. When I was living in Trinidad, that's when I moved back to Trinidad.
I was going to. I think I was in standard four, so maybe fourth. That's fourth grade. So I go to. I got in trouble. And this is before, I didn't know. Like, when you do spelling tests, they got a little stick, and if you mess up the word, they pop you on your hand. That's little stuff like that. I got in trouble, and they sent me to the principal's office, and the principal was gonna beat me.
And so I was like, no. I'm like, no, you not hitting me.
[00:59:33] Speaker C: Did you tell them?
[00:59:34] Speaker B: I said, no, you're not hitting me.
[00:59:35] Speaker C: I'm a Us citizen.
[00:59:36] Speaker B: No, I was like, no, you're not, Trinidad.
[00:59:39] Speaker C: I'm the United States of America.
[00:59:40] Speaker B: No, you're not hitting me.
[00:59:41] Speaker A: I'm the property of the United States.
[00:59:44] Speaker B: So he said, what?
Okay, so then go outside. So I go sit outside. Man called my aunt, who I was living with. My aunt comes up there.
She goes in there, he talks to her. She said, come here, you look a pitney. So I go inside.
She says, okay, you could get him. Now the principal beats me in front of her, and then she beats me.
[01:00:07] Speaker C: See? There?
[01:00:08] Speaker B: And then takes me.
[01:00:09] Speaker C: I'm not saying it's right.
[01:00:10] Speaker A: See there, that corporate punishment?
[01:00:13] Speaker B: And then drug me home and beat me when I got home for embarrassing her. Cause she was a retired teacher from the school.
She was like, that's what you're not gonna do is embarrass me. And I was like, oh, you ain't gotta worry about that no more.
[01:00:26] Speaker A: You got your butt cut for whatever you got your butt cut for. Then you got your butt cut for embarrassing her. Cause you thought you were.
[01:00:32] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I got it when I got home.
[01:00:34] Speaker A: You did not touch me.
[01:00:35] Speaker B: Yeah, man, listen, I.
Yeah, so I. Yeah, nah, that was.
[01:00:40] Speaker A: Yeah, the corporate punishment in schools.
[01:00:42] Speaker B: That's one of those the adults always write and deal with it later. If I'd have just took that, I wouldn't have got three. And that's the way I saw it.
[01:00:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, well, at school when they would talk about, oh, we line y'all all up and take y'all to the principal's office to get y'all, you know, paddled. Who?
Oh, let me call my mother.
[01:01:01] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:01:02] Speaker A: And then, like, how my mother viewed it with corporate punishment was, y'all are not a part of our village. I don't know if this is something you like to do, beat kids or how you might beat my child. Like, yeah, I trust you with my child to an extent.
So when it came to, like, teachers beating and the principal doing, like, the little paddle, and they used to show us the paddle, the ones with holes in it, like. No, you're not beating me with that.
[01:01:28] Speaker C: Okay.
[01:01:30] Speaker A: No.
[01:01:32] Speaker B: Full circle.
[01:01:33] Speaker A: Full circle.
[01:01:34] Speaker C: Full circle. Yeah.
[01:01:36] Speaker A: Okay. Well, final thoughts on co parenting? Yeah.
[01:01:41] Speaker C: I think if you're gonna co parent, you have to co parent, and you can't co parent.
You can't select a co parent.
[01:01:50] Speaker A: I agree.
[01:01:52] Speaker C: So maybe you all can agree on a certain set of rules and standards. This is our ten commandments of raising this child. Maybe different for the next child, but this one.
So everybody got kind of be on the same page, and you should just talk about it.
[01:02:06] Speaker B: Mm hmm.
[01:02:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:02:07] Speaker C: And stop letting your personal feelings of relationship that didn't work affect co parenting.
[01:02:11] Speaker B: Affect co parenting.
[01:02:13] Speaker A: I agree.
[01:02:13] Speaker C: Cause y'all really wasn't friends to start with.
[01:02:17] Speaker A: If it's the whole, like, you know. Oh, yeah, I spent a night there on Christmas Eve. Yeah, no, we're not doing that no more.
[01:02:23] Speaker C: What's that, Nick?
[01:02:24] Speaker A: Oh. Like, there's some relationship.
[01:02:27] Speaker C: I don't think that's about children.
[01:02:29] Speaker A: I don't either, but they seem to, like. It was a whole discussion on social media. Like, yeah, I. If the child is little, the father should be able to spend a night at the mother's house.
[01:02:38] Speaker B: Just get over there real early. Ain't no spend.
[01:02:40] Speaker A: That's what I said, too.
You better set your alarm clock.
[01:02:44] Speaker B: Just get on there.
[01:02:44] Speaker C: Okay.
[01:02:45] Speaker B: Cause some people, if it becomes a tradition for the kids to wake up.
[01:02:50] Speaker A: In the morning, wake up in the.
[01:02:51] Speaker B: Morning and have the gifts, how about.
[01:02:52] Speaker C: The tradition of parents just staying together?
[01:02:54] Speaker B: That's a tradition people forget about.
[01:02:56] Speaker A: Yeah, sometimes it don't work out like that.
[01:02:57] Speaker C: Okay.
[01:02:58] Speaker A: So therefore, we have to look at it.
[01:03:00] Speaker C: So we gonna be traditional or non traditional?
[01:03:02] Speaker B: Which one are we gonna do? Cause everybody's watching.
[01:03:05] Speaker A: But I have heard of, well, one of my brother's friends growing up, her stepfather and father are real close.
[01:03:14] Speaker C: Mm hmm.
[01:03:15] Speaker A: So on Christmas, him and his new wife spends the night at their house on Christmas, and they all wake up together.
[01:03:23] Speaker C: Okay, maybe that's.
[01:03:24] Speaker A: And I have no problem with that.
[01:03:25] Speaker C: That's a version of it.
[01:03:26] Speaker B: But if they. Cause that's, like, if they communicate and they cool like that, and they.
[01:03:29] Speaker A: Yeah, like, everybody is cool like that. Like, so, like, I can stay by yourself? You ain't going out. That part.
You're not going over there just to stay and, you know, sleeping. It's just her.
[01:03:40] Speaker C: Okay. No, well, I mean, it's like, where.
[01:03:43] Speaker A: You sleeping at, bro?
[01:03:44] Speaker C: Before y'all give me your final thoughts, the other question, do we have an example of ghetto co parenting?
[01:03:52] Speaker A: That is ghetto co parenting.
Spending a night at someone's house, letting.
[01:03:56] Speaker C: A man spend a night.
[01:03:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:03:58] Speaker B: Example of ghetto.
[01:03:59] Speaker C: Now, if you don't want that old thing back now. I have one, actually.
[01:04:02] Speaker B: What you got?
[01:04:04] Speaker C: My brother got married.
[01:04:05] Speaker A: Congratulations.
[01:04:06] Speaker C: Years ago. Years ago. Years ago, her stepfather and her real father commenced having a dance battle. And I was so tickled. I was so tickled.
I was like, that's bonding.
[01:04:20] Speaker A: That is bonding. That is definitely Hennessy in a dance battle.
[01:04:23] Speaker B: Hennessy in a dance battle.
[01:04:26] Speaker A: I appreciate it.
[01:04:27] Speaker C: I was like, you know what? Maybe you and Mama didn't do it right.
[01:04:31] Speaker A: That is.
That's on a whole nother level. That's not ghetto.
[01:04:36] Speaker B: I think that's a whole.
[01:04:37] Speaker A: That's them becoming friends.
[01:04:38] Speaker C: I was like, wow.
[01:04:40] Speaker B: Wow.
[01:04:40] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. So they went at it. I don't know.
[01:04:43] Speaker B: Who was it? Was it good? Was it at least a good battle?
[01:04:46] Speaker C: I don't think either was that good of a dance, but they were really passionate.
[01:04:50] Speaker A: Who was more passionate?
[01:04:51] Speaker C: Yeah, he was passionate. Either wasn't very good.
[01:04:55] Speaker B: I guess the positive in that is to have it was all fun and games.
[01:04:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:05:00] Speaker B: They came to support you on a wedding day.
[01:05:02] Speaker C: Yes.
[01:05:02] Speaker B: The positive.
[01:05:03] Speaker C: Yes.
[01:05:03] Speaker B: Gonna take that.
[01:05:04] Speaker C: Okay. Neat.
[01:05:06] Speaker A: My final thought.
[01:05:07] Speaker C: Okay. No examples. Okay.
[01:05:10] Speaker A: Oh, examples.
[01:05:11] Speaker C: Throw my family under the bus.
[01:05:14] Speaker A: Examples of ghetto co parenting.
I guess I can put myself in a position, like, I still go to, like, all, like, thanksgiving and all of that. Because, like, I, like, we have no. That. My other. Yeah. I still get invited.
[01:05:34] Speaker B: So I don't know if that's ghetto.
[01:05:36] Speaker C: Your new. Your new boo gets to come.
[01:05:41] Speaker A: He can.
[01:05:42] Speaker B: Okay.
[01:05:43] Speaker A: Yeah. And we all. We go over there.
[01:05:44] Speaker C: I don't know if that's ghetto, though. I might be classy.
[01:05:47] Speaker B: That's more. That's. That's more mature than. Yeah, get them because I don't have any examples.
[01:05:54] Speaker C: You don't have any? Okay. It's okay.
[01:05:57] Speaker B: That's a good one.
[01:05:58] Speaker C: You know.
[01:06:01] Speaker B: What'S your takeaway, Nick?
[01:06:03] Speaker A: Well, when it comes to co parenting, if you're a significant other coming into a relationship with kids that are with people who are co parenting, I would say, you know, if the situation doesn't feel right to you, don't try to go in there and change it, if it's working for them, if the situation is working for them and it's working for the kids, you know, deal with it. If you can't deal with it, then you should kind of look into. Maybe you need to step away from this situation because it is working for the kids.
If you see the situation not working for the kids, then I would say, you know, kind of step in.
Give a. You know, give a. Give a speech, talk, put your, you know, your input in. Try to be a helping hand instead of a villain.
[01:06:56] Speaker C: Okay.
[01:06:57] Speaker A: Try to communicate with the other parent if you can, if it's allowed, if it's not gonna cause any issues, but, yeah. And if you're someone that is co parenting, keep an open mind.
When it comes to co parenting, do not just feel like. Because I know a lot of our examples of co parenting is not communicating, you know, kind of being straight to the point when, you know, you can ask someone, hey, how's your day going? How you feeling? This is a parent of your child, and you do want to make sure that they are mentally okay and physically okay. So, yeah, that's my final thoughts.
[01:07:39] Speaker C: Okay.
[01:07:40] Speaker B: My final thoughts are in the words of the illustrious.
What's the philosopher cl? Butler.
[01:07:50] Speaker C: Oh, wow.
[01:07:51] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, all those words in front of that.
[01:07:53] Speaker C: I didn't know.
[01:07:54] Speaker B: Insert yourself. Insert yourself as a significant other. Make sure that you are part of the community. Go ahead and make yourself a part of.
[01:08:03] Speaker C: Jump right in there.
[01:08:05] Speaker B: Yeah. Be a part of the village. Make sure that you are part of.
[01:08:07] Speaker A: Biggest fan right just now.
[01:08:09] Speaker B: Oh, not he.
I was gonna go another way with it and decide.
[01:08:15] Speaker A: I was gonna say no. Diddy.
[01:08:16] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:08:18] Speaker B: Wow. That's why I said philosopher.
[01:08:19] Speaker C: Wow.
[01:08:20] Speaker A: What you say before that?
[01:08:21] Speaker B: Illustrious. That's.
[01:08:23] Speaker A: No, no. Like, you. The way you build it up, but you gotta. Yeah.
[01:08:26] Speaker B: Oh, you taking it too far.
[01:08:28] Speaker A: No, I'm not taking it too far. Like the way you propped this man.
[01:08:31] Speaker C: Up, Nick, I'm telling you, nik, he.
[01:08:34] Speaker A: Felt the same way.
[01:08:35] Speaker C: You think I can't agree with you.
[01:08:38] Speaker B: I can't agree with you.
[01:08:39] Speaker C: I can't agree with you. Why can't you agree with Neek said.
[01:08:42] Speaker A: Okay, you like building him up, like, you know, great.
[01:08:47] Speaker C: He was being nurturing.
[01:08:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, you were.
[01:08:50] Speaker B: That part, anyway, you were. Nick, go ahead and get us out of here.
[01:08:53] Speaker A: All right. He didn't even tell his final thought.
I gave my first. Okay, there you go. Well, thank you all for listening and joining in on the conversation. It's your girl, Nick Cruz.
[01:09:02] Speaker C: Cl Butler.
[01:09:03] Speaker B: And your boy. Youssef and we're out.
[01:09:05] Speaker A: Thank you for listening to another episode of relationship status. Remember, you can catch us on relationshipstatuspodcast.com, comma, iTunes, Google podcast, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon music, and anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. If you would like to join the conversation or leave us a dear neek, email us at relstat
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