October 28, 2020


42nd Lunch Date: We are Going to do Some Undefiling in this bed

Hosted by

Yusuf In The Building C.L. Butler Nique Crews
42nd Lunch Date: We are Going to do Some Undefiling in this bed
Relationship Status Podcast
42nd Lunch Date: We are Going to do Some Undefiling in this bed

Oct 28 2020 | 00:52:31


Show Notes

Hosts: Nique Crews, C.L. Butler, Nateisha & Yusuf


Topic: Dear Nique

On today’s lunch date episode, the crew reads a Dear Nique letter from a man who is reconsidering marrying his fiancé. He is uncomfortable with the changes she’s made since she began attending a particular church. Not only does she demonstrate a symbolic practice that our writer can’t understand, she also removed some spontaneity from their sex lives. C.L. thinks our writer is indeed “trippin,” and Yusuf suggests that maybe our writer should walk away if he is not ready to progress alongside her. Nique feels like what she’s doing isn’t so bad after all, and Professor Tee thinks our writer should seek first to understand, then be understood. The feedback from the listeners differs from the hosts’ overall opinion. Overwhelmingly, the popular opinion from the listeners is this man should run away as fast as he can. The crew is eager to get read or hear your reaction to this episode, so be sure to leave your comments on one of RSP’s social media platforms.

Contact us via email: [email protected] or call us on our hotline 843-310-8637


Follow us on all social media platforms:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/relstatpodcast
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationshipstatuscast/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/relstatpodcast/


Nique Crews: https://www.instagram.com/niquecrews/ 
Yusuf: https://www.instagram.com/yoshinthebuilding/ 

Cl Butler: https://www.instagram.com/cl2butler/ 

Nateisha: https://www.instagram.com/professortee_/ 

View Full Transcript

Episode Transcript

Speaker 0 00:00:14 Welcome Speaker 1 00:00:14 Back to relationship status. It should grenade Cruz Teesha, Samuel AKA professor T. Okay. Speaker 0 00:00:20 Cl Butler in your boy use up in the building. Every member you could catch us on relationship status, podcast.com or anywhere you can find your favorite podcast for free. And today is totally good. Okay. Tommy cl doesn't seem to, and just, just not familiar with the throwbacks, making it up as we go. So we start with you brother. See y'all house the week treating you. It's awesome. It's awesome. Awesome. Middle of the week on pace on pace on pace, you know, um, we didn't know last episode. Yes. If I remember correctly, we did not talk mixtape sales. We didn't, we didn't, we didn't talk mixtape sales. Well, I mean the price of brick is going up. It's all going up, uh, steadily rising the package. Yeah. But the features are going to cost me a little more. So I have to say, you got to go back up while illegally. I can't talk about it. Oh, it's a breach of your contract. It's a matter of legality right now. I'm not going to be able to talk about some things out there. People are behind wolves, the sheet. Nah. Yeah. Wolves are definitely here. Wolves are definitely there. <inaudible> Speaker 1 00:02:01 It's has been going great guys, but you know what? I think I need your help with something. Normally this time of year, you know, I would be excited about, you know, football games and homecomings and tailgates and delegating pumpkin spice. But you know, because of Rona, I've had to adjust. So I need some recommendations for something really, really good to watch on Netflix or any Amazon. Cause I'm struggling. What's what's good. Uh, everything. So do you like the spins? Do you like call up suspense? I love horror. Um, I don't want to go a whole lot of chick flicks. Um, I will watch it, but it's not my preference and I don't like things like the matrix where I have to like, How do you watch Ozark? Speaker 0 00:02:46 Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Speaker 1 00:02:48 Oh, that's great. And I started love craft country. Am I saying it right? Speaker 0 00:02:53 Yes. You might as well say any kind of way. Cause it's so confusing. <inaudible> Speaker 2 00:03:00 You're going to shut off. Don't listen to them all the way through. Speaker 1 00:03:03 Try the alias, the alias. I've never heard of that. Speaker 3 00:03:07 You know, the, uh, the season finale of Lovecraft country was two weeks ago. Really good. It's really good. Like the episode prior to like, it was, it was, let me ask you this. Speaker 1 00:03:19 Did you find yourself having to go back and rewatch to make sense out of things Speaker 2 00:03:23 You go back and rewatch, you still don't know what's going on. It's silly. So silly. It makes no sense. Do you have HBO on demand, Speaker 1 00:03:34 But I don't know if I can get it on onto, maybe you can get an HBO. You got demand. Oh, okay. Um, try you folia. And I believe I'm saying it correctly and um, true blood, true blood. I've seen true blood come up a lot. Okay. All right. I'll start there. I'll start there. All right. Thanks for the recommendation. Okay. Speaker 3 00:03:55 Uh, Oh, the boys it's always, the boys is always the way to go. Yeah. Speaker 1 00:03:59 My mom started watching that. She was like, she's, she's loving it. I hadn't started this. Speaker 3 00:04:04 Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely interesting. I have Hulu, Speaker 1 00:04:09 Um, try United States of Tara. Ooh, that's really good. No, it's not. No, it's not spooky. It's about mental health, but it's really good. It shows a mother, um, battling, um, multiple personalities and like being a mother, sister, and wife and how everybody is handling it. Okay. Speaker 3 00:04:29 That's good stuff. All right. All right. And uh, last one. Okay. Ratchet. Speaker 1 00:04:34 Yes. That doesn't sound like something is Speaker 3 00:04:37 Ratchet on Netflix. I thought the same thing was like you said it to me, it is nothing. What is it about, um, uh, nurse, uh, kind of finagle is her way into a mental hospital where this guy is housed, who has murdered some priests. And so she's kind of so inviting. No, no, no. It's, it's a, it's a storyline behind it and it's not, that's what I'm saying. I think it goes away from that. Uh, there's the, the, the head, I guess doctor at the mental facility is, is experimenting with different types of experiments and, and it just has a lot of, um, I wouldn't say it's as deep as things as I like to watch that doesn't have as many layers, but it has high end statement. I'm going to start with that one and the points. Yeah. Ratchet boys. The boys is worth it. The boys is definitely Speaker 2 00:05:34 Worth it. And it's two seasons worth Speaker 3 00:05:36 Of yeah. Watching you. You never, you haven't even seen, of course not. I'm asking a dumb question. If you see in season one, but you got to start from season one and just right. The boys is definitely must-watch. I'm excited to give you my recommendation please. This story is a, a Speaker 2 00:05:58 Fable. No, it's a real tale about a family growing up in Chicago. Okay. Good terms. Speaker 0 00:06:05 I should go back and watch season one, Speaker 2 00:06:07 A lot of real life struggle. Great actors and actresses. It's worth watching. Good times. I will do that. Yeah. Yeah. Watch out, watch out for the guy. JJ Evans. He's a real card. Speaker 4 00:06:23 Good idea. Cause like, even I went back and I watched, I just binge watched a different world and I loved it then, but I hated it even more now on Netflix, Netflix. Oh, did it go away? Yeah, it did. But it's on Hulu. Oh, different ones on Hulu. Yeah. You didn't know. So when it came on that I watched every single episode, all of the episodes were not here. Oh, Speaker 2 00:06:48 I see why it's everyone that she saw. Speaker 0 00:06:50 Yeah. Yeah. A different world, Speaker 2 00:06:53 Man. Listen as much. Listen, I was, Speaker 0 00:06:56 <inaudible> Speaker 4 00:07:00 More as you know, an adult in HBCU grad Speaker 0 00:07:04 College, Speaker 2 00:07:06 Like, you know, it's just now the depiction of sororities and fraternities. I think it's way off. But they have to be way off because you get too close to it. Yeah. It was just like, wait, like we would have adjusted either way. Stepping was ridiculous Speaker 0 00:07:21 Over. Everybody's not a good steward. Speaker 2 00:07:25 No, no, no, no, no. Like the steps they were doing or like you can't do the actual people steps. You can't do the actual, but you can do more complex stuff than that. Speaker 0 00:07:34 No, I'm not here to do what did they do? Speaker 4 00:07:43 And we're going to call it corny, but it really wasn't that far off. I was going to say it looks the same. Speaker 0 00:07:50 No, it wasn't that far. It was far off. Okay. Speaker 4 00:07:53 But yeah. Um, I haven't watched all of it. My cousin did that fine. I know all of the episodes where I need, Oh, I didn't catch that. Yeah. I have to sit down and watch it as an adult. I watch girlfriends I've started. I wanted to watch it as, cause I was young. I was in high school when it came out. So to watch it as an adult, like yeah, I'm going through that now. You know, turning 30 being in your car. Like I, wow. Yeah. That ends the game. Let's start. It just came Speaker 2 00:08:24 As a good show. Especially the first four seasons. Yeah. Speaker 4 00:08:26 Yeah. It was the best. It got weird. When Brandy came on board. It got boring. Yeah. Speaker 2 00:08:32 Yeah. That's what happened? They got home. What? The game? Oh yeah. Well, I don't think that's when it went bad. I think it went bad when um, uh, what's his name? Uh, cheers. Um, Kelsey grammar. Kelsey grammar. Yeah. And they'd sold it. Yeah. It lost some of luster. We're still good though. Right? Right. But you can sit and you can tell the difference. You can tell the difference in the production, the writing, some of the writers left with them, you know? And then the last door, door, Dorin, Speaker 4 00:09:09 Darwin and Mallory. Melanie. I met him in person. He's super cool. Super cool. Speaker 2 00:09:16 Okay. And he also, he also left the game to go do Ray Donovan, which did no. He just stayed with the game. It was not a good movie. Wildly entertaining at the finale. Yeah. Well Ray Donovan, I thought it was a good show. Wasn't a good show, but he didn't, he didn't, he should have stayed with the game. Speaker 3 00:09:36 His, uh, he, he, he, he had a higher impact on the game than he did on Ray right down to the, it would have been good no matter who they, Speaker 2 00:09:44 Any random black guy, Eddie random in there and a black guy. Speaker 4 00:09:47 I didn't know until I watched girlfriends that the game was a spinoff. Speaker 2 00:09:53 That was her nephew. I mean, that was her niece. I did not know that. Yeah. That was her niece. I didn't know that it was Joan's niece seriously, Speaker 3 00:10:01 But that's also, we brought up another one. Right. There's two other shows that you could probably watch. Right? Don lemon is one. Speaker 2 00:10:11 Okay. Oh, I think it's it's this. Okay. Billions, billions, billions. Speaker 4 00:10:20 It was good. I haven't binge watch a sitcom. Oh, okay. Speaker 3 00:10:24 Okay. What's the other one with black Monday black Monday or Speaker 2 00:10:30 How supplies? Yeah. Black Monday. Speaker 4 00:10:32 I feel so deprived. I haven't heard of any of these black Monday is Oh, Speaker 2 00:10:37 Black Mondays. Speaker 3 00:10:40 It's a cross between comedy and drama and it's good. It's got, you have to pay attention to light and black one that you got to pay attention. Speaker 4 00:10:48 So I can't be like doing my home. Speaker 3 00:10:51 You know, you gotta be, you gotta be key because things move quickly and black Monday. But I think you could be good in billions. And there's another one now watch, Speaker 4 00:11:05 What are you going to have time to watch? You said Hora? Um, I really liked summer on Netflix. Hmm. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Well, okay. Speaker 2 00:11:15 Thanks. How was your week? Speaker 4 00:11:17 Wow. Okay. We got away out of the phone. Um, my week was great. Like I said, I haven't been staying positive. Good. Has it been a struggle for you to stay positive? No, it has not. Speaker 2 00:11:33 Okay. You been taking your pills? I'm asking people. Speaker 4 00:11:39 I ain't on no pills. Speaker 2 00:11:42 Wrong, Nick. Okay. My other knee. Okay. My rhonchi yeah. Speaker 4 00:11:50 I have been very happy. Awesome. Oh, wow. Speaker 3 00:11:54 Very happy. Yeah. Okay. Speaker 1 00:11:57 Okay. Fellows? Yes. What about you guys? How have you been in half the week? We started with cl Speaker 0 00:12:06 Yes. We went that way. We got stuck on, you know, we went clockwise. Speaker 3 00:12:14 Should we go counterclockwise or clockwise? Usually we go comically. Speaker 1 00:12:18 Okay. So then you said how's your week? Speaker 3 00:12:21 My week. Once again. Trumpington since nobody wanted to play nice today. Well, stay with me. Speaker 1 00:12:35 Patience. Speaker 0 00:12:38 <inaudible> Speaker 1 00:12:43 Drinking is humping juice. I have my humping juice. Yeah, Speaker 3 00:12:52 Man. That's a big debt. Uh, as long as you deliberate, um, uh, trying to continue to stay down weight-wise and still eating and still, uh, doing what I can, uh, to stay away from the carbs and staying on my internet night, you know, trying to get out there and walk a little bit. I finished last in the, in the, um, in the challenge with the kids, but, Speaker 1 00:13:21 But just to win the game, we're still in the game. What'd you fall behind? Speaker 0 00:13:24 Uh, yes, very much. So it was, it was 20 miles, 12 miles last week. It was 20 miles, 25 miles. And I think I did 12 behind last week, three out of the 15, it was 25 Speaker 3 00:13:35 Miles this week and I did five. Oh Speaker 0 00:13:38 Yeah. So they have plans. You had to do all that stuff. Didn't work. Nah, Speaker 3 00:13:43 No, no. It worked last week and I came close, but now this week I'm outside. Um, but uh, yeah, that's uh, yeah, it's been a, uh, interesting kind of, uh, I guess week of sorts. Um, but other than that, Oh, we got to get it to a dear Nique. Uh, you know, it's about that time. I remember our, uh, hump day episodes are brought to you by unfiltered long sleeve tees, hoodies, joggers, leggins, masking so much more visit [email protected] and use the promo code R S P and get your 10% discount off your order. Remember there is a science to use. So Nick, what we got, Speaker 1 00:14:27 He goes, I just want to say, since you just did that, you know, hashtag unfiltered, we're outside today, enjoying this nice crisp weather and our unfiltered gear. This hoodie is so comfortable. And I just want to say, yeah, I can definitely say anything, guys. You need to get your hoodies and gentlemen, if you don't want your girl to be stealing your shorts, buy her a pair of shorts. Then I steal them Speaker 0 00:14:53 Or call the cops and make a sales pitch in the short, not non-emergency number nine, nine 11. Speaking of shorts. We got a question on, uh, from someone a couple off of a couple of weeks ago. When you said that no one has stolen your shorts. Yes. Your basketball shorts. And they kind of asked what's the explanation. Why nobody has it? Yes. What do you mean? Why they have it? Why would I allow someone to take something from me? Hey, listen, I just took his accessories. I guess I just related question. <inaudible> related question, man. Cause they not staying at the house Speaker 4 00:15:37 So you don't give them nothing. Speaker 0 00:15:39 No, no. I should be prepared. Nah, nah, nah. Don't get down like that. I'm not going to add my shorts to your collection, to the collection. She traveling, you collecting men shorts. First of all, I ain't godly, godly. Speaker 4 00:16:06 Cause I feel attacked. Speaker 0 00:16:08 Wow. You told me that in privacy, Speaker 4 00:16:12 I feel attacked, but you know, sometimes you know, just over the years you realize, Oh Speaker 0 00:16:18 Nah, I'm not going to be a kill on your mantle. My God. Look at him. Nope. <inaudible> I thought he was in love. He thought he was, he was, he thought he was in love. Ha. Speaker 4 00:16:32 I gotta like my favorite pair of Jordan, Jordan on the side of it. They're real comfortable. Just got you pumped. Speaker 0 00:16:40 Oh wow. Oh, so hump drawer. Yeah. Hmm. Speaker 4 00:16:47 You know what? To be honest, it's only it only, it's only one person show it. All right. Here we go. Speaker 0 00:16:54 <inaudible> wants to recant. That was the only one person. Sure. Speaker 4 00:17:01 Only one person and to think about it, but cause like, and the reason why I'm thinking is because like he just had on a pair of shorts. I told him, Hey, I like those shirts. He said no, recently he handles it. So sure. Yeah. Oh yeah. He was like, okay, no, I'm putting them up. Speaker 0 00:17:17 Okay yourself? Let's leave this alone. Yes. Yeah. We don't even need, Oh you been humping around. Speaker 4 00:17:34 Well, okay. No, we're not going to go there. It's gonna Speaker 0 00:17:37 Oh wow. Okay. Single, single, single scene. Speaker 4 00:17:43 My roll down the windows. I could put my head out and let everybody see me and what you're going. Yup. You can post me as your woman crush. Speaker 0 00:17:54 Oh wow. Wow. Nobody's going to check me there. Nobody. Oh wow. Please. Definitely. Yeah. We definitely, definitely lost our way here. Speaker 4 00:18:14 And this individual needs help. Let's help the people. Yeah. Let's help them out. It says what's up Nick, I'm struggling over here. I am supposed to be getting married in four months. When I tell you I love my queen. I mean that with everything in me, the problem is lately. She has not been the person I propose to. If I felt like this was a temporary change, I wouldn't be worried. But I am concerned that what I have seen lately could be a long-term change. And that scares me for the last two years. She and I have enjoyed so many things together. She seems to no longer be interested in some of our activities now that she has joined this new church. Okay. I have nothing against anyone who decides they want to make changes to improve themselves. But I am real concerned that she has joined a mind controlling church. Speaker 4 00:19:04 Oh yeah. That's scary. For instance, five months ago, after she came back from a weekend women's conference at this church, she came home and took all the sheets off the bed and said, those sheets could never go back on the bed until after we get married, something about the she's being filled with our sin and less. She and I used to enjoy sitting at the bar because we get faster service. Well, that has stopped too, because she said her pastor said, ladies, don't sit at the bars. Hmm. Well the most recent thing is this. Even though she says, she knows she shouldn't be having sex right now. Which to me makes no sense. She has stopped doing so many things we used to do sexually. And she keeps saying, her pastor said, no, boy, she has stopped with oral. Ooh. And now only seems to want to do missionary again. Speaker 4 00:20:02 This has something to do with her. Pastor said she does pray a lot. And I think that's great. But a lot of her prayers and in crying and yelling out, to be honest, it makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what to do. I really don't know who she is anymore. And when I told her we needed to schedule a meeting with this lady, my fiance accused me of having some type of spirit towards her. Um, pastor, when I told her, I'm sorry. When I tell you, she is very different from who I once knew, I am not, and I'm not exaggerating. Look, this is what religion does to a relationship. I'm not so sure if this is what I want anymore. Am I tripping sign? I can't marry a stranger. Speaker 2 00:20:51 Absolutely. He tripping. You think he's sugar? Yes. Hello. First of all, you're blaming religion. This has nothing to do with it. Speaker 4 00:20:58 Okay. So who should he blame? Should he blame anyone? Blame her? First of all, Speaker 2 00:21:09 I don't know if he should. Yes. I don't know if you blame anyone, but she's definitely looking for, um, some guidance. Okay. And this may not be the proper church for her. I don't know if it's a denomination thing with some of these things are definitely a little, little different, but she needs to do things based upon her knowing a right or wrong. Not based off what a pastor said. Okay. A pastor is just a man and this man seems to already have manipulated her, but she's open for manipulation because, Speaker 4 00:21:45 Because I already seem to minute, which is a female. Cause it says lay. Yeah. Speaker 2 00:21:49 Okay. The lady, the lady pastor has. Cause it could be a mommy issue. Never really had a woman to look up to. And so, so the power has shifted and he used to be the boyfriend. Now what's the pastor. Well, what the pastor says or his preaching probably has some valid points, but you need to also use common sense. Okay. Speaker 3 00:22:10 Awesome. Speaker 4 00:22:11 Pastor is probably not telling her not to or are even making her do this. She's probably like you said, what mommy issues trying to do it. She's overdoing it to make sure like, look, look, look what I'm doing. See, see, look at me. Um, I'm trying to, um, stay on a straight line. I'm trying to make sure I do everything correctly and right. Instead of actually taking, you know what she needs from them, what kind of guidance she needs? She's like, Oh no, no I I'm no more sex until marriage. Speaker 2 00:22:43 Well, if that's what she believes, then it's fine. But you need to believe in it. Okay. Speaker 4 00:22:49 So then to your point, or maybe not necessarily, this is a different question. So since our writer is the actual man in this relationship, so where do we see the man? Well, it's, it's the man. Speaker 2 00:23:01 No ASE. The man. He's really not acting like the man. Speaker 4 00:23:04 Yeah. Well what advice would we give him? Let's start with him because like, yeah. What did we tell him? Where does he need to start first step? What you think? Speaker 3 00:23:12 I think he should. Well, first off, if there's a level of leadership that a man should have in the relationship and I think that it needs to be, Hey, maybe we can find a church to the tool was can go through together. You know? And maybe it starts there. Cause if she's into, apparently she's going by herself. Because if you're saying that, if you're saying his words are, you know, she goes to this church and now pastor says, pastor says, now if you went, you would what pastor says. And if this, this seems to be, if this is the woman you're going to marry and you're in love with her lover, whatever your term, whatever your terminology is. If this is a person that you're going to be with for the rest of your life, then this may be an activity that you need to and going to church is an activity that some people partake in. Speaker 3 00:24:07 I think that you need to find yourself apt to go with her, maybe not to this church, but maybe find a church that you both can go to. Um, and enjoy because it seems as your wife or your future wife, this is something that she wants to do. She wants to get involved more into the church and she's on a particular spiritual journey. And she's being led by someone because I think what's, the elders said she may have lacked guidance. And whereas you once where she wants was guided. So pretty much by what you did and the things you did together. Now, she's being guided by someone else because she's in search of some type of faith or, um, religious journey that sometimes people go through just people. I think some people when things are rough or tough or sometimes they just want to get out and find something that they can, um, hold on to, to home, home them and ground them a little bit and give them something to hope for as far as a better life is concerned, a way to live. Speaker 3 00:25:16 Um, and I think that she opened herself up and maybe you should join this activity of going to church on Sundays with her. Cause I think that you didn't do that. So it kind of opened the door for this because if you would have gone and heard this, I know a lot of gone and her, no, we didn't come back in a moment. No, no, no. We need to find out some of the church, but why, why is that? Um, I think, no, I don't know if that's what she believed. I think that that's what she was open to because she went to this church by herself because like, there's certain things like I don't dispel any church, but I know that there's certain things that I, when I go to certain, if I've been to certain churches, I know where I felt uncomfortable. Like yeah, me too, you know, there's churches like I'm uncomfortable. Speaker 3 00:26:09 Like I've been to churches where people catch the Holy ghost and fall out. I've been uncomfortable. Yeah. Oh, very much. So, you know, I'm uncomfortable there. Um, I've been to churches. I went to a church in Charlotte once where it was at the beginning of the year and the pastor literally said it. I think it was the, the, the, the sewing, uh, I think that's what it was called. Sewing, sewing of the seeds. And he pretty much was like the mortar you give to the church, the more you're going to get back and I'm sitting going, it's a hustle. Like you hustling right now. Like, you know, Speaker 1 00:26:47 <inaudible> how you felt it. Speaker 3 00:26:51 Yeah. I'm just saying by my perception, like there's people who go like and go, Oh, well, you know, and then they was like, I think he said like brothers such and such just gave this much money. So he's going to get back, you know? And it's just like, to me, I think different churches have a different vibe that everybody kind of, that you gravitate to. So if you leave a person open to their own devices and it's, it's a woman who, if you're saying that she went, we used to go to bars and we used to do this. Apparently this is your lifestyle because now you're upset or you're feeling a certain type. I wouldn't say upset. You're feeling a certain type of way because she's not partaking in these particular activities with you anymore. And you've, I wouldn't say allowed because you can't stop somebody from going to church, but you've pretty much you're okay with your wife or your fiance going to these different churches, going to a church by herself on a Sunday. Speaker 3 00:27:43 You did not partake in that. I don't know how much, how any kind of way you could feel about what she comes back with because you're not going to be a part of and hearing what the reasoning is behind, whatever it is you make a really, really valid point. And I think that you need to, you need to say, Hey baby, if you want to go to church, that's fine trust. We can go through it together. Cause I don't feel comfortable. And at church, I mean, that's a thing being comfortable. I agree at a church is, is, is big, especially, but he apparently is not a church goer because he would have instantly said, Hey, how about come try my church? Speaker 1 00:28:17 I think what he missed out on is, you know, I think you should seek first to understand then seek to be understood. And it seems like he's really looking at it from a very selfish point. Oh, she no longer does this. He points out the things that she no longer does that used to benefit him, right? The sexual stuff, and be going out to bars and all the other things that they used to do. But I don't hear him saying anything about, he's really trying to understand this journey. Speaker 3 00:28:41 And I think that that's the that's the biggest thing is he's not meeting her where she is. Speaker 1 00:28:46 And I think that the step is what you said, start by going to the church before you completely cancel it and count it out, actually go. And if you, even, if you personally, aren't interested in that church or even if you don't necessarily like that, pastor it's worth it to go. Because right now that's where you're a fiance. Speaker 3 00:29:03 And, and, and not only that, I think that you, you go, you get clarity as to what's going on as a church. Because right now all of this is speculation. You're hearing, you're hearing what she's getting second hand. Speaker 1 00:29:19 I agree with that. But he also States in a letter that he asked her to set up a meeting with this lady. Yeah. So he's, I feel like he's trying. Speaker 3 00:29:29 No, no, I don't feel like he's charged because I'm not going to ask you to set up a meeting. I'm going and I'll set up the meeting like this, though. If I have an issue with something that you're doing, Speaker 0 00:29:43 I'm going to go, we need to go and let me see it for myself because there might be something to it. And I might fall, it might be a thing where I fall in line with it because I do not understand it. Like he said, I might not have complete understanding because I'm not in the building. So I'm not going to rely on her to make the meeting. Oh, but I'll come with you this week because it might be a situation where it's not even the pastor. It's not in the letter, but it could be, Oh, this somebody else is telling you this, that the pastor said, or it might be her interpretation of what the pastor said. Oh yeah. But you could also start by reading your Bible. Oh, it's not in the Bible. Let's just stay away from things that are not in the Bible. If that's the pastor's personal belief, let's just say the pastor believes, don't say it's the Bible. And that's the thing. And that's another thing because they misused the pool pit maybe with their own personal agenda. Sometimes Speaker 4 00:30:39 Just to your point, maybe that's what he's picking up on. Maybe he is picking up on the fact that there are some churches that I don't know if they intentionally set out to try to, you know, play mind games. But I think he's looking at the fact that if some of the things that the pastor is supposedly saying is not necessarily in line with the Bible. That's where he's getting his judgment. Speaker 0 00:30:58 Well, he hated him right now too though. Yeah. Oh, how he's hating on the fact that his girl used to do some things and she stopped doing, that's just first concern because if she continued to do those things and went to church, he might be not writing a letter. Oh, he tells me, Oh no, he would still be okay, Speaker 4 00:31:19 Hold on. We got a whole Speaker 0 00:31:22 Interrupt in the house right now. Speaker 4 00:31:25 What did you guys think? He makes any valid points? Cause he ends it by saying I can't marry a stranger. Right. So take church out of it. And he's saying basically like right now, who she is is not the person that I agree. Yeah. So does he have a valid, um, I will say this because going back to your first question of, um, cause use of kind of just Speaker 0 00:31:51 I'll be quiet, mute myself. Speaker 4 00:31:54 No, no, no. You did good. You really gave some really good points. But to answer that question of what advice we would give him, um, just piggybacking off of what he said, I would go, I would go and see what she's learning, what she's experiencing. And yes, I may fall in line and then it may be, like I said before over exaggerated, she may be coming home doing, because what she's doing doesn't sound that bad. No, it doesn't sound bad. What she's doing, like what she's doing, like, okay, she stopped giving or maybe she's not that into, you know, more, Speaker 0 00:32:35 We don't need to get married, Speaker 4 00:32:37 But maybe he needs to have that conversation with, instead of that, he may need to sit down and have that conversation with her. Maybe it's time for them to part ways. Maybe it's not meant. Wait y'all Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Are y'all really sitting here saying that it's time to part ways because Speaker 0 00:32:56 No Speaker 4 00:32:59 She's no longer giving. Speaker 0 00:33:02 No, no, no, no. That's not what I, that's not the point. <inaudible>, Speaker 4 00:33:09 You're taking the sheets off the bed. Like he's having an issue with things like that Speaker 0 00:33:13 As a whole to understand if she going to replace the sheets, I don't care if you throw them away. Like one thing is the sheets in the issue. It's weird Speaker 3 00:33:27 Because you're a little different, but you know, Speaker 4 00:33:32 She's grown new person she's progressing. And if he's not trying to understand that he thinks she's a stranger without trying to understand her change in her progression, then he's already on, uh, on a slope going downward. You may use a good word. You said she's progressing because in her mind she's progressing. But then the man, the man that wants to marry her thinks that she, Speaker 3 00:34:00 Yeah, because I mean for him, it's this, ain't a woman house. This ain't the woman I fell in love with. And I think there's a little bit of validity to it. It's not, it's a little bit of validity to it that this is not the woman that I agreed to marry. Why would you think the person that you agreed to marry is going to stay the same? I'm not saying that that's right. I'm just saying that in his mind. I think that it's valid to say that this is the woman I decided this is the woman that I was at for however many years we've been together. She hasn't been this. And so now for this to be such a drastic change, it's like, I don't know if I can, because of what I said, because everybody changes. We know that it's changed, but apparently it's been a drastic change. Speaker 4 00:34:53 Is it drastic? Think about Speaker 0 00:34:54 It. Speaker 4 00:34:57 And she no longer goes to bars. It doesn't sound bad. He's still getting sex. He's just not receiving. Yeah. Speaker 0 00:35:05 <inaudible> but he's still having sex. I mean, you gotta learn how to work. The mission here. You could work the missionary, but I mean, listen, it could be worse. <inaudible> stop it. Stop it. That's what I'm that's when the book, let me rephrase that. It's not in the book and there are missionaries in the Bible. Read the Bible. Speaker 4 00:35:43 What missionary I've heard churches like speak on that. I have heard her to speak on that and to me it's wild. Okay. Are you concerned about what we're doing now? That part because of the marriage bed is undefiled. Now Speaker 0 00:35:57 Do some defiling. I will say Speaker 4 00:36:06 If, if the biggest change is that she doesn't do the same thing sexually and it sounds like maybe for now, right? Because once they're married, then maybe things will go back to normal because it sounds like she's just like, she's back. Cause she sounded like she's stepping back for right now. She's not giving you the beats represent sins. So we have to read between the lines, Speaker 3 00:36:32 Singular nature. That's what's going Speaker 4 00:36:33 To happen because she doesn't give you oral for the moment. It's not even about that because she wanted to change the sheets. She doesn't want to sit at the bar. She wants to pray about that. She wants to rejoin. She wants to rejoin her relationship with God. Speaker 3 00:36:49 You're making it about things that it ain't even about. No, no, no, no, no. You making it about things that ain't even right. Speaker 0 00:36:55 Okay. What is it about you change? How did she change? Jeez progressed. How does she change? Speaker 3 00:37:02 No, she's progressed now. If I'm, if I'm a man who is not ready for progression or is not comfortable with progression, that is up to me to decide whether I want to still be in this relationship or not. Okay. I'm just like you made a good point. It's up to it's up to him. Speaker 4 00:37:18 Cause maybe, maybe his thinking should be, you know what? I don't want she's progressing and I'm not. So I don't want to hinder her. Hinder her. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. It's a different person. Speaker 0 00:37:29 It doesn't sound like that's what he's saying. No, I want her back Speaker 3 00:37:34 Now. That may be very well what it is. But the reality situation is the woman that you were going to marry is no longer there. She is a new improved or in her eyes, in her eyes. She is new and improved and trying to find her way. And I feel like it's his decision. Whether to take this journey with her or not, Speaker 0 00:37:57 He needs to be really informed before he makes his next move. But I think he needs to, I think he needs to go from her informed. No, he needs to go now just the whole situation he needs to go to the, no, he can go to the church yet. She still has a choice, but he needs to be, if this person is important to you, you need to make sure all you're really informed about WhatsApp. Speaker 3 00:38:19 Yeah. And I just think that he hasn't taken the time to be informed from the letter, from the letter. I don't feel like, Oh, he hasn't said like he would have said, Hey, I went to the church and I didn't like this. I tried to talk to the pastor and she wouldn't talk to me. Like none that's clear. Like he, well, I won't say it's not clear. It's not stated, right. Speaker 1 00:38:38 His thing is, let me go meet with this lady Speaker 3 00:38:40 Did like I would, I would literally go to the church. Hey, visit the church. Know if you're in a position to ask this lady for no meeting, then you got to go to the church first and let me, let me, let me see. What's really going on because it could be she saying something up there. And my wa my fiance is hearing something down here because sometimes we misinterpret what's being said, right? So it could be what she's saying is different than what's being. So now I go to church and be like, wait, hold on. Nah, she ain't. No, no. She ain't saying that. Even if she did, she said a whole lot. She said, she said a whole lot of other stuff, but before and after change the sheets. So that should be some context. And some things are taken out and we know that as human beings, we take these out of context and it could be a situation where his fiance is hearing what she wants to hear with a woman. Speaker 1 00:39:40 It happens with people. Sometimes people are looking for other people to validate Speaker 3 00:39:45 Well, <inaudible> she could have already be thinking, you know what? I can't say that. No, I can't say that. Um, no, I can't. Um, you know, I don't want to do this. I don't want to go into my marriage like this. You know, I don't want his balls on my chin all the time. He said it like, I don't, you know, this is not the way trying to figure out why he said it. I would just say it like every week we had attorney from T I'm just saying like, but I'm saying like, it could be something where she didn't want to go into the marriage a certain way. And so it could be that and he may need to go. And like I said before, he might need to go and take in what she's taken in. And she's entitled to Jane and then have a conversation with her. The only way you could have an informed conversation is to be there for the information. I agree. And if you're not there for the information, so what are you really doing? Speaker 1 00:40:53 Right. You can't make a concise judgment. Speaker 3 00:40:56 Yeah. You can just be battling yourself. Yeah. I mean, I think everybody's entitled to change and progress and become whoever it is there that they feel they should eventually, Speaker 1 00:41:07 As a person who did temporarily attend a church that had some qualities that were cultish. Okay. Um, at the same time, I think that he is probably coming from a place of being a protector. Like he has a, he has a slim vantage point because he hasn't gone yet. But based on what he's hearing right now, he's feeling like there could possibly be someone that's manipulating her. And so he's coming a protective place where I want to make sure that no one's feeding her something. Um, that looks like mine control. So I think he, his intentions are pure when he says, I want to meet with this lady, but he's going about it the wrong way. Number one, you need to go find out for yourself. What's going on here. And then you'll be able to make better judgment because I haven't been a part of an organization. And when I invited someone to come, they were really surprised. Like, this is where you go. Speaker 2 00:41:59 Um, I been to, and I, in my personal experience, the teaching was, uh, second to none, but some of the personal agendas he pushed was like, Whoa, brother, I ain't got, don't have nothing to do with you. Speaker 1 00:42:14 And that's why I struggled because I thought the teaching was absolutely. Speaker 2 00:42:17 Yeah. But he was just dis he's put some sauce on it. Like that's where you, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Speaker 3 00:42:24 But I think that people, like you said, I think a good bit of, uh, I would say a good bit. I think some preachers and pastors and whoever do push the agendas, the agendas that they want to push, that they interpret as this is the way people should live their life. Hmm. Speaker 2 00:42:43 Um, and, and sometimes you got to go read the Bible all the time. Pastor. That ain't really what to say, what to say. Yeah. Speaker 1 00:42:51 But that's what happens. You have people who depend more on a man or a woman and their interpretation of a text, then treating the text as the primary source. The book is the primary source. And then the teacher becomes one of many secondary sources. Speaker 2 00:43:04 Yeah. Don't get caught up on the man standing or woman standing on the stage. Sometimes it just messengers. Absolutely. Yeah. Speaker 3 00:43:11 Yep. All right. Now we're going to go ahead and get into some comments. You know, the it's been buzzing. Yes, it has. Speaker 1 00:43:18 It was quite a popular topic. So we're going to jump right in our first comment is from diamond Kane. Diamond says it won't get better. She may grow years from now. If you want to stick in that long, but she's worshiping her pastor and they'll church will always come first because they'll tell her, put God first. And that means the church. And the sad thing is she honestly believes that she's doing what God wants her to. I know because I used to be that girl and I was good in single. Okay. We have another comment. That's coming from, uh, Taylor, Daniel Jacobs coming from a religious background. I have seen and heard it all. This seems to be a bit extreme when you decide to live for God. Yes. Things will change. And the things she used to do may change. But this sounds a little cultish because it's what the pastor says and not what God says. If this isn't what you want or think you can't handle, then maybe it's time to part ways. If she is pulled in this deep, that quick, she is too far gone sitting at the bar. Isn't going to send you to hell. And what is the purpose of removing the sheets? If you're sleeping in the same bed, that's contradictory. All the pastors said is a no for me Speaker 2 00:44:22 Is her pastor. Uh, was it? Why need to bind him? <inaudible> you know them Speaker 0 00:44:32 Sheets. Oh, I just got the <inaudible> at TD Jakes. I wrote no more sheets. T TD Jakes. She was under TD Jakes. All right. Need a banita buying them. Haven't heard from her in a way. Not at all. Speaker 1 00:44:49 Ken Ellerby says, you think it's bad now, man, wait til kids come hectic schedules around work. And the thousands of divorce threatens her old your way. You can't knock her for her convictions, but you can certainly take yourself out of the equation. If it feels like there's already a huge underlying issue, you can't deal with when actuality, this should still be the less honeymoon phase of the relationship. Try to be empathetic to your fiance. Let her know you're in it for the long haul. Then he has this, like the smirk. Then ask her if this missionary or no oral sex stances, because you are not married or a permanent thing. If she says, yes, see counseling or a possible compromise, but hold off on marriage for now. If she says no one is permanent. See the Jif below. Speaker 0 00:45:31 Oh wow. Okay. Speaker 1 00:45:32 Um, we actually had a perspective that was a little bit different from what we've had. We've heard so far. Um, the basis of what she's changing is her new family relationship with God. A lot of what she's doing is Bible base, but she's going about it with you the wrong way. There should have been a convo after the initial exposure to you about what she wants. She's fanatical right now. So I wouldn't get married until you all have a deep conversation. I can appreciate the people who are encouraging them to talk. A lot of people are saying, run, get out, you know, don't do it. Um, and I don't know. I just think that when we give people advice to just quickly throw in the towel and run away from a relationship, this man, this is hard. This is his fiance. So I really appreciate the ones who are saying, go back to the drawing board and have a conversation with her. Speaker 0 00:46:25 Yeah. He's trying to salvage that relationship. Speaker 4 00:46:28 All right. Am I going to go to Sarah Beck? I get it, man. This isn't what you signed up for. You're in need to have a real long conversation before you go through with that wedding. If she's, if she isn't serious about this church, you might want a man that shares those values now. No judgment. No. Um, Oh, I completely lost my train of thought. No judgment. Just a, you both might do better with other people or pausing marriage planning until you figure out with us. Speaker 1 00:46:59 Okay. Good point from Sarah. Yeah. And Maggie Brooke. Okay. She fixes everybody. Please don't ever take advice from people who so-called religious folks, spiritual folks, or holiday church folks, especially on Facebook. Speaker 0 00:47:11 I agree. Get them the Speaker 1 00:47:13 Changes that she is making are good changes. Maybe have a conversation about other things. Yes. You and your fiance. You are not equally yoked, but if you love her, like you say, go talk to this pastor yourself and ask all the pertinent questions you want. All these things you see, seemingly are good. When God calls you, he calls I could go on, but seek out this understanding with an open heart and mind. And you'll find the answer there. Speaker 2 00:47:37 <inaudible> read your Bible. Speaker 4 00:47:42 Yeah. I would say read your Bible. Don't let people tell you what's in there. Yeah. Speaker 2 00:47:53 Jamie Briggs, bounce shouted, bounce out Speaker 1 00:47:57 Several other comments that are very similar. It's over kid. Let go and find someone else. Speaker 4 00:48:03 Yeah. I mean, because honestly, if you two are not going to be on the same page and she's, she's constantly saying, well, my pastor said, my pastor said, she's not really going according to what the Bible says. So it's always going to be where her pastor says that she's going to be really influenced by her pastor is just going to be just yeah. Bumping heads. Yeah. Speaker 1 00:48:26 Someone who sat under a ministry that had cultish characteristics. And I never would have thought that I would have actually sat under that for as long as I did. So the point is we, we change sometimes. Do you see the light and you change? And I think the bigger thing here with him is remove yourself from this right now, if this is your fiance, you care about her right now. Don't think about the marriage so much. Think about if you love her, try talking to her as the friend, right. And saying, do do, is this what you really want to sign up for? Is this how you really want your spiritual walk to be where you're just trusting everything the pastor says and not reading the Bible for yourself. So I would say, not even coming as a boyfriend or fiance right now, just coming, somebody who cares and you don't want to see her be brainwashed, just come from that. As a person, Speaker 4 00:49:13 Open your Bible. Speaker 2 00:49:15 You said you didn't know why you stayed too long. I'm surprised that I stayed. As long as I did after the fact, after the fact. Now, what introduced you to him? Speaker 1 00:49:24 Um, well here a friend invited me and immediately, um, I was drawn because the word was unlike any I had ever received before the teaching was amazing. And the teaching remained amazing the entire time, as long as it was Bible based. But when the teaching shifted from the Bible and things came across the pulpit as actual personal preferences, for example, I'm just gonna give you guys an example to put it into perspective here. Like, um, the pastor told parents, if you're a teenager, you know, is a member here that teenagers should not be going to prom at their school. Like it has nothing to do with the Bible. That's a personal preference from, from the past. But it was once it comes across the pulpit, people are going to perceive it and receive it as words. Speaker 2 00:50:17 Word. Yeah. Some people are okay. That's the same situation I grew up. Okay. Well what was really good teaching? Really good preaching. Learned a ton. Yes. Speaker 4 00:50:28 But he had some other stuff. My pastor felt like we had to keep it in a church. Everything. When you got married, you had to find somebody in our church to marry. Yeah. There were people that were like divorce and like remarried other people in the church and it was so awkward. Oh really? Yeah. Wow. We were like, Oh, he's married. They have kids together. But they have come to the church. That's a lie. That's a lie. Oh, well, Speaker 1 00:51:04 Well, as always, we would like to thank our commenters for being supportive of the relationships at his podcast and giving us your feedback on our DNA. We look for your continued support. Speaker 4 00:51:12 All right. Well, thank you all for listening in on army week. Show shook, girl crew Speaker 1 00:51:17 Teesha, Samuel AKA professor T Speaker 4 00:51:22 You surf and we are out. Speaker 1 00:51:25 Thank you for listening to another episode of relationship status. Remember you can catch us on relationship status, podcast.com, iTunes, Google podcast. I heart radio, Spotify, Pandora, Amazon music, nobody grinds like us. And anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts, if you would like to join the conversation or leave us at Deere Nique, email [email protected] or call us at (843) 310-8637. Follow us on Facebook I relationship status podcast on Instagram and Twitter at R E L S T a T podcast. And don't forget to comment, share five star rate, subscribe and review.

Other Episodes