(Video) 286th Date: Who Should Lead the Relationship? The Man or the Woman?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: He makes all the financial decisions because he makes most of the money. Is that leadership or control? [00:00:05] Speaker B: Control. [00:00:06] Speaker C: That's definitely control. [00:00:12] Speaker B: I know what he's about to say. [00:00:13] Speaker A: That leadership right. That leadership right. That for you. That leadership right. [00:00:17] Speaker D: To me it is. [00:00:18] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. Yeah. You don't. You don't want to spend your money. [00:00:20] Speaker D: I don't. Why? [00:00:23] Speaker A: Okay, scenario two. She says, I don't need a man. I can do everything myself. Is that independence or emotional distance? [00:00:32] Speaker B: Emotional distance, yeah. [00:00:35] Speaker C: Emotional distance. [00:00:36] Speaker D: First of all, I ain't never said no stupid like that. So I'm like, no. [00:00:39] Speaker A: If you're asking which one is it independence or emotional distance? [00:00:42] Speaker D: I think it's just dumb to say [00:00:43] Speaker A: that that's not one of the choices. [00:00:45] Speaker D: I know, but that's how I feel. [00:00:53] Speaker A: Welcome back to relationship Status. [00:00:57] Speaker D: I'm Angel. [00:00:58] Speaker B: Hi, I'm Chanel, and it's your boy [00:01:00] Speaker A: Yousef in the building. And as you can see, we are here with an Amazing, amazing guest, Ms. Diamond Nettles. How you doing today? [00:01:07] Speaker C: Good. [00:01:08] Speaker A: Did I say that correctly? There's a lot of stuff on the Internet about leading. Who's who. The man should this or the woman should this, or the woman should this and the man should that. So question to the panel, to everybody. Can you be the leader in your relationship without becoming controlling? And can you be independent? Women? Oh, God. Can you be independent without becoming selfish? [00:01:33] Speaker D: Yeah. Okay. [00:01:35] Speaker A: How so? [00:01:36] Speaker D: I mean, I can be. [00:01:37] Speaker B: That's a fight. [00:01:37] Speaker A: But that's a fine line. [00:01:40] Speaker B: You think so? [00:01:42] Speaker A: Independent and selfish? Yes, I think that's a fine line. [00:01:45] Speaker D: Because women are independent because they want. Because they have to be, not because they want to be dominant. [00:01:50] Speaker A: When you hear the phrase leadership in a relationship, what does that mean to you? [00:01:56] Speaker C: Leadership is. I feel like. Well, before we go into, like. I feel like it's. It just depends on what is the topic of discussion. What are we leading? What is. What is like? I don't know. The best way I can describe this leadership to me is take initiative in whatever direction that is. How we doing with finances? How we doing with the kids? How we doing with work, with our daily schedule? It's like, what's the best way for this to work out for how we do it in our family? So I feel like that's what leadership is. [00:02:42] Speaker A: Okay. What about you, Angel? [00:02:46] Speaker D: I mean, when I think about leadership in a relationship, I always feel that, and I guess I could be old school, that a man is supposed to be the leadership, the leader of. And I guess biblically speaking, I just always Feel like a man is supposed to be the leader and the head of my household. [00:03:07] Speaker A: But what if he's not worthy? What if he's not worthy of that? [00:03:09] Speaker D: I was going to say, hold on. [00:03:11] Speaker A: Go ahead, Diamond. [00:03:13] Speaker D: But if he is unable to do those things, then you have to do what you have to do to keep it afloat. And number one, if you can't. If you are a man and you cannot lead a marriage or relationship, you don't need to be in one. [00:03:27] Speaker A: Okay, diamond, you had a. Well, first off, we didn't ask Diamond a very important question. [00:03:33] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:03:33] Speaker A: What's your relationship status? [00:03:34] Speaker D: Status? [00:03:37] Speaker C: I'm seeing someone. [00:03:39] Speaker A: Okay. [00:03:39] Speaker C: Okay. [00:03:39] Speaker B: You said everybody, quiet, girl. Stand boldly in there. [00:03:42] Speaker A: She didn't say it with a chest. [00:03:44] Speaker D: She's like, I see. [00:03:47] Speaker A: Me and diamond had a conversation prior. [00:03:51] Speaker B: Cause you definitely have to tell him that quickly. Quickly. [00:03:55] Speaker A: Okay, We're. [00:03:56] Speaker D: She's like, scurry along. [00:03:57] Speaker A: Yeah, we gonna slide past him. [00:03:58] Speaker D: She's like, scurry alone. [00:03:59] Speaker A: But do you want to divulge any other information about yourself or we gonna keep that? [00:04:03] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm gonna keep that for right now. We'll get into that when we scurry along. Talk about it a little bit more. [00:04:07] Speaker A: Okay. Okay. Nah, you know, I just wanted to see. [00:04:11] Speaker C: Let's talk about it a little bit more later on. [00:04:14] Speaker A: Later on. Okay. Okay. Okay, cool. So you talked about the man leadership, and do you think a woman. I asked this to you, Chanel. Well, I know you believe this. Cause you aggressive. Can a woman lead? [00:04:26] Speaker C: I don't think men were intended to lead. Go ahead. [00:04:30] Speaker B: Come with it, baby. I like that. Go ahead. [00:04:32] Speaker C: I don't think they was intended to lead. I feel like that concept is kind of screwed because men have been leading this whole time, as far as in the country and everything and where we at. I'm just saying I don't feel like they was intended to lead. I feel like they was intended to be, like, the muscle, but not the lead. Because even in my household, like, growing up, if my dad said I could go, he'd be like, yeah, you can go. And then I go ask my mama. She gonna say, no. That's the final say that she kind of pretty much puts the final decision on a lot of things. So she's. [00:05:15] Speaker A: But I think that's more of the. I think leadership is understanding discernment. So I think that you got to understand when to put your foot down and when to just back down. And I think there needs to be a balance, and that's why I Think the leadership for me, I didn't see my dad. My dad wasn't worth a. Wasn't worth at that time of me growing up. My dad wasn't worthy of leading anybody anywhere except for. To the drug. The drug spot, to get high. So that was his thing. That's what he wanted to do. How he coped with whatever he dealt with in Vietnam. I don't blame him for it. It's just what it was. So my mom, my grandmother, they the ones that raised me, they the ones that. That did everything for me, but raised me to understand that I'm the head of my household, that I'm the one that has to make the important decisions in my household, that they were only making those decisions in this household because they had to, not because they wanted to. [00:06:10] Speaker D: That's why. [00:06:11] Speaker A: And so she. And so. But my grandmother put me in a position, and she was like, hey, you gotta learn everything to run your house. She was like, yes. She was like, do you want. Do you even want your wife to cook? You might not even want her to cook. She was like, but you need to know how to cook. She said, you need to know how to do this. You know how I need to do that? Because I'm. Be honest with you. I like, in, like, down here in the South, I'm like. It's difficult for me to date, like, Southern women. And the reason being is they see me as this guy who. I'm not manly enough. That's what I've been told. And the reason being is because their dads could fix the car, can mow the lawn, can do this, do that. In New York, I don't need no car. [00:06:54] Speaker D: I said, cause you're from the city, though. [00:06:55] Speaker A: In New York, I don't need no car. In New York, I ain't never seen a patch of grass until we went to the park and I had to mow that. [00:07:01] Speaker D: Right. That's what I'm saying. From the city. And so am I. [00:07:03] Speaker A: You know, so it's like, there's certain things that I just don't know how to do. And I understand that I can pay someone to do it. Like you as my wife, don't have to do it. [00:07:13] Speaker D: Yeah. I mean, I don't care how I get done as long as I don't [00:07:15] Speaker B: have to do it. [00:07:16] Speaker A: But there are women. But there are women. There's a demographic. There's a demographic of women that I've met and come across a lot who feel like if you're not doing these things, then you're not doing my daddy, my daddy, my daddy. Well, go marry your damn daddy. [00:07:31] Speaker B: But you know what? Now, I wasn't that type of wife. Cause my husband was from Jersey and I never made him feel that way. But he felt some type of way because he wasn't one to cut the grass. But my daddy will come cut it. I ain't about to pay somebody. Well, my daddy got a ride along. [00:07:49] Speaker A: No, but that's. See, but it's gonna make me feel away. [00:07:52] Speaker B: But it's gonna make him feel. But listen, he felt some type of way when I was saying budget wise, it makes sense when my daddy got a riding lawnmower and he's willing to come cut the grass. Why pay for something that my daddy is willing to do for free? He's like, I ain't calling your daddy. You ain't got to call him. [00:08:09] Speaker A: I can see, but. See, but that's what I'm saying. [00:08:11] Speaker C: Or you can go cut the grass. [00:08:13] Speaker A: Or you can what? [00:08:14] Speaker C: You can go cut the grass. [00:08:15] Speaker A: Let me tell you something. [00:08:16] Speaker C: And then I don't have to call my daddy. [00:08:17] Speaker B: But my point was, My point was, is it ego? [00:08:22] Speaker D: Ego driven? [00:08:23] Speaker B: You get what I'm saying? [00:08:23] Speaker A: I don't think it's ego driven. I don't think that's a. [00:08:25] Speaker B: You gonna let me ask the question? Can I fully ask the question? [00:08:27] Speaker A: Cause I mean, it's an ego. You said it's an ego. [00:08:29] Speaker B: I ain't finished it. Was it the fact that he had a problem with the fact that I'm a Southern woman who know my daddy can do certain things, or was it just his ego? Because I don't understand why. Why am I going to pay $60 to cut our big behind yard when my daddy can do it for free? [00:08:44] Speaker A: Am I asking you to pay. [00:08:47] Speaker B: Would have came out of our budget. [00:08:48] Speaker A: I just asked you a question. Am I asking you to pay it [00:08:50] Speaker B: if our money in the same account? I am paying it. [00:08:53] Speaker A: I, I didn't ask you that. I asked you, am I asking you to pay it? [00:08:56] Speaker B: When you get married, you exchange the weeds. I mean, the eyes for together. [00:09:01] Speaker A: You. [00:09:01] Speaker B: You still can't. I am paying it. Yes, you are asking me to pay. [00:09:05] Speaker A: I'm not asking you to pay anything. Because it could be a situation where you, you say, hey, listen, my daddy could do it for free. If you want it, you're going to have to pay it out of, out of your money. And cool, that's fine, I'll do that. Because. No, because it's not an ego thing. And what you're missing. [00:09:19] Speaker B: It's an ego thing. He's not paying out of your money. Coming out of your. [00:09:22] Speaker A: I'm going tell you what you're missing in that. What you're. What you're missing in that is. And all three of you. Because Diamond's looking at me like, what? [00:09:29] Speaker D: No, I totally agree with. [00:09:32] Speaker A: This is the issue. [00:09:33] Speaker B: This is the issue. [00:09:34] Speaker D: I get. [00:09:37] Speaker C: When you. [00:09:38] Speaker A: When you got married, your dad handed you off to your husband. Your husband is supposed to deal with you. He's supposed to take care of you. He's supposed to do all these things for you. The moment that you do these things, it has nothing to do with my ego. What now happens is your dad now is in our marriage. [00:09:58] Speaker B: I agree. [00:09:59] Speaker A: Your dad now looks at me as a lesser man. [00:10:02] Speaker B: And that's not an ego thing I agree with. [00:10:04] Speaker A: That's a thing. That's just a man. That's just. That's just being like. I wouldn't have my mom come in the house and cook for me because you didn't cook this. [00:10:11] Speaker C: Okay? [00:10:11] Speaker A: Like the way. [00:10:12] Speaker D: Right. So that's why. [00:10:14] Speaker A: Because you didn't cook the same way. You know what I'm saying? Because you didn't cook. You. You can't cook payloud. So I'm gonna call my mama in to cook payload. You know what I'm saying? Because now my mama gonna talk trash and my dad. Your daddy gonna say something about why that man can't cut the grass. And he may be joking, but them digs, like, every time he come over, he gonna be like, see how I did that? You see how I did them corner sun on that grass, boy, you need to learn how to. [00:10:36] Speaker B: The whole reason why my daddy came and cut the grass. Because the grass is high. Because. Nope. Delayed. [00:10:43] Speaker A: No, that's. We simply look at this grass like, no, that's fine. [00:10:46] Speaker B: Because it ain't coming out my account. [00:10:47] Speaker A: I get what you're saying. I don't missing it. So I don't mind paying because the point of the matter is. [00:10:53] Speaker B: But I'm Southern, like. [00:10:54] Speaker A: Like, rounding it back around is where you grow up kind of dictates what you, to a certain degree, what you know how to do. And the difficulty in leadership is sometimes knowing when to kind of pass something off and when to move and be the person that move forward. Because even initiating it, like, I'm not the best at dealing with finances. Like, I just don't want to do it. So I'm going to empower my wife to be. Now we going to sit down Every Sunday. And we're going to go through the budget. This is what we got. This is what we need to pay this, that the third. I'm going to be a part of the process. But you could deal with that. I don't. I don't want to do. That's your thing, cooking. I. I love to cook. So my wife doesn't have to. You know what I'm saying? So we can trade off on certain things, but that's the leadership in me. And sometimes leadership is understanding what you're not good at. [00:11:46] Speaker B: Because if you leave it to me [00:11:47] Speaker A: to pay the bills, it's gonna be a late fee. You can be like, didn't I tell you? I'll be, oh, I forgot. [00:11:51] Speaker B: And see, like I said, I'm not disagreeing what you're saying, because I totally do get it. But I feel like when it's something that you know that you can't do and there is somebody else to do it, if you're not going to be on top of paying for what your shortcomings are, then you can't be mad at your partner for filling that void. [00:12:10] Speaker A: True. Do you think that sometimes people, and I ask this to you, diamond, when people are leaders, do you think they. There's a thin line between a dictator and a leader. Which one. Which one are you? Cause you seem like you're the leader in whatever relationship you in. You done said that I never. That woman. So. [00:12:28] Speaker C: No, I'm saying as far as they supposed to be like, I don't feel like men was intending to lead. I feel like it still was supposed to be a. At the same time. Yeah. [00:12:41] Speaker A: So then. So how's. How is that there's no leader? [00:12:43] Speaker C: It wasn't supposed to be a leader. That's what I mean. It wasn't supposed to be a leader. And I don't think they're supposed to [00:12:47] Speaker B: be on the same plane. [00:12:48] Speaker C: Yes. I don't think it's supposed to be a leader at all. That's why we could be on the same plane. [00:12:52] Speaker A: But I'm leaving. [00:12:55] Speaker B: I'm driving the train. [00:12:56] Speaker A: There's only one in a car. There's one steering wheel, one set of pets. [00:12:59] Speaker C: That's a house. [00:13:01] Speaker A: In the house. They want one front door. [00:13:03] Speaker C: It's one front door. It's two. [00:13:05] Speaker A: Okay, so. Okay, so basically, okay, so it's two people cohabitating. [00:13:09] Speaker C: Yes. [00:13:09] Speaker D: It would be okay with if you were married. And like he said, somebody came in the house and your husband just laying in the bed and somebody in there stealing your Stuff you would be okay with your husband just laying there and you have to get up and it's a man, it's a dude. Like I like you're little. Like it's a guy like six foot something. Like he coming in the house wrecking stuff. You will be okay with your man laying in the bed and you in here trying to fight this guy. [00:13:33] Speaker C: I'm not talking about protector factor. I'm talking about leadership. [00:13:38] Speaker B: Oh. [00:13:38] Speaker C: As far as. [00:13:40] Speaker A: But you know, that's a part of leadership. [00:13:41] Speaker D: That is a part of leadership. [00:13:43] Speaker A: What about if you end up with somebody who's like the. Who's the proclaimed leader of the relationship? [00:13:48] Speaker B: You. [00:13:48] Speaker A: Cuz sometimes the woman is the leader in the relationship. I've seen these things and I don't think they go well. I don't think they go well. But I've seen these things and those men are not particularly happy. But they just. Because, you know, happy wife, happy life. Okay. Whatever. Is. Isn't there like a point of like where it gets to controlling? Like leadership can be controlling. [00:14:11] Speaker C: It can be controlling. [00:14:11] Speaker D: It can be. And depends on who you married to. It can be. [00:14:16] Speaker A: How about you in your marriage, he was the leader or were you the leader? Well, he was. You said he was the leader in your ex. [00:14:22] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:14:22] Speaker A: So did you find him to be controlling? [00:14:24] Speaker D: No. [00:14:25] Speaker A: Okay. You didn't let him? [00:14:27] Speaker D: No. Like, he just. It's like certain things from day one, like this is what you have to lay. Like this is what we're gonna do and this is what we're not gonna do. Like I don't like now on some things he would be like, hey, this is what we need to do. And sometimes I'm like, I don't feel like that's a good idea. I'm like, but because he's my husband, he's a leader. But if I saw it getting out of hand, I'm like, wait a minute. But I did give him the chance to. To lead because I felt like that was his domain. [00:14:58] Speaker A: Domain? [00:14:59] Speaker D: Yeah, it was his domain. [00:15:00] Speaker A: What about you, Chanel? [00:15:02] Speaker B: I wasn't paying attention. What was the question? I'm sorry, God. What? What was the question? You clearly saw. [00:15:10] Speaker A: Wasn't paying attention in your marriage. Was. Was there a thin line between him leading and control or did he not lead at all? [00:15:20] Speaker B: He led. But there were certain aspects where I led. Because we were a blended family. I have four children that are not his. So I had a ready made family when he came into our lives. So there were certain things that I'm gonna say he allowed me to just go ahead and take the lead on because I was already established before he came. [00:15:44] Speaker A: Like. Like what, per se. [00:15:47] Speaker B: Like the way I ran my household. My house was already established before he got there. So he moved into our environment. [00:15:54] Speaker A: Oh, he moved into your house that you already had? [00:15:56] Speaker B: Yes. [00:15:56] Speaker A: Oh, that's his first mistake, I was gonna say. [00:15:58] Speaker B: I wouldn't necessarily say it was a mistake because he had his own. He had his own house, but like I said, I have four children, so to not up. Uproot my children. He came into our environment. That was the understanding that we had. And I mean, to each his own. We ain't doing whatever. Whatever you did worked for your life, that worked for ours. [00:16:16] Speaker D: We a. [00:16:16] Speaker A: We ain't doing that. [00:16:17] Speaker B: But I mean, honest, if a man [00:16:19] Speaker D: move into my house, I'm not. He ain't going to lead it. I'm just going to be honest with you, cuz it's my house. [00:16:23] Speaker B: Like I said, he led in certain aspects. [00:16:25] Speaker D: I'm not going to lead in anything because it's my house. I'm sorry, but that's just me. You move into my house, we gonna do what I say when we. When I say so. I wouldn't let a man move into. Because I know me like, this is my. So you're not getting ready to come up in here? No, I just. I know for me, I couldn't do [00:16:44] Speaker B: it, but to each his own. That's why I'm Chanel. [00:16:47] Speaker D: I couldn't. [00:16:48] Speaker B: It worked for me. The reason why we. Our marriage didn't work had nothing to do with that part of it. That part actually worked out fine for [00:16:55] Speaker D: us because I know me, I'm like, who you talking to? Get out my room. [00:17:00] Speaker B: Get out my room. I've never been in any relationship I've been in. I've never been that type of person to be like, I'm upset and you get out my shit. I was never that person. So that part never bothered us. Our reason for breaking up was not that. [00:17:13] Speaker A: Okay, I've been married once. And for those. For those short three years, for those long three years, we were in the, I would say the diamond mode of a relationship where it's an equally type thing, a equal leadership role when I really had no leadership at all. [00:17:34] Speaker D: Or was it equal if you didn't have any leadership? [00:17:36] Speaker A: Yeah, it was. She made it look like it. She made it seem like it. Hey, you want to. And then turn around and do something else? [00:17:41] Speaker D: I didn't. Oh, poor Bo. [00:17:43] Speaker A: No. But. But the thing is, And I. I've said it. Seven years of this podcast said the same thing repeatedly. We didn't want to. We really weren't in love with each other. And we literally got married just because of the kids and her. Between her faith and my situations, like, I didn't, you know, and what I didn't want for my kids, it was just, let's just get married. We could tolerate each other at least. But the relationship was completely toxic prior to. And we had no business being together. And when I showed up, because, really, I showed up married to, like, I did. Nobody know I was going to go do it. And I showed up to my friend's funeral, and so all of my homeboys is out there, and I'm like, there's like, why is she here? I said, we just got married. My whole boy Dot looked at me and said, I can't with you today, but let's get into a couple scenarios. So I'm gonna give you all the scenario and then ask y' all a question. He makes all the financial decisions because he makes most of the money. Is that leadership or control? [00:18:46] Speaker B: Control. [00:18:47] Speaker C: That's definitely control. [00:18:54] Speaker B: This girl. I know what you about to say. [00:18:56] Speaker A: That leadership right. That leadership right. For you, that leadership right. [00:19:00] Speaker D: To me it is. [00:19:01] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. Yeah. You don't want to spend your money. [00:19:03] Speaker D: I don't. Why? [00:19:06] Speaker A: Okay, scenario two. She says, I don't need a man. I can do everything myself. Is that independence or emotional distance? [00:19:15] Speaker B: Emotional distance. [00:19:17] Speaker C: Yeah, emotional distance. [00:19:19] Speaker B: I ain't gonna keep answering these first. Let me be quiet. [00:19:22] Speaker C: My bad. I'll answer it first next time. I got you. [00:19:26] Speaker B: I'm gonna need for you to get on board. [00:19:28] Speaker D: I'm sorry. First of all, I ain't never said no stupid stuff like that. So I ain't like you're asking, which [00:19:32] Speaker A: one is it, independence or emotional distance? [00:19:35] Speaker D: I think it's just dumb to say [00:19:37] Speaker A: that that's not one of the choices. [00:19:39] Speaker D: I know, but that's how I feel. [00:19:41] Speaker B: But it's not a choice about your feelings. This ain't you. [00:19:44] Speaker D: Okay, I'm sorry. My bad. [00:19:46] Speaker B: Still ain't answered the question. [00:19:47] Speaker A: Still ain't answered the question. [00:19:48] Speaker D: Cause that's just my aunt. [00:19:50] Speaker A: All right. He wants his. [00:19:51] Speaker B: You ain't answering them either. You over here talking about her. How about you answer them? [00:19:55] Speaker A: Okay, okay. Go back and answer. [00:19:56] Speaker C: Okay, go back. [00:19:57] Speaker A: The first one is control, of course. The second one is emotional distance, of course. Third one. He wants his wife to support his career, but he doesn't want to support hers. Leadership or Selfishness. [00:20:09] Speaker D: Selfishness. [00:20:10] Speaker A: Yes, selfishness. Okay. They love each other, but one person wants children and the other absolutely doesn't. Can love overcome that? [00:20:20] Speaker C: No, they should. That already should have been discussed. [00:20:22] Speaker D: I know. [00:20:23] Speaker C: Before y'. All. [00:20:24] Speaker D: Yeah, that should have been a. [00:20:25] Speaker A: That doesn't always happen. [00:20:26] Speaker D: A conversation. [00:20:27] Speaker A: That doesn't always happen. [00:20:28] Speaker C: That should have. That's a big one for a man, right? [00:20:31] Speaker D: A kid is. That's a lot. [00:20:33] Speaker B: But you know what? At least there should be a conversation. But I think it depends on who wants the kids and who doesn't. Cause that's usually. Not all times, but usually a woman will express that she wants kids. Men don't always express that. Hey, I really wanna be a parent until after the fact. You know what I'm saying? Cause we. I mean, most women, if you wanna have kids by the time you hit puberty, you already know I wanna be a mom. [00:20:58] Speaker A: Yes. [00:20:58] Speaker B: But guys don't usually decide that they wanna be a dad until they hit their late 20s and 30s sometimes. [00:21:04] Speaker A: What about you, Dom? Cause what about you? [00:21:06] Speaker D: I think I made the same face she did. [00:21:08] Speaker C: Mine was the opposite. I already had. Knew. [00:21:10] Speaker A: I didn't know you didn't want kids. [00:21:12] Speaker C: Me, I don't really want no kid. [00:21:14] Speaker D: I didn't. [00:21:15] Speaker C: No, that's not. [00:21:15] Speaker B: But I mean, it's not always like that. [00:21:17] Speaker C: No, mainly most of the time. Now that it is. That is. I'm have to agree most time women do won't. [00:21:23] Speaker D: My first people will probably talk about [00:21:25] Speaker B: that, but it really depends on who it is that wants them who does it. [00:21:28] Speaker D: My. My first one was a. Oops. We were in the middle. In the middle of planning our wedding. I was like, [00:21:35] Speaker B: I know you lying [00:21:38] Speaker A: last. The favorite segment everybody comes here for is the either or segment. Come on, diamond, let's give you the rules. The rules are you have to choose one or the other. Okay? First one leader or equal partner, [00:21:57] Speaker B: rather. Wait a minute. You're saying do I want to be the leader or the equal partner or do I rather have. [00:22:01] Speaker A: What do you prefer? [00:22:02] Speaker D: What? [00:22:04] Speaker B: It's. I don't want a leader, but I'd rather be a leader than. I have an equal part. [00:22:08] Speaker A: Okay. [00:22:09] Speaker B: I'd rather be a leader. [00:22:10] Speaker C: A leader. [00:22:12] Speaker A: I know what her answer is. [00:22:13] Speaker B: She said, okay, 50. [00:22:17] Speaker A: 50. Or give according to capacity. [00:22:19] Speaker B: Give. [00:22:20] Speaker D: Give according to capacity. [00:22:21] Speaker B: We older. Yeah. [00:22:23] Speaker C: I don't want to know. 50. 50. [00:22:24] Speaker B: How old are you? [00:22:25] Speaker C: I'm 28. [00:22:26] Speaker A: Oh yeah, you don't want to do no. 50. 50. [00:22:29] Speaker C: I'm not doing physics. [00:22:30] Speaker B: 50. [00:22:31] Speaker A: What do you mean you ain't doing 50. What if you don't have a choice? [00:22:34] Speaker C: The choice would be I'm about to go. [00:22:37] Speaker A: So you want to be taken care of? [00:22:40] Speaker C: Not [00:22:42] Speaker A: like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:22:44] Speaker C: I ain't gonna get into that. [00:22:46] Speaker A: Oh, come on now. [00:22:47] Speaker D: I ask that question. [00:22:49] Speaker B: I don't want 46. [00:22:50] Speaker C: I do. [00:22:50] Speaker A: Yeah, okay. [00:22:51] Speaker C: You. [00:22:52] Speaker A: You don't want to do 50? 50? [00:22:53] Speaker C: No, I ain't doing no 50. [00:22:54] Speaker A: I knew your answer when I. When. When. When the questions. When I made the questions. [00:22:58] Speaker B: How I knew your answer. [00:22:59] Speaker A: Answer. Shared bank account or separate accounts? [00:23:02] Speaker C: Both. [00:23:05] Speaker B: You are that. [00:23:06] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. [00:23:11] Speaker C: We're gonna have to have both. I'm not. That's not gonna happen. [00:23:15] Speaker A: Okay, come on. [00:23:16] Speaker C: Now. [00:23:16] Speaker B: You can rob these answers or you can go to the next one. [00:23:20] Speaker A: Come on. [00:23:21] Speaker D: If I had to pick, I'll pick separate. [00:23:23] Speaker A: I'm. [00:23:25] Speaker B: I'm going separate. [00:23:28] Speaker A: I tell. Where y' all at? All right. Same religion or same values? [00:23:34] Speaker B: Same values. [00:23:35] Speaker D: Values. Same values. [00:23:36] Speaker A: Same values. I'm with you on that. Chemistry or compatibility? [00:23:40] Speaker C: I feel like this before. [00:23:44] Speaker A: No, we didn't do this one, cuz. [00:23:46] Speaker B: You can have chemistry and no compatibility, [00:23:49] Speaker C: but I don't mean y' all compatible. [00:23:50] Speaker A: Okay, so. [00:23:51] Speaker C: But y' all get along. Well, [00:23:54] Speaker A: that usually turns out to be toxic. [00:23:56] Speaker C: Yeah, they used to be a little rough. [00:23:58] Speaker D: I don't know. [00:23:59] Speaker A: But Chanel like a little toxic, so. [00:24:05] Speaker B: I like a little razzle. [00:24:06] Speaker D: Sometimes toxic is a little, you know. [00:24:08] Speaker A: So y' all going. [00:24:09] Speaker D: Y' all going chemistry? [00:24:11] Speaker A: I'm going compatibility. What? You going chemistry? I know y' all two going chemistry. [00:24:15] Speaker B: No. [00:24:17] Speaker A: Okay. [00:24:18] Speaker D: I'm for real. [00:24:20] Speaker C: Peace. [00:24:20] Speaker B: You know, I don't get a chemistry. Later. [00:24:22] Speaker D: As I said, you know, I don't get a thing on these days. [00:24:26] Speaker A: All right. Peace or passion? [00:24:29] Speaker D: Peace. [00:24:30] Speaker B: Passion. [00:24:31] Speaker A: Passion. [00:24:32] Speaker D: Peace. [00:24:32] Speaker B: I got compatibility. I don't need. [00:24:34] Speaker D: No, no, no. [00:24:36] Speaker B: My. [00:24:37] Speaker D: My piece is price. My piece is priceless. Don't piss me off. Just leave me alone. Yeah, no, no. [00:24:44] Speaker A: I need passion. I need passion. [00:24:47] Speaker B: So you going to have compatibility, and if I'm. [00:24:49] Speaker D: If I'm peaceful, it's going to lead to pass. [00:24:53] Speaker B: Or people peaceful. [00:24:55] Speaker D: I promise you it's going to lead to or. But I said it's going to lead to. I'm picking peace. But I'm saying because I am peaceful, I feel like it would lead to passion is what I'm saying, but I'm picking peace. [00:25:08] Speaker A: And what you're saying is leading to not an answer. [00:25:11] Speaker D: Whatever. [00:25:12] Speaker B: You have to take what she gave you. You already know this peace you gonna take peace? [00:25:16] Speaker C: I'm gonna go with peace. [00:25:16] Speaker D: Okay. [00:25:17] Speaker A: All right. Someone who challenges you or someone who supports everything you do not challenge me. [00:25:23] Speaker D: Challenge. Challenge me. [00:25:25] Speaker A: Support me. [00:25:26] Speaker D: Don't challenge me, challenge me. [00:25:28] Speaker A: All right. Be loved correctly or understood completely. [00:25:33] Speaker B: Love me correctly. Because if you love me correctly, you understood this. [00:25:36] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no, no. It don't work like that. It don't. [00:25:39] Speaker B: That's how I work in my questions. [00:25:40] Speaker A: Don't work like that. [00:25:42] Speaker B: We don't care. I answered it the way I answer because of the way I understand. Understood it. [00:25:45] Speaker D: You said love completely or what? That. I like that one, actually. [00:25:51] Speaker A: That is how be loved correctly. Understood completely. [00:25:55] Speaker C: Cuz you love me correctly. You ain't. You do understand me. [00:25:59] Speaker D: Love me correctly. [00:26:01] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no. First off. [00:26:04] Speaker C: Oh, my. [00:26:05] Speaker A: Men don't understand women any damn way. [00:26:07] Speaker C: They don't. [00:26:07] Speaker B: But if you love me correctly, you understand. [00:26:10] Speaker A: I don't understand nothing. I still won't understand. I'mma love you. I'm gonna love you the way I know you want. [00:26:14] Speaker B: You understood my love. [00:26:15] Speaker A: Language I don't understand. [00:26:17] Speaker C: That's the first step. [00:26:18] Speaker D: Love me. I think I picked that language. [00:26:21] Speaker A: All right, last. [00:26:21] Speaker B: You ain't gonna never win on this game. You might as well just let it be. [00:26:24] Speaker A: Would you rather be with someone who loves you but doesn't share your vision or someone who shares your vision but doesn't love you? [00:26:31] Speaker B: You don't be answering questions that go together. [00:26:34] Speaker A: They go together. It's the either or. [00:26:38] Speaker B: Love me, but don't understand my vision. I'll teach it to you later next time. [00:26:47] Speaker A: So understand the vision or love you? You said love you. [00:26:52] Speaker B: Love ain't everything, but. I don't know, man. [00:26:54] Speaker A: Love is the foundation. [00:26:57] Speaker B: I said. I already answered it. I said love me, but don't understand my vision. [00:27:00] Speaker A: Okay. What about you, D? [00:27:12] Speaker C: I mean, you ain't gotta love me to understand my. [00:27:19] Speaker D: That's a hard one. [00:27:20] Speaker C: I'm gonna go with. Yeah. Love me. [00:27:22] Speaker A: Love you. [00:27:22] Speaker C: I'm gonna. [00:27:24] Speaker A: I mean [00:27:28] Speaker B: it be funny how she close her eyes. Meditating off. [00:27:32] Speaker A: You had like. [00:27:34] Speaker D: I know. God. I'm still processing that. [00:27:38] Speaker B: Oh, God. [00:27:41] Speaker D: I'mma go. Love me. I guess I just chose love. [00:27:45] Speaker A: Okay. Love me as well. [00:27:47] Speaker D: Jesus. [00:27:47] Speaker A: You don't need to understand my vision. Love me. Last question, Diamond. What's one thing people need to understand before they choose someone to build a life with? What do you think that is? [00:27:57] Speaker C: Your partner will not be the same person that they were when you met them. They are going to continue to grow and change. As the relationship goes on, that's one thing you're gonna have to understand. [00:28:08] Speaker A: Okay, [00:28:11] Speaker D: I will say, while you in a relationship, every day is not gonna be. You're not gonna have a good day every day. You just gotta figure out how to still love and respect that person even though you're not having a good day. [00:28:30] Speaker A: Okay, Chanel, [00:28:33] Speaker B: I think. I don't know. [00:28:38] Speaker C: I don't know what. [00:28:39] Speaker A: I think we only doing a podcast. [00:28:43] Speaker B: I don't know what I mean. [00:28:44] Speaker A: And you only had the questions already. [00:28:47] Speaker B: I think they need to understand that if you're not willing to choose that person every day, regardless of the circumstances, then you need to keep waiting. You need to be willing to choose that person. You need to be willing to commit to that every single day, regardless of whether you're happy, sad, whatever. If you're going to say you love me and you want to be with me, that need to be a commitment every single day, regardless of whether you like me today or not. [00:29:17] Speaker A: Okay, that's valid. That's valid. So let's get into the final thought. Let's close the show out. Here's my final thought. A relationship isn't supposed to be a competition over who has the most power. You can't demand sacrifice from your partner while refusing to sacrifice yourself. You can't expect them to support your dreams while you minimize theirs. You can't call it leadership when what you really mean is, I want things my way. Because two people can love each other, have chemistry, have great sex, have history, and still be completely incompatible when it comes to life. They're trying to build. So before you ask, do they love me? Ask, can we build together? Because love can bring two people together. But alignment is what helps them stay together. And if one person is pulling north while the other one's pulling south, eventually someone's going to get tired. Don't just choose somebody you love. Choose somebody you can actually build with stuff. Thank you for joining the show. We really appreciate you. You need to come again. We would love to have you back, Diamond. Tell the people how they can find you on social media so we can get your followers up. [00:30:14] Speaker C: Okay. Some. You can follow me on Facebook at Diamond Nettles. My whole name. Same with Instagram. D N. Well, D nles on there. Tik Tok. Same thing. D nles. [00:30:28] Speaker A: And yeah, remember, you can follow the show on all platforms at R E L S T A T Podcast. And if you like a cool shirt, we got T shirts on the website. Website relationship status, podcast.com. go ahead and grab them. They are for the low. $15. Only $15. [00:30:44] Speaker D: My shirt. Hold on. [00:30:45] Speaker A: You can't beat it with a stick. [00:30:46] Speaker D: My shirt. Listen, mine going to look a little different the next time y' all see it. [00:30:51] Speaker A: The crew got shirts today. Gave diamond one for being coming on. So go ahead and grab your T shirt today. It's on sale right now. And then of course, remember and if you join the Patreon Patreon 199 per month. Join the Patreon behind the scenes stuff and you get with your sign up you get a free t shirt. So $1.99 per month. When you sign up you get a free T shirt, man. And that's the relationship. That's Patreon backslash. Relationship status. It's your boy Yousef in the building. Thank you to diamond again for Chanel and Angel. This is relationship status where we are changing relationships one conversation at a time. Until the next time y', all, we're out. Peace.